Thursday Night Inferno, Episode #10 [July 29th]
Jul 29, 2021 20:19:22 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Curtis D. Kanyon, and 3 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Jul 29, 2021 20:19:22 GMT -5
Walter Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FIRESIDE!
The crowd roars in excitement for the start of the show!
Walter Stanford: Please welcome tonight's firestarter, he's the Son of the Man of a Thousand Nicknames, but you can call him the BEST after his victory at Battle of the Best, please welcome to announce his pick for a match against FIRESIDE World champion MAJESTY or X-Crown champion MYOJIN, he's the leader of New Money, EVAAAAAAN VALLLLLLLLENTTTINEEEEEEEEEE JUNIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!
Cameras open up in the parking lot, where we see Evan Valentine arriving to the arena.
Wright: And there's the man that everyone is waiting to hear from tonight!
Park: We'll find out exactly what he's going to do with his Battle of the Best shot right now--
Valentine makes his way across the parking garage, crossing a big empty space only lit by a few overhead lights. As he crosses, the lights flicker and he stops dead in his tracks.
Park: Faulty wiring out there?
Wright: I'm surprised he's not already in the building to light the fire---
Evan scans the area around him, now plunged into darkness. He looks on edge and readies up, clenching his fists and ready to fight whatever appears. But... nothing does. The lights simply flicker back on and he is alone in the parking garage. A bit bewildered, he hurries into the arena, and the camera abruptly cuts.
Wright: I think Evan's being hunted tonight!
Park: That sucks for him, but on a big night of four debuts, who's gonna light the fire?
Wright: Dibs!
Evan Valentine Jr. misses out on his chance to light the fire, but the crowd is more than happy to rally around their favorite play-by-man man. Oliver grabs a microphone.
Wright: Ladies and gentlemen, the show is now... OPEN!
Wright holds out a torch that had been designed for Evan, lighting the fire. UnJoo Park laughs at him as he returns to his seat.
Park: Open? What are we, a restaurant?
“A Country Boy Can Survive” hits over the PA system and the crowd comes to their feet in a crescendo of cheers and applause. A gleaming SPARK championship over a thick shoulder emerges Shane Locke. A corner of his mouth lifts in a proud smile as he makes his way down to the ring, exchanging hands with anyone who reaches out towards him.
Wright: Shane Locke is one of the fastest rising stars we’ve ever seen in Fireside and is starting to catch the attention of many in XHF. The sky is the limit with this kid.
Park: A big, tough, rugged cowboy doing well in wrestling? Shocking!
Exchanging a handshake with the Fireside official present in the ring, Shane lifts the title to another chorus of cheers, looking down at the contract on the table. Then the arena goes dark as "Bow Down" by I Prevail hits the pa system, and slowly Spike Kane emerges on the stage dressed in a suit. He stands on the stage and soaks in the boos, his walk still showing wear and tear in his body from Night of Champions. He slowly climbs into the ring, and makes eye contact with Shane. Locke’s eyes never leave him, narrowing in intensity.
Wright: Spike came very close to becoming the X*Crown Champion at Night of Champions.
Park: However Fireside's own MYOJIN retained the championship, and their reign continues!
Spike turns to the side to receive a microphone. He raises the mic to speak but is cut off by the crowd who begin to chant "CAKE EATER!" at him. It cause him to stop and cock his head. Shane looks over at him, visibly holding in a laugh and mouthing “cake eater?” over at Kane.
Spike Kane:... This isn't the Mighty Ducks, this is real life. Myo retained the title, and they were the better person on the night. I'm humble enough to admit that, just like I was with Jesse Jamestar after the Birthday Bash…
He looks at Shane.
Spike Kane: Then you did something I never expected. You stepped up in a way I've not seen anyone do in quite some time. You want a rematch with me. You, who retained the title due to the result, wanted to go again….but with a fully healthy Spike Kane….
Spike lowers the mic allowing the words to sit in.
Spike Kane: You are brave Locke, I'll give you that. Brave, and maybe a little bit stupid… but hey, I can't fault you for wanting a defining result. For wanting to know if you can actually hang with the big boys. I respect your commitment, because it shows me, and the rest of the world that you mean business… it shows me, that everything I said was right.
Now Spike grins at Shane.
Spike Kane: Everyone thinks of me as a best up old man Shane. Look at me….
He stands next to the table getting as close to Shane as he can.
Spike Kane: LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT YOUR FUTURE!!!
Spike lowers the mic and clenches his jaw as Shane meets his stare, the two of them staring at each other. Spikes nostrils flare as he tries to contain himself, Shane rolls his shoulders preparing for any attack.
Spike Kane: Falls. Count. Anywhere.
Spike digs the corner of the microphone into his palm and slices down before slamming his palm onto the contract. He takes one last deep breath before backing away from Shane. He’s about to drop to the mat when a voice rings out.
Shane Locke: Don’t you dare turn your back on me. TURN AROUND SPIKE! TURN AROUND AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN!
The crowd gasps, many cheering at the audacity.
Shane Locke: Brave, eh? I’m brave because I come to work every day and work as hard as I can and reap as much as I sow? That makes me brave? I guess I’m brave? Stupid? Stupid because I keep picking fights I supposedly can’t win? Look at my record defending this lovely lady right here (he pats the belt). I’m stupid because I’ll fight anyone? I guess I’m stupid.
Shane pauses, stepping towards the bloodied contract. He reaches down, scribbling his name.
Wright: We have a match! Falls Count Anywhere for the Spark Championship!
Shane steps around the table and in a long stride comes face to face with Spike Kane.
Shane Locke: But what I am NOT Spike, is underestimating you. I know your background, Spike. I don’t care if you think you’re too old. I don’t care if you think you are too run down. I don’t care if you think your better days are behind you and everyone lining up in front of you is trying to take you behind the shed and put you down. What I want… Spike...is for you to finally give a damn and bring everything God put into you and meet me man to man and have a gosh darned fight of a lifetime. I want you to shut up, quit talking, quit thinking and just put those fists up and fight me in a fight that Fireside’s never seen before. I want that Spike Kane in my future. I want to fight the best. That Spike Kane.
Locke leans in closer, tapping a strong finger into the legend’s chest.
Shane Locke: That Spike Kane.
Spike looks into the eyes of Locke, the intensity between the two almost reaching a fever pitch. Spike grins, nods his head, and then ducks under the top rope and out to the floor as we cut away.
Wright: Falls Count Anywhere! This has the potential to steal the premiere!
Park: I can't wait much longer!
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Raleigh, North Carolina, and weighing in at 200 pound.... She is.... MISTREEEEEESSS DIIIISCIPLIIIIINE!!!!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her opponent.
Stanford: And her opponent, hailing from the deepest jungle by way of the Canadian wilderness and weighing in at 288 lbs... He is.... PRIIIIIIMAAAAAALLLL!!!
"Am I Savage" by Metallica hits the PA. The lights dim and mist forms around the ramp. The tron shows images of a deep dense jungle slowly being traversed and ends up on an image of Primal's hideous mask. His "true face". Primal slowly slinks out of the back and to the stage as the heavy riffs kick in. Contrary to norm, he is wearing a bowler hat and a pair of sunglasses and a self-satisfied smirk. He looks around until the lyrics start then he lets out a growl and spits on the stage then walks with purpose to the ring where he rolls under the ropes and to his knees. He looks around in pity at the humans who watch him, decked in the horrid trappings of this false "civilization". He takes off the hat and flings it at Mistress Discipline, who ducks away from it, refusing to touch the article of clothing.
Park: Primal is starting early with the head games, taking advantage of MD's well-known crush on XHF Legend Death Trap to try and get in her head.
Wright: I guess only time will tell if it's really enough to get under her skin.
Mardinly calls for the bell and the match is officially underway. Discipline keeps her distance from Primal, who eyes the former Spark champion with obviously lecherous eyes. He slinks closer to her, literally backing Discipline into a corner. Given no other choice, Mistress shoves Primal away from her. Primal rolls through to his feet, charging at Discipline. She slides through the ropes to avoid the bush man. Primal slams into the turnbuckle, and Mistress Discipline vaults over the ropes to drive Primal to the mat with a double foot stomp.
Wright: An innovative attack from Mistress Discipline!
Park: She is doing everything she can to avoid actually touching Primal and I can't say I blame her, I think I can smell him from here.
Wright: Dear lord, is THAT what that is? I thought the concession was serving kebabs again.
Primal rolls out of the ring before Mistress can capitalize, taking the opportunity to shake off the cobwebs. Mistress watches him from the ring, wearily. Primal spots Chaos watching in the crowd and makes a beeline for her, but mistress stops him in his tracks with a baseball slide kick that knocks Primal into the barricade. Mistress hauls Primal up by the waistband of his trunks and tosses him back into the ring.
Park: Denied! Primal had his eyes on Mistress' best friend, but the craft former champ stopped him from doing anything untoward.
Wright: Good thing, too. I'd hate to see how Chaos would have reacted to an advance from such an unsavory fellow.
Mistress only hesitates for a moment before trying to set up the ankle lock, but Primal rolls over, using his leg to pill her off balance. He shoves her face into his armpit, causing her to shove him away again, looking disgusted. Primal seems entirely ninterested in wrestling, more interested in making his enemy uncomfortable. He grabs at Mistress but she drops him into the ropes with a drop toehold. She grabs his ankle again and this time manages to lock in the Procedure!
Wright: Mistress Discipline locks in the grapevine ankle lock!
Park: It's particularly devastating when you lock in the grapevine. Hard on the ankle and the knee.
Primal struggles for a moment, reaching for the ropes. He just barely can't reach, and acts like he's going to tap. He surges again, using his strenth to inch closer to the ropes, and he manages to grab the rope. The referee starts the five count and Mistress finally releases at four. She kips up to her feet and grabs Primal's ankle again, pulling him back to the center of the ring and hooking up the Procedure again!
Park: Another Procedure!
Wright: Joint work is an important part of being a submission specialist, UnJoo.
Primal is much quicker to force the break this time. Mistress grabs his leg again, but this time Primal rolls on his back and grabs her, pulling her down to shove her face into his hairy belly. He rolls Mistress through into an awkward cradle.
