The Ballad of Seth Dillinger
Dec 16, 2020 23:29:27 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Seth Dillinger on Dec 16, 2020 23:29:27 GMT -5
SETH DILLINGER
This is what you always wanted, right, Maverick? You wanted us here. Unsanctioned, waivers signed. If one of us literally kills the other in this match… there’s nothing anyone can do about it. We knew the risks when we signed those papers. I’ve been thinking a lot about that the last few days. Kill someone… Jesus. Do I even have that in me? Three years ago, I would’ve said no. Now… I’m not so sure. And then I sat here and I thought, fuck man, I don’t know the answer to if I would kill someone or not? And like, shit, that’s not okay, right? That’s a limit everyone should be extremely goddamn comfortable defining for themselves.
Seth begins to breathe a bit heavier and he takes a long, hard drag off of the cigarette in his hand, letting the smoke fill his lungs before letting it out, the cool menthol flavor chilling his mouth on the way out.
SETH DILLINGER
But... I've let it get to this point. You've come after me, time and time again Maverick, and it has led to this. It's why I'm sitting here lighting up a cigarette for the first time in like six years... because hey, if I could potentially go out of this world at your hands at A Very AWF Christmas... why not enjoy a smoke before I go?
He takes another drag and sets the cigarette down on the lip of the beer bottle beside him, looking off among the lights of the Philadelphia skyline.
SETH DILLINGER
When a man believes it's his time to go... there are a lot of things he could choose to do. If I'm walking into a match like this, why stop at smokes? I could probably scrounge up some goodies. Maybe one last roll would be fun, for old time's sake. I could powder my nose for the first time in a decade. I could grab a needle, toast up some brown right here, and slam it right into my veins!
Seth pantomimes the motion of jabbing a needle into his arm. He stares down at his forearm -- the years have gotten rid of the track mark scars for the most part, but he can still feel them there.
SETH DILLINGER
I could... couldn't I?
He runs his fingers along his forearm, and a wave of memories come flooding back to him.
FEBRUARY 2010
The high pitched warble of MGMT's "Time to Pretend" blares over the stereo from someone's third gen iPod touch. We're introduced to a hazy, crammed apartment. Bodies litter the place. Over there, in the living room on the couch, Bree was completely out of it, even drooling on herself a bit. She's holding a still let cigarette slinking closer and closer to the couch itself... but luckily, another girl steps in, Courtney. Courtney has a lavish scarf on and ridiculous neon blue sunglasses. She gladly helps herself to Bree's cigarette and takes a drag off of it. She twirls and dances to the music as the lyrics drone over the party.
Forget about our lovers and our friends...
We're fated to pretend...
A gentleman makes his way through the party and gently steps around Courtney, who catches him and begins to laugh and dance with him. He flashes a smile that could melt the Antarctic and grooves with her for a moment before asking her a question.
MATT
"Has anyone seen Seth?"
Courtney can't quite make out what he's saying over the blaring music, so she just kind of shrugs and asks what. See, the thing about memories are that you only remember what you want to remember. And over time, those gaps in memory get filled in by your brain, creating details where there aren't any. Maybe Courtney did say something, maybe not. The point is -- it wasn't important to Seth what she said. What was important what HE said. What HE was doing.
Seth watched through the sliding glass door as Matt made his way around the party, desperately in search for Seth. At least, from Seth's perspective, that's what he was doing. Seth was leaning with his back against the porch railing, smoking a cigarette of his own, high off his ass. He craned his head back to stare up at the moon -- he didn't know what time it was. All he knew was it was too goddamn hot in the apartment. Even though it was cold as hell outside mid-February, and Seth was somehow missing his shirt, it still felt much better than it did inside.
Seth looked up to see Matt making his way over towards him. Matt saw him and pointed, smiling. Seth flashed finger guns back. Smooth.
The door slid open and Matt stepped out.
MATT
"Well hey, stranger."
Seth mumbled something back under his breath, but his brain was so clouded it came out like gibberish.
MATT
"Oh fuck, you sound completely gone, dude."
Matt put a hand on Seth's bare shoulder and steered him towards one of the porch chairs.
