Post by freakke on May 23, 2021 13:44:06 GMT -5
Freakke is staring at a script unsure of how to really comprehend what he’s apparently written. The top of it has a bunch of scratched out puns about Donkke and Don Quixote.
“Well, I had an idea for ya’ll but I couldn’t make it work. In fact-”
He then just chucks the large manual behind himself. The papers explode against the black back wall. The Carnival King rose to his feet and then started to walk to the left, signalling for the camera to follow.
“So screw it. This is some chaos they’re throwing us into. Eight teams, single fall eliminates the whole team. That’s gonna be a mess to officiate. Absolute and utter chaos. So in order to get a better idea of what's going to happen and how best to prepare, I have assembled a crack team of scientists to get a rough idea of what to expect.”
Freakke stops but the camera continues to pan. There’s a mess of kids sitting around a massive TV. They’re playing an eight man Smash game where everyone is playing Ice Climbers. There are sixteen hammer smashing characters just flipping around knocking each other about in the Punch Out Ring.
“To be perfectly honest, I am a little concerned that the budget has been blown entirely on Pizza, Soda, and a Bounce Castle. I haven’t even seen the Bounce Castle. I have been assured this team will produce the best results.”
SMASH! One pair of Ice Climbers just exploded off screen.
“Which one was that one?”
Mumbling from out of microphone range.
“What do you mean they aren’t assigned tag teams? Wasn’t that the whole point?”
More mumbling.
“I see...you’re just making this up as they go.”
Silence.
“Alright, moving on.”
The camera and clown moved on.
“Alright, so what can I say about the upcoming match? Not much. Its gonna be a spectacle and I’m pretty sure at some point I’m just gonna end up screaming SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! As many people as are gonna be there at once. About the only thing I can say I know is that I do in fact know that Donzig is not a time traveling young Glenn Danzig. We’ve already established this.”
As he says this, the cardboard Danzig slowly tries to come into the camera view but Freakke pushes it away.
“Beyond that, I can tell you this about the two of us. We’ve managed to pull it off once. We can do it again. We’ve become as one boot that rams itself up the backside of other tag teams. A two headed mutant weirdo intent on smashing the fools who dare oppose us. With that imagery in mind I must now contemplate how a two headed monstrosity such as that would wear the tag team belts. Or even tag themselves in or out. Self high five?”
An unfortunate bout of ADHD has his Freakke as he thinks way too hard on this. He shakes himself out of the thought as he refocuses.
“Right, speaking of Tag Belts. I did not expect our last victory to be so grand and amazing as to offer an opportunity at the Title already. Thats...hoo boy. Thats something else. I’ve only been here a few weeks so I gotta put all that on Donzig. Well done old bean. That just leaves the fourteen other guys I know hardly anything about. I really do need to say something about them all don’t I?"
He took in a deep breath and exhaled.
“The Dark Stars are weirdo time nerds but we already beat them so moving on. The Celtic Club I thought was actually the Celtics fan club for a while and was absolutely confused. I-69 is perhaps the most unfortunately named Highway in the history of Interstates. Prime Time’s time has come and it turns out to be midday Saturday when no one is watching. Will one hundred percent be touching the New Untouchables. I swear to god Van Zandt’s name is familiar but I got nothing for just two dudes named Mack and Zandt. Then at last we’ve got the current champs Jesse Jamester and the Collossus. One of those guys I am concerned about because I didn’t know we had to wrestle X-Men. I do not want giant Russian metal man sitting on me, I am not Deadpool. Not my thing. I don’t care if his tag partner sounds like a discount Joseph Joestar. NO!”
Freakke frowns at the camera in an exaggerated way that makes his painted on smile distort even more wildly. Then it turns back into his smug looking smirk.
“I might not know much about these guys. I don’t know how the referees will manage this chaos. I’m not even sure I understand how my microwave burritos are always LAVA on the Outside and still Frozen in the middle. What I do know is that you my dear Cretins, you’re in for something special on the 25th.”
Before he could finish, a ten year old in a labcoat way too big for her came over with a clipboard and handed it to the Carnival King. After a moment studying the information he looks at her incredulously.
"Your telling me you need four more Switches and Mario Kart to finish your predictions?"
"Yes."
