George Armstrong Custer (XHF Tag Title RP)
Jun 30, 2021 16:27:05 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, TheImpossibleTraveler, and 1 more like this
Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Jun 30, 2021 16:27:05 GMT -5
**Fade in. Harvard. Daytime. June 29th.**
*Curtis Kanyon drinks from a cup of coffee as he stands in front of a chalkboard.*
: I'm sure this setting is foreign to the average AWF viewer, but this is called a classroom. And in case you've been living under a rock, I've been on a journey, telling lessons I've learned studying great warriors from the past. Today class, we talk about George Armstrong Custer. A polarizing figure in U.S. history. Some people focus on the last day of his life and positives or negatives of him trying to murder Native Americans. But people forget, he was also a key warrior for the North in the Civil War. But just like Custer himself, I’m doing something controversial. I’m walking into AWF territory, much like Custer did with the Native Americans. However, unlike him, I will not be taking my enemies lightly. I will not have the hubris of believing the enemy is weak. You see, I learn from great warriors of history. Everyone knows the end of Custer, and that is why I wanted to start there. Yeah, he went into enemy territory and lost. Lost hard. I don’t plan to make the same mistake. I mean, it does help that AWF is by no means as resourceful and organized as the Lakota, Cheyenne, and Arapaho tribes were, so that helps. If this be my Battle of Little Bighorn, I surely don’t think that I will suffer the same fate as Custer. Custer had a bunch of arrogant Americans by his side. I have Steve Awesome, who is also… you know what, never mind that part. Here’s another thing I have. You’ve seen me team with my lil’ buddy Donny, but you haven’t seen me team with Steve. Except at Call to Arms, where Betsy… you know what, never mind that part either.
*Curtis sips his coffee.*
: Another thing Custer didn’t have was this sweet sweet coffee. Trust me, I’ve been downing a lot lately to get ready for this challenge and the other challenge at Overheated. Anyway, besides his famous demise, like I mentioned, Custer fought for the North. But you know what he also did? He was key in rebuilding things. He helped rebuild the south after the Civil War. Mainly to fight the Native Americans, which morally is not great, but as a warrior and a general, he did a fantastic job. And here I am, rebuilding the tag team division and my own career at the same time. In a few short months, I’m a double tag team champion. I won the tournament that was based on being the best team. And now, now I have to use that great power to build myself up to also help tear down the AWF.
*Curtis chugs a bit more coffee.*
: Unfortunately, I have nothing to do with AWF closing down, but I’m happy to show up and put a nail in the coffin before it’s carried away by the six dancing pallbearers. For those who don’t remember their AWF history, I was in AWF in the baseball diamond days. I won my X*Crown in AWF. Then, I got the fuck out of that urine soaked hell hole. Great to see it hasn’t improved at all. And it wasn’t just enough for me to hate AWF for the before times, or the now times. But thanks to my old friend Copycat, my new friend Donny is so embarrassed that he ghosted me after accepting your challenge. It just… it…
*Curtis starts to tear up.*
: Just cut away for a second, would ya?
**Fade out.
Fade in. June 22nd. Kanyon Estates in New Jersey.**
*Curtis is calling someone on the phone. After a few rings, it goes to voice mail. Editors note, if you read the first Overheated Promo, here’s where that continues folks!*
Phone: You have reached the voicemail box of --Donny Deville-- Please leave a message after the beep.
*BEEP*
: Donny! It’s Curtis again! The XHF brass is really putting the boots to me here! They can’t get ahold of you. I can’t get ahold of you. Look, I know, you were the only guy eliminated in the first round. And by Copycat of all people. It’s crazy. And kinda funny. But crazy. I know. I’m sorry that happened. But you still reap the benefits! You still get to Overheated! Plus, you wiped out the other four guys! Listen, bud, please, I know it took a lot of strength to show up at Battle for the Best. But something was off. Even off, we’re amazing, and we proved it. You accepted the challenge, I’m always down for a fight, so I thought nothing of it, but it’s kinda messed up if you make it and don’t show up. Listen, They told me if I don’t hear from you by tomorrow, I need a substitute. We did this together… I want that to continue… but I gotta do what I gotta do. If I don’t hear from you, I know your answer. BANG! BOOM! Lil’ buddy.
