Post by Dave D-Flipz on Jul 22, 2021 20:17:01 GMT -5
*The scene is unfamiliar to those who don't remember the old XHF. I say that because it seems so frightfully few people use this particular promo style anymore. Guess it just seems boring. But alas this is a special occasion. We open in the gorilla position of the arena. It is quiet ... since it's Thursday and the show isn't until Sunday. Standing there is XHF Interviewer extraordinaire Nelly Angel!! He seems to be fully recovered from his amazing match last week. He stands in his interviewer capacity this time complete with microphone. He receives a cue from the camera man.*
: Hello XHF Network, I am Nelly Angel and we are deep into the preparations for the quarterfinals of the XHF End of Days tournament. Last week we saw my guest today in a supremely competitive bout that he barely edged out a win in. So today I will interview him and see what he thinks about his next opponent. Ladies and Gentlemen, the leader of Team Tron, XHF Legend, and my friend ... Shogun-Tron!
*A ninja style smokebomb goes off next to Nelly who seems unfazed. The smoke manages to not even touch or obscure Nelly at all, after all it would be unbecoming of a hero to give his friend lung cancer ... especially after preventing his untimely demise. The smoke clear and within it is a fully posed Shogun-Tron. I'd show you but it's the same picture ... there aren't a lot of images of Shogun to work with ...*
: Shogun, it is good to see you! You look to be fully recovered from our match.
: Indeed I am Nelly. It was an amazing match, truly stole the show. And it took everything I had to eke out a win. But I expected nothing less from a former Junior Heavyweight Champion and world champion here on this very network! Truly you were a worthy opponent and I think in the end we did everything we could to honor Lazor's memory. And maybe once my time in the tournament has ended we will do something more formal. Maybe invite Bongo, he seems oddly attached to poor old Lazor.
: Yeah it's a little creepy to be honest.
: Oh my yes! So creepy. But he is a good man and is attending to that janitor that suffered a ... TRAGIC MISHAP ... while cleaning up during our war games training.
: Yes those were impressive, would be very fun to participate in one of those.
: Only for trons my young friend. The strain on a mere person from all the amazing technology from ... THE FUTURE! ... would be crippling. ... Just ask the janitor. Said his name was Chief Flaming Arrow or something.
: Are you using the same training for your next match?
: I was tempted. The card does say my opponent is an XHF legend. And I do recall this one called Prince. But I recall there being less bandanas and violence and more purple rain.
: Oh um ... it's Price actually.
: Ah ... I see. The helmet makes it hard to read small print sometimes. Also Mini printed my copy in Comic Sans ... Well then the records ARE true. Price is indeed a fierce competitor. A hardcore legend. But I am no stranger to hardcore and I must question if his rust in the ring would be even worse than mine would have been. You'll also note this is a standard match, there will be no gimmicks or tricks, no ... HARD CORE ... to be had ... sorry had a flash back. Curse those wretched Borgs ...
*He stares up into space holding a clenched fist. Nelly taps his shoulder*
: Yes right. Anyhow I am not going to take anyone lightly. Underestimating an opponent no matter how silly or crazy is a fool's errand Nelly. As you surely know. As an interviewer you must have capitalized on that many times early in your in ring career! I am not one to repeat mistakes that are well worn within the annals of history. Still I must question the XHFs verification staff. As it seems this is not Price but some imposter. I mean look at the picture of Price in the XHF Alumni section on the XHF's OFFICIAL website! *he puts a thumbs up as if winking to the camera* This person who fought last week was some short, kind of doughy fellow from the Orient. Price was an urban American wrestler. And in ... THE PAST! ... er rather your ... PRESENT! ... there is no way to undergo such amazing metamorphosis, even with surgery in such a short time as 8 years. But imposter or not I will surely show him the amazing skills hones to perfection in ... THE FUTURE!
: Actually ... that is Price. He just died.
: ... Died you say. And ... he got better?
: Well I guess. He was reanimated.