MATT
"Here, sit down. You leaning back against the edge like that makes me nervous."
Seth couldn't resist... mostly because he felt like he was swimming in Jello pudding. He stumbled forward and took a very hard seat in the chair. Matt winced and sat down next to him.
MATT
"I guess this is what I get for it being my turn on babysitting duty."
Seth stares up at Matt. Into those big, shiny brown eyes. Matt let out a nervous grin, the moonlight from above reflecting off his eyes and illuminating his perfect teeth.
MATT
"What're you looking so silly about?"
The smile grew wider and wider. Seth wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him how he felt, he wanted to let him know that he was into dudes, he wanted to tell Matt... well, he wanted to tell Matt that he loved him. He wanted to jump across the porch and kiss him. He wanted to do all of that, but his brain wasn't communicating with his body. All he could do is sit there in a stupor... and smile.
And then, a few seconds later, vomit everywhere.
PRESENT DAY
Seth stops running his fingers along his arm and shudders, the chilly Philly air getting to him. He looks down and realizes the cigarette he set down has burned almost all the way to the filter. He sighs and stamps it out.
SETH DILLINGER
There's a reason I don't touch drugs anymore. Matt, my best friend, my longest friend... the nicest person on planet Earth... the guy who always made sure I was okay... he died. And he died because of me. Because of drugs. Because I put him in a situation he shouldn't have been in. After that I just... I couldn't do it anymore. I swore I'd put the stuff down. And I did... mostly.
But man, that fucked me up. I had forgotten... that's crazy. I had forgotten about him until just now. Right here, on this porch. I mean, he dominated my thoughts for so long. Even when I first got my start here in AWF, I was doing it all for him. All for Matt. All in his memory. I've... I've never found friendship like that again, in all my time here in AWF. I kept searching and searching for it. Time and time again.
So many false starts and false hopes...
People like Damien Young. Anyone remember him? Most people don't. He was a champion here when I got my start in Rise Up. I lost my first ever match in AWF. Fuck, can you believe that? I lost to Daddy Sokolov and Austin... someone. I busted my ass that match while Daddy Sokolov just laid on the ground, then he won it at the end by just popping up and stealing my win, pinning Austin Whatthefuckever. I was pissed. Damien Young took me out to talk to me, calm me down, offer me some "sage" advice.
Seth chuckles.
SETH DILLINGER
Sage advice, heh. Kinda funny when you think about it. Someone that wound up becoming as great as me took advice from a one-hit wonder like Damien Young. But hey, it was someone to talk to, especially in bumfuck Ohio. We trained together, drank together... and then one day, boom, he ghosted. Young just didn't show up to a Prestige one time. I realized I never had his number, no social media, nothing. He just disappeared on me.
See, that's a recurring theme for me. One that loyal viewers will notice seems to repeat itself. People that I care about, who I think have my back, they tend to just... disappear. Poof. Gone. It happened with Matt. It happened with Damien Young.
Hell... anyone remember the Black Sheep?
No?
Nobody?
That was the name of my tag team with Raiden Ishimori. The Raiden that I flew to Japan to convince to team with me. That guy. The Raiden I was with every step of the way when he dethroned Chris Card. The same Raiden who couldn't handle the pressure of Fired Up back in 2019 and just dipped from AWF. No postcard. No phonecall. Just... left.
It happens to me, over, and over, and over again. And then... then, you know, I thought I had broken the cycle with LGBTKO. I really did. There were just moments that I... I thought...
Seth trails off and stares down at the ground. Another memory takes over his brain.
NOVEMBER 2019
Seth and the rest of the boys were at Ryan's Los Angeles home. Complete with a pool and enough bedrooms to house a small army, the LGBTKO boys were living in the lap of luxury. It was during one such trip that Seth found himself sunning on the balcony of the house. The door behind him opened and Ryan Young stepped out.
RYAN YOUNG
"Well you look nice and content, princess."
Seth doesn't move from his relaxed position.
SETH DILLINGER
"It's November in L.A. and it's in the 70s. This... this is one advantage L.A. has over Philly."
Ryan rolls his eyes and plops down next to Seth in a lounge chair.
