Thursday Night Inferno, Episode #8 [May 6th]
May 6, 2021 22:26:47 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 2 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on May 6, 2021 22:26:47 GMT -5
The arena is dark. A single figure appears at the top of the ramp, obscured by a cloak. The shadowed figure raises a hand, revealing a simple Zippo lighter, which the figure strikes, creating a ring of light against the darkness. The figure's face is revealed as Vodka Fizz, dressed as ever in a mind-bogglingly stupid manner.
Vodka: Fire's pretty cool, right? A single point of light can be used to cook a meal, or warm your family. A single flame can express delight, can be held as a torch to show solidarity with your fellow man.
Voddy holds the lighter above his head, waving it like he's at a concert.
Vodka: A single point of light, can be your bastion against the darkness. But if it's a single point, that little flame can seem like it isn't very much. But what about a thousand points of light? What about ten thousand?
Voddy snaps his fingers and, in unison, all around the arena other lighters flare to life, casting the warm light of flickering flame across the arena.
Vodka: Nothing is stronger than all of us when we stand together. Ladies, Gentlemen, remember that without those points of light from you, no single one of us has the power to light up this arena, even if Misha Constantine likes to pretend he does. Without you, there is no Fireside. Tonight, and every night, this is for all of you!
The crowd roars, and Voddy tosses his lighter into the bowl. The lights come up as the ceremonial flame roars to life.
Vodka: Enjoy the show, folks! I'm gonna go order a pizza!
The ceremony done, Vodka Fizz leaves the stage.
We go backstage where Shane Locke stands, bouncing slowly on the balls of his feet, attired in his wrestling gear with a blue and grey sleeveless flannel shirt over his strong torso and his ever present worn to all hells John Deere cap perched upon his head. A A nameless backstage interviewer, though Fireside promises to fix that ASAP!, stands to his right.
Interviewer: Shane Locke, tonight you make your Fireside debut in explosive fashion, taking on fellow new signee Jaice Wilds and the always dangerous Mistress Discipline in a Triple Threat for the Spark Championship. This is your debut match, the pressure must be massive!
Locke stares at the ground during the question, looming over the interviewer who I can't describe. He smirks, chuckling to himself.
Shane Locke: Fireside Wrestling. Spark Championship. Two veterans of the sport. One, Jaice Wilde, has been around forever, champ in every company, working in front of thousands over and over, headlining over and over. Mistress Discipline, the champ. As tough a bundle as they come. I'm bigger. Sure. I'm stronger. Sure. But their experience is something else and I'll be damned if I can experience it one day myself.
But... interviewer person...
Yes, he's awkward saying that, wishing they'd introduce themselves.
... you want pressure?
He lifts up what appears to be a small photo, tapping it against his palm.
Shane Locke: This right here is pressure. You know what this is? It's the picture from my wife's ultrasound. It's our fourth kid. Our fourth. You want pressure? Feed a fifth person. Make some money so you can buy yet another crib, yet another car seat, yet more diapers, yet, yet, yet. Fighting's easy. Hell, I can't wait to let some pressure loose here tonight in my debut at Fireside and whoop the living crap out of these two. Boy oh boy... the Lord up above knows I need to let a bit loose.
So I'm going to. I won't apologize for it either. Daddy's got a fat wife and a bunch of hungry mouth's to feed and ain't no Jaice Wilde or Mistress Discipline gonna stop me.
And with that... he's out.
Interviewer:: Shane Locke, making his debut... right now!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the Fireside Spark Championship! Introducing first...
The first guitar chords hit. Then that voice leading into "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr hits over the PA. Almost immediately, pacing in tune with the music is a tall, strongly structured gentleman. He has simple green trunks with double yellow vertical stripes on each side. Black knee pads and tall black boots finish off the simple wrestling ensemble.
Stanford: Hailing from Eugene, Oregon standing 6'3" and weighing in at 228lbs, this is... SHANE LOCKE!
Locke wastes little time heading to the ring, not bothering with exchaning high fives, not bothering with jibes, simply keeping an eye on the ring. Locke's reddish-brown mullet is capped with a heavily worn John Deere cap and his strong looking but not necessarily "jacked" frame is wrapped with a sleeveless flannel work shirt. He has a thick neck, wide chest and back, body hair evident. He has a frame powered by a lifetime of hard work rather then a gym. His forearms as especially think, capped with gnarled, thick hands and fingers.
He takes no time to hit the steps and walk on in, wiping his boots on the apron before stepping in and heading right to his corner. He discards his shirt, throwing it to the side, taking off his hat with some reverence.
The opening chords of “UltraNUMB” by Blu Stahli fills the arena as the lights go dark. Several flashes of blue and green lights illuminate various parts of the arena and entrance ramp to the beat of the song, all stopping with a cascade falling at the top center as Blue Stahli screams…
YOU WANT IT ALL RIGHT NOW!!!
At this point, the fans begin roaring as Jaice Wilds is spotted on a platform a few feet above the ramp. He raises his arms into an X, taking a moment to watch the crowd respond in kind before…
3! 2! 1!
Wilds flips forward off the platform, landing superhero style on the ramp below. He looks up, removing the hood from his face and tossing his shades into the crowd. He starts down the ramp, taking some time to slap random fives and bump fists.
You want it full frontal, over-stimulation
So say a benediction, For a new addiction
In voyeuristic overdrive
(Here comes the countdown)
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring!!
(Three)
This is the new flesh
Stanford: From Puerto Vehlo, Brazil; weighing in at one hundred and eighty-four pounds!
(Two)
This is the open door
(One)
We've got everything you wanted…
Stanford: He is the Inevitable! JAICE! WIIIIIIIILLLLLLDSSSS!!!
Wilds stops at the bottom of the ramp, taking in a deep breath and signing the rosarie before launching forward, corkscrewing himself to fly between the top and middle ring ropes and rolling to his feet once inside the ring. He looks to each side of the ring, the fans on their feet as he heads for a turnbuckle.
You want it all right now (ULTRAnumb)
Right now
(Three, two, one)
Violated, So degraded
The show has just begun
(Three, two, one)
Dominated, By all you hated
This will make you ULTRAnumb
(Three, two, one)
Wilds nods to the crowd, throwing up the X as the fans chant "X-Treme!" to their hero. He drops to the mat, running up to each remaining turnbuckle and repeating the taunt as the crowd continues to roar in approval.
Finally, "The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse.
Stanford: Finally, making her way to the ring, from Raleigh, North Carolina and weighing in at 200 pounds... She is the Firseide Spark Champion.... MISTRESS DISCIPLIIIIINE!!
Mistress Discipline marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She hands her title belt to the referee before she steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms.
Wright: There we go, now our headsets are working, welcome to FIRESIDE!
Park: A killer triple threat match to open the show! Mistress Discipline is looking to close on her second step to earning a world championship match, but standing in her way is a world-traveled Jaice Wilds and the determined farmhand Shane Locke!
The bell rings and the fans are already chanting for Mistress Discipline. Chaos ensues from the beginning with all three competitors punching and shoving each other. Wilds goes to punch Mistress Discipline, but she counters into a crossface early, only for Wilds to roll through. They trade chops and Wilds goes to whip Mistress Discipline, but Mistress Discipline reverses the whip sending Wilds careening into Locke, who turns and leads Wilds into the ring post.
Park: Yikes. Farm boy just made 'the Inevitable' eat pole.
Wright: Is there really no other way you can put that?
Locke hauls Wilds up off the mat and then hurls the smaller man out of the ring to the floor. He turns his attention to Mistress Discipline, who wastes no time in locking up with the challenger. The remaining two wrestlers have a nice technical exchange with a headlock takeover into an attempt at the Suspension, but it looks like Locks has scouted the champion too well, and he reverses the move into a small package.
Wright: Locke might have this in the bag!
..ONE..
..TWO..
..Mistress Discipline kicks out!!
Locke looks frustrated, but is quick to his feet. He gets to his feet and picks up Discipline, who fights out of an attempt at a belly to back suplex. Mistress counters with a hard knee to the abdomen and follows up with a piledriver and a pin attempt, but Jaice Wilds breaks up the pin before the referee can start the count with a dropkick to the side of the champion's head.
