Thursday Night Inferno, Episode #9 [May 27th]
May 28, 2021 0:25:34 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, anthonycaffrey, and 4 more like this
Post by Vodka Fizz on May 28, 2021 0:25:34 GMT -5
Cameras go to the parking lot to see Daku Suzuki, preparingto have some sort of torch in his hands, but before he plans to light something up, while on his motorcycle. He has a sick smirk on his face.
SUZUKI: What a great time to start the show by gassing the light on this wooden torch I have in my hands but granted I will do everything it takes to beat Jaice Wilds to then get my next Fireside title after I've won the entire tournament with Jaice Wilds, being lit up with a ton of gas up his fucking ass. Let's get the show started with the fumes to spark on the torch here to start the show before I beat that punk tonight.
Daku turns his motorcycle on and he gets the cameraman to place the wooden torch on the exhaust pipe as he refs the engine and then as the flame comes out of the exhaust pipe, the torch catches on fire as the cameraman holds the torch as Daku leaves the parking lot to ride into the arena as the cameras go to ringside for the opening of the show and the first match to take place.
Stanford: The following opening contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is Title vs. Hat! The winner of this match will also receive a spot in Battle of the Best, where they’ll be defending the championship for the duration of their time in the tournament!
The crowd cheers!
Wright: What a match to start with! Our two resident country boys doing battle tonight, and we might not see one ever again!
Park: That would be a shame! Bucky has been with us since the beginning!
Wright: And what an additional stipulation -- if you win, you punch your ticket to Battle of the Best, but you have to defend the championship during the entire competition?
Park: It’s a fast way to get to three defenses, but with how talented the field already is, I can’t imagine that’s going to be an easy task!
The crowd cheers as "Dead Man's Hand" plays. Bucky stands out and gives the crowd a "WELLL HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW--------DDDDDDDDYYYYYY" before heading to the ring.
Stanford: From Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in tonight at 252 pounds, he is BUUUCKKKYYYY ‘TITAAAANIIIUMMM’ KNIIIIGHT!
Wright: The determined North Carolina cowboy ready to go tonight, can he capture the Spark Championship?
Park: His opponent pinned Mistress Discipline his first night in town. That’s not an easy feat to pull off by any stretch of the imagination.
Bucky takes off his hat and kisses it, placing it on the ringpost.
Stanford: And his opponent… from Eugene, Oregon, weighing in at 248 pounds, he is your SPARK Champion, he is SHAAAAAANEEEEEEE LOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCKEEEEEEE!
The first guitar chords hit. Then that voice leading into "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr hits over the PA. Almost immediately, pacing in tune with the music is a tall, strongly structured gentleman. He has simple green trunks with double yellow vertical stripes on each side. Black knee pads and tall black boots finish off the simple wrestling ensemble.
Wright: There’s the man of the hour, his first night in town he captures the Spark championship, tonight can he win the match and capture his opponent’s hat?
Park: He’s certainly become a prizefighter since we’ve gotten to know him, but he’s able to remain humble. I bet he never would have imagined this when driving across the country to get to Philly.
The bell rings, and the match is quickly underway with a stiff uppercut from the champion, knocking the challenger down onto the mat. He pulls Bucky up and this starts to look like one of Bucky’s prior matches as the champion dishes out a hard clothesline, knocking the cowboy right back whence he came.
Wright: The power of the champion on display here in the early-goings!
Park: Locke has impressed so far, and with moves like that, it’s not hard to tell why!
The camera catches another angle of the action, spotlighting the timekeeper at ringside holding the SPARK Championship and the cowboy hat not too far off. Shane Locke picks up his opponent and whips him into the turnbuckle before getting some speed and crashing in with a back elbow! Bucky can only stand in the corner dazed as the champion sweeps his leg, knocking him down to the mat!
Wright: This whole match has gone the champion’s way so far, and I don’t see any signs of him slowing down!
Park: Bucky looked out on his feet there!
Shane Locke grabs Bucky ‘Titanium’ Knight and locks him in a side headlock in the middle of the ring. Bucky kicks and fights, trying his best to get out of the hold, but he’s treated to a healthy serving of knuckle sandwiches from Locke.
Wright: Yikes! This is starting to get out of hand!
Park: Locke’s serving his opponent up any way he wants him!
The few fans not already cheering for Locke begin to cheer for a potential Bucky comeback, rallying around as the challenger begins banging on the mat with his foot trying to harness their energy to create new signs of life. Knight manages to get back to his feet and begins firing elbows into his opponent’s gut, trying his best to create some separation. He finally manages to, livening up the crowd as he bounces off the ropes looking for the Titanium Impact, only to be brutally met with a headbutt from Locke instead!
Wright: A meeting of the minds between these two! Ouch!
Park: You can see that Locke is the more headheaded one!
The champion moves to the corner, preparing to put his opponent away. He takes one look over at the hat and simply shakes his head, turning his attention to Knight, waiting for him to return to his feet.
Wright: I think Locke’s already looking to put Bucky away here!
Park: Locke’s going to be looking for a move he calls Lockedown, see if he can put Knight to sleep or get him to tap here!
Locke waits for his opportunity and gets behind Knight, forcibly pulling him down into a bully choke, firmly wrapping his bicep around Knight’s throat and joining his hands together! Knight screams out in pain!
Wright: Lockedown! This might be goodnight Bucky!
Park: Shane got him to tap! This one’s over!
Knight repeatedly bangs on the mat to surrender. Locke releases the hold and makes it back to his feet, clapping his hands together and wiping the sweat from his brow. Referee Melanie Davenport raises his arm and hands him his SPARK Championship.
Stanford: Here is your winner and STILL the SPARK Champion, SHAAAAAAANE LOOOOCKEEEEE!
Wright: Locke locks down Knight, taking the championship and the North Carolinanian’s hat in the process!
Park: That was a flawless victory on his part! I have my doubts he was even touched!
Locke looks over the championship with a smile on his face and holds it up for the crowd, who show their appreciation for the champion. Davenport goes to retrieve the hat, but Locke puts his hand out.
Locke: Never mess with a man’s hat.
Locke departs the ring, beginning his journey to the back.
Wright: A classy move by Locke, letting Bucky keep part of his pride, but now he has a bigger challenger in front of him: defending that SPARK Championship at Battle of the Best!
Park: I’d say best of luck, but if he can put on a performance like tonight at the show, I’m sure he’ll do just fine!
MYOJIN, wearing casual wear, stands backstage. Whistling as they take off their glasses while hanging them against their shirt. The blonde then places their hands in their pockets, a devious growing smile on their face as they briefly winked at the camera- obviously knowing they were not meant to be at tonight's sh A few people in looked in their direction with a hint of nervousness.
MYOJIN: I can't believe you all would try to keep me from this must-see fight! Did I not get an invite? Was it because I only got Caffrey a gift card and a Hershey Kisses for his birthday? I'm truly hurt.
The face of FIRESIDE's owner says it all. Anthony Caffrey is dressed in a suit and a FIRESIDE cap. He is not in the mood to play games.
Caffrey: What the hell do you think you're doing here? You're banned.
The Shining Star raised their eyebrows in mock surprise.
MYOJIN: Wow! The hostility, where are your manners? I'm just here as a special guest for the night, I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Caffrey regains some of his composure, taking a deep breath.
Caffrey: Myo… this… you can't be here. Ya can't! FIRESIDE finally has our moment in the sun with the X-Crown match tonight, and I get that you and Misha Constantine hate each other.
MYOJIN: Right.
Caffrey: And you'll get your chance to get him one-on-one. Just… not tonight.
MYOJIN: Why not tonight? Who says I'm even going to attack him? He came at me first, I'm just showing him the same hospitality as he showed me. Maybe I just want to wish him good luck face to face and patch things up.
Of course, MYOJIN didn't really mean that as they wore a mischievous and slightly mocking smile while speaking in a sing-song innocent tone. It was unclear if they were just purposefully stressing Caffrey out to be teasing, or if they really planned anything against Misha.
Caffrey leans in, and down. The former X-Crown champion has a good seven inches of height on the Shining Star, and he uses the moment to communicate as clearly as possible. He holds up his phone.
Caffrey: You know--I keep notes here in my phone about who's got what coming around here. As Misha got his shot through our incentives program, I was looking through and realized you never got your world championship match for winning at Supremacy.
Myojin's eyebrows rise. The smirk on their face fading to a more unreadable look on their face as their eyebrows furrowed and their eyes narrowed. They crossed their arms.
Caffrey: It would be a shame if I fat-fingered the backspace button, wouldn't it? Yeah?
Caffrey holds his thumb over it until the message is received.
Caffrey: So tonight, you know, you're allowed to sit at ringside as a paying fan. Hell, here's $20, buy yourself a big box of popcorn for all I care. But if you lay a hand on Misha--
He quickly realizes disqualifications exist and would have the same effect.
Caffrey: --or on Dylan Black for that matter, you can kiss that title shot goodbye. You are not above these people who have worked their asses off to afford tickets to see this main event, and you are not above this company. I don't care if you hate the guy, you let him have his shot. Do we understand one another?
MYOJIN paused, simply thinking over the matter to themself until they lightly place their hands on Caffrey's tie, their eyes focusing on it as they lightly adjusted it.
MYOJIN: I don't take very kindly to threats, Anthony. I can call you that, right?
They then let go and simply patted Caffrey on the chest. Their voice went from bubbly and playful to quiet but no-nonsense.
MYOJIN: I get it. You want to protect your poster boy and make sure the top prize is brought here, and I can respect that- But you know... If you care about Misha's wellbeing so much, you should have warned him to not start fights he won't be able to finish.
The blonde then snatched the $20 from the FIRESIDE owner's hand.
MYOJIN: ...Though whether Constantine wins or loses, I can't promise what will happen once the match is over.
And like that, their attitude went back to cheery as they smiled brightly once again as they waved the money in front of Caffrey.
MYOJIN: This better be enough to get some candy and a nice large drink with the popcorn! These venues are very pricey, aren't they?
They then stuffed it in their pocket and walked off.
Wright: Lots of huge news there! MYOJIN has a future world championship match upcoming, but only if they keep their hands off of Constantine!
Park: That's a promise that's easier said than done for MYOJIN! I think those two have the most boiling blood in the entire XHF right now!
