Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 5, 2021 9:35:26 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
"No it is not a problem that we are not in Thailand yet William! You need to be patient. There are things at work here behind the scenes we are not prepared for yet. If we intend to execute our plan to take over the world in the name of SCIENCE we must first be ready for this event. Our coming out party!"
"It, uh, also, um uh, helps show, uh, hehe that heh, we um, aren’t the Sippy, uh, uh Cup, um Strangler! Hmm, yes. Not, NOT the strangler. Uh … that’s chaos."
"Oh Ian, don’t tell me they’ve gotten to you with that poppycock as well! That story is nothing but a distraction. It is an invention of the other team with the talkative car to try and cast suspicion and doubt on the other teams. We have no reason to fear it. Why back in Gimmelstump they would invent funny criminals all the time. … It’s why we had the gnomes … which I had to pretend to … you know we’ve heard this story before it’s not worth repeating."
"Well then Heinz what IS the plan, your new fashion style is more than just aesthetic. I can sense it. Something has changed, your most recent machine is almost … elegant. Closer to one of my masterpieces than your usual … well … uh … hedgehog feces."
"Why, yes Ovi, since our latest race I have been trying to understand the odd elements at play with our newest competitors. The old crews couldn’t compete with our scientific brilliance but … Mother, the Car, the EOD and those damn Samurai Reptiles with Shells in their early twenties … something was up with them. I have been studying to use their own advantages for ourselves. An elegant MISHMASH of science and eldritch HORRORS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*Lightning crackles in the background which stuns Billy who looks out the window on this bright sunny day.*
"And that is why we are stuck in the tri-state area while everyone else scouts the location, gaining an advantage, and noticing our absence and trying to frame us as the killers?"
*Doof leaps from the usual balcony in his lab and lands with a flourish… odd … normally he’d have landed on his face or fractured both ankles. Hey … where’s Perry?*
"William my boy, give us some credit." *He puts his arm around Billy* "We would never be suspected of that crime spree. We are far too evil and intelligent to busy ourselves with dabblances in MURDER! I mean any old fool can KILL. It’s not unique, it’s not elegant, it’s not flashy enough for us my boy. No we are evil without resorting to killing, bending people to our wills with our mastery of the natural world!"
"He uh, has, a uh a point. I’ve studied dinosaurs, chaos, teleportation, and insect/human relations but no killing."
"Murder is a waste of good power sources. My robots require my victims be alive to run them! How else would I stop that foolish hedgehog and his monotreme friend?"
"Oh hey you have one of those too? How humorous."
""So then why are we not in Thailand? Shouldn’t we be in Phu…
*Doof covers Billy’s mouth with a start*
"WILLIAM! Let’s keep this PG rated! We don’t want to lose the mid-day TV slot to some lesser talent in J-ROK or something do we? No that language is uncalled for. After all you never know who could be watching this or reading the transcript! Prize winning authors? Small children? We wish to SWAY minds and BEND them… not poison them."
"The point is a valid one Heinz. Why are we still here? What have you been working on while we fine-tuned the weapons and car innards?"
*Doofenschmirtz simply stands up straight and pops his collar up like he is some kind of superstar.*
"Oh my new enhanced mind and body has put the dark energies of the mystic arts to work with my science … and my wife’s hefty alimony payments … to complete a FEW projects. Productivity is up 500% for this Sippy Cup occasion. You see there can be no failure here. Since the first race where we dominated we have been back in the pack. Finishing races and collecting points but going relatively unnoticed and unappreciated. WELL NO MORE!"
*He points to a button on the side of the CHEMISTRUCKINATOR.*
"BEHOLD! I have disabled the button that when pressed causes the car to eject the driver and immediately disassemble the car and explode it!"
*Billy sputters in exaggerated motions of anger and shock.*
"WHAT!? I was in mortal peril in every race?? ARE YOU INSANE!? WHO PUTS A BUTTON LIKE THAT ON THEIR MACHINES?"
