The XHF Network Finally Gets Original Wrestling Programming!

[Mongo the Destroyer]

*We open with a shot of the sky, it’s blue and there are clouds- you know what the sky looks like. Along with this view is the opening of “Katamari on the Rocks” by Yuu Miyake starting up. As the epic song gets stronger, the camera slowly pans down until eventually we are accosted by the top of a clear rolling ball- kind of like a hamster ball. The music continues to pound as we’re treated to more of a sight, the camera pans down further to find that what’s going on is quite...odd. Mongo the Destroyer’s miniature doppelganger, Mini Man-Go is rolling the hamster ball-like enclosure down the sidewalk. The ball is nearly twice his size and inside, frothing like a mad-man is Mini Man-Go’s counterpart and small-sized Bongo, Mini Bong-Hoe. They roll down the sidewalk for a few more moments before the whole picture freezes and the music stops. The camera switches to the XHF Owner, Mongo the Destroyer, in his big glass office rubbing his chin, thinking. The camera moves out a little to reveal that Mongo was watching the scene on a TV, next to the TV stands an XHF Network worker.*

Mongo: Hmm, this seems a little exploitive, even for me. What else do you got?

*The worker nervously coughs*

Worker: Well, um…that’s it, sir. We’re running out of ideas.

Mongo: What do you mean?

Worker: What I mean is that we’re having trouble coming up with any more original programming. We need-

Mongo: I know, I know, we need actual wrestling- aside from XHF reruns.

Worker: You know, Snake has a pretty popular podcast, if you added tha-

Mongo: THE XHF NETWORK WILL HAVE SNAKE’S PODCAST OVER MY DEAD BODY!

*Mongo sighs, but just as he does, the door to his office flies open and Joey Hawke, aged (but still spry) XHF Commentator/Manager, walks in.*

Joey: Mongo, I ha-

*He looks off to the side and sees the TV screen with the midgets and ball rolling. Joey slowly turns back to Mongo.*

Joey: Is that Mini Man-Go rolling Mini Bong-Hoe down a street in a hamster ball?

Mongo: Yes.

Joey: That seems rather exploitive, even for you.

*Mongo snaps up and points to the worker.*

Mongo: That’s what I said! But unless we can get some original wrestling, this is going to be the XHF Network’s next “hit” –air quotes- show.

Joey: You don’t have to say “air quotes,” I can see you moving your fingers.

*Sure enough, Mongo is still air quoting. He slowly moves his hands back down.*

Mongo: Anyway Joey, why are you barging into my office?

Joey: I bring good news!

*He looks at the TV*

Joey: …And apparently just in time. We were able to negotiate two deals overnight!

*Mongo stands up, his massive, seven-foot frame casting a shadow across the desk as he leans on his knuckles towards Joey. By the way, that shadow has no purpose except for me to introduce Mongo’s size to people who weren't in the XHF originally. I’m sorry, I’ve broken the narrative. Can we restart? No? Dang. Anyway, Mongo is leaning on his knuckles.*

Mongo: You mean…

Joey: Yes!

Mongo and Joey: Wrestling!

*They both do a really awkward dance; it’s almost embarrassing but we’ll give them a pass because they’re joyous. The worker just stands there nervous. He wonders if he should still be there or if he should have slinked out by now. Is...is he supposed to dance too? Better not, it might ruin the moment. Mongo and Joey calm down.*

Mongo: Which ones signed?

Joey: ASP and GXW.

Mongo: Wonderful! I’ll read up on them tonight. But before that let’s get all the kinks hammered out! It’s time to revolutionize the wrestling world!

*Mongo then looks at the staff member.*

Mongo: Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you have slinked out by now?

Worker: Well I-

Mongo: Less talk, more slinking, and take that awful programming with you!

Worker: Yes sir, sorry sir!

*The worker quickly wheels out the TV while Mongo and Joey start discussing details and the camera fades out.*