Battleground #35 : New Horizons (Show)

[Jonnie Valentine]

[Rip it Up by 28 Days hits as we switch back to the ring, there is a couch and a coffee table and the set of Suit's Suite is in the ring. Mad Dog Paul Soutter makes his way down to the ring, high fiving the fans, no selling social distancing.]

[On the SWAT tron we see doctored footage of Tom Cruise jumping up and down on the couch imposed in the ring. Then more doctored footage showing Rick James/Dave Chappelle on his back stamping his feet on the couch. FUCK_ YO_ COUCH. Now a shot of Heidi giving Suit a lap dance on the couch on the SWAT tron.]

Soutter : WELCOME TO SUITS SUITE!!!
What’s up Memphis?

[Cheap pop.]

As always, things are happening in the world of SWAT!  

Eddie D won the Rumble and the KGB are back on top.  Isabel Rios came from Canada and won the No Man’s Land Tourney.  Congrats! 
We have a NEW World Champion with Rally Jackson recapturing the belt defeating El Combatiente!   

Annnnd, we have a new Commissioner.  Jonnie Valentine!  Who, just so happens to by my guest tonight on the Suite.  So, lets bring him out shall we?

["MMMBop" by Hanson hits and Jonnie comes out and enters the ring, joining Soutter on the Suite.]

Soutter : Welcome Jonnie.  New Commissioner hey?  Congrats.

Jonnie : Thanks, it's a bit of a new role. I've been a wrestler, manager, promoter, ring announcer, time keeper, and ringside valet but this is the first time I've been a Commissioner in someone else's company. 

Soutter : We all know you are a pioneer in this field, SWAT couldn’t be in better hands.  

Jonnie : Thanks, Paul. Usually this position is abused until someone has to win a 10 man tag team match to get me out of power, but I promise the fans that I do not care enough to abuse my power. I am using this position to save me from bumping for a few months until I am read to exact my revenge on those that have wronged me.

Soutter : That stretcher cage match is some booking. What you got in mind for next show?

Jonnie : First, I saw Keith Williams and you going at it at No Man’s Land. I think the people want to see that one on one, with Williams' Universal Sin Title on the Line.   Next week live in Texas!

Soutter : Now you’re talking.  Turkey thinks he can disrespect The Suit, he’s got another coming!

Jonnie : Also, I saw my old friends Rally and Goth going at it earlier.  I think it would be fun to see those two in the ring.  If Rally retains against Linda, the belt WILL BE on the line!

Soutter : It’s going to be a Wild One in the West.  

Jonnie : While we are making title matches.  Here are two more.

The KGB will defend the tag belts against Team Fairtex!

Annnd.  Pequeno will defend the TV Title against Oxford Osland..

Soutter : Speaking of him, did you see what happened in your office earlier?  The news hounds have filled me in, seems our new Amazon Dangerous Donna went to see you and left thinking she had ‘earned’ herself a Title shot, if you know what I mean.

Jonnie : Paul. I am a happily married man. On top of that I spend every waking minute terrified of my wife and the things she could do to me if I leave out the milk over night. My smart, beautiful Anjanette beat Horror Girl and Yuku Shiro in one night to win her third Hardkore World Women's Championship. What do you think she would do to me if she thought I was banging talent for top spots? 

Soutter : Yeah, I KNOW.  Seems Osland was in there waiting for you and pretended to be you and receive favors for a Title Match he can’t even book.

Jonnie : Ah, I see. Well, impersonating a pro wrestling promoter is a federal offense in Memphis. I will have to speak to whatever sheriff they have here, who is presumably sleeping with his feet up on his desk, with a straw of hay hanging from his lip. 

Soutter : So does Donna have a title shot next show?

Jonnie : I'm not saying either way. I take my position very seriously here, that's why I fired Jesse Jamester. If she banged my stand-in sufficiently, there is cause to believe she may be entitled to a title shot. I will have reviewed the office surveillance tapes, and I couldn't come to a definitive answer. That's why I am turning it over to the fans. I will be releasing the tape for their assistance in this matter. If you believe she put in the effort and determination to warrant a title shot, dial 1-900-578-0789. If you believe her performance lacked vigor and not deserving of a title opportunity, dial 1-900-699-1834. It will be $5.99 the first minute, and only 99 cents each additional minute. Kids get your parents permission before calling. 

Soutter : I think the kids should be getting their permission before watching the tape as well, right mate? 

Jonnie : Paul, I'm a father of two boys. The last thing I want is them asking me anything like that. But still, I would love their opinion on wether they think Donna deserves a title shot. (nudges Paul, and says under his breath) Not to mention their parents $5.99 the first minute, 99 cents each additional minute. 