"Not your proudest moment Heinz. No wonder the platypus always stopped you. At least I made the hedgehog earn his victories."
*Doof holds up his hands in apologetic innocence*
"Yes yes I know! I don’t understand how I could have missed that one. It’s like the black fog of the old ones has cleared the … well .. the doofy fog of … of me … "
*The three men on the team look at each other before Ian shrugs. After all this is certainly an improvement.*
"Second, I stabilized the formula for the D.O.O.F. ammunition. It is now 250% more clingy and 50% less attracted to the CHEMISTRUCKINATOR! Also it’s much less flammable and will no longer cause horrible rashes and welts on anyone it touches."
*The other three actually murmur in impressed fashion. Doof has never been this reliable or productive.*
"And I have come up with a plan to change our fortunes and win the Sippy Cup trophy! But I will need all of your expertise to finish it! Billy … I will need your matter liquification teleporter gun. Ovi I will need your robotics expertise, and Ian I will need your insight on chaos and the nature of the mind."
*He laughs ominously as we temporarily fade.*
*It is now night time and the four men emerge from the experimental laboratory covered in grime, oil, grease, sweat, and blood. Maybe a little ectoplasm on Doof too.*
"Everything is ready! This will surely change our fortunes and make us the most threatening team in all of CAR! BAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*Ovi twists his substantial moustache as he cackles.*
"AH, a-ha! Uh this is certainly, uh, certainly our greatest effort, um, to, uh date. Ha. HnnnHmmm yes!"
*Ian hmms and hahs while pointing his right index finger in the air*
"Here lies everything, the world we wanted at our feet! Our victory’s complete!"
"SO HAIL TO THE KINGS BABY!"
"So you think justice has a voice and we all have a choice? Well now your world is ours … The Nightmare’s real, AMC is here to make you quake with fear and make the whole world kneel."
"The final preparations are done. With Billy’s thievery tool we have enhanced our corrosive bullets to liquefy almost any matter! With Ovi’s robotics we have managed to enhance the chemistry engine and smoke screen to god-tier level! And with Ian’s expertise I have been able to complete my greatest –inator yet! THE INDOCTRINATOR!"
*He stops … wait … that one actually works as a name without feeling like inator was just tacked on. What is happening to our main man!?*
"Gentlemen, this weapon is one of insidious nature. More evil than anything we’e ever created! With this we will sway the minds of everyone. We will test it out on the guest commentator and Mee-maw at the race. This machine feeds the brain little subconscious thoughts and gently bends their wills to align with ours. This is a dry run so we will simply influence them to talk more about us and all positively! If we can get Mee-Maw to stop insulting the doof ammunition we will know it is working. And it will tell us that we can use it on all the viewers of CAR. And to ensure nobody says we are violating rules it will not be with the car. And the use will be before the race and not targeting our opponents. I’ve thought it all through."
"With one, uh, fell swoop, um uh swoop even … we uh, can … uh WILL …WILL become the most talked about uh, racers, uh in all of the Network!"
"We will finally have the world in our grasp, and close our iron fist around the entire network. We will make them see the glory of our science!"
"Gentlemen … it’s time … to get horrible."
"First the Sippy Cup … then the tri-state area … then the XHF Network .. then THE WORLD! BAHAHAHAHAHA! Let’s see L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. cry when they find out what they had when they fired me! And once we’ve tamed the commentators, and the viewers .. .the next step … is to harness the eldritch powers of the other teams and claim them as our own! NOTHING CAN STOP US! Oooh let’s go get shawarma before we head out for Thailand!"
*Will the nefarious schemes of the three scientific evil geniuses and the eldritch energy enhanced financial backer be enough to tame the XHF Network? Only the Sippy Cup can tell us the answers. What does this mean for “season 2” of CAR? FOLLOW THE MADNESS AND GET ANGRY! FOLLOW US!*
"No it is not a problem that we are not in Thailand yet William! You need to be patient. There are things at work here behind the scenes we are not prepared for yet. If we intend to execute our plan to take over the world in the name of SCIENCE we must first be ready for this event. Our coming out party!"