...ONE...
...TWO...
...KICKOUT!!!
Mistress rolls away from primal, gagging at the smell of his sweaty body. The bush man looks pleased with himself. He gets up to his feet, but the leg that mistress was working on almost gives out. Primal winces, but puts weight on it anyway, limping over to grab Mistress. he whips her into the ropes, nailing her with the Corrosion of Conformity!
Park: Primal is trying to turn this match in his favor.
Mistress is flat on the mat. Primal looks at the turnbuckle then grins, going up top. He leaps off for the hairball, but Mistress Discipline rolls out of the ring at the last secont, leaving Primal to crash to the mat. Mitress dives back into the ring, hauling Primal up from the mat. She drives a kick into Primal's stomach and tries to set up the Expulsion, but Primal slips out of her grasps and shoves Mistress into the corner, and into the referee.
Wright: Mistress Discipline might have just inadvertantly taken out the referee.
Park: Primal needs to capitalize to make up for that injured leg.
While Mistress makes sure the referee is alright, Primal pulls something out of the front of his trunks, holding it up for the crowd to see.
Park: What is that?
Wright: I think it's a pair of Primal's old trunks.
Primal wraps the manky garment around his hand, making sure to keep it out of sight. With Mardinly back on his feet, Mistress Discipline grabs his shoulder, spinning the bush man around and he takes his moment to strike, shoving the filthy garment into her face. Mistress shrieks and shoves him away, gagging at the smell from the offending garment. Primal tosses the old shorts away, taking the opportunity to take a three point stance in the corner. Mistress turns just in time to get Dusted!
Wright: Brutal tackle from Primal!
Park: Mistress Discipline might be done and dusted after than one, Ollie.
Primal sneers down at the fallen Discipline. He hauls her up from the mat, making sure to make as much contact as possible with his sweaty, greasy body hair. Mistress doesn't even really react, clearly out on her feet. Primal hooks Mistress up for the Empty Abyss.
Wright: Primal looking to add insult to injury.
Park: Primal's taking a beating so far this match, if he doesn't end it, he's going to miss his opportunity.
Primal's knee gives out when he tries to lift Discipline and the teacher counters with a backstabber, rolling Primal into position and hooking up the Suspension!
Park: Primal has nowhere to go!
Discipline cranks back on Primal's neck, operating purely on instinct. Primal howls in pain, trying to get enough purchase to do anything to counter the move. After an agonizing handful of seconds, the hairball taps out!
Wright: Primal tapped out! Mistress Discipline has defeated her rival!
Park: I'm not sure she realizes the match is over.
Primal continues to tap out as Discipline continues to apply pressure. The referee finally manages to convince the former teacher that she's won and Mistress releases the move, suddenly looking repulsed as she realizes the amount of time she spent in contact with Primal. the referee raises her hand in victory, and the demure former champion tries her best to look nonplussed, though the barest shadow of a smile appears on her face. Primal, for his part, affords the victor a slow, sarcastic clap and slinks out of the ring, keeping his eyes on Mistress as he backs up the ramp.
Wright: Something tells me this isn't the end of this rivalry -- especially after that high impact, intense match!
Park: The important thing is, Mistress Discipline got a win she needed tonight. Hopefully we'll see her keep that up in coming weeks, especially as she competes in that world championship contendership match.
A cold drizzling rain fell from the dismal sky of Blackpool as a man stumbled into the alley. He forced one foot ahead of the other, holding at his stomach as the world spun wildly around him. He had overdone it again, and he sagged against the brick wall as the neon lights of the pub washed over him. And he sank to his knees as he retched onto the cold wet ground, a pause as he wiped at his mouth with a shake of his head. He started to force himself up, but fell back against the wall again as he blinked up at the cloud covered sky. Rain running down his face, before he wiped his hand over it.
Maybe he should go home, but then again he could use another round.
He started to rise, and then started to retch again. Maybe not.
He shook, pushing himself up when he heard someone enter the alley. He blinked, shaking his head to clear it before a hand gently touched his shoulder. He turned, blinking away rain and tears as he saw a pretty face looking down at him. But there was something in those eyes, something cold and calculating, and just a touch of hidden madness. But he knew this woman, and he settled against the wall as he dragged his forearm across his mouth.
Man: Sinclair?
She knelt beside him, hands wiping at his head and face as she avoided the puddles of rain and vomit. She frowned, and smoothed his coat across his shoulders.
Sinclair: Gavin, Gavin, Gavin Drake. You need to stop this.
He blinked, fuming suddenly as he shook his head as he dragged himself up the wall. He scowled, saying nothing as she rose. He staggered as the world spun again, and grabbed at the wet brick.
Drake: I don't need this, Sinclair. I really don't.
He turned to head back to the street, and saw another figure standing there watching him. The figure wore a long leather coat, the hood drawn up over it's head as the head tilted to regard him. A wave of nausea crashed over him, and he dropped to his knees again as his stomach emptied. Then he looked up, and saw a mask beneath that hood. The figure looked at Sinclair, and hissed before gesturing at Gavin Drake before it.
Sinclair: I gave you everything, and this is what you have made of yourself? A drunk? A fool throwing up in an alley?'
Gavin Drake blinked, and his eyes widened. That voice was strange, a harsh whisper that seemed devoid of any emotion but contempt. But he knew it, and he shook his head in confusion as he rose upwards.
Drake: Donzig? What?
The head tilted, and arms folded over his chest.
Sinclair: Ah, you remember something besides Guinness. Delightful.
Drake: You son of a bitch!
Gavin snarled, his temper flaring as he took a step forward. He lifted a finger, jabbing at Donzig as he shook his head angrily.
Drake: You gave me everything? You turned me into a monster, a weapon! I was just another fuckin' pawn in your bloody wars! I don't want anything from you! You're a bloody devil!
Sinclair walked forward, grabbing at Drake as he staggered slightly. He shook her off, scowling at the Baroness before he turned back to that silent specter. And Donzig watched impassively from the depths of his hood, and he flexed his hand absently before he spoke.
Donzig: As if you are fit to serve anyone as anything, Mister Drake. You were a monster, a beast, one of the best. The Blood of Kings, and look at you now? A drunken nothing. I had plans for you, and you let me down once more.
Donzig snorted, and he turned to go with a jerk of his head to Sinclair.
Gavin's temper flared. He and the Affliction had done everything for Donzig, they had done his bidding all over the world. And then he would lecture him? Gavin was not as great as he once was, and Donzig was a menace. But Drake remembered enough to know you had a chance if you caught him off guard, Donzig didn't like surprises. He reached out, grabbing at his arm.
The world turned to bright lights, and spun crazily as Drake gasped for air. He clawed at the hand around his neck, and Donzig growled from under that mask. He only turned his head to hiss at Sinclair when she reached for him, and Donzig's fingers tightened. He leaned closer, those empty eyes in the mask becoming the whole of Gavin's world as blood pounded in his ears.
Donzig: Oh, you have some fight left in you don't you, Gavin? Good, good.
Drake gurgled, and Donzig's hand remained on his neck. He was big, and tried to get away but he was drunk, and tired, and out of shape. It was hard to breath, and he could only grab at the leather clad arm as Donzig snarled.
Donzig: I had big plans for you, Gavin. I was going to give you back your life! And instead you want to wallow in self pity and liquor?
Donzig dropped him to the ground, and Gavin fell to his side against the wall. He was retching again, and tried to rise as Donzig looked down at him. He reached into his jacket, and produced a folded up pack of papers. He dropped it to the ground before Drake.
Donzig: That is a contract from Fireside. If you can sober up long enough? Sign it, maybe Caffrey will find some use for you. Because you are useless to me.
Drake grabbed at the papers, shaking his head as he sat back again. Donzig said nothing, looking down at him along side the frowning Sinclair. And he shrugged before he turned to go, the pair disappearing into the rain. Gavin Drake cradled the papers against him, and he wiped a hand across his face before he muttered.
Drake: I will prove you wrong! You hear me? I will prove you wrong!
A voice called back, mocking.
Donzig: Then do it!
Evan Valentine Jr. and El Rey walk down the halls of the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. Evan is carrying his Battle of the Best trophy, and El Rey is carrying a stuffed Jonnie Valentine wrestling buddy from the '90s.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Excuse me, miss? I need to find the room of Nick Von Erich?
Nurse: Check with reception.
She starts to walk away but Evan catches her by the arm/
Evan Valentine Jr.: I think we got off on the wrong foot. Do you know who my Dad is?
Nurse: (moves her arm away) I don't. You'll still have to check with reception.
El Rey: (holds up wrestling buddy) Told you we shoulda just had this thing delivered.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Now, now. Nick's our boy. And my Mom's dog walker. You gotta treat the help right, or they don't get your order right from Mr. Chow's. And Nick knows how I needs I takes my kung pao without peanuts, and his bitch ass knows to check before leaving, or it's his ass.
(El Rey and Evan Valentine Jr. find Nick Von Erich's room. They enter.
El Rey: Here he is.
Evan Valentine Jr.: (patronizing) There's my guy!
Nick Von Erich is in a near full body cast, one of his hands is broken and his jaw is wired shut from having his ass kicked by MAJESTY.
Nick Von Erich: Fff...F....mm...
El Rey: Totally.
Evan looks at El Rey, who gives him a silent "What?"
Evan Valentine Jr.: We brought you sumthin...(nods to El Rey)
El Rey: Huh? Oh...
El Rey tries to hand Nick Von Erich the Jonnie Valentine stuffed wrestling buddy, but Von Erich doesn't have any hands so El Rey just awkwardly places it on his chest.
Evan Valentine Jr.: So how you like it here? They treating you good?
Nick Von Erich: (nods slightly) Mnnnr...
Evan Valentine Jr.: Tight. Well you rest up, because we're gonna need you for Thursday Night Inferno.
El Rey: Yo, I don't think this guy's doing anything...
Evan Valentine: Till when?
El Rey: (checks his chart) Halloween?
Evan Valentine Jr.: (trying not to get mad, rubbing his hands) That's unacceptable, Nick. Come on now, that's not how our workflow is. You know, where you work and we flow?