Wright: Just when you think he's out, the Inevitable one reminds everyone he's still in this match!
Wilds pulls Mistress to her feet, locking up into a side headlock and then leaps over the ropes, dropping the champ throat first on the top rope. Mistress manages totar on her feet, but wilds grabs her ankles and pulls the champions feet out from under her. Mistress Discipline is a bit slow to react after being dropped throat first on the ropes, which gives Wilds the time to get back on the apron, and the Inevitable one nails the champion with a springboard moonsault. Before he can attempt the pin, Locke grabs Wilds and and annihilates him with a Bale Toss. Locke goes for a pin attempt of his own.
..ONE..
..TWO...
..THRE-
Just before the ref can count three, Mistress Discipline breaks up the pin!
Park: MD just saved her title reign by a hair.
Wright: She must be feeling the pressure tonight!
Both Locke and Wilds are down. Mistress attacks Locke with several knees, then locks him into a choke sleeper. The good old boy fights back, slamming Mistress back into the the turnbuckle. She refuses to let go of the sleeper, so he rams her back again, and then a third time. Finally Mistress eases off on the pressure, and Locke snapmares her onto the mat. He locks in a side headlock of his own, following up with several vicious, closed fist strikes to the champs head.
Wright: In most matches, closed-fist strikes like that would be enough to get you disqualified.
Park: But this is a triple threat match, Ollie. That means there's no disqualifications.
Locke seems to be finding his groove now as he press his attack on the champion. He drives a knee into Mistress Discipline's back, knocking the wind out of the champion, then shoves her face first to the mat to hook up the bully choke. He almost has it locked in when out of nowhere, Wilds comes off the top turnbuckle to drill Locke with a tornado DDT! Wilds goes for the pin while Mistress is still recovering from being pummeled by the farm boy.
..ONE...
..TWO..
KICKOUT!
Wright: Shane Locke still has some gas left in the tank!
Park: The good ol' boy has made his mark on the champion, but the Inevitable is a different story.
Locke uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet while Wilds climbs the turnbuckle again. The Inevitable leaps off the top to try foranother DDT but Locke is expecting it this time and catches Wilds, reversing the move into a twisting belly-to-belly suplex!
Wright: Looks like Wilds went to the well one too many times!
Park: He went for what worked before, but it looks like Shane Locke has both opponents well scouted in this match.
Locke mounts on Wild and rains blows down on the smaller man. Wilds tries to protect himself, so Locke grabs his throat and presses down into the mat, trying to choke Wilds out.
Wright: Shane Locke is choking the life out of Jaice Wilds!
Just when it looks like Wilds is starting to fade and the referee might end the match, Mistress Discipline makes the save with a running Big Boot that catches Locke right in the point of the chin. The good ol' boy looks like he might have been knocked cold, but Mistress chooses to pin the prone Wilds instead.
..ONE..
..TWO..
Locke breaks up the pin!
Wright: Shane Locke is still in this!
Park: MD shouldn't have gone for the easy pin, and she should have made sure Locke was done.
The crowd chants for Mistress Discipline as he brawls with Locke. Mistress Discipline whips Locke but he counters into a backdrop driver, which Mistress Discipline counters into a crossface. Locke tries to fight out but can’t. Mistress manages to lock in the Suspension!
Wright: Locke has nowhere to go!
Park: There's one more man in this match, Oliver!
Just when it looks like Locke is going to tap, Wilds breaks the submission with a running. The damage is done, and it looks like Locke might be out of it. Wilds and Mistress Discipline get up and Wilds nails a pele kick on Mistress Discipline. He follows it up with a sling blade attempt, but Mistress Discipline counters into a side slam. Mistress hauls up Wilds and sets up for the powerbomb, but Wilds manages to roll through into a hurricanrana. Wilds is first to his feet and blasts the champion with the Xtreme Dream!!!
Wright: Xtreme Dream to the champion! If Wilds can capitalize this match is over!
Park: Shane Locke needs to get it together!
Rather than go for the pin, Wilds goes up top, obviously intending to add insult to injury. He leaps off the ropes but Shane Locke appears out of nowhere to catch the smaller man. He adjust his position into a bearhug, then fires Wilds headfiirst into the mat with a release german suplex.
Wright: Locke drops Wilds right on the top of his head! The Inevitable has to be done after that!
Park: We might have a new champion!
Before Locke can go for a pin, Mistress Discipline grabs him from behind and hooks up the Detention! She falls back to the mat and it looks like it's over!
Wright: There's no Jaice Wilds to save him this time! If Locke can't find some way to break the hold, Mistress Discipline has this match won!
Locke tries to reach for the ropes, but he can't get enough leverage to drag himself and the Amazonian Mistress Discipline anywhere. Through pure brute force of will, Locke manages to get to his feet. Mistress seems intent on choking Locke out and refuses to release the hold, even when Locke roll forward to slam her on top of Wilds in a modified Rolling Samoan slam. Somehow Locke is the first to his feet and before Mistress Discipline has time to recover he throws her into the ropes and nails another Bale Toss on top of Jaice Wilds.
Wright: Locke is on fire!
Park: The good ol' boy adds insult to injury with a big Bale Toss on the SPARK champion!
Locke drags Mistress on top of Jaice and goes for the pinfall.
..ONE..
..TWO..
..THREE!!!!
The referee calls for the bell! Shane looks stunned, but he takes the belt from the referee when it is offered to him, hugging it to his chest.
Stanford: The winner of the match, and the NEW FIRESIDE SPARK CHAMPION.... SHAAAAAANE LOOOOOOOCKE!!!!
Locke's music starts to play as the new champion lies on his back in the ring, hugging the belt to himself. Mistress Discipline looks incensed, sitting in the corner of the ring with a frown on her face. The referee checks on Wilds, who still isn't moving and calls out the ring medic to help the smaller man out.
Wright: A truly dominant first-showing from the self-proclaimed 'Good Old Boy' Shane Locke! I'm looking forward to seeing what he does next.
Park: Speaking of what's next, Mistress Discipline must be furious. If she'd won this match, she would have had a guaranteed title shot. Kind of a disappointing end to an impressive run.
Wright: Too right. And speaking of impressive, I certainly hope we see more of Jaice Wilds.
Park: The parts of the match where he wasn't getting tossed around like a basketball were pretty fun to watch. He has a bright future ahead of him.
Wright: It sounds like, for once we agree. An incredible match sets the tone for the evening. I, for one, am excited to see what's next!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and it is a Tag Team Match in which the winning team of contenders will be the first in line to fight for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships at the next Inferno!
The crowd cheers excitedly.
Stanford: Introducing first, they are the special guest commentators for this match, and the current FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, they are ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville and President Curtis Kanyon, they are Team USA!
A mash up of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a a front flip and lands in the modern super hero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into in succession away from the men as they are in pose. Donny springing forth and flips his way down the ramp, each one adding more twists than the last, finally landing perfectly. Curtis walks nonchalantly behind and gives Donny a thumbs up with his free hand at the finish. Donny jumps up to the apron and pulls the ropes down, using them to launch himself on top before moonsaulting off of them, again landing in that hero pose. As he does, Curtis rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, then points to the crowd with his hammer before hoisting it straight up into the air, and yells "BANG!" The two men finish posing and walk up to the commentators’ table, rudely ejecting Unjoo Park and Oliver Wright from their seats.
Kanyon: Get out of here jerks! You make me miss the days of Jerry Lawler.
Deville: So Mr. President, how do you feel about holding so much gold Fort Knox would be jealous?
Kanyon: it's a good feeling. Great to be back. But then, I'm a Kanyon, we're kind of used to it.
Deville: Haha, well let’s see who thinks they are even on our level.
Kanyon: I love me some delusion.
Stanford: And now for the participants… first, weighing a combined 422 pounds, they are the team of Joe Nobody and “The Gladiator” Andrew Daniels, they are INFIIIIINITEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The camera zooms into Nobody's face who smirks and adjusts his tie before making his way to the ring. Andrew Daniels follows close behind. Nobody hands his fedora off before getting in the ring. The two men are ready to go.
