Battleground #38 : Full Circle (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Syndicate Wrestling & Tradition and the XHF presents ....

Jeremy Tucker : Welcome. Welcome to Battleground! Welcome to Cleveland! WELCOME TO SWAT!!!

Andrew Fulton : It’s still the Gund arena to me Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker : We are only one more Battleground out after this one from the Anzac Cup, and gearing up big time with FOUR HUGE Tag Team matches tonight! Before we get to that though, we have some footage we need to show you all of what happened after we went off the air last week in Jerusalem.

Andrew Fulton : What? What footage is this?

[The SWAT Tron lights up and we see the underground basement car park, Jonnie Valentine exits an elevator and looks around, no one to be seen. He looks at his watch and then out from a pilar appears Frostbite.]

Frostbite : So? You actually had the balls to come down here and give me my title match?

Jonnie : We will see about that once you tell me this information you claim to have.

Frostbite : Its quite simple. I do know who has been trolling you all over the interweb. The thing is, I don’t trust you to give me this title shot. My love and I will not be denied, but I do not need YOU to bestow my shot to me! I will get it myself!

Jonnie : Then why the hell did you call me down here and waste my time?

[Also from behind the pillars appear Armand von Kraus. Then EDDIE D, Joanne Canelli! Eric_Dane! BRUNO! THE KGB!]

[Jonnie looks around knowing it’s a set up. There is nowhere to go, they back him up to the wall and the closed elevator door is behind him, then the elevator chimes and opens and there stands ‘The Founder’ Mad Dog Soutter. ]

[The Bandits swoop on Jonnie, 6 on one and he tries to fight them off, then Soutter charges them with the bat and they retreat. Soutter standing over Jonnie protectively.]

Armand : You just made a big mistake Founder (he snarls the term.)

Eddie D : NEXT WEEK! Dane and I and you TWO! After we win, I get MY Title Shot from the Rumble!

[Soutter helps Jonnie up and the elevator opens again and they warily back into it.]

Jonnie (as the door is closing) YOU GOT IT!

[The Tron switches back to the commentary booth.]

Jeremy Tucker : How about that? Dane and Eddie vs Suit and Valentine, what a dream match up?

Andrew Fulton : What was Jonnie thinking going down there to begin with?

Jeremy Tucker : He wants to know who has been trolling him online. Frostbite was setting him up, and we are no closer to knowing who the troll is.

Andrew Fulton : Eddie is closer to getting his title shot he won at No Man’s Land though.

Jeremy Tucker : Also tonight, we have a WORLD TITLE MATCH! Goth Vs Rally!

Andrew Fulton : Rally will get his belt back and this nightmare of Goth as the champ will be over once and for all.

Jeremy Tucker : We will see about that. What about the Hellhounds getting a tag title shot? AND ISABEL RIOS also at the Amazons!

Andrew Fulton : The Hounds don’t stand a chance against Armand and Frosty! As for Anderson and Rios, why don’t we up the ante and the winner gets to take me out for an after show celebratory drink?

Jeremy Tucker : Not likely. How about the lead into the Anzac Cup? Teams are throwing their hands high in the air declaring their intent for the cup.

Andrew Fulton : Coming out of the woodwork indeed.

Jeremy Tucker : Pequeno and Union Jack are a big threat, tonight will be a nice tune up for them against Hehe and Haha.

Andrew Fulton : Tune up? The clowns are no ‘tune up’. They are legit and the Cup could be theirs if they wanted it so.

Jeremy Tucker : Another team I am looking forward to seeing is the ReV’s. Williams and Osland are on top of the world.

Andrew Fulton : They got all the gold and they could easily win the Cup.

Jeremy Tucker : All that coming tonight and more! We will be right back with some messages from our guys!

[Donzig]

Outside the arena, a gleaming black car pulls into the parking lot near the loading docks. It slowly crawls to a halt, gleaming beneath the bright lights before the back door opens. The feminine form of Sinclair Godfrey steps out, pausing to smooth her flowing black coat before looking at the arena with a smirk. Disdain in her eyes before she lightly steps away, moving behind the door. Then another figure emerges from the car, long black leather coat swaying as the hooded head lifts. A gleaming metallic skull looks from beneath the cowl, and the empty eyes of the mask stare at the arena. He steps forward, and Godfrey shuts the door behind him. He pauses, a hand lifting before he growls angrily. 'Cleveland. Ohio.'

A pause. 

'You have been chosen as the first to bear witness to the will of the Void! You will be the first to bear witness to the hand of Doom!' Donzig waves a hand angrily, head tilting beneath the hood. He takes a breath, and then he continues with an absent gesture of his fingers. 'This is the hour that will be remembered as the beginning of the end, this is the moment that the purification of SWAT starts. You have been chosen, you have been blessed, the first to stand in the presence of the Scourge! I will show you the error of your ways, I will show you how weak your heroes actually are, I will show you the truth of this festering house of lies! The rot within it!'

Donzig rolls his shoulders, leather creaking as he nods to himself. The pitiless gaze of the mask locked onto the arena, and then he starts forward. The lovely Sinclair Godfrey waiting a moment before following in his wake. But that low angry voice continued it's grim litany, as he walked on. The hood still covering his head as he made his way inside. 'Tonight, SWAT will know what it faces. The hunger of the Void, the cold anger of the Pit, and the empty beauty of the song of the Oblivion. The path will be painful, it will be filled with suffering, but it will all start here. Inside that ring, it will start at my hands, I can already feel it.'

Donzig pauses again, and a cold laugh bubbles from under the mask. 'It is fitting that a place as disappointing, as much of a city of unfulfilled dreams, a place built on shame and weakness has been chosen for the first sacrifice to the Void! After all we all know that hope left this city when King James did, eh?' 

Godfrey hid a smile behind her head, clearly amused by Donzig's snide commentary on Cleveland. And Donzig shrugged again, bemused as he walked on glaring from beneath the leather hood as he kept up his stream of abuse. 'SWAT! Cleveland, Ohio! Gund Arena--'

Godfrey cleared her throat, pausing before she leaned upwards to whisper into his ear. Murmuring into the hood as he paused, head tilting to gaze at her. 'They don't call it that anymore.'

A grunt, and Donzig inclined his head with a tilt of that mask. 'What do they call it?'

'Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse.'

Donzig jerked to a halt, leather creaking as he stared at her with the empty gaze of that mask. He said nothing for a long moment, and he slowly lifted a hand to rub at the chin of the mask. Godfrey said nothing just watching him, hands folded behind her back as he tilted his head. Then his gaze lifted, shaking his hooded head before he muttered. 'That's stupid, that's a stupid fucking name. We're not calling it that. Tonight in the Gund Arena the Black Crusade to save SWAT from itself begins!'

Godfrey rolled her eyes, but nodded with a small smile as Donzig started to sweep down the hall once more. His hands already taped for his match out to his sides, fingers twisting, clenching and unclenching as he paused before a door. He turned to glare at the camera, and his hand lifted to sweep back the hood as he spat angrily from beneath the mask. ' Cleveland, Ohio Rejoice! The herald of Oblivion has come! The Void is here!'

The door was kicked open, and the pair swept inside with the door banged shut behind them.

[Oh-Oh]

Miami International Airport
April 13th, 2021
1:00pm
~_~

When my plane touched down in Miami I couldn't help but wonder what might be waiting for me. I felt as though I had played my cards right with Dangerous Donna prior to leaving for Jerusalem, and thought that there might be a good chance that she would still be in Miami. Why not, right? I put her up in the hotel across the street from the airport - and gave her access to one of my credit cards so she could show herself a good time. I figured I would have to give back after all that had happened between us to truly show my willingness to straighten things out between us.

I did my best to be as efficient as possible when going through customs, before heading to the baggage claim. My cell phone was just starting to get reception.

[Text Message.]

"Hey Dude, we're wrestling Team Fairtex in Cleveland this week. It's time to put the pieces together for a legendary run as a team and it all starts now. I have a couple of things to take care of up in your old stomping grounds tonight, so keep your eyes and ears open." - Keith

My old stomping grounds? Ah, Northern Pro Wrestling. That sly dog was so tight lipped about his next move that I basically had to bribe him to spill the beans. Gus Arnold is no nonsense, but is willing to look past some of the 'extras' that come with the ReVenants if they're willing to work hard whenever they're booked to appear.

I scrolled through my phone to see if I had missed any text or voice messages. Oh well, I thought. I still knew which room she was staying in, so I could always stop by I thought to myself.

I waited for my luggage for what felt like an eternity, and then it finally came swirling through conveyor. I grabbed it, and made a move towards the exit. My pocket buzzed, and I anxiously reached to grab my phone.

"I'm out front buddaayee" -Chad

Great, the last thing I need is for Cape Breton Chad to be the first face I see when I exit this airport. Then I reigned myself in and remembered that it's always fun to throw a few jabs Chad's way because he's such a sucker. Well, at least I was home I rationed.

When I walked outside, Chad was leaning back hard in the driver's seat of my Mercedes SUV. I immediately wanted an explanation.

Osland: "What are you doing driving the Mercedes?"

Chad: "Listen, I know you said I wasn't to ever get behind the wheel without your permission, but the durango has a flat."

He was lucky that his story made sense, and that my mind was elsewhere.

Osland: "Stay here, I'll be right back."

Before Chad could respond, I dumped my bags in the trunk and jogged off across the street. I walked through the front door of the hotel, and inquired about room 112. The gentleman at the front desk was kind enough to inform me that Donna had checked out earlier today. As I turned to leave, he handed me a had written note.

"Os, thank you for your generosity. These past few days in Miami were just what I needed. As it turns out, I'm on my way to Cleveland for the next SWAT event. I guess they haven't forgotten about me after-all. I'll see you around." - Donna

Osland: "Was she alone when she left?"

The front desk clerk shrugged his shoulders and blew me off. At least she enjoyed herself, on my dime no less. Either way, it would make for a much less awkward conversation when I run into her in Cleveland. I thought about sending her a message or email, but thought better of it. This was my world, my realm and I wasn't about to chase her even if she had been on my mind since I left for Jerusalem.

