Good Riddance 2020: We Didn't Start the Fire [PPV]
Dec 31, 2020 19:03:07 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 6 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Dec 31, 2020 19:03:07 GMT -5
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FIRESIDE's Good Riddance 2020: We Didn't Start the Fire!
The hot crowd roars!
Washington: Please welcome tonight, lighting the fire with a special cover of the hit Billy Joel song itself, here's By The Glades!
The band is already on stage.
As the song is wrapping up, the stage itself slowly turns into a kindling blaze, lighting the fire! The camera cuts to the commentators at ringside.
Wright: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to Good Riddance 2020: We Didn't Start the Fire! I'm Oliver Wright, that's UnJoo Park! What do we have for the people tonight?
Park: Last Wrestler Standing for the FIRESIDE World Championship, Three Team Ladder Match for the XHF Tag Team Championship, the New Year New Me Battle Royale and so much more!
Wright: Let's get right into it!
Washington: The following is the ‘New Year, New Me’ Battle Royale! The winner will receive the Combustion briefcase, allowing them to invoke a FIRESIDE World Championship match at any time in 2021!
We get our first look at the Combustion briefcase. It’s a beaut.
Wright: That briefcase could make someone’s career, especially with the ability to cash in at any time!
Park: The world champion will have to keep their head on a swivel!
Washington: Every ninety seconds, another competitor will join the match until all eleven entrants have entered! Competitors must be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope with both feet hitting the floor! The last one in the ring will be declared the winner of the ‘New Year, New Me’ battle royale!
Washington: Introducing first, the wrestler who drew entry #1…
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
Washington: ...from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is VODDDDKAAAA FIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The bass gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and an over-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp.
Wright: FIRESIDE’s own, Vodka Fizz, has drawn the first entrant in this battle royale, meaning he’s going to have to go the distance against the field.
Park: Fizz came this close to beating Esmur to fight Dinosaur Bones for a world championship match with impressive stamina, so our resident beach-dwelling club rat party machine might be able to get the job done here.
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Washington: And the entrant who drew #2…
“I Heard (Eddie the Clown)” by Madam Macabre begins playing as Sticky the Clown walks out from the back to the frightful screaming of many fans.
Wright: Oh no! They’re horrifying!
Park: Standing almost eight feet tall, Sticky the Clown comes to us from SWAT, and the level of discomfort in the arena is palpable. What’s the fear of clowns called again?
Wright: I don’t know, but if I wasn’t paid to keep my head above this table, it’d be below the table right now.
Washington: ...from Parts Unknown, representing SWAT, weighing in at 450 pounds, he is STIIIIIICKKKKKYYY THEEEEE CLOOOOWWWWNNNN!
He looks around at the crowd with his peeling face paint that should have been fixed up ages ago and his needle sharp teeth inside his impossibly wide grin that pierce black gums. He carries a motorcycle chain down to the ring with him, but he places it in a corner.
Wright: Well, not a great draw for Vodka Fizz, but uh…
Park: Maybe it isn’t all hopeless, Oliver. He’s only got to last ninety seconds to get some help.
Wright: To make matters worse, Sticky has brought a motorcycle chain down to the ring with him, an old favorite weapon of his. Are weapons even legal?
Park: It’s a battle royale, anything can happen! There’s the bell!
The bell rings, and to his credit, Vodka Fizz walks straight up to Sticky the Clown and begins firing away with hard elbows, trying his best to figure out how to take down the giant. The crowd cheers as the offense seems to be working with Sticky being knocked off-balance, not expecting a competitor to come right at him. Fizz grabs him by the arm and looks to whip him into the ropes, but that’s a mistake as Sticky the Clown pulls him in instead and lays him out to the mat with a hard shoulder block.
Wright: A good start for Fizz, quickly brought to a screeching halt from the monster.
Park: This might be a short battle royale at this point!
The countdown clock appears on screen. Sticky the Clown stands away from his prey, eyes up the ramp, waiting for the next competitor as the horn sounds.
Washington: Introducing third, from Detroit, Michigan, now a free agent, weighing in at 238 pounds, he is ‘The Face of the Franchise’, STEEEEVEEE AAWWEEEESSSOMEEEE!
All the lights in the arena die out and the Awesome fans in attendance start chanting his name.
"AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME!"
There’s a dramatic pause.
"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"
The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat as Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped-up chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones.
Lonely nights/ and a whole lot of wasted time!
If you see her won’t you tell her for me
It's better this way to avoid all the misery
The chorus plays again as Steve walks down to the ring. He is armed with a microphone.
Steve Awesome: So this is what I get to work with eh? ‘Sticky’ the Clown and Vodka ‘Fizz’?
He looks right into the camera filming him on the ramp.
Awesome: It’s like….how am I supposed to not make a semen joke right here?
Steve shakes his head and walks a little further down to the ring. Park has to hit Wright to keep him from laughing.
Awesome: I know. It’s a family show, so I’ll try to keep it clean.
Steve points at the two men who have stopped fighting to listen. Fizz has gotten back to his feet, and so has Sticky.
Awesome: You two are ‘nuts’, if you think you are ‘batter’ than me. I’ll bet you two have ‘come’ from far off places to “shoot your shot” here tonight in this battle royal. But I got bad news for you…..
Steve walks down to ringside. He puts his hand on the Combustion briefcase, admiring it.
Awesome: The prize is mine. And the best you two can do, is try to ‘beat each other off’ for second place.
Wright: A bold claim from the former J-ROK star Steve Awesome! This is a former X-Crown champion competing tonight, adding some major legitimacy to this match!
Park: He’s put a pretty big target on his back with those claims, though!
Steve steps into the ring and almost immediately finds himself locked in Vodka Fizz’s Mind Eraser, with Fizz jumping backward and delivering the double under-hook facebuster!
Wright: Whoah! I don’t think Steve Awesome was expecting to immediately gets planted!
Park: Instant karma can be a real bitch sometimes.
Sticky the Clown scoops up the former X-Crown champion and looks down at him, towering the man in size with an over two-hundred-pound weight advantage. He looks over at the ropes to eliminate his competitor, but instead he lifts Awesome up with the Head Masher, squeezing his head with both hands as Awesome is left kicking and trying to fight his way out!
Wright: A barbaric hold from Sticky here as Steve Awesome is in a world of hurt!
Park: Maybe if he gets lucky, the next entrant can save him!
The countdown clock once again strikes zero.
Washington: Introducing fourth, from J-ROK, Seoul, South Korea, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is OGNOOOOOM!
“My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” as covered by I Hate Heroes plays in the arena. Ognom stands at the top of the ramp, screaming about how he will not be cucked as he charges down the ramp.
Wright: And this is, uh… Ognom, ladies and gentlemen!
Park: Not what I was expecting a man from South Korea to look like, but maybe he’s the cavalry that Steve Awesome needs!
Ognom runs down and immediately scales the top turnbuckle, looking to catch Sticky the Clown off guard as he leaps into the ring and right into the Clown’s grasp! Steve Awesome thankfully finds reprieve as Sticky drops him to focus on Ognom, and Awesome rolls under the ring to catch his breath after being squeezed so hard his head has turned a different color.
Wright: Awesome catches a break in the form of Ognom playing savior, but now Ognom’s stuck in the giant’s grasp!
Park: This isn’t looking good for the J-ROKer!
Ognom begins punching and kicking for dear life as Sticky the Clown will simply not go down for the top-rope DDT Ognom was planning. Instead, Sticky grabs him and moves towards the ropes, dumping him over the top rope. Luckily for Ognom, he lands on the apron instead of the floor. Unluckily for Ognom, he hits his head pretty hard on the apron.
Wright: Sticky the Clown is rolling in the early-goings here.
Park: I’m not sure there’s going to be anyone in this match who can stop him!
The arena’s interest picks up once again as the countdown clock strikes zero.
Washington: Coming in at number five, representing EAW, from Parts Unknown, she is SEREEENAAA RIOOOOTTT!
Serena Riot enters the arena crawling, with smoke slowly creeping in the room. As she makes her slow, methodic crawl to the ring, she is laughing constantly.
Wright: Oh boy, did this battle royale pick up every freak in the XHF?
Park: Nope, it also picked up some from outside the federation. This is Serena Riot folks, and she will send the shakes down your spine. She likes hurting people in a big way.
The fans are somewhat afraid. Others, sitting there in silence as her skull-like facepaint sends them into a catatonic state. She now goes under one side of the ring, only to reappear on the opposite side, shortly before rolling into the ring, slapping a turnbuckle three times.
Serena Riot stands in front of Sticky the Clown, surveilling the big man and looking for her opening. Sticky the Clown comes closer to her, and the resulting slap is so loud it can be heard throughout the arena.
Wright: Oh damn!
Park: I liked that a lot, but I don’t know if that was a good idea!
Sticky charges in with a clothesline, but Serena ducks the move and fires off a kick, only for the monster to catch her foot. No worries for Riot though as she responds with an enziguri, knocking the big man stumbling backwards. Vodka Fizz is waiting for the stumbling giant, and he performs a handspring off the ropes, taking Sticky down with a springboard stunner!
Wright: An enziguri from Riot, and an Uno Mas from Fizz as Sticky flat on his backside!
Park: That’s great and all, but they still have to get him over the ropes!
The countdown clock strikes zero one more time.
Washington: Introducing sixth, representing J-ROK, from Yokohama, Kanagawa, Japan, weighing in at 122 pounds, she is Nausicaä SUZZZZUUKIIIIIII!
Nausicaä Suzuki is already standing at the top of the ramp, ready to go from the moment she’s announced. Long time SKY Force fans are on their feet as she takes her time, knowing the big stakes of this match.
Wright: Later tonight, we’ll see Nausicaä’s SKY Force partners compete in a three-way ladder match for the XHF Tag Team Championships, but Suzuki has her own chance at gold in mind here!
Park: Suzuki has long been considered the leader of SKY Force, let’s see what she can do!
Suzuki climbs into the ring and skips the formalities with Fizz and Riot, focusing on the giant laying down away from any of the ropes. She does her best to wrap her legs around Sticky, and in a few moments, she has him locked in Destiny!
Wright: Nausicaä keeping the giant on the ground with Destiny, choking him out and stretching him with that octopus stretch!
Park: She’s always eager to kick someone’s ass!
Meanwhile, Serena Riot and Vodka Fizz have been battling back and forth, with Riot taking the advantage with some powerful knee strikes, bringing Fizz to his knees. Riot bounces off the ropes and follows up with a curb stomp, stomping him into the mat!
Wright: Wicked Ways from Serena Riot!
Park: Just a brutal stomp right there!
Before Riot can make her next move, the countdown clock expires!
Washington: Introducing seventh, from J-ROK, hailing from Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 157 pounds, she is HAAAAYLEEEY GRIIIIMESSS!
The newest member of SKY Force makes here way through the curtain, drawing attention from the legal-capacity-during-a-pandemic crowd as she comes down the ramp. She knows this is an opportunity to really put on a show and stake her name in the XHF.
Wright: This is Hayley Grimes, one of the newest and brightest spots of J-ROK, looking to make an impact!
Park: The Young Thioness isn’t scared of competition, famously now calling her ex scarier than the rest of the field!
Hayley Grimes bends her way into the ring and goes to work assisting her SKY Force partner, who has finally released the Destiny hold on Sticky the Clown. The two make a formidable team as Ognom soon finds out, with Suzuki holding his arms behind him and Grimes bouncing off the ropes before jumping and delivering the Crash BootyCoot!
Wright: Just like that, SKY Force is rolling! These two women have floored a large amount of the competition!
Park: Suzuki’s Destiny hold immoblized Sticky the Clown, and that hip attack might have put Ognom out on dream street!
Grimes and Suzuki regroup in the corner as Serena Riot has kept her offense fully focused on Vodka Fizz. She locks him into a dragon sleeper, but instead of turning it into a backbreaker for the Devil’s Fang, she suplexes Fizz over the ropes, where both of his feet hit the floor!
Washington: Vodka Fizz has been eliminated!
Wright: A good showing for Vodka, just some tough draws across the board!
Park: All of the women in this match are standing tall in the center of the ring!
The crowd pops as the three wrestlers take a pause to soak in the appreciation. The mood is dampened by the sound of the countdown clock striking zero, the only time the fans haven’t counted it down.
Washington: And now for our eight entrant, from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 205 pounds, he is DEERRRIIIIICK LAAANCCASSSTEER!
‘Firestarter’ by Prodigy hits the arena speakers as the crowd boos the former champion. Lancaster smoothly walks out and stops after taking a few steps. Looking out at the crowd, he raises both arms up while nodding as if to say he has arrived.
Wright: The former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion has arrived and is ready for competition!
Park: He drew a good number, but how well he is going to fare tonight?
He then bolts the rest of the way, sliding in headfirst. After clearing the ropes, he kips back onto his feet springing off his hands, then immediately jumps forward into a handstand; he does this with one arm behind his back. The camera catches Steve Awesome slyly leaning against the barricade, doing his best not to be seen as Lancaster enters the ring.
Wright: Is Steve Awesome hiding from his fellow competitors?
Park: After that rough start, if you can keep from getting knocked on your ass and you can watch your opposition take themselves out, why not do it?
Derrick Lancaster goes to work, sliding through Suzuki’s legs to pop up on the other side and hit a neckbreaker. Before he can connect on the flipping double stomp, Hayley Grimes grabs him from behind and sends him into the turnbuckles. Lancaster accepts his fate by running up the turnbuckles, striking back with a fling forearm and knocking his opponent down. Before he can do much else, Serena Riot almost damn near takes his head off with a big boot!
Wright: Lancaster came in like a house of fire looking for the Backdoor on Suzuki, but Serena Riot has put an end to his offensive flurry!
Park: The ring is filling up with bodies now!
The fans’ keen eyes already know what happens next: the countdown clock has struck zero!
Washington: And now for our ninth entrant, representing TikTok, hailing from The Hip House, weighing in at 202 pounds, he is YYYUUUNNNNGGG SAAAAAUUUUCCEEEE!
CHOKE ME LIKE YOU HATE ME, BUT YOU LOVE ME
LOW-KEY WANNA DATE ME WHEN YOU F**** ME (UWU)
TOUCH ME WITH THE LIGHTS OFF AND MY CHAINS ON
BABY, I'M NOT THE RIGHT ONE YOU SHOULD WAIT ON
The music begins to play out through the arena as Yung Sauce makes his way out to the arena in the hopes of being a mega star. He smiles and waves to the audience before running to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and heading into the corner.
SAYIN' THAT SHE KNOW ME, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER AT, THOUGH
AIN'T NO DADDY ISSUES, THEN I WON'T EVEN BOTHER
Sauce looks out to the crowd and exits the ring, heading into the crowd to perform some of the most popular TikTok dance moves with the younger audience in the crowd. Signing autographs on shirts, arms, etc. - but is immediately pulled away from the crowd and heads back to the ring.