RYAN YOUNG
"Make sure you apply sunscreen. Wouldn't want you getting burnt."
Seth feigns like he cares.
SETH DILLINGER
"Awww... looking out for little old me? How cute."
RYAN YOUNG
"I just don't want to have to deal with your bitching."
Ryan puts on an impression of Seth complaining.
RYAN YOUNG
"Ughhhhh, it hurts so baaaaad... someone get me some loooooooootion..."
Seth rolls his eyes this time and cranes his neck over.
SETH DILLINGER
"You know, I'm glad I found you guys. I dunno what I'd have done without you."
Ryan doesn't respond verbally, but he starts to enough times that the sentimental value of what he wanted to say is communicated.
SETH DILLINGER
"Never would've thought we'd be here like this when you picked me for Fired Up, did you?"
Ryan laughs and shakes his head.
RYAN YOUNG
"No, I believe this was a crazy surprise for all of us."
Seth felt his mind drift. Not in a long time had he felt this comfortable around a group of people. Fox and Brendan had turned out to be fantastic friends. But... when he was with Ryan... just the two of them... he felt different. His chest got tight. He felt himself fumbling over his words -- something absurd for someone as coolheaded as Ryan.
He could feel the voices in his head shouting.
Tell him. TELL HIM. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL.
Seth shook it off. No. This wasn't okay. He didn't want to ruin LGBTKO because his stupid lizard brain wouldn't turn the fuck off for five fucking minutes. Quick. Change the subject.
SETH DILLINGER
"How's Selena?"
Ryan looked a bit caught off guard by the question and shifted his gaze to avoid direct eye contact.
RYAN YOUNG
"She's, ahh... she's fine, she's good. Yeah, she's good. Just busy, you know. That's all."
Seth could tell there was something else deeper. Was it trouble in paradise? Was Ryan... could Ryan and Seth... maybe if he just said something... maybe it just...
DENNIS ESCOBAR
"What're you two doing out here so early?"
A hand on Seth's shoulder brought him back to reality. He glanced up to find the mustachio'd face of his boyfriend.
SETH DILLINGER
"Dennis!"
Seth realized he almost shouted his boyfriend's name. Right. He had a boyfriend. That was something he had forgotten for all of ten minutes. He cleared his throat and composed himself.
SETH DILLINGER
"Just... you know, catching some rays."
Dennis smiled warmly back at Seth, who closed his eyes and laid his head back partially to relax, but mostly to avoid any awkward eye contact.
You idiot.
PRESENT DAY
SETH DILLINGER
I... I still think about that day. The day that Natasha revealed her grand scheme. The day that Dennis walked out... different. Brainwashed. I remember the surge of emotions I felt. I had just beaten Michael Storm, waging a war of brains, braun, and ideologies. I thought the dark times were behind me.
He takes a beat.
SETH DILLINGER
They weren't.
Seth rests his hand behind his head and continues.
SETH DILLINGER
Seeing Dennis so lost and hopeless... I don't know, man. It did something to me. And... I had been having conflicting thoughts about Dennis already. We had a good thing going, then he took a trip. A very long business trip, where he would be on assignment for a few months. I didn't think much of it at the time. Then I got concerned. I got lonely. I missed him, but also, I think I just missed having someone.
The more time I spent around LGBTKO, the more I found that replacement for what I had lost with Dennis. And I became more and more comfortable over time with that absence of Dennis, and that replacement in LGBTKO. Hell, I grew to sort of... resent Dennis. Every time I thought we'd be reunited, his work contract got extended a bit longer. Then a bit longer. Then a bit longer.
...Then I realized what had gone wrong when Natasha revealed her plan.
Seth grips his hand into a fist and shakes a bit.
SETH DILLINGER
I felt... I felt rage. Anger. Injustice. He didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve this. In that moment, Natasha went from being another opponent to being someone filled with otherworldly evil that needed to be eradicated. When I walked into that match with her, I didn't have redemption on my mind. I swear... that's the first time I felt... I felt maybe I could kill someone.
And if you watch the tape... I tried.