Soutter : Fair enough. Now that is some card.  Five title matches.  

Jonnie : Mad Dog, I love to entertain. Even if it means booking Eddie and Frostbite. 

Soutter : What else is going on in the world of Jonnie Valentine?

Jonnie : Well, I'm currently wrestling in Canada and Philly for Fireside and NPW. I just finished a series of T-Mobile commercials... (Jonnie pronounces it like automobile)

Soutter: (pronounces it right) I think it's T-Mobile. 

Jonnie : Oh my god... We did 15 commercials! Why didn't Post Malone correct me??

Soutter : Sorry bout that. Now you had a huge 2020.  Were World Champ.  Won the Anzac Cup.  Finished it off with a big win against your rival Eddie D!  Whats 2021 have in store for “Nuthin But A GM Thang’?

Jonnie : Dark things, Paul. Horrible acts perpetrated by a man untethered to society by his privileged and standing in an industry that rewards blind violence. Every man in that locker room should fear what happens when a person like me is given power and the lengths he will go to make money for his wife that wants a new kitchen because the old kitchen doesn't look like her friends' kitchen. 

Soutter : Alright,  Thanks for coming on the show and all the best with that.

Jonnie : Thank you, Paul. And remember fans, don't forget to vote on the Donna title match situation. Again that's 1-900-578-0789 if you think she did enough to deserve a title shot and dial 1-900-699-1834 if you think she just kinda laid there. It's $5.99 the first minute, and only 99 cents each additional minute. Kids get your parents permission before calling. 

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: We’re back from our final break of the night and finally ready for tonight’s Main Event here at Battleground Event here at Battleground Thirty Five: New Horizons only on the XHF Network!

Andrew Fulton: Way to shill for the network Jeremy…you whore! But yes it’s time, time to see our new world heavyweight champion in action! Finally! I can’t wait!

[The XHF Network logo appears in the bottom right corner in a timely plug for our home as Frank Salazar takes Center ring.]

Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event of the evening. Scheduled for one fall…it is for the Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Championship.

[The SWAT fans cheer wildly as the anticipation for this title match is at a fever pitch. Excitement is in the air as Frank pauses before starting the introductions.]

Jeremy Tucker: Regardless, we are here Andrew. Main event of the evening, world heavyweight championship on the line, it simply doesn’t get any bigger and than this!

Andrew Fulton: Thank you Captain Obvious, that riveting insight will surely take you all the way to Sioux Falls South Dakota!

Frank Salazar: "Introducing first…hailing from Dublin, Ireland and weighing in at one hundred and thirty one pounds. She is a two time SWAT Amazons Women's Champion! She has been described as ‘The Heart and Soul of SWAT’! Please welcome, the challenger… 'Lucky' Linda La Fey!”

Jeremy Tucker: Listen to that ovation for Lucky Linda! This could be it Andrew, La Fey is motivated and both of these competitors have ill will. I think this one comes down to heart and Lucky Linda has that in spades! I’m calling it, new champion, Lucky Linda La Fey!

Andrew Fulton: Sorry to tell you and the rest of the dreamers but I’m team Golden God on this one Tucker. Jackson has size, strength, momentum. The champ retains.

[“Linger" by Cranberries plays and "Lucky" Linda La Fey takes her time making her way down the aisle; slapping hands and hugging fans before she storms the ringside area and slides into the ring.]

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda showing her love for the SWAT fans Jeremy. La Fey gets it, she understands that we’re nothing without the support of our amazing SWAT fans!

[Making her way to the far turnbuckle, Lucky Linda climbs to the second rope posing for the fans before jumping down and stretching for the battle to come.]

Andrew Fulton: Five bucks and the love of the SWAT fans will get you a coffee downtown! Be like our champion Tucker, be a golden god!

Jeremy Tucker: He certainly doesn’t look like a god these days…

Andrew Fulton:How dare you body shame this man! He is our World Champion Tucker…World Champion!

Frank Salazar: Introducing now, hailing from Rio de Janeiro. Coming in at 6’1 and 300 pounds .... representing the Society of the New Breed .... THE GOLDEN GOD ..... RALLY JACKSON!!!

[“Hate or Glory" by Gesaffelstein hits and Rally Jackson makes his way through the curtain, the SWAT World Championship draped over his shoulder and a bottle of water in his free hand.]

Andrew Fulton: Sure, the champ has a few extra miles on him, but that’s experience. Experience he’ll use to get the win Tucker!

Jeremy Tucker: “Extra miles” is one way to put it, but there he is folks our new World Champion, Rally Jackson.

