There's a Monster at the End of this Conversation [OH #1]
Jun 27, 2021 13:18:38 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, vastrix, and 1 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jun 27, 2021 13:18:38 GMT -5
ARMED GUARD
So did ya hear that Goose got Subject into Overheated? Fightin’ one of the old champs, Adrien Cochrane.
ARMED GUARD #2
Maybe we can watch it while we’re on shift, bro. Easiest job ever if you exclude the fear of going missing. I’mma smoke, you want some Tom?
TOM
Dude we’re on shift-- the alarm’s going to give it away.
JERRY
Look, no one ever comes down the steps. I turned the alarm and vault cameras off, we’re fine.
TOM
That doesn’t feel like something you should just be able to do.
JERRY
It’s an app on my phone. Pretty easy.
TOM
Ah. Isn’t it gonna be real obvious-- red ass eyes?
Jerry blows a puff of vape smoke close to Tom.
JERRY
Don’t be a prude. Ms. Ariados, please excuse my allergies--
You can hear the sound of an alarm coming from another floor.
JERRY
See, they got bigger issues to deal with. You want some or what?
The “BWARP BWARP” sound is faint enough to mishear it. The first guard declines.
TOM
Fucking smoke alarm goes off all the time up there! The chef is horrible. Doesn’t even understand the difference between table salt and kosher salt!
JERRY
Huh? There’s a difference?
TOM
Of course!
JERRY
What is it?
This question conveniently won’t get answered.
TOM
I shouldn’t be guarding a cat that can’t even walk-- I should be in the kitchen!
JERRY
Talk to her, bro. Maybe she’ll let you switch after this chef ‘goes on vacation’.
The second guard takes a big puff to get his mind off the euphemism. One of the guards looks back toward the locked door they’re standing in front of, thinking about the cat.
TOM
Poor little thing had its leg crushed. Think the same will happen to Adrien?
JERRY
Are you kidding me, bro? The Dropkick King? 3-0 in the FWA, beat the legendary Dylan Black… to win the Crown in the first place.
TOM
I mean, yeah, but everyone’s beating Dylan these days. Jonnie Valentine’s kid, Misha Constantine, hell are you watching the King of Hokkaido tournament? Anna Daniels and Dove Dynamite both beat him!
JERRY
Who the hell is Dove Dynamite?
TOM
Exactly!
JERRY
Come on, you don’t #BELIEVE?
TOM
That sounds like some shit my mom found in a thrift shop.
Tom pulls out his phone.
TOM
Literally.
JERRY
Alright, so it's a little dorky---
TOM
You’d see that shit on a white woman’s Instagram with #blessed.
There’s some garbled messaging coming in on a radio.
GOOSE
Codasdme zin! Weraae hsadavde a breaceh!
TOM
What the hell is he saying?
JERRY
I don’t know.
GOOSE
Alreacaedy tprvook ovdeff szormevdone’s fgharhm!
JERRY
Sounds like something about a farm.
Goose’s communications about a security breach and someone having their arm ripped off don’t get answered.
TOM
Weird. You should get that fixed.
JERRY
Do you feel like handling that?
TOM
I'm not paid enough.
JERRY
I’mma just turn the volume down for now--
He adjusts the knob.
JERRY
--but as I was sayin’, Adrien was a world champ!
TOM
Of a company no one ever watched because it wasn’t part of the Network!
JERRY
Stopppppp-
TOM
Just sayin’, the company could have sucked. Hell, it must’ve sucked, that’s why it’s closed.
Jerry just shakes his head.
JERRY
This is why you don’t get invited to parties.
TOM
You have parties?
JERRY
Without you, yes.
Tom seems genuinely hurt, using logic and reason to try to cover up his feelings.
TOM
That’s in violation of COVID protocols…
Jerry rips another big puff, the smoke getting ever closer to Tom.
JERRY
...we met virtually during the pandemic. I won first prize at Halloween for my Lord Dominicus costume. And now we’re all vaccinated, so yeah, still partying without you.
