FWA Presents: Ringside Wars

[Solomon Graham]

Date: April 19th, 2021
Location: FWA Warehouse
Attendance: 18,000 (COVID Attendance: 4,500)
Bell Time: 7:30 PM

[Solomon Graham]

The show opens with Solomon Graham in his office. He’s got a smile on his face

:::SOLOMON GRAHAM:::
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ringside Wars!!!!

Tonight, we have a stacked card! That rat bastard, Andrew Jefferson Coughman, will defend the Ballyhoo belt in an open challenge!

Skitzo! will team up with an unknown opponent to face the team of William Beesley and that no-good, ingrate brother of mine, Ryan.

Then, Nelly Angel will challenge Liam Bradley for the FWA Television championship, followed by my wife defending the Women’s championship against my sister.

Then, in a Roadkill match, Ian Dempsey will face Donald Dream to unify the two primary titles, the Professional and Heritage titles.

Then, in the Main Event of the evening, my main man Adrien Cochrane will fight that arrogant son of a bitch, El Rey… but as stacked as tonight’s card is… I can’t help but feel like something is missing.

I wanted to have a big money match with somebody, and continue my tour of beating all the big names… but no one was available and even then, Adrien is defending the Crown, so it was necessary.

But y’know what? It just means I’ll have to bring it at the Anniversary! That’s why, right now, I’m issuing the open challenge to ANYBODY in the Network that I haven’t yet faced and/or beaten!

Anyone who thinks they have what it takes to tango with me, the REAL King Of The Juniors and the REAL Cornerstone of the FWA (NOT YOU, LIAM!), step the fuck up and come get knocked the FUCK down, next month at our Two-Year Anniversary event!! I’m looking forward to seeing who has the balls!

OH, and before I forget, for the viewers watching at home… unfortunately, James Willis was struck with COVID during the days in which he was at home in Los Angeles. My father refused to do commentary without him and I doubt you guys wanna listen to Doc Roberts run his mouth, so as a result, tonight’s show will be without commentary. I apologize in advance and I wish James Willis a speedy recovery.

With that out of the way… ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!

CUT TO RINGSIDE

[Solomon Graham]

“Man On The Moon'' hits and out comes Andrew Jefferson Coughman. He has his arms outstretched and is swaying his arms to the rhythm of his theme song. The Gender Non-Specific championship belt of the world is worn firmly around the waist of Coughman as he saunters out.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
The following contest is for the… *sighs*... “Gender Non Specific championship of the world”. Introducing first, hailing from Hollywood, California, weighing in at 180 lbs, he is “The Schmuck”, Andy Kaufman.

He moves around the ring to where Cheyenne is standing, and DEMANDS that she announce him properly. She refuses… until he threatens her with her job, stating that “If you don’t announce me properly, I’ll go STRAIGHT to my good friend, Donovan Dusk, and I’ll request that he relieve you of your job!!!”. At that point… she doesn’t hesitate.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Uhh, apologies, folks! It appears I read that wrong. What I meant to say was… he is “Better Than You, The Brainiest Of The Brainy, The Third Dirtiest Player In The Game (only because Jessy Jones and Ric Flair are still alive)” and lastly, he is the Gender Non Specific champion of the world… ANDREW. JEFFERSOOOOOOON COOOOOOUGHMAAAAAAN!!!!!!

He claps and smirks, satisfied… before SNATCHING the microphone right out of her hand, climbing up onto the ring apron, wiping his feet and stepping into the ring beneath the middle rope.

:::ANDREW JEFFERSON COUGHMAN:::
I AM FROM HOLLYWOOD, I HAVE THE BRAINS!!!!!

The natives are restless! They can’t stand this fucking guy.

:::ANDREW JEFFERSON COUGHMAN:::
Now, you all know the drill… whatever lucky schmuck wants to come out here and get beat by Third Dirtiest Player In The Game… COME ON DOWN!!!! You’re the next contestant on “The Price Is WRONG!!!!”

The fans boo… but their booing seems to be satiated when Jobber Jay, a relative newcomer to the FWA, steps through the curtain and makes his way down the ramp. The fans are actually very happy to see him! It seems they want him to be the one who teaches AJC this valuable lesson in respect.

He points to the Gender Nonspecific championship of the world, and yells out that…

“ANDREW JEFFERSON COUGHMAN, I’M HERE TO CHALLENGE YOU FOR THE GENDER NONSPECIFIC CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!!!! I’M GONNA BEAT YOU, WIN MY FIRST EVER TITLE AND I’M GONNA DO IT ALL WHILE TRYING MY BEST!!!!”

He climbs the ring apron and steps into the ring. He then does his standard pose of putting up both fists in a fighting stance… with a terrified look on his face. AJC just laughs him off and says “Alright. You’re on! Jobber Joe vs. Andrew Jefferson Coughman, Gender Nonspecific championship of the world on the line!”

Referee Mark Hill then calls for the bell and the match starts...