As the segment is about to end...
The loud cuh-RACK! of Caffrey's ass being slapped interrupts him, an indignant and undignified sound leaving the GM as he jumps a good foot or so up in the air! Before he can do more than turn around and open his mouth to protest, though, who he sees has his eyes going wide... and as the camera zooms out a little, the FIRESIDE faithful can be heard cheering raucously for none other than Eli Dresden! The mischievous blond smirks up at Anthony, clearly amused as all get out.
Dresden: Huh, and here I thought you'd clear two feet at least. Ah well. There's always Battle of the Best, right?
And with that, NLW's reigning Heavyweight Champion pats Caffrey's shoulder before brushing past him, leaving him in her wake.
Wright: Whoah! NLW's reigning world champion just claimed herself one of the XHF spots at Battle of the Best!
Park: And made our owner look like a damn fool in the process! Go Eli!
Stanford: The following contest is a last chance qualifier for the Best of the Best tournament and is scheduled for one fall!
Rio Grande by Mezcaleros plays over the sound system as you hear the revs of the motorcycle as you see Daku ride out of the curtain and stops his Suzuki Harley style motorcycle that's got blue and black colours with his motorcycle club, The Cutting Blades name with a spider with knives all over it. Daku does his typical knife cut symbol with the fans booing him as he then continues to ride down to the ramp with flames coming out the side of the stage. He goes around once on his Suzuki bike before he stops it right on the right outside of the ramp and turns the engine off with placing his jacket onto it.
Stanford: Introducing first, from Hamamatsu, Japan, he is The Knife of Motorcycles, DAKU SUUUUUZUUUUUKIIIII!!!!
Daku slides into the ring and closes his eyes to show his necklace of a knife and a motorcycle on it and does his cutthroat signal before spreading his arms. Daku then opens his eyes and takes off his necklace and drops it on the floor as Daku holds onto the ropes, looking at the entranceway, waiting for his opponent to come out of the ramp.
Park: Suzuki is coming off a bit of a losing streak here. You know the Knives of Motorcycles wants to prove he's the best in the world, and right now the only thing standing between him and that is Jaice Wilds.
Wright: And after his showing on the last episode of Inferno, You have to believe that both competitors in this match have a huge barrier to overcome in their respective opponent.
The opening chords of “UltraNUMB” by Blu Stahli fills the arena as the lights go dark. Several flashes of blue and green lights illuminate various parts of the arena and entrance ramp to the beat of the song, all stopping with a cascade falling at the top center as Blue Stahli screams…
YOU WANT IT ALL RIGHT NOW!!!
At this point, the fans begin roaring as Jaice Wilds is spotted on a platform a few feet above the ramp. He raises his arms into an X, taking a moment to watch the crowd respond in kind before…
Wright: The fans are on their feet for the charismatic Jaice Wilds!
Park: Just goes to show you the fans will get behind any loser if he sucks up enough.
3! 2! 1!
Wilds flips forward off the platform, landing superhero style on the ramp below. He looks up, removing the hood from his face and tossing his shades into the crowd. He starts down the ramp, taking some time to slap random fives and bump fists.
You want it full frontal, over-stimulation
So say a benediction, For a new addiction
In voyeuristic overdrive
(Here comes the countdown)
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way to the ring!!
(Three)
This is the new flesh
Stanford: From Puerto Vehlo, Brazil; weighing in at one hundred and eighty-four pounds!
(Two)
This is the open door
(One)
We've got everything you wanted…
Stanford: He is the Inevitable! JAICE! WIIIIIIIILLLLLLDSSSS!!!
Wilds stops at the bottom of the ramp, taking in a deep breath and signing the rosarie before launching forward, corkscrewing himself to fly between the top and middle ring ropes and rolling to his feet once inside the ring. He looks to each side of the ring, the fans on their feet as he heads for a turnbuckle.
You want it all right now (ULTRAnumb)
Right now
(Three, two, one)
Violated, So degraded
The show has just begun
(Three, two, one)
Dominated, By all you hated
This will make you ULTRAnumb
(Three, two, one)
Wilds nods to the crowd, throwing up the X as the fans chant "X-Treme!" to their hero. He drops to the mat, running up to each remaining turnbuckle and repeating the taunt as the crowd continues to roar in approval.
Wright: The fans are firmly behind the Inevitable one!
Park: I hope Suzuki kicks the taste out of his mouth. This kid rubs me the wrong way.
The referee calls for the bell, and Wilds wastes no time in taking it to Suzuki, charging at the larger man and leaping over him, bouncing off the ropes and nailing Suzuki with a beautifully executed head scissors. Suzuki tries to get back to his feet, but Wilds pushes his momentum with a running dropkick that sends Suzuki into the ropes, following up with an arm drag. Wilds launches himself into the robe, but Suzuki finally manages to muster some offence with a brutal chop to Wilds' chest. Wilds uses the ropes to get back up to his feet, and Suzuki clotheslines the Inevitable one out of the ring.
Park: That had to hurt.
Wright: I just got a phone call from me nan in Manchester, she felt that chop all the way there.
Suzuki tries to whip Wilds into the ring post, but Wilds reverses and slams Suzuki into the ring post instead. Wilds grabs the bottom rope and vaults up onto the apron to try to follow up with a moonsault, but Suzuki catches the smaller man and slams him down on the hardest part of the ring. Wilds rolls back into the ring and Suzuki follows him in.
Wright: Suzuki seems to have scouted Wilds pretty well, he has an answer for whatever jaice throws at him.
Park: Suzuki is a great wrestler when he gets in the zone, and tonight Suzuki looks like he's in the zone.
Back inside the ring, Suzuki is fully in control of Wilds, who seems to be having trouble getting his wind back after being slammed on the apron. Suuki miswses a clothesline and Wilds nails a Pele kick, followed by a Sling Blade. Suzuki stops Wilds cold with a throat thrust, then hooks up for a suplex. Wilds manages to slide through, landing on his feet behind Suzuki and snapping off a german suplex into the corner. Both men get to their feet at the same time and trade strikes, with Wilds managing to maintain his edge. In the corner, Wilds hits a spinning back elbow and follows it up with a the Agent of Chaos!
Wright: Agent of Chaos! The Spanish Fly from the Brazilian caught Suzuki off-guard
Park: Not gonna be for nothing if Wilds can't get a pin.
Wilds goes for the pin!
...ONE...
...TWO...
...KICKOUT!!!
Suzuki kicks out at two!
Wright: Suzuki dug deep to kickout with authority!
Park: Wilds needs to keep up this pressure if he wants to have a chance.
The knives of motorcycles uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. Wilds attempts another head scissors, but Suzuki counters the move into a rather awkward-looking piledriver. Suzuki attempts to capitalize on that advantage when he climbed the top rope and attempted a moonsault. Wilds moves, but Suzuki lands on his feet and went right into a standing moonsault. Suzuki goes for a pin of his own!
...ONE...
...TWO...
...KICKOUT!!!
Park: And Suzuki with a near fall of his own!
Wright: Suzuki looks like he's hitting his groove, if Wilds can't break his tempo then the only Inevitable thing might just be Suzuki's trip to Battle of the Best.
Park: That is, if Suzuki's temper doesn't get the best of him.
Suzuki argues with the referee that it should have been a three count, giving Wilds the opportunity to catch his breath. Wilds gets to his feet and ties up with Suzuki. The two weakened men trade strikes until Suzuki manages to get Wilds off balance. He lifts Wilds onto the top rope and tries for an Avalanche Spike DDT, but Wilds slides out from underneath him and responds with a super kick through Suzuki' legs right to his face. Wilds attempts another superkick, but Suzuki counters with a capture suplex, rolling through to nail a second suplex, then hauls Wilds up by the throat to hit the Throttle Cutter. Suzuki goes for the pin!
...ONE...
...TWO...
...THR-KICKOUT!!!
Park: Another near fall for Suzuki!
Wright: Wilds keeps almost managing to mount an offence but Suzuki continues to prove why he's here and why he's in this last chance match.
Suzuki looks furious. He hauls Wilds up from the mat, throwing him out of the ring. He follows Wilds out, whipping the smaller maninto the ring steps. He hauls Wilds up off tof the floor, shouing at him in Japanese, then sets up for a piledriver on the ring steps, but Wilds reverses and dumps Suzuki on the floor. Wilds vaults up on the apron again, using the ropes to lauch a moonsault, but Suzuki rolls out of the way. Wilds crashes to the floor, knocking the wind out of himself. Suzuki hauls Wilds up again, this time nailing the piledriver on the steel steps.
Park: That might just be the exclamation point on a bad night for Jaice Wilds.
Wright: Suzuki got all of that! All he has to do is get Wilds in the ring and get the pinfall!
Daku hauls Wilds up onto his shoulders, climbing back into the ring and dumping Wilds in the center of the ring. He goes for the pin, but Jaice Wilds reverses the move into an inside cradle!
...ONE...
...KICKOUT!!!
Wright: Wilds still showing some signs of life!
Park: But is it too little too late?
Suzuki wastes no time in getting to his feet then stomps on Wilds' sternum. He shouts something at the smaller man again then points out into the crows. He mimes a throat cut, then drags Wild up off of the mat. He tries to set up another Throttle Cutter but Wilds counters with a kick to the abdomen. Jaice tees up for the Xtreme Dream, but Suzuki ducks the kick and catches Wilds, reversing his finisher into the Knife Cutter!
Wright: Knife Cutter!
Park: That's gotta be it for Jaice Wilds. He put up a valiant effort, but tonight was Daku Suzuki's night.
Rather than go for the pin, Suzuki locks in the Knife Choke! Wilds tries to fight through it, but the match has taken it's toll, and the Inevitable one appears to lose consciousness. The referee calls for the bell, and Suzuki continues to try to strangle the life out of Jaice Wilds until he hears his music playing. The referee offers to raise Suzuki's hand in victory, but instead the gang leader just sneers, then rolls out of the ring without another thought. Wilds looks devastated, leaning against the ropes and holding his head in his hands.
Stanford: The winner of this match by submission, and advancing to the Best of the best.... The Knives of Motorcycles..... DAKUUU SUUUUUUZUUUUKIIIIII!!!!!
The crowd voices thei displeasure at the decision, but Suzuki looks pleased with himself.