TOM
Oh.
BONG! BONG! ...BONG!
Both guards turn to look up at the staircase. At the top, there’s a large stainless steel door.
TOM
Who the hell is banging on the door like that?
JERRY
Must’ve forgotten the code. I’m not walking up all those steps to let them in.
TOM
I’ll give ‘em another few minutes, I need to walk up because I left my radio upstairs...
JERRY
He’s still a great wrestler, even surrounding himself with all of those X-Crown champions asking for advice.
Tom mutters.
TOM
But he didn’t--
JERRY
Are you still arguing about this?
Realizing arguing is how his friend gets his kicks, Jerry lets him continue.
JERRY
...fine. Didn’t what?
TOM
Then why didn’t any of them team with him then at Call to Arms?
JERRY
Most of them didn’t even fight on that show, bro.
TOM
They all got a sense of him, then realized they couldn’t rely on him, shouldn’t put their faith in him, hell, shouldn’t #believe in him.
JERRY
One did! That dickhead Caffrey--
TOM
--such a dickhead.
JERRY
I know, right? But he was an X-Crown champion.
TOM
And that’s team's why he’s hostin’ the show, not wrestlin’ on it.
JERRY
Oh come on, that was a good team. Sanders, Caffrey, um..
TOM
You can’t even name the other two. And besides that, even with two no-names on the squad, Cochrane wasn’t even the best member of his team! The Bang Bros didn’t eliminate him last.
Jerry rolls his eyes. He takes another hit, having built up a tolerance over years of smoking.
JERRY
I think you’re not thinking about the heart. Adrien has a bigger ‘heart’ than Subject.
TOM
In what way? Subject’s bigger, and we wouldn’t have to guard a cat if they didn’t have a connection...
JERRY
Ya know, a man of the people--
TOM
You gotta be smoking somethin’ if you think being liked is enough to beat Subject.
JERRY
Now-- I feel like you came into this whole conversation waiting to say that line.
Jerry looks strangely forward for a few moments, and we catch all of his facial reaction before Tom interjects again.
TOM
Subject is pretty universally liked, too. You’ve seen how they react to crowds, they love the cheers and being accepted instead of being locked away like a plaything like Ariados has done to them. Hell, it’s what drives them to compete and win gold, and they’ve won lots. Plus, they’re fighting in front of Philadelphians. You think those smelly assholes who threw batteries and snowballs at Santa Claus are going to respond well to a guy who isn’t even two hundred pounds telling him to believe in themselves?
JERRY
What’s his weight got to do with it?
TOM
Cochrane’s from a new era of small wrestler, sure. Small agile guys that can move. You and I are roughly his height, he’s about average, six feet tall. Now do you think you can suplex a gorilla?
JERRY
Like a baby?
TOM
No, a full-size gorilla. I don’t think Cochrane can, so there goes the only element of his moveset that isn’t stick-and-move. Granted Subject is like 25 pounds heavier than a gorilla at 325… jeez, I didn’t even think about what it’d be like to be speared by a 7’0 tall gorilla.
JERRY
Please let me out of this conversation…
TOM
And the hands and the much bigger reach, jeez! Getting your head crushed like a grape...
JERRY
Is this what you sit around doing instead of socializing?
TOM
Yes--
JERRY
Preparing for fictional arguments in case you ever have them?
TOM
Yeah…
JERRY
We need to get you laid.
TOM
It’s been a long pandemic…
SLAM! Extra light is let into the basement as the door is opened forcefully. The guards naturally jump.
TOM
Ah shit, get rid of that!
JERRY slides the vape back into his pocket.
JERRY
I guess I can invite you to bar night bingo…
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The steel door ends up on the ground just in front of the guards, having just been sent tumbling down the steps.
TOM
What the hell?
GUARD #3
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Another guard also goes tumbling down the steps. It’s unclear whether the shotgun on him was bent upwards before or after being thrown, but it’s easy to guess that both of their legs were shattered by the fall.
