|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 9, 2021 10:17:25 GMT -5
Inspired by Mongo's Pokemon adventures, my love of gaming and gaming channels, and a weird relationship I have with Dark Souls, I've decided to take on a Nuzlocke Challenge in Pokemon HeartGold. As I go, feel free to comment and root for me or against me, I'll make periodic updates because I don't think I'll be engaging with this every day. There is a good chance I abandon this altogeher, because Nuzlocke Challenges are legendarily difficult, for these reasons/rules:
• Any Pokémon that faints is considered dead, and must be released or put in the Pokémon Storage System permanently (or may be migrated or transferred with Poké Transfer, as long as the Pokémon is never able to be used again during this run).
• The player may only catch the first wild Pokémon encountered in each area, and none else. If the first wild Pokémon encountered faints or flees, there are no second chances. • The player must nickname all of their Pokémon, for the sake of forming stronger emotional bonds. • The player may not voluntarily reset and reload the game whenever things go wrong. Being able to do so would render all of the other rules pointless.
Those are the rules of a Nuzlocke Challenge. But, to make things more difficult, and because I am a sadist who wants you to know that this is a bad idea, some clarifiers:
• I would score myself a 8 out of 10 on most video games, but I'm about a 5/10 on Pokemon, because the last Pokemon game I've played other than GO was Sapphire in 2004. • I've played Pokemon Gold before (this is a remake for the DS, played on an emulator), but when I was like six. I remember some things (I am worried about Miltank and the bug gym, for reasons we'll maybe get into) but a majority of the game I've completely forgotten about, and any HeartGold-specific updates I am seeing for the first time._______________________________________________ Day 1: This is a Bad Idea Our journey begins and immediately I've had troubles mapping a PS4 controller to a PC. The worst thing is that sometimes the music cuts out because my computer thinks the PS4 is a speaker, and I have no idea why. But you want to know who I picked as my starter:
Pokemon #1: Radu (Totodile)
Maybe I'm being a fancy elitist, but every starter in Pokemon Gold kicks ass. Totodile was the first one I played with as a kid, and so here we go. I am worried about our battles with our rival and the bug gym, because I remember getting my ass handed to me OFTEN by that gym (those of you who picked Cyndoquil are probably laughing, with good reason.) I'm amused by HeartGold making your first Pokemon follow you around everywhere. "Now you're showing off", I say to myself.
I of course named Totodile Radu in honor of the greatest tag team partner in the history of e-fedding. Get bent and get in my challenges for Supremacy. Radu's 'Rage' reminds me of the guy himself, but the move seems to be relative trash. If Totodile dies early, we're probably(?) starting all the way over.
First Setback: Signing My Name?I saw this feature and was royally screwed for about ten minutes before figuring out this is a DS thing and something I have to click out of. There will be multiple times in the run where I almost screw myself because I activate a DS feature and have completely forgotten about it (my emulator is OK, it runs Pokemon and saves.)Meet Our RivalThe urge to name him 'Fuckstick' was pretty high but that's too long for the name generator. Our first battle went surprisingly decently because I had overleveled Totodile to level 9 because I could not remember if Chikorita knows any grass moves by this point. Thankfully, they don't, but Radu is on borrowed time.Pokemon #2: Gauntlet (Pidgey)Spoiler alert: this is also an ad for my Twitch channel, The Gauntlet Trivia, where we host an online quiz show for trivia, comedy, and having a good time every Monday night at 7pmET. If you're entertained at all by this run, please give us a follow as we march towards 100 followers. Also you get to see my weird face and make fun of me with my quizzers, so there's that.Gauntlet so far has a really nasty tackle for some reason? I'm having more fun playing with Gauntlet than Radu because I think Gauntlet is a little more expendable in my mind. Their gust also will be what I use to wreck shop against the bug gym, so here's my high hopes.Pokemon #3: Trebek (Spinarak) Forgot to get a picture of Trebek (named after the legend, and because last night was his final game, which got me all up in my feels.) Trebek started as level two, but I have big plans for my Spider-(wo)Man. I remember someone in the Elite Four has Trebek's evolved form, so I know this was a very good Pokemon to grab.Pokemon #4 and First Real Setback: Geodude (Geodude)I wish I could tell you the setback was that I forgot to name Geodude in my excitement for catching him in the Dark Cave instead of a Zubat (Zubats are good, but c'mon, who wants to own a Zubat). Alas, not the case. Remember how I said 'I haven't played Pokemon since 2004'? Guess who forgot ground is weak to grass? This guy! A bastard Bellsprout gave me the first jarring realization: this run is going to suck. A Bellsprout!!Pokemon #5 and Second Setback: Disney (Rattata)If you're keeping score at home, you may realize that this is the second dead Pokemon I'm showing you in a row. I got cocky about Rattata. Sprout Tower was my jam and Rattata was cleaning up, especially after learning Quick Attack. If you're familiar with Sprout Tower, you challenge a series of monks as a warm up for Falkner, the first gym. Towards the end, there's a series of three monks -- and they've leveled up their Pokemon compared to the scrub monks you've fought while climbing. Rattata also got owned by my mortal enemy, a Bellsprout. I want a fire Pokemon very badly to come back and torch Bellsprouts everywhere.The rest of Sprout Tower gave me no issues as I went into 'stop fucking around and training other Pokemon' mode and had Gauntlet Gust up the rest of our rivals. Speaking up, here's jackass COVID-19, giving a speech that unfortunately feels too true:I will take great satisfaction in owning his ass when those times come.Gym Battle #1: Faulkner (Flying) As I get better at remembering to take screenshots, you'll see more of them during this run, but the first gym is flying. The game really likes telling you electric Pokemon could kick their asses, but I haven't been to the Forest yet so that option's out. The first two trainers weren't that bad (and the game treats you to fighting on an actually elevated platform which is really neat in the remake, I'll grab screenshots next time), but man, Faulkner is an asshole.
Faulkner's got a Pidegotto among others but the thing is, his Pokemon are leveled about as well as mine, and Pidgeototto was actually one higher than both Radu and Gauntlet. Pidgeotto's big move here is Roost, which is the equivalent of potion-spamming in a battle like this, and I don't have any Pokemon that can efficiently counter Roost by kicking his teeth in. In fact, I am at a disadvantage here again because Trebek is a bug and birds roast bugs for breakfast.
So here I am against a Pidgeotto that absolutely refuses to die or stay dead. I can not tell you how many times the damn bird roosted, I think it had to be at least 12. At one point in the battle I have a severely weakened Gauntlet, Radu is on his last legs, and I have a fully healthy Trebek, but I'm trying my damndest to not use him. But I have to, because I need a moment to make sure I can get a potion on Radu. I do, and Pidgeotto one-shot kills Trebek with a Gust. Oof. Radu goes all 'Taken' on Pidgeotto and risk his life to kill the bastard, which he does on the brink of death. Seriously, this is how close this run came to ending, as I learned Roost immediately for Gauntlet:
The game seems to be specifically saying, 'Fuck you', as our day comes to close.
|
|
James Ranger
.::XHF Competitor::.