*Curtis hangs up the phone and looks downtrodden.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Harvard. Daytime. June 29th.**
*Curtis seems to have composed himself as he is sipping more of his coffee in the classroom.*
: Oh, it still hurts my heart! AWF just had to get that last dig into me before going out with a whimper. Doing Donny dirty like that. And don’t get me wrong, I love Copycat. He’s a great guy. He’s the best person in AWF. Let me be clear, I fully understand what that means and you should all be ashamed of yourselves! But as much as I’d love to continue to revel in it, I’m not showing up to beat AWF. I’m showing up to beat Adam and Betsy. Adam, I got to see at Call to Arms for… a minute. Sure it was the second round, but being the champion of AWF, you’d think I would have gotten to have a better view of the guy. Betsy however, is a different story. Last time I can remember seeing Betsy, she was helping squish my head between two sledgehammers. I must say, I’m more scared of Betsy than the champ. And it got me thinking, maybe that’s why Adam wanted this match. Adam wants a reason to explain away why he’s going to lose to Betsy later in the night. "Oh, I lost my belt because I was weakened by the BANG! Bros." Or… "I lost to a woman because the BANG! Bros took it easy on her." Well, we won't. And how dare you be so sexist Adam. That's really fucked up and unbecoming of a champion.
*Curtis guzzles some more coffee.*
: Adam, it might be nice to be awkward, but awkward don't draw money in this business pal. It's obvious your partner carries you. Which leads me to Betsy. Bets, you put in a good show at Call to Arms. Not good enough, but still good. You got the grit. I'm rooting for ya at the end of the show. I mean, I won't see it because as soon as my match is over, I'm getting the hell out of that cesspool. But I am rooting for ya. Now, whether you and your boy toy make it to the main event to slap and tickle is another story. I don’t hold back for lady wrestlers. Have you heard of the Valkyries? Fiercest warriors of Odin. So I know you can hold your own, don't worry about me. I will make sure you and Adam give your all and then some when you face up with Steve and I. It may be my first two person tag match with Steve and I, but we're already on an excellent brainwave length. Just watch…
*Curtis points to you, the viewer!*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Philadelphia. June 23rd.**
*Backstage at the Fireside offices. Curtis is pacing back and forth, with his phone in his hands again. Again it’s ringing, and again we hear the voicemail pick up. Curtis hangs up the phone before we get to any names.*
: Don’t do this to me Donny! Don’t. You know what, maybe he’s sick? Maybe he’s on a plane to here right now. Maybe-- no, no. You know what? FINE! I’LL DO IT MYSELF!
*Curtis is already wearing two title belts. He grabs the other two off a nearby table and starts marching down the hall.*
: I’m going to go out to that press conference room, I’m going to tell the whole damn world I’m taking on Incredibly Awkward all alone! I don’t need Donny! I don’t need anybody!
*Curtis turns around.*
: Wait, wait. Maybe I’ll call him back. Offer him a section in my Presidential library? Maybe he needs a private jet? Yeah, that’s it! Give Donny the perks.
*Curtis stops.*
: Oh what am I saying that won’t work. Donny doesn’t like me anymore. He doesn’t want to be my partner. Who would want to be my partner? I’m just a former President and an XHF legend.
*Curtis turns around and starts walking back in his original direction.*
: Yeah, I’m awesome! What am I talking about? I could totally beat two AWF wrestlers by myself. I got this. I don’t need Donny! I AM AN XHF LEGEND! YEAH!
*Curtis passes by Steve Awesome, just loitering in the hall. He walks right by him and does a double take.*
: Steve?
: Sup.
: What are you doing here?
: Idunno. Just chillin’.
: Cool. Cool. ...Hey? You want to be my tag team partner and one half of the XHF tag team champions and defend the belts with me at Clash of the Icons?
: Sure, whatevs.
: Awesome!
: That’s me.
: Yes it is. I was just on my way to the press conference room to make the announcement. So meet me out there in a few minutes and I’ll introduce you.
: Aight.
*Curtis continues down the hall towards the conference room to make that announcement that you can find in the XHF News section! As soon as Curtis is out of view, Steve stands up from the wall.*
: Nice! It worked! I gotta find Vanessa!
