Tarosa Clash Edition (aka This episode? Hell yeah!)

[Steve Awesome]

“THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME”

CLASH OF THE ICONS“&adamsanders” EDITION!

---

Hell!

Fire!

Brimstone!

The stalactites hanging from the smoldering cave ceiling dripped searing hot magma into bubbling rivers below. The tormented screams of damned souls echoed throughout the wicked hellscape.

The rattle of chains.

Shackled legs attached to a long chain attached to an impossibly sized boulder. Every step forced this tiny frail looking creature to drag this boulder another inch.

Onward it marched.

Through the fire. The creature could barely see.

Through the little demons stabbing him with pitchforks. It’s body began to bleed from the wounds.

And right through the Randy Newman’s greatest hits being played on a loop. The creature stopped and glared at the speaker in disgust.

The tiny spindly creature withstood the torture and dragged its giant stone all the way to the throne. It knew where it was going but the mere sight of the throne took it aback. It was gigantic. Carved from the very stone the cave was made from and somehow the lava flowed upward into a rising “lavafall” that made the back of the chair.

“You summoned me, dark lord?”

The creature asked, it’s voice scratchy and weak. It waited for a few moments but no response came. The creature attempted to ask again but he was soon interrupted by a booming wall of flame that erupted from the rising lavafall.

“YES!! I HAVE SUMMONED THEE!”

The giant red horned beast roared as it stepped through the flames.

“I HAVE A MISSION FOR THEE! IM SENDING YOU BACK TO EARTH!”

The voice of the dark lord could fill a stadium. It was almost too much to handle for the creature but it started to understand when the shackles on its ankles broke apart and fell to the ground.

“But how oh darkest one of them all? My soul was damned to hell for all eternity! What type of dark magic will you bestow upon me to make this happen?”

The giant raving beast simply points over to his left.

“There’s like...a door over there. People use it all the time.”

The creature looks and sure enough he sees a sign that says “Door Out of Hell.” It actually looks more like a Secretary of State waiting room in that corner. You can see “Price” playing on his phone sitting in a chair waiting for his number. “The soul of Nelly Angel” getting hassled about paperwork. There is even a small commotion when Prince Phillip tries to sneak past dressed as a lady but the guards were ready for his tricks. This isn’t the first time they’ve had to deal with him.

The creature looks on, impressed with the whole thing in general.

“Huh….neat.”

“Yes. It’s incredibly neat. You know Joe Biden has died like eight times but he just keeps walking through that door. But anyways I’m sure you want to know your mission.”

The creature steps up. As loyal and up to the task as an old decrepit runt could look.

“What vile tasks would you have me do? Possess a homeless person? Haunt a carnival? Injure a kitten?”

“NO!”

Flames erupted behind Satan.

“We do not hurt kitties! Even I have my limits! Listen, your mission is to go back to Earth and use your demonic powers to help bring a loving family back together.”

The creature stares back in confusion. This wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.

“What? We can do nice things too. It’s just….people don’t normally ask me.”

Satan steps forward and summons more bitching pyro.

“NOW GO! DO MY WONDERFUL AND WHOLESOME BIDDING!!! MUAH HA HA HA!!!!!”

The whole scene explodes into a giant fireball! All that’s left is the flaming text.

“My Grandpa’s Uncle Escapes From Hell!”
“Coming to a theatre near you”

——

We cut to Steve Awesome watching what we just saw on a monitor. His green eyes wide with love and excitement.

“ITS AMAZING! I LOVE IT”

Steve Awesome
Actor/Writer

“This movie is going to be another money maker, I can feel it!

Cameraman (off screen) Don’t you think the whole coming back from hell thing is kind of corny and played out?

“Oh, absolutely. But the people eat this shit up. So you know I’m going to pull as much money out of the concept as I can. Never forget, I’m the guy who made a Fidget Spinner movie in 2019!”

A friendly guard helps escort Curtis Kanyon onto the set. On his shoulder was his half of the XHF tag team titles. By the time he approached Steve he already had his tag title hanging over his shoulder and he greeted Kanyon with a smile.

“What up dawg?”

They fist bump.

