Two Rules In Life (A Copycat [Showcase] RP)

[ForeverKuroi]

Fade in. We're at a theme park of some kind. It's easily apparent from the background noises of children laughing. There are large crowds enjoying the late-May beautiful weather. Three adult men approach the ticket counter. Do they look familiar? Of course they do! It's Copycat, CK "Rat Bastard" Owens and Terry Bradshaw! 

Cashier: "Welcome to Six Flags New England!" 

: "Yeah. Yeah. Give us the tickets. I'm going to reap my rewards for being a good member of society." 

Cashier: "Yes, sir! Two adults? That's $63.99 a person... Two people... 6.25% sales tax... That will be... $203.97." 

: "Holy shit. Going here is like having two habits."

On that note, CK Owens takes a swig from a bottle covered in a brown bag. Copycat looks at CK Owens untrustingly. 

: "Hey Rat, I don't think the guys here would be too happy if they caught you with that whiskey."

CK Owens distinctly points to the brown bag covering the whiskey bottle. 

"Whiskey? What whiskey? I'm drinking a bottle of water and keeping the sun's harmful UV rays from distorting its... pH level. Yeah. That's it."

Terry Bradshaw pulls out his wallet. He takes out a card and hands it to the cashier. 

: "Don't worry, I got this round."

Copycat happens to look at the card and notices it looks familiar. 

: "Huh. Terry, I didn't know you used Bank of America as a bank too."

A sly smile crawls over Terry's face. 

: "I don't."

Copycat takes a closer look at that card. He looks at the name and it says, "Copycat" (his legal name.) 

: "Mr. Bradshaw, you can't! This is my card and I've worked so hard for my money!" 

Terry Bradshaw turns to CK Owens, his smile fading. 

: "Rat Bastard, did you see that? After all we did for Copycat over here - all the times we've cherished, joked around. Having him connect with nature and the three amigo canines we have. Through thick and thin, cold and hot, we were by his sides despite his enormous fuck ups. But did we look down upon him? No. Did we throw him off to the side? No. And I told him I'd take him under my wing too. Make him be the best of the best. And this is how he thanks us? By treating us like shit? I'd have to say I didn't expect such betrayal so soon from you. Anyways, I see that Mr. Copycat has shown his true colors. What do you say we get out of here?"

: "We just got h-"

: "NO! NO! Copycat made it quite clear that we aren't a real team. B.A.N.G. is no more. B.A.N.G? More like our potentially amazing stable! WOOSH! Up in smoke, I tell you!"

Terry turns around and aggressively walks away, pulling CK Owens' arm in the process. Copycat sighs, defeated. 

: "Alright, fine. I'll pay for it." 

And just like that, Terry Bradshaw's trademark smile returned. He zoomed past Copycat and sweetly tilted his head toward the cashier. 

: "I apologize over my rude friend being entirely rude to all of you. His actions were completely unwarranted and I take responsibility for what he has done. I'll make sure he never does this again."

Cashier: "Uh... That's no problem, sir." 

: "No. No. I insist. To make it up to all of you at this fine establishment, I'd like to make it up. I'd like to purchase the add-on where we can go into the premium lines to get onto the rides quicker. That's an extra twenty dollars a person, correct?" 

: "Mr. Bradshaw!" 

Terry Bradshaw stares a hole through Copycat as he grits his teeth together. 

"And you'll enjoy being a team player too." 

Copycat hangs his head down. 

: "That's what I thought. You don't fuck with me. If you want to mess with a bull, you get the horns!" 

Fast forward. All three are at the end of the line for the roller coaster. They enter the roller coaster. Terry sits next to Copycat and CK Owens is on the seat behind them. A child tries to take the seat next to CK Owens, but he puts his feet on the other seat, occupying it. The kid begins to cry, but CK Owens lets out a loud belch. The kid immediately runs away at the smell of his whiskey-induced breath, surprisingly not intoxicating the child. In the seats in front, Terry Bradshaw looks at Copycat, noticeably shaking. Bradshaw assuringly pats Copycat on the back. And by that, I mean that he backhands him across the face. 

: "This is your first lesson, Copycat. In order to beat the Phallic Fighter, you have to learn to overcome your fear. You need to make a precedent in your life and grab your fears by the pussy."

: "But I'm scared. I just came in here so I could go into the wave pool."

: "WHAT?!"

Terry Bradshaw screams because of the turbulent G-Forces at play during roller coaster... Except that the ride hasn't started yet. In fact, the workers are still pulling down the protective metal barriers and ensuring everyone is wearing their seat belt, which of course, Terry is not.

 

: "The WAVE POOL? Listen, we're not here to fuck around, and I don't think you're looking to fuck with The Phallic Fighter. He sure as hell isn't looking to fuck with you."