When I exited the hotel, I was reminded that I had to deal with Chad's obnoxious behaviour and stories about what he's been up to for the past week.

Chad: "Sup Doggie Dog? Where you been?"

I could slap the taste out of his mouth, but I'll let him live. Besides, the kid idolizes me.

Osland: "Business."

Chad: "Business as in, Donna type of business?"

How could he know?

Osland: "Why do you ask?"

Chad smiled, reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. I waited for the video to load, and when it did I was speechless. That monster Eddie D was creeping on Donna last night, and he even planted one on her. I could feel Chad's laughter brewing beside me, but he should know better than to poke fun when I could send him back to Cape Breton on a bus if I wanted.

Osland: "Hm. That's.. uh... creepy."

Chad: "Eddie D has no game. Even I could've...

I couldn't help but shoot him a strong glare. Pick your next words wisely, I thought to myself.

He felt it too, so he stopped in his tracks.

Osland: "I wonder if that's why she left?"

Chad: "If that behemoth is lurking around a hotel, and knows where she's staying... wouldn't you want to get out of dodge?"

Osland: "Exactly."

I could feel my body tensing. It was Eddie D - that cock-blocking son of a bitch who spoiled my chances for a rendezvous.

Chad: "Ew, he kissed her and everything. Not cool."

Osland: "Part of me wants to reach out to the guy and offer him some assistance. That was a crash and burn mission I've ever seen one. But the point is, Donna isn't 'everyone's girl' - she's...

I couldn't believe I was about to complete that sentence. What kind of example was I setting here? Chad waited for me to finish but when he realized I wasn't going any further he chuckled and started to leave the parking garage.

Chad: "So what's on the agenda this week?"

Osland: "I'm off to Cleveland in the morning."

Chad: "Damn, so quick?"

Osland: "Just in time to do laundry, hit the gym and fly out again."

Chad: "When do you leave for the rumble?"

Osland: "Right after Keith and I put Team Fairtex in their place, and march into the Anzac cup with all kinds of momentum. Once we take them out, I'm not sticking around - I'll be on my way to St. Louis for final preparations for the The Rumble. I'll send you your ticket through email, so you can come witness me becoming the new XHF X*Crown Champion."

Chad: "That's so epic dude. I don't know how you keep everything straight. From the ladies, to coaching, to your tag team, to being the KING of TV... to now... The New X*Crown Champion....legendary stuff bro-heim."

What a cringe worthy word. I wish Chad would just tone it down a few notches.

Osland: "I've been laying low, keeping my strategy for the big match to myself. I've purposely not called anyone by name, so not to elevate their names because I'm the one saying it, you know? When I say something, everyone listens. When I do something, everyone watches. There isn't a man walking god's green earth that can do what I do in and out of the ring. Some people are already aware - but for the uninitiated - they're going to find out that Oxford Osland is and has always been at the top of professional wrestling."

Chad: "Shoot your shot, big guy."

I nodded, knowing full well that I am completely under the radar. Knowing full well that If I wanted to kick it up a notch at anytime, I could. if I wanted to have the peasants of the XHF Network beneath my boot, I would. The XHF Rumble is chaotic and complex, and truthfully not the most favourable way to earn my first shot at the X*Crown Championship. One on One, there would be no doubt who would walk away with the prize. I felt undeterred, I felt energized and invigorated.

And that's a problem for anyone and everyone who stands in my way.

[edwarddubin0604]

(Team Fairtex has just entered the arena accompanied by their wives, The Hired Killers, and are making their way to their locker room as Warren W. Webber comes up to them.)

Tong Fairtex: "You know we must be cursed brother."

Phantam Fairtex: "How are we cursed? We got rid of the SWAT stock."

Tong Fairtex: "I didn't mean that Phantam. I meant we running into Warren W. Webber and being interviewed by him."

Warren W. Webber: "I was going to be interviewing your opponents but since we ran into each other."

Tong Fairtex: "More like you appearing and we lose the match."

Warren W. Webber: "I don't cause bad luck for you."

Tong Fairtex: "So oh causer of bad luck what do you want from us as if we don't know already."

Warren W. Webber: "What do you think bein back in the Gund Arena."

Tong Fairtex: "This is a place that brings back memories. Did you know this was one of the centers of Hardkore World."

Warren W. Webber: "No I didn't."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeahsomeone as clueless as you wouldn't even know. In fact, while those asshole Revenants were probably in high school getting laid and showing off their phony made for television pecs. I was here often in Hardkore World wrestling. Yeah Oxxie Oddball and Sleazbag Williams I was doing something called wrestling."

Phantam Fairtex: "Think of it as being in an actual ring and the actions were extremeand violent. In other words for my brother it was a typical night of wrestling."

Tong Fairtex: "This wasn't the kind of dumbass backyard wrestling like you two were probably doing while you were growing up. You see for Team Fairtex this is tradition and that's what SWAT is and that's Syndicate Wrestling and Tradition. The key word is tradition."

Warren W. Webber: "You know this is going to be amomentum builder for The Anzac Cup."

Phantam Fairtex: "Yeah we know the Reverends....."

Tong Fairtex: "That's Revenants."

Phantam Fairtex: "Like whatever. Anyway, the Anzac Cup isn't a tournament without Team Fairtex and we plan on going far into the tournament."

Warren W. Webber: "You know your opponents plan on being in the Anzac Cup."

(Team Fairtex reacts in mock worry.)

Tong Fairtex: "Ooh we're scared of Oddball and Sleazebag. Seriously these two paper champions are going to find out what Team Fairtex is all about and it's not acting like to goofballs hurrying to do their laundry after Rally crapped on it before they catch their flight."

Phantam Fairtex: "EWW that is a horrible feeling for the Irrelevants."

Tong Fairtex: "Revenants. Anyway, back to your question Warren. We know it's going to be a momentum builder which is always what this kind of match before a big event is. Well we plan on going into this event a winner and we plan on fighting our way into the finals and winning the Anzac Cup. Maybe you'll get lucky and draw The KGB since they coulduse a couple of bitches to slap around and you fit the bill perfectly."

Phantam Fairtex: "MMMMAAAARRRRRQQQQUUUUUEEEEE MMMMAAATTTCCCHHHUUUUPPPP OOOOFFFFF TTTTHHHHEEEE TTTTOOOUUURRRNNNAAAMMMEEENNNTTT!!!!!"

Warren W. Webber: "That would be a memorable match up."

Tong Fairtex: "That's what we said Warren. However, tonight The revenants are going to be exposed as the ultimate frauds besides The KGB. You guys think that they can just come into our fed and steal championships and yeah we know you Dumb Ox got lucky by stealing El Pequeno's TV Championship due to Armand's hit job and you Sleazy Keith won by stealing Eddie D's Renegade Championship, formerly the International Championship and Hardcore Championship. Well tonight we're going to pin your asses in the middle of the ring."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh it's not going to be pretty since you're in Hardkore World turf. Now if it was in your....ahem....home turf and you can have your other Revenant jackasses interfere with your matches. Here in SWAT we don't take bullshit like that. We like to kick ass all over the place. We plan on sending you back to your home fed wherever that is."

Tong Fairtex: "The AWF."

Phantam Fairtex: "Yeah that place where our friend Xiaolong wrestles in."

Tong Fairtex: "Well you can stay in AWF and your asses and dirty laundry go with you too. After tonight you won't be winning the Anzac Cup and maybe just maybe we'll decide to take both your championships away from you. Maybe one of us will take that TV Championship away from you and then the Universal Sin Championship and rename it something worthy of it's status."

Phantam Fairtex: "However, we digress since we don't look ahead and don't plan on doing since that's what the promoters and higher ups decide. Right now it's time to kick some Irrelevant ass."

Tong Fairtex: "So in a matter of moments we're going to kick your asses like the mean green wrestling machine we are and when the match is over. We plan on being the winners and we'll show why we're the best there is and was and always in SWAT. So bring it on and so will we. This interview is over and don't run into us again. We're out of here. Interview over."

(They leave and The Hired Killers follow.)

Warren W. Webber: "Well that was interesting. Back to you guys."

(The scene slowly fades to black.)

[Donzig]

With a faint frown, and a slight roll of her eyes Sinclair Godfrey pushes through a rather worn looking door in a dimly lit hallway. The door opens into a dark room lit by a few flickering emergency lights scattered about. Machinery hums and rattles in the dim shadows as water drips in the darkness, she pauses as a voice sings somewhere in the hot shadows. Deep and slightly off tune as she walked further into the damp dark room, her eyes flicking about.

Listen to the sound of dead men dying

March as they flee but exiled bound

Their ship once sailed no longer anchors

For gone is the green of their hallowed ground

Toast to tears of time's past glories

This ageless clock chime stalls

Where to kiss the lips of that love forgotten

To fly where no others have soared....

She saw him soon enough, his face bathed in the glow of a tablet in his hands. His mask sat beside him on the floor, and his fingers flicked across the screen absently as he sat in the shadow of the great machines that ran in the bowels of the great arena. She moved closer, boots ringing against the floor as his voice continued to sing absently, clearly distracted. He had used to sing before he changed, but then mostly when he drank. Sometimes, she missed that Donzig.

But he was gone now, all the previous versions of Donzig were gone. All that remained was the Scourge, but sometimes she saw flashes of the man who trained her. The man who had taught her what he knew when no one else would. 

For we're the kings of it all the day we were born

Now we're the kings of the Kilburn High

Sure we'll always take a drop and we'll never leave a sup

Your empty glass is but a tear filled eye

We were the kings of the Kilburn High

We were the kings of the Kilburn High...

He stopped singing, and his hand reached slowly over to grab the mask from where it laid on the floor. He tugged on the mask, hissing before he turned to face her. She frowned again, gesturing at the boiler room. A flick of her coat, and she tilted her head as he glanced around the room with a shake of his head. 'Was there something wrong with the private locker room I arranged?'

A grunt, leather clad shoulder shrugging before he tapped his fingers on the tablet. 'Too bright, too warm. I could smell the weakness in that room, had to go somewhere else. Somewhere less soft.'

Sinclair nodded, brushing her hair back as she glanced down at the tablet. A brow lifting as she waited for him to speak, and then he muttered.

