Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 5, 2021 9:32:30 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
"I don't understand why this keeps happening. I mean I try to put my alimony checks from my ex-wife to good use and impress Vanessa and all I get is continued failue. And not even a secret agent egg laying mammal around to be my reasoning. Oh this is ... so ... inFURIating. But what is there to do? We have tried to play by their flimsy rules and after that initial success we've had bupkis. Like my life."
*Dr. Doofenschmirtz leads in the three members of the ANGRY MAD CHEMISTS. We are in a scientific laboratory full of weird looking ray guns and monstrous monoliths of science meant to do simple tasks but with a large carbon ... and physical ... footprint.*
"I swear it gets so much harder to be EEEEEVIL every day around here. I don't even know any more. I suppose it beats going back to Drusselstein and being a lawn gnome for my parents in Gimmelschtump. But not by much. There must be a better way to win these races and accelerate ... heh car pun, never let those go boys they are the only bright light of entertainment to be found in these dark days ...our plans for world domination!"
*he strokes his chin, like that new fancy Lord Dominicus t-shirt they're selling in the XHF Network shop. Billy, Ovi and Ian all look at each other and shrug.*
"Well the chemistry engine has been invaluable and makes us one of the fastest cars on the course. ANd the aerodynamic, sturdy construction means we've finished every race!"
"Ah, but the, uh, newer competitors, uh heh, they, uh, seem to have something ... beyond! ... beyond ... uh physics working for them. Chaos at its uh, most, uh, heh. purest form!"
"It's ... hauntingly befuddling how these eldritch abominations and their machine machinations seem to confound our offense and leave us with a ghost of a chance!"
"Well let's do what we do best. USE SCIENCE TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS! With my GRITTY-INATOR! It will increase your grittyness and grimeyness allowing you to be more mature, evil, dark, forboding, cunning, and cheaty without setting off any alarms with the judges! REAL dirty here fellows. NOW STAND BACK AND OBSERVE!"
"Are we sure this is *he's zapped by the ray* LOTS OF ME!"
*Something like the following happens... just watch the first 20 seconds*
"BAD HORSE BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE BAD HORSE... He rides across the nation, the throughbred of sin. He's concerned about the thing that you are now planning! It needs more security so now there's LOTS OF ME!"
*Doofbilly touches the bad horse chorus and all of them become Doof clones*
"Well ... this is ... uh ... well .. uh ... concerning. Life ... perverted ... uh ... finds ... LOTS UH, OF UM, ME!"
*Ian is now changed as he took too long trying to stutter out his report. Ovi hides behind the original Doof*
"YOU BLITHERING OAF, no amount of funding for our exploits is worth this! Undo this blasted crime against science and leave the chemistry to US!"
"Oh RELAX you eggy man. This has happened before it's not a big deal. The answer is water, it's a static thing, apparently I recreated my Uglyinator. Go figure"
*He pushes a button and the sprinklers come on and everyone reverts to normal.*
"My labcoat smells like ... pharmacist ... eugh."
*The team reconvenes and walks off to go check the car and see how to best prepare for the air race trials. Doof is left to ponder.*
"Hmmm ... ghost of a chance ... eldritch horrors ... maybe we're coming at this the wrong way."
*He walks over to his book shelf.*
"I'm SURE I have something here about metaphysical anomalies and eldritch abominations and black magic rituals! Oh HERE's one. Let's see this one has incantations. When science fails bring out the BOOKINATOR! Let's see ... Hippius Lovus, Smoochie shirty!"
"No wait I did something wrong, this isn't dark or evil. Let me try this one. Doomus Gloomus Beardus Fearus!"
