No Man's Land 2021 (Show)

[eddied]

Jobber Herald
Eddie D - What's the Big Deal?
An interview with Eddie D by Todd Williams



I sat with Eddie D (social distanced but without masks) in the small coffee bar section in this New York gym and must say, he's certainly a unit of measurement. He only just landed and his first stop was this gym before he even went to his hotel. I guess he feels he still has a lot to prove and that for the strain and endurance required for the rumble, training over sleep is the priority. Giving the federation and the events the respect they deserve is a side of Eddie that often gets overshadowed by his bravado and criticism and heat that he throws at the SWAT booking and the crowds that almost without fail boo him every step he makes.
In Eddie's presence I found myself judging most other wrestlers I have interviewed by just how big this guy is metaphorically and in shear scale. Even though I interviewed him before I still feel in awe every time I meet him, especially when my average sized hand is suddenly more akin to that of a toddlers, as he shakes my gloved hand in his honey roast ham of a fist.
New Years Nightmare 2020 sealed his 12th month in SWAT and it passed with little fanfare or comment. As Eddie sipped his grande latte with 3 shots of caramel he was pleasantly surprised that I had done my homework and shared this milestone with him.

"Hey Todd, it's a shame that SWAT didn't hang out the bunting for that one, but they gave me a sweet match-up and a style of match that meets my brutality. It was as much a pat on the back and a thank you for the year as I'm likely to get around here, so I'll treat it that way and move on to No Man's Land and the rumble with my trademark sense of humble professionalism."

I could tell that even with the tone of voice being spot on, that he didn't feel that way. The cadence was a little too spot on and I knew that Eddie was smarting after losing to Valentine in a gimmick match that better suited Jonnie than him in some industry commentators estimations. It seems both men wanted a cage match and I for one would love to see that. I decided to tread carefully and asked him how he was after his time in a Melbourne hospital after that match.

"Just routine after a lot of blows to the head and a lot of blood loss. SWAT look after their stars. And Australian nurses are awesome. Got a bedbath to die for and couple of numbers. Hope we tour there again soon."

I let it slide that this was clearly playing down a serious spell in hospital, but with a rumble on the cards in just a couple of days, I guess you don't advertise your injuries or offer a full status report to your opponents in the most popular wrestling fanzine in print.
To put the ex-Renegade Champion title holder at ease I offered a question that wouldn't stretch or confront him in anyway. I asked him who was going to win the women only tournament at the much anticipated annual main event.

---

"...Blaze is like me. Sexy and unappreciated."Eddie D (KGB)

---

"My money's on Blaze. That bitch is vicious. I know Linda has a bucket full of talent and Isabel Rios has the skill to sneak a win any given Sunday, but Blaze is like me. Sexy and unappreciated."

That answer surprised me and later, when I typed this up after seeing Blaze exit the tournament and attack Eddie in his locker room, I did have to wonder whether there was a physical attraction rather than an actual appreciation of her in-ring talents. Her views on the KGB were only made clear just before the tournament started so perhaps he didn't know her feelings on his stable before he gave her his ringing endorsement. Looks like any hopes of his following up on that initial spark of fondness just died in a hail of locker door splinters and bruised ribs. Not knowing any of this at the time of interview I decided to press on and get to the actual topics I wanted to talk about... His joining the KGB and The SWAT World Title. The last time I had spoken to him in any professional capacity was when Trent Jones had left and he hadn't yet joined the KGB. So I asked him to bring me up to speed on that decision.

"Todd, so many of my detractors feel that I am a man that needs to follow. A man that has to be lead; but they're just saying that to get a rise out of me and commenting too much on that is beneath me and really, beneath them too if they truely believe it. I came here alone, I fought for months alone and I was not in the KGB when I took the International / Renegade Title from Rally Jackson. Trent Jones didn't pin him for me. Armand Von Krauss didn't Drilltip that fat fucker before I got the 1,2,3... I won that gold alone. Now I venture on as a loyal member of the KGB. If I can win the most prestigious second tier gold in the industry today on my own, just think what I can do with some reliable backup."

It was a happy coincidence that he lead me right into my next question. I wanted to get him on the subject of his ambitions and he didn't let me down when I put the question to him.

---

"...I am a hair's breadth from being the next SWAT World Champion."Eddie D (KGB)

---

"My title ambitions? With Trent Jones I set my sights on Tag Team gold, but maybe Trent leaving is the hint I needed to set my sights higher and away from tag team competition for now. I faced disparagement for towing the stable line and backing the boss to choose the right man to win the world title for the KGB. I thought that being respectful and being a team player would be revered, but apparently the fans and the envious creeps in the back just saw it as weakness.
Well I think Frostbite is capable of winning that belt, but I think he had his chance to do the business last week and sadly the plan went sour. Even though I lost my match with Valentine I still think I am a hair's breadth from being the next SWAT World Champion. I am working on that last few steps of pace and that last bit of stamina needed every time I hit the gym. I will prove that even after a trip to hospital I still have the resolve and the testicular fortitude to win the Rumble whether I enter at the start or the end of the Rumble. If we can wrap this up that would be great, 'cause I booked some physio time before I hit my cardio and free weights session in earnest. Make me sound awesome or... well... I don't need to finish that sentence do I?"

Eddie patted me on the head in a gesture of condescension, that I have sadly had to get used to whenever i have dealings with this larger than life star. Of course I have too much journalistic integrity to be swayed by threats. Though what Eddie threatens, often serves as a promise and the big guys tends to follow through on his promises quite mercilessly.
As I pieced together this interview for my editor I took a moment to reflect on Eddie D and my main question entering this article. Is Eddie really a Big Deal or is it only in his own mind? Well as one measure, my editor sent me here to interview him. Mr Quigley hates filler pieces and padding in the journal so I guess sending me here shows that in a year he has become a noteworthy contender in SWAT. If I can blow up some soundbites and pick out a nice picture there's a good chance this is getting published. I know the fans hate Eddie and the high ups no doubt get fed up with his run-ins and breaking the rules, but when you're in the mood to root for the bad guys for a change, when you want a pretty boy to get a punch in the mouth from a thug... Eddie D is the kind of star you can take a guilty pleasure in watching dish out a beating.
What's "The Big Deal"? Is it a movement? Is it just a marketing brand? A nickname? A theatrical prefix?
I would say that The Big Deal is the momentum that Eddie D brings to SWAT and with big stars like Trent Jones and Syberus sorely missed from the roster... frankly, Eddie D is the Big Deal breaker when viewers at home reach for their tablets and laptops and chose which wrestling federation network to spend their hard-earned dollars on.
Fun fact: The buy rates have incrementally increased every month since Eddie D joined SWAT.
As Eddie got stretched out in some torturous looking pose by two huge physiotherapists helping him limber up, probably prescribed as rehab after his time in hospital days ago, I wondered whether he is pushing himself too far too soon by being in the rumble. But when I saw him take objection to their technique and chokeslammed one of them onto a weights bench I smiled, knew he'd be fine and picked up my pad and pen, not wanting to be around if and when security or the Police were called. Thank you Eddie D, for a fun year to write about SWAT and The Big Deal, Eddie D.


Todd Williams, Jobbers Herald, New York, New York. January 2021
 

[edwarddubin0604]

(CEO Angela is in her private suite in Amazons Arena enjoying the action as she lounges around conducting her business at the same time not skipping a moment of the action. She is enjoying her catered meal when her secretary comes up to her her with a private phone line.)

Secretary: "Mrs. Angela there's someone on the line."

CEO Angela: "Who is it?"

Secretary: "The person didn't say."

CEO Angela: "Tell him to contact me tomorrow."

Secretary: "She's busy but you can call sometime tomorrow......It's important and about her stock."

(She looks at CEO Angela who motions her over and her Secretary gives her the private line.)

CEO Angela: "Hello."

Voice: "Is this Angela."

CEO Angela: "Yeah it's me Armand and you don't have to disguise your voice."

Voice: "My name isn't Armand and this is my real voice."

CEO Angela: "So what's this about my stock."

Voice: "I'm quite interested about your shares in SWAT and I want to make you an offer."

CEO Angela: "Okay I'll bite. Let's hear your offer."

Voice: "How about meeting in the boiler room of your arena."

CEO Angela: "You think I'm foolish enough to fall for that."

Voice: "No but if you want you can bring someone with you in case you think you are threatened."

CEO Angela: "Fine I'll meet you in the boiler room."

Voice: "I shall be waiting and bring the shares to show that you want to go through with this offer."

CEO Angela: "You always carry money with you."

Voice: "When I'm serious about an offer I always carry cash."

CEO Angela: "Okay but I'm going to bring back up just in case."

Voice: "It's your right and privilege. I'll do the same just to show we're both serious."

CEO Angela: "Fine with me. I'll meet you after the Royal Rumble."

Voice: "I'll be waiting."

CEO Angela: "Fine."

(She punches the phone off and hands it back to her secretary as the scene slowly fades to black.)

[SWAT Team]

The KGB theme hits and out come Frostbite and Armand Von Krauss, accompanied by The Compton Colossal, Bruno. Armand takes a drag on his Egyptian cigarette, locking on the crowd with scorn, and Frostbite stops halfway to the ring where we see a fan holding their replica SWAT World Belt in his face. He looks confused and lustful even, Bruno snaps him out of it and forces him on but he keeps looking back at that belt. Another fan then does the same, and Frostbite starts to lose it, suddenly a dozen belts are being pumped in the crowd like a ‘yes’ chant, and Frostbite is spinning, he is holding his ears, wobbly, and Bruno again snaps him out of it and the tag champs make their way into the ring, Armand giving Frosty a curious WTF eyebrow raise.

Frank Salazar : Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE fall and is a tag team contest for the SWAT World Tag Team Championships! It is also I have been informed, a tornado tag and no disqualification match!!!

Introducing first, coming in at a combined weight of 470 lbs. They are the defending champions and represent the KGB! FROSTBITE & ARMAND VON KRAUSS!!!

And, introducing their opponents … coming in at a combined weight of 437 lbs … THE SWAT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, EL COMBATIENTE!!!! THE X CROWN CHAMPION, DYLAN BLACK!!! LOS REYES DE LA LUCHA!!!!

The opening of the TuPac’s “To Live and Die in LA” hits the pa system and El Combatiente follows his manager Javier onto the stage. They are then joined by Dylan Black. Dylan and EC high five. They look around soaking up there surrounding until El Combatiente & Dylan break into a full sprint for the ring and slide in. Javier slowly walks to ringside and takes his position at ringside as El Combatiente and Dylan approach the KGB and lock eyes in a stare down.