Nick Von Erich: Grrnnn.mmm
Evan Valentine Jr.: I hear that, but you gots to get that eye of the tiger, son. They tryin a tear New Money apart, ya heard? We too dangerous, so Marcus making brothers fight, and ain't nobody wanna see brothers fight.
El Rey: That's why you could never do the Four Horsemen now. They'd be turning Arn babyface after 6 weeks.
Evan Valentine Jr.: But it is what it is. They making me fight my heater, Vodka Flat. Now they got his head all messed up like I'm standing in the way of his dreams. New Money should be your dream, dog. We're the best thing that happened to you. Hell, we the best thing that happened to this industry since the irish whip! And you worryin about when I'm getting around to watching your first match on YouTube? I told you, I'm busy, son.
El Rey: Hey, check it out. (passes his phone to Evan) It's a fight at Carl's Jr. and the chick's wig comes off.
(Evan Jr. and El Rey watch the video for an uncomfortable amount of time, with Nick Von Erich trying to crane his head over to see but he can't)
Evan Valentine Jr.: Nice. Post that to my insta.
El Rey: On it.
Evan Valentine Jr.: You see, this trophy was never for you Voddy. I thought you was playin when you was sayin you were gonna try and win it. You know, cause you a funny guy? You need to keep bein funny. Besides being our plug, that's why we keep you around. I won the Battle of the Best cause I am the best. My mommy and daddy were great wrestlers, what did you think I was gonna be? You? Hell nah.
Nick Von Erich: Ffff ffff fff...
Evan Valentine Jr.: What my fucked up friend is tryin a say is that when my Dad teamed with you, ain't no one getting a ticket to see you. They was tryin to see if my Pops could still go. And he can. And when I teamed with you, ain't no one getting a ticket to see Vodka Something Or Other. They wanted to see the new generation of Valentine. Now, I told you that McDonald's dream in confidence, but you think you gotta tell the World my business just because without me and my Dad you ain't got nothing left to talk about. Your ass is gonna be 50 years old, doing YouTube shoots about the three months we teamed for the rest of your life, cous.
El Rey: That's sad. He's gonna be asking for donations in the comments for his surgeries.
Evan Valentine Jr.: That's right, instead of New Money it's gonna be New Liver. I could go a long way if I pull my head out of my ass? What do you call this? (holds up trophy) My Dad is the greatest wrestler to have lived, you think I'm taking advice from some tag team specialist from YouTube? Tell that shit to your fellow curtain jerkers and ring crew, I ain't tryin to hear it. You ain't beatin shit, and if I let you back in New Money, it's only because Nick's off of pool skimming detail for the foreseeable future.
Nick Von Erich makes a sound comparable to "Yay!"
Evan Valentine Jr.: But this is good. My man Abraham Lincoln kept a cabinet of rivals, and we celebrate that man's birthday twice in February.
Von Erich hums "I Got Five On It".
Evan Valentine Jr.: But Vodka Flat is mid card, he's old news, and we're New Money. After I beat my heater, it's full speed after MAJESTY. Yous probably feeling pretty stupid after Overheated. You always tryin to out-Ga Ga people, but New Money showed smoke and mirrors ain't nothin compared to relatives in high places. Now Malcolm don't pick up his phone, and his Twitter is all his band videos now, so it looks like you ran my friend out the business MAJESTY. You happy? His Dad had the most violent matches on the planet back before you even thought about killing the business. His son was supposed to pick up where his father left off, and now he's worried that a non-binary snake person is literally trying to kill him. That's not good business. You're not good business. Every minute you hold that title, you costing Fireside money. That's my money.
El Rey: And at the end of your run, the only thing that matters is the money and the miles.
Evan Valentine Jr.: So you think the crack in my sexy armor is taking out my homeys? Man, we like Doritos, crunch all you want, we'll still make more. You shoulda started with Vodka Flat, dude needed some glass in his teeth after that bitch move he played with the basketball. But I guess I gotta do everything myself. Here Nick, take this pic.
Evan places his phone in Nick Von Erich's barely functioning hand. He and El Rey back up and pose in his hospital room.
El Rey: Got it?
Nick Von Erich: MMmmrrr
Evan Valentine Jr.: Tight. A'ight. We heading out. We gotta hit Curley's off of Oxford Valley for some cheesesteaks. You want anything?
Nick Von Erich: (groans in pain, and anguish)
Evan Valentine Jr.: I'll see if they can put it in a blender or some shit, cool?
Evan fist bumps Nick's broken hand and Nick yelps in pain. The Jonnie Valentine wrestling buddy falls to the floor. El Rey picks it up and tosses it back on Nick's chest and New Money walks out. All that's left is Nick Von Erich's heart monitor and his humming of Evan Valentine's single "Evansent".
Wright: Up next, we have the exciting debut of a team of time travelers, Maykla Vaden and Ciela Lulz, the Time Jumpers!
Park: Time travel?
Wright: That’s what they claim!
Park: That’s alright, but… I don’t know if they’ll have wanted to time travel to this day and age, having to go against Johnny Five and Misha Constantine, especially after Constantine’s X-Crown defeat!
Stanford: The following tag team contest is scheduled for One Fall! It is part of our Open Door Policy, meaning that if the Time Jumpers win this match, they’ll receive a future FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship match! Introducing first, your guest commentators… they are the current FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, President Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente, BANG HERMAAAAAANOOOOOOOOS!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway wearing their Fireside tag team titles. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier follows shortly behind them. They look around soaking up there surrounding. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Curtis and Javier slowly walk to ringside and chat. El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for the match to begin as Curtis climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"
Curtis: Get out of here you jive turkeys! The champs are taking over!
Stanford: Introducing our first team… from the Near Future, weighing a combined 235 pounds, they are Ciela Lulz and Makayla Vayden, the TIMEEEEE JUMPPPPPERRRRRS!
El Combatiente: Me interesa el viaje en el tiempo. Me pregunto si realmente pueden viajar en el tiempo.
(Time Travel interests me. I wonder if they really can time travel.)
Javier: EC says there is no way they can time travel. They're lying losers.
Curtis: That’s not-- oh I see what you’re doing. Yep, dirty liars who lie.
"I wanna go all the way, all the way
All the way back… all the way, all the way
All the way, all I really need
Is time travel and you…”
Makyla Vayden and Ciela Lulz emerge from behind the curtain together. Vayden looks like she’s on a mission as she walks while Lulz skips down to the ring.
“Don't know what this is we're travelling through
All the memories unravel with you
So all I really need
Is time travel and you…”
“And you… “ echoes throughout the arena as the Time Jumpers slide into the ring together, ready for their first match in FIRESIDE.
Stanford: And their opponents… weighing a combined 400 pounds, they are the team of Johnny Five and Misha Constantine, FIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEEE ANDDDDDDDDD DIIIIIIVVVVVVVVIIIIIIINEEE!
El Combatiente: Tengo mucho respeto por Misha. Trabajamos juntos brevemente en SWAT. No sé mucho sobre Johnny 5 aparte de la referencia de la película Short Circuit.
(I have a lot of respect for Misha. We worked together briefly in SWAT. I do not know much about Johnny 5 other than the Short Circuit movie reference.)
Javier: He said Misha is another loser who abandoned ship in SWAT when he started to dominate. Oh, and he made a Short Circuit reference. Come on EC, stay away from the low hanging fruit.
Curtis: Yeah man, I did that last time I commentated. No re-jokes man.
The lights cut out. Drumbeat and piano chords begin as a ring of fire forms in the entrance way. Amidst the flames rise the forms of Johnny Five and an armour-clad Misha Constantine. As the guitar of 'Swallowing The Rabbit Whole' kick in pyro erupts and the flames gutter out. The two walk down to the ring; Johnny flexing and jawing with fans as Misha remains laser focused on the ring. Johnny jumps to the apron and holds the ropes open for Misha to step through, before climbing the turnbuckles and posing, while Misha hits the hidden catches in the armour to have it drop off, ignoring the fans all the while.
The bell rings with the former X-Crown champion Misha Constantine standing across from the much smaller third-generation wrestler Ciela Lulz. The size difference is quite striking, as Misha has a good nine inches and seventy five pounds on the smaller opposition. This difference inspires Misha to take his sweet time walking around the inside of the ring, amused by the situation as a whole. Ciela Lulz responds to this by charging forward and dropkicking him straight back into the corner, popping the crowd as she refuses to not be taken seriously.
Misha Constantine is pulling himself back up in the corner as Lulz uses her speed to launch herself skyward in the corner, crashing back down to knee him in the chest. She goes for the cover, hooking both legs.
...ONE!
...Misha kicks out!
El Combatiente: Esta jovencita tiene mucha velocidad y no cejará. Ella está dando a conocer su nombre.
(This young lady has plenty of speed and will not let up. She is making her name known.)
Curtis: Usually you don’t want to be speedy with the ladies. Or fellas. Whatever floats your boat.
Lulz doesn’t give Misha much time to respond as he gets back to his feet, using her lack of size to slide under an european uppercut. Constantine goes to swing a rolling kick back her as she bounces off the ropes, but Makayla Vayden manages to connect on the blind tag as she bounces back and sets up a hurricanrana, launching Misha into the grasp of her partner, who drops Misha with a DDT! The high-flying action pops the crowd as Vayden covers the former FIRESIDE World Champion.
...ONE!
Referee Chris Mardinly’s hand only hits the mat once as Misha Constantine powerfully shoulders his way out, still a good six inches bigger than the newer wrestler pinning him. Vayden looks to slow down the action and lock in a camel clutch, but the bigger Constantine crawls towards the bottom rope and forces the rope break with ease, creating some distance by getting the rope break and then moving to the apron.
El Combatiente: Este equipo de viajeros en el tiempo es mucho más rápido que el veterano Misha y lo está utilizando a su favor. Sin embargo, se necesitará mucho más para mantener a Misha abajo.
(This team of time travelers are much faster than the veteran Misha and they are using it to their advantage. It will take a lot more to keep Misha down though.)
Javier: He said they're fast, but they aren't as fast as he is.
Curtis: I said don’t be fast!
Javier: No no, in the ring.
Curtis: Oh, then yeah, I guess that’s fine.