Restoring my first wrestling home.
Posts: 145
|
Post by James Ranger on Jan 9, 2021 12:23:40 GMT -5
im waiting on my DS games to arrive to do a nuzlocke...im rooting for ya!
|
|
|
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jan 9, 2021 14:27:15 GMT -5
Hehe, this is a fun read!
|
|
|
Post by IMMORTALS on Jan 9, 2021 20:13:47 GMT -5
This sounds like absolute torture! I've seen permadeath runs on other games but I never thought anyone would try it on Pokemon.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 9, 2021 21:43:02 GMT -5
Chapter 2: Prepare the Gauntlet Pokemon is addictive, kids.
Pokemon #3: Elphabaa (Mareep)
If anyone was wondering what my specs and the name of the emulator is, there you go so you can play too!
Anyway-- this was a gift from the Pokemon Gods. In our last episode, you may have noted me going "well I can't get an electric Pokemon right now, why is it telling me this", and the answer is that Mareep exists ON THE VERY NEXT ROUTE. This got me, as you'd imagine, pretty hype to keep going.
Mareep is named after one of my favorite musical characters, Elphaba from Wicked, but with an extra 'a' for the sheep pun. After Falkner torched Trebek, no good deeds going unpunished seems apt.Pokemon #4: MostEdible (Togepi)Togepi joins our party as we were given an egg from Mr. Elm and Mr. Pokemon. I don't honestly remember too much about Togepi except that it gets uglier as it evolves.Togei is named after this video, which I apologize for spoiling, but Unraveled is a series of very well-done (funny) videos about video game lore/hypotheticals. I recommend checking it out.I Lost An Hour+ of My Real Life to ThisThis is Union Cave. I took the wrong path because I didn't think where I was standing was accessible, then couldn't figure out why I hit a dead end, then backtracked through the entire game trying to find the new path before googling it (granted, Elm wanted to see MostEdible, and by oh boy was the Everstone not worth walking back for). Enjoy this flailing ass Magikarp like I did once I cooled down.New Pokemon: Phighter (Magikarp), ??? (Zubat), Caterpie (Joel Emseed), and Dwayne (Geodude) I'm going to be honest I had big plans for Magikarp and to make a whole joke tying it to my reads in forum mafia and video mafia, but like it's such a bitch to train Magikarp and I haven't decided if the Day Care is legal in this run that honestly fuck it. This thing was level 10 (caught in an older city with water, Cherrygrove) WITHOUT even tackle! Grr.'This is the part where I'm going to tell you not every Pokemon gets featured. During my travels, I caught a Zubat (I don't remember it's name, people who kow this game better than I do will say it's a tragedy that's what was in Slowpoke Well for me) and a Caterpie (Joel Emseed). Because they're not featuring on my team right now, I'm not going to waste that much effort/time to talk about them. I caught one Geodude in the Union Cave that I named Dwayne (the Rock, credit DT for the joke) and he got replaced so fast it's not worth uploading a picture of him. I also might tell a piece or two of the story slightly out of order if it's more entertaining that way.Did you know Flash isn't an HM in HeartGold? I could swear it is in regular Gold.Pokemon #5: Apollo (Geodude)So every run of Gold when I was a child, I used to swap Bellsprout for Onix every time, because I love Onix, and the fact it's named after one of the best sports movies of all time is an added bonus. One Rock Smash in the Alph Ruins got me a kickass Geodude that I named after Apollo Creed.Gym #2: Bugsy (Psychic-- just kidding, it's bugs)This puzzle is definitely new. I may or may not have struggled to comprehend it as I swept through the early challenges with the Gauntlet. Then we met Bugsy, and one of my mortal enemies. Bugsy's Scyther. Look what this motherfucker did to Gauntlet in TWO MOVES and tell me I wasn't right in saying this fucker is terrifying:I almost fainted at the sight of how fast I got my ass handed to me. Looking through my roster, knowing Radu can't handle Scyther from too much childhood trauma, I decided to say fuck it and roll the dice with Apollo. That was the right call.One good 'Rock Throw' (or was it Rock Smash, I don't know) later and THAT BASTARD DIED AT MY FEET. And let me tell you, Bugsy doesn't have shit for Pokemon outside of this one. Griffin McElroy laughed off the idea of having a bug gym, and this is why. Gym complete, but there's more this episode, because again, Pokemon is addictive. I healed up my Gauntlet and the rest of my Pokes, and headed for the city of lights and gambling, but first...Battle vs. COVID19 ...I knew this was coming, but I had forgotten when it was and assumed I had a little more time to train. Okay, here we go. Elphabaa got the start against Ghastly, and by God I thought I had screwed myself when Gastly made sure I couldn't leave and then also cursed Elphabaa. Luckily, a few strokes of electricity got me out of dodge. Another Pokemon down (switched out of the curse), and we had Gauntlet, fresh off of being one of my party's biggest ass kickers in the gym, up again (gulp) Bayleef. I did not know COVID evolved his Pokemon at about at the same rate Radu evolved (hello Croconaw), and let me tell you, this Bayleef has Poison Powder, Synthesis, and Razor Leaf. And I have a dead Pidgey.Very effective against my heart, you bastard!I misjudged my Roosting (sucks that the TM is gone) and lost to a speed advantage razor leaf. Pour one out for the ad for my Twitch channel, he got fucked and it was my fault. This was probably the hardest reality of the Nuzlocke run so far, I had put time into Pidgey, I had plans. Pidgey evolves two levels later! I had time! And she's dead and I killed her with bad math! It isn't fair. We were going to do such great things, and now she's dead. Fucking cruel.
Looking Ahead: New Pokemon: Muscle (Machop)I caught a Drowzee after the forest (did not remember the Farfetch'd catching at all), and traded it immediately in the Department Store for Machop. Honestly, pretty good luck. I have no regrets making the trade, considering I'm not gambling (one Pokemon per area, this was it). Well, one regret:
Machop with his hands up looks like a flasher and I can't unsee it.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 10, 2021 20:06:01 GMT -5
Chapter 3: The Miltank ComethLet's start with some good news: check out our newest team member!New Pokemon #7: Hamilton (Scyther) Our chapter begins with a trip to the National Bug Catching Contest (because this was Saturday), and my experience playing the original Gold told me to hit the back of the park to pick up my Pokemon. I operated under the one encounter rule, and... like, boom. A former Pidgey murderer was now buzzing around in my face as the best musical soundtrack of all time played from my laptop.