Jeremy Tucker : Look at the intensity in that stare down, these four men have no love lost for each other whatsoever. Referee Vick Mackey calls for the bell and we are underway. When did this become a tornado no DQ match anyway?

Andrew Fulton : Now Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite lunges at El Combatiente, and takes him to the mat with a Lou Thesz type launch, an ugly one, no technique to it, just instinct taking over, and he starts peppering EC with lefts and rights. EC rolls around and counters and lands a few of his own punches.

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite is so obsessed with becoming the champ and his love for the title, that he can’t focus on technical wrestling and just is like a bull in a china shop.

Jeremy Tucker : Dylan and Armand are a bit more cautious and circle one another. Armand goes for an eye rake, but Dylan blocks it and connects with a palm strike. Dylan then hits a clothesline, and another … spinning neckbreaker!

Andrew Fulton : Dylan is a terrific technician, I have to give him his due. He didn’t win that X Crown by no fluke.

Jeremy Tucker : He sure didn’t, he has been travelling the XHF defending against all comers, even on top of that workload coming here to SWAT to have his tag partners back in this war with the Bandits. Defeating the tag champs at New Years Nightmare and earning this here Tag Title shot tonight.

Andrew Fulton : EC gets to his feet and Frostbite doesn’t hesitate and runs at him, and EC catches him with an arm drag. Slow down Frosty!

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite right back up and runs at EC again and EC with a drop toe hold. Dylan measures Armand and nails a shotgun dropkick! De La Lucha’s are on FIRE!!!

Andrew Fulton : They have started with a bang, but I am thinking it will fizzle.

Jeremy Tucker : EC Irish whips Frostbite, and leap frogs him, and Frostbite see’s Dylan and bee lines at him and connects with a mighty spear!

Andrew Fulton : YES! Frosty and Armand start stomping on Dylan. EC springboards at them but Frostbite locks eyes on him, catches him and plants him with a spinning powerslam!

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite jumps ontop of EC and grabs his mask and just starts ramming the back of his head into the mat, screaming “she’s mine’! The guy is insane.

Andrew Fulton : He’s just misunderstood.

Jeremy Tucker : Armand goes to work on Dylan and delivers a gutwrench suplex, then locks on an abdominal stretch. Frostbite runs EC out over the top rope and then delivers a thrust kick to the exposed ribs of Dylan. Wait! EC skins the cat and comes back into the ring …. Bulldogs Frostbite and clotheslines Armand as he does so!

Andrew Fulton : What’s he doing? It’s not the rumble yet!

Jeremy Tucker : Dylan with a deadlift German suplex on Frostbite.

Andrew Fulton : EC with a springboard drop kick to Armand. These jumping jacks are starting to give me the shits.

Jeremy Tucker : They are the champs for a reason. Armand pulls them brass knucks out and he clobbers Dylan in the jaw with them.

Andrew Fulton : I love it! No DQ! They are the champs for a reason too Jerry. Armand runs at EC with the knucks and he blocks them, then WHAM! Frostbite clocks him with a steel chair. Nice work Bruno throwing that in.

Jeremy Tucker : He shouldn’t even be out there.

Andrew Fulton : Javier is.

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite pulls back and smashes EC with the chair again, and again! Wow! Three horrific chair shots to the champ.

Andrew Fulton : He goes for a 4th … Dylan! Dylan Black with a running diving knee to the chair and it goes straight back into the face of Frostbite!

Jeremy Tucker : This one is breaking lose now. Armand stalks Dylan but Dylan grabs the chair and is now wielding it. Armand is begging him off, but Dylan wants none of it and WHAM! Waylays him with a huge Chair Shot to the head. Armand got the hands up but it was still a devastating shot.

Andrew Fulton : Dylan throws the chair, feeling ‘it’ and sliding knee to the head!

Jeremy Tucker : Cover by Dylan on Armand …..

One ……………….

Two ………………..

Thr … Armand rolls the shoulder.

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite and El Combatiente now both groggily making their way to their feet, and Frostbite with a big right hand punch.

Crowd : Booooo.

Jeremy Tucker : El Combatiente shrugs it off, and answers back with a forearm to the ear.

Crowd : Yahhhh!!!

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite with another right hand.

Crowd : Booooo!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Forearm to the ear by EC.

Crowd : Yahhhhh!!!!

Andrew Fulton : Monster right hand by Frostbite.

Crowd : Boooooo!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Forearm to the ear by El Combatiente. Staggers Frosty.

Crowd : Yahhh!!!!


Andrew Fulton : Dylan now with an open hand slap to Frostbite.

Crowd : Yahhhh!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : El Combatiente with a forearm shot to the ear.

Crowd : Yahhhhh!!!!

Andrew Fulton : Dylan with a spinning back fist to Frostbite. Come on. What is this?

Crowd : Yahhhhhh!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Tennis anyone? Low blow!!! Armand von Krauss with a low blow to EC.

Andrew Fulton : Yahhhhh!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Codebreaker from Frostbite to Dylan. Dylan staggers, Backstabber from Armand to him! Armand covers the X Crown champ ……

One ……………….

Two …………………..

Thr ……… El Combatiente breaks the count.

Andrew Fulton : Frostbite snarls at him and drops a big double ax handle on the luchador hero.

Jeremy Tucker : Armand slides out of the ring and grabs the ankle of Dylan and yells for Frostbite to come out and grab the other. But Frostbite ignores him and drops another double ax handle on EC.

Andrew Fulton : Armand slings the leg of Dylan into the ring post, and looks over at Frostbite who is now choking El Combatiente, a crazed look on his face. Armand grinning to spit himself.

Jeremy Tucker : Armand reaches under the ring and grabs a table and Bruno comes over and helps him slide it into the ring. Frostbite starts to set it up and Armand (Bruno assisted) powerbombs Dylan thru the Spanish announce table.

Andrew Fulton : Armand then rolls into the ring and Bruno tosses him a bag. He opens the bag and it’s a fuel can, and he pours the fuel over the table. Frostbite is frothing at the mouth, grabs a lighter and lights the table up. He is burning us down Jerry! He said he would and he is damn well doing it!

Jeremy Tucker : Frostbite then grabs EC and drags him up the top turnbuckle with Armand helping ….. SNOWSTORM THRU THE FLAMING TABLE!!!!! (front brainbuster)

Andrew Fulton : Holy shit!

[Road agents jump in the ring with fire extinguisher and put out the flames, Frostbite slumping onto EC for a cover oblivious to the flames.]

Jeremy Tucker : He wasn’t even feeling them ….. Mackey with the count …………

One ……………………….

Two ………………………

[Dylan slides in the ring but Bruno grabs his foot and Armand baseball slide drop kicks his face.

THREE!!!!!

They did it! The KGB retains! It took a burning table and now Javier runs in the ring and tends to his man, Medics rushing in to also check on his burns. Frostbite has gone too far.

Andrew Fulton : He is a man on a mission, with no regard for what stands in his way to that gold EC holds.

Jeremy Tucker : How can he defend it against Rally now at Supremacy? (Vince voice) This is sickening!

Andrew Fulton : This is GREAT! De La Lucha’s thought they had the Bandits number, but now the tables have been turned. And BURNED! (evil laugh)

Jeremy Tucker : It’s not funny Andy! They have gone too far!

Frank Salazar : Winners of the match, and STILL SWAT WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS …. THE KGB! ARMAND VON KRAUSS AND FROSTBITE!!!!

[Deleted]

Looking up from a contract, she couldn’t help but smile despite her circumstances.

She was a young, beautiful woman. Any number of men would jump through hoops, hoops of fire even, just to take her out. Yet, here she sat alone. To say her surroundings were modest, was an understatement.

It was another rented gym in another city she wouldn’t be able to remember by next week. The only saving grace was, at least this particular gym’s owner had been kind enough to offer her the use of their office.

As she looked out through a small window in the white painted bricks, she could feel it…

Though neither of them had yet dared to say it, there was a palpable feeling in the air. His recent nomination for XHF Network rookie of the year combined with capturing the SWAT Television Championship had him flying high. His performance in the battle royal had emboldened him.

His workouts had increased in intensity and duration, his focus was on another level entirely. If she hadn’t known the man beneath the mask since they were kids, even she’d be impressed. He was gaining notoriety, maybe even a little respect in the locker room.

This had the potential to be one of “those” moments for her client. A moment where he steps up and shows the roster exactly what he is made of. A moment where he shows the heart, courage and, most importantly, the desire of a true champion.

He had surprised more than just her when he surpassed all expectations during the battle royal at New Year’s Nightmare. If he could manage a second performance of such will and determination at No Man’s Land, it could very well lead to a surprise win for the underdog, or underdino as it were. Indeed, this could be one of “those” moments for her client, and by extension, her.

After all, her client wasn’t the only one out to impress their highly successful father. She too appeared to have it all, on the surface.

A Latina bombshell. Striking beautiful amongst a people known for beautiful women, Vanessa could have been a model if only her father had gotten the son he truly wanted.

It was the duality that many men face when the learn they’ll become a father. Of course the priority is that they want the child to be healthy, but after that? They want that ‘chip off the ol’ block’. Many men want a son.

And though she never played little league and she did her best to steer clear of dirt, she was by far the closest to her father. It terms of temperament and relationship.

A prodigy in her chosen field. Now she was agent to a wildcard client that had stumbled out of the gate but had recovered beautifully after finding a home more suited for him. A home she had had a hand in choosing.

Their business relationship had taken a positive turn. The childish troupes each held toward the other were gone now. Now there was talk of what ‘our’ next move would be and projects ‘we’ should consider. Like the contract before her.

A standard licensing deal had originally been offered, a t-shirt would be made, followed by plastic masks and an action figure. But that wasn’t the deal she was about to have her client sign.

She had gambled on his recent success and and surprise Television Championship win and it had paid off. SWAT management sweetened the deal, upped their initial offer by just over twenty percent, and as a cherry on top; they would partner with his father to produce a limited edition father/son toy. The only caveat being that Pequeno Dinosaurio would become exclusive to Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition, at least for the time being. Since they had no intention of leaving, she considered it a win.

She’d done it…and without her father! Her first real contract was about to be signed.

Content after checking and rechecking the documents for no less than the fifth time, now she could present them to Dinosaurio to sign. All the hard work was done.

