.::The XHF Network Presents: A Call to Arms II!::.
Jun 13, 2021 20:16:30 GMT -5
Steve Awesome, Dave D-Flipz, and 10 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jun 13, 2021 20:16:30 GMT -5
The XHF Network Presents...
A Call To Arms II:
Whispers at Midnight
Time: June 13th, 2021
Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The sounds of haunting music play over the video feed. The video feed is scratchy like an old VHS tape and skipping and jumping occasionally. We are introduced to the Eastern State Penitentiary by the camera approaching the main gates as lightning crackles and the outdoor light illuminating the walkway flickers off and on. The gate makes a loud creaky noise as it is very slowly, ever so slowly, opened to the presence of the camera as it moves through the yawning opening as the building beckons to us to come closer so as to swallow us whole.
The video quality picks up as the screen becomes more black and white but without the static and hiccups of magnetic tape. We hear bats and crickets in the background as the camera approaches. As the eerie music gets louder we are treated to a smash cut on the video feed into clips of Isabel Rios working out with a ghost in the next cell, illuminated and transparent. We see a corgi wildly chasing translucent cats through various doors. Another view of another corgi dressed like a Ghostbuster being chased by three ghostly rodents of meals past. We cut to a very hairy man standing next to a very hairy ghost as they work together on a stew in the kitchens of the penitentiary. The living man gives a chef's kiss as he dumps a load of hair into the stew. As we cut to the image of the former XHF Phoenix Champion and AWF Prestige title number one contender standing stock still as if frozen as she eyes up a ghost. Red glowing eyes bear down on her. The image becomes transparent as we see the camera approach the main door of the prison. The eerie music goes silent as in unison the two images blend together. We see the door to the jail thrown wide open with a loud slam and the ghost attack Miss Granger and assume control of her body. The red eyes glow from the young woman and the camera zooms in on that as the other image has the camera sucked into the jail and then fade as the screen cuts to black... and then ...
"Souleater" by Iron Savior echoes through the speakers of the makeshift arena in the haunted jail and through the video feed to your television, phone, and computer screens. We are treated to a new video package showing a man being led into the prison on a gurney by three of his teammates as he kicks and screams. We fade to a video of a man being impaled by a metal staff as an entire team screams in horror and takes off running. Cut to a man trying to shake the demon from his best friend with a sense of urgency as the red eyes glow and her words cut him deep. We smash cut to an image of a skinny man with glasses being shoved to the ground by a skinnier man with blonde hair. Cut to video of an even SKINNIER man strapped to a chair being interrogated by police with a look of sheer terror in his hopeless eyes. We move next to a man wearing a black lizard mask with a deep red X cut into it as he argues with a spirit before it leaps into him only to struggle for control with forces beyond his comprehension. Three voices call out at once. Finally we fade in to lightning crackling in the background as we spiral down from the ceiling in the center atrium to find an announcer's table set up to the side of a ring with limited room around it. At the table we find a man with his own kind of demons, those in the bottle, and his straight laced announce partner.
Hawke: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, The XHF Network welcomes you one and all inside the Eastern State Penitentiary here in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania! What we have tonight is a tournament of epic proportions. Twelve teams of five competitors will square off in elimination tornado matches throughout the prison. Falls count anywhere, no DQ's, the surviving teammates of the winning team advance to the next round. It all culminates in a triple threat team main event to declare the winners and who will advance to qualifying matches fo the X*Crown title match at Night of Champions at our next pre-show Overheated! Which will take place here in Philadelphia in July as hosted by Fireside. Ladies and gents, these 60 competitors have answered the CALL TO ARMS!
Randy: *BUUUUUUUUUURP* That's right Joey. We call this Whispers at Midnight and we also have a huge Junior Heavyweight Title Brawl coming up later in the show! Bloodied Fox looks to defend his title against Pequeno Dinosaurio!
The bell sound that sounds when cell doors are opened rings out around the prison as Randy and Joey cover their ears.
Hawke: That means the inmates have been freed from the cells they've been living in for some time now. Which can only mean it's GO TIME!
Hawke: It looks like we’re set for a Call to Arms round one match up here between The Sky Force and the Guardians, who of course, feature Anthony Caffrey as their fifth member.
Angel: That seems like a mismatch of experience.
Hawke: Maybe so, The Guardians are already a very decorated team, but you cannot count out the energetic teamwork of Sky Force.
Angel: Yeah….and *burp* ….Chuck…*burp*
Slowly, the lights of the arena gradually begin to fade until there is darkness. Only the lights from mobile devices and flash photography can be seen. Then, Deryck Whibley’s voice is heard.
“So what am I fighting for?
Everything back and more.
And I’m not gonna let this go!
I’m ready to settle the score…
Get ready ‘cause this is war!”
Everything back and more.
And I’m not gonna let this go!
I’m ready to settle the score…
Get ready ‘cause this is war!”
Aiden, Betsy, Adam, and Johnny all step through the curtain and onto the small built ramp that leads towards the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, representing The Guardians….the team of Adam Sanders, Adrian Cochrane, Johnny Maverick aaaaand the Impossible Traveller, Betsy Granger! And their partner, Anthony Caffrey!
The four of them each begin their preparations as they head to the ring , rolling their shoulders, stretching their joints, taking in their surroundings.
Hawke: You could say Randy, that The Guardians are quite possibly one of, if not the, favorites to win this whole thing, wouldn’t you agree?
Angel: As long as I get to see Betsy destroy someone, I’m happy.
The team begin to discuss their tactics in the middle of the ring, while they await their partner.
Angel: Here comes the odd man out.
Fallout Boy’s “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” begins to play through the prison PA System as Anthony Caffrey makes his way through the curtain standing on the ramp for a second to appreciate his surroundings, and the team waiting for him in the ring. He slowly makes his way down to the ring, with an air of confidence about him.
Hawke: Anthony Caffrey has hitched his cart to the Guardians, as he said, as well as there being a Fireside representative team in this Call to Arms tournament.
Angel: Easy way to *burp* double your *burp* chance of winning.
Hawke: For Fireside, sure. It creates another chance of bringing the X*Crown Championship there, as well as exposure.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, the team of Nausicaä Suzuki, Rin Kubo, Shizuku Yamamoto, Charles and Haley Grimes....they are SKY FORCE!
As Team Guardians are in the ring talking “Choose Me” begins to play through the PA System, and as Team Guardians turn towards the stage, the members of Sky Force, begin to appear from different areas around the ring, and the prison itself and begin to storm the ring.
Angel: Oh it’s on!
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
The Guardians
(Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Anthony Caffrey, Betsy Granger, Johnny Maverick)
Vs.
SKY Force
(Charles, Haley Grimes, Nausicaa Suzuki, Rin Kubo, Shizuku Yamamoto)
The Guardians
(Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Anthony Caffrey, Betsy Granger, Johnny Maverick)
Vs.
SKY Force
(Charles, Haley Grimes, Nausicaa Suzuki, Rin Kubo, Shizuku Yamamoto)
Nausicaä comes sliding into the ring and dives towards Betsy, clocking her in the head with Charles, as on the opposite side Haley slides into the ring and takes out Maverick with a diving double knees to the face. Adrien and Adam back up to each other as Rin Kubo and Shinzuku Yamamoto come sliding into the ring towards them. The Japanese duo launch themselves at the two men with huge front dropkicks that take the Guardians down.
Angel: Charlie just smacked Betsy Granger up the side of her head!
Hawke: Sky Force are certainly trying to take advantage of the nature of the Call to Arms matches.
The bell finally rings as all the competitors are in the ring. Anthony Caffrey stands in the middle of the ring, surveying everything that just happened. He quickly drops to his back and rolls out of the ring, as Sky Force each rallies in the middle of the ring.
Hawke: Is that cowardice or intelligence on the part of Caffrey there?
Angel: Five on one ain’t exactly good odds.
Nausicaä attempts to mount Bets and begins to rain down some wild hammerfists, but Granger manages to catch a wild swing and pulls Nausicaä in for a huge headbutt that staggers the Yokohama native enough for Betsy to be able to shove her off. The two begin to get back to their feet. Meanwhile Grimes has backed Johnny up into the corner, as she stomps back towards the center of the ring, she quickly turns and charges at Maverick in the corner and dives hip first, but Maverick steps between the ropes, and as Haley crashes into the turnbuckle, he leans backwards and delivers a quick kick to the back of the head of Haley Grimes.}
Hawke: The action is coming thick and fast here, Sky Force are trying to press their early advantage, but The Guardians are starting to get a footing.
Rin and Shizuku have armbar attempts on Adrien and Adam respectively. The Japanese duo shout out aggressively as they try to wrench in their holds. Cochrane reaches out a hand to Sanders, and the two pull on each other to use their combined strength to flip the attempted hold over, as they release and roll through into pin attempts.}
Angel: I can’t keep up...I’ve gotta prep…*sounds of glass bottles clinking on each other*
The two Japanese fighters release their holds to break the count, and as they do both Adam and Adrien hit them with quick double stomps. On the outside Caffrey is shouting instructions and warnings to his teammates. Nausicaä charges towards Betsy, who swings with a spinning heel kick, but Nausicaä rolls underneath it, slamming on the breaks and hitting a jumping knee to the jaw of Granger. The Impossible Traveller is staggered for a moment, but as Nausicaä goes to press her attack, Betsy swings another kick. Nausicaä ducks under and behind Betsy, and tries to roll under but Betsy grabs her. Nausicaä kicks off the ground attempting to roll up into a bulldog, but Betsy grabs both of her arms in the full nelson position, and absolutely SLAMS her into the ground with the Ich Muss Dich Brechen!
Angel: OH HELLO!
Hawke: That was hit with some intent there by Betsy Granger.
Betsy rolls into the cover as the referee slides in for the count…..ONE! …...TWO! …….THREE!!!
Bonnie Jenkins: Nausicaä Suzuki has been eliminated!
Hawke: And we have our first elimination of the match.
Angel: She tried to bring the fight to Betsy Granger, ten out of ten for pure ballsyness.
Hawke: That’s not a word, or even a thing.
Angel: It is now.
Haley Grimes has rolled to the outside after the kick from Mav. She’s half crawled under the apron when Caffrey and Mav approach from either side of the apron. They each grab a leg and pull her out as she screams. The air is suddenly filled with what looks like smoke as Haley fires off a fire extinguisher at the two men.
Angel: Oh cool off that heat, ha ha
Hawke: Smart move by Grimes.
Haley staggers to her feet and clocks Anthony Caffrey in the head with the extinguisher. She then turns and clobbers Johnny Maverick with it too. She then throws it down, and begins to drag a table out from under the ring. She starts to set it up at ringside. Meanwhile, inside the ring Kubo and Yamamoto are exchange kick strikes with Adrien and Adam. For every strike one lands, another is landed in return. Adrien steps to the side and sweeps the leg of Rin, as Adam ducks under a lariat attempt from Shizuku and lifts her up onto his shoulders before hitting a DVD onto Rin Kubo!
Hawke: Oh my word, talk about two birds with one stone!
Angel: Did you say that because they’re women? Dude…
Hawke: No you moron, doing damage to two people with one move. Completing two objectives with one action, it’s a saying!
Adrien Cochrane and Adam Sanders both pin their respective opponents and the referee drops to their knees in the middle of both of them and counts both pins with both hands….ONE!.....TWO!......THREE!!!
Bonnie Jenkins: Rin Kubo and Shizuku Yamamoto have both been eliminated!
Angel: That was some damn fine wrestling.
Hawke: You could say that again, the fluidity of the Guardians team work has certainly been an advantage here tonight.
Grimes has positioned Anthony Caffrey on top of the table and made her way onto the apron. He looks down at Caffrey and gives him a swift kick for good measure, before she turns towards the ring ready to jump back onto Caffrey when Betsy throws Charles towards her. She catches him and stops immediately, not quite knowing what to do.
Angel: Someone has to go through that table! It’s the law!
The distraction gives Caffrey enough time to roll off the table, and use a pillar to help himself, as he points at his temple and grins, back to his feet, Betsy charges towards the confused Haley Grimes and nails her with a huge European uppercut that sends her flying through the air and back crashing through the table!
Angel: No!
Hawke: Oh no, both Haley and Charles crashed through the table there!
Angel: I had money on Caffrey going through one!
Maverick quickly drags Haley out of the wreckage of the table and lifts her up hooking both her arms and lifting her up, going for the Perfect Armbar! He hits it hard on the outside, and manages to float through, wrenching in the hold. Haley cries out as Maverick locks the hold in.
Hawke: Oh this cannot be a good thing for Haley Grimes here. Maverick has got that hold locked in.
Angel: It unfortunately has not been a good night for Sky Force! Team Guardians haven’t even lost a member yet!
Hawke: And you know that is going to play heavily in their favor going into the next round. If Haley Grimes cannot escape this, it’s pretty much game over for Sky Force!
Angel: Hey you’re discounting what Chuckie brings to the team!
Hawke: I...wait...are you being serious?
Angel: I don’t know anymore. I’ve been taking a shot for every elimination.
Johnny tries to wrench harder on the hold, as Haley is trying to reach out with her fingers to Charles. The Bear lays staring up at the ceiling as Grimes desperately reaches out for him.
Angel: Come on Chuckie! You can do it!
Hawke: Haley is desperate for help from her teammate Charles.
Haley manages to get a finger on Charles, and begins to groan with strength as she starts to bend the hold more in her favor. Mav adjusts his weight and KICKS CHARLES IN THE FACE!
Angel: What a monster!
Hawke: Mav has broken the connection between Grimes and Charles with a vicious kick to the head.
Angel: He could have brain trauma!
As Maverick adjusts the hold Hayley Grimes cries out once more, before she taps both of her hands and the referee calls for the elimination.
Bonnie Jenkins: Haley Grimes has been eliminated!
Hawke: That was a tough one to take for Haley Grimes, she almost got out of the hold, but Johnny Maverick’s veteran knowledge and skills paid off dividends.
Angel: Wait, it’s not over yet!
As Maverick, Betsy, Adam, and Adrien regroup in the ring, Anthony Caffrey approaches Charles with a smirk. He bends down and picks him up by the foot, lifting it into the air.
Angel: How dare you man handle him like that!
Hawke: Ok you need to calm down.
The rest of the Guardians turn to watch as Caffrey enters the ring, holding Charles high up into the air. Anthony Caffrey turns to face the hard camera, with the Guardians flanked out behind him, before he throws Charles down to the mat and stands on the poor bears throat, telling the referee to count the fall. The referee does so without question….ONE! …...TWO! …...THREE!!!
Bonnie Jenkins: Charles has been eliminated! SKY Force has been knocked out of the tournament! The Guardians move on to the second round!
Angel: You absolute monster Anthony Caffrey! How could you!? *Hic*
Hawke: That is a clean sweep here in this first round Call to Arms match for The Guardians! They didn’t lose a single member, and clearly will have an advantage going into Round Two!
Angel: I’m still trying to process what just happened. Caffrey was definitely sending a message to all the other teams in this XHF Network tournament.
Inside the ring, The Guardians celebrate their victory just as if they were doing business, and the job was done. A few fist bumps and hand shakes, before they begin to head back up the stage, all holding their arms up as a group before we cut to commercial.
Open on Cellblock 8, Eastern State Penitentiary. The KGB are finalising preparations for match time, strapping tape, lacing boots, stretching. Suit looks up at the wall and sees a picture of Caffrey stuck to it.
Soutter: Who put this here?
Armand: That would be I.
Soutter: What on earth for?
Armand: Motivation.
Suit stares at the pic, then reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a pen, he moves to the pic and draws a Hitler Mustache on it.
Soutter: There. Much better.
Armand: Don’t trivialize how evil he was. Caffrey I mean...
Joanne laughs
Joanne: That suits him so much better.
Eddie: That’s weird; that 'tash has made him look less evil? …I’m just saying...
Frostbite: Can I borrow that texta Paul. I might make that a permanent addition come match time.
Mad Dog hands him the marker enthusiastically
Soutter: This is it guys. Gang warfare. This whole concept is right up our alley. We have to take it to them and show the world the Bandits are the top dogs here at XHF.
Armand: We are the top…dogs. Does a lion need to show dominance to a zebra? No.
Eddie: I can’t keep up with the fly by night stables rolling in and out of the other promotions. And The Revenants and The Society? Please. They’re not even in the running right now. They’re so far off the pace right now they’re in last year's race.
Joanne: We’ve already proven it time and time again. How much more do we have to do to show that we run this place? It doesn’t matter which one of us lasts to the end of this tournament…. We will get to the top and take it all. We already have two titles...
Frostbite: (looking at Eddie’s belt) I just know, I want to hurt someone. Someone needs to BURN!
Soutter: (to the camera) What we have here XHF. Is a group of elite competitors. The very best of the best. Each one with our own cannons and worlds we rule over, all come together to assemble the greatest faction in wrestling history. The KGB. Kross Global Bandits. We are like the Justice League of wrestling. Frostbite is Batman.
Frostbite glares into the camera.
Soutter: Armand here, the evil genius Lex Luthor.
Armand frowns ‘evilly’ to the camera.
Soutter: Joanne Canelli! The Don! She is our Wonder Woman.
Joanne raises her eyebrow to the camera.
Soutter: And I. I am our Superman!
Eddie: I thought I was Superman.
Soutter: You are the champ Eddie, but I am the Superman.
Eddie: But I even have the shirt.
Joanne: Paul is Superman Eddie.
Frostbite: Yeah. Paul is Superman Eddie.
Soutter: You can be ….
Armand: He can be Aquaman. Moama is a big bastard.
Eddie: But I don’t want to be Aquaman.
Joanne: You can be The Flash.
Eddie: Barry Freakin Allen? He is as nerdy as Caffrey.
Frostbite: You can be Bane.
Soutter: Yeah, Bane is good. A big tough bastard.
Armand: Bane it is.
Eddie: Bane? But … I’m the Champ. I’m not a big swimmer. I am not the result of a chemical experiment. I am pretty darned super though. huh?
Joanne: Be Bane Eddie else we’ll be talking super heroes all night. All the girls love Tom Hardy. He played Bane in the latest movies, didn't he?
Eddie: All the girls?
Joanne: Most of ‘em.
Eddie: OK I’ll be Bane.
Soutter and Eddie stand back to back. Eddie glares into the camera and flexes his muscles and Soutter throws his hands on his hips, Superman style.
Soutter: Justice League of Wrestling. Glad that’s settled.
Frostbite: I wanted to be Mr Freeze.
Soutter: He’s a villain.
Frostbite: Bane is a Villain. Luthor is a villain. Mr Freeze was misunderstood.
Eddie: Touche Frosty. You have him there you Cold Hearted Bastard. Ha ha.
Armand: Enough cartoon tomfoolery. Diese nacht, Tonight, you don’t win a belt, or a cup, but the right to call yourself the best. That should be motivation enough for you all to give your best tonight.
Eddie: We’re already holding half the gold in SWAT and it’s the better half of what’s available. Why do we even care what these people think? None of these feds deserve our respect.
Soutter: The wrestling audience is fickle and judges wrestling differently to us veteran insiders of the sport. Don’t doubt how important tonight is….
Eddie : How about they judge the quality of their feds by their champions? The last X-Crown champion, Adrian Cochrane, was singing the praises of the man he took the title from? What sort of loser fawns over the guy he just beat? There’s respect and then there’s grovelling. And where did it get him? He lost the belt back to that arsehole Dylan Black at the Rumble. It’s about time we put a KGB head under that crown.
Soutter: Correction Champ. Adrian CockROACH!
Frostbite: Adrien CockSUCKER!
Joanne: That’s considered a compliment these days Frosty.
Eddie: Don’t go there.
Armand: We’re getting way ahead of ourselves. Tonight is the focus. Tonight is the prize. Tonight maybe you can “Bring It On” and live up to your big words “Big Deal”?
Eddie: I aim to.
Joanne: We aim to.
Frostbite: We will.
Soutter: WE WILL!
Armand: Good. See that we do!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a tag team elimination match in the first round of the Call To Arms Tournament! Already in the ring are Jordan Cassidy, Jobber Joe, James Delaware, Pat the Postman and Copycat, they are JOB Squad!
Angel: These boys are… *hic* ...the heart and soul of the people who never give up!
Hawke: Oh please. They didn’t even get entrances. They are nothing more than the inspiration for failure!
Bradshaw: Nonsense! Copycat is the mean greens, he’ll show you guys the true meaning of the power of homelessness!
Hawke: GAH!
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, former President Curtis D. Kanyon, Steve Awesome, Spike Kane, El Combatiente and Donny Deville. They are The BANG! Bros!
A mashup of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a front flip and lands in the modern superhero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into succession away from the men as they are in pose. Steve Awesome comes out next, to more pyro and sexy slow-mo! El Combatiente and Spike Kane, two men not known for theatrics, join their teammates on the stage and they all do a cool pose! Like a unit, they all march to the ring and head past the commentary booth.
Bradshaw: BOO! HISS! MEOW!
Angel: Is that… my ma- *hic* My man CDK! Holy cow how’ve you been? Where’s my stimmy check man?
Kanyon: Dude, I’m not even President anymore. Plus, you didn’t even vote for me.
Hawke: Did you even vote last year, Randy?
Angel: I asked for a mail-in to be mailed to Japan!
Bradshaw: Even I know that’s not how it works.
Before the referee can ring the bell, Kanyon asks for a microphone.
Kanyon: Now before we get started folks, I understand we are to fight the weak and malnourished. We all know that if this were a tornado tag team match as advertised, we would easily crush you all. So we offer you a fighting chance - turn this into a normal tag match, so you all get individual chances to absolutely fail. What do you say? Do you sign your death warrants?
The jobbers all look between each other, then agree.
Kanyon: Let the games begin!
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon, Donny Deville, El Combatiente, Spike Kane, Steve Awesome)
Vs.
The JOB Squad
(Copycat, James Delaware, Jobber Joe, Jordan Cassidy, Pat the Postman)
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon, Donny Deville, El Combatiente, Spike Kane, Steve Awesome)
Vs.
The JOB Squad
(Copycat, James Delaware, Jobber Joe, Jordan Cassidy, Pat the Postman)
DING DING! DING DING!
Donny consults with his teammates, pleading the case to let him go first. They comply as Jobber Joe tries to make a run at Donny! Donny looks over his shoulder, sees Joe, and jumps on the ropes for a springboard back elbow! He crushes Joe and covers him!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jobber Joe has been eliminated!
James Delaware is next to charge into battle, even engaging with Donny in combat! Deville hits him with a Russian leg sweep though, and then stands up. He bows to commentary… THE MAIN ATTRACTION! He rolls through that standing double foot stomp and bounces off the ropes for a senton! Donny makes the inevitable cover and then comes the count.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: James Delaware has been eliminated!
Angel: They’re dropping like flies!
Hawke: Their attacks are no more then flies bumping into Deville.
Bradshaw: That’s because he hasn’t met the BRUTAL, MURDEROUS RAGE OF THE DEVIL COPYCAT!
Hawke: …sure.
Jordan Cassidy looks to Copycat, who pushes him into the ring! Donny smiles warmly and offers a hand to Cassidy, to help him to his feet. Cassidy takes the help, and GETS ABSOLUTELY FLATTENED BY A CLOTHESLINE! TURNT INSIDE OUT, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY BROKEN SMACK-DAB IN HALF! On his knees. Donny picks up JC and puts him in position for a Canadian Destroyer!
Hawke: He calls that the Tumbler, and dammit Cassidy’s been tumbled!
Angel: Like Tabitha’s panties in a dryer!
Bradshaw: Or Mongo’s panties in a dryer! Score!
Hawke: I work with a bunch of immature grown men.
Donny pushes Cassidy back and rolls him up.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jordan Cassidy has been eliminated!
Pat the Postman steps into the ring, not letting Copycat toss him to the sharks. The former CW World Heavyweight Champion squares up with Donny Deville. Donny offers up a collar-and-elbow tie up, which Pat accepts. They struggle for control, but Donny locks him in a waistlock. Pat runs to the ropes to bounce him off, and Deville somersaults back and hits the ropes. By the time Pat turns around, Donny is nailing him with a handspring back elbow! Pat topples back and the XHF Tag Team Champ makes a cover.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Angel: YEAH! THAT’S FOR NOT DELIVERING MY MAIL YOU CHEAP JERKFACE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Pat the Postman has been eliminated!
Hawke: And then there was one.
Bradshaw: The best one! Go Copycat!
Angel: Wooooooohoo! Gooo *brraaaaaaaaap!* Catcopy!
Copycat is very afraid to stand in the ring with the Ring General. Afterall, he’s just eliminated his entire team. Copycat takes a big gulp, swallowing his fear… or probably his confidence. He charges Donny like many before and engages in battle! Donny is dodging every strike, either because this is wrestling or because he doesn’t want every contractible disease known to man. A quick kick to Copycat’s head and he’s out like a light! Donny just puts a foot on his chest, not bothering to make a real pin. The ref slides in to put the JOB Squad out of its misery.
ONE…
TWO…
TH- THE REF GETS PULLED OUT OF THE RING!
Bradshaw: TAKE THAT YOU CHEAT!
Hawke: What the hell? When did Terry leave?
Angel: That man's movements are concealed like whispers at midnight.
Hawke: Roll credits.
Terry Bradshaw lifts the referee up and punches him! The ref goes down like a bag of bricks and Terry is quick to disrobe the ref and put on the stripes. He slides into the ring and turns to Donn, who’s in his face yelling! Terry just laughs and points at Copycat, who’s *very slowly* pulling himself back to his feet. Terry takes a step back, and KICKS COPYCAT RIGHT IN HIS COPYNUTS! COPYCAT FALLS OVER SCREECHING AND TERRY TURNS TO BONNIE, RELAYING SOME INFORMATION!
Bonnie Jenkins: Uhh, I guess due to the blatant disrespect to the rules of this match, Donny Deville has been disqualified and is eliminated!
Hawke: WHAT?
Angel: Yooooooo…
All of Team BANG! Bros: WHAT?!
Team Bang! Bros all turn to argue with Terry, who laughs as Copycat still squirms, holding his nads on the ground. Donny is dragged off by security as Spike Kane steps in the ring. Terry grins and rears his leg back for another dick kick, but then he’s turned around and the original ref punches HIS lights out! The referee re-dons the stripes and then he EJECTS TERRY FROM THE ARENA!
Hawke: Oh yeah! Sweet justice!
Angel: You get what you deserve!
As Copycat is pulling himself to his feet, Spike grabs him and throws him into the ropes. BLOOD GOD’S WRATH! POP-UP POWERBOMB! COPYCAT IS A COPYPANCAKE! But Spike is satisfied, he goes and tags in El Combatiente! EC grabs Copycat and lifts him up, STREET JUSTICE! VERTIBREAKER DEAD CENTER IN THE RING! But then EC high fives Kanyon, and Kanyon comes and kneels in the ring. As Copycat *somehow* finds the strength to recover, Kanyon charges! He bounces across opposite ropes once, twice, three times! You know what’s next.
Everyone: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!
Kanyon flexes for the crowd and Steve is jumping for joy around! It’s his turn for some Copycat punishment. Kanyon tags him and Steve climbs the ropes. WRATH OF THE DRAGON! He stacks up Copycat to end these shenanigans.
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
DING DING! DING DING!
Hawke: Thank goodness that’s over.
Angel: Did you not enjoy that?
Hawke: I prefer real wrestling, not finisher spamming and absolute burials.
Angel: You and everyone else.
Bonnie Jenkins: Copycat has been eliminated! Therefore the winners of this match and advancing to the semi-finals, Steve Awesome, Spike Kane, El Combatiente and Curtis D. Kanyon of BANG! Bros!
Angel: Woot woot! Go CDK!
Hawke: The JOB Squad put up a fight, I'll give them that. But BANG! Bros were too much for even Copycat to overcome.
Cellblock 15. Death Row. ReVzig have gathered for a last meal before the battle(s) ahead, more bed bread has been procured, each man heartily eating at a hunk that's been given to them. The last remaining pieces sit in a pile on the ground.
Keith Williams: This tastes like shit.
Offended, Rob and Neo nearly take Keith's piece away from him.
Oxford Osland: Yeah, this isn't good.
NJC and RG do a double take, looking at each other as they can't believe Keith and Oxford aren't enjoying this fine delicacy.
Donzig: It's better than the entrails of Team NPW I plan to feast on.
The ReVenants collectively look at Donzig, unsure how to process the latest of numerous odd remarks.
Rob Garcia: Slave over a cold oven all day, squish the bread under my own ass, and this is the thanks I get?!
Gobbling up the rest of his bed bread, Neo places a comforting hand on Rob as he scowls at KW and OO who are second guessing tasting the food after finding out the prep that went into it.
Neo James Carner: Rob, let me be the first to say, because I am your friend and I've gotta be honest... I love your bed bread. I just love saying it, bed bread! It's delicious! I can't get enough of it. The spices tingle every taste bud. Every granule morsel fills my mouth with an explosion of mattress delicacy.
Tossing aside their leftovers, Williams and Osland are no longer hungry. Several rats skitter out from the wall, collecting most of the bread off the ground and taking it with them back to their lair. A solitary remnant of bed bread is left and this is suddenly noticed by both Neo and Rob.
Neo James Carner: Such somber silence.
Diving onto the floor at the same time, Neo and Rob fight over the last piece, elbowing each other in the face. Whispering in the ear of Williams, Double O has a secret he wants to tell him.
Oxford Osland: Pssst, Keith...
Osland reaches into his pocket and pulls out a steak.
Oxford Osland: I had one of the guards with an ‘in’ with the kitchen hook-up this masterpiece.
Osland takes the piece of AAA Kobe Beef and sneaks a bite of it while NJC and RG continue to tussle over their bed bread.
Oxford Osland: I'll save you some. Just don’t give any to that Donzig guy. We need him hungry, angry and willing to bite the flesh of our foes.
Just then, Donzig turns his head, almost as if he could sense that he’s being talked about. Osland quickly hides the steak and flashes a smile towards his teammate. Donzig snarls, before turning back to watch the tussle.
Oxford Osland: Phew. That was close.
Osland passes the beef to Keith.
Donzig: What?
Donzig asked as he watched the pair fight over the bread, and then he shook his head.
Donzig: No, Slick Willie, I don't think that bread is kosher.
Keith and Double O stare at Donzig, and then watch the ensuing brawl over the bed bread. Then Double O leaned over, whispering to Keith who stared at him from behind his face protector in disbelief.
Keith Williams: That's not possible, I don't care what Sinclair said.
Oxford Osland: I am gonna try it.
Double O said, digging into his pocket before he flung a fistful of change down the hall away from Donzig who was not at all paying attention. But as soon as the change bounced across the cement, he was on his feet with wide eyes as he spun to glare into the dimly lit hall.
Donzig: Someone just dropped a buck thirty five! Three quarters, four dimes, ten pennies, and two nickels. One of them was Canadian!
Donzig hissed, and he lifted a hand to tug at his beard as Keith and Double O gaped at him in disbelief. Even the pair on the ground quit fighting, and were blinking in surprise as Donzig slowly settled back down. He frowned, shaking his head.
Donzig: No, Slick Willie, Team NPW are not bootleggers. But I think Cavanaugh is old enough to be one.
Rob Garcia: Bro, what was that?
Asked a confused Garcia.
Donzig: The ghost is still prattling to me, I wish he would tell me something useful. But--
Donzig sighed, rolling his eyes before Rob caught him off with a wave of his hand.
Rob Garcia: No, no! The change thing!
The Revenants were mystified, and Donzig arched a brow.
Donzig: Everyone can do that.
They shook their heads, and then Neo James Carner produced some change showing it to Keith before he dropped it on the floor.
Donzig growled.
Donzig: Ninety Five Cents. A quarter, 4 dimes, 5 nickels, and 5 pennies. I think the quarter was a Minnesota.
He lifted a hand to rub at his chin, and then shrugged as he settled back again. Clearly still agitated, as he folded his arms over his chest.
Donzig: I wouldn't give ninety five cents for that overgrown Lizard.
A siren goes off throughout the Eastern State Penitentiary, signaling the next match is about to begin. Referees scrambled to the doors of each cell block, opening them up to allow the carnage to begin.
Bonnie Jenkins: The next Calls to Arms match begins now! Introducing from CAAAAN-A-DAAAA, the Northern Pro Wrestling team, the Double Crown Champion Lord Dominicus! The Imperial Crown Tag Team Champions, Primal and Alex Turner - PRIME TIME! The ‘Irish Ironman’ John Cavanaugh! And the leader, the ‘Canadian Nightmare’ Jesse Jamester!
A camera pans between the Kitchen and Bakery, where the NPW Team are seen standing around in the kitchen eating pizza. Lord Dominicus apparently made dinner for the team, whether it was edible, we remain wondering. The siren goes off and the furthest door to the area opens up. Another camera appears in split screen vision and shows the door to their cell block now opened.
Hawke: Time for another Call to Arms team battle, but who will NPW’s team be facing? They are in no hurry to leave the kitchen, almost as though waiting for their opponents.
Angel: They’re eating, it would be rude to leave food behind; plus who knows if it's their last meal?
Hawke: I see what you’re saying. In any event, it looks like the other team is approaching the area. We see a shadow lurking at that door, it’s massive!
In walking the current reigning SWAT World Heavyweight Champion, Eddie D. The beefiest of beef in the battle had arrived, and he was looking for a fight.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, hailing from Syndicate Wrestling & Tradition! First the SWAT World Champion, ‘The BIG DEAL’ Eddie D, followed by the current SWAT Tag Team Champions - Frostbite and Armand von Krauss! Next is “The Jersey Devil Diva” Joanne Canelli! And last but not least, he is ‘Mad Dog’ Paul Soutter! They are......THE K-G-B!
Filing in behind Eddie D, the rest of his team has followed their World Champion into the bakery area. Equipment and pantry supplies are set all around them, as Eddie pushes things out of his way with ease, clearing a path to the door at the far end of the room.
Hawke: I have goosebumps, this is going to be a hoss fight like no other! Eddie D is beef personified and Mad Dog Paul Soutter is an outlaw of among men! Throw in the KGB, two of the most dangerous men in all of SWAT and Joanne Canelli, and you have a recipe for war!
Angel: War is a two sided fight Joey, and tonight NPW is bringing their top evilness, I mean Lord Dominicus is evil! Throw in that Irish bastard John Cavanaugh-- (BURP) and Jesse Jamester, I don’t see anyone leaving this match in one piece.
Hawke: Plus Alex Turner and Primal, Prime Time, makes you wonder if two men so drastically different teaming up tells you where this roster’s legions lie. It’s starting now, Eddie D just found the kitchen!
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
The KGB
(Armand von Krauss, Eddie D, Frostbite, Joanne Canelli, Paul Soutter)
Vs.
Team NPW
(Alex Turner, Jesse Jamester, John Cavanagh, Lord Dominicus, Primal)
The KGB
(Armand von Krauss, Eddie D, Frostbite, Joanne Canelli, Paul Soutter)
Vs.
Team NPW
(Alex Turner, Jesse Jamester, John Cavanagh, Lord Dominicus, Primal)
Door smashing open, Eddie D bull rushes in and slams a shoulder into Timeless sending him flying into Primal and Lord Dominicus! Coming in behind Eddie, Frostbite and Armond von Krauss take to the sides of Eddie D with their fists up. Eddie unleashes a forearm to the back of Timeless, smashing him in the back so he hits the kitchen floor. Frostbite goes for the blender, and is met with a broom to the back by John Cavanaugh! Krauss cross checks Cavanaugh into the wall as retaliation. Canelli comes through the door next, with Mad Dog Soutter beside her, the two look around at the chaos unfolding. Frostbite gets up, Lord Dominicus dropkicks him into Eddie D who he bounces off and into Krauss. The door swings shut and Jesse Jamester jumps Mad Dog Soutter with a pizza pan with the last slice of pizza on it! Pie-ing Mad Dog in the back of the head, the pan goes clanging on the floor as Soutter and Jamester brawl through the door into the Bakery. Lord Dominicus rolls between Eddie D’s legs as he rushes him for a tackle, and spears Canelli through the open doors into the bakery! Eddie D slams his fists down on a stainless steel table, grabbing a microwave, he chucks it one handed across the room like a basketball, and it slams into the wall beside John Cavanugh! Cavanaugh’s eyes show the instant awareness that Eddie D is the real life Juggernaut of SWAT.
Angel: That microwave became a missile!
Hawke: And then an accordion!
Angel: Nobody knows what that is Joey, music is all digital these days.
Hawke: Primal finds Eddie D with an axe smash to the back from the fridge!
Eddie D staggers forward and turns around, eyes ignited, as he sets his eyes and fists on Primal. The two begin brawling like hosses, throwing right haymakers at one another while clearing a path to the back of the kitchen. Armand von Krauss takes to John Cavanaugh, slamming an elbow into his jaw! Timeless is picked up by Frostbite and tossed through the open doorway into the bakery. The camera follows the two men, Frostbite kicking Timeless in the gut, and then lifting him up by the waist. Using everything he has, he pops the hips and waist lock slams Timeless on the floor! POP! Jesse Jamester slams Mad Dog into an oven to the right side of the room, and then opens the door, sticking Soutter’s hand in it, he slams the door shut on Soutter’s hand! Lord Dominicus is getting pummeled with a cheese grater by Canelli in the far end of the room, as the XHF referees appear and immediately separate to each room to be ready for any falls or submissions. Dominicus elbows Canelli, keeping his distance as she swings the grater at him, then decides to throw it. Dominicus’s head tilts to dodge the attack, but Canelli finds a baker’s rolling pin and goes for abdomen region! Swinging like a baseball bat, she catches Lord Dominicus in the side, and he buckles over.