'This is our opponent, Devon D’Andre. He was defeated in Jerusalem, he will be hungry to prove himself. That his loss is a just a setback.' Donzig spoke, his head tilting with a shrug of his shoulders. He held up the tablet, and displayed the match as he continued with that cold indifferent voice. It was odd to imagine him singing now, and the empty eyes of the skull stared at her. 'No doubt, he thinks us easy prey, an easy win to recover from the shame he feels in falling to the one they call 'Goth'. But he will find that the Scourge is no easy prey, that this match will be different. He will find that I am not here to sooth his ego, eh? Restoring his pride? That is not our business.'

She nodded, and her hand lifted to absently rub at her chin as she took the tablet from his fingers. She slowly scanned through it, and looked back to Donzig as he slid to his feet. He waved a hand, slowly pacing back and forth across the room before the steel chair he had been sitting on. 'And what else have you learned?' 

'Devon D’Andre seeks to prove he has it, that he can still go, that is he is the legend everyone remembers. That an injury and forced retirement do not define him.' Donzig's head tilted, and he stared into the darkness beyond the humming machines. He shook his head, and then looked back at her with a creak of leather. 'I think once, long ago? In a different time, a different place? I would have liked Devon D’Andre, I would have counted him as a friend. But that Donzig is gone, that person is not who I am. I once walked away from wrestling, but an injury did not force me out. I did not leave to lick my wounds, and now that I am back? I hold the keys to the future.'

Sinclair looked up from the tablet, nodding as the light gleamed in her eyes. And Donzig drew closer, the leather coat swirling in his wake as he gestured vaguely as his head tilted again. 'And that future is darkness! That future belongs to the Void! And the only hope Devon D’Andre has of surviving it? Is to realize what I already have! Legends are a lie, all these legends with their tall tales, and their long stories about love and loss! And their fucking titles, and this feud and that feud? Those are lies! Those are what they tell themselves when the days grow cold and dark! And their bodies ache, and they wake up every day could be their last day! Every match could be their last match, every night in the arena? That could be their last fucking night in the arena!'

She looked up into that awful mask, and she shivered as Donzig seemed to grow larger as his fury blazed. And he snarled from behind that mask, his voice growing louder as he waved his arms to the sides. 'And then? They sit around and they realize that everything they sacrificed for these tales of glory? Was worth more then the honor of lifting some suit's fucking belt over their head! They feel the cold touch of mortality, Sinclair! And then they know it is too late! But I am going to save Devon D’Andre from that!'

Donzig spun away, his coat snapping angrily at his heels as he stormed into the dark recesses of the black bowels of the arena. 'Tonight! He learns that legends can die! And that will set him free!'

[eddied]

(Eddie knocks on the door of the SWAT doctor’s office and gets no answer. Eddie takes off his tie in exasperation and knocks again. He hears a familiar female voice saying “enter” and he rolls his eyes that he’s been conned or duped in some way. Eddie enters the room annoyed at himself and who he thinks is inside.)



EDDIE: What the fuck Linda?! I should have known. I knew a call for a psychiatric evaluation was bullshit, especially after they let Trent Jones in this Fed in the shape he was in mentally. I’m gonna bounce. Laters Linda…

LINDA: Hey you didn’t think the invite from Dr Faye Lindros was an alarm bell?

EDDIE: Yeah it did kinda look screwy.

LINDA: But you came anyway. Maybe you were hoping for some help and some answers? I paid a postage stamp to get you here, do you not think that you owe me some time on the chaise longue and see why I got you here? Do you feel threatened by me?

EDDIE: Linda. You’re a badass, a SWAT legend, but I ain’t afraid of anyone.

LINDA: Then sit your chunky butt down and let’s talk about this “redemption with women” tour you’ve been on?

EDDIE: Not sure I really want you messing with my head before Ohio, but I’ll play along. I don’t like getting suited and booted for anything but weddings and funerals…

LINDA: And a wedding of your own doesn’t seem that likely on your horizon the way you’ve been carrying on, so maybe we could make some ground that actually gets you somewhere?

EDDIE: You’re obviously not qualified…

LINDA: To give you a woman’s perspective on you? I am eminently qualified.

EDDIE: Touché. I’ll take a seat on the psychiatrist's couch for a minute. Take the weight off for a second or two at least…

(Eddie sits down on the large leather upholstered chaise longue couch, lays there looking slightly uncomfortable and Linda picks up a clipboard and pen and begins.)

LINDA: Let’s try some word association. I’ll say something and you say the first thing that comes into your head?

EDDIE: OK.

LINDA: Sex?

EDDIE: Women.

LINDA: Men?

EDDIE: Violence.

LINDA: Destruction?

EDDIE: Fun.

LINDA: Hatred?

EDDIE: Valentine.

LINDA: Love?

EDDIE: … … Fuck I don’t want to play this game anymore

(Eddie goes to get up and leave, but Linda leans forward and drags him back down by a pinch of his earlobe like a naughty school boy. Eddie winces, but decides not to free himself and lays back down again as Linda tells him to stay put.)

LINDA: Look, I think we almost had a break through there. So when I said “Love” you were scared you were going to say a name or you were just not happy with the word that came to mind?

EDDIE: Yeah it was a name, but it’s got nothing to do with you who that might have been. OK?!

LINDA: Fine. If there’s a woman out there you feel that way about you should definitely speak with her and get that off your chest.

EDDIE: Even if she shoots me down in flames?

LINDA: Especially if she shoots you down in flames. At least it’s out there and you can move on. It had better not be me!

EDDIE: Hell no. I mean, you’re as hot as they come, but I’ve never seen you as anything other than a potential opponent in the ring, being such a big name around here…

LINDA: Well I think I’ll call bullshit on that.

EDDIE: What do you mean?

LINDA: Well let me play you a couple of clips I have prepared from previous shows shall I?

(Linda leans forward and clicks play on a clip she’s prepared on the computer at the doctor’s desk. Eddie cringes because he knows what he thinks is coming… A clip of Eddie in a previous SWAT promo rolls.)

Eddie – “Will Linda La Fey finally reveal her long and poorly concealed lust for me and give me the big sloppy kiss she’s been hankering for all these months?”

(The clip flows into a second promo from another show and Eddie shifts uncomfortably on the couch because he knows what’s coming…)

Eddie – “…I thought that Linda La Fey was finally going to get over her crotch sopping horn for me and bring herself to try to harm her heart's desire in the squared circle…”

(The clip ends and Eddie gives Linda a conciliatory smile in the hopes it might dampen the offence Linda had probably taken…)

LINDA: “Crotch sopping horn” for you? That’s pretty graphic.

EDDIE: Hey if those comments got into your head, they did their job. Over sexualising a female opponent is just a tool to create offense and hopefully some emotion. If they hate on me, they’re not actually focused on their wrestling technique. There’s not a woman alive that can out muscle me, so if she loses her technique through becoming irrational and hateful, well I created myself an advantage didn’t I.

LINDA: Is that advantage worth making you look like a chauvinistic pig in front of the wrestling world?

EDDIE: Usually yes.

LINDA: “Usually” interesting.

EDDIE: Are we done?

LINDA: No I have some of those cool blotch cards to show you. Just say what first comes to mind when the image is presented to you. Don’t give it a ton of thought.

EDDIE: OK?

(The blotch looks devilishly like a vagina or a bat to him and Eddie just winces and says what he sees.)

EDDIE: A pussy.

LINDA: Interesting...

(Linda sighs and notes something down on her clipboard and shows Eddie the next blotch. It clearly looks like a butterfly, but there’s also what could easily be taken as a pair of breasts in the middle of the blotch)

EDDIE: It’s a… It’s a butterfly.

LINDA: Good, good…

EDDIE: With a cracking pair of tits…

(Linda sighs and notes something down on her clipboard and shows Eddie the next blotch. It clearly looks like a limp cock and balls with a flowery design around the edges…)

EDDIE: Rally Jackson.

LINDA: It looks nothing like Rally Jackson?

EDDIE: No, you said what first came to mind, not what it looks like. That fucking title shot stealing cocksucker…

LINDA: OK. OK. Let’s not delve too deeply into that pit of despair.

(Linda notes something down on her clipboard and shows Eddie the next blotch. It clearly looks like a woman bent over with a butterfly over her private parts…)



EDDIE: A beautiful butterfly,

LINDA: OK.

EDDIE: That I wish would find some other flower to land on. He’s ruining a hell of a show.

(Linda sighs and notes something down on her clipboard and shows Eddie the next blotch. It clearly looks like the ex-SWAT world champion The Violent Vixen Suzi Spitz…)

EDDIE: A woman?

LINDA: Not any woman in particular?

EDDIE: This is a set up and I think I’m done with it…

LINDA: Well let’s face it; you have a filthy mind given some of those answers.

EDDIE: Filthy mind? You’re the one showing me all the dirty pictures you perv!

LINDA: Don’t go just yet. I have a question to ask.

(Eddie sits up, pissed off but indulgent for now.)

EDDIE: Shoot. Hit me with your best shot.

LINDA: So, going down. 69. Woeful, moving to pity? Pathetic right?

EDDIE: What the fuck? This got real personal real fast? I never had any complaints in that area ever!

LINDA: Complaints? No. I’m doing a crossword here. 69 Down. 8 letters. P, something, something, H, something something, I and C. “Woeful, moving to pity” is the cryptic clue. It must be “Pathetic” right?

EDDIE: Is that what you’ve been doodling on there?

LINDA: You know I’m not a psychiatrist. What did you think I was writing?

EDDIE: Mission accomplished Linda. You’ve messed with my head. Called me out for some of the suggestive things I said about you, tried to embarrass me. Now I want to get on with my day and get back to some KGB business.

(Eddie stands up to leave, but Linda gets up as well and puts her hand on his chest and bars his exit.)

LINDA: Your ties with the KGB is what this was all in aid of.

EDDIE: Linda, get out of my way or I am going to lose all delusions of me being a gentleman.

LINDA: You are a flawed human being. We all are in this business, to take the punishment we do for a job and for pleasure? We have to be nuts. The friends that you have surrounded yourself with are what’s dragging you down further. Not your issues with women.