Park: Wilds has to be devastated. He nearly won the Spark Championship last show, and now all he has to show for it is a two-match losing streak.
Wright: He put on a hell of a match tonight, but Daku Suzuki was the better man tonight, and now enters the Battle of the Best! I'm excited for him to show what he can do, you saw what he did at our last big show against Maverick!
Park: Ollie, Jaice was making excuses for why he was going to lose before the match was decided. I hope he figures out what he's really here to do.
Wright: One thing is for certain - Thursday Night Inferno is a show you don't want to miss! Stay tuned, there's even more action to come tonight!
The lights in the arena go dark, bringing a sudden hush throughout the audience. Slowly, motes of light appear in the air above the crowd. Almost close enough to touch, but not quite. The lights slowly move across the area into constellations as if they were the stars themselves. The crowd ohhs and aaahs at the light show.
Wright: What is this?
Park: I don’t know, but it’s pretty.
Voice: That is not dead may eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.
“Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing, a spotlight shining upon the entrance stage. The stars fall from the sky, fading from view before striking the crowd to be replaced by a fountain of sparks on either side of “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne as she walks out from behind the curtains.
Wright: Looks like Zolothach is going to grace us with her presence tonight.
Park: She was scheduled to appear tonight to talk about the Battle for the Best.
Tabitha makes her way down to the ring, the fans too stunned by the light show to boo her. She steps through the ropes and stands in the middle of the ring where she’s given a microphone.
Tabitha Osborne: Man oh man, we have the Battle of the Best coming up after this show. The best of the very best will face each other in the ring to see who comes out as the dominant power in the universe!
The crowd cheer her on, or at least cheer on the upcoming event.
Tabitha Osborne: Okay, maybe things won’t be quite so grand in scope, but you can bet that I will be there and that I will be showing my opponent why exactly that I am the best! I represent womenkind in the ring when I go out there. Some people, that are fortunately not in this company, feel that women are not on the same level as men. I am here to disprove such notions and show the world that the superior wrestler is the woman!
This gets a cheer from the women of the crowd and a few of the men while eliciting boos from many of the men. Tabitha smiles at the reaction before continuing.
Tabitha Osborne: I am here to show the world that there’s not a male wrestler that I cannot eviscerate in the middle of the ring to show that they are the inferior species!
“Gunship” by Cthulhu begins playing as Tabitha heads to the back.
Wright: Bold claims from Zolothach!
Park: The superior wrestlers ARE the women, Oliver! I'm excited to see how she fares when the Battle of the Best finally arrives.
Greg the Assistant, the announcer for the Valentine family, takes the house microphone from Walter Stanford.
Greg the Assistant: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Thursday Night Inferno! Regardless of its place on the card and the X-Crown match at the end of the night, this is Your Main Event Of The Evening. It is a tag team match scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee lost everything in the Beanie Baby Crash of the 90s, but he's got a feeling about dogecoin.
The fans boo referee Chris Mardinly as he points to his head. Evan Valentine Jr.'s disembodied voice comes over the PA, "Yo, Keeping It 200..." then Evan's own theme song "Evansent" plays, New Money drive out on a golf cart with speakers on it. Evan Valentine and Vodka Fizz get out and Vodka Fizz toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some fluorescent liquid he drinks from as Evan Valentine Jr. eyes the slip and slide down the aisle.
Wright: I’m being told Jonnie Valentine arranged tonight for a Slip and Slide for New Money’s entrance tonight!
Park: So he’s why my shoes are now soaked? He’s gonna have to pay for that!
Wright: Oh, he will!
Evan slides down the slip and slide, followed by Vodka Fizz who is trying to protect his drink on the way down. The Philly fans pop when they get to the bottom, while the wet tag team wave their arms up and down to the music. Vodka Fizz climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring. Vodka Fizz then "presents" Evan Valentine Jr. who does his trademark pimp walk.
Greg The Assistant: First from the Home of NASCAR and Single Moms on their Second Strike, Daytona Beach, Florida; 220 Pounds and 6 feet 3 inches of Pure Uncut Fizz; He's Not Watered Down, So He's Dying of Thirst... VODKA FIZZ!!!
The Philadelphia crowd cheers and then chants "VODDY!! VODDY VODDY!!"
Greg, The Assistant: His partner hails from the Unforgiving Environment of Palm Springs, California; standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; weighing 228 pounds; The Paddy That Will Be Contessa's Next Baby Daddy, He's Got Everything He's Ever Wanted, So I Guess You Can Call Him Gifted… EVAN VALENTINE JUNIOR!"
Fireside fans let out a loud pop as Evan once again does his pimp walk.
Wright: Wait, how he is a junior if his dad named Jonnie?
Park: That’s a damn good question. I think if you look at the fact that---
Walter Stanford has had the microphone handed back to him.
Stanford: Introducing their opponents, from the high seas, weighing in at a combined 400 pounds, they are pirates in love, they are the Boarding Party, Captain Conrad Calico and Contessa Calico!
Popular sea shanty “The Wellerman Comes” plays throughout the crowd as two large ropes drops from the rafters. The crowd pops as the next thing they see is the pirate pair sliding down with matching scimitars trapped between their teeth. They land and give their weapons a flourish before locking lips. They then head down to the ring.
Wright: So two pirates walk into an Open Door Policy challenge...
Park: ...I don’t know the punchline, but don’t sleep on these two tonight, Oliver! The winning team gets themselves in place for a future FIRESIDE tag team championship match, meaning Team INFINITE and Team USA must have their eyes glued to this one.
Wright: Plus, Captain Calico was one of the closest to stopping Zolothach in that hellacious gauntlet match a while ago!
The bell is about to ring as both teams scramble to find who’s starting for the match. For the pirates, it’s Contessa Calico, the smaller and nimbler part of the pair. For New Money, it’s the man whose father funded the slip and slide, Evan Valentine Jr.. The bell rings, and the two go to lock up, but Valentine pauses, taking a few steps back and doing his pimp walk to pop the crowd once more.
Wright: Evan with some more theatrics for the crowd!
Park: It’s all fine and dandy before the match begins, but now that we’re here, I wouldn’t recommend it!
Contessa pulls a move from Evan’s daddy’s playbook, getting up and nailing an impressive dropkick, sending him stumbling back into the corner, then somehow up and over the ropes!
Park: And that’s why!
Valentine falls out to the floor, landing hard on the ground on the outside. Contessa reaches back and communicates to her tag team partner, bringing in the captain. He sets himself up just below the ropes, and she launches off of him, leaping over the top rope!
Wright: They call this the Cannonball Run--
But Valentine catches her on the way down, dropping her throat first onto the barricade with a flapjack!
Park: Oh damn! That wasn’t what they were hoping for!
The crowd cheers as Evan gets back up to his feet, somehow bleeding from the mouth. He grabs Contessa and throws her back into the ring, then goes for a cover.
...ONE!
Contessa kicks out!
Wright: The Cannonball Run backfired, and so far this match has been almost entirely all Evan!
Park: This match was originally supposed to be against the Nihilists, but Jonnie got it changed for his son, and you have to imagine daddy’s somewhere happily watching this!
Wright: Never say daddy again. Please.
Vodka Fizz has been patiently standing on the apron, and he tags in, ready to give it a go. Fizz gets Contessa back up to her feet and looks at Valentine before both men jump up and nail an enziguri together!
Wright: Double enziguri!
Park: Contessa needs to tag in the captain in the worst way here!
Fizz takes his moments in front of the crowd before returning his attention to the opposition. He pulls her into New Money’s corner before telling Evan to clear the way, then backing up and launching at her, hitting a cannonball of his own!
Wright: Fizz looks real pleased with himself after that move! New Money are rolling!
Fizz takes the time to roll out of the ring, and he reaches under the ropes… before pulling out a bottle of rum! The crowd cheers as he serves a clearly-of-legal-age adult before pouring some down his own throat.
Wright A little bit--
Park: --all of that and a bottle of rum!
Fizz staggers back into the ring, looking for his opportunity to put away Contessa. He goes to handspring for the Uno Mas, but ends up getting superkicked in the back of the head!
Wright: Superkick! Fizz never saw that one coming!
Park: Nothing a little booze couldn’t cure! Of course, maybe he should have drank a little more responsibly…
Contessa Calico dives for the tag, and in comes Captain Conrad! The crowd hoping for a comeback cheers as he gets into the ring, but the captain isn’t interested in a big flurry rush, instead taking the time to walk across his opponent’s back!
Wright: Walk the Plank!
Park: It doesn’t hurt as much as it makes you feel bad about your life, that’s for sure!
Valentine Jr. puts his hand out to look for another tag as Fizz gets locked into a treacherous side headlock. The crowd begins to cheer loudly, chanting for Voddy to make it back up to his feet, and he finally does. Fizz breaks out of the hold and bounces off the ropes, this time connecting with his handspring stunner!
Wright: Uno Mas!
Park: Voddy with a huge move! Can he get the cover?
...ONE…
...TWO…
“Cruel Angel’s Thesis” begins to play in the arena, interrupting the count as everyone is thoroughly confused.
Wright: Is that-- that’s the music of Malcolm Evans!
Park: I wasn’t expecting to see either of our newest signings tonight, but here he comes apparently.
Malcolm enters to his music looking very focused. He heads to the ring trying to look as serious as he possibly can. He carries a light tube with him.
Wright: This is Kilroy Evans’ son, who we haven’t seen on our screens in maybe fifteen years!
Park: And I have a feeling he might not appreciate the way his Dad’s boss handled things in Hardkore World! He might have revenge on his mind, in the form of a light tube to Valentine’s dome!
Wright: There’s still a match going on!
Captain Calico takes advantage of the moment, rolling up Vodka Fizz!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Fizz kicks out!
Wright: Almost three!
Park: This situation with the light tube seems to be taking up more of the camera’s attention!
Fizz and Calico make it back to their feet, with Fizz grabbing the captain with a double underhook and then turning him around, dropping him with a facebuster!
Wright: Mind Eraser!
Park: That should do it!
Fizz covers!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Wright: New Money takes care of the Boarding Party!
Park: And I think Malcolm Evans is about to take care of New Money!
Stanford: Here are your winners, the team of Vodka Fizz and Evan Valentine Jr., NEWWWWWWW MONEEEEEEEEYYYYY!
