Post by Mongo the Destroyer on May 9, 2017 2:07:08 GMT -5
*Once again we find ourselves in the black-colored room with a white screen in the middle. XHF Interviewer, Nelly Angel, slides in the side of the camera frame, microphone in hand.*
Nelly: March 30th, 2008. The final Night of Champions from the XHF’s original run. On a night of fun and mayhem, something much darker was lurking.
*The screen lights up with a silent video of the Borgs, the evil team from an equally evil alternate future, making their way down to the ring.*
Nelly: The Borgs, bent on finally achieving their mission to destroy the past and rock us into their dastardly “Afterward” took a mighty gamble. But Team Tron came to save the day.
*Slow motion video plays of the “Time Buster” exploding and Evil-Borg dropping to his knees.*
Nelly: The gambit did not pay off, and the Borgs were trapped in our current time. But what became of them? As many of you know, Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg spent some time in XHF No Mercy before dropping off the radar. Nobody knows what happened to Mini-Borg, though some speculate he is wrestling under an assumed identity in Mexico. But what of the warrior of the team? What happened to Gold-Borg?
*A picture of Gold-borg appears on the screen with a giant “?” overlaying it.*
Nelly: XHF Network cameras were able to get some footage from the last six years to look in and see just how this fish out of water- and time- is doing. Today on XHF Dark Ages we look at A Day in the Life of Gold-Borg…
*The camera begins to zoom in on the screen, as on it appears a close-up of Gold-Borg, clearly concentrating on something. As the video takes over, it slowly zooms out to reveal Gold-Borg in a kitchen, wearing an apron. He is gently cutting raw fish. A busboy comes in carrying a dead fish, ready for evisceration.*
Busboy: Here you go.
* Gold-Borg looks up and growls.*
Gold-Borg: Errg, what is this? The order clearly says rock bass!
Busboy: Whoa, calm down man, no need to yell
Gold-Borg: I’m not yelling, this is my normal voice! Do you even know what a rock bass looks like?
Busboy: ………
Gold-Borg: Grrr…I have to do everything myself it seems!
*Suddenly, Gold-Borg draws his mighty blade from behind his back and starts walking to the door. The busboy, terrified that he will soon be gutted like a marine animal, runs for his life. Gold-Borg walks out of the kitchen and we switch to a view of what appears to be a very nice sushi restaurant. He walks over to a fish tank, plunging his sword into it and pulling it out with a pierced fish flapping on the other hand. Unstantably, everyone in the sushi places loses their cool.*
“IT’S A MONSTER! Someone call Guillermo del Toro, we need Jaegers!"
*Gold-Borg turns to the panicking people, the fish still flopping on his drawn sword.*
Gold-Borg: We don’t serve Jager here, onl-
*Suddenly, a voice rings out across the sushi restaurant, a voice everyone’s heard at least once in their lives. And everything is silenced*
“WHAT?!”
*A guitar riff plays as out from the crowd of terrified onlookers comes rock legend Mick Jagger. He stands up on one of the sit-down-on-the-floor style tables, arms akimbo in anger.*
Jagger: It’s pronounced Jag-er, with a J sound. And I demand to be served!
*A stunned Gold-Borg tries to wave his hands to explain the miscommunication; but in doing so he’s also brandishing his steel (with slowly dying fish)*
Gold-Borg: That’s not what I mea-
“Oh my God he’s going to kill us! Do something Mick Jagger!”
*The rock star turns back to the people with a smirk.*
Jagger: Don’t worry, it’s time to show this guy the moves that made me famous!
*A silence once again falls as Mick Jagger returns his attention to Gold-Borg. He begins to move, dance-like movements, lots of hip-thrusting, and a lot of grunting. All is silent as Mick Jagger, of Rolling Stones legacy, thrust and grunts- clearly to a song that nobody else can hear. There’s some rhythm, but it’s hard to make out exactly which part of his extensive catalogue he’s air-grinding to. The people run, it is chaos everywhere. The video stops but the sound of Mick’s aged grunts to a song we can’t here continues over the otherwise silent audio.*
Mick: Uh, er, gh, hmm, urg, gu [etc]
*As we listen to the uncomfortable sound of Mick’s attempt to thwart Gold-Borg through the power of music-less dance the camera slowly moves through the frozen scene like in those mannequin challenge videos. We see Gold-Borg holding his sword which is run through presumably a rock bass; we see Mick Jagger mid thrust, with sweat coming off of his old man body; we see a drunk man in a suit passed out on another table; and we see people running for their lives. Finally, the camera and audio mercifully fade out. When they return, Gold-Borg is sitting across from what we can assume is his boss in a small office.*
Boss: Goldy, look, you’re good at what you do- maybe even great; but you terrify our customers. This is the third time this week that something like this has happened!
Gold-Borg: Grrr, I know boss, but it the new kid you hired does-
Boss: Look Goldy, I hate to say this, but we can’t have you working here; not with that demeanor. I mean, you’re even yelling at me and I’m trying to help you.
Gold-Borg: I’m not yelling; this is my normal voice!
Boss: Calm down, look, I’ll send you your paycheck on Monday. I’m sorry Goldy, this just isn’t working out.
*We do a quick cut to Gold-Borg walking out the back of the sushi place. He lets out a long sigh/growl.*
Gold-Borg: How will I ever make money and pursue my dream of being a chef if nobody can look past my warrior’s physique and conquering demeanor? Oh well, back to the classifieds…
*Dejectedly, Gold-Borg walks down the alley as the camera fades. Some sad music plays as we zoom back out into the small black room with Nelly Angel.*
Nelly: Some stories are happy, some stories are sad, but all stories are certainly Xtreme. Thank you for joining me tonight on this episode of…XHF Dark Ages!