EDDIE: Well it’s not the fuck I dreamed of, but thanks for the head fuck all the same. Will you get out of my way?

LINDA: The KGB is no place for you Eddie. You’re better than that nest of vipers. There’s life after the KGB. Look at Paul Souter.

EDDIE: The Mad Dog is your example of life after KGB?

LINDA: Of course. Still respected. Still a contender. No KGB.

EDDIE: Interesting.

LINDA: What do you mean interesting?

EDDIE: Just Paul not being in the KGB got you hot did it?

LINDA: You’re the one on the couch Eddie not me?

EDDIE: Oh deflection is a key sign of something unsettling… Maybe stringing Paul along like a puppy is rubbing on your conscience?

LINDA: Seriously! Don’t pull on that thread or you’ll regret it.

(Eddie seems to wince at what he’d said and conceded that he’s gone too far and U-turns quickly… suspiciously quickly.)

EDDIE: You’re right. Ignore me.

LINDA: That was a sudden change of tack? Why?

EDDIE: It’s nothing; nothing at all.

(Linda feels there is something more to his words but ploughs on back to her point)

LINDA: My point is… That for you the KGB is a taint on your character; a prism that the world looks at you through that you can’t change without leaving those menaces to their own hell bound path.

EDDIE: And you think that me leaving the KGB will set women’s heart aflame? Just because I’m not in a stable with a… shall we say… ruthless reputation?

LINDA: Maybe, maybe not. You’ve got your charm Eddie, but it’s difficult to fall for a guy that gets hate mail by the van load and spits bile at the crowd every week. Maybe leaving the KGB would make the fans and the women in your life take a fresh look at you. Then it’s up to you.

EDDIE: The fans? I don’t give a flying forget-me-not fuck about the fans. They’ll keep buying the merch because they want to be me. They want to be a big deal one day. The only people that want me out of the KGB are the enemies of the KGB. Who wants to face this amount of awesome… with back up from some of the best wrestlers in the business? Not the Revenants. Not the Society of the New Breed. And not you Linda La Fey…

LINDA: Seriously. After all this effort to get you here… You think I’d go through all of this… because I think it would make my life easier if the KGB was weaker without you?

EDDIE: Are you gonna deny that it’s crossed your mind?

(An alarm chimes from a timer on the doctor’s desk and Linda gets out of Eddie’s way and slaps the timer to stop the loud annoying chimes.)

LINDA: That’s your time. This session’s over. I think we made great strides today. It’s a shame you’re too pig-headed to get the full benefit of it.

EDDIE: Lucky Linda La Fey… I don’t know what the hell you were trying to achieve but I’ll see you at Full Circle… I’ll be the one in a KGB shirt winning the match… In what should have been the damned main event by rights… It’s gonna be one hell of a match… It’s gonna be one hell of a night.

LINDA: I’ll see you there Eddie. You should wear a suit more often. You look marginally less repellent.

(Eddie scoffs and heads out the door and we’re left with Linda pondering over her crossword. Linda looks up at the paused clip on the computer screen and smiles.)

LINDA: “Crotch sopping horn” for him? Ha ha. He wishes.

(The scene fades to black)


#XCROWNEddie #BRINGitON #LuckyLindaAgendaEnigma #KGB #SWAT

[Oh-Oh]

We open backstage at the Rocket Mortgage Arena in Cleveland, Ohio. The self proclaimed 'King of TV' Oxford Osland is wearing a custom made charcoal gray Harry Rosen suit with a baby blue tie in the crispest windsor knot you could ever lay your eyes on. Osland has the SWAT Television Championship draped over his right shoulder, and seems to be holding court at the moment. To his left, Vanessa Martinez has her tablet out and is jotting notes.

Across the room sit three men in business attire. It appears as though we find ourselves eaves-dropping on their conversation. But if we know anything about Oxford Osland, leaving the door open wide enough to hear what's happening was intentional.

Osland: "Listen, you get Emilio Estevez's people to contact my people, and we will make this movie happen. In almost the swerve of all swerves, we make D4 - The Mighty Ducks, but this time Gordon Bombay is a little too big for his britches. I'll play the minor league hockey player who accidentally ruined his career, and has spent the past twenty years of my life carrying the burden."

Osland looks over to Vanessa.

Osland: "We will have to have the makeup people do their best to make me look the appropriate age."

Vanessa feverishly jots a few more ideas.

Osland: "In a twist of fate, my story becomes the focal point - when I lead a group of orphans and misfits to the junior hockey championships. My adopted son will score the game winner, and we will send the Mighty Ducks packing and become the talk of the hockey world."

The three men look insulted.

Osland: "Leading a group of misfits and nobodies is something that I have lots of experience with. Just look around you, look around the XHF Network. I've become the defacto leader of the network, and the KING of TV all in one fell swoop. My adoring fans flock to me, and hang on my every word. I lead these misfits and geeks each and everyday, so this role is like art imitating life."

The three suits across from Osland don't seem enthused. We're left to believe that they are somehow connected to Emilio Estevez, as Osland makes another pitch.

Osland: "What about the Young Guns III? Kiefer Sutherland is Canadian, and I got my career started in Canada so I'm sure he knows me. Before long, we could get the cast back together, and add me to the mix for some good ol' shoot em up type rodeo stuff."

Before they can respond, Osland interrupts them.

Osland: "I've got it! Ha, this is genius."

Vanessa is starting to pick up on the fact that this business meeting isn't exactly going the way she had intended.

Osland: "A Night at the Roxbury 2 - except this time when they yell "EMILIO" - Emilio and I show up to party with the two brothers with some more updated dance music playing in the background."

Osland starts to move his head from side to side, reenacting the infamous dance from 'A Night At the Roxbury.'

#What is love?
#Baby don't hurt me..
#Don't hurt me..
#No more..

Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun

Vanessa: "I think that will be all for today."

Osland is shocked, having been cut off mid dance move. Vanessa walks forward and shakes hands with the three men that Osland was pitching. We notice they exchange pleasantries and they name drop Vanessa's father as they exit the room. We noticed that none of them bother to make eye contact with Osland on their way out.

Osland: "So, what do you think?"

Vanessa does her best to spin what just happened in a positive way.

Vanessa: "I will thank my father for sending some of his associates from Hollywood. As for whether or not we will be moving forward in partnership with them.... Well, time will tell?"

Osland: "Oh yeah, I felt it too. We should be hearing back from them very soon. Maybe even before the XHF Rumble, where I take my rightful place at the top of the XHF Network.

Osland fist pumps, and Vanessa does her best to play along.

Osland: "You know they say that things come in three's. They also say that when you're running hot, double down and let it ride."

Vanessa smiled, drawn to Osland's enthusiasm.

Osland: "First I became the SWAT TV Champion, Second I met you, and now my acting career is set to flourish and Third, I'm set to win the XHF Rumble to become the new X*Crown Champion!"

Vanessa: "What if the third thing was making amends and having a second chance with Dangerous Donna?"

The mention of her name forced Osland to stop dead in his tracks. Based on his mannerisms and body language, he's surprised and nervous that Vanessa knows anything about Dangerous Donna. Osland tries to play it cool.

Osland: "I don't know what you're talking about. I feel bad for Donna, I really do. She's lost, still searching, still finding herself. She's been ringing my phone off the hook, and I've done my best to let her down gently, but she just doesn't seem to understand."

Osland does his best to seduce Vanessa with his charade.

Osland: "You know Vanessa, it's not easy being me. When you're capable of charming the pants off of a nun at any given point of the day - trouble tends to follow."

Vanessa somehow keeps a straight face and doesn't bother calling Osland on his lies. Perhaps it's her desire to keep her clients happy to impress her father. Perhaps she would prefer to avoid conflict at all costs. Either way, she seems content to play along for the time being.

Osland: "I know we're just getting to know each other and all. I don't expect you to judge a book by it's cover, or to assume anything about me. As this relationship of ours progresses, you'll learn first hand that I'm good guy."

Osland takes Vanessa's hand and is puckering up. Vanessa backs away, looking to keep this partnership completely professional and platonic. After a few moments of awkward silence, Osland decides it's best to exit the situation.

Osland: "I'll see you around Vanessa, I've got a few other things to tend to before I hit the ring to steal the show once again."

Vanessa nods. Osland leaves.

Upon leaving, Osland pulls out his cell phone to see if he missed a call or any text messages.

Nope, still nothing from Donna.

As our hero walks the halls of the arena looking to locate his locker room, he bumps into SWAT interviewer Katie Moss. Moss does her best to avoid eye contact, but Osland waves her over.

Osland: "Katie, how have you been?"

Moss: "Great, Just Great."

Osland: "Listen, why don't you turn on that mic of yours and wave that puts of a camera man over here to get an up close and personal interview with yours truly."

Moss anxiously waves over her colleague.

[Action.]

Osland: "Greetings one and all to the Oxford Osland show. That's right, your SWAT Television Champion is here once again to put on another wrestling clinic for the ages. My homebody Keith Williams and I are about to take this tag team division to new heights. For those who are uninitiated, you'll recall that it was the natural chemistry that Keith and I exuded in our first tag team match nearly three months ago that brought us together. Our bond was forged inside of the ring, when our skills meshed together to create harmony."

Not another song, please.

Osland starts warming up his vocal, but Katie Moss interrupts.

Moss: "Tonight, you can expect a fight when you enter the ring against Team Fairtex."

Osland: "Sounds like a condom brand name. Team Lay-Tex for The Fairer Sex. We all know what happens to condoms now don't we? They get filled up, used up, jammed, slammed and tossed away. Expect that same level of treatment to happen here tonight. After that, it's smooth sailing as I make my way to St. Louis to take my seat on the throne of the XHF Network."

Moss: "It seems to be common place for the competitors of the Rumble to make a list of each and every potential opponent, and then talk down to them. I've noticed that you haven't exactly taken that approach."

Osland: "Well you see that was by design. However I did liken the current X*Crown Champion to a Lesbian Talk Show Host. I did liken a nineteen year old Brit to a pre-pubescent child actor who's voice was in the midst of changing from the highest, to high."