Makayla Vayden moves closer to Misha Constantine, looking to get a piece of him before Misha plants a hand onto the apron and strikes Vayden against the back of her head with an Au Batido kick! The crowd boos loudly as a smug Constantine rubs his face with his hand and reenters the ring, looking for a chance to pick apart the now-grounded technical highflyer.
Constantine grabs Vayden by the wrists, locking her in a double wrist lock before making eye contact with Bang Hermanos. The ring microphones pick up on Constantine shouting at them.
Constantine: THIS WILL BE YOU!
Constantine then STOMPS on Vayden’s head, then again, and again! The crowd boos as the number one contenders to the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships take a moment to soak in the punishment. Constantine tags in Five and the two decide to make it worse.
Curtis: Oh, this violence I like!
El Combatiente: No sabía que Misha tenía una racha tan mala. Sin embargo, si desea intentarlo conmigo, se encontrará con un rudo despertar.
(I didn't know Misha had such a mean streak. If he wishes to try that to me, though, he will be in for a rude awakening.)
Javier: He said Misha would never be able to do that to him.
Johnny Five and Misha Constantine grab Vayden and pull her up by the wrists, before both wrestlers drive a knee straight into her face, executing the Righteous Kill! The crowd boos louder as Five goes for the cover!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Ciela Lulz saves the match with a flying crossbody from the top rope, taking Five down!
The match begins to break down in the ring as both Time Jumpers are in the ring, and soon after Misha Constantine joins the fray. Lulz goes for a superkick but Constantine pulls down the ropes and then flings them back up, ejecting Ciela from the ring! Before Misha can celebrate, Vayden does get the superkick, knocking Misha up and over the ropes to the floor with the Blast from the Past!
El Combatiente:: Vayden estaba deprimida y aparentemente fuera, pero ahora ha tomado ventaja sobre Misha.
(Vayden was down and seemingly out, but now she has gotten the upper hand on Misha.)
Curtis: That’s why you do not celebrate before the match is over. Unless your bad asses like us.
But before Makalya Vayden can fully recover, Johnny Five charges and leaps at Makayla Vayden, taking her own with his own version of the stinger splash, causing a four body pile-up on the outside! The crowd reacts as the referee begins to count!
...ONE….
...TWO…
First back to his feet is Johnny Five, who has identified his legal opponent in Vayden and looks to continue the punishment, picking her back off of the floor on the outside and smacking her head against the announce table, right in front of Bang Hermanos!
...THREE…
Misha Constantine looks to help out as he gets back up, and the two work to set up the 3Deity, with Five beginning to lift up Vayden for the flapjack, only to be stopped by a shining wizard known as the Viva La Famila from Ciela Lulz!
El Combatiente:: Qué asombrosa maniobra de Lulz de la nada para salvar a su compañero.
(What an amazing maneuver by Lulz out of nowhere to save her partner.)
Javier: He said he will do the same to save his president.
Curtis: Aw thanks, that’s why you're a true patriot.
….FOUR…
Lulz gets back to her feet as the crowd cheers and she moves to target Constantine, who is now standing directly in front of the now-standing Curtis Kanyon! Lulz turns around and goes to fire off a pele kick, only to find that Constantine has moved away, and she’s just pele kicked the former President of the United States!
Curtis: What the hell-OW!
Javier: He would've taken that shot, but he didn't see it coming.
...FIVE…
Ringside breaks into a commotion as Lulz realizes what she’s done, and so does Kanyon’s tag team partner El Combatiente. The crowd is hot on their feet cheering for Kanyon to get his face kicked in, but the excitement is quickly killed by the wily Constantine dropping her on the floor with the DeityDT!
...SIX…
Johnny Five and Makayla Vayden are both the legal participants in the match as Five grabs Vayden and literally throws her back into the ring, through the middle rope! Misha’s personal bodyguard climbs back into the ring as Constantine gets Lulz into the ring as well.
Five picks up Lulz, lifting her up with relative ease in a torture rack, leaning in so that Constantine can tag himself back into the match! Constantine climbs up to the top rope and looks over at BANG Hermanos before looking at Lulz in the torture rack position and Vayden crawling around on the mat!
Constantine leaps from the corner, making hard contact with Lulz as he uses her as a platform for his shooting star senton, crashing down onto Makayla Vayden as Johnny Five delivers a burning hammer to Lulz in a move they call the Middle Finger of God! The crowd boos loudly as Constantine hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Stanford: Here are your winners, the team of Johnny Five and Misha Constantine, FIIIIVEEEE AND DIIIIV-!
Before Walter can even finish getting out the announcement, the challengers for the season premiere of FIRESIDE are jumped by the champions! El Combatiente and Curtis Kanyon are not in the mood to screw around as the crowd’s booing shifts to new targets. Johnny Five has already had his knees taken out by Combatiante, who then follows it up with Sliced Bread, crashing down with a backflip cutter. Oliver Wright and UnJoo Park rejoin us on commentary.
Wright: After that hard-fought match with the surprising Time Jumpers, now the tag team champs are making a statement to their challengers, Five and Divine!
Park: Kanyon looks pissed! VIcious Spiral on Misha!
The lifting and spinning face slam from Kanyon goes off without a hitch, drawing the ire of the crowd as the champions raise their championships skyward. Kanyon holds out a finger to Combatiente, indicating they aren’t done as he leaves the ring and grabs his hammer from its position leaning against the announce table.
Wright: We’ve seen this before, and it never ends well for whoever’s on the receiving end!!
Park: Kanyon has forged a dominant new chapter of his career with this hammer, and it looks like Misha will be the next to suffer the blow!
Kanyon makes it back into the ring and holds up the hammer, drawing the ire of the crowd as he prepares to swing away. Constantine does his best to squirm, holding up the process as Combatiente has to wrestle his grip off of the ropes. Kanyon rears back…
...only to get kicked in the face by Ciela Lulz! Both Time Jumpers strike with unison superkicks, knocking the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions out of the ring, and incidentally saving Misha Constantine in the process! The champs look on in shock as the Time Jumpers recover in the ring, embracing as the crowd cheers!
Wright: Is the clock ticking on BANG Hermanos and the never-ending tag team title reign of Curtis Kanyon?
Park: Whether it’s the Jumpers or Five and Divine, the division is really starting to heat up!
The camera cuts to a backstage hallway, one occupied by none other than FIRESIDE's owner. Anthony Caffrey leans against the wall, his cell phone held to his ear as he is caught mid-conversation.
Caffrey: --but we've been fortunate in having so many new talents signing the dotted line. Yes, it does kind of make up for all the salads. Five pounds is hard to drop by November. Still have to get clearance, too. But anyway, I'm supposed to be meeting one of them soon, as a matter of fact. They've got one Hell of a resume, too. Dominant runs in a couple of the bigger outfits in the past, a few lengthy title runs... and apparently, at the beginning of their career? They had a run in Hardkore World. Jonnie Valentine couldn't endorse them fast enough, almost thought his kid would snatch 'em up.
Whatever is being said on the other end of the line earns a nod, Caffrey not paying attention to the comings and goings of the people around him.
Caffrey: From what I understand, they're coming back for personal reasons?
A pause; Anthony frowns.
Caffrey: No, I'm not going to pry! What kind of--
A hand extends into the frame, very gently tapping on Caffrey's shoulder. The camera zooms out a bit to reveal that the owner of the hand is a blond woman whose curls have been allowed to do as they will. Dressed in a Chanel tweed suit in robin's egg blue, the blond offers up an apologetic smile as Caffrey remembers his manners.
Caffrey: I'll... call you back later, okay? Yeah, bye.
Ending the call, Caffrey shoves his phone in his pocket before turning his attention fully to the woman beside him.
Caffrey: Excuse me miss, how can I help you?
The blond clears her throat before speaking, a refined Southern accent revealing itself.
??: Pardon the interruption, but would you know where I would be able to find Mister Anthony Caffrey or Mister Marcus Washingon? I'm supposed to be meeting with them, but I don't know where they are.
FIRESIDE's owner blinks for a moment, clearly caught off-guard.
Caffrey: Well I'm him, but... are you sure you have a meeting with me?
A pause; somewhere in the depths of Caffrey's mind, a lightbulb turns on.
Caffrey: Oh, right.
The woman has the grace to chuckle softly, a faintly amused smile gracing her lips.
??: I haven't had a manager since my days in Hardkore World, Mister Caffrey--though you must forgive me, I've forgotten my manners.
A well-manicured hand offers itself to Caffrey for him to shake, FIRESIDE's owner taking it out of habit more than anything else.
Burrows: I'm Natalie Burrows. A pleasure, Mister Caffrey.
Shaking Natalie's hand, Caffrey nods.
Caffrey: Likewise, and sorry for the misunderstanding. You just... didn't seem like the worldbeater that would knee a man's face into literal hamburger meat?
For someone well-versed in ankle locks, he sure does his best to put his foot into his mouth.
Burrows: But yet I have, and I will again if needs be. I hope that won't be the case, though.
Natalie chuckles weakly. That slight hiccup now dealt with, Caffrey releases Burrows' hand before nodding his head in the direction of his office.
Caffrey: So, shall we?
Burrows nods.
Burrows: Lead the way.
And with that, the pair head out of the frame, the camera cutting to ringside shortly thereafter.
Evan Valentine Jr. is in his locker room, psyching himself up before his big announcement and main event tonight. He's running through lines in his head using the mirror when suddenly, the lights in the locker room shut off.
Park: What's going on!?
Wright: The room's completely dark -- it's hard to tell!
The lights flicker back on and Evan is standing alone in the locker room. Suddenly a voice echoes throughout the locker room....
Voice: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHEEEHHAH!!!!!!!!!
The cackle fills the room and sounds like it's coming from every direction at once. Evan Valentine Jr. whips around, keeping an eye on every direction, ready for anything. He turns and glances in the mirror, and in its reflection, standing behind him, he sees...
Wright: MAJESTY!!
Evan turns and swings at the air behind him, but MAJESTY isn't there. They're gone. It was simply an apparition. Evan turns back to the mirror and sees just his own reflection. Breathing heavily, he slaps his face a few times to get himself to snap out of it before quickly leaving the locker room.