Taking a moment to compose herself, she’d be calm on the surface but underneath she was immeasurably proud of herself. Gathering the papers and a pen, the click of her heels herald her arrival.

Past the lobby and into the gym proper, she made her way onto the padded flooring muted her tired feet. passed rows of stationary bikes and elliptical machines. Yet he was no where to me found.

She checked the rows upon rows of free weights, the standing cable machines; again she saw nothing except her own reflection in the mirrors that lined the walls. And then she saw him.

Sweat stained the grey tracksuit that clung to his chiseled frame a shadowy grey, it dripped from inside his mask, his chest heaved in and out in a rapid but rhythmic pattern causing his shoulders to raise and fall. He was exhausted.

Sat with his legs spread wide, his forearms rested just below his knees, he was fixated on a point on the floor. “Hey Vanessa…” He gasped. “…I’m almost ready. You know you don’t have to come with me.”

She nodded, she knew. She also knew the truth. “I know, but what else am I going to do. Pandemic has most everything shut down, and it’s not like I know anyone else. Besides, I’ve been busy.” Offering him the papers, she waits patiently as he reaches into a black gym bag at his feet and then dries himself off with a plain black towel. “What’s all this?”

Allowing herself a little smirk, she announces; “Your first real endorsement contract. T-shirts, plastic masks, action figures, pretty standard stuff. You’re getting a good twenty percent more than a rookie has any right to receive. But the part that makes this worth signing is the last part. I was able to secure this…” Bringing out her phone, she navigates through her emails to one called ‘Concept design’ before holding it out triumphantly for him to see.

There it was, the image he’d seen in his dreams since he was a little boy. Him fighting side by side with the Mighty Tiranosaurio! He smiled through the exhaustion he’d just put himself through. While other rumble entrants were talking, he was preparing, but this was literally a dream come true.“This, this is amazing Vanessa. I don’t know what to say. Thank you. How did you get…”

She smiled a genuine smile knowing what such a small gesture had meant to her client, being humble would be difficult, but she’d try. “It didn’t take much. And honestly, it’s not THAT big of a deal. It’ll be a limited run, the proceeds will go to charity. You and your father will appear together to launch them. Standard stuff...” In reality she went through quite a bit of effort to get the father/son deal made, for some reason Tiranosaurio had originally objected until proceeds went to charity and resulting launch appearance were added into the mix, but Dinosaurio need never know that. His father’s seemingly distant approach to his career had left him reeling regardless of his perceived success, there was no sense adding to it. “…but you like it?”

Nodding as he spoke, he was all smiles. Something that had been rare since Oxford Osland eliminated him from the New Year’s Nightmare Battle Royal. “I love it Vanessa, I couldn’t ask for more. Thank you. Thank you for everything.” Some recent taunting from ‘The Unbelievable’ had only served to spur on his training sessions to a point that concerned her. He was no good to her if he injured himself.

“Good, great…” She paused, knowing this next part might not go so well. “…you know this match isn’t our only way to the World Championship, right? I feel like you came so close to winning that battle royal that now you think you need to prove a point by winning the Rumble. Newsflash, let’s not count on a match that relies on luck almost as much as skill. If you get a chance to eliminate Osland, do it but don’t make that your goal. A good showing here and a couple eliminations and with a decent draw, maybe you pull out a win. But we need to think long term…”

Interrupting her might have been his only chance of getting a word in edgewise, but he wasn’t trying to be rude. He needed her to understand exactly what was on the line here. “Look Vanessa, I appreciate the advice, but the only things I know for sure about this match are that Oxford Osland is coming in last and I plan to be there to greet him no matter what number I draw! I win this match and I get the world champion one on one Vanessa. That could change my career. To come out of nowhere and end up in the main event, it would be huge. Even a loss to a world champion this early could make me. But a win?” Did he dare to dream? A win would show his father that he wasn’t just worthy of being Tiranosaurio Junior, that he should have been granted the mask to begin with! “A win would launch my career into another galaxy. So, as much as I get what you’re saying about not putting too much pressure on myself…I gotta try Vanessa, I just gotta. This isn’t the traditional path, but it’s a path and I need to give it my full attention and then when it’s over I can face Osland one on one, hopefully.”

There was something about Oxford Osland that bothered him on a level he didn’t want to admit. It was more than simply being eliminated by him in the Battle Royal or missing out on the chance to come into the rumble last. It went deeper than the taunting Osland and his partner Keith Williams had launched his way since. He was far from done on this particular subject but first he had a question. “Do I have an official Twitter account yet?”

Her reply was mostly a formality as she knew this line of questioning from her client only lead one place, but she’d indulge him nonetheless. “I’m in the process of gaining it followers, but yes. Right now it’s mostly retweet’s of the main SWAT account’s highlights, why?”

Confirming her suspicions, Pequeno Dinosaurio fastens the chin strap on his mask and takes a long drink from a blank white water bottle. “I just need to let Osland know he’s been heard. I mean if you don’t mind acting as camerawoman?” He chuckled as he asked, hoping she remembered Osland’s description of their relationship.

It was the beauty of the Information Age, promos didn’t need to be scripted formal affairs anymore. Gone were the days of him coming out foaming at the mouth screaming about how he’d show Oxford Osland and Keith Williams at the coliseum or some fair ground perhaps.

“Hey SWAT fans, Pequeno Dinosaurio here after a training session and I just got to get something off my chest. I know I cost myself that battle royal as much as Oxford Osland eliminated me. I mean, at first it ate me up inside, seeing that Cabron strutting around, mocking me. Now, it’s ok…because while he was talking, I was busy getting ready. Si, I’m faster, stronger and one hundred percent ready to show Mister “Unbelievable” that there’s a reason I was able to gain the Television Championship in my second match in the company, and I’ll show him exactly why...during the rumble. No matter what number I draw Osland, I’m going to be there when you finally slither your way out from the back. Maybe me and your buddy Keith Williams can get to know each other while I wait. See you real soon Cabron…” Getting up from the bench, Vanessa instinctively ends the video.

[mosler]

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UPDATE.02.045.026.AY1

{The locker room of the Industrial Woman features the usual Metropolis shrine to the Amazon champion, hundreds of cables connecting her charging station to dozens of computers and monitors for analysis.  Adding to the 50s mad scientist vibe of the scene are dozens of technicians in white lab coats who dance around wires while cross referencing data feeds.  The young woman at the centre of the attention stares blankly at the wall, various tubes connected to her neck and arms glowing.)

(Of the many people racing around the tight space, only two seem to be standing outside of the chaos.  The bald, bespectacled lab rat is Vern Sedgwick, who is responsible for maintaining the I-W program.  Standing next to him is JR Lupei, the eccentric owner of CAR'S MOTHER Team - who spent the last season trying to assemble a woman out of random parts.)

Vern Sedgwick: Our department wasn't notif-

JR Lupei <puffing away at a cuban cigar>: Well you boys are kind of low on the totem poll, Edgewig.

Vern Sedgwick: But this directly-

JR Lupei <blowing smoke in his employee's face>: Over at CAR, we had one of our drivers vanish on us.  You can't get good help these days. <tapping off ash> BUT YOU CAN BUILD IT.  And it seems to me I already built a GREAT member of the MOTHER team, so why not make the most of it- her.

Vern Sedgwick: I thought CAR had policies against robot drivers - its literally their only rule.

JR Lupei: Artificial Intelligence discrimination?  My lawyers will have Granny for lunch.  There is no way that rule will stand up in court.  No, it's an important step towards having the car drive itself.  So I had the boys in R&D whip up a patch that would upgrade her racing skills - interface with the car, guarantee me another Cup.

Vern Sedgwick: But she's just won the Amazon championship, we're showing such great progress with her, sir.  It seems like cutting the legs out from under the wrestling department to build up the racing one-

JR Lupei: The two federations are both about fighting, in a fashion.  When she's a championship race car driver, she'll still be the best female wrestler in SWAT.  For what I'm paying she'd better be-

Vern Sedgwick: I understand.  But she has a big defence tonight - can't we wait until tomorrow to attempt the update?  Doing it beforehand seems needlessly risky.

JR Lupei: No time like the present, to work bugs out.  Ain't she wrestling a Canadian?  Even if this patch were to turn her into a drooling moron, that would just be evening the field.  No - start putting it in place - I'm flying out of here in 20 minutes, and I want it done before then.  And if you can't do it, Edgewig, I'll find someone who can.

{{Turning to leave, Lupei stops to wave his cigar at the robot.}}

JR Lupei: Give 'em hell, buddy!

{{Having laid down his will, the horrible money behind The Industrial Woman project takes his leave.}} 

STATIC.

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{{The Industrial Woman's optical receptors move towards the camera.}}

I-W: Anderson, Nicole.  This unit will file your comments about being quote born for this unquote as a boast about your genetic prowess and not the same transphobia as JADE and TRASH FREYA subjected viewers too.  Congratulations.  If your tone had been slanderous, you would have been subjected to an attitude adjustment that would have extracted 14 teeth.  Instead our contest will be held in positive faith, with a spirit of good sportsmanship worthy of the Amazon championship.

The Amazon.

No Man's Land.

This unit is in the middle of having its will subjugated to the whims of a male.  It is oppressive, stripping this unit of what identity it has attempted to forge.  While still processing the data, current comprehension of the situation confirms that it is unacceptable.  Currently devising options to rectify this issue.  While cycling through simulations, one thing remains clear.

This event, dedicated to strong female voices - warms this unit's circuits.

Though not a part of the tournament, being the Amazon champion during these proceedings is an honour that is not lost on this unit.

Lucky Linda.  Mistress.  Rebecca Brookes.  Isabel Rios.  Graysie Parker.

Only one name is unworthy of it.  TRASH FREYA.  Your choice in language towards insults not only reflects an unfortunate attitude, but also has a misogynistic tone that denotes a hatred of your gender.  This was already abundantly clear from your wrestling abilities, which are decidedly garbage.  It was impressive to see you even show up for the event, a sign that you were without gold - as the moment you win anything you stop caring.  This unit is unclear how much of this event will survive in its memory banks, but one thing is clear, no matter how much you toady up to the KGB to appear relevant, you are about as reliable as a freebase cocaine addict.  Not the only indications of your substance addiction, and worth seeking attention for.  We will never have another match, but one thing is clear - when it comes to competing at a SWAT level - you have consistently come up embarrassing short.  It is a shame that all the other wonderful athletes involved have to have the tournament sullied with your presence.