Deville: These two look eager to cement themselves as elite. But let’s be honest thats a hill isn’t it?
Kanyon: That um… yeah, that is definitely a hill. And they are not wearing climbing gear.
Deville: Haha, right you are. Let’s see the rejects ready to take on the challenge though.
Stanford: And introducing their opponents…
The lights cut out and an ominous drumbeat begins to pound. As it crescendos, pyro erupts and a spotlight hits on Misha Contantine and Johnny Five, as a mash up of 'I Got 5 On It' and 'In The Name Of God' hits the speakers.
They head down the ramp, Five gleefully flexing and jawing with fans, as Misha is laser focused on the ring.
Both men slide into the ring, Johnny posing on the turnbuckles as Misha kips up in the center of the ring, ignoring the audience studiously.
Deville: I don’t know what’s worse. A team that’s never did anything in the network or a team who is trying to prove something against some randos.
Kanyon: I don't know any of these people. But to be fair, I'm a few sheets to the wind, been drinking margaritas all day to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, so I'm seeing eight of them.
Deville: Uh, that was yesterday.
Kanyon: Hey it's yesterday somewhere!
The arrogant-as-ever Misha Constantine ignores the booing crowd and the hostile commentators at ringside, electing to begin the match for his team. After a quick game of rock-paper-scissors, Joe Nobody elects to start the match for INFINITE. The bell rings and the match is on with Misha immediately using his speed to navigate away from his opponent, forcing Nobody to come across the ring and into the corner, where Constantine uses the numbers game to trap him against the turnbuckles and immediately tag in Johnny Five.
Deville: Great tream work here partner, something we know all about!
Kanyon: Hell yeah we do! *sips margarita*
Constantine keeps Nobody pinned against the turnbuckles as Johnny Five stomps away and the referee begins her count! The crowd boos loudly!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Misha Constantine finally abandons the turnbuckle trap, leaving the novice Johnny Five in the ring to fend for himself against the one-night FIRESIDE Tag Team Champion. Five methodically picks up his opponent and whips him against the ropes before connecting on a forceful clothesline that knocks Joe Nobody back down to the mat below. The crowd boos as Five locks on a stiff side headlock, drawing a negative reaction from the crowd once again as Constantine cheers for his partner.
Deville: Johnny in firm control, just like we’re in full control of the network!
Kanyon: Well, he is facing a Nobody! BA HA HA HA!
The tide of the match begins to turn as Joe Nobody climbs back up to his feet, firing off lefts and rights into the gut of his opponent to create some separation. Johnny finally frees himself and bounces off the ropes, only to go tumbling to the outside, courtesy of Constantine holding down the top rope! The crowd lets him hear it as the referee scolds him.
...ONE…
Deville: He better be more careful, other referee’ counts might have been faster!
Kanyon: *loud slurp.* What happened now?
The count immediately resets as Johnny Five leaves the ring, but he’s right in line of sight of one of FIRESIDE’s latest signings, Andrew Daniels. Daniels gets between Five and Nobody, daring Five to take a swing at him. Misha Constantine’s bodyguard doesn’t immediately oblige, but the confrontation opens up all three men to a tope suicida from the Self Made God, taking the whole group to the floor!
Deville: Shades of Donny! I would have done the same thing myself.
Kanyon: Hey that's copyright infringement! Only I steal moves!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE…
Deville: Is the action going to return to the ring?
Kanyon: Excuse me, waiter, another Strawberry margarita please!
Deville: Curtis, that's the time keeper.
Kanyon: I'm a former President, everyone is my waiter.
Eventually, Johnny Five is the first one back to his feet, but as he tries to get back into the ring to reset the count, he finds that Joe Nobody is also back up and ready to take more punishment. Nobody grabs Five by the foot and forcibly pulls him back out to ringside before delivering a hard russian legsweep right on the floor!
...ONE!
Joe Nobody ignores the count of the referee as he continues to inflict punishment for the first time in the match, stomping down on his opponent’s shoulders as the referee makes sure Daniels and Constantine return to their corners. Nobody even goes as far as to dislodge the steel steps, leaving the step that’s still attached to the ringpost open as a prime and painful landing spot for a big move.
...TWO!
Deville: Holy hell! Nobody is looking serious here!
Kanyon: Yeah, almost like a tag team champion there… almost, but not quite. Sucker.
Nobody stomps down on his opponent one more time before dragging him over to the step… he then decides to put Five’s hand in between the step and the ringpost! The crowd boos as Nobody backs up, ready to sandwich Five’s hand between the steel…
...THREE!
....Nobody charges forward, but Five manages to pull his hand out at the last moment! Nobody accidentally kicks the step and grabs his leg in pain, leaving Five the opportunity to step up on the remaining step and fire away a few kicks before delivering his running enziguri, the Tenderization!
Deville: Is this the moment that separate the losers from the contenders?
Kanyon: What about chicken tenders? *drinks more margarita.*
Deville: I didn't even see someone bring that!
Kanyon: Presidential favors my boy.
...FOUR!
...FIVE!
Johnny Five gets back up to his feet and grabs Joe Nobody off the ground, rolling him into the ring. The referee drops down to make her count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Andrew Daniels breaks the count from the apron!
Deville: And just like that Daniels finally proves his worth!
Kanyon: Yeah, do it Jack Daniels!
The crowd cheers as Andrew Daniels and Johnny Five have another staredown, with Daniels taunting Five, trying to manipulate him into letting Joe Nobody make a tag. Misha Constantine yells across the ring at his bodyguard to stop arguing and come over and tag him in instead, but it’s much too late, as Five seemingly adds insult to injury, picking up Nobody and forcing his hand in tagging in Daniels.
Daniels immediately makes Johnny Five regret his decisions, punking him with a hard throat thrust that leaves him gagging for air. Daniels whips Five into the corner and explodes into a body splash, sandwiching his opponent against the turnbuckles before grabbing him and sending him into the opposite corner for a repeat performance. Five is left stumbling and rumbling out of the corner before comedically falling flat on his face. Daniels goes for the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Johnny Five kicks out!
Deville: Wow! I am certainly impressed. This mechanic found a way!
Kanyon: JOHNNY NUMBER FIVE! Remember that movie? That dude doing Indian face… that did not age well.
Constantine actively has his arm outstretched, yelling and pleading for Five to get his ass across the ring to make a tag. Daniels looks over him and pulls his best Mutombo, waving his finger to reject the notion as he waits for Five to make it back to his feet. He grabs Five and plants him with his DDT, the Sparta-cussion!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Misha Constantine breaks the count!
Deville: And now it’s Constantine refusing to lay under the lights! I’m telling ya former president, these people are eager to lose to us!
Kanyon: Zzzzzz…
Deville: Ummm… *mocks Kanyon’s voice* "They sure are Donny!"
The crowd boos as referee Melanie Davenport scolds Misha. He backs away with his hands up, back into his corner, before throwing his corner’s middle turnbuckle at Andrew Daniels! The padding obviously doesn’t hurt, but it’s enough to distract both the referee and the former MCCW wrestler!
Johnny Five takes advantage, sneaking up from behind and locking in his version of a spinning full nelson into a full nelson slam, Rolled Up and Smoked! The crowd boos but Five is too drained to go for the cover!
Both men are down! They begin to crawl towards their corners, with Nobody and Constantine both stretching their arms out and doing their best to help their partners, but in the end, the Self-Made God is the first one to receive the tag! He immediately cuts Daniels off of Joe Nobody by running across the ring and jumping on the second rope, delivering his spin kick, Undyne’s Spear to Nobody!
Deville: SPEAR. SPEAR. SPEAR!
Kanyon: Huh, wha-- copyright infringement! *lays back down on the table.*
Misha Constantine concentrates on Andrew Daniels, immediately coming crashing back with a handspring cartwheel moonsault! The agile and arrogant former world champion locks the wrists of Daniels and begins stomping away on the man’s head, drawing the ire of the crowd and the attention of the referee! He releases the hold, but the man is fired up and ready to go! He climbs up to the top rope!