Welcome to the team, Hamilton (I don't really care about genders in this game/genders in Pokemon imply that Pokemon fuck). Also... I have to mention this... I somehow still lost the Bug Catching Contest! I lost 299 to 303 points to some absolute scrub whose name escapes me. I am not satisfied, to make my first of many Hamil-puns.
Gym #3: Whitney (Normal)I will tell you the frightening efficiency in which I picked up a bike, figured out Voltorb Switch is fucking impossible (comment whatever you want, but if you comment that you understand Voltorb Switch, you are LYING), and got my ass to this gym was impressive. Team Rocket is by the radio tower and I distinctly remember a whole quest/side quest involving the tower, but it never triggered? Really weird.
So this is a gym I dreaded, but in a conversation with a friend, I realize that I have my Gyms in the wrong order. The Pokemon I am absolutely most terrified of-- we haven't seen yet. But Miltank, by all means, is on the top three of my giant bastard chart for this run. Luckily I have Muscle (Machop) and Apollo (Geodude) on my side to basically turn what's actually a fairy gym (there's so many damn Clefairies here) into a pile of blood and guts. I am not here to mess around, though I have to say this gym is real pretty.
Or as it should be titled...Battle vs. MiltankI don't think anyone has truly ever written about what's terrifying about Miltank. He is the beefiest of beefy boys. I would like to say that in original Gold, this beefy boy whited me out a few times. The worst part is that he heals -- he heals through a berry, he heals through Milk Drink, and he heals through potions. This Miltank for some reason absolutely refused to use Attract and Rollout. No matter-- if he was on my team, he'd be nicknamed Stone Cold because he stomped a mudhole into me. My intolerance towards this jerk probably contributes to my lactose intolerance today.
Here's what we've got, though. We've got Muscle, and Muscle has come ready to bring a rolling tour of Karate Chop and Low Kick City. And man, these chops and kicks are destroying him. He heals, I drain his health, he heals, I drain his health, we go on and on in a circle. And look: I'm winning! He has one health left! I've managed to avenge little child Anthony! He's down to one health! LET'S GO!
---Oh no. NO! No! No! No! No! No! WITH ONE HEALTH LEFT, KICKING OUT AND TWO AND A HALF TO KEEP THE WRESTLING METAPHORS GOING, MILTANK FINISHES OFF MUSCLE! ALL OF THAT TRAINING! THE DROWZEE I TRADED! EVERYTHING WAS BUILT UP FOR MACHOP TO CHOP TO THE TOP AND LIKE, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
...I had to get up and pace around my apartment. Just a really, really brutal fucking way to end this gym. Elphabaa swept up... because again, one health left, but man. What a kick in the (Machop's weirdly flashing) dick. I've got no Muscle left. My sanity is gone. This was a bad idea. I hate this game.
_______________ Bonus Content: Pokemon BattleDome In passing (and really, one of my weird problems with this game, Whitney just openly cries after getting her two Pokemon-having ass kicked, could we not have scrapped that in the remake), she mentions that there's a BattleDome now open. I decide to check it out because well, what the hell is this? After getting wrecked in the Speed Course, I re-upped and went for Strength. I can not tell you how funny it was rampantly tapping my screen and shouting at the damn thing to work.I celebrated by drinking the cow's milk.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 10, 2021 20:14:07 GMT -5
This sounds like absolute torture! I've seen permadeath runs on other games but I never thought anyone would try it on Pokemon. It very much is torture. I'm playing on about a medium-difficulty version of the challenge (there are some much harder things and easier things), but yeah it rocks and sucks at about the same rate.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 12, 2021 0:00:58 GMT -5
Chapter #4: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story Just a heads up that the content will space out from this point forward, because I can't play this game non-stop and stay sane. I've also not taken the requested team snapshots because this content was recorded before the request, but I'll try to list off the squad/they all feature heavily this episode. I have to take a break and say no to this every once in a while because I get overwhelmed playing this (especially during gym battles, yes I know how weird that sounds). So for future content, you may have to wait for it.
New Pokemon #8: Trivia7 A bit of a weird one, but on the route right outside Whitney's gym, I scooped up a sequel Drowzee (I don't play with the Species/Dupes clause -- if it's there, either catch it or go home, and as my Pokemon get stronger, let me tell you... I accidentally murdered more than a handful of (potential new) team members to get to this point).
It was originally going to be named Trivia2, but instead it's named Trivia7, because our streams are every Monday night at 7pmET. Go give them a follow. Anyway, let's talk about COVID-19.Burned Tower Fight vs. COVID19: I've not bragged about my Pokemon knowledge, but I do have some. After staring at COVID's Bayleef in a battle at the Burned Tower in Ecruteak (how do you pronounce that) that blindsided me (see: emphasis on the word 'some), I got stuck in a circle of 'how the hell do I beat Bayleef' once again. Seriously, look at what it did to my right hand (wo)man! I'm mostly complaining about the poison here, because just off screen, Elphabaa is also poisoned, and Hamilton's super effective moveset isn't doing much to combat the evils of Synthesis.
I still don't have any fire types to Burn this thing with, and half of my team at this point is rock-based (you've met Apollo, but there's a Sudowoodo on my team now named Groot, because of course there is, and also when the story drops a level 20 pokemon on your lap, you squirt the shit out of it). I was in a real "well this isn't good" spot until I remembered I gave MostEdible (now Togetic) Encore, the ability to make a Pokemon repeat moves ad nauseam. You can imagine Bayleef's terror as a freaky Pokemon made it Reflect five times in a row and ruined its mind with Extrasensory. Togetic is a scary bastard.
I've not bragged about my Pokemon knowledge, but I do have some. After staring at COVID's Bayleef in a battle that blindsided me (see: emphasis on the word 'some), I got stuck in a circle of 'how the hell do I beat Bayleef' once again. I still don't have any fire types, and half of my team at this point is rock-based (you've met Apollo, but there's a Sudowoodo on my team now named Groot, because of course there is, and also when the story drops a level 20 pokemon on your lap, you squirt the shit out of it). I was in a real "well this isn't good" spot until I remembered I gave MostEdible (now Togetic) Encore, the ability to make a Pokemon repeat moves ad nauseam. You can imagine Bayleef's terror as a freaky Pokemon made it Reflect five times in a row and ruined its mind with Extrasensory. Togetic is a scary bastard.