“Just finishing up some work. Are you ready for a crazy and wild night tearing up the town? It’s my treat!”

Curtis Kanyon
Former President

Steve is totally taking me to Dave & Busters tonight! He says it’s to thank me for choosing him to be my new partner. We are going to talk strategy for crushing Impossibly Awkward! High class movie sets. Fancy restaurants. I did some big things while president but I could definitely get used to the jet set lifestyle!

Steve gives Kanyon a hearty side armed hug. Then turns to face the cast and crew.

“Ladies and gentlemen, As a surprise to you all I have invited my world famous tag team partner on the set. The man I will crush the impossible dreams of our opponents with at Clash!  I want you all to treat him with the dignity and respect he deserves. CURTIS KANYON!

A smattering of applause from the crew.

Curtis Kanyon
Master of the Bang!

Man. I appreciated that so much. You know people say Steve is brash and cocky and sleazy and all that stuff but just maybe he’s a nice guy underneath all that ego?

“Yes that means I’m now one half of the tag team champions and now this movie production has to pay me more. Also I’m using some of the movie budget to take Kanyon out for the night. Somebody fire somebody or something to make it work out…..”

The crew grumble and walk away and Steve turns back to Kanyon.

“Just wanted to thank you again for choosing me. It really means a lot.”

Kanyon shrugs.

“Yeah well, after EC and Spike said no, I was kind of running low on options.”

Steve is silent for a few moments before smiling and playfully hitting him lightly in the chest.

“Saving the best for last eh?”

Curtis Kanyon
The sexiest President

*unsure shifty eyes into the camera*

“I dig your style K-Dawg. Anywho, lets roll!”

The tag champs go to leave when suddenly one of Steve’s cameraman steps forward already in a frantic mess.

Cameraman: She’s here boss!

“Who!? EVK!? I thought D made it clear about the type of person she is!”

Cameraman: No even worse. The producer! She wants to talk ratings.

Steve looks over and sees a dark haired woman with a clip board and immediately curses.

“Damn it!”

He turns and looks at Kanyon.

“Uh, look Bro...I gotta deal with this. But I’ll be right back!”

696969

“You guys are cute.”

Sneering grin of the Face of the Franchise.

“You know that? All this talk of dreams and best friends and doing it together. It’s got this real cheesy Disney/hallmark vibe and I gotta say it’s really making my dick soft.”

He shakes his head in disgust.

“You know, dreams are a lot like the lottery. A lot of people don’t win. A lot of times, dreams just don’t come true. Try as they might, but most people wind up back home. A failure in life.”

He sighs.

“I’ve seen it a thousand times. But hey that’s life. Ya know? It’s easy to dream. It’s easy to bond together with a person with the same dream. You both sit around, dreaming, talking about how great it would be. How amazing it would feel to finally accomplish your goals. But it’s hard to accept that maybe you're just not good enough to make it happen.”

“That’s not a knock on your ability in the ring. You two can get it done. Hell Betsy even pinned me at Call to Arms. I know what you two can do. I definitely respect the talent. The problem is, you are just good people.”

He shrugs.

“Bounded by all these illusions of “honor” and “tradition” and “earning respect” and “waiting your turn.”

His lip curls in disgust.

“And that’s why us legends keep passing you right by, Adam.”

He nods his head

“Oooh yeah, I heard your little promo about hard times.”

Steve chuckles and holds his hand out.

“Easy does it, Dusty Chodes.”

He pats the XHF tag title.

“You mad that I was just handed this tag team title? You mad that a group of legends were able to win a giant tournament together? Shocked pikachu face!? Why don’t you go cry to the XHF Crisis Hotline?”

He runs a hand through his hair.

“How about instead of complaining about how you get to the arena each week, instead of crossing your fingers and hoping your dreams come true. How about you go out and make it happen. How about you do something about it? You want the limos and the respect? Stop waiting for your turn and come get this money, Adam.”

He holds the tag title up. He follows it up with a cocky smirk.