Deville: What’s going to happen here? Is it going to be as impressive as what I could do, or an embarrassment?
Kanyon: No one -hic- can do what -hic- what you do buddy...
He leaps off the top rope, delivering a diving European Uppercut! He hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Daniels kicks out!
Deville: Impressive! The referee actually makes the right call!
Kanyon: Yes, I would like to call for more margarita.
Deville: I think you've had enough.
Kanyon: I'll tell you… zzzzz
Constantine bangs on the mat in frustration, knowing he’ll have to dig down a bit deeper to pick up the victory. He whisks himself up to the top rope, originally looking for his shooting star senton, the Irae Dei, before ditching the impulse to instead run across the top rope, looking to come down hard with the Orbital Strike!
Daniels gets his knees up! Constantine crumbles in a heap of pain as the Ohioan hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Constantine kicks out!
Deville: Back and forth we go, yet Constantine manages to once again persevere!
Kanyon: I gotta… I gotta say, you are out here being professional as ever, and I'm here trying to ruin Caffrey’s show. You truly are the best of us.
Deville: Aw, thanks man.
The crowd is on their feet, rallying behind the new team as Daniels is already up and ready to put Constantine away. Constantine stumbles back up to his feet and Johnny Five somehow gets a miracle tag on him that the referee registers, but Constantine is caught for the ride, being yeeted up and over into Daniels’ german suplex known as the Suplexus Maximus, except the ref is out of position, ultimately getting clocked by Constantine’s falling body! Constantine ultimately falls to the outside of the ring!
Deville: WHAT AN IMPACT! WE NEED TO SEE THAT AGAIN!
Kanyon: Rolls it in the truck bitches! *loud slurp*
Deville: Another one?
Kanyon: PRESIDENTIAL FAVORS!
The replay shows that Five did get the tag, but the referee is down and out after having Constantine accidentally thrown into her. The crowd looks around, knowing some shenanigans are at hand as Joe Nobody comes back into the ring, looking to plant Five with the Denial of Perfection, but Five responds by raising him onto his shoulders and dropping him with his Burning Hammer, the Fuck Yo Neck!
Three men and the referee are down on the inside of the ring, and one man is down on the outside as the fans have not only stayed on their feet, but also turned their attention to the entrance ramp! Someone is running down the ramp!
Deville: What’s going on here?!
Kanyon: Now I'm seeing ten. Maybe I do need to lay off the 'ritas.
The crowd roars as it’s MYOJIN! He scales the ropes, then nails his imploding 450 splash, the Falling from Heaven, right onto Johnny Five, getting revenge on Five and Divine one more time! He goes to celebrate, but the referee is finally getting back to her feet! He rolls outside of the ring instead as Daniels covers!
Deville: Bullshit! What the hell is Myojin doing here?
Kanyon: Mjolnir is here! Am I finally worthy mighty Thor!? COME TO ME HAMMER!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Stanford: Here are your winners, fighting Team USA at next Inferno for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships, Joe Nobody and “The Gladiator” Andrew Daniels, they are INFIIIIINITEEEEEEEEEEEE!
To add insult to injury, MYOJIN plants Misha with his jumping corkscrew roundhouse kick Love, From Osaka, before he even realizes what’s happened!
Deville: This is disgusting. Fireside should be embarrassed. Where is security?
Kanyon: I HAVE THE POOOOWWWWERRR!
Deville: Regardless folks I think me and the former president better make our dominance known!
Donny pulls Kanyon up and makes him lean on him while he puts a title in Kanyon’s already raised but totally empty hand. Donny then grabs one of his titles and they hold them up high at the commentators table in a defiant manner. INFINTE look on, ready for their future fight with Team USA.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following triple threat match is for entry into Battle of the Best! Whoever wins will be entered into the grand tournament!
The crowd cheers!
Stanford: Introducing first, from Hamburg, Germany, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is ‘Das Blitzkind’, you know him as OTTTTTOOOO RITTTTTTTTTERRRRRRRRR!
The opening riff begins to play as lights flicker off and on. We pan across the venue as the song continues. The opening words begin as we see Otto come out from the back. He walks up to the stage before pausing and surveying the venue. He walks down the ring with his hands behind his back, walking around the ring as the chaotic instrumentals blare over the speaker. He walks up the steps and onto the apron before wiping his feet and entering the holy land. He takes a step into the middle of the ring before pointing up a finger to the sky and mouthing something in german.
Wright: Otto Ritter has had a bit of a difficult time in FIRESIDE since coming up short against Esmur for the world championship, and tonight’s his chance to right the ship.
Park: He lost the first qualifier against Zolothach, and as we get closer and closer to June, his chance of missing the show completely grows. But if he can come out on top in this triple threat, you can’t count him out of the tourney.
Stanford: And his opponent, from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is FIRESIDE’s party animal, he is VODKAAA FIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ!
The lights go down and blacklights come up, bathing the stage in purple. A hard, grungy bassline starts to play.
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
The bass gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and anover-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp..
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Wright: Quickly becoming a veteran of no disqualification matches around FIRESIDE, Vodka Fizz has a chance to show off and show out tonight in addition to punching his ticket.
Park: He’s also dealing with the loss of a tag team partner as he no longer has Jonnie at his side, but there are rumors he’ll be working with Jonnie’s son.
Wright: Jonnie’s son, who tonight anyway, is in an opposing corner.
Stanford: And finally, to introduce the last participant in this match, please welcome, your friend and mine, GREEEGGG THE ASSSISTANT!
Greg the Assistant brushes off his suit and takes the house microphone from the old veteran.
Greg the Assistant: Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Thursday Night Inferno! Regardless of its place on the card, this is Your Main Event Of The Evening. It is a Triple Threat Qualifier For The Best of the Best.
Evan Valentine Jr.'s disembodied voice comes over the PA, "Yo, Keeping It 200..." then Evan's own theme song "Evansent" plays, Evan comes out to his own music and lifts his hands up and down trying to get the crowd to jump up and down. He confidently strides down to the ring, then pauses/
Greg the Assistant: Ladies and Gentleman, at this time, Evan Valentine Jr. would like you to turn your attention to the aisle as he demonstrates...The Pimp Walk!"
The Philly fans pop as Valentine Jr. does a signature pimp walk for his last few steps to the ring. As the song continues to play, like his father, Evan picks out a couple of fans to lip sync along to "Evansent" He points at one guy who lip syncs " ...You know I got this, I put you in the ground like Olympia Dukakis" and another girl who lip syncs "...they know I'm the best, I got more hits than a TNA drug test."
Greg The Assistant: Hailing from the Mean Streets of Luxury, Palm Springs, California; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 228 pounds; He is The Next Generation of Valentine Dominance; He is the Dawn of a New Era; Cancel The Tournament Because He is Already The Best of the Best...EVAN VALENTINE Jr.!!!"
Wright: You know, you have to hand it to the Valentines… they know how to enter a ring. Evan has wrestled elsewhere before I do believe, but this is his FIRESIDE debut, and tonight he’s against two wrestlers who have really proven themselves.
Park: I wonder what his dad has told him about Fizz, if anything. After this match is over, will we see them be the allies we’re expecting?
The bell rings and the match is underway with Evan Valentine, his father’s son if anyone, immediately leaving the ring to try to grab a weapon of some sort in an attempt to have the match descend into a full bloodfest as quickly as possible. He lifts up the ring skirt and goes digging around for something to inflict pain and punishment as Otto Ritter tries to connect on an early rendition of his trademark running knee strike into a step-up axe kick. Ritter fires away, trying to catch Fizz off guard, but Fizz dodges the running knee by limboing under it before delivering an enziguri. He covers!
...ONE!
...NO! Ritter kicks out!
Wright: Valentine Junior could have lost this one without even getting a move off! What’s he looking for under there?
Park: I’m sure he’s checking for a cheese grater!