While in the tower getting the legendary dogs to start moving, I decided to train up our new accquistion. Drowzee is my best bet to beat the ghost gym in this town, and I---
---oh you of little faith, thinking I would get taken out by a lowly Rattata. Not even Joey could beat me with one of those. I got through this, and I promise you I do know that items and switch outs go first in battles. When you've been playing Pokemon non-stop over a weekend though, this shit happens. Gym 4: Morty (Ghosts) Wait For ItLook I'm a pickle! Alright, got that out of my system. Bob's Burgers is better anyway. Let's talk about this: My strategy for this gym is for Trivia7 and MosteEdible to come in and destroy. Even our little friend at the beginning of the gym basically says this is a great idea. But man, if I'm gonna be honest? Togetic can go, but this Drowzee is NOT prepared for this gym, as evidenced by the earlier Rattata and this second trainer's Haunter that almost ruined the plan. For the first time in this run, I decided to abort the gym about halfway through and work on leveling up my Pokemon, because at this rate, I'm going to need to over-level at least a tad for my shot at this run to succeed. So I started my journey down towards Olivine, and honestly? I cleaned up pretty well. A squad of Hamilton, Radu, and Elphaba (making up Team Strength from last chapter) + Trivia7, Apollo, and MostEdible fucking rules.We even started laying into the Lighthouse, and I was feeling pretty good. Nothing can go wrong, right?Insert 'slow' jokes for forgetting that Slowpoke is also a water type. I thought Slowpoke was just psychic, I don't know why, I've played a lot of Pokemon GO. But you thought something bad was about to happen, didn't you? Nope! So what comes next?Something Bad Happens Well shit. Ya know, if only one Pokemon died at the end of each chapter, that would be enough. How did I lose to a Ratticate? What'd I miss? Ratticate has a tricky little asshole move called Pursuit. You don't remember it, but the Wiki says that it does 40 power normally, but 80 power immediately to a Pokemon switching out. To my knowledge, it's the only move that does this specficially, and it is going to make these rats nightmares for me. I have no memory of this move -- in past runs, my starter usually just ate these for breakfast. It is almost like this move is designed to kill Pokemon on Nuzlocke runs (note: this isn't true, Gold came out in 1999 and this move was in it, Nuzlocke runs are attributed to 2010).
I am screwed. I turn off the game for a while, trying to think of a new plan.Gym 4: Morty (Ghosts)So the plan changes. Walk into a ghost gym with Togetic and hope for the best is the new plan. It is not a good plan, but Togetic is a normal type, so ghost moves don't effect it. And let me tell you, despite knowing I was a little out-leveled walking in, I was... still scared shitless. I have two rock physical attackers on my team and Radu if plans go south, and that's not good. No, there's no confidence to be found going into this one. We know this might be our one last time, so let's go: Gengar was Morty's second Pokemon, his highest leveled... and MostEdible ruined his mind. It was goddamn incredible.
Then I ran into Haunter. Haunter has a combination I'm not prepared for: Hypnosis + Dream Eater. "Those are both ghost moves", you say, mocking me-- you're wrong. They are a hurricane, a Psychic barrage set up to make my team sleep and then to eat them alive. Haunter starts running through my team, knocking them all unconscious, and I thought 8 Awakenings was going to be enough going into a fight that I didn't even remember included Hypnosis. I have to pull the emergency switches and start sending out Pokemon that have no business being out there, because Hypnosis --> Awakening or get hit with 100 POWER Dream Eater --> repeat is going to destroy my team unless I think of something. I have no ideas, and as Apollo stands there, I realize this might be it. Apollo also goes off to sleep after throwing rocks at a Haunter that is straight-up toying with my team at this point. Again, the bench is asleep. Three of the four of Togetic, Elphabaa, Groot, and Apollo are now in dream land, waiting to be destroyed by Haunter. I call a Hail Mary and send in Hamilton.
And Haunter misses Hypnosis. Not just once, but twice. I have Pursuit on this Scyther, and the move that wrecked my chances at this gym might save it. We start paring him down, inch by inch, color by color that health bar is coming down. We're down to maybe two, three health, fighting against a Haunter that has switched into a full-on assault, and we're doing it! Victory is within our grasp!
Fuck!
To say that Hamilton was the only Pokemon that died to Morty is both a blessing and a curse. If you've been wondering why has so much of this chapter been in italics, I've been quoting Hamilton lyrics and it's truly been the soundtrack of half of this run so far. I disgustedly send in Elphabaa to finish up, and she does, but I sit there knowing my cool ass Scyther now lays dead at our feet. I take my badge and leave, not knowing it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 13, 2021 22:10:32 GMT -5
Chapter #5: Escape Fight Island
It is a new day, yes it is. The team has definitely seen better days. I imagine each day of the challenge they, too, experience what is increasingly becoming a cacophony of death and destruction. Most of the members of the team really like me whenever I pop them out for some fresh air, but they absolutely hate every other figure in the outside world. We are a band of (honestly not well built) brothers and sisters, and a Magikarp because I needed to make myself laugh after losing Hamilton so brutally.
In a traditional telling of this fifth chapter, the lighthouse would be spotlighted, so here's a picture of the pretty HeartGold update: The game makes you jump out a window to get to that spot and to progress the story, and to be fair... that's the hardest part of the Lighthouse. The one nice thing about this squad is that the bases it does cover with rock, psychic, electric, and water, it covers extremely well. My electric sheep dreams of kicking bird Pokemon ass. Jasmine sends us on a quest to Cianwood City, which I will exclusively refer to as Fight Island for the rest of this post, to pick up medicine to save the sick Ampharos lighting the tower. The Fallout player in me really wants to turn around and offer up my Flaaffy in some kind of trade for the Pokemon that will not be named (yet), but nope, we gotta go.If We Can Get There?I have a strange dilemma here: I really don't want to teach Radu (Totodile) surf. He already knows Cut, and turning my starter into my HM slave seems greatly limiting for our relationship. Normally, this isn't really an issue: go catch another water Pokemon, right? But because of the rules about routes and only catching one Pokemon, I am entirely without solutions unless I want to go all the way back to New Bark Town and fish there. I don't have Fly yet, that process is going to take me a while AND I might murder the Pokemon I need anyway. I've got one chance to fish up a Pokemon that can learn Surf (no, Magikarp can't) and if this doesn't hit, I have to cut off my nose to spite my own face and sail across the ocean blue. Here we go:Is this an entirely inappropriate name for a Poliwhirl? It's actually a trivia ad! WAP stands for Wrong Answers Provided (what do you mean, it stands for something else??), our trivia round where we give the wrong answer first before giving the question. You thought because my trivia ads died that I'd stop, but I never will, damnit!