SHE JUST LOOK INTO MY SOUL WITH THEM SHINIGAMI EYES
Before Yung Sauce’s entrance can continue, Steve Awesome grabs him for a belly to belly, sending him crashing into the barricade!
Wright: Oh no! Awesome puts an abrupt halt to Yung Sauce’s TikToking!
Park: I’m not sure that’s a verb, Oliver!
Steve Awesome sends Yung Sauce into the ring and climbs in himself. Steve grabs Yung and looks for more offense, locking in a cross-face chickenwing and then using it to suplex Yung Sauce up and over the ropes with the Awesome Plex!
Wright: Awesome Plex! An early outting for Yung Sauce courtesy of the X-Crown Champion!
Park: No, he’s still on the apron!
Yung Sauce has landed on the apron as the camera turns to SKY Force and Serena Riot, who have been battling back and forth with a two-on-one. Serena initially has the upper hand, but the numbers game becomes too much for her as Grimes grabs her and sends her straight into Nausicaä Suzuki’s Dream Crusher!
Wright: A big boot from Suzuki and Serena goes down hard!
Park: Suzuki and Grimes might be able to go the distance if they just work together!
As they get back up and we see Ognom climbing the top rope to exact his revenge, the countdown clock strikes zero once more!
Washington: Coming in at number ten, making his FIRESIDE debut, from Krakow, Poland, weighing in at 291 pounds, he is the ‘outcast’ LUCAAAAAAS NIIIIIIIIX!
Into the trees
Past meadow grounds
And further away from my home
Baying behind me
I hear the hounds
Flock's chasing to find me alone
The overdriven guitar and haunting vocals of Opeth’s “Reverie/Harlequin Forest” kick in, cueing the arena lights to dim until only a single spotlight remains directed on the entrance curtain.
The imposing figure of Lucas Nix steps out into the light, his enormous frame clad in leather and fur, giving him the appearance of a menacing Gothic giant.
Wright: Oh boy, ladies and gentlemen, making his FIRESIDE debut, Lucas Nix! A man who called 2020 ‘the great leveler’, because it made everyone as miserable as he is!
Park: There’s rumors that this man is some kind of devil worshipper or cultist, and man he has that air about him!
He slowly makes his way down the aisle, his face twisted into a derisive sneer that leaves no doubt that this is a man full of rage and hate.
A trail of sickness
Leading to me
If I am haunted
Then you will see
Nix climbs the steps to the ring as the music tells a tale eerily similar to his own. He stands alone as he always has done, looking out upon a world that he feels has turned its back on him; he pauses as he lets his anger swell, his sneer giving way to a look of cruel determination, then steps silently over the top rope, ready to release his fury on his opponents in the ring.
Wright: If I’m Ognom, I might want to get down from there!
Park: Too late!
Before Ognom can even leap off, Lucas Nix locks his hand around his throat, chokeslamming to the floor in one swift movement!
Washington: Ognom has been eliminated!
Wright: The power of Lucas Nix on full display here!
Park: Just a scary force of a man, the Outcast made short work of Ognom.
Ognom: I’ve been cucked!
The crowd pops for the line before immediately booing as Lucas Nix turns around to meet his competition. Derrick Lancaster turns to fight him, only to get blindsided by a Nomisugi Knee Strike!
Wright: Lost in the Sauce! Lancaster didn’t see him coming at all!
Park: Yung Sauce bided his time and it paid off!
Yung Sauce’s excitement is quickly brought to a halt as he scooped up and crunched down to the mat with a hard sidewalk slam from Lucas Nix. The fans count down for the final entrant in the New Year, New Me battle royale.
Wright: We’re down to our last entrant!
Park: You know who it is!
Washington: And finally, the final entrant...
The lights turn off for a moment. The dueling guitar riffs from Simple Plan guitarists Sébastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco from their song “Last One Standing” as the screen reads “#Believe” in a light blue font. With a solitary spotlight on the top of the ramp, Adrien Cochrane appears the moment Pierre Bouvier’s vocals begin to echo throughout the venue.
“How many times are you gonna try to shut me out?
I told you once, told you twice, I ain't going to turn back around
You can say whatever, try to mess with me
I don't care, I'm not scared
You don't have to say you're sorry, save your sympathy
With a friend like you, I don't need an enemy
I would give you time if you were worth it
But guess what, you're not worth it”
Washington: From New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at one hundred ninety pounds, he is ‘The Dropkick King’... ADDDRRIIIIEEEENNNN COCHRANE!!
Cochrane looks at the fans from the ramp for a moment, giving a smile as he makes his way down the ramp and to the ring, hitting as many high fives and fist bumps as he can on his way to his destination.
Wright: Adrien Cochrane has traveled all over the XHF, and tonight his adventures find him in FIRESIDE! He just had a five hour long ride down I-95, coming straight from MCCW's New Year's Slamboree!
Park: I can't believe he's got it in him! The wandering nomad must be wondering if this is his place and this is his time! He was the favorite going into this match according to Internet predictions!
As Adrien leaps over the ropes to enter the squared circle and removes his black leather jacket to expose his #Believe shirt, he leans on the ropes with his fist in the air to the sound of the chorus.
“Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, I'm always going to be the last one standing
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, because I'm never going to give up trying
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waiting for you
And I'm going be the last one standing”
Wright: He’s won world championships before, but not this year! He entered last, but with eight other wrestlers in there, it’s still anyone’s match!
Park: He’s hitting the ring like a house of fire!
Adrien Cochrane springboards over Lucas Nix and into the ring, landing on the other side. He bounces off the ropes and almost immediately goes for a ride courtesy of Nix’s Downfall, but he manages to counter the slam into a DDT! Cochrane turns around and rolls out of the way of another boot from Nausicaä Suzuki, responding by bouncing off the ropes and hitting a springboard meteora!
Wright: Crescent City Connection!
Park: Adrien stays rolling!
A cocky Yung Sauce makes the mistake of trying to stop Adrien, going for the Don’t Sauce Inside Me, but instead he gets met with a brutal dropkick, sending the TikToker crashing over the ropes and to the floor!
Washington: Yung Sauce has been eliminated!
Wright: You can retweet that Adrien just sent Yung Sauce home with one of his beautiful dropkicks!
Park: That’s not how TikTok works, Oliver!
Before Adrien can fire off another maneuver, Derrick Lancaster mercs him from behind, and then looks to lift him up for the Tor, but a now-upright Sticky the Clown bites him, causing blood to spurt out all over the mat!
Wright: Whoah! Sticky the Clown had been down and out after being locked in that that brutal Destiny Octopus stretch, but he comes back in a big way!
Park: That blood is going everywhere! Oh God!
Serena Riot notices this as she works to fend off Steve Awesome, taking the time to laugh at Lancaster’s misfortune and the blood pouring from him!
Wright: Is she… laughing?
Park: Serena RIot is one messed up individual!
Sticky the Clown lifts Derrick Lancaster up for the Head Masher, but instead of leaving Lancaster in the painful hold, instead he just dumps him over the ropes, where both feet hit the floor!
Washington: Derrick Lancaster has been eliminated!
Wright: The former XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion has been eliminated!
Park: That’s a big elimination! Sticky is going to be hard to bring down as a solo effort!
Sticky the Clown spots Nausicaä Suzuki on the mat and lifts her by the head as well, preparing to get some revenge for the Destiny hold from earlier in the match. As he lifts her up, he lets her dangle for a few seconds, before meeting Hayley Grimes’ hip attack as she crashes into him with the Crash BootyCoot!
Wright: Crash BootyCoot! But the big man is still on his feet!
Park: If anything, that might have angered Sticky!
The impact of the hip attack makes Sticky stumble backwards, but he still responds by dumping Suzuki over the ropes!
Washington: Nausicaä Suzuki has been eliminated!
Wright: Nausicaä is out! After that vicious Destiny submission earlier in the match, Suzuki is out and now Hayley Grimes is left to fend for herself as the last remaining SKY Force member!
Park: She’s got bigger problems right this moment!
Hayley Grimes ducks under the extended arms of Sticky the Clown, keeping moving and firing away with low kicks as she works to fell the tree of a man. Steve Awesome joins in and helps out, firing off a few blows of his own and getting the big man down to wobble backwards. Adrien Cochrange comes running in to deliver a dropkick to bring him to his knees. They are both joined by Serena Riot, who has the pair move out of the way so she can stomp Sticky’s head into the mat with the Wicked Ways!
Wright: Wicked Ways! Four-on-one seems to be just the right number to get Sticky to stay down!
Park: Steve’s climbing high! This could be a big move here!
Steve Awesome scales the ropes, looking to take Sticky the Clown down with an aerial move! He kicks away Lucas Nix and leaps off the top, moonsaulting into a double stomp and crashing down onto Sticky with the Wrath of the Dragon!
Wright: Wrath of the Dragon!
Park: This is all well and good, but they still have to get him up and over!
Steve Awesome grapples Sticky the Clown and yells for the others to help as the group manages to get the big man over the ropes, but he’s still hanging onto them! Awesome, Riot, Cochrane and Grimes work to push and shove, but his grip’s still tight on the ropes! This stalemate keeps the crowd on their feet until Lucas Nix grabs Awesome and throws him like a lawn dart for the assist, using Awesome’s body to eliminate both men!
Wright: Down goes Sticky! Down goes Sticky!
Park: The Polish Powerhouse strikes again!
Washington: Sticky the Clown and Steve Awesome have been eliminated!
Wright: And just like that, we’re down to four with Lucas Nix, Hayley Grimes, Serena Riot, and Adrien Cochrane being the last ones in the ring!
Park: Steve and Sticky put on a great show, but look out-- we might see another wrestler about to fly out!
Lucas Nix has Adrien Cochrane in his hands as well and prepares to eliminate the high-flier, lifting him up in the position of a powerslam, but Adrien fights for his survival! Nix dumps him over the ropes, but the athletic Adrien manages to hook onto the ropes with his legs and stay in the match!
Wright: Adrien stays alive!
Park: Not for long!
Nix grabs Cochrane’s legs and uses his power to flip Adrien over the ropes and to the floor, but the high flyer manages to land with his feet pressed against the barricade! The referee confirms that his feet have not hit the floor!
Wright: Adrien survives twice!
Park: He’s fighting for more than survival, he’s fighting for the Combustion briefcase and the right to challenge the FIRESIDE World Champion at any time in 2021!
A disgruntled Lucas Nix turns his attention back to Serena Riot and Hayley Grimes, who immediately nod at one another and work to ground the powerhouse. They come at Nix, but Nix fires off an European Uppercut to Riot and clotheslines Hayley down to the mat. He grabs Grimes off the mat and lifts her up, taking a look at the ropes and knowing an elimination is only a short walk away. He carries her in a powerslam, but Riot has scaled the ropes and jumps off onto Nix, crashing down with a crossbody-- which he catches while still holding onto Grimes!
Wright: Serena Riot just leapt off the ropes for a crossbody and now she’s in for a potential world of hurt!
Park: I can’t believe he has both of them in his grasp!
Nix has to make his decision and before long, Grimes has slipped out and assists Riot by punching him right in the ear. The ear begins to bleed as Nix then drops Riot with a crushing powerslam, then shifting his immediate focus to Grimes. Hayley takes a look around, realizing she might have made a mistake. She bounces off the ropes and goes for another Crash BootyCoot, only for the big man to catch her! Nix lifts Grimes into a military press, sending her crashing to the floor!
Washington: Hayley Grimes has been eliminated!
Wright: An impressive night for Grimes, having made her impact in a big way and notching the Sticky the Clown elimination!
Park: I think she has a real talent, I’d like to see more of her in FIRESIDE--
Wright: I think you’re about to! Get out of the way!
A bloody Lucas Nix has ducked through the middle rope and immediately follows her to the floor, taking the time to not eliminate himself. He yells at the commentators to move, and they do so as he removes the monitors from the announce table. It’s unclear if Hayley Grimes knows where she is as she’s lifted up and chokeslammed through the table!
Wright: There goes the neighborhood! Lucas Nix with a hell of a receipt for Hayley Grimes there! Did you see the height?
Park: I did, and now we don’t have an announce table for the rest of the night!
Wright: We’ll figure that problem out later, as Nix has thankfully returned to the ring, and we’re now down to two with him and Serena Riot--
Park: Nope! Adrien is still on the outside of the ring!
The camera pans away from the medical staff running down to check on Hayley Grimes to focus on Mr. Cochrane. The appropriate course of action is not lost on Adrien as he uses his arms to press his upper half off of the floor, making sure to keep his feet against the barricade as he does so. He lifts his legs and keeps them up as he takes a deep breath, drawing in the crowd’s cheering as he does a sort of inverted crab walk, only stopping when he’s got his arms on the steel steps! He presses himself up the steps and lands his feet on the bottom step, keeping him alive!
Wright: A freaky walk from Adrien there, but he’s on the steps and within striking distance of the ring!
Park: Incredible!
Cochrane gets back up to the apron, but Serena Riot puts an end to his quest to get back in on his own two feet, connecting with a vicious knee strike! She takes his wobbly body and drags him back into the ring before scaling the top turnbuckle, and before long she leaps off, executing a perfect shooting star press!
Wright: Demon Drop from Riot! Beautiful form as this twisted spirit is closing in on a huge win to close out the year!
Park: She’s just got to get Adrien and Lucas over the ropes, and she’ll have done it!
Before Serena can hit a next move, she’s turned around and lifted up for a tombstone piledriver, being brought back down to the mat with the Korona Diabla!
Wright: Korona Diabla! Serena Riot was this close, and it might be all over for her!
Park: Lucas Nix looks to be in the drivers’ seat right now!
The crowd boos loudly as Lucas Nix stands over his prey with a sick smile on his face. The monster scoops up Serena Riot and lifts her on his shoulders for a powerslam, before looking over and spotting a crawling Adrien Cochrane, and lifting him up on his other shoulder to potentially eliminate the two of them at the same time!
Wright: If Lucas dumps them over right here, the match is over!
Park: Can Lucas Nix win the Combustion briefcase?
The booing only gets louder as Nix soldiers towards the ropes, with neither of his two competitors making much of a move until their arms hit the ropes. He dumps them both over the ropes, but having to juggle the weight means that both of his competitors land on their feet on the apron. Both Adrien and Serena look a little worse for wear as Nix curses, then looks between the two to find his best course of action.
Wright: They both survived!
Park: This might be it!
Lucas Nix charges in towards Serena Riot, looking to eliminate her with a big boot, but she pulls the ropes down, almost sending Nix tumbling to the floor but he also grabs onto the ropes, meaning that all three competitors are now standing on the apron!
Wright: Whoah--no! Lucas Nix barely stays alive himself!
Park: These three are neck-and-neck, one false move may cost them their biggest win of 2020!