Stanford: From Hamamatsu, Japan, he is The Knife of Motorcycles, Daku Suzuki.
Daku slides into the ring and closes his eyes to show his necklace of a knife and a motorcycle on it, and does his cutthroat signal before spreading his arms. Daku then opens his eyes and takes off his necklace, and drops it on the floor as Daku holds onto the ropes, looking at the entranceway with a microphone in hand. He mocks the crying with his fists twisting round and round.
Suzuki: Ah, the XHF management are pathetic. Like anyone wanted to feel sorry for a god damn loser Jaice Wilds nobody gave a shit about. Why did I run the piece of shit over? Because I got sick and tired of facing him every single week. He needed to learn a lesson that if you're not bothered about going for titles, you shouldn't be a professional wrestler.
Everyone give Suzuki the loudest boos you can give as Daku leaves a smirk on his face, not caring one bit for the damage he caused on Jaice. None at all.
Suzuki: That's what it came down to. I mean, is there any ruling if I don't apologise like a weak bastard does that I would be stripped from my Spark title shot? It doesn't say that because why else would they demand like a bunch of bitches to make me apologise for running down someone that wasn't any worth of value in the wrestling business? I did it for my motorcycle club and me, not for you stupid fans.
Still, the boos were coming as Suzuki didn't want to feel any remorse for what he did on the PPV, mainly because he was saving wrestling. He does the sliced throat of a knife across his neck.
Suzuki: The Knives Of Motorcycles can do whatever he damn pleases. I own the motorcycle company Suzuki, and we're doing pretty darn well in the racing world, both on and off track. This is quite pathetic when there's been a lot worse thing that has happened on global PPV's before, but oh, red alert a motorcycle gang member running down Jaice was far too much. Too over eighteen's style of wrestling. That's fine. After all, I'm going to stand here and talk random nonsense because I have no issue with what I did, and that's clear.
Daku breathes in and out, knowing he didn't want to apologise; he had nothing to feel sorry for.
Suzuki: Besides, was it my fault that Jaice, the passionless wrestler got in the way? It was his fault, to begin with, so he should be apologising to me for being in the way. But I guess I'm the guy who starts games. There, we're going to have me make the fakest apology I've ever done. I'm sorry for what I did. Now I'm getting the fuck out of here. Got no reason to be here tonight."
Suzuki said his apology, even if he didn't mean it, giving out a fake one because he wasn't responsible in his eyes. Daku puts his biker jacket on, along with sitting in his motorcycle before he revs the engines before riding the bike backstage, into the parking lot, straight into the road as the show cuts back to the desk.
Wright: No mercy, no sympathy from the #1 contender for the SPARK Championship. I guess he fulfilled his requirements?
Park: He'll have his eyes glued to that SPARK Championship match next show. I can't wait.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! he winner will receive their future SPARK Championship match first! Introducing first, from Lamia, Greece weighing in at 198 pounds, they are the Neon Wolf, CEEEEPHEEEEEUUUUUS!!!
The slow intro to ‘No Save Point’ from Run The Jewels begins to play throughout the speakers within the arena, the lights within the arena turning to a purple and pink hue as the tron lights up to a synthwave theme and the words of ‘CEPHEUS’ is seen as the lyrics begins to play through the speakers.
“I SWALLOW ALL MY DRUGS 'TIL THE PAIN IS UNPLUGGED
WHEN THE LAWS OF ENTROPY TOUCH
YOU BETTER DREAD THE JUDGE
WISER MEN THAN US BEEN CRUSHED TO FINE DUST
WHEN THE FORTUNE COOKIE TELL ME I'M FUCKED, I JUST SHRUG”
With the curtain soon opening up for The Neon Wolf to walk through with a slight bit of cockiness to their step, standing at the top of the ramp and looking out to the many fans in attendance before beginning their slow walk to the ring, keeping that swagger to their step as they make their way to the ringside area.
“I USED TO PRAY TO GOD BUT I THINK HE TOOK A VACATION
'CAUSE NOW THE STATE OF CALI IS RUN BY THESE CORPORATIONS
THE SKYSCRAPER SHADOW THE HOMELESS, THE POPULATION
THE DEGRADATION THEY FACED WITH, SHOULD BE AN ABOMINATION”
With elegance, CEPHEUS soon enters the ring by leaping over the top rope and running straight to the nearest corner they could to leap onto the seconds ropes and soaks in the crowd’s reaction as they stretch their arms out wide and lets out a roar to the crowd before hopping down off of the ropes to stay in their corner.
Park: CEPHEUS is well known in the British wrestling scene, but is virtually an unknown in the US.
Wright: They call them the Technical Sinatra. I don't know what that means, but we should be in for a good show.
Stanford: And their opponent, from Houston, Texas, and weighing in at 160 pounds..... SAAAAAM SAAAAAAWYEEEEERRR!!!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Wright: Speaking of promising newcomers, Sam Sawyer is in their second match tonight.
Park: I hear they're only sixteen, and they're already a pro. Pretty impressive
Wright: Sam Sawyer is definitely going to be a name to listen for.
Sawyer and CEPHEUS stare each other down for a moment, before Sawyer raises their fist to offer CEPHEUS a fist bump, which the challenger returns. The referee calls for the bell, and Sawyer is quick to attack with a hard left cross that sets CEPHEUS staggering. CEPHEUS tries to create some distance between them, but Sawyer grabs them by the head from behind, slamming CEPHEUS down into their knee.
Wright: Strong start from Sam Sawyer!
Park: Don’t forget, Ollie, CEPHEUS has just as much to prove in their debut match.
CEPHEUS clutches their head, but Sawyer makes no move to go for the pin, miming at CEPHEUS to get up. Sawyer crouches in the corner as CEPHEUS gets back to their feet, aiming for the running dropkick, but CEPHEUS gets out of the way. Sawyer hits the turnbuckle hard, and CEPHEUS follows up with a bulldog, following up with a springboard moonsault. CEPHEUS goes for a pin, but Sawyer kicks out with authority before the ref can count one. Both competitors are quick back to their feet. CEPHEUS charges at Sawyer, but Sawyer turns CEPHEUS inside out with an absolutely brutal clothesline. Sawyer hauls CEPHEUS back to their feet, whipping them into the corner.
Park: That had to hurt!
Sawyer follows CEPHEUS into the corner with a running dropkick. Sawyer kips up and grabs CEPHEUS, whipping them into the opposite corner and following with another running dropkick. Again, they grab CEPHEUS and whips them into the opposite corner, following with a third running dropkick.
Wright: Sam Sawyer is on fire tonight!
Park: CEPHEUS definitely needs to mount some offense if they want to start their Fireside career with a win.
CEPHEUS staggers out of the corner and falls to their knees. Sawyer goes to haul them to their feet but CEPHEUS counters with a jawbreaker, followed by a thrust kick to the chin that sets Sawyer staggering. CEPHEUS attacks again with another thrust kick, but Sawyer still manages to stay on their feet. CEPHEUS bounds off the ropes and hits Sawyer with a running dropkick of their own, knocking Sawyer to the mat. CEPHEUS goes for the pin!
...ONE...
...TWO...
...KICKOUT!
Park: Near fall for the Neon Wolf!
Sawyer scrambles to their feet, still trying to get their bearings. CEPHEUS comes in and grapples Sawyer, transitioning to a waistlock and driving sharp punches into Sawyer’s kidneys. Sawyer locks an arm around CEPHEUS’s head, driving punches of their own into Greek's head. Sawyer gets the better of the exchange, and counters with a headlock driver. Sawyer goes for the pin.
...ONE...
...TW0...
...THR-KICKOUT!
Wright: CEPHEUS digging deep to kick out of that one.
CEPHEUS is slow to start to move again. Sawyer is standing over them with a savage grin on their face. CEPHEUS finally starts to climb to their feet and Sawyer is quick to strike, running to the ropes and vaulting to the top one, executing a springboard moonsault. Rather than go for the pin, Sawyer gets back to their feet and taunts the challenger, smirking. CEPHEUS finally starts to stir and their time Sawyer grabs them, yanking them to their feet and slamming them back to the mat with an STO.
Wright: This Corrosion from Sam Sawyer!
Sawyer goes up top and leaps off, nailing true with the Sawyersault! They refuse to go for the pin again, shaking their head as they gets back up to their feet, going up top to leap off again for another Sawyersault. CEPHEUS gets their knees up. Sawyer crashes down on the knees, knocking the wind out of themself.
Park: Somehow the Technical Sinatra found enough gas in the tank to stop Sam Sawyer in their tracks!
Wright: Both competitors have put up a hell of a match so far!
CEPHEUS is the first back to their feet and they crouch in the corner. Sawyer finally gets up, turning in time to catch a running knee from CEPHEUS, who immediately goes for the pin.
...ONE...
..KICKOUT!
Wright: The incredible resilience of Sam Sawyer is on display tonight.
Park: That knee barely phased the champion.
Sawyer gets to their feet again, turning to catch another flying knee from CEPHEUS, who mounts and starts driving sharp blows into Sawyer's face. Sawyer counters with a headscissors and CEPHEUS breaks away. Sawyer uses the corner ropes to pull himself to their feet. CEPHEUS charges in to attack, but Sawyer stops them cold with a superkick! Rather than go for the pin, however, Sawyer turns back to the turnbuckle, yanking off the turnbuckle pad. They go to pick up CEPHEUS, setting up for the buckle bomb on the exposed turnbuckle, but CEPHEUS reverses it into a sunset flip. CEPHEUS bridges back into a pin.
...ONE...
...TWO...
...Kickout!
Park: And Sawyer kicks out again!
Wright: CEPHEUS is going to need to bring it harder than that if they want to beat Sawyer!