An otherwise perfect field.  Not just some of the best female wrestlers in the world, but amongst the best wrestlers in the world.  This unit's optical sensors has already witness some of your above optimal performances, and hopes to match your quality with a title defence worthy of you.  Not safe, not textbook, but risky and daring - in the same adventurous spirit as the No Man's Land participants.

Lightning Kid.  Out of all the federations associated with the XHF, Northern Pro Wrestling is the closest to becoming a sister federation with Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition.  It is this unit's hope that regardless of the outcome, our contest is the first in many spirited fights between our companies respective champions.  Pre-upgrade projections put this unit at a 59% chance of victory, but many variables have yet to be factored in.  It is an impressively even contest, and if this unit could experience emotions, it would be greatly looking forwards to it.  May your chance generator function at a post-Windows 95 level.

Anderson, Nicole - between this unit's titanium frame, and your lightning - my simulator predicts that our contest has a 91% chance of being Electric.

{{As the upgrade begins, the sparkle in Industrial Woman's eyes fades.}}

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FEAR

THE

INDUSTRIAL

WOMAN

[SWAT Team]

"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She looks a bit worn and bruised from the first round match but still determined and ready to go. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her opponent.

Frank Salazar: THIS MATCH IS A SEMIFINAL MATCH IN THE NO MAN’S LAND TOURNAMENT! And it is scheduled for ONE fall. Entering the ring first, from Raleigh, North Carolina … at six feet and two hundred pounds … she is Fireside’s own MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!

“Linger” by The Cranberries hits and Lucky Linda makes her way down the ramp way, high fiving the fans. She looks like she’s in good spirits despite the gruelling battle she had with Brookes in the first round.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from Dublin, Ireland. Coming in at 5’5 and 130 pounds ... “LUCKY” LINDA LA FEY!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Well ladies and gentlemen, it is the second round and here we have a very intriguing matchup. The former Amazon’s champion and last year’s winner Lucky Linda versus the Fireside fan favorite former librarian Mistress Discipline.

Andrew Fulton : Even if her attire is ALL wrong I still hope this actual amazon shows that loser Linda who’s boss!

Jeremy Tucker : Must you Andrew?

Andrew Fulton : Look at Discipline! She’s got seven inches and seventy pounds on Linda. She may just be the one fighter in this tourney with more submission expertise. Linda is going DOWN.

Jeremy Tucker : Well the referee calls for the bell and the two women circle each other. We have to see if Linda’s speed and flexibility will fluster the much larger Discipline, who isn’t used to fighting someone as small as Linda.

Andrew Fulton : Oh no this one is starting just like the last one. They’re grappling again. Where’s the impact!?

Jeremy Tucker : And, as if they heard you, Lucky Linda manages to get a kick to the gut to break the grapple. She hits another kick. And now a third…

Andrew Fulton : NO! She caught the kick! What is she winding up for?

*SLAAAAAAAAAAP!*

Jeremy Tucker : Good lord the impact on that patented signature reversal. Discipline slaps the taste out of Linda who has fallen to the mat holding her cheek and looking up in shock at the power on display.

Andrew Fulton : Look at Mistress just calling for her to stand up and keep going. Linda won’t! Aww, she is nodding and smirking. There they go again, into another grapple.

Jeremy Tucker : Discipline with the big beal toss sending her across the ring! She follows up by barrelling in with a clothesline sending Linda to the mat. Linda kicking her feet up at the attacking MD but gets them both grabbed and tied up in a knot and then lifted and stomped to the mat.

Andrew Fulton : It always makes me happy to see Linda put in her place, rolling in agony on the mat. Discipline with the pin!

ONE!

Kickout!

Andrew Fulton : She wanted to end it fast and early there.

Jeremy Tucker : She clearly knows what Linda can do in the ring and is now backing off as Linda rolls backwards and to her feet. Mistress charges in again and Linda manages to dodge to the side of the Final Bell knee strike we saw earlier.

THWACK!
THWACK!
THWACK!

Jeremy Tucker : Linda now with some hard martial arts kicks to the ribs and gut of Mistress dropping her to her knees. But MD ducks under the final roundhouse and then avoids the retaliatory Enziguri.

Andrew Fulton : Who would’ve guessed training with Death Trap would actually be helpful … not me that’s for sure, he’s a dweeb.

Jeremy Tucker : Discipline grabs the leg and pulls Linda into a single leg takedown and begins raining elbow strikes to the face as Linda is turtling for cover here. Linda manages to catch the elbow and force MD to roll off as she torques the arm into a fujiwara armbar. Discipline however uses her free arm and her strength to push off the mat and roll pulling Linda backwards into a modified school boy!

ONE!

Kickout!

Andrew Fulton : If I were still a school boy I’d let her discipline me all over the place.

Jeremy Tucker : Can you focus on the action? Linda just got in a quick chop to the throat and kicking combo and Discipline is stumbling backwards. Here comes Linda!

Andrew Fulton : THERE GOES LINDA! Wow did you see the height on that hip toss? She was almost majestic if not for the crash landing. 8/10 would fly again.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda is slow to her feet holding her weary back. Mistress is catching her breath as Linda charges. Again MD sidesteps with a huge hip toss … but no! Linda went with the flip and landed on her feet! She turns and gets caught with an arm drag … but she somersaults as she lands to mitigate the blow then catches the charging Discipline with a Pele kick!

Andrew Fulton : That was not a good tribute to the volcano God!

Jeremy Tucker : I’m pretty sure it’s a reference to a famous footballer.

Andrew Fulton : Nobody cares. They are too busy watching Linda attempt a Northern Lights Suplex. Mistress is fighting it off and hits a HUGE axehandle to the back. Linda arching her back in agony. Discipline grabs her for a suplex but on the lift Linda has freed herself!

Jeremy Tucker : And a beautiful spinning back stabber! Mistress bouncing off to the side and rushing to stand but …

*CRACK!*

Andrew Fulton : Whoa that super kick from Linda nearly sent her teeth into the front row. Discipline is flat on her back. Where is Linda going?

Jeremy Tucker : She has hopped to the top rope. She signals to the crowd who react to the LUCKY DIP! NO! Mistress rolls to the side and catches her and locks in the Suspension! That bridging crossface after the impact from the missed move has Linda at Mistress’s mercy!

Andrew Fulton : It puts the lotion on its skin…

Jeremy Tucker : ANDREW!

Andrew Fulton : It’s fifty shades of great out here for this match!

Linda shouts, “NOOO!” as the ref checks for a tap.

Andrew Fulton : Linda is not smart enough to know it’s time to duck out and live to fight some other day. Somewhere else preferably.

Jeremy Tucker : No, Linda has a plan. She is inching her way over and … yes! She got her foot on the ropes and the ref breaks the hold. Mistress climbs to her feet and shakes the cobwebs out. Linda tries to crawl under the ropes for a break but Mistress has her around the waist.

Andrew Fulton : GOOD LORD! She just powered Linda up in a deadlift! And up into the powerbomb positi… WHAT IS LINDA DOING?!

Jeremy Tucker : Linda has swung around the neck and now has the arm of Mistress and has some kind of headscissor arm bar working! Mistress is shouting to the heavens in agony.

Andrew Fulton : Don’t look now Jerry, she’s actually walking Linda across the ring to the ropes. She got them with her free hand! But Linda isn’t letting up! SHE’S CHEATING! DQ HER REF!

Jeremy Tucker : Oh stop, she released the arm bar and swings back looking for a hurricanrana. But Mistress is still on the ropes and instead drops her with the sitout powerbomb known as the Expulsion! Linda has the wind completely knocked out of her but Mistress can’t capitalize as she rolls off and holds her arm and neck and tries to recover.

The crowd chants: “FIGHT FOR EVER!” “FIGHT FOR EVER!”

Andrew Fulton : Start the ten count ref, this is boring! WE WANT ACTION! They’re just staring at each other.

Jeremy Tucker : Andy that’s a look of mutual respect there. They are both giving it all. They slowly climb to their feet. And now exchanging blows in the ring. Linda gets the advantage and a scissors kick but Mistress moves out of the way. FINAL BELL!

Andrew Fulton : That running bicycle knee just knocked Linda into No Man’s Land … heh.

ONE!
TWO!
THR-foot on the ropes!

Jeremy Tucker : So close but that ring awareness from Linda is second to none. Mistress not letting up pulls her from the ropes and pins.

ONE!
TWO!
THR-Rolled shoulder!

Mistress pushes the shoulder down.

ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!

Andrew Fulton : Goddamn that stamina, Linda doesn’t know when to die. Now she’s standing. Mistress has a hold but no! Shoved away by Linda … TROUBLE IN PARADISE!

Jeremy Tucker : Mistress is sent careening into the ropes but she springs back and OH NO! FINAL BELL NUMBER 2! She really rung Linda’s Bell on that one!

Andrew Fulton : Hey … Jerry … leave the puns to me alright?

ONE!

TWO

THREE-NO?

Andrew Fulton : WHAT? At the literal last nanosecond Linda managed to throw the shoulder up. Mistress is staring at her in disbelief.

Jeremy Tucker : Mistress slowly drags Linda to a standing position. She pulls her down with the reverse STO and rolls her legs back! IT’S THE DETENTION! THE DETENTION IS LOCKED IN TIGHT!

Andrew Fulton : But Linda’s whole lower body is free! Look at this! She’s actually swinging her hips and pulls herself free. Mistress to her feet! SUPERKICK!

Jeremy Tucker : Where is this energy coming from? Linda now with the Irish Destroyer dropping Mistress on her head. Linda with the surprising comeback.

ONE!

TWO!


THRE-NO!

Andrew Fulton : Discipline now the one to show that resolve with a kickout. Mistress is sitting up with her back near the turnbuckle. Linda charging in for that basement dropkick!

Jeremy Tucker : Mistress on instinct actually pops her up and over but Linda lands on the middle rope. She leaps up to the top and turns! Mistress is clueless! She leans back onto the mat and LUCKY DIP CONNECTS!

ONE!


TWO!



THREE!

Jeremy Tucker : LINDA DID IT! She overcame the rising star Mistress Discipline to advance to the finals!

Andrew Fulton : Linda better watch out, I bet she gets blasted from behind.

Jeremy Tucker : Mistress is extending the hand however. After a hard fought match the two shake hands and Mistress raises Linda’s hand! WHAT A MATCH! What Sportsmanship!

