Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jul 1, 2021 23:27:24 GMT -5
*We open on a wooden table as an audio device is slid into the middle and the record button pressed.*
Detective 1: For the record, please state your name and occupation.
LD: Lord Dominicus, the Dark Lord of NPW, the Northern Pro Wrestling Double Crown Champion
*We’re in a dark interrogation room with a single light hanging above the table. Detective 2 groans and curses something under his breath.*
Detective 1: What does that even mean? What do you do?
LD: Dark…..Lord….stuff?
*They just look on, confused.*
LD: Wrestler, I’m a professional wrestler.
Detective 2: See that I understand; I know what wrestling is. Canadians are proud of wrestling.
LD: Oh so you’re a fan!
Detective 2: No. Anyway, are you what, like a good guy or a bad guy?
LD: I’m uh…..I’m very good at being bad.
*Another audible groan*
Detective 1: I find that incredibly hard to believe. Anyway, why are you here?
LD: I’m here to report a crime.
*There’s a pause in the back-and-forth*
Detective 1: Wait, what? You came in shouting how you needed to talk to a detective immediately- you didn’t say you were just here to report a crime. You could have done that at the front desk.
LD: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM!? I have the Key to Mississuaga! Why talk to the cashier when the manager is the one I need!?
*Groans.*
Detective 1: Alright, whatever just tell us what you have to report.
LD: Thank you…..
*Dominicus leans over the table, over the recorder, staring intently into Detective 1’s chest. She seems pretty nonplussed about this.*
LD: ….I’m trying to find your name tag.
Detective 1: Beckett, Detective Teresa Beckett, now if you wouldn’t mind?
*He sits back into his chair.*
LD: Yes, good then. Well it all started in early June; it was a normal day in Halifax and I was going to once again prove my UNSTOPPABLE DOMINANCE to my NPW serfs. I was against some guy whose name need not be said except that he has two first names- which is just awful right?
Detective 2: Just the worst. Keep going.
LD: Anyway, my NPW North American Cruiserweight Championship was on the line and the match was going largely as planned- as all of my matches do, of course. But then, right as things were getting good, The Dark Stars- Niko and Kono ran in and attacked me!
Detective Beckett: Wait, are you tel-
LD: YES! I’m telling you that The Dark Stars, two aliens- of the space variety…not like illegal. I mean actually, do they need to have tourist visas? Work visas since they wrestle? How does that even apply when their country of origin is some planet, the name of which escapes me? Look, I don’t want to tell you guys how to do your job but they’re not even hiding that anymore. Like at first they were undercover but now it’s pretty much an open secret that they’re time traveling aliens from the future and-
Detective 2: Just get to the point.
LD: They ran in and caused me to lose my title! I thought they were on my side! I mean yes, I had fought Niko a couple times before, always going to a draw- but they named their dog after me! They said it was to honor me! And now, now I don’t even know what to think! How dare they ruin my chance at proving my greatness!?
*Detective Beckett rubs the bridge of her nose*
Detective 2: So what you’re saying is that while you were wrestling two alien time travelers- who have a dog named after you- assaulted you in the ring causing you to lose your match?
LD: Yes! Finally somebody around here is listening to me!
Beckett: One, that’s not a crime, that’s a storyline at best. Two, why are you reporting it so late?
LD: Because I’m scheduled to face them at the next event in a six-man tag team match.
*He points to the camera which….I’m not real sure how the detectives ignored or didn’t notice before*
LD: One has to use their moments when they have them, that’s just being economical.
Detective 2: Mother fu-
LD: OH! And I have a secondary crime in connection to the much-more-important crime of screwing up my defense! My boss, Gus Arnold, put me in a match with a super nice guy and a mystery- HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR MYSTERIES!?
Beckett: Mr. Dominicus-
LD: LORD Dominicus, I didn’t buy a square foot of Scottish land to be called Mister.
Beckett: …None of the things you’ve reported are crimes.
LD: So you won’t help me?
Detective 2: Help you? We should press charges for wasting police time!
LD: Hmmm. I understand. But that’s fine because-
*The DARK LORD OF NPW stands up and points directly at the camera, yes, this was all a setup for a promo.*
LD: Because NPW, I, Lord Dominicus am your Double Crown Champion and I will help clean up the mean streets of our company as is my duty and right as your sovereign! With my sometimes not-officially-a-henchman, Eron Hunter being the guardian of righteousness that he is by my side and whoever else seems useful enough backing us up, we shall rid NPW of the stain that is the Dark Stars and ……whoever they end up with. Hopefully not the same guy we pick. And once again the DARK JUSTICE of Dominicus will be the law of the land and we shall all gather in the SHADOW OF MY MAGNIFICENCE! Because I am your leader, NPW, and I will not shirk my duties like the local police!
Detective 2: OH THAT’S IT YOU SON OF A-
*Suddenly though, before this becomes an example of police brutality, another worker at the station rushes in.*
Worker: The chief says all hands on deck! He’s back; the Holiday Horror has struck again!
*Immediately the detectives rush out the door leaving Dominicus alone.*
LD: Uh…hello? Anyone? Dark Lord in distress here….
Detective 1: For the record, please state your name and occupation.
LD: Lord Dominicus, the Dark Lord of NPW, the Northern Pro Wrestling Double Crown Champion
*We’re in a dark interrogation room with a single light hanging above the table. Detective 2 groans and curses something under his breath.*
Detective 1: What does that even mean? What do you do?
LD: Dark…..Lord….stuff?
*They just look on, confused.*
LD: Wrestler, I’m a professional wrestler.
Detective 2: See that I understand; I know what wrestling is. Canadians are proud of wrestling.
LD: Oh so you’re a fan!
Detective 2: No. Anyway, are you what, like a good guy or a bad guy?
LD: I’m uh…..I’m very good at being bad.
*Another audible groan*
Detective 1: I find that incredibly hard to believe. Anyway, why are you here?
LD: I’m here to report a crime.
*There’s a pause in the back-and-forth*
Detective 1: Wait, what? You came in shouting how you needed to talk to a detective immediately- you didn’t say you were just here to report a crime. You could have done that at the front desk.
LD: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM!? I have the Key to Mississuaga! Why talk to the cashier when the manager is the one I need!?
*Groans.*
Detective 1: Alright, whatever just tell us what you have to report.
LD: Thank you…..
*Dominicus leans over the table, over the recorder, staring intently into Detective 1’s chest. She seems pretty nonplussed about this.*
LD: ….I’m trying to find your name tag.
Detective 1: Beckett, Detective Teresa Beckett, now if you wouldn’t mind?
*He sits back into his chair.*
LD: Yes, good then. Well it all started in early June; it was a normal day in Halifax and I was going to once again prove my UNSTOPPABLE DOMINANCE to my NPW serfs. I was against some guy whose name need not be said except that he has two first names- which is just awful right?
Detective 2: Just the worst. Keep going.
LD: Anyway, my NPW North American Cruiserweight Championship was on the line and the match was going largely as planned- as all of my matches do, of course. But then, right as things were getting good, The Dark Stars- Niko and Kono ran in and attacked me!
Detective Beckett: Wait, are you tel-
LD: YES! I’m telling you that The Dark Stars, two aliens- of the space variety…not like illegal. I mean actually, do they need to have tourist visas? Work visas since they wrestle? How does that even apply when their country of origin is some planet, the name of which escapes me? Look, I don’t want to tell you guys how to do your job but they’re not even hiding that anymore. Like at first they were undercover but now it’s pretty much an open secret that they’re time traveling aliens from the future and-
Detective 2: Just get to the point.
LD: They ran in and caused me to lose my title! I thought they were on my side! I mean yes, I had fought Niko a couple times before, always going to a draw- but they named their dog after me! They said it was to honor me! And now, now I don’t even know what to think! How dare they ruin my chance at proving my greatness!?
*Detective Beckett rubs the bridge of her nose*
Detective 2: So what you’re saying is that while you were wrestling two alien time travelers- who have a dog named after you- assaulted you in the ring causing you to lose your match?
LD: Yes! Finally somebody around here is listening to me!
Beckett: One, that’s not a crime, that’s a storyline at best. Two, why are you reporting it so late?
LD: Because I’m scheduled to face them at the next event in a six-man tag team match.
*He points to the camera which….I’m not real sure how the detectives ignored or didn’t notice before*
LD: One has to use their moments when they have them, that’s just being economical.
Detective 2: Mother fu-
LD: OH! And I have a secondary crime in connection to the much-more-important crime of screwing up my defense! My boss, Gus Arnold, put me in a match with a super nice guy and a mystery- HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR MYSTERIES!?
Beckett: Mr. Dominicus-
LD: LORD Dominicus, I didn’t buy a square foot of Scottish land to be called Mister.
Beckett: …None of the things you’ve reported are crimes.
LD: So you won’t help me?
Detective 2: Help you? We should press charges for wasting police time!
LD: Hmmm. I understand. But that’s fine because-
*The DARK LORD OF NPW stands up and points directly at the camera, yes, this was all a setup for a promo.*
LD: Because NPW, I, Lord Dominicus am your Double Crown Champion and I will help clean up the mean streets of our company as is my duty and right as your sovereign! With my sometimes not-officially-a-henchman, Eron Hunter being the guardian of righteousness that he is by my side and whoever else seems useful enough backing us up, we shall rid NPW of the stain that is the Dark Stars and ……whoever they end up with. Hopefully not the same guy we pick. And once again the DARK JUSTICE of Dominicus will be the law of the land and we shall all gather in the SHADOW OF MY MAGNIFICENCE! Because I am your leader, NPW, and I will not shirk my duties like the local police!
Detective 2: OH THAT’S IT YOU SON OF A-
*Suddenly though, before this becomes an example of police brutality, another worker at the station rushes in.*
Worker: The chief says all hands on deck! He’s back; the Holiday Horror has struck again!
*Immediately the detectives rush out the door leaving Dominicus alone.*
LD: Uh…hello? Anyone? Dark Lord in distress here….
