Post by freakke on May 3, 2021 17:27:24 GMT -5
“Alright. Hold up. Hold on.”
Freakke is standing there rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“You’re telling me these guys are from the future. That we are going against a tag team of legit time travellers and that they’ve been doing some hardcore gladiatorial fighting in space and shit. That’s some strange bullshit to start with. Like, why are we not having them answer science questions? Glenn, tell me I’m not wrong.”
The camera pans over to reveal a cutout of a young Glenn Danzig.
“I mean, with time travel, Glenn Danzig as my tag partner makes sense. I mean the dude was jacked back in the day.”
Off camera chatter.
“Not Danzig?”
More off camera chatter.
“Donzig?”
Confirmation.
“Ahh…”
Freakke smiles nervously at the camera before knocking over the cardboard cutout.
“HEY HEY THERE CRETINS AND MISCREANTS! We’re back, now in a new show. Yeah, that’s right, we’re here with Northern Pro Wrestling now. I know we’re all gonna miss the nCw but it's time to move on. We’ve got more wrestling and nonsense in us and my word are we not ready to hang it up yet.”
He shifts to look around to the set. It's a simple room with a black cloth backdrop. After a moment of examining it, Freakke gives the camera a wicked smile.
“You see my dear cretins, our first match up is a tag match with a real piece of work called Donzig in our corner and a pair of Time Travellers from space in the other. I know right? Real Doc Brown stuff going on. Dark Stars might be able to travel time and space, but for those of you have been with us for a while you know we’ve been around the block ourselves. I fought a vampire and a werewolf. Met Bigfoot. I’ve been to that hellish alternate dimension known as Iowa. Hell, I saved Santa Claus with a pair of dudes who kidnapped me on a weekly basis across a twelve episode miniseries.”
He raised an eyebrow cuz yeah that happened.
“Now I might just be a small town clown with no education on the theories and math of time travel but I have watched a lot of Futurama so I’m basically an expert on the subject. I even built my own time machine.”
A cardboard box with the words ‘Time Machine’ are slid into view.
“As it is untested, I shall have to send a brave and noble volunteer into it to see what happens.”
He then reached down out of view. When he stood back up, there was a teddy bear with a space helmet and a go pro strapped to its chest.
“God Speed Lieutenant Doodle.”
Freakke dropped the teddy bear into the seemingly ordinary box. As the bear disappeared a horrifying display of colored lights and screeching noises emitted from it. Slowly, the horror of what he has done to that poor bear dawns on the clown. A few moments after the box settled down he gently nudged it back off screen.
“Well...I now have to write a condolence letter to Mrs. Doodle. That was uhh...lets never speak of this again.”
He takes a moment to reset himself and then he smiles at the camera as if nothing happened.
“Time travelers or not, Not Glenn Danzig and I will be making the Dark Stars work for it in the ring on May 11th. While I can’t say much for Donzig I can assure you one thing Kono and Niko. I am bugshit crazy. Full blown Jack Nicholson in the Shining nuts. We might not know each other well right now but I’m sure by the end of that night, you’ll know why they call the Carnival King the High Flying, Psycho Diving, Mad Clown Disease of the Wrestling World.”
“As for you Donzig, my tag partner. Well, after speaking with you a handful of times, I’m positive whatever comes from our collaboration will be interesting. You, as I have learned from your attempts to explain paradoxes are at least a learned man and I’m sure will have a great many insights that I can only imagine will be perfectly valid and not insane and laughable. I think we’re gonna get along like two lunatics in the madhouse. Again to make a Jack Nicholson reference, maybe like the whackos in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.”
“Ya know, my dear Cretins, just based on this first match we got. I’ve got a really good feeling about being in Nor-”
He was smirking wildly at the camera before being distracted by the flashing lights and otherworldly terrifying lights return.
“My gods what have I-”
BAP!
A singed and roughed up Lieutenant Doodle slammed into Freakke’s face. Surprised and happy with this revelation, the Carnival King squeezed the stuffed astronaut tightly.
“Lieutenant Doodle! You’re alive! It's a miracle! IT'S A MIRACLE!”
Overjoyed but being professional, Freakke set the returned Doodle on a pedestal behind him.
“Folks this is glorious! Ima go get the champagne. I’ll be right back!”
The Carnival King rushed off to the right and out of view.
Leaving only Lieutenant Doodle.