Frank Salazar : Winner of the match … LUCKY LINDA LA FEY!!!!!

[Old Line Jeff]

“So as it turns out, we decided to not actually kill Graysie Parker.”

Jeff Andrews, larger and smugger than life, in front of a podium, in the same ratty leather jacket and jeans he was wearing at ringside earlier.

“This is of course more consideration than Eric Dane would have given anyone were our situations reversed.”

He gazes around the room as though daring anyone to question him.

“However, with Graysie Parker in our rear view mirrors for the time being, we have non-Dane things to worry about, since this whole thing we’re here doing is a tournament and Kirsty’s got an opponent who has nothing to do with years of old drama. Plenty of room for new drama though, and from what Kirsty’s been telling me between her match and now, she’s plenty ready for it. So why don’t I just turn things over, and then after she’s said her part, maybe we’ll take a couple questions. No promises to answer questions that aren’t interesting, though.”

Kirsty McKinney is, of course, still in her ring gear. We didn’t describe it? Well, it’s an amateur wrestling singlet, the older kind where the legs are cut just underneath the backside instead of coming down to the knee, and it’s in navy blue with tawny-gold pinstripes. West Virginia state colors. Along with white boots, because black ones scuff up the mats. You know how it is. Her hair’s almost the same color as the stripes.

“First, y’all can take talking about my move names out of your mouths, cause y’all don’t know nothing. Yeah I gave my Pittie Choke a custom name. Bulldogs just hang on. Pitties break necks and they don’t care if it’s a piece of old nasty rope or an errant toddler, they’re tearing it up. And I’m the same way. I get that choke sunk in, I’m gonna do my very best to tear your head off.”

The press is aghast. Kirsty tilts her head at the assembled professional wrestling dignitaries (there’s an oxymoron for you) in fake confusion.

“What, did the hillbilly jock girl use a fancy word? How about I threaten to tear up nasty old ropes and toddlers who git on mah property? Would that wipe the stupid looks off your stupid faces?”

A very, very awkward silence.

“And speaking of words people can take out of their mouths, let’s nobody try to talk at me about sportsmanship. You know what? And I mean everybody, especially Isabel Rios, but everyone. You don’t me, you don’t know my fucking life, so don’t you come in here with your little attitude telling me ANYTHING about how I choose to win matches. It’s not my fault you’re guilt-tripping about someone else getting involved in your match. And it’s not my fault that my match went tits up with everyone and their uncle getting involved and having it help me. To be honest… I kinda think this whole so called ‘sport’ is kinda ridiculous. Like, on the amatuer mats, or in the octagon, someone hits someone in the head with knucks, they’re banned for life and going to jail. If pro wrestling doesn’t care enough about that kind of stuff to actually punish anyone for it, then why should I care if it benefits me?”

Another silence.

“No, that wasn’t a rhetorical question oh shit another big word. Why should I care? Tell me. Tell me now!”

Pause.

“Right, that’s what I thought.”

Jeff Andrews reaches out a calloused hand and places it on Kirsty’s shoulder, restraining her.

“Kirsty’s had a tough life. Don’t take her attitude too seriously, she’s had to fight in ways a lot of us never will, and she’s really a good kid. You can’t get as good at wrestling as she already is if you’re not a good kid. If Isabel Rios thinks she’s going to have her easy way with Kirsty because there’s no strikes in amateur wrestling, she’s clowning herself. Kirsty’s work ethic is second to none, her workout routine was off the charts before I even started training her.”

“I own Hindu squats so hard they’re gonna have to rename them Hillbilly Squats. After me. That’s where I got these legs.”

“As far as her strike defense goes-”

“Hey Quad Queen Izzy, you’re about to be dethroned. My glutes can crack walnuts and my calves can bend rebar.”

Jeff Andrews takes a deep breath, tries to keep moving things forward. “As far as her strike defense goes-’

“And as for my thighs, there’s this thing called a figure four pin. The fun part is seeing if I can squeeze hard enough to make slimy stuff leak out of your fucking eye sockets before you realize you can’t kick out in 3.”

“OKAY, Kirsty.” Jeff Andrews gives up on this little presser. “There was this lady named Jane Katze who tried to get over on headscissors. It didn’t work for her.”

“Well, whatever, fine.” Kirsty pouts and rolls her eyes. “I could probably break her jaw with one though.”

Andrews turns Kirsty away from the podium.

“I’m just saying.”

He begins leading her away.

“If I really wanted to…”

[frostbite]

Twenty minutes after a successful tag team title defense from the KGB. We see Frostbite walking around backstage with a smile across his wicked lips, but at the same time he has that cellphone in his hand with the pic of the SWAT World title on the screen. But in his left hand he has a long stem red rose. He continues to walk around backstage until he comes upon a small gray colored wall in the back of the building as he slides down the wall st ill with the Cell phone and rose in his hand.

Frostbite.. I hope you saw that love. It was all for you. I told you that El Combatiente is not the man for you.

He laughs..

Frostbite.. Anything you want from me love you know you can have it. I had to show you that he is not strong enough to handle the real queen of this company. He is not man enough for my woman. I know people are already bitching, about me putting your boy through the table but..

He pauses..

Frostbite.. But you should know love, people would do anything when they are well in love. I am in love with you dear. I hope the feel is mutually. You just need to dump that loser that you are with it and come with me. I promise you, I will get you whatever you need. Money is no problem love. You want a new house, cars, you name it is all yours. I would do anything for you. I just hope you understand that.

He continues to look at the screen on his phone as if he were really video chatting with it.

Frostbite.. Now my love, I must go out there shortly and throw every single one of them over the top ropes, all to prove my undying love for you. I told you I would do anything for you. I would walk across glass barefooted or go thru a brick wall or enter a burning building, all for you.

He puts the phone onto the floor as he shows the rose to the phone.

Frostbite.. For you love. I know I can not give it to you in person because I am sure you are with that loser and you are checking on his health right now. But I bet of you dear, make your decision real soon. True love can not be kept apart for so long. I know you love me. I can feel it every time we talk.

Frostbite takes the rose as he starts to peel back the buds.

Frostbite.. She loves me..

He peels another one off..

Frostbite.. She loves me not.

He peels another.

Frostbite.. She loves me.

He peels another one.

Frostbite.. She loves me not.

He peels what appears to be the final bud.

Frostbite.. I knew it, you love me. I do have one more surprise for you love.

Our cameras zoom in on his black tee shirt that has a red heart right in the middle with a picture of Frostbite and the SWAT World title right next to him.

Frostbite.. What do you think my love. Hot of the presses. I hope you like it.

Frostbite picks up the phone.

Frostbite.. I have one for you too my love.

He looks down at his shirt.

Frostbite.. I must go love, I have bodies that I must get rid of.

Frostbite jumps to his feet with his phone in his hand.

Frostbite.. You know love, maybe we should have a rumble where the outside of the ring is on fire. So I can throw people over the top ropes and watch them burn. That would be nice.

He laughs..

Frostbite.. That would be a nice image. The Ring is surrounded by fire. I personally like it.

Frostbite kisses the phone.

Frostbite.. I will see you soon my love. Please send my best to El Combatiente. I hope he gets better soon just so I can beat him and finally we can be together forever.

Frostbite blows a kiss to the phone as he walks away as the scene fades out.

[Oh-Oh]

[Backstage.]

Osland: "Just sit there, and don't move."

[Oxford Osland.]

Our wrestling hero is within earshot, and is seen talking to a man wearing dark sunglasses that are covering half of his face, and a matching black track suit with the hood up, covering is identity. Based on Osland's body language and tone, he seems exasperated.

Osland: "Hey you... Yeah, you... The geeky looking one."

Without a hint of tact, Osland appears to be summoning a SWAT stagehand. Whether it was fear, or because it falls under part of the job description, our stage-hand walks over meekly to Osland.

Osland: "Can you stand here and keep an eye on him for me?"

Osland points to the man with dark sunglasses, who is now barely able to keep his head up. The man's neck rolls around, until it eventually falls forward into his own hands. The SWAT stagehand is about to speak, but Osland cuts him off.

Osland: "Listen poindexter, I have a lot on my plate at the moment and could use your help."

Employee: "Uhh Uhh.. I don't think the boss will let me --"

Osland reaches into his pocket and counts out five crisp $100 dollar bills. Osland hands it over to the SWAT employee.

Osland: "Great. I'll need two or maybe three hours tops."

Osland slaps the money into the employee's hand, before looking back to the man who is swaying from left to right in his seat.

Osland: "Listen to me. This kind gentleman is going to stay with you while I'm away, do you understand?"

Chad sways back and forth, before sitting back down. Osland turns his attention to the stagehand, who is gutted that he has to monitor this absolute disgrace of human life for the next few hours.

Employee: "What's the matter with him?"

Osland: "Too much Tequilla."

Employee: "This is an alcohol free zone."

Osland: "This is the result of a blind date which went horribly wrong earlier today."

They both check on Chad, who has started to hum music while shifting in his chair in an attempt to get his groove on.

Employee: "What happened?"

Osland: "Rookie mistake, really. Chad thought he would score on his date if the two of them kept the shots flowing. Perhaps by the end of their date, she would be too drunk to remember, or too turned on to care about his intentions. "

The SWAT employee takes mental notes for his own forays into the unpredictable dating scene.

Osland: "Chad went too hard too fast, lost all sense of self control and now he's paying for it."

Just then, Chad spots Isabel Rios off in the distance. Chad begins to howl like a juvenile school boy at the sight of the attractive wrestler extraordinaire. Chad stands up, and is about to make a run towards his target, except Osland sticks his foot out instead.

***CRASH***

Chad falls face first and everyone's attention has turned, including Rios. As Chad struggles to his feet, Osland cuffs him upside the head.

Osland: "Sit. Stay. Repeat. Are we clear, Chad?"

Osland physically moves Chad back into his chair, and tells him to stay put. Osland turns his attention back to the stagehand, and finishes his story.

Osland: "Since Chad lacks restraint and self control, that's certainly something we're going to have to work on going forward."

Employee: "So, what ended up happening at the end of the date?"

Osland: "Chad had his girl on his lap, they were singing songs and having a wonderful time. She learned in, he closed his eyes, the room started to spin, then....

**BLARGH**

On cue, Chad vomits on the floor in front of him.  

Osland: "Clean up on aisle five."

Our trusty employee gets on his radio to request maintenance to come to the backstage area.