: OH MY GOD, GOD LIKE DEITY OR PURE LUCK FOR ATHEISTS! He is a cartoon!? This changes everything! How does one fight a creature as beloved as a cartoon. Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, Aang, Batman, The Tick, Beavis and Butthead. I must rethink my entire strategy. The animated folks are an amazing group of people. People pay large sums of money to observe their antics in cinemas and in gladiatorial combat in ... THE FUTURE!
: *dumbstruck* I uh ... what?
: And I am sure you have seen the antics toons can pull without being disqualified for cheating. Remember what Yugi and Kaiba had to go through in Duelist Kingdom?
?
: Ok we'll have to have a long chat about that later off camera but ... right now ... I said RE=Animated. As in brought back to life.
: ...... OOOOH ... I see ... sorry I misunderstood ...... ZOOOOOMBIEEEEEEEEE!!!!
*he enthusiastically pulls out his six shooter and shoots himself ... all manner of zombie hunting attire shoots out and adorns his frame.*
: ANd Saber used to say all my training and preparing would never come in handy but I SHOWED HIM! Look who's effective now Saber! I am! Shogun-Tron! The Governor! of Zombieland!
*Nelly once again seems to be having a minor stroke out of pure stupidity.*
: No no I mean ... he's not a zombie. He isn't decaying or shambling or eating brains! He claims he died and went to hell and heaven and got kicked out of both places and tried to rebel or something. He was punished by being sent back to Earth ... as a dumpy Asian fellow.
: Nelly ......... I am a Tron ... so when I say this next phrase you know I am serious and you know what I am saying ... that is the goofiest, most made up, insane crap I have ever heard get diarrhea'd out of anyone's mouth. I mean ... that would imply Heaven exists, God ... A GOD ... exists ... hell and the devil exist ... AAAAAAND that it is possible to be resurrected ... not for any GOOD reasons ... but purely out of spite and ignorance. ... That is insane. Also what are the implications for society to say that is is a punishment to be Asian ... or fat. Funaki is Asian and he is a model employee! Some employees call Mongo fat. That hasn't stopped him at all! I ... I need to wrap my head around this.
*he slowly starts to walk away.*
: Shogun?
: Oh right um ... yes Sunday. I will win. I will show off my amazing skills and prove I am the real legend. I am conqueror of cartoons. Pose ... and such.
*He holds his head as if in pain as he exits.*
: Hello XHF Network, I am Nelly Angel and we are deep into the preparations for the quarterfinals of the XHF End of Days tournament. Last week we saw my guest today in a supremely competitive bout that he barely edged out a win in. So today I will interview him and see what he thinks about his next opponent. Ladies and Gentlemen, the leader of Team Tron, XHF Legend, and my friend ... Shogun-Tron!*A ninja style smokebomb goes off next to Nelly who seems unfazed. The smoke manages to not even touch or obscure Nelly at all, after all it would be unbecoming of a hero to give his friend lung cancer ... especially after preventing his untimely demise. The smoke clear and within it is a fully posed Shogun-Tron. I'd show you but it's the same picture ... there aren't a lot of images of Shogun to work with ...*
: Shogun, it is good to see you! You look to be fully recovered from our match.: Indeed I am Nelly. It was an amazing match, truly stole the show. And it took everything I had to eke out a win. But I expected nothing less from a former Junior Heavyweight Champion and world champion here on this very network! Truly you were a worthy opponent and I think in the end we did everything we could to honor Lazor's memory. And maybe once my time in the tournament has ended we will do something more formal. Maybe invite Bongo, he seems oddly attached to poor old Lazor.: Yeah it's a little creepy to be honest.: Oh my yes! So creepy. But he is a good man and is attending to that janitor that suffered a ... TRAGIC MISHAP ... while cleaning up during our war games training.: Yes those were impressive, would be very fun to participate in one of those.: Only for trons my young friend. The strain on a mere person from all the amazing technology from ... THE FUTURE! ... would be crippling. ... Just ask the janitor. Said his name was Chief Flaming Arrow or something.: Are you using