Sawyer looks like they're getting frustrated and stomps away from CEPHEUS, trying to compose themself. CEPHEUS gets to their feet, shaking off the cobwebs, and charges at Sawyer, intending to take the advantage back if they can. Sawyer turns to walk into a Braindance from CEPHEUS. The challenger is quick to capitalize, hooking Sawyer into a Peruvian Necktie! Sawyer howls in pain as CEPHEUS continues to apply pressure, but they refuses to submit. CEPHEUS shouts at them to surrender, but Sawyer shows no signs of relenting. Sawyer tries to break free, straining against CEPHEUS, but it seems inevitable that they are going to be forced to surrender. Sawyer makes like they're going to tap but doesn't, letting out a bellow of pain as they manages to exert enough force to flip over CEPHEUS, though the Neon Wolf is still managing to exert enough force that Sawyer looks to be in agony. Sawyer manages to get their feet underneath them and brute force their way to their feet. CEPHEUS still refuses to let go, but there is a look of awe on their face as Sawyer manages to lift them above their head. Finally Sawyer turns and slams CEPHEUS into the turnbuckle in an absolutely brutal buckle bomb. CEPHEUS is out, but Sawyer hasn't escaped unscathed either. They leap away rather than going for the pin, heavily favoring their shoulder.
Park: Sawyer may have just missed out on their best chance yet to end this match.
Sawyer and CEPHEUS both struggle their way back to their feet and CEPHEUS is the first to strike, chopping Sawyer across the chest. Sawyer responds in kind, coming back with a left cross to the Jaw that sets CEPHEUS staggering. CEPHEUS comes back with a cross of their own. Sawyer comes back with a knee to the gut, followed up with a facebuster knee. CEPHEUS staggers again and Sawyer takes the corner, waiting for their moment to strike. CEPHEUS seems to get their bearings in time for Sawyer to hit them with a running dropkick into the corner. They follows it up with an irish whip into the opposite corner and another running dropkick. The crowd pops and Sawyer pauses their offense for a moment to play to the crowd, preparing for something big. Sawyer runs for a third dropkick but CEPHEUS dodges at the last moment and Sawyer eats the turnbuckle.
Wright: CEPHEUS is gaining steam!
Park: It might be too little too late!
CEPHEUS follows up with a bulldog, putting Sawyer in the mat. They play to the crowd, then grab Sawyer by the waist to pull them to their feet. Before they can lock up, Sawyer claps their hands over CEPHEUS's ears, disorienting the Greek. CEPHEUS yelps and rolls away, disoriented. The referee goes to check on CEPHEUS, who immediately responds with the XS Driver! CEPHEUS doesn't realize it was the referee they took out and goes for the pin. Sawyer smirks and drops down, counting a two count before stopping. CEPHEUS looks bewildered, then locks eyes with Sawyer, who smirks as CEPHEUS panics when they realize they've taken out the referee. CEPHEUS springs to their feet, trying to attack Sawyer but Sawyer drives a knee into CEPHEUS's gut, pushing them into a standing headscissors. Sawyer hauls CEPHEUS up onto their shoulders in position for an electric chair drop. CEPHEUS notices Sawyer is heading for the exposed turnbuckle and starts to struggle, driving punches into Sawyer' head, but Sawyer is resolute, getting CEPHEUS into position and dropping them face first on the exposed turnbuckle to a collective "OH!" from the crowd.
Park/Wright: Oh my god!
CROWD: HO-LY SH*T! HO-LY SH*T!
Sawyer looks at the unmoving CEPHEUS and the still recovering ref and then grins. Sawyer hauls CEPHEUS up to their feet. CEPHEUS is out on their feet. Sawyer launches themself into ropes, intending to devastate CEPHEUS with the Fire with Fire, but CEPHEUS counters into the Cyber Stockholm Syndrome in the center of the ring!
Park: Sawyer has nowhere to go!
Wright: CEPHEUS has Sawyer right where they need him!
Sawyer tries to fight back, but the match has taken it's toll. The referee checks on Sawyer, then calls for the bell!
Wright: Sawyer is out! CEPHEUS has overcome their first challenge in Fireside!
Park: Sawyer has nothing to be ashamed of, that was a hell of a match. Both competitors gave it everything they have, and it was CEPHEUS' night.
The referee raises CEPHEUS' hand in victory. Sawyer looks pissed. CEPHEUS offers a handshake to Sawyer, but the younger wrestler just walks away looking disgusted.
Wright: I guess these two aren't going to be friends.
Park: Either way, I'm looking forward to what either of these two do next, especially as they compete in that world title contendership match next week!
The cameras open up on a dark area, presumably backstage, where the grinning face and soft white hair of Water Stanford appears on the screen. He lets out a polite -- but nervous -- chuckle.
Walter Stanford: Folks, I have quite an exciting interview for you here tonight. I am joined by one of the most talked about competitors in XHF Network's history. They've dazzled the FIRESIDE world since their debut on our very first show, and at Battle of the Best, they were able to capture the FIRESIDE World Championship. Guys, gals, and non-binary pals, please help me welcome... MAJESTY!!
Walter turns and the camera pans. Majesty steps into the cameraframe, this time in elaborate royal garb, complete with a crown on their head. Blood runs from their eyes like tears. A resplendent golden crown sits atop their head, and their hair (..or wig?) has been dyed black at the top, drifting down to long golden locks around their shoulders. The crown on their head -- or rather, a headpiece resembling a crown -- has the FIRESIDE World Championship intricately woven into it. Only the front faceplate is visible.
Walter Stanford: Majesty... it is... an honor to finally get the chance to--
Majesty holds up a finger to Walter, indicating for him to stop speaking.
MAJESTY: Our proper title is 'Their Royal Majesty' now, Walter. If you could just be a doll and...
They brush their hair back and step back off of the screen. Walter looks confused for a second, but wisens up quickly.
Walter Stanford: Ah... please welcome the FIRESIDE World Champion... Their Royal Majesty!!
Majesty re-enters the frame, twirling so their red cloak dances in the air for a moment, mesmerizing the audience. They bend down close and plant a kiss on Walter Stanford's cheek.
MAJESTY: Thank you, Walter, for giving us the respect we so deserve. Mhmmmm.
Walter nods in appreciation.
Walter Stanford: Majesty--
Majesty cuts him a look.
Walter Stanford: --Your ROYAL Majesty, I mean--
Majesty's face relaxes into a smile.
Walter Stanford: Ever since defeating Esmur and claiming the title, the FIRESIDE fans have been clamoring to find out what you plans you have in motion next.
MAJESTY: Well, I have done a bit of baking. I've nearly perfected a recipe for chocolate pie. Oh, I'll have to bring you some, Walter, I think you'd just die for it.
Majesty grins and Walter glances off-camera at staff and crew, looking clearly uncomfortable.
MAJESTY: But... I suppose you want to talk about what my plans are in the ring, yes? So boring.
Walter takes a big gulp of his own saliva, then continues.
Walter Stanford: Well, yes, fans are entranced by the mystery surrounding you! You showed up at Battle of the Best in a new form we'd never seen, will we see that again?
Majesty stops for a moment, pausing for silence. They lean in very closely, speaking in a hushed tone, almost a whisper.
MAJESTY: You must pray that never happens again. He must stay away from FIRESIDE. Understand?
Walter slowly nods.
MAJESTY: Now, as you can imagine, I am just waiting with antici...
They trail off and lean in close to Walter, whispering.
MAJESTY: ...pation...
Majesty clicks their tongue and grins.
MAJESTY: ...to hear what Evan Valentine is going to do. We could have SUCH FUN TOGETHER, Evan. You were plotting for fun when you had Nick Von Elrich dress up like me to give yourself a win, remember? When you took the name of a god in your mouth, and tarnished it in such a profane manner? You seemed so playful, Mr. Valentine. I do hope you'll keep that playful spirit up throughout the night.
They put a finger to their chin for a moment, deep in thought.
MAJESTY: Perhaps... it's best I leave the rest as a FUN surprise!
Majesty chuckles and quickly whisks themselves away, leaving Walter a bit confused.
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! If Vodka Fizz wins, he will be added to the FIRESIDE World Championship contendership match on the season premiere of Inferno!
The crowd pops for the big announcement.
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, he’s the personal assistant for the Valentine family, please welcome Greg the Assistant!
Greg the Assistant takes the house microphone from Walter Stanford. Already, the fans are beginning to boo the man, who yells over them with his deep announcer voice.
Greg the Assistant: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Thursday Night Inferno! This is your Main Event of the Evening. It is a New Money Grudge Match, scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Your referee peaked in high school when he had a jean jacket with righteous song lyrics written on it with ballpoint pen.
Wright: A contentious match-up about to be under way here, as Vodka Fizz and Evan Valentine Jr. went from fast friends to bitter enemies!
Park: Fizz doesn’t like the way Evan carries himself, Evan doesn’t like that Fizz won’t fall in line.
Wright: And I think tonight these two are prepared to beat it out of one another.
The fans boo referee Chris Mardinly who's lost in a day dream, pantomiming popping the collar on his old jacket. Then "Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn plays, and Evan Valentine Jr. comes out with El Rey.
Greg the Assistant: Accompanied to the ring by El Rey, from the Playground of the STars, Palm Springs, California, weighing 228 pounds, the Third Generation Thunder, the Chairman of New Money, and the 2021 Battle of the Best Winner…. EVAAAAAANNNNNN VAAAAALENTIIINEEE JUNIIOOOOOOOORRR!
FIRESIDE fans let out thunderous boos as Evan does his pimp walk. He has a microphone in his hands as he walks down to the ring, ignoring the booing crowd. He enters the ring and proudly displays his Battle of the Best trophy.
Wright: The Battle of the Best winner -- after being haunted all night, finally makes his pick!
Park: Who’s he going to choose?
Evan Valentine Jr. jumps on the middle of the second ropes and smiles at the crowd. Trash starts flying in, and Evan smacks a soda bottle out of the air, then celebrates like he spiked a volleyball. They are accompanied by one of FIRESIDE’s newest signings, Wayne Tanner Jr.
Wright: That’s Wayne Tanner Jr, son of Adrian Tanner Jr.! SWAT has a memorial show for his all-time great uncle every year!
Park: They must be real pissed he’s in a FIRESIDE ring, then.
Wright: No sign of Nick Von Erich, but if the rumors are true, Valentine went out and got himself a hell of an upgrade in the second-generation star!
Wayne Tanner Jr. laughs and says ‘Are they always like this?’ El Rey shakes his head and says ‘Just for us’.