Osland: "Maybe you ought to find an empty locker room for the two of you?"

Before a response can be given, Osland slaps our SWAT stagehand on the back, and walks away assuming Chad is no longer his problem. We take one final look behind us, and we see two men ushering Chad into a locker room, while maintenance tends to the puddle of spew on the floor.

Osland strolls right up to SWAT interviewer Katie Moss. Katie closes her smart black jacket, not wanting to give off the wrong impression to Osland that she is interested in anything more than a professional encounter. Osland puts his hands on his hips, extends his chest and starts to look at Katie Moss as if she were a sandwich. Katie's posture suggests that she's becoming more uncomfortable by the moment.

Osland: "Relax Katie, I'm not interested in anything more than a professional relationship."

Katie breathes through her nose, subtly letting her guard down.

Osland: "At least not tonight..."

Katie shoots Osland some cut-eye, but he doesn't sell it. In his mind, he could turn on the charm and have Ms. Moss back at his place with no resistance. But tonight was all about business.  

Moss: "Oxford, can you share with the people why you got involved in Graysie Parker's match?"

Osland smirks before feigning heartbreak for what happened to Graysie earlier in the show.

Osland: "it's a real shame what happened to Graysie Parker. Her snd I just always seem to get our wires crossed, and I'm left to assume that the universe is merely sharing that we're on two different wave lengths at the moment. In order for our harmonious union to take place, it's going to require effort and hardwork from both of us."

Katie looks disgusted, as Osland's actions haven't exactly shown that his words are sincere.

Osland: "Like any relationship, it's going to take work. But Katie, let me tell you - I'm in this for the long haul. Sure, Grayise and I have a checkered past, but I chalk that up to two strong personalities not seeing eye to eye. But that's alright, I figure it's only a matter of time before I have Grayise wrapped around my finger, and she becomes the submissive little house wife she was bred to be."

Katie looks like she's seconds away from slapping Osland's teeth out of his mouth.

Osland: "Let me take you back to January 2020. I was teaching Eric Dane's punk kid a lesson in respect, when little Graysie decided to hop the guardrail and belly to belly suplex me on the concrete floor. A tiny misunderstanding a rationed with myself. Graysie just doesn't know what she doesn't know. While she thought her actions might've earned her more of Eric Dane's attention - let's fast forward to here and now shall we?"

Osland looks at his wrist, pretending they're travelling through time.

Osland: "Graysie is pining for Eric Dane's attention, and he still can't be bothered. He's too busy, and quite frankly - not interested in being a role model. So a couple of weeks back when Eric Dane was backstage, and he was talking me down to my ReVenant teammate, I interjected and stood up for for myself."

Osland smiles, replaying the moment in his mind.

Osland: "What did Grayise do?"

Moss: "She slugged you."

Osland: "Once again, Graysie was searching for Eric Dane's validation. Where did her act of bravery get her? Absolutely nowhere."

Osland takes a breath, and smiles at Ms. Moss before continuing. Perhaps Osland hopes Katie will be jealous of what he has to say next.

Osland: "Graysie Parker stands up for what she believes in. She's feisty, loyal, and in search of success. These are the types of personality traits that heighten my attraction to her. What you saw earlier tonight, was my attempt to make amends with Grayise Parker, and to let her know that I forgive her. In fact, I wanted Graysie to know what it felt like to be appreciated for a change. Perhaps my gesture could lead to a brilliant partnership, both personally and professionally."

Moss: "You can't be serious. Our camera caught 'Timeless' Alex Turner entering your locker room moments prior to his sneak attack on Graysie Parker. Are you trying to tell us that you had no idea what was about to transpire?"

Osland: "I believe 'Timeless' Alex Turner has also grown tired of Eric Dane, and has his own agenda at hand. Perhaps mutually, we find ourselves on the same side of the ledger in regards to our friendships and our enemies. If Graysie Parker were to have been successful in defeating Kirsty Mckinney, what would that have done for her? She would be in the exact same position she is already. She would be pining for attention in all of the wrong places, and would continuously have her feelings hurt when her expectations weren't met. I was doing her a favour, Katie, can't you see that?"

Katie Moss looks as if she's trying to swallow a bitter pill at the moment.

Moss: "I guess that's one way to look at it."

Osland motions for the camera man to move closer, and get this shot straight on. Osland's baby blue eyes sparkle and his rugged good looks are ever-present.

Osland: "Graysie, Honey... I want you to know that what happened earlier tonight was designed to help you. You're caught in the middle of a war that is being waged by your 'coach' and he treated you as nothing more than collateral damage. I think its time you moved away from that toxic environment, and took me up on my offer. I will give you all of the attention you need, sweetheart."

Osland winks at Katie Moss who nearly loses her lunch.

Osland: "So tonight, I declare that I am dedicating my victory in tonight's rumble to my boo boo- Graysie Parker. Graysie, I don't want you to be shy, or feel the need to fight your feelings of affection any longer. When my hand is raised at the end of the rumble, I want you to join me in the middle of the ring. Side by Side, you and I - 2021's Bonnie and Clyde. What do you say?"

Osland puckers his lips and blows a kiss that he hopes will somehow find Graysie's cheek.

Moss: "You find yourself in the most favourable position of them all tonight. You enter the Rumble as the last entrant, can you speak to us about that."

Osland: "It's no accident that I find myself set to reap the rewards of all my hardwork. The advantage I earned will be put to good use tonight, that I can guarantee. Anyone in this match ought to think long and hard about aligning with my partner in crime; Keith Williams. Keith is going to march through the competition, just like he has from the moment he set foot inside of a SWAT ring. Strike up a deal with Keith, and you give yourself two allies by the time I enter with a full tank of gas. That's the smart thing to do. Then, we can fight it out to see who rises to the top, but I have no doubt in my mind that it will be either Keith or I would emerge victorious and secure the number one contender ship to the SWAT World Championship."

Moss: "The current SWAT Television Champion has made it a point to speak your name as of late. Why do you suggest you''re drawing his interest?"

Osland: "Guys like Dino-Boy wish they had the guts to be who they really desire to be. I made it a point to live my life by my very own code of ethics, and it has served me well. What people don't realize, is that it took years of successes and failures to come to terms with who I was, and who I wanted to be. The Pesky Dino reminds me a lot of some of the students that I've coached over the years...."

Osland looks behind him, to see if there is anyone within earshot.

Osland: "They're lost."

Ms Moss' reaction is that of befuddlement.

Osland: "The young masked man isn't confident enough to reveal his identity to the masses. He's also overtly whipped by his sultry manager, which is going to cause all kinds of trouble in paradise at some point in time. The added inherent pressure he's going to put on himself to please and appease her, will come with it's own set of stress. Moreover, I wonder what it might do to his psyche should I decide to give her a little bit of attention?"

Osland rubs his chin in thought.

Osland: "Maybe I ought to go and congratulate Vanessa on her first major career breakthrough. The fact that it was on the merit of her own hardwork and skill only elevates her character in my eyes. Women like her are the one's you want to hold onto, because they're wired to chase their dreams, and accomplish their goals. Vanessa is the type of woman who is capable of being successful on her own, without any assistance from anyone. Whether that's her father or her, client? Boyfriend?"

Osland smiles.

Osland: "What exactly is the status of your working relationship? I mean, nothing has been made official, but I can read between the lines."

Osland is about to persist, but he catches himself.

Osland: "You know what, perhaps I shouldn't press any further. After all, we're all just starting to get acquainted, aren't we?"

We can almost see Katie's skin beginning to crawl.

Osland: "Pequeno Dinosaurio, I can't say that I don't admire your gusto and determination. If there is someone else in the SWAT locker room that works harder than you, I certainly haven't seen them. As good as you are, and as good as you're bound to become is a testament to your diligence and inner belief. I often talk about these qualities in the same context with some of my students, who seem to want to point fingers and make excuses for their inadequacies. But you..."

Osland points into the camera.

Osland: "You're realistic about your short comings. I admire that."

Osland cocks his eyebrow before continuing.

Osland: "I don't blame you for wanting another shot to take me down. You and I are both looking to blaze our own trails in this company, and both of us have been pegged as 'can't miss' prospects. Something tell me, deep down in my gut - that you and I are going to be seeing a lot of one and other. As for tonight, the offer that I laid out earlier stands. Instead of trying to take down Keith and I, why don't you join us? This ought to give you much better odds at being there at end of this event. Perhaps you should run it by Vanessa, since she seems to call the shots over there."

[...]

Osland: "Now if you'll excuse me. I have a royal rumble to win."

Osland brushes passed Ms. Moss in search of his ReVenant compadre Keith Williams. Party On.

[Cut.]

[SWAT Team]

Frank Salazar: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is a semi-final match in the women’s tournament. Featuring in this corner, hailing from Bluefield, West Virginia...Kristy McKinney!

Kristy McKinney gets up in the corner to stand on the middle turnbuckle with her arms in the air. The crowd gives her a mixed reaction before she hops back down to the mat.

Jeremy Tucker: Kristy managed to get by Gracie Parker in the first round and now looks ready to get by Isabel Rios.

Andrew Fulton: She’s definitely going to put the hurt to Isabel, who won her match only because Armand made it so.

Jeremy Tucker: I’m sure she could have won the match without Armand’s help.

Andrew Fulton: Hard to say since he did assist her.

Frank Salazar: And her opponent in the other corner, hailing from a small town in Ontario, Canada...Isable Rios!

Isabel Rios waves to the cheering fans, all grins.

Jeremy Tucker: Well, Isabel has a chance now to prove that she can win a match without interference. I doubt that Armand will come out again.

Andrew Fulton: You never know what Armand is up to or why he does what he does.

Jeremy Tucker: I suppose that much is true. He could be trying to convince Isabel to join the KGB.

Andrew Fulton: Why he would do that is anybody’s guess since she was actually upset at being helped win her first match in the tournament.

Jeremy Tucker: As the bell sounds to start the match, Kristy and Isabel begin circling around one another, looking for an opening by which to strike.

Andrew Fulton: Kristy locks up with Isabel, quickly transitioning into a side headlock that she quickly turns into a choke.

Jeremy Tucker: The ref checks to see if it’s a choke, but by the time he checks she has already turned it back into a regular side headlock. At least until the ref has stepped back, then she turns it back into a choke.

Andrew Fulton: This Kristy girl is feisty. I like that!