Moss waits for the punch line, and it comes after Osland is finished admiring his work.

Osland: "By design though Katie, by design. If you haven't already figured it out, I made the decision not to call anyone out by name. The reason for this, quite simply. None of these schmucks are on my level. As soon as I mention anyone by name, their stock rises. Anytime I speak, the whole world listens. Until someone can prove otherwise, Oxford Osland is the most influential wrestler in the world. What I say, becomes law, it becomes fact. Even insulting this gang of inbreds is actually a favour to them."

Osland smirks.

Osland: "Moreover, I don't give shit about your stories, your pasts, your presents or futures. To me, it's become a contest of who can get the last word in, who can speak the loudest and most often."

Osland starts to snore on the spot. We think he's about to stop, but he doesn't. In fact, he lets a little drool form at the side of his mouth for effect.

Osland: "In just about a week's time, the time for talking us over. Inside of the squared circle, I'm elite. These peasants can't lace my boots, and at the XHF Rumble I'm going to show the wrestling world what true greatness looks like. When it comes down to me and some other peon as the final two - I'll blow them a kiss, and dismantle them in front of the world. After I unceremoniously dump their carcass over the top rope, my hand will be raised in victory and I'll become the New XHF X*Crown Champion. A double champion. At that point, all will be right in the world."

Osland puts his hands together hoping it'll echo his message throughout the hallways of the arena.

Osland: COME ONE, COME ALL - COME TAKE YOUR SHOT AT THE KING OF NETWORK TELEVISION!"

OXXXXFOORRRRRDDDD OSSSSSLAAAAAAANNNDDD!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Osland's smile couldn't get any bigger.

Osland: "Now point me towards Dangerous Donna's locker room."

Moss: "I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

Osland: "What do you mean?"

Moss: "Well, Donna is up next, and on her way out to the ring for her match."

Osland: "Ah, good point."

Osland thinks for a moment.

Osland: "Hey Katie... has she said anything to you about me today?"

Moss: "Nope."

Osland: "Ah, must be caught up in the moment, her big match. No worries, I'll catch up with her later."

Osland then gives Katie an impromptu High-Five before brushing past her. He let's out one more 'WOOOOOO', oblivious to how badly he has rubbed Katie the wrong way.

[Cut.]

[edwarddubin0604]

(The tron shows Psychotic Goth and Vampira in a dark room both silhouetted in dim light and shadows flickering all about the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship strapped around his waist.)

Vampira: "Tonight in the Gund Arena. one of the centers of the old Hardkore World, my husband, Psychotic Goth, returns in all his dark and evil glory to defend his hard fought and blood spilled championship against former champion Rally 'Golden God' Jackson."

Psychotic Goth: "Rally you jumped the line or shall I say squeezed past all the real contenders for my crown and scepter. You invoked your overly pampered privileged ass just to get your rematch. Very well Rally. Very well. I promised I would face everyone and I keep my word of true honor."

(He roars in a Native American dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Unlike you who needs bribes just to grant title shots to handpicked opponents namely porn stars and whores. I face the real opponents like Devon D'Andre who actually show up to wrestle. At least he has earned my respect. He earned the honor to face me in a rematch. All you did Rally was probably invoke your now worthless friendship with the commissioner."

(Psychotic Goth bellows in a Native American dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Yet you should think carefully and ponder if that's worth the trouble. Ponder if all that blackmailing of the commissioner just for a rematch was worth it. You think beating the owner is the proof of your worthiness. It isn't Rally but I'm not one to run from a challenge. It wasn't how I was mentored and it shall never be my way."

(He roars in a Native American dialect and raises his arms as flames appear.)

Psychotic Goth: "I shall subject you to the true fires of hell. I shall make you burn and make you see what true darkness and horror really is. You shall be wondering why you were ever came back to SWAT in the first place. I shall make sure you are consumed in the very hell you created and you shall wallow in the very fantasy that you created for yourself."

(Psychotic Goth laughs maniacally.)

Psychotic Goth: "I know you had many a glory days in the Gund Arena winning and defending everything from the Hardkore World World Heavyweight Championship to the to the SWAT World Tag Team Championships among the many championships you held. You want the old glory back just to fuel your poor battered ego. Tonight you are telling yourself it's your night again. Tonight you are making yourself think you are going to relive all your forgotten glory."

(He laughs demonically before roaring in a Native American dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Yet everyone has forgotten you Rally. Time has forgotten you. The roster has decided to forget you. The only thing you shall be remembered for Rally is your immature and sadistic pranks. You shall be completely forgotten after tonight and
you shall be permanently left behind after I am through with you."

(Psychotic Goth bellows in a Native American dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "All you shall be remembered is for being a once proud champion who decided to be the World Deadbeat Champion and being the World Hot Dog Eating Champion. Nobody shall respect you anymore and you shall never again be respected as if you were after the sadistic bullying you committed since you came back to SWAT."

(He roars in a native American dialect and the flames briefly engulf the screen before subsiding again.)

Psychotic Goth: "I shall dry up your water supply. I shall make you experience drought that you have never seen before and shall never see again. You shall sweat like the pig you are. I shall be making sure you are gasping for breath as I release my relentless savagery. My gothic hordes shall burn everything you have which is nothing if not all in your possessions and worth."

(Psychotic Goth lowers his arms and the flames disappear.)

Psychotic Goth: "My gothic hordes shall wipe you out and I shall deliver the blow that shall end your pathetic career for good. I shall make sure you never step into a ring again. The pain you shall suffer shall be nothing compared to what I really have in store for you. Then there shall be no doubt why I'm 'The King of the Goths.' I shall prove why I'm 'The Psychotic One' and I am 'The Ultimate Serpent' who shall bear his fangs and strike you with my poison."

(He laughs maniacally.)

Psychotic Goth: "The darkness shall envelop you as I unleash my tortured soul that demands a sacrifice. It demands a feast and you shall be devoured without mercy. I won't be slow and merciless. I shall be make your suffering quick and merciless without remorse whatsoever."

(Psychotic Goth lovers his head and extends his arms before flinging his head back revealing his pale handsome goth like looks.)

Psychotic Goth: "Rally you think your status as 'Golden God' is going to be remaining. You have fallen from your pedestal and now you shall fall quite further than that. I shall make sure there is a place in hell for you if they even want your body and your soul. The Gund Arena shall watch as I defend my kingdom, crown and scepter from your worthless assault against my castle walls. Your fate shall be sealed and your glory shall be permanently drained. You shall suffer a title drought like you have never experienced and my ravaging your lowly fiefdom shall be nothing compared to what I have in mind for you. Thus I have spoken and thus I shall make my omen come true."

(The tron goes dark and the scene slowly fades to black.)

[Deleted]

Jeremy Tucker:”Well folks, before we get started with our first match of the night, we’re going to throw it backstage as I’m told none other than The Easter Bunny themselves is here at Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse and ready to hand out Easter goodies!”

Andrew Fulton:”Ummm…glossing over that he’s late. We’re doing The Easter Bunny? I thought it was bad enough to book for Easter in Jerusalem but if we’re doing this…we might as well go all out! Bring on the bunny!”

Backstage we’re treated to an odd sight, and for a promotion that housed demented clowns, Mexican dinosaurs, British teddy bears and Psychotic Goths…that was saying something.

Oblivious to them being an event late, a full size Easter Bunny mascot in a pink tutu with yellow polka dots skips merrily through the concrete corridors of Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse with, what appears to be, an Easter basket tucked under their arm.

Stuffed to the brim with all manner of Easter goodies, Peeps, coloured eggs and that stupid fake grass that gets everywhere in a veritable parade of pastel colours are all present leading up to the main attraction, the chocolate bunnies…

Phallic shaped and on full display, the ‘chocolate bunnies’ clearly read ‘New and improved penis flavour!’ And ‘Nine out of ten thirsty bitches can’t tell the difference!’

Past the ‘chocolate bunnies’ is another odd sight, a lead pipe sporting a big red bow. Regardless of the strange items, SWAT’s Easter mascot hops, plays and seems to genuinely be enjoying themselves as they make their way along.

Stopping for each and every passerby if they be production assistant, trainer, agent or enhancement talent…The Easter Bunny has a treat for all reaching into the basket time and time again to hand out delicious(non penis flavoured) treats. These special ‘chocolate bunnies’ were reserved for a very specific group of people.

Reaching a large white wooden door like so many more scattered throughout the arena, the bunny stops, straightens and fluffs out it’s tutu and then knocks on the door.

“The fuck do you want?” Comes shooting out the door as KGB enforcer Gabriel Tuck answers the door. “Is this some kind of fucking joke?! I got a match later you idiot!”

Shaking their head no in a frantic protest, The Easter Bunny holds up a finger prompting the short tempered KGB member to wait a moment longer.

The perpetually smiling six and a half foot bunny tilts it’s head and offers the basket to Gabriel Tuck as it takes the lead pipe in it’s hands, cradling it like one might a baby.

Noticing a card inside, he takes it into his hands, opening it as he does.

Reading it aloud, Tuck is immediately outed as not belonging to any book clubs. “What is the capital of Thailand?” Confusion grips the face of Gabriel Tuck for an instant before the bunny changes it’s grip and swings the pipe like a golf club square into Tuck’s testicles!

“Bangkok!” The bunny yells as the enforcer’s eyes cross while cheers can be heard from in the arena as the bunny removes it’s head to reveal none other than Union Jack!

The groan from Tuck as he drops to the floor is enough to bring the twin clowns Hehehe and Hahaha scurrying to the door only to be greeted by a bunny head to the face and a right hand respectively.

Jeremy Tucker: “It’s Union Jack! Union Jack is the Easter Bunny and he’s taking it to the KGB!”

Andrew Fulton:” Just like that scumbag Brit to pull something like that!”

Jeremy Tucker: “‘Scumbag Brit’!? Going a bit hard on this, aren’t you?”

Laughter echoes through the arena halls as fans can’t believe the sight they are witness to. A British Luchador with the body of the Easter bunny and the masked bear head SWAT fans have come to know and love is brawling wildly with the clown twins while Gabriel Tuck does his best not to vomit.

Jeremy Tucker: “Union Jack seeking revenge for his friend and Tagteam partner later tonight, Pequeno Dinosaurio! This started over Esmeralda Von Krauss pursuing Dino…”

Andrew Fulton: “Our freshly crowned ‘king of TV’ said it best, Dino boy tried sipping on another man’s koolaid and paid the price, that simple. Now his buddy is about to pay that same price!”

Fighting as valiantly and crazily as he can, the wild and unpredictable Jack is slowly getting overwhelmed by the numbers game advantage of the twin clowns.

Swinging and snarling angrily, Hehehe and Hahaha start to brawl their way out of the KGB dressing room and into the hallway, cursing and snarling as they do.

Just as the twins gain the upper hand, a crack echoes down the hall as Hehehe stuffs up due to a chair to the back courtesy of Pequeno Dinosaurio!

“Jack! What the hell’s going on?” Dinosaurio asks as the second clown backs up just a shade.

Rubbing his jaw, the lone clown tends to helping his brother up while Gabriel Tuck continues to literally ‘sit this one out’ as he sits breathing deeply trying to regain himself.

Dinosaurio moves to stand next to his friend as the Brit returns,
“Little payback mate, that’s all! Showing these wankers that life isn’t all sneak attacks and chocolate dicks!”

Genuinely confused having just stumbled upon the brawl, Dinosaurio reminds ‘The bad Influence Bear’ they have another chance.

“All I know is we’re lucky the rest of the KGB weren’t there! We have a match with these jerks later, you should have waited! What were you thinking!?” Dinosaurio asks as swarms of backstage crew pile themselves between them and the recovering KGB goon squad.

Neither man was fighting now, but amid the hisses and cursing coming from the clowns and Gabriel Tuck, Jack scratches his head. “Honestly?”

A little annoyed at his friend’s asking for clarification, Dinosaurio’s tone suggests he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. “Yes, honestly?!”

Slapping away the hands of a road agent as if to say the fight was over, Union Jack shakes his head, his bunny suit in shambles. “That I paid good money for this bunny suit and it wasn’t my fault those UPS cunts fucked up and delivered it late.”

Smiling, this was the ebb and flow of their friendship, holding out his fist Jack immediately pounds it, “You’re hopeless amigo, let’s get ready for our match.”

Jeremy Tucker: “Things keep getting worse between the KGB and the new team of Pequeno Dinosaurio and Union Jack!”

Andrew Fulton: “Yeah, in short…these two schmucks just signed their death warrants. They just took the fight to a group you don’t go looking for Tucker. Last time Dino boy messed with the KGB it cost him his title, now it might be his career!”

Jeremy Tucker: “Indeed, if the full KGB had been in that dressing room, things could have been drastically different!”

Andrew Fulton: “‘Could have been’? That dumb bear would have gotten crushed before Dino boy could save his sorry ass. But there won’t be an army of security later tonight, no steel chairs, just the KGB kicking these two upstarts’ asses!”

Jeremy Tucker: “Well, that remains to be seen. But, we’ll get the answer later tonight when Battleground: Full Circle...continues!”

[frostbite]

Footage shot two days ago...

From Mesa, Arizona..

Ah the warm breeze in your face as Spring is in the air and so is the pollen account, as our cameraman is squeezing his head off so much so that he is having a hard time handling the camera, one minute we see an image of nothing but the Green grass and then the next minute nothing but a tree that is in full bloom with purple lilies on it. But let's get our focus on the matter at hand from we have been told, we are looking for Frostbite and who really knows where this cat is at not only physically but maybe more so mentally and that appears to be the case for the last couple of months. He has done many unspeakable acts to many different individuals in the locker room all because quite frankly he wants a shot at the World title. His obsession as driven him so bad that he is talking to a phone with the picture of the SWAT World title on it. Thus we are on location here in Mesa because this has driven him completely insane, that you are led to believe that he is here in this city to seek treatment for this, whether it is his doings and maybe he has finally come to see the error of his ways as he feels maybe it is time to get the help or maybe somebody as decide to intervene because it is what is best for him. But nevertheless, our camera crew is trying to find Frostbite and the state of mind he is in but not be a good thing at this time. Our crew travels throughout the city and what a gorgeous city it is, the windows are rolled down in the van as we are looking over at our GPS trying to find where Frostbite is at.

As our crew continues to travel around the city we hear a phone ring. Our cameraman and driver for such as assignment looks over the young man given this task can be no more than 25 give or take, he has on a SWAT black and white tee shirt with black jeans. He has short black hair and maybe weighs 90 pounds soaking wet. However he reaches over to the radio where his phone is at. He pushes a button, to answer it.

Cameraman.. What is It?

Voice on the other end sounds like a lady but can not really make it out because his phone is breaking up.

Voice.. You will never guess where Frostbite is at?

Cameraman.. Where? And hurry up because you are breaking up.

The cameraman listens but we are having a hard time making out what the voice on the other end us saying.

Cameraman.. You are kidding me right?

He just shakes his head.

Cameraman.. The damn assignment they give me and Frostbite is really there.

He makes a sharp left turn at the corner.

Cameraman.. Does your sources know the address of this place because I am lost here in this damn city looking for him.

Voice on the other end.. I will text you the address.

He pushes the button on his phone to hang up, as the text message comes over, he looks at it, as he looks back up with the eyes on the road which is where it really should be.

Cameraman.. Luckily for me, I do not think I am that far from there. Let me punch in on the GPS here.

He reaches over to his dashboard as he punches in the address.

Cameraman.. It says I am a few blocks away. Glad of that.

The cameraman let's out a huge sneeze so much so that he swerves and almost hits a nearby fire hydrant, but catches himself as he gets the van back on the road. He decides to roll up the window, and cut the AC on, because of the high pollen count. He continues to look for this place where Frostbite is suppose to be located at. As he continues on his journey for a couple more blocks he begins to slow down as it appears he has reached his destination. He looks to his right as he sees an small office building. He jumps out of the van cutting off the AC, as he shuts the door and heads around to the back of the van, as he throws open the door to grab his camera. He shuts the door as he steps into the sidewalk, as he takes a few steps until he reaches the glass front door leading into this office building. He swings open the doors as the scene fades out for a moment.

Minutes later..

We appear to be inside someone office, as it appears to be a nice size one at that. There is a huge desk up against the wall with a nice view of overlooking downtown Mesa. As our cameras pan back on this desk is what you might think would be on one's desk. We see a red laptop computer right in the middle of it, off to the corner of the desk are a cup with either a pen or pencil in it, right next to the laptop is a couple of folders and right next to that is a picture of a couple but only a headshot. One is of a young lady from the photo and we are taking a nice she might be about mid 40's with long brown hair, and the gentleman leaning against her right cheek, appears to be maybe older could be in his 50's but maybe not but the mixture of gray and black in his hair might give us a different impression. But the rest of the photo it appears that might be on vacation somewhere because we can spot a beach behind them.

Our camera zoom around the room, we see one large bookshelf, with many different types of medical journals know to mankind of them. This catches certainly our attention as to where in the hell we are at. We look back toward the huge desk as we see a gold name plate on it as it simply says..

Barbara Dulles MD Psychiatrist..

We Continue to look around the room we see hanging on the walls the degrees this lady has achieved in her field, one has it a degree from Yale. Across the room we see a gray leather sofa as someone is sitting there. This person is wearing a blue tee shirt with faded blue jeans as they to are looking around the room as we are doing right now. This person has short blonde hair and an intense look in his blue eyes, it appears that you have found our guy, Frostbite. It appears that he is getting impatient as he jumps up from the sofa as he walks over to the degrees that are hanging on the wall as he is just shaking his head. He quickly turns back around looking on the sofa at something. We turn our attention to what That might be and just ad thought it is his phone with the picture of the SWAT World title as its wallpaper.

Frostbite.. I can not believe I agree to this. My family and friends are so damn worried about my obsessive that they beg and pleading me to get some help. What in the hell do they know about true love. I know that you want to please our loved ones and do anything for them but this is taking this way too far. I never should have agree to this crap. I have nobody to blame but...

He points to his phone.

Frostbite.. You. Your love has made me well crazy in a lack of a better term. I love you, is that so bad. Could love drive somebody this crazy. All I want for is us to be together forever. Is that so hard for the world to wrap there brains around.

He walks back over to the sofa as he sits back down next to the phone, he looks right at it.

Frostbite.. This doctor needs to hurry her are up because we do not have all day. We have to prepare for the task that lies ahead.

He reaches over to pick up the phone as he looks at it and he tilts his head to the left as if the phone is saying something to him.

Frostbite.. Yes I am saying this is your fault. All you had to do my love was be with me. But no you are like some damn whore, you jump in bed with this man and that man. All you have to do is be with me. How is that so hard to understand. Just be mine. But that appears to be to hard for you to understand as well. Look at what I have done for you. I bought you expensive gifts because you are the true love of my life but you continue to reject the best thing that will ever come into your life. I have burn people for me because you demanded it to be done, all because you are my queen and you know I will do anything for you.

He drops his head..

Frostbite.. Please tell me. What do I have to do to win you over once and for all. Do you want me to buy you a home, consider it done. Do I need to buy you a car and hire someone to drive you around, I will do so. Do I need to buy an engagement ring to say that I truly love you, consider it done. Do you want to get married consider it done. Please tell me what I need to do because this is driven me mad. All I want is you love, nobody in the world matters to me.

Frostbite gets off the sofa as he drops to his knees with the phone in his hand.

Frostbite.. Tell me what I have to do. I love you..

He gets up off the floor as he begins to pace the floor. He looks over his phone as if it is saying something to him.

Frostbite.. You need to keep your voice down. They think we are in here having a fight. You really believe that Johnnie was going to give me the chance to win you over my love. Johnnie is a prick plan and simple. I get it, and one time the man was something in the business, I understand that. But just like most old timers that been away for a decade believe they can come back into this sport and reclaim so past glory. I do not understand how in the hell he is commish around here. I do not know who he had to grease the palms to get that job. Armand had that in the bag but Johnnie swoops in and grabs the job.