JERRY
Holy shit!
The exposed bone is a bit gruesome. The sound that follows is enough to send chills down the spines of the guards still guarding the vault.
SUBJECT
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Subject #42, the monster of the hour, comes bounding down the stairs. The former X-Crown, Destiny world, AWF United States, AWF Around the Clock, and XHF Tag Team champion has arrived.
GUARD #3
AGHHHHHHHHH! SHOOT IT!
The Freak turns and looks at the two guards standing in front of the vault door.
JERRY
Fuck that! I ain’t gettin’ slaughtered today!
TOM
That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day!
They throw their shotguns on the ground and get their hands up, not wanting to be turned into mincemeat.
SUBJECT
RAAAGGH?
TOM
Please don’t hurt us-- we’re small guys, I know what you can do!
JERRY
You should’ve heard Tom earlier, he was practically sucking your dick!
TOM
Hey!
Rather than fight the 325-pounder, one of the 6’0” guards moves towards the vault pinpad.
TOM
What are you doing?
JERRY
Getting us out of here alive!
The guard turns and looks at Subject.
JERRY
I’mma let you in, Tom and I are taking off up the steps. Do you read me?
Despite being a monster, Subject does have the brains to do things like not cash in an X-Crown shot right before the XHF Rumble, so they nod, understanding.
SUBJECT
Ragh.
The code is entered for the vault -- it’s clear this guard set the code in the first place, as the code is 42069. The guard swings it open and both men take this opportunity to quite literally run for their lives.
Subject begins to make their way into the vault. It’s clear they are looking a lot healthier even after twelve hours of not being injected by Ariados. It’s a new-but-old face for Subject, one of determination and a monstrous energy of doing whatever it takes to get what they want. At Overheated against Adrien Cochrane, it’s for a shot at the Crown, but for now it’s just to hear one sound…
TINY FUR
MEW!
A worried Subject is immediately relieved as Tiny Fur looks up and raises a playful paw, now missing an entire leg. The two lovingly embrace as the scene ends.
So did ya hear that Goose got Subject into Overheated? Fightin’ one of the old champs, Adrien Cochrane.
ARMED GUARD #2
Maybe we can watch it while we’re on shift, bro. Easiest job ever if you exclude the fear of going missing. I’mma smoke, you want some Tom?
TOM
Dude we’re on shift-- the alarm’s going to give it away.
JERRY
Look, no one ever comes down the steps. I turned the alarm and vault cameras off, we’re fine.
TOM
That doesn’t feel like something you should just be able to do.
JERRY
It’s an app on my phone. Pretty easy.
TOM
Ah. Isn’t it gonna be real obvious-- red ass eyes?
Jerry blows a puff of vape smoke close to Tom.
JERRY
Don’t be a prude. Ms. Ariados, please excuse my allergies--
You can hear the sound of an alarm coming from another floor.
JERRY
See, they got bigger issues to deal with. You want some or what?
The “BWARP BWARP” sound is faint enough to mishear it. The first guard declines.
TOM
Fucking smoke alarm goes off all the time up there! The chef is horrible. Doesn’t even understand the difference between table salt and kosher salt!
JERRY
Huh? There’s a difference?
TOM
Of course!
JERRY
What is it?
This question conveniently won’t get answered.
TOM
I shouldn’t be guarding a cat that can’t even walk-- I should be in the kitchen!
JERRY
Talk to her, bro. Maybe she’ll let you switch after this chef ‘goes on vacation’.
The second guard takes a big puff to get his mind off the euphemism. One of the guards looks back toward the locked door they’re standing in front of, thinking about the cat.
TOM
Poor little thing had its leg crushed. Think the same will happen to Adrien?
JERRY
Are you kidding me, bro? The Dropkick King? 3-0 in the FWA, beat the legendary Dylan Black… to win the Crown in the first place.