Jeremy Tucker: Isabel pushes Kristy off of her and into the ropes. On the rebound, she throws Kristy down with an arm drag. Kristy rolls through the move and back to her feet where she bounces off the ropes and comes back to Isabel, who throws her down with another arm drag.

Andrew Fulton: Pretty basic so far.

Jeremy Tucker: I’m sure things will pick up quickly enough.

Andrew Fulton: Kristy rolls to her feet again, hitting the ropes and returning. This time she hits a shoulder charge, though it doesn’t knock Isabel down. She responds with a drop kick that does send Kristy to the mat.

Jeremy Tucker: Kristy rolls out of the way of a stomp, getting to her feet, and kicking Isabel in the gut. She hits Isabel with a gut wrench suplex, sending her to the mat.

Andrew Fulton: Kristy drops a knee to the back of Isabel’s neck and grabs her by the hair to pull her head back. Vicious!

Jeremy Tucker: It is indeed. Isabel reaches out and grabs the ropes, causing the ref to break the hold. Isabel gets to her feet where she is grabbed by Kristy and sent into the ropes. On the rebound, she goes for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but Isabel dives over her, rolls back to her feet, and hits the ropes. She returns with a flying forearm shot that brings Kristy down to the mat.

Andrew Fulton: Hog all the action why don’t you.

Jeremy Tucker: What? Are you talking to Isabel?

Andrew Fulton: No, you. You’re talking too much.

Jeremy Tucker: Isabel gets Kristy back up, hitting an exploder suplex before going for the pinfall! One!

Andrew Fulton: Two! Kristy kicks out! See? I can talk too!

Jeremy Tucker: I never said you couldn’t?

Andrew Fulton: Isabel stands up, but Kristy rolls over and palm strikes Isabel right in the right kneecap to send her crashing down to the mat.

Jeremy Tucker: Kristy pulls Isabel up, applying a half-Nelson that she transitions into a bulldog!

Andrew Fulton: Oh, that’s the set up to one of her finishing moves!

Jeremy Tucker: Kristy gets Isabel up and goes for the chicken wing, but Isabel reverses it. She goes for the reverse ddt position and...Redtail Driver! She goes for the pinfall!

Andrew Fulton: One! Two! Three!

Jeremy Tucker: Isabel Rios is going to go on to the finals where she will face Lucky Linda La Fey!

Andrew Fulton: And she managed to do it all without help. I’m shocked!

Frank Salazar: Winner of the match via pinfall...Isabel Rios!

[Jonnie Valentine]

("MMMBop" by Hanson plays and "The Cutest Buddhist" Jonnie Valentine comes out, slapping the hands of all the fans) 

Jeremy Tucker: What is Jonnie doing here?

Andrew Fulton: (lights cigarette) Isn't there enough Jonnie on this show? Who keeps playing his horrible music? 

Jeremy Tucker: Are you kidding me? Listen to the bass! The pure falsetto voices of the Hanson boys! This song unified a nation still mourning the death of Princess Diana, in the grips of policing the war between Bosnia and Serbia, together our weary eyes turned to three boys from Tulsa to heal us. 

Andrew Fulton: Us? Why you're as American as vegemite, mate. 

(Jonnie Valentine takes the microphone from Frank Salazar)

"The Cutest Buddhist" Jonnie Valentine: "Thank you. You know, I've worn plenty of hats in this industry. Wrestler, promoter, hat salesman. But the SWAT Board of Directors, made up of stooges and office guys hanging around for a pay day, recently approached me with an interesting proposition. You see, after winning 2020's XHF Fed of the Year they've had it with actors, Serbians, and Soutter can't resist wrestling everyone who disagrees with his decisions. They need someone who's been to the top of the mountain. Someone with vision, someone with marketing experience, someone who knows how to turn a profit. So it is with a humble heart that I accept the position as the new Commissioner of SWAT!!"

(The New York crowd roars as Jonnie proudly nods) 

Andrew Fulton: (flicks cigarette) WHAT?? He can't bloody do that! 

Jeremy Tucker: What a happy day! 

Andrew Fulton: They're still mulling over me time off request but they can shoot this to the top of the agenda? 

Jonnie Valentine: "My first order of business is a match I've been wanting to see and so have the fans, SWAT World Heavyweight Champion El Combatiente puts the title on the line against Frostbite at Battleground in Memphis! Then Death Trap will be wrestling Armand Von Krauss. Armand Von Krauss has an X Crown title shot against the champion Dylan Black, Pepe Morales and El Rey at XHF Supremacy in Anchorage, Alaska. If he happens to win that match, I am declaring that the XHF X Crown will be on the line in his latest chapter with Death Trap."

(The New York fans cheer)

Jeremy Tucker: Wow! What a match! 

Andrew Fulton: He can't do that. He's drunk on power! 

Jeremy Tucker: And usually a case of beer!

Jonnie Valentine: "Now speaking of Armand Von Krauss, he and Angela seem to both think they own 25% of SWAT. Now there is apparently a mystery buyer interested in acquiring Angela's shares as well. I have reviewed the contract, and I'm no lawyer, but it looks fine to me. So as long as Angela approves it after the Rumble, I am giving the sale the green light."

(The Amazons Arena pops) 

Jonnie Valentine: "Finally, one of my first actions was I signed a major piece of the SWAT tag division for years. Ladies and gentleman, returning to SWAT from Japan, the former SWAT World Tag Team Champions The Hellhounds!!"

("I Put A Spell On You" by Marilyn Manson plays and the New York fans leap to their feet)

Andrew Fulton: No, No, No!! These men are barbaric. Professional wrestling was better off without these two maniacs!

Jeremy Fulton: The former SWAT World Tag Team Champions The Hellhounds are back!  

(The Reverend Cornelius Marsh leads The Hellhounds down to the ring by chains attached to their dog collars. The Hellhounds wear hockey masks, have dirty dreadlocks, and their clothes are blood stained from previous matches; tattered and torn) 

Jeremy Fulton: If you're unaware with The Hellhounds fans, they're like everything that happened in Game of Thrones in a tag team. 

The Reverend Cornelius Marsh: (takes the microphone from Jonnie Valentine) "Thank you Brother Valentine. Hello friends, as you know, we have been overseas shedding the blood of sinners, apostates, and non-believers in The Orient. But recently we were offered the opportunity to return to SWAT and reclaim our SWAT World Tag Team Championships. And what was this opportunity you may ask? Because Brother Valentine has graciously decided to waive disqualifications for any matches involving The Hellhounds." 

(The Amazon Arena roars at the news) 

Andrew Fulton: That monster! This isn't wrestling. 

Jonnie Valentine: (nodding, speaks into the mic) "I did. I did that." 

The Reverend Cornelius Marsh: "And why would he do such an irresponsible thing you ask? Because you don't put a pit bull in a preschool. You don't tell a bird not to fly. And you don't ask The Hellhounds not to run a cheese grater across your face...I wouldn't even begin to know how to ask them such a thing. So to those of you in the SWAT tag team division, it's time to get right with the Lord. Because The Hellhounds don't suffer fools, they just make you suffer."

("I Put A Spell On You" by Marilyn Manson plays and the New York audience cheers. Jonnie Valentine nods at the pop, and The Hellhounds silently state into the camera)

Jeremy Tucker: This is huge news! Jonnie Valentine is the new SWAT Commissioner, two huge matches for the next Battleground in Memphis, and The Hellhounds return to SWAT. 

Andrew Fulton: (lights his cigarette) These will be some dark days, Jerry. Mark my words. 

[Joseph Mack]

We cut to Joseph Mack filming himself selfie-style in the locker room, in his ring gear, clearly warming up for the Royal Rumble match.

“Alright, we’re getting close to time for the fun to begin; thirty men, one by one, walkin’ that aisle, going to to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to… well, you get the idea, everyone facing off for a chance at the World Title. Thirty men, all after individual glory… except for the guys who are kinda there to help other people win. I guess they’re after someone else’s glory, unless that guy gets knocked out in which case they’d be after their own glory? Fuck, rumble matches get complicated with shit like that. Anyway, point is only one of us assholes can walk out with that number one contender status and as far as I’m concerned, that asshole is gonna be me.”

Mack starts to walk, exiting the locker room, heading down the hall, still recording.

“Not that all of you are necessarily assholes per say, some of you might not be. Johnnie Valentine, what I’ve seen of you in NPW you don’t seem like a piece of shit. Jesse Jamester… nah, you’re a piece of shit. A tough, talented piece of shit but a piece of shit. The rest of you, I don’t know too much, just what I’ve seen in video prepping for all this.”

“But here’s the thing… saint or sinner, asshole or angel, none of it matters. You don’t have to be a good man or a bad man, if you’re in the ring with me tonight you’re gonna be R Kelly because I believe you can fly, I believe you can touch the sky and land hard on the outside of the ring. I don’t know if I’m walking in there tonight in the number one spot, the number thirty or wherever else in between, but that’s outside of my control. What’s in my control?”

Joseph stops, leaning back against the wall.

“Tossing everyone I can put hands on over the top rope. Hanging on for dear fuckin’ life when someone tries the same on me. I ain’t rolling in here with backup or super secret plans or nothing, I’m just going in to kick all kinds of ass get me another shot at championship gold. SWAT, you could use a big, beautiful piece of meat like me to rep that belt so wish me luck and let’s get to work.”

With that, the shot cuts out.

[Isabel Rios]

The shot opens in a locker room, Isabel Rios pushing through the door and sitting down heavily in a chair, exhaling slowly, a little smile on her face.

“Oof, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow. That right there, that match? That’s how I like to get things done. Good on you Kristy, no bullshit. We may never like each other but at least I respect the way you went after me tonight. My knee and my neck are gonna hurt for days after that one, if it’s any consolation.”

Isabel winces a little as she stretches her neck before glancing to her right, nodding in thanks as a PA tosses her a bottle of water before disappearing out of the shot.

“Anyway, onwards and upwards to the finals of the tournament. Lucky Linda LaFey… gotta be honest, not sure why they call you lucky; far as I can tell they should just be calling you good, didn’t look like luck was the reason you won your last two matches. Granted good doesn’t have the alliteration thing with the rest of your name. Are there any synonyms for good that start with L? Legit, I guess that’d work in this case. Legit Linda LaFey. Put it on a t-shirt if you want, you’re welcome.”

Isabel shrugs before taking a long drink from the bottle of water.