By now, Malcolm has scared Evan back into the ring. Valentine Jr. waves his hands in front of him, pleading not to get hit. Malcolm spins the tube in his hands, and then shatters it over the captain’s head!
Wright: Hey! This one was over! That’s uncalled for!
Park: And what’s he doing, blasting Calico instead of Valentine?
The booing crowd does not appreciate the actions of Malcolm as Malcolm lays out thumbtacks like his Dad used to, though he is doing it in a hesitant and slightly remorseful fashion. Once the tacks are fully laid down, Evan grins and picks up Captain Calico, before picking up and dropping him with a burning hammer right on the tacks!
Wright: Evansent! Right on the damn tacks! What the hell?
Park: I can’t believe what we’re seeing! Damnit, what the hell?
Valentine Jr. and Malcolm Evans share an embrace in the ring, holding each other’s arms in victory. Standing just outside of the ring is Vodka Fizz, looking on, unsure of what to make of the situation.
Wright: Did New Money just… with Malcolm Evans… what did we just see?
Park: We’ll have to wait to find out what happens between these three men, but I’m detecting a lot of mixed motives here!
YOU WANTED THE BEST?
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT
JUNE 17TH AND 18TH
BATTLE OF THE BEST II
THE SLEAZIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME RETURNS TO FIRESIDE
AND HE'S PLAYING FOR KEEPS
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT
JUNE 17TH AND 18TH
BATTLE OF THE BEST II
THE SLEAZIEST PLAYER IN THE GAME RETURNS TO FIRESIDE
AND HE'S PLAYING FOR KEEPS
Wright: The former AWF Prestige champion just claimed an XHF spot at Battle of the Best!
Park: One of the biggest breakout stars of 2020, he's been here before and stolen the show, can he do it again AND steal the tournament?
Stanford: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall and is a last chance qualifier for Best of the best! Introducing first, weighing two hundred pounds… MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her opponent.
Wright: Mistress Discipline has a lot to prove after her devastating loss last week
Park: Lets see if she can put up.
Stanford: Introducing next, weighing in at 195 pounds, he is ….OTTO RITTER!!!
The opening riff begins to play as lights flicker off and on. We pan across the venue as the song continues. The opening words begin as we see Otto come out from the back. He walks up to the stage before pausing and surveying the venue. He walks down the ring with his hands behind his back, walking around the ring as the chaotic instrumentals blare over the speaker. He walks up the steps and onto the apron before wiping his feet and entering the holy land. He takes a step into the middle of the ring before pointing up a finger to the sky and mouthing something in german.
Wright: There’s no love lost between these two.
Park: Ritter should be able to take this one easily, but Mistress certainly has a way of surprising you when you least expect it.
Discipline keeps a wary eye on Ritter, finally stepping forward to offer a hand. Ritter eyes it for a second before shaking it, and the referee calls for the bell.
Wright: Nice display of sportsmanship from these two!
Park: We’re not here to see sportsmanship, somebody hit somebody!
The show of respect doesn’t last for long before Ritter unloads with a series of straight rights on Discipline, following through with a Belly-to-belly suplex. Ritter scrambles back to his feet, yanking Discipline up and following through with a belly-to-back suplex. He scrambles to his feet again, raising three fingers into the air before hauling Discipline up with a waistlock and slamming her with another suplex.
Park: Ritter is wasting no time here.
Wright: Right you are, Ungoo. Ritter is showing the difference between himself and Mistress Discipline.
Ritter covers Discipline for a pin.
...ONE…
...TWO….
...Kickout!
The crowd pops and Ritter slams his hand on the mat. He is quick to his feet again, pulling up Discipline after him and whipping the former champion into the ropes. Ritter charges at Discipline for the running clothesline but Discipline ducks, planting her feet and nailing Ritter with a bicycle kick!
Park: Finally some signs of life from Discipline.
Ritter wobbles and drops to one knee, but mostly manages to stay upright. Discipline attacks with a Shining Wizard that still fails to take Ritter to the mat, but Otto is slow to get back to his feet. Discipline continues to push the advantage, grabbing Ritter by the hair and pulling him down to the mat in a facebuster. Discipline goes for a pin.
...ONE…
...Kickout!!
Wright: A valiant effort from Mistress Discipline is not quite enough to put down Ritter.
Park: This man is a stallion, don't underestimate him.
Ritter gets up to his hands and knees, but Discipline is quick to press her advantage, hitting Ritter with a quick DDT. She hauls Ritter up to his feet and whips him into the corner, following with a running shoulder block, and then looping around for a leaping forearm strike!
Park: It looks like Otto Ritter is out on his feet.
Wright: Mistress Discipline is on a roll tonight! Early on it looked like Otto had this match on lock, but MD has come back in a big way!
Discipline lifts Ritter up onto her shoulders and nails the sitout powerbomb. She grabs Otto’s ankle for the Procedure, but Otto manages to fight his way out of it, using his feet to shove Discipline back into the ropes. Discipline bounces off the ropes, into the Blitzcombonation from Ritter!
Wright: Mistress Discipline falls victim to Das Blitzkind!
Park: That’s what she gets for getting cocky.
Discipline manages to get a hand on the ropes and the referee calls for the break. Ritter argues with the referee but the referee waves him off. Ritter looks frustrated, but goes to finish off Discipline. He hauls the former Spark champion to her feet. Ritter sets Discipline up for a Belly to Back suplex. Discipline lands on her feet, blasting Ritter from behind with another bicycle knee strike. She grabs Ritter and whips him into the ropes, popping him up in the air and nailing him with a sit-out pop-up powerbomb!
Wright: A modified Expulsion from Discipline!
Park: I don’t think Ritter saw that coming!
Discipline locks in the Detention! Ritter tries to fight back, but Discipline rolls through so that Ritter’s shoulders are on the mat!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!!!
The referee calls for the bell, and Ritter looks bewildered that Mistress has gotten the better of him. Mistress rolls out of the ring, raising her hands in victory as Otto argues with the referee that his shoulders weren;t on the mat. The referee waves Ritter off, and Das Blitzkind sulks in the ring as the crowd celebrates Mistress’ win.
Stanford: The winner of this match, and advancing to the Battle of the Best Tournament…. MISTRESS DISCIPLINE!!!
Wright: Mistress Discipline hasn't missed a step after her disappointing loss last episode.
Park: She might just win that title back if she keeps it up, especially if she draws Shane Locke in the tournament!
Wright: Only time will tell.
Park: Everyone has been bringing it so far tonight, I can’t help but wonder what’s next.
We open on a black screen.
???: Battle Of The Best? Yeah, sounds like someplace I oughta be.
A tight shot of the SWAT Amazons championship belt, panning out slowly to reveal it wrapped around the waist of Isabel Rios, outside on a clear, starry night in black leggings, black sports bra and high top sneakers. UnJoo Park has clearly forgotten to mute herself at ringside, joyously letting out that she's a hgue fan.
Park: IT'S ISABEL RIOS!!!
Rios: 16 competitors, sudden death, winner gets a championship match. It sounds like that's something I might be familiar with, right?
We cut to quick clips from the No Man's Land tournament, Isabel after defeating Blaze Freya, then after her victory over Kirsty McKinney, then finally Linda LaFey. She looks progressively worse for wear in each clip, but one thing's consistent: the referee is raising her hand, not anyone else's.
Rios: Making the most of winning a tournament, turning that title shot into title gold, feels a bit... comfortable, eh?
Shots of Isabel Rios in battle with Nicole Anderson, culminating in locking in the Koji Clutch for the choke out win, Rios having her arm raised, being presented the Amazons championship.
Rios: This is gonna be no walk in the park, that's for damn sure. But if you'll all permit me to steal an old line... You wanted the best? You got the best. The hottest rising star in XHF, the Amazons champion, Isabel Rios.
Isabel shoots the camera a grin.
Rios: See you soon, FIRESIDE.
Park: Hell yeah, Ollie! One of the best women's wrestlers in the business today, and she's coming for our tournament!
Wright: I'm as excited as you are!
The camera zooms in on Walter Stanford in the ring.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen! The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Fireside Tag Team Championship! Introducting first, weighing in at 422 pounds, INFINITE!
"What I'm Made Of" begins to play. The crowd boos, but the music seems to increase to drown them out. Finally, Joe Nobody appears on the left side of the Stage, Andrew Daniels appears on the right. They walk towards each other meeting in the middle. "Not!" screams Nobody, as he looks towards the ring. "Worthy!" screams Daniels as he does the same. The two then look back at each other, nod and head down to the ringpost
Wright: Joe Nobody has been waiting for months to get his hands on Donny Deville. Tonight, he finally gets his chance.
Park: Easy to understand why, too. Joe and Donny won the tag titles only for Johnny to dump his partner and team up with Kanyon. I'd be pissed too.
Wright: Deville and Kanyon have proven to be a remarkable unit in the interim; not only have they retained against all Fireside comers, they recently became the XHF Network Tag Champions.
Park: Speaking of Team USA....
Stanford: Introducing next, weighting in at 425 pounds, they are the Fireside Tag Team Champions, they are the Unique Stud Alliance, they are TEAM USA!!
The crowd is clearly behind the Studs as their mash up of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a a front flip and lands in the modern super hero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into in succession away from the men as they are in pose. Donny springing forth and flips his way down the ramp, each one adding more twists than the last, finally landing perfectly. Curtis walks nonchalantly behind and gives Donny a thumbs up with his free hand at the finish. Donny jumps up to the apron and pulls the ropes down, using them to launch himself on top before moonsaulting off of them, again landing in that hero pose. As he does, Curtis rolls into the ring and climbs a turnbuckle, then points to the crowd with his hammer before hoisting it straight up into the air, and yells "BANG!
Wright: This is Team USA's match to lose tonight.
Park: Deville's got to have a hell of a target on his back.
Wright: Nobody's out for blood; only time will tell if that comes back to bite him in the ass.