Serena delivers a series of kicks to Nix’s arm, doing her best to try to loosen his grip and send him to the floor. Lucas Nix bends over and holds his arm in pain as she keeps kicking, only for Adrien Cochrane to leap over him and deliver a Lighting Strike to Riot as he lands! Serena Riot is knocked to the floor!
Washington: Serena Riot has been eliminated!
Wright: Riot’s out! Riot’s out!
Park: An incredible XHF debut for Serena Riot, making it all this way and notching multiple eliminations, but she’s unable to get the job done as Adrien Cochrane connects on an impressive Lighting Strike!
Wright: I hope to see more of Serena, but we’re now done to two! Lucas Nix and Adrien Cochrane are left on that apron, and whoever doesn’t hit the floor wins a FIRESIDE World Championship match for anytime in 2021!
Adrien readjusts his balance after landing the superkick that eliminated Serena Riot. He turns around and almost immediately eats a boot from Nix, but he somehow uses the ropes to get higher, jumping up onto Nix’s shoulders! He locks in the headscissor, and looks to eliminate the Outcast!
Wright: Lullaby Ballad! Lullaby Ballad! Adrien is either going to eliminate Nix with the headscissor, or choke him out until he can’t stand on the apron any longer!
Park: They’re both in dangerous territory! Who’s going to fall first?
Lucas Nix tries to firmly stand on the apron but Adrien is squeezing with every ounce of his energy. Adrien decides to shift his body weight to send Nix flying with the hurricanrana, but Nix holds on and doesn’t go! Adrien manages to sit back up and goes for it again, but Nix doesn’t go again! A dreary and drowsy Lucas Nix stands on the apron as the fans are all out of their seats, knowing Adrien is going to go for it one more time!
Wright: Lucas Nix has been holding on with everything he has left! Adrien’s this close to scoring a big win for himself and his family!
Park: I don’t think Nix has anything left!
Adrien Cochrane goes to send Lucas Nix crashing down to the floor with the hurricanrana, but Nix adjusts and powerbombs him straight to the floor! Both feet hit!
Wright: NO!
Park: This one’s over!
Washington: Adrien Cochrane has been eliminated!
The crowd boos as Lucas Nix is the last one standing on the apron!
Washington: Therefore, here is your winner, gaining the Combustion briefcase for a FIRESIDE World Championship Match at anytime next year, LUUUUUUCAAAAAAAAAAAAS NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXX!
Wright: A HUGE victory for a debuting Lucas Nix, gaining a shot to use at anytime against the world champion with an impressive win!
Park: Adrien Cochrane fought with everything he had, eliminating three wrestlers including the phenomenal Serena Riot, but it wasn’t enough!
Lucas Nix steps down to the floor as the crowd continues to boo, getting even louder when he snatches the Combustion briefcase. He raises it high above his head with a smirk, basking in the crowd’s hatred as Adrien Cochrane is left empty-handed. The Outcast looks at the briefcase, pondering his possibilities for the next year.
Wright: Will Lucas Nix use Combustion to usher in an Era of Misery?
Park: God help whoever’s champion next year, the Outcast demonstrated his power as he eliminated four competitors tonight!
Wright: Indeed! Stick around ladies and gentlemen, we still have a whole show for you!
Washington: The following Tornado Tag Team Match is scheduled for One Fall, and it is for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships!
The crowd pops loudly at the announcement of the first-ever FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship defense.
Washington: Introducing first, from La Grange, Kentucky, and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at a combined 730 pounds, they are Piledriver Pete and Powerbomb Paul, POOOOOOOOOOWERRRRRRDRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEERRRRRR!
“Piledriver Waltz” by the Atomic Monkeys hits the speakers as the indoor Philadelphia crowd pops at the arrival of POWERDRIVER. Pete and Paul emerge from behind the curtain with a single-minded focus: getting things done in the ring. The fans react positively and they slap hands as they walk down together.
Wright: POWERDRIVER’s got a big match in front of them, capturing the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships could make their careers!
Park: These two men are 700+ pounds of raw force and power. It’s not going to be a walk in the park for our champions as they try to deal with fighting two skyscrapers at the same time here.
Washington: And their opponents, at a combined weight tonight of 425 pounds, from Washington, D.C., and Portland, Oregon, they are the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, the team of President Curtis Kanyon and ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville, UNIQUE STUD ALLLLLLLLIAAAAAAAANCEEEEEEEE!
A mash up of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a a front flip and lands in the modern super hero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into in succession away from the men as they are in pose.
Wright: The FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions set for action tonight, and looking good to go!
Park: Of course, this isn’t the original team. Deville won the titles at Blaze of Glory with Joe Nobody, but after declaring his partner inadequate, landed the President of the United States as his partner.
Wright: Two American heroes!
Park: Not to mention Deville beat the hell out of Nobody, and we haven’t seen him since!
Wright: USA!
Park: You’re not even from here!
Donny springs forth and flips his way down the ramp, each one adding more twists than the last, finally landing perfectly. Curtis walks nonchalantly behind and gives Donny a thumbs up with his free hand at the finish. Donny jumps up to the apron and pulls the ropes down, using them to launch himself on top before moonsaulting off of them, again landing in that hero pose. As he does, Curtis rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, then points to the crowd with his hammer before hoisting it straight up into the air, and yells "BANG!"
Wright: FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships are on the line, there’s no tagging in and out in a Tornado Tag match so all four men are legal at the same time. Whoever pins or submits an opponent first walks away with the gold.
Park: You have to wonder if the champions might be at a disadvantage, with this being their first real match together!
The bell rings and the four men stare down at one another, each one looking for some kind of opportunity to inflict pain upon their opponents. Powerbomb Paul and Piledriver Pete nod in agreement before deciding to charge at the smaller opposition, but this backfires as Deville and Kanyon both pull down the ropes, sending over seven hundred pounds crashing to the floor in a big way.
Wright: If only these two had been in the battle royale!
Park: Deville and Kanyon are in sync early here!
Deville and Kanyon communicate about a potential big move, and Kanyon goes down to one knee and cups his hands, projecting the former Olympian as ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville goes flying over the ropes, crashing down onto both Powerbomb Paul and Piledriver Pete with a swanton!
Wright: A swanton to the challengers from the champions!
Park: Impressive teamwork from the pair on that move!
A braggadocious Donny Deville draw boos from the crowd as former President Curtis Kanyon exits the ring and manhandles Powerbomb Paul, picking him up and delivering a devastating powerbomb against the apron, with his fans cheering at the impact! Paul holds his back in pain as the champions look over at Piledriver Pete with similar intentions!
Wright: We may have been wrong about any potential lack of chemistry for this team! This is not looking good for POWERDRIVER!
Park: Surely Powerbomb Paul and Piledriver Pete will get back into this… or I think they will, anyway?
‘Devilish’ Donny Deville helps Curtis Kanyon get Piledriver Pete back up to his feet, and the two men are clearly feeling the burn as it’s over four hundred pounds the two men are lifting as Kanyon looks to deliver a sitout piledriver to the man who made the move his namesake. Through their combined power, the two men get it done, piledriving Piledriver Pete on the outside of the ring!
Wright: Piledriver! Oh no! Someone get Dr. Lagari down here right now, they just spiked him right into the floor!
Park: Absolutely no mercy from these two! I can’t believe what we’re seeing!
The medical team begins to come down the ramp as Kanyon directs traffic with Deville, and the two men send Powerbomb Paul back into the ring. Things go from bad to worse as Dr. Lagari signals that Piledriver Pete might have to be pulled out of the match, but the tag team champions clearly do not give one single damn about what’s happening outside of the ring. Inside the ring, Kanyon taunts from the corner for Paul to get up while Deville stands on the apron.
Wright: Kanyon and Deville have something else in mind here!
Park: Kanyon looks ready to BANG Paul into 2021!
Curtis Kanyon charges as Donny Deville springboards off the ropes, and the two men hit the BANG and a double footstomp onto Powerbomb Paul at the same time! Kanyon's fans cheer as he hooks the leg!
Wright: An annihilation from the champions as they come raining down hard with the BANG BOOM!
Park: This might be it! This might be the fastest tag team match in FIRESIDE history!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Wright: It’s over!
Washington: Here are your winners, and STIILLLLLL the FIRESIDE Tag Team CHAMPIOOOOOONSSSSS, Curtis Kanyon and ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville, UNIQUE STUDDDDD ALLLIAAAAAAAAAAAAANCEEEEE!
Wright: What a debut for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions!
Park: This new team just made mincemeat out of one of the company’s top pairings! Wow!
‘Devilish’ Donny Deville and Curtis Kanyon bang titles before holding them above their heads as Kanyon's fans cheer while the rest of the crowd boos loudly. The two men exit the ring, throwing the championships over their shoulders.
A slow clap booms over the PA system, the champions stop on the entranceway where one of the evening's guest stars holds a microphone while applauding their efforts. The crowd roars when they see who it is.
Radu Matei: ...keep that up, and you'll have enough points to challenge for the global straps in no time... and god willing, me and Caff retain that long... because...
Matei: PRESIDENT KANYON... I took exception to one of your campaign promises.
Wright: That’s Radu Matei, one half of the XHF Tag Team Champions. What is he doing out here?
Park: And what does he want with Curtis Kanyon?
Matei: Here's my dream. An enclosed steel cage, but within that hard structure - a steel mesh so fine it doesn't let anything out. With that trap? You, your partner, us, a referee in protective clothing... AND ENOUGH MURDER HORNETS FLYING AROUND INSIDE TO MAKE YOU REGRET THE DAY YOU TRIED TO SCAPEGOAT THEIR SPECIES!!!
The crowd goes wild!
Matei: A little stipulation I like to call Hornet Nest Hell.
They somehow go even wilder!
Wright: Oh my God! Hornest Nest Hell!
Park: Caffrey’s not going to like that when he hears about it!
Matei: So great job Mister President. Keep it up... and know that every victory draws you one step closer to me dropped you on your fucking head.
Outstretching an arm, Deathless reveals a murder hornet on his palm. A broken index finger points at the president. The beast then places the hornet into his breast pocket, because that's apparently where it lives. Tossing the XHF global strap over his shoulder as a reminder that they are on a collision course, Matei smiles coldly at the Fireside tag champs before taking his leave.
Wright: A big challenge from the Purple Emperors to the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions!
Park: That assumes though that the Purple Emperors survive the night as champions! The ReVenants and SKY Force will both be out for blood, gold, and glory tonight!
Wright: With the way Radu spoke, I have a feeling he’d gladly meet Kanyon regardless of the gold involved!
Park: And if the Unique Stud Alliance can deliver like they did tonight, I’m taking the President and Deville every time! What a dominant performance!
The camera fades into a local nightclub. EDM music playing as people dance freely. The lighting giving a purple, dark blue, and pink neon glow that perfectly fits the energetic mood of the building. People were celebrating New Year's Eve in style, and who could blame them? The year had been such total shit that a moment to celebrate surviving 365 days of bullshit was beyond satisfying. Though, no one was celebrating harder than the current XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, MYOJIN.
The petite blonde sits at a table with a strawberry lemonade daiquiri in one hand, his championship in the other as he laid it across his shoulder. Wearing his trademark shades, he was dressed in a white blazer, a pastel blue shirt, acid-washed skinny jeans and some white hi-tops. Suffice to say, he was having a pretty good time.
MYOJIN: Well, was there really ever any doubt that I'd come back to FIRESIDE with gold in my hands still? I hope no one really had any doubts. The next challenger to come for me better be an actual wrestler, or it's going to make this reign too easy!
A smirk appeared on his face as he took a sip from his glass.
MYOJIN: Sixteen days. A little more than two weeks I was sent to defend my championship right after my favorite holiday. Not only that, but I've defended my championship more times- which is one- than Misha Constantine has defended FIRESIDE's world title at the moment. Now that I think about it, I've defended my title more than the Purple Emperors have defended their tag belts at the moment too. Who knows? Maybe that team and Constantine will have a successful defense tonight. I'd hope so.
The Shining Star sits his drink down and lightly tilts his shades so his eyes can be seen, his grin turning to a smile.
MYOJIN: Because at the moment, I've done more for FIRESIDE globally than anyone else on the roster. I'm boosting the reputation of this place while making the Junior Heavyweight title something worth talking about again. So, I think I've earned the right to treat myself for the night then spend some time with family and friends. I'll be making sure to tune in as well. So have a good night everyone, I'll be seeing you all next year.
The look on his face grows from arrogant to genuine before he raises his glass, a toast toward the camera as it fades back out.
Washington: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and the winner will either become FIRESIDE’s X-Crown representative for Battle of Hegemony or receive a future FIRESIDE World Championship Match!
The crowd roars for another match with big stakes. Greg, a man with a deep baritone ring announcer voice that serves as Jonnie Valentine’s personal ring announcer, is already ringside.
Greg, Jonnie's Assistant: Ladies and gentlemen...city of Brotherly Love; welcome to Fireside's Good Riddance 2020: We Didn’t Start the Fire!
The fans roar for the cheap pop.
Greg: Introducing the challenger, allowing the scales to have a few moments of his 234 pounds of presence, he is the bankable star that allowed NBC Universal to green light Thundercats: Lion-O Reborn and Pixar to launch Pac-Man: The Motion Picture. He is The Human Dropkick Machine, He is Very Relatable, He is Pro Wrestling's Own; from Palm Springs California, He is 'THE CREDIBLE HULK’ JONNIE VALENTINE!!!
Jonnie jogs down to the ring, slapping fans hands, doing a full lap around the front row as the absolute banger by Hanson known as MMMBop plays in the arena. He finds a geeky teen singing his theme song, and he sings along with them. He pulls on the top rope to vault inside the ring and does the double guns to the crowd, ready for this match.
Wright: Jonnie Valentine has a tough match ahead of him int he form of MAJESTY, but I have to say, he doesn’t seem all that worried.
Park: Valentine has never been one to stres out. He’s a professional’s professional, even if MAJESTY is well, absolutely terrifying.
Wright: The star of Pacman’s Pixels recently made a major announcement, changing his entrance tune to MMMBop! I have to say, it is a great pick!
Park: Sure, sure it is.
Marcus Washington returns to the microphone.
Washington: ...fr-fr-from the Feywild, weighing in at 183 pounds, they are…. MAJESTY!
The audience is deeply moved and a bit disturbed by Marcus’ voice rapidly shifting into that of a demon. Even Marcus looks deeply concerned, smacking his throat a few times to try to make sure the sound leaves him. He gets right the hell out of the ring, wanting nothing to do with this match.
Wright: They’re so… ugh… and they’re not even out here yet!
Park: That’s the work of MAJESTY, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them in one of Jonnie’s Halloween horror movies next year!
Gentle and eerie piano keys lilt out over the arena as the house lights come down. A drumroll kicks in and flashes of green and yellow lights flash around the crowd. At one point, a quick flash of a projection of Majesty appears standing on one of the staircases in the arena, and then just like that, it's gone. A few more rounds of light, you could've sworn you saw Majesty yet again, this time on the other side of the arena.