DING DING DING

Pre-Show Match:
Jobber Jay vs. Andrew Jefferson Coughman
Gender Nonspecific championship of the world
Time Limit: 10 min.
Official: Mark Hill

Jobber Jay surprisingly hands AJC his ass in this match. All it takes is one bitch slap from Jay to get the momentum going in his favour, and the natives eat it up! Jay throws everything he can at AJC: A slap, a kick, a punch, an elbow drop and a knee drop. He then goes for the Charging Uppercut, but AJC moves out of the way and rolls him up, grabbing a handful of tights!

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DING DING DING

AJC then exits as fast as he can, snatching the belt from ringside and holding it up like he just climbed Mt. Olympus and achieved immortality!

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Here is your winner, Andrew Jefferson Coughman!

Jobber Jay looks so pissed, and the natives can’t help but agree. Jay looks out at the crowd, before pointing at AJC. They all go wild, and as such, Jay swiftly exits the ring and chases AJC up the ramp and to the back. From there, we cut to our next segment…
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We cut to the locker room, where we see Graham Family Student, Pete Patterson, sitting alone, seemingly deep in thought. He’s alone until his close friend and love interest, Georgia Whittmaier walks in. Both of them have their gear bags ready. It seems they’ve been called in, just in case they’re needed. Georgia smiles and waves at Pete.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Hey Pete! How’s it going?

Pete does not acknowledge. The smile on Georgia’s face turns to one of concern when her friend doesn’t immediately respond.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Pete…? You okay?

Still, Pete is too entranced in thought to notice. She begins snapping her fingers to get his attention. It takes a few tries but soon after…

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Pete!!!

Pete snaps out of his trance

::PETE PATTERSON::
Hmm? Oh, hey Georgia. How goes?

She looks irritated.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
The hell was that?!?

::PETE PATTERSON::
What? Oh, you must mean the, uhhh. Right. Sorry, I was just… something’s bothering me… but I can’t explain it, otherwise everything’ll get… y’know, screwed up. And it’ll all be my fault.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
What’d you do? Find a Time Travelling watch or somethin’?

Pete freezes up and the look on his face is of complete horror. Georgia forms a semi-smile on her face.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Did I guess right? Is that what happened?

Pete nervously tugs at his shirt collar, beads of sweat pouring down his face. He chuckles as he says…

::PETE PATTERSON::
Naw, naw!!!! Not me!! How would I even do it, Georgia, c’mon! Perish the thought! Heh heh, heh heeeh… oh, who am I fooling? I totally did. Not even on purpose…

Georgia chuckles and sits down next to her friend.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Pete, nobody does these things on purpose. But you’ve made an incredible discovery! What was the first thing you did with it?!

Pete’s nervousness has seemingly subsided, but he chuckles again and smiles.

::PETE PATTERSON::
If you must know, the first thing I did was go back to the ‘70s and show some of the promoters and wrestlers footage of Weeaboo Jones and El Rey, and I told them that this would be the future of the business if they didn’t protect it!

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Oh?? And how’d that go?

Pete’s smile sours.

::PETE PATTERSON::
I think it just made them shit their pants.

Georgia snorts and laughs.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Maybe that was the wrong place and time?

::PETE PATTERSON::
Maybe. I think the 80s would’ve been the safer bet.

“NYYYYYEH HEH HEH HEH HEEEEEH!!!!!”

::PETE PATTERSON::
The fuck was that?

“LEAVE US ALONE!!!!”

“‘Fraid I can’t, greenhorns!”

Georgia and Pete turn their attention to the locker room door. Into the room has bursted a few young lads in ring gear. Local guys, perhaps? Following them is none other than the Ghoulie Poet himself, Skeleskreem, carrying with him a leather strap.

::SKELESKREEM::
Come along, locals!! Time for dues to be paid!!

Pete stands up, but Georgia, sensing what’s about to happen, grabs his arm.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
NO!!! Not yet…

She slowly guides him back to a seated position.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Wait until he has his back to us…

Pete nods. The chase commences all throughout the locker room, as Skeleskreem tries to beat these guys with the strap, but they avoid him at every turn. Eventually, he corners them. They try to escape, but they can’t. Skel’ inches towards them, threatening them with the strap and letting out some terrifying “NYEH HEH HEH”s. As he makes his way towards them, however...

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Now!

Pete springs up, runs towards him and SMACKS him one upside the head, completely flooring him! He then picks him up and THROWS him out of the locker room, before wiping his hands and sitting down. The job guys stand up, and look at Pete.

“Thanks!” they say, before running out of the locker room and presumably, out of the building entirely.

::PETE PATTERSON::
Something tells me that’s gonna be bad for business.

::GEORGIA WHITTMAIER::
Yep!

From there, we go to the next match.

[Solomon Graham]

“Bombtrack” by Rage Against The Machine hits ad after the intro, “Stunning” Ryan Graham BURSTS through the curtain, attempting to steal and soak up the glory for himself. William Beesley follows shortly behind, adjusting his wrist tape to make sure that it’s just right. Beesley shakes his wrists and stretches them out, while Ryan is just strutting around and acting arrogant.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
The following contest is a Tornado Tag Team match! Introducing first, from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at a combined weight of 435 lbs, the team of “Stunning” Ryan Graham and William Beesley… DUSK’S ORDER!!!