TOM
I mean, yeah, but everyone’s beating Dylan these days. Jonnie Valentine’s kid, Misha Constantine, hell are you watching the King of Hokkaido tournament? Anna Daniels and Dove Dynamite both beat him!
JERRY
Who the hell is Dove Dynamite?
TOM
Exactly!
JERRY
Come on, you don’t #BELIEVE?
TOM
That sounds like some shit my mom found in a thrift shop.
Tom pulls out his phone.
TOM
Literally.
JERRY
Alright, so it's a little dorky---
TOM
You’d see that shit on a white woman’s Instagram with #blessed.
There’s some garbled messaging coming in on a radio.
GOOSE
Codasdme zin! Weraae hsadavde a breaceh!
TOM
What the hell is he saying?
JERRY
I don’t know.
GOOSE
Alreacaedy tprvook ovdeff szormevdone’s fgharhm!
JERRY
Sounds like something about a farm.
Goose’s communications about a security breach and someone having their arm ripped off don’t get answered.
TOM
Weird. You should get that fixed.
JERRY
Do you feel like handling that?
TOM
I'm not paid enough.
JERRY
I’mma just turn the volume down for now--
He adjusts the knob.
JERRY
--but as I was sayin’, Adrien was a world champ!
TOM
Of a company no one ever watched because it wasn’t part of the Network!
JERRY
Stopppppp-
TOM
Just sayin’, the company could have sucked. Hell, it must’ve sucked, that’s why it’s closed.
Jerry just shakes his head.
JERRY
This is why you don’t get invited to parties.
TOM
You have parties?
JERRY
Without you, yes.
Tom seems genuinely hurt, using logic and reason to try to cover up his feelings.
TOM
That’s in violation of COVID protocols…
Jerry rips another big puff, the smoke getting ever closer to Tom.
JERRY
...we met virtually during the pandemic. I won first prize at Halloween for my Lord Dominicus costume. And now we’re all vaccinated, so yeah, still partying without you.
TOM
Oh.
BONG! BONG! ...BONG!
Both guards turn to look up at the staircase. At the top, there’s a large stainless steel door.
TOM
Who the hell is banging on the door like that?
JERRY
Must’ve forgotten the code. I’m not walking up all those steps to let them in.
TOM
I’ll give ‘em another few minutes, I need to walk up because I left my radio upstairs...
JERRY
He’s still a great wrestler, even surrounding himself with all of those X-Crown champions asking for advice.
Tom mutters.
TOM
But he didn’t--
JERRY
Are you still arguing about this?
Realizing arguing is how his friend gets his kicks, Jerry lets him continue.
JERRY
...fine. Didn’t what?
TOM
Then why didn’t any of them team with him then at Call to Arms?
JERRY
Most of them didn’t even fight on that show, bro.
TOM
They all got a sense of him, then realized they couldn’t rely on him, shouldn’t put their faith in him, hell, shouldn’t #believe in him.
JERRY
One did! That dickhead Caffrey--
TOM
--such a dickhead.
JERRY
I know, right? But he was an X-Crown champion.
TOM
And that’s team's why he’s hostin’ the show, not wrestlin’ on it.
JERRY
Oh come on, that was a good team. Sanders, Caffrey, um..
TOM
You can’t even name the other two. And besides that, even with two no-names on the squad, Cochrane wasn’t even the best member of his team! The Bang Bros didn’t eliminate him last.
Jerry rolls his eyes. He takes another hit, having built up a tolerance over years of smoking.
JERRY
I think you’re not thinking about the heart. Adrien has a bigger ‘heart’ than Subject.
TOM
In what way? Subject’s bigger, and we wouldn’t have to guard a cat if they didn’t have a connection...
JERRY
Ya know, a man of the people--
TOM
You gotta be smoking somethin’ if you think being liked is enough to beat Subject.
JERRY
Now-- I feel like you came into this whole conversation waiting to say that line.
Jerry looks strangely forward for a few moments, and we catch all of his facial reaction before Tom interjects again.
