Post by ForeverKuroi on Aug 12, 2021 19:30:52 GMT -5
The scene fades into a graphic on the screen with a middle aged man walking closer toward the camera.
Host: Welcome back to "Where are they now?" A special from the XHF Network only on the XHF Network Channel. If you're just tuning in to the program, we've just finished up with Jeffrey Viper.
The scene cuts to a picture of this with some noise in the background.
Prisoner: Ayo Viper, get down on the ground!
Viper: NO! I'm not going to let some guy just do that to me! I have respect for myself!
Prisoner: Oh shut yo' bitch ass up! I know you like getting peed on. I've seen that video!
The scene fades back to the man, the narrator of this special.
Host: Now, we'll be switching to someone else. Someone almost as disliked as Viper. This is the story of Copycat.
Music plays before switching over to a fixture of gravel outside of the local Wendy’s. Legs are found near the dirt, lying horizontally. The feet are pointed upwards. Then we see everyone’s (least) favorite person in the world, Terry Bradshaw. He looks at the young pile of skin and bones laying before him.
Bradshaw: Why, if it isn’t my bestest friend in the entire world! Hello, Copycat!
The camera zooms out and finds Copycat in front of something brown, and sleek, and awesome, if it was real. In fact, he’s in front of a…
Bradshaw: Wow, Copycat! That looks really awesome!
Copycat: Yeah, well...I thought I’d work on something after AWF is gone and all. And, y’know. Just to live up to the Cardboard Cing moniker I’ve been given. I guess I don’t want people to forget all about that, haha.
Bradshaw: Copycat, everyone forget about that.
Copycat: And I- ...Wait, what?
Bradshaw: Yeah. I made that all up to give you a little bit of confidence for the Rumble before you screwed all that up.
Copycat: But I… With the fame and the Jimmy Kimmel show and the…
Bradshaw: I paid them all off.
Copycat: And-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts him again.
Bradshaw: Let’s be honest, Copycat. No one respects you as a person. Remember our trip to the first event at the XHF Network? End of Days 2017?
Copycat: Hmmm…
Flight Attendant: Hello there. We are now preparing to board with service to Pittsburgh. We will be starting with our first class passengers.
Copycat and Terry Bradshaw get up from their seats. Copycat back then was actually at a normal weight, although technically much heavier as he was carrying all of Terry Bradshaw’s bags. Bradshaw was, however, not carrying a damn thing. The two approach the desk.
Bradshaw: Hello ma’am. We are with the XHF Network. I believe we have two tickets waiting for us.
Flight Attendant: Oh? And what’s the name?
Bradshaw: Bradshaw. Terry Bradshaw. And he is… Copycat, what’s your last name?
Copycat: I don’t have one. My name is Copycat.
Bradshaw: Copycat, let’s not horse around. This is a high-security area.
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, I’m being serious!
Bradshaw: COPYCAT, STOP HORSING AROUND IN THIS SERIOUS SITUATION OR I WILL PULL OUT MY GU-
Flight Attendant: Okay, Mr. Bradshaw. I did find your ticket. But I see nothing for your friend over here.
Bradshaw: What!? You tell Felix, that fat son of a bitch, to not screw me over!
Flight Attendant: Actually, this was sent out from Mongo’s office from the XHF Network.
Bradshaw: What!? You tell Mongo, that fat son of a bitch, to not screw me over!
Flight Attendant: They told me there were no records of someone named… Copycat. There is some room on this plane though. The tickets are actually quite cheap now. Actually, it looks like we’re running a special. They’re only $50. Since you’re a millionaire-
Bradshaw: MULTI-BILLIONAIRE.
Flight Attendant: ...Right. As a Multi-Billionaire, you might want to buy a ticket for your friend?
Bradshaw: First of all, we are NOT gay.
Flight Attendant: ...I never said you were?
Bradshaw: SECONDLY, I will NOT spend money. If he doesn’t get through, that’s on him.
Copycat: WHAT!?
Terry Bradshaw leans over to Copycat.
Bradshaw: Listen. I have a plane.
Copycat: You mean a plan?
Bradshaw: That too. I’ll book you as luggage.
Copycat: But that will cost more money than just getting me a ticket!
Bradshaw: Look, it’s your money. I won’t tell you what to do with it.
Copycat: If I had the money, I would just buy myself a seat on the plane!
Bradshaw: You mean the plan?
Copycat: …
Flight Attendant: ...You know I can hear everything you just said, right? Maybe next time you want to break the law, try whispering?
Bradshaw: Whatever. Where’s my first class ticket?
Flight Attendant: Mongo acquired you a coach seat ticket, along with a note saying, “Be grateful you even get that.”
Copycat: So did you come here just to humiliate me some more?
Bradshaw: Heavens, Copycat - No!