“But you won’t Adam. Because you're too good of a boy. You dream a big game but you dont have what it takes to seal the deal. to pull the trigger. Of course you made the challenge, but like I said it’s way easier to have the dream than to actually live it. Your just like the low lives at the gas stations, filling out hundreds of dollars in lotto tickets and still going home to their trailer.”

He shifts the tag title to the other shoulder.

“And then there is Betsy Granger. The straight audacity of this bitch! Like how dare she be that fine!? Like damn. If I had to draw a picture of what a perfect would look like, it would be a stick figure with big round boobs and a picture of Betsy’s face taped to the top.”

Steve bites his lip as he tries to do his best blue Steel.

“Sup gurl? Can I have your number? You got a boyfriend? Is he big? Is he coming back? Do you like title belts? Can I have your number?”

He struts around like a snake.

“I mean why you even letting Adam here waste your time with all this dream nonsense? You are clearly the more pretty one out of the two that’s for damn sure. I know you are smart and intelligent and independent and you don’t need Adam Sanders bringing you down with his “when you wish upon a Star garbage”

“Look Betsy, I like ya. I think you are super talented and if I didn’t already have eyes for Eli Dresden Id offer you a little spot right here under my wing. But since you are already attached at the hip with Adam he has you believing the hype. But he’s so unsure of his own dream he’s got backup teams to try again with. I guess you gotta go down in flames with him.”

He shrugs.

“Betsy, I’m coming to Clash of the Icons to get my pin fall back. And it’s a damn shame that Adam dragged you into this but I got no problem dragging you out.”

“Look if you think I’m coming to the last AWF show just to lose my brand new tag team championship you got another thing coming. I know this is your dream but I got a burning desire to make it a nightmare. Kanyon and I are gonna take your friendship and your dreams and crush it beneath our feet because that’s what true legends do. We go out and take what belongs to us! We are going to show you two that were a couple of bad dudes who are willing to do what needs to be done to stay on top! You think it sucks that im handed opportunities? Just wait until I actually start going out there and earning them.

Steve takes a few steps toward the camera and slowly pulls his sunglasses off. His green eyes glare into the camera lens.

“Impossibly Awkward, Kanyon and I are coming to Clash to make a statement. No more flopping around. The tag team titles have found there home. Right around mine and Kanyons waist. Because we know how how to persevere beyond the hard times and turn ourselves into diamonds.”

“Adam, Betsy, it’s time for your American Dream to come crashing down once and yet again. At the hands of the Bang Bros.”

He smirks.

And to paraphrase a wrestling legend of my own.

“Dreams can fail, hard work means nothing if you lose, Hard times don’t last….”

He points to himself with with his thumb.

“But bad guys do.”

He does a crotch chop.

“We will see you at the Clash!”

Cocky wave.


696969

Steve Awesome
Creative Genius

Stupid producers. I hate them. Always trying to tell me what to do on my own show. As if I don’t know how to get ratings!? I’m going to give this broad a piece of my mind.

Steve walks into the producer's small office on set. With a sweet “customer service tone”, Steve greeted her.

“Hello Hellen! You look lovely today.”

The cold raven haired woman in a business suit barely looks up.

“Look Steven, we need to talk about ratings. You know we have received numerous complaints from the XHF Crisis hotline about the silly shenanigans you pull on your show.”

Steve shakes his head.

“People want to see real stuff. They want authentic reality. According to trends people really like to see good wholesome values. So we think you can really turn this ship around if you show off the love of your family!”

Steve shares an apprehensive glance into the camera and back at Hellen.

“Show off the love of my family? I don’t know if that will-“

“What’s wrong? You say you are doing good with that stuff. If you think you can’t pull it off, maybe we just call it quits and do a show with Donzig instead?”

“NO! Anything but that!”

Steve sighs.

“Fine. I think I can make it work.

“Good.”

Dejected, Steve walks out of the room and shortly after he meets up with Kanyon. He looks at his watch.

“What’s up bro? It’s like you cut a whole promo and an after segment without me. Everything okay? We still going to Dave & Busters?”

Steve sighs.

“Yeah buddy. But hey I have a question. Your family loves you right?

“Umm, yes.”

They start to walk.

“Tell me what that’s like…”

They start talking as the scene fades.