The referee calls for the bell and Nobody and Deville start off in the ring. Nobody lunges at Deville, who dodges out of the way, then immediately tages in Kanyon, leaving the ring. Nobody shouts at Deville, who mimics a yawn. Nobody grabs Deville, but Kanyon breaks it up with a with a slap. Nobody responds with a chop of his own. Kanyon catches Nobody and slams him to the mat with a double leg takedown. The former president rains down punches on the challenger, who covers up his head. Deville taunts Nobody from his corner. Kanyon finally hauls Nobody to his feet by the throat. Kanyon tries to set up the jackhammer, but Nobody manages to twist his body and land on his feet, He bounces off the ropes, but Deville stops him with a double axe handle.
Park: Any momentum Nobody might have been gathering was just stopped cold by Donny Deville.
Wright: Kanyon and Deville are looking to end this quick.
Kanyon hauls Joe Nobody up onto his shoulders and nailing a gorilla press slam. Kanyon goes for a pin, but Nobody reverses into an inside cradle!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Kickout!
Wright: As quick as that, Kanyon learns why you shouldn't underestimate Joe Nobody!
Park: Nobody almost stole back the titles Donny stole from him. That would have been embarrassing.
Before Kanyon can get to his feet, Nobody dives to the corner and tags in Daniels. Daniels comes in hot and nails Kanyon with a dropkick. Nobody follows up with a Superkick, and Daniels finishes the doubleteam combo with a spinebuster. Daniels goes for the pin, but Deville distracts the referee long enough for Kanyon to reverse the pinfall into a rollup of his own, which Nobody is quick to break up. The Referee tells Nobody he has to leave the ring. Nobody moves to comply while Kanyon and Daniels lock up. Kanyon blasts Daniels with a stiff fist and puts Daniels into an abdominal stretch, reaching out to tag in Deville who comes in with a kick to Daniels' ribs. Kanyon maintains his hold on Daniels while Deville follows up with a handspring back elbow into a belly to back suplex from Kanyon. Deville goes for the pin!
Wright: Another pin attempt after an incredible sequence of moves!
Park: Deville and Kanyon are a well oiled unit. If Nobody and Daniels can't come up with a way to break their stride then the Studs have got this in the bag.
...ONE…
...TWO…
Nobody breaks the count!
Wright: Nobody saves the match for Infinite!
Park: Not a moment too soon, either.
Kanyon barrels into Nobody, clotheslining him out of the ring and tumbling out after him. Daniels and Deville circle each other in the ring. Daniels is the first to attack with a running forearm, but Deville drops back to duck Daniels'a arm, following up with a pele kick. He kips up to his feet, running to the ropes to launch a springboard moonsault, which Deniels blocks by raising his knees. Daniels mounts Deville, locking in the triangle choke, which Deville reverses into a pin attempt. Before the ref can start the count Daniels breaks the hold.
Daniels and Deville both climb back to their feet. Deville bounces off the ropes, leaping at Daniels who reverses into a Spinebuster attempt that Deville reverses again into a DDT! Deville goes for the pinfal1l!
...ONE…
...TWO…
Joe Nobody just barely manages to break up the count!
Park: Another last-minute save by Joe Nobody!
Wright: It's starting to look more and more like Team USA might be an unsurmountable challenge.
Park: The Studs might just be worthier than Joe and Andrew gave them credit for.
Nobody grabs Deville from behind, hauling him up by the waist to nail his nemesis with a Victory Buster! Nobody is quick to his feet, roaring his defiance at the universe. He turns toward his corner just in time to be blasted by a clothesline from Kanyon. The former president hauls Nobody up to his feet again, whipping Nobody into the corner. He sets up for the BANG! but Nobody drops to the mat at the last moment. The Breaker of worlds slams into the ringpost, apparently knocking himself cold.
Wright: A slick dodge by Nobody takes The Breaker of Worlds out of the equation!
Park: If Infinite can get it together, this might be their opportunity.
Nobody takes the opportunity to drag Daniels closer to their own corner, climbing out of the ring and reaching out for the tag. Daniels, for his part, seems to catch on that Nobody wants to be the one to vanquish Deville, so he drags himself closer to the corner, reaching out so nobody can tag in. In the mean time, Deville manages to use the ropes to pull himself to his feet. He notices that Daniels is about to tag in the fresh Nobody. His eyes dart to his fallen partner, then he dives on Daniels, pulling him just out of Nobody's reach. Deville locks in a sleeper hold, trying to choke out Daniels. It looks for a moment like Daniels if fading, but he rallys and manages to get his feet underneath himself, , getting to his feet. Deville responds by locking in the body scissors. It looks like Daniels is fading fast, but he manages to take one step closer to his corner, then another. Through pure, brute force of will Daniels continues forward. Finally it looks like Deville is going to get the better of the challenger, with Daniels starting to sway backwards, his eyes rolling back in his head and saliva foaming at the edges of his mouth. With one last herculean effort, Daniels falls forward and tags Nobody in.
Wright: Daniels with the hot tag! Nobody is fresh, and Deville has already proven he doesn't want any of that!
Park: Not to mention, Deville's been getting the worst of it from Daniels for a while. You've got to expect that right now Infinite has the edge.
Deville looks furious, but he doesn't waste any time in taking the fight to his former partner. The two men pepper each other with alternating punches until Deville catches Nobody in the throat with a thumb. Deville bounces off the ropes, aiming for the step-up enziguri, but Nobody counters with a powerbomb. Deville rolls out of the ring, trying to catch his breath. Nobody looks at Deville struggling to get up at the barrier, then taunts the villain. One of the fans slips something into Deville's hands, which he tucks into his tights. Nobody catapults himself over the ropes onto Deville. Nobody hauls Deville to his feet then whips him into the ring post. He picks up Deville again and rolls Deville back into the ring, following in afterward. He hauls Deville up to his feet and executing the ComboBreaker!
Park: ComboBreaker! We're gonna have new Tag Team Champions!
Wright: Nobody plants Deville in the middle of the ring! It could be! It might be!
Nobody goes for the pin!
...ONE…
...TWO…
Kanyon breaks up the pin with a kick to the side of Nobody's head!
Wright: Kanyon saves it!
Park: The former president was in the right place at the right t
Kanyon follows up with a sitout piledriver to Nobody, leaving the challenger prone in the middle of the ring. He goes to check on Deville, who slips the former president whatever it was he'd been given by the fan. Deville points to the corner, where Kanyon goes to wait. Deville hauls Nobody to his feet, whipping him into the corner opposite Kanyon, who gets in position for the BANG! Deville whips Nobody toward Kanyon, but Nobody reverses. Deville slams into Kanyon, who is then clotheslined out of the ring by Daniels. Kanyon drags Daniels out with him. Daniels and Kanyon brawl on the outside while Nobody hauls Deville to his feet, signaling that he's going to end it. Nobody tries for another ComboBreaker, but Deville counters by shoving Nobody into the referee and then following up with a low blow. Kanyon nails Daniels with the BANG! on the outside. He flips up the ring apron then pulls a the item Deville handed off to him out of his tights, revealing it to be a pair of handcuffs. While the referee is recovering, Kanyon handcuffs Daniels to the steel structure on the underside of the ring.
Wright: Kanyon uses the handcuffs that Deville got from the fan? This must be the insurance policy that Deville was talking about.
Park: I like this dark side to Kanyon. I think I could get behind a villainous Team USA!
Deville taunts Nobody, who is struggling after the low blow, but still doesn't go for the pinfall. He hauls Nobody up to his feet, whipping him into a devastating BANG! From Kanyon, which Deville follows up with the Main Attraction!
Park: BANG! BOOM! From the Studs! Joe Nobody is DONE!
Daniels struggles to try and get into the ring, but the handcuffs hold strong. Deville goes for the pinfall, and Kanyon counts along with the referee.
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!!!!!!!
The referee calls for the bell, and Team USA raise each other's hands in victory as they're handed their title belts. Deville stands over Joe Nobody, shaking his head and mouthing the words 'You can't beat me, Joe.'
Wright: Team USA retains the Fireside Tag Team Championships!
Park: Looks like Infinite wasn't quite infinite enough to overcome the champs. Pity.
Wright: But the Studs don't have time to enjoy their victory; their next challengers are waiting in the wings. Be it for the XHF tag titles or the Fireside ones, there are two big targets on the Unique Stud Alliance's backs, and they'll be defending the network's gold at the Battle of the Best against opponents being named tomorrow night on the website.
Park: I, for one, am looking forward to see what our tag team champs do next!
Wright: This match was amazing, and we've STILL got the X-Crown to come!
A familiar cackle echoes throughout the arena, one that strikes fear into the heart of many. The trons buzz to life, emitting a black and white static. A distorted but familiar voice hisses through the static.
Majesty: It has been.. far... too ... long.
Their face does not appear, but instead, a pair of eyes and a wicked grin form from the fuzzy static image. Their voice pierces the air, as if just slightly of a pitch/tenor that is... unnatural.
Majesty: We have shown you only one small fraction of our true power. Imagine if you will, one grain of sand sitting upon the tip of your little bitty pinky finger. That... is the amount of power we've brought into this world.
There's a low rumble through the arena and the floor shakes, ever so slightly. People glance around, uncomfortable and uneasy. The hissing begins again, and this time, static fuzz floats in the air, the lights in the arena flashing on and off in random sequence.
Majesty: I have earned the privilege of determining what type of match we shall have for that World Championship, Esmur. And while I had some cute ideas...
The lights suddenly go dark with a hum. There's a brief lull of silence. A single spotlight flashes on and illuminates the Feywild Figure in the center of the ring, resplident in a gigantic wide-brimmed hat. The brim hides their face, but a sly grin can be seen peeking out beneath it. They clear their throat.
Majesty: Friends... folks... esteemed colleagues... it is my honor to inform you all that at Battle of the Best, Esmur will be stepping into the ring with yours truly...
A low growl starts, quiet at first, before ramping into a high pitched screech. Majesty throws their head back and lets it grow into a full on cackle. Their eyes are wide, bloodshot, with blackish red bags beneath them. Their grin seems to be even wider now, like their lips are taking up a large portion of their face, seemingly stretched past the breaking point. Blood trickles down around the edge of their mouth, and a different voice shrieks out.
Majesty: INSIDE A BLAZING INFERNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHHA!
The ring posts ERUPT into flame as if on command. The pyres billow up towards the rooftop and then grow larger, eventually consuming the ring. Then quickly, all the flames subside. Majesty is gone.
Park: Oh my-- did we just hear what I think we heard?
