Breathe In, Breathe Out. [Osland] (NoC)
Jul 12, 2021 18:33:51 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 4 more like this
Post by Oh-Oh on Jul 12, 2021 18:33:51 GMT -5
Today
3:00pm
Miami, Florida
--
Overheated is in the rearview mirror, and our hero was successful in defeating the the winner of Call to Arms, and the most dominant wrestler on the XHF Network. However, there is no rest for the wicked, and with Night of Champions looming, it's time to get back to work. Osland's flight landed a couple of hours ago, and he has since made the rounds and seems to be focused on what's ahead. We see 'Ox' posted up in a parking lot and leaning up against his black Mercedes SUV. A few moments pass before an uber rolls up, and 'Cape Breton' Chad exits. Chad exits, and immediately wants to bro it up with Osland and congratulate him on his performance.
Chad: "Whoah, check this guy out..."
Osland: "Chad, you like staying in my condo and living the 'good life' don't you?"
Chad: "Well... Yeah, I mean who wouldn't?"
Osland: "Perfect."
[Osland opens up the passenger door of his SUV and grabs a bag that reads 'Victoria Secret'. Before Osland can speak, Chad jumps in.]
Chad: "Damn playa, did you buy this for Donna? Smooth Move."
[Osland smirks.]
Osland: "Actually, I bought all of this you."
[Osland reaches into the bag and pulls out a matching bra and panty combo.]
Chad: "I... I don't get it?"
[Osland reaches into another bag and pulls out a blond wig, and a black dress.]
Osland: "I need you to follow my lead."
[Finally, Osland takes a bodysuit with a large belly out of the bag and measures it against Chad's body.]
Osland: "Here, get in the backseat and put these on."
[Chad's eyes widen, unsure whether or not this is a rib of some sort, or if Osland is being serious.]
Chad: "You want me to wear a bodysuit, a wig, a bra and ladies panties? What the..."
Osland: "Exactly. Once you're dressed, your name is Rosie and you're my pregnant girlfriend from Idaho. Now, chop chop."
[Osland basically launches Chad into the backseat and shuts the door.]
[Five Minutes Pass.]
[Rosie exits the backseat and has done as she has been told to do.]
Osland: "The final touch..."
[Osland reaches into his pocket and pulls out a dark shade of red lipstick. Osland starts to apply it, as Chad/Rosie stands there looking completely defeated.]
Osland: "There. Perfecto."
Chad: "You still haven't told me what this is all about."
Osland: "It's better that you don't know. Follow my lead and don't say or do anything stupid."
Chad: "But this... this is..."
[Osland gives Chad some stern cut-eye, and he pipes down.]
Osland: "Follow me."
Osland and Chad walk towards the streetlight, as Chad reaches behind to pull his thong out of his butt crack. Chad is clearly struggling, but know he better stay in line, or this new world and life that he has become accustomed to will vanish like a virgin on prom night. The traffic stops, and the duo cross the street and head towards a strip plaza. Up ahead, we do see a few other couples walking together and entering one of the front doors in this particular strip mall.
Osland and Rosie approach, and they are greeted by a woman in her late 50's with glasses and her hair spun up in a loose ponytail.
"Welcome to our Lamaze class, I'm Debbie."
Osland: "I'm Oxford, and this is Rosie."
[Chad looks like he's about to melt.]
Debbie: "A pleasure to meet you both. How far along are you?"
[Osland jumps in.]
Osland: "We're six months along. We figured there is no time like the present to practice our breathing techniques in preparation for the big day."
Debbie: "Splendid. The two of you may grab a folding mat and find a spot on the floor over there. Our class is set to begin in two minutes."
[Osland flashes his million dollar smile, before turning to Chad.]
Osland: "We're so excited, aren't we sweetie?"
[Osland elbows Chad in the ribs.]
Rosie: "Mmmmhmmmm"
[The two of them smile and walk over to a section of the room where they lay down their mat to get prepared.]
Rosie: (Whispering) "A lamaze class? Have you lost your mind?"
Osland: "Quite the opposite."
Rosie: "Enlighten me."