Beesley walks quickly, moving past Ryan and towards the ring steps. Meanwhile, Ryan jawjacks with any fan that he sees, making sure to single out each one for being inferior in any way he can. William moves up the ring steps quickly. When on the ring apron, he wipes his feet before stepping between the ropes. Ryan hops up onto the ring apron and wipes his feet before entering the ring as well. The two then stretch for a little bit, waiting for their opponents.

First…

“Everything You Know Is Wrong” hits and Skitzo! comes out onto the stage, accompanied by Jooey Grymm. He waves to the natives, and they go berzerk for the resident jobber. He makes his way down to the ring, and upon reaching ringside, he rolls into the ring.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
And their opponents, first: Accompanied by Jooey Grymm, hailing from Jabroni Industries, weighing in at 200 lbs… THIS. IS. SKIIIITZO!!!!!!!

Skitzo! gets on the middle rope and waves to the audience, before stepping down and getting into his corner. He laughs, seemingly going into one of his personalities. He looks at Ryan and William and he says “you’we not gonna bewieve who we got to be my tag pawtnew tonight…!”

Then…

“Hey Man Nice Shot” by Filter hits and the warehouse goes dark, filling with both purple smoke and some purple lighting. We hear the first verse kick in

I wish I would've met you
Now it's a little late
What you could've taught me
I could've saved some face

As this next part hits, a hand, wrapped in black hockey tape pops through the curtain, holding a purple bunny mask that has a sharp, jagged toothed grin on its’ face.

They think that your early ending was all wrong
For the most part, they're right
But look how they all got strong

At this point, the hand is followed by another, this time wielding a blood-stained kitchen knife.

That's why I say, hey man, nice shot
Good shot, man
That's why I say, hey man, nice shot

Both hands go back behind the curtain.

Good shot, man

As the chorus hits, out comes the opponent, a man attached to the two taped hands, the right one wielding the knife and the other? Carrying a light brown potato sack that is full and blood stained as he’s now wearing the bunny mask. This man is wearing a pair of tights, with many creepy, cool looking designs on them in purple (i.e., monsters, crows, demon bunnies, etc.) His boots are just straight black. He walks through the smoke in a very psychotic way, even pointing the knife at some of the fans in the front row. He jumps into the ring between the bottom and middle ropes, standing up and standing next to Skitzo!, shooting a gaze at Ryan Graham, before turning his attention to William Beesley.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
And his partner, hailing from Your Darkest Fears, Fifth Dimension, weighing in at 223 lbs, he is “Wrestling’s Worst Nightmare” JEFFREY!!! SHAAAAWW!!!!

The man removes the mask, confirming that it is, in fact, Jeffrey Shaw!!! The fans go nuts as the sadistic smile creeps across the face of Wrestling’s Worst Nightmare, blood spilling out of his mouth. Ryan looks like he’s shitting ten ton concrete rectangles… but William shows no fear, instead opting to have a staredown with the madman.

Then…

DING DING DING

The bell rings

Match No. 1
Jeffrey Shaw and Skitzo! w/Jooey Grymm vs. Dusk’s Order (Ryan Graham and William Beesley)
Tornado Tag Team match
Time Limit: 30 minutes
Official: Glenn Morgan

The match opens with Jeffrey Shaw and William Beesley having a staredown. William is talking shit to Jeffrey, and Jeffrey’s just got a crazed look in his eye. Will does the ole Scott Hall “Oooooooo” finger waggle taunt, and from there… Jeffrey just LEVELS him with a punch… and then, Ryan joins the fray and starts swingin’! He manages to take Jeffrey down and just stomps down on him. Meanwhile… Skitzo! just stands back and lets it happen, seemingly terrified. Ryan helps Will to his feet and the two of them beat down on Jeffrey.

Eventually, Skitzo! moves towards the two of them… but Ryan takes notice and brings it to Beesley’s attention. When it is, the two of them move in on Skitzo!, attempting to intimidate him... and it works as he backs away into the corner behind him, deflated and defeated. Ryan laughs and so does Will, before they turn their attention on Shaw once again.

Eventually, Shaw starts to mount a comeback, laying in punch after punch to the two hoodlums… but eventually, it gets to be too much and Ryan and Beesley gang back up on Shaw and continue to get some heat on him, before NAILING him with a Double Team Maneuver (combination of running kick variants).

Once they’ve done this, instead of going for the pin, they turn their attention back to Skitzo! and mock him relentlessly, for being a coward. And that… is when something inside Skitzo! SNAPS, and he pushes them both back before NAILING them, one by one, with BIG TIME TACKLES that sweep ‘em right off their feet!!!

Then, Ryan tries to hit a clothesline on Skitzo!, but he ducks… and when Ryan turns around, Jeffrey Shaw is back on his feet and he NAILS Ryan with the Butterfly DDT that he calls the Halfbreed DDT!!!! Shaw then makes the cover… but before he does so, he instead offers the pin up to Skitzo!, who graciously accepts it.

