Dominicus and the Ebony Stones 5: Q&A
Feb 20, 2021 17:28:37 GMT -5
bloodiedfox, Oh-Oh, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Feb 20, 2021 17:28:37 GMT -5
(OOC: This was originally posted as a promo in FIRESIDE, but I received permission (before writing) to also post it here)
*The camera opens up in a studio with FIRESIDE’s lead interviewer, Walter Stanford sitting across from “The Dread Lord” Dinosaur Bones and the NPW North American Cruiserweight Champion Lord Dominicus- colloquially known as the House of Lords. Dominicus seems distracted by a Nintendo DS of all things and Dino Bones seems to be a dinosaur skeleton.*
Stanford: Hello everyone and welcome to this sit down Q&A session with the House of Lords- hello? Guys?
*Dominicus looks up.*
LD: Oh! Yes yes! Thank you for setting this up with us, we have many questions we’d like answered.
Stanford: Um- well actually I was going to ask the questions.
DB: Why would you need to ask questions?
Stanford: Well to give the audience more information about you.
LD: Hold on a second here. This is a Q&A session, right?
Stanford: Yes
LD: And what does Q&A mean?
Stanford: Question and Answer
DB: Exactly, so we ask you questions and you answer them. This isn’t meteor science.
Stanford: Bu-
LD: First question! Who are our opponents?
*There’s a few quiet moments as the aged interviewer’s gears spin in his head. Finally his years of experience kick in and he figures out that he can still spin this into the promo piece he wanted.*
Stanford: Oh! Yes! On March 4th at Thursday Night Inferno, you two- the House of Lords- will be taking on….
Stanford: [Incoherent monkey screeching]
*We see through the eyes of Dino Bones. He looks around as the old white ape screams in his awful language in an attempt to suggest he is somehow not a future meal. Meanwhile, our aged ocular holes find the catering cart far behind the camera. Soon, catering cart, soon.
Stanford: …That’s right! This world is widely inhabited by mysterious creatures called Pokemon!
*Clearly LD is more focused on his game right now.*
Stanford: …featuring Misha Constantine and Johnny Five. Misha already posted some promotional material for the match.
LD: Fascinating
DB: You understood that?
LD: Mostly.
*Dominicus looks up from his game and waves it off to the side a little as he speaks*
LD: Ok, “Pokemon Professor” as you apparently prefer, I have a question. What is this all about?
Stanford: What, Pokemon? I mean I don’t play but basically you catch small creatures and make them fight for your gain and amusement.
DB: That brings back memories…
LD: Actually I meant the match. So we won a match against the Nihilists, which was the goal. Why are we wrestling again? Did you not see that I have a match for the NPW North American Double Crown?
DB: I have a question. Is every title there “North American Something"?
LD: Almost, the XHF Trios Championship breaks that format- as do the Imperial Crown Tag titles. Great question by the way
DB: Thank you and that was a good answer. Maybe we should talk to Big Bone about that title.
*They Domini/Dino-Think (a thinking pose). Shortly after they break said pose and look at the soon-to-be-retired(?) interviewer, who realizes they’re still expecting an answer.*
Stanford: Well, because of FIRESIDE’s open-door tag policy, by beating the Nihilists you were entered into a match with also-winners Five and Divine, and the winner of the match will go on to compete for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships.
*Dino Bones nods like he understands but LD isn’t convinced yet.*
LD: Well hold on here. That covers former world champion and his squat but powerful friend- which….
*Dominicus looks at himself, and his title around his waist, and then Dinosaur Bones next to him*
LD: …feels awfully familiar…but what about the other two guys? Mr. “Changes his Tagline Every Week” February Holiday and Logically Inconsistent Alcoholic Reference?
Stanford: You, uh, mean Jonnie Valentine and Vodka Fizz?
DB: Look, you chimps- sorry, “primates”- should be happy we’re letting you have names at all
*He cups the side of his mouth and leans in*
DB: I’ve been attending sensitivity training
*This is all an awful lot for the experienced interviewer, but he is ever the professional and continues to try to keep this on track.*
Stanford: Well Jonnie was attacked and then chose his partner.
LD: That doesn’t sound like a win at all. That sounds like a loser who is getting favors from the boss- probably because he was able to weasel him away from a rival company. That’s almost as pathetic as a guy who claims to be the main champion of a company but also gets upset if he’s not constantly getting his way even though he can’t be bothered to get things done by himself.
Stanford: Are you trying to reference Johnny Five being some hired muscle for Misha Constantine?
LD: No, because Misha has been getting things done by himself for quite a while- he’s a jerk but at least he can do what he says he’ll do. That’s why Misha and his partner are a better and more interesting match than anything involving Eric Dane. Because with Misha, Five, and the other two guys at least that’s a match. If Eric Dane is involved his crew is going to show up and ruin everything and that’s not even fun after a while, you know?
DB: If you ask me, I can’t even tell the difference between any of them, all of you look essentially the same to me.
LD: It’s a good point. In the end all of these guys are essentially the same. They’re over-confident blockheads who don’t know what they have coming to them. Question, interview man: Who did the House of Lords defeat on episode five?
Stanford: The Nihilists
LD: The Nihilists, FEATURING the current FIRESIDE World Champion, Esmur. And who did Esmur defeat?
Stanford: In which ma-
LD: Misha. He defeated Misha. Ergo, by the numbers I’ve already beaten Misha Constantine. Can Johnny Five even the score or Valentine and Fizz play the spoiler? Maybe, but the House of Lords will do our best to continue making our large DARK AND EVIL mark on this company. Mic drop.
DB: Can we get some lunch now?
LD: One more question!