*Steve runs off to find Curtis’s assistant.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Harvard. Daytime. June 29th.**
*Back in the classroom, Curtis is shaking his coffee mug over his head, getting the last drips out. He is startled by the camera and stammers to put his cup down on the desk.*
: Oh, you’re back. Sorry, just finishing my black gold. Oh, so good. So yes, it is Steve Awesome and I’s first outing as a duo. But, my first outing as a duo upon my return, I was already handed a title. And I proved that I deserved it. And I still have it. So who are you to judge Steve before he’s had his chance to defend his newly gained title? A former X*Crown champion. A two time Call to Arms winner. The two of us will ride down that mountain into battle. But unlike Custer, we will not retreat unto our demise. This is not the BANG! Bros’ last stand. This is the AWF’s last stand. And it is they, as a company, who will hang their heads in shame after Steve and I dismantle the main eventers before they had a chance to main event. It’s only fitting that Betsy and Adam, in order of importance, feel… the… BANG!
*Curtis winks at the camera as we fade.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Kanyon Estates. June 26th.**
*Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome are sitting on his living room couch watching TV, but we’re at angle so we can’t see it.*
: See, look at this. Can you believe it. That was great, they were BFFs! They team up to take down the meanest baddest asses. But then they get angry at each other and have a big fight!
: Well yeah, she didn’t get invited to the party!
: She was being so not fetch.
: Totally not fetch.
: See, I told you Mean Girls was the perfect movie to get us ready for Incredibly Awkward. Betsy even writes in a journal like Cady. And Adam is an emotional wreck like Janis.
: I didn’t want to believe it, but you were right. You really think Adam and Betsy will pull a Cady and Janis by the end of the night and be best friends again?
: Most likely. That’s what they usually do at these sappy going away circle jerks.
: Lame. That’s why we go in like a bal (l of fire, light that place up, give them the best match of the night, then get the hell out.
: Damn right. I’m not here for any sappy goodbyes. Good riddance is more like it. Looks like we’re on the same page pal. ...So wait, am I Regina, or are you Regina?
: Pfft, I’m totally Regina.
: Aw man, I don’t wanna be Gretchin. Can I be Karen?
: Yeah, that’s cool, she’s hardcore.
: Excellent!
**Fade out.**
*Curtis Kanyon drinks from a cup of coffee as he stands in front of a chalkboard.*
: I'm sure this setting is foreign to the average AWF viewer, but this is called a classroom. And in case you've been living under a rock, I've been on a journey, telling lessons I've learned studying great warriors from the past. Today class, we talk about George Armstrong Custer. A polarizing figure in U.S. history. Some people focus on the last day of his life and positives or negatives of him trying to murder Native Americans. But people forget, he was also a key warrior for the North in the Civil War. But just like Custer himself, I’m doing something controversial. I’m walking into AWF territory, much like Custer did with the Native Americans. However, unlike him, I will not be taking my enemies lightly. I will not have the hubris of believing the enemy is weak. You see, I learn from great warriors of history. Everyone knows the end of Custer, and that is why I wanted to start there. Yeah, he went into enemy territory and lost. Lost hard. I don’t plan to make the same mistake. I mean, it does help that AWF is by no means as resourceful and organized as the Lakota, Cheyenne, and Arapaho tribes were, so that helps. If this be my Battle of Little Bighorn, I surely don’t think that I will suffer the same fate as Custer. Custer had a bunch of arrogant Americans by his side. I have Steve Awesome, who is also… you know what, never mind that part. Here’s another thing I have. You’ve seen me team with my lil’ buddy Donny, but you haven’t seen me team with Steve. Except at Call to Arms, where Betsy… you know what, never mind that part either.*Curtis sips his coffee.*
: Another thing Custer didn’t have was this sweet sweet coffee. Trust me, I’ve been downing a lot lately to get ready for this challenge and the other challenge at Overheated. Anyway, besides his famous demise, like I mentioned, Custer fought for the North. But you know what he also did? He was key in rebuilding things. He helped rebuild the south after the Civil War. Mainly to fight the Native Americans, which morally is not great, but as a warrior and a general, he did a fantastic job. And here I am, rebuilding the tag team division and my own career at the same time. In a few short months, I’m a double tag team champion. I won the tournament that was based on being the best team. And now, now I have to use that great power to build myself up to also help tear down the AWF.*Curtis chugs a bit more coffee.*
: Unfortunately, I have nothing to do with AWF closing down, but I’m happy to show up and put a nail in the coffin before it’s carried away by the six dancing pallbearers. For those who don’t remember their AWF history, I was in AWF in the baseball diamond days. I won my X*Crown in AWF. Then, I got the fuck out of that urine soaked hell hole. Great to see it hasn’t improved at all. And it wasn’t just enough for me to hate AWF for the before times, or the now times. But thanks to my old friend Copycat, my new friend Donny is so embarrassed that he ghosted me after accepting your challenge. It just… it…*Curtis starts to tear up.*
: Just cut away for a second, would ya?**Fade out.