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DING DING DING

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Here are your winners, Jeffrey Shaw and Skitzo!!!!

Jooey Grymm enters the ring and raises the hands of his brother and Jeffrey to massive fanfare! Then… Jeffrey offers Skitzo! and Jooey Grymm both fist bumps, before getting on the mic. Jooey and Skitzo! head out, leaving Jeffrey to himself.

:::JEFFREY SHAW:::
Damn… lookie how different things are since I’ve been gone!! Looks like I’m gonna have to beat a certain “king” until he's bleeding from every crevasse of his skull when I get the chance…

Jeffrey chuckles to himself. He then looks around…

:::JEFFREY SHAW:::
It’s good to finally be home, to finally be myself again. Y’see, I tried being normal… and yeah, it turns out being normal sucks if you’re someone like me. Someone whose mind is permanently diseased? Yeah… not fun.

Jeffrey wipes snot from his nose.

:::JEFFREY SHAW:::
Now… there’s a certain someone else… who’s much like me... only, her disease is treatable. Her mind? Won’t be fucked forever. To this woman, I want to extend the invitation. You know who you are and you know exactly what I want. Next month… you and I will walk the path of impassioned hatred, dance the waltz of hellfire and brimstone!!! Next month, at FWA’s anniversary event… we will BURN the house down… in a BARBED WIRE MATCH!!!!!! Until then, my beloved starshine…

A lightning bolt then strikes the toe of Jeffrey’s boot… and he disappears.

[Solomon Graham]

This next contest is brought to you by Grimace Jr’s!

“Eyy yo, chico! Ju want quality cheeseburger and BURRITO?!?! Then ju come to my new location, at deh end of dah Juniverse, mang!! One more… FOR DAH FAT GUY!!!!”

After that ad, we cut to ringside and both guys are in the ring, stretching and bouncing around, hyping themselves up.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the FWA Television championship!! Introducing first, the challenger. From Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 180 lbs, NELLY ANGEL!!!!

Nelly does his best to pump up the audience, and they give him a nice, hot reaction.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
And his opponent, from Nottingham, United Kingdom, weighing in at 224 lbs, he is the FWA Television champion… “The Cornerstone Of The FWA (despite what Solomon Graham might say)” and “The Villain” LIAM BRRRRADLEYYYY!!!!

Liam Bradley raises the FWA Television championship above his head.

Referee Mark Hill takes the belt from Liam, before showing it to Nelly Angel… who pats the center plate, before Mark holds it up for the crowd to see. He then brings it back down and calls for the bell.

DING DING DING

Match No. 2
Nelly Angel vs. “The Villain” Liam Bradley
FWA Television Championship
Time Limit: 10 min.
Official: Mark Hill

This match is fairly technical (for a Nelly Angel match), but Liam dominates for the majority of it (being the bigger one between the two of them, that’s not surprising). Nelly tries to mount several comebacks throughout the course of the match, but anytime he does, he’s either cut off or does something to screw it up (never meaning to, of course).

Eventually, Nelly starts to mount another comeback. This time, he’s got some success in it. He takes Liam on a road trip straight through hell, hitting all of his signatures, first the Shooting Star Press, then the Tornado DDT, then the Shining Wizard, then the Corkscrew Moonsault (which is affectionately referred to as “On Angels Wings”), followed by a Flying Armbar, which he uses in an attempt to make Liam submit… but of course, Liam manages to escape it.

The match comes to a head when, at the 9:15 second mark, Liam goes for the Art Of Infamy… but Nelly reverses it out of the Argentine clutch into The Exclusive (Sliced Bread No2 into a Reverse X-Factor)!!!! Nelly stands, shocked at what he’s just pulled off… but on the ring apron behind him is none other than Skeleskreem, and he’s still got that strap!! He wraps it around Nelly’s neck and CHOKES him, resulting in a disqualification victory for Nelly!

DING DING DING

Winner: Nelly Angel by disqualification
9:21

After the match, Skeleskreem continues to get heat on Nelly, continuing to choke him and whip him with the strap, yelling that “Your student humiliated me in front of the locals!! Now, YOU have to pay for his sins!!” and Nelly, gurgling, yells at Skeleskreem to stop, kicking him and trying to fight him off. That’s when Pete Patterson runs in and fights off Skeleskreem, before kneeling down beside his teacher and checking to make sure he’s okay. Skeleskreem runs to the back, NYEH HEH HEHing the entire way. We hear Pete ask him if he’s okay… and Nelly gives him a thumbs up, and with that Pete helps him up and they go to the back.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The FWA Anarchy championship belt is left out in the open, prepared to defend itself… however, Solomon Graham declares that the first person to retrieve the belt will become the new champion. Then, just like that… Super Cool utilizes Super Speed to retrieve the belt faster than everyone else, and he becomes the champion once again.

Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Super Cool

The FWA Anarchy champion, Super Cool, stands still in his Superhero pose… until a certain masked jobber comes along. Not Skitzo!, but none other than El Barbaro!! He grabs Super Cool in the Headlock, and immediately Super Cool taps out!

Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): El Barbaro

El Barbaro celebrates with the belt… only to be met with a Superkick from Eddie Evans!! As soon as El Barbaro’s body hits the ground, Eddie goes for the pin and Matt Noble slides into position.

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Eddie Evans

Then, as Eddie retrieves the belt… a lightning bolt STRIKES his body, and Jeffrey Shaw spawns right next to him to pick up the pin!

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Jeffrey Shaw

Jeffrey celebrates with the belt… but then, when he turns around, Skeleskreem SMASHES him over the head with a chair, before going for the pin!!!

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Skeleskreem

Matt Noble hands Skeleskreem the belt… but then refuses to let it go, instead SMASHING Skeleskreem’s head with the front plate of the belt! He then goes for the pin on Skel’, counting his own pin.

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Matt Noble

Matt Noble then flops the belt over his shoulder, declaring that “I HEREBY CLAIM THIS BELT IN THE NAME OF DONOVAN DUSK, AND I HEREBY RENAME IT… THE CORPORATE TITLE!!!!!”... but then, Emiko Suzuki comes in and NAILS Matt Noble with the Dream Weapon (Vertical suplex lifted and dropped into a double knee backbreaker), before going for the pin… but she’s pinning the referee, so she has to count her own fall… but she uses Matt Noble’s arm to do it!!!

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Emiko Suzuki

Emiko holds the belt up high… but Ai Moe comes into the scene and she SMASHES The Sugar Dragon’s head with a potted plant, before pinning her. She grabs Matt Noble’s unconscious arm and…

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Ai Moe

But then… Skitzo! comes in with Mark Hill, and announces that he’s cashing in, before taking his faux briefcase and SMASHING it over Ai Moe’s head, going for the pin immediately afterwards!

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Winner (AND NEW ANARCHY CHAMPION): Skitzo!

From there, Skitzo! takes his belt and fucks off outta the building!!!!

[Solomon Graham]

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the FWA Women’s championship!!!!

“Kill The Lights” hits and out comes Emily Graham. She walks down to the ring very slowly, holding her arms up and pointing to the fans with a big smile on her face. She points to a few young girls in the front row and waves to them.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Introducing first the challenger. from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 198 lbs, she is the “Woman Of Honour”, EMILY GRAHAM!!!!

With that, she goes up the ring steps, wipes her feet on the apron, and enters the ring. She gets into her corner and awaits the champion.

“T-Shirt” by The Beaches hits and the lights in the arena go dark. Fog emanates from the entrance curtain and the entrance curtain bellows in the wind, as we see the figure of a large woman standing in a red light. She has one hand on her hip, and one arm flexing her muscles. When the music reaches such a point, she turns around and the lights come back up, with a BLINDING White Light, as she holds up four fingers on each hand and smiles at the crowd. This is Selena Firehouse, wife of Solomon Graham and female wrestling extraordinaire.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
And her opponent, from Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 297 lbs, she is the FWA Women’s champion, SELENA!!!! FIREHOUSE!!!!!

She makes her way down to the ring, the fans screaming her name. She high-fives the fans on the way to the ring. When she gets to the ring, she climbs up the ring steps, before wiping her feet. She then steps between the middle and bottom ropes. She then walks to the middle of the ring, before doing the same pose she did on the stage (one arm on her hip, other flexing her muscles) and smiling for the crowd.

The two ladies stand across from each other as Glenn Morgan pads them down (Selena first, then Em) to check for foreign objects. They both come up clean and Glenn retrieves the belt. He holds it up for the crowd to see, before pulling it down and signalling to Timekeeper Tim for the bell.

DING DING DING

Match No. 3
“Woman Of Honour” Emily Graham vs. Selena Firehouse
FWA Women’s championship
Time Limit: 30 minutes
Official: Glenn Morgan

This contest is technical, dirty and smash mouth as FUCK!! These chicks know each other entirely too well and it shows as they counter each other and generally prove to be rose thorns, just JABBING into each other’s sides! Selena’s got the power advantage on account of being the larger lady, but Em’s got the shooter’s aspect on account of being a Graham family member.

The match comes to a close when Selena NAILS Emily with the Butt Bop (Rear View), which sends Emily backed up into the ropes. On the rebound, Selena leaps onto the middle rope and NAILS Em with The Bounds! (Middle Rope Springboard Crossbody), going for the pin as soon as they crash down to the mat!

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DING DING DING

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Here is your winner AND STILL FWA Women’s champion, SELENA FIREHOUSE!!!!

Glenn Morgan hands Selena her belt after retrieving it from ringside. He raises her hand and she celebrates with the belt… but then, out from the back comes Summer Page, who was in the building apparently! She slides into the ring and attacks Selena from behind, before stomping on her and gettin’ some heat on her!! She then picks her up and locks her in the High Rollers (Banks Statement), to try and make Selena tap the fuck out! Selena does not tap out, but Summer does some serious damage to the arm and head. Summer then picks up the Women’s belt, pointing to it and raising it above her head… before laying on Selena’s unconscious body and exiting the ring, heading to the back.