Evan Valentine Jr takes the microphone
Evan Valentine Jr.: What do ya do with a a heater that don't know his job? You replace said heater with a vastly superior wrestler. You hear that Fireside?? All a ya'll best ask your folks for a $3000 check cause we taking you all to wrestling school!
The Philadelphia crowd boos and continues to throw garbage in the ring. Wayne Tanner Jr. points out at a couple fans and threatens them. "Throw that and see what happens, boy!"
Evan Valentine Jr.: Vodka Fizz can tell all the guys he sets the ring up with that he was there in the beginning! He was the Pete Best of New Money. But his Daddy never did shit in this business and neither will he!
The fans chant "FUCK YOU EVAN!!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* FUCK YOU EVAN!!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* FUCK YOU EVAN!!! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*". Evan puts his mic down waiting for it to die down, El Rey does a crybaby face at a few fans.
Evan Valentine Jr.: That ain't nice. Not nice at all. Combined with that magic freak, you guys are giving me a bad vibe right now, I ain't gonna lie....
The audience cuts him off with another deafening boo.
Evan Valentine Jr.: You know what? You guys are making me not even want to be champion of Fireside. You gotta remember, I ain't just Evan Valentine Jr., the chairman of New Money, I'm also a human being.... I'm being mistreated here, and...
The Philadelphia fans chant "JONNIE'S KID!! JONNIE'S KID!! JONNIE'S KID!!" El Rey comes up behind Evan Valentine Jr. and cups his ears.
Evan Valentine Jr.: That did it, I ain't gonna be champ of this busted ass territory, I'm switching my title shot from Battle of the Best to MYOJIN. Next time I'm back here, it's gonna be as the XHF X-Crown champion.
Wayne Tanner Jr. and El Rey applaud and Evan Valentine Jr. drops the mic as "Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn plays to the boos of the crowd. El Rey slaps a full beer cup out of the air that's thrown at them as they await Vodka Fizz. Evan laughs at and flips off the crowd, mouthing the words 'you wish you were me'. The New Money even roll out of the ring to taunt the crowd more directly. Before too long, Vodka Fizz's golf cart comes zooming out from backstage! Evan and his cronies scatter, with Evan barely managing to dodge getting hit by the apparently runaway cart before it slams into the ring.
Wright: Good lord! That was very nearly a tragedy. What the hell?
Park: The New Money guys must have just seen their lives flash before their eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if Evan needs a clean pair of shorts.
Evan creeps over to the smashed-up cart, finding that the driver's seat is empty. He looks around for any sign of MAJESTY or Vodka Fizz, who is still mysteriously absent. Evan climbs into the ring, watching the ramp for signs of Fizz.
The lights go down and blacklights come up, bathing the stage in purple. A hard, grungy bassline starts to play.
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
SOUND OF A RECORD SCRATCH. GONE IS VODKA FIZZ'S TERRIBLE OLD MUSIC.
Before Stanford can finish his introduction, Vodka dives into the ring from somewhere in the crowd, wasting no time in attacking his friend-cum-nemesis.
Wright: Good lord! That was very nearly a tragedy. What the hell?
Park: The New Money guys must have just seen their lives flash before their eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if Evan needs a clean pair of shorts.
Vodka Fizz has launched into a ferocious fury of lefts and right hands, finally getting his hands on his former friend and getting the upper hand on a man who has resorted to many under-handed tactics over the last few weeks. The crowd is eating up his attempts to turn Evan’s cocky smile into hamburger paste but referee Chris Mardinly eventually gets him to get off so the match can begin.
Wright: You can sense these punches have been a long time coming for Evan!
Park: This crowd loves it!
The Battle of the Best trophy is still in the ring. Vodka eyes it.
Vodka: Someone chuck me a beer!
Wright: I would be careful about asking for a beer!
Park: Too late!
We have a slight situation on our hands as there’s no beer thrown to Voddy by the timekeeper, but instead one beer, then two beers, then a red beer, et cetera as the ring begins to fill with cans. Fizz simply laughs, not having planned that this could have been a response, as he takes an empty can and salutes the crowd, cracking it open and then pouring it into the bowl serving on the top of Valentine’s BOTB trophy. The cans stop flying as the crowd knows what’s coming next.
Wright: It looks like a college frat party in the ring right now!
Park: Valentine can’t be pleased about this!
Fizz, enjoying the chaotic dumpster fire that the ring has turned into, begins to tip the trophy, pouring the beer into his mouth. The crowd yells along.
Crowd: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Fizz finishes chugging the beer to the delight of the crowd. Referee Chris Mardinly removes the trophy from the ring, kicking away the beer cans as Fizz takes in the pop. When the ring is finally cleared, Mardinly calls for the bell.
Wright: Here we go! A New Money Grudge Match!
Park: We didn’t even get the time to explain it -- but if Fizz wins tonight, he’s added to the big world title contendership match next Inferno!
The bell rings and a pissed off Evan Valentine makes sure Vodka Fizz and the crowd calm right the hell down by quickly grabbing Fizz, throwing him down in the ring in a snapmare, and then stomping on his face! The crowd boos as the Best goes to work, measuring up Fizz just perfectly before dropping his fist square between the partier’s eyes!
Wright: Oh man! A violent opening from the man who will go onto challenge MYOJIN for the X-Crown at our season premiere Inferno!
Park: He really wasted no time in squashing the party back down to nothing!
Evan Valentine Jr. quickly slides his arm underneath the chin of Vodka Fizz and works to choke the lights out of him with a side headlock. A rejuvenated Fizz won’t die so easily though, working his way back to his feet with the support of the cheering crowd before elbowing Valentine in the gut and escaping the hold. He bounces off the ropes and fires off a crossbody only to be caught and slammed down hard with a powerslam!
Wright: Fizz almost broke free but freedom didn’t last long!
Park: A hard powerslam like that can knock the air right out of you!
Valentine Jr. covers!
...ONE…
...TW-Fizz gets a shoulder up!
Valentine Jr. gets down and grabs Fizz’s leg, holding it up before DDTing it straight into the mat to inflict even more suffering on his former friend! Fizz yells out in pain as Valentine bounces off the ropes and drops a knee right onto Fizz’s left leg, drawing more disapproval from the crowd!
Wright: Valentine is working to take the leg out from his former partner!
Park: Fizz is a frenetic, high-powered striker! Taking his leg out keeps him from getting some power behind some of his other moves!
Valentine Jr. recovers in the corner for a few moments, taking the time to receive a towel from El Rey and some light applause from Wayne Tanner Jr..
Wright: Tanner has to be loving this, if Valentine knocks off Fizz tonight, that’s one less person between him and a shot at MAJESTY!
Park: Fizz needs to find a way to get out of the starting blocks!
Evan Valentine Jr. looks to build on his offensive streak and waits in the corner for Vodka Fizz to get back to his feet. Once Fizz does, Valentine charges forward, only to be met with a heel kick by Fizz, knocking him stumbling backward! Valentine is headed backward towards the ropes, only to be sent up and over to the floor by a running lariat from Fizz! Fizz gets a hand on the top rope and looks down El Rey and Tanner, keeping them at bay before launching himself over the ropes and crashing down with a senton to Valentine on the outside!
Wright: Flying senton! There’s the party king of FIRESIDE!
Park: Just needed a little bit of warming up after that pre-match drink!
Vodka Fizz pulls himself back up to his feet, posing for a very fast photo with a fan before going back to work, stomping a mudhole into Valentine as he leans against the barricade. The referee begins his count!
...ONE!
Fizz continues stomping away, but Valentine reaches up and pulls Fizz’s chest, sending his head bonking off the barricade! A stunned Fizz is quickly lifted back up before being atomic dropped right onto the barricade, splitting his legs!
...TWO!
Wright: Oh no! No!
Park: Guess we won’t be seeing a Vodka Fizz Jr. for a while!
...THREE!
Evan Valentine Jr. climbs back up on the apron and looks out to Fizz, who is still stuck on the barricade in a rather uncomfortable position. Valentine prepares himself, then uses the ropes to springboard, and dropkicks Fizz and himself over the barricade!
...FOUR!
Wright: Springboard dropkick from Valentine takes both men over the barricade and into the crowd!
Park: They better keep more than six feet of distance out there!
...FIVE!
Vodka Fizz is seen crawling away from Valentine as the replay captures both men taking the brunt of the fall to the outside, landing on the hard unpadded and therefore unprotected surface. Valentine is the first one back up to his feet, and he looks back to the ring, realizing he’s in danger of being counted out from this distance.
...SIX!
Wright: Don’t want to get counted out!
Park: He’s got to get Fizz back in the ring!
Valentine lifts Vodka Fizz back up and leans him against the barricade, preparing for a bumpy return back to the ringside area. Evan charges forward, potentially looking for a dropkick, only to be dropped HARD on the ground on the outside with a spinebuster! The crowd roars!
...SEVEN!
Wright: OUCH! SPINEBUSTER ON THE EXPOSED FLOOR!
Park: Maybe it was instinct, maybe it was raw anger, but whatever the case, that looked like it hurt like hell!
Fizz shakes himself off as the referee’s count continues to climb.
...EIGHT!
Fizz realizes where he is and hops over the barricade before rolling back inside the ring. Dr. Langari is out to check on the condition of Evan Valentine Jr. after the brutal head bump.
Wright: The doc is out to check on Evan, but this match might just be over!
Park: Fizz dropped him hard on the outside, and sometimes that’s all you need!
...NINE!
We see a conflicted Vodka Fizz as he stands in the ring, seemingly having this match won while Valentine is still dazed on the outside. A ‘bad’ set of thoughts come to him as he walks back over to the ropes, unsure if he wants to continue beating on the man who so strongly insulted him, and the crowd’s loud approval gives him the “fuck it” energy needed to exit the ring and not take the countout victory.
..T-ONE!
Park: What’s he doing! He could have had the win!
Wright: That’s not how Vodka operates! He may be the Dumpster Fire of FIRESIDE, but he won’t just take a simple countout!
Park: That’s bold of him but I have to question that decision! If he loses here, that’s going to look real bad on him!