Anyway, WAP learns Surf to flood their opponent, and we've set an open course for the Virgin Sea. Channeling childhood me, I totally get lost, but here's how most of this portion of the run goes:Having an electric-type Pokemon on the ocean feels like cheating. Thunder Wave, Thunder Shock, Thunder Dead. Check out this cool ass stingray though: I send Irwin to my 'usable Pokemon' box in case I get massacred. Is it in poor taste to name a stringray Irwin? Let me get into the debate by say-- A Pokemon Evolves!Elphabaa has responded to the constant trauma of seeing everyone around her die by electrocuting an entire ocean and evolving into an Ampharos. She gains Thunder Punch, which along with Charge, makes her the most electrifying Pokemon in Nuzlocke entertainment. We still communicate well, but it's a lot of 'murder that for me', which she does. She has become the ace of my team, and no one for miles can stop her as we arrive on Fight Island.Battle Against EusineI was chatting about my run on Discord as I got to this point in the story. People tell you that could be Pokemon in the rocks north of town, I see a potential advantage against the fighting gym, so I go look. There's a Suicune up here instead that the game won't let you catch, and you turn around and run into this Captain Ahab dickhead who quickly lets me know I'm in for a really bad time on this stupid island:Here's what most worries me about this fight, besides my complete lack of memory about it (my memory is correct, Eusine isn't in Gold): Eusine has an Electrode. Electrode in one of the few Pokemon in this game who know Selfdestruct, and I have no idea what level they learn it at (Graveler is the other one, some Geodudes as well... I've never said no to a move faster for a Pokemon). This random fucker can just murder any one of my Pokemon whenever he wants. Elphabaa is not happy about being our bomb disposal squad, but I struggle to remember that Geodude is a Ground/Rock, and that Ground owns Electric Pokemon's souls. We thankfully survive this encounter, but my lack of memory has contributed to me worrying that shit, some day Eusine is going to blow up one of my Pokemon and I'm going to have no answer for it.No capes, asshole.Where My Team Stands Heading into the GymSo funny story: behind everyone in the most comedic of places (besides Apollo, come on, man get your act together) is Shuckie the Shuckle, who the game just decides to hand you and say 'here, have fun'. Shuckie is garage offensively, but a tank defensively. My plan is to use this Pokemon I refuse to emotionally connect to (you don't even get trade XP!) as my dedicated switch for when my fighting gym battles become too hot to handle. Let him tank a hit -- or not-- so I can heal up another off-screen Pokemon. I can not look at this Pokemon without hearing comedian Michael Trapp, so here's the rabbithole from Dorkly I fell into again after acquiring this awful, awful Pokemon.Gym #5: Chuck (Fighting)To get to Chuck, you have to turn off that waterfall. To turn off the waterfall, you have to beat the trainers on at least the left side of the Gym, but with me needing as much XP as I can get, the right side's gotta die too. You may have noticed Togetic is behind me here, because Togetic is our resident 'psychic' Pokemon. This is, admittedly, a dangerous situation. Togetic isn't really a psychic type, they're classified as normal. No, they're more the weird kid in high school who was too weird for your group of weird kids, because they know Extrasensory and that's about it. This is a 'first to hit, last to die' situation. I hit Extrasensory, I score a kill, and if it doesn't kill my opponent, Arceus help me. My luck is improving at least a little because not killing this Hitmonchan in one hit didn't immediately end me. Did I press my luck and just go straight for another Extrasensory? You bet your ass I did (I'm not sure if this is right, but my brain keeps going: if you heal, they're just going to hit you with the same move again, or with something MORE powerful). Luckily, no Whammy this time, and I survive long enough to go heal and finish cleaning house to go fight Chuck.Most of you are sleeping on Chuck, and here's why this gym is going to be a lot harder for me than you remember it: fighting Pokemon get owned by Fairy, Flying, Psychic Pokemon. Guess who has none of those on his team anymore besides one move from one Pokemon.
Yeeeeaahhh.
I mourned Gauntlet (Pidgey) because they would have swept up here. Instead, I've got one good shot, two very bad shots (rocks), and a bag of what ifs. Luckily for me, I only have to beat two Pokemon for this badge, a Mankey and a Poliwrath. Chuck's Mankey stressed me out too much to take a picture, but I got real damn lucky that they went for Double Team and Focus Energy before channeling that energy into an ass-kicking, because they died before that part of the equation came into effect. Poliwrath... Poliwrath on the other hand has bigger grapes. Remember when I said funny story earlier?The tragic punchline is that Shuckie never made it to this fight. They're not dead-- I just switched them out to train WAP and forgot to switch back. Yeah.
With Togetic needing a second after nearly being one-shot by a Focus Punch, and me very unwilling to let an asleep Elphabaa get murdered in their place, (Trivia7 had Insomnia, and I will never get over how helpful that would be) I sent WAP out, thinking I might be lucky enough to catch an ineffective Bubblebeam and be able to switch out. The above screenshot is the last thing we saw before Poliwrath murdered my WAP.[No picture]I don't have a picture of the rest of this fight. One Pokemon down is bad, but the rest of my team is two rocks (which will get murdered by Surf), my best Pokemon asleep, and one Pokemon who will get murdered by Focus Punch if I'm not careful. Focus Punch is a serious issue: it gives you the hope that you're going first, which you do... but Poliwrath is faster and a slightly higher level than every single one of my Pokemon. You get that advantage to hit the tanky fucker once (which, by the way, Chuck will heal because Poliwrath is the star of this show), but Poliwrath gets to hit back with an 150 Power KO punch. I make a decision. It is infinitely poor. It doesn't work out. Another Pokemon dies, and as a recurring theme, Elphabaa, who should have just been out in the first place, finishes yet another battle with a friend at their feet. The team after the fight is much weaker than the team that entered. I do not have words for this. This one hurts. I will share with you instead the words of our gym helper friend, who knew exactly the wrong/right thing to say. I'd like to think I told him to sit down right after. I will also share a song from the musical Titanic that I played as I made the graveyard transfer, about a great journey and optimism (that the audience knows is bound for disaster). We will be back (the Siren song of the Safari Zone awaits), but tonight we will mourn.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 17, 2021 14:42:52 GMT -5
Chapter #6: Assemble the ArmySo you came here expecting a Steelix fight, so let's talk first about why you're not getting that today and adjust your expectations, because what you're getting today is basically my attempt at a training montage. There is no gym battle at the end of this chapter.
There are four markers of success I have for this Nuzlocke run, or about four satisfying endings that aren't death: • Beating Jasmine and her Steelix • Beating the Elite Four • Collecting 16 Badges • Beating Pokemon Trainer Red
To be fair, I think I'm going to achieve three of the four on this list. Trainer Red is a freak of nature, but that discussion is there when we get there (I'm more than likely taking a YOLO shot and seeing what happens).
Jasmine and her Steelix, on the other hand, is where I know everything can get fucked. We just hit starter death and Radu was heavily involved in the "Beat Steelix" plan. Steelix is a wall, a monster, and a bully that ate childhood me's lunch many times. When I picked up this emulator and said I was doing this, Steelix is the Pokemon/battle I've most feared. Scyther and Miltank look like fucking jokes compared to this big bastard; my fears towards Miltank were actually my brain putting that cute cow in this monster's place. Steelix can and will wipe out my squad by themselves, and this merry-go-round will come to a brutal halt. They are the Voldemort of this run, and I fear I'm already tempting fate by talking about them this much.