*Fade to black*
Nelly: March 30th, 2008. The final Night of Champions from the XHF’s original run. On a night of fun and mayhem, something much darker was lurking.
*The screen lights up with a silent video of the Borgs, the evil team from an equally evil alternate future, making their way down to the ring.*
Nelly: The Borgs, bent on finally achieving their mission to destroy the past and rock us into their dastardly “Afterward” took a mighty gamble. But Team Tron came to save the day.
*Slow motion video plays of the “Time Buster” exploding and Evil-Borg dropping to his knees.*
Nelly: The gambit did not pay off, and the Borgs were trapped in our current time. But what became of them? As many of you know, Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg spent some time in XHF No Mercy before dropping off the radar. Nobody knows what happened to Mini-Borg, though some speculate he is wrestling under an assumed identity in Mexico. But what of the warrior of the team? What happened to Gold-Borg?
*A picture of Gold-borg appears on the screen with a giant “?” overlaying it.*
Nelly: XHF Network cameras were able to get some footage from the last six years to look in and see just how this fish out of water- and time- is doing. Today on XHF Dark Ages we look at A Day in the Life of Gold-Borg…
*The camera begins to zoom in on the screen, as on it appears a close-up of Gold-Borg, clearly concentrating on something. As the video takes over, it slowly zooms out to reveal Gold-Borg in a kitchen, wearing an apron. He is gently cutting raw fish. A busboy comes in carrying a dead fish, ready for evisceration.*
Busboy: Here you go.
* Gold-Borg looks up and growls.*
Gold-Borg: Errg, what is this? The order clearly says rock bass!
Busboy: Whoa, calm down man, no need to yell
Gold-Borg: I’m not yelling, this is my normal voice! Do you even know what a rock bass looks like?
Busboy: ………
Gold-Borg: Grrr…I have to do everything myself it seems!
*Suddenly, Gold-Borg draws his mighty blade from behind his back and starts walking to the door. The busboy, terrified that he will soon be gutted like a marine animal, runs for his life. Gold-Borg walks out of the kitchen and we switch to a view of what appears to be a very nice sushi restaurant. He walks over to a fish tank, plunging his sword into it and pulling it out with a pierced fish flapping on the other hand. Unstantably, everyone in the sushi places loses their cool.*
“IT’S A MONSTER! Someone call Guillermo del Toro, we need Jaegers!"
*Gold-Borg turns to the panicking people, the fish still flopping on his drawn sword.*
Gold-Borg: We don’t serve Jager here, onl-
*Suddenly, a voice rings out across the sushi restaurant, a voice everyone’s heard at least once in their lives. And everything is silenced*
“WHAT?!”
*A guitar riff plays as out from the crowd of terrified onlookers comes rock legend Mick Jagger. He stands up on one of the sit-down-on-the-floor style tables, arms akimbo in anger.*
Jagger: It’s pronounced Jag-er, with a J sound. And I demand to be served!
*A stunned Gold-Borg tries to wave his hands to explain the miscommunication; but in doing so he’s also brandishing his steel (with slowly dying fish)*
Gold-Borg: That’s not what I mea-
“Oh my God he’s going to kill us! Do something Mick Jagger!”
*The rock star turns back to the people with a smirk.*
Jagger: Don’t worry, it’s time to show this guy the moves that made me famous!
*A silence once again falls as Mick Jagger returns his attention to Gold-Borg. He begins to move, dance-like movements, lots of hip-thrusting, and a lot of grunting. All is silent as Mick Jagger, of Rolling Stones legacy, thrust and grunts- clearly to a song that nobody else can hear. There’s some rhythm, but it’s hard to make out exactly which part of his extensive catalogue he’s air-grinding to. The people run, it is chaos everywhere. The video stops but the sound of Mick’s aged grunts to a song we can’t here continues over the otherwise silent audio.*
Mick: Uh, er, gh, hmm, urg, gu [etc]
*As we listen to the uncomfortable sound of Mick’s attempt to thwart Gold-Borg through the power of music-less dance the camera slowly moves through the frozen scene like in those mannequin challenge videos. We see Gold-Borg holding his sword which is run through presumably a rock bass; we see Mick Jagger mid thrust, with sweat coming off of his old man body; we see a drunk man in a suit passed out on another table; and we see people running for their lives. Finally, the camera and audio mercifully fade out. When they return, Gold-Borg is sitting across from what we can assume is his boss in a small office.*
Boss: Goldy, look, you’re good at what you do- maybe even great; but you terrify our customers. This is the third time this week that something like this has happened!
Gold-Borg: Grrr, I know boss, but it the new kid you hired does-
Boss: Look Goldy, I hate to say this, but we can’t have you working here; not with that demeanor. I mean, you’re even yelling at me and I’m trying to help you.
Gold-Borg: I’m not yelling; this is my normal voice!
Boss: Calm down, look, I’ll send you your paycheck on Monday. I’m sorry Goldy, this just isn’t working out.
*We do a quick cut to Gold-Borg walking out the back of the sushi place. He lets out a long sigh/growl.*
Gold-Borg: How will I ever make money and pursue my dream of being a chef if nobody can look past my warrior’s physique and conquering demeanor? Oh well, back to the classifieds…
*Dejectedly, Gold-Borg walks down the alley as the camera fades. Some sad music plays as we zoom back out into the small black room with Nelly Angel.*
Nelly: Some stories are happy, some stories are sad, but all stories are certainly Xtreme. Thank you for joining me tonight on this episode of…XHF Dark Ages!
*Fade to black*