The fans pop as Evan slides a table out from under the ring, knowing the fans are big fans of the wooden instrument of destruction. He gets it back in between the ropes before settling on a measly steel chair, which catches the attention of Ritter. Ritter does his best to kick the chair away, knocking it out of Valentine’s hands. He fires off a german suplex to Valentine as well, forcibly throwing him over the ring ropes and onto the mat below!
Wright: It’s unusual we see the power of Ritter, but check out the height Evan got!
Park: If he got thrown any further, he might’ve hit the lights!
Ritter turns around right into a surprisingly vicious throat thrust from the party boy. Ritter ends up gasping for air as he slinks down into the corner, and Vodka uses this opportunity to get a running start off the ropes, before crashing down hard with a cannonball splash! The crowd cheers!
Wright: A different intensity for Fizz, you can tell he wants this one!
Park: He’s wanted them all in his career so far in FIRESIDE, doesn’t mean he always comes out on top!
Vodka Fizz is about to hit another move on Otto Ritter, but Evan yells for him to make way, which he surprisingly does. Evan charges forward, then hits his version of the Picture Perfect Dropkick, knocking Ritter out of the ring!
Wright: Like father, like son!
Park: They both like to get high and kick people in the face, and you could see it right there!
Wright: With Ritter temporarily out of this match though, what will happen between these two?
Fizz has come to this realization at about the same time as well, and you can tell even he isn’t quite sure. The two men have seemingly come to a pause before Fizz offers a hand for a test of strength. Valentine looks to the crowd, who seem surprisingly ready to cheer for anyone named Valentine, and the two men do finally engage in the test of strength. They battle like two forceful hogs with only eight pounds between them, neither willing to budge before finally Fizz is brought down to one knee, much to the approval of the crowd.
Wright: What are we seeing between these two?
Park: What do you mean? You’re seeing intense competition!
Valentine releasing the test of strength now that he’s won is a pretty good indicator that the competition between the two men is maybe not the most competitive in the world. Fizz has the idea to draw for rock paper scissors instead. The two men line up ready to go. The crowd somehow gets in on this, with referee Chris Mardinly officiating.
ROCK!
PAPER!
SCISSORS!
SHOOT!
Fizz throws paper, while Valentine throws rock!
Wright: There is a triple threat match for a Battle of the Best spot at stake here!
Park: Don’t you see what’s going on? They’re not going to hurt each other! Valentine must’ve pulled some strings to get the match set up this way!
Valentine Jr. insists on another go, but an angered German steps in and delivers a wicked running knee strike, knocking him down before immediately following with a step-up axe kick to Vodka Fizz!
Wright: A donnerndes Dröhnen der Bombardierung done two ways!
Park: Otto Ritter isn’t going to give up on this match, even if it does seem to be two-on-one! Here’s the cover on Valentine!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Vodka Fizz breaks the count!
Wright: Fizz saves the match for himself and Valentine right there!
Park: Neither man can go on to Battle of the Best if one of them loses here!
The frustration is clear on the face of Ritter as the spacing between himself and the two other man isn’t one of social distance but instead one indicating that the other two men are much closer than they originally appeared. Ritter looks for his opportunity to put away Fizz, but before he can do much, Evan Valentine Jr. unloads on a hard chair shot, immediately cutting Ritter open!
Wright: The numbers game may be too much for Ritter to overcome! It’s two on one and the other side also has a chair at their disposal!
Park: And a table!
The table comes back into play as Vodka Fizz works to set it up. If it wasn’t obvious before, it’s now blatantly obvious that the team is working together as Fizz lifts Ritter up for a suplex, and Evan Valentine Jr. finishes the combination by clearing his partner and dropkicking Ritter on the way down, sending him through the table!
Wright: An impressive tower-like maneuver from Fizz and Valentine!
Park: But only one of them can get the win here? Who’s it going to be?
As Valentine stays planted, covering Ritter’s shoulders on the mat, Fizz hooks the leg!
Wright: No! Can they do this?
Park: If the referee allows it, it’s brilliant! If both of them win, surely both of them get a spot!
Referee Chris Mardinly, clearly without an earpiece in, looks around, before finally settling on dropping to his knees for a count.
Wright: He’s counting!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Even the crowd is confused as they cheer and clap for the three count. The referee bends his head through the ropes to talk to the timekeeper and announcer Walter Stanford, who announces the result.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, your uh… winners… EVAN VALENTINE JR. AND VODKA FIZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The pair take their glory -- it’s unclear which one had truly outsmarted the system, but for now, anyway, both men have earned their spots into Battle of the Best.
Wright: I have my doubts on whether this one will stand, but for now, both Evan Valentine Jr. and Vodka Fizz have qualified for Battle of the Best!
Park: It’s a brilliant strategy!
Wright: Otto finds himself in danger of being on the outside looking in come tournament time, unable to come up with another victory! Will the streak continue?
Park: It’s not like this match was fair by any means -- if anything, we should maybe see an even more motivated Otto Ritter next show!
[img src="
" style="max-width:100%;" src="https://i.imgur.com/2wzFKIC.jpg"]Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a qualifier for the Best of the Best Tournament!
Rio Grande by Mezcaleros plays over the sound system as you hear the revs of the motorcycle as you see Daku ride out of the curtain and stops his Suzuki Harley style motorcycle that's got blue and black colours with his motorcycle club, The Cutting Blades name with a spider with knives all over it. Daku does his typical knife cut symbol with the fans booing him as he then continues to ride down to the ramp with flames coming out the side of the stage. He goes around once on his Suzuki bike before he stops it right on the right outside of the ramp and turns the engine off with placing his jacket onto it.
Stanford: Introducing first, from Hamamatsu, Japan, he is The Knife of Motorcycles.... DAKU SUUUZUUUKIIIIIII!
Daku slides into the ring and closes his eyes to show his necklace of a knife and a motorcycle on it and does his cutthroat signal before spreading his arms. Daku then opens his eyes and takes off his necklace and drops it on the floor as Daku holds onto the ropes, looking at the entranceway, waiting for his opponent to come out of the ramp.
He doesn't have to wait long. as the lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on a figure on the ramp, with his back turned and begins kneeling. Once the beat finally kicks in, MYOJIN explodes with energy- wearing a masquerade-style mask over his eyes, and turns around with a confident smile on his face, raising his arms to soak in the positive reaction from everyone around.
With his blonde locks hanging over his face. He then whips his head back, flipping his hair out of his face before excitedly running down the ring before performing a cartwheel and a jump, landing on his feet near ringside!
Sanford: And his opponent, from San Diego, California, the shining star... MYOJIN!!!!
MYOJIN climbs up to the apron, grabs a hold of the top rope, and slingshots himself into the ring. MYOJIN performs a somersault roll, landing on his side with a hand on his hip. The other, taking off his mask to reveal his piercing blue eye contacts. He tosses it aside nonchalantly before climbing up the top turnbuckle, tilting his head upward as if he’s looking toward the sky- while the lights mimic stars above. He backflips off, back onto his feet while taking off his flamboyant coat and moving to his corner. The lights go back to normal as he checks his wrist tape. His charismatic smile fading to a more focused expression as he paces back and forth, ready for action.
Wright: This is a big match for both men.
Park: You got that right, Ollie. Nobody wants to be left out of the Battle of the Best.
The ref calls for the bell, and Suzuki and MYOJIN circle each other, each daring the other to make the first move. Suzuki is the first to strike, coming in with an attempt at a chop block to MYOJIN's knee, but the shining star rolls over top of Suzuki, bounces off the ropes, and floors the Knives of Motorcycles with a dropkick. Suzuki gets back to his feet and charges at MYOJIN, who ducks him again. MYOJIN feeds Suzuki into the ropes, catching his opponent with a Question Mark kick. Suzuki hits the mat again and rolls out of the ring. Suzuki is muttering to himself in Japanese and holding his neck.
Park: Smart move from Suzuki, getting out of the ring. MYOJIN can't win if his opponent isn't in the ring.
Wright: Suzuki looks angry that things aren't going his way so far, I'm sure we're bound to see some big things from the Knives of Motorcycles.