Wright: I don't want to watch, Park, but it sounds like Majesty and Esmur are going to go head to head in an inferno match!
The tron illuminates in a darkened room. There is a single flickering flame in view. Into the dim light leans the face of the Fireside World Champion, Esmur. He looks annoyed. He looks angry. He looks determined. The fire dances in front of him, reflecting in his eyes.
Esmur: MAJESTY. Your name alone sends shivers down the spines of lesser beings. That doctor manager for the first SPARK Champion, some of the competitors in that initial 10 person tag match. The announcers. And I admit. There was, for the briefest of moments, a point where I was legitimately concerned for our well-being in your presence. When my partner was seemingly teleported into my submission. There was no physical way it should have happened. What were you?, I thought.
He snaps his fingers and the room lights up and the flame dies. He stands in his locker room wearing his title belt around his waist and his iconographic robe on his body. Behind him stands his partner Gebin. Looking a bit ashamed and bit put out.
Gebin: Had it remained there you may have maintained that advantage. That psychological edge.
Esmur snarls into the camera.
Esmur: But you pushed that advantage too far. You tried to touch a nerve, and some would say you did. But it did not have the desired effect. You want to make me choose between a piece of metal and leather, which is rightfully mine and would be returned to me by the Fireside staff … or my best friend. My compatriot. The man who has stood by my side as his brother suffered immeasurable damage thanks to false Gods and religious fanatics. He who has had my back when life put us on the street. A being who has been my blood brother through religious rites, cult gatherings, and destitution. There was NEVER a choice MAJESTY.
Gebin: They think they’re funny. They think they’re threatening. They think they’re a higher being than the rest of us schmucks.
The two men scoff.
Esmur: They made … a fatal error in judgment. You threatened the one thing in this world I care about, that has never betrayed me. You thought it would get in my head and destabilize me and make it easier for your mind games to work. All you’ve done is laser focus me. And now … you want to give me the chance to purge the demon of Fireside in a baptism of fire. How poetic. MAJESTY … you are no higher being, you are no God. You can do amazing things. But I can do impossible things. Hyperion thought himself a titan, he was felled. Misha sees himself as a God, laid low. YOU see yourself as inevitable. There is no such thing. And I will purge you in flames and SCOUR YOU FROM THE EARTH. This title … is mine. And Fireside needs a worthy champion. Not some agent of chaos. I may be atheistic, I’m not apathetic. You wanna douse the world in fuel? I’ll strike the damn match.
The screen fades.
Stanford: The following main event is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the X-CROOOOOOWWWNNN CHAAAAAMPIIIIIONNNNNNNNSHIPP!
The legal-capacity crowd rises to their feet in unison to cheer for the huge match they’re about to see.
Wright: UnJoo, did you think seven months ago, seven months ago when FIRESIDE started, that we would ever have a chance to call a one-on-one X-Crown match?
Park: Absolutely not, Oliver! And I couldn’t imagine a better partner. Philadelphia is live and ready to go for what should be a monumental match. I’ve got goosebumps!
Wright: So do I!
Stanford: Introducing first… the challenger...
"Since man cannot live without miracles,
He will provide himself with the miracles of his own making.
He will believe in any kind of deity,
Even though he may otherwise be a heretic, an atheist, and a rebel."
Stanford: ...weighing in tonight at 175 pounds, from Los Angeles, California, representing FIRESIDE, SELF-MADE GOD, MISSSSHAAA CONSSTAAAANTINEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Drums crescendo as the golden sarcophagus cracks and falls apart for the evening, revealing the smirking form of Misha Constantine, who begins his walk to the ring as 'In The Name Of God' pounds from the speakers.
Flames!!!
In the age of Hell!!!
In the age of fire!!!
War!!!
In the name of God!!!
In the holy empire!!!
Wright: I’m sure if Misha had his say he’d say he wasn’t representing FIRESIDE, but in spite of our company and our fans. He has taken their scorn and abuse since the beginning, harnessing their hatred to become great.
Park: That is a man with a determined look in his eyes tonight. We have heard from Misha directly about the horrible things he would inflict upon the champion, the things he would do to Dylan Black in the name of vindication. Tonight is just a singles match, but you get the sense one of these two men would kill the other over the gold.
Constantine casually slides into the ring, rolling over and kipping up effortlessly. He extends both arms and gives the audience both middle fingers, leisurely turning to ensure everyone gets a view.
Wright: Always classy.
Park: Adrien Cochrane had love when going to war with the Cybernetic Psychopath, how will hate fare for Misha Constantine? Will he become the first transgender X-Crown champion in the history of the XHF?
Wright: Imagine the headlines -- not just here in the XHF, but ALL OVER the world if he can find a way to get it done tonight.
As Misha Constantine settles into his corner, the camera picks up on the fact that Misha is all alone...
Wright: No sign of Misha’s bodyguard Johnny Five tonight.
Park: Will that come back to bite him?
...and that right in the front row is the Shining Star, MYOJIN, having stopped eating his popcorn to lock eyes with the Self-Made God. Misha spits in his direction, extremely displeased to see him.
Wright: MYOJIN has been banned from this match as a wrestler, but he’s promised to be on his best behavior as a ticket-paying fan. Will we see him get involved?
Park: Officials did everything in their power to keep him far away from this match, but the blood may boil over for these two men tonight.
This interaction has given Walter Stanford enough time to reach into his jacket to pull out a rolled-up scroll.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been asked to read out a special introduction for the X-Crown champion this evening.
He begins to unfurl the scroll.
Stanford: Please rise to your feet and cheer for your destruction, as tonight this man brings Ragnarok to FIRESIDE. Show your appreciation for the man who is resuming his X-Crown Tour of Destruction tonight, a tour where he beat Rob Arnold, Momoko Honda, Michael Brewer…
Fans of the X-Crown champion who quickly realize this is about to become a list begin counting on their fingers behind him.
Stanford: ...Wolf Fang Ayame, Esmaralda Kanyon, Deco, Lord Dominicus…
The crowd pops for the mention of Lord Dominicus, but are growing increasingly unsettled by the length of this list. The fans counting are already on their second hands with no sign of the announcer slowing down.
Stanford: ...Eddie D, Evil-Borg, Hyperion, Dev, Big Bone, Keith Williams…
The booing starts to get louder. Misha Constantine, to his credit, isn’t showing much of a reaction as he leans against his corner, being forced to wait by the champion. He keeps himself loose as he looks up the ramp.
Stanford: ...Eric Dane, Steve Awesome, Armand von Krauss, El Rey, Pepe Morales…
Park: How long does this list go?
Stanford: ...the entire 2021 XHF Rumble class, and now tonight, will add Misha Constantine to that list!
The crowd voices their disapproval for both men, but it’s extra loud for the length of this damn list.
Wright: Walter just read out 19 names on that list, 19 men and women and an entire Rumble could not stop this man from capturing his destiny!
"A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL!"
The opening riffs play as the lights flicker and dim. As the lyrics begin, Dylan Black walks out through the curtains. Instead of his usual attire, he is dressed in all black, with tattered robes flowing around him. In his hands are two belts - his X*Crown Championship, and the GWA World Championship in the other. He holds his hands up and out, soaking it in as the music continues. The serious demeanor kicks in and be begins to march down the ramp.
Stanford: Coming down the ramp now, from Boston, Massachusetts, weighing in at 218 pounds, he is the REIGNING, WORLDWIDE DEFENDING, XHF VIOLENT X*CROWN CHAMPION! You know him as the Parental Advisory, the Messiah of Mayhem, the Self-Made Godkiller, DYLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN BLAAAAACK!
Dylan's robe easily flows off onto the ground as he stands at the ring, looking up at Misha. He slowly walks around the ring, his eyes never breaking from Constantine's. His pace slowing to torture Misha. Black walks up the steps to the ring, stepping up to Misha and raising both belts in the air, an arrogant smirk on his face!
Wright: The Cybernetic Psychopath, ladies and gentlemen… look at that body, those two robotic hands and the leg, scars from wars within Champoon Wrasslin’. 2020 was the worst year ever for most, but for him, it was his best year ever. 202 days with the Crown, and now he looks to lay down 200 more.
Park: Let’s not forget that he has promised the Ragnarok, the end of all things FIRESIDE tonight. The winner of the 2021 XHF Rumble and eliminator of FIRESIDE’s Self-Made God has a lot on his plate tonight, this won’t be eas easy as tossing Misha over the ropes. He has to put him down or tap him out.
Wright: But if there’s anyone who could, it’s certainly Black. Black has sixty hardcore championships to his name, and now all of those deceased world championships within the Crown. If there’s anyone equipped to be a Self-Made God, it’s the champion.
The referee takes both belts from Dylan, who knows the drill all too well by now. She holds both belts in the air, before passing them off to Walter and running down the rules with both men.
Park: Speaking of equipment, do you think we will see Dylan Black dig into his hardcore back of tricks tonight?
Wright: Maybe, but this is just a singles match. Dylan could retain by disqualification or countout tonight.
Park: But I get the feeling that if referee Melanie Davenport counted out FIRESIDE’s only chance at the X-Crown, she might be out of a job.
Wright: All referees are to keep things fair and impartial -- and if she did, I’m sure Dylan would make sure she had a comfy place to go in J-ROK.
Park: No sign of Darlene Price or Bigby of E.V.E. fame, either. Either both men are going solo, or both men have tricks up their sleeve. We’ll see.
The size difference is on full display, with Dylan Black being both forty pounds heavier and five inches taller than Misha Constantine. The crowd roars one more time as the two championship belts are placed down by ringside, and then she calls for the bell. It rings.
Wright: And here we go!
Park: Dylan Black and Misha Constantine are going at it for the biggest prize in our sport!
‘Going at it’ is an apt term for what immediately devolves into a fist fight! The two men are hammering away at each other, much to the crowd’s delight. The time for flashy entrances has come to an end as both of these competitors look to bring about the other’s demise. As one might expect, the bigger Dylan Black manages to come out on the upper end of the fisticuffs, grabbing Constantine and irish whipping him hard to the corner, but Misha runs up the turnbuckles and backflips over the champion!
Wright: Dylan hits fast and hard, but Misha is as acrobatic as they come!
Park: That size advantage though! If Misha gets caught, Black might be able to really throw him around!
