Post by Dave D-Flipz on Aug 5, 2021 9:46:20 GMT -5
“DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED!!”
*We open in our usual setting of the garage laboratory of the Angry Mad Chemists, located within the Doofenshmirtz building in the “tri-state” area. It is within these walls we find a team at work trying to take on a calamity of chthulic proportions! The financial backer and leader of the team, Dr. Heinz Doofenshirtz has been steadily losing his ill-gotten brain gains as the evil plan of the indoctrinator was put to paper upon winning the February race. Winning the March race had not quelled his slip. He was now too focused on obtaining evil love with Brie Mason (who she will remind you is not affiliated with the freemasons), the financial backer of the Esoteric Order of Driving. Splitting his attention has left his mind more open to the eldritch forces he tried to play with to even the playing field between Mother, EOD, and the AMC.*
"There! The final touches are complete."
*The chief mechanic and robotics expert Dr. Ovi Kintobor speaks up as we find all three of the actual raceday team buried in their work. They are currently adding another modification to their wondrous Chemistruckinator!*
"Yes Ovi, this um … ablative coating should greatly … uh greatly reduce any threats from the other teams, teams and um … Subject should hehe slide off like a greased up pig at a wedding."
*Horrible Driver, Billy Lastname, and Ovi both raise their eyebrows at the weapons expert and chaotician Ian Brundle.*
"Personal experience Ian?"
"Oh! Haha! No! I am single. I am uh, too much man for any human to uh ... handle. And animals and robots don’t uh … hoist my flag if you understand, haha."
"… I wish I could have used my freeze ray and stopped myself from hearing that."
"Sexual proclivities aside, this chemical formula is simply ingenious, gentlemen. It has been two in a row for us. And now it’s turkey time!"
"It’s not Thanksgiving Ovi."
"Huh, you STRIKE me as someone who would enjoy bowling William. Oh well, I’ll SPARE you the details of the BALL I have at bowling and just tell you … when I am on the lanes, everyone else knows to just SPLIT."
"Bad puns, BAD PUNS, bad puns, Bad PUUUUUUNS!
You really had to stretch it, to make that phrasing work.
Now we all think that you’re just some kind of jerk!
You really had to push it, and now we are ashamed.
Can’t take it back, your puns are whack, you really are some kind of dunce!"
You really had to stretch it, to make that phrasing work.
Now we all think that you’re just some kind of jerk!
You really had to push it, and now we are ashamed.
Can’t take it back, your puns are whack, you really are some kind of dunce!"
*Ovi simply glares at the chorus.*
"Everyone’s a critic. Who even keeps letting them in?"
"They came lifetime assignment to me when I joined the evil league of evil. They appear to be able to transcend time and space to sing at us anywhere, anytime. Honestly it’s probably something Doof could look into in his ancient tomes."
*On cue, Dr. Doofenshmirtz busts into the room from his inner lab, the Sanctum Sanctimonious! He is followed by a wingaling dragon with a beefy arm coming out of the back of his neck there … look at all his majesty. This is Trogdor the Burninator, possessed by the non-corporeal spirit of an Old One named PHROOOAGGH!*
"But that is silly! Why wouldn’t she want to date me? We won two races in a row. I am a sexy hunk of Gimmelstumpian meat. And I am both a scientific genius AND in league with the same forces that power their hideous abomination of a vehicle!"
"RRRREEEEEEEEEEEeeeal funny Doof. YOU ARE BUT A MERE MORTAL PEON! OUR WAYS CANNOT BE KNOWN TO YOU!"
*Everyone takes notice.*
"Not gonna lie, I thought we dreamed that dragon last time. I guess he really was hearing voices! … In a not crazy way … which is also actually a crazy way."
*Doof turns to his men and sees the kaleidoscopic effect on the armor of his favorite –inator ever, the Chemistruckinator.*
"Oh, what, I … Ovi! This is magnificent! You’ve out done yourself this time my good man! We are sure to win that trophy now. I will go to Brie Mason *you know the deal* and show her the trophy, the beard, the sciency car, the eldritch dragon … and MY GOLDEN CROTCHINATOR! And she will fall head over heels for me. Maybe we go get dinner, do some experiments, enhance her cybernetically with an imbedded indoctrinator…"
"WHAT?"
"What?"
"What was that last one?"
"… Get coffee and scones?"
"YoU muST brinG ME The ENGORGED ONE! I desire what is being cooked inside. If YOU CANNOT WIN THE RACE AND BRING ME THE WEREWOLF … I will have to find some other way to get what I desire … and punish you all."
"Oh please, you may have a body but you still rely on us for power, just go rent a furry porno, I’m sure that Kira fellow can tell you where to find it."
"… … ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!"
*He burns a hole in the roof with his fire and punches Doof in the spleen and runs back into the Sanctum Sanctimonious.*
"GAH! *gasping and weezing for air* Gentle … *huff* men … *groan* Get to the tele *cough* porter! It’s race time!"
"I feel like you somehow skirted over the issue of the target on our back for the sideeffects of the indoctrinator. And the fact people don’t LIKE being mind controlled."
*Doof just stumbles into his THRONE ROOM! And slams the door. The door says water closet.*
"The likelihood of us dying… or worse … um … is nearing 100% … we should solve this problem before the next um … Sippy Cup race. Or Doof and the other teams may all get us killed."
*Fade*