Suzuki slides back into the ring and charges at MYOJIN, but the smaller man lapfrogs him. Suzuki bounces off the ropes and MYOJIN aims for a thrust kick, but Suzuki manages to avoid it and catch MYOJIN's leg, rewarding the shinig star with a capture suplex. Suzuki rolls through and captures MYOJIN's arm, locking the smaller man into a crossface.
Wright: Suzuki is trying to end it early by making MYOJIN submit!
Park: It's still early, Oliver, but things aren't looking good for the Shining Star.
MYOJIN struggles to get any traction to force a rope break. He manages to roll Suzuki into a pinning predicament, but Suzuki rolls through to keep the crossface locked in. MYOJIN looks like he's in trouble, but finally manages to catch the ropes with his foot. The referee tells Suzuki to break the hold, but Suzuki refuses. The referee starts to count, and Suzuki finally releases the hold at four. It looks like the damage is done, though, because MYOJIN has to use the ropes to get back on his feet. Suzuki is raring to go, but the smaller man seems to be having some trouble getting his wind back.
Park: MYOJIN isn't looking so good after a punishing crossface.
Wright: I can't say I'm surprised, Suzuki has a good seventy pounds on him.
Suzuki doesn't give MYOJIN much of a chance to recover before locking up with the other man, slamming him onto the mat with a headlock takeover, then running into the ropes to hit MYOJIN in the back with a drop kick. He hauls MYOJIN up to his feet and setting up for another suplex. MYOJIN manages to fight through it and counters with a suplex of his own, kipping up to his feet and following up with a standing corkscrew 450. He gets up to his feet again, pulling up Suzuki and whipping the other man into the ropes, following it up with a Hyperpop Buster!
Wright: MYOJIN certainly doesn't look like the smaller man after a sequence like that!
Myojin goes for the pin!
..ONE..
KICKOUT! Suzuki digs deep to kick out with authority. The Knives of Motorcycles is still slow to get to his feet, but he refuses to let the Shinig Star get one up on him. Suzuki spits a mouthful of blood out onto the mat then shouts something at MYOJIN who smirks at the bigger man. Suzuki gets in MYOJIN's face, but the smaller man refuses to back down. Suzuki catches MYOJIN off guard with a throat thrust, followed by a thumb to the throat. Suzuki shoves MYOJIN into the ropes, following up with the sitout scoop slam piledriver, hooking in the crossface again.
Wright: Once more with the crossface! Suzuki asserting his dominance over MYOJIN.
Park: MYOJIN might have heart, but all the heart in the wrold is't gonna save you from a broken neck.
MYOJIN struggles to try and break the crossface again, but this time Suzuki is prepared for it. MYOJIN tries to roll Suzuki onto his back, but Suzuki rolls back the other way, MYOJIN is trapped in the middle of the ring. The Shining star, for his part, refuses to submit. Suzuki finally lets off the crossface, leaving MYOJIN gasping in a heap in the middle of the ring. Suzuki pulls MYOJIN up to his feet, grabbing him by the fac
Wright: He's setting up the Throttle Cutter!
MYOJIN tries to fight through the move, even managing to prevent Suzuki from getting him off the mat a couple of times. MYOJIN shoves Suzuki into the ref, who falls to the mat, then finally stops the Throttle Cutter cold with a boot to the pills. Suzuki doubles over, and MYOJIN takes his chance to hook the Knives of Motorcycles up for the Flashing Lights!
Wright: Flashing Lights after a low blow!
Park: You gotta respect MYOJIN doing what it takes to win!
MYOJIN goes up top and leaps off with the Falling from Heaven EX, that strikes true!
Park: Suzuki felt all of that!
Wright: And that's the book on this match!
MYOJIN goes for the pin.
..ONE..
..TWO..
..THREE!!
The referee calls for the bell.
Stanford: The winner fo this match by pinfall.... The Shining Star... MYOJIN!!!
MYOJIN poses on the turnbuckle as the crowd cheers for a well-fought match. Suzuki rolls out of the ring, looking furious, and slowly makes his way up the ramp, glaring at the celebrating MYOJIN.
Wright: A hard-fought match between these two competitors, but only one could come out on top in the end! Still, I'm a bit surprised to see MYOJIN have dug into a cheaper bag of tricks to get the win here tonight!
Park: Suzuki brought it and was ready to take his step back into the spotlight, I don't know if MYOJIN had this one won without the underhandedness. You have to do what it takes to win, and MYOJIN being one of the winningest wrestlers in and around FIRESIDE, well, that's another reason why tonight. He'll be a tough out of that tournament.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome at this time, he is the FIRESIDE owner, from Philadelphia, PA, make some noise for Anthony Caffrey!
The crowd roars as “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark” hits the speakers. The man himself emerges, dressed in a newly-minted Devonta Smith Eagles jersey underneath a black blazer. He acknowledges the fans and walks down to the ring slowly, still recovering after a hellacious three-way tag team match at the Rumble. He passes through the curtains and the adrenaline kicks in, allowing him to rattle off his spiel.
Caffrey: Ladies and gentlemen, are we all having a good time?
The crowd pops again. During this pop, Caffrey spots that a table has been set up in the ring with a contract on it. He grabs the clipboard containing the contract and yeets the table from the ring during the pop -- it lands on its side on the outside, somehow staying in-tact.
Caffrey: I stand before you a beaten, bruised, sore, and stung man. Doctors want me to stay home and heal more, but what am I gonna do, miss talking to my people?
The look in Caff’s eyes as they cheer again indicate that they might mean more to him than he does to them.
Caffrey: As much… as much as I don’t want to talk about the Rumble… let me just put it this way… tough times don’t last, tough people do… we DID offer Rumble incentives to FIRESIDERs not named Anthony Caffrey. For entering the Rumble, Bucky ‘Titanium’ Knight, Curtis Kanyon, Joe Nobody, and Curtis Kanyon will all be receiving future SPARK Championship matches!
The crowd cheers.
Caffrey: For finishing in the top half of all participants, in the future, for a future FIRESIDE World Championship match, we will be having the wily Joe Nobody take on the…
Caffrey gives his Rumble opponent his begrudging respect.
Caffrey: ...‘cerebral’ Curtis Kanyon!
Some of the crowd boos the mention of Kanyon, excited to see Nobody punch his teeth in next show.
Caffrey: However, there is one man who has banked a world championship match, and also a special incentive, as much as I hate it, he eliminated me from that match. So please, Misha Constantine, come out and claim your fabulous prize!
Caffrey waves the clipboard towards the stage as the crowd is already voicing their disapproval. He gives them a nod as if to say that he didn’t want this either.
'In The Name Of God' hits the speakers and Misha Constantine answers the call, walking down the ramp with a nonplussed expression, steadfastly ignoring the boos of the fans.
Wright: Despite winning the biggest incentive of them all, Misha still doesn't look happy for some reason!
Park: It might be the interference of MYOJIN costing him and Johnny Five a shot at the FIRESIDE Tag Team champions!
The Self-Made God slides into the ring and catches a microphone tossed to him by a stagehand.
Constantine: Look, Anthony, let me just stop you before you start the spiel. You know I enjoy shoving how damn good I am in the faces of these ungrateful morons, but this is something we really could have done in the back. I'm sure we could have found an office without a table so you didn't somehow go through yet another one.
The crowd boos Misha once more, and as Caffrey mouths “that’s why I moved it”, he gives a look of feigned surprise at the response at the crowd.
Constantine: After all, I have a great deal of respect for you. That's why I eliminated you from the Rumble. Of anyone else in there at the time, you were the biggest threat to me! You know how good I am, given how you headhunted me for this company in the first place. If the numbers had gotten any thinner you'd have Zoran Sainovic'ed me for your own good! Any incentive you could offer had nothing to do with it; not least because you have nothing to offer me anyway.
The fans take even more offense to that, and Caffrey himself raises an eyebrow. Misha gives a diffident shrug before continuing.
Constantine: I was the inaugural FIRESIDE World Champion. I've beaten MAJESTY. I've beaten Mistress Discipline twice. Esmur got past me by the skin of his teeth. Just by coming fourth in the Rumble I've earned a world title rematch AND a shot at the SPARK championship, not to mention the FIRESIDE Tag Team title shot I have lined up. I've jumped through every hoop you've set up, Anthony, and you have nothing left to tempt me with.