Hawke: Kidney shot by Canelli!
Angel: That is one pissed off bit-
Hawke: Uh, I wouldn’t go there Randy.
Angel: Beauty of a baseball hit!
Hawke: Yeaaaaaa, and Canelli goes for the grapple, this is unconventional. Using the baker’s rolling pin, she’s choking Lord Dominicus!
Lord Dominicus grasping for an item, anything, but is near an empty wall. Grabbing backwards, he hooks the neck of Joanne Canelli, using the wall, he runs up it and flips over - Slice Bread #2 no! The Darkness hit on Canelli! The roller pin dropped as Lord Dominicus went airborne, Canelli tried to reverse, but ended up eating the floor instead! Lord Dominicus hooks the leg, as the referee slides into position on the floor, covered in flour.
1!
2!
3!
The mask covers the expression of Lord Dominicus but his reaction as he gets up says it all. An arm raised, but the match is still going on and he is made aware as Soutter comes barreling his way, and Lord Dominicus is shoulder tackled by the irish whipped Mad Dog! Jesse Jamester comes running at him, but Mad Dog has shaken the cob webs, back drops Jesse Jamester onto Lord Dominicus who resides against the wall! Flesh against concrete and Dominicus!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joanne Canelli has been ELIMINATED!
Hawke: SWAT is down to four, it looks like NPW has taken the early advantage here.
Angel: Don’t count out SWAT, they have Eddie D and the KGB, there is not prediction that is safe with that formula of men.
Hawke: Ain't that the truth Randy!
Frostbite and Timeless are trading blows at the doorway, when Krauss appears with a trash can, SMASH! Timeless eats it to the face and drops to his knees. The KGB members and current SWAT Tag Team Champions nod at one another, and Krauss lifts up Timeless, positioning him for a powerbomb. DRILLTIP by Krauss with the assistance of Frostbite! Timeless hits the floor with authority, and the referee checks on him, as Krauss goes for the cover.
1!
2!
3--
John Cavanaugh with the save! Kick to the back of the head, Krauss’s cover is interrupted by the Irish Ironman. Slamming a toaster into Frosbite’s head, Cavanaugh makes the most of the interruption and helps Timeless out of a tough spot. Soutter has Lord Dominicus by the neck in the front of the room, and takes him to the pasta maker. Sticking the top of his mask in the pasta maker, he begins to crank, and we see the mask seams begin to burst, but Jesse Jamester comes up behind and smashes Soutter with the forearm from hell! Knocking over the pasta maker and freeing Dominicus’s mask. Jesse sees Cavanaugh fighting off the KGB, and motions to Dominicus to go after them. Lord Dominicus looks at him quizzically, as though unsure whether to take orders or help the team, and decides with the later, rushing up behind Frostbite and grabbing by the neck, he reverse DDT’s Frostbite on the floor!
Hawke: Lord Dominicus is getting in some licks here, and every one is feeling it!
Angel: John Cavanaugh with that toaster certainly provided the assist!
Hawke: This is what we expected, Soutter and Jesse Jamester are fighting like dogs in the back. Cavanaugh and Krauss by the door. Lord Dominicus and Frostbite in front of Timeless. Eddie D and Primal in the kitchen still, redecorating the whole place! It’s a brawl Randy!
Angel: I didn’t see many holds getting applied tonight. The XHF administration gave these men a license to kill, and they sure are taking advantage of it (BURP).
Mad Dog Paul Soutter irish whips Jesse Jamester towards the door, and Cavanaugh sees it coming, he spins Armand around, and Jesse tackles him into the kitchen area! Cavanaugh immediately goes after Mad Dog, going for a punch but Mad Dog goes low, using his broad shoulders to scoop up John Cavanaugh and run him into the corner of the doorway! Belly-to-belly onto the floor! Cavanaugh’s body goes thud on the concrete! Lord Dominicus and Frostbite are fighting back and forth, Frostbite ducks a clothesline, and german suplex, but he waits for it, and as Dominicus rolls through to his knees, superkick to the face! Frostbite seems happy with his handy work, going for the cookie sheet to his left, and another one, and plays them like symbols on a rising Timeless!
Angel: Call the band, I think Frostbite just took their job!
Hawke: Timeless is going to hear a ringing for a week from that.
Meanwhile in the kitchen, Primal is in a bear hug by Eddie D, who is squeezing the life out of the hairiest man in all of wrestling. Eddie dips his hips, Primal’s feet touch the floor for a moment before he goes flying backwards into the walk in freezer door! The door dents inwards on impact, and Primal slouches down to the floor on the back of his shoulders. Walking towards him, Eddie grabs Primal by the neck, lifting him up into a powerslam! He rushes straight at the door and we see the pins pop off as Eddie D puts Primal through the walk-in freezer door!
Hawke: What a monster Eddie D is!
Angel: Were you surprised? He has dominated the SWAT territory as their champion. The man is a man’s man, something you wouldn’t know anything about (BURP).
Hawke: Oh, like you would.
Angel: Hey don't roll your eyes at me!
Krauss is distracted by the noise he hears in the back of the kitchen, which gives Jesse Jamester enough time to use the power cord from the microwave Eddie threw earlier and wrap it around his neck. Choking Armand von Krauss, Jesse goes to get more leverage, and climbs on a counter, lifting Krauss off his feet while he chokes him! Krauss elbows Jesse to break the choke, and lands on his feet, grasping his neck. Jesse drops off the counter for a double axe handle smash, but Krauss rolls out of the way, using a stool he throws it at Jesse and it connects! Krauss motions for the Brain Crush hold that has won him matches in the past, and he goes towards Jamester to lock the hands in place. He begins lifting up Jesse Jamester, but given the size difference, he struggles to get Jesse off his feet. Jesse’s mask provides some resistance to the hold, and green mist! Krauss is misted by Jesse Jamester! Rubbing his eyes, Krauss can’t see, Jesse delivers a Jesterplex on him and hooks the leg!
1!
2!
3!
Krauss is dazed and confused and now out after the finessing from the Canadian Nightmare, but the damage had been done. Jesse holds his head, a tear in the mask appears on the left side of his face, and his side is all red from the stool.
Bonnie Jenkins: Armand von Krauss has been ELIMINATED!
Eddie D is heard roaring like a lion, or grunting, one could be confused by the noise as it was in a freezer about twenty feet away. Jesse goes towards it, grabbing a cookie pan on his way. As he enters the doorway he is immediately projected backwards as Eddie D mule kicks Primal into Jesse and they both fly from the freezer!
Hawke: SWAT is in a tough spot, with 3 against 5 here.
Angel: Tough? Eddie D is three people. He just threw Primal through a steel door! Marvel, give us a call, we got your next Hulk (BURP)!
Hawke: I think someone needs a meeting again. I take nothing away from Eddie D, but numbers don’t lie, the more heads the better chance NPW Team has against the KGB team.
Meanwhile in the Bakery, Timeless and Frostbite are fighting now, while John Cavanaugh and Lord Dominicus are being beat by Mad Dog Paul Soutter with everything but the kitchen sink -- scratch that, he takes the kitchen sink and tosses it over on Lord Dominicus pinning him against the floor. John Cavanaugh ducks a haymaker from Mad Dog, and drives an elbow of his own into the throat on an Irish uppercut! The Mad Dog stumbles, and John sees the chance to take him down, kicking him in the knee, he drives Soutter into the concrete floor with a DDT! Frostbite on the other side is fighting Timeless with a pronged fork, and trying to drive it into his head, while Timeless holds his wrists to stop the cut from happening. The pretty boy won’t let it go, and he rolls backwards, catapulting Frostbite with his legs into the kitchen oven door! Glass shatters and falls with the body of Frostbite, as he slumps to the floor. Timeless rolls over, grabbing the face of Frostbite, and locks on the turnabout!
Hawke: This has won Alex Turner a fair share of matches! I can only imagine, after 25 minutes of brutalizing themselves, Frostbite doesn’t have much left in the tank!
Angel: Wait! Is that Soutter coming towards him? He just put Cavanaugh on his ass with multiple head butts, and John Cavanaugh is bleeding!
Hawke: The Mad Dog is coming to save his team mate!
Timeless wrenches back and as Mad Dog gets to them, Lord Dominicus dropkicks him and sends him rolling in another direction! Timeless gets the submission as Frostbite taps out to the Turnabout!
Bonnie Jenkins: Frostbite has been ELIMINATED!
Lord Dominicus sees immediately his dropkick wasn’t received well by Mad Dog, who is rampaging towards him and bear hugs Lord Dominicus as he gets up. Mad Dog takes two steps and throws Lord Dominicus like a disc across the room, he lands on the floor and rolls towards the entrance of the kitchen. Soutter turns his attention to Turner, and kicks him in the head as he gets up from the Turnabout. Frostbite is escorted out of the room by XHF personnel. Mad Dog throws Timeless through the entrance way into the Bakery, where Jesse Jamester and Primal are fighting with Eddie D. Both men have taken a side, and are attacking the SWAT World Champion with everything they have. Jesse low blows the big man as a last attempt to even the odds, and Primal catches him on the chin with a raised knee. Eddie goes down, and Primal goes for the cover.
1!
2!
KICKOUT!
Hawke: Kickout with authority!
Eddie D benches Primal and throws him off of him! Soutter comes in clotheslining the rising Timeless out of his boots. Soutter sees Jamester getting up and goes at him, shoulder tackle into the wall! Soutter sees Primal and grabs him by the neck, lifting him up, he goes for a powerslam, but Primal slips over his back, and shoves him into a stainless steel table. Soutter grabs the table and shifts it, and as Primal rushes him, he back body drops Primal onto the table! You can see the sweat and slide off as Primal rolls over the other side near Timeless. Mad Dog isn’t done, getting his second wind in, he goes straight for Prime Time with a vengeance. Timeless is up, Primal on a knee, and Soutter comes rushing in for a double clothesline, but Timeless lifts him up by the knees and Primal comes in grabbing the neck to deliver a deadly neckbreaker drop combo onto the floor!
Angel: Soutter just took a Deadly Three Dimensional Drop!
Hawke: Sure won’t get trademark infringement for that one!
Angel: But the count is only a two, as Primal goes for the cover on Soutter. These two KGB members are tougher than nails. Eddie D is over there picking up Jesse Jamester and having his way with him!
John Cavanaugh comes walking in and sees Prime Time working on Mad Dog, so he heads to the back towards Eddie D. Primal tells Timeless to pick up Soutter, and he does as he says. Primal climbs the table and jumps off with a shoulder tackle, but Soutter catches him and reverses it into a powerslam! Primal hits hard and rolls out of the kitchen through the entrance into the bakery. Timeless goes for a measure of revenge for his Tag Team partner, and clobbers Mad Dog with a frying pan on his back. The Mad Dog turns around shaking his head, his eyes redder than an addict on a binger. Mad Dog Paul Soutter scoops up Timeless and hits him with a Soutter Special! He hooks both legs, as he sees Eddie D toss John Cavanaugh into the freezer.
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Alex “Timeless” Turner has been ELIMINATED!
Eddie D snaps a Headache from Hell on Jesse Jamester! John Cavanaugh comes rushing at him right after he hits it, and pummels Eddie to the floor, but is thrown off him with ease. Eddie D rolls over and as he gets to one knee, John Cavanaugh uses his quick thinking and slides the nearest stainless steel table between him and Eddie D. Lord Dominicus comes up behind Eddie D as he rises, and goes for a reverse DDT, but Lord Dominicus is power slammed onto the table by Eddie D! You can see the body of Lord Dominicus bend the table as the force of the move hits!
Angel: Eddie D is running the gauntlet! It’s 2 versus 4, but with the way Eddie D has man handled the NPW team, you’d think it was SWAT with the advantage.
Hawke: He’s proving himself to be everything he’s been built up to be! Jesse Jamester is still laying down from that Headache from Hell, and… Soutter is fighting with Cavanaugh now!
Mad Dog Paul Soutter is in a tie-up with John Cavanaugh, but the stalemate ends when Mad Dog slams Cavanaugh’s head off a fridge, and then goes for a pump handle slam! Cavanaugh slips over his shoulder and shoves Mad Dog away to gain some distance. John is getting some licks in, as Primal appears and sees Eddie D going for the pin on Jesse Jamester.
1!
2!
Broken up by a hard kick to the back of his neck, Primal stops Eddie D from eliminating Jamester. Lord Dominicus lays on the table still, resting, as we see his chest catching its breath with rhythmic breathing. Soutter goes for the Soutter Special again but this time on Cavanaugh, who slips out of it and hits Hell’s Kitchen Sink!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Mad Dog Paul Soutter has been ELIMINATED!
The odds are in the favor of the NPW team as Eddie D is the last member of team KGB to remain. The referees gather at the door, watching as Eddie D gets up, and looks on at Primal and John Cavanaugh. Jesse Jamester lays on the floor and Lord Dominicus finally rolls off the table to join him. The SWAT World Champion tears his shirt off and motions like a mountain with hands to come get some at Primal and Cavanaugh.
Hawke: He has a lot of work to do to make it out of this one victorious Randy.
Angel: If anyone can do it, Eddie D is positioned well. He has two of the four down, and two battered members left. I don’t think Eddie has taken a move most of this match!
Hawke: You were obviously using the bathroom because he has.
Primal and Cavanaugh begin to head towards Eddie D, and both nod at one another as they split to each side, trying to divert Eddie from having a direct path at them both. Primal goes for the legs while Cavanaugh goes high and jumps on Eddie’s back, going for a choke hold. Primal hooks the leg, but his double leg take down doesn’t budge Eddie D! Kneeing Primal in the face, Eddie stops him from getting any further traction with trying to tie up his legs. Primal shakes off the cobwebs and rushes at Eddie D looking to elbow smash him, but Eddie pulls John Cavanaugh over his shoulder and directs the attack at him! Cavanaugh takes an elbow to the face, and then Headache from Hell! Primal looks on with regret, but is quickly mule kicked across the room by Eddie D! Cavanaugh is motionless, but Eddie takes no chances and picks him up for another Headache from Hell! A final splash and Eddie goes for the cover!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: John Cavanaugh has been ELIMINATED!
Hawke: The Irish Ironman proved to be a team player tonight, but he took two Headaches from Hell, and an elbow blast from Primal to cost him the match.
Angel: Team NPW will have to find some strength here, cause Eddie D has just wrecked every member and looks to have his focus on a rising Lord Dominicus!
Lord Dominicus is unaware of Eddie D’s presence, as the hulking strongman comes up behind him with his taped fingers reaching over the shoulders of Lord Dominicus, and grabbing him by the mask. Dominicus yells for help, which is very unlike Dominicus, but is much needed at this moment. Being lifted off his feet by Eddie D, Lord Dominicus kicks with his feet, his mask tearing at the seam, but Primal comes up from behind with a toaster oven to the back of Eddie D! Primal hooks the neck of Eddie D and drops him with a neckbreaker on the floor! Lord Dominicus lands on his feet and staggers forward, shaking his head and grabbing at the mask.
Angel: We almost got a reveal there!
Hawke: Man would all the Lord Dominicus fans be mad if that happened.
Angel: He has fans?
Hawke: He is the NPW Double Crown Champion, I’m sure he has a cult following.
Eddie D shoves Primal off of him, and Lord Dominicus sets up a fold out chair. Eddie D gets to his feet and is met with a jumping shining wizard from Lord Dominicus! But he only takes part of it, as Eddie shoves Lord Dominicus mid-air into the wall to his left! The SPLAT is heard like a fly getting swatted. Primal kicks Eddie D in the gut and with all his strength lifts the big man up and spins him into a powerslam! EMPTY ABYSS by Primal! Both men come down hard but with Primal on top of Eddie D! He hooks the leg, leaning back on the chest of Eddie D with all his weight. Lord Dominicus crawls over, reeling from the wall splat, and lays on top of Primal to add pressure.
1!
2!
3!
Eddie D shoves the men off him, but only after the three count is hit by the XHF referee! Primal and Lord DOminicus share a shaking head as they watch Eddie D get restrained by 10 men from XHF staff, urging him to leave the room. Whether or not the match was over, Eddie D had more in the tank and wanted to leave team NPW laid out.
Bonnie Jenkins: Eddie D has been ELIMINATED!
Hawke: I cannot believe it, Eddie D and Team KGB came in here and wrecked this kitchen and bakery against team NPW! They’re going to need to redecorate the whole place.
Angel: I just hope they left the rum alone.
From the back of the room, Jesse Jamester is seen stirring, he walks towards the middle of the room to meet Lord Dominicus and Primal and share a head nods before they have their arms raised in victory by the XHF referees.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winners of this match and proceeding to Round 2 of Call to Arms, TEAM NPW’s remaining members -- Primal, Lord Dominicus, and Jesse Jamester!
Inside the Eastern State Penitentiary, we see the XHF personnel escorting teams between rounds. After the Northern Pro Wrestling team’s win, they were moved from the Kitchen and Bakery corridor due to the mass destruction that went down between them and the KGB team. Among the survivors, Jesse Jamester is seen in his wrestling attire, the red X carved in the forehead of his black lizard mask moniker, blood and sweat glistening on his skin from the recent match. Walking past a set of sliding metal doors that are separating each area of the Penitentiary at the hub of its creation, Jesse Jamester is told to stand with his teammates as they check if the next area is ready. The BANG! Bros team appears on the other side of the sliding metal barricade of the hub, specifically Spike Kane. Spike has a small coat of sweat lining his wet hair as he spots the NPW team, shifting his shoulders his leather cut off shifts around as he measures up the possible upcoming talent, before sneering at them as a group.
Spike Kane: This is what we have to look forward to? (Spits on the floor) I’ve seen better.
Darting his eyes to Spike, the Canadian Nightmare’s mouth purses as he motions a single finger at himself.
Jesse Jamester: I know you’re not talking to me. Right?
Spike Kane: Oh so you’re not just big and stupid like the others, yeah you Mister Nightmare guy.
Chuckling with the sickest of smiles under what could be seen of his mask, Jesse Jamester claps his hands.
Jesse Jamester: The comedians we keep seeing in this business, you’re a funny guy, what was it again - Spit Candy?
Glaring a hole through Jesse Jamester, Spike doesn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know with his facial features if it bothered him, but instead, spits on Jesse’s white boots.
Spike Kane: It’s Spike Kane, but why would you know, old timer. Don’t waste your breath saying it if you ain't ready for what comes next.
Walking up to the door, Jesse sticks his mask inches from Spike’s face. Spike grins back at Jesse, expecting a battle.
Jesse Jamester: Best wish we never cross paths Spike, or you’ll be eating these boots until I’m done making you my lizard bitch.
The two reach for each other through the cage, however XHF personnel separate them immediately and we see Spike and Jesse stare one another down as the scene cuts to the next match.
Hawke: Another great contest set to get underway here Randy.
Angel: I expect violence of the highest degree!
Bonnie Jenkins: Making their way out first for this Call to Arms first round match......from Cell Block 3.......Blaze Freya, Isabel Rios, Lucky Linda, Mistress Discipline, and Olympia they are......THE AMAZONS!
"Linger" by the Cranberries hits and Lucky Linda makes her way out from Cell Block 3, accompanied by Isabel Rios. Soon the area darkens as "Collapsing" by Demon Hunter blasts through the speakers. Red, pink, and purple lights flickering mark the entry of Blaze Freya, walking backwards until she joins her teamates. Next, "The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the intercom speakers, the lights dim and a spotlight leads Mistress Discipline from her cell block to join her cohorts. Finally, the Olympic March accompanied by red, white, and blue flares welcome the final member of the Amazon team, Olympia. Then, as a group the five make their way to the ring.
Angel: Oh wow, yeah, when they're all together I can absolutely see why King would have trouble concentrating.
Hawke: Not you too...
Bonnie Jenkins: And coming out of Cell Block 7....................Greg Adkins, the brothers of Hahaha and Hehehe, "Iron Bear" Jo Ghaven, and Sticky the Clown they are your worst nightmares, they are...........................Oh they're just Armand Von Krauss' Henchmen...
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies hits and from Cell Block 7 files out the team loosely referred to as "Armand's Henchmen." Some of the participants are more willing than others but“Guttertrash” Greg Adkins, “Iron Bear” Joe Ghaven, Sticky the Clown, Hehehe, and Hahaha are all ready for a fight.
Angel: This doesn't seem like a fair fight.
Hawke: I think it's been well established by now that women are able to fight men without issue
Angel: That's not what I meant. The Amazon team looks amazing and Armand's boys are uh....I mean they're fine?
Hawke: Wait, so you're saying....
Angel: I'm saying only Joe Ghaven stands a chance against any of these ladies
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
The Amazons
(Blaze Freya, Isabel Rios, Lucky Linda, Mistress Discipline, Olympia)
Vs.
Armand's Henchmen
(Greg Adkins, Hahaha, Hehehe, Joe Ghaven, Sticky the Clown)
The Amazons
(Blaze Freya, Isabel Rios, Lucky Linda, Mistress Discipline, Olympia)
Vs.
Armand's Henchmen
(Greg Adkins, Hahaha, Hehehe, Joe Ghaven, Sticky the Clown)
The bell sounded, and this one quickly erupted into an all out brawl. The Amazon team wanted to show that they wouldn't back down, and perhaps being the more limber team, could use the facility to it's max capacity. As for Armand's Henchmen - we know they aren't afraid to bend the rules, and would certain show no mercy against their foes. The Twin Clowns made it a point to work together early and often, and they went right after Lucky Linda. Rios saw the ambush taking place, and immediately rushed to her aid. Rios and Linda fired up, and had the clowns back peddling pretty quickly. Meanwhile, 'MD was paired off with the massive Joe Ghaven. Ghaven was able to push MD up against the wall, and hold her in place, not allowing her to escape. That was until Blaze back kicked Adkins, and walked over to low blow Ghaven. That's the type of offense that's going to take the starch out of anyone.
Angel: Hey, no fair. It's not like Ghaven can return the favor!
Hawke: Actually, do you watch SWAT?
Angel: Sometimes...
Hawke: Do you know Eddie D?
Angel: Who doesn't?
Hawke: Well a couple of months back he hit Blaze right in the...
WHAM!
Before Hake could finish, Adkins speared Blaze to the ground hard. He held for the cover and one of the many referees circling the area was down to make the count, but Blaze kicked up at 2. Meanwhile, Linda and Hehehe were doing battle. a highlight there was a swift kick to the gut, followed by a beautifully executed DDT! Hahaha prevented the pinfall attempt from happening, by blindsiding Linda with a running clothesline, taking her out. Rios was making the rounds, making sure that her teammates were all in a good place. She Olympia and Sticky doing battle, and gave a helping hand by executing a double hip toss with Olympia, followed by stereo elbow drops. A quick hi-five followed, until they were wiped out by Joe Ghaven. The big man rushed forward and shoulder tackled both amazons to the ground hard.
Hawke: OOOFFF, What Impact!
Angel: That's what she said...
MD was close by, and went low looking to chop block Ghaven. The strategy was effective to a degree, forcing the big man to take his eyes off of the two fallen amazon's and revert to MD. MD couldn't take him down, but the distraction certainly helped her teammates. Ghaven turned his back to stalk MD, but he would be met with double drop kicks to the back of both of his knees, which dropped him to his knees. MD was wise enough to rush forward and dropkick Ghaven in the mush! The three on one was short lived, as those clowns crept up behind and started swinging away. MD and Olympia tried to withstand the onslaught, but to no avail. Rios again, looking to break things up and use the numbers, but even she wasn't going to be able to pry those evil clowns away. Blaze and Adkins were squaring off, and the action as back and forth. Blaze was resourceful, and after a rake of the eyes, she grabbed a fire extinguisher from the wall, ripped it off and blasted Adkins in the face with it. Adkins was out cold, and it allowed Blaze to make the cover, and get the three count!
Bonnie Jenkins: Greg Atkins has been Eliminated by Blaze Freya!
Hawke: What a shot that was by Blaze.
Angel: That one hit the spot! We're at 5 on 4 now.
Lucky Linda was in a starring role in this match up until now. She was able to play fantastic defense, and keep her awareness at peak performance. Linda hooked Hahaha into a sharp shooter, and had it locked in tight. It appeared as though one of the clowns might've been ready to tap but Hehehe was in range he superkicked Linda, knocking her out of position and down to the ground in a heap. The clowns picked her up, and executed double clotheslines. Meanwhile, MD, Blaze and Rios were doing their best to keep Ghaven down and out of action. It would take every bit of effort to keep the big man down. He seemed impervious of pain. Inside of the ring, Olympia and Sticky were working a more traditional style match from the rest of the group, Wow, there is ring there, what a novel idea. The rest of the hooligans seemed content to battle everywhere but inside of the ring, which kept the referees on their toes.
Angel: BORING! Sticky and Olympia are ground grappling. Let's see some blood!
Hawke: Keep it together Randy.
Angel: I'm just being honest, don't act like you don't enjoy mayhem.
Sticky was getting the better of Olympia, and Rios slid into the ring and German Suplexed him! Big move and great strategy from Rios. Rios then hit the ropes and dove out of the ring and clipped Ghaven with a TOPE SUICIDA!!! Rios nearly bounced off of Ghaven, and landed on her feet. Hahaha was about to creep up, but he was met with a roundhouse kick from RIOS! Hahaha fell backwards into a German suplex hold from Lucky Linda.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hahaha has been Eliminated by Lucky Linda!
Hawke: It's 5 on 3 Randy. What teamwork employed by The Amazon's
Angel: That's Isabel Rios has been bar hopping around like no other.
Hawke: Bar Hopping? Can you stay focused on the task at hand.
Angel: Do you think any of these Amazon's would accompany me for a cocktail once we're out of this prison hell hole?
Hawke: Probably not.
Sticky was shaking the cobwebs, and left the ring to check on his partner Ghaven, who was fighting off multiple amazon's. Their strategy of working him over was a smart one as he is clearly the biggest and most imposing figure in this contest. 1 on 1 against Ghaven was likely to be a long night. But 3 and 4 on 1? Those are better odds. Sticky was doing his best to fight back, and ended up taking MD down, and then finally setting his sights of Blaze. Blaze was a real wildcard, and as wild as they come. She showed very little caution, and was willing to put her body at risk for the betterment of her team. Blaze leapt from the top rope of the ring down to the arena floor, but she was caught by Sticky, and driven down hard to the floor with a spine buster. Sticky held for the cover.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Blaze Freya has been eliminated by Sticky the Clown!
Sticky the Clown was caught admiring his work. He laughed and hissed at Blaze, who he had just eliminated. He turned around into an exploder suplex from Olympia. Sticky tried to bounce up quickly, but in doing so was caught with a Northern Light's suplex with a bridge from Olympia!
1..
2..
3..
Bonnie Jenkins: Sticky the Clown has been Eliminated by Olympia!
Hawke: Things are certainly speeding up now![/div]
Angel: Come on ladies!
It was now 4 vs 2, as the Amazon's team had shown great teamwork this far, headlined by Amazon's Champion Isabel Rios. Rios has not only been doing damage to her opponents, but she has been circling the ring and involving herself at the most opportune times to shift the momentum in the favor of her team. A true leader, and recognized as such while carrying the championship with pride. Ghaven and Hehehe were going to have their work cut out for them and the Amazon's knew it. They gathered together and with Linda seemingly advising how she thought they should do it. Perhaps speaking from experience, if there is anyone who knows how the KGB operates, especially their henchmen, it would be Lucky Linda. Linda has made it clear that while she respects Paul Soutter's decision to rejoin his bandmates, that doesn't mean she will follow suit or allow this decision to change her outlook.
Angel: They're getting together to strategize. This could turn ugly!
Hawke: Joe Ghaven counts for three of them, so we might actually call this an even bout, wouldn't you say?
Angel: Can someone hand me a shot of...
The Amazon's attack like wildfire, and do their best to maintain their lead. Rios has paired off with Hehehe, and the other three women are doing their best to circle and find openings on Joe Ghaven, Ghaven was recently brought to his knees via stabbing from Esmerelda von Krauss. It's a miracle he's got enough left in the tank to fight off any challengers. Ghaven used his huge hands and applied a claw hold of sorts on the skull of MD, who was fighting her tail off to break free. A leg sweep from Linda helped weaken the grip, and Olympia camel n hot with a drop kick that Ghaven brushed aside with ease. He stomped on Linda and regrouped his claw hold on MD.
Hawke: Looks at the size of Ghaven's hands. He is palming Mistress of Discipline's head, and it looks like it's the size of a tennis ball.
Angel: Spooky stuff.
Ghaven was fending all attacks well, and seemingly enjoyed dishing out some punishment. A side swiping right hand floored 'MD' ... a big boot, caught Olympia clean and a short clothesline hit Lucky Linda where it hurt, and dropped her to the concrete floor. Rios had just finished a reverse neck breaker on Hehehe, and she sprung into action with a super kick that caught Ghaven in the gut. It was enough to give the rest of the Amazon's some reprieve. Rios fired up, and laced Ghaven with and left kick, then a right kick, then left, then right... Ghaven did his best to block the onslaught but some of the strikes were getting through.
Hawke: Rios has been the ultra teammate of the year thus far in this contest. Whenever her team needs a boost, she's there to provide it.
Angel: Oh stop sucking up. I hear she's too busy for a boyfriend.
Hawke: Would you stop. If you've been paying attention, you would've noticed that her selfless acts are part of the reason why her team has the advantage at this point of the match.
Rios turned her back at the wrong time, while biding time for her team, she took her eyes off of the dangerous Hehehe, and the evil clown blindsided her with a double ax handle from behind. Hehehe started to stomp away, which brought 'MD' into the fray, and she caught Hehehe with a running flying forearm strike that knocked him backwards. The Mistress finished the exchange with a cartwheel kick that would've made any bystander blush. Meanwhile, Ghaven was growing irritated, and it showed. He muscles Olympia down to the concrete with ease. Linda did her best to break things up, but sheended up getting caught with a Chokeslam! Ghaven held the position for the cover and used his four hundred pound frame to maintain the position. The referee was there, and started the count.
1..
2...
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Lucky Linda has been eliminated by Joe Ghaven!
Hawke: It's now 3 to 2. That was a huge elimination to help bring Armand's Henchmen back into the match.
Angel: Tough one for Lucky Linda, I had her penciled in to go far in this tournament.
Rios went to check on Linda, who was starting to show signs that she was OK, and the two of them exchanged encouraging words, before Linda was escorted away from the violence. Olympia tried to spear Hehehe, but he was ready for it and caught her in a guillotine choke! Things weren't looking good, but thankfully The Mistress of Discipline was able to break things up. The Mistress was in a tough position, should she continue to help Olympia, or switch her focus over to the 400 pound 'Iron Bear' that was starting to become a real problem in this contest. It appeared as though she chose right, as Ghaven was closing in on Rios, and as hard as Rios was fighting, she truly wasn't able to fend off the much bigger Ghaven. 'MD' used the oldest school yard trick i the book, and bend down behind Ghaven, as close she could get without making contact. Rios pushed forward, gathered steam and shoved Ghaven forward, which in turn forced him to topple backwards. Ghaven wasn't ready and unable to block the impact of his 400 pound frame from hitting the concrete floor HARD! 'MD' held the school boy for as long as she could.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joe Ghaven has been eliminated by The Mistress of Discipline!
Meanwhile, as the officials were doing their best to escort Joe Ghaven out of the ring area, Hehehe had just power bombed Olympia in the middle of the ring. Another referee was there to make the count.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Olympia has been eliminated by Hehehe!
Hawke: The action is fast and furious and two of our competitors were eliminated within the span of ten seconds of each other.
Angel: I can't keep up! This is awesome.
Hawke: Are you wasted?
Angel: Mind your own business.
It was now 2 v 1, as Isabel Rios and The Mistress of Discipline would square off against Hehehe to see who would advance to the next round. 90% of this contest had been fought outside of the ring, but it appeared as though the final portion would take place inside of the ring. The Amazon duo shared a few words before doing their best to close in on Hehehe. The clown didn't seem fearful and decided to be the one who pushed the pace. He went right for Rios and was getting the best of her for a split second. 'MD' charged, but caught a back elbow from Hehehe, which knocked her back a bit. The henchmen then started to lace Rios with vicious strikes up against the ropes and finally in the corner. Rios showed resolve and displayed an impeccable chin! The Mistress interjected herself in the fight once again, and it would prove to be fruitful, as Hehehe was starting to feel a tad overwhelmed with the intensity, and not being able to fend off the spirited attack from the Amazon's. MD connected clean with a nasty Spinning Heel kick off the ropes which had Hehehe dazed. He wobbled in the middle of the ring, to which Rios scooped him up and hit him with the Red Tail Driver!!!
1..
2..
3!!!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hehehe has been eliminated by Isabel Rios, the winners of this match are THE AAAAAAMAZOOOOOOONS!
Angel: I told you, once they lost Ghaven it was over
It was now 4 vs 2, as the Amazon's team had shown great teamwork this far, headlined by Amazon's Champion Isabel Rios. Rios has not only been doing damage to her opponents, but she has been circling the ring and involving herself at the most opportune times to shift the momentum in the favor of her team. A true leader, and recognized as such while carrying the championship with pride. Ghaven and Hehehe were going to have their work cut out for them and the Amazon's knew it. They gathered together and with Linda seemingly advising how she thought they should do it. Perhaps speaking from experience, if there is anyone who knows how the KGB operates, especially their henchmen, it would be Lucky Linda. Linda has made it clear that while she respects Paul Soutter's decision to rejoin his bandmates, that doesn't mean she will follow suit or allow this decision to change her outlook.
Angel: They're getting together to strategize. This could turn ugly!
Hawke: Joe Ghaven counts for three of them, so we might actually call this an even bout, wouldn't you say?
Angel: Can someone hand me a shot of...
WHACK!
The Amazon's attack like wildfire, and do their best to maintain their lead. Rios has paired off with Hehehe, and the other three women are doing their best to circle and find openings on Joe Ghaven, Ghaven was recently brought to his knees via stabbing from Esmerelda von Krauss. It's a miracle he's got enough left in the tank to fight off any challengers. Ghaven used his huge hands and applied a claw hold of sorts on the skull of MD, who was fighting her tail off to break free. A leg sweep from Linda helped weaken the grip, and Olympia camel n hot with a drop kick that Ghaven brushed aside with ease. He stomped on Linda and regrouped his claw hold on MD.
Hawke: Looks at the size of Ghaven's hands. He is palming Mistress of Discipline's head, and it looks like it's the size of a tennis ball.
Angel: Spooky stuff.
Ghaven was fending all attacks well, and seemingly enjoyed dishing out some punishment. A side swiping right hand floored 'MD' ... a big boot, caught Olympia clean and a short clothesline hit Lucky Linda where it hurt, and dropped her to the concrete floor. Rios had just finished a reverse neck breaker on Hehehe, and she sprung into action with a super kick that caught Ghaven in the gut. It was enough to give the rest of the Amazon's some reprieve. Rios fired up, and laced Ghaven with and left kick, then a right kick, then left, then right... Ghaven did his best to block the onslaught but some of the strikes were getting through.
Hawke: Rios has been the ultra teammate of the year thus far in this contest. Whenever her team needs a boost, she's there to provide it.
Angel: Oh stop sucking up. I hear she's too busy for a boyfriend.
Hawke: Would you stop. If you've been paying attention, you would've noticed that her selfless acts are part of the reason why her team has the advantage at this point of the match.
Rios turned her back at the wrong time, while biding time for her team, she took her eyes off of the dangerous Hehehe, and the evil clown blindsided her with a double ax handle from behind. Hehehe started to stomp away, which brought 'MD' into the fray, and she caught Hehehe with a running flying forearm strike that knocked him backwards. The Mistress finished the exchange with a cartwheel kick that would've made any bystander blush. Meanwhile, Ghaven was growing irritated, and it showed. He muscles Olympia down to the concrete with ease. Linda did her best to break things up, but sheended up getting caught with a Chokeslam! Ghaven held the position for the cover and used his four hundred pound frame to maintain the position. The referee was there, and started the count.
1..
2...
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Lucky Linda has been eliminated by Joe Ghaven!
Hawke: It's now 3 to 2. That was a huge elimination to help bring Armand's Henchmen back into the match.
Angel: Tough one for Lucky Linda, I had her penciled in to go far in this tournament.
Rios went to check on Linda, who was starting to show signs that she was OK, and the two of them exchanged encouraging words, before Linda was escorted away from the violence. Olympia tried to spear Hehehe, but he was ready for it and caught her in a guillotine choke! Things weren't looking good, but thankfully The Mistress of Discipline was able to break things up. The Mistress was in a tough position, should she continue to help Olympia, or switch her focus over to the 400 pound 'Iron Bear' that was starting to become a real problem in this contest. It appeared as though she chose right, as Ghaven was closing in on Rios, and as hard as Rios was fighting, she truly wasn't able to fend off the much bigger Ghaven. 'MD' used the oldest school yard trick i the book, and bend down behind Ghaven, as close she could get without making contact. Rios pushed forward, gathered steam and shoved Ghaven forward, which in turn forced him to topple backwards. Ghaven wasn't ready and unable to block the impact of his 400 pound frame from hitting the concrete floor HARD! 'MD' held the school boy for as long as she could.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joe Ghaven has been eliminated by The Mistress of Discipline!