"It, uh, also, um uh, helps show, uh, hehe that heh, we um, aren’t the Sippy, uh, uh Cup, um Strangler! Hmm, yes. Not, NOT the strangler. Uh … that’s chaos."
"Oh Ian, don’t tell me they’ve gotten to you with that poppycock as well! That story is nothing but a distraction. It is an invention of the other team with the talkative car to try and cast suspicion and doubt on the other teams. We have no reason to fear it. Why back in Gimmelstump they would invent funny criminals all the time. … It’s why we had the gnomes … which I had to pretend to … you know we’ve heard this story before it’s not worth repeating."
"Well then Heinz what IS the plan, your new fashion style is more than just aesthetic. I can sense it. Something has changed, your most recent machine is almost … elegant. Closer to one of my masterpieces than your usual … well … uh … hedgehog feces."
"Why, yes Ovi, since our latest race I have been trying to understand the odd elements at play with our newest competitors. The old crews couldn’t compete with our scientific brilliance but … Mother, the Car, the EOD and those damn Samurai Reptiles with Shells in their early twenties … something was up with them. I have been studying to use their own advantages for ourselves. An elegant MISHMASH of science and eldritch HORRORS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*Lightning crackles in the background which stuns Billy who looks out the window on this bright sunny day.*
"And that is why we are stuck in the tri-state area while everyone else scouts the location, gaining an advantage, and noticing our absence and trying to frame us as the killers?"
*Doof leaps from the usual balcony in his lab and lands with a flourish… odd … normally he’d have landed on his face or fractured both ankles. Hey … where’s Perry?*
"William my boy, give us some credit." *He puts his arm around Billy* "We would never be suspected of that crime spree. We are far too evil and intelligent to busy ourselves with dabblances in MURDER! I mean any old fool can KILL. It’s not unique, it’s not elegant, it’s not flashy enough for us my boy. No we are evil without resorting to killing, bending people to our wills with our mastery of the natural world!"
"He uh, has, a uh a point. I’ve studied dinosaurs, chaos, teleportation, and insect/human relations but no killing."
"Murder is a waste of good power sources. My robots require my victims be alive to run them! How else would I stop that foolish hedgehog and his monotreme friend?"
"Oh hey you have one of those too? How humorous."
""So then why are we not in Thailand? Shouldn’t we be in Phu…
*Doof covers Billy’s mouth with a start*
"WILLIAM! Let’s keep this PG rated! We don’t want to lose the mid-day TV slot to some lesser talent in J-ROK or something do we? No that language is uncalled for. After all you never know who could be watching this or reading the transcript! Prize winning authors? Small children? We wish to SWAY minds and BEND them… not poison them."
"The point is a valid one Heinz. Why are we still here? What have you been working on while we fine-tuned the weapons and car innards?"
*Doofenschmirtz simply stands up straight and pops his collar up like he is some kind of superstar.*
"Oh my new enhanced mind and body has put the dark energies of the mystic arts to work with my science … and my wife’s hefty alimony payments … to complete a FEW projects. Productivity is up 500% for this Sippy Cup occasion. You see there can be no failure here. Since the first race where we dominated we have been back in the pack. Finishing races and collecting points but going relatively unnoticed and unappreciated. WELL NO MORE!"
*He points to a button on the side of the CHEMISTRUCKINATOR.*
"BEHOLD! I have disabled the button that when pressed causes the car to eject the driver and immediately disassemble the car and explode it!"
*Billy sputters in exaggerated motions of anger and shock.*
"WHAT!? I was in mortal peril in every race?? ARE YOU INSANE!? WHO PUTS A BUTTON LIKE THAT ON THEIR MACHINES?"