[Solomon Graham]

Co-Main Event
“The Franchise” Ian Dempsey vs. Donald Dream
Unification: FWA Professional and Heritage titles. Will form the Undisputed Championship of Professional Wrestling
Undisputed Championship of Professional Wrestling
Roadkill Match

This match is utterly VICIOUS, as Ian and Dream both fight and fight and fight some more, trying to push each other into traffic and trying to weaken each other to a point where the other can’t continue to fight. The flow of this match is incredibly chaotic and tense. Many times, both men wind up crossing the street, completely missing being nailed by the oncoming traffic. Any time Ian inflicts any kind of pain on Dream, he just gets more and more angered, to a point where his strength becomes like “Roid Rage” strength. It’s a miracle that Ian survives for as long as he does.

Dream goes for a spear, but Dempsey moves out of the way. Dream stops dead in his tracks at the white line. Ian looks to the side. It seems he’s noticed an oncoming car. Dream turns around and… IAN WITH THE GOLDEN RULE (Yakuza Kick) SENDS DREAM RIGHT INTO THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC!!!! DREAM IS SENT FLYING INTO THE AIR AND HE LANDS ON THE GROUND!!!!!

“Death Of Me” plays yet again and Ian falls to his knees. The official on hand, Matt Noble, hands Ian the new belt begrudgingly and Ian SNATCHES it away from him, before kissing it profusely in celebration… but little does he notice that Donald Dream has gotten back to his feet and is slowly stalking up behind Ian, an incredibly angered expression on his face.

Ian, slowly backing up towards the white line, bumps into Dream. He turns around and Dream kicks him in the gut before NAILING him with the Mandrill (Underhook Piledriver) right on the concrete!!!

Dream begins to grumble and wheeze, and he grabs Ian’s head before throwing it between his legs and once again nailing Ian with the Mandrill!!! Dream then picks Ian back up to his feet. Dream then throws Ian’s head between his legs, lifts him up… and NAILS the Mandrill for a third time, right on the concrete!

Dream then stops… before walking away. Then, at that moment… a black limousine pulls up to the scene, right next to Ian Dempsey’s prone body… and out of the vehicle steps a certain somebody that we’ve not seen in FWA since the year began. Out steps… a certain “Prince”. Jimmy Williams stands up, Pot Of Gold in hand… and he announces his cash-in, before handing the Pot to Matt Noble. Matt Noble confirms the cash-in and makes the match official, and Jimmy lays on top of Ian and Matt Noble making the count.

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3.

Jimmy picks up the new belt, and he already has the old ones in tow. He flops the old ones over both his shoulders and Matt Noble places the new belt around his waist. He has such a smarmy look on his face. The two men then get back into the limousine and from the other side, out steps the investor, Donovan Dusk. He’s smiling and laughing, rubbing his hands together. He kneels down beside Ian.

:::DONOVAN DUSK:::
Ohhh, Ian… you lost, and you won’t be walking out at all, much less with the title. Such a shame, you could’ve been great! Perhaps next time, you’ll side with the winners!

He then slaps Ian’s unconscious body and spits on him, before getting up and getting back into the limousine. The limousine then speeds away, and Ian is left by himself.

[Solomon Graham]

The opening of the Big Sean’s “Wolves” hits the pa system and El Rey strolls onto the stage wearing the mask he stole off of the head of El Combatiente. He looks around soaking up the surroundings before ripping the mask off of his head and revealing the half painted face.

He strolls down the ramp ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans until he reaches the ring. At ringside he leaps up onto the apron and then over the ropes and spins around in the ring with his arms outstretched. He spins around a couple times and then moves to the corner waiting for the match to begin.

The lights turn off for a moment. The dueling guitar riffs from Simple Plan guitarists Sébastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco from their song “Last One Standing” as the screen reads “#Believe” in a light blue font. With a solitary spotlight on the top of the ramp, Adrien Cochrane appears the moment Pierre Bouvier’s vocals begin to echo throughout the venue.

“How many times are you gonna try to shut me out?
I told you once, told you twice, I ain't going to turn back around
You can say whatever, try to mess with me
I don't care, I'm not scared
You don't have to say you're sorry, save your sympathy
With a friend like you, I don't need an enemy
I would give you time if you were worth it
But guess what, you're not worth it”

Cochrane looks at the fans from the ramp for a moment, giving a smile as he makes his way down the ramp and to the ring, hitting as many high fives and fist bumps as he can on his way to his destination.

As Adrien leaps over the ropes to enter the squared circle and removes his black leather jacket to expose his #Believe shirt, he leans on the ropes with his fist in the air to the sound of the chorus. He then hands the belt to the referee for safekeeping during the match.

“Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, I'm always going to be the last one standing
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, because I'm never going to give up trying
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waiting for you
And I'm going to be the last one standing”

The two men stand across from each other as “Last One Standing” fades out. Edgar Brown pads both men down for foreign objects, finding nothing before retrieving the X*Crown belt and standing in a neutral corner. Then…

DING DING DING

The bell rings.

Co-Main Event
El Rey vs. Adrien Cochrane w/Eddie Walker
X*Crown
This contest has no time limit
Official: Edgar Brown

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
The following contest scheduled for one fall is your Main Event of the evening, and it is for the XHF X*Crown!!!!

Cheers from the fans in attendance as Edgar Brown steps to the middle of the ring and holds the strap up for the fans to see.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Introducing first, the challenger. From Atlanta, Georgia, weighing in at 180 lbs… ELLLL REYYYYYY!!!!!

El Rey ignores the booing of the Toronto natives, keeping focus on Adrien.

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
And his opponent, accompanied by Eddie Walker. From New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at 190 lbs, he is "The Dropkick King" and the current XHF X*Crown champion...ADRIEN COCHRANE!!

Adrien raises his hand, the natives cheering him all the while.

The two step towards the middle of the ring, having a staredown. El Rey talks a little bit of trash, while Adrien simply defends FWA’s honour, as well as his own. Eventually, Edgar Brown steps in between them and orders them both back to their corners. Adrien obliges, heading back to his corner… but El Rey doesn’t listen, instead opting to attack Adrien while he’s going back, beating down on him as Edgar Brown tries to stop it!

El Rey continues to beat down on Adrien, stomping and stomping and stomping. Edgar Brown tries to make El Rey break it on the grounds that he’s using the top rope for leverage, but El Rey refuses to do so! When he doesn’t, Edgar has no choice but to start counting.

1.

2.

3.

4.

At that point, Edgar steps in between them to break it, prompting El Rey to mouth off to him. Edgar gives him a warning, but El Rey continues to beat down on Cochrane, bringing him to his feet, backing him into the ropes and shooting him off. On the rebound, he SMACKS him down with a Lariat and goes for the pin!

1.

NO!!! Adrien kicks out before 2!

El Rey then stands on Adrien’s neck, choking the life out of him. Edgar Brown comes along and tells him he needs to stop, but El Rey doesn’t listen. Edgar Brown starts counting him again.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Edgar finds himself once again breaking it himself and scolding El Rey. El Rey talks back to Edgar and Edgar tells him that if he keeps this up, he will be disqualified. El Rey throws a fit and tells Edgar that he can’t do that, but Edgar responds that he’s the official and El Rey is the one that’s breaking the rules! El Rey stomps his feet and kicks the mat, before bringing Adrien up to his feet and NAILING him with a European Uppercut, before sending him back into the ropes and shooting him off… but on the rebound, Adrien NAILS El Rey with the Crossbody, turning it into a pinfall attempt!

1.

2---NO!!! El Rey kicks out!

At this point, Adrien starts to mount a comeback! When El Rey gets to his feet, Adrien nails him with a Spinning Heel Kick, before backing him into the ropes and shooting him off. On the rebound, he catches him with a Tornado DDT and goes for the pin!

1.

2---NO!!! El Rey kicks out!

El Rey gets to his feet and tries for a flurry of forearm strikes, but Adrien blocks it and counters with a makeshift one of his own! It turns El Rey around and when he has his back to him, Adrien gets him and NAILS a German Suplex, bridging it into a pin!

1.

2.
NO!!!! El Rey rolls out of it… and upon getting to his feet, Adrien tries for a Dropkick, but El Rey counters it and when Adrien gets up, he is met with a Discus Lariat for his troubles! El Rey goes for the pin!

1.

2.
NO!!! Adrien kicks out!

El Rey grabs Adrien by the hair and drags him up to his feet, meanwhile Edgar Brown warns him to let go of the hair, which he does as soon as Adrien is on his feet… before NAILING him with a Frankensteiner!! When Adrien gets back to his feet, El Rey NAILS him with another! And another, until finally he finishes off this “rana” combo with a Hurricanrana, grabbing the leg and going for the pin!!

1.

2.

NO!!! So close, but no cigar as Adrien kicks out!!

Adrien gets to his feet and tries once again for a Dropkick, but El Rey blocks it yet again. He then grabs Adrien, gets him up to his feet and nails him with a flurry of Elbow Strikes (approximately nine of them), before wrapping up the combo with a Spinning Backfist which knocks Adrien to the mat! El Rey then goes to the top and… MOONSAULT!!! MOONSAULT!!!! He goes for the pin!!!

1.

2.

NO!!!! Adrien gets the shoulder up!

El Rey then brings Adrien back up to his feet, this time he’s utterly incensed about not being able to put Adrien away. He throws him into the ropes and on the rebound, catches him with a Japanese Arm Drag! He then brings Adrien to his feet and pulls him in for a DDT, going for the pin once more.

1.

2.

3, new champ… NO!!!! Adrien kicks out!!!