Valentine has gotten back to his feet and the doctor has seemingly disappeared from sight, indicating that the match is okay to continue. Fizz goes back to the barricade but Valentine meets him there, taking the opportunity to get in a cheap thumb to Fizz’s eye. Fizz bends back and turns around, rubbing his eye and leaving himself open to a bulldog off the barricade from Valentine!
...TWO!
Wright: Oh you might be right UnJoo, Evan immediately makes Fizz pay for his hubris!
Park: That’s why I made a big deal about that! A win is a win! I don’t know if it was pride or anger or whatever, but Fizz should have just taken the win right there!
...THREE!
Valentine makes it back up to his feet. He grabs Fizz and slides him back into the ring, but not before dropping an elbow onto his face. Once back in the ring, he hooks both legs!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...T-Vodka Fizz kicks out! The crowd cheers!
Valentine Jr. slams his hand on the mat in frustration as Vodka Fizz refuses to stay down. Valentine prepares again for the Picture Perfect Dropkick, moving backwards into the corner and taking a firm grip of the ropes with both hands, waiting to kick Fizz back into the midcard.
Wright: The dropkicks of the Valentines are legendary, could we see another chapter in their dominance being written right here?
Park: I don’t know if Fizz knows where he is!
Valentine charges in for a dropkick yet again, but this time Fizz jumps forward towards him, quickly locking him into an octopus hold! The crowd cheers as Evan Valentine Jr. is suddenly put in a world of hurt!
Wright: Hanging Chad! Fizz locks up Evan and begins to make the man suffer!
Park: He might be about to lock up a shot at FIRESIDE World Championship contendership!
Fizz screams at Valentine to tap as Valentine is bent over in a great deal of pain. Valentine is also beginning to droop over as the legs wrapped around his throat not only hurt like hell but also are choking him out slowly. Referee Chris Mardinly bends down to get face-to-face with the son of Jonnie Valentine but the Battle of the Best winner isn’t about to tap out and is doing his best not to pass out. Fizz wrenches back on the hold.
Wright: Hanging Chad! Fizz locks up Evan and begins to make the man suffer!
Park: He might be about to lock up a shot at FIRESIDE World Championship contendership!
Fizz keeps the hold applied as the referee again checks on Valentine, who is about to fall over from the hold-- and does! The match is close to being won for Fizz but El Rey hops up on the apron, getting the attention of Mardinly as Evan Valentine Jr. looks like he’s about to tap out!
Wright: Ref! Turn around! Stop looking at El Rey, Fizz is about to win this match!
Park: I don’t think he can hear you!
Valentine is about to submit but there’s no referee to acknowledge him giving up, allowing him to dig into his ball of tricks and get out of the hold by straight-up elbowing Fizz below the belt! Fizz quickly lets go of the submission as the crowd boos loudly!
Wright: Low blow! Low blow! Ref never saw it!
Park: That resourcefulness is why Valentine is one of the best! The cover and the count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...TH-Fizz’s foot is on the ropes!
Wright: Nope! Fizz is still alive!
Park: I can’t believe it! What’s it going to take?
Evan Valentine Jr. is furious at referee Chris Mardinly’s counting and lets him hear about it. He keeps going on and on about how his daddy could easily replace him, leaving Fizz the opportunity to slide in from behind and roll him up!
Wright: Roll up! Roll up!
Park: Valentine got cocky!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THR-NO!
Valentine gets out of the pinning predicament in the nick of time!
Fizz gets affirmation that it was only two before turning around and walking right into a Picture Perfect Dropkick from Evan Valentine Jr.! The crowd boos fiercely as Fizz crumples down in a heap in the center of the ring!
Wright: Picture Perfect Dropkick! That’s ballgame!
Park:: Evan’s just got to make the cover, thanks for coming Voddy!
Evan Valentine Jr. slowly but surely crawls over, throwing an arm over Fizz!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THRE-KICKOUT!
Vodka Fizz kicks out at the last possible second and the Philadelphia arena erupts in cheers!
Wright: That was i-no! No it wasn’t! Fizz wouldn’t die!
Park: Evan finally hit that dropkick, but it wasn’t enough!
Valentine Jr. literally screams at referee Chris Mardinly, grabbing Vodka Fizz and forcefully pulling him back up from the mat into a standing position. He goes to trap Fizz’s arm, and the crowd begins to boo, knowing what’s coming next!
Wright: Cinderella’s carriage may be about to turn back into a pumpkin here!
Park:: It’s the name of his themesong, we’re about to be Evansent!
Valentine Jr. lifts Vodka Fizz up onto his shoulders, and just as he’s about to flip Fizz into the burning hammer, Fizz slides down his back! Fizz quickly hooks both of his arms and plants him with an inverted double-underhook facebuster!
Wright: Mind Eraser! How the hell did he pull that one off?
Park: This crowd is going crazy! Could that be it? The cover and the count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Walter Stanford: Here is your winner, advancing to the FIRESIDE World Championship contendership match next Inferno, VODKAAAAAAAAAA FIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Wright: Wow! Vodka Fizz does his best and knocks off a very game Evan Valentine Jr.!
Park: These two guys beat the hell out each other in this grudge match!
Fizz is in the ring, slightly exhausted, the crowd chanting his name. Someone tosses him yet another drink.
Crowd: FIZZ! FIZZ! FIZZ! FIZZ!
Evan Valentine Jr. is still laid out in the ring, when suddenly, half of the lights in the arena shut off with a thud.
Wright: Oh no...
Fizz looks around, confused at what's happening. Evan Valentine, however, gets a frightened look in his eyes. The other half of the lights in the arena now shut off.
Park: We know what that means...
Wright:: If I were Evan Valentine, I might be running for the hills!
The slow lilt of the piano fills the arena and echoes around. A single spotlight appears from above and shoots directly down on top of Evan Valentine Jr.
MAJESTY: Little Evan Valentine....
Their voice BOOMS FROM THE HEAVENS. Valentine scrambles up to his feet and stares up into the spotlight. He darts left and right, but the spotlight follows him.
MAJESTY: ...you took my name in vain last week with that mockery, and then, you chose to face MYOJIN...
Valentine darts past Vodka Fizz, the spotlight following him as he beelines for the ringside area to escape through the crowd.
MAJESTY: Where are you going, Evan?
Evan starts to climb over the rail when suddenly another spotlight lights up in front of him, up the aisle from where he is. A projection of Majesty, resplendent in red attire and golden crown, begins marching towards him.
Park: Wrong way, Evan!
Evan scrambles back over the barrier and runs to the other side of the ringside area, where he attempts to scramble over that barrier as well. Majesty's spotlight shuts off and now the apparition reappears in the crowd in front of Evan Valentine.
MAJESTY: Try again, Mr. Valentine!
Majesty lets out a long cackle. The spotlight follows Evan into the ring, where he spins around and starts to check from all sides. Suddenly, his own spotlight shuts off and the music stops completely.
Wright: What happened?
It doesn't take but a moment, though, for the lights above the ring to shine down, bathing the ring in white light. Now, we see Vodka Fizz leaning against the corner, with Evan Valentine facing towards the entrance ramp... and MAJESTY behind him, stalking, waiting.
Park: Turn around!!
Evan Valentine slowly turns around and comes face to face with Majesty. Upon realizing his predicament, he slides out of the ring and high-tails it up the ramp.
MAJESTY: Evan, you wanted to avoid me by choosing MYOJIN. But I hate to tell you a little secret...
Evan stops at the top of the ramp and turns back to face Majesty, who leans in close like they're telling a secret, and they whisper...
MAJESTY: ...you should be afraid of them, too.
Suddenly, all the lights in the arena come back up. Standing at the top of the ramp behind Evan Valentine carrying the X*Crown Championship is none other than the Shining Star, MYOJIN!! The crowd goes fucking wild at the sight of their X*Crown Champion!!!
Wright: The champ is in the building!
Park: I thought MYOJIN had the night off!
Evan Valentine looks around, confused, before slowly turning and coming face-to-face with MYOJIN. MYOJIN takes a step forward to size up his opponent for next week and Evan Valentine nervously extends a hand. MYOJIN eyeballs the hand, unsure if he wants to shake it. Just as he's making up his mind, Evan Valentine tries to sucker punch the X*Crown Champion! MYOJIN stutter steps back and leaps in the air, nailing Valentine with a jumping corkscrew roundhouse kick!
Wright: LOVE FROM OSAKA!
Park: VALENTINE JUST GOT NAILED BY THE X-CROWN CHAMPION!
Valentine goes down and MYOJIN stands over him, staring down his competitor. Majesty's voice booms one last detail.
MAJESTY: Because you won't have anywhere to run next week, Mr. Valentine. I believe you shall be facing MYOJIN... hmmm... let's say.... inside a cage?
Majesty grins. MYOJIN even cuts a confused look down at Majesty.
Wright: Can Majesty... do that?
Park: I don't know, Oliver, but do you want to challenge their powers?
Wright: Fair point, fair point. I’m not going to argue.
In the ring, Majesty turns around.
MAJESTY: ...as for you, Mr. Fizz.
Vodka Fizz snaps to attention at the entity before him.
MAJESTY: Quite an impressive match you put on today. I was actually impressed by you and... one other person. A certain... Mistress.
The crowd starts to roar in approval of the mention of Mistress Discipline.
MAJESTY: Seeing as how Evan Valentine has his hands full already with MYOJIN next show, I figured... why not let you and Mistress Discipline skip the line. No contendership match for you, no no -- straight to the top! On the next Inferno... MAJESTY... Vodka Fizz... and Mistress Discipline... for the FIRESIDE World Championship!!!!
The arena begins to unravel at the idea of those three doing battle.
Park: No fear from the champion, taking on all challengers to defend the title!
Wright: Respectable effort, but... perhaps biting off more than they can chew?
Park: Come on, it’s the Feywild Figure -- if anyone’s biting off more than they can chew, it’d be Mistress Discipline and Vodka Fizz!
As Vodka Fizz processes the information he's received, the lights blink out again. When they come back on, Majesty is gone. Fizz is left nodding in the ring, potentially accepting his destiny or his demise. There's one final high-pitched, lilting promise--
MAJESTY: Seeeeee youuuuu sooooooooooooooooooooooon!