Osland: "You heard Mongo. In order to win the X*Crown you have to blow out candles on some monstrous cake. I need to get my breathing on point so that I'm capable of blowing out candles from twenty yards away if I need to."
Rosie: "So you make me wear this disguise so you can learn breathing techniques."
Osland: "Blowing techniques as well. Lord knows my opponents are such blowhards... full of hot air and little substance... If I want to even the playing field, this is the only way to do it."
[Debbie walks to the front of the class.]
Debbie: "Welcome everyone. Let's get started, shall we?"
[Debbie closes her eyes, and takes a long drawn out breath.]
[Osland does the same, as he's really getting into this.]
Debbie: "Hee Hee Hee Hoooo."
[Everyone in the class repeats the breathing exercise.]
Debbie: "Hoo hoo hooo HEEEEEEEE."
[Once again, the class repeats.]
Debbie: "Visualize the breath slowly filling your lungs, and enjoy it's release like the air exiting your tire when you've driven over a nail."
[Osland is right there with Debbie, giving it 110%]
Debbie: "Very good Oxford, I can smell your breath from here."
[Osland looks at Rosie and winks.]
Debbie: "Hee Hee Hee Hoooooo."
[Osland is the loudest and most boisterous of the group, causing some of the other classmates to turn around and give him a 'teacher's pet' stare.]
Rosie: "Calm down Ox. These pregnant women look like they're ready to lynch us."
Debbie: "From the depths of your diaphragms, pull every last ounce of air and deploy it upward and outward."
Osland: "Get ready for deployment, Chad."
Debbie: "Hooo Hoo Hoo HEEEEE."
[Our scene turns into a training montage of breathing exercises.]
[Machine Head by Bush X begins to play.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe innnn
[The sweat begins to bead on Osland's forehead.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[Osland is over accentuating his breathing, and the facial expressions depict an actor doing face stretches before a big show.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[More stares of disgust from the actual pregnant women in the class.]
#Got a machinehead, it's better than the rest
#Green to red, machinehead
#Got a machinehead, it's better than the rest
#Green to red
Osland: "Hee Hee Hooo Hooo Heee!"
[Rosie holds up a lighter and sparks it, holding it as far away from them as possible.]
[Osland blows the flame out with little effort.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[Sweat begins to pour from Osland's forehead and puddles in front of them on their mat. Debbie looks on with approval.]
[Flash.]
[Cut.]
--
We open again as the Lamaze class is letting out. Osland and Rosie stay back, and wait for the other couples to leave. Partially so their charade can go undetected, and because the women in the class felt that Osland stole their thunder. Osland stood his ground, but respectfully allowed his peers to exit before approaching Debbie.
Osland: "I've got to hand it to you Debbie... This is the lords work. Teaching couples how to get through pain and trauma by teaching them to breath and persevere."
Debbie: "Why thank you, Oxford. Rosie here is lucky to have a partner who is as engaged as you are. You were my star student this evening, and lead by example."
[Rosie smiles sheepishly.]
Osland: "Bring it in Debbie."
[Osland opens his arms and embraces Debbie. The two share a genuinely heartfelt smile.]
Debbie: "Come back and visit anytime."
[Osland and Rosie nod, before walking through the door.]
Rosie: "Oh thank heavens. This brazier is so tight it's cutting off my air supply."
Osland: "We're almost home free, so toughen up."
[The duo walk back to Osland's vehicle. Osland jumps in the driver seat and Chad into the passenger side.]
Chad: "So, what now?"
Osland: "I need a machete, flint and some steel."
[Chad looks at Osland and is completely puzzled.]
Osland: "Oh, and as many seasons of Survivor as possible..."
Chad: "What for?"
Osland: "You see, before I can blow out candles I'm going to need to light them. Who knows what Mongo has up his sleeve and if I can make fire without matches or a lighter, I'm going to have an advantage. Coupled with the fact that I'm a Lamaze champion - the X*Crown is as good as mine."
Chad: "Why do we just buy a blow torch?"
[Osland blinks.]
[Chad shrugs.]
[More blinking.]
Osland: "You know Chad, that's a fantastic idea."
[Chad is currently trying to squirm his way out of the black dress he was forced to wear.]
