If I Had Two Million Dollars...
Mar 8, 2021 23:03:28 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by Isabel Rios on Mar 8, 2021 23:03:28 GMT -5
We open on Isabel Rios, seated behind a desk in an office, wearing a natty black suit with a white blouse, a can of High VoltageTM Raspberry Rocket before her.
"Hey there NPW! Been a little while, hasn't it? I had a little business to attend to over in SWAT for a bit; still do, really. But that No Man's Land tournament, damn did that turn out to be a good night! I've got a shot at the Amazons championship coming up in the not too distant future, but I also won this!"
Isabel reaches down and pulls up the oversized novelty cheque for two million dollars that was awarded to her not too long ago.
"I gotta be honest, this kinda money, I never expected to see it all at once in my bank account. I've already got a house and a car so I've been thinking a lot about what to do with the cash and I figured why not get a few opinions? Jimmy, roll the footage!"
-----
We cut to Lord Dominicus in, presumably, his lair of EVIL.
“You should invest...in something EVIL! Like war corgis, or evil magic gloves, or black pants. Evil investments always pay UNHOLY returns! Of course, if it was me I’d probably put the cash toward some art, like a formal portrait of Eric Dane and Alex Turner choking each other while being mauled by hundreds of corgis.”
He makes the ‘DominiThink’ pose
“Come to think of it, I have some money put away....”
-----
"Huh... well, guess he already took care of that painting himself. Moving on!"
-----
We cut to the woolly warrior Primal.
"What? GET that ridiculous machine out of my face. Do I look like a man who cares about money? She'd be wise to just light it on fire and be done with the whole sham of society. Oh who am I kidding, she's just another one of these 'civilized' fools. Probably waste it on a... humvee or a pet goldfish or something. Buy a chocolate or coffee plantation if you're smart, that shit will be near extinct in a few years..."
-----
"Well... damn, I do love chocolate. Next!"
-----
We're in a living room, Manny and Lizzie seated on a couch, practically vibrating with the kind of energy only small children can possess without chemicals, Cookie the corgi laying between them.
"Tia Izzy should buy a pony!"
"Or a TIGER!"
"But Manny! The tiger would eat the pony!"
"Not my pony, not my problem."
"MOM! Manny's tiger is gonna eat my pony!"
-----
A kitchen table with a beleagured-looking woman who bears a familial resemblance to Isabel.
"Wine. Wine and birth control."
-----
"... okay, gonna spend some of it on a spa day for my cousin. We've got one more Jimmy!"
-----
Cut to "Nuthin But A GM Thing" Jonnie Valentine sitting in his make up chair. He has a paper bib to keep the make up from getting on his suit.
"That's alot of money. I definitely wasn't winning two million dollars in the tournaments and battle royals I won. It was usually a check that said VOID across it so the cameras couldn't get close ups, and usually a free night at the fleabag motel the promoter had a deal with. You know the kind, where the door doesn't really close and there's a crack pipe under the mattress. The phone rings alot and it's always for a guy named Rudy who usually stays there. The TV only gets the Christian channel and Cinemax but you've already seen Cheaper By The Dozen. Then in the middle of the night, there's a knock on the door, and it's Rudy who wants his pipe and his phone messages."
"Close your eyes."
"Not too much, last time you sent me out there looking like a juggalo."
"Quit moving."
"But what do I think she should do with her newfound fortune? One word. CPAP Machines. That's two, but so is the amount of chins most wrestling fans own. An Isabel Rios CPAP Machine for wrestling fans would be huge. And if she generously cut me into the profits, I would be more than willing to showcase them in numerous segments throughout the show. Hell, Andrew Fulton has set three beds on fire smoking in bed, he could be the spokesman for the right price. If she doesn't like that, I have an incredible opportunity for her. You've heard of Mexico, right? What if I told you there was a Newer Mexico? That's right, imagine the whimsy and culture of Mexico, but you don't even have to leave the United States of America? Sounds too good to be true right? Well, keep this under your hat, but I'm working on a deal in which we could get, I don't know, let's call it a "New Mexico", and we could lease the land to investors where we all make a ton of change. The point is, you have to make your money work for you. Look at me, I've got that chain of restaurants where in the vein of lobster places, you get to choose the animal to be killed for your meal. At Decisions, Decisions, you pick the chicken, cow, or pig to be slaughtered for your entree. Kids love it. After a few beers, it can be fun to hold a mock trial for them. Who cares? They're about to be covered in bearnaise sauce and served with decorative parsley. She could get involved with something like that. But not something actually like that, because of all the fires that have broken out at the competitive restaurants in the area."
-----
Isabel is just staring into the camera, blinking slowly.
"Okay, lots to unpack there. I'll keep you all updated! Now I've got a tag match to get back to training for! See you on the 16th NPW!"