Copycat: Look, Mr. Bradshaw. Wrestling for me is over! And there’s no bringing me back!
Bradshaw: Pffft! Who cares about wrestling!? I think we want to try… something else for you.
Copycat: ...Like what?
Terry Bradshaw isn’t looking at Copycat. He’s looking past Copycat. Copycat looks back.
Copycat: ...My car?
Bradshaw: There’s a place in the XHF Network called Competitive Automotive Racing, also known as CAT. That’s half your name, Copycat! This place was made for you!
Copycat: I don’t think CAT is the acronym… Plus, I’m not even sure this is functional yet.
Copycat hops inside of the car and begins to pretend to start it.
Copycat: Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruhhhhhh SQUEEEEE. ...Hmmm, I don’t think it’s ready yet. Still needs some work.
Bradshaw: I see. Why don’t you try it again?
Copycat: ...Okay. Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruhhhhhhh
Bradshaw: RUHHHHHH! VROOOOOM!!!!! RAHHHHHH. OH LOOK, COPYCAT! IT WORKS!
Copycat: ...If ...If you say so.
Bradshaw: I’ll make you a champion yet. And it won’t just come from me. It will come from the longest reigning XHF Champion of ALL TIME.
Copycat: ...Reeshi?
Bradshaw: REESHI! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE, BUDDY!
Suddenly, a large and fat biker comes out of the Wendy’s with a Baconator. He looks like this.
Reeshi: What did you need me to do again?
Bradshaw: I need you to teach Copycat how to race a car!
Reeshi looks over to the cardboard car Copycat made.
Reeshi: That it?
Copycat: Yep! I call it the Copycorvette!
Reeshi: ...Well that’s fucking stupid. Alright, let’s start this shit.
Copycat: WAIT, DON-
Reeshi doesn’t get at the car more than he just plops down onto the car, destroying it.
Copycat: NOOO!!!!
Bradshaw: Alright. Here’s what you gotta do. Fix this car by racing day.
Copycat: …
The scene fades.
1. How do you plan to swing by the swinging balls? Terry Bradshaw will try to turn back time to before the descension of the testicles.
2. How fast is the conveyor belt moving? You know.
3. Do you see the flame thrower? Bradshaw and Reeshi do. They don't tell Copycat.
4. How will your team respond to winning? Bradshaw and Reeshi will pick Copycat on their shoulders and tear up the town.
5. How will your team respond to not winning? They will blame Copycat.
Host: Welcome back to "Where are they now?" A special from the XHF Network only on the XHF Network Channel. If you're just tuning in to the program, we've just finished up with Jeffrey Viper.
The scene cuts to a picture of this with some noise in the background.
Prisoner: Ayo Viper, get down on the ground!
Viper: NO! I'm not going to let some guy just do that to me! I have respect for myself!
Prisoner: Oh shut yo' bitch ass up! I know you like getting peed on. I've seen that video!
The scene fades back to the man, the narrator of this special.
Host: Now, we'll be switching to someone else. Someone almost as disliked as Viper. This is the story of Copycat.
Music plays before switching over to a fixture of gravel outside of the local Wendy’s. Legs are found near the dirt, lying horizontally. The feet are pointed upwards. Then we see everyone’s (least) favorite person in the world, Terry Bradshaw. He looks at the young pile of skin and bones laying before him.
Bradshaw: Why, if it isn’t my bestest friend in the entire world! Hello, Copycat!
The camera zooms out and finds Copycat in front of something brown, and sleek, and awesome, if it was real. In fact, he’s in front of a…
Bradshaw: Wow, Copycat! That looks really awesome!
Copycat: Yeah, well...I thought I’d work on something after AWF is gone and all. And, y’know. Just to live up to the Cardboard Cing moniker I’ve been given. I guess I don’t want people to forget all about that, haha.
Bradshaw: Copycat, everyone forget about that.
Copycat: And I- ...Wait, what?
Bradshaw: Yeah. I made that all up to give you a little bit of confidence for the Rumble before you screwed all that up.
Copycat: But I… With the fame and the Jimmy Kimmel show and the…
Bradshaw: I paid them all off.
Copycat: And-
Terry Bradshaw interrupts him again.
Bradshaw: Let’s be honest, Copycat. No one respects you as a person. Remember our trip to the first event at the XHF Network? End of Days 2017?
Copycat: Hmmm…
~Flashback~
Flight Attendant: Hello there. We are now preparing to board with service to Pittsburgh. We will be starting with our first class passengers.
Copycat and Terry Bradshaw get up from their seats. Copycat back then was actually at a normal weight, although technically much heavier as he was carrying all of Terry Bradshaw’s bags. Bradshaw was, however, not carrying a damn thing. The two approach the desk.
Bradshaw: Hello ma’am. We are with the XHF Network. I believe we have two tickets waiting for us.