[Stepping down the ramp way, he is taking his time and looks like he might possibly be out of breath already as. he gets in the ring and struts around before wiping the sweat from his brow and taking a big drink of water.]

Jeremy Tucker: Your pick is looking a little winded already and the bell hasn’t even rung yet…

DING! DING!! DING!!!

Andrew Fulton: There…it rang…

[As soon as the bell sounds, Lucky Linda sprints across the ring, and throws herself into Rally Jackson and takes him to the mat with a roll up pin. The referee drops to the mat and counts the pin.]

.........One!

………………Two!!

[Rally kicks out, shock etched on his face. As the champion gets to his knees the look quickly fades to embarrassment and then instantly transforms into rage. LaFey backs away signalling she was “this close” as the fans cheer, her eyes are fixed on her opponent.]

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda almost picked up the win right there with that roll up!

Andrew Fulton: Key word…’almost’ Tucker. Almost. You’re acting like this is a foregone conclusion!

[The referee comes to check on Rally and tells him the match has indeed started and Linda takes immediate advantage, running in and slamming a forearm In Jackson’s head, staggering him. Lucky Linda batters the champion into the corner, kicks him in the midsection and drops him with a DDT. The referee starts the count.]

……One!

…………Two!!

Jeremy Tucker: A second two count in the opening moments of this match!

Andrew Fulton: Oh shut up! It’s early yet! Get her champ!

Lucky Linda shoves the referee aside and rushes back at the champion. Jackson uses her over eagerness and hits LaFey with a huge right hand on the way in, staggering her.

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda is fired up but needs to be careful or she’ll get disqualified. She’s got Rally Jackson reeling! Oh!

Rally Jackson charges out of the corner and hits Lucky Linda with an STO, taking her down and driving her hard to the mat.

Jeremy Tucker:Oh! Oh! Big reversal by Rally Jackson! That should give him time to get his wind back!

Andrew Fulton:There you have it! Size and power to the champion! So what he’s a little winded?

[Taking a moment to get his composure back, Jackson locks an Knee bar in on Lucky Linda and the referee is right on top of thing to check to see if she submits. Linda struggles to reach the ropes, but is unable.]

Jeremy Tucker:Knee bar now applied by the champion and thus begins the targeting of the leg as he looks to set up the Rio Squeal.

Andrew Fulton: He might not need it Tucker, look! That’s in deep!

Lucky Linda clutches and pulls at Rally’s legs attempting to escape the hold. Linda begins fighting against the hold. Screaming and clearly in pain she manages to get to the ropes with the SWAT Champion still trying to hold on to the submission.

Jeremy Tucker:He’s got to break the hold Fulton!

Andrew Fulton:He gets until five jackass, learn the damned rules.

……….One!

……………..Two!!

……………………….Three!!!

Releasing the hold Rally holds his hands up as the ref checks on Linda for only a moment before Jackson is all over her stomping at the left leg of Linda.

Jeremy Tucker:Real innocent Rally! Yeah, real innocent…

Andrew Fulton:What?! That was well within the rules Tucker! He gets until five and broke clean at three, nothing to see here Jeremy.

Lucky Linda both gets slowly to her feet limping and meets Rally back at a vertical base. Linda slams her elbow in to Jackson’s jaw then attempts an Irish Whip across the ring.

Jeremy Tucker:Irish whip attempt from Linda blocked by Jackson and now Lucky Linda hard into the corner!

Andrew Fulton: Again the size and power game helps the champion. Now getting a head of steam he’s going to crush Lucky Linda!

Lucky Linda uses her experience and ring awareness to hotshot Rally Jackson across the top rope. Clutching at his neck, the champion rolls to the outside with Le Fey behind.

Jeremy Tucker:What a counter by Linda! Great display of ring presence and awareness from the challenger!

Andrew Fulton:Maybe but the champ is outside the ring!

Shaking off the effects of the barrage she’d endured this far, Lucky Linda rolls to the outside.

Jeremy Tucker:True, but even a count out victory would surely get Linda a rematch.She should take the count out of Jackson gets a case of limber tail.

Andrew Fulton:Limber tail? Not our champion Tucker, not the Golden God!

…...One!

Andrew Fulton:Now get a chair champ!

Jeremy Tucker: He doesn’t want to get disqualified Andrew, a win here for Linda no matter how puts these two right back in front of each other next time out…they both need to dig in and fight Fulton.

.........Two!!

Andrew Fulton: That a lot of words to say they should try to win!

The clubbing blows to the lower back lead to punches as Linda tries to soften up the champion.

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda staying aggressive after that slingshot onto the top rope bought her some separation, she’s going after the lower back of the champion.

Andrew Fulton: Doesn’t matter, unlike you, I have total faith in the face of the company, Rally Jackson!

…………Three!!!

Turning him around, Lucky Linda lands a hard left that staggers Jackson before ramming him face first into the ringside barricade!

...............Four!!!!

b]Jeremy Tucker[/b]: Lucky Linda in control, charging in, what’s she thinking here? Oh! Rammed back first into the ring apron! That’s the hardest part of the ring Andrew! Jackson is down and the referee is up to Five!

………………Five!!!!!

Dragging Jackson back up to his feet Lucky Linda wobbles him once again with a pair of heavy punches before Landing a glancing super kick just off the chin of the champion staggering an already tired looking Jackson back into a corner ring post.

Jeremy Tucker: She didn’t get all of that Super Kick Andrew but she’s got the Champion on his heels and maybe wishing he’d left that banana peel alone.

Andrew Fulton: Calm down Tucker, this isn’t about just a banana peel, this is revenge. Hashtag ‘don’t rib the ribber’!!

Measuring the champion, Lucky Linda looks to cave in the head of Rally Jackson loading up on a super kick!

…………………Six!!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker: The referee’s count reaches six as both competitors are fighting outside the ring right in front of us! Second super kick by Lucky Linda! No right into the post!

Andrew Fulton: See?! Rally Jackson is still in this match! What a counter!

Jeremy Tucker: I’m not so sure Jackson countered that as much as he’s collapsed from exhaustion from the assault of Lucky Linda!

Andrew Fulton: Take it any way you can get it.

Limping as she turns around, Lucky Linda is greeted by a stiff short elbow that turns her around, exposing her back to Rally.

Jeremy Tucker: Stiff short elbow by the champion…chop block! Linda is down and Jackson is putting the boys to that compromised left leg!

Andrew Fulton:See that? A champion’s heart and, more importantly, intelligence!

…………………Seven!!!!!!!

Linda is down on the ground clutching at her left leg as Rally Jackson reaches under the ring and grabs a bottle of water before rolling back into the ring.

Jeremy Tucker: Rally Jackson back in the ring now and he’s doing his best to catch his breath and regain his senses after a targeted chop block has Lucky Linda down and possibly out of this match!

Andrew Fulton: Stay down toots! No need to damage yourself any further, take the loss and live to fight another day!

Lucky Linda manages to roll into the ring, grasping his shoulder, she fights to use the ring apron to pull herself to her feet!

……………………..Eight!!!!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker: What a warrior! Linda back to her feet! Now get back in the ring!

Andrew Fulton: Think about your career!

…………………………Nine!!!!!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker: God, get in there!

……………………………Te…no Luck Linda manages to barely roll under the bottom rope!

Andrew Fulton: Get her Rally! Go for the leg!

Rushing Linda as she rolls under the ropes, Rally Jackson starts stomping the left leg that has been targeted.

Jeremy Tucker:Rally Jackson relentless and continuing to assault the Left leg of La Fey!

Andrew Fulton:Damn straight, Jackson makes no mistake when coming to his game plan. He’s always looking to isolate a body part and get the win!

Jeremy Tucker:It’s not flashy, but it’s effective and has the challenger in a bad way! Now a spinning toe hold! Reversal by Linda…roll up!

As Rally Jackson leaned in to put additional pressure on the hold, Lucky Linda snatched him by the head and rolled through with a small package!

……………One!

…………………Two!!

………………………Three!!!

Andrew Fulton: Noooooo! His foot! This isn’t fair!

Jeremy Tucker: No wait! The ref is waving off the fall, Rally had his foot on the ropes!

Andrew Fulton: That’s what I was saying! I mean, I didn’t see it, I’m glad the ref did!

Lucky Linda, barely able to stand, is celebrating as the referee does his best to explain the situation and she’s beside herself.

Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda celebrating thinking she’s won but she needs to get back in this match, Jackson is back to his feet!

Regaining his faculties, Rally Jackson sneaks up behind Lucky Linda and school boy’s her!

Jeremy Tucker: Jackson taking advantage with the roll up! The ref with the count!

……………One!

…………………Two!!

………………………Three!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Not like this! Not like this!

Andrew Fulton: Yes! Any way you can get it baby!

Jeremy Tucker: Maybe, but Linda was so close!

Andrew Fulton: Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! Unlucky break for Linda!

Jeremy Tucker: A horrible joke Fulton but unfortunately accurate…Rally Jackson has snuck past Lucky Linda here tonight at New Horizons and we’re out of time! See you next time here on Battleground!!!
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