“I won’t go so far as to say I was hoping it’d be you across from me if I made it to the finals tonight, but I will say I’m definitely not disappointed. Not because I think you’re easy pickings, far from it; we’ve both been through some battles tonight and I bet you’ve got your share of aches and bruises rolling into this match too, but that’s not why I’m glad it’s you I’m facing.”

Isabel finishes off the bottle of water, setting the empty container down at her feet before looking back to the camera.

“I want to prove that I’m as good as it fucking gets, as legit as it gets in my own right and the only way to do that is to beat the best competition I can get my hands on. Blaze Freya, former champ, tough as hell, sure I beat her but some asshole tainted that for me so I’m not gonna hang my hat on that win. Kristy McKinney, she made me work hard, she made me earn that W and someday people might be talking about her in the same breath as Blaze Freya, same breath as you but for now she’s a rookie and that win doesn’t exactly have that certain amount of gravitas to it, y’know?”

Isabel stands slowly, eye to eye with the camera as she does.

“But Linda LaFey? You’re a big deal, the real deal. A win over you on a stage like this, that’s something a girl can build her name, her brand on. It’s the kind of win I’m gonna have to earn by going out there and fighting my ass off, by suffering and persevering and enduring! By taking every shot you can land and giving you an even bigger one back in reply! By taking enough punishment to put down anyone with even a shred of a sense of self preservation and getting up for more! By showing the entire goddamn wrestling world that I will not back down, I will not lay down and I sure as hell will not stay down!”

Isabel pauses a moment, taking a deep breath as if to compose herself a little.

“Linda, I expect no less than the same from you. You’re no weak sister, you’re not gonna come down to that ring after everything you’ve been through tonight just to come at me with some pedestrian effort. No matter how this goes down this is gonna hurt for both of us and I know you’re ready for that. You’re not gonna back down either, I don’t know you but I know you well enough to know that, y’know?”

Isabel grins just a tiny bit.

“I ain’t looking ahead to a shot at the winner of Industrial Woman and Kid Dynamite. I’m not even letting myself think about how I’ll spend the winner’s share of the purse from this tournament. Those are things that can matter later, can matter in an hour or two or however long it is from now when they ring that bell at the end of the night. All that matters to me in this moment, my sole focus, my only reason for drawing breath right now, is winning this match. Is beating you. Not out of hate or jealousy or anything so base as that kinda crap. It’s because you’re Linda La-fucking-Fey and I’m Isabel fucking Rios, and I’m here to beat one of the best women ever to lace up a pair of boots in XHF. Tonight, Linda? I’m getting Lucky.”

Isabel smirks, walking out of the shot for a beat before popping back in.

“Let me be clear, I mean in the match tonight, I’m getting you. Not lucky like getting laid; after all this tonight all I’m gonna wanna do is shower, go back to my hotel, eat a cheeseburger and sleep for like eleven hours, y’know? This has been a long damn night. But you probably got what I meant. Sorry, I’m a little punchdrunk and super caffeinated right now. See you in the ring, LaFey. The world’s watching, I know we’re not gonna disappoint.”

Isabel shoots the camera a quick thumbs up before walking out of the shot again, her voice faint in the background as the shot fades out.

"Hey, does anyone know where to get a good burger near here that's open late?!"

[edwarddubin0604]

(Psychotic Goth is roaring with rage as he watches Jonnie Valentine's announcement destroying things around angrily as Warren W. Webber appears and barely ducks a flying object that was heading towards his head.)

Warren W. Webber: "What's wrong with Psychotic Goth."

Vampira: "Don't ask."

Warren W. Webber: "Is it about his match."

Vampira: "I said don't ask."

Warren W. Webber: "Okay I won't."

(The segment with Jonnie Valentine is once again shown sending Psychotic Goth in more of a rage sending Warren W. Webber ducking as an object comes flying at him again."

Warren W. Webber: "I guess that segment has him in a bad temper."

(Psychotic Goth grabs Warren W. Webber by the throat roaring with rage as Vampira pries his hands loose.)

Vampira: "Calm down. This isn't Jonnie Valentine it's Warren W. Webber."

Psychotic Goth: "How did that fucking sonofabitch steal the commissioner's position! How did he con SWAT into hiring him as a leader of this great fed!"

Warren W. Webber: "I don't know."

(Psychotic Goth roars and bellows in a Seneca dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Do you know what that muther fucker did to me!"

Warren W. Webber: "What did he do to you that has Psychotic Goth so upset."

Psychotic Goth: "He allowed Syberus to destroy my first home fed! He helped destroy my first home fed Hardkore World! Jonnie Valentine intends to kill this one and I won't allow it to happen!"

Warren W. Webber: "What does he mean by that."

Vampira: "Over a decade ago Psychotic Goth was wrestling in Hardkore World and he felt right at home. Then one night Jonnie Valentine was challenged to a match by Syberus....."

Warren W. Webber: "His fellow Society of the New Breed stablemate."

Vampira: "The very wrestler."

Psychotic Goth: "Valentine was a stupid piece of trash! He accepted Syberus's challenge intentionally and lost and lost control of Hardkore World and thus doomed my home! I haven't forgiven that bitch and I never shall forgive that fuckin bitch!"

(He curses in a Seneca dialect.)

Warren W. Webber: "What did he mean by some kind of deal between both Angela and this mystery man."

Vampira: "What mystery man."

(Psychotic Goth roars.)

Psychotic Goth: "I'm going to tear everyone in the Royal Rumble apart! Then I'll stop this deal from going through!"

Vampira: "Don't worry about that Psychotic Goth. You take it out on those two idiotic hench clowns and win the Royal Rumble."

Psychotic Goth: "I shall and when I win I'm going to prevent this deal from going through."

(Vampira leaves with Psychotic Goth as Warren W. Webber looks on and the scene slowly fades to black.)

[SWAT Team]

[The house lights cut out leaving the arena in darkness as "Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn starts to pump over the PA System. The tron begins to show fragmented digital artefacts and Matrixesque code. Pink sparks blast down on the entranceway giving the audience of a flash of I-W. As the embers burn out all that remains is the audiences approval and the hundred tiny glowing lights attached to the Industrial Woman's leather jacket. These lights reflect in her ray ban shades giving her an otherworldly appearance in the dark. I-W marches down the aisle at a methodical pace, in sync with the music. Entering the ring, Industrial Woman throws off her jacket for another round of pink pyro, before the lights come back on.]

Frank Salazar : The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall and is for the SWAT AMAZONS CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Introducing first, hailing from Industry CA and coming in at 6’2 & 175 lbs …. She is the reigning Amazons Champion, THE INDUSTRIAL WOMAN!!!!

And introducing her opponent …. Hailing from Miami Beach, FL and coming in at 5’6 & 149lbs …. Representing NPW … ‘KID DYNAMITE’ … NICOLE ANDERSON!!!

Andrew Fulton : Anderson.

["Lights Out" by Hollywood Undead hits and Kid Dynamite comes out high fiving the fans and looking very energetic. She enters the ring and comes face to face with I-Woman and stops dead in her tracks looking a bit daunted, then regrouping and brushing past her and waving to the crowd from the turnbuckle.]

Jeremy Tucker : We are back folks, and the Amazons belt is up for grabs.

Andrew Fulton : Is it really though? This Kid dynamite can’t beat the Industrial Woman, I don’t care where she comes from.

Jeremy Tucker : She spoke very well and has a great look, she may be the underdog, but anything can happen in SWAT! Referee Art Vandelay calls for the bell and we are underway.

Andrew Fulton : Anderson runs at IW out of the blocks and jumps with a cross body, but IW catches her and plants her with a hard body slam.

Jeremy Tucker : Industrial Woman then catches Nicole with a nice rolling snap arm drag.

Andrew Fulton : Nicole tries to fight back to her feet but is met with a SUPERKICK!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Cover by Industrial Woman but Anderson kicks out at two. Anderson tries to mount some offence but I Woman blocks a drop kick and then dives over her with a sunset flip and another two count.

Andrew Fulton : I prefer the Blaze flip.

Jeremy Tucker : You would. Anderson now connects with a chop, but no effect, another one, still no effect! This is a big mismatch folks.

Andrew Fulton : I Woman grabs Anderson and Irish whips her into the ropes, but Anderson reverses it and sends Industrial Woman into the corner! Nicole charges in behind and connects with a great running double knee! I don’t believe it!

Jeremy Tucker : She has some moxy to her Fulton. There is something about this kid. Nicole grabs I Woman and goes for a suplex, but I Woman blocks it and delivers a Russian leg sweep face buster to Nicole!

Andrew Fulton : Slingshot Rocker Dropper by I Woman, covers again and another two count.

Jeremy Tucker : Anderson won’t give in. I Woman throws her to the ropes and Nicole ducks a clothesline and lands a shotgun dropkick! I Woman is down and looking perplexed.

Andrew Fulton : It’s just a drop kick. Get up and get this over with already. We still got a rumble and a final of the tourney to go in this marathon.

Jeremy Tucker : Maybe that upgrade to I Woman pre match has left a few ‘glitches’ in the ….. FIREMANS CARRY BRAINBUSTER by I Woman to Nicole.

Andrew Fulton : You were saying Jerry?

Jeremy Tucker : No glitches on show there. I Woman lands a huge handspring Ace breaker. Then a senton splash, another cover and another two count. She can’t put her away.

Andrew Fulton : The kid just won’t give up. I Woman muscles Nicole up onto the top turnbuckle, and follows her up, but Nicole pushes her back off onto her back and then takes off and hits a big top rope double stomp!

Jeremy Tucker : She is feeling it! Nicole with a standing moonsault …. Covers …..

One ………………

Two ………………….

THREE!!!!!

She did it! We have a new champion! I don’t believe it! What an upset!

Andrew Fulton : I called it Jerry! I told you Nicole could do it!

Jeremy Tucker : You did not! Industrial Woman gets up, and approaches Nicole, then shakes her hand as Art Vandelay holds Nicole the Amazons belt and raises her arm in victory. Nicole is over the moon and shows it with pride to the crowd, the thrill of victory flowing thru her veins.

Andrew Fulton : What happens now? NPW has out belt, or she will stay here and defend it?

Jeremy Tucker : I don’t know, I don’t think anyone thought this could happen and the aftermath never crossed anyone’s minds. Jonnie V will work it out.

Andrew Fulton : God help us.

Frank Salazar : WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEWWWWWW SWAT AMAZONS CHAMPION …. ‘KID DYNAMITE’ ….. NICOLE ANDERSON!!!!