Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 5, 2021 9:42:49 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
*The feed turns on and we are treated to a screen that is ... pure gold. Like gold is covering the entire image. The view slowly zooms out and we see we are staring at ... oh ... oh Lord no. Oh ... if this team wasn't so intriguing and lovable I'd be sick right now. If this was any team but the glorious Angry Mad Chemists I'd be vomiting. We are staring at the gilded trophy around the black outfit supporting the heftiest balls of science you've ever seen praise be to them ...*
"That's right Perry the Platypus! The day has finally come where DOCTOR HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ has won the day! And really a whole month and technically a season when you stop to think about it. Oh but don't do that we don't want to stress that monotreme mind of yours do we? GAZE UPON MY NEWEST -INATOR ... THE CROTCHINATOR!"
*We zoom out to see we are staring at Dr. Doofenshmirtz, the financial backer of the Angry Mad Chemists forcing a platypus in a fedora to gaze longingly into his crotch which is wearing the Cup Cup prize ... the golden jock strap. Perry makes that clicking noise.*
"Oh Perry don't be so sore. After all the Indoctrinator is making it so you believe you want to see this glory in all its ... well ... glory! The Angry Mad Chemists are CUP CUP CHAMPIONS and my man bits are now safely nestled into this supportive undergarment made of gold. Go ahead, you can admit you're jealous. I won't tell."
*We hear a door open and Heinz looks over the balcony to see the rest of his team walking into the garage. As soon as they get within ten horizontal feet of the room Doof and Perry are in William Lastname, horrible driver of the team, grabs his gut in pain. And then his ass begins to inflate again.*
"DAMNIT DOOF WHY IS THAT THING ON! TURN IT OFF! The last session it took 2 hours to use my new horrible invention to drain my butt of the fluid it inflates with. And I can't take any more attention from the so-called 'fans' of me. That meemaw has a sick sense of humor. And that Recoba fellow sent us some baked goods. Ian hasn't fully recovered from that yet either."
*The chaotic weapons specialist Ian Brundle holds his finger in the air to get attention and speaks as he begins to sweat again.*
"I have developed um... an um ... uh ... aversion? Aversion. Developed an aversion to uh, the taste of cardboard, rocks, and uh ... salt. The uh, scones, uh could be used to commit uh ... um hehe war crimes, ha!"
"Can you stop playing with the monotreme and turn off that blasted machine!? We have a new race series to prepare for. The happiest race on Earth. I think a certain mouse is out to sue... all these rodents and monotremes ... bringing back Mobius flashbacks!"
*The team mechanic, Dr. Ovi Kintobor, gently twirls his ample and supple moustache.*
"Ovi, how can we worry when we have proven that we are the best team on the racing circuit? Soon the world will be ours for the taking! We won the Cup Cup and now I have this wonderful bit of kitsch to get me all the attention I need and to power us to victory where we will earn the right to use the INDOCTRINATOR in the races! I have already seen it working it's wonders on the crew, I'm sure there will be some pro-us elements to the track this month. I have the happiest crotch on earth right now!"
"This race track may LOOK simplistic compared to some of the others but the other three teams consist of a haunted ectoplasmic machine, an eldritch abomination and ... most worrying of all ... ... furries ..."
"Yes William but we have the other teams in our thrall. They will be unable to prepare for us until the race is on and the machine no longer is on them, and who knows what lingering effects it will have on their psyches? And furthermore I've made sure to ingratiate us to the world further with a paid spot at the network event Supremacy! Testimonials about what a great place CAR is for the network ... with a touch of the INDOCTRINATOR!"
*The three men murmur in satisfaction and sigh as they turn to prepare the chemistrickinator for the race ... when the platypus manages to use his tail to turn off the indoctrinator and wriggle free of the ropes tying him to the bust of Doof. He kicks Doof from behind and he falls over the banister and down to the lower level with the team where he falls into the beam of his CROTCHINATOR!*
"AHHHHHH! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!!"
*Doof comes out looking like the driver for the Don't Touch My Junk racing team and everything blurs with censorship.*
"OVI TURN THE CAMERA OFF! I CANNOT BE SEEN LOSING MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH THIS CLOSE TO OUR ULTIMATE VICTORY!"
*Fade out*
1. As expected, the bears are wearing clothing. What is the oddest outfit they are wearing?
"I say, William ... is that bear dancing around in liederhosen?"
"I think so Ovi. And ... is that a dancing lawn gnome bear?"
"NOOO NOT THE GNOME IN LIEDERHOSEN!!!! PLEASE MOMMY EVERYONE IN GIMMELSTUMP IS LAUGHING AT ME!!!"
2. How did the crew celebrate the new year?
"I have to win, I cannot let my new year's trauma stop me. Nobody should spend their new year in a lab inventing a machine and then forcibly draining 40 pounds of fluid from their gluteus maximus!"
3. What is the creepiest part of the race?
"Oh uh ... the ... the uh flowers are ... like the many women swarming me ... blooming and exploding ... hehe ... RUN!"
4. How will your team respond to winning?
"HAHA! THE HAPPIEST CROTCH ON EARTH IS NOW THE MASTER OF YOUR RACES! INDOCTRINATOR FOR EVERYONE!"
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
"CURSE YOU CROTCHY THE JOCK STRAP! You were supposed to give us luck and let us win!"