Wright: We’ve not seen MAJESTY since Blaze of Glory, where they fell off the cage and came within feet of winning the world championship!
Park: I’m sure MAJESTY’s motivated to get a do-over tonight, or to set their sights on the X-Crown champion!
And then... the guitars kick in, and a wild, horrifying laugh tears through the arena. All the lights are a shade of green and yellow, filtering around, and Majesty rises from the stage at the top of the ramp, enshrouded by mist and smoke. They twirl around, a wide grin etched into their face as they spin and dance down the ramp like some kind of fucked up ballerina, dressed head to toe in Christmas gear.
Wright: A rather festive MAJESTY, still celebrating the Christmas season it seems!
Park: You try telling them to take the tree down! I wouldn’t dare.
Wright: Will the potential Christmas-related mindgames be enough to get in Jonnie’s head, or---
Park: ---let me stop you right there. I think the Feywild Figure just… just loves Christmas. Maybe we should pretend every day is Christmas around them, might keep us from getting corrupted.
Wright: Or eaten.
Park: That too.
As the referee begins to call for the bell, we hear from Jonnie Valentine.
Jonnie Valentine: Search me, Christopher, I have nothing to hide!
Referee Chris Mardinly hesitates at first to oblige the request, but then does so, checking Valentinee’s hips and thighs. Valentine even goes a step further, drawing a laugh from the crowd as he hands the referee both of his boots to check. Mardinly soon announces that he’s clear.
Wright: An… unusual strategy from Valentine here.
Park: I’m not really sure what his plan is.
Jonnie Valentine: Now check them! Check them!
MAJESTY seems fairly confused, and Chris clearly wants nothing to do with the Feywild Figure for fear of being eaten or maimed, but Jonnie insists.
Jonnie Valentine: It’s only fair! C’mon, Christopher! Check them!
Wright: I guess he was doing it to make sure MAJESTY also got checked?
Park: I’m not sure you can play mindgames with a god, but kudos to Jonnie for trying!
Chris begins to check MAJESTY’s pockets, but MAJESTY graciously volunteers, reaching up in their obviously fake green wig to pull out a spot of mistletoe. MAJESTY dangles it over the referee’s head as the referee continues the patdown, finding an unusual pocket in MAJESTY’s outfit. The referee asks them to empty the pocket, and they do so, with the referee no-selling the mistletoe.
MAJESTY: I made these for you, Jonnie!
MAJESTY has a twist-tied bag of Christmas cookies, looking just like the ones they made a week ago. They hold out the cookies, and a hesitant Jonnie Valentine gives into the appeal, taking the bag. He reaches into the bag and pulls out a sugar cookie. The HD cameras pick up that the sugar cookie has a green Christmas tree painted on in icing with red sprinkles.
Wright: I wouldn’t eat those if you paid me King Midas’ gold.
Park: Aww, I’m sure it’s fine. It’s not Halloween, there’s probably not poison in there.
You can hear Oliver Wright’s shudder as Valentine not only takes a bite, but finishes the cookie!
Wright: I can’t believe he did it!
Park: I would be awfully wary about any potential side effects of those cookies!
Jonnie Valentine: Hey, these are really good! Thanks!
The crowd pops as Valentine reaches in and treats himself to another cookie. MAJESTY is pleased to have maybe made a friend in the process. Valentine ties the bag back up and sets it back down in the corner, and there’s no immediate side effects or even stomach grabbing coming from Jonnie. They seem, for all intents and purposes, to just have been normal Christmas cookies. The referee calls for the bell.
Wright: Well, after that unusual bit of Christmas antics, there’s the bell, and this match to become an X-Crown or FIRESIDE World Champion contender starts now!
The bell rings. MAJESTY doesn’t take two steps forward before Valentine speaks up again. He’s naturally so loud that the ring microphones pick him up.
Jonnie Valentine: You said you wanted me to join you for treats and snuggle or you were going to fight me, so I’m taking option one!
Jonnie Valentine gets down on his knees, and then lays down! The crowd, expecting a match at this point, isn’t sure what to make of this!
Wright: MAJESTY offered Christmas cookies and cuddles or great physical harm, but I have to say I didn’t expect Jonnie to take the first!
Park: Neither did I! I guess… I guess we’re not really having much of a match, are we?
MAJESTY seems pleasantly surprised and delighted by this change of events.
Jonnie Valentine: Come on, together we can be stronger than anyone in the business!
MAJESTY claps in cheerful glee before moving closer to Jonnie, accepting that he has chosen to lay down.
Wright: Usually by now when we’re talking about the X-Crown, we’re talking about how the cowardly champion Dylan Black is afraid of FIRESIDE, but tonight Valentine seems to be afraid of one of our potential contenders.
You can tell with the way Oliver says ‘cowardly’, that FIRESIDE owner Anthony Caffrey slipped Wright that line.
Park: Neither did I! I guess… I guess we’re not really having much of a match, are we?
Just as MAJESTY takes another step closer and leans down, Valentine pops his head up and grabs MAJESTY, swinging them forward into an inside cradle! The crowd pops for the surprise!
Wright: Whoah! Inside cradle from Valentine!
Park: He might catch MAJESTY right here!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...TH-NO!
MAJESTY kicks out as the crowd gets even louder!
Wright: So much for Christmas cookies and cuddles!
Park: That almost worked for Jonnie!
Wright: I don’t think he’s done!
As MAJESTY attempts to get back up, Jonnie immediately goes for a crucifix cradle! The referee counts!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...MAJESTY kicks out and gets back to their feet in anger!
Wright: I believe the phrase is ‘that’s a bold strategy, Cotton’, for what Valentine is doing here early!
Park: You can’t fault him for coming into this match with a plan!
As MAJESTY angrily is about to fire off a move, Jonnie Valentine runs them into the ropes and goes for a third cradle, this time a bridging backroll press!
Wright: Is the third time the charm for Jonnie?
Park: He better hope so at this point!
...ONE…
...MAJESTY kicks out!
Wright: MAJESTY expected it this time! If I’m Jonnie, I might consider running for the hills at this point!
Park: Yeah, maybe a travel agent can find him an island somewhere sunny and far away from the Feywild Figure!
As Jonnie Valentine tries to trick MAJESTY into, yes you guessed it, a fourth cradle, MAJESTY delivers a spinning back elbow, knocking Valentine with enough force to send him flying through the ropes and crashing down to the floor!
Wright: Well, so much for that plan from Jonnie Valentine as MAJESTY strikes with The Great Wheel!
Park: The former contender to the FIRESIDE World Championship has had enough of Valentine tonight, and you can see it in their eyes, they are angry!
MAJESTY rolls out of the ring and doesn’t even let the referee count to one before lifting a dazed Jonnie Valentine back up to his feet. The throat punches MAJESTY executes could best be described as ‘cruel and unusual punishment’ as you see an angered MAJESTY willing to make sure that Valentine can’t speak up again for the rest of the match. The force in which Jonnie Valentine is sent crashing into the steel steps is enough for the entire legal-capacity crowd to grimace, knocking the steps away from the ringpost.
Wright: The scary amount of power from MAJESTY there!
Park: It’s not too late for Valentine to turn tail and run! I hear Fiji is nice this time of year!
The scream that comes from MAJESTY is enough to short the electricity in the arena, causing the lights to flicker on and off.
Wright: Is it too late to maybe start singing MAJESTY some Christmas carols? It’s beginning to look a like---
Park: I would absolutely save your breath at this point, Oliver. I’m looking at caskets on Amazon, it’s only $1,300 for an all-white one that Jonnie might like!
MAJESTY grabs Jonnie Valentine off the floor and places his back against the apron. They tip into Jonnie’s torso with a set of wicked chest chops, each one louder and making Jonnie’s chest redder as they strike flesh. The third is too much for Jonnie, who finds himself covering up and trying to create some distance between himself and the Feywild Figure, including literally making sure the steel ring steps are between the two competitors. The lights flicker and MAJESTY soon finds themselves and Jonnie on those steps, with MAJESTY trapping Jonnie’s arms for a belly-to-belly suplex and making the angriest kissy-face in recorded history. Jonnie finds himself flying through the air a few moments later, before crashing back first against the ring apron.
Wright: Right into the apron! MAJESTY is not playing around tonight!
Park: I hope Jonnie has life insurance!
MAJESTY rolls in and back out of the ring to break up referee Chris Mardinly’s count before looking back down at the man who denied their requests. MAJESTY reaches out their long fingers and claws Valentine’s back, leading him to scream out in pain and do his best to distance himself away from MAJESTY as he seethes in pain and blood begins to trickle out from his back.
Wright: Even the back rakes from MAJESTY have teeth to them!
Park: This is getting brutal fast!
Jonnie Valentine darts under the ring to buy themselves even more time to recover, and MAJESTY once again rolls back in and out of the ring, unwilling to let Valentine get counted out. Eventually, Valentine resurfaces on the other side of the ring, climbing into the opposing side of the ring and generally doing his best to keep six feet between him and the Feywild Figure. MAJESTY reaches up to climb into the ring, pulling themselves up. Valentine comes over and tries to strike MAJESTY to knock them back down to the floor, but they enter the ring and shove him backwards before beginning to spin around!
Wright: We’ve seen this before! Sweet Djinn-
Valentine manages to duck the superkick, then grabs Majesty’s arm and drives his knee directly into it right at the elbow! MAJESTY shakes out their arm in pain as Valentine keeps up the pressure, turning and twisting MAJESTY’s arm into a standing armbar and driving his elbow into the limb! Valentine keeps up the offense, sending MAJESTY arm and shoulder first straight into the ringpost!
Wright: Valentine’s got MAJESTY’s arm and is making them suffer!
Park: This is his way back into this match, he has to stay on this arm now to get closer to becoming a world championship or X-Crown contender!
Wright: Valentine has never had a one-on-one shot for the FIRESIDE World Championship while MAJESTY has, you know the former world champion wants his moment in the sun!
Valentine continues the offense, picking up MAJESTY and holding their arm behind their back, then bodyslamming them back down so they land directly on the arm! MAJESTY winces in pain as Jonnie is beginning to feel himself again. He lifts MAJESTY up this time for a suplex, then holds it and motions for the fans to applaud his show of strength! The crowd does so, getting louder as the move goes on, before Valentine finally suplexes MAJESTY back down to the mat!
Wright: Valentine is on all cylinders here and might be on the verge of turning this match around!
Park: On the verge? I would say they’ve already done so!
Jonnie Valentine is feeling it as he backs in the corner, gesturing for MAJESTY to get back up. Jonnie’s fans know what’s coming, and they chant along.
Crowd: JONNIE’S GONNA KILL ‘EM! JONNIE’S GONNA KILL ‘EM!
Wright: This crowd’s on their feet as Valentine looks for a Picture Perfect Dropkick!
Park: Could we see a new contender crowned right here?
Wright: Here we go!
Jonnie Valentine charges forward, extending out for the Picture Perfect Dropkick, only for MAJESTY to pull down the ropes and for Jonnie to collide with the floor! The crowd boos before MAJESTY puts their hands up and an eerily terrifying voice sweeps over the crowd!
Crowd: MAJESTY'S GONNA KILL 'EM! MAJESTY'S GONNA KILL 'EM!
Wright: Did… did MAJESTY just corrupt the audience?
Park: I’d be really worried if that’s the case, and yes, I am quite worried!
Screams of terror sweep the crowd as the chanting voices that swept over the crowd quickly dies down, but the damage has been done. MAJESTY lowers their hands, holding one of their arms as they wait for Valentine to return to the ring.
Wright: Valentine has worked that arm, and you can see it’s been affecting the Feywild Figure!
Park: Every time Valentine has gotten going though, MAJESTY’s been able to come back with some devastatingly painful moves!
MAJESTY begins spinning around in anticipation, waiting for Valentine to climb back into the ring. The industry veteran with a bloody back climbs back inside and is too slow to get his arms up, getting drilled by the Sweet Djinn Music!
Wright: Bam! Sweet Djinn Music!
Park: I’m not sure Jonnie’s going to be able to come back from that! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO...
...MAJESTY lifts Valentine’s shoulders off the mat!
Wright: I don’t think MAJESTY’s done with Jonnie!
Park: This isn’t looking good for him!
MAJESTY lifts Jonnie Valentine back up to his feet before shoving their hand into Jonnie’s mouth, applying a mandible claw! Valentine immediately tries to fight back, scratching, clawing, and trying to bite his way out, but it’s too much for him!
Wright: Not a good night for Jonnie here as MAJESTY has locked in the Peacekeeper!
Park: Down he goes!
Valentine’s body collapses into the mat. MAJESTY keeps the hold applied, and referee Chris Mardinly doesn’t count to three or even check for consciousness, knowing what his eyes are telling him. Instead, he calls for the bell!
Wright: This one’s over!
Park: Hopefully this puts an end to MAJESTY’s assault!
Washington: Here is your winner via ref stoppage, and becoming a top contender for either the FIRESIDE World Championship or the -Crown, MMMAAAJJJESSSTTTTTYYYY!
Wright: Tonight, Hell hath no fury like a MAJESTY scorned!
Park: Definitely a tale of two matches here as Jonnie Valentine came armed with strategies and plans, but it’s hard to stop an angry god!
The glare that MAJESTY shoots the referee as they release the hold has him exiting the ring and not even bothering to raise their hand. MAJESTY grabs the bag of cookies from the mat, ripping it open so the rest of the sugary concoctions spill out onto the arena floor. The lights flicker on and off, and just like that, MAJESTY’s gone.
Wright: I would hate to be the X-Crown champion, Misha Constantine, or Mistress Discipline right about now! Definitely a message sent!
Park: A terrifying performance!
Washington: The following is a Three Team Ladder Match for the XHF Tag Team Championships! The gold will be hung high above the ring, and the first team to take down both championships wins!
The crowd pops for what clearly has all the makings of a car crash of a wrestling match. The XHF Tag Team Championships have already been taken from the Purple Emperors and hung high, and there are ladders just about everywhere. Some of them are leaned against barricades, some are already set up on the ramp.
Wright: Are you ready for FIRESIDE’s first ever ladder match, Unjoo?
Park: One of the best tag teams in the history of J-ROK vs. the team that has run rampant in the AWF that includes their world champion vs. our boss and one of the greatest SWAT wrestlers to ever live? HELL YEAH!
The electric crowd is ready as Marcus starts the introductions.
Washington: Introducing first…
花を焼べて 詩を焼べて
誰より険しく美しく
あの日の傷ももらった愛も
全て焼べて 光の方へ
With those words "Tsuki to Hanataba" plays its way into the arena. Shortly afterwards Nausicaä, holding a stuffed cat she calls Charles in her hands, appears upon the stage with Rin Kubo on her left and Shizuku on her right. Suzuki move both of Charles' upper paws out for the two brunettes fist bump each paw before the three begin to head down the ramp way.
Washington: ...accompanied to the ring by Nausicaä Suzuki and Charles, from Kawasaki, Kanagawa, Japan, and Asahikawa, Hokkaido, Japan, weighing in tonight at a combined 269 pounds, they are Rin Kubo and Shizuku Yamamoto, they are SKKKKKKYYYY FOOOOOOOOORRRCEEEE!
When their names are announced, the three are sitting on the apron facing the hard camera before back rolling over the bottom rope and into the ring in union. They stop their rolls in a way that ends with Shizuku on her left knee, Rin on her right knee and Nausicaä sitting in the middle, holding Charles close as her SKY Force comrade rest their arms across her back. Together the three stand up, approach the ropes and stand on the bottom rope. Kubo having her right fist out towards the crowd and her left on her right breast, Yamamoto mirroring her and Suzuki holding Charles out towards the crowd.
Wright: SKY Force enters this match as the youngest of the three teams, but perhaps one of the most accomplished, capturing championships together including the XHF Tag Team Championships earlier this year after a hard-fought win against Desolation.
Park: Tonight the two legal challengers are Rin Kubo, SKY Force’s heavy hitter, and Shizuku Yamamoto, the technician. But as some predicted, the leader Nausicaä Suzuki is here as well with their mascot, the adorable Charles. The only one member not here is Hayley Grimes, who is now being cleared by medical professionals including Dr. Lagari after being brutally put through a table by Lucas Nix earlier this evening.
Wright: Suzuki also went through that brutal battle royale, so she’s coming into this banged up, but Rin and Shizuku are fresh as daisies. These ladies live to punish and inflict pain, let’s see if they can bring the championships back to J-ROK.
Washington: And their opponents…
"If it bleeds, we can kill it."
"And we ain't got time to bleed."
"Turbo Killer" by Carpenter Brut begins to play and the lights in the arena are snuffed out. Red lights on the stage blink on and off, on and off, showing the outline of three figures that make their way out from behind the curtains.
As the music picks up, the red lights start to blink more rapidly, and eventually the arena lights come back to life. Who are the three mystery men? The ReVenants! Neo James Carner, Rob Garcia, and Keith Williams! Rob is posed in the middle of the three, back to the camera with his arms and clenched fists out to the side of his body, while the other two are leaned over towards him and both pointing at Rob with their two index fingers. Garcia spins around, a big grin on his face as he points to his two partners in crime. The Big Bad Wolves bump fists, immediately drawing back to pose some more, taking in the harsh booing reaction of the crowd. Some members of the Philadelphian crowd love it, but most people seem to hate it and the obvious nature of their super cockiness.
Washington: ...accompanied to the ring by Rob Garcia and MiMi Cassius, from Buena Park, California, and Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at a combined 493 pounds, they are Neo James Carner and Keith Williams, they are THEEEEE REVENAAAAAAANTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Wright: The ReVenants are here, ladies and gentlemen, and while most of us would like to say Good Riddance to this awful year, they may have had the best year of any team. Garcia is a former Phoenix Champion, Neo James Carner is a former United States Champion, and Keith Williams is the current AWF Prestige Champion!
Park: They’re definitely good at chasing down gold, minus Keith coming up short on Boxing Day against the X-Crown champion, Dylan Black. We’ll see if he’s still feeling the effects tonight.
Wright: Can they chase down the biggest tag team prize in the XHF, the XHF Tag Team Championships? Or in this case with it being a ladder match, pull down?
Park: The one thing these men have over the opposition is that they are a band of brothers, they fight like a family and they’ll be determined to do anything to get the win here tonight.
The ReVenants make their way down to the ring, taunting the fans as they go and being especially generous with the middle fingers. Upon reaching ringside, Keith does his usual groin thrusting of the bottom rope and mustache stroking. Rob fakes out any fan foolish enough to think they can touch him or go for a high five, all the while laughing the entire time in their face. Neo enters the ring, grasping the top rope and pulling back on it, releasing it only to flex his muscles for the enjoyment of... Everyone! Keith and Rob join him, the three posing together in the middle of the ring. To really make it feel special, several streams of red pyro go off behind them as they all stop posing now, taking to their corner and joking around with one another. MiMi stands on the outside of the ring, arms folded and looking on.
Wright: With their enforcer Mimi Cassius also here at ringside, the ReVenants have the numbers advantage.
Park: Well that’s not true, Oliver. SKY Force also has four members of their team.
Wright: How about the most human members instead?
Washington: And their opponents…
You can feel the pop begin to build for the champions. It only gets louder once their logo appears on the big screen.
Before a mass of lighters can be produced, purple and white spotlights playfully search through the audience, darting around to The Hives' "Tick Tick Boom" pumping over the loud speakers while whipping the audience into a frenzy. The purple lights are designed to look like butterflies, seemingly fluttering away from the more intense white glows in pursuit.
As chants go up throughout the audience, the purple spotlights convert on the entrance curtains. The arena is electric!
Wright: They’re here! The Purple Emperors are in the building!
Washington: ...from Sibiu, Romania and right here in the greatest city in the world, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at a combined 457 pounds, they are the XHF Tag Team Champions, they are Radu Matei and Anthony Cafrey, the PURPLEEEEEEEEEEEE EMPERORRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSS!
When these lights align, Anthony Caffrey and Radu Matei push through in unison. A thunderous ovation is drowned out by a cavalcade of fireworks. The amount of blue and red sparks flying through the air might colour the arena in enough mauve light to make you miss the Purple Emperor’s matching tights, but as both men strike poses on opposite side of the entrance ramp, there is little doubt that they are on the same page.
The fan favourites make their way down the aisle, providing socially-distanced acknowledgments to the legal-capacity crowd gathered to cheer for them. Caffrey has his Google Pixel out, and he walks over to a group of fans sitting in the front row and takes a selfie with them, clearly some of his hometown friends and family. He hands off his phone and points to the opposition, and you can see that this is his city as he and Radu regroup before storming onto the apron.
Wright: Anthony Caffrey is home tonight, and you can hear his connection through the rocking crowd full of cheering Philadelphians. The FIRESIDE owner and former X-Crown champion’s got home-field advantage going into this match.
Park: He’s also got the Radu Matei advantage. These two won the End of Days tournament, then went onto win the XHF Tag Team Championships on the final night of End of Days.
Wright: They may be great wrestlers, but tonight’s not much of a wrestling match. Tonight the goal is simple: climb the ladder and take down the championships.
Park: Easier said than done when there’s ten bodies out here and only two titles, Oliver!
The bell rings and it quickly becomes apparent that you’d have to search far and wide for technical wrestling excellence in this match as each team immediately slides out and grabs a ladder, sliding them back into the ring as the crowd roars and a scene very similar to the battle royale breaks out with all ten wrestlers brawling in the ring. Charles is the first to go flying, having been punted over the ropes by Neo James Carner. Nausicaä Suzuki makes him pay for that maneuver, as she charges forward and knocks both him and herself out of the ring with a running dropkick!
Wright: This is crazy already!
Park: There goes Suzuki and Carner!
The other two remaining members of SKY Force have to deal with what quickly becomes a five-on-one, with the ReVenants teaming up to go after Rin Kubo and the Purple Emperors working in tandem to take down Shizuku Yamamoto. Rin is the first competitor in this match to meet the hard realities of the ladders surrounding the ring, getting picked up and womanhandled by MiMi Cassius, who bodyslams her into the metal!
Wright: Just a nasty bodyslam!
Park: It pays to have big and powerful friends!
Meanwhile, Shizuku Yamamoto is actually doing a good job fending off the XHF Tag Team Champions, keeping both Caffrey and Matei at bay by serving up a bombardment of European Uppercuts. She sends Caffrey to the floor with a spinning heel kick, and is about to do the same to Radu, but he ducks under the swinging boot and bounces off the ropes, ducking under a Mimi Cassius clothesline to deliver half of the Creep Crawl, knocking Yamamoto out of the ring with a shoulder block!
Wright: SKY Force has been knocked out of the ring, but there’s still five wrestlers in there!
Park: One minute you’re on the offensive, the next minute you’re playing defense! Matches like these get labeled car crashes for a reason, someone’s gonna get hurt tonight!
Radu Matei turns around to discover he’s being booted in the face by both Keith Williams and Rob Garcia. He wobbles, then goes down hard to the mat. Garcia excuses him from the ring via shoving him along with his feet while Keith Williams grabs one of the ladders and sets it up, ready to scale it and become champion. Mimi Cassius plays defense for Williams, guarding the ladder as he begins his ascent.
Wright: Keith Williams already ascended the metaphorical ladder in the AWF, can he climb the physical one here?
Park: He’s got a hand on the championships… and there’s a bag attached up there too!
Keith Williams has already made it up to the top of the ladder and is working on unhooking the championships, but as he goes to unhook the championships, he accidentally unhooks the bag, causing it to rain tarantulas down onto both him and MiMi Cassius! Williams quickly leaps off the ladder to get the hell away and Mimi flees from the giant ‘hairy’ spiders!
Wright: Radu Matei boobytrapped the championships! There are tarrantulas all over the ring now!
Park: Eww eww eww. You can’t pay me enough to look at this!
Once she’s gotten the last tarantula over of her shoulder, MiMi Cassius spots Radu Matei on the outside of the ring, she charges forward, looking to pounce on her prey, but Radu manages to create some distance, ducking under a ladder that Caffrey throws at MiMi, knocking her down!
Park: Are they gone?
Wright: Not quite gone, but at the very least, not covering any of the competitors anymore!
Anthony Caffrey and Radu Matei exchange a bro nod before Neo James Carner and Rin Kubo both send the champions into the ring. Carner and Kubo seem to establish a temporary truce as members of SKY Force and the ReVenants circle the champions, before going back to a giant blob of competitors punching and kicking one another!
Wright: There seems to be an ‘anyone but the champions’ approach that SKY Force and the ReVenants are taking, much to the dismay of this crowd!
Park: If you take out one team, your odds of winning go up! It’s the Steiner school of probability, after all!
As Neo James Carner, Shinzuku Yamamoto, Rin Kubo, Rob Garcia, and especially Keith Williams have their way with the champions, the alliance quickly breaks down with both groups striking one another as well. In the meantime, Nausicaä Suzuki and Charles have scaled the ladder, and are currently seated at the top of it!
Wright: Don’t look now, but I think Suzuki’s about to take off!
Park: And it looks like Charles is coming with!
Nausicaä Suzuki positions Charles’ legs, and before long, both members of SKY Force leap off the ladder, taking out the field with a double missile dropkick! The crowd roars!
Wright: A double Leap of Faith from Suzuki and Charles, taking out everyone down below!
Park: A couple of SKY Force members got caught in the crossfire, but anything to win the XHF Tag Team Championships!
The camera pans over the barrage of bodies as there’s nine people down in the ring. MiMi Cassius is up on her feet on the outside, and she reaches in and grabs Neo James Carner, positioning him back onto his feet and making sure he’s good to go. After a few woozy moments on his feet, Neo responds by bullying some of Caffrey’s friends and family in the front row out of their chairs, scooping up chair after chair and having MiMi throw them into the ring. Once he’s acquired a chair for every member of the ReVenants, Neo James Carner tells MiMi to stay outside of the ring and takes another chair with him, ready to lead the charge and to lay out the composition.
Wright: Carner’s got a collection of chairs and he’s ready to use them!
Park: This is going to hurt!
It is a scary sight to see each male member of the ReVenants in the ring and armed with a chair. They kick Charles out of the ring and Keith Williams passes on swinging his chair in a conventional manner, instead choosing to use his chair vertically, driving it into the ribcage of Suzuki and then dumping her out of the ring and to the floor shortly thereafter.
Wright: An easy way to break a rib there! The ReVenants are in the drivers’ seat now!
Park: Thanks for coming, Nausicaä! What a sickening shot!
Rob Garcia is the next member of the ReVenants to get his pound of flesh, waiting for Shizuku Yamamoto to get back up to her feet! He uses the steel chair and performs a running knee strike with it, striking Shizuku with enough force to knock her clean out of the ring and to bust her wide open!
Wright: Boston Knee Party from Rob Garcia! The former Phoenix Champion may have just broken Yamamoto’s nose!
Park: I don’t know if it’s broken, but it’s definitely bleeding!
The cameras on the outside of the ring capture Shizuku Yamamoto holding her face after the devastating impact of having a chair kneed into her face. It is not a pretty sight and the crowd is booing loudly, which may be why the cameras quickly cut back to the center of the ring where Garcia is still down, having kneed the chair, but the focus is on Neo James Carner and Keith Williams, who have already chucked Rin Kubo to the floor after blasting her individually with hard chair shots. They have stood up Anthony Caffrey and taken positions on both sides of him, ready to swing away with their chairs.
Wright: Caffrey might be about to hear music here, as it looks like the ReVenants are warming up for a conchairto!
Park: If you see any delusional matches being made in the coming months, this chairshot might be why!
Carner and Williams swing in unison, but at the last possible second, Radu Matei shoves Caffrey out of the way, taking the force of the standing conchairto himself! Surprisingly, he manages to stay on his feet! The crowd roars!
Wright: ‘The Sacrificial Idol’ just made a huge save for his partner! Say what you will about the team, but you know they have each others’ backs!
Park: And he took those chairs on like a champ! I can’t believe he’s still standing!
Carner and Williams take another look at each other before they agree with a devilish nod. They hit Radu with a SECOND conchairto, this time knocking the champion down to his knees and opening him up the hard way! He begins to bleed all over the mat, and he puts his hands up as if the plan was to somehow invite another shot, but then he just crumples down in a heap. The crowd boos loudly as the ReVenants discuss their next move, and then even louder when Carner has Williams slide his chair underneath the heavily bleeding Matei’s head!
Wright: The ReVenants are destroying the competition, and especially the Purple Emperors here! Radu is a bloody mess!
Park: I can imagine taking one conchairto, but definitely not two in a row, and it looks like those sick bastards are prepared to pop him a third time!
Wright: This would surely end Radu’s night!
Neo James Carner rears back to swing, but as he brings the chair forward, he’s met with a wicked elbow from Anthony Caffrey, knocking the chair out of his hand and Carner clean out of the ring!
Wright: Closing Remarks! The owner’s got Radu’s back!
Park: Wish you could say that about every owner and their wrestlers! Caffrey makes the save for his best friend, and it’s just him and the AWF Prestige World Champion in the ring!
Williams and Caffrey stare down, and you can tell that the trash talk between the two, especially with comments about each other’s companies. Something Williams says particularly gets under the skin of Caffrey, who charges forward, only to be caught by Rob Garcia and planted to the mat with the Overdose! The crowd boos!
Wright: The numbers game from the ReVenants is just too much, and they take out Caffrey as well!
