[Showcase/KWF] I Wanted to Phone it In...
Jun 8, 2017 5:50:46 GMT -5
Doc, ForeverKuroi, and 1 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Jun 8, 2017 5:50:46 GMT -5
*…But there aren’t any phones in the Kingdom! We open up in the Kingdom’s Tavern as Gold-Borg is drying clay cups and listening to some poor saps sob story.*
: …That guy…I tell you, he’s a JERK!
Gold-Borg: Yeah, I gathered that from the fairly long report you’ve been giving me about him.
: And do you know who else is a jerk?
* Gold-Borg sighs.*
: You, sir, are a JERK!
*This guy is pretty sauced and now that he’s proclaimed a great number of people as jerks he begins softly sobbing into his drink. Gold-Borg sighs again, he loves his new life as a tavern-keeper, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Luckily, to break the monotony of his life, the tavern doors fly open, sending blinding daylight into the building, as the old knight of yore, Josephus of Hawkington purposefully walks through them and straight to the bar.*
Josephus: What are thine doing-th!?
Gold-Borg: Urrrg, I’m doing my job, what are you doing?
Josephus: Thou hast a match this week! One with painful metal thorns!
Gold-Borg: And? I’ll be there, don’t worry; I’ll keep my end of the bar-
*He’s not able to finish because Josephus is fearless and has already gone around the bar grabbed one of Gold-Borg’s majestic warrior wings and begun to drag him out. Gold-Borg calls out to the patron at the bar.*
Gold-Borg: Just leave the coins on the counter!
: Aye, I will, ya jerk.
*Josephus drags his champion out into the light of day. Finally, once their outside, Gold-Borg bats the old man off of him and covers his eyes as they adjust to the sunshine.*
Josephus: Hast thou no shame?! Lookith upon this! LOOKITH!
*Joespheus is pointing to the giant statue of Terry Bradshaw that was erected next to the tavern.*
Josephus: Doth this not botherth you?!
Gold-Borg: Eeeerrrrg, Joey-
Josephus: JOSEPHUS!
Gold-Borg: Honestly Josephus, if you saw the sort of stuff that happens to that thing at night you’d be-
*The wise old sage with a clearly fake and very spotty accent has had enough.*
Josephus: I can’t believe this! You lost to an old man, you, the great gilded warrior, and you’re ok with it!?
Gold-Borg: I’m not a wrestler; I was trained for real blood combat
Josephus: There wilt be blood this time!
Gold-Borg: Yeah, but- I don’t want to actually kill my opponents.
Josephus: That be true, but this week we’re not going to relaxth on our laurels! Come with me!
*Josephus jumps up again and starts dragging the mighty warrior by one of his wings again off camera*
*When we return we are in a dark room, dimly lit by candles and conveniently off camera mood lighting. Josephus and Gold-Borg stand before a stretched out sheet- like a bed sheet; but Josephus of Hawkington will probably have some othe-*
Josephus: This be the Linen of Illumination!
*He leans toward his rather large and gold-armored employee; covering the side of his mouth.*
Josephus: Thou did say thou dabbled in the dark arts, didn’t thou?
*He leans back.*
Josephus: Now then, before we start, we must review those whom ye shall face! Combatant the first, Copycat!
*Suddenly the “Linen of Illumination” lights up with a projected video of Copycat and his changing abilities- and the times he used it this week.*
Gold-Borg: Him? Nothing, look how small and frail he is.
Josephus: Ah yes, but he be wily!
Gold-Borg: You use that description an awful lot.
Josephus: Maybe one day ye wilt learn the wisdom of being wily.
Gold-Borg: Urrrrg, so he can change shape when he wants to, 90% of this video-
Josephus: Illumination
Gold-Borg: Grrrrr, 90% is just him getting bitten by that wolf. Look at him, he doesn’t even use basic defensive positions. Next opponent!
*The moving image changes to the Assinator, and his assault on the janitor, specifically the “Dutch Oven.”*
Jospheus: Combatant the second, the Assinator!
*Gold-Borg is silent, he stares, transfixed upon the large hairy man breaking wind upon another man’s face.*
Josephus: Hideous, I knowth, anyway, movi-
Gold-Borg: Hold on.