Flight Attendant: Oh? And what’s the name?
Bradshaw: Bradshaw. Terry Bradshaw. And he is… Copycat, what’s your last name?
Copycat: I don’t have one. My name is Copycat.
Bradshaw: Copycat, let’s not horse around. This is a high-security area.
Copycat: Mr. Bradshaw, I’m being serious!
Bradshaw: COPYCAT, STOP HORSING AROUND IN THIS SERIOUS SITUATION OR I WILL PULL OUT MY GU-
Flight Attendant: Okay, Mr. Bradshaw. I did find your ticket. But I see nothing for your friend over here.
Bradshaw: What!? You tell Felix, that fat son of a bitch, to not screw me over!
Flight Attendant: Actually, this was sent out from Mongo’s office from the XHF Network.
Bradshaw: What!? You tell Mongo, that fat son of a bitch, to not screw me over!
Flight Attendant: They told me there were no records of someone named… Copycat. There is some room on this plane though. The tickets are actually quite cheap now. Actually, it looks like we’re running a special. They’re only $50. Since you’re a millionaire-
Bradshaw: MULTI-BILLIONAIRE.
Flight Attendant: ...Right. As a Multi-Billionaire, you might want to buy a ticket for your friend?
Bradshaw: First of all, we are NOT gay.
Flight Attendant: ...I never said you were?
Bradshaw: SECONDLY, I will NOT spend money. If he doesn’t get through, that’s on him.
Copycat: WHAT!?
Terry Bradshaw leans over to Copycat.
Bradshaw: Listen. I have a plane.
Copycat: You mean a plan?
Bradshaw: That too. I’ll book you as luggage.
Copycat: But that will cost more money than just getting me a ticket!
Bradshaw: Look, it’s your money. I won’t tell you what to do with it.
Copycat: If I had the money, I would just buy myself a seat on the plane!
Bradshaw: You mean the plan?
Copycat: …
Flight Attendant: ...You know I can hear everything you just said, right? Maybe next time you want to break the law, try whispering?
Bradshaw: Whatever. Where’s my first class ticket?
Flight Attendant: Mongo acquired you a coach seat ticket, along with a note saying, “Be grateful you even get that.”
~End Flashback~
Copycat: So did you come here just to humiliate me some more?
Bradshaw: Heavens, Copycat - No!
Copycat: Look, Mr. Bradshaw. Wrestling for me is over! And there’s no bringing me back!
Bradshaw: Pffft! Who cares about wrestling!? I think we want to try… something else for you.
Copycat: ...Like what?
Terry Bradshaw isn’t looking at Copycat. He’s looking past Copycat. Copycat looks back.
Copycat: ...My car?
Bradshaw: There’s a place in the XHF Network called Competitive Automotive Racing, also known as CAT. That’s half your name, Copycat! This place was made for you!
Copycat: I don’t think CAT is the acronym… Plus, I’m not even sure this is functional yet.
Copycat hops inside of the car and begins to pretend to start it.
Copycat: Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruhhhhhh SQUEEEEE. ...Hmmm, I don’t think it’s ready yet. Still needs some work.
Bradshaw: I see. Why don’t you try it again?
Copycat: ...Okay. Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruhhhhhhh
Bradshaw: RUHHHHHH! VROOOOOM!!!!! RAHHHHHH. OH LOOK, COPYCAT! IT WORKS!
Copycat: ...If ...If you say so.
Bradshaw: I’ll make you a champion yet. And it won’t just come from me. It will come from the longest reigning XHF Champion of ALL TIME.
Copycat: ...Reeshi?
Bradshaw: REESHI! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE, BUDDY!
Suddenly, a large and fat biker comes out of the Wendy’s with a Baconator. He looks like this.
Reeshi: What did you need me to do again?
Bradshaw: I need you to teach Copycat how to race a car!
Reeshi looks over to the cardboard car Copycat made.
Reeshi: That it?
Copycat: Yep! I call it the Copycorvette!
Reeshi: ...Well that’s fucking stupid. Alright, let’s start this shit.
Copycat: WAIT, DON-
Reeshi doesn’t get at the car more than he just plops down onto the car, destroying it.
Copycat: NOOO!!!!
Bradshaw: Alright. Here’s what you gotta do. Fix this car by racing day.
Copycat: …
The scene fades.
1. How do you plan to swing by the swinging balls? Terry Bradshaw will try to turn back time to before the descension of the testicles.
2. How fast is the conveyor belt moving? You know.
3. Do you see the flame thrower? Bradshaw and Reeshi do. They don't tell Copycat.
4. How will your team respond to winning? Bradshaw and Reeshi will pick Copycat on their shoulders and tear up the town.
5. How will your team respond to not winning? They will blame Copycat.