BEHIND THE PROMO [MASQUERADE - JABRONI PROMO #2]
Feb 14, 2021 18:05:11 GMT -5
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Post by Cross Recoba on Feb 14, 2021 18:05:11 GMT -5
EXT. OUTDOOR TENNIS COURT - DAY
OVER BLACK
TITLE: BEHIND THE PROMO
A microphone is held in front of “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B.
EXT. JABRONI’S FRONT YARD - DAY
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B finds himself cut off as he looks up and sees a cheap cardboard fascia has been affixed to the house to make it look like a facsimile of an English manor house.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B lets out an almighty sigh as he enters the house.
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B enters the house. JADE is there to greet him.
JADE grabs “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B’s hand and leads him into the lounge.
INT. JABRONI’S LOUNGE - DAY
A live audience are stacked up against the wall, literally. Chairs upon chairs form the seats for the second row. A glass chamber takes central space in the room, a pipe going into the ceiling and into the who knows where.
JADE turns back quickly. A large pink and yellow figure goes past with two giggling wannabe porn starlets
CUT TO:
NOEL EDMONDS has grabbed his hand and has forced him into the glass case.
JABRONI can be seen with a camera peering down from the top of the glass case.
AL JABRONI (O.S)
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B tries to get up and open the door but it’s sealed.
Flashing lights go off like no-one’s business.
NOEL EDMONDS face has now changed and he’s shirtless.
NOEL EDMONDS presses a button.
A multitude of porno groans are heard before pink and yellow ‘gunk’ is funnelled down, covering “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B from head to toe. He lets out a gutteral cry of anguish.
NOEL EDMONDS produces a long baton and proceeds to beat down MR BLOBBY to the floor.
NOEL EDMONDS gestures to JABRONI.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B is pretty much in tears.
EXT. OUTDOOR TENNIS COURT - DAY
OVER BLACK
TITLE: BEHIND THE PROMO
A microphone is held in front of “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
As soon as I got out of my car and heard a voice say “THIS PROMO IS FILMED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE”...I knew I was in trouble.
EXT. JABRONI’S FRONT YARD - DAY
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
(To himself)
When I get my hands on that kid I-
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B finds himself cut off as he looks up and sees a cheap cardboard fascia has been affixed to the house to make it look like a facsimile of an English manor house.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
(Under his breath)
Jesus Christ, Jabroni.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B lets out an almighty sigh as he enters the house.
INT. JABRONI’S HOUSE - DAY
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B enters the house. JADE is there to greet him.
JADE
JOHNNY! They’ve been waiting for you!
JADE grabs “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B’s hand and leads him into the lounge.
INT. JABRONI’S LOUNGE - DAY
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B (V.O)
My heart skipped a beat when I saw what came next.
A live audience are stacked up against the wall, literally. Chairs upon chairs form the seats for the second row. A glass chamber takes central space in the room, a pipe going into the ceiling and into the who knows where.
VOICE (O.S)
WELCOME TO NOEL EDMOND’S HOUSE PARTY….ON TOUR!!
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
JADE?
CUT TO:
JADE turns back quickly. A large pink and yellow figure goes past with two giggling wannabe porn starlets
JADE
Sorry, I have plans! ….BLOBBY! SAVE SOME FOR ME!
MR. BLOBBY (O.S)
BLOBBY-BLOBBY-BLOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CUT TO:
NOEL EDMONDS has grabbed his hand and has forced him into the glass case.
NOEL EDMONDS
JOHNNY! We’re about to play an easy game...it’s time for …
CROWD (O.S.)
CASH...FOR...QUESTIONS!!
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
Where’s Al?
AL JABRONI (O.S.)
Right up here!
CUT TO:
JABRONI can be seen with a camera peering down from the top of the glass case.
CUT TO:
NOEL EDMONDS
It’s really simple, in the box in your hands is five thousand dollars
CROWD (O.S.)
OOOOOHHHH!
NOEL EDMONDS
Now, all you have to do to get that money is answer three questions...Al! Tell him the topic!
AL JABRONI (O.S)
My opponents!
NOEL EDMONDS
You hear that? He doesn’t need wrestling school, you’ll show him that he has all the guidance he needs from you...ready?
NOEL EDMONDS
How can he stand a chance against Chant?
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
(Ill at ease and panicked)
Keep his distance, let him think that Dresden is the bigger threat. He doesn’t need to be beaten to lose….um, climb the ladder!
JABRONI (O.S)
ON ONE RIGHT NOW FOR PRACTICE!
NOEL EDMONDS
Correct!! You’re only two questions away from all that money. Where’s it going?
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
Wrestling lessons…
CROWD (O.S)
BOOOOO!!
NOEL EDMONDS
Not a popular response...what is Big Tiger’s weakness?
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
(More troubled)
He’s not a big picture guy, easily distracted, double-cross him!
NOEL EDMONDS
Not entirely wrong so we’ll allow it. Now, for the final question...How can he get past Dresden?
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
(On the verge of tears)
Counter-attacks, let her do the heavy lifting and catch her when her guard is down! She’s the wrestling critic’s favorite, let her think that, let her believe she deserves the win...then club her like a baby seal!
NOEL EDMONDS
Oh, no, that’s the wrong answer….you all know what that means…
Flashing lights go off like no-one’s business.
MR BLOBBY (O.S)
BLOBBY!!!
NOEL EDMONDS face has now changed and he’s shirtless.
NOEL EDMONDS
Madness is like gravity...all it takes is a little….push
A multitude of porno groans are heard before pink and yellow ‘gunk’ is funnelled down, covering “DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B from head to toe. He lets out a gutteral cry of anguish.
NOEL EDMONDS
The answer is that Dresden is going to wipe the floor with Jabroni...several times over...but we’ve had our fun and that’s all that matters, isn’t that right, Crinkly Bottom residents?
CROWD (O.S.)
WOOOOOOO!!!
NOEL EDMONDS
Now, you may wonder - where did it all go wrong? Well, as soon as Brexit happened, that’s when! I lost the mansion, I lost the quiz show, I lost everything! But nothing was as bad as what happened to Mr. Blobby…
(BEAT)
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
BLOBBY COME TO DADDY!....Blobby lost everything. No more number one hits, no more theme parks, no more sliding looks down Kelly Brook’s top...you think I look deranged, you want to see how he embraced the madness of the Joker.
As if on cue, MR. BLOBBY turns up
NOEL EDMONDS
FOR FUCK’S SAKE! WRONG TYPE OF CLOWN, DICKHEAD!
NOEL EDMONDS produces a long baton and proceeds to beat down MR BLOBBY to the floor.
NOEL EDMONDS
You see what you did to him, Johnny? All because of your desire to turn that...
NOEL EDMONDS gestures to JABRONI.
NOEL EDMONDS (CONT’D)
..into a wrestler? Just let him make porn!
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B is pretty much in tears.
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
NO WRESTLING SCHOOL! NO LESSONS!
NOEL EDMONDS
GOTCHA!
VOICE
How do you rate his chances at Masquerade?
“DISCO BOY” JOHNNY B
Stupendous!