By this time, one of the Six Flags employees approaches Mr. Bradshaw.

Employee: "Excuse me, sir. The ride is about to take off. If you could put on your seat belt, please."

: "OH. My apologies, sir."

Terry Bradshaw obviously and even satirically puts on his seat belt, exaggerating his compliance with the rules. The employee rolls his eyes.

: "Yeah, keep rolling those eyes. If you happen to find my watch, let me know because I plan on shoving my entire fist up your asshole."

: "Woah, Rancor. What the fuck?"

: "He asked for it. I'm sure he enjoys that too. I'm sure that's how he Rol-ex. Hah!"

Cricket.  At this point, the loudspeaker goes off. They start mumbling a bunch of safety precautions at a speed and annunciation no one can understand... then repeats it in Spanish. The ride then goes off. It begins by trucking up onto an incline. Terry Bradshaw notices Copycat's hands covering his face. Bradshaw attempts to comfort him. It didn't go quite well as people aren't generally comforted with death threats.

: "I swear, if you don't stop covering your eyes, I'M going to cover your eyes! ...With my fist!"

Copycat forces his hands away from his eyes. There, Terry begins smiling his pearly whites, a way to positively reinforce his manipulative behavior.

: "I thought about your dilemma, and I've realized that there's no way you're going to beat strapping young lad. Not without my help. So I thought of an agreement we can make."

: "What's that?"

: "I could use someone at my side. Someone to help B.A.N.G. get off the ground. Give me your word, and I'll help out and stay at your corner in your championship match on Sunday."

Copycat smiles. He goes to hug Terry, but the roller coaster reached its peak... and is going down! Copycat begins screaming, just like a little girl.

: "RULE NUMBER ONE, STOP WITH THIS GAY SHIT. NO HUGGING, AND NO CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. YOUR OPPONENT IS NOT GOING TO STAND UP TO YOUR FLAMBOYANT LIFESTYLE."

At this point, we've reached the bottom of the curve. Which is still, like very high up in the air. Terry Bradshaw pulls something... seemingly out of nowhere and hands it to Copycat.

: "This is a parachute. If you're going to beat The Phallic Fighter, you're going to have to face your fears. But not just the fears of a roller coaster because of your stupid seat belts. You'll have to understand there are risks with jumping out of roller coasters, just like there are risks with facing an opponent like Francis Fischer, just like there are risks with life itself. So it's time for you to take these risks. I want you to jump out. Now."

: "Mr. Bradshaw, I can't! It's too scary!"

Terry points to the next part of the roller coaster, one that involves a flip. Copycat stares at fear, until he hears a noise. He looks down to his seat belt and finds that Terry has pulled out a knife and cuts it off.

: "Now or never, Copydawg. You don't want to do it when you're upside down!"

Copycat is pretty much peeing his pants. He doesn't want to die, but he can pretty much see Terry Bradshaw willing to kill Copycat if it serves his purpose, because Copycat is an idiot... but he's right for thinking that. Copycat stands up and begins doing that left-handed prayer gesture that Catholics do. Terry is quick to scold him.

: "Stop throwing gang signs and jump already, you idiot. We're almost at the flip!"

Copycat realizes he can't hold off for much longer and jumps off. As soon as he has jumped, Terry looks down and yells down to him.

: "RULE NUMBER TWO... OPEN YOUR PARACHUTE."

Copycat pulls the level to open his parachute, but nothing happens. Well, something does happen. Copycat can smell something. It's shit. It's Terry Bradshaw's... Rule Number Two. Copycat looks up to Terry with a mixture of absolute fear and disgust. Terry nearly falls off laughing. Luckily, he has his seat belt on.

: "SORRY. I WAS JUST FOOLING WITH YOU. OPEN THE BACK-UP PARACHUTE. I'LL SEE YOU SOON!"

Copycat is relieved that there's a back-up parachute. He pulls the level and it comes out! Except it's not a parachute. It is Thrasher, one of Terry Bradshaw's wolves. Not only is Copycat falling, but Thrasher is biting and clawing him every step on the way down. Copycat hits several trees on his way down, luckily saving his life somehow. Copycat, however goes unconscious. He's not sure how long he was out, but he wakes up some time later to front and back slaps to his face. His eyes open up and finds Terry in front of him, delivering those slaps - pristine with his trademark grin. He looks just like this:

: "You've got to be careful with wolves. They may be family, but you can't just throw him into mid-air like that. They take that as a threat! He was right for defending himself!"

: "Ugh... I think I'm hurt. Call me an ambulance."

: "Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah. You got yourself a special guest referee this Sunday!"

Terry Bradshaw smiles and shakes Copycat's hand, who probably can't feel it. Fade out.