Thursday Night Inferno Affiliate Market Promos
Jan 31, 2021 20:09:31 GMT -5
anthonycaffrey and bloodiedfox like this
Post by Jonnie Valentine on Jan 31, 2021 20:09:31 GMT -5
(Open on Philadelphia radio station WTDY with drive time DJ, Coop)
Coop: ...and that was Olivia Rodrigo with "Driver's License", before that we had Ariana Grande with Doja Cat and Megan Thee Stallion with "34+35". Wait let me do the math on that, 34 + 35 equals...Nice!
(Sample of Borat saying "Very Nice!")
Coop: Woop, I'm gonna get in trouble here so I better get going, coming up we got some of The Weeknd with "Blinding Lights" and then "Levitating" with Dua Lipa and DaBaby on Philly's New Hit Music station 96.5 WTDY!!
(Engineer fades in "Go Crazy" by Chris Brown and Young Thug. There's a knock at the studio door and Coop waves in "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine)
Coop: Jonnie!! Wow, heard you were coming, I'm a huge fan!
"Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine: Thanks man, can I just put my stuff anywhere?
Coop: Yeah of course. Don't let me forget to a picture with you for the website.
Jonnie Valentine: No problem. Thanks so much for letting us come in and promote the show.
Coop: Sounds like a great one. Ok, so we've got like 30 minutes until my next hit, so let's just run through the markets as fast as we can and we can get you out of here. I don't think that's gonna be a problem, your an old pro.
Jonnie Valentine: (rubs hands together) Let's do it.
Coop: Ok, this first one is for here in Philly. It's a 30. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: Ok. (takes a deep breath) "City of Brotherly Love, February 11th Fireside returns with Thursday Night Inferno! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville in a return grudge match! It's like the Eagles vs. The Cowboys! If Jonnie wins he'll receive a Fireside tag team title shot. That's February 11th, doors open at 7:30, bell time is 8:00. Thursday Night Inferno, be there!"
Coop: Ok, that's great. Ok, let's do Atlantic City. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: (does Jersey accent) "How you doin Jersey? It's 'Jealous Much?' Jonnie Valentine. February 11th in Philadelphia it's Thursday Night Inferno! We got Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz and some mystery dude! Then you got The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine and the New Age Killers! But that's peanuts compared to the Main Event, ya got me? You got me finally putting that coglione Donny Deville back to doin cartwheels in his floor routine, capisce? So get your Ma to watch the kids, cause this ain't gonna be the kinda show where you're catchin pancakes, know what I mean? What you might catch is this clown's teeth. That's February 11th, Fireside's Thursday Night Inferno, ya hear me?"
Coop: I like that one. Ok, next is Harrisburg. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: Umm....Ok, got it. "Harrisburg! Home of Newt Gingrich and Hershey chocolate! February 11th Fireside returns to Philadelphia with Thursday Night Inferno!! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville in a match to determine if Jonnie Valentine can challenge for the Fireside tag team championship. Deville is faker than Majesty's eye lashes, and I'm gonna expose him for the phony he is. Jonnie vs Donnie is like like The Hershey Bears vs the Lehigh Valley Phantoms in the AHL. Don't miss it, it's Thursday Night Inferno in Philadelphia!"
Coop: Ok, and we got time for one more, this one is for Wilmington, Delaware. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: What? Wilmington?? Ok, give me a sec. Ok. (ahem) "Delaware!! You have the vast majority of credit card companies!! Therefore you have the most relaxed banking laws in the US!! Americans owe 4 trillion dollars in credit card debt to a state that you can drive through in 15 minutes!! The average American owes $6,000 in credit card debt to the only state in the union that doesn't have a state park, and it would take a decade to pay it off!! Three fourths of Americans die still owing on their credit cards!! But don't die before seeing Fireside return to Philadelphia! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville who favors laws benefiting credit card companies! It was Donnie Deville's idea that the average APR for cards be 14%!! And in Philadelphia, I will avenge every hard working man and woman. People who work two jobs, just to make the minimum payment on their 3 cards per average. I will be their champion. Get on my back, and I will take you to the promise land of a debt free existance, because when I defeat Donny Deville, the stipulation is that I will get a tag team title shot, AND all credit card companies in the state of Delaware will forgive all debt!! That's Thursday Night Inferno, February 11th!!"
Coop: Wow! Is that last part true?
Jonnie Valentine: (takes off the headphones) Hmm? No. But you gotta get them in the door somehow. Ok, all set? Great. Let's get that pic, I got an Uber waiting for me downstairs.