*Gold-Borg approaches the sheet and looks carefully at the video of Assinator.*
Gold-Borg: Urrrrg, he seems, familiar. But- no, it couldn’t…
Josephus: Couldn’t what, brave warrior?
*Suddenly, Gold-Borg turns around and walks back towards the old knight.*
Gold-Borg: Nothing, nothing, I’ll get a closer look on Sunday. Next, next.
Josephus: Combatant the final, the KWF eXtreme Champion and ye’s rival-
Gold-Borg: Not my rival
Josephus: ….TERRENCE OF BRADSHAW!
*We see video of…mayhem, chaos, wolves, parades, pure insanity. Were this somewhere more grounded, a normal man might have been driven mad; but this is no normal place, this is the Kingdom.*
Gold-Borg: Yeah, I know, old crazy man. He’s got a high pain threshold and is very *sigh* wily. Just because he beat me one night doesn’t mean he can make it through the Barbed-Wire Mayhem.
Josephus: Why art thou so confident?
Gold-Borg: Look at all three guys I’m facing, what do they lack? Armor. I wear this champion’s armor literally every day. There’s so little of my body exposed to actually hurt with the wire. I’m at a distinct advantage- if only I didn’t have to keep pulling my punches so much to avoid killing them.
* Gold-Borg’s manager’s eyes light up.*
Josephus: And that be exactly what we’re going to workth on!
*He leads Gold-Borg out of the room as the camera fades again*
*We reopen in a meadow near a tree. Actually it looks like where Gold-Borg first entered the Kingdom. The massive, fur-covered, beast-man from the …Afterward seems to be growing impatient.*
Gold-Borg: Grrrrrr, why are we here again, and who’s that guy?
*The camera moves away from Gold-Borg and pans past Josephus of Hawkington to another dude, a dude with a lyre, a lyre and a dream. We then zoom out for a full shot as the old sage gestures to the guy with a lyre.*
Josephus: He be your personal bard!
Gold-Borg: My what?
Josephus: Thou realizeth that you needeth motivation. Therefore, I, the great Josephus of Hawkington, scoured the village for several hours and found the greatest bard in the land!
*The bard strums his lyre*
Josephus: You see, it be a well-known fact that with the proper musical backing; one’s motivations can be thrice or more improved!
Gold-Borg: Uuuuurrrrrg, so what?
Josephus: So, ye’s bard shalt be with thee always, and also bring entertainment to the tavern- but most importantly; he shalt provide thee with musical stylings of the motivational type while thee trains! Hit it!
*Without warning (well, aside from Josephus saying “hit it”) the bard begins strumming his lyre. Even through the fact that a lyre isn’t a guitar, there’s a very familiar tune to what he’s playing- something that anyone around thirty probably recognizes from somewhere deep in his unconscious. The tune picks up and gets pretty rockin’ for a lyre. Then, with an unnaturally graveled voice the musical montage begins.*
*The camera quick cuts to Josephus and Gold-Borg going over basic wrestling holds in a patch of grass that’s been organized into a square. It isn’t going well, Josephus puts in a headlock and Gold-Borg just overpowers him and lifts him up, leaving the old man hanging on for his life. The music comes to an extremely familiar and rocking head but suddenly the bard pulls away and goes into another verse.*
*Another quick cut brings us to Josephus yelling at Gold-Borg as the large gold-wearing warrior beats down a cloth dummy with “Terrence of Bradshaw Thinks You Suck” written on its face. Josephus is so worked up he’s even climbing on top of Gold-Borg, while yelling still. Again, the song amps up super hard and finally the bard can’t hold back the chorus any more.*
*Ah, that’s why it was familiar. We quick cut to Gold-Borg dragging a plow through a field as Josephus stands on it barking orders to his massive champion.*
*As the sun goes down we cut to Gold-Borg with the sun behind him swinging his sword around as the chorus rocks one more time.*
*The rockin’ song finally cools down as Gold-Borg sheathes his sword and poses mightily. Josephus walks into the camera frame clapping.*
Josephus: Excellent! That was a great day of working out!
Gold-Borg: So you think I’m ready for the match this week?
Josephus: Haha, no; but thou is certainly in a better mindset than thee were before.