Park: They’re the only ones up right now! The championships are not too far off!
Keith Williams yells to MiMi to have Carner wake the hell back up and the ReVenants’ enforcer goes to work on doing so, but it’s clear he’s been knocked for a loop. He gets sent back into the ring, and Williams starts playing traffic cop as he instructs Garcia to start climbing the ladder. He has MiMi set up a ladder on the outside of the ring, and after a few communication issues, gets her to prop it up in between the ring apron and the barricade. Eventually, Neo James Carner makes it back to his feet, and also manages to fend off another attack from Nausicaä Suzuki, catching her Dream Crusher big boot and lifting her into a reverse throw Death Valley Driver! The crowd boos even louder!
Wright: Spatial Rend from Neo James Carner!
Park: Whatever these guys are planning, they clearly don’t have good intentions!
It only gets worse for Suzuki as she’s sent to the outside of the ring, landing right on the ladder propped up on the outside. MiMi Cassius holds her there as she struggles so Keith Williams can finally execute his plan. Garcia is already stationed at the top of the ladder as Williams and Carner hoist Caffrey up the ladder, taking a few steps up themselves and adjusting his body for a double razor’s edge off the ladder!
Wright: Are they about to… no! These monsters are about to hit Caffrey with a Deluxo Special off the ladder!
Park: That’d be the end of his night for certain!
Wright: Caffrey’s not moving, and neither is Radu!
The ReVenants coordinate their movements… and perform the Deluxo Special, dropping Caffrey onto Nausicaä Suzuki through the ladder on the outside as Rob Garcia hits a moonsault at the same time!!!
Wright: OH MY GOD! DELUXO SPECIAL THROUGH THE LADDER!
Park: That’s it! Goodnight Caffrey! Goodnight Suzuki! Goodnight Garcia! That move could have just killed them!
“HOLY SHIT” chants start ringing through the crowd as bodies are laid out everywhere. Neo James Carner and Keith Williams are slow to get up after sending themselves off the ladder, Radu Matei is a bloody mess, and the medical staff is already out to check on Garcia, Suzuki, and Caffrey. It’s hard to tell who’s broken what, but the visual of the broken ladder indicates that these wrestlers have put their bodies on the line in the effort to bring the XHF Tag Team Championships home.
Park: I don’t think we’ll be seeing any more of those three tonight!
Wright: The ReVenants had a plan and got what they wanted, eliminating some of their opposition, but at what cost?
Park: You can worry about injuries like that tomorrow when today you can be champion if you just get up that ladder!
MiMi Cassius joins NJC and Williams in the ring to play defense as the two men look at each other, trying to determine which will climb the ladder. Neo James Carner decides to climb up himself, and as he begins to ascend the still-booing crowd lets hear it. However, the boos quickly switch to cheers as Rin Kubo and a bloody Shizuku Yamamoto have regrouped on the outside, and the ladies of SKY Force seem to hatch a plan, grabbing one of the ladders from ringside!
Wright: SKY Force is back up!
Park: Shizuku’s nose looks like it’s going to have to get fixed by a medical professional, but you may as well get sewn up as a champion!
Wright: That might take more than sewing!
Rin Kubo reaches under the ring and slides out a case, revealing the sword she’s had stashed under there!
Wright: Rin Kubo has… has a SWORD?! I always thought FIRESIDE had a no swords policy!
Park: She only pulls it out for big no-disqualification matches like this one, and it could not have come at a better time!
Rin Kubo slides in with the sword, immediately drawing the attention of Keith Williams and MiMi Cassius, as both ReVenants do not want to be stabbed with it! This allows Shizuku Yamamoto to strike behind, crashing a ladder into both of them! They spot Neo James Carner all up on the ladder by himself, and the two coordinate as Kubo rips him off the ladder by his leg, where he’s almost beheaded by the high angle roundhouse kick from Shizuku Yamamoto upon landing!
Wright: Total Detonation! Carner just got lit up like Christmas yard decorations!
Park: We’ll have to check the replays to discover if that was sweat or a tooth that just flew off of him right as Yamamoto’s boot met his face!
Yamamoto and Kubo know that they have to strike hard and quickly as they’re the only ones still standing in the ring. They both navigate around Radu Matei’s bloody but somehow still breathing body to grab MiMi Cassius off the mat. They look over at the ropes, driving MiMi to the floor with a suplex powerbomb combination! MiMi’s head bounces on impact!
Wright: Bedlam to the outside! SKY Force is picking apart the ReVenants here!
Park: They just took out the biggest member of the opposition left, now it’s just two on on one!
The two members of SKY Force exchange a high-five, only for Rin Kubo to walk straight into a discus elbow from Williams! She’s knocked to the floor!
Wright: A big Queen Anne’s Revenge from Williams!
Park: Kubo’s down, and I don’t think she’ll be getting up anytime soon!
Keith Williams turns around, only to be caught by a jumping neckbreaker!
Wright: Shizuku Factor! There goes Williams!
Park: Shizuku Yamamoto is the only one left standing in this hellacious war between three of the XHF’s best teams!
Shizuku Yamamoto does her best to not waste time as SKY Force’s fans cheer. She relocates the ladder and brings it closer to the center of the ring. She finally gets the ladder right where she wants, and slowly begins to start climbing...
Wright: Shizuku Yamamoto has fought through hell and now she’s feet away from winning SKY Force their second XHF Tag Team Championship reign!
Park: She’s so close, Oliver!
...only to have her face go slamming in the ladder, courtesy of a springboard Neo-Classical Knee Strike! She drops down to the mat hard as Neo James Carner lands on the ladder by catching it and holding onto dear life!
Wright: Neo-Classical Knee Strike! Neo James Carner may have just won the match for the ReVenants with that move!
Park: Damnit!
NJC has landed on the ladder with one leg on the ladder and one leg through it! He reaches up to grab the championships, but he’s just a little short of the titles! The crowd boos furiously as he reaches and tries to stretch further, but his hand knocking against the gold only causes the championships to swing!
Wright: Carner is fingertips away from the XHF Tag Team Championships!
Park: He just needs to pull his leg back through the ladder!
The booing slowly begins to stop as the crowd notices… squirming. The bloody yet breathing ‘Sacrificial Idol’ rises to his feet, grabbing the leg of Carner that has gone through the ladder!
Wright: Radu’s up! Radu’s up!
Park: I don’t know how the hell he’s even conscious after those vicious chairshots!
Carner begins trying to kick away at Radu with everything he has, but Caffrey has taught Radu how to grip a leg, and Radu twists his ankle for revenge before grabbing Carner’s other leg and also pulling it through!
Wright: Radu Matei has just pulled half of Carner through the ladder!
Park: Carner’s stuck! He can’t go anywhere!
A bloody Radu Matei ducks under the ladder and begins climbing the other side, slowly but surely, as the crowd rises to their feet in cheers. NJC screams at Matei, and you can see in Matei’s face the strong desire to jump down onto Carner and stomp him into the mat with the Omukade Press.
Wright: Carner’s screaming at Radu, and you can see him thinking about getting even!
Matei looks down at NJC, then looks down at the pile of bodies still outside of the ring, including his tag team partner who is being helped by medical staff. He reaches up and unhooks the XHF Tag Team Championships, leaving Carner hanging as the crowd roars for the successful defense! The bell rings!
Wright: It’s over! What a match! What a war!
Park: These three teams just treated us to an instant classic!
Washington: Here is your winner, and SSTTILLLL the XHF Tag Team Champions, Anthony Caffrey and RAAAADDDDUUU MAAAAATEEEIII, the PURPLE EMPERRRRRROOOORSSSSS!
Wright: The Purple Emperors fly above tonight, somehow surviving a hellacious beatdown from both SKY Force and the ReVenants!
Park: Any team could have won the gold tonight, but the champions managed to just barely outlast them all!
Radu Matei, an industry veteran, leaves NJC to hang as he himself drops down from the ladder. Taking a few moments to regroup as he holds the gold, he rolls outside of the ring, where a bloody and broken Anthony Caffrey has been being worked on by the medical staff. Matei reaches out an arm and pulls up Caffrey back to his feet, handing him the championships and raising his arm to a deafening roar from the hometown crowd.
Wright: This match had these three teams all trying to kill each other, and I still can’t believe Garcia flew off the ladder like that! SKY Force even brought a sword and looked very close to winning it too! Not to mention those deadly chairshots from Williams and Carner!
Park: A bloody war for the history books, and this crowd is loving it!
Caffrey quickly lowers his arm, grabbing in immense pain after having been slammed through the ladder and stomped on. Matei pulls up his friend and the two champions walk towards the back together, with Matei holding up his championship one more time to pop the crowd before they disappear to the back.
Wright: We’ll have health updates on these competitors as soon as we find out more information! Every team laid it all out tonight in trying to win the gold!
Park: What a way to end 2020 for the XHF Tag Team division!
Washington: The following match is scheduled for One Fall, and the winner will become the Number One Contender to the FIRESIDE World Championship, fighting the winner of tonight’s Last Wrestler Standing Match at Supremacy!
The crowd pops for the high stakes match!
Washington: Introducing first, from St. Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 205 pounds, he is ESSSMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR!
The arena dims down to pitch blackness. Two male voices are heard saying, “EMBRACE … ETERNITY” The new video package for the reborn Nihilists plays on the big screen. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single blue spotlight illuminates the stage. On the stage standing back to back, facing either side of the arena are Esmur and Gebin, the Arbiters. The camera zooms right up from the ramp to their masked faces as they slowly turn to look at it. They tear off the masks and drop them at their feet. They then walk past the camera and out of frame as it zooms out.
Wright: Esmur scored a huge victory against a more-than-game Vodka Fizz to get into this number one contendership match, and he’s gotta deal with his biggest opponent yet.
Park: This is a tag team specialist branching out into singles competition, especially with his partner’s limited health. He’s carried XHF Tag Team gold before, but can he become a world champion? We’ll find out if he can take the next step forward.
The two men mean business as they quickly walk to the ring and slide under the bottom rope. The push to their feet and step to the center of the ring as the spotlight turns slowly from blue to pink to white. The two men remain back to back facing the two sides of the crowd left and right of the entryway. Gebin exits the ring and Esmur waits for his match.~
Washington: And his opponent…
Light piano music sets a sophisticated tone as a single classy spotlight moves up to the entrance curtains. All attention turns to the stage, as the crowd wonders who this reserved entrance is for-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wright: Damnit!
Park: Oh come on, you knew it was coming! Pull yourself together Oliver!
Washington: ...from La Brea Tar Pits, Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 320 pounds, he is the one they call ‘The Dread Lord’, he is DINOOOOSAAAAURRRRR BOOONEESSSSS!
The camera pans away from the entrance, following the blood-curling screams into the crowd. A section of the audience has started to panic, fleeing from the source of the disturbance. Anyone who doesn't backpedal fast enough is knocked through the air as that prehistoric menace rampages through the audience towards the ring. There has to be a precedent for this vicious fan treatment. Japan. The George Clinton cover of "Walk the Dinosaur" pumps over the PA system, to add an extra level of warning for those damned souls with seats between The Dread Lord and the ring.
Wright: The Dread Lord has run amok in FIRESIDE, rampaging through a collection of opponents with his five minute challenge and going undefeated.
Park: Tonight’s not a five minute challenge, but the power of the beast helps him get the job done quickly. Hayden Callahan felt that first hand a few weeks ago, with Dinosaur Bones keeping this match as a singles contest with the victory.
Wright: Will Santa Bones be able to walk the Dinosaur tonight? Will everyone be receiving a George Foreman in their stocking?
Park: It’s been a popular gift, I got one from my Secret Santa partner-- but I’m pretty sure after his reign of terror, Dinosaur Bones is banned from whatever mall that was!
Wright: Will his reign of terror continue tonight? There’s the bell!
The bell rings and the size difference is immediately striking between the two competitors immediately striking one another. Esmur is giving up almost over a foot and a half in height to Dino Bones, but Dino’s arms minimize the potential wingspan advantage you’d expect him to have. Esmur grabs one of those arms and goes to twist it, but Dinosaur Bones pulls him in and delivers a wicked headbutt, knocking the former XHF Tag Team Champion down to the mat.
Dinosaur Bones is taking no chances, following his offense up by stomping down on Esmur repeatedly, targeting each limb with surprisingly efficient movements for a giant undead dinosaur. Esmur pulls himself out under the ropes to regroup.
Wright: Dinosaur Bones acting like an immovable object as this one gets started.
Park: It’s hard to outwrestle someone whose advantage is ‘big’.
The referee continues to count on the outside, but before long Esmur has climbed back up onto the apron, looking to make a move. Dinosaur Bones charges forward, but Esmur responds by springboarding off the ropes, landing up and over the monster to applause from the crowd. He then immediately pulls the monster for a snapmare, but has to settle for an awkward headlock as the monster simply isn’t going down. Esmur transitions to a Russian legsweep, but upon falling backward, Dinosaur Bones does not come with his opponent, leading Esmur to crash against the mat. As Esmur tries to get back up, Dinosaur Bones jumps on the mat and comes down with a forceful stomp, shaking the ring hard enough that the Arbiter loses his balance. The crowd boos.
Wright: QUAKE from the monster! We’re only three minutes in, and the way things are going, Dinosaur Bones might win himself another five minute challenge.
Park: What a statement that would be!
Dinosaur Bones waits for Esmur to make it back up to his feet before bouncing off the ropes, looking for a big boot but Esmur rolls out of the way and immediately bounces off the ropes himself! Bones looks for another move but the faster Nihilist counters by jumping up, looking for a DDT, and finding himself being launched onto the apron instead! Bones bounces backwards off the ropes, only to be stopped dead in his tracks! Gebin has gotten a quick grasp of his tail!
Wright: A little assistance from Gebin on the outside!
Park: I’m sure that’s not something Esmur wanted, but it’s bought him a few moments!
Esmur springboards off the ropes and rolls forward, getting just enough height to take down Dinosaur Bones with a slingshot lariat!
Wright: Look at the height Esmur got on that slingshot lariat!
Park: He’s got the big man down! Signs of life from the Nihilist as he may be mounting a comeback!
Esmur quickly covers!
...ONE…
...A cat jumps out of Dinosaur Bones!
Wright: What in the world? A cat just came out of Bones!
Park: We already saw a stuffed version with Charles, and now a real live kitty!
Esmur takes a few steps back from the jump scare cat, taking his eyes off of Dinosaur Bones and helping the referee get the feline out of the ring. When Esmur’s attention returns to his opponent, the Dread Lord is waiting for him with an ear-to-ear grin, preparing to harm his opponent with a tail strike! Bones swings, only for the massive tail to be caught by Esmur! He grabs the tail and immediately twists it for a tailbar, then flips down to the mat to lock in a cross tailbar!
Wright: A tailbar from Esmur!
Park: But Dinosaur Bones is right by the ropes!
Dinosaur Bones reaches arm out to grab the ropes, but his arms are too short to make up the distance! Instead, he manages to press himself off the ground, leaving Esmur wrapped around his tail. Esmur shakes his head and relinquishes the hold, and soon finds himself flying head over heels as a result of a hip toss from Bones, but he incredibly lands on his feet and performs a leg sweep, knocking the monster off balance and down to the mat.
Wright: I don’t think that tailbar was all that effective, but Esmur landed on his feet and made Bones pay for the hip toss!
Park: Esmur might have to take to the skies if he’s going to battle back in this one, I’m not sure you want to get into a technical contest with the Dread Lord!
Wright: If this was the five minute challenge, Esmur would have already won, but he’s gotta get Bones down for a three count or somehow submit the Beast from La Brea!
The crowd begins to rally around the Nihilist as Dinosaur Bones sits back up, only to immediately be met with a kick right to his black and white chest. As Bones tries again, another kick strikes his sternum, but before a third kick can happen, Bones roars and unleashes a fireball at Esmur! Thankfully, the projectile misses!
Wright: A fireball from Bones--no!
Park: Esmur’s worked too hard to back down from this fight, and he’s taking it to the Dread Lord now! He wants that world championship match at Supremacy!
Esmur delivers a third kick, this time right to the face, and Bones goes down! Esmur pins him!
...ONE…
...Esmur is launched to the outside by the Dread Lord! Somehow, he manages to land on his feet!
Wright: WHOAH!
Park: Esmur went for the pinfall and almost took a fall himself! He’s like a cat out there, always landing on his feet!
Esmur quickly climbs back up onto the apron and waits for the monster to turn around, unwilling to back down from the monster. The crowd’s cheers grow in excitement as he repeatedly yells at the beast to get back up, and once Bones does, he leaps off the ropes… and connects with a springboard roundhouse, knocking Dinosaur Bones right back down!
Wright: Esmur’s taken the momentum back with that roundhouse!
Park: Not a moment too soon for him as he’s starting to build an offensive series instead of having to play defense!
Skipping the potential pinfall, Esmur attempts to lock Dinosaur Bones legs in and to lean back for the Twisted Belief, but with the additional barrier of his tail, Bones is simply too big for Esmur to even lock the move in!
Wright: No Twisted Belief tonight for Esmur as that height advantage of Bones is just too much for him!
Park: It was a good effort, but it’s just not going to go on a monster of that size!
Realizing that the Twisted Belief may be hopeless tonight, instead Esmur grabs Dinosaur Bones head and pulls it backward, locking in a dragon sleeper! He wrenches on the hold hard, looking to submit his much larger opponent! Bones is still down on the mat and the immediate stomping indicates that he might be in trouble here!
Wright: Dragon sleeper! He might not be able to submit the dinosaur, but Esmur can certainly choke him out!
Park: If he cuts off his air supply, how are we going to know? Better question: do undead dinosaurs need to breathe?
The answer to UnJoo Park’s second question may be answered by the squirming as Dinosaur Bones looks to free himself from the hold. He reaches out to grab the ropes, but his short arms do him no favors as he can’t reach! Esmur is continuing to scream at him about the darkness and the light as the referee comes over to check on him! Dinosaur Bones stops squirming!
Wright: Bones stopped moving! Esmur may have sleepered him out!
Park: What a way to win this number one contendership match that would be!
The referee grabs Dinosaur Bones’ arm and raises it… it drops!
Wright: If that arm drops three times, Esmur wins!
Park: He’s been preaching about spreading his message to a wider audience, and what a win this would be to expand his platform!
Esmur continues angrily yelling at Dinosaur Bones as the crowd has moved to their feet! The referee raises Dinosaur Bones’ arm one more time… and it drops again!
Wright: Esmur is on the brink of winning the number one contendership to the FIRESIDE World Championship!
Park: One more drop and it’s over!
The referee grabs Dinosaur Bones’ arm and lifts it a third time. The legal capacity crowd is on their feet as he drops it…
Wright: Is this the end of…. NO!
Dinosaur Bones shows a sign of life, stopping his arm from dropping a third time! The crowd boos as Bones not only brings himself back to his feet, but lifts Esmur off the mat and crashes back down with a powerslam! Both men are down as the crowd boos louder!
Wright: A ring-shaking powerslam from Dinosaur Bones!
Park: A much-needed break of that dragon sleeper as Bones gets at least a few moments of reprieve!
Wright: Usually we’ve seen Dinosaur Bones in these five minute challenges that are basically sprints, how is he going to fare now that this match has gone almost three times as long?
Park: It’s hard to say, and I’m sure getting choked out like that did not help his cause!
Both men are down as the referee begins to count them both out!
Wright: We’ll see this later tonight with our Last Wrestler Standing match, but if neither competitor can enter the count of ten, we’ll have a draw!
Park: A draw? Who lets draws happen? Fight forever!
Wright: I don’t think that’s up to anyone but the wrestlers themselves!
Dinosaur Bones crawls over to Esmur, throwing an arm over him!
Wright: A cover!
...ONE…
...TWO…
....NO! Esmur kicks out! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Esmur’s still kicking after that hellacious powerslam!
Park: I’m not sure either man can have much left!
Dinosaur Bones uses the ropes for assistance to pull himself up, hoisting his massive frame as he returns to his feet. The beast, by all means, is done with Esmur and looking to put him away. He measures up Esmur, prepared to strike the Nihilist with one final strike.
Wright: Bones is measuring his man, looking for the Crescent Moon Memories!
Park: If he hits this, goodnight Esmur!
Dinosaur turns his back to Esmur for the Crescent Moon Memories, but as he’s about to leave his feet, Esmur leaps up and grabs him, bringing him down to the mat with a jumping reverse bulldog!
Wright: Crescent-Fade Out! Esmur got him!
Park: The cover and the count!
The crowd counts along!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...NO! Dinosaur Bones gets a tail on the ropes!
Wright: Dinosaur Bones stays alive by a tail! This has been a hard-hitting war!
Park: Both of these wrestlers are fighting for a shot at the biggest prize in FIRESIDE, it’s go big or go home time!
This feeling resonates with Esmur as he shakes his head, knowing his work isn’t finished. He looks over at the ropes and begins to climb them, knowing one big move is the difference between walking away with a shot at the gold and going home empty-handed. Dinosaur Bones is still down, and Esmur takes a moment to center himself in the balance of light and dark before leaping off the top turnbuckle!
Wright: Esmur looking to fly into the Void!
Dinosaur Bones rolls out of the way, and Esmur twists an extra rotation, landing into a forward roll! Esmur rolls under a big boot from Dinosaur Bones, but gets caught and sent hard into the corner! Dinosaur Bones has had enough, lowering his head and trying to bite Esmur, but Esmur rolls away again and Bones only manages to expose the turnbuckle!
Wright: Esmur rolling on the river, and Bones eats the padding!
Park: Esmur has to stick and move or get eaten alive here!
As Bones comes out of the corner, Esmur lifts him up for an atomic drop, but Bones weighs a little too much and Esmur has to let go, dropping him instead chest first into the sharp and pointy corner! Bones immediately begins bleeding profusely from the neck!
Wright: Bones has been busted wide open!
Park: That turnbuckle really came back to bite him! Esmur’s got him right where he wants him!
As Bones grabs his bleeding neck, Esmur grabs him from behind, looking for another Fade Out, but with one last gasp Bones falls backwards, striking at the face of the Nihilist with the Crescent Moon Memories! Esmur goes down hard!
Wright: Crescent Moon Memories! This one’s over!
Park: Wait a second, no it isn’t!
UnJoo Park has her revelation the same time Dinosaur Bones does: his tail has knocked down the referee! Dinosaur Bones hooks the leg and counts a three count for himself, but there is no referee to make it official!
Wright: Bad luck for the Dread Lord as that tail has a mind of its own!
Park: On the replay, you can see the tail clip the referee right in the back of the head!
A severely discontented and bleeding Dinosaur Bones gets up from Esmur and looks around the ring, spotting the downed referee. He tries to shake the referee awake, but the shaking may have only made it worse as the referee seems to be on dream street!
Wright: We might need another ref out here!
Park: Dinosaur Bones is furious!
Letting out a loud roar, Dinosaur Bones slams into the ropes, unhappy with the referee’s state of consciousness. He backs up to the corner, waiting for Esmur to get back up, when Gebin pops up onto the apron and smacks him in the back of the head with a foreign object!
Wright: What the hell? Gebin just took down Dinosaur Bones! What did he just hit him with?
Park: I--I--I--LOOK!
Dinosaur Bones goes down hard! The crowd boos as Gebin drops the George Foreman grill to the floor and kicks it under the ring, where a still down Esmur doesn’t see it!
Park: An assist from Gebin with a sucker of a shot with that George Foreman!
Wright: The referee never saw it!
Park: Neither did Esmur!
The crowd voices their reactions to the Dread Lord being downed right as Esmur finally gets back up from the massive bicycle kick. The Nihilist is not one to question why Bones is down, instead taking the time to ascend to the top rope. He leaps off, crashing down with the Void! Right as he hooks the massive leg, the referee crawls towards the pin!
Wright: Esmur might be about to take this one!
Park: Here’s the cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Washington: Here is your winner, and the NEW Number One Contender at Supremacy, ESSSSSSSSSMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR!
Wright: Esmur is the new number one contender, but not without controversy!
Park: Credit the assist to Gebin and his good friend George Foreman!
Wright: I’m sure Bones will have words -- or screams -- about that, but the gutsy technician hung on when everything was going wrong and took to the skies to stop an all-out assault from the monstrous Dinosaur Bones.
As Esmur rolls out of the ring to celebrate and the fans react, Gebin raises his arm in victory. What Esmur doesn’t know won’t hurt him, at least until he looks back at the footage. The cameras capture an angry Dinosaur Bones beginning to slowly make his way back up to his feet, and the Nihilists take this time to make a hasty retreat.
Wright: Still to come, now we know one half of FIRESIDE’s Supremacy World Championship Match, but who will be the second? Will it be the challenger, Mistress Discipline, or the world champion Misha Constantine?
Park: I’ve been waiting all night to find out!
Washington: The following Main Event is the Last Wrestler Standing Match, and it is for the FIRESIDE World Championship!
The legal-capacity crowd cheers one more time, ready for the main event.
Wright: Last wrestler standing, UnJoo, between two of FIRESIDE’s earliest signings, the challenger Mistress Discipline and the champion Misha Constantine.
Park: These two have history, last competing in a Falls Count Anywhere Match at Jack’s Pumpkin Glow, where the champion picked up the victory over Derrick Lancaster, then went on to win the gold at Blaze of Glory.
Washington: In this match, you must incapacitate your opponent to the point they are unable to answer the count of ten. The last wrestler standing will be declared the FIRESIDE World Champion!
The cheering only gets louder.
Wright: Meanwhile at that same event, Mistress Discipline picked up the contendership by deftly defeating Jonnie Valentine.
Park: It’s been an incredible year for these two diamonds in the rough, and now in the final XHF match of 2020, they’re about to fight for one of the biggest prizes in the sport.
Washington: Introducing first…
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse, almost taken aback by the roar of the crowd greeting one of their favorites.
Washington: ...introducing the challenger, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200 pounds, she is MISSSTRESSSS DIIISCIPPPPPPLINEEEEEEEEEEE!
Wright: Easily one of the breakout candidates of the year, Mistress Discipline is in the building!
Park: She’s had a crazy good year, with a strong top five finish in the Rumble, she beat that misogynistic asshole Timeless at All That Glitters, and since departing MCCW and coming to FIRESIDE, she’s been on a roll!
She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her opponent (she will not be bending over). You can see the nerves in her hands, but she does her best to shake them off as she focuses up the ramp.
Wright: If you speak to Mistress, she might say that she’s been looking to break out of her tag team partner Death Trap’s shadow, but I think she’s already done that and then some. No Dr. Chao tonight for Mistress, she’s doing this all by herself.
Park: Tonight could be another big moment for Mistress. Will she close the books on 2020 with the biggest win in her career?
Washington: And her opponent…
The boos already start coming down before the entrance music has even begun to be played.
The lights dim. An ominous voice starts to toll as a golden sarcophagus rises in the entrance way:
"Since man cannot live without miracles,
He will provide himself with the miracles of his own making.
He will believe in any kind of deity,
Even though he may otherwise be a heretic, an atheist, and a rebel."
Drums crescendo as the sarcophagus cracks and falls apart, revealing the smirking form of Misha Constantine, who begins his walk to the ring as 'In The Name Of God' pounds from the speakers, the FIRESIDE World title strapped around his waist. The booing reaches a crescendo as he walks down the ramp, nearly blocking out the commentary.
Wright: Misha Constantine is the only wrestler in FIRESIDE to have won all of their matches so far in 2020, and with those wins came the FIRESIDE World Championship.
Park: Granted, Misha is a phenomenal talent and the first ever trans world champion in the history of the XHF, but his wins also haven’t been without luck. MAJESTY was a barricade away from winning the world championship in their steel cage match.
Wright: Not quite falling in style for MAJESTY, who I’m sure will have their eyes glued to this match, as well as the Combustion holder Lucas Nix.
Flames!!!
In the age of Hell!!!
In the age of fire!!!
War!!!
In the name of God!!!
In the holy empire!!!
Constantine casually slides into the ring, rolling over and kipping up effortlessly. He unstraps the title belt and holds it high, as though taunting the fans with his success.
Wright: Toiling around the undercard of his former company, Misha joined up with FIRESIDE and shot to the moon. Some would say it could happen to anyone, but if you talk to Constantine he’d tell you it’s something only someone with his talents could pull off.
Park: Constantine would also damn well talk your ears off if he was given the chance.
Wright: These two last shared a ring to sign the contract for this match, with Discipline accidentally sending the owner through a table and Constantine getting the drop on her.
Park: But Discipline walked away from that, and tonight they’ve gotta keep each other down to the count of ten.
Wright: There’s the bell! Last wrestler standing! Here we go!
The bell rings and the electric atmosphere almost explodes as Mistress Discipline opens the offensive by running and jumping onto Misha Constantine, absolutely wailing away with left and right hands. The audience counts along as she does what many of them would like to do, absolutely clobbering the cocky champion. Constantine gets his hands up and manages to block a few of the incoming blows, but his best defense is an eye gouge, jabbing his thumb into Discipline’s eye to buy himself some space. He shoves the challenger off of him as the crowd jeers.
Wright: Discipline gets off to a hot start, absolutely taking it to Constantine, but he’s not afraid to play dirty with that eye gouge!
Park: There is no dirty in the world of Misha Constantine. There’s only winning and losing.