"Not your proudest moment Heinz. No wonder the platypus always stopped you. At least I made the hedgehog earn his victories."
*Doof holds up his hands in apologetic innocence*
"Yes yes I know! I don’t understand how I could have missed that one. It’s like the black fog of the old ones has cleared the … well .. the doofy fog of … of me … "
*The three men on the team look at each other before Ian shrugs. After all this is certainly an improvement.*
"Second, I stabilized the formula for the D.O.O.F. ammunition. It is now 250% more clingy and 50% less attracted to the CHEMISTRUCKINATOR! Also it’s much less flammable and will no longer cause horrible rashes and welts on anyone it touches."
*The other three actually murmur in impressed fashion. Doof has never been this reliable or productive.*
"And I have come up with a plan to change our fortunes and win the Sippy Cup trophy! But I will need all of your expertise to finish it! Billy … I will need your matter liquification teleporter gun. Ovi I will need your robotics expertise, and Ian I will need your insight on chaos and the nature of the mind."
*He laughs ominously as we temporarily fade.*
[SEVERAL HOURS LATER]
*It is now night time and the four men emerge from the experimental laboratory covered in grime, oil, grease, sweat, and blood. Maybe a little ectoplasm on Doof too.*
"Everything is ready! This will surely change our fortunes and make us the most threatening team in all of CAR! BAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*Ovi twists his substantial moustache as he cackles.*
"AH, a-ha! Uh this is certainly, uh, certainly our greatest effort, um, to, uh date. Ha. HnnnHmmm yes!"
*Ian hmms and hahs while pointing his right index finger in the air*
"Here lies everything, the world we wanted at our feet! Our victory’s complete!"
"SO HAIL TO THE KINGS BABY!"
"So you think justice has a voice and we all have a choice? Well now your world is ours … The Nightmare’s real, AMC is here to make you quake with fear and make the whole world kneel."
"The final preparations are done. With Billy’s thievery tool we have enhanced our corrosive bullets to liquefy almost any matter! With Ovi’s robotics we have managed to enhance the chemistry engine and smoke screen to god-tier level! And with Ian’s expertise I have been able to complete my greatest –inator yet! THE INDOCTRINATOR!"
*He stops … wait … that one actually works as a name without feeling like inator was just tacked on. What is happening to our main man!?*
"Gentlemen, this weapon is one of insidious nature. More evil than anything we’e ever created! With this we will sway the minds of everyone. We will test it out on the guest commentator and Mee-maw at the race. This machine feeds the brain little subconscious thoughts and gently bends their wills to align with ours. This is a dry run so we will simply influence them to talk more about us and all positively! If we can get Mee-Maw to stop insulting the doof ammunition we will know it is working. And it will tell us that we can use it on all the viewers of CAR. And to ensure nobody says we are violating rules it will not be with the car. And the use will be before the race and not targeting our opponents. I’ve thought it all through."
"With one, uh, fell swoop, um uh swoop even … we uh, can … uh WILL …WILL become the most talked about uh, racers, uh in all of the Network!"
"We will finally have the world in our grasp, and close our iron fist around the entire network. We will make them see the glory of our science!"
"Gentlemen … it’s time … to get horrible."
"First the Sippy Cup … then the tri-state area … then the XHF Network .. then THE WORLD! BAHAHAHAHAHA! Let’s see L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. cry when they find out what they had when they fired me! And once we’ve tamed the commentators, and the viewers .. .the next step … is to harness the eldritch powers of the other teams and claim them as our own! NOTHING CAN STOP US! Oooh let’s go get shawarma before we head out for Thailand!"
*Will the nefarious schemes of the three scientific evil geniuses and the eldritch energy enhanced financial backer be enough to tame the XHF Network? Only the Sippy Cup can tell us the answers. What does this mean for “season 2” of CAR? FOLLOW THE MADNESS AND GET ANGRY! FOLLOW US!*