*Walter Stanford audibly sighs as Dominicus points to the Nintendo DS*
LD: Am I a boy or a girl?
*The camera then fades.*
*The camera opens up in a studio with FIRESIDE’s lead interviewer, Walter Stanford sitting across from “The Dread Lord” Dinosaur Bones and the NPW North American Cruiserweight Champion Lord Dominicus- colloquially known as the House of Lords. Dominicus seems distracted by a Nintendo DS of all things and Dino Bones seems to be a dinosaur skeleton.*
Stanford: Hello everyone and welcome to this sit down Q&A session with the House of Lords- hello? Guys?
*Dominicus looks up.*
LD: Oh! Yes yes! Thank you for setting this up with us, we have many questions we’d like answered.
Stanford: Um- well actually I was going to ask the questions.
DB: Why would you need to ask questions?
Stanford: Well to give the audience more information about you.
LD: Hold on a second here. This is a Q&A session, right?
Stanford: Yes
LD: And what does Q&A mean?
Stanford: Question and Answer
DB: Exactly, so we ask you questions and you answer them. This isn’t meteor science.
Stanford: Bu-
LD: First question! Who are our opponents?
*There’s a few quiet moments as the aged interviewer’s gears spin in his head. Finally his years of experience kick in and he figures out that he can still spin this into the promo piece he wanted.*
Stanford: Oh! Yes! On March 4th at Thursday Night Inferno, you two- the House of Lords- will be taking on….
DINO-VISION
Stanford: [Incoherent monkey screeching]
*We see through the eyes of Dino Bones. He looks around as the old white ape screams in his awful language in an attempt to suggest he is somehow not a future meal. Meanwhile, our aged ocular holes find the catering cart far behind the camera. Soon, catering cart, soon.
DOMINIVISION
Stanford: …That’s right! This world is widely inhabited by mysterious creatures called Pokemon!
*Clearly LD is more focused on his game right now.*
STANFORD-VISION
Stanford: …featuring Misha Constantine and Johnny Five. Misha already posted some promotional material for the match.
LD: Fascinating
DB: You understood that?
LD: Mostly.
*Dominicus looks up from his game and waves it off to the side a little as he speaks*
LD: Ok, “Pokemon Professor” as you apparently prefer, I have a question. What is this all about?
Stanford: What, Pokemon? I mean I don’t play but basically you catch small creatures and make them fight for your gain and amusement.
DB: That brings back memories…
LD: Actually I meant the match. So we won a match against the Nihilists, which was the goal. Why are we wrestling again? Did you not see that I have a match for the NPW North American Double Crown?
DB: I have a question. Is every title there “North American Something"?
LD: Almost, the XHF Trios Championship breaks that format- as do the Imperial Crown Tag titles. Great question by the way
DB: Thank you and that was a good answer. Maybe we should talk to Big Bone about that title.
*They Domini/Dino-Think (a thinking pose). Shortly after they break said pose and look at the soon-to-be-retired(?) interviewer, who realizes they’re still expecting an answer.*
Stanford: Well, because of FIRESIDE’s open-door tag policy, by beating the Nihilists you were entered into a match with also-winners Five and Divine, and the winner of the match will go on to compete for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships.
*Dino Bones nods like he understands but LD isn’t convinced yet.*
LD: Well hold on here. That covers former world champion and his squat but powerful friend- which….
*Dominicus looks at himself, and his title around his waist, and then Dinosaur Bones next to him*
LD: …feels awfully familiar…but what about the other two guys? Mr. “Changes his Tagline Every Week” February Holiday and Logically Inconsistent Alcoholic Reference?
Stanford: You, uh, mean Jonnie Valentine and Vodka Fizz?
DB: Look, you chimps- sorry, “primates”- should be happy we’re letting you have names at all
*He cups the side of his mouth and leans in*
DB: I’ve been attending sensitivity training
*This is all an awful lot for the experienced interviewer, but he is ever the professional and continues to try to keep this on track.*
Stanford: Well Jonnie was attacked and then chose his partner.
LD: That doesn’t sound like a win at all. That sounds like a loser who is getting favors from the boss- probably because he was able to weasel him away from a rival company. That’s almost as pathetic as a guy who claims to be the main champion of a company but also gets upset if he’s not constantly getting his way even though he can’t be bothered to get things done by himself.
Stanford: Are you trying to reference Johnny Five being some hired muscle for Misha Constantine?
LD: No, because Misha has been getting things done by himself for quite a while- he’s a jerk but at least he can do what he says he’ll do. That’s why Misha and his partner are a better and more interesting match than anything involving Eric Dane. Because with Misha, Five, and the other two guys at least that’s a match. If Eric Dane is involved his crew is going to show up and ruin everything and that’s not even fun after a while, you know?
DB: If you ask me, I can’t even tell the difference between any of them, all of you look essentially the same to me.
LD: It’s a good point. In the end all of these guys are essentially the same. They’re over-confident blockheads who don’t know what they have coming to them. Question, interview man: Who did the House of Lords defeat on episode five?
Stanford: The Nihilists
LD: The Nihilists, FEATURING the current FIRESIDE World Champion, Esmur. And who did Esmur defeat?
Stanford: In which ma-
LD: Misha. He defeated Misha. Ergo, by the numbers I’ve already beaten Misha Constantine. Can Johnny Five even the score or Valentine and Fizz play the spoiler? Maybe, but the House of Lords will do our best to continue making our large DARK AND EVIL mark on this company. Mic drop.
DB: Can we get some lunch now?
LD: One more question!
*Walter Stanford audibly sighs as Dominicus points to the Nintendo DS*
LD: Am I a boy or a girl?
*The camera then fades.*