With a sigh, Freakke reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.
"I want a turn though."
The camera fades out but there is a single frame flash of the words: Tell the Truth
“Well, I had an idea for ya’ll but I couldn’t make it work. In fact-”
He then just chucks the large manual behind himself. The papers explode against the black back wall. The Carnival King rose to his feet and then started to walk to the left, signalling for the camera to follow.
“So screw it. This is some chaos they’re throwing us into. Eight teams, single fall eliminates the whole team. That’s gonna be a mess to officiate. Absolute and utter chaos. So in order to get a better idea of what's going to happen and how best to prepare, I have assembled a crack team of scientists to get a rough idea of what to expect.”
Freakke stops but the camera continues to pan. There’s a mess of kids sitting around a massive TV. They’re playing an eight man Smash game where everyone is playing Ice Climbers. There are sixteen hammer smashing characters just flipping around knocking each other about in the Punch Out Ring.
“To be perfectly honest, I am a little concerned that the budget has been blown entirely on Pizza, Soda, and a Bounce Castle. I haven’t even seen the Bounce Castle. I have been assured this team will produce the best results.”
SMASH! One pair of Ice Climbers just exploded off screen.
“Which one was that one?”
Mumbling from out of microphone range.
“What do you mean they aren’t assigned tag teams? Wasn’t that the whole point?”
More mumbling.
“I see...you’re just making this up as they go.”
Silence.
“Alright, moving on.”
The camera and clown moved on.
“Alright, so what can I say about the upcoming match? Not much. Its gonna be a spectacle and I’m pretty sure at some point I’m just gonna end up screaming SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! As many people as are gonna be there at once. About the only thing I can say I know is that I do in fact know that Donzig is not a time traveling young Glenn Danzig. We’ve already established this.”
As he says this, the cardboard Danzig slowly tries to come into the camera view but Freakke pushes it away.
“Beyond that, I can tell you this about the two of us. We’ve managed to pull it off once. We can do it again. We’ve become as one boot that rams itself up the backside of other tag teams. A two headed mutant weirdo intent on smashing the fools who dare oppose us. With that imagery in mind I must now contemplate how a two headed monstrosity such as that would wear the tag team belts. Or even tag themselves in or out. Self high five?”
An unfortunate bout of ADHD has his Freakke as he thinks way too hard on this. He shakes himself out of the thought as he refocuses.
“Right, speaking of Tag Belts. I did not expect our last victory to be so grand and amazing as to offer an opportunity at the Title already. Thats...hoo boy. Thats something else. I’ve only been here a few weeks so I gotta put all that on Donzig. Well done old bean. That just leaves the fourteen other guys I know hardly anything about. I really do need to say something about them all don’t I?"
He took in a deep breath and exhaled.
“The Dark Stars are weirdo time nerds but we already beat them so moving on. The Celtic Club I thought was actually the Celtics fan club for a while and was absolutely confused. I-69 is perhaps the most unfortunately named Highway in the history of Interstates. Prime Time’s time has come and it turns out to be midday Saturday when no one is watching. Will one hundred percent be touching the New Untouchables. I swear to god Van Zandt’s name is familiar but I got nothing for just two dudes named Mack and Zandt. Then at last we’ve got the current champs Jesse Jamester and the Collossus. One of those guys I am concerned about because I didn’t know we had to wrestle X-Men. I do not want giant Russian metal man sitting on me, I am not Deadpool. Not my thing. I don’t care if his tag partner sounds like a discount Joseph Joestar. NO!”
Freakke frowns at the camera in an exaggerated way that makes his painted on smile distort even more wildly. Then it turns back into his smug looking smirk.
“I might not know much about these guys. I don’t know how the referees will manage this chaos. I’m not even sure I understand how my microwave burritos are always LAVA on the Outside and still Frozen in the middle. What I do know is that you my dear Cretins, you’re in for something special on the 25th.”
Before he could finish, a ten year old in a labcoat way too big for her came over with a clipboard and handed it to the Carnival King. After a moment studying the information he looks at her incredulously.
"Your telling me you need four more Switches and Mario Kart to finish your predictions?"
"Yes."
With a sigh, Freakke reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.
"I want a turn though."
The camera fades out but there is a single frame flash of the words: Tell the Truth