At least, it looks like I tried. But boy, did that dark passenger inside me take over. I was relentless against her, chair shot after chair shot. I won't say I thought I would kill her, but in that moment... I wasn't thinking. I was just feeling it. And you know what? It did take me places I'd never been. I felt like a door had been unlocked for me, and I walked through it.
I... I wanted to share that feeling with Fox. With Ryan. With everyone. But... the next Prestige...
Seth looks away for a moment.
SETH DILLINGER
When Ryan brought Dennis out... all those conflicted feelings just boiled up. Did I want Dennis back? And why was Ryan, of all people, doing this to me? Dennis wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. And I was still riding that high from beating the fuck out of Natasha. And I just... I guess... I dunno.
Seth shrugs.
SETH DILLINGER
I snapped.
On someone I... really did l--
He trails off.
SETH DILLINGER
On someone I... deeply cared about. And from then on... the plots were already in motion. Journos couldn't wait to write their rag sheet headlines about the Fall of Seth Dillinger. Ryan clocked me back, and hey, turnabout is fair play. And I just... slipped. Seeing Ryan hate me like that, it just fueled me. When I wanted to open my mouth and tell him no, I wanted this to end, instead... I didn't. I was married to my newfound enlightenment. If Fox and Ryan had just followed my plan, any plan... if I hadn't been so consumed by the rage of losing both Dennis and Ryan in the same night... maybe I could've been saved.
Hell, if Ryan had done his job and beat my ass at Clash of Champions, put me down hard, maybe I could've been saved.
But... he couldn't. He couldn't, and as I looked him in the eye at Clash of Champions and went past the point of no return, I could feel the warmth around me freezing. Turning to nothing but ice and emptiness. I saw it happening in real-time, but... it was too late.
The people I cared about were disappearing. Just like clockwork.
And the rest... well, it's history, isn't it? I have no real urge to rehash the year 2020, and I'm sure you're all aware of what's happened. I broke records, multiple times. Draven took my title, a brief interruption for me. I put Guillotina in his place. Fox took my title, yadda yadda.
And then... we arrive at Maverick.
The Icon Himself. Heh.
Seth clicks his tongue and shakes his head.
SETH DILLINGER
You know, Maverick, I've been a real piece of shit this year. I'm a big enough man to admit it. I ruined relationships I've had. But you? Despite your attempts to turn over a new leaf... how many times now? You just can't do it, can you?
You're such a well-known sociopath that even people who don't follow XHF Network know about your bullshit.
DECEMBER 2020
Seth's phone started making a strange series of beeps and melodies. He turned from his brand new PS5 -- yes, he is one of those assholes who actually got one -- and stared at his phone, cocking his head to the side. Seth crawled over the sheets in his bed and flopped over, finding that "weird noise" was, in fact, a call. It had been a very long time since Seth had gotten one of those.
And even longer, still, since he'd gotten one from...
SETH DILLINGER
"...Lauren?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Hey, fuckass. Happy Holidays."
Seth rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times.
SETH DILLINGER
"What time is it?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"...it's 8PM. What do you mean?"
Seth glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. Huh, so it was. Far too easy to lose track of time while playing Assassin's Creed.
SETH DILLINGER
"Right. It's 8PM. Sorry. Thought it was later than it was."
There's a long beat of silence.
SETH DILLINGER
"So... long time no speak."
Lauren nearly chokes on air on the other end of the phone.
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Uh. Yeah, I'd say so."
There's another long awkward silence.
SETH DILLINGER
"So why--"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"You're a total dickhead, you know that?"
Ah, there it is. That classic Lauren vibe.
SETH DILLINGER
"I've heard rumors to that effect, yes."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"No, like... Seth, I will usually plug my nose and back you up. But my god. It's like you're not even my brother anymore!"
SETH DILLINGER
"I'm still your brother."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"I look on the screen and the person I see is just... so different from the one I grew up with."
SETH DILLINGER
"Well, not exact--"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"It's like you don't even sing the Poop My Pants song anymore when you shit yourself!"
Seth rolls his eyes.
SETH DILLINGER
"Lauren."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Seth."
Seth sighs, exasperated.