Meanwhile, as the officials were doing their best to escort Joe Ghaven out of the ring area, Hehehe had just power bombed Olympia in the middle of the ring. Another referee was there to make the count.
1..
2..
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Olympia has been eliminated by Hehehe!
Hawke: The action is fast and furious and two of our competitors were eliminated within the span of ten seconds of each other.
Angel: I can't keep up! This is awesome.
Hawke: Are you wasted?
Angel: Mind your own business.
It was now 2 v 1, as Isabel Rios and The Mistress of Discipline would square off against Hehehe to see who would advance to the next round. 90% of this contest had been fought outside of the ring, but it appeared as though the final portion would take place inside of the ring. The Amazon duo shared a few words before doing their best to close in on Hehehe. The clown didn't seem fearful and decided to be the one who pushed the pace. He went right for Rios and was getting the best of her for a split second. 'MD' charged, but caught a back elbow from Hehehe, which knocked her back a bit. The henchmen then started to lace Rios with vicious strikes up against the ropes and finally in the corner. Rios showed resolve and displayed an impeccable chin! The Mistress interjected herself in the fight once again, and it would prove to be fruitful, as Hehehe was starting to feel a tad overwhelmed with the intensity, and not being able to fend off the spirited attack from the Amazon's. MD connected clean with a nasty Spinning Heel kick off the ropes which had Hehehe dazed. He wobbled in the middle of the ring, to which Rios scooped him up and hit him with the Red Tail Driver!!!
1..
2..
3!!!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hehehe has been eliminated by Isabel Rios, the winners of this match are THE AAAAAAMAZOOOOOOONS!
Angel: I told you, once they lost Ghaven it was over
Hawke: How were you able to see that when you can barely see straight!?
Angel: It's a gift, much like the amazing female competitors are to the XHF Network!
Hawke: That's a really goo-
Angel: And Super Sake! Drink a lot, responsibly!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a first-round Call to Arms match! Each team will start with all of its members in the ring, and it is Falls Count Anywhere rules! Pin or submit your opponents to eliminate them, with the last team standing advancing to the next round! Introducing first, representing Team FIRESIDE, the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke; Vodka Fizz, Joe Nobody, Jaice Wilds, and Evan Valentine Jr.!
Surprisingly, “Evansent” by Evan Valentine Jr. begins to play over the speakers, a possible product of Evan’s dad Jonnie paying the venue staff. The team begins to emerge slowly as one big unit, each member carrying a lit torch. The SPARK Championship shines brightly on the shoulder of the rugged Shane Locke as the group comes together at a bowl, taking the time to light the gasoline in it in unison, setting the bowl on fire.
Hawke: A ritual of FIRESIDE making its way to the prison tonight, Randy, with the whole team lighting the fire, ready to go!
Angel: It’s a team with the already impressive champion in Locke, that whiny jackass kid of Jonnie’s named Evan, and my personal favorite, the man who has a tolerance for booze like me, Vodka Fizz.
Hawke: Fizz is a lot more than just a man who likes his liquor, though. He and Locke are real blue chip talents.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, representing the ReVenants, with special guest Donzig, they are the team of Keith Williams, Neo James Carner, Rob Garcia, and Oxford Osland!
As “When the Levee Breaks” by Led Zeppelin begins to play over the arena speakers, the first thing we see is the relatively-unknown Pittsburgh native down as Donzig pulling backwards through the curtain, and once he gets the laundry cart through, he switches to pushing the entire ReVenants team down the ramp, hopping in as it builds momentum. They have all decided to recreate the famous portrait of George Washington crossing the Delaware as they ride down the entrance ramp, with the deranged Keith Williams assuming the spot of Washington, facemask and all.
Angel: The ReVenants are riding in style down to the ring tonight, with the newcomer Donzig riding along with them!
Hawke: Keith Williams has clearly lost his mind since losing his precious mustache, but the rest of this team is ready to go!
Angel: Don’t sleep on Oxford Osland either, folks! The current SWAT Television champion is rather imp-
As the laundry cart picks up momentum coming down the ramp, the group seems to realize they don’t have a method of stopping, which is bad as the cart is on a beeline for the FIRESIDE fire! The team ditches the cart right before it collides, but it knocks the bowl over, causing a handful of the weapons to spill out everywhere, and a few of them to even be lit on fire!
Angel: Holy shit, now we have something! I don’t think that was supposed to happen!
Hawke: Whether it was planned or not, we have a few minor fires here at ringside, and we need some technicians out there!
Angel: The Inferno match this week isn’t until Thursday!
Donzig and the ReVenants are a little shaken, but they quickly shed their reactions to storm the ring. The referee looks to hold off on calling for the bell, but the fisticuffs has already started, so in a nod to the old Xtreme days, he calls for the bell, and the match is on.
Angel: These two teams have already started going at each other, but let’s see that fire at ringside!
Hawke: I’m seeing some bats that have caught fire, as long as a few kendo sticks… this situation could get a lot worse before it gets better!
There are clear halves to the fighting dynamic of these two teams: the people brave enough to fight near the fire, and those who want no part of the flames. Some of the wrestlers even exit the ring to brawl around ringside, but some wrestlers are getting a little up close and personal with the fire. Evan Valentine Jr. is not one of them, and is seemingly already regretting antagonizing both Donzig and Oxford Osland. Valentine has made the mistake of slapping the bigger Osland, and with Donzig coming up on him, has resorted to gouging his eye with his thumb.
Hawke: Valentine’s backing himself into a corner, and while he’s cheating his way out, I’m not sure he’s going to appreciate Osland and Donzig getting their hands on him!
Angel: This is a fool’s move for sure!
Valentine, realizing he has most definitely overstayed his welcome, begins to manuever his way down a hallway, booking it back towards the movie theater the team stayed in leading up in preparations. He is quicker than Osland and Donzig, but the two men give him chase, leaving the in-ring situation to a four-on-three.
Hawke: Valentine is running for his life!
Angel: That kid never wants to put in the work, but he seems to have goaded two of the ReVenants away from the action! The cameraman’s going to have his work cut out for him, trying to catch up!
Hawke: Between this and the fire, this is madness!
One grouping still remaining at ringside is Jaice Wilds, Rob Garcia, and Joe Nobody. The former XHF Phoenix champion is all alone. Nobody has locked Garcia into a full nelson, and Wilds has met the challenge by stepping up into a brutal enziguri.
Angel: Nobody and Wilds working as a unit here!
Hawke: Nobody is a former tag team champion, this makes sense for him to stick close to another wrestler! Is no one coming to put out this fire?
The other grouping at ringside is another two-on-one, with Vodka Fizz being outnumbered by ReVenant veterans Keith Williams and Neo James Carner. They throw him brutally into the steels steps and take their time, slowly but surely raining down punches, in contrast to the fast-paced action in the ring. They even brutally kick him in the head in unison!
Hawke: They call Vodka Fizz a dumpster fire, or in fact he does--
Angel: Williams and Carner are surely dumpstering him right now!
Nobody looks over at the fires burning on the outside of the ring and grabs Garcia, looking to lock him into the Victory Buster and drop him face first onto the fire outside of the ring! He gets behind him, looking to lift him up in a german suplex, but the quicker wrestler falls backward into a pele kick, knocking Nobody off guard! Nobody’s upper half goes through the middle ropes, barely stopping short of falling out of the ring towards the flames!
Angel: One wrong move could be an early end to one of these guys’ nights!
Hawke: Fire is no joke, kids!
Jaice Wilds attempts to take Rob Garcia out right then and there, looking for his version of the Spanish Fly known as the Agent of Chaos, but Garcia gets low and delivers a t-bone suplex, dropping the XHF newcomer straight to the mat! Garcia gets up and pounds his chest, before focusing in on Nobody, who is still leaning out over the ropes! He smacks his knee and backs up, building speed!
Hawke: Oh no! This can’t be good!
Angel: Garcia’s getting a full head of speed, and I’m not sure Nobody’s going to like the result!
Garcia keeps charging forward right as Joe Nobody frees himself from the ropes and turns around, only to be yeeted over the ropes and to the floor by a running knee from Garcia!
Hawke: Lights out for Harambe!
Angel: What the hell did Nobody land on?
Nobody screams in pain, grabbing his back! Instant replay captures that not only did he land on a barbed-wire bat, but the bat still had a flicker of flame left to it! Technicians are finally out to extinguish the remaining flames, but it’s too late for Nobody!
Hawke: Jesus, look at his back! I don’t think he was ever truly on fire there, but the barbed wire certainly didn’t do much for him!
Angel: That’s definitely going to take stitches!
Garcia yells for assistance and the referee as he rolls outside of the ring, looking for someone to cover his back and for a three count. The referee follows along, dropping to his knees for the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Wilds attempts to break the count with a tope suicida, but is met with the Queen Anne’s Revenge from Keith Williams for his troubles!
Hawke: Williams from out of nowhere with that discus elbow!
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joe Nobody has been eliminated!
Hawke: Whoah! A big loss as Garcia already sends Nobody home!
Angel: Nobody isn’t going home-- he’s probably going to the hospital, or at least the medic’s tent!
Hawke: 5-4 in favor of team ReVenants now!
Garcia and Williams exchange a highfive as they immediately look at the still-downed body of Jaice Wilds. Williams looks through the extinguished weaponry at ringside before pulling out, of all things, a rubber chicken wrapped in barbed wire. He holds it above his head and walks towards Wilds with a devious look in his eyes, still visible through the facemask.
Hawke: I don’t like that look from Keith...
Angel: These guys are as hard as they come in this tournament, and this cart of weapons is exactly what they needed tonight!
Hawke: Team FIRESIDE definitely needs to flip the momentum, this is beginning to look like a rout!
Rob Garcia holds Jaice Wilds back up as Keith takes a few practice swings. As he goes to get ready for his final swing, he finds himself being knocked aside by a running headbut from the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke!
Hawke: Some farm wisdom from the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke!
Angel: He’s making his debut on the global stage, and the family man is a force of nature in his own regard!
Garcia sheds his grasp of Wilds to go over Shane Locke, only to be met by an european uppercut from the big boy from Eugene. Garcia tries to create separation to fire off a missile dropkick, but Locke grabs him like he’s a bale of hay, and throws him into the laundry cart with a gutwrench lift!
Hawke: Locke taking out the dirty laundry there!
Angel: The power of this man is on full display!
Wilds is finally back up to his feet, communicating to Locke to go grab Garcia for a big move. Locke fishes Garcia out of the laundry cart and whips him towards Jaice, who grabs him and looks at the steel ring steps. Wilds pulls Garcia closer to the ringsteps before pulling his head down for a DDT. He goes to leap off, but his momentum is sent in a completely different direction as Neo James Carner explodes off the apron, catching Wilds and taking him a distance through the air, crashing down through the barricade!
Hawke: The World Class Wrestler of Wrestlers cuts the turnaround brutally short! That barricade is busted!
Angel: The power and speed of Neo James Carner on full display there!
Carner goes to initiate a cover, but Williams is back up, and like a man possessed, has reacquired the barbed wire chicken! He grinds it against the face of Wilds, cutting him open!
Hawke: Oh no! This is too far from Keith!
Angel: These guys will do anything it takes to win!
“Too far” might be Keith’s next move, as he finds the bucket of salt that had been brought down in the laundry cart. The cart having been knocked over has split out half of its contents, but there is still plenty enough for the suffering to become painfully unbearable. After the remaining of the bucket’s contents are overturned, Williams pins Wilds while Carner stands guard, looking to keep Shane Locke and Vodka Fizz at bay.
Hawke: That was too much!
Angel: Even I was uncomfortable watching that! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jaice Wilds has been eliminated!
Hawke: The score is now 3-5, though here at ringside it still looks like 3-3 with Valentine, Donzig, and Osland still missing!
Angel: Where the hell are those guys?
The camera cuts to the outside area as Valentine has been running away from Donzig and Osland towards the chapel/movie theater area. Valentine manages to barge his way through the front door, but the XHF newcomer and the SWAT TV champion are not far behind at all.
Hawke: Got some popcorn, Randy? These guys are back by the movie theater!
Angel: I haven’t ordered any with this drink, are they even selling concessions here?
Valentine trips over a broken wooden chair and finds himself crawling away from the two men. As Donzig and Osland close in though, two more men pop out from behind the chairs, beginning to wail on them with lefts and right hands.
Angel: Who are these guys?
Hawke: That’s uh… that’s “Fatebound” Malcolm Evans and Nick Von Erich, two sons of former Hardkore World legends, and a part of a faction with Evan Valentine Jr. and Vodka Fizz called New Money! Valentine’s lured Donzig and Osland into an ambush!
Von Erich does his best to try to grab Donzig and lock in a mandible claw, but now that he’s aware of his surroundings, Donzig displays his impenetrable willpower, picking him up and spinebustering him through a set of wooden chairs set up in the room!
Hawke: The power of Donzig there! Damn near cracked Von Erich in half!
Angel: I think Valentine might have picked the wrong two guys to walk into an ambush!
Malcolm Evans has already had his luck turned upside down by Oxford Osland, as the man with supreme belief in himself has raised him up above his head for a fisherman’s buster! Valentine comes in with a cheapshot and breaks up the hold, but Osland releases the hold and gets low, planting Valentine into the ground with a samoan drop!
Angel: Ouch!
Hawke: The SWAT Television champion is no joke either!
Evans has distanced himself away from Osland, trying to do anything to get in his way and stop his momentum long enough for Valentine. He throws the theater’s projector at Osland, but Osland swats it out of midair where it basically explodes on the floor. Osland finally gets a hand on Evans and spots a window to the outside, getting behind Evans and throwing him through it with a cobra clutch suplex!
Hawke: Holy hell!
Angel: Osland and Donzig have taken care of business in the movie theater area, neutralizing Valentine’s help!
Hawke: That glass is everywhere!
Donzig grabs Osland and helps him back up to his feet. The two men spot Valentine, but Valentine has bolted out of the area, back towards the ring!
Hawke: How much longer can he keep running?
Angel: He’s gotta run out of stamina soon or later!
Back in the ring, the trio of ReVenants -- Carner, Williams, and Garcia have taken the time to set up a few tables and ladders, looking to send the FIRESIDE duo in the ring home. Williams and Carner are doing their best to use rope and tie Shane Locke down to a table, while Garcia has climbed his way up on top of a ladder, and he’s looking for his chance to jump.
Hawke: These three are such a well-oiled machine, and they look to be on route to completing the rout against team FIRESIDE!
Angel: It’s an impressive showing, can they close it out?
Locke is firmly tied down to the table as the two men have finished preparations. They back up and get some distance as Garcia is cleared for takeoff!
Hawke: This could be huge!
That’s the sound of a broken gin bottle as Vodka Fizz smashes it over the back of the head of Keith Williams! Williams goes down in a heap and begins to bleed from the scalp as the Dumpster Fire begins his rally!
Hawke: Vodka Fizz won’t go quietly!
Angel: Never count out an alcoholic with a chip on his shoulder!
The commotion in the ring quickly becomes a rush as Neo James Carner rushes over to Vodka Fizz, only to be knocked back by a crescent kick. Fizz gets himself back into the ring and transitions to a handspring, springing himself right back into Carner and bringing him down with a stunner!
Hawke: Uno Mas from Fizz!
Angel: It’s not a last call, but potentially a last stand!
Fizz quickly works to untie Shane Locke as Rob Garcias is caught looking on! Locke is freed as the energy in the building picks up with Locke looking at the ladder! Locke places his hand on a lower rung, testing the strength of the ladder as Garcia shakes his head from far above!
Hawke: That man can chuck a hay bale after a full day’s work with one hand, what can he do with that ladder?
Angel: I think Garcia’s about to find out!
Locke gets another hand on the ladder smiles, looking up at Garcia, before forcibly ripping it forward with ease, sending the ladder crashing down with the former champion, sending Rob Garcia crashing through the table!
Hawke: A table for one! Garcia just went flying!
Angel: I think that’s it for his night!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Rob Garcia has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re looking at four-to-three now!
Angel: I can’t get over the strength of that guy! That ladder stood no chance!
A bloody Keith Williams is furious as he climbs back into the ring, beginning to fire away with punches left and right at Shane Locke. Williams fires off Queen Anne’s revenge, but Locke manages to duck out of he way, leaving him to stumble forward, right into the path of Vodka Fizz, who turns him around and slams him into the mat, face-mask first, with his double-inverted underhook facebuster, the Mind Eraser!
Hawke: Mind Eraser!
Angel: Williams is down! He’s not moving! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Keith Williams has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re back to a tie ballgame!
Angel: This is insane! One of these two teams still has at least one more match tonight!
Hawke: An impressive move from Fizz nonetheless, allowing him to score a pinfall over a former world champion!
Vodka Fizz is helped back to his feet by the cowboy known as Shane Locke. The two exchange a moment of gratitude, high-fiving one another.
Hawke: Not a usual pairing, as Fizz is often with Evan Valentine!
Angel: Speaking of, look who’s coming back down the ramp!
An exhausted Evan Valentine Jr. has had his luck run out as he’s straight up been manhandled down the ramp, being thrown by the combination of Donzig and Oxford Osland. Every man clearly has beads of sweat coming down their foreheads from having to give chase to this slippery bastard, and now they finally have him in their sights. Valentine does his best to get his hands on a fork from Donzig’s cart and swings wildly, but Oxford stomps on his hand.
Hawke: You can run, but you can not hide from this pairing!
Angel: Donzig, Valentine, and Oxford Osland on the outside, NJC, Fizz, and Locke on the inside!
Quickly moving to disturb the balance, Fizz communicates something to Locke before bouncing off the ropes, allowing Locke to use his momentum to throw him over the ropes, crashing down onto Osland!
Angel: Incoming!
Valentine certainly appreciates the save, but the angry Donzig is still hot on his trail, grabbing the laundry cart and straight-up running over Valentine with it!
Hawke: Ouch!
Donzig grabs Valentine and looks to send him into the apron, but Locke reaches out and gets a hand on Donzig, trying to disrupt him and pull him into the ring. Donzig breaks out with a left hand straight to the bridge of Locke’s nose, sending him backward where Neo James Carner follows with a devious low blow!
Hawke: Not going to be having any more kids with a move like that!
Angel: Valentine led two fresh men down to the ring, I’m sure Fizz and Locke might not appreciate that! And a sneaky move from NJC to boot!
Valentine climbs back into the ring in an attempt to escape Donzig, only to run straight into the running Sympho-Knee from Neo James Carner!
Hawke: A victim of circumstances as Valentine gets clocked!
Angel: And now Donzig’s got him right where he wants him!
Donzig gets Evan Valentine Jr. back up before kneeing him low and delivering the Donzig Stunner! He hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Evan Valentine Jr. has been eliminated!
Hawke: Daddy’s boy has been eliminated by a brutal one-two punch from Carner and Donzig!
Angel: This guy wasn’t even on the roster a month ago, and now he’s everywhere! Look out for him!
Things go from bad to worse for team FIRESIDE as Donzig hoists Shane Locke back up to his feet, only for Shane Locke to get dropped by a saito suplex through the table from Osland!
Hawke: Saito suplex! Osland makes a comeback look all the less likely with that move!
Angel: Carner isn’t even waiting for Osland to make the cover!
Neo James Carner covers!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Shane Locke has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re looking at a three-on-one situation now! The ReVenants have cleaned up, and all that’s left is the spark plug from FIRESIDE known as Vodka Fizz!
Angel: He’s an up-and-comer, but this is a hell of a mountain to climb!
The stark contrast in the odds is highlighted as Fizz is laying in the corner while the team of Neo James Carner, Oxford Osland, and Donzig all prepare themselves to punch their ticket to round two. Fizz pulls himself up and looks around, and gulps as he realizes he’s the last light left for his company.
Hawke: Can Vodka Fizz beat the odds and make himself with a star-making performance right here?
Angel: Only one way to find out!
Fizz spots what he’s looking for as the three men begin to close in around him. To his credit, he is fighting like hell, swatting Donzig back with a crescent kick. He keeps moving, managing to knock down Neo with a stiff lariat, but Osland catches him and looks for another samoan drop! Fizz wriggles himself free, rolling out of the hold, and getting his hands on the ladder still in the ring!
Hawke: The ReVenants brought that ladder into the ring, and now they might live to regret it!
Angel: It’s the great equalizer!
Fizz gets a full head of steam and begins bouncing off the ropes like an absolute madman, holding the ladder out in front of him and running over any man who dares to get up or get in his way. Osland is the first one to hit the floor as the metal meets his flesh, and Donzig is next. He manages to get his third man down in the form of Neo James Carner and tosses the ladder aside, going for the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Carner kicks out!
Hawke: No! It’s not enough to take these guys down just yet!
Angel: Carner has been taking the most punishment, that’s his best bet if he’s going to eliminate someone to even the odds!
Voddy gets back up to his feet and shakes out his hands, looking for the Mind Eraser to get things much more controllable. Neo returns to his feet and his arms locked in for the move, but at the last moment, he manages to shove Fizz forward, right into the waiting discus elbow of Oxford Osland! Before Fizz can even recognize what’s going on, Donzig leaps off the middle rope, slamming down with a middle-rope lionsault!
Hawke: It looks like midnight is striking on our Fizzy Cinderella there, that lionsault could have crushed his ribcage!
Angel: Osland isn’t done with him just yet!
A fired up and angry Osland grabs the ladder and slams it into Vodka Fizz’s shoulders! He doesn’t just do it once -- he does it again, and again, and again before finally chucking it away, locking Fizz’s arms behind his back, and flipping forward to lock in his version of the Cattle Mutilation!
Hawke: Agony of Defeat! Could there be a more appropriate move for this moment?
Angel: Fizz tried, but it’s not enough! He’s tapping! The ref’s calling for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Vodka Fizz has been eliminated! Therefore, your winners of the match, with the surviving members of Neo James Carner, Donzig, and the SWAT Television Champion, Oxford Osland, the REVENAAAAAAAAAANTSSSSSSSSSS!
Hawke: 2020’s Faction of the Year gets the job done in a match that threatens to steal the show! FIRESIDE brought it tonight, but it was too little, too late against this well-oiled machine!
Angel: Still, maybe not as dominant of a win as these three left would have liked, seeing as how they lost Garcia and Williams! Will they be able,will they be ready to survive the rest of the event and go on to Overheated?
As their hands are raised, the looks on the face of the remaining trio indicate that yes, yes they will be ready for whichever team’s next. They celebrate together as the camera cuts.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a five on five elimination bout that is a no disqualification, pinfalls count anywhere contest! Featuring first the Galactic Sex Pirates!
”Skeleton Dance” by Precious McKenzie begins playing as the Galactic Sex Pirates walk out from the back. Rob Riot, Frank Windsor, Chris Parsons, Kintaru, and Andrew Morgan come into the atrium and get into the ring. They pose for the many cameras around, though otherwise it is eerily silent.
Hawke: No one has seen some of these stars since the fall of GCW.
Angel: Maybe they should have stayed gone? I can see the moth balls now.
Hawke: I’m sure that there’s no actual moth balls involved with these-
Chris Parsons opens a pant leg and several moth balls fall out.
Hawke: I…stand corrected.
Angel: Haha!
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents…Team AWF!
The theme music for AWF begins playing as Aiden Merric, Redmond Fury, Hayden Callahan, Erin Gorden, and Kallie Reznik come out from their corridor to get into the ring.
Angel: Not a whole lot of well known names here representing such an august company.
Hawke: Maybe the well known names are preparing for the final AWF show coming up.
Angel: I have a lot to say about that-
Hawke: And the match is underway! It’s total chaos in the ring as the Galactic Sex Pirates just began unloading punches against Team AWF, who fire right back as they will not be intimidated.
Kintaru picks Kallie up and hurls her from the ring where she lands in a heap on the thinly matted floor. She slowly stands up as Kintaru walks out of the ring and begins to stalk her. He attacks her with a few punches and whips her down a corridor and both are quickly drawn into cellblock five. Chris Parsons bodyslams Aiden Merric, quickly going to the ropes to come back for a legdrop, but Aiden rolls out of the way so that Chris hits the mat. Redmond Fury grabs Frank Windsor and hits several knee lifts before sending him from the ring and following. Andrew Morgan slides out of the ring and grabs Redmond into a side headlock. He slowly walks with him while pelting him in the side of the head into cellblock two. Rob Riot and Aiden Merric go toe to toe before Riot brings Aiden down to the mat, cinching in a reverse chin lock. Frank Windsor nails Hayden Callahan with a roundhouse kick before slipping behind him and hitting a German suplex!
Hawke: Did Frank grope Hayden’s chest before German suplexing him?
Angel: Ha! He calls that “Sexy Times”.
Chris Parsons gets nailed by a few punches from Erin Gorden, but he responds by judo throwing her from the ring. He slides out of the ring to follow. She grabs him and whips him down a random corridor. As it turns out, it’s cellblock seven. In cellblock five, Kallie Reznik slips behind Kintaru, grabbing him as if to do a German suplex, but catches an elbow to the side of the head. Kintaru spins around and rabs Kallie, sending her face first into the bars of the cell that Anthony Caffrey is in. Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: I’m going to have to fix this in post, aren’t I?
Hawke: What’s Caffrey talking about? He doesn’t fix anything?
Angel: I have no idea on that one.
Kallie spins around to face Kintaru, blood trickling down her face from a cut in her forehead. Kintaru hits a few forearms and whips her face first into the bars of the cell that Adam Sanders is in.
Sanders: You got this, Kallie! Fight!
Kintaru grabs the bloody Kallie and bulldogs her onto the hard floor. He picks her up and hits the Kintaru Kutter (RKO) before going for the pinfall on the unmoving Kallie.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Kallie Reznik has been eliminated by Kintaru!
Hawke: The Galactic Sex Pirates have drawn first blood!
Angel: Team AWF hasn’t lost much so far.They can rally behind this.
In cellblock two, Redmond Fury shoves Andrew Morgan off of him. He hits a stunning punch and lifts Andrew up into the air, hitting a gorilla press slam. Redmond kneels by Andrew to begin wailing on him, but Andrew rolls away to his feet. He grabs Redmond up into a bear hug and transitions this into a spinebuster against the bars of a cell. Redmond grabs Andrew by the sides of the head and delivers a thunderous headbutt to get Andrew to release him. Redmond hits a drop toe hold, sending Andrew face first into the bars of the cell! Redmond Fury stands over Andrew Morgan, who is on his hands and knees while raining blood onto the floor. Redmond grabs the bloody Andrew up in a side headlock and looks to go for a running bulldog, but Andrew pulls Redmond up into the air and hits an atomic drop!
Hawke: Andrew Morgan taking it to Redmond in the unused cellblock!
Angel: Is it unused? I thought I saw a few flickering figures in the prison cells.
Hawke: Yeah, I’m thinking no.
Angel: I’m sure of it!
Rob Riot breaks the reverse chinlock, pulling Aiden Merric up, and whipping him into the ropes. On the rebound, Aiden ducks under a clothesline and goes to the ropes on the other side. He hits a shoulder charge, knocking Rob down. Aiden goes for a few stomps, but Rob rolls out of the ring. Aiden follows, but Rob Riot grabs him and sends him face first into the ring steps to demolish them. Aiden starts getting up, but Rob rushes at him and hits a drop kick to the back of the head to send Aiden’s face back into the ring steps!
Hawke: Oh man. That’s gonna leave a mark.
Angel: Yeah, on the steps.
Hawke: On the head as well.
Angel: Aiden has a thick skull. He’ll be aight.
Rob Riot pulls up the bloody Aiden Merric and hits an Eat Defeat! Rob goes for the cover on the outside of the ring.
One…two…Aiden kicks out!
Inside the ring, Hayden Callahan and Frank Windsor stand up. They exchange a few punches before Frank does a belly bump against Hayden that nearly knocks him to the mat. Hayden fires back with a right hand, but Frank catches him by the wrist. He goes from a wrist lock to transitioning to a lariat that does send Hayden to the mat.
Hawke: The Windsor Effect in the middle of the ring. Where is everyone else?
Angel: They have all gone into different cellblocks or are right there outside of the ring. This is a pinfalls count anywhere and it is why we have a bunch of screens on our table that I hope no one breaks…
Hawke: Now that you say that someone is going through this table for sure.
Angel: I know. Ain’t it grand?
Hawke: No.
Frank watches as Hayden is slow to get up, grabs him, and hits a power bomb. He follows this up with a package piledriver.
Hawke: Frank is dominating Hayden in the ring.
Angel: It’s almost as if Hayden didn’t show up or something.
Hawke: Didn’t show up for what?
Angel: I don’t know, these things just come to me.
Frank Windsor picks Hayden Callahan up and sets him onto the top rope. He grabs him as if going for a suplex, but has the leg hooked to nearly fold Hayden in half. He walks around the ring, thinking he might get the crowd at home riled up, and hits a muscle buster! He goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hayden Callahan has been eliminated by Frank Windsor!
Hawke: Strike two for Team AWF.
Angel: That’s just the fat being rendered away. Now time for the comeback.
In the depths of cellblock seven is where we find Chris Parsons and Erin Gorden are going back and forth in a slugfest. Erin goes for a spinning backfist…from hell, but Parsons ducks under the attempt and pushes Erin up against a dark cell. Chris jumps back as Hehehe’s insane grin bashes up against the bars. He grabs Erin by the hair and pulls her against the bars. His grin is ghastly as blood trickles down his face from where he impacted himself against the bars.
Hehehe: What have we got here? Parsons and friend?
Chris Parsons gouges Hehehe in the eyes to get him to release Erin and pulls her away. The chivalry ends there as he pulls her into a lariat that sends her smashing against the floor. He rips her up off of the floor and hits a spinning backfist…from hell and goes for the pinfall!
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Erin Gorden has been eliminated by Chris Parsons!
Hawke: Team AWF is down by three members gonna be hard for them to come back from this.
Angel: I guess the Galactic Sex Pirates have more in them than I thought.
In cellblock two, Redmond Fury nails Andrew Morgan with a spinning heel kick, sending Andrew back against cell bars. Andrew springs off the wall and hitting several precision strikes. He grabs Redmond, hitting a belly to belly suplex that sends Redmond face first into the bars instead of completing the suplex! Redmond bounces off of the prison bars and falls to the floor, blood pouring from a wide gash on his forehead. Andrew pulls Redmond up and gets him into the air by the throat before slamming home a chokeslam! Andrew goes for the pinfall!
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Redmond Fury has been eliminated by Andrew Morgan!
Hawke: Oh man. Team AWF is down to one person! Just Aiden Merric!
Angel: Will the Galactic Sex Pirates go through to round two without losing a member?
Hawke: That’s a good possibility.
Angel: Look. Aiden knows it.
Inside the ring, Aiden Merric hits a basic suplex on Rob Riot, who rolls out of the ring. Aiden stands up and looks around to see Rob Riot, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, and Kintaru surrounding the ring. His eyes go wide as he realizes how up shit’s creek he is. Aiden Merric runs across the ring, hitting a baseball slide drop kick to Chris Parsons before taking off down a corridor into cellblock two.
Hawke: Doesn’t Aiden know that’s where Andrew is?
Angel: I’m guessing not. I’m also guessing that the rest of the pirates have figured this out as they have not moved to chase him down.
Andrew Morgan is just walking back toward the ring when he sees Aiden Merric running toward him. He barely has time to react before Aiden leaps through the air, landing a superman punch that sends a spray of blood and spittle at the cell bars and into the cell. Andrew drops to the floor where Aiden drops to his knees and machine gun chops Andrew in the throat! He quickly goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Andrew Morgan has been eliminated by Aiden Merric!
Back in the ring, the remaining four look at each other as if deciding who is going to go take care of Aiden Merric.
Rob Riot: Rock, paper, scissors?
Everyone else just sorta shrug and the next few minutes are spent playing a robust four way dance of rock, paper, scissors. Aiden has not made himself known this entire time.
Hawke: Are they going to spend the rest of this time playing some stupid game?
Angel: Maybe?
Eventually, after another ten minutes of constant draws, Chris Parsons exits the ring.
Parsons: Screw you guys. I’ll handle this.
Chris is walking down the corridor with empty cells on either side of him. Aiden is no where to be seen. Eventually, Parsons comes to a choice. Head into death row or the greenhouse. He takes a step into the greenhouse and ducks as a baseball bat is aimed at his head. Parsons punches Aiden in the gut and goes for the mid-west eye gouge, but Aiden blocks it. He hits an ear pop and delivers a headbutt. He pushes Parsons back into cellblock two and pushes him back against one of the cells. Chris drops down and punches Aiden right in the dick!
Hawke: That’s gotta hurt.
Angel: Seems that Parsons is specialized in punching people in the dick.
Hawke: Just like Frank Windsor specialized in groping men by the pecs?
Angel: You can say man boobs. It’s ok.
Chris Parsons picks Aiden Merric up and hits an inverted atomic drop, again smashing him right in the nuts.
Parsons: You weren’t planning on having kids anytime soon, were you?
Chris shoves Aiden back against the cell wall and begins to choke him with both hands.
Parsons: Whatchu gonna do when they come choke you?
Aiden tries to pry Chris’ hands off of his throat, but it doesn’t happen. That’s when he pokes Chris in his good eye! This prompts Parsons to back away to give Aiden enough room to grab him in a wrist lock that he spins out into a ripcord lariat! He goes for the cover!
Hawke: Target Neutralized.
Angel: Why?
Hawke: That’s the name of the move.
Angel: Right. I knew that.
Bonnie Jenkins: Chris Parsons has been eliminated by Aiden Merric!
Back in the ring, Kintaru, Rob Riot, and Frank Windsor look at one another. They are down to three people.
Windsor: You are the fucking leader of the Bastards.
Kintaru: I’m not a Bastard.
Windsor: Wasn’t talking to you, ya git! Was talking ta fucking Rob here.
Riot: Fine. I’ll take care of this.
Rob Riot slides out of the ring and begins strolling down into cellblock two.
Riot: Ohhhh Aiden? Come out and play! I’ve come to knock yer block off!
Aiden Merric steps out of a nearby cell with a grin.
Merric: The original owner of Riot Star Wrestling. You will make for a wonderful trophy in my case.
Riot: You know there are many people who have said that before. You know where they are?
Merric: No?
Rob Riot comes at Aiden, hitting a yakuza kick.
Riot: They’re all dead.
Rob Riot swings a double axe handle like he were felling a tree, slamming Aiden in the jawline hard enough to send Aiden into the cell bars.
Riot: You think you’re big enough and bad enough to fill the shoes of RB Cardone? Hmm?
Rob aims a few kicks to the ribcage of the downed Aiden while he’s getting to all fours. He kicks him again, causing blood to sputter out of Aiden’s mouth to join the blood raining from the gash in his forehead.
Riot: You think that you’re as twisted and evil as PT Merciless? As devious as Allen Anderson? All my enemies die in the end. Only I stand alone.
Rob Riot pulls Aiden up into a piledriver position and hits a jumping tombstone piledriver! He goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Aiden Merric has been eliminated by Rob Riot! This means that the remaining members of the Galactic Sex Pirates will be moving on to round two!
Hawke: You think that Riot killed his rivals?
Angel: I don’t think that was really the case? I think RB Cardone died from a broken neck from when he fell from scaffolding, but Rob tried to save him. PT Merciless died when he attempted a move on Shane Mitchell, who blocked PT with his own crown that PT was impaled upon. Allen Anderson was shot after being manipulated by Armand von Krauss. Riot hasn’t actually done the killings, but he has survived his rivals.
Hawke: That’s surprisingly intuitive.
Angel: I know. It’s my being at one with the drink. Just don’t ask me this stuff when I’m sober.
Hawke: You’re drunk?
Angel: When am I not?
Hawke: Welcome to the first semi-finals match of the night! The full team of The Guardians will take on the almost-full team of BANG! Bros!
Angel: It's unfair, Hawke! Donny was *hic* ROBBED!
Hawke: You wouldn't know if he was robbed, you've been taking one shot per elimination all night!
Angel: I know a cheat when I see one, that Bradshaw was a no-good son of a bitch!
Slowly, the lights of the arena gradually begin to fade until there is darkness. Only the lights from mobile devices and flash photography can be seen. Then, Deryck Whibley’s voice is heard.
Adrien, Betsy, Adam, and Johnny all step through the curtain and onto the small built ramp that leads towards the ring. Caffrey saunters out behind them, opting to join with his team for the sake of teamliness.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, representing The Guardians….the team of Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Johnny Maverick and Betsy Granger! And their partner, Anthony Caffrey!
The Guardians each begin their preparations as they head to the ring, rolling their shoulders, stretching their joints, taking in their surroundings. As they hit the ring, Bonnie gets ready for the next gang of wrasslers.
Hawke: The Guardians are a tight-knit group, and with Caffrey by their side they're an unstoppable force!
Angel: BANG! Bros would be just as unstoppable if they didn't get screwed...
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, former President Curtis D. Kanyon, Steve Awesome, Spike Kane and El Combatiente. They are The BANG! Bros!
A mashup of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a front flip and lands in the modern superhero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into succession away from the men as they are in pose. Steve Awesome comes out next, to more pyro and sexy slow-mo! El Combatiente and Spike Kane, two men not known for theatrics, join their teammates on the stage and they all do a cool pose! Donny rubs the shoulders of his XHF Tag Team Champion partner, before departing backstage. The rest of the valid members all march to the ring and roll up without even acknowledging Randy or the commentary booth.