TOM
Subject is pretty universally liked, too. You’ve seen how they react to crowds, they love the cheers and being accepted instead of being locked away like a plaything like Ariados has done to them. Hell, it’s what drives them to compete and win gold, and they’ve won lots. Plus, they’re fighting in front of Philadelphians. You think those smelly assholes who threw batteries and snowballs at Santa Claus are going to respond well to a guy who isn’t even two hundred pounds telling him to believe in themselves?
JERRY
What’s his weight got to do with it?
TOM
Cochrane’s from a new era of small wrestler, sure. Small agile guys that can move. You and I are roughly his height, he’s about average, six feet tall. Now do you think you can suplex a gorilla?
JERRY
Like a baby?
TOM
No, a full-size gorilla. I don’t think Cochrane can, so there goes the only element of his moveset that isn’t stick-and-move. Granted Subject is like 25 pounds heavier than a gorilla at 325… jeez, I didn’t even think about what it’d be like to be speared by a 7’0 tall gorilla.
JERRY
Please let me out of this conversation…
TOM
And the hands and the much bigger reach, jeez! Getting your head crushed like a grape...
JERRY
Is this what you sit around doing instead of socializing?
TOM
Yes--
JERRY
Preparing for fictional arguments in case you ever have them?
TOM
Yeah…
JERRY
We need to get you laid.
TOM
It’s been a long pandemic…
SLAM! Extra light is let into the basement as the door is opened forcefully. The guards naturally jump.
TOM
Ah shit, get rid of that!
JERRY slides the vape back into his pocket.
JERRY
I guess I can invite you to bar night bingo…
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
The steel door ends up on the ground just in front of the guards, having just been sent tumbling down the steps.
TOM
What the hell?
GUARD #3
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Another guard also goes tumbling down the steps. It’s unclear whether the shotgun on him was bent upwards before or after being thrown, but it’s easy to guess that both of their legs were shattered by the fall.
JERRY
Holy shit!
The exposed bone is a bit gruesome. The sound that follows is enough to send chills down the spines of the guards still guarding the vault.
SUBJECT
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Subject #42, the monster of the hour, comes bounding down the stairs. The former X-Crown, Destiny world, AWF United States, AWF Around the Clock, and XHF Tag Team champion has arrived.
GUARD #3
AGHHHHHHHHH! SHOOT IT!
The Freak turns and looks at the two guards standing in front of the vault door.
JERRY
Fuck that! I ain’t gettin’ slaughtered today!
TOM
That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day!
They throw their shotguns on the ground and get their hands up, not wanting to be turned into mincemeat.
SUBJECT
RAAAGGH?
TOM
Please don’t hurt us-- we’re small guys, I know what you can do!
JERRY
You should’ve heard Tom earlier, he was practically sucking your dick!
TOM
Hey!
Rather than fight the 325-pounder, one of the 6’0” guards moves towards the vault pinpad.
TOM
What are you doing?
JERRY
Getting us out of here alive!
The guard turns and looks at Subject.
JERRY
I’mma let you in, Tom and I are taking off up the steps. Do you read me?
Despite being a monster, Subject does have the brains to do things like not cash in an X-Crown shot right before the XHF Rumble, so they nod, understanding.
SUBJECT
Ragh.
The code is entered for the vault -- it’s clear this guard set the code in the first place, as the code is 42069. The guard swings it open and both men take this opportunity to quite literally run for their lives.
Subject begins to make their way into the vault. It’s clear they are looking a lot healthier even after twelve hours of not being injected by Ariados. It’s a new-but-old face for Subject, one of determination and a monstrous energy of doing whatever it takes to get what they want. At Overheated against Adrien Cochrane, it’s for a shot at the Crown, but for now it’s just to hear one sound…
TINY FUR
MEW!
A worried Subject is immediately relieved as Tiny Fur looks up and raises a playful paw, now missing an entire leg. The two lovingly embrace as the scene ends.