Post by Old Line Jeff on May 2, 2021 1:12:01 GMT -5
“You know, when we first were set to join the Greater Professional Wrestling Community in general, and Northern Pro in particular, we were all set to be the, you know, mood lighteners.”
Jeffrey Daniels, in front of a beige cinderblock wall, as is appropriate.
“Instead, there is so much whacky, zany stuff going on in the XHF that I honestly feel alienated. I mean, what exactly is the point of a guy who decided to crib some stuff off the previous generation as a way to thumb his nose at them to irritate the fans, when the XHF is teeming with cavemen and aliens and time travellers? I try not to judge, I really do, but good God almighty am I glad to have a chance to wrestle a couple guys who actually like wrestling, who aren’t from outer space, who are indisputably human, who aren’t zany in the slightest, who are indisputably human, I said that part already, I’m rambling, but I really don’t care at this point.”
Daniels shrugs.
“Screw it, I’mma ramble.”
“It’s me and Lee - he’s been feeling under the weather lately, no it’s not covid it’s just like a stomach bug or something but anyway he’s not here - and we get to wrestle Joseph Mack and Leon Van Zandt.”
“It’s kinda interesting to me, because ElVeeZee and his catch wrestling, well, if there were two fundamentally opposing styles of professional wrestling, well, there are two fundamentally opposing styles of pro wrestling and they’re called catch wrestling and lucha libre. The Jeffersaurus, you know, Jeff Andrews, he tried to get us New UTs and ElVeeZee to put our heads together and talk strategy before that time we teamed up. Only thing is, we were too slow on the draw and the show was the next day before we got to the area. So he just drilled me and Lee on keeping the ring clean and the other guys away so that ElVeeZee could utilize that submission grappling without worrying about having some dude hitting flying dropkicks while he was trying to make someone tap to the sugar hold.”
“See, catch wrestling… I trained it. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m some kind of ‘shooter’, but Ikey Surge does make his students train the fundamentals of catch wrestling before he lets us do anything at all else. And for one on one situations, it’s great. Simple but effective, and I don’t really like the word simple because it’s kind of demeaning when I don’t mean it to be. I’m sure that ElVeeZee would call all the jumping around and spinning that’s used in the llave grappling style wasted movement. The mark in me would genuinely love to see what would happen if he got a llave master like Rex Rey or a Lancashire master like Robert Avarice Lancaster in a one on one. The fanboy in me would love to see what kind of counters catch wrestling has for Heidi Christenson buzzsaw kicks.”
“Joseph Mack… now that man is a different kettle of fish. If he got anymore jacked, he’d have to change his name to Jill Mack. I know that joke didn’t land by the way, I’m just tired of trying to think of something funnier. But seriously. Synthetic assistance or not, you don’t get a build like that without a ton of drive and dedication. And I know, I KNOW, that even if he’s not light on his feet enough to do lucha libre stuff, that hardly matters when he’s throwing a punch backed by a 500 pound bench press. He’s also cool with Isabel Rios, who’s got some kind of respectful thing going on with Kirsty and they’ve got enemies in common. So I guess Joseph Mack and we are very, very tangentially on the same side?”
“The big advantage me and Lee are gonna have, of course, is teamwork. ElVeeZee knows a little bit about that, because it was our teamwork that helped him pick up that duke in the trios match, even though he’s really not about the tag wrestling. The trick is, Mack tries to press slam me, LSR’s gonna dropkick his knees out. ElVeeZee tries to put Lee in the sugar hold, he’d better hope I’m not on the apron, because I got speed man, I got moves, Joseph Mack may be twice my strength but I can go over, under, around him to make that save.”
“And I’m looking forward to it.”
“In all the weirdness of the XHF in general, Joseph Mack just walks straight up to you and talks sense, and I dig that. ElVeeZee and I are on opposite sides of the style chart, but we got one big thing in common, and that’s a love of the sport.”