Fade in. June 22nd. Kanyon Estates in New Jersey.**
*Curtis is calling someone on the phone. After a few rings, it goes to voice mail. Editors note, if you read the first Overheated Promo, here’s where that continues folks!*
Phone: You have reached the voicemail box of --Donny Deville-- Please leave a message after the beep.
*BEEP*
: Donny! It’s Curtis again! The XHF brass is really putting the boots to me here! They can’t get ahold of you. I can’t get ahold of you. Look, I know, you were the only guy eliminated in the first round. And by Copycat of all people. It’s crazy. And kinda funny. But crazy. I know. I’m sorry that happened. But you still reap the benefits! You still get to Overheated! Plus, you wiped out the other four guys! Listen, bud, please, I know it took a lot of strength to show up at Battle for the Best. But something was off. Even off, we’re amazing, and we proved it. You accepted the challenge, I’m always down for a fight, so I thought nothing of it, but it’s kinda messed up if you make it and don’t show up. Listen, They told me if I don’t hear from you by tomorrow, I need a substitute. We did this together… I want that to continue… but I gotta do what I gotta do. If I don’t hear from you, I know your answer. BANG! BOOM! Lil’ buddy.*Curtis hangs up the phone and looks downtrodden.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Harvard. Daytime. June 29th.**
*Curtis seems to have composed himself as he is sipping more of his coffee in the classroom.*
: Oh, it still hurts my heart! AWF just had to get that last dig into me before going out with a whimper. Doing Donny dirty like that. And don’t get me wrong, I love Copycat. He’s a great guy. He’s the best person in AWF. Let me be clear, I fully understand what that means and you should all be ashamed of yourselves! But as much as I’d love to continue to revel in it, I’m not showing up to beat AWF. I’m showing up to beat Adam and Betsy. Adam, I got to see at Call to Arms for… a minute. Sure it was the second round, but being the champion of AWF, you’d think I would have gotten to have a better view of the guy. Betsy however, is a different story. Last time I can remember seeing Betsy, she was helping squish my head between two sledgehammers. I must say, I’m more scared of Betsy than the champ. And it got me thinking, maybe that’s why Adam wanted this match. Adam wants a reason to explain away why he’s going to lose to Betsy later in the night. "Oh, I lost my belt because I was weakened by the BANG! Bros." Or… "I lost to a woman because the BANG! Bros took it easy on her." Well, we won't. And how dare you be so sexist Adam. That's really fucked up and unbecoming of a champion.*Curtis guzzles some more coffee.*
: Adam, it might be nice to be awkward, but awkward don't draw money in this business pal. It's obvious your partner carries you. Which leads me to Betsy. Bets, you put in a good show at Call to Arms. Not good enough, but still good. You got the grit. I'm rooting for ya at the end of the show. I mean, I won't see it because as soon as my match is over, I'm getting the hell out of that cesspool. But I am rooting for ya. Now, whether you and your boy toy make it to the main event to slap and tickle is another story. I don’t hold back for lady wrestlers. Have you heard of the Valkyries? Fiercest warriors of Odin. So I know you can hold your own, don't worry about me. I will make sure you and Adam give your all and then some when you face up with Steve and I. It may be my first two person tag match with Steve and I, but we're already on an excellent brainwave length. Just watch…*Curtis points to you, the viewer!*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Philadelphia. June 23rd.**
*Backstage at the Fireside offices. Curtis is pacing back and forth, with his phone in his hands again. Again it’s ringing, and again we hear the voicemail pick up. Curtis hangs up the phone before we get to any names.*
: Don’t do this to me Donny! Don’t. You know what, maybe he’s sick? Maybe he’s on a plane to here right now. Maybe-- no, no. You know what? FINE! I’LL DO IT MYSELF!*Curtis is already wearing two title belts. He grabs the other two off a nearby table and starts marching down the hall.*