By the way, Steelix is level 35.
We Have Work to Do
As you can see, no one on this team is even above level 32, let alone level 35. I have heard the calls to train, to overlevel, and I need a plan, but the last thing Apollo/Edible/Elphabaa wanna hear about is plans, having just buried our friend Radu. Irwin and Mr. Krabs (I don't know when I grabbed a Krabby either, sorry) are given the cold shoulder by a team that is unwilling to accept them into their lifes, and I don't blame my squad. They lost their chompy boy and I, too, am recovering from the shock. My nerve is lost, but we have to keep going, I say. Handing the medicine back to Jasmine to save the lighthouse Ampharos, knowing I have experienced a hard loss and that she may murder my whole team later, seems like extra salt in the wounds.
We're still recovering as we receive a phone call about a Safari Zone not too far from here-- just west of Fight Island. I've heard promising things, a world of six zones with a variety of high-leveled, rare Pokemon. And if my team are in denial about Radu, maybe a big hearty watery ass-kicker can be found out there and change our luck.
After all, if we're going to overcome this Steelix and get the run back on track, we need an army. I package up mine and the group's feelings as the siren song of the Safari Zone gets louder. We land back on Fight Island and are treated to an absolutely beautiful scenic route.
The Siren Song of the Safari Zone From Dictionary.com:
"The Sirens were beautiful women with the upper bodies of humans and the lower bodies of birds whose bewitching songs lured sailors to their doom. So irresistible were their songs that sailors who heard them would be tempted to navigate the ship close to the shore and risk crashing or they might jump overboard into the water and drown."
One of the rare times my Pokemon knew something before me, Irwin and Mr. Krabs are struck down in back to back battles in brutal fashion. Irwin loses to his life to a ROLLOUT FROM A MARILL WHY DOES MARILL KNOW ROLLOUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE LOOK AT THAT POKEMON AND TELL ME HOW THAT MAKES SENSE, CANONICALLY BOULDERS AND ROCKS ARE BIGGER THAN IT--
--and Mr. Krabs is a casualty of me not realizing he was rostered second on my double team. Elphabaa gives me the look of an angsty rebelling teenager before just wrecking shop. I'm pretty sure if she could communicate verbally with me, she wouldn't. We are both infinitely frustrated, to the point that I kind of want to throw my laptop and play literally anything else. We push on, and I turn on the sea shanties because I too have become obsessed. Hoping for good luck, tea, and rum, I grab a Fearow on my way into the Zone.
We Arrive in Pieces
I've never seen this area before, this has to be new to Pokemon HeartGold compared to regular Gold, or I was just a dumb kid that missed it. The photographer captures me being a filthy tourist.
I've quietly placed a Tentacool named Nye that I caught on my initial trip to Fight Island into our water spot. After listening to commenter feedback, I take Shuckle back out, as they keep telling me about elite Shuckle strats and goddamnit I still could not care about Shuckle nor do I believe that isn't an elaborate troll, but this picture helped me deal a little bit with the death of Radu (I'm still not over it).
A Note on How I'm Handling This There are debates in Nuzlocke communities (I am now getting recommended videos due to the incessant number of 'is it rock or ground vs electric' and 'Nuzlocke' Googles I've been doing) about what to do with the safari zone. There are six zones in this safari zone, and basically some people want to catch in every zone (and because it is hard to catcha nything, and some people think that's bullshit going against the spirit of the challenge. Here's what I decided on:
• 25 balls instead of 30 • May catch only ONE Pokemon in each of the six zone • Must actively try to catch every Pokemon encountered, no picking and choosing • This is the only trip we'll make, so if time or balls become a factor, that's it • As a personal rule, I'm only keeping one Safari Zone catch on my team at a time
To those of you thinking of writing a comment telling me how I handled this doesn't fit your definition or goes against 'the spirit', I counter 1) Radu died, 2) Radu died, and 3) Radu died.
These Pokemon, sadly, are not that strong and maybe weren't worth getting killed over. There are ways to catch higher leveled Pokemon such as fishing (I've had too many water types already) and a really complicated furniture system that takes multiple visits, so while I got some cool Pokes (and a Woopert that I missed taking a screenshot of) meet what should have been soldiers in my army but are now reserves, all of which are level 17 (18 away from Steelix):
5/6 ain't bad at all, but yYou'd think with the level 20-24 Pokemon outside, that the zone would do you a solid, but nope. Anyway, Nostradamn (ala the famous predictor), McElroys (host of my favorite funny podcast, My Brother, My Brother and Me), Scrat (there aren't many fictional squirrels to choose from) and Ariel (Little Mermaid). Coming into the team though is BlueRock the Woopert, named after a baseball team I supported growing up.
Still, the team isn't really ready to fight Steelix. I still have to train. We are not an army, we have few soldiers and no leader. There is no fun way to make this grind suck less. I turn on frame-skipping in my emulator but that doesn't help.
The Ups and Downs Continue
In what is quickly becoming one of the bloodiest chapters of my Nuzlocke run, Apollo gets murdered almost entirely because I miss how brutally bad Mega Drain is against Pokemon with a type weakness to it. Seriously, half of this team right now (say hello by the way to Goldeen caught by surfing on my way to Mahogany Town like a smartass, and honestly I didn't think I'd care about them so I didn't snap a picture) could get hit with like, eight Mega Drains like it was nothing. This happened during a game of video mafia, and I was so sickened by it that I stopped playing for the night. And as someone who can play five hours of video in a night, oof.
I don't have the proper emotions to grieve for Apollo. Some of us will have to lose the battle to win it, but I would much prefer to lose in that actual battle.
Our graveyard is filling up and it feels like for every training breakthrough I make, I also suffer a setback.
Look at the absolute stars chilling in my graveyard right now. I start thinking about the possibility of bargaining with myself and adding some kind of one-shot resurrection clause, but that just becomes "I play HeartGold" rather than a Nuzlocke. But God, look at Radu! Gauntlet and Trivia7 are there, Trebek and... well, if I keep staring at this, I'll get sad, so let's get going.
The Journey Home
I stop home not to talk to Mom (I made the decision to take all of my money and leave her with nothing), because I'm looking to fish up a Magikarp and it's one of, if not the only untapped body of water left for me to use. If we're going to be stuck training for a while, let's get a Gyrados on the team and Dragon Rage/Surf our way through Steelix. Dragon Rage always hits for 40HP, and if Surf ends up doing even more damage, let's go. And yes, I have a level 10 Magikarp in my box, but fuck it. This quickly becomes way too over-thought about because the possibilities of surfing picking up something better (like another Tentacool) are there, but I think for the first time ever I legitimately want to see a Magikarp on the end of my line.