Osland: "Let's hit the hardware store and work on our fire-making skills."
[...]
To Be Continued...
3:00pm
Miami, Florida
--
Overheated is in the rearview mirror, and our hero was successful in defeating the the winner of Call to Arms, and the most dominant wrestler on the XHF Network. However, there is no rest for the wicked, and with Night of Champions looming, it's time to get back to work. Osland's flight landed a couple of hours ago, and he has since made the rounds and seems to be focused on what's ahead. We see 'Ox' posted up in a parking lot and leaning up against his black Mercedes SUV. A few moments pass before an uber rolls up, and 'Cape Breton' Chad exits. Chad exits, and immediately wants to bro it up with Osland and congratulate him on his performance.
Chad: "Whoah, check this guy out..."
Osland: "Chad, you like staying in my condo and living the 'good life' don't you?"
Chad: "Well... Yeah, I mean who wouldn't?"
Osland: "Perfect."
[Osland opens up the passenger door of his SUV and grabs a bag that reads 'Victoria Secret'. Before Osland can speak, Chad jumps in.]
Chad: "Damn playa, did you buy this for Donna? Smooth Move."
[Osland smirks.]
Osland: "Actually, I bought all of this you."
[Osland reaches into the bag and pulls out a matching bra and panty combo.]
Chad: "I... I don't get it?"
[Osland reaches into another bag and pulls out a blond wig, and a black dress.]
Osland: "I need you to follow my lead."
[Finally, Osland takes a bodysuit with a large belly out of the bag and measures it against Chad's body.]
Osland: "Here, get in the backseat and put these on."
[Chad's eyes widen, unsure whether or not this is a rib of some sort, or if Osland is being serious.]
Chad: "You want me to wear a bodysuit, a wig, a bra and ladies panties? What the..."
Osland: "Exactly. Once you're dressed, your name is Rosie and you're my pregnant girlfriend from Idaho. Now, chop chop."
[Osland basically launches Chad into the backseat and shuts the door.]
[Five Minutes Pass.]
[Rosie exits the backseat and has done as she has been told to do.]
Osland: "The final touch..."
[Osland reaches into his pocket and pulls out a dark shade of red lipstick. Osland starts to apply it, as Chad/Rosie stands there looking completely defeated.]
Osland: "There. Perfecto."
Chad: "You still haven't told me what this is all about."
Osland: "It's better that you don't know. Follow my lead and don't say or do anything stupid."
Chad: "But this... this is..."
[Osland gives Chad some stern cut-eye, and he pipes down.]
Osland: "Follow me."
Osland and Chad walk towards the streetlight, as Chad reaches behind to pull his thong out of his butt crack. Chad is clearly struggling, but know he better stay in line, or this new world and life that he has become accustomed to will vanish like a virgin on prom night. The traffic stops, and the duo cross the street and head towards a strip plaza. Up ahead, we do see a few other couples walking together and entering one of the front doors in this particular strip mall.
Osland and Rosie approach, and they are greeted by a woman in her late 50's with glasses and her hair spun up in a loose ponytail.
"Welcome to our Lamaze class, I'm Debbie."
Osland: "I'm Oxford, and this is Rosie."
[Chad looks like he's about to melt.]
Debbie: "A pleasure to meet you both. How far along are you?"
[Osland jumps in.]
Osland: "We're six months along. We figured there is no time like the present to practice our breathing techniques in preparation for the big day."
Debbie: "Splendid. The two of you may grab a folding mat and find a spot on the floor over there. Our class is set to begin in two minutes."
[Osland flashes his million dollar smile, before turning to Chad.]
Osland: "We're so excited, aren't we sweetie?"
[Osland elbows Chad in the ribs.]
Rosie: "Mmmmhmmmm"
[The two of them smile and walk over to a section of the room where they lay down their mat to get prepared.]
Rosie: (Whispering) "A lamaze class? Have you lost your mind?"
Osland: "Quite the opposite."
Rosie: "Enlighten me."
Osland: "You heard Mongo. In order to win the X*Crown you have to blow out candles on some monstrous cake. I need to get my breathing on point so that I'm capable of blowing out candles from twenty yards away if I need to."