SETH DILLINGER
"Lauren."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Usually, I'd do this back and forth thing for even longer, but I feel like I have about six months worth of shit to hang you by your balls for."
SETH DILLINGER
"We don't need to do this."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"The same guy who, at this time last year, was preaching about optimism and always believing in a better future... is now the guy who has some real mid-2000's emo energy about him."
Seth just doesn't respond, knowing it's only going to keep up.
LAUREN DILLINGER
"We went from light and hope and optimism to darkness and being a cunt and Evanescence albums. Which is funny, weren't you the one accusing Draven of that?"
SETH DILLINGER
"Okay, that's a bridge too far. I'd never listen to Evanescence."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"You had the world hanging on your every breath, Seth, and what'd you do with it? You... went too far. You went so far that Dennis left you, and in response, you took it out on like the only people in the world that give a fuck about you other than me."
SETH DILLINGER
"I have absolutely zero desire to sit here and listen to you rub salt in my wound."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"No, Seth, you need to hear it. And you need to get the fuck over it. You've spent nine months blaming every other person for everything that's happened to you. It's Natasha's fault Dennis's weak ass got brainwashed. It's Ryan's fault that you went all Psycho Killer and pushed Dennis away. It's Fox's fault for wanting you to be better instead of letting you fester away like an open sore. It's the ReVenants fault that you lost to Fox because they were supposed to help you. My god, Seth, just like... take some fucking ownership of your shit."
Seth sits in fairly stunned silence, holding the phone up to his ear. There's a long period of silence.
LAUREN DILLINGER
"...are you there?"
SETH DILLINGER
"The fuck do you want me to say?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Ah, there it is. That bitterness. That lashing out. That means you know I'm fucking right."
Seth rolls his eyes.
SETH DILLINGER
"No, it means I'm trying to be calm and not lose my own sister."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Pffffft."
Lauren blows a raspberry.
LAUREN DILLINGER
"You won't lose me ever, I'm your sister. It's not that easy. No, you're damned to listen to me sit here and not withhold any facts, forever. Even after you die, I'll be in the afterlife, telling you why you need to shut the fuck up about your particular task for eternal torture and just be grateful."
SETH DILLINGER
"Eternal torture? Who says I'm going to the Bad Place?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Have you paid attention in 2020? We're in the Bad Place already."
For the first time in... a very, very long time, Seth smiles. Genuinely smiles. Not ironically, not in a villainous way. There's just some small speck, flash of serotonin in his brain that lets his lips curl up every so briefly to indicate happiness.
SETH DILLINGER
"So... you called because... you had six months of shit-talking to get off your chest?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Partially. I feel a hell of a lot better now. You?"
SETH DILLINGER
"Uh, not particularly. I feel like I just had a million pounds of bullshit dropped on my head."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Good. Because you deserve to feel shitty for the things you've done. And because I want to contextualize myself when I tell you that... you have to put an end to Maverick."
Seth blinks a few times confused.
SETH DILLINGER
"Uh..."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"What?"
SETH DILLINGER
"Nothing. I mean, it's weird, right?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"What's weird?"
SETH DILLINGER
"That you called to wish me luck?"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"That's not weird. That's called being supportive. And, like, maybe a teensy weensy bit... nervous. And concerned for you."
Seth rolls his eyes.
SETH DILLINGER
"Lauren, we've had this conversation before. I think... last year at this time, when I was heading into WarGames."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Not like this. This is different. Yeah, Legion were all batshit crazy lunatics, but you had Ryan and Fox by your side. This... is something else. Not even the AWF will legally touch this match, Seth. And this is the company that once let Terry Bradshaw burn down a building."
SETH DILLINGER
"I wouldn't say they let him burn down a building, they just--"
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Not the point."
SETH DILLINGER
"...I get it."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"For as much of a shithead as you're being, and as much as Maverick may be in the right to be pissed off at you -- because again, I cannot stress this enough--"
SETH DILLINGER
"Yeah, yeah, I'm awful, et cetera."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Right, total fuckass. But as much of a fuckass as you are, Maverick is... so much worse. I mean, god, I feel like this guy has had it out for you for... a while."