El Rey’s frustration grows as he stands up and begins to pace about the ring… before once again grabbing Adrien by the hair and bringing him to his feet… but then, Adrien begins to mount yet another comeback as he delivers a few shots to the gut and then rises to his feet and NAILS a Frankensteiner of his own on El Rey!!!!

El Rey gets to his feet and at this point, Adrien pulls out every single stop he can. He starts the comeback with a Bulldog, before keeping the Headlock and transitioning it into a Snap Suplex… which he also keeps hold of, rolling it into a Fisherman suplex! He STILL keeps hold of it, rolling him back to his feet and NAILING him with a DDT, before going for the pin!

1.

2.

3---NO!!!! El Rey gets the shoulder up!!

But he’s still down! As such, Adrien heads to the top, NAILING him with a Moonsault and going for the pin again!

1.

2.

3, champ retains… NO!!!! Somehow, with every fibre of his being, El Rey gets the shoulder up!!

Adrien, however, does not lose focus and does not allow frustration to cloud his judgement. He stands up, beckoning for El Rey to get to his feet. When he does, he NAILS him with the Lightning Strike (Super Kick)... but El Rey does not go down! Instead he backs up into the corner, looking to recover. Adrien seizes the opportunity, running towards the corner, shoving El Rey out, leaping up the ropes and NAILING El Rey with the Ace-inator (Whisper In The Wind)... but before he can go for the pin, El Rey rolls out of the ring, much to the disappointment of the fans and Adrien himself. They thought Adrien had this won. Edgar Brown warns El Rey to get back in the ring… but El Rey doesn’t listen and as such, Edgar has no choice but to start counting.

1.

El Rey paces about the outside.

2.

The fans are booing, but El Rey does not acknowledge it.

3.

El Rey grabs a chair from the Timekeeper’s Desk and unfolds it, sitting down.

4.

El Rey still sits.

5.

El Rey ain’t budging.

6.

He still sits.

7.

He’s still sittin’!

8.

He doesn’t get up.

9---But the count is broken, for as soon as the count leaves Edgar’s mouth, El Rey shoots up and rolls into the ring. As soon as he’s on his feet, Adrien goes for a Dropkick, but once again, El Rey avoids it, sending him to the outside! Adrien groggily gets to his feet… and as he does so, El Rey runs into the opposite set of ropes and on the rebound, he LEAPS over the top rope, NAILING a Suicide Dive onto the Dropkick King!!! He gets to his feet, yelling out in this newfound energy of his (probably fueled by frustration and anger)! He then grabs Adrien and throws him into the ring. He then looks at Eddie Walker, who’s only a few inches away. El Rey takes a few steps towards Eddie, trying to intimidate and bully him… but he doesn’t bring harm to the manager, instead heading back into the ring.


El Rey grabs the arms of Adrien Cochrane, brings him to his feet and NAILS him with the Xed Out (X-Plex, crossed arm German suplex)... but he keeps hold of it, rolling it into another Xed Out… and another, and another!!!! He keeps going, hitting about five of them before letting it go… but there’s a sinister look on his face. He’s not done yet. He should go for the pin… but it seems his anger is getting the better of him. He stands up, shaking his head, as he goes out to the apron and stands there, beckoning for Adrien to get up. Adrien slowly gets to his feet, and the natives are buzzing, the anticipation and electricity permeating the air in the Warehouse! Adrien finally rises, and El Rey announces his intentions as Adrien is turning around, a sickening smirk on his face.

“SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK!!!!”

The FWA natives grow restless as El Rey LEAPS onto the top rope, lunging towards Adrien feet-first… only to be met with the SINGLE MOST GRACEFUL Dropkick that Adrien has thrown thus far, not just in FWA, but in the entire XHF Network!!! The natives pop big time as Adrien’s feet connect with El Rey’s jaw, SNAPPING his neck BACK and sending him crashing down to the mat, skidding along until he’s stopped by the bottom rope!! El Rey can’t get up, but Adrien’s not done yet! He picks him back up, wraps his arms around his neck and drops him with an Adrien Cutter (Diamond Cutter) for the pinfall, and the natives count in sync with Edgar Brown!

1.

2.

3!!!!!

DING DING DING DING DING

::CHEYENNE GRAHAM::
Here is your winner, AAAAAND STILL the XHF X*Crown champion, ADRIEEEEN COOOOCHRANE!!!!!!!!

“Last One Standing” hits as Adrien rises to his feet. Edgar Brown takes the belt and hands it off to Adrien, who groggily takes it and holds it high above his head. Eddie Walker climbs the ring steps, enters the ring and holds his clients hand up. The confetti comes down from the ceiling as this happens, and the fans begin chanting…

“DROP-KICK KING! DROP-KICK KING! DROP-KICK KING!”

Adrien raises the X*Crown above his head, before exiting the ring. And now… the show is over. As Eddie Walker and Adrien Cochrane head to the back. El Rey needs help to the back from the referees… but he refuses the help, instead making his way back, clutching his jaw and neck and limping as he does so. The pain is visible on his face, but he powers through and makes it to the back. From there… the show goes off the air.