Rosie: "So you make me wear this disguise so you can learn breathing techniques."
Osland: "Blowing techniques as well. Lord knows my opponents are such blowhards... full of hot air and little substance... If I want to even the playing field, this is the only way to do it."
[Debbie walks to the front of the class.]
Debbie: "Welcome everyone. Let's get started, shall we?"
[Debbie closes her eyes, and takes a long drawn out breath.]
[Osland does the same, as he's really getting into this.]
Debbie: "Hee Hee Hee Hoooo."
[Everyone in the class repeats the breathing exercise.]
Debbie: "Hoo hoo hooo HEEEEEEEE."
[Once again, the class repeats.]
Debbie: "Visualize the breath slowly filling your lungs, and enjoy it's release like the air exiting your tire when you've driven over a nail."
[Osland is right there with Debbie, giving it 110%]
Debbie: "Very good Oxford, I can smell your breath from here."
[Osland looks at Rosie and winks.]
Debbie: "Hee Hee Hee Hoooooo."
[Osland is the loudest and most boisterous of the group, causing some of the other classmates to turn around and give him a 'teacher's pet' stare.]
Rosie: "Calm down Ox. These pregnant women look like they're ready to lynch us."
Debbie: "From the depths of your diaphragms, pull every last ounce of air and deploy it upward and outward."
Osland: "Get ready for deployment, Chad."
Debbie: "Hooo Hoo Hoo HEEEEE."
[Our scene turns into a training montage of breathing exercises.]
[Machine Head by Bush X begins to play.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
Breathe innnn
[The sweat begins to bead on Osland's forehead.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[Osland is over accentuating his breathing, and the facial expressions depict an actor doing face stretches before a big show.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[More stares of disgust from the actual pregnant women in the class.]
#Got a machinehead, it's better than the rest
#Green to red, machinehead
#Got a machinehead, it's better than the rest
#Green to red
Osland: "Hee Hee Hooo Hooo Heee!"
[Rosie holds up a lighter and sparks it, holding it as far away from them as possible.]
[Osland blows the flame out with little effort.]
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe in, breathe out
#Breathe innnn
[Sweat begins to pour from Osland's forehead and puddles in front of them on their mat. Debbie looks on with approval.]
[Flash.]
[Cut.]
--
We open again as the Lamaze class is letting out. Osland and Rosie stay back, and wait for the other couples to leave. Partially so their charade can go undetected, and because the women in the class felt that Osland stole their thunder. Osland stood his ground, but respectfully allowed his peers to exit before approaching Debbie.
Osland: "I've got to hand it to you Debbie... This is the lords work. Teaching couples how to get through pain and trauma by teaching them to breath and persevere."
Debbie: "Why thank you, Oxford. Rosie here is lucky to have a partner who is as engaged as you are. You were my star student this evening, and lead by example."
[Rosie smiles sheepishly.]
Osland: "Bring it in Debbie."
[Osland opens his arms and embraces Debbie. The two share a genuinely heartfelt smile.]
Debbie: "Come back and visit anytime."
[Osland and Rosie nod, before walking through the door.]
Rosie: "Oh thank heavens. This brazier is so tight it's cutting off my air supply."
Osland: "We're almost home free, so toughen up."
[The duo walk back to Osland's vehicle. Osland jumps in the driver seat and Chad into the passenger side.]
Chad: "So, what now?"
Osland: "I need a machete, flint and some steel."
[Chad looks at Osland and is completely puzzled.]
Osland: "Oh, and as many seasons of Survivor as possible..."
Chad: "What for?"
Osland: "You see, before I can blow out candles I'm going to need to light them. Who knows what Mongo has up his sleeve and if I can make fire without matches or a lighter, I'm going to have an advantage. Coupled with the fact that I'm a Lamaze champion - the X*Crown is as good as mine."
Chad: "Why do we just buy a blow torch?"
[Osland blinks.]
[Chad shrugs.]
[More blinking.]
Osland: "You know Chad, that's a fantastic idea."
[Chad is currently trying to squirm his way out of the black dress he was forced to wear.]
Osland: "Let's hit the hardware store and work on our fire-making skills."
[...]
To Be Continued...