Gold-Borg: Grrrrr..your assessment greatly frustrates me.
*Josephus gets right up in Gold-Borg’s ….chest. He then stands on his tip-toes to get closer to his face and points his finger into the larger monster-man.*
Josephus: Good! Use that frustration in your metal thorn match! Make them feel non-mortal pain as thou utilizes the thorns to your advantage! And bring the gold where it belongs.
Gold-Borg: Above the bar in my tavern?
Josephus: Yes! Finally we be on the same page! Come Sunday, they won’t know what hit them!
*The camera fades as Gold-Borg, Josephus, and the bard walk back to the village, it is getting dark and there is no need to train further tonight- plus nighttime usually brings the most business to the tavern.*
: …That guy…I tell you, he’s a JERK!Gold-Borg: Yeah, I gathered that from the fairly long report you’ve been giving me about him.
: And do you know who else is a jerk?* Gold-Borg sighs.*
: You, sir, are a JERK!*This guy is pretty sauced and now that he’s proclaimed a great number of people as jerks he begins softly sobbing into his drink. Gold-Borg sighs again, he loves his new life as a tavern-keeper, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Luckily, to break the monotony of his life, the tavern doors fly open, sending blinding daylight into the building, as the old knight of yore, Josephus of Hawkington purposefully walks through them and straight to the bar.*
Josephus: What are thine doing-th!?
Gold-Borg: Urrrg, I’m doing my job, what are you doing?
Josephus: Thou hast a match this week! One with painful metal thorns!
Gold-Borg: And? I’ll be there, don’t worry; I’ll keep my end of the bar-
*He’s not able to finish because Josephus is fearless and has already gone around the bar grabbed one of Gold-Borg’s majestic warrior wings and begun to drag him out. Gold-Borg calls out to the patron at the bar.*
Gold-Borg: Just leave the coins on the counter!
: Aye, I will, ya jerk.*Josephus drags his champion out into the light of day. Finally, once their outside, Gold-Borg bats the old man off of him and covers his eyes as they adjust to the sunshine.*
Josephus: Hast thou no shame?! Lookith upon this! LOOKITH!
*Joespheus is pointing to the giant statue of Terry Bradshaw that was erected next to the tavern.*
Josephus: Doth this not botherth you?!
Gold-Borg: Eeeerrrrg, Joey-
Josephus: JOSEPHUS!
Gold-Borg: Honestly Josephus, if you saw the sort of stuff that happens to that thing at night you’d be-
*The wise old sage with a clearly fake and very spotty accent has had enough.*
Josephus: I can’t believe this! You lost to an old man, you, the great gilded warrior, and you’re ok with it!?
Gold-Borg: I’m not a wrestler; I was trained for real blood combat
Josephus: There wilt be blood this time!
Gold-Borg: Yeah, but- I don’t want to actually kill my opponents.
Josephus: That be true, but this week we’re not going to relaxth on our laurels! Come with me!
*Josephus jumps up again and starts dragging the mighty warrior by one of his wings again off camera*
*When we return we are in a dark room, dimly lit by candles and conveniently off camera mood lighting. Josephus and Gold-Borg stand before a stretched out sheet- like a bed sheet; but Josephus of Hawkington will probably have some othe-*
Josephus: This be the Linen of Illumination!
*He leans toward his rather large and gold-armored employee; covering the side of his mouth.*
Josephus: Thou did say thou dabbled in the dark arts, didn’t thou?
*He leans back.*
Josephus: Now then, before we start, we must review those whom ye shall face! Combatant the first, Copycat!
*Suddenly the “Linen of Illumination” lights up with a projected video of Copycat and his changing abilities- and the times he used it this week.*
Gold-Borg: Him? Nothing, look how small and frail he is.
Josephus: Ah yes, but he be wily!
Gold-Borg: You use that description an awful lot.
Josephus: Maybe one day ye wilt learn the wisdom of being wily.
Gold-Borg: Urrrrg, so he can change shape when he wants to, 90% of this video-
Josephus: Illumination
Gold-Borg: Grrrrr, 90% is just him getting bitten by that wolf. Look at him, he doesn’t even use basic defensive positions. Next opponent!
*The moving image changes to the Assinