Post by Dave D-Flipz on Feb 28, 2021 17:52:39 GMT -5
We see the security footage from the inside of a local grocery store. A cart is wheeled down an aisle. On the shelves is all kinds of cooking oils. Avocado, olive, hazelnut, canola, vegetable ... but something is missing. We see a corgi wearing a vest made of human hair with the words "Service Animal" written in crayon on a paper pinned to the vest. He is sitting where the small children would sit in the cart. In the cart is some raw beef, raw chicken, raw fish, a few veggies, some salt, and protein powder with Scott Steel's head on the package. You have to wonder if he is aware he is endorsing this shit, and whether he is being fairly compensated. Pushing the cart is an agitated Primal. He has on reading glasses and is holding a list. His chest hair has buttons stuck in it to make it appear to be a sweater. He has on his wrestling boots and loincloth and his leg hair is smoothed to look like wool pants.*
: "BLAST IT ALL WHERE IS IT! I have been using SO much hair and oil lately. How can I keep my gifts, and myself, in working order without the conditioner I need!? YOU THERE! PEON!"
*A nerdy guy walks up to the roaring monster man and his furchild. His name tag says Derek and he looks to be 23 and bored.*
Derek: Uh sir can I help you?
: "Yes! Where is the blasted coconut oil? I have much seasoning and preening to do!"
Derek: Oh uh ... some skinny dude came in here earlier and bought up a case of it. Had on a killer black mask too. Said something about britches and conditioning. Just a real delightful guy, we all love him. He was asking about black stones and ended up giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and saved his life! I mean he got all hot and bothered when he claimed he was trying to assault the man for eating his black stone, but it was licorice.
: "SURELY you have more than one case of coconut oil!"
Derek: I mean yeah but it's all damaged. In his haste to prove he was evil, he accidentally broke the rest. He was trying to climb the shelves and shout but the shelf was crap and broke and all the oil shattered on the floor. Turns out it was expired so he did us all a favor and saved us a huge fine!
: "BAH THIS WILL NOT STAND! Maybe I should find Timeless and use his seemingly impossible ability to go to this store a week ago before that. GAH! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY ... *looks at the name tag* CANADIAN MAN DEREK!"
*Primal storms out of the store .... without paying for the rest of his stuff. Derek shrugs in Canadian good will and goes back to cleaning the floor*
: "BLAST IT ALL WHERE IS IT! I have been using SO much hair and oil lately. How can I keep my gifts, and myself, in working order without the conditioner I need!? YOU THERE! PEON!"*A nerdy guy walks up to the roaring monster man and his furchild. His name tag says Derek and he looks to be 23 and bored.*
Derek: Uh sir can I help you?
: "Yes! Where is the blasted coconut oil? I have much seasoning and preening to do!"Derek: Oh uh ... some skinny dude came in here earlier and bought up a case of it. Had on a killer black mask too. Said something about britches and conditioning. Just a real delightful guy, we all love him. He was asking about black stones and ended up giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and saved his life! I mean he got all hot and bothered when he claimed he was trying to assault the man for eating his black stone, but it was licorice.
: "SURELY you have more than one case of coconut oil!"Derek: I mean yeah but it's all damaged. In his haste to prove he was evil, he accidentally broke the rest. He was trying to climb the shelves and shout but the shelf was crap and broke and all the oil shattered on the floor. Turns out it was expired so he did us all a favor and saved us a huge fine!
: "BAH THIS WILL NOT STAND! Maybe I should find Timeless and use his seemingly impossible ability to go to this store a week ago before that. GAH! YOU WILL RUE THE DAY ... *looks at the name tag* CANADIAN MAN DEREK!"*Primal storms out of the store .... without paying for the rest of his stuff. Derek shrugs in Canadian good will and goes back to cleaning the floor*