Caffrey interrupts.
Caffrey: Well, I do say you’ve certainly climbed up multiple ladders here, but uh… there’s one person you haven’t beaten, and my bonus incentive to you… well, I got you a match with him.
Constantine: Who?
Caffrey: You’re lookin’ at him.
The crowd roars in excitement at the possible Misha Constantine vs. Anthony Caffrey match, two eras colliding…
Wright: The former FIRESIDE world champion vs. the owner! Could this be the present vs. the past?
Park: Don't let Caffrey hear you say that!
...but Misha shakes his head with a chuckle, wanting nothing to do with that.
Constantine: And people call me an egomaniac. Why the hell would I care about beating you? I've already proved myself time and time again, and you have nothing I can claim in victory. You don't even have the XHF Tag Titles anymore, and I have no interest in taking control of this company. I've made it crystal clear that there is only one thing that I want; one thing I truly deserve, and that is a one on one match against Dylan Black for the X*Crown...
Misha leans in close, nose to nose with his boss.
Constantine: ...and you can't give me it.
There's a moment of tense silence, the fans holding their breath as they wait to see if blows will ensue. Instead, Anthony Caffrey backs up, almost shaking in anger at what others would certainly see an honor being treated as worthless. He looks at the contract in his hand. He slowly brings his mic to his lips, holding it there for a moment before a sly smile spreads across his face.
Caffrey: I was hoping to use this favor myself… but in the words of an emperor to a Self Made God…
The boss squares up to his employee.
Caffrey: ...caveat emptor.
Wright: NO WAY! COULD IT BE?
Park: IT COULD BE!
"A Special Place in Hell" kicks in and the crowd flips out! Misha Constantine's eyes go wide as he stares at the grinning Caffrey, before turning to face the stage and the holder of the XHF's most prestigious title.
Wright: DYLAN BLACK IN FIRESIDE!
Park: I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD EVER HAPPEN!
From the back comes Dylan Black, X*Crown around his waist and a microphone in his hand. He grins as he brings the mic to his lips.
Black: You know, when Caffrey invited me to tonight's show, I did not know what to expect. Well, I expected that someone was going to call me out. The numerous people on this roster are all intriguing. But never would I expect someone like you to try to test your might against me.
He rolls into the ring, getting right in Misha's face.
Black: Maybe I kicked you too hard in the taint before dropping you on the head. But consider this shit accepted, for I have the need to shut your mouth! You should be on your knees, begging me for my time Misha. The Self-Made God should bow at my feet for gracing him with my time! You should-
A palm to the cheek of Dylan stuns him, Misha almost knocking over the Champ with a slap! Dylan touches his cheek, a slight snarl curling onto his face. He goes to speak again but a barrage of strikes from Misha interrupts his tirade! Caffrey rushes to separate them, but Misha shoves him away, giving Dylan enough time to clock him straight in the jaw with a hard jab from a cybernetic hand! Misha staggers back, and Dylan charges forward for Disasterpiece, only to be countered with the Capoeira Scorpion Kick! Security floods down the ramp and into the ring, creating a wall of flesh between the two men, who are reduced to yelling profanities at each other as a conflicted Caffrey looks on.
Wright: Security is intervening, because next Inferno, the biggest match in the history of FIRESIDE happens in our main event!
Park: Dylan Black vs. Misha Constantine! An instant classic ready and waiting to happen! Can Misha bring home the big one?
Wright: We'll find out next week, but first, we have to figure out the stipulation of the world championship match at Battle of the Best!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for One Fall, and the winning team will be able to decide the stipulation between MAJESTY and Esmur for the FIRESIDE World Championship Match at Battle of the Best!
The crowd cheers!
Stanford: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 397 pounds, they are Gebin, and the FIRESIDE World Champion, Esmur, they are… the NIHILIIIIISTSSSSSSSSSSS!
The arena dims down to pitch blackness. Two male voices are heard saying, “EMBRACE … ETERNITY” The new video package for the reborn Nihilists plays on the XtremeTron. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single light brown spotlight illuminates the stage. On the stage stands Gebin, hair flowing, wearing his light up Covid Mask and illuminated battle gloves. He raises his hands and the columns of LED light illuminate the stage in purple. Stepping into the brown spotlight walks Esmur complete with his luchador mask. He steps up and stares into the ring before looking out at the Fireside faithful. He is wearing a robe that is adorned with religious iconography from pretty much every religion, the symbols are all drawn on fire for emphasis. He pulls his robe off into his arms and tosses it at his feet as a column of red light illuminates it. This reveals his Fireside World Championship which he pats as he begins to move.
Wright: The FIRESIDE world champion and his long-time partner are set to do battle tonight with big stakes on the line: the winning team chooses the match stipulation at Battle of the Best!
Park: You just know Esmur’s looking to pick up the big victory tonight and get himself settled into a submission match of some sort!
Wright: True, but how do you submit a monster like MAJESTY?
Finally he pulls off his mask revealing his face and his trim brown hair and goatee. Gebin follows him and catches the mask as he tosses it. The two men mean business as they quickly walk to the ring and slide under the bottom rope. The push to their feet and step to the center of the ring as the spotlight turns slowly follows them to the ring. The two men remain back to back facing the two sides of the crowd left and right of the entryway. The song and lights fade back to normal as Esmur hands the timekeeper his Fireside World Championship belt and the men get ready to wrestle.
Park: I’m not sure I have an answer for that, Oliver. But with his long and impressive reign, he’s always answered the call before.
Stanford: And their opponents, first, from Paris, Illinois, weighing in at 165 pounds, she is ZOLOOOOTHAACCHHHH!
“Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing as torches all along the entranceway and aisle light up. “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne walks out from the back with a wide grin as she takes in the boos from the crowd. She heads down to the ring with a sexy swagger (but she looks like a corpse so not very many catcalls). She rolls into the ring and leans in her corner.
Wright: In many matches and companies, Zolothach might be the most disturbing person you’d come across, but not tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
Park: Hey! Don’t overlook Zolothach. She crushed Otto Ritter to earn a spot in Battle of the Best, and at the tournament begins to fill, her chances are looking better and better.
Wright: That’s true-- and if she wins, she earns a world title match, leaving tonight to be a valuable scouting session for her.
Park: Especially if she doesn’t -- or I guess does cut her opponents with her spirit fingers?
Wright: I don’t want to know how that works.
Park: Me neither.
Stanford: And her partner… uh...
Stanford gulps, realizing he hasn’t been in the actual presence of the Feywild Figure in months.
Stanford: ...from the Feywild, weighing in at 183 pounds, they are MAAAAAAAAAJESSSSSSSSSSSTYYYYYY!
Gentle and eerie piano keys lilt out over the arena as the house lights come down. A drumroll kicks in and flashes of green and yellow lights flash around the crowd. At one point, a quick flash of a projection of Majesty appears standing on one of the staircases in the arena, and then just like that, it's gone. A few more rounds of light, you could've sworn you saw Majesty yet again, this time on the other side of the arena.
Wright: Oh no no no no no no I forgot how much I do not like this--
Park: --I don’t think you’re alone, but you have to do this job from the table, not under it.
And then... the guitars kick in, and a wild, horrifying laugh tears through the arena. All the lights are a shade of green and yellow, filtering around, and Majesty rises from the stage at the top of the ramp, enshrouded by mist and smoke. They twirl around, a wide grin etched into their face as they spin and dance down the ramp like some kind of fucked up ballerina, streamers flowing behind them, attached to their jacket.
Wright: Okay… well, MAJESTY made their grand return at Fuel for the Fire in March, calling out the champion by ruining his posters. They earned that shot with a grand win over Jonnie Valentine a few months ago, and now the chickens have finally come home to roost.
Park: I would be shaking in my boots if I were the champion right now. We’ve never seen a MAJESTY this focused, even when they were first pursuing the championship. They talked about the great warriors of their culture, and how they want to be recognized as one. Tonight is a big step for doing that.