Angel: Woo! I love you guys!.. Guys? Hey Kanyon, over here! Spike? Steve-o!? E-See? What the hell guys?
Hawke: These guys have to be in the zone, Angel. After Donny got tossed out, they realized they lost a crucial member of the crew and need to reorganize if they want to win.
Angel: Is a simple acknowledgement too much to ask for?
Hawke: In a win-or-lose situation, absolutely.
DING DING! DING DING!
The BANG! Bros are spending a quick moment post-bell figuring out a strategy and Betsy decides to make a move, furthering herself for her post-AWF career. She sneaks up behind Steve for a schoolboy rollup! The ref slides in!
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT!
Hawke: Betsy almost eliminated Steve right out the gate!
Angel: It’s that cocky attitude, duuuude. Same shizz that cost him a loser-leaves-town match at Raison D’etre!
Hawke: Do you actually remember that match or is Mongo feeding you information?
Angel: I wasn’t even booked! That jerkass Kira can sign my alcohol checks but forgets I exist.
Steve is holding his hands up, cowering from Betsy.
Awesome: I WASN’T READY! WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?
And it all breaks down from there. Steve feigns Betsy for some trickery and kicks her legs out! Adam and Adrien go toe-to-toe with Spike and EC, and Johnny and Caffrey work a double team on Kanyon! It breaks down quickly as the action becomes too much for Angel and Hawke to follow!
Hawke: It’s too quick to follow! This is unorganized chaos!
Angel: This is Call to Arms, baby!
Betsy makes Steve flinch with a faint kick, followed by a thrust kick to the side of his head! He flops over and before Betsy can take advantage, EC comes in with a smooth dropkick to send her off her feet! Adam charges him for a clothesline, but he ducks and hits a Pele kick on him on the rebound. Adrien meets with EC and locks him in a wrist lock and takes him down for a disarmer! Spike jumps off the top rope, nailing a splash on them both! That’s when Caffrey clocks Spike with a CLOSING REMARKS! But Kanyon’s there to BANG! Caffrey outta his shoes!
Angel: Feel the BANG!
Hawke: Everyone’s down except for Kanyon!
Jay-Mizzle is quick to launch an attack on the former POTUS. He jumps on the back of Kanyon, holding on for dear life as he chokes him out! Kanyon grabs him by the back of the head and tries to yeet him over his head, and Johnny Mav lands on his feet and a kick of his own to Kanyon! Kanyon stumbles back and lunges forward, but Mavvy jumps over whatever he had in store and sends him through the ropes onto the apron! Johnny runs the ropes and spears Kanyon through the ropes, sending him to the floor while he grabs at the ropes to stay in the ring!
Hawke: Heeeere’s Maverick!
Angel: Jason Long? Where?
Hawke: You are so uncultured.
Before Johnny can figure out his next move, Spike dumps him over the ropes! And Kanyon catches him, turning and charging! A loud “CRACK” is heard as Johnny’s spine damn near snaps in two as Kanyon bumrushes him into the steel post! Back first, ouch! But Kanyon’s still got him, he body slams him onto the steel steps!
Hawke: Yeowch! That’s gotta hurt!
Angel: As a current professional wrestler, I can attest to that hurting like when you miss out on an exclusive drop of signed Super Sake bottles!
Kanyon crouches as Johnny rolls off the steps and in front of the makeshift barrier. Kanyon charges as Johnny stands up...DROOOOOOOOOOOPKIIIIIIIIIIICK! KANYON GOES THROUGH THE BARRIER!
Hawke: Where did Cochrane come from?!
Adrien holds a hand out to Johnny, helping out his brother in arms. On the other side of the ring, Spike and Adam are going toe to toe. The current Prestige Champion and the Blood God trade blows, throwing everything in their arsenal at one another! It takes a solid forearm from Adam to rock Spike, before he hits a dropkick like his mentor on Lucy’s favorite wrestler! Spike takes a tumble and Adam turns to see EC jumping off the top rope! LIGHTNING STRIKE! EC GETS LAID OUT AS ADAM KICKED HIS HEAD BACK TO CELLBLOCK 6! Betsy lifts Steve for a suplex, as Caffrey drops to the ground and lifts his knees up, and Betdy drops the 2nd sexist member of BANG! Bros down!
Angel: BANG! Bros are struggling!
Hawke: They’re getting outclassed by the Guardians! This is what happens when you lose a member to shenanigans!
Adrien joins the crew in the ring, directing traffic. This leaves Johnny out of his supervision, which proves to be his ultimate undoing! Johnny has Kanyon on the floor, delivering knee strikes. He goes to crowd play but is still getting used to no fans. He grabs Kanyon and twists his arm around. THIRD EYE OPENER! NO! KANYON DUCKS THE KNEE! HE PUSHES JOHNNY BACK, AND J-MAV SPINS AROUND! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG! BANG BANG BANG BABY! ADRIEN DOESN’T EVEN NOTICE BUT THE REF DOES! KANYON IS PINNING THE GENERAL OF THE HOODIE NINJAS!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Angel: There goes J-Mav! We’re split even right now!
Bonnie Jenkins: Johnny Maverick has been eliminated!
Hawke: This is a tide-turner!
The Guardians are now aware of what’s happened outside the ring, and all turn to see Kanyon sprint into the ring to clean house! Clothesline to Adam! Dropkick to Adrien! Shoulder block Caffrey! Betsy tries to put up a fight, a few punches and a kick to sweep out one of Kanyon’s legs. She runs the ropes for a crossbody but Kanyon catches her right out of mid-air! He turns around seeing the rest of her teammates near the ropes and runs! He tosses her right at Adam, Adrien and Caffrey and the Guardians all tumble over the top rope and out of the ring! Now with a moment to recover, the BANG! Bros all confer in the middle of the ring. EC then splits, walking to the nearest turnbuckle! Steve follows suit, going to the opposite one. The two high flyers then jump off the top and land on the Guardians! Kanyon and Spike stand in the middle as all six wrestlers outside get to their feet, they run the ropes! Double suicide dive! Everyone goes down!
Angel: Woooo, carnage!
Hawke: Gotta love it!
With everyone outside, BANG! Bros decide it’s time to ramp up the violence! Kanyon grabs his sledgehammer, Spike grabs The Spiked One 7.0, his signature weapon. Awesome nabs a Golden Gun award, and EC just raises his fists! The Guardians all stand up, ready to take whatever onslaught comes their way!
Angel: Do do do do do, wah waah, waaaaaaaah!
EC and Caffrey begin to tussle mano e mano! Betsy dodges a few swipes from the Golden Gun and catches it, trying to turn it on Steve instead! Adam and Adrien both take on the sledgehammer wielding Spike and Kanyon, taking those weapon shots and trying to give back what they take! El dropkicks Caffrey into Spike, knocking him into that barb wired sledgehammer! Kanyon sends his hammer into Adam’s gut and turns to Betsy! They duel! Hammer vs Golden Gun, which is surprisingly durable for some reason! El Combatiente turns to Adam, seeing him on the ground and grabbing him by the head! He lifts Adam up, STREET JUSTICE! HE MAKES A COVER AS THE REST OF BANG! BROS OCCUPY THE GUARDIANS!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Angel: 4-to-3! Bang Bros have taken the advantage!
Hawke: Drastically different from when this match started!
Bonnie Jenkins: Adam Sanders has been eliminated!
Adrien, Betsy and Caffrey realize they need to get focused if they want to get their act together. Steve Awesome comes right for Betsy, determined to get his Golden Gun back!
Awesome: That’s MINE!
But Betsy simply pistol whips Steve with the award and he drops like a sack of bricks! Betsy kinda nudges him, seeing if this is another trick. Seeing nothing trickery-esque, she stacks him up in a pin!
ONE…
TWO…
BROKEN UP BY KANYON!
Kanyon drops a double axe handle on Betsy, and yells out:
Kanyon: What the hell Steve, that’s not even a real gun! Get up!
Steve blinks before kipping up! He’s ready for acti-BETSY BOP! HE’S FLOORED AGAIN!
Granger: And stay there!
Betsy turns her attention to Kanyon, chasing after him! EC lifts Caffrey up and suplexes him on the makeshift ramp! Both members roll around in pain, as Spike and Adrien throw down now! Adrien catches a backfist from Spike and drops below, driving his shoulder into Spike’s gut! As Spike drops low, Betsy storms by with another Betsy Bop! Betsy’s all over this! All but Kanyon of the BANG! Bros are laid out, and Kanyon charges Adrien and Betsy! They lift him up… DOUBLE FLAPJACK ON THE CONCRETE! OUCH! KANYON HOLDS HIS FACE AND WE QUICKLY CUT AWAY!
Angel: Is there a doctor in the house?
Betsy has now lapped the ring and sees Steve still out. She climbs up the apron and runs to a corner. She climbs the turnbuckle, SUPERFLY SPLAAAAASH! SHE’S TURNED STEVE AWESOME INTO STEVE PANCAKE! ADRIEN RUNS IN, TO HOLD STEVE DOWN AS THE REFEREE SLIDES IN!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Steve Awesome has been eliminated!
Angel: It’s 3-to-3 now! The Guardians have evened the score once more!
Hawke: But can they keep this advantage?
Adrien and Betsy see Kanyon stirring, and they see those two sledgehammers. Betsy gets ideas, and Adrien tries to talk her out of it. They’re the bigger people, they’re purer wrestlers! Betsy just tosses Kanyon’s sledgehammer to Adrien and shakes her head. Kanyon is kneeling, collecting his thoughts, he doesn't even know what’s about to happen. Adrien and Betsy take a breath, and THEY CRUSH HIS HEAD BETWEEN THE SLEDGEHAMMERS! OH MY GOD! HIS HEAD IS BUSTED OPEN! YOU SICK FECKS! They turn to EC and Spike, and charge them! Spike nearly gets gored with his own twisted weapon but a kick to Betsy’s head stops her dead in her tracks! EC takes that sledgehammer to the stomach, and as Adrien tosses it aside, sick of the carnage EC uppercuts him! Both Guardians drop to the floor.
Angel: This is some demented stuff. It’s such good ****!
Hawke: Not on live TV, dude! Rule #4, after no sex, drug use and murder!
Angel: Uh huh.
As the BANG! Bros recuperate, they get an idea and confer. After coming to an agreement, El Combatiente and Spike Kane nod. They lift up Betsy and Adrien respectively, and down they go! STREET JUSTICE TO ADRIEN! SPIKE IMPALER TO BETSY! THEY GO TO PIN BOTH MEMBERS OF THE GUARDIANS AT ONCE! THE REF BRINGS BOTH HIS HANDS DOWN!
ONE… / ONE…
TWO… / TWO…
THREE! / THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Betsy Granger AND Adrien Cochrane have been eliminated!
Hawke: It’s all down to Caffrey now! He’s all that stands between BANG! Bros and the finals!
Angel: It is *hic* a great disadvantage! He’s gotta beat 3 guys to advance himself!
Caffrey stands up and sees Spike and EC turning to him. He heard the announcements from Bonnie. And he gleefully gestures to both guys to bring it on! EC charges with a clothesline that he blocks and redirects into Spike, who dropkicks his partner by accident! Spike stands up and eats a few chops from Caff, throwing all his might into each blow in hopes that it will keal! EC clocks Caff with a roundhouse and he drops to his knees, and Spike and EC light up his chest with kicks! Caffrey ducks one kick, and EC kick’s Spike’s leg out!
Angel: BANG! Bros are one-for-one hitting each other! How careless, Off the Wagon wouldn’t fail like this!
Hawke: Because you’re so drunk you’d already be eliminated?
Angel: Naaaaahhhhhhhhh…
Caff chop blocks El Combatiente, then slithers back to his ankle. He drags EC by the ankle to Spike, and picks up both ankles. DOUBLE PROCESS! BOTH BANG! BROS MEMBERS ARE LOCKED IN THAT DASTARDLY SUBMISSION! KANYON CAN’T SAVE THEM NOW, HE’S REELING FROM THE DOUBLE SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT!
Caffrey: TAAAAP! OR I’LL BREAK YOUR ANKLES!
Angel: Ruthless, dude!
Hawke: So violent!
Spike and El both try break free, hit Caffrey, but it’s no good. Caffrey just keeps twisting and torquing, and Spike and EC break! They simultaneously begin to smack their hands on the mat!
Bonnie Jenkins: Spike Kane AND El Combatiente have been eliminated!
Hawke: It’s down to Kanyon and Caffrey. Two FIRESIDE-ites will determine which team will advance to the finals and potentially head to Overheated!
Angel: A FIRESIDE-themed Overheated, mind you!
Caffrey beckons Kanyon into the ring, grinning and rubbing his hands together! Kanyon pulls himself up from the floor and rolls under the ropes. As he stands up, he almost gets clocked with a Closing Remarks! Caff didn’t come to play tonight! As Caff spins around, he almost gets taken out with a BANG! But he sidesteps it, Kanyon falls through the ropes and Caff grabs a leg. THE PROCESS! KANYON’S HANGING OUT OF THE RING AND CAFF IS TRYING TO HANG HIM BY HIS ANKLE! KANYON IS BELTING HIS LUNGS OUT, SCREAMING BUT IT DON’T MATTER HE CAN’T EVEN GET A ROPE BREAK!
Angel: Just pull him out with you Kanyon! You can’t give up now!
Hawke: Caffrey’s talent is going to carry him to victory, I know that much!
Kanyon tries to yank Caff out with him but Caff uses the ropes to stay in the ring! But his grip is slipping, Kanyon breaks free and rolls outside. He climbs the apron and throws hands with Caff, each throwing their everything behind the blows. Caff staggers back, and charges for a crossbody! But Kanyon catches him, BODYSLAM HEARD ROUND THE PRISON! Kanyon picks up Caffrey, and clubs him with a forearm! Kanyon then climbs to the second rope for a splash, but we notice a commotion.
Hawke: What the heck was that?
Angel: Look over there!
He sees that Spike and El Combatiente have been busy! While the cameras were on the final two, they set up some tables! Kanyon has evil in his eyes, he grabs Caff and towards the tables… he’s climbing the ropes… all the way up… oh no, oh god, watch out WATCH OUTWATCHOUT! HOLY $H!T PILEDRIVER! CAFFREY JUST WENT THROUGH TWO TABLES, COURTESY OF THE GUY WHO TOOK THE TAG TITLES FROM HIM JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO! SPIKE AND E.C. HELP KANYON AND CAFF INTO THE RING, WHERE KANYON JUST YEETS AN ARM OVER CAFF’S PRONE BODY!
ONE…
TWO…
…
…
THREE!
DING DING! DING DING!
Angel: HOLY ****! KANYON JUST KILLED HIS BOSS!
Hawke: He ain’t dead Randy, but with God as my witness, Caffrey’s been BANG!’d smack dab in half!
Bonnie Jenkins: Anthony Caffrey has been eliminated! Therefore the winner of this match and advancing to the finals, Curtis D. Kanyon of BANG! Bros!
Hawke: What a match! What a war! Kanyon has helped his team move on to the finals! How about that?
Angel: And at the expense of his boss! Caffrey is surely going to be furious that he isn’t going to be at Overheated?!
Hawke: He’s literally hosting Overheated, he’ll most certainly be there.
Randy: And now it’s time for another match in the tournament. *BURP!* This NPW team is something impressive. Especially that Lord Dominicus. I’d love to drink with him.
Hawke: I dunno he strikes me as the type of guy who has one mimosa then drinks juice the rest of the night.
“Disasterpiece” by Slipknot rings out in the arena as from the ruined kitchen area emerge Lord Dominicus, Primal, and Jesse Jamester. The lizard faced man leads his team to the ring. Primal licks his lips in anticipation.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is a semi-final match. Entering first, representing Team NPW … JESSE JAMESTER, LORD DOMINICUS, AND PRIMAL!
“Jupiter – Bringer of Jollity” by Gustav Holst rings through the arena as Isabel Rios and Mistress Discipline emerge from their cell block. Both of them look a bit winded from having to deal with the massive size of Sticky and Joe Ghaven. They slowly stride to the ring, looking with disgust at the caliber of men in the ring.
Hawke: Now Rios and Jamester don’t seem to like each other.
Randy: Yes but Mistress loves Death Trap.
Hawke: That’s Primal … that’s not even remotely DT.
Randy: Let’s shave him and find …
Upon hearing the word shave, Primal throws one of his hair shivs at the announce table and Randy immediately burps in fear.
Randy: Not DT, of course. Got it. (He gulps down an entire flask at once)
DING DING DING, the ref calls for the bell and immediately Rios and MD nod to each other. Rios charges Jamester and they begin throwing haymakers at each other. Discipline charges at LD who rolls under her arm and out of the ring. He then calls on his “minion” to attack. Primal just raises an eyebrow at him and laughs. Until Mistress Discipline finds the one spot not covered in hair and attacks with a resounding echoing slap. Primal’s smile fades and he turns to face her. SLAP! He looks angrier. SLAP! Primal catches the fourth slap, his face glowing red even through the mask from the intense slaps.
Primal: Thank you may I have another? … Oh no? Let me try.
He headbutts her hard. He holds the arm and traps the other one as well as she tries a left slap. He headbutts her three times in the trap and she crumples to the mat bleeding from the nose. Primal licks the blood from his “face”
Hawke:Animalistic from Primal and Mistress is seeing stars.
Randy: Bet she wishes he was DT now!
Hawke: For possibly the only time, I think ANYONE would prefer DT to Primal in this case.
Rios and Jesse continue to slug it out until she ducks under a haymaker and wraps him with a rear waistlock. Jesse uses his arms to break the hold and slip behind her and hoists her for a German Suplex. She wraps her legs around him in the air and rolls forward into a knee bar. LD slides in behind them and kicks her in the shoulder breaking the hold quick. Primal palms the back of Mistress’s head and pulls her to her feet. She kicks him hard in the gut. He hunches over … then laughs. Her eyes go wide and she kicks him multiple times but her foot keeps getting caught in his hair. He grabs her face and rubs it all over his greasy, disgusting chest hair. She stumbles away dry heaving.
Randy: I’m not nearly drunk enough to stomach that.
Hawke: Primal is a … unique competitor. Strong, resilient, cunning, and … well hairy and disgusting.
Primal follows her and catches her in a bear hug. Mistress shouts, not in pain, but in revulsion. His hair seems to be swallowing her entire torso and upper legs. She struggles to get out by forcing her hands down between his arms and her body. All this does is get her arms tangled in his hair. Primal throws her over the top rope with a belly to belly suplex. However she lands face down and ends up on a pillow of dislodged hair from Primal that has clung to her outfit. She is seen trying to pull it off and trying to scrape grease from her arms. LD charges and springs over the ropes with a tope con hilo. Mistress however moves out of the way in her haste to be clean and LD crashes and burns. Rios meanwhile has a fujiwara arm bar on the lizard man of NPW. Mistress gathers herself, spitting hair, and turns to Lord Dominicus. A target she is MORE than happy to accept to get away from the Beast of the North.
Hawke:Mistress is known for her studious ways but no tape can prepare you for Primal. Smart to move after Dominicus.
Randy: I wanna puke.
Primal seems to have lost interest and moves to Rios. She breaks the hold on Jesse and leaps at Primal with a clothesline sending the big man reeling but not to the mat. She grabs Jesse and uses him like a battering ram on Primal.
Hawke: We’ve seen Primal himself do that very same thing with Jesse to attack Scott Steel – er – the Colossus.
Rios quickly dumps Jesse to the floor to focus on the beast. MD on the outside stalks LD. As he stands holding his back she charges. A quick forward roll sends LD under the knee of the Final Bell attempt. Mistress turns quick and gets two quick kicks for her trouble before her head is locked for an attempt at the Darkness! LD leaps up and Mistress manages to use her power to hold him in midair. LD looks around in shock and eventually floats back to the ground in front of her. She spins him and he kicks. Foot caught, LD knows what’s coming and we can audibly hear him say “oh no…”. SLAAAAAAAPPP!!!
Hawke: Holy hell she slapped him so hard his mask spun 180 degrees!
Randy: HIS HEAD IS ON BACKWARDS!
Hawke: … No … no Randy it’s a mask.
LD stands in front of her. Mask on backwards. He points a finger in her face in anger then falls backwards to the ground. In the ring Primal is swinging wildly at Rios and she is deftly avoiding his every move. Finally he charges for the Dusted. Rios leaps up and gets one of his arms and his head caught in her legs in a figure 4. She drops to the mat with a gogoplata. She’s choking him out by using the parts of him that AREN’T hairy and slippery. Primal flails his free arm wildly and can’t seem to free himself. He is not used to being in this position.
Hawke: Rios is finding out how to tangle with the beast.
Randy: Can someone check on my … friend … Lord Dominicus?
Mistress has LD up to his feet. She dusts him off … then pulls him into the gogoplata as well!
Randy: Oh I guess he was being a naughty child … I guess that makes sense. *he drinks from a sippy cup labeled #1 Mom full of sake*
Synchronous gogoplatas have 2/3 of the NPW team choking for life. Unfortunately for the valiant Amazons, the Lizard man was back to his feet. He strolls over to Mistress Discipline and grabs her throat on the ground. She releases LD, who stumbles away and goes to hide near the ring. JJ pulls Discipline into the air and choke slams her to the concrete. She arches her back in agony as hair from Primal scatters off her clothing as she hits. JJ turns to the ring where Primal is fading. He slides into the ring and hits a baseball slide dropkick to the side of the head of Rios. The hold broken, Primal falls to the mat and rolls to the floor. Jesse palms the face of Rios. He pulls her to a seated position then let’s go and hits a thunderous kick to the sternum. She rolls through to her knees and catches the next kick to the chest. Jesse however maintains his balance. As she stands up he hits a jab to the chest, then a chop to the throat. Rios stands up in shock and that is followed with a short kick to the knees, continuing with a Knee to the gut, then going with a punch to the face and a low blow kick to setup for the final kick, a Super Kick to the forehead.
Randy: WOW The deadly seven from Jesse! That’s rare! Like sober Randy!
Hawke: You don’t say…
Jesse pins. ONE!
TWO!
Broken up by Mistress Discipline pulling him from the ring.
She slides into the ring and runs off the ropes. An irate Jesse climbs onto the apron only to get blasted with the Final Bell!
Randy: SHE REALLY RUNG HIS-
Hawke: Oh don’t say it, that’s too cliché even for us.
Jesse crumples to the outside. Mistress runs off the ropes again and hits a sliding kick through the ropes sending Jesse and a now standing LD sprawling to the floor. As she turns around she is grabbed and slammed with a sitout spinebuster.
Primal: Remember me little lady?
Hawke: Corrosion of Conformity and both Amazons are down. But Primal looks like he’s ready to play.
Primal rolls out from the seated position and then slithers on top of Mistress, putting all of his disgusting body hair over her body. She screams out as if being suffocated. He laughs and rolls off of her leaving her covered in more hair and sweat. He licks his lips and climbs up to the top rope slowly. He calls for the Hairball! He leaps off the ropes. But Rios is to her hands and knees and shoves Mistress out of the way and rolls backwards letting the 288 pound ball of monster fur and Fonzy hair gel crash and burn on the mat. The big man gasps, winded from the fall.
Randy: Rios just saved Mistress Discipline from back hair, grease, and a serious compression problem. *burp*
Hawke: These two do work well together. But you have to wonder if their submission style can handle the power game of team NPW … and then Lord Dominicus.
Rios is to her feet and is about to grab Primal but Jesse slides in behind her and whips her around. He hoists her up for a Jester-Plex! But she knees him in the head and falls to the ground. She then sweeps the leg with the reverse STO and locks in the Koji Clutch. Lord Dominicus springs to the apron, leaps to the top rope and dives at Rios but is caught mid-air in a fireman’s carry by Mistress. She swings him down in front of her and hits the flatliner. She then rolls back into the Detention!!!
Hawke: OH MY! The same submission AGAIN applied by both women, this move has been known to end matches for both of them!
Dominicus flails trying to fight out. Jesse is trying to power out. They both begin to fade. However after what seems like a minute of agony with both men about to tap out, Primal stomps in between the two holds and grabs both women by their hair. He yanks with all his might breaking both holds and hoisting them both into the air, letting them fall to the mat. He opens his hands and strands of hair release from both. LD again rolls out of the ring as Jesse gasps for air. Primal grabs Rios first and pulls her to her feet. He breathes his sickening breath in her face. He then beal tosses her right over the ropes and out of the ring. She crashes hard to the floor outside.
Hawke: So close to becoming a two on one but Primal broke both holds and keeps it three on two here. You have to wonder how they plan on taking down this inhuman machine.
Primal laughs at her as he turns his attention to the ring. SLAP! Mistress again slapping the taste out of his mouth. He spits up blood and grins in her face. He offers her another shot. She smirks and steps back. She winds up her hand … brings it back … tenses all her muscles in her arm … And launches a Final Bell to the jaw of the monster sending him to the mat hard.
Randy: I don’t think he expected that.
Hawke: Maybe I was wrong about him being cunning …
Primal hits the mat holding his jaw. She pins him.
One!
Two!
Kickout.
Primal powers out. He rolls to his feet. This time he catches another knee strike against his chest. He throws the foot down and hits a huge haymaker. Discipline stumbles. Primal reaches for her but she goes under his arms and off the ropes. On the return she tries another Final Bell but instead gets a spear that folds her in half and rattles the ring.
Randy: OOF Dusted from Primal and Mistress may have broken ribs.
Hawke: What a move. Rios is slow to her feet on the outside.
Rios does see what is happening as Primal slithers on top of the broken Discipline. He sticks his tongue out at Rios.
ONE! Rios begins towards the ring.
TWO! As she tries to slide into the ring she is met by a big boot from Jesse.
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: MISTRESS DISCIPLINE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: Well that didn’t end well. *sipping from a fancy teacup… full of long island iced tea*
Hawke: And now it’s 3 on 1.
Jesse laughs as he grabs Rios by the hair. Her arm is draped under the ring. He pulls her up and she throws something into the eyes of Jesse.
Randy: Wait she doesn’t have any pockets, where’d she get pocket sand?
Hawke: I think that was sawdust from the construction of the ring. I heard the roadies who assembled it had to run away because of ghosts or something.
Jesse stumbles away blinded. Primal rolls out of the ring and grabs her from behind. She back kicks and catches him in his beast balls. Primal’s face contorts and he stumbles away. Rios turns and reveals the other item she got from the ring. A kendo stick right to the back of the head! Primal hunches forward and she hits his ass with a swing like a baseball bat and he scurries away holding his front and his back. Jesse charges her. She leapfrogs him and comes down behind with the kendo stick across his throat. She chokes him momentarily before she pulls the stick back and throws it at Primal. It hits him in the nose and he spins around holding his face. She drops Jesse with the Redtail Driver.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Primal breaks up the pin a fraction of a second too late!
Bonnie Jenkins: JESSE JAMESTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: WHAT A SURGE OF OFFENSE!
Hawke:Isabel Rios is not one to be easily denied Randy.
Primal begins raining hammerfists down on Rios who turtles up. She catches his arms and locks in a double hanging arm bar. Primal manages to use his greasiness to slide free. He glares at her as she stands up and wipes her forehead. He charges in and she ducks a clothesline but he swings again connecting with the back of her head. She stumbles into the ring apron and he bites her forehead on the return. She screams and kicks him hard in the shin.
Hawke: He ripped her open with that move Randy.
She slaps him in the face. Again, he feels it but seems to ignore the pain. Primal puffs out his chest and lunges for a headbutt. Rios wisely moves out of the way and buries her shoulder in his ribs against the apron. A second thrust has Primal winded again. She turns him around and looks for the Redtail Driver but Primal manages to wiggle free and spin. He sends a flurry of fists to the toned abs of Rios. He then hooks her in a suplex grip and runs a thumb across his throat with his tongue out and a sinister smile. He lifts her in the air for the Jackhammer.
Randy: Looking for the Empty Abyss!
Rios tightens her arm around his neck and balances herself so he can’t slam her. She uses her other hand to grip the bottom rope. Primal fights and fights. As soon as she senses his grip loosen and him fade she drops down to her feet in front of him and pulls him back into the gogoplata!
Hawke:She’s going to choke him out! It’s the weakness he showed earlier on!
Primal struggles. He summons all his power and lifts her into the air and powerbombs her down breaking the hold. He gasps for air. Rios pulls herself to the ring steps and climbs them. She steps into the ring and sits down waiting. Primal takes a minute to compose himself. He straightens his hair. All of it. He rolls into the ring and is greeted by a kick to the skull. He shoots to his feet as Rios kips up. Both of them are winded and breathing heavy, coated in sweat.
Hawke: They are ready for a showdown here Randy.
Randy: Showdown, name of your next pay-per-view!
Hawke: No .. it’s Night of Champions.
Randy: You are so stupid Joey.
Primal grapples Rios and the two jockey around the ring. Primal begins to get an advantage using his size to put pressure on Rios. She responds by breaking the tie-up and arm dragging the big man. He rolls to his feet and she dropkicks him in the knee. He collapses to his left knee and she leaps up and again locks in the gogoplata! Primal again struggles. He fights and rocks back and forth. After twenty seconds he gets his feet onto the ground and uses the top rope with his free hand to pull her into the air. He drops her with a powerbomb but she doesn’t let up. Primal is in shock shouting for her to release him. His breath begins to leave him.
Randy: This is working! He’s fading! *drinks from a giant novelty loopy straw from a bottle of super sake*
Primal drops to the mat in the hold. The ref checks him! Hand up. And down. ONE! The ref announces to the crowd. He lifts the arm. It drops! TWO! Lord Dominicus sneaks his head above the apron. He is ready to pounce. The ref lifts the arm. Dominicus leaps up but slips and falls back to the floor and looks on in horror as the hand … doesn’t drop! Primal is alive and roars in rage. Dominicus exaggeratedly wipes his brow … of his mask … which isn’t sweaty. Primal fights back to his feet and again lifts her! He slams her with a powerbomb and she loosens the hold. But Primal can’t wrestle free. Dominicus pumps his fist as Primal lifts his arm in what looks like another attempt … … but then he taps out. Dominicus can be heard shouting, “WHAT!?”
Bonnie Jenkins: PRIMAL HAS SUBMITTED AND IS HEREBY ELIMINATED!
Rios leaps up to celebrate. But she doesn’t hear the announcement of her win.
Hawke: Well Rios has taken out Jesse AND Primal here but Dominicus was laying low resting for so long she forgot about him!
Randy: She’s about to find out …
Dominicus comes from behind and rolls her up!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Rios just fights free. Dominicus snaps in frustration. Rios is gassed but refuses to give up. Dominicus charges and she hits him with a thrust chop to the throat. He drops to the mat in agony. She pulls him to his feet and he kicks her between the legs. She winces and then smirks at him.
Dominicus: I’m not sure why I thought that would work … OH MY GOD LOOK OVER THERE … … … no?
Rios smiles and shakes her head. She clobbers him with a forearm shiver and he spins from the impact. She grabs him for a reverse DDT. She hooks his leg. As she goes to lift him he pushes off with his other leg and hits the top rope with both feet. He goes over her head and comes down with the sliced bread no. 2 sitout slam!
Randy: THE DARKNESS! THE DARKNESS!
Rios is in shock as he catches her leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Rios kicks out at 3.05!
Rios hold her head in shock as she holds 2 fingers to the ref. When he calls for the bell she slams her hand on the mat and rolls out of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins:ISABEL RIOS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! THEREFORE THE AMAZONS ARE ELIMINATED! YOUR WINNERS ARE TEAM NPW AND ADVANCING TO THE FINALS WILL BE LORD DOMINICUS!
He celebrates in the ring by running around throwing his hands in the air then posing evilly.
Randy: I’m so proud he pulled it off!
Hawke: Oh … kay … anyhow that is one impressive finale. Rios nearly cleaned up three of the top members of NPW on her own. But in the end the numbers were just too much.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is an elimination match and is round two in the Call to Arms tournament. Featuring first the challengers…the Galactic Sex Pirates!
”Skeleton Dance” by Precious McKenzie begins playing as Frank Windsor, Rob Riot, and Kintaru walk out from their cell block to stand in the ring.
Hawke: Three of the Galactic Sex Pirates have made it through round one. Two of them having fallen prey to Aiden Merric before Rob Riot took him down.
Angel: You know the fans at home are watching the show too. You don’t have to recap for them.
Hawke: I mean. It’s just a good thing to recap.
Angel: So you say.
Bonnie Jenkins: Their opponents, and remaining members of The RevZig team are Donzig, Neo James Carner, and Osland Oxford!
The trio of RevZig stands tall, as their cell block door opens to the main hub where the wrestling ring has been setup for XHF Call to Arms. All three of their opponents have chosen to take to the ring, as the Galactic Sex Pirates egg the RevZig team to meet them where they stand.
Hawke: What a showdown we have here!
Angel: With how things went for both of these teams in round 1, I can’t say this is going to be a clean and civil fight-(Burp)
Hawke: Donzig with the rush!
Donzig rushes the ring, sliding under the bottom rope, with Neo James Carner and Osland Oxford jumping the ring apron and stepping through immediately after. The six men stand toe to toe, words exchanged, as referees are appointed for each pair of two, one inside the ring, and two others outside the ring on either side. XHF had gone to lengthy extents to make sure every pinfall or submission was accounted for during the event. As though a missile had been dropped and war declared, Donzig takes a headbutt from the Yorkshire native Frank Windsor! NJC and Rob Riot trade blows, and Oxford gets an eye poke on Kintaru before tossing him into the corner and send kicks to his midsection!
Hawke: That escalated quickly!
Angel: They ain't wasting time to get to the end of this one!
Hawke: Oxford laying boots to Kintaru, but the man isn’t backing down! That frame is built like an ox, and he comes back with a vicious european uppercut!
Oxford is sent back to the middle of the ring by Kintaru’s uppercut, NJC brings Rob Riot towards the middle, and Donzig sees the team members plan, they all three duck under their opponents and hit the ropes, rebound slide under the Galactic Sex Pirates, pop up and grab arms, slingshot trio clothesline! Rob Riot goes down! Kintaru goes down! Frank Windsor goes down! All three of the GSP team members roll out of the ring as RevZig stands up and claims the ring for their own! It’s short lived however, as Neo James Carner jumps on the apron and runs full steam diving off with a forearm smash at Frank Windsor!
Angel: Cannonball!
Hawke: No, not at all.
Angel: You’re no fun.
Oxford rolls slingshots Donzig across the ring and gets down on all fours for Donzig as he leaps off his back and clears the top rope with a suicide plancha onto Kintaru and Rob Riot! Oxford rolls out of the ring, grabbing the fallen Kintaru by the neck, he lifts him up and double arm DDT’s him onto the concrete floor! Kintaru is busted open from the impact, rolling over onto his back, he leans up to show the gushing flow down the hairline of his forehead. Oxford smiles with an heir of arrogance, before shoving an elbow in Kintaru’s face and going for the cover!
1!
2!
Shoulder up! Kintaru wasn’t giving up that easily, and Oxford showed his displeasure by ramming an elbow into his face. NJC and Frank Windsor trade blows to their left, Frank uses the steel swinging door and slams it into Neo James’s face as he goes for a jab! Rocked, NJC looks on with glazed eyes, almost cartoon like he grabs for the air, but nobody is home and NJC flops face first on the concrete beside the door!
Hawke: Oxford had a close call there with Kintaru, but I think he knows it’ll take more than some blood and a DDT!
Angel: Couple shots and I’m sure he won’t care what it takes.
Hawke: You and him might get along, but we have a match to call Randy!
Angel: Lookout! Donzig is getting catapulted into cell block 15!
Hawke: That’s what they refer to as Death Row!
Angel: Don’t die on us Donzig!
Launched like a medieval meat sack, Donzig goes flying through the entry way into the former RevZig cellblock by Rob Riot! Donzig’s body is hitting the concrete like a human car wreck. Rob gets up and enters the Death Row cellblock, grabbing Donzig from the wall he rolled into. Going around the circular structure that leads to a full visiting room with glass panels, we see the door open at the end of a set of stairs, where death row inmates would go for their execution. Though Pennsylvania had banned the death penalty in 1834, the spirits of those who died here lingered, and were active tonight.
Hawke: I hope he isn’t doing what I think he’s doing!
Angel: There is no doubt he is!
Hawke: Donzig better get his head straight or he may join the ghosts of the Eastern State Penitentiary.
Donzig gets tossed down the concrete stairs and Rob Riot follows behind, looking on with the intent to finish the job he started. Kicking Donzig in the ribs, Donzig rolls into the room gasping, his chest obviously in pain, as Riot rushes in and stomps a boot in his face! Donzig lays there on the concrete dazed, while Rob scouts the room. Above him, all the viewing seats begin to show the ghosts of visitors, staff, and even inmates taking seats to the execution.
Angel: What the hell is Rob Riot looking at?
Hawke: We are being told the camera isn’t picking it up, but the visitors area to the execution chamber is full of ghosts!
Angel: Ruh-roh-BURP!