We fade out as Isabel offers a wide smile before enjoying a long sip of raspberry caffeine goodness.
Big thanks to LD, Primal and Jonnie Valentine for their cameos!
"Hey there NPW! Been a little while, hasn't it? I had a little business to attend to over in SWAT for a bit; still do, really. But that No Man's Land tournament, damn did that turn out to be a good night! I've got a shot at the Amazons championship coming up in the not too distant future, but I also won this!"
Isabel reaches down and pulls up the oversized novelty cheque for two million dollars that was awarded to her not too long ago.
"I gotta be honest, this kinda money, I never expected to see it all at once in my bank account. I've already got a house and a car so I've been thinking a lot about what to do with the cash and I figured why not get a few opinions? Jimmy, roll the footage!"
-----
We cut to Lord Dominicus in, presumably, his lair of EVIL.
“You should invest...in something EVIL! Like war corgis, or evil magic gloves, or black pants. Evil investments always pay UNHOLY returns! Of course, if it was me I’d probably put the cash toward some art, like a formal portrait of Eric Dane and Alex Turner choking each other while being mauled by hundreds of corgis.”
He makes the ‘DominiThink’ pose
“Come to think of it, I have some money put away....”
-----
"Huh... well, guess he already took care of that painting himself. Moving on!"
-----
We cut to the woolly warrior Primal.
"What? GET that ridiculous machine out of my face. Do I look like a man who cares about money? She'd be wise to just light it on fire and be done with the whole sham of society. Oh who am I kidding, she's just another one of these 'civilized' fools. Probably waste it on a... humvee or a pet goldfish or something. Buy a chocolate or coffee plantation if you're smart, that shit will be near extinct in a few years..."
-----
"Well... damn, I do love chocolate. Next!"
-----
We're in a living room, Manny and Lizzie seated on a couch, practically vibrating with the kind of energy only small children can possess without chemicals, Cookie the corgi laying between them.
"Tia Izzy should buy a pony!"
"Or a TIGER!"
"But Manny! The tiger would eat the pony!"
"Not my pony, not my problem."
"MOM! Manny's tiger is gonna eat my pony!"
-----
A kitchen table with a beleagured-looking woman who bears a familial resemblance to Isabel.
"Wine. Wine and birth control."
-----
"... okay, gonna spend some of it on a spa day for my cousin. We've got one more Jimmy!"
-----
Cut to "Nuthin But A GM Thing" Jonnie Valentine sitting in his make up chair. He has a paper bib to keep the make up from getting on his suit.
"That's alot of money. I definitely wasn't winning two million dollars in the tournaments and battle royals I won. It was usually a check that said VOID across it so the cameras couldn't get close ups, and usually a free night at the fleabag motel the promoter had a deal with. You know the kind, where the door doesn't really close and there's a crack pipe under the mattress. The phone rings alot and it's always for a guy named Rudy who usually stays there. The TV only gets the Christian channel and Cinemax but you've already seen Cheaper By The Dozen. Then in the middle of the night, there's a knock on the door, and it's Rudy who wants his pipe and his phone messages."
"Close your eyes."
"Not too much, last time you sent me out there looking like a juggalo."
"Quit moving."
"But what do I think she should do with her newfound fortune? One word. CPAP Machines. That's two, but so is the amount of chins most wrestling fans own. An Isabel Rios CPAP Machine for wrestling fans would be huge. And if she generously cut me into the profits, I would be more than willing to showcase them in numerous segments throughout the show. Hell, Andrew Fulton has set three beds on fire smoking in bed, he could be the spokesman for the right price. If she doesn't like that, I have an incredible opportunity for her. You've heard of Mexico, right? What if I told you there was a Newer Mexico? That's right, imagine the whimsy and culture of Mexico, but you don't even have to leave the United States of America? Sounds too good to be true right? Well, keep this under your hat, but I'm working on a deal in which we could get, I don't know, let's call it a "New Mexico", and we could lease the land to investors where we all make a ton of change. The point is, you have to make your money work for you. Look at me, I've got that chain of restaurants where in the vein of lobster places, you get to choose the animal to be killed for your meal. At Decisions, Decisions, you pick the chicken, cow, or pig to be slaughtered for your entree. Kids love it. After a few beers, it can be fun to hold a mock trial for them. Who cares? They're about to be covered in bearnaise sauce and served with decorative parsley. She could get involved with something like that. But not something actually like that, because of all the fires that have broken out at the competitive restaurants in the area."
-----
Isabel is just staring into the camera, blinking slowly.
"Okay, lots to unpack there. I'll keep you all updated! Now I've got a tag match to get back to training for! See you on the 16th NPW!"
We fade out as Isabel offers a wide smile before enjoying a long sip of raspberry caffeine goodness.
Big thanks to LD, Primal and Jonnie Valentine for their cameos!