SETH DILLINGER
"Try nearly three years. All because I beat him fair and square one time."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"And then he failed to beat you... four more times? Or something?"
SETH DILLINGER
"Yeah. Something like that."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Maverick has done some heinous shit. Remember when he busted up that woman's grave? Like, take all the awful shit you've done, Seth, and I still don't think it comes close to even that one act from Maverick. And there's probably more."
SETH DILLINGER
"Oh there's... so much more."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"But the point is... Maverick isn't stable. He isn't sane. And he's barely human. And you're walking into a match with him where he can basically legally try to kill you, if he's so inclined."
Seth shrugs.
SETH DILLINGER
"Not the first time I've been in a dangerous situation."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"Seth, stop taking this so nonchalantly. You have to be careful. This shit could get you killed. You can't just be so gung-ho and cavalier."
SETH DILLINGER
"I've made a career out of being gung-ho and cavalier, L. It got me to where I am. It got me to succeed over Maverick like, over and over and over again."
LAUREN DILLINGER
"I know. You've done well. Maybe I'm overreacting. I just... despite how much of a fuckass you've been, I don't want you to do something stupid."
SETH DILLINGER
"It's me, L. I'm the best at doing something stupid and making it work."
Lauren groans on the other end of the phone.
LAUREN DILLINGER
"AUGHHH. You're infuriating."
PRESENT DAY
SETH DILLINGER
Mav, we're standing on the precipice of what could be termed the most important match of your career and mine, but for wildly different reasons.
See... this is an important match for you because it's your last chance to redeem yourself. Everyone has given up on you. Nobody believes you can do it. After all, look at the tale of the tape -- what's your success record against me, again? I won't bother listing them all out, because let's be real, I've done it so many times, most people can probably recite it by heart, like some kind of depressing nursery rhyme.
If you lose this, you're barred from AWF. The place that gave you your start, the place where you thought you'd be the next big thing... boom, no longer allowed to work here, to have matches here, to disappoint every fucking person watching you. You'll be shotgunned off to the rest of the feds on the Network, and while some of them are great, the one thing they're not is AWF. You can pretend like it doesn't matter to you. You can pretend like you don't care. The thing is, I know you Maverick. I know you do, deep down. Otherwise, you wouldn't keep showing up here, every year, to try to reclaim that glory. You show up at Fired Up, you show up to assault me in a parking lot. You can pretend like you're past this place, but if you're so moved on... why are you fucking here?
As for me? It's an important match for me, because it seems like whenever things aren't going quite the best for me, I can always rely on whipping your ass all around a ring to set things right. Not quite reaching my potential? Beat Maverick three times in a row in a series of classics to jumpstart the hottest career run in history. Coming off a cooldown period? I'll just defend my X*Crown against Maverick to prove I still have what it takes. Draven takes my title and ends my historic run? It's alright, I'll just beat Maverick within an inch of his life in the Fired Up finals to reclaim my former glory. And now... left picking up the pieces of 2020, I have an opportunity to kick your ass again, this time, to help remind me why I love doing what I do.
This match is different. It's all unsanctioned, or whatever. Some people are concerned. Like my sister. Like Jackson Steele, who is so scared of AWF's legal team that he made sure we signed our lives away for this match. I'm sure they're concerned, and for good reason. The question is, Mav... are you properly concerned? You've seen how far I'll go. You've seen the trail of dead friendships and broken body parts I've left in my wake. Both mine, and other people's. Fox nearly broke me in half in that Steel Cage, and you nearly snapped my neck with that baby shit assault in the garage, but you know what? I'm still here. I'm still fighting. You want to break my neck, Maverick? Get in line. You're not special. Everybody does.
The Ballad of Seth Dillinger is one of perseverance and overcoming the odds. Hate me, love me, I don't really give a shit. Most people hate me, and yet, even with all that stacked against me... I keep coming out strong. I've been discounted or written out my entire life. Even when I was in the middle of a HISTORIC title reign, people doubted me and shit talked me. I go to extreme lengths to make sure I'm worthy of the title I give myself, and at A Very AWF Christmas, you're going to see why I am extremely goddamn sure that I'm the Best to Ever Do It.
Fade to black.