Misha Constantine quickly retreats to the corner, generating some space between him and his opponent before wailing on her with a Martelo de Negativa kick of his own, knocking her down to the mat. Constantine grabs Discipline by the wrists and looks out to the crowd, voicing his disdain for them and her before repeatedly stomping on her head! The crowd doesn’t count along this time as Constantine takes slow, methodical, and very deliberate stomps, trying to break his opponent’s face!
Wright: Constantine takes the advantage and is absolutely stomping away at his opponent right now!
Constantine drops the wrist locks, leaving the ring soon after to look for a weapon of choice. He passes by the usual chairs and the fans flipping him off, eventually spotting the timekeeper. He straight-up rips the chair out from under the timekeeper, and then takes the ring bell with him as well, a sinister smile appearing on his face as he slides back into the ring.
Wright: What’s Constantine got planned here?
Park: Discipline almost caught him on Inferno with the final bell, I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw the champion trying to ring Discipline’s bell here!
Constantine raises the ring bell overhead and swings downward, slamming the bell against Discipline’s back and spine. There is no comedic ding as the sound of metal meeting flesh is accompanied by the heated crowd. A crawling Mistress Discipline is knocked back to her stomach as Constantine strikes again with the bell. The determined champion gestures towards the crowd and mocks them, preparing for a third strike.
Wright: Just barbaric shots from Constantine as he targets the spine of Discipline!
Park: If he breaks her back, she won’t be able to answer the count of ten!
As Constantine goes to swing the metal bell downward one more time, Mistress Discipline picks his ankle from the mat, knocking him off his feet and quickly locking in and applying the Procedure! The crowd pops loudly as Mistress springs back to her feet, keeping the hold applied as she aims to break the champion’s ankle!
Wright: The Procedure! Mistress’ ankle lock is not to be trifled with, and could not have come at a better time for the challenger!
Park: She can get that ankle lock locked in from almost any position, and now Constantine is in a world of trouble!
Mistress Discipline yells at Constantine as she twists and torques his ankle, making the champion absolutely suffer from every second the hold is applied. Constantine reaches out and grabs the ropes, but with no rope breaks in Last Wrestler Standing, the ropes don’t save him, and he’s quickly pulled back into the center of the ring, where the challenger grapevines the leg!
Wright: Mistress Discipline is in full control of the champion here, and there’s no where for him to go!
Park: It’s hard to retain a title on one leg! This crowd knows they’re seeing a major step in dethroning the champion!
Constantine bangs the mat in frustration and in furious pain as Mistress Discipline works to keep her opponent trapped in the center of the ring. Misha reaches out his arms, but there is no tapping out in a match like last wrestler standing. He tries to turn over and relieve some of the pressure or to use the momentum to launch Discipline out of the ring, but the challenger twists their bodies right back and keeps the pressure applied!
Wright: Discipline has been working her whole career for a match like tonight! You can feel change in the air as she wrenches on that ankle!
Park: She’s learned well, and she’s got Constantine trapped with nowhere to go!
Discipline wrenches on the ankle even more as Constantine keeps looking around for anything, before finally grabbing the steel chair he had brought into the ring! He grabs the chair and twists his body to throw it straight at Discipline’s face! She releases the hold as she gets hit!
Wright: A brutal shot from the steel chair, and Misha Constantine as freed himself from the Procedure!
Park: Yes, but the damage has been done!
Misha Constantine scrambles back to his feet but immediately falls back to the mat as his ankle buckles with the weight being put on it. Both wrestlers are down, and so referee Chris Mardinly begins his count!
Referee: ONE!
Referee: TWO!
Wright: We won’t know until after this match, but Mistress Discipline might have just broken his ankle there!
Park: The way Constantine fell, I would be surprised if he’s going to be able to get mobile for the rest of this match!
Referee: THREE!
Mistress Discipline is the first wrestler back to their feet, having used the ropes for assistance to pull herself back into a standing position. Constantine is back up not long after, using the corner to prop himself back up. Discipline charges and Misha isn’t fast enough this time, getting absolutely creamed with a bicycle knee strike!
Wright: The Final Bell! Discipline just unleashed a hell of a knee strike on Constantine!
Park: Discipline’s looking dominant in these stages of the match, she managed to shrug off the bell strikes and recover nicely!
Referee: ONE!
Discipline ignores the count from the referee as she exits the ring, flipping the apron up as she looks under the ropes for something. She doesn’t find it under the first apron, and fans begin to chant at her for a table.
Crowd: WE WANT TABLES! WE WANT TABLES!
Referee: TWO!
Wright: We are in an extreme part of the United States, after all! Listen to these fans!
Park: I think that’s exactly what Discipline’s going to do!
Referee: THREE!
Mistress Discipline reaches under the ring and the crowd’s reaction only gets louder as she pulls out a table. The camera catches that the table literally has Misha’s name on it as she slides into the ring. Constantine is stirring in the corner, still dealing with the immense amount of pain that walking on his left ankle provides.
Referee: FOUR!
Wright: A table for one as the challenger brings in a specifically-marked table just for the champion!
Park: Constantine’s in a bad way here! This could be it!
Misha Constantine is barely back up to his feet as Mistress Discipline sets up a table in the center of the ring, looking very similar to their contract signing from a few weeks ago. Discipline grabs Constantine and puts him on the table, striking at his chest with viciously loud chest chops before climbing up onto the table with him!
Wright: What’s she got planned here?
Park: Whatever it is, I bet it involves Constantine going through the wood!
Mistress Discipline lifts up Misha Constantine for her sit-out powerbomb known as the Expulsion, but Misha begins hammering away at Discipline from atop her shoulders, unwilling to be manhandled! He manages to free himself from her grasp, landing on the mat below and then quickly springboarding off the ropes, nailing a spin kick from the middle rope and sending Discipline crashing to the floor!
Wright: Undyne’s Spear! The champion strikes back in a big way with his good foot!
Park: Both wrestlers are down!
Referee: ONE!
Referee: TWO!
Wright: A move like that takes a lot out of Constantine with him only having one good foot at this point!
Park: You have to do whatever it takes to win!
Referee: THREE!
Referee: FOUR!
Misha Constantine is back up to his feet, at least the best he can be. He holds onto the ropes and beats his leg in frustration, angry that his body is failing him when he needs it most. As he exits the ring and stomps on Discipline with his good foot, he gingerly gets down from the apron and uses it to support himself as he walks around, looking for any kind of weapon he can use to inflict punishment on the challenger. He spots something unusual under the ring and wheels it out.
Wright: That must have been what Discipline was looking for earlier!
Park: What is it?
It’s a wooden portable library! The library is on wheels and has shelves built into it, along with a flat topper. It’s absolutely stocked full of books and Constantine looks over the whole selection, clearly amused at having gotten his hands on what his opponent was planning use against him. He uses it to help him move closer to her.
Wright: That’s one of those little libraries, but on wheels! Neighborhoods often have them to share books, and Discipline does have a Master’s in Library Science!
Park: The librarian was planning on using the books for her arsenal, but the Self Made God got his hands on them first!
Constantine looks through the selections, tossing them out onto the floor and riling up the crowd. He finds a copy of the Chamber of Secrets in among the books and absolutely tears the book in half before spitting on it and dropping it on the floor.
Wright: Constantine doesn’t have a high opinion of Discipline’s selection!
Park: I doubt she put those exact books in there!
Misha Constantine grabs the library by its empty shelves and pushes it forward, trying to smack it into Discipline, but she rolls out of the way as it bangs into the steps! Discipline checks out a large book from the library, cracking 500 pages over Constantine’s head with a hardcover copy of Ulysses! The crowd cheers!
Wright: The words of James Joyce were never meant to be used like this!
Park: Only someone like Discipline could turn a library into a weapon of destruction!
Discipline grabs Constantine, once again looking for the Expulsion, and this time, she sends him through the library with her sitdown powerbomb, splintering and breaking it in half! The crowd roars!
Wright: That’s the big move Discipline needed! She just hit the Explusion and the crowd’s on their feet!
Park: Constantine isn’t moving! She might have just done it!
Discipline reaches up and grabs the barricade, pulling herself back up. She stands over the champion as the referee and the crowd count along.
Referee: ONE!
Referee: TWO!
Wright: The excitement in the air continues to build as Constantine still hasn’t moved!
Park: If he comes to, he’s going to be picking splinters out of his back for the rest of 2020!
Referee: THREE!
Referee: FOUR!
Discipline holds onto the barricade as the fans on the other side give her pats of encouragement, knowing how close she is winning to the championship!
Wright: A face of FIRESIDE, she’s had the fans’ support since day one!
Park: It’s not over yet though!
Referee: FIVE!
The crowd boos as Misha Constantine begins to sir. The champion has found himself in a similar position to MAJESTY only a few months earlier, his body having gone through most of the library but not all of it. He works on pulling himself out of the wood, and his bloody back reveals just what UnJoo had said, his body is now covered in splinters, bleeding all over.
Referee: SIX!
Wright: A rough landing for Misha as he’s begun to come back to life!
Park: Can he get back up to both feet?
Referee: SEVEN!
Misha Constantine gets one foot down, but it’s the wrong one! He almost falls over in the agony of putting his weight down, immediately falling back into the barricade to try to right himself!
Referee: EIGHT!
But he manages to do so, planting the second foot!
Wright: Misha’s back up!
Park: Mistress was so close there! Two more numbers and she’s world champion!
Wright: Discipline’s gotta stay focused here, the champion can’t take much more!
Mistress Discipline takes the eight count surprisingly well, knowing that her battle with Constantine isn’t over. She looks under the ring for anything she can use to put him away and spots a roll of thick duct tape. She pulls it out, popping the crowd as she follows Constantine back into the ring, who has grabbed a ladder leftover from the tag team match and is using it to try to support himself. He leans it and himself against the turnbuckles, but before he can get his move off, Discipline is right behind him!
Wright: If Discipline can’t keep Constantine down by traditional methods, maybe the duct tape can help!
Park: That’s certainly one way to do it! He’s just using a ladder as something to lean on now!
Discipline rips a piece of tape off, sticking it over Constantine’s mouth to one of the loudest pops of the evening!
Wright: She’s finally shut up Misha!
Park: I can’t believe someone finally found a way!
Discipline grabs Constantine to put him back on the table one more time, but Misha Constantine absolutely nails her with the ring bell! Blood begins to pour from the side of Discipline’s head as she goes down!
Wright: That damn ring bell!
Park: Look at the blood! He got her bad with that shot!
A bleeding Mistress Discipline goes down in a heap as Constantine holds himself against the ropes with the bloody bell in his hands. The referee goes to count, but Constantine spots the duct tape and has himself a wicked idea. He smacks his leg one more time and does his best to move without putting much weight on it, putting Discipline onto the table with his name on it.
Wright: Misha Constantine’s got something planned here!
Park: He’s down to one leg, the champion needs something big if he’s going to pull this off!
Constantine begins rapidly wrapping the tape around Discipline and the table, keeping her pinned down! He pulls off the end by ripping it with his teeth. The crowd boos as the champion holds up the roll and chucks it into the front row!
Referee: ONE!
Wright: This is devious! He’s taped her to the table!
Park: Discipline might not be able to get back to her feet with the tape!
Wright: This isn’t fair!
Referee: TWO!
Misha Constantine takes a look at the ladder, and then sets it up! He begins to climb it, slowly but surely!
Referee: THREE!
Wright: What is Constantine doing?
Park: I have no idea!
Referee: FOUR!
Constantine reaches the top of the ladder! The referee continues to count for Discipline as she’s still tied to the table, unable to break free of the massive amount of duct tape! The crowd is on their feet, booing the hell out of the champion!
Referee: FIVE!
The shot changes to a different angle of Constantine at the top of the ladder, looking out at all of the FIRESIDE fans. Behind him is the large giant purple middle finger for Good Riddance, serving as the backdrop for his moment.
Referee: SIX!
Constantine gives the fans a middle finger of his own! They boo him fiercely!
Referee: SEVEN!
He leaps, performing a Shooting Star Senton off the top of the ladder and through the table!
Wright: HOLY SHIT! IRAE DEI OFF THE LADDER AND THROUGH THE TABLE!
Park: THAT’S IT! I DON”T THINK EITHER OF THEM ARE GOING TO GET BACK UP FROM THAT!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Referee: ONE!
Referee: TWO!
Wright: My God what an impact! And I thought the tag match was a car crash!
Park: These two would do whatever it takes to be champion, and now I’m not so sure either of them will be able to answer the ten count!
Referee: THREE!
Referee: FOUR!
Neither wrestler even stirs!
Referee: FIVE!
Wright: You might be right, Unjoo! These two may have nothing left!
Park: They put it all out there, and I think that might be it for both of them!
Referee: SIX!
Wright: Somewhere in the back Lucas Nix must be wishing it was tomorrow!
Park: With neither of them moving, this would be the time to cash in Combustion!
Misha Constantine is the first one to show any sign of life as he grabs the bottom rope. The bloody Mistress Discipline still isn’t moving as Constantine begins using the rope to pull himself towards the outside.
Referee: SEVEN!
Wright: The champ’s moving!
Park: And now so is the challenger!
Mistress Discipline is clearly in a world of hurt as her head begins to move and turn. You can see she’s feeling all of the effects as Constantine reaches the part of the ring where the mat ends and the floor begins.
Referee: EIGHT!
With one last effort, Constantine pulls himself out of the ring, with both of his feet hitting the floor! He screams out in pain, but uses the ropes to keep himself from falling!
Wright: Constantine’s up! Just barely, but he’s up!
Park: He’s using the ropes!
Referee: NINE!
The camera pans back to Mistress Discipline, who is in no position to make it back to her feet! The crowd starts booing loudly! Referee Chris Mardinly calls for the bell!
Referee: TEN! RING THE BELL!
The timekeeper can’t ring it as it’s still in the ring, but ring announcer Marcus Washington announces the result!
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and STILL the FIRESIDE WOOOORLD CHAMPIOOOON, MIIIISHAAAAA CONSSSTANTTTTINEEEE!
Wright: Constantine survives! Constantine survives!
Upon being handed the championship, Constantine finally lets go of the ropes, immediately dropping back to the floor in pain.
Wright: The first ever FIRESIDE World Champion exits the year still the champion!
Park: Mistress gave everything she had and then some, even putting Constantine through one of her libraries, but when all was said and done Misha Constantine put a dramatic end to 2020!
Wright: We don’t know if his ankle is sprained, broken, or what, but he managed to get back on two feet at the end of this one!
Park: What a match between these two! I have a feeling we’ll see more of this combination in 2021!
Wright: Speaking of, that’s the end of our year! On behalf of the entire FIRESIDE crew including UnJoo Park and a whole handful of wrestlers and staff, and on behalf of the XHF Network, Good Riddance 2020 and Happy New Year!
Constantine remains seated on the floor as Discipline lays in the ring. He holds the championship high above his head as indoor fireworks go off. He uses his other handle to hold his ankle as the show begins to fade to black, the last visual being Constantine being the last one… temporarily… standing.