Majesty makes their way around the edges of the ring, spinning still, streamers twirling. The fans in the front row recoil back a bit, not wanting to get too close to the mysterious entity, who rolls into the ring and just lays there for a moment, cackling as the thunderous guitars clang out across the arena.
As the lighting resets, MAJESTY takes a look at their tag team partner for the evening. A freak in her own right, Zolothach gives a big nod, seemingly having something of an understanding of the Feywild Figure.
Wright: If these two are on the same page, this might be a quick one.
Park: I would rather hope not if I’m the Nihilists.
Zolothach volunteers to go first, potentially feeling a bit unproven from her days of hanging around the undercard of J-ROK shows, ready to go lock horns with the big boys of the roster. She instantly gets her chance as the world champion, potentially feeling a bit unnerved at the quantity of freaks of nature standing across from him, elects to start. The bell rings and the match begins with Zolothach wildly swinging an axe kick towards the champion, but he sidesteps, catching the leg and immediately turning it into a kneebar, rolling forward into the submission.
Wright: A quick start for Esmur, looking to wear down his opponent’s leg.
Park: He’s done this a hundred times. This is not new for him. He needs to get back to these core basics if he’s going to avoid getting psyched out by their mindgames tonight.
Zolothach reaches the ropes, forcing the break pretty quickly. She soon enough makes her way back up to her feet, clutching onto the ropes and her knee, a bit sore from the champion’s hold. He comes back in and aims to whip her into the corner, but Zolothach counters, sending him into no man’s land instead. She runs at him in the corner and steps up into a brutal enziguri, knocking the champion over the ropes and out of the ring to the floor!
Wright: A hell of a shot!
Park: The last thing the champion needs is a concussion before the pay-per-view!
Referee Chris Mardinly begins his count as the crowd reacts to Zolothach climbing up to the top rope, looking for a big move of her own as she prepares to drop the champ with a shoulder tackle. Esmur shakes off the cobwebs and scrambles back to a vertical position only to turn around right into a flying shoulder tackle that knocks him hard into the barricade! The crowd boos as the referee resets his count!
Wright: Zolothach is going to work on the champ tonight!
Park: I keep telling you, she’s not someone to be slept on!
Zolothach gets back up but ends up dropping right back onto the floor as Gebin blindsides her with a running bulldog! The crowd boos as Gebin checks on the champion, buying him some time to recover.
Wright: Gebin with a bit of a cheap shot, Zolo didn’t see that one coming!
Park: Gebin’s always been about protecting his-friend, Oliver! We’ve seen him use a panini press to defend Esmur before, he’s just always there for his partner, and a win tonight might mean even more ways to support him at Battle of the Best.
Esmur hasn’t seen Gebin’s evening of the odds as he returns to his feet, though he can kind of deduce that something’s happened with the downed Zolo now below him. He picks her up and throws her back in the ring, ignoring the reaction from the crowd as he immediately locks her legs around his and rolls onto the mat, locking in the Twisted Belief!
Wright: Twisted Belief! A brutally painful submission hold here!
Park: Is Zolothach going to tap? Is MAJESTY going to let her tap?
MAJESTY looks on as the camera cuts to a screaming Zolothach, cursing to Cthulhu as she tries to roll onto her stomach and free herself from the pain of the submission. Esmur has this hold locked in tight and refuses to break it, even going as far as to stand back up and move a few inches away to keep Zolothach away from the ring ropes!
Wright: The hold’s only getting worse! This might be over early! What is the champion going to choose?
Park: Any kind of match that lets him do this!
Disgruntled with her partner, MAJESTY waves their hand, sending the arena into pitch blackness!
Wright: Whoah-- what the hell?
Park: MAJESTY just turned the lights off with a swipe of their hand!
When the lights come back on, the Twisted Belief is still being applied… but to Gebin! Zolothach is now standing in the corner where Gebin was, and Gebin is in the hold! He screams out in pain for his partner to release the hold, and he does, but both he and the crowd are in shock!
Wright: MAJESTY just broke the hold by swapping Gebin in for Zolo! What the hell kind of magic is that?
Park: How do you plan against someone who can just rewrite reality like that?
Esmur isn’t quite sure who to look at, looking at Gebin, then his opponent at Battle of the Best, MAJESTY. They give a rather off-putting four-finger wave before Esmur turns around to find who he should have had his eyes on, a flying Zolothach that delivers a corkscrew cutter off the top rope!
Wright: Twist of Fate! There aren’t more poetic words for what’s just happened!
Park: Is that it for the champion? The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Gebin slams a double axe handle into Zolo’s back, breaking the count!
Wright: No!
The crowd is on their feet as MAJESTY grabs the tag rope and leans over the top rope, seemingly demanding a tag. Zolothach crawls toward their corner as Gebin stands up on his, waiting for a tag of his own from the downed champion. The look Gebin incidentally gives is one of a soldier knowing they are about to go into war for their partner, while MAJESTY is readier than ever to inflict damage and suffering. The tag is made and they get their chance, but the world champion manages to tag out just in the nick of time!
Wright: In comes Gebin! In comes the Feywild Figure!
Park: This match is about to go to the moon!
Gebin throws a wild european uppercut, but MAJESTY steps back and makes a kissy face, avoiding the punch and then throwing Gebin nearly across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex! To his credit, Gebin makes it back up to his feet fairly quickly, only to be punched directly in the windpipe! He gags for air as the number one contender twirls and spins, this time going for the Great Wheel! Gebin has his clock cleaned by the spinning elbow!
Wright: The Great Wheel has stopped on bankrupt for Gebin!
Park: This could be it right here!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Gebin kicks out!
MAJESTY wastes no time in attempting to finish the match again, but Gebin still has some fight, managing to get his legs up to hurricanrana MAJESTY into the ropes! MAJESTY is caught throat first as Gebin fires chops into their back, trying to soften the Feywild Figure. Gebin realizes he needs a new plan and decides to get a running start for it.. But ass Gebin goes to bounce off the opposing rope, Zolothach shouts something, then waves her finger!
Tabitha Osborne: Ferrum spectris!
As Gebin goes to bounce off the ropes and charge forward to attack MAJESTY, the rope suddenly snaps in half, as if it’s been cut!
Wright: The rope just… wait… was that the Spectral Blade we saw from Zolothach?
Park: I don’t know how the hell she just did that, but I’m sure MAJESTY does!
Gebin barely manages to catch himself on the second rope, nearly accidentally yeeting himself out of the ring. He readjusts his footing and moves back towards MAJESTY, only to walk directly into MAJESTY’s mandible claw, the Peacekeeper!
Wright: Oh God! Peacekeeper! Peacekeeper! MAJESTY’s put a number of people to sleep with that claw, and they’re looking to claim another victim!
Park: Not if the champ has anything to say about it!
Esmur comes back in and looks to plant MAJESTY with Clarity, but as he charges, MAJESTY moves the rapidly-deteriorating Gebin out of the way in time, allowing Zolothach to connect on a cross body block instead! Esmur is knocked back into the corner! The referee dismisses Zolohach from the ring, then turns around to discover that Gebin has already passed out! He calls for the bell!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner as the result of a knockout, and getting to pick the stipulation for the world championship match at Battle of the Best, the team of ZOLOTHACH and MAAAAAAJESSSSSTYYYYY!
Wright: Zolothach impresses and MAJESTY scores the big win over the champion’s team, allowing them to have their say with that world championship match!
Park: I don’t think the challenger’s done sending messages tonight!
The crowd cheers for the freakish tag team as Zolothach goes to celebrate with her partner -- but her partner has not dropped their attention away from the champion. The hold is still applied -- the referee wouldn’t dare try to disqualify MAJESTY in this moment. Instead, they feel compelled to go grab the world championship to hand it back to Esmur. As they go to hand it to Esmur, they feel compelled to stop just next to MAJESTY, who still has the Peacekeeper locked in!
Wright: What--what are we looking at, here?
Park: MAJESTY’s making Esmur choose! What’s it going to be? His friend or the championship?
As Esmur embraces the horror to make his decision, we’re treated to a familiar graphic...