I don't get it.
What I get is better.
This beautiful electric lady OWNS. She OWNS. I had a 7% chance of fishing her up and she's my encounter. She is a freak of nature. Having a water/electric type is like if Radu and Elphabaa at a baby. I take Mongo to Olivine and this happens:
It is the fastest seven levels of evolution since Elphabaa herself. What Mongo has that's going to be extremely useful for the Jasmine fight is a special ability called 'Volt Absorb'. Electric moves, which you would reasonably use as a counter against a water type, make Mongo gain HP. Jasmine has two Magnemites before the main course and they'll only have Sonic Boom/Supersonic to attack with. I like our odds to be able to use Mongo to clear out Jasmine's grunts.
But I still need an entire army to stop Steelix, and right now I don't have a general. It can't be Elphabaa for this fight, Steelix is steel/ground and ground will destroy our electric souls. Still, I find myself a little disappointed about not getting a Gyrados out of New Bark Town...
...So I Go Find One
North of Mahogany Town lies the Lake of Rage, which the story takes you to to develop the Team Rocket subplot that's happening. They have a radio signal that has forced Magikarp to evolve, and one has evolved into this beautiful atrocity against man. My quest memory is foggy, and after getting robbed for $1,000 by Team Rocket, apparently you can literally just surf up to this thing and start a fight.
And man, this Gyrados is ready to fight. I quickly realize I don't have much for a catch strategy besides paralyze it and hope for the best. An angry Gyrados makes a mockery of that strategy, murdering Nye with frightening efficiency for the fourth death of the chapter:
The back and forth battle finally concludes, and around the same time, I hatch a plan. Knowing Steelix is weak to Surf, and with our new leader firmly in an ultra ball, we are ready.
We're going to drown that motherfucker.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 23, 2021 14:17:45 GMT -5
Chapter #7: Showdown with SteelixIt is a new day in the Pokemon world, and so we'll start with a new catch as we get ready to meet our maker.New Pokemon: Creed (Geodude) I would normally be kind of bummed about burning an encounter on another Geodude, but this feels like the universe giving me a do-over. Getting the canonical daughter (son) of Apollo, I've never seen a Pokemon more determined to avenge their Geodad. She's currently too weak to fight Steelix, but she makes a nice reserve and might help us deal with some coverage issues. Some people play Nuzlockes by saying you don't have to catch the same Pokemon if you've already got one from his evolution chart, but my team of traumatized death warriors takes in one of the children of their old friend.Speaking of, The General is quickly whipping them into shape. Mourning the loss of his Magikarp form, instead of fighting Jasmine right away, The General wants to rampage through the bastards that made him this way: Team Rocket. We oblige.Team Rocket HideoutThis section would be longer, but this chump says it better than I can: Gyrados absolutely ripped through Team Rocket. The General showed why they're going to lead the team: they are scary, efficient, and my best bet at running rest of the gauntlet. Running around with a Big Red Machine of death and destruction is almost comedic. Two doses of Dragon Rage (always hits for 40HP) can take out anything, and Surf wipes out their team even faster. We've picked up an icon here and they're ready to go. Everyone talks shit before we battlet hem, and Gyrados either brutally murders them, or if it's an electric Pokemon, I swap out to BlueRock or Mongo, who look at your electric Pokemon, shakes their fins disapprovingly, and murders them. Also, in HeartGold, you get to do a doubles battle with the Pokemon League Champion as your partner, and it is patently unfair in the best way possible. It's such an uneven match-up that I only have a screenshot of our challengers thinking they were cool before his (level 50!) Dragonite ate them for lunch with a nice chianti.
Though I will mention this:Having to wipe out three Electrodes in a row to stop Team Rocket's test plan here is terrifying. I didn't know it at this time (my worries were not warranted), but these ones don't have Selfdestruct. We've not seen Explosion or Selfdestruct yet on this run, but they can and will murder my Pokemon if I'm not prepared. BlueRock bodies the rest of these evil-empowering Pokemon like a major league starter recuperating from injury against single-A ballplayers.Sentimental Squad Photo Time This is it. We're about to go to war with Jasmine and her Steelix. From left to right: Mongo, BlueRock, MostEdible, Smartass, The General, and of course, Elphabaa. The strategy going in is simple: survive the Magnemites with Ampharos (she has two of them... yes, I'm aware that Mongo is literally right there and can absorb electric moves, but they also have Sonic Boom), then switch into the General or Smartass and drown Steelix with surf. It is, by far and away, the most I've planned for a Pokemon fight that wasn't the Elite Four. We also grinded up BlueRock and for this battle:Gym #6: Jasmine (Steel)My memory immediately hits me with one of the top anime betrayals of all time. From what I remember of regular Gold, this is just walk in and go battle Jasmine. This gym hasn't really been updated that severely, but now there's trainers?I see this dude and think to myself, "alright, I'll switch from Ampharos to lead with The General, he's my strongest Pokemon anyway right now, we should be fine."So I switch from Ampharos to the General, talk to him, he's not here to battle, and neither is the next trainer. Just weird adds to the gym. Alright, do this.Pokemon #1 is a Magnemite, going up against... THE GENERAL!
OH NO.I had switched from Ampharos to the General.I forgot to switch back. I had switched from Ampharos to the General.I'm an idiot. Well, maybe we've got this.
Magnemite immediately paralyzes The General with a first shot Thunder Wave, but I should be relatively fine. I've got five levels on this thing and it's still pretty early, and then I read the worst words in all of Pokemon:It's a critical hit!It's super effective.FUCK.There goes my plan.The General dies.One bad move and I've put myself in a serious hole as my HIGHEST LEVEL POKEMON HAS JUST BEEN MURDERED, and this is STILL THE FIRST POKEMON OF THIS FIGHT...
...and NOT the one I've written extensively about being terrified of. Oh no, no, no no no no no. I'm not ready to die yet and I have no ideas. Oh boy oh shit oh this is not good---I take a long look at my roster, anxiety brain firing off at a million miles an hour, before taking a deep breath, counting to five, and sending out Mongo.Mongo takes what feels like the longest time ever, because I am using water and electric moves to take down a Magnemite (and healing against Sonic Booms) but he eventually dispatches the Magnemites. We seriously luck out as Jasmine burns one of her hyper potions on her Mangemite. We have a chance here, but up next is the big boy, the eater of worlds, destroyer of runs, the childhood bully returning to tank my team, take everything we've built and crush us under its steel tail.With another one of my team members paralyzed, I am walking into four-and-a-half against one and still not feeling like I can win.