the same training for your next match?: I was tempted. The card does say my opponent is an XHF legend. And I do recall this one called Prince. But I recall there being less bandanas and violence and more purple rain.: Oh um ... it's Price actually.: Ah ... I see. The helmet makes it hard to read small print sometimes. Also Mini printed my copy in Comic Sans ... Well then the records ARE true. Price is indeed a fierce competitor. A hardcore legend. But I am no stranger to hardcore and I must question if his rust in the ring would be even worse than mine would have been. You'll also note this is a standard match, there will be no gimmicks or tricks, no ... HARD CORE ... to be had ... sorry had a flash back. Curse those wretched Borgs ...*He stares up into space holding a clenched fist. Nelly taps his shoulder*
: Yes right. Anyhow I am not going to take anyone lightly. Underestimating an opponent no matter how silly or crazy is a fool's errand Nelly. As you surely know. As an interviewer you must have capitalized on that many times early in your in ring career! I am not one to repeat mistakes that are well worn within the annals of history. Still I must question the XHFs verification staff. As it seems this is not Price but some imposter. I mean look at the picture of Price in the XHF Alumni section on the XHF's OFFICIAL website! *he puts a thumbs up as if winking to the camera* This person who fought last week was some short, kind of doughy fellow from the Orient. Price was an urban American wrestler. And in ... THE PAST! ... er rather your ... PRESENT! ... there is no way to undergo such amazing metamorphosis, even with surgery in such a short time as 8 years. But imposter or not I will surely show him the amazing skills hones to perfection in ... THE FUTURE!: Actually ... that is Price. He just died.: ... Died you say. And ... he got better?: Well I guess. He was reanimated.: OH MY GOD, GOD LIKE DEITY OR PURE LUCK FOR ATHEISTS! He is a cartoon!? This changes everything! How does one fight a creature as beloved as a cartoon. Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, Aang, Batman, The Tick, Beavis and Butthead. I must rethink my entire strategy. The animated folks are an amazing group of people. People pay large sums of money to observe their antics in cinemas and in gladiatorial combat in ... THE FUTURE!: *dumbstruck* I uh ... what?: And I am sure you have seen the antics toons can pull without being disqualified for cheating. Remember what Yugi and Kaiba had to go through in Duelist Kingdom?
?: Ok we'll have to have a long chat about that later off camera but ... right now ... I said RE=Animated. As in brought back to life.: ...... OOOOH ... I see ... sorry I misunderstood ...... ZOOOOOMBIEEEEEEEEE!!!!*he enthusiastically pulls out his six shooter and shoots himself ... all manner of zombie hunting attire shoots out and adorns his frame.*
: ANd Saber used to say all my training and preparing would never come in handy but I SHOWED HIM! Look who's effective now Saber! I am! Shogun-Tron! The Governor! of Zombieland!*Nelly once again seems to be having a minor stroke out of pure stupidity.*
: No no I mean ... he's not a zombie. He isn't decaying or shambling or eating brains! He claims he died and went to hell and heaven and got kicked out of both places and tried to rebel or something. He was punished by being sent back to Earth ... as a dumpy Asian fellow.: Nelly ......... I am a Tron ... so when I say this next phrase you know I am serious and you know what I am saying ... that is the goofiest, most made up, insane crap I have ever heard get diarrhea'd out of anyone's mouth. I mean ... that would imply Heaven exists, God ... A GOD ... exists ... hell and the devil exist ... AAAAAAND that it is possible to be resurrected ... not for any GOOD reasons ... but purely out of spite and ignorance. ... That is insane. Also what are the implications for society to say that is is a punishment to be Asian ... or fat. Funaki is Asian and he is a model employee! Some employees call Mongo fat. That hasn't stopped him at all! I ... I need to wrap my head around this.*he slowly starts to walk away.*
: Shogun?: Oh right um ... yes Sunday. I will win. I will show off my amazing skills and prove I am the real legend. I am conqueror of cartoons. Pose ... and such.*He holds his head as if in pain as he exits.*