…
…
…
And the alien now trying to burst free from his stuffed chest.
Freakke is standing there rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“You’re telling me these guys are from the future. That we are going against a tag team of legit time travellers and that they’ve been doing some hardcore gladiatorial fighting in space and shit. That’s some strange bullshit to start with. Like, why are we not having them answer science questions? Glenn, tell me I’m not wrong.”
The camera pans over to reveal a cutout of a young Glenn Danzig.
“I mean, with time travel, Glenn Danzig as my tag partner makes sense. I mean the dude was jacked back in the day.”
Off camera chatter.
“Not Danzig?”
More off camera chatter.
“Donzig?”
Confirmation.
“Ahh…”
Freakke smiles nervously at the camera before knocking over the cardboard cutout.
“HEY HEY THERE CRETINS AND MISCREANTS! We’re back, now in a new show. Yeah, that’s right, we’re here with Northern Pro Wrestling now. I know we’re all gonna miss the nCw but it's time to move on. We’ve got more wrestling and nonsense in us and my word are we not ready to hang it up yet.”
He shifts to look around to the set. It's a simple room with a black cloth backdrop. After a moment of examining it, Freakke gives the camera a wicked smile.
“You see my dear cretins, our first match up is a tag match with a real piece of work called Donzig in our corner and a pair of Time Travellers from space in the other. I know right? Real Doc Brown stuff going on. Dark Stars might be able to travel time and space, but for those of you have been with us for a while you know we’ve been around the block ourselves. I fought a vampire and a werewolf. Met Bigfoot. I’ve been to that hellish alternate dimension known as Iowa. Hell, I saved Santa Claus with a pair of dudes who kidnapped me on a weekly basis across a twelve episode miniseries.”
He raised an eyebrow cuz yeah that happened.
“Now I might just be a small town clown with no education on the theories and math of time travel but I have watched a lot of Futurama so I’m basically an expert on the subject. I even built my own time machine.”
A cardboard box with the words ‘Time Machine’ are slid into view.
“As it is untested, I shall have to send a brave and noble volunteer into it to see what happens.”
He then reached down out of view. When he stood back up, there was a teddy bear with a space helmet and a go pro strapped to its chest.
“God Speed Lieutenant Doodle.”
Freakke dropped the teddy bear into the seemingly ordinary box. As the bear disappeared a horrifying display of colored lights and screeching noises emitted from it. Slowly, the horror of what he has done to that poor bear dawns on the clown. A few moments after the box settled down he gently nudged it back off screen.
“Well...I now have to write a condolence letter to Mrs. Doodle. That was uhh...lets never speak of this again.”
He takes a moment to reset himself and then he smiles at the camera as if nothing happened.
“Time travelers or not, Not Glenn Danzig and I will be making the Dark Stars work for it in the ring on May 11th. While I can’t say much for Donzig I can assure you one thing Kono and Niko. I am bugshit crazy. Full blown Jack Nicholson in the Shining nuts. We might not know each other well right now but I’m sure by the end of that night, you’ll know why they call the Carnival King the High Flying, Psycho Diving, Mad Clown Disease of the Wrestling World.”
“As for you Donzig, my tag partner. Well, after speaking with you a handful of times, I’m positive whatever comes from our collaboration will be interesting. You, as I have learned from your attempts to explain paradoxes are at least a learned man and I’m sure will have a great many insights that I can only imagine will be perfectly valid and not insane and laughable. I think we’re gonna get along like two lunatics in the madhouse. Again to make a Jack Nicholson reference, maybe like the whackos in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.”
“Ya know, my dear Cretins, just based on this first match we got. I’ve got a really good feeling about being in Nor-”
He was smirking wildly at the camera before being distracted by the flashing lights and otherworldly terrifying lights return.
“My gods what have I-”
BAP!
A singed and roughed up Lieutenant Doodle slammed into Freakke’s face. Surprised and happy with this revelation, the Carnival King squeezed the stuffed astronaut tightly.
“Lieutenant Doodle! You’re alive! It's a miracle! IT'S A MIRACLE!”
Overjoyed but being professional, Freakke set the returned Doodle on a pedestal behind him.
“Folks this is glorious! Ima go get the champagne. I’ll be right back!”
The Carnival King rushed off to the right and out of view.
Leaving only Lieutenant Doodle.
…
…
…
And the alien now trying to burst free from his stuffed chest.