Dylan Black leans against the ropes, the nodding look he gives Misha indicating that he may have to adjust for Constantine being able to match and maybe even surpass his speed. The two men circle up this time, both looking for the opening to get in and really start doing damage. Dylan lunges forward, but Misha actually gets down and sweeps a foot up, striking with a Martelo de Negativa kick!
Wright: Right in the jaw with that kick! That’s a hard move to defend against, it comes out of nowhere!
Park: An unpredictable offense is what it’s going to take for Constantine to overcome and cement his legacy, it’s a good start!
Constantine reaches down and grabs Black, trying to get a firm grasp of his wrists to begin a series of painful stomps to the head, but Dylan has seen this one before and shifts his body, turning and shifting his weight to send Constantine crashing into the ropes throat first.
Wright: But Dylan has called Misha predictable, and he had those wrist lock head stomps well guarded!
Black seizes his moment while Misha is still leaning down against the middle rope and puts a knee on the back of his head, pulling up the top rope so he can use the middle to choke out his opponent! Referee Melissa Davenport begins counting!
Wright: Dylan’s cutting off Misha’s air supply here!
Park: A smart strategy, but he has until the count of five to release the hold!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
...FOUR!
...Black finally releases the hold! The crowd boos!
Wright: The champion used every bit of the referee’s count to inflict pain and suffering on the challenger!
Park: And that’s the type of offense that has helped Dylan reign over the XHF for so long!
Dylan Black stands up over his opponent as Misha falls down to the mat to grab his throat and desperately attempt to recover some air. The reaction is not the hero’s welcome he had come to expect for standing toe-to-toe with Misha. Some fans are cheering for the destruction of both men, and there are plenty of detractors for both the X-Crown champion and his challenger. He stands over Constantine, who is still struggling to breathe properly.
Dylan: Where is the FIRE you brought to the Rumble?
Black uses Misha’s hand and arm to pull him into a seated position, before immediately slapping him back down with a strong showing of disrespect. The crowd boos.
Wright: This started as a bit of a back-and-forth but we’re beginning to see signs of dominance from Black.
Park: He commands respect Oliver, even if he doesn’t at all care about giving it to others.
Wright: This crowd may respect him, but they certainly don’t like him!
Black gets some speed by bouncing off the ropes and comes back with a falling forearm. Constantine is still in a dangerous place here, only exasperated by the potential head trauma. He looks to reach out to the ropes, but Dylan is on top of him, hooking the leg.
...ON-Constantine kicks out!
Wright: Dylan might be rolling right now, but that forearm didn’t even get a full one count!
Park: Constantine is down, but it’s going to take a whole lot more to render him down and out.
Constantine finally manages to grab onto the bottom rope and pull himself out of the ring to create some space between himself and the Messiah of Mayhem. To his credit, Black is right on top of him, unwilling to let the challenger create distance and put his intelligence to work. The referee’s count rings out in the background as Black gets his man, clubbing Misha’s back as he leans against the barricade.
...ONE!
Wright: These two have to be careful not to get counted out here!
Park: I’m sure they both fully know the risks of being outside -- Misha absolutely needed to get some space and come back strong, but Dylan isn’t letting him have a single bit of offense here. He’s really out to prove he can handle anyone!
Black grabs Misha and pushes him up against the barricade even harder, then strikes his chest with a hard palm strike, drawing an empathetic reaction from the crowd as the sound echoes throughout the arena.
...TWO!
Wright: Those robotic hands of Dylan are real killers!
Park: Did you hear the sound that made? Ow!
The X-Crown champion looks over his shoulder and spots the steel steps. He grabs Misha and pulls him towards the metal, looking to end his night and crush the former FIRESIDE titleholder. He gets behind Misha and lifts him off the floor, but Misha throws an elbow, desperately trying to avoid the german suplex!
...THREE!
Wright: If Dylan plants Misha with that german suplex, that’s a concussion and a match-ender right there!
Park: Are you kidding? He could break his damn neck!
Misha Constantine’s feet have returned to the floor but Black hasn’t relinquished his grasp of Constantine’s mid-section. If anything, he’s trying even harder to drop the man straight on his head, but Misha throws another elbow, generating enough space to break free and jump onto the barricade, before moonsaulting off of it!
...FOUR!
Wright: Constantine strikes back with a big sign of life! That moonsault caught Dylan off guard!
Constantine spots the steel steps and the intense look in his eyes turns sadistic. He grabs Black by the back of the head and forcefully slams his face down on the steel!
...FIVE!
Wright: Misha’s digging into his own violent tendencies here!
Park: You don’t beat someone like MAJESTY in a cage match without being able to tap into another level of thinking!
Constantine grabs Black’s head and slams it again! Black has nowhere to go as his head is bounced off the steel for a third time before Misha finally releases him! The camera catches blood beginning to flow from above Black’s eye as the crowd boos!
...SIX!
Wright: Look at that blood! Black’s eye doesn’t look good from here!
Park: This is absolutely vicious! Misha Constantine will seemingly do anything to erase all of doubt and climb the top of the mountain!
Misha kicks Black right in the sternum, eliciting a pained reaction from the champion. He stands over him and gives him the finger.
Misha: FUCK YOU, there’s the FIRE!
...SEVEN!
Wright: Constantine has his moment, getting back at Dylan there, but he has to be careful not to get counted out!
Park: I’m sure he knows that, but this is a man that works off of anger and hatred. He has to keep feeding that maliciousness, it nourishes him.
Constantine bends down and picks up Dylan. His eyes are full of rage as he forces him back into the ring, then takes a moment to soak in the boos from the fans in the crowd. He doesn’t acknowledge them as he climbs back in, instead going for a cover.
...ONE!
...T-Kickout!
Wright: Only two there!
The eye contact Misha has with the referee indicates that he’s not thrilled about the speed of the count, but he knows he has to resume his focus. He grabs Dylan’s arm and looks at it, eyeing up the mechanical hand of his opponent before grabbing Dylan’s other hand for a wrist lock. With a brutality in every step, he begins stomping on Dylan’s face, right at the point of the cut!
Wright: Oh God! This is hard to watch!
Park: He may damn well blind Black with those stomps!
Luckily for Dylan, he manages to crunch Misha’s fingers enough to get one of his hands free, leaving him open to grab the bottom rope for freedom. Referee Melissa Davenport counts again.
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE…
Misha releases before the count of four, having taken the extra time to study Black’s hands again.
Wright: What is going through the mind of Misha Constantine right now?
Park: You can see he’s trying to figure Dylan out, those hands have rendered many a man useless in the past!
The champion manages to get himself fully free, but before he can do much, the challenger grabs his hand again, this time focusing on the arm! Dylan throws a straight jab with his another hand, but Constantine ducks the punch and then sends himself over the ropes, forcibly extending the arm and crashing it against the ropes!
Wright: That might be one way to disable the hands of the champion, simply go up the arm to the point that his body is human again!
Park: He’s an acrobatic martial artist, there’s a lot of tricks in that man’s arsenal!
Constantine ignores the crowd complaining about his offensive stretch and climbs back up the apron before deciding to scale the top rope. He waits for Black to make it back up to his feet and then leaps off, propelling himself forward with a diving European Uppercut, but the champion responds with a bicycle knee strike!
Wright: Diasterpiece! Dylan Black responds with the Disasterpiece out of nowhere!
Park: Is it enough to put down Constantine for the three?
...ONE…
...TW-
Constantine gets a shoulder up!
Wright: No, but holy hell he rocked him with that knee!
Park: The champion takes back the momentum in a big way!
Black leans against the ropes, checking the bloody cut above his eye. It does not look good, but the champion simply wipes the blood from his face with his arm. He leaves the ring and grabs a chair, bringing it back into the ring with him. He taunts his challenger, who currently looks like he’s apartment shopping on dream street.
Dylan: Is that all you got?
Wright: The champion gives the disrespect right back to Misha, and now what the hell is he doing with that chair?
Park: He’s got the champion’s advantage! If he gets disqualified, this match still goes his way, as he walks out with the titles!
Wright: Misha questioned his motivation when he was fighting Adrien, maybe it’s the same thing here--
Black bangs the chair into the mat but referee Melissa Davenport intervenes. Black seems to play coy about the rules, but she isn’t having any of it. He hands over the chair surprisingly willingly, and she moves to hand it over back to the timekeeper. There is a sly grin from the champion.
Wright: --wait a minute!
Park: Wait! This is a rookie referee, she’s playing into his hand!!
Black comes over and forcibly jabs his metal finger into Constantine’s eyesocket!
Wright: No! No damnit!
Park: Davenport never saw it! Shades of Black’s defense against Big Bone!
Dylan Black grabs Misha Constantine and pulls him backward, contorting Misha’s entire body into a painful curl, before driving forward with his foot and stomping the back of his head into the canvas!
Wright: Wicked Stepsister! Wicked Stepsister!
Park: No! Not this way!
The crowd boos loudly as the referee turns around, right in time to see Dylan pinning his challenger!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Misha Constantine kicks out! The crowd cheers!
Wright: FIRESIDE’s chances of winning the X-Crown almost went up in smoke there!
Park: Black manipulated the referee to get exactly what he wanted, and it almost paid off big for him!
Dylan Black leans against the ropes, his face betraying him as you can see the look of anger and frustration beginning to build in the champion as his challenger keeps finding the strength and determination to kick out. He waves off the booing crowd before grabbing Misha from behind and hoisting him back up to his feet, then locking in a reverse bearhug with a double stomach claw!
Wright: Three Nights of Hell! Oh no! Ladies and gentlemen, this could be it!
Park: Black will break Misha’s ribcage and his spirit with this move if the challenger isn’t careful!
Black rips at his opponent’s insides, then screams at him to add more pain to the suffering.
Dylan: I AM THE GODKILLER!
The crowd is on the edge of their seats as Misha flails wildly towards the ropes, hoping to cling onto them for a rope break. He almost makes it twice before the champion cinches in the hold even tighter, causing Constantine to scream out in pain and gasp for air!
Wright: It’s not looking good for the challenger!
Park: You can start to see the will get sucked right out of him in front of thousands of Philadelphians! This hurts to watch, Oliver!
Constantine’s next urge to break out of the hold is to try to roll forward into some kind of hurricanrana, but the champion uses his weight advantage to firmly keep Misha’s rocket strapped to the ground. The referee asks Misha if he would like to quit, but he simply shakes his head and screams his answer.