Rob sees the medical table where patients or inmates would be laid down and propped up while the doses of lethal injection were administered. Seeing the cuffs that restrained their arms, Rob Riot grinned a sick toothy grin, and grabbed Donzig by the neck, tossing him onto the table. Strapping the left arm down at the wrist, Rob Riot goes to the left ankle, and Donzig comes to, kicking him in the head! Donzig rolls off the table only to be stopped by the restraint on his wrist. He looks at Rob, Rob smiles back at him and throws a haymaker, Donzig ducks, jukes, jives, jumps up and grabs the table before getting a shin to the side of Rob’s head! Donzig looks on as Rob leans forward and uses all his strength to jump up and leg drop him across the table! Rob lies where Donzig was on the execution table. Donzig looks on trying to figure out the wrist restraint, and begins to use his teeth, finally getting the restraint loose but not off. Rob puts on a sleeper, and leans back with Donzig on the table!
1!
2!
3---
Shoulder off the table, Rob Riot saves himself from an accidental pin! The referee warns him as he tightens the sleeper hold and then slides off the table to have one leg standing, the other knee on the table as he sits Donzig up. Looking down he sees the foot restraint and grabs it, releasing the hold! Donzig is stirring! Rob latches the foot restraint to Donzig’s other wrist! Now he’s stretched across the table, and Rob leans back, seeing Donzig with arms spread, face wide open, he TEES OFF!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!
7!
8!
9!
Rob Riot stops for a moment, giving that dramatic pause as he raises his fist up and twirls it, then clubs it down on the now bloody face of Donzig!
10!
The blood flows freely as Donzig slumps over on his back, stuck in place as his legs dangle off the opposite side. Rob Riot seizes the opportunity and covers Donzig on the execution table!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Donzig of the RevZigs has been ELIMINATED!
Rob Riot gets up and for good measure smashes an elbow across Donzig’s face one last time, before heading towards the stairs. The referee raises his hand, but he jerks it away, knowing this match isn’t over. Slamming the door shut, Donzig is left in the execution room of the Penitentry as Rob returns up the stairs. Back in the main hub, Osland Oxford has a pipe and is walking towards Frank Windsor, as NJC and Kintaru brawl in the ring. Frank sees this and dodges around the turnbuckle, sliding under the bottom rope. He jumps in to help Kintaru and the two trade blows with NJC before he’s overwhelmed. Oxland climbs into the ring, just as Kintaru turns around and hears Frank’s warning, he takes a blow to the shoulder from the pipe! Kintaru smacks the canvas and rolls to the apron. Double O with another pipe swing, this time at Frank!
Hawke: It’s 2 vs 3 now, and the ReVenants are going to need that pipe to even the odds!
Angel: Here comes Rob Riot appearing in the main hub!
Hawke: With Rob eliminating Donzig, this puts Oxland and NJC in a precarious position. They can’t be separated now, or else they are going to lose this one.
Frank ducks under the swing and rolls out of dodge. Osland turns to face him as he gets to the turnbuckle and drops the pipe by NJC. Rushing forward he lunges and sitout clotheslines Frank in the corner! Using the middle rope he sat on, Oxford slides out to the apron, and is met with a kick to the back of his head by Kintaru! Frank staggers out of the corner and receives a pump handle exploder suplex from Neo James Carner! Hooking the leg, NJC goes for the pin.
1!
2!
3--
Broken up by Rob Riot who enters the ring to aide his partner. Rob kicks the side of NJC’s head and this ignites the prick in NJC, who decides enough with rules, and low blows Rob Riot with a backwards kick as he gets up! NJC mocks Rob, snubbing him with some slick words as he brushes his hair back out of his face. Frank returns the favor for Rob, low blow! NJC drops to the canvas!
Angel: Oh the agony! Nut shots all around!
Hawke: It’s certainly effective, if not anything else.
Angel: Frank is up, and he has NJC in a suplex... no-BURP!
Hawke: BRADFORD BOMB! BRADFORD BOMB!
Neo James Carner takes the full Bradford Bomb from Frank Windsor! Frank takes a moment after impact, still feeling the effects from earlier, and finally rolls over to pin Neo James Carner. Hooking the leg, he rolls back on him as Osland tries coming under the bottom rope!
1!
2!
3!
Osland Oxford is stopped by Kintaru, who grabs his boot and pulls him back out, but Osland grabs the pipe he left in the ring earlier as he makes his exit. SMASH! Kintaru hits like a sack of bricks on the outside!
Hawke: The disadvantage grows, but Osland Oxford has just leveled the biggest man in the fight.
Angel: He’s going to take that pipe home and adopt it, after all the saves it’s had tonight!
Hawke: I thought you were going to say something else.
Angel: Like what?
Bonnie Jenkins: Neo James Carner of the RevZigs has been ELIMINATED!
Neo James Carner rolls out of the ring, being attended to by XHF staff personnel, as Osland rolls in and eyes up Frank Windsor with the pipe in hand. Rob Riot is on the apron holding his groin, as Frank gets up and turns to meet the lariat pipe clothesline by Oxford! Frank buckles to the canvas as Osland Oxford floats over him, rolling behind him to a knee, and immediately using the pipe to put an elbow triangle choke variation on the man!
Hawke: Is he choking him with the pipe?
Angel: You mean like your wife did on--
Hawke: NO RANDY!
Angel: Hehehe - Oh shit he is!
Osland Oxford bites the hand of Frank to stop it from grabbing his wrist, and as soon as he does, the triangle choke with the pipe is applied! Osland Oxford wrenches back gritting his teeth as he looks for revenge for his fallen team members! Frank resists the urge to tap, but his eyes scream for Osland to let go, but he can’t do anything as the rope breaks don’t work! Rob Riot sees this going on, but is slow to get up, as he crawls under the bottom rope towards the two. Osland catches Rob moving in his peripherals and we see him wrench back, causing the pipe to cut off circulation! Frank Windsor taps from severe lack of air and looks to be passing out as his face turns blue.
Bonnie Jenkins: Frank Windsor of the Galactic Space Pirates has been ELIMINATED!
Oxford lets go finally, just as Rob Riot drops an elbow across his chest. Osland begins throwing punches from his back, and Rob returns them! The two scrap to their feet, blow for blow, neither giving an inch. Osland ducks a right, grabs the neck of Riot, goes for a neckbreaker, but Riot counters and waist locks Osland! Osland heaves an elbow that rocks Rob Riot, but he doesn’t let go of Osland’s waist! Rob Riot with a german suplex!
Hawke: We are seeing the will to win in Osland Oxford, the man just doesn’t have a quit option programmed in his head.
Angel: For a sleazy guy, he wrestles like a saint.
Rob Riot doesn’t stop at one German suplex, no, he holds on and picks Osland up for another! Releasing Osland on the second, Rob Riot sends double O across the ring and rolls into the far turnbuckle. Kintaru sees that Rob is in control, and from under the ring Kintaru grabs a table, and begins to set it up! Rob Riot sprints across the ring, going for the shoulder thrust on Oxford but takes a corner post instead! Oxford sees Kintaru not paying attention and grabs Rob Riot by the waist band, he slings him into a high back angle drop on his neck! Snapping the manuever off, Oxford goes for the cover!
1!
2!
Kintaru saves Rob Riot from elimination! Kintaru slides in and forearm smashes Oxford across the stomach. The referee moves out of the way and motions it was only a two count. Oxford is picked up by Kintaru, who whips him into the ropes, rebounding, he gets lifted up for a tilt-a-whirl slam and ARM DRAG! Kintaru goes rolling under the ropes and out of the ring from the huge momentum he gave Osland with the tilt-a-whirl! Oxford sees Rob Riot come at him, and he kicks him in the gut! Rob bellows out something inaudible, before taking a Fisherman’s Buster from Osland Oxfor! Hooking the leg on execution, Oxford goes for the pin!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Rob Riot of the Galactic Space Pirates has been ELIMINATED!
Hawke: What a beauty of a fisherman suplex! The crisp delivery by Osland Oxford shows his technician background like a resume.
Angel: Put that thing away Joey, this isn’t the time or place for getting har---
Hawke: Or for alcoholics, but here we are. Osland Oxford and Kintaru are the final members of their respective teams! With the field evened up, who will take this one home for their team?
Angel: I’m betting on the one who gets a pinfall.
Hawke: (sigh)
Osland Oxford gets up, seeing Kintaru on the outside of the ring standing looking at him. The two men waste no time, and Kintaru jumps on the apron, baiting Osland to come at him, but he doesn’t. Oxford shakes his head as he watches Kintaru drop off the apron as soon as he reached it, hoping to pull the leg or guillotine Osland. Oxford looks around and sees the pipe he had earlier. Grabbing it, he smacks it against his open hand, and gestures for Kintaru to come join him. Kintaru shakes his head, and motions for him to come outside the ring.
Hawke: Are we getting a stalemate here?
Angel: It’s a breather, both men are catching their breath and trying to goat the other out of the ring--BURP!
Hawke: That may be the most intelligent bit of psychology you have ever identified Randy.
Angel: I deserve a raise.
Osland steps through the ropes on the other side of the ring, and heads around the side, Kintaru motions for him to come get some, and as Osland swings the pipe coming around the corner, Kintaru takes it to the left arm, blocking the full blunt move - but feeling the hit and acknowledging it with a grim face from pipe hitting bone. Kintaru grabs the pipe with the other hand and knees Osland to force him to drop it, then throws the pipe across the room. Kintaru wants to do some damage, and he begins clubbing Osland across the back, sending shockwaves of pain through double O. Slapping him across the face, Kintaru looks Oxford dead in the eyes and grabs him by the neck. He motions at the table and goes for the choke slam!
Hawke: HOLY SHIT!
Angel: How did he do that!
Kintaru looks on as Oxford grabs the middle rope mid choke slam and yanks himself out of the move, then kicks Kintaru in the face! Grabbing Kintaru by the hair, he pulls him up to the apron. Oxford slams a forearm across the shoulder plexes, before shoving the neck of Kintaru between his thighs, and motions for a move, hooking both arms and trying to lift Kintaru up!
Hawke: What the hell is he going to do!?
Angel: Looks like a cradle piledriver?
Hawke: Through the table? He’s going to cripple the man!
Kintaru breaks an arm free and grabs the middle rope to counter his momentum. Another forearm shot to his back and Kintaru crumbles to his knees, making it more difficult for Oxford to get him in position. For a moment Oxford lets his opponent down, and as Kintaru looks up at him, he goes for a poke of the eyes and Kintaru grabs his wrist pulling him in, leaps up, and Kintaru Kutter through the table!
Hawke: WHAT INSTINCTS!
Angel: Table #72104132354351 destroyed in XHF events, I knew I should bought stock in that wood.
Hawke: Kintaru with his trademark move off the apron to Osland, and he’s barely able to take advantage of the move after that spill!
Rolling over to lay an arm on Osland, we see the referee slide into position, and look at the shoulders before starting the count.
1!
2!
3!
The music of the Galactic Sex Pirates hits as the bell sounds through the PA system of the Eastern State Penitentry. Being lifted up by the referee, Kintaru has his arm raised, while he slumps on the referee for some balance.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the Call to Arms round two match, the GALACTIC SEX PIRATES member, KINTARU!
’Walk the Dinosaur’ by Was (not was) starts to play as the audience tries to imagine the usual clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song. Dark green scaled boots lead to a slight fade to light green as his tights approach his waist. His scaled costume complete with cape giving him the look of a pterodactyl!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the Prison Yard Rumble Match for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, representing SWAT, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at one hundred fifty-five pounds, he is… PEQUEÑO DINOSAURIO!!
Reaching the ring, Pequeño Dinosaurio leaps from the floor to the ring apron before bounding over the top rope to enter the ring. Going to all four corners, the brightly coloured rookie poses with his arms outstretched, his ‘wings’ ready for the hunt ahead.
Hawke: It looks like our SWAT contender for the Junior Heavyweight Championship is ready to fly!
Randy: Indeed! We are going to take a break in the Call to Arms action to host this spectacular matchup and the only championship on the line tonight.
Hawke: I mean, the winning team might disagree about how this can affect their resume but whatever floats your boat.
The prison lights pulse red as "BFG Division 2020" rips and tears through the speakers and Bloodied Fox makes his way out, the XHF Junior Heavyweight title around his waist and the Alepou Aegis on his right arm. Fox walks down the ramp and slides into the ring, mounting the corner turnbuckles and unfastening the belt, raising it in salute in his left hand.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, from Reading, Berkshire, England, weighing in at one hundred ninety-five pounds, he is the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion… BLOODIED FOX!!
Randy: As these two competitors lock eyes, let me go through a quick reminder of the rules of the match. Falls count anywhere, there are no disqualifications, these two could go all throughout the prison if needed.
DING DING DING
Bloodied Fox starts things off quickly with an impressive spinning heel kick. Pequeño Dinosaurio impresses as well by popping right back up and delivering a roundhouse kick of his own. Fox is up and back down after a drop toe hold from Pequeño Dinosaurio, who quickly hooks the leg. FWA referee Mark Hill makes the count!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!!
Hawke: And a near fall from Dinosaurio almost takes the championship from AWF!
Randy: Come on, Joey! AWF is closing. Let’s cut them a little slack.
Hawke: Fine, fine. But it was a factual statement.
Randy: Well, remember that it’s almost certain that this match will go to the outside, seeing as the match is a falls count anywhere.
Hawke: True, though not a lot of space outside the ring unless they go to other parts of the prison.
Almost as if it was prophesied by the commentators, Bloodied Fox’s first reaction when he got back up was to toss Dinosaurio to the outside, which sends the youngster crashing into the brick wall of the prison. The commentators audibly gasp as the reply shows another angle that looks quite painful for the rookie luchador. Fox looks down at Dinosaurio on the outside and hatches a clever idea. Bloodied Fox backs up to the opposite end of the ring and waits.
Hawke: That… HAD to hurt!
Randy: I think what’s coming next might as well!
Hawke: Ohhh man!
Randy: Suicide dive time!!
As soon as Pequeño is on his feet, Fox charges and dives through the ropes for a suicide dive. There was just one slight problem for the AWF Triple Crowner…
Randy: DINOSAURIO MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!!
Hawke: Damn! Bloodied Fox hit that wall harder than PD did!!
Randy: Bloodied Fox is down!! And understandably so!!
Pequeño Dinosaurio rolls Fox over and drapes the arm to try to capture the championship. Hill counts.
ONE!!
TWO!!
TH...NO!!!
Randy: And nearly a victory for the rookie from SWAT.
Hawke: So close but the match goes on. Surprised Fox was able to get the shoulder up after that rough hit.
Randy: The Junior Heavyweight Champion is one of the toughest guys, pound for pound, in the entire Network. He wasn’t going down by a simple slip up.
Though Fox got the shoulder up, Pequeño was up to his feet and Fox remained on the floor. Dinosaurio climbs the apron and waits by the corner post a few feet away from Fox. As soon as Fox starts to get back to his feet, Dinosaurio leaps with a flying clothesline, making sure he had both arms extended to make them look like wings as he takes down the Junior Heavyweight Champion.
Randy: What a move by Pequeño Dinosaurio!!
Hawke: And got his wings flying to look like a real pterodactyl too!
Randy: And now the cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
TH...NO!!
Bloodied Fox still shows the fight that got him the title in the first place. Remember that the rules say they don’t have to remain by the ring, Dinosaurio yanks Bloodied Fox off the floor and starts to try to force the champion to go down the hallway, but Fox is able to capitalize on his moment up with a snapmare. But in the end, Fox seems to like where Dinosaurio’s mind was going because he delivers a dropkick that keeps sending the SWAT competitor down that hallway. The cameras have to switch to see the action develop.
Hawke: Well, we are now dependent on the cameras to see the action from here.
Randy: That’s why they are there. The only person who has to see this live is Mark Hill.
Fox pulls Pequeño near one of the cells and slams his head into the metal bars repeatedly until Dinosaurio doesn’t get back up. Fox with the cover to retain.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR...NO!!
Randy: And another nearfall, this time by Bloodied Fox!
Hawke: I’m surprised Pequeño Dinosaurio knew where he was after his head was rammed into those giant metal bars so many times.
Randy: It’s possible he doesn’t.
Dinosaurio remains on the floor as Fox mounts him and starts unleashing palm strikes. With Mark Hill having no authority to count, Fox keeps going until he feels like he’s done enough, going for another cover after that.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR...NO!!
Feeling frustrated, Bloodied Fox slams his fists to the mat before pulling the leg of Dinosaurio and slamming the cell door shut on it… but Dinosaurio pulls his leg out of the way just in time! Bloodied Fox gets ready to mount him for more palm strikes but Dinosaurio slips under and behind him. Before Fox could react, Dinosaurio was drilling his head to the mat with a frankensteiner.
Randy: And a frankensteiner to shift the tides!
Hawke: How the cell doors have turned!
Randy: Big momentum shift here! And a cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NO!!
Randy: Wow, Bloodied Fox still getting the shoulder up.
Hawke: That was head to concrete just now. I don’t know how he did it.
Randy: Not sure either of these guys will pass a concussion protocol after this mess. But the match must continue.
Both competitors remain on the floor for a little bit. Mark Hill looks like he wants to start counting to ten but remembered what type of match this is before actually doing so. The first sign of life is from Dinosaurio. Fox moves shortly after he does. Once Dinosaurio is to his feet and Fox gets to his shortly after, Dinosaurio goes for what he hopes is the kill shot.
Randy: Sliced Bread #2!!
Hawke: With a pin! This could be over! New champion?!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NO!!
Hawke: HOW?!
Randy: Wow! The match continues!!
Joey Hawke’s words were the same as Pequeño Dinosaurio. But regardless, he must keep fighting. Dinosaurio helps prop Fox against one of the cell doors before leaping for a dropkick, but Fox moves out of the way, causing Dinosaurio’s feet to crash into the steel and his back to land on the concrete floor. As soon as he tries to recover, Bloodied Fox has already made his move and drops Dinosaurio with the Vulp Trigger.
Randy: OUCH! Vulp Trigger!!
Hawke: Trying to take his head CLEAN off!
Randy: Cover by Fox!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NOOOOHOWDIDHEKICKOUT?!?!
Bloodied Fox looks more annoyed than anything after that last exchange of moves not leading to his retention of the title. He delivers a few kicks to the midsection of Pequeño Dinosaurio before locking in the Lament Configuration.
Randy: Oh, he's trying to suck the life out of him now.
Hawke: That’s one way to try to get the victory. Submissions are less comfortable on the cold stone floor compared to the mat.
Randy: This one in particular never feels good.
Dinosaurio yelps in pain and is clearly struggling to wiggle out of the move. The effort is obvious, but Bloodied Fox keeps the pressure going, giving the submission hold everything he has. But the heart of the pterodactyl keeps Dinosaurio from quitting.
Randy: Remember, there is no rope break. This submission has to be ended by Dinosaurio getting out or submitting.
Hawke: The kid won’t tap. Look at him! There’s no way!
Randy: He’s in excruciating pain. I don’t know how he’s hanging in there.
The grit. The determination. The willpower. All of those things are evident in the challenger. But Bloodied Fox remains in control of the move despite everything Dinosaurio is using to try to escape. He’s giving it everything he’s got until… he stops trying. It doesn’t take an expert to know what’s going on. Pequeño Dinosaurio is completely motionless. Mark Hill raises his arm once… nothing. Twice… nothing.
Hawke: I think Fox made the kid pass out.
Randy: He stayed in the move as long as I’ve seen anyone sit in any submission. He fought with everything he had. And he wouldn’t give up. But it’s possible his body did.
Mark Hill raises the arm one last time. It drops. He tells Fox to release the move and motions for the timekeeper to ring the bell via the camera.
DING DING DING
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner… AND STILL THE XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, BLOODIED FOX!!!
Randy: Bloodied Fox will be walking into the AWF Clash of the Icons as a global champion.
Hawke: Unless the next challenger is between now and then. Which I doubt. But man, give it up for Pequeño Dinosaurio. He gave it EVERYTHING and wouldn’t quit despite how long he was stuck in that submission.
Randy: He was in it a good three to four minutes. Weaker men would have cracked way sooner than that, that’s for sure. He has a bright, bright future in the Network. But tonight is the night of the Fox!
Randy: And here we are at … *his head falls face first onto the desk*
Hawke: He’s fine. At the finals, three teams, three wrestlers, remain tonight. Whoever comes out of this triple threat will win their team a chance to go to…
Randy:*Springing up with a red mark on his forehead* OVERHEATED!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a triple threat finals match! The winning team will advance to the qualifiers at Overheated! Entering first, representing the BANG! Bros. The former president of the United States, Curtis D. Kanyon!
"Don't Tread on Me" by Metallica blares over the P.A. Former President Curtis D. Kanyon emerges from the BANG! Bros. cellblock when the cymbal crashes at the 30 second mark. He's got a sledgehammer slung over one shoulder and his Fireside tag team title over the other. Curtis pounds his chest with his fist then raises the hammer in the air. He walks down to the ring, nodding to the ghosts in the area. Curtis then climbs into the ring and goes to the turnbuckles. He climbs a turnbuckle and points to the camera drone with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!" He jumps down and gives his hammer to the ref, ready for action!
Randy: The President sure *hic* looks buff tonight!
Hawke: Kanyon survived a brutal drag out brawl with the entirety of the Guardians which saw eight eliminations.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, representing the Galactic Sex Pirates, Kintaru!!!
“Nightmare to Remember” by Dream Theater starts up, after a few seconds of atmospheric noise the heavy guitar kicks in as Kintaru emerges from the GSP cell block. He slowly walks to the ring, keeping eyes on the former president the entire time. He slides into the ring and raises his arms. He backs to a neutral corner.
Hawke: Impressively, the no-shower has showed up in force tonight and is the lone survivor for the Galactic Sex Pirates. Coming off intense matchups in the first two rounds we’ll have to see what he has left in the tank.
Randy: *drinking from a full tankard of super sake* I got stuff left in my tank Joey.
Bonnie Jenkins: And last, representing Northern Pro Wrestling. He is the Dark Lord of the North, the North American Double Crown Champion, the REAL Lord Dominicus!!!
“The Bear Song” by Green Jelly blares over the speakers and Lord Dominicus runs out of the kitchen area holding a cinnamon roll and raising his arms to the sky. He attemtps to take a bite but it just smears white icing on his black mask. He DominithinksTM for a sec before shrugging and throwing the baked confection at Kanyon. As Kanyon eats the delicious confection, LD wipes his mask then sprints to the ring and leaps onto the apron. He springboards over the ropes and rolls into the middle of the ring and into an evil pose. He then shakes the ref’s hand … who has to wipe icing off his hand on his pants.
Randy: It’s no *brrrraaaaaap* surprise that the Lord of Evil is the last man standing here. He’s so great. Something about him just makes me think he’d be fun to share a house with.
Hawke: The man who brought down the Black Airship of Armand von Krauss managed to survive the last battle by mostly staying out of the fray and commanding his forces before he had to step in and take out Isabel Rios on his own.
The bell rings and Kintaru and Kanyon eye each other up. After some jawing back and forth they engage in a collar and elbow tie up … only to stop mid grapple and just both look to the side. LD has rolled out of the ring and is telling them not to stop on his account. He waves his hand in a “go on” motion. Both men just sigh and go back to struggling. The more squat and powerful former president gains an advantage and pushes Kintaru into the corner. He then lands a huge overhand chop to the chest. Kintaru winces and then stands up straight. Kanyon laughs in his face and steps back. Kintaru moves to re-engage but instead trips. He looks backward at LD whistling through his mask outside the ring and walking away. Kanyon barrels in and sandwiches Kintaru in the corner. He grabs an arm and whips him to the opposite corner and shouts
Kanyon: BANG!!!!
He attempts to run at Kintaru but his leg also gets grabbed from outside and he faceplants on the mat. The dark lord whistles and walks away again as Kanyon pushes to his knees and glare at LD before getting a shining wizard from Kintaru for his distraction.
Hawke: Dominicus causing a bit of chaos early in this final bout.
Kintaru pins.
ONE!
Kickout by an irate former president.
Randy: That’s our president! You know he solved the Murder Hornet problem right Joey?
Hawke: He did not …
Kintaru pushes to his feet and looks to meet Kanyon as he stands but Lord Dominicus leaps to the top rope with a springboard dropkick to the back. Kintaru and Kanyon’s heads smack together and they fall back to the mat. LD dives onto Kanyon.
ONE!
Kickout!
He slides over to Kintaru.
ONE!
Kickout.
LD looks at them both then rolls out of the ring again and hides on the ground out of view. Both other men are slow to their feet holding their heads. They both look around for LD but he seems invisible. Shrugging his shoulders Kanyon unloads with a vicious headbutt onto Kintaru. Kintaru stumbles and ducks a clothesline from the angry ex-president. The brawler responds with a European uppercut sending Kanyon to the ropes. Kanyon wipes the spittle from his mouth and grins. He charges at Kintaru who leaps up and backrolls over the charging Kanyon. He however is caught by Lord DOminicus sliding into the ring and gets spun out and hung from the evil overlord’s arms. Bat Hanging Lock!
Hawke: The Dominilock is in!
Randy: My buddy Kanyon is just catching his breath and watching.
Kintaru struggles as Kanyon rolls out of the ring … and retrieves his sledgehammer version of Mjolnir.
Kanyon: FOR THOR!
He raises the hammer to the sky and lightning crackles outside the arena. How ominous. In the ring, Kintaru has managed to wiggle his arm free and hits a headscissors to flip LD through the ropes to the outside. Kanyon barrels back into the ring and swings the hammer wildly. Kintaru manages to duck it and catches him with a Kintaru Kutter! Kanyon on instinct pops to his feet, wobbles, and hits a Kanyon Cutter! Both men are down. Dominicus slowly gets back to the apron and surveys his evil domain. He shrugs and Dominithinks for a second on how to best make use of this. He leaps to the top rope and sees Kintaru roll onto his back … good enough! Leaping Moonsault Double-foot stomp … right to the family jewels of the no-shower.
Randy: WHOA that was a savage move. I didn’t know he had it in him!
Hawke: What? He’s like … super evil.
Randy: Nah my br… I mean yes. Yes he is. Kintaru is in a world of *BURRRRRRRP* hurt. I’m drunk ignore me.
Hawke: What a strange comment to make.
Kintaru is indeed holding the jewels in pain. The Double Crown champ looks satisfied when he sees Kanyon slowly getting to his feet … with a sledgehammer.
Kanyon: … FOR THOR!
LD rolls out of the ring. Kanyon takes a second before he realizes LD is sprinting back into the kitchens.
Kanyon: AH stupid sonuva …
He rolls out of the ring and gives chase. Kanyon goes sprinting down the hallway leaving a prone Kintaru alive in this match in the ring. After a few seconds of stalking Kanyon comes upon a closed door. He smashes the wooden door with the hammer and peaks through.
Primal: DO YOU MIND SIR?
Sitting on the toilet is Primal, don’t worry his hair obscures his naughty bits. Turns out the kitchen, being made for workers not inmates, has a delightful bathroom. And Kanyon just invaded it. The smell sends the president reeling. He turns and Lord Dominicus, complete with a gas mask over his mask, thumbs him in the eyes then slams him face first into the pizza oven. Kanyon recoils as his face sizzles from even that brief impact on the hot oven. Dominicus thoughtfully tosses the hammer into the oven where the fire ignites the handle.
Hawke: That isn’t going to make the former president happy.
Randy: EVIL GENIUS MOVE!
Kanyon blindly flails around and grabs for the man in front of him. He gets a handful of hair. It’s Primal. Primal beil tosses the president like a ragdoll over the prep counter where a bunch of pots and pans clatter onto him. The noise acts like a beacon as we see Timeless, Jesse, and Cavanagh emerge laughing.
Dominicus: Once again the dark lord of the north has outsmarted the peons. No DQ friend!
Dominicus slides Kanyon off the counter to his teammates and sits back to watch as the four men stomp a mudhole in the president.
Hawke: Well this hardly seems fair, all four of those men were eliminated!
Suddenly the onslaught is halted by a flash of color as the luchador sensation El Combatiente flies into the screen and nearly takes Cav’s head off with a hurricanrana. The two men begin to brawl into the bakery and out of view. Timeless and Primal whip around to see Steve Awesome and Donny Deville hit stereo superkicks knocking the pair into a cell. They follow to continue the beatdown when LD seals them in the cell.
Dominicus: Sorry chaps, but I can’t risk them getting out. Collateral for victory. You understand.
Dominicus and Jesse Jamester stand over the prone Kanyon. Suddenly Dominicus gets a huge spinning back roundhouse to the face sending him to the ground hard. Jesse turns and scowls with one eye glowing green, the other red. He stares at Spike Kane.
Randy: These two met up earlier and foreshadowed this very moment.
Hawke: They don’t look happy to see each other that’s for sure.
Spike and Jesse begin teeing off on each other with wild fists and elbows. Jesse grabs Spike around the throat, having come off a quick finish against the Amazons rather than an ankle destroying encounter, Jesse seems fresher and gets the upper hand with a choke bomb to the man from hell. He mounts him and begins raining fists down. Meanwhile Kanyon crawls and drapes a hand over LD.
ONE!
TWO!
Broken up.
Jesse releases Spike in order to boot Kanyon and kick him a few times to free his teammate. He turns around and Spike is to his feet and headbutts the lizard man. As Spike moves in to attack he suddenly drops as a loud CLANG is heard. As he falls to the floor face first, we see a baseball bat… held by a cybernetic arm.
Hawke:HOLY HELL THAT’S DYLAN BLACK!
Randy: Like father like son, Jeff Viper always said Dyl would end up in prison. *hic*
Jesse shakes the cobwebs out and sees Dylan just in time to take a bat shot right to the big bad X on his forehead. Dylan uses the bat to prop up the face of Jesse and a foot to prop up Spike. He spits at both of them and hits them each in turn with the Dynamic Outro leaving them both laying. Dylan nods to Kanyon and walks away tapping the Blacklight on his cybernetic palm as he does so. Kanyon slowly grabs LD and begins to forcibly drag him out of the bakery/kitchen area in case the other three NPW teammates get free. As he drags, LD manages to divert him into the medical area near the atrium. Kanyon begins laying overhead axe handles to the smaller fighter. The medical team begins to accost them to leave the area. We see various people getting treatment from earlier. Mistress Discipline is still being treated for her upset stomach and having hair removed from her after her encounter with Primal. We see Betsy and Adrien both being tended to for their necks. And we see Caffrey being treated for his head and neck and splinters.
Randy: Man this event was brutal. Glad my brother isn’t here to see this. Wink.
Hawke: Did you just say wink?
Randy: No you crazy Joey.
Kanyon slams LD violently into the doctors, sending them sprawling. LD crawls to a table looking for refuge but Adrien simply kicks him away. Kanyon catches him and hoists him up for a powerbomb. He then looks over with a sick smile … and powerbombs Lord Dominicus RIGHT ONTO CAFFREY sending them both through the treatment table Caff was being treated on.
Caffrey: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
He forces Dominicus off of him and rolls away in agony, glaring at his new nemesis Kanyon. Kanyon kneels over Dominicus and laughs.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!
Hawke: WHAT?
Randy: I’m just as shocked as you are. I need a drink *he pulls out a novelty theme park giant collector’s cup full of super sake and guzzles half of it.* DRINK SUPER SAKE *hic* RESPONSIBLY!
Kanyon is now looking impressed. And pissed. Impissed. He hauls LD to his feet but LD slumps back to his knees. Kanyon laughs and pulls him up again, again LD drops to his knees but this time launches an uppercut right to the secret service. Kanyon’s eyes go wide.
Kanyon: SONUVA BITCH ONLY MY WIFE GETS TO TOUCH THOSE!
He flops over to the floor in agony as LD begins to slowly crawl from the medical area. He slams the door closed, trying to delay the inevitable of Kanyon hunting him down. Dominicus slowly uses the closed door to pull himself to his feet, favoring his ribs. He turns around. Right into a step up enzuigiri from Kintaru! Kintaru grabs him by the chin and pulls his face up to meet his own. He growls something about his balls then DDT’s the evil overlord to the concrete. He gets to his feet and roars in triumph. LD somehow manages the small package.
ONE!
Kickout with authority.
Randy: Dominicus almost stole a pinfall there.
Hawke: He’s played this whole tournament smartly. But one on one on one he has nobody to rely on. And his energy seems to be fading.
Kintaru hauls Dominicus up for a spinning powerslam but Dominicus spins out of it and drops behind with a back stabber. He then gets to his hands and knees and begins to retreat down cellblock 14. He pulls himself up on a cell door. Using amazing reflexes he dodges a running clothesline from Chris Parsons. Parsons flies into a cell where Dominicus locks him in.
Dominicus: HA! YOU FOOL! I have something you lack! DEPTH PERCEPTION!
Voice: How about brains? Lacking those?
He spins and is greeted by a superkick from Rob Riot. Rob pounces and whips him into a cell where he is greeted by Morgan and Windsor. LD is on his hands and knees and panting. He realizes what a mistake he has made. Both men charge and begin to stomp him. LD hides under his cape that he had retrieved earlier. Rob Riot saunters in and laughs as he joins in. Suddenly the cell locks behind them. They all look to see LD sitting on the floor outside and them all locked in. LD gives a little wave with his fingers. Riot pulls the cape up and realize they’ve been attacking one of the proton pack the men had been given upon entering the prison!
Hawke: Dominicus outsmarted the entire GSP team and escaped with his head!
Randy:He’s a *burp* brainy boy!
Dominicus turns and is greeted by a big boot from Kintaru. Kintaru looks at his teammates and chuckles to himself. He pulls Dominicus to his feet. Dominicus falls to his knees. Kintaru, learning from earlier immediately covers his testicles as an arm comes up between his legs. Kintaru gets right up in LD’s face.
Dominicus: Uh … surely we can discuss EVIL alliances now and take out Kan…
Being hoisted into a powerbomb position silences LD as he is dropped right into a knee strike and flops to the floor unconscious.
Hawke: KINTARU’S LULLABYE! He must have been REAL pissed at Lord Dominicus.
Randy: You’d be shocked how often that happens.
Hawke: No. No I quite believe that.
Kintaru slides into a pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: LORD DOMINICUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! TEAM NPW HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY ELIMINATED FROM COMPETITION!
Hawke: Well it was a valiant effort from the Double Crown Champion. But – HOLY HELL!
Kanyon comes flying from around the corner and collapses Kintaru like an accordion with a BANG of the highest order. The entire GSP team locked in cells shouts out in horror. Kanyon is slow to recover however and takes a lot of time crawling to Kintaru and rolling him over. He then falls forward on top.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Rob Riot slides his foot through the bars and lifts Kintaru’s shoulder!
Randy: Is that legal?
Hawke: Everything is legal … except possibly the amount of alcohol you’ve ingested.
Kanyon slowly pushes to his knees and reaches through the bars at Riot. Rob leaps back and out of the way. Frank Windsor punts Kanyon in the tricep as Andrew Morgan grabs the arm and then yanks Kanyon face first into the bars. Kanyon grabs his arm with his other hand and yanks himself out free but his nose is gushing blood. Kintaru slowly gets to his feet holding his likely shattered ribs. He hits a dropkick sending the back of Kanyon’s head into the cell. He pulls Kanyon away and pins.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Kanyon just rolls the shoulder. Kintaru and the entire GSP team can’t believe it. Kintaru sits down and tries to catch his breath. He is in agony. He slowly gets to his feet and pulls the dazed and confused former X*Crown champ to his feet. Kanyon out of reflex fires a right hand. Kintaru responds with an uppercut! Haymaker! Uppercut! Haymaker! Uppercut! Finally Knayon hits a headbutt. Kintaru responds by hooking him for the Kintaru Cutter! Kanyon shoves him into the steel bars face first and on the rebound spins him into a powerbomb position. He then drops him onto a knee strike!
Randy: HE JUST PUT KINTARU TO SLEEP WITH HIS OWN MOVE! KINTARU’S LULLABYE!
Kanyon smartly pulls the unconscious no-shower from the cells and then collapses on top.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: KINTARU AND HENCE THE GALACTIC SEX PIRATES HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: MY BUDDY DID IT!
Hawke: Two years in a row Kanyon has helped lead a team in call to arms. This time he finds paydirt!
Bonnie Jenkins: YOUR WINNERS AND EARNING SPOTS IN THE X*CROWN QUALIFIERS FOR NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS AT OVERHEATED … CURTIS KANYON, STEVE AWESOME, SPIKE KANE, DONNY DEVILLE, AND EL COMBATIENTE … THE BANG BROS!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a first-round Call to Arms match! Each team will start with all of its members in the ring, and it is Falls Count Anywhere rules! Pin or submit your opponents to eliminate them, with the last team standing advancing to the next round! Introducing first, representing Team FIRESIDE, the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke; Vodka Fizz, Joe Nobody, Jaice Wilds, and Evan Valentine Jr.!
Surprisingly, “Evansent” by Evan Valentine Jr. begins to play over the speakers, a possible product of Evan’s dad Jonnie paying the venue staff. The team begins to emerge slowly as one big unit, each member carrying a lit torch. The SPARK Championship shines brightly on the shoulder of the rugged Shane Locke as the group comes together at a bowl, taking the time to light the gasoline in it in unison, setting the bowl on fire.
Hawke: A ritual of FIRESIDE making its way to the prison tonight, Randy, with the whole team lighting the fire, ready to go!
Angel: It’s a team with the already impressive champion in Locke, that whiny jackass kid of Jonnie’s named Evan, and my personal favorite, the man who has a tolerance for booze like me, Vodka Fizz.
Hawke: Fizz is a lot more than just a man who likes his liquor, though. He and Locke are real blue chip talents.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, representing the ReVenants, with special guest Donzig, they are the team of Keith Williams, Neo James Carner, Rob Garcia, and Oxford Osland!
As “When the Levee Breaks” by Led Zeppelin begins to play over the arena speakers, the first thing we see is the relatively-unknown Pittsburgh native down as Donzig pulling backwards through the curtain, and once he gets the laundry cart through, he switches to pushing the entire ReVenants team down the ramp, hopping in as it builds momentum. They have all decided to recreate the famous portrait of George Washington crossing the Delaware as they ride down the entrance ramp, with the deranged Keith Williams assuming the spot of Washington, facemask and all.
Angel: The ReVenants are riding in style down to the ring tonight, with the newcomer Donzig riding along with them!
Hawke: Keith Williams has clearly lost his mind since losing his precious mustache, but the rest of this team is ready to go!
Angel: Don’t sleep on Oxford Osland either, folks! The current SWAT Television champion is rather imp-
As the laundry cart picks up momentum coming down the ramp, the group seems to realize they don’t have a method of stopping, which is bad as the cart is on a beeline for the FIRESIDE fire! The team ditches the cart right before it collides, but it knocks the bowl over, causing a handful of the weapons to spill out everywhere, and a few of them to even be lit on fire!
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
Team FIRESIDE
(Evan Valentine Jr, Jaice Wilds, Joe Nobody, Shane Locke, Vodka Fizz)
Vs.
RevZig
(Donzig, Keith Williams, Neo James Carner, Oxford Osland, Rob Garcia)
Team FIRESIDE
(Evan Valentine Jr, Jaice Wilds, Joe Nobody, Shane Locke, Vodka Fizz)
Vs.
RevZig
(Donzig, Keith Williams, Neo James Carner, Oxford Osland, Rob Garcia)
Angel: Holy shit, now we have something! I don’t think that was supposed to happen!
Hawke: Whether it was planned or not, we have a few minor fires here at ringside, and we need some technicians out there!
Angel: The Inferno match this week isn’t until Thursday!
Donzig and the ReVenants are a little shaken, but they quickly shed their reactions to storm the ring. The referee looks to hold off on calling for the bell, but the fisticuffs has already started, so in a nod to the old Xtreme days, he calls for the bell, and the match is on.
Angel: These two teams have already started going at each other, but let’s see that fire at ringside!
Hawke: I’m seeing some bats that have caught fire, as long as a few kendo sticks… this situation could get a lot worse before it gets better!
There are clear halves to the fighting dynamic of these two teams: the people brave enough to fight near the fire, and those who want no part of the flames. Some of the wrestlers even exit the ring to brawl around ringside, but some wrestlers are getting a little up close and personal with the fire. Evan Valentine Jr. is not one of them, and is seemingly already regretting antagonizing both Donzig and Oxford Osland. Valentine has made the mistake of slapping the bigger Osland, and with Donzig coming up on him, has resorted to gouging his eye with his thumb.
Hawke: Valentine’s backing himself into a corner, and while he’s cheating his way out, I’m not sure he’s going to appreciate Osland and Donzig getting their hands on him!
Angel: This is a fool’s move for sure!
Valentine, realizing he has most definitely overstayed his welcome, begins to manuever his way down a hallway, booking it back towards the movie theater the team stayed in leading up in preparations. He is quicker than Osland and Donzig, but the two men give him chase, leaving the in-ring situation to a four-on-three.
Hawke: Valentine is running for his life!
Angel: That kid never wants to put in the work, but he seems to have goaded two of the ReVenants away from the action! The cameraman’s going to have his work cut out for him, trying to catch up!
Hawke: Between this and the fire, this is madness!
One grouping still remaining at ringside is Jaice Wilds, Rob Garcia, and Joe Nobody. The former XHF Phoenix champion is all alone. Nobody has locked Garcia into a full nelson, and Wilds has met the challenge by stepping up into a brutal enziguri.
Angel: Nobody and Wilds working as a unit here!
Hawke: Nobody is a former tag team champion, this makes sense for him to stick close to another wrestler! Is no one coming to put out this fire?
The other grouping at ringside is another two-on-one, with Vodka Fizz being outnumbered by ReVenant veterans Keith Williams and Neo James Carner. They throw him brutally into the steels steps and take their time, slowly but surely raining down punches, in contrast to the fast-paced action in the ring. They even brutally kick him in the head in unison!
Hawke: They call Vodka Fizz a dumpster fire, or in fact he does--
Angel: Williams and Carner are surely dumpstering him right now!
Nobody looks over at the fires burning on the outside of the ring and grabs Garcia, looking to lock him into the Victory Buster and drop him face first onto the fire outside of the ring! He gets behind him, looking to lift him up in a german suplex, but the quicker wrestler falls backward into a pele kick, knocking Nobody off guard! Nobody’s upper half goes through the middle ropes, barely stopping short of falling out of the ring towards the flames!
Angel: One wrong move could be an early end to one of these guys’ nights!
Hawke: Fire is no joke, kids!
Jaice Wilds attempts to take Rob Garcia out right then and there, looking for his version of the Spanish Fly known as the Agent of Chaos, but Garcia gets low and delivers a t-bone suplex, dropping the XHF newcomer straight to the mat! Garcia gets up and pounds his chest, before focusing in on Nobody, who is still leaning out over the ropes! He smacks his knee and backs up, building speed!
Hawke: Oh no! This can’t be good!
Angel: Garcia’s getting a full head of speed, and I’m not sure Nobody’s going to like the result!
Garcia keeps charging forward right as Joe Nobody frees himself from the ropes and turns around, only to be yeeted over the ropes and to the floor by a running knee from Garcia!
Hawke: Lights out for Harambe!
Angel: What the hell did Nobody land on?
Nobody screams in pain, grabbing his back! Instant replay captures that not only did he land on a barbed-wire bat, but the bat still had a flicker of flame left to it! Technicians are finally out to extinguish the remaining flames, but it’s too late for Nobody!
Hawke: Jesus, look at his back! I don’t think he was ever truly on fire there, but the barbed wire certainly didn’t do much for him!
Angel: That’s definitely going to take stitches!
Garcia yells for assistance and the referee as he rolls outside of the ring, looking for someone to cover his back and for a three count. The referee follows along, dropping to his knees for the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Wilds attempts to break the count with a tope suicida, but is met with the Queen Anne’s Revenge from Keith Williams for his troubles!
Hawke: Williams from out of nowhere with that discus elbow!
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joe Nobody has been eliminated!
Hawke: Whoah! A big loss as Garcia already sends Nobody home!
Angel: Nobody isn’t going home-- he’s probably going to the hospital, or at least the medic’s tent!
Hawke: 5-4 in favor of team ReVenants now!
Garcia and Williams exchange a highfive as they immediately look at the still-downed body of Jaice Wilds. Williams looks through the extinguished weaponry at ringside before pulling out, of all things, a rubber chicken wrapped in barbed wire. He holds it above his head and walks towards Wilds with a devious look in his eyes, still visible through the facemask.
Hawke: I don’t like that look from Keith...
Angel: These guys are as hard as they come in this tournament, and this cart of weapons is exactly what they needed tonight!
Hawke: Team FIRESIDE definitely needs to flip the momentum, this is beginning to look like a rout!
Rob Garcia holds Jaice Wilds back up as Keith takes a few practice swings. As he goes to get ready for his final swing, he finds himself being knocked aside by a running headbut from the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke!
Hawke: Some farm wisdom from the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke!
Angel: He’s making his debut on the global stage, and the family man is a force of nature in his own regard!
Garcia sheds his grasp of Wilds to go over Shane Locke, only to be met by an european uppercut from the big boy from Eugene. Garcia tries to create separation to fire off a missile dropkick, but Locke grabs him like he’s a bale of hay, and throws him into the laundry cart with a gutwrench lift!
Hawke: Locke taking out the dirty laundry there!
Angel: The power of this man is on full display!
Wilds is finally back up to his feet, communicating to Locke to go grab Garcia for a big move. Locke fishes Garcia out of the laundry cart and whips him towards Jaice, who grabs him and looks at the steel ring steps. Wilds pulls Garcia closer to the ringsteps before pulling his head down for a DDT. He goes to leap off, but his momentum is sent in a completely different direction as Neo James Carner explodes off the apron, catching Wilds and taking him a distance through the air, crashing down through the barricade!
Hawke: The World Class Wrestler of Wrestlers cuts the turnaround brutally short! That barricade is busted!
Angel: The power and speed of Neo James Carner on full display there!
Carner goes to initiate a cover, but Williams is back up, and like a man possessed, has reacquired the barbed wire chicken! He grinds it against the face of Wilds, cutting him open!
Hawke: Oh no! This is too far from Keith!
Angel: These guys will do anything it takes to win!
“Too far” might be Keith’s next move, as he finds the bucket of salt that had been brought down in the laundry cart. The cart having been knocked over has split out half of its contents, but there is still plenty enough for the suffering to become painfully unbearable. After the remaining of the bucket’s contents are overturned, Williams pins Wilds while Carner stands guard, looking to keep Shane Locke and Vodka Fizz at bay.
Hawke: That was too much!
Angel: Even I was uncomfortable watching that! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jaice Wilds has been eliminated!
Hawke: The score is now 3-5, though here at ringside it still looks like 3-3 with Valentine, Donzig, and Osland still missing!
Angel: Where the hell are those guys?
The camera cuts to the outside area as Valentine has been running away from Donzig and Osland towards the chapel/movie theater area. Valentine manages to barge his way through the front door, but the XHF newcomer and the SWAT TV champion are not far behind at all.
Hawke: Got some popcorn, Randy? These guys are back by the movie theater!
Angel: I haven’t ordered any with this drink, are they even selling concessions here?
Valentine trips over a broken wooden chair and finds himself crawling away from the two men. As Donzig and Osland close in though, two more men pop out from behind the chairs, beginning to wail on them with lefts and right hands.
Angel: Who are these guys?
Hawke: That’s uh… that’s “Fatebound” Malcolm Evans and Nick Von Erich, two sons of former Hardkore World legends, and a part of a faction with Evan Valentine Jr. and Vodka Fizz called New Money! Valentine’s lured Donzig and Osland into an ambush!
Von Erich does his best to try to grab Donzig and lock in a mandible claw, but now that he’s aware of his surroundings, Donzig displays his impenetrable willpower, picking him up and spinebustering him through a set of wooden chairs set up in the room!
Hawke: The power of Donzig there! Damn near cracked Von Erich in half!
Angel: I think Valentine might have picked the wrong two guys to walk into an ambush!
Malcolm Evans has already had his luck turned upside down by Oxford Osland, as the man with supreme belief in himself has raised him up above his head for a fisherman’s buster! Valentine comes in with a cheapshot and breaks up the hold, but Osland releases the hold and gets low, planting Valentine into the ground with a samoan drop!
Angel: Ouch!
Hawke: The SWAT Television champion is no joke either!
Evans has distanced himself away from Osland, trying to do anything to get in his way and stop his momentum long enough for Valentine. He throws the theater’s projector at Osland, but Osland swats it out of midair where it basically explodes on the floor. Osland finally gets a hand on Evans and spots a window to the outside, getting behind Evans and throwing him through it with a cobra clutch suplex!
Hawke: Holy hell!
Angel: Osland and Donzig have taken care of business in the movie theater area, neutralizing Valentine’s help!
Hawke: That glass is everywhere!
Donzig grabs Osland and helps him back up to his feet. The two men spot Valentine, but Valentine has bolted out of the area, back towards the ring!
Hawke: How much longer can he keep running?
Angel: He’s gotta run out of stamina soon or later!
Back in the ring, the trio of ReVenants -- Carner, Williams, and Garcia have taken the time to set up a few tables and ladders, looking to send the FIRESIDE duo in the ring home. Williams and Carner are doing their best to use rope and tie Shane Locke down to a table, while Garcia has climbed his way up on top of a ladder, and he’s looking for his chance to jump.
Hawke: These three are such a well-oiled machine, and they look to be on route to completing the rout against team FIRESIDE!
Angel: It’s an impressive showing, can they close it out?
Locke is firmly tied down to the table as the two men have finished preparations. They back up and get some distance as Garcia is cleared for takeoff!
Hawke: This could be huge!
SMASH!
That’s the sound of a broken gin bottle as Vodka Fizz smashes it over the back of the head of Keith Williams! Williams goes down in a heap and begins to bleed from the scalp as the Dumpster Fire begins his rally!
Hawke: Vodka Fizz won’t go quietly!
Angel: Never count out an alcoholic with a chip on his shoulder!
The commotion in the ring quickly becomes a rush as Neo James Carner rushes over to Vodka Fizz, only to be knocked back by a crescent kick. Fizz gets himself back into the ring and transitions to a handspring, springing himself right back into Carner and bringing him down with a stunner!
Hawke: Uno Mas from Fizz!
Angel: It’s not a last call, but potentially a last stand!
Fizz quickly works to untie Shane Locke as Rob Garcias is caught looking on! Locke is freed as the energy in the building picks up with Locke looking at the ladder! Locke places his hand on a lower rung, testing the strength of the ladder as Garcia shakes his head from far above!
Hawke: That man can chuck a hay bale after a full day’s work with one hand, what can he do with that ladder?
Angel: I think Garcia’s about to find out!
Locke gets another hand on the ladder smiles, looking up at Garcia, before forcibly ripping it forward with ease, sending the ladder crashing down with the former champion, sending Rob Garcia crashing through the table!
Hawke: A table for one! Garcia just went flying!
Angel: I think that’s it for his night!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Rob Garcia has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re looking at four-to-three now!
Angel: I can’t get over the strength of that guy! That ladder stood no chance!
A bloody Keith Williams is furious as he climbs back into the ring, beginning to fire away with punches left and right at Shane Locke. Williams fires off Queen Anne’s revenge, but Locke manages to duck out of he way, leaving him to stumble forward, right into the path of Vodka Fizz, who turns him around and slams him into the mat, face-mask first, with his double-inverted underhook facebuster, the Mind Eraser!
Hawke: Mind Eraser!
Angel: Williams is down! He’s not moving! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Keith Williams has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re back to a tie ballgame!
Angel: This is insane! One of these two teams still has at least one more match tonight!
Hawke: An impressive move from Fizz nonetheless, allowing him to score a pinfall over a former world champion!
Vodka Fizz is helped back to his feet by the cowboy known as Shane Locke. The two exchange a moment of gratitude, high-fiving one another.
Hawke: Not a usual pairing, as Fizz is often with Evan Valentine!
Angel: Speaking of, look who’s coming back down the ramp!
An exhausted Evan Valentine Jr. has had his luck run out as he’s straight up been manhandled down the ramp, being thrown by the combination of Donzig and Oxford Osland. Every man clearly has beads of sweat coming down their foreheads from having to give chase to this slippery bastard, and now they finally have him in their sights. Valentine does his best to get his hands on a fork from Donzig’s cart and swings wildly, but Oxford stomps on his hand.
Hawke: You can run, but you can not hide from this pairing!
Angel: Donzig, Valentine, and Oxford Osland on the outside, NJC, Fizz, and Locke on the inside!
Quickly moving to disturb the balance, Fizz communicates something to Locke before bouncing off the ropes, allowing Locke to use his momentum to throw him over the ropes, crashing down onto Osland!
Angel: Incoming!
Valentine certainly appreciates the save, but the angry Donzig is still hot on his trail, grabbing the laundry cart and straight-up running over Valentine with it!
Hawke: Ouch!
Donzig grabs Valentine and looks to send him into the apron, but Locke reaches out and gets a hand on Donzig, trying to disrupt him and pull him into the ring. Donzig breaks out with a left hand straight to the bridge of Locke’s nose, sending him backward where Neo James Carner follows with a devious low blow!
Hawke: Not going to be having any more kids with a move like that!
Angel: Valentine led two fresh men down to the ring, I’m sure Fizz and Locke might not appreciate that! And a sneaky move from NJC to boot!
Valentine climbs back into the ring in an attempt to escape Donzig, only to run straight into the running Sympho-Knee from Neo James Carner!
Hawke: A victim of circumstances as Valentine gets clocked!
Angel: And now Donzig’s got him right where he wants him!
Donzig gets Evan Valentine Jr. back up before kneeing him low and delivering the Donzig Stunner! He hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Evan Valentine Jr. has been eliminated!
Hawke: Daddy’s boy has been eliminated by a brutal one-two punch from Carner and Donzig!
Angel: This guy wasn’t even on the roster a month ago, and now he’s everywhere! Look out for him!
Things go from bad to worse for team FIRESIDE as Donzig hoists Shane Locke back up to his feet, only for Shane Locke to get dropped by a saito suplex through the table from Osland!
Hawke: Saito suplex! Osland makes a comeback look all the less likely with that move!
Angel: Carner isn’t even waiting for Osland to make the cover!
Neo James Carner covers!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Shane Locke has been eliminated!
Hawke: We’re looking at a three-on-one situation now! The ReVenants have cleaned up, and all that’s left is the spark plug from FIRESIDE known as Vodka Fizz!
Angel: He’s an up-and-comer, but this is a hell of a mountain to climb!
The stark contrast in the odds is highlighted as Fizz is laying in the corner while the team of Neo James Carner, Oxford Osland, and Donzig all prepare themselves to punch their ticket to round two. Fizz pulls himself up and looks around, and gulps as he realizes he’s the last light left for his company.
Hawke: Can Vodka Fizz beat the odds and make himself with a star-making performance right here?
Angel: Only one way to find out!
Fizz spots what he’s looking for as the three men begin to close in around him. To his credit, he is fighting like hell, swatting Donzig back with a crescent kick. He keeps moving, managing to knock down Neo with a stiff lariat, but Osland catches him and looks for another samoan drop! Fizz wriggles himself free, rolling out of the hold, and getting his hands on the ladder still in the ring!
Hawke: The ReVenants brought that ladder into the ring, and now they might live to regret it!
Angel: It’s the great equalizer!
Fizz gets a full head of steam and begins bouncing off the ropes like an absolute madman, holding the ladder out in front of him and running over any man who dares to get up or get in his way. Osland is the first one to hit the floor as the metal meets his flesh, and Donzig is next. He manages to get his third man down in the form of Neo James Carner and tosses the ladder aside, going for the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Carner kicks out!
Hawke: No! It’s not enough to take these guys down just yet!
Angel: Carner has been taking the most punishment, that’s his best bet if he’s going to eliminate someone to even the odds!
Voddy gets back up to his feet and shakes out his hands, looking for the Mind Eraser to get things much more controllable. Neo returns to his feet and his arms locked in for the move, but at the last moment, he manages to shove Fizz forward, right into the waiting discus elbow of Oxford Osland! Before Fizz can even recognize what’s going on, Donzig leaps off the middle rope, slamming down with a middle-rope lionsault!
Hawke: It looks like midnight is striking on our Fizzy Cinderella there, that lionsault could have crushed his ribcage!
Angel: Osland isn’t done with him just yet!
A fired up and angry Osland grabs the ladder and slams it into Vodka Fizz’s shoulders! He doesn’t just do it once -- he does it again, and again, and again before finally chucking it away, locking Fizz’s arms behind his back, and flipping forward to lock in his version of the Cattle Mutilation!
Hawke: Agony of Defeat! Could there be a more appropriate move for this moment?
Angel: Fizz tried, but it’s not enough! He’s tapping! The ref’s calling for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Bonnie Jenkins: Vodka Fizz has been eliminated! Therefore, your winners of the match, with the surviving members of Neo James Carner, Donzig, and the SWAT Television Champion, Oxford Osland, the REVENAAAAAAAAAANTSSSSSSSSSS!
Hawke: 2020’s Faction of the Year gets the job done in a match that threatens to steal the show! FIRESIDE brought it tonight, but it was too little, too late against this well-oiled machine!
Angel: Still, maybe not as dominant of a win as these three left would have liked, seeing as how they lost Garcia and Williams! Will they be able,will they be ready to survive the rest of the event and go on to Overheated?
As their hands are raised, the looks on the face of the remaining trio indicate that yes, yes they will be ready for whichever team’s next. They celebrate together as the camera cuts.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is a five on five elimination bout that is a no disqualification, pinfalls count anywhere contest! Featuring first the Galactic Sex Pirates!
”Skeleton Dance” by Precious McKenzie begins playing as the Galactic Sex Pirates walk out from the back. Rob Riot, Frank Windsor, Chris Parsons, Kintaru, and Andrew Morgan come into the atrium and get into the ring. They pose for the many cameras around, though otherwise it is eerily silent.
Hawke: No one has seen some of these stars since the fall of GCW.
Angel: Maybe they should have stayed gone? I can see the moth balls now.
Hawke: I’m sure that there’s no actual moth balls involved with these-
Chris Parsons opens a pant leg and several moth balls fall out.
Hawke: I…stand corrected.
Angel: Haha!
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents…Team AWF!
The theme music for AWF begins playing as Aiden Merric, Redmond Fury, Hayden Callahan, Erin Gorden, and Kallie Reznik come out from their corridor to get into the ring.
Angel: Not a whole lot of well known names here representing such an august company.
Hawke: Maybe the well known names are preparing for the final AWF show coming up.
Angel: I have a lot to say about that-
Hawke: And the match is underway! It’s total chaos in the ring as the Galactic Sex Pirates just began unloading punches against Team AWF, who fire right back as they will not be intimidated.
Call To Arms Tournament First Round Match
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(Andrew Morgan, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, Kintaru, Rob Riot)
Vs.
Team AWF
(Aiden Merric, Erin Gordon, Hayden Callahan, Kallie Reznik, Redmond Fury)
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(Andrew Morgan, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, Kintaru, Rob Riot)
Vs.
Team AWF
(Aiden Merric, Erin Gordon, Hayden Callahan, Kallie Reznik, Redmond Fury)
Kintaru picks Kallie up and hurls her from the ring where she lands in a heap on the thinly matted floor. She slowly stands up as Kintaru walks out of the ring and begins to stalk her. He attacks her with a few punches and whips her down a corridor and both are quickly drawn into cellblock five. Chris Parsons bodyslams Aiden Merric, quickly going to the ropes to come back for a legdrop, but Aiden rolls out of the way so that Chris hits the mat. Redmond Fury grabs Frank Windsor and hits several knee lifts before sending him from the ring and following. Andrew Morgan slides out of the ring and grabs Redmond into a side headlock. He slowly walks with him while pelting him in the side of the head into cellblock two. Rob Riot and Aiden Merric go toe to toe before Riot brings Aiden down to the mat, cinching in a reverse chin lock. Frank Windsor nails Hayden Callahan with a roundhouse kick before slipping behind him and hitting a German suplex!
Hawke: Did Frank grope Hayden’s chest before German suplexing him?
Angel: Ha! He calls that “Sexy Times”.
Chris Parsons gets nailed by a few punches from Erin Gorden, but he responds by judo throwing her from the ring. He slides out of the ring to follow. She grabs him and whips him down a random corridor. As it turns out, it’s cellblock seven. In cellblock five, Kallie Reznik slips behind Kintaru, grabbing him as if to do a German suplex, but catches an elbow to the side of the head. Kintaru spins around and rabs Kallie, sending her face first into the bars of the cell that Anthony Caffrey is in. Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: I’m going to have to fix this in post, aren’t I?
Hawke: What’s Caffrey talking about? He doesn’t fix anything?
Angel: I have no idea on that one.
Kallie spins around to face Kintaru, blood trickling down her face from a cut in her forehead. Kintaru hits a few forearms and whips her face first into the bars of the cell that Adam Sanders is in.
Sanders: You got this, Kallie! Fight!
Kintaru grabs the bloody Kallie and bulldogs her onto the hard floor. He picks her up and hits the Kintaru Kutter (RKO) before going for the pinfall on the unmoving Kallie.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Kallie Reznik has been eliminated by Kintaru!
Hawke: The Galactic Sex Pirates have drawn first blood!
Angel: Team AWF hasn’t lost much so far.They can rally behind this.
In cellblock two, Redmond Fury shoves Andrew Morgan off of him. He hits a stunning punch and lifts Andrew up into the air, hitting a gorilla press slam. Redmond kneels by Andrew to begin wailing on him, but Andrew rolls away to his feet. He grabs Redmond up into a bear hug and transitions this into a spinebuster against the bars of a cell. Redmond grabs Andrew by the sides of the head and delivers a thunderous headbutt to get Andrew to release him. Redmond hits a drop toe hold, sending Andrew face first into the bars of the cell! Redmond Fury stands over Andrew Morgan, who is on his hands and knees while raining blood onto the floor. Redmond grabs the bloody Andrew up in a side headlock and looks to go for a running bulldog, but Andrew pulls Redmond up into the air and hits an atomic drop!
Hawke: Andrew Morgan taking it to Redmond in the unused cellblock!
Angel: Is it unused? I thought I saw a few flickering figures in the prison cells.
Hawke: Yeah, I’m thinking no.
Angel: I’m sure of it!
Rob Riot breaks the reverse chinlock, pulling Aiden Merric up, and whipping him into the ropes. On the rebound, Aiden ducks under a clothesline and goes to the ropes on the other side. He hits a shoulder charge, knocking Rob down. Aiden goes for a few stomps, but Rob rolls out of the ring. Aiden follows, but Rob Riot grabs him and sends him face first into the ring steps to demolish them. Aiden starts getting up, but Rob rushes at him and hits a drop kick to the back of the head to send Aiden’s face back into the ring steps!
Hawke: Oh man. That’s gonna leave a mark.
Angel: Yeah, on the steps.
Hawke: On the head as well.
Angel: Aiden has a thick skull. He’ll be aight.
Rob Riot pulls up the bloody Aiden Merric and hits an Eat Defeat! Rob goes for the cover on the outside of the ring.
One…two…Aiden kicks out!
Inside the ring, Hayden Callahan and Frank Windsor stand up. They exchange a few punches before Frank does a belly bump against Hayden that nearly knocks him to the mat. Hayden fires back with a right hand, but Frank catches him by the wrist. He goes from a wrist lock to transitioning to a lariat that does send Hayden to the mat.
Hawke: The Windsor Effect in the middle of the ring. Where is everyone else?
Angel: They have all gone into different cellblocks or are right there outside of the ring. This is a pinfalls count anywhere and it is why we have a bunch of screens on our table that I hope no one breaks…
Hawke: Now that you say that someone is going through this table for sure.
Angel: I know. Ain’t it grand?
Hawke: No.
Frank watches as Hayden is slow to get up, grabs him, and hits a power bomb. He follows this up with a package piledriver.
Hawke: Frank is dominating Hayden in the ring.
Angel: It’s almost as if Hayden didn’t show up or something.
Hawke: Didn’t show up for what?
Angel: I don’t know, these things just come to me.
Frank Windsor picks Hayden Callahan up and sets him onto the top rope. He grabs him as if going for a suplex, but has the leg hooked to nearly fold Hayden in half. He walks around the ring, thinking he might get the crowd at home riled up, and hits a muscle buster! He goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hayden Callahan has been eliminated by Frank Windsor!
Hawke: Strike two for Team AWF.
Angel: That’s just the fat being rendered away. Now time for the comeback.
In the depths of cellblock seven is where we find Chris Parsons and Erin Gorden are going back and forth in a slugfest. Erin goes for a spinning backfist…from hell, but Parsons ducks under the attempt and pushes Erin up against a dark cell. Chris jumps back as Hehehe’s insane grin bashes up against the bars. He grabs Erin by the hair and pulls her against the bars. His grin is ghastly as blood trickles down his face from where he impacted himself against the bars.
Hehehe: What have we got here? Parsons and friend?
Chris Parsons gouges Hehehe in the eyes to get him to release Erin and pulls her away. The chivalry ends there as he pulls her into a lariat that sends her smashing against the floor. He rips her up off of the floor and hits a spinning backfist…from hell and goes for the pinfall!
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Erin Gorden has been eliminated by Chris Parsons!
Hawke: Team AWF is down by three members gonna be hard for them to come back from this.
Angel: I guess the Galactic Sex Pirates have more in them than I thought.
In cellblock two, Redmond Fury nails Andrew Morgan with a spinning heel kick, sending Andrew back against cell bars. Andrew springs off the wall and hitting several precision strikes. He grabs Redmond, hitting a belly to belly suplex that sends Redmond face first into the bars instead of completing the suplex! Redmond bounces off of the prison bars and falls to the floor, blood pouring from a wide gash on his forehead. Andrew pulls Redmond up and gets him into the air by the throat before slamming home a chokeslam! Andrew goes for the pinfall!
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Redmond Fury has been eliminated by Andrew Morgan!
Hawke: Oh man. Team AWF is down to one person! Just Aiden Merric!
Angel: Will the Galactic Sex Pirates go through to round two without losing a member?
Hawke: That’s a good possibility.
Angel: Look. Aiden knows it.
Inside the ring, Aiden Merric hits a basic suplex on Rob Riot, who rolls out of the ring. Aiden stands up and looks around to see Rob Riot, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, and Kintaru surrounding the ring. His eyes go wide as he realizes how up shit’s creek he is. Aiden Merric runs across the ring, hitting a baseball slide drop kick to Chris Parsons before taking off down a corridor into cellblock two.
Hawke: Doesn’t Aiden know that’s where Andrew is?
Angel: I’m guessing not. I’m also guessing that the rest of the pirates have figured this out as they have not moved to chase him down.
Andrew Morgan is just walking back toward the ring when he sees Aiden Merric running toward him. He barely has time to react before Aiden leaps through the air, landing a superman punch that sends a spray of blood and spittle at the cell bars and into the cell. Andrew drops to the floor where Aiden drops to his knees and machine gun chops Andrew in the throat! He quickly goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Andrew Morgan has been eliminated by Aiden Merric!
Back in the ring, the remaining four look at each other as if deciding who is going to go take care of Aiden Merric.
Rob Riot: Rock, paper, scissors?
Everyone else just sorta shrug and the next few minutes are spent playing a robust four way dance of rock, paper, scissors. Aiden has not made himself known this entire time.
Hawke: Are they going to spend the rest of this time playing some stupid game?
Angel: Maybe?
Eventually, after another ten minutes of constant draws, Chris Parsons exits the ring.
Parsons: Screw you guys. I’ll handle this.
Chris is walking down the corridor with empty cells on either side of him. Aiden is no where to be seen. Eventually, Parsons comes to a choice. Head into death row or the greenhouse. He takes a step into the greenhouse and ducks as a baseball bat is aimed at his head. Parsons punches Aiden in the gut and goes for the mid-west eye gouge, but Aiden blocks it. He hits an ear pop and delivers a headbutt. He pushes Parsons back into cellblock two and pushes him back against one of the cells. Chris drops down and punches Aiden right in the dick!
Hawke: That’s gotta hurt.
Angel: Seems that Parsons is specialized in punching people in the dick.
Hawke: Just like Frank Windsor specialized in groping men by the pecs?
Angel: You can say man boobs. It’s ok.
Chris Parsons picks Aiden Merric up and hits an inverted atomic drop, again smashing him right in the nuts.
Parsons: You weren’t planning on having kids anytime soon, were you?
Chris shoves Aiden back against the cell wall and begins to choke him with both hands.
Parsons: Whatchu gonna do when they come choke you?
Aiden tries to pry Chris’ hands off of his throat, but it doesn’t happen. That’s when he pokes Chris in his good eye! This prompts Parsons to back away to give Aiden enough room to grab him in a wrist lock that he spins out into a ripcord lariat! He goes for the cover!
Hawke: Target Neutralized.
Angel: Why?
Hawke: That’s the name of the move.
Angel: Right. I knew that.
Bonnie Jenkins: Chris Parsons has been eliminated by Aiden Merric!
Back in the ring, Kintaru, Rob Riot, and Frank Windsor look at one another. They are down to three people.
Windsor: You are the fucking leader of the Bastards.
Kintaru: I’m not a Bastard.
Windsor: Wasn’t talking to you, ya git! Was talking ta fucking Rob here.
Riot: Fine. I’ll take care of this.
Rob Riot slides out of the ring and begins strolling down into cellblock two.
Riot: Ohhhh Aiden? Come out and play! I’ve come to knock yer block off!
Aiden Merric steps out of a nearby cell with a grin.
Merric: The original owner of Riot Star Wrestling. You will make for a wonderful trophy in my case.
Riot: You know there are many people who have said that before. You know where they are?
Merric: No?
Rob Riot comes at Aiden, hitting a yakuza kick.
Riot: They’re all dead.
Rob Riot swings a double axe handle like he were felling a tree, slamming Aiden in the jawline hard enough to send Aiden into the cell bars.
Riot: You think you’re big enough and bad enough to fill the shoes of RB Cardone? Hmm?
Rob aims a few kicks to the ribcage of the downed Aiden while he’s getting to all fours. He kicks him again, causing blood to sputter out of Aiden’s mouth to join the blood raining from the gash in his forehead.
Riot: You think that you’re as twisted and evil as PT Merciless? As devious as Allen Anderson? All my enemies die in the end. Only I stand alone.
Rob Riot pulls Aiden up into a piledriver position and hits a jumping tombstone piledriver! He goes for the cover.
One…two…three!
Bonnie Jenkins: Aiden Merric has been eliminated by Rob Riot! This means that the remaining members of the Galactic Sex Pirates will be moving on to round two!
Hawke: You think that Riot killed his rivals?
Angel: I don’t think that was really the case? I think RB Cardone died from a broken neck from when he fell from scaffolding, but Rob tried to save him. PT Merciless died when he attempted a move on Shane Mitchell, who blocked PT with his own crown that PT was impaled upon. Allen Anderson was shot after being manipulated by Armand von Krauss. Riot hasn’t actually done the killings, but he has survived his rivals.
Hawke: That’s surprisingly intuitive.
Angel: I know. It’s my being at one with the drink. Just don’t ask me this stuff when I’m sober.
Hawke: You’re drunk?
Angel: When am I not?
Hawke: Welcome to the first semi-finals match of the night! The full team of The Guardians will take on the almost-full team of BANG! Bros!
Angel: It's unfair, Hawke! Donny was *hic* ROBBED!
Hawke: You wouldn't know if he was robbed, you've been taking one shot per elimination all night!
Angel: I know a cheat when I see one, that Bradshaw was a no-good son of a bitch!
Slowly, the lights of the arena gradually begin to fade until there is darkness. Only the lights from mobile devices and flash photography can be seen. Then, Deryck Whibley’s voice is heard.
“So what am I fighting for?
Everything back and more.
And I’m not gonna let this go!
I’m ready to settle the score…
Get ready ‘cause this is war!”
Everything back and more.
And I’m not gonna let this go!
I’m ready to settle the score…
Get ready ‘cause this is war!”
Adrien, Betsy, Adam, and Johnny all step through the curtain and onto the small built ramp that leads towards the ring. Caffrey saunters out behind them, opting to join with his team for the sake of teamliness.
Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, representing The Guardians….the team of Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Johnny Maverick and Betsy Granger! And their partner, Anthony Caffrey!
The Guardians each begin their preparations as they head to the ring, rolling their shoulders, stretching their joints, taking in their surroundings. As they hit the ring, Bonnie gets ready for the next gang of wrasslers.
Hawke: The Guardians are a tight-knit group, and with Caffrey by their side they're an unstoppable force!
Angel: BANG! Bros would be just as unstoppable if they didn't get screwed...
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents, former President Curtis D. Kanyon, Steve Awesome, Spike Kane and El Combatiente. They are The BANG! Bros!
A mashup of Hideki Naganuma's "Teknopathetic" and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays. After a good amount of drums, Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a front flip and lands in the modern superhero pose looking out at the crowd. Curtis emerges right behind him with a sledgehammer over his shoulder, and hoists it in the air when Donny hits the pose. A bunch of pyro in alternating red, white, and blue go off from the stage shooting into succession away from the men as they are in pose. Steve Awesome comes out next, to more pyro and sexy slow-mo! El Combatiente and Spike Kane, two men not known for theatrics, join their teammates on the stage and they all do a cool pose! Donny rubs the shoulders of his XHF Tag Team Champion partner, before departing backstage. The rest of the valid members all march to the ring and roll up without even acknowledging Randy or the commentary booth.
Angel: Woo! I love you guys!.. Guys? Hey Kanyon, over here! Spike? Steve-o!? E-See? What the hell guys?
Hawke: These guys have to be in the zone, Angel. After Donny got tossed out, they realized they lost a crucial member of the crew and need to reorganize if they want to win.
Angel: Is a simple acknowledgement too much to ask for?
Hawke: In a win-or-lose situation, absolutely.
Call To Arms Tournament Second Round Match
The Guardians
(Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Anthony Caffrey, Betsy Granger, Johnny Maverick)
Vs.
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon,Donny Deville, El Combatiente, Spike Kane, Steve Awesome)
The Guardians
(Adam Sanders, Adrien Cochrane, Anthony Caffrey, Betsy Granger, Johnny Maverick)
Vs.
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon,
DING DING! DING DING!
The BANG! Bros are spending a quick moment post-bell figuring out a strategy and Betsy decides to make a move, furthering herself for her post-AWF career. She sneaks up behind Steve for a schoolboy rollup! The ref slides in!
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT!
Hawke: Betsy almost eliminated Steve right out the gate!
Angel: It’s that cocky attitude, duuuude. Same shizz that cost him a loser-leaves-town match at Raison D’etre!
Hawke: Do you actually remember that match or is Mongo feeding you information?
Angel: I wasn’t even booked! That jerkass Kira can sign my alcohol checks but forgets I exist.
Steve is holding his hands up, cowering from Betsy.
Awesome: I WASN’T READY! WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?
And it all breaks down from there. Steve feigns Betsy for some trickery and kicks her legs out! Adam and Adrien go toe-to-toe with Spike and EC, and Johnny and Caffrey work a double team on Kanyon! It breaks down quickly as the action becomes too much for Angel and Hawke to follow!
Hawke: It’s too quick to follow! This is unorganized chaos!
Angel: This is Call to Arms, baby!
Betsy makes Steve flinch with a faint kick, followed by a thrust kick to the side of his head! He flops over and before Betsy can take advantage, EC comes in with a smooth dropkick to send her off her feet! Adam charges him for a clothesline, but he ducks and hits a Pele kick on him on the rebound. Adrien meets with EC and locks him in a wrist lock and takes him down for a disarmer! Spike jumps off the top rope, nailing a splash on them both! That’s when Caffrey clocks Spike with a CLOSING REMARKS! But Kanyon’s there to BANG! Caffrey outta his shoes!
Angel: Feel the BANG!
Hawke: Everyone’s down except for Kanyon!
Jay-Mizzle is quick to launch an attack on the former POTUS. He jumps on the back of Kanyon, holding on for dear life as he chokes him out! Kanyon grabs him by the back of the head and tries to yeet him over his head, and Johnny Mav lands on his feet and a kick of his own to Kanyon! Kanyon stumbles back and lunges forward, but Mavvy jumps over whatever he had in store and sends him through the ropes onto the apron! Johnny runs the ropes and spears Kanyon through the ropes, sending him to the floor while he grabs at the ropes to stay in the ring!
Hawke: Heeeere’s Maverick!
Angel: Jason Long? Where?
Hawke: You are so uncultured.
Before Johnny can figure out his next move, Spike dumps him over the ropes! And Kanyon catches him, turning and charging! A loud “CRACK” is heard as Johnny’s spine damn near snaps in two as Kanyon bumrushes him into the steel post! Back first, ouch! But Kanyon’s still got him, he body slams him onto the steel steps!
Hawke: Yeowch! That’s gotta hurt!
Angel: As a current professional wrestler, I can attest to that hurting like when you miss out on an exclusive drop of signed Super Sake bottles!
Kanyon crouches as Johnny rolls off the steps and in front of the makeshift barrier. Kanyon charges as Johnny stands up...DROOOOOOOOOOOPKIIIIIIIIIIICK! KANYON GOES THROUGH THE BARRIER!
Hawke: Where did Cochrane come from?!
Adrien holds a hand out to Johnny, helping out his brother in arms. On the other side of the ring, Spike and Adam are going toe to toe. The current Prestige Champion and the Blood God trade blows, throwing everything in their arsenal at one another! It takes a solid forearm from Adam to rock Spike, before he hits a dropkick like his mentor on Lucy’s favorite wrestler! Spike takes a tumble and Adam turns to see EC jumping off the top rope! LIGHTNING STRIKE! EC GETS LAID OUT AS ADAM KICKED HIS HEAD BACK TO CELLBLOCK 6! Betsy lifts Steve for a suplex, as Caffrey drops to the ground and lifts his knees up, and Betdy drops the 2nd sexist member of BANG! Bros down!
Angel: BANG! Bros are struggling!
Hawke: They’re getting outclassed by the Guardians! This is what happens when you lose a member to shenanigans!
Adrien joins the crew in the ring, directing traffic. This leaves Johnny out of his supervision, which proves to be his ultimate undoing! Johnny has Kanyon on the floor, delivering knee strikes. He goes to crowd play but is still getting used to no fans. He grabs Kanyon and twists his arm around. THIRD EYE OPENER! NO! KANYON DUCKS THE KNEE! HE PUSHES JOHNNY BACK, AND J-MAV SPINS AROUND! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG! BANG BANG BANG BABY! ADRIEN DOESN’T EVEN NOTICE BUT THE REF DOES! KANYON IS PINNING THE GENERAL OF THE HOODIE NINJAS!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Angel: There goes J-Mav! We’re split even right now!
Bonnie Jenkins: Johnny Maverick has been eliminated!
Hawke: This is a tide-turner!
The Guardians are now aware of what’s happened outside the ring, and all turn to see Kanyon sprint into the ring to clean house! Clothesline to Adam! Dropkick to Adrien! Shoulder block Caffrey! Betsy tries to put up a fight, a few punches and a kick to sweep out one of Kanyon’s legs. She runs the ropes for a crossbody but Kanyon catches her right out of mid-air! He turns around seeing the rest of her teammates near the ropes and runs! He tosses her right at Adam, Adrien and Caffrey and the Guardians all tumble over the top rope and out of the ring! Now with a moment to recover, the BANG! Bros all confer in the middle of the ring. EC then splits, walking to the nearest turnbuckle! Steve follows suit, going to the opposite one. The two high flyers then jump off the top and land on the Guardians! Kanyon and Spike stand in the middle as all six wrestlers outside get to their feet, they run the ropes! Double suicide dive! Everyone goes down!
Angel: Woooo, carnage!
Hawke: Gotta love it!
With everyone outside, BANG! Bros decide it’s time to ramp up the violence! Kanyon grabs his sledgehammer, Spike grabs The Spiked One 7.0, his signature weapon. Awesome nabs a Golden Gun award, and EC just raises his fists! The Guardians all stand up, ready to take whatever onslaught comes their way!
Angel: Do do do do do, wah waah, waaaaaaaah!
EC and Caffrey begin to tussle mano e mano! Betsy dodges a few swipes from the Golden Gun and catches it, trying to turn it on Steve instead! Adam and Adrien both take on the sledgehammer wielding Spike and Kanyon, taking those weapon shots and trying to give back what they take! El dropkicks Caffrey into Spike, knocking him into that barb wired sledgehammer! Kanyon sends his hammer into Adam’s gut and turns to Betsy! They duel! Hammer vs Golden Gun, which is surprisingly durable for some reason! El Combatiente turns to Adam, seeing him on the ground and grabbing him by the head! He lifts Adam up, STREET JUSTICE! HE MAKES A COVER AS THE REST OF BANG! BROS OCCUPY THE GUARDIANS!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Angel: 4-to-3! Bang Bros have taken the advantage!
Hawke: Drastically different from when this match started!
Bonnie Jenkins: Adam Sanders has been eliminated!
Adrien, Betsy and Caffrey realize they need to get focused if they want to get their act together. Steve Awesome comes right for Betsy, determined to get his Golden Gun back!
Awesome: That’s MINE!
But Betsy simply pistol whips Steve with the award and he drops like a sack of bricks! Betsy kinda nudges him, seeing if this is another trick. Seeing nothing trickery-esque, she stacks him up in a pin!
ONE…
TWO…
BROKEN UP BY KANYON!
Kanyon drops a double axe handle on Betsy, and yells out:
Kanyon: What the hell Steve, that’s not even a real gun! Get up!
Steve blinks before kipping up! He’s ready for acti-BETSY BOP! HE’S FLOORED AGAIN!
Granger: And stay there!
Betsy turns her attention to Kanyon, chasing after him! EC lifts Caffrey up and suplexes him on the makeshift ramp! Both members roll around in pain, as Spike and Adrien throw down now! Adrien catches a backfist from Spike and drops below, driving his shoulder into Spike’s gut! As Spike drops low, Betsy storms by with another Betsy Bop! Betsy’s all over this! All but Kanyon of the BANG! Bros are laid out, and Kanyon charges Adrien and Betsy! They lift him up… DOUBLE FLAPJACK ON THE CONCRETE! OUCH! KANYON HOLDS HIS FACE AND WE QUICKLY CUT AWAY!
Angel: Is there a doctor in the house?
Betsy has now lapped the ring and sees Steve still out. She climbs up the apron and runs to a corner. She climbs the turnbuckle, SUPERFLY SPLAAAAASH! SHE’S TURNED STEVE AWESOME INTO STEVE PANCAKE! ADRIEN RUNS IN, TO HOLD STEVE DOWN AS THE REFEREE SLIDES IN!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Steve Awesome has been eliminated!
Angel: It’s 3-to-3 now! The Guardians have evened the score once more!
Hawke: But can they keep this advantage?
Adrien and Betsy see Kanyon stirring, and they see those two sledgehammers. Betsy gets ideas, and Adrien tries to talk her out of it. They’re the bigger people, they’re purer wrestlers! Betsy just tosses Kanyon’s sledgehammer to Adrien and shakes her head. Kanyon is kneeling, collecting his thoughts, he doesn't even know what’s about to happen. Adrien and Betsy take a breath, and THEY CRUSH HIS HEAD BETWEEN THE SLEDGEHAMMERS! OH MY GOD! HIS HEAD IS BUSTED OPEN! YOU SICK FECKS! They turn to EC and Spike, and charge them! Spike nearly gets gored with his own twisted weapon but a kick to Betsy’s head stops her dead in her tracks! EC takes that sledgehammer to the stomach, and as Adrien tosses it aside, sick of the carnage EC uppercuts him! Both Guardians drop to the floor.
Angel: This is some demented stuff. It’s such good ****!
Hawke: Not on live TV, dude! Rule #4, after no sex, drug use and murder!
Angel: Uh huh.
As the BANG! Bros recuperate, they get an idea and confer. After coming to an agreement, El Combatiente and Spike Kane nod. They lift up Betsy and Adrien respectively, and down they go! STREET JUSTICE TO ADRIEN! SPIKE IMPALER TO BETSY! THEY GO TO PIN BOTH MEMBERS OF THE GUARDIANS AT ONCE! THE REF BRINGS BOTH HIS HANDS DOWN!
ONE… / ONE…
TWO… / TWO…
THREE! / THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: Betsy Granger AND Adrien Cochrane have been eliminated!
Hawke: It’s all down to Caffrey now! He’s all that stands between BANG! Bros and the finals!
Angel: It is *hic* a great disadvantage! He’s gotta beat 3 guys to advance himself!
Caffrey stands up and sees Spike and EC turning to him. He heard the announcements from Bonnie. And he gleefully gestures to both guys to bring it on! EC charges with a clothesline that he blocks and redirects into Spike, who dropkicks his partner by accident! Spike stands up and eats a few chops from Caff, throwing all his might into each blow in hopes that it will keal! EC clocks Caff with a roundhouse and he drops to his knees, and Spike and EC light up his chest with kicks! Caffrey ducks one kick, and EC kick’s Spike’s leg out!
Angel: BANG! Bros are one-for-one hitting each other! How careless, Off the Wagon wouldn’t fail like this!
Hawke: Because you’re so drunk you’d already be eliminated?
Angel: Naaaaahhhhhhhhh…
Caff chop blocks El Combatiente, then slithers back to his ankle. He drags EC by the ankle to Spike, and picks up both ankles. DOUBLE PROCESS! BOTH BANG! BROS MEMBERS ARE LOCKED IN THAT DASTARDLY SUBMISSION! KANYON CAN’T SAVE THEM NOW, HE’S REELING FROM THE DOUBLE SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT!
Caffrey: TAAAAP! OR I’LL BREAK YOUR ANKLES!
Angel: Ruthless, dude!
Hawke: So violent!
Spike and El both try break free, hit Caffrey, but it’s no good. Caffrey just keeps twisting and torquing, and Spike and EC break! They simultaneously begin to smack their hands on the mat!
Bonnie Jenkins: Spike Kane AND El Combatiente have been eliminated!
Hawke: It’s down to Kanyon and Caffrey. Two FIRESIDE-ites will determine which team will advance to the finals and potentially head to Overheated!
Angel: A FIRESIDE-themed Overheated, mind you!
Caffrey beckons Kanyon into the ring, grinning and rubbing his hands together! Kanyon pulls himself up from the floor and rolls under the ropes. As he stands up, he almost gets clocked with a Closing Remarks! Caff didn’t come to play tonight! As Caff spins around, he almost gets taken out with a BANG! But he sidesteps it, Kanyon falls through the ropes and Caff grabs a leg. THE PROCESS! KANYON’S HANGING OUT OF THE RING AND CAFF IS TRYING TO HANG HIM BY HIS ANKLE! KANYON IS BELTING HIS LUNGS OUT, SCREAMING BUT IT DON’T MATTER HE CAN’T EVEN GET A ROPE BREAK!
Angel: Just pull him out with you Kanyon! You can’t give up now!
Hawke: Caffrey’s talent is going to carry him to victory, I know that much!
Kanyon tries to yank Caff out with him but Caff uses the ropes to stay in the ring! But his grip is slipping, Kanyon breaks free and rolls outside. He climbs the apron and throws hands with Caff, each throwing their everything behind the blows. Caff staggers back, and charges for a crossbody! But Kanyon catches him, BODYSLAM HEARD ROUND THE PRISON! Kanyon picks up Caffrey, and clubs him with a forearm! Kanyon then climbs to the second rope for a splash, but we notice a commotion.
Hawke: What the heck was that?
Angel: Look over there!
He sees that Spike and El Combatiente have been busy! While the cameras were on the final two, they set up some tables! Kanyon has evil in his eyes, he grabs Caff and towards the tables… he’s climbing the ropes… all the way up… oh no, oh god, watch out WATCH OUTWATCHOUT! HOLY $H!T PILEDRIVER! CAFFREY JUST WENT THROUGH TWO TABLES, COURTESY OF THE GUY WHO TOOK THE TAG TITLES FROM HIM JUST A FEW MONTHS AGO! SPIKE AND E.C. HELP KANYON AND CAFF INTO THE RING, WHERE KANYON JUST YEETS AN ARM OVER CAFF’S PRONE BODY!
ONE…
TWO…
…
…
THREE!
DING DING! DING DING!
Angel: HOLY ****! KANYON JUST KILLED HIS BOSS!
Hawke: He ain’t dead Randy, but with God as my witness, Caffrey’s been BANG!’d smack dab in half!
Bonnie Jenkins: Anthony Caffrey has been eliminated! Therefore the winner of this match and advancing to the finals, Curtis D. Kanyon of BANG! Bros!
Hawke: What a match! What a war! Kanyon has helped his team move on to the finals! How about that?
Angel: And at the expense of his boss! Caffrey is surely going to be furious that he isn’t going to be at Overheated?!
Hawke: He’s literally hosting Overheated, he’ll most certainly be there.
Randy: And now it’s time for another match in the tournament. *BURP!* This NPW team is something impressive. Especially that Lord Dominicus. I’d love to drink with him.
Hawke: I dunno he strikes me as the type of guy who has one mimosa then drinks juice the rest of the night.
“Disasterpiece” by Slipknot rings out in the arena as from the ruined kitchen area emerge Lord Dominicus, Primal, and Jesse Jamester. The lizard faced man leads his team to the ring. Primal licks his lips in anticipation.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following is a semi-final match. Entering first, representing Team NPW … JESSE JAMESTER, LORD DOMINICUS, AND PRIMAL!
“Jupiter – Bringer of Jollity” by Gustav Holst rings through the arena as Isabel Rios and Mistress Discipline emerge from their cell block. Both of them look a bit winded from having to deal with the massive size of Sticky and Joe Ghaven. They slowly stride to the ring, looking with disgust at the caliber of men in the ring.
Hawke: Now Rios and Jamester don’t seem to like each other.
Randy: Yes but Mistress loves Death Trap.
Hawke: That’s Primal … that’s not even remotely DT.
Randy: Let’s shave him and find …
Upon hearing the word shave, Primal throws one of his hair shivs at the announce table and Randy immediately burps in fear.
Randy: Not DT, of course. Got it. (He gulps down an entire flask at once)
Call To Arms Tournament Second Round Match
Team NPW
(Alex Turner, Jesse Jamester, John Cavanagh, Lord Dominicus, Primal)
Vs.
The Amazons
(Blaze Freya, Isabel Rios, Lucky Linda, Mistress Discipline, Olympia)
Team NPW
(
Vs.
The Amazons
(
DING DING DING, the ref calls for the bell and immediately Rios and MD nod to each other. Rios charges Jamester and they begin throwing haymakers at each other. Discipline charges at LD who rolls under her arm and out of the ring. He then calls on his “minion” to attack. Primal just raises an eyebrow at him and laughs. Until Mistress Discipline finds the one spot not covered in hair and attacks with a resounding echoing slap. Primal’s smile fades and he turns to face her. SLAP! He looks angrier. SLAP! Primal catches the fourth slap, his face glowing red even through the mask from the intense slaps.
Primal: Thank you may I have another? … Oh no? Let me try.
He headbutts her hard. He holds the arm and traps the other one as well as she tries a left slap. He headbutts her three times in the trap and she crumples to the mat bleeding from the nose. Primal licks the blood from his “face”
Hawke:Animalistic from Primal and Mistress is seeing stars.
Randy: Bet she wishes he was DT now!
Hawke: For possibly the only time, I think ANYONE would prefer DT to Primal in this case.
Rios and Jesse continue to slug it out until she ducks under a haymaker and wraps him with a rear waistlock. Jesse uses his arms to break the hold and slip behind her and hoists her for a German Suplex. She wraps her legs around him in the air and rolls forward into a knee bar. LD slides in behind them and kicks her in the shoulder breaking the hold quick. Primal palms the back of Mistress’s head and pulls her to her feet. She kicks him hard in the gut. He hunches over … then laughs. Her eyes go wide and she kicks him multiple times but her foot keeps getting caught in his hair. He grabs her face and rubs it all over his greasy, disgusting chest hair. She stumbles away dry heaving.
Randy: I’m not nearly drunk enough to stomach that.
Hawke: Primal is a … unique competitor. Strong, resilient, cunning, and … well hairy and disgusting.
Primal follows her and catches her in a bear hug. Mistress shouts, not in pain, but in revulsion. His hair seems to be swallowing her entire torso and upper legs. She struggles to get out by forcing her hands down between his arms and her body. All this does is get her arms tangled in his hair. Primal throws her over the top rope with a belly to belly suplex. However she lands face down and ends up on a pillow of dislodged hair from Primal that has clung to her outfit. She is seen trying to pull it off and trying to scrape grease from her arms. LD charges and springs over the ropes with a tope con hilo. Mistress however moves out of the way in her haste to be clean and LD crashes and burns. Rios meanwhile has a fujiwara arm bar on the lizard man of NPW. Mistress gathers herself, spitting hair, and turns to Lord Dominicus. A target she is MORE than happy to accept to get away from the Beast of the North.
Hawke:Mistress is known for her studious ways but no tape can prepare you for Primal. Smart to move after Dominicus.
Randy: I wanna puke.
Primal seems to have lost interest and moves to Rios. She breaks the hold on Jesse and leaps at Primal with a clothesline sending the big man reeling but not to the mat. She grabs Jesse and uses him like a battering ram on Primal.
Hawke: We’ve seen Primal himself do that very same thing with Jesse to attack Scott Steel – er – the Colossus.
Rios quickly dumps Jesse to the floor to focus on the beast. MD on the outside stalks LD. As he stands holding his back she charges. A quick forward roll sends LD under the knee of the Final Bell attempt. Mistress turns quick and gets two quick kicks for her trouble before her head is locked for an attempt at the Darkness! LD leaps up and Mistress manages to use her power to hold him in midair. LD looks around in shock and eventually floats back to the ground in front of her. She spins him and he kicks. Foot caught, LD knows what’s coming and we can audibly hear him say “oh no…”. SLAAAAAAAPPP!!!
Hawke: Holy hell she slapped him so hard his mask spun 180 degrees!
Randy: HIS HEAD IS ON BACKWARDS!
Hawke: … No … no Randy it’s a mask.
LD stands in front of her. Mask on backwards. He points a finger in her face in anger then falls backwards to the ground. In the ring Primal is swinging wildly at Rios and she is deftly avoiding his every move. Finally he charges for the Dusted. Rios leaps up and gets one of his arms and his head caught in her legs in a figure 4. She drops to the mat with a gogoplata. She’s choking him out by using the parts of him that AREN’T hairy and slippery. Primal flails his free arm wildly and can’t seem to free himself. He is not used to being in this position.
Hawke: Rios is finding out how to tangle with the beast.
Randy: Can someone check on my … friend … Lord Dominicus?
Mistress has LD up to his feet. She dusts him off … then pulls him into the gogoplata as well!
Randy: Oh I guess he was being a naughty child … I guess that makes sense. *he drinks from a sippy cup labeled #1 Mom full of sake*
Synchronous gogoplatas have 2/3 of the NPW team choking for life. Unfortunately for the valiant Amazons, the Lizard man was back to his feet. He strolls over to Mistress Discipline and grabs her throat on the ground. She releases LD, who stumbles away and goes to hide near the ring. JJ pulls Discipline into the air and choke slams her to the concrete. She arches her back in agony as hair from Primal scatters off her clothing as she hits. JJ turns to the ring where Primal is fading. He slides into the ring and hits a baseball slide dropkick to the side of the head of Rios. The hold broken, Primal falls to the mat and rolls to the floor. Jesse palms the face of Rios. He pulls her to a seated position then let’s go and hits a thunderous kick to the sternum. She rolls through to her knees and catches the next kick to the chest. Jesse however maintains his balance. As she stands up he hits a jab to the chest, then a chop to the throat. Rios stands up in shock and that is followed with a short kick to the knees, continuing with a Knee to the gut, then going with a punch to the face and a low blow kick to setup for the final kick, a Super Kick to the forehead.
Randy: WOW The deadly seven from Jesse! That’s rare! Like sober Randy!
Hawke: You don’t say…
Jesse pins. ONE!
TWO!
Broken up by Mistress Discipline pulling him from the ring.
She slides into the ring and runs off the ropes. An irate Jesse climbs onto the apron only to get blasted with the Final Bell!
Randy: SHE REALLY RUNG HIS-
Hawke: Oh don’t say it, that’s too cliché even for us.
Jesse crumples to the outside. Mistress runs off the ropes again and hits a sliding kick through the ropes sending Jesse and a now standing LD sprawling to the floor. As she turns around she is grabbed and slammed with a sitout spinebuster.
Primal: Remember me little lady?
Hawke: Corrosion of Conformity and both Amazons are down. But Primal looks like he’s ready to play.
Primal rolls out from the seated position and then slithers on top of Mistress, putting all of his disgusting body hair over her body. She screams out as if being suffocated. He laughs and rolls off of her leaving her covered in more hair and sweat. He licks his lips and climbs up to the top rope slowly. He calls for the Hairball! He leaps off the ropes. But Rios is to her hands and knees and shoves Mistress out of the way and rolls backwards letting the 288 pound ball of monster fur and Fonzy hair gel crash and burn on the mat. The big man gasps, winded from the fall.
Randy: Rios just saved Mistress Discipline from back hair, grease, and a serious compression problem. *burp*
Hawke: These two do work well together. But you have to wonder if their submission style can handle the power game of team NPW … and then Lord Dominicus.
Rios is to her feet and is about to grab Primal but Jesse slides in behind her and whips her around. He hoists her up for a Jester-Plex! But she knees him in the head and falls to the ground. She then sweeps the leg with the reverse STO and locks in the Koji Clutch. Lord Dominicus springs to the apron, leaps to the top rope and dives at Rios but is caught mid-air in a fireman’s carry by Mistress. She swings him down in front of her and hits the flatliner. She then rolls back into the Detention!!!
Hawke: OH MY! The same submission AGAIN applied by both women, this move has been known to end matches for both of them!
Dominicus flails trying to fight out. Jesse is trying to power out. They both begin to fade. However after what seems like a minute of agony with both men about to tap out, Primal stomps in between the two holds and grabs both women by their hair. He yanks with all his might breaking both holds and hoisting them both into the air, letting them fall to the mat. He opens his hands and strands of hair release from both. LD again rolls out of the ring as Jesse gasps for air. Primal grabs Rios first and pulls her to her feet. He breathes his sickening breath in her face. He then beal tosses her right over the ropes and out of the ring. She crashes hard to the floor outside.
Hawke: So close to becoming a two on one but Primal broke both holds and keeps it three on two here. You have to wonder how they plan on taking down this inhuman machine.
Primal laughs at her as he turns his attention to the ring. SLAP! Mistress again slapping the taste out of his mouth. He spits up blood and grins in her face. He offers her another shot. She smirks and steps back. She winds up her hand … brings it back … tenses all her muscles in her arm … And launches a Final Bell to the jaw of the monster sending him to the mat hard.
Randy: I don’t think he expected that.
Hawke: Maybe I was wrong about him being cunning …
Primal hits the mat holding his jaw. She pins him.
One!
Two!
Kickout.
Primal powers out. He rolls to his feet. This time he catches another knee strike against his chest. He throws the foot down and hits a huge haymaker. Discipline stumbles. Primal reaches for her but she goes under his arms and off the ropes. On the return she tries another Final Bell but instead gets a spear that folds her in half and rattles the ring.
Randy: OOF Dusted from Primal and Mistress may have broken ribs.
Hawke: What a move. Rios is slow to her feet on the outside.
Rios does see what is happening as Primal slithers on top of the broken Discipline. He sticks his tongue out at Rios.
ONE! Rios begins towards the ring.
TWO! As she tries to slide into the ring she is met by a big boot from Jesse.
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: MISTRESS DISCIPLINE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: Well that didn’t end well. *sipping from a fancy teacup… full of long island iced tea*
Hawke: And now it’s 3 on 1.
Jesse laughs as he grabs Rios by the hair. Her arm is draped under the ring. He pulls her up and she throws something into the eyes of Jesse.
Randy: Wait she doesn’t have any pockets, where’d she get pocket sand?
Hawke: I think that was sawdust from the construction of the ring. I heard the roadies who assembled it had to run away because of ghosts or something.
Jesse stumbles away blinded. Primal rolls out of the ring and grabs her from behind. She back kicks and catches him in his beast balls. Primal’s face contorts and he stumbles away. Rios turns and reveals the other item she got from the ring. A kendo stick right to the back of the head! Primal hunches forward and she hits his ass with a swing like a baseball bat and he scurries away holding his front and his back. Jesse charges her. She leapfrogs him and comes down behind with the kendo stick across his throat. She chokes him momentarily before she pulls the stick back and throws it at Primal. It hits him in the nose and he spins around holding his face. She drops Jesse with the Redtail Driver.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Primal breaks up the pin a fraction of a second too late!
Bonnie Jenkins: JESSE JAMESTER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: WHAT A SURGE OF OFFENSE!
Hawke:Isabel Rios is not one to be easily denied Randy.
Primal begins raining hammerfists down on Rios who turtles up. She catches his arms and locks in a double hanging arm bar. Primal manages to use his greasiness to slide free. He glares at her as she stands up and wipes her forehead. He charges in and she ducks a clothesline but he swings again connecting with the back of her head. She stumbles into the ring apron and he bites her forehead on the return. She screams and kicks him hard in the shin.
Hawke: He ripped her open with that move Randy.
She slaps him in the face. Again, he feels it but seems to ignore the pain. Primal puffs out his chest and lunges for a headbutt. Rios wisely moves out of the way and buries her shoulder in his ribs against the apron. A second thrust has Primal winded again. She turns him around and looks for the Redtail Driver but Primal manages to wiggle free and spin. He sends a flurry of fists to the toned abs of Rios. He then hooks her in a suplex grip and runs a thumb across his throat with his tongue out and a sinister smile. He lifts her in the air for the Jackhammer.
Randy: Looking for the Empty Abyss!
Rios tightens her arm around his neck and balances herself so he can’t slam her. She uses her other hand to grip the bottom rope. Primal fights and fights. As soon as she senses his grip loosen and him fade she drops down to her feet in front of him and pulls him back into the gogoplata!
Hawke:She’s going to choke him out! It’s the weakness he showed earlier on!
Primal struggles. He summons all his power and lifts her into the air and powerbombs her down breaking the hold. He gasps for air. Rios pulls herself to the ring steps and climbs them. She steps into the ring and sits down waiting. Primal takes a minute to compose himself. He straightens his hair. All of it. He rolls into the ring and is greeted by a kick to the skull. He shoots to his feet as Rios kips up. Both of them are winded and breathing heavy, coated in sweat.
Hawke: They are ready for a showdown here Randy.
Randy: Showdown, name of your next pay-per-view!
Hawke: No .. it’s Night of Champions.
Randy: You are so stupid Joey.
Primal grapples Rios and the two jockey around the ring. Primal begins to get an advantage using his size to put pressure on Rios. She responds by breaking the tie-up and arm dragging the big man. He rolls to his feet and she dropkicks him in the knee. He collapses to his left knee and she leaps up and again locks in the gogoplata! Primal again struggles. He fights and rocks back and forth. After twenty seconds he gets his feet onto the ground and uses the top rope with his free hand to pull her into the air. He drops her with a powerbomb but she doesn’t let up. Primal is in shock shouting for her to release him. His breath begins to leave him.
Randy: This is working! He’s fading! *drinks from a giant novelty loopy straw from a bottle of super sake*
Primal drops to the mat in the hold. The ref checks him! Hand up. And down. ONE! The ref announces to the crowd. He lifts the arm. It drops! TWO! Lord Dominicus sneaks his head above the apron. He is ready to pounce. The ref lifts the arm. Dominicus leaps up but slips and falls back to the floor and looks on in horror as the hand … doesn’t drop! Primal is alive and roars in rage. Dominicus exaggeratedly wipes his brow … of his mask … which isn’t sweaty. Primal fights back to his feet and again lifts her! He slams her with a powerbomb and she loosens the hold. But Primal can’t wrestle free. Dominicus pumps his fist as Primal lifts his arm in what looks like another attempt … … but then he taps out. Dominicus can be heard shouting, “WHAT!?”
Bonnie Jenkins: PRIMAL HAS SUBMITTED AND IS HEREBY ELIMINATED!
Rios leaps up to celebrate. But she doesn’t hear the announcement of her win.
Hawke: Well Rios has taken out Jesse AND Primal here but Dominicus was laying low resting for so long she forgot about him!
Randy: She’s about to find out …
Dominicus comes from behind and rolls her up!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Rios just fights free. Dominicus snaps in frustration. Rios is gassed but refuses to give up. Dominicus charges and she hits him with a thrust chop to the throat. He drops to the mat in agony. She pulls him to his feet and he kicks her between the legs. She winces and then smirks at him.
Dominicus: I’m not sure why I thought that would work … OH MY GOD LOOK OVER THERE … … … no?
Rios smiles and shakes her head. She clobbers him with a forearm shiver and he spins from the impact. She grabs him for a reverse DDT. She hooks his leg. As she goes to lift him he pushes off with his other leg and hits the top rope with both feet. He goes over her head and comes down with the sliced bread no. 2 sitout slam!
Randy: THE DARKNESS! THE DARKNESS!
Rios is in shock as he catches her leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Rios kicks out at 3.05!
Rios hold her head in shock as she holds 2 fingers to the ref. When he calls for the bell she slams her hand on the mat and rolls out of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins:ISABEL RIOS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! THEREFORE THE AMAZONS ARE ELIMINATED! YOUR WINNERS ARE TEAM NPW AND ADVANCING TO THE FINALS WILL BE LORD DOMINICUS!
He celebrates in the ring by running around throwing his hands in the air then posing evilly.
Randy: I’m so proud he pulled it off!
Hawke: Oh … kay … anyhow that is one impressive finale. Rios nearly cleaned up three of the top members of NPW on her own. But in the end the numbers were just too much.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is an elimination match and is round two in the Call to Arms tournament. Featuring first the challengers…the Galactic Sex Pirates!
”Skeleton Dance” by Precious McKenzie begins playing as Frank Windsor, Rob Riot, and Kintaru walk out from their cell block to stand in the ring.
Hawke: Three of the Galactic Sex Pirates have made it through round one. Two of them having fallen prey to Aiden Merric before Rob Riot took him down.
Angel: You know the fans at home are watching the show too. You don’t have to recap for them.
Hawke: I mean. It’s just a good thing to recap.
Angel: So you say.
Bonnie Jenkins: Their opponents, and remaining members of The RevZig team are Donzig, Neo James Carner, and Osland Oxford!
The trio of RevZig stands tall, as their cell block door opens to the main hub where the wrestling ring has been setup for XHF Call to Arms. All three of their opponents have chosen to take to the ring, as the Galactic Sex Pirates egg the RevZig team to meet them where they stand.
Hawke: What a showdown we have here!
Angel: With how things went for both of these teams in round 1, I can’t say this is going to be a clean and civil fight-(Burp)
Hawke: Donzig with the rush!
Call To Arms Tournament Second Round Match
RevZig
(Donzig,Keith Williams, Neo James Carner, Oxford Osland, Rob Garcia)
Vs.
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(Andrew Morgan, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, Kintaru, Rob Riot)
RevZig
(Donzig,
Vs.
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(
Donzig rushes the ring, sliding under the bottom rope, with Neo James Carner and Osland Oxford jumping the ring apron and stepping through immediately after. The six men stand toe to toe, words exchanged, as referees are appointed for each pair of two, one inside the ring, and two others outside the ring on either side. XHF had gone to lengthy extents to make sure every pinfall or submission was accounted for during the event. As though a missile had been dropped and war declared, Donzig takes a headbutt from the Yorkshire native Frank Windsor! NJC and Rob Riot trade blows, and Oxford gets an eye poke on Kintaru before tossing him into the corner and send kicks to his midsection!
Hawke: That escalated quickly!
Angel: They ain't wasting time to get to the end of this one!
Hawke: Oxford laying boots to Kintaru, but the man isn’t backing down! That frame is built like an ox, and he comes back with a vicious european uppercut!
Oxford is sent back to the middle of the ring by Kintaru’s uppercut, NJC brings Rob Riot towards the middle, and Donzig sees the team members plan, they all three duck under their opponents and hit the ropes, rebound slide under the Galactic Sex Pirates, pop up and grab arms, slingshot trio clothesline! Rob Riot goes down! Kintaru goes down! Frank Windsor goes down! All three of the GSP team members roll out of the ring as RevZig stands up and claims the ring for their own! It’s short lived however, as Neo James Carner jumps on the apron and runs full steam diving off with a forearm smash at Frank Windsor!
Angel: Cannonball!
Hawke: No, not at all.
Angel: You’re no fun.
Oxford rolls slingshots Donzig across the ring and gets down on all fours for Donzig as he leaps off his back and clears the top rope with a suicide plancha onto Kintaru and Rob Riot! Oxford rolls out of the ring, grabbing the fallen Kintaru by the neck, he lifts him up and double arm DDT’s him onto the concrete floor! Kintaru is busted open from the impact, rolling over onto his back, he leans up to show the gushing flow down the hairline of his forehead. Oxford smiles with an heir of arrogance, before shoving an elbow in Kintaru’s face and going for the cover!
1!
2!
Shoulder up! Kintaru wasn’t giving up that easily, and Oxford showed his displeasure by ramming an elbow into his face. NJC and Frank Windsor trade blows to their left, Frank uses the steel swinging door and slams it into Neo James’s face as he goes for a jab! Rocked, NJC looks on with glazed eyes, almost cartoon like he grabs for the air, but nobody is home and NJC flops face first on the concrete beside the door!
Hawke: Oxford had a close call there with Kintaru, but I think he knows it’ll take more than some blood and a DDT!
Angel: Couple shots and I’m sure he won’t care what it takes.
Hawke: You and him might get along, but we have a match to call Randy!
Angel: Lookout! Donzig is getting catapulted into cell block 15!
Hawke: That’s what they refer to as Death Row!
Angel: Don’t die on us Donzig!
Launched like a medieval meat sack, Donzig goes flying through the entry way into the former RevZig cellblock by Rob Riot! Donzig’s body is hitting the concrete like a human car wreck. Rob gets up and enters the Death Row cellblock, grabbing Donzig from the wall he rolled into. Going around the circular structure that leads to a full visiting room with glass panels, we see the door open at the end of a set of stairs, where death row inmates would go for their execution. Though Pennsylvania had banned the death penalty in 1834, the spirits of those who died here lingered, and were active tonight.
Hawke: I hope he isn’t doing what I think he’s doing!
Angel: There is no doubt he is!
Hawke: Donzig better get his head straight or he may join the ghosts of the Eastern State Penitentiary.
Donzig gets tossed down the concrete stairs and Rob Riot follows behind, looking on with the intent to finish the job he started. Kicking Donzig in the ribs, Donzig rolls into the room gasping, his chest obviously in pain, as Riot rushes in and stomps a boot in his face! Donzig lays there on the concrete dazed, while Rob scouts the room. Above him, all the viewing seats begin to show the ghosts of visitors, staff, and even inmates taking seats to the execution.
Angel: What the hell is Rob Riot looking at?
Hawke: We are being told the camera isn’t picking it up, but the visitors area to the execution chamber is full of ghosts!
Angel: Ruh-roh-BURP!
Rob sees the medical table where patients or inmates would be laid down and propped up while the doses of lethal injection were administered. Seeing the cuffs that restrained their arms, Rob Riot grinned a sick toothy grin, and grabbed Donzig by the neck, tossing him onto the table. Strapping the left arm down at the wrist, Rob Riot goes to the left ankle, and Donzig comes to, kicking him in the head! Donzig rolls off the table only to be stopped by the restraint on his wrist. He looks at Rob, Rob smiles back at him and throws a haymaker, Donzig ducks, jukes, jives, jumps up and grabs the table before getting a shin to the side of Rob’s head! Donzig looks on as Rob leans forward and uses all his strength to jump up and leg drop him across the table! Rob lies where Donzig was on the execution table. Donzig looks on trying to figure out the wrist restraint, and begins to use his teeth, finally getting the restraint loose but not off. Rob puts on a sleeper, and leans back with Donzig on the table!
1!
2!
3---
Shoulder off the table, Rob Riot saves himself from an accidental pin! The referee warns him as he tightens the sleeper hold and then slides off the table to have one leg standing, the other knee on the table as he sits Donzig up. Looking down he sees the foot restraint and grabs it, releasing the hold! Donzig is stirring! Rob latches the foot restraint to Donzig’s other wrist! Now he’s stretched across the table, and Rob leans back, seeing Donzig with arms spread, face wide open, he TEES OFF!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
6!
7!
8!
9!
Rob Riot stops for a moment, giving that dramatic pause as he raises his fist up and twirls it, then clubs it down on the now bloody face of Donzig!
10!
The blood flows freely as Donzig slumps over on his back, stuck in place as his legs dangle off the opposite side. Rob Riot seizes the opportunity and covers Donzig on the execution table!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Donzig of the RevZigs has been ELIMINATED!
Rob Riot gets up and for good measure smashes an elbow across Donzig’s face one last time, before heading towards the stairs. The referee raises his hand, but he jerks it away, knowing this match isn’t over. Slamming the door shut, Donzig is left in the execution room of the Penitentry as Rob returns up the stairs. Back in the main hub, Osland Oxford has a pipe and is walking towards Frank Windsor, as NJC and Kintaru brawl in the ring. Frank sees this and dodges around the turnbuckle, sliding under the bottom rope. He jumps in to help Kintaru and the two trade blows with NJC before he’s overwhelmed. Oxland climbs into the ring, just as Kintaru turns around and hears Frank’s warning, he takes a blow to the shoulder from the pipe! Kintaru smacks the canvas and rolls to the apron. Double O with another pipe swing, this time at Frank!
Hawke: It’s 2 vs 3 now, and the ReVenants are going to need that pipe to even the odds!
Angel: Here comes Rob Riot appearing in the main hub!
Hawke: With Rob eliminating Donzig, this puts Oxland and NJC in a precarious position. They can’t be separated now, or else they are going to lose this one.
Frank ducks under the swing and rolls out of dodge. Osland turns to face him as he gets to the turnbuckle and drops the pipe by NJC. Rushing forward he lunges and sitout clotheslines Frank in the corner! Using the middle rope he sat on, Oxford slides out to the apron, and is met with a kick to the back of his head by Kintaru! Frank staggers out of the corner and receives a pump handle exploder suplex from Neo James Carner! Hooking the leg, NJC goes for the pin.
1!
2!
3--
Broken up by Rob Riot who enters the ring to aide his partner. Rob kicks the side of NJC’s head and this ignites the prick in NJC, who decides enough with rules, and low blows Rob Riot with a backwards kick as he gets up! NJC mocks Rob, snubbing him with some slick words as he brushes his hair back out of his face. Frank returns the favor for Rob, low blow! NJC drops to the canvas!
Angel: Oh the agony! Nut shots all around!
Hawke: It’s certainly effective, if not anything else.
Angel: Frank is up, and he has NJC in a suplex... no-BURP!
Hawke: BRADFORD BOMB! BRADFORD BOMB!
Neo James Carner takes the full Bradford Bomb from Frank Windsor! Frank takes a moment after impact, still feeling the effects from earlier, and finally rolls over to pin Neo James Carner. Hooking the leg, he rolls back on him as Osland tries coming under the bottom rope!
1!
2!
3!
Osland Oxford is stopped by Kintaru, who grabs his boot and pulls him back out, but Osland grabs the pipe he left in the ring earlier as he makes his exit. SMASH! Kintaru hits like a sack of bricks on the outside!
Hawke: The disadvantage grows, but Osland Oxford has just leveled the biggest man in the fight.
Angel: He’s going to take that pipe home and adopt it, after all the saves it’s had tonight!
Hawke: I thought you were going to say something else.
Angel: Like what?
Bonnie Jenkins: Neo James Carner of the RevZigs has been ELIMINATED!
Neo James Carner rolls out of the ring, being attended to by XHF staff personnel, as Osland rolls in and eyes up Frank Windsor with the pipe in hand. Rob Riot is on the apron holding his groin, as Frank gets up and turns to meet the lariat pipe clothesline by Oxford! Frank buckles to the canvas as Osland Oxford floats over him, rolling behind him to a knee, and immediately using the pipe to put an elbow triangle choke variation on the man!
Hawke: Is he choking him with the pipe?
Angel: You mean like your wife did on--
Hawke: NO RANDY!
Angel: Hehehe - Oh shit he is!
Osland Oxford bites the hand of Frank to stop it from grabbing his wrist, and as soon as he does, the triangle choke with the pipe is applied! Osland Oxford wrenches back gritting his teeth as he looks for revenge for his fallen team members! Frank resists the urge to tap, but his eyes scream for Osland to let go, but he can’t do anything as the rope breaks don’t work! Rob Riot sees this going on, but is slow to get up, as he crawls under the bottom rope towards the two. Osland catches Rob moving in his peripherals and we see him wrench back, causing the pipe to cut off circulation! Frank Windsor taps from severe lack of air and looks to be passing out as his face turns blue.
Bonnie Jenkins: Frank Windsor of the Galactic Space Pirates has been ELIMINATED!
Oxford lets go finally, just as Rob Riot drops an elbow across his chest. Osland begins throwing punches from his back, and Rob returns them! The two scrap to their feet, blow for blow, neither giving an inch. Osland ducks a right, grabs the neck of Riot, goes for a neckbreaker, but Riot counters and waist locks Osland! Osland heaves an elbow that rocks Rob Riot, but he doesn’t let go of Osland’s waist! Rob Riot with a german suplex!
Hawke: We are seeing the will to win in Osland Oxford, the man just doesn’t have a quit option programmed in his head.
Angel: For a sleazy guy, he wrestles like a saint.
Rob Riot doesn’t stop at one German suplex, no, he holds on and picks Osland up for another! Releasing Osland on the second, Rob Riot sends double O across the ring and rolls into the far turnbuckle. Kintaru sees that Rob is in control, and from under the ring Kintaru grabs a table, and begins to set it up! Rob Riot sprints across the ring, going for the shoulder thrust on Oxford but takes a corner post instead! Oxford sees Kintaru not paying attention and grabs Rob Riot by the waist band, he slings him into a high back angle drop on his neck! Snapping the manuever off, Oxford goes for the cover!
1!
2!
Kintaru saves Rob Riot from elimination! Kintaru slides in and forearm smashes Oxford across the stomach. The referee moves out of the way and motions it was only a two count. Oxford is picked up by Kintaru, who whips him into the ropes, rebounding, he gets lifted up for a tilt-a-whirl slam and ARM DRAG! Kintaru goes rolling under the ropes and out of the ring from the huge momentum he gave Osland with the tilt-a-whirl! Oxford sees Rob Riot come at him, and he kicks him in the gut! Rob bellows out something inaudible, before taking a Fisherman’s Buster from Osland Oxfor! Hooking the leg on execution, Oxford goes for the pin!
1!
2!
3!
Bonnie Jenkins: Rob Riot of the Galactic Space Pirates has been ELIMINATED!
Hawke: What a beauty of a fisherman suplex! The crisp delivery by Osland Oxford shows his technician background like a resume.
Angel: Put that thing away Joey, this isn’t the time or place for getting har---
Hawke: Or for alcoholics, but here we are. Osland Oxford and Kintaru are the final members of their respective teams! With the field evened up, who will take this one home for their team?
Angel: I’m betting on the one who gets a pinfall.
Hawke: (sigh)
Osland Oxford gets up, seeing Kintaru on the outside of the ring standing looking at him. The two men waste no time, and Kintaru jumps on the apron, baiting Osland to come at him, but he doesn’t. Oxford shakes his head as he watches Kintaru drop off the apron as soon as he reached it, hoping to pull the leg or guillotine Osland. Oxford looks around and sees the pipe he had earlier. Grabbing it, he smacks it against his open hand, and gestures for Kintaru to come join him. Kintaru shakes his head, and motions for him to come outside the ring.
Hawke: Are we getting a stalemate here?
Angel: It’s a breather, both men are catching their breath and trying to goat the other out of the ring--BURP!
Hawke: That may be the most intelligent bit of psychology you have ever identified Randy.
Angel: I deserve a raise.
Osland steps through the ropes on the other side of the ring, and heads around the side, Kintaru motions for him to come get some, and as Osland swings the pipe coming around the corner, Kintaru takes it to the left arm, blocking the full blunt move - but feeling the hit and acknowledging it with a grim face from pipe hitting bone. Kintaru grabs the pipe with the other hand and knees Osland to force him to drop it, then throws the pipe across the room. Kintaru wants to do some damage, and he begins clubbing Osland across the back, sending shockwaves of pain through double O. Slapping him across the face, Kintaru looks Oxford dead in the eyes and grabs him by the neck. He motions at the table and goes for the choke slam!
Hawke: HOLY SHIT!
Angel: How did he do that!
Kintaru looks on as Oxford grabs the middle rope mid choke slam and yanks himself out of the move, then kicks Kintaru in the face! Grabbing Kintaru by the hair, he pulls him up to the apron. Oxford slams a forearm across the shoulder plexes, before shoving the neck of Kintaru between his thighs, and motions for a move, hooking both arms and trying to lift Kintaru up!
Hawke: What the hell is he going to do!?
Angel: Looks like a cradle piledriver?
Hawke: Through the table? He’s going to cripple the man!
Kintaru breaks an arm free and grabs the middle rope to counter his momentum. Another forearm shot to his back and Kintaru crumbles to his knees, making it more difficult for Oxford to get him in position. For a moment Oxford lets his opponent down, and as Kintaru looks up at him, he goes for a poke of the eyes and Kintaru grabs his wrist pulling him in, leaps up, and Kintaru Kutter through the table!
Hawke: WHAT INSTINCTS!
Angel: Table #72104132354351 destroyed in XHF events, I knew I should bought stock in that wood.
Hawke: Kintaru with his trademark move off the apron to Osland, and he’s barely able to take advantage of the move after that spill!
Rolling over to lay an arm on Osland, we see the referee slide into position, and look at the shoulders before starting the count.
1!
2!
3!
The music of the Galactic Sex Pirates hits as the bell sounds through the PA system of the Eastern State Penitentry. Being lifted up by the referee, Kintaru has his arm raised, while he slumps on the referee for some balance.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the Call to Arms round two match, the GALACTIC SEX PIRATES member, KINTARU!
"BOOM BOOM ACKA-LACKA LACKA BOOM!
BOOM BOOM ACKA-LACKA LACKA BOOM BOOM!!"
BOOM BOOM ACKA-LACKA LACKA BOOM BOOM!!"
’Walk the Dinosaur’ by Was (not was) starts to play as the audience tries to imagine the usual clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song. Dark green scaled boots lead to a slight fade to light green as his tights approach his waist. His scaled costume complete with cape giving him the look of a pterodactyl!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the Prison Yard Rumble Match for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, representing SWAT, from Mexico City, Mexico, weighing in at one hundred fifty-five pounds, he is… PEQUEÑO DINOSAURIO!!
Reaching the ring, Pequeño Dinosaurio leaps from the floor to the ring apron before bounding over the top rope to enter the ring. Going to all four corners, the brightly coloured rookie poses with his arms outstretched, his ‘wings’ ready for the hunt ahead.
Hawke: It looks like our SWAT contender for the Junior Heavyweight Championship is ready to fly!
Randy: Indeed! We are going to take a break in the Call to Arms action to host this spectacular matchup and the only championship on the line tonight.
Hawke: I mean, the winning team might disagree about how this can affect their resume but whatever floats your boat.
The prison lights pulse red as "BFG Division 2020" rips and tears through the speakers and Bloodied Fox makes his way out, the XHF Junior Heavyweight title around his waist and the Alepou Aegis on his right arm. Fox walks down the ramp and slides into the ring, mounting the corner turnbuckles and unfastening the belt, raising it in salute in his left hand.
Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, from Reading, Berkshire, England, weighing in at one hundred ninety-five pounds, he is the XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion… BLOODIED FOX!!
Randy: As these two competitors lock eyes, let me go through a quick reminder of the rules of the match. Falls count anywhere, there are no disqualifications, these two could go all throughout the prison if needed.
XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship
Bloodied Fox ©
Vs.
Pequeno Dinosaurio
Bloodied Fox ©
Vs.
Pequeno Dinosaurio
DING DING DING
Bloodied Fox starts things off quickly with an impressive spinning heel kick. Pequeño Dinosaurio impresses as well by popping right back up and delivering a roundhouse kick of his own. Fox is up and back down after a drop toe hold from Pequeño Dinosaurio, who quickly hooks the leg. FWA referee Mark Hill makes the count!
ONE!!
TWO!!
NO!!
Hawke: And a near fall from Dinosaurio almost takes the championship from AWF!
Randy: Come on, Joey! AWF is closing. Let’s cut them a little slack.
Hawke: Fine, fine. But it was a factual statement.
Randy: Well, remember that it’s almost certain that this match will go to the outside, seeing as the match is a falls count anywhere.
Hawke: True, though not a lot of space outside the ring unless they go to other parts of the prison.
Almost as if it was prophesied by the commentators, Bloodied Fox’s first reaction when he got back up was to toss Dinosaurio to the outside, which sends the youngster crashing into the brick wall of the prison. The commentators audibly gasp as the reply shows another angle that looks quite painful for the rookie luchador. Fox looks down at Dinosaurio on the outside and hatches a clever idea. Bloodied Fox backs up to the opposite end of the ring and waits.
Hawke: That… HAD to hurt!
Randy: I think what’s coming next might as well!
Hawke: Ohhh man!
Randy: Suicide dive time!!
As soon as Pequeño is on his feet, Fox charges and dives through the ropes for a suicide dive. There was just one slight problem for the AWF Triple Crowner…
Randy: DINOSAURIO MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!!
Hawke: Damn! Bloodied Fox hit that wall harder than PD did!!
Randy: Bloodied Fox is down!! And understandably so!!
Pequeño Dinosaurio rolls Fox over and drapes the arm to try to capture the championship. Hill counts.
ONE!!
TWO!!
TH...NO!!!
Randy: And nearly a victory for the rookie from SWAT.
Hawke: So close but the match goes on. Surprised Fox was able to get the shoulder up after that rough hit.
Randy: The Junior Heavyweight Champion is one of the toughest guys, pound for pound, in the entire Network. He wasn’t going down by a simple slip up.
Though Fox got the shoulder up, Pequeño was up to his feet and Fox remained on the floor. Dinosaurio climbs the apron and waits by the corner post a few feet away from Fox. As soon as Fox starts to get back to his feet, Dinosaurio leaps with a flying clothesline, making sure he had both arms extended to make them look like wings as he takes down the Junior Heavyweight Champion.
Randy: What a move by Pequeño Dinosaurio!!
Hawke: And got his wings flying to look like a real pterodactyl too!
Randy: And now the cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
TH...NO!!
Bloodied Fox still shows the fight that got him the title in the first place. Remember that the rules say they don’t have to remain by the ring, Dinosaurio yanks Bloodied Fox off the floor and starts to try to force the champion to go down the hallway, but Fox is able to capitalize on his moment up with a snapmare. But in the end, Fox seems to like where Dinosaurio’s mind was going because he delivers a dropkick that keeps sending the SWAT competitor down that hallway. The cameras have to switch to see the action develop.
Hawke: Well, we are now dependent on the cameras to see the action from here.
Randy: That’s why they are there. The only person who has to see this live is Mark Hill.
Fox pulls Pequeño near one of the cells and slams his head into the metal bars repeatedly until Dinosaurio doesn’t get back up. Fox with the cover to retain.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR...NO!!
Randy: And another nearfall, this time by Bloodied Fox!
Hawke: I’m surprised Pequeño Dinosaurio knew where he was after his head was rammed into those giant metal bars so many times.
Randy: It’s possible he doesn’t.
Dinosaurio remains on the floor as Fox mounts him and starts unleashing palm strikes. With Mark Hill having no authority to count, Fox keeps going until he feels like he’s done enough, going for another cover after that.
ONE!!
TWO!!
THR...NO!!
Feeling frustrated, Bloodied Fox slams his fists to the mat before pulling the leg of Dinosaurio and slamming the cell door shut on it… but Dinosaurio pulls his leg out of the way just in time! Bloodied Fox gets ready to mount him for more palm strikes but Dinosaurio slips under and behind him. Before Fox could react, Dinosaurio was drilling his head to the mat with a frankensteiner.
Randy: And a frankensteiner to shift the tides!
Hawke: How the cell doors have turned!
Randy: Big momentum shift here! And a cover!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NO!!
Randy: Wow, Bloodied Fox still getting the shoulder up.
Hawke: That was head to concrete just now. I don’t know how he did it.
Randy: Not sure either of these guys will pass a concussion protocol after this mess. But the match must continue.
Both competitors remain on the floor for a little bit. Mark Hill looks like he wants to start counting to ten but remembered what type of match this is before actually doing so. The first sign of life is from Dinosaurio. Fox moves shortly after he does. Once Dinosaurio is to his feet and Fox gets to his shortly after, Dinosaurio goes for what he hopes is the kill shot.
Randy: Sliced Bread #2!!
Hawke: With a pin! This could be over! New champion?!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NO!!
Hawke: HOW?!
Randy: Wow! The match continues!!
Joey Hawke’s words were the same as Pequeño Dinosaurio. But regardless, he must keep fighting. Dinosaurio helps prop Fox against one of the cell doors before leaping for a dropkick, but Fox moves out of the way, causing Dinosaurio’s feet to crash into the steel and his back to land on the concrete floor. As soon as he tries to recover, Bloodied Fox has already made his move and drops Dinosaurio with the Vulp Trigger.
Randy: OUCH! Vulp Trigger!!
Hawke: Trying to take his head CLEAN off!
Randy: Cover by Fox!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THRE...NOOOOHOWDIDHEKICKOUT?!?!
Bloodied Fox looks more annoyed than anything after that last exchange of moves not leading to his retention of the title. He delivers a few kicks to the midsection of Pequeño Dinosaurio before locking in the Lament Configuration.
Randy: Oh, he's trying to suck the life out of him now.
Hawke: That’s one way to try to get the victory. Submissions are less comfortable on the cold stone floor compared to the mat.
Randy: This one in particular never feels good.
Dinosaurio yelps in pain and is clearly struggling to wiggle out of the move. The effort is obvious, but Bloodied Fox keeps the pressure going, giving the submission hold everything he has. But the heart of the pterodactyl keeps Dinosaurio from quitting.
Randy: Remember, there is no rope break. This submission has to be ended by Dinosaurio getting out or submitting.
Hawke: The kid won’t tap. Look at him! There’s no way!
Randy: He’s in excruciating pain. I don’t know how he’s hanging in there.
The grit. The determination. The willpower. All of those things are evident in the challenger. But Bloodied Fox remains in control of the move despite everything Dinosaurio is using to try to escape. He’s giving it everything he’s got until… he stops trying. It doesn’t take an expert to know what’s going on. Pequeño Dinosaurio is completely motionless. Mark Hill raises his arm once… nothing. Twice… nothing.
Hawke: I think Fox made the kid pass out.
Randy: He stayed in the move as long as I’ve seen anyone sit in any submission. He fought with everything he had. And he wouldn’t give up. But it’s possible his body did.
Mark Hill raises the arm one last time. It drops. He tells Fox to release the move and motions for the timekeeper to ring the bell via the camera.
DING DING DING
Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner… AND STILL THE XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, BLOODIED FOX!!!
Randy: Bloodied Fox will be walking into the AWF Clash of the Icons as a global champion.
Hawke: Unless the next challenger is between now and then. Which I doubt. But man, give it up for Pequeño Dinosaurio. He gave it EVERYTHING and wouldn’t quit despite how long he was stuck in that submission.
Randy: He was in it a good three to four minutes. Weaker men would have cracked way sooner than that, that’s for sure. He has a bright, bright future in the Network. But tonight is the night of the Fox!
Randy: And here we are at … *his head falls face first onto the desk*
Hawke: He’s fine. At the finals, three teams, three wrestlers, remain tonight. Whoever comes out of this triple threat will win their team a chance to go to…
Randy:*Springing up with a red mark on his forehead* OVERHEATED!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a triple threat finals match! The winning team will advance to the qualifiers at Overheated! Entering first, representing the BANG! Bros. The former president of the United States, Curtis D. Kanyon!
"Don't Tread on Me" by Metallica blares over the P.A. Former President Curtis D. Kanyon emerges from the BANG! Bros. cellblock when the cymbal crashes at the 30 second mark. He's got a sledgehammer slung over one shoulder and his Fireside tag team title over the other. Curtis pounds his chest with his fist then raises the hammer in the air. He walks down to the ring, nodding to the ghosts in the area. Curtis then climbs into the ring and goes to the turnbuckles. He climbs a turnbuckle and points to the camera drone with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!" He jumps down and gives his hammer to the ref, ready for action!
Randy: The President sure *hic* looks buff tonight!
Hawke: Kanyon survived a brutal drag out brawl with the entirety of the Guardians which saw eight eliminations.
Bonnie Jenkins: Entering next, representing the Galactic Sex Pirates, Kintaru!!!
“Nightmare to Remember” by Dream Theater starts up, after a few seconds of atmospheric noise the heavy guitar kicks in as Kintaru emerges from the GSP cell block. He slowly walks to the ring, keeping eyes on the former president the entire time. He slides into the ring and raises his arms. He backs to a neutral corner.
Hawke: Impressively, the no-shower has showed up in force tonight and is the lone survivor for the Galactic Sex Pirates. Coming off intense matchups in the first two rounds we’ll have to see what he has left in the tank.
Randy: *drinking from a full tankard of super sake* I got stuff left in my tank Joey.
Bonnie Jenkins: And last, representing Northern Pro Wrestling. He is the Dark Lord of the North, the North American Double Crown Champion, the REAL Lord Dominicus!!!
“The Bear Song” by Green Jelly blares over the speakers and Lord Dominicus runs out of the kitchen area holding a cinnamon roll and raising his arms to the sky. He attemtps to take a bite but it just smears white icing on his black mask. He DominithinksTM for a sec before shrugging and throwing the baked confection at Kanyon. As Kanyon eats the delicious confection, LD wipes his mask then sprints to the ring and leaps onto the apron. He springboards over the ropes and rolls into the middle of the ring and into an evil pose. He then shakes the ref’s hand … who has to wipe icing off his hand on his pants.
Randy: It’s no *brrrraaaaaap* surprise that the Lord of Evil is the last man standing here. He’s so great. Something about him just makes me think he’d be fun to share a house with.
Hawke: The man who brought down the Black Airship of Armand von Krauss managed to survive the last battle by mostly staying out of the fray and commanding his forces before he had to step in and take out Isabel Rios on his own.
Call To Arms Tournament Finals Match
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon,Donny Deville, El Combatiente, Spike Kane, Steve Awesome)
Vs.
Team NPW
(Alex Turner, Jesse Jamester, John Cavanagh, Lord Dominicus, Primal)
Vs.
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(Andrew Morgan, Chris Parsons, Frank Windsor, Kintaru, Rob Riot)
The BANG Bros.
(Curtis Kanyon,
Vs.
Team NPW
(
Vs.
The Galactic Sex Pirates
(
The bell rings and Kintaru and Kanyon eye each other up. After some jawing back and forth they engage in a collar and elbow tie up … only to stop mid grapple and just both look to the side. LD has rolled out of the ring and is telling them not to stop on his account. He waves his hand in a “go on” motion. Both men just sigh and go back to struggling. The more squat and powerful former president gains an advantage and pushes Kintaru into the corner. He then lands a huge overhand chop to the chest. Kintaru winces and then stands up straight. Kanyon laughs in his face and steps back. Kintaru moves to re-engage but instead trips. He looks backward at LD whistling through his mask outside the ring and walking away. Kanyon barrels in and sandwiches Kintaru in the corner. He grabs an arm and whips him to the opposite corner and shouts
Kanyon: BANG!!!!
He attempts to run at Kintaru but his leg also gets grabbed from outside and he faceplants on the mat. The dark lord whistles and walks away again as Kanyon pushes to his knees and glare at LD before getting a shining wizard from Kintaru for his distraction.
Hawke: Dominicus causing a bit of chaos early in this final bout.
Kintaru pins.
ONE!
Kickout by an irate former president.
Randy: That’s our president! You know he solved the Murder Hornet problem right Joey?
Hawke: He did not …
Kintaru pushes to his feet and looks to meet Kanyon as he stands but Lord Dominicus leaps to the top rope with a springboard dropkick to the back. Kintaru and Kanyon’s heads smack together and they fall back to the mat. LD dives onto Kanyon.
ONE!
Kickout!
He slides over to Kintaru.
ONE!
Kickout.
LD looks at them both then rolls out of the ring again and hides on the ground out of view. Both other men are slow to their feet holding their heads. They both look around for LD but he seems invisible. Shrugging his shoulders Kanyon unloads with a vicious headbutt onto Kintaru. Kintaru stumbles and ducks a clothesline from the angry ex-president. The brawler responds with a European uppercut sending Kanyon to the ropes. Kanyon wipes the spittle from his mouth and grins. He charges at Kintaru who leaps up and backrolls over the charging Kanyon. He however is caught by Lord DOminicus sliding into the ring and gets spun out and hung from the evil overlord’s arms. Bat Hanging Lock!
Hawke: The Dominilock is in!
Randy: My buddy Kanyon is just catching his breath and watching.
Kintaru struggles as Kanyon rolls out of the ring … and retrieves his sledgehammer version of Mjolnir.
Kanyon: FOR THOR!
He raises the hammer to the sky and lightning crackles outside the arena. How ominous. In the ring, Kintaru has managed to wiggle his arm free and hits a headscissors to flip LD through the ropes to the outside. Kanyon barrels back into the ring and swings the hammer wildly. Kintaru manages to duck it and catches him with a Kintaru Kutter! Kanyon on instinct pops to his feet, wobbles, and hits a Kanyon Cutter! Both men are down. Dominicus slowly gets back to the apron and surveys his evil domain. He shrugs and Dominithinks for a second on how to best make use of this. He leaps to the top rope and sees Kintaru roll onto his back … good enough! Leaping Moonsault Double-foot stomp … right to the family jewels of the no-shower.
Randy: WHOA that was a savage move. I didn’t know he had it in him!
Hawke: What? He’s like … super evil.
Randy: Nah my br… I mean yes. Yes he is. Kintaru is in a world of *BURRRRRRRP* hurt. I’m drunk ignore me.
Hawke: What a strange comment to make.
Kintaru is indeed holding the jewels in pain. The Double Crown champ looks satisfied when he sees Kanyon slowly getting to his feet … with a sledgehammer.
Dominicus: AH My good friend Kanyon, why don’t we uh forego the weaponry and finish this fool and then fight this out man to man?
Kanyon: … FOR THOR!
Dominicus: Right … I left my evil cape outside the ring, I need that to accept defeat, if you don’t mind.
LD rolls out of the ring. Kanyon takes a second before he realizes LD is sprinting back into the kitchens.
Kanyon: AH stupid sonuva …
He rolls out of the ring and gives chase. Kanyon goes sprinting down the hallway leaving a prone Kintaru alive in this match in the ring. After a few seconds of stalking Kanyon comes upon a closed door. He smashes the wooden door with the hammer and peaks through.
Kanyon: HERE’S JOHNNY!
Primal: DO YOU MIND SIR?
Sitting on the toilet is Primal, don’t worry his hair obscures his naughty bits. Turns out the kitchen, being made for workers not inmates, has a delightful bathroom. And Kanyon just invaded it. The smell sends the president reeling. He turns and Lord Dominicus, complete with a gas mask over his mask, thumbs him in the eyes then slams him face first into the pizza oven. Kanyon recoils as his face sizzles from even that brief impact on the hot oven. Dominicus thoughtfully tosses the hammer into the oven where the fire ignites the handle.
Hawke: That isn’t going to make the former president happy.
Randy: EVIL GENIUS MOVE!
Kanyon blindly flails around and grabs for the man in front of him. He gets a handful of hair. It’s Primal. Primal beil tosses the president like a ragdoll over the prep counter where a bunch of pots and pans clatter onto him. The noise acts like a beacon as we see Timeless, Jesse, and Cavanagh emerge laughing.
Dominicus: Once again the dark lord of the north has outsmarted the peons. No DQ friend!
Dominicus slides Kanyon off the counter to his teammates and sits back to watch as the four men stomp a mudhole in the president.
Hawke: Well this hardly seems fair, all four of those men were eliminated!
Suddenly the onslaught is halted by a flash of color as the luchador sensation El Combatiente flies into the screen and nearly takes Cav’s head off with a hurricanrana. The two men begin to brawl into the bakery and out of view. Timeless and Primal whip around to see Steve Awesome and Donny Deville hit stereo superkicks knocking the pair into a cell. They follow to continue the beatdown when LD seals them in the cell.
Dominicus: Sorry chaps, but I can’t risk them getting out. Collateral for victory. You understand.
Dominicus and Jesse Jamester stand over the prone Kanyon. Suddenly Dominicus gets a huge spinning back roundhouse to the face sending him to the ground hard. Jesse turns and scowls with one eye glowing green, the other red. He stares at Spike Kane.
Randy: These two met up earlier and foreshadowed this very moment.
Hawke: They don’t look happy to see each other that’s for sure.
Spike and Jesse begin teeing off on each other with wild fists and elbows. Jesse grabs Spike around the throat, having come off a quick finish against the Amazons rather than an ankle destroying encounter, Jesse seems fresher and gets the upper hand with a choke bomb to the man from hell. He mounts him and begins raining fists down. Meanwhile Kanyon crawls and drapes a hand over LD.
ONE!
TWO!
Broken up.
Jesse releases Spike in order to boot Kanyon and kick him a few times to free his teammate. He turns around and Spike is to his feet and headbutts the lizard man. As Spike moves in to attack he suddenly drops as a loud CLANG is heard. As he falls to the floor face first, we see a baseball bat… held by a cybernetic arm.
Hawke:HOLY HELL THAT’S DYLAN BLACK!
Randy: Like father like son, Jeff Viper always said Dyl would end up in prison. *hic*
Jesse shakes the cobwebs out and sees Dylan just in time to take a bat shot right to the big bad X on his forehead. Dylan uses the bat to prop up the face of Jesse and a foot to prop up Spike. He spits at both of them and hits them each in turn with the Dynamic Outro leaving them both laying. Dylan nods to Kanyon and walks away tapping the Blacklight on his cybernetic palm as he does so. Kanyon slowly grabs LD and begins to forcibly drag him out of the bakery/kitchen area in case the other three NPW teammates get free. As he drags, LD manages to divert him into the medical area near the atrium. Kanyon begins laying overhead axe handles to the smaller fighter. The medical team begins to accost them to leave the area. We see various people getting treatment from earlier. Mistress Discipline is still being treated for her upset stomach and having hair removed from her after her encounter with Primal. We see Betsy and Adrien both being tended to for their necks. And we see Caffrey being treated for his head and neck and splinters.
Randy: Man this event was brutal. Glad my brother isn’t here to see this. Wink.
Hawke: Did you just say wink?
Randy: No you crazy Joey.
Kanyon slams LD violently into the doctors, sending them sprawling. LD crawls to a table looking for refuge but Adrien simply kicks him away. Kanyon catches him and hoists him up for a powerbomb. He then looks over with a sick smile … and powerbombs Lord Dominicus RIGHT ONTO CAFFREY sending them both through the treatment table Caff was being treated on.
Caffrey: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!
He forces Dominicus off of him and rolls away in agony, glaring at his new nemesis Kanyon. Kanyon kneels over Dominicus and laughs.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!
Hawke: WHAT?
Randy: I’m just as shocked as you are. I need a drink *he pulls out a novelty theme park giant collector’s cup full of super sake and guzzles half of it.* DRINK SUPER SAKE *hic* RESPONSIBLY!
Kanyon is now looking impressed. And pissed. Impissed. He hauls LD to his feet but LD slumps back to his knees. Kanyon laughs and pulls him up again, again LD drops to his knees but this time launches an uppercut right to the secret service. Kanyon’s eyes go wide.
Kanyon: SONUVA BITCH ONLY MY WIFE GETS TO TOUCH THOSE!
He flops over to the floor in agony as LD begins to slowly crawl from the medical area. He slams the door closed, trying to delay the inevitable of Kanyon hunting him down. Dominicus slowly uses the closed door to pull himself to his feet, favoring his ribs. He turns around. Right into a step up enzuigiri from Kintaru! Kintaru grabs him by the chin and pulls his face up to meet his own. He growls something about his balls then DDT’s the evil overlord to the concrete. He gets to his feet and roars in triumph. LD somehow manages the small package.
ONE!
Kickout with authority.
Randy: Dominicus almost stole a pinfall there.
Hawke: He’s played this whole tournament smartly. But one on one on one he has nobody to rely on. And his energy seems to be fading.
Kintaru hauls Dominicus up for a spinning powerslam but Dominicus spins out of it and drops behind with a back stabber. He then gets to his hands and knees and begins to retreat down cellblock 14. He pulls himself up on a cell door. Using amazing reflexes he dodges a running clothesline from Chris Parsons. Parsons flies into a cell where Dominicus locks him in.
Dominicus: HA! YOU FOOL! I have something you lack! DEPTH PERCEPTION!
Voice: How about brains? Lacking those?
He spins and is greeted by a superkick from Rob Riot. Rob pounces and whips him into a cell where he is greeted by Morgan and Windsor. LD is on his hands and knees and panting. He realizes what a mistake he has made. Both men charge and begin to stomp him. LD hides under his cape that he had retrieved earlier. Rob Riot saunters in and laughs as he joins in. Suddenly the cell locks behind them. They all look to see LD sitting on the floor outside and them all locked in. LD gives a little wave with his fingers. Riot pulls the cape up and realize they’ve been attacking one of the proton pack the men had been given upon entering the prison!
Hawke: Dominicus outsmarted the entire GSP team and escaped with his head!
Randy:He’s a *burp* brainy boy!
Dominicus turns and is greeted by a big boot from Kintaru. Kintaru looks at his teammates and chuckles to himself. He pulls Dominicus to his feet. Dominicus falls to his knees. Kintaru, learning from earlier immediately covers his testicles as an arm comes up between his legs. Kintaru gets right up in LD’s face.
Dominicus: Uh … surely we can discuss EVIL alliances now and take out Kan…
Being hoisted into a powerbomb position silences LD as he is dropped right into a knee strike and flops to the floor unconscious.
Hawke: KINTARU’S LULLABYE! He must have been REAL pissed at Lord Dominicus.
Randy: You’d be shocked how often that happens.
Hawke: No. No I quite believe that.
Kintaru slides into a pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: LORD DOMINICUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED! TEAM NPW HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY ELIMINATED FROM COMPETITION!
Hawke: Well it was a valiant effort from the Double Crown Champion. But – HOLY HELL!
Kanyon comes flying from around the corner and collapses Kintaru like an accordion with a BANG of the highest order. The entire GSP team locked in cells shouts out in horror. Kanyon is slow to recover however and takes a lot of time crawling to Kintaru and rolling him over. He then falls forward on top.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Rob Riot slides his foot through the bars and lifts Kintaru’s shoulder!
Randy: Is that legal?
Hawke: Everything is legal … except possibly the amount of alcohol you’ve ingested.
Kanyon slowly pushes to his knees and reaches through the bars at Riot. Rob leaps back and out of the way. Frank Windsor punts Kanyon in the tricep as Andrew Morgan grabs the arm and then yanks Kanyon face first into the bars. Kanyon grabs his arm with his other hand and yanks himself out free but his nose is gushing blood. Kintaru slowly gets to his feet holding his likely shattered ribs. He hits a dropkick sending the back of Kanyon’s head into the cell. He pulls Kanyon away and pins.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-NO!
Kanyon just rolls the shoulder. Kintaru and the entire GSP team can’t believe it. Kintaru sits down and tries to catch his breath. He is in agony. He slowly gets to his feet and pulls the dazed and confused former X*Crown champ to his feet. Kanyon out of reflex fires a right hand. Kintaru responds with an uppercut! Haymaker! Uppercut! Haymaker! Uppercut! Finally Knayon hits a headbutt. Kintaru responds by hooking him for the Kintaru Cutter! Kanyon shoves him into the steel bars face first and on the rebound spins him into a powerbomb position. He then drops him onto a knee strike!
Randy: HE JUST PUT KINTARU TO SLEEP WITH HIS OWN MOVE! KINTARU’S LULLABYE!
Kanyon smartly pulls the unconscious no-shower from the cells and then collapses on top.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Bonnie Jenkins: KINTARU AND HENCE THE GALACTIC SEX PIRATES HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!
Randy: MY BUDDY DID IT!
Hawke: Two years in a row Kanyon has helped lead a team in call to arms. This time he finds paydirt!
Bonnie Jenkins: YOUR WINNERS AND EARNING SPOTS IN THE X*CROWN QUALIFIERS FOR NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS AT OVERHEATED … CURTIS KANYON, STEVE AWESOME, SPIKE KANE, DONNY DEVILLE, AND EL COMBATIENTE … THE BANG BROS!