A little voice in my head says to switch in unsung soldier Smartass (Goldeen), because let's be honest... if things go as poorly as they're about to in my mind, maybe Steelix will take her out and I can finish the job with Mongo.
I am deeply, deeply worried.It's looking like the end of run, here. Like my luck in 2020, our run is going to come down to a major mistake and me not being able to recover.
We stand in and look across the way at at our maker, ready for the defensive wall (200 Defense) to destroy us.We decide to open this fight with Surf...... ...and we're treated to the best words in Pokemon:It's a critical hit!It's super effective!
WE CRIT BACK!!!! WE CRIT BACK!!!!! It's still not dead, but holy shit we have a chance now, and there's NO HYPER POTION! Steelix used a berry, but we can do this!SURF AGAIN!
The health bar starts shooting down!
|
|
|
Post by Nausicaä Suzuki on Jan 23, 2021 14:49:59 GMT -5
Bruh...I've seen like lots of nuzlockes on YouTube and, to be brutally honest... This is like one of my absolute favourites. Completely hilarious while actually making me want to root for you at every word. Totally amazing bud.
|
|
|
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jan 29, 2021 14:37:55 GMT -5
Chapter #8: Team Rocket Doesn't Play FairTeam UpdateAfter the death of The General, the team has changed again. Groot has rejoined us from his vacation in the box, and the spirit of our crew seems more determined than other. We're covering a good range of type advantages, we might be having some fun now, and fter losing only one comrade in what was expected to be a massacre, the team is fired up and ready to go. Elphabaa seems to know something as we head along straight to the next gym, as my team of ladies + MostEdible are ready to destroy male and female Pokemon alike.Evolution: Smartass (Seaking/Seaqueen) Smartass has now grown into her final form, and she's treated with much more respect as a combatant than she was in the past. She also wins any friendly discussions/debates with the "I murdered Steelix" card, which is going to be hard to top. Gym #7: Pryce (Ice)Our friend at the door lets us know that fire melts ice, in case you were six years old playing this children's game. However, we don't have that option: we have had zero access to fire Pokemon so far. However, in a bit of semi-tragic game design, almost every single Pokemon we're about to fight in this gym is also a water type. Elphabaa and Mongo go on a run through the opening trainers, and the battle is on before breakfast even gets cold.Let me do my best to play out this battle with real time commentary:Elphabaa hit a one-shot kill on Seal. Elphabaa could very easily handle this whole gym on her own, but she tags out.MostEdible ruined the mind of poor Piloswine, forcing him to encore Hail over and over, which does pretty much nothing after the first turn. As the hail rained down, Pryce healed Piloswine with a hyper potion, but Togetic made Piloswine flinch once the hail aws over, and absolutely crushed him with Ancient Power boosted stats.The opening of Mongo vs. Dewgong was real scary: Dewgong absolutely nailed Mongo with an aurora beam crit... which did a whopping 26 damage. Mongo responded by bodying Dewgong with a Spark and paralyzing the poor bastard. Pryce pulled out the first full restore we've seen so far, only for Dewgong to still be very ineffective and to quickly get re-paralyzed. Yeah, it was that fast.________________________________Let's Keep GoingWe decide to push on. The team and I have now crossed from nervous into confident into flat-out arrogant. We are ready to destroy any and all comers, and have most types well-covered except for a glaring hole here and there. It is Kumbaya for us as we figure out we've got another date with Team Rocket, one of their biggest challenges in the whole game.For those of you who don't know the plot (yes, I'm about to spoil this, but you've had over ten/twenty years to play the remaster/original, so...), Team Rocket has taken over the Goldenrod Radio Tower, and they plan to inflict the same sound torture they did to the General to Pokemon all over the region, then use those Pokemon to take over. Somewhere from beyond, we keep hearing "go fuck 'em up", and so we push on.The First Battles Go SwimminglySome battles are a little close as I go fight random Team Rocket members to clear through them as efficiently as possible, but for the most part it's standard stuff: switch into the Pokemon with the best type advantage, avoid crits, and it should be smooth sailing."Hey, narrator-- why was that part in italics? The avoid crits part?"Avoid... CritsOur arrogance quickly bites us square in the ass as BlueRock gets rocked by a crit MegaDrain. "Why was she even out there?", you demand of me, and I honestly... don't know. These Team Rocket grunts do not telegraph their Pokemon at all, and getting hit with a first move crit when I thought I could take a hit really, really sucks. Cut down before she could discover her true potential, BlueRock is no more. Just when our team thought we could maybe get away with not losing another of our soldiers until at least Victory Road, our legs are taken out from under us by Death herself.
Then she strikes again.
And we live, for now. Death seems to brush over Groot, letting the tree Pokemon know that her time is coming, but not now. We switch out to clear out the Porygon, and I realize that we probably aren't supposed to be here yet. There is one wolf inside me that says to turn around and run, the other wolf says " go fuck 'em up." The first wolf gets eaten by the second. Rematch with Executive PetrelThis Waluigi-looking motherfucker is back again, but he's not the final boss of this mission. He is, however, a giant stooge of the army, and we need his Pokemon dead. Luckily for us, we have a type advantage here. He's got a Koffing, a Weezing, and a Koffing, and I have a MostEdible that knows Extrasensory, a Psychic move that will destroy their minds. I feel pretty good about this.
The first Koffing gets absolutely owned.
The Weezing, on the other hand, does this:
Welcome to a Nuzlocke run's worst nightmare at the worst possible time: self-destruct. It is a move reserved for fucking over your opponent, and this purple bastard didn't even wait for his purple bastard to get damaged! MostEdible takes a heroic dive for the team in the worst way possible, sacrificing himself to save our squad. Petrel looks at me with a "I'm not done" look as I look at our cracked egg boy in my hands. This was my level 6 baby, my Pokemon I raised from an egg as our team's consistent and constant forth. He didn't deserve this. He has gone splat, and I can not put the pieces back together. I don't know what to do as hours of our lives together have now been cut short. The rest of the team volunteers themselves as I sit there mentally defeated, and the third Koffing, not with Self-destruct, but extra toxic, tears through my team. Mongo eventually handles business, and we escape with our lives, desperately needing to heal and to draft in some new recruits if possible. I grab Shuckle to body hits like a tank, and with a demonic look in my eye, I grab Creed (Geodude), knowing I have something devious planned of my own. We heal up, and not remembering where I am in the story, I push on, with the voice in my head telling me once again, " go fuck 'em up." My Pokemon stare at me, wondering why I'm listening to voices instead of their calls to heal or train. I don't have an answer. I must avenge my team, I must get revenge and bring peace for my eggy boy. If I remember correctly, all I have to do is get through the rest of those Team Rocket motherfuckers.. ...oh fuck.
|
|