Misha: FUCK NO!
The Philadelphia crowd eats this up, cheering loudly for the swear. You can hear the commotion as Constantine squeezes and tries to wiggle out of the hold with any amount of strength he has left in him. His opponent looks on with a devilish possessiveness in his eyes, Dylan Black can feel he’s this close to victory and getting the hell out of this city. To make matters worse for his opponent, Black lifts him off his feet, really digging into his sides and trying to crack his opponent like an egg.
Wright: Dylan Black has the whole world in his hands right now, and he’s not letting go anytime soon!
Park: I think he’d rather pass out than submit, Oliver!
UnJoo’s commentary is spot-on as Misha’s head begins to droop in pain from how long the submission has been applied. He looks similar to a student falling asleep in class, falling forward then immediately jolting back upward as his vindictive schoolmaster keeps the hold applied. His eyes close, and the referee raises the challenger’s arm. It drops along with the rest of his body, sending both men to the mat.
Wright: Constantine might be out! He’s not moving!
Park: If that arm drops three times, you can call this a successful defense for Black!
As the referee goes to lift Misha’s arm once more, a funny thing happens: the crowd cheers again, trying to rally the former FIRESIDE world champion to bring the titles home to Philadelphia. The cheering and the chanting gets louder, but quickly hits a point of silence as Davenport raises his hand once more, and it drops again.
Wright: That’s two! One more, and it’s all over!
Park: Oh, it was a good effort, damnit, but just not enough tonight for Constantine on the grandest stage of his life!
The crowd comes right back, cheering again as the champion keeps the hold applied. The ring microphone picks up the words of the Messiah of Mayhem:
Dylan: THIS IS THE END OF YOU CONSTANTINE! THIS ENDS NOW!
The arm raises...
Wright: The champion is screaming at a man I’m not even sure is conscious at this point!
...the arm drops!
Park: He’s out! It’s game over! Long live the Cybernetic Psychopath!
...onto the bottom rope! Misha grabs it firmly! The fans erupt!
Wright: He’s still alive! He’s still kicking! Holy shit, can you believe it?
Park: Listen to these fans, they can’t believe it either!
Only in an X-Crown match could these fans possibly find Misha Constantine worth cheering for, but here we are, and they’re all on their feet, rallying behind the man who represents the company they love. Dylan Black sits on the mat and seemingly goes numb for a few moments, the Godkiller having been exhausted by the Self-Made God. His wide eyes quickly shift back to reality as he shakes himself back into the match, then goes for a cover.
...ONE…
...TWO....
...T-Kickout!
Black pins him again.
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Kickout!
Wright: What’s he doing? Black looks like he’s lost it in there!
Park: He may have, but each kickout takes more energy and wind out of Misha, and we have no idea what condition those ribs of his are now in!
Black sucks it up and gets back up to his feet, shaking his head that his challenger simply won’t give in to his wishes. He grabs Misha and sets him up in the corner, pulling his legs apart. He backs up, and the fans rise again, knowing what comes next might be the end of this match, in one way or another.
Wright: Dylan’s looking for the Gold Rush and making no point to hide his intentions from the referee!
Park: It’s a kick to the groin, it’s a disqualification here in FIRESIDE if he hits this! What a way it would go, to end this match on this note!
Black charges forward, but Misha manages to shift all of his body weight to one side, and deliver a swift kick to the champion’s head, making him stumble backward! The crowd cheers as Constantine gets a head of steam going, running around the ring apron and leaping onto the ropes, before leaping forward with a 450 splash!
Wright: How the hell is he doing this -- Orbital Strike incoming!
Black grabs the referee, using her as a meat shield, and Constantine sends everyone down to the mat when he connects! The crowd boos the dirty move!
Wright: Black pulled Davenport out in front of him! What a despicable move!
Park: You have to do anything you can to hold onto the X-Crown!
Constantine hooks the leg!
...But the referee is down! Misha looks around, only now realizing the situation he’s in!
Wright: No referee, Misha!
Constantine rolls out of the ring almost immediately, grabbing the chair from earlier, before deciding instead on the X-Crown. The crowd cheers loudly for this, and Misha quickly looks around, completely unused to the cheers. He curses to himself and gets back into the ring, shaking his head. Black has managed to crawl to the corner and leans against the bottom rope. Misha puts the title into his hands.
Misha: KISS IT GOODBYE!
The crowd cheers as even they’ve heard the challenger taunt the champion. The challenger ascends to the top rope, except he’s all the way across the ring. The fans rise to their feet, knowing what’s coming.
Wright: Is Constantine about to Chase the Devil?
Park: It’s gonna take a devil to put down a psychopath, Self-Made-God-willing!
Constantine leaps forward, delivering the flying somersault dropkick and kicking the championship belt into Black’s bloody face! The crowd roars!
Wright: Chase the Devil!
Park: But there’s still no referee! This is all great, but we don’t have a damn ref out here!
The black-eyed challenger rises back to his feet, the camera catching the highlight of the Wicked Stepsister Constantine took earlier in the match. He looks at Davenport, who is clearly still very much out cold, and then grabs Dylan Black, summoning the last bits of strength left to put him up onto the second rope. He climbs up and gets a look at the way down, not wanting to fall.
Wright: Constantine’s looking for that Divine Fire Driver, if he hits this, it’s over!
Park: Do it! There’s no referee though!
Dylan Black suddenly kicks back to life, headbutting the challenger! He grabs him for the suplex, then turns, trying to send Misha packing with the Ragnarok!
Wright: Black has come back from the dead and almost has Misha up!
Park: This is too much! One of these two is going to end the other, right here, right now!
Black goes to fall backward, but Misha knees him in the face, creating an opening for him to land on the top rope! He hooks the arms and leaps forward, planting Black vertically on his head!
Wright: Misha Constantine got him up vertically in the air for the Divine Fire Driver!
Park: We need a ref out here! Come on, ref! Davenport, get up! Wake him up Misha!
Misha is desparately shaking referee Melissa Davenport, but she’s simply not coming to! Misha screams out in frustration as the crowd is on the edge of their seats!
Park: We need a-- hang on, Caffrey?
The FIRESIDE owner stands at the top of the ramp, launching the crowd into even louder cheers! He sprints down and slides in, then shouts to Misha!
Caffrey: MISHA! COVER HIM!
Wright: The cover--what the hell?
The crowd counts along!
Crowd:
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THRE-
Dylan Black gets the shoulder up!
Wright: THREE! HE DID IT!
Park: NO! NO HE DIDN’T! HE’S SIGNALING ONLY TWO! MISHA IS LIVID! THE FANS CAN’T BELIEVE IT! CAFFREY CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Caffrey holds his head in his hands, jolting around the ring and shaking his head in shock. Misha hates every second of this and gets up, yelling at the owner about not counting to three.
Wright: Misha thought he had him! I thought he did too!
Park: Is it even legal for him to be out here counting pins? He’s yelling that has to be impartial, but I don’t know!
In the midst of the argument, Dylan Black rolls up Misha Constantine! The crowd boos furiously, especially as a conflicted Caffrey drops to his knees to make the count!
Wright: Wait-- a new count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...TH-NO!
Misha Constantine kicks out!
Wright: How is either one of those two men functioning? Black just sprang out of nowhere and almost got the three!
Park: And now he’s just as mad!
Dylan: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THIS!
Black puts his hands on Caffrey, lifting him up for the suplex before dropping him with the Ragnarok! The fans are booing as loud as they can!
Wright: Dylan Black had enough of the owner there!
Park: He stuck his head where it didn’t belong, no wonder why!
The fans let Black hear it, pouring in the boos as he leans against the ropes -- only to be hit by a second rope spin kick from Constantine!
Wright: Undyne’s Spear! Black was still worked up and never saw it coming!
Park: He’s down, and Davenport’s finally showing some signs of life over there! This is his moment!
Constantine climbs up top one more time, then leaps off, crashing down with a shooting star senton!
Wright: Irae Dei! Irae Dei! Constantine took full advantage of the distraction!
Park: This could be it!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Wright: NO WAY! HE DID IT! HE DID IT!
Park: I NEED TO HEAR THE ANNOUNCEMENT, I DON’T BELIEVE IT!
Stanford: Here is your winner, and the NEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW X-CROWWWWWWWWWWWWWN CHAMPIOOOOOOOOON, MISSSSHAAAAAAAAAAA CONSTANTINNEEEEEEEEEEE!
The crowd roars!
Wright: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? MISHA CONSTANTINE, THE SELF-MADE GOD, SLAYS THE GODKILLER!
Park: WHAT A WIN! WHAT A MATCH! WHAT A MOMENT FOR MISHA CONSTANTINE AND HIS ENTIRE COMMUNITY!
Johnny Five has broken into a full sprint to join in the festivities as the cheering crowd celebrates, taking the time to share in a hug of brotherly love. Constantine is having a difficult time processing all of this, definitely needing a moment to get his composure as he buries his head in the mat. It takes Davenport a little while to find the X-Crown championship, but she hands over both the Crown and the GWA World Championship to Constantine.
Wright: Constantine did it! He did it! Dylan Black gave it everything he had and then some and then even more, but Constantine somehow got it done, granted with some questionable tactics at the end, but a champion’s a champion!
Park: You’re usually the one to call it, and I’ll say it now -- I don’t know if Misha gets it done without the… accidental assist, especially with Black being such a dominant champion and nearly breaking him in half tonight, but the record books will only say his name, now how it happened.
Wright: And they’ll also say --- hey, is he going to speak?
An exhausted, black-eyed Constantine has demanded a microphone. He leans against Five for support, almost incapable of walking at this point from such a hellacious match. The fireworks come to an abrupt halt as the balloons continue to pour down from the ceiling.
Misha: Cut my music, I have something to say!
He swallows his spit and wipes the sweat off his brow.
Misha: ...none of you cheered me the minute I came here. Don’t you DARE fucking cheer me now. FUCK YOU! FUCK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! WORSHIP THE SELF-MADE GOD!
The last thing we see and hear as the show comes to a close is a packed crowd booing their lungs out at the sight of Misha Constantine, the Self-Made God, holding the X-Crown championship high above his head with one hand, and flashing the middle finger with the other.