Frostbite walks over once again to his phone as he picks it up as he begins to hug it and gives it a kiss right in the middle of the belt.

Frostbite.. I am sorry love, I never should have gotten mad at you. I just want you to care about me, love they say I care about you. In my heart I know you deep down feel the same way, so let's get together. Show the world what I true power couple can really do in this business.

Frostbite looks at his phone and the time on it.

Frostbite.. This bitch needs to hurry up, I do not have all day. Armand wants to have a meeting in another hour or so and I believe these things take quite awhile. The person she must be talking to right now must really have some serious issues but not us my love. Maybe it was a good thing we did come here today harsh out what needed to be taken care of. Maybe they need to charge us for this session right.

He laughs, as he sits back down on the sofa looking out the window and the nice view.

Frostbite.. I think it is rather funny that for maybe some type of punishment he decides to give the hellhounds a shot at the tag team titles, buddies of his no less. I think that is rather rich. I guess he believes they will teach us a lesson. Maybe they will get him some revenge for him. Johnnie seriously believes his boys will bring home those tag team titles from the KGB. Johnnie for a man that owned a successful business for many years you are no so smart. You can not beat the system. The KGB is where you make your money. You should know that, it would not be smart business to kill the cow, right? But I get it, you feel we need to be taught a lesson for bucking your diluted system, one in such you are calling the shots.

He gets up as he reaches down and picks up his phone once again.

Frostbite.. The hellhounds have had what maybe one match and they are getting a shot at our tag team titles. And we suppose to buy that this far? I have been trying my damnest to get a shot to get a chance to hold my baby, but I can not get that chance. I have laid bodies at your doorstep over and over again but that does not get me closer but your buddies get there chance. But you k ow Johnnie that is quite alright. I want you to watch from your office or sky box, because I want for you to witness the destruction of the hellhounds, and you know what it will be all your fault. You bought this not only upon yourself but you are putting them in harm's way.

He puts his baby in his back pocket.

Frostbite.. Johnnie my advise to you. If you want somebody to do something right, then finish it your damn self. If you do not like what I did to you or the KGB, then be a man and step up and lace up those damn boots, and get in the ring with yours truly. Trust me when I say this..

He pauses..

Frostbite.. I will burn you right to the ground.

He looks around the room.

Frostbite.. I do not have anymore time to waste around here.

He laughs..

Frostbite.. Hellhounds and Johnnie one final warning.

BURN, BABY BURN..

He walks toward the door as he opens it and quickly shuts it behind him as the scene fades out.

[Lucky Linda]

”He needs a whole team of shrinks” says Linda as she is leaving the locker room now in her ring gear after just previously chatting with Eddie D. “If I were to give my professional diagnosis, of which I am completely unqualified for, I’d say the reason he is struggling in the women department, is that 1, he clearly is trying TOO hard. Two, he seems hung up on this special someone, and can’t admit it to himself, or her. And three, serious mummy issues.”

Linda turns a corner and at Gorilla, Dangerous Donna is standing there waiting to make her entrance.

”Well look who we have here. Little Miss Lady Luck herself.” Says Donna looking Linda up and down with contempt.

”All the best in the ring tonight Donna, You’re gonna need it, Too be sure, too be sure.”

”I don’t need luck. I make my own luck.”

”Yes yes, we have seen how you do that.” Replies Linda. “How is that working out for you?”

”I will show you how when you are looking up at the lights for the three count in just a few moments.”

”So hostile.” Linda sighs. “Don’t take it so serious, this is meant to be fun.”

”Fun?” exclaims Donna. “Since I walked in these doors at SWAT, it has been anything BUT fun!”

”Then, you are doing it wrong.” Linda goes into veteran mode. “Be true with yourself, be who you are, and then, the rest will fall into place.” Linda reflects for a moment “Hmmmm, that’s what I should have told Eddie.”

”You aren’t really a shrink you know!” snaps Donna. “Take your advice and jam it, just like I’m going to jam this boot right up your fat keister!”

”Fat?” Linda exclaims. “OH! You have gone and done it now!”

”Oh yeah?” Donna puffs her chest out. “What are you gonna do about it?”

SLAP! Linda slaps Donna across the cheek, a loud cracking slap and then dives ontop of her and starts wailing away with rights and lefts.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : Linda getting into Donna here Fulton, she didn’t like that lack of respect.

Andrew Fulton : Who cares about respect, this is wrestling! It’s about winning!

Jeremy Tucker : Donna flings Linda off her and runs at her tackling her through the curtain, and this match looks like its underway!

Andrew Fulton : But I wanted to hear Roxette.

Jeremy Tucker : Donna boots Linda in the gut and stats choking her, holding her hair and pushing her throat against the safety railing,

Andrew Fulton : (singing) ‘Hold on tight, you know she’s a little bit Dangerous.’

Jeremy Tucker : Linda back kicks Donna and Donna hunches over, Linda Irish whips Donna into the steel ring steps and Donna careens into them, toppling over them.

Andrew Fulton : I tell you Jerry. I didn’t know Linda was such a bully.

Jeremy Tucker : She isn’t! It’s a match! Linda rolls Donna into the ring and follows her in there and Donna is begging off, saying she didn’t mean it, referee Vick Mackey calls for the bell and this one is officially under way.

Andrew Fulton : I blame the road agents, they both should never have come face to face at gorilla like that before the match. Someone is gonna get canned over this.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda with a side Irish (Russian) leg sweep to Donna. Then nails her with a snap mare and a hard kick to the back.

Andrew Fulton : Donna wincing in pain and clutching at her back.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda Irish whips Donna to the ropes but Donna ducks under Linda’s clothesline, bounces again and then nails Linda with a clothesline of her own.

Andrew Fulton : Beautiful! Big stomps now from Donna to Linda. She picks up Lady Luck and punishes her with a back breaker. Holding Linda on the knee and pushing back on her neck.

Jeremy Tucker : Donna is now head-butting Linda in the stomach while she still have her back over her knee.

Andrew Fulton : That looks semi erotic to me Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Shut_up. Linda gets a knee up and it intercepts a headbutt, and she is free. Linda now with an Irish (German) suplex.

Andrew Fulton : Yeah. We get it, she’s Irish.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda follows up and hits a snap suplex, then a Northern Lights suplex. EXPLODER SUPLEX! It’s a suplex clinic!

Andrew Fulton : Donna is bouncing around the ring like a beach ball.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda goes for the cover ….

One

Two

Th ….

Andrew Fulton : Shoulder UP!

Jeremy Tucker : Linda grabs a woozy Donna trying to get to her feet and drills her with a big X Factor. She heads to the top rope and as Donna is making her way to her feet connects with a perfect blockbuster! Linda is on fire!

Andrew Fulton : Poor Donna. She is way out of her league in this one.

Jeremy Tucker : Linda goes to pick up Donna but out of nowhere Donna rolls her up in a small package.

One

Two

Kick out by Linda.

Andrew Fulton : Wowee. Nearly had her!

Jeremy Tucker : Donna with a second wind here, buoyed by the small package delivers a Tiger Suplex to Linda.

Andrew Fulton : Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Jeremy Tucker : Pump handle suplex by Donna! Hammerlock suplex by Donna!

Andrew Fulton : Who is putting on a suplex clinic now Jerry?

Jeremy Tucker : Wheelbarrow suplex! Amazing!

Andrew Fulton : Linda is on dream street.

Jeremy Tucker : Double arm underhook suplex from Donna to Linda! Donna covers, hooking the leg with desperation.

One

Two

Thre

Linda gets the shoulder up.

Andrew Fulton : Are you sure?

Jeremy Tucker : Yes, it was a close call but she just made it. Donna is beside herself, asking Mackey if it wasn’t three. He tells her only two.

Andrew Fulton : He can’t even count to three the goober.

Jeremy Tucker : Donna hooks Linda in a cobra clutch, goes to deliver a cobra clutch suplex, but Linda flips over with it and nails a great reversal into a Scorpian Death Drop. Move of the night!

Andrew Fulton : It’s the first match Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker : Linda now with the Roll of the Dice on Donna. Then measures her and BACKSTABBER!

Andrew Fulton : She sure is.

Jeremy Tucker : Irish (Canadian) Destroyer!!!! Linda nailed that one. Whips Donna hard into the corner and Donna is tied up in tree of woe, Running cannonball into 450 missile drop kick!!! Incredible!

Andrew Fulton : Ouch! Linda heading to the top. I told you she was too good for Donna, Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : When? Linda is up there in the high rent district … launches … LUCKY DIP!!!! (450 top rope splash) Linda covers, hooks the leg …………..

One

Two

THREE!!!!!

[/b]

Andrew Fulton : Note to Donna, don’t tell Linda she has a fat ass.

Jeremy Tucker : Well, they weight the EXACT same Fulton!

Andrew Fulton : It was just a throw away line.

Jeremy Tucker : Well, she paid the price, and Linda with a convincing win here tonight showing the World she is on top of her game.

Linger, Cranberries hits and Lucky Linda gets her arm raised by referee Vick Mackey.

Frank Salazar : Winner of the match … LUCKY LINDA LE FAY!!!!

[Isabel Rios]

“Maybe it’s destiny; you take your first loss in forever, but then you come back from that and win that bloody match in the cage, get your momentum back. Meant to be.”

Isabel Rios scoffs lightly, sitting in a chair with her arm resting on a desk as a tattoo artist with multicoloured hair and ink of her own works away at her inner forearm with slow, careful precision. Watching from another chair is her friend Ashley.

“What? You don’t believe in destiny?”

“Of course I don’t. Ash, we are nothing more than a bunch of electrons firing in an organic computer, piloting a skeleton covered in meat armour, riding a giant sphere that’s firing across the universe at ridiculous speed. It’s madness. Nothing is preordained. Life is chaos, just embrace it. I lost to Canelli because, on that one night, she was a little better than me. I beat Commandrix because I’m better than her. You can’t read more into it than that.”

“So what, this is just giving your ‘meat mech’ a new paint job?”

The tattoo artist, without lifting her head, chimes in.

“A bitchin’ new paint job.”

Isabel grins over at her friend.

“Right? Point is, destiny is no fun. Knowing that my actions, the work and effort I put in, is what’s getting me where I’m going? That’s way more interesting to me, knowing that anything I get in this life is because I earned it, not ‘cause it was ‘supposed to happen’.”

“Well either way you’re having your title match soon. What’re you gonna do?”

“... win.”

Ashley rolls her eyes at Isabel.

“I mean strategy, jerk. How are you gonna win?”

“Okay, better question. Nicole’s a great wrestler, no argument on that. She’s athletic, she’s technically talented. So I’m gonna go in there and out-tough her, overpower her, don’t let her grind me down and fight it out.”

“And you’re not taking any of the guys with you?”

Isabel shakes her head.

“Nicole’s no coward, I trust her to keep this one on one.”

“And if Canelli or anyone else decides they want to stick their nose in your business?”

Isabel shrugs, at least as best she can without moving her forearm.

“Can’t control what other people are gonna do. She decides she wants to but in, I’ll just have to handle that. Same if anyone else wants involved. It’s pro wrestling, there’s always a chance for-”

“Chaos?”

Isabel grins over at her friend.

“Embrace the chaos.”

The shot fades out as the artist continues to work away at her forearm, Isabel glancing down to the artwork with a smile, Ashley craning her neck to get a look as well.

[sc4r]

|WHY I FIGHT|

Dust flies up as a car zooms past us, down an old dirt road off the beaten path. An oak tree sits in the center of the field, large and just coming into bloom. Cottonwoods line the far ends of the field, past them obscured by more trees and foliage. Small gravestones sit in rows like dominoes, some granite and stone, slightly ornate even. Others are concrete and basic, a few with basic wooden crosses next to them. A few of the spaces are even bare. The names pass in blurs as we pass through the rows until we come to a stop next to one of the larger ones, Devon sitting on top of it. "It.. it's uh.. been a weird week, yea?" He says before slowly lowering himself down to the ground, now in front of the headstone.

The name was partially obscured by his upper body. He takes a hit from the vape and exhales as he throws his head back, his eyes looking skyward. "Could probably say it's been a weird couple of months. I come in, probably out of nowhere to some of you. Beat Goth. Maybe even.. an upset, to some. I don't know. Win another, get a title shot and.. fall on my fucking ass."

He shakes his head, pulling his jacket closed, his legs crossed as he shifts himself slightly against the headstone. Almost.. comfortably? "Oh. I uh.. I heard what Fulton said and no, I'm not French. Dad was adopted. I think D'Andre was married into the family somewhere, they were all over the place. I don't think he even knew when he passed. I only found out cause I had one of those random ancestry things done while I was sitting on my ass. Turns out I'm an irish bastard, through and through. I keep the name out of respect though, else I'd be an Archer. Although, there is a certain... ring to it, I guess."

"You know..." his finger begins to trace over and around the etchings in the headstone. "I thought about it again. If.. this was a good idea. Coming back. If this was worth it, if this IS.. worth it. And you know what? I still don't know. But I'll keep going' til I find out. Lord knows she'd come back to kill me if I walked away a second time. She almost did the first time for fucks sakes. Gave me this giant speech about how I was the better one between the two of us and how I could've had this and that but I spent too much time traveling the world instead of sticking in one place and, in her words, taking it over. Maybe I do that now, maybe I do that this time. Sick around and see just how far I can go instead of bouncing around from place to place. Guess I'll start with you, Donzig. Start my climb back to the top and I do it with a war on two feet. Fuck me."

He shakes his head, running his hand across his forehead before letting out a sigh. "Gotta start somewhere, I guess, Hungry Pit Void. Have a fucking snickers for once, will you? You know, as a lifelong Bulls and Jordan fan, I enjoyed the dig about Lebron, but let's be honest, he did get the Cavs a title so, no a total failure. If you want total failures, you need to go down the street to old Jacobs field. I don't know what the fuck it's called these days, I don't pay attention to the junior circuit."

He laughs and takes another hit from the vape. "THAT. Oh boy, THAT was an all time choke. Fuckers were 3-1 up WITH home field and choked 3 straight games away. I was at the Cubby Bear. THE SCENES were fantastic that night. I'll never forget it, no matter how much I had to drink that night. You can't forget those nights. They're ingrained in you. Etched in your brain, in your memory. Like how everyone still calls it Gund Arena. Some things just stick."

His eyes turn toward the camera, his face seemingly relaxed, although mildly annoyed. Teeth clenched, eyes stern. "Nagging question though. Why the FUCK does everyone things I think they're fucking easy? I get it, you're not. You're the literal personification of the phrase 'fuck off and die'. And you're right, past light I might have liked you as well. Fact, past life you, me and Liz would've proabably ran the free fucking world. Different time, different place though. This time you get the.. real.. me? Nah. I hate that. Cause I've always been real, I was just spurred on by different goals at different times. And some times, those different goals called for a different way of achieving them. Then it was any means necessary. There were no lines.. but now? Eh. I kinda like this pure worker I've become, which is ironic since I'm the only one left."

He puts his hands up towards the camera. "How hold on, that's not a shot at anyone. It's just that the time I come from shit was different. We did things in different ways, had different ideas. I guess that's kind of one of the reasons I came back. Back then, we were all the same. We had this love for something that needed a new path. There were a few big stages at the time and what little ones there were got picked clean. There was a void for a while and then this idea spread. If they weren't going to teach the next generation.. well then we'd just take it. And we did. A whole generation of kids obsessed with Japan and Mexico and not just the styles, it was the respect for the legacy and memory."

He tilts his head back against the headstone and sighs. "I don't know, sometimes I wonder if that's even here anymore. Or maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. But.. you see, there's a downside to that. Nowadays fight for a paycheck or press and clout and to get their name out there, hoping an agent will see. Even you, Donzig, fight because you have this giant chip of anger and pain on your shoulder and while I understand that, that's not why I do this. Even what you said about being the legend everyone remembers, isn't... really true."

He looks at the camera once again, his eyes almost lost, his words jumbled. "I don... I." He closes his eyes for a moment and gathers himself.

"I'm fighting because I don't know how to do anything else."

|FIN|

[Jonnie Valentine]

You are watching The Blessed Be Network. At 6:00, it's Lil Nas X, Taking The Old Town Road....To Damnation. Then at 7:00, it's a look behind the scenes of Veggie Tales. How Bob the Tomato's life was sprawling out of control with drugs and alcohol before he found his calling. Then at 8:00, it's the BBN Movie of the Week, "I Couldn't Stop Masturbating! The Terry Crews Story" The hilarious comedy about the Hollywood funny man overcoming his porn addiction. 

(Terry Crews climbing out the bathroom window with his laptop)

Wife: (knocks on door) Honey, are you ready for church?

Terry Crews: (yells back at her as he's climbing up to the roof) Yeah, uh...just shaving. Almost ready. 

(Terry gets to the roof with his laptop and sees a pigeon. His eyes bulge and the pigeon's eyes narrow) 

Wife: What is that racket up there??

(Terry Crews screams as he is getting chased on the roof by the pigeon) 

But coming up next is Comfort From the Storm, with The Reverend Cornelius Marsh. 

(Whimsical organ music plays as the camera fades to Reverend Cornelius Marsh seated at a talk show desk. Seated to his right is a pink haired middle aged woman petting her white pekingese dog. Marsh has his hair slicked back and a honey sweet Southern voice)

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: Hello friends, and welcome to Comfort from the Storm. I am the Reverend Cornelius Marsh and Nancy is with me once again for some reason. 

Nancy: (waves with both hands) Hey ya'll! I am so excited I might pee a little. 'Cause them Hellhounds are bout to win the SWAT Tag titles again! 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: That's right, Nancy. The sky is blue, Frostbite is celibate and The Hellhounds are the best thing that's ever happened to tag team wrestling. Those are called inescapable facts of life. Things that have always been and always will. The Hellhounds will be the SWAT Tag Team Champions because the SWAT Tag Team Championship was created especially for The Hellhounds. 

Nancy: That was so nice of that chubby Australian feller, he didn't have to do that. 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: I concur, Nancy. SWAT is known for three things, Andrew Fulton's leisure suit, Frank Salazar's light beer breath, and The Hellhounds' stranglehold on the SWAT World Tag Team Championship. Frostbite, fear not, for there is no conspiracy here. It is not Jonathan K Valentine Jr. that summoned us here. (points up) It was much higher than the paygrade of a lowly wrasslin promoter.  You see, the chickens have come home to roost. Every underhanded thing you have done in service of keeping those SWAT World Tag Team Championships have delivered you to The Hellhounds. 

Nancy: I like that Armand Von Krauss, though. He's all classy like a Bachelor host. 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: Very astute observation, Nancy, but to be honest, we usually have to be, let's say, selective about the sins for which we punish. But let's be honest, Brother Van Armand; this is a long time coming. The Hellhounds are here to punish the wicked, and as far as wicked goes, you're the belle of the ball.  Let's not kid a kidder, shall we? The only accurate thing Frostbite said is that SWAT won't stop us from hurting you. They won't even try. SWAT was kept afloat with DVDs of The Hellhounds' atrocities from the last time we were here. 

Nancy: (hopeful) Did you ask that tubby Australian feller for my royalties yet, Rev? 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: (taken aback) Oh, uh....I tried Nancy, but those Australian intellectual property laws are so arcane they don't recognize co-hosts as human beings. 

Nancy: (folds arms) Oh poo. 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: Yes, poo indeed. But you see Nancy, Armand Von Krauss is awash in earthly possessions but if he gave The Hellhounds every cent, it would not save him from the judgement awaiting him, both in Cleveland and the hereafter.

Nancy: Which are different places! 

Reverend Cornelius Marsh: I fully expect The KGB to continue their long standing tradition of ruining all their matches with run-ins, and The Hellhounds invite such a chance to expand their violence unto all those that dare walk past that curtain. For no amount of goons and toadies will save Armand Von Krauss and his ward, Frostbite from what they have coming. 

(Organ music plays as the lights dim and the camera pulls back)

This was Comfort From The Storm. Coming up next, The Jonas Brothers release their newest song, "All Our Wives Are Famous!"