: I’m going to go out to that press conference room, I’m going to tell the whole damn world I’m taking on Incredibly Awkward all alone! I don’t need Donny! I don’t need anybody!*Curtis turns around.*
: Wait, wait. Maybe I’ll call him back. Offer him a section in my Presidential library? Maybe he needs a private jet? Yeah, that’s it! Give Donny the perks.*Curtis stops.*
: Oh what am I saying that won’t work. Donny doesn’t like me anymore. He doesn’t want to be my partner. Who would want to be my partner? I’m just a former President and an XHF legend.*Curtis turns around and starts walking back in his original direction.*
: Yeah, I’m awesome! What am I talking about? I could totally beat two AWF wrestlers by myself. I got this. I don’t need Donny! I AM AN XHF LEGEND! YEAH!*Curtis passes by Steve Awesome, just loitering in the hall. He walks right by him and does a double take.*
: Steve?: Sup.: What are you doing here?: Idunno. Just chillin’.: Cool. Cool. ...Hey? You want to be my tag team partner and one half of the XHF tag team champions and defend the belts with me at Clash of the Icons?: Sure, whatevs.: Awesome!: That’s me.: Yes it is. I was just on my way to the press conference room to make the announcement. So meet me out there in a few minutes and I’ll introduce you.: Aight.*Curtis continues down the hall towards the conference room to make that announcement that you can find in the XHF News section! As soon as Curtis is out of view, Steve stands up from the wall.*
: Nice! It worked! I gotta find Vanessa!*Steve runs off to find Curtis’s assistant.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Harvard. Daytime. June 29th.**
*Back in the classroom, Curtis is shaking his coffee mug over his head, getting the last drips out. He is startled by the camera and stammers to put his cup down on the desk.*
: Oh, you’re back. Sorry, just finishing my black gold. Oh, so good. So yes, it is Steve Awesome and I’s first outing as a duo. But, my first outing as a duo upon my return, I was already handed a title. And I proved that I deserved it. And I still have it. So who are you to judge Steve before he’s had his chance to defend his newly gained title? A former X*Crown champion. A two time Call to Arms winner. The two of us will ride down that mountain into battle. But unlike Custer, we will not retreat unto our demise. This is not the BANG! Bros’ last stand. This is the AWF’s last stand. And it is they, as a company, who will hang their heads in shame after Steve and I dismantle the main eventers before they had a chance to main event. It’s only fitting that Betsy and Adam, in order of importance, feel… the… BANG!*Curtis winks at the camera as we fade.*
**Fade out.
Fade in. Kanyon Estates. June 26th.**
*Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome are sitting on his living room couch watching TV, but we’re at angle so we can’t see it.*
: See, look at this. Can you believe it. That was great, they were BFFs! They team up to take down the meanest baddest asses. But then they get angry at each other and have a big fight!: Well yeah, she didn’t get invited to the party!: She was being so not fetch.: Totally not fetch.: See, I told you Mean Girls was the perfect movie to get us ready for Incredibly Awkward. Betsy even writes in a journal like Cady. And Adam is an emotional wreck like Janis.: I didn’t want to believe it, but you were right. You really think Adam and Betsy will pull a Cady and Janis by the end of the night and be best friends again?: Most likely. That’s what they usually do at these sappy going away circle jerks.: Lame. That’s why we go in like a bal (l of fire, light that place up, give them the best match of the night, then get the hell out.: Damn right. I’m not here for any sappy goodbyes. Good riddance is more like it. Looks like we’re on the same page pal. ...So wait, am I Regina, or are you Regina?: Pfft, I’m totally Regina.: Aw man, I don’t wanna be Gretchin. Can I be Karen?: Yeah, that’s cool, she’s hardcore.: Excellent!**Fade out.**