*The feed turns on and we are treated to a screen that is ... pure gold. Like gold is covering the entire image. The view slowly zooms out and we see we are staring at ... oh ... oh Lord no. Oh ... if this team wasn't so intriguing and lovable I'd be sick right now. If this was any team but the glorious Angry Mad Chemists I'd be vomiting. We are staring at the gilded trophy around the black outfit supporting the heftiest balls of science you've ever seen praise be to them ...*
"That's right Perry the Platypus! The day has finally come where DOCTOR HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ has won the day! And really a whole month and technically a season when you stop to think about it. Oh but don't do that we don't want to stress that monotreme mind of yours do we? GAZE UPON MY NEWEST -INATOR ... THE CROTCHINATOR!"
*We zoom out to see we are staring at Dr. Doofenshmirtz, the financial backer of the Angry Mad Chemists forcing a platypus in a fedora to gaze longingly into his crotch which is wearing the Cup Cup prize ... the golden jock strap. Perry makes that clicking noise.*
"Oh Perry don't be so sore. After all the Indoctrinator is making it so you believe you want to see this glory in all its ... well ... glory! The Angry Mad Chemists are CUP CUP CHAMPIONS and my man bits are now safely nestled into this supportive undergarment made of gold. Go ahead, you can admit you're jealous. I won't tell."
*We hear a door open and Heinz looks over the balcony to see the rest of his team walking into the garage. As soon as they get within ten horizontal feet of the room Doof and Perry are in William Lastname, horrible driver of the team, grabs his gut in pain. And then his ass begins to inflate again.*
"DAMNIT DOOF WHY IS THAT THING ON! TURN IT OFF! The last session it took 2 hours to use my new horrible invention to drain my butt of the fluid it inflates with. And I can't take any more attention from the so-called 'fans' of me. That meemaw has a sick sense of humor. And that Recoba fellow sent us some baked goods. Ian hasn't fully recovered from that yet either."
*The chaotic weapons specialist Ian Brundle holds his finger in the air to get attention and speaks as he begins to sweat again.*
"I have developed um... an um ... uh ... aversion? Aversion. Developed an aversion to uh, the taste of cardboard, rocks, and uh ... salt. The uh, scones, uh could be used to commit uh ... um hehe war crimes, ha!"
"Can you stop playing with the monotreme and turn off that blasted machine!? We have a new race series to prepare for. The happiest race on Earth. I think a certain mouse is out to sue... all these rodents and monotremes ... bringing back Mobius flashbacks!"
*The team mechanic, Dr. Ovi Kintobor, gently twirls his ample and supple moustache.*
"Ovi, how can we worry when we have proven that we are the best team on the racing circuit? Soon the world will be ours for the taking! We won the Cup Cup and now I have this wonderful bit of kitsch to get me all the attention I need and to power us to victory where we will earn the right to use the INDOCTRINATOR in the races! I have already seen it working it's wonders on the crew, I'm sure there will be some pro-us elements to the track this month. I have the happiest crotch on earth right now!"
"This race track may LOOK simplistic compared to some of the others but the other three teams consist of a haunted ectoplasmic machine, an eldritch abomination and ... most worrying of all ... ... furries ..."
"Yes William but we have the other teams in our thrall. They will be unable to prepare for us until the race is on and the machine no longer is on them, and who knows what lingering effects it will have on their psyches? And furthermore I've made sure to ingratiate us to the world further with a paid spot at the network event Supremacy! Testimonials about what a great place CAR is for the network ... with a touch of the INDOCTRINATOR!"
*The three men murmur in satisfaction and sigh as they turn to prepare the chemistrickinator for the race ... when the platypus manages to use his tail to turn off the indoctrinator and wriggle free of the ropes tying him to the bust of Doof. He kicks Doof from behind and he falls over the banister and down to the lower level with the team where he falls into the beam of his CROTCHINATOR!*
"AHHHHHH! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!!!!"
*Doof comes out looking like the driver for the Don't Touch My Junk racing team and everything blurs with censorship.*
"OVI TURN THE CAMERA OFF! I CANNOT BE SEEN LOSING MY MOMENT OF TRIUMPH THIS CLOSE TO OUR ULTIMATE VICTORY!"
*Fade out*
1. As expected, the bears are wearing clothing. What is the oddest outfit they are wearing?
"I say, William ... is that bear dancing around in liederhosen?"
"I think so Ovi. And ... is that a dancing lawn gnome bear?"
"NOOO NOT THE GNOME IN LIEDERHOSEN!!!! PLEASE MOMMY EVERYONE IN GIMMELSTUMP IS LAUGHING AT ME!!!"
2. How did the crew celebrate the new year?
"I have to win, I cannot let my new year's trauma stop me. Nobody should spend their new year in a lab inventing a machine and then forcibly draining 40 pounds of fluid from their gluteus maximus!"
3. What is the creepiest part of the race?
"Oh uh ... the ... the uh flowers are ... like the many women swarming me ... blooming and exploding ... hehe ... RUN!"
4. How will your team respond to winning?
"HAHA! THE HAPPIEST CROTCH ON EARTH IS NOW THE MASTER OF YOUR RACES! INDOCTRINATOR FOR EVERYONE!"
5. How will your team respond to not winning?
"CURSE YOU CROTCHY THE JOCK STRAP! You were supposed to give us luck and let us win!"
