Xtreme Invasion
Mar 22, 2017 19:38:42 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by Slainmaker on Mar 22, 2017 19:38:42 GMT -5
** Fade in to footage of an independent pro wrestling show. A cheery, chubby wrestler is walking back down the entranceway to fan adoration with his tongue out and a belt held aloft in one hand. **
COMMENTATOR
- Another war of a show for Extreme World Wrestling on CNN wraps up with a sight I know I personally will never tire of seeing. Big Balloo is still standing, and he's still the champion if you're listening to this Myers. Send another one of your goons if you want he'll beat them just like he did your boy tonight!
** A lone voice screams out at a pitch that manages to pierce both the sound of the commentator and the crowd. **
???????
- EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXTRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME! WITH AN X!"
** Balloo goes down out of view from a rear attack until a switch to another camera reveals Slain as the culprit. Slain snatches a selfie stick from a fan and uses it to lash the back of the downed champion before strolling over to the fallen belt and wearing it as if his own. With a pull on the back of the collar the victim is brought up onto his feet while still bent over. The right arm is hooked, then the right before Slain pelvic thrusts the belt into the head for a clean knock out. A microphone is procured and Slain speaks from the ring. **
SLAIN
- Real leaders make things happen, and as you can see I'm a happening kinda guy. I happened across a building full of hipsters pretending to like the standard of competition on show tonight, then I happened across this new trophy for my collection. I like it, it likes me. We're going to get on famously. Now if anyone back there wants this back here...
** Fade out and we now see Slain close up in a sit-down interview format. **
SLAIN
- As you know, wrestling is my world. I eat wrestling, breathe wrestling, sleep wrestling, pee wrestling, sometimes I even do wrestling. It takes over your whole life, and I'd simply lost track of how, outside of that world, a lot of things common to it are actually really, really illegal.
** Back to footage of the show. **
SLAIN
- Yeah I can see this beauty doesn't have my name on it yet, but you know what they say, possession is nine tenths of...
** Slain is alarmed as two police officers climb the ring steps. **
SLAIN
- THE LAW!! Shitshitshit.
** He starts inching away from their direction and grabs a phone from his pocket. It's held up to his face with one hand while the other frantically tries to pull his tights up over the championship. **
SLAIN
- OK Google, call getaway Uber... Where the hell are you Phil? Things are getting hot here... What do you mean outside!? Screw it. OK Google call the police... You've got to help me the cops are after me.
** Back to the interview. **
SLAIN
- I mean I thought the jail time was unwarranted. They got me for lots of small stuff they should have let slide. A trash can lid is not valuable enough to count as damaged property. You can't steal a microphone when it's given to you by a scared announcer and you were going to give it back. And how can you assault an officer by letting off a fire extinguisher? That's like, wet air or some shit. I found that ladder under the ring, and I was handing it in to the police! Anyway turns out they accept video as evidence in courts now and the judge was clearly biased against people who had recently been proven beyond a reasonable doubt to be held accountable for criminal offences.
OFF-SCREEN INTERVIEWER
- How was the experience of prison for you?
SLAIN
- Was expecting worse. If you get any hassle in there you tell them you know Hardcore Harry and they back off. Odd really I mean he's on TV I thought everyone knew him. It was like school in a way. We had break times, systematic bullying, no sex, crappy food and I slept through most of it.
OFF-SCREEN INTERVIEWER
- Before we bring this interview to a close, what lessons have you learned?
SLAIN
- Stay in school. The incident itself? Maybe I shouldn't say this but I can't say I have that many regrets. For that moment I was the hottest thing in wrestling, and while I didn't appreciate all the attacker-shaming sent my way on social media the attention has been a boon since the XHF went down. In this day and age you simply cannot overstate the value of a pro wrestler taking that risk and achieving genuine, organic crossover media buzz.
** Slain holds up a local newspaper with the headline 'Delinquent Fan Ruins Charity Event' **
COMMENTATOR
- Another war of a show for Extreme World Wrestling on CNN wraps up with a sight I know I personally will never tire of seeing. Big Balloo is still standing, and he's still the champion if you're listening to this Myers. Send another one of your goons if you want he'll beat them just like he did your boy tonight!
** A lone voice screams out at a pitch that manages to pierce both the sound of the commentator and the crowd. **
???????
- EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXTRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME! WITH AN X!"
** Balloo goes down out of view from a rear attack until a switch to another camera reveals Slain as the culprit. Slain snatches a selfie stick from a fan and uses it to lash the back of the downed champion before strolling over to the fallen belt and wearing it as if his own. With a pull on the back of the collar the victim is brought up onto his feet while still bent over. The right arm is hooked, then the right before Slain pelvic thrusts the belt into the head for a clean knock out. A microphone is procured and Slain speaks from the ring. **
SLAIN
- Real leaders make things happen, and as you can see I'm a happening kinda guy. I happened across a building full of hipsters pretending to like the standard of competition on show tonight, then I happened across this new trophy for my collection. I like it, it likes me. We're going to get on famously. Now if anyone back there wants this back here...
** Fade out and we now see Slain close up in a sit-down interview format. **
SLAIN
- As you know, wrestling is my world. I eat wrestling, breathe wrestling, sleep wrestling, pee wrestling, sometimes I even do wrestling. It takes over your whole life, and I'd simply lost track of how, outside of that world, a lot of things common to it are actually really, really illegal.
** Back to footage of the show. **
SLAIN
- Yeah I can see this beauty doesn't have my name on it yet, but you know what they say, possession is nine tenths of...
** Slain is alarmed as two police officers climb the ring steps. **
SLAIN
- THE LAW!! Shitshitshit.
** He starts inching away from their direction and grabs a phone from his pocket. It's held up to his face with one hand while the other frantically tries to pull his tights up over the championship. **
SLAIN
- OK Google, call getaway Uber... Where the hell are you Phil? Things are getting hot here... What do you mean outside!? Screw it. OK Google call the police... You've got to help me the cops are after me.
** Back to the interview. **
SLAIN
- I mean I thought the jail time was unwarranted. They got me for lots of small stuff they should have let slide. A trash can lid is not valuable enough to count as damaged property. You can't steal a microphone when it's given to you by a scared announcer and you were going to give it back. And how can you assault an officer by letting off a fire extinguisher? That's like, wet air or some shit. I found that ladder under the ring, and I was handing it in to the police! Anyway turns out they accept video as evidence in courts now and the judge was clearly biased against people who had recently been proven beyond a reasonable doubt to be held accountable for criminal offences.
OFF-SCREEN INTERVIEWER
- How was the experience of prison for you?
SLAIN
- Was expecting worse. If you get any hassle in there you tell them you know Hardcore Harry and they back off. Odd really I mean he's on TV I thought everyone knew him. It was like school in a way. We had break times, systematic bullying, no sex, crappy food and I slept through most of it.
OFF-SCREEN INTERVIEWER
- Before we bring this interview to a close, what lessons have you learned?
SLAIN
- Stay in school. The incident itself? Maybe I shouldn't say this but I can't say I have that many regrets. For that moment I was the hottest thing in wrestling, and while I didn't appreciate all the attacker-shaming sent my way on social media the attention has been a boon since the XHF went down. In this day and age you simply cannot overstate the value of a pro wrestler taking that risk and achieving genuine, organic crossover media buzz.
** Slain holds up a local newspaper with the headline 'Delinquent Fan Ruins Charity Event' **