Coop: ...and that was Olivia Rodrigo with "Driver's License", before that we had Ariana Grande with Doja Cat and Megan Thee Stallion with "34+35". Wait let me do the math on that, 34 + 35 equals...Nice!
(Sample of Borat saying "Very Nice!")
Coop: Woop, I'm gonna get in trouble here so I better get going, coming up we got some of The Weeknd with "Blinding Lights" and then "Levitating" with Dua Lipa and DaBaby on Philly's New Hit Music station 96.5 WTDY!!
(Engineer fades in "Go Crazy" by Chris Brown and Young Thug. There's a knock at the studio door and Coop waves in "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine)
Coop: Jonnie!! Wow, heard you were coming, I'm a huge fan!
"Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine: Thanks man, can I just put my stuff anywhere?
Coop: Yeah of course. Don't let me forget to a picture with you for the website.
Jonnie Valentine: No problem. Thanks so much for letting us come in and promote the show.
Coop: Sounds like a great one. Ok, so we've got like 30 minutes until my next hit, so let's just run through the markets as fast as we can and we can get you out of here. I don't think that's gonna be a problem, your an old pro.
Jonnie Valentine: (rubs hands together) Let's do it.
Coop: Ok, this first one is for here in Philly. It's a 30. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: Ok. (takes a deep breath) "City of Brotherly Love, February 11th Fireside returns with Thursday Night Inferno! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville in a return grudge match! It's like the Eagles vs. The Cowboys! If Jonnie wins he'll receive a Fireside tag team title shot. That's February 11th, doors open at 7:30, bell time is 8:00. Thursday Night Inferno, be there!"
Coop: Ok, that's great. Ok, let's do Atlantic City. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: (does Jersey accent) "How you doin Jersey? It's 'Jealous Much?' Jonnie Valentine. February 11th in Philadelphia it's Thursday Night Inferno! We got Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz and some mystery dude! Then you got The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine and the New Age Killers! But that's peanuts compared to the Main Event, ya got me? You got me finally putting that coglione Donny Deville back to doin cartwheels in his floor routine, capisce? So get your Ma to watch the kids, cause this ain't gonna be the kinda show where you're catchin pancakes, know what I mean? What you might catch is this clown's teeth. That's February 11th, Fireside's Thursday Night Inferno, ya hear me?"
Coop: I like that one. Ok, next is Harrisburg. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: Umm....Ok, got it. "Harrisburg! Home of Newt Gingrich and Hershey chocolate! February 11th Fireside returns to Philadelphia with Thursday Night Inferno!! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville in a match to determine if Jonnie Valentine can challenge for the Fireside tag team championship. Deville is faker than Majesty's eye lashes, and I'm gonna expose him for the phony he is. Jonnie vs Donnie is like like The Hershey Bears vs the Lehigh Valley Phantoms in the AHL. Don't miss it, it's Thursday Night Inferno in Philadelphia!"
Coop: Ok, and we got time for one more, this one is for Wilmington, Delaware. (signals to the engineer) And, rolling.
Jonnie Valentine: What? Wilmington?? Ok, give me a sec. Ok. (ahem) "Delaware!! You have the vast majority of credit card companies!! Therefore you have the most relaxed banking laws in the US!! Americans owe 4 trillion dollars in credit card debt to a state that you can drive through in 15 minutes!! The average American owes $6,000 in credit card debt to the only state in the union that doesn't have a state park, and it would take a decade to pay it off!! Three fourths of Americans die still owing on their credit cards!! But don't die before seeing Fireside return to Philadelphia! Lucas Nix vs. Vodka Fizz vs. a mystery opponent! Then The Nihilists vs. House of Lords plus Five and Divine vs. New Age Killers! Then in The Main Event, "Jealous Much?" Jonnie Valentine takes on 'Devilish" Donny Deville who favors laws benefiting credit card companies! It was Donnie Deville's idea that the average APR for cards be 14%!! And in Philadelphia, I will avenge every hard working man and woman. People who work two jobs, just to make the minimum payment on their 3 cards per average. I will be their champion. Get on my back, and I will take you to the promise land of a debt free existance, because when I defeat Donny Deville, the stipulation is that I will get a tag team title shot, AND all credit card companies in the state of Delaware will forgive all debt!! That's Thursday Night Inferno, February 11th!!"
Coop: Wow! Is that last part true?
Jonnie Valentine: (takes off the headphones) Hmm? No. But you gotta get them in the door somehow. Ok, all set? Great. Let's get that pic, I got an Uber waiting for me downstairs.