“Also, as impressive as Mack’s biceps are I’m not gonna be aiming for his biceps when I’m throwing superkicks, and ElVeeZee’s gonna have to get in superkick range before he’s in single leg takedown range.”
Jeffrey Daniels, in front of a beige cinderblock wall, as is appropriate.
“Instead, there is so much whacky, zany stuff going on in the XHF that I honestly feel alienated. I mean, what exactly is the point of a guy who decided to crib some stuff off the previous generation as a way to thumb his nose at them to irritate the fans, when the XHF is teeming with cavemen and aliens and time travellers? I try not to judge, I really do, but good God almighty am I glad to have a chance to wrestle a couple guys who actually like wrestling, who aren’t from outer space, who are indisputably human, who aren’t zany in the slightest, who are indisputably human, I said that part already, I’m rambling, but I really don’t care at this point.”
Daniels shrugs.
“Screw it, I’mma ramble.”
“It’s me and Lee - he’s been feeling under the weather lately, no it’s not covid it’s just like a stomach bug or something but anyway he’s not here - and we get to wrestle Joseph Mack and Leon Van Zandt.”
“It’s kinda interesting to me, because ElVeeZee and his catch wrestling, well, if there were two fundamentally opposing styles of professional wrestling, well, there are two fundamentally opposing styles of pro wrestling and they’re called catch wrestling and lucha libre. The Jeffersaurus, you know, Jeff Andrews, he tried to get us New UTs and ElVeeZee to put our heads together and talk strategy before that time we teamed up. Only thing is, we were too slow on the draw and the show was the next day before we got to the area. So he just drilled me and Lee on keeping the ring clean and the other guys away so that ElVeeZee could utilize that submission grappling without worrying about having some dude hitting flying dropkicks while he was trying to make someone tap to the sugar hold.”
“See, catch wrestling… I trained it. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m some kind of ‘shooter’, but Ikey Surge does make his students train the fundamentals of catch wrestling before he lets us do anything at all else. And for one on one situations, it’s great. Simple but effective, and I don’t really like the word simple because it’s kind of demeaning when I don’t mean it to be. I’m sure that ElVeeZee would call all the jumping around and spinning that’s used in the llave grappling style wasted movement. The mark in me would genuinely love to see what would happen if he got a llave master like Rex Rey or a Lancashire master like Robert Avarice Lancaster in a one on one. The fanboy in me would love to see what kind of counters catch wrestling has for Heidi Christenson buzzsaw kicks.”
“Joseph Mack… now that man is a different kettle of fish. If he got anymore jacked, he’d have to change his name to Jill Mack. I know that joke didn’t land by the way, I’m just tired of trying to think of something funnier. But seriously. Synthetic assistance or not, you don’t get a build like that without a ton of drive and dedication. And I know, I KNOW, that even if he’s not light on his feet enough to do lucha libre stuff, that hardly matters when he’s throwing a punch backed by a 500 pound bench press. He’s also cool with Isabel Rios, who’s got some kind of respectful thing going on with Kirsty and they’ve got enemies in common. So I guess Joseph Mack and we are very, very tangentially on the same side?”
“The big advantage me and Lee are gonna have, of course, is teamwork. ElVeeZee knows a little bit about that, because it was our teamwork that helped him pick up that duke in the trios match, even though he’s really not about the tag wrestling. The trick is, Mack tries to press slam me, LSR’s gonna dropkick his knees out. ElVeeZee tries to put Lee in the sugar hold, he’d better hope I’m not on the apron, because I got speed man, I got moves, Joseph Mack may be twice my strength but I can go over, under, around him to make that save.”
“And I’m looking forward to it.”
“In all the weirdness of the XHF in general, Joseph Mack just walks straight up to you and talks sense, and I dig that. ElVeeZee and I are on opposite sides of the style chart, but we got one big thing in common, and that’s a love of the sport.”
“Also, as impressive as Mack’s biceps are I’m not gonna be aiming for his biceps when I’m throwing superkicks, and ElVeeZee’s gonna have to get in superkick range before he’s in single leg takedown range.”