"Now this is more like it! Look how stylish and svelte I am. Now I can combat this esoteric order, this mother car who I am convinced is not really a car but a POLTERGEIST! And those new turtle people. BAHAHAHAHAHA"
*What will this mean for the Sippy Cup in October????? WHO KNOWS! Certainly not Perry the Platypus.*
"I don't understand why this keeps happening. I mean I try to put my alimony checks from my ex-wife to good use and impress Vanessa and all I get is continued failue. And not even a secret agent egg laying mammal around to be my reasoning. Oh this is ... so ... inFURIating. But what is there to do? We have tried to play by their flimsy rules and after that initial success we've had bupkis. Like my life."
*Dr. Doofenschmirtz leads in the three members of the ANGRY MAD CHEMISTS. We are in a scientific laboratory full of weird looking ray guns and monstrous monoliths of science meant to do simple tasks but with a large carbon ... and physical ... footprint.*
"I swear it gets so much harder to be EEEEEVIL every day around here. I don't even know any more. I suppose it beats going back to Drusselstein and being a lawn gnome for my parents in Gimmelschtump. But not by much. There must be a better way to win these races and accelerate ... heh car pun, never let those go boys they are the only bright light of entertainment to be found in these dark days ...our plans for world domination!"
*he strokes his chin, like that new fancy Lord Dominicus t-shirt they're selling in the XHF Network shop. Billy, Ovi and Ian all look at each other and shrug.*
"Well the chemistry engine has been invaluable and makes us one of the fastest cars on the course. ANd the aerodynamic, sturdy construction means we've finished every race!"
"Ah, but the, uh, newer competitors, uh heh, they, uh, seem to have something ... beyond! ... beyond ... uh physics working for them. Chaos at its uh, most, uh, heh. purest form!"
"It's ... hauntingly befuddling how these eldritch abominations and their machine machinations seem to confound our offense and leave us with a ghost of a chance!"
"Well let's do what we do best. USE SCIENCE TO SOLVE OUR PROBLEMS! With my GRITTY-INATOR! It will increase your grittyness and grimeyness allowing you to be more mature, evil, dark, forboding, cunning, and cheaty without setting off any alarms with the judges! REAL dirty here fellows. NOW STAND BACK AND OBSERVE!"
"Are we sure this is *he's zapped by the ray* LOTS OF ME!"
*Something like the following happens... just watch the first 20 seconds*
"BAD HORSE BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE BAD HORSE... He rides across the nation, the throughbred of sin. He's concerned about the thing that you are now planning! It needs more security so now there's LOTS OF ME!"
*Doofbilly touches the bad horse chorus and all of them become Doof clones*
"Well ... this is ... uh ... well .. uh ... concerning. Life ... perverted ... uh ... finds ... LOTS UH, OF UM, ME!"
*Ian is now changed as he took too long trying to stutter out his report. Ovi hides behind the original Doof*
"YOU BLITHERING OAF, no amount of funding for our exploits is worth this! Undo this blasted crime against science and leave the chemistry to US!"
"Oh RELAX you eggy man. This has happened before it's not a big deal. The answer is water, it's a static thing, apparently I recreated my Uglyinator. Go figure"
*He pushes a button and the sprinklers come on and everyone reverts to normal.*
"My labcoat smells like ... pharmacist ... eugh."
*The team reconvenes and walks off to go check the car and see how to best prepare for the air race trials. Doof is left to ponder.*
"Hmmm ... ghost of a chance ... eldritch horrors ... maybe we're coming at this the wrong way."
*He walks over to his book shelf.*
"I'm SURE I have something here about metaphysical anomalies and eldritch abominations and black magic rituals! Oh HERE's one. Let's see this one has incantations. When science fails bring out the BOOKINATOR! Let's see ... Hippius Lovus, Smoochie shirty!"
"No wait I did something wrong, this isn't dark or evil. Let me try this one. Doomus Gloomus Beardus Fearus!"
"Now this is more like it! Look how stylish and svelte I am. Now I can combat this esoteric order, this mother car who I am convinced is not really a car but a POLTERGEIST! And those new turtle people. BAHAHAHAHAHA"
*What will this mean for the Sippy Cup in October????? WHO KNOWS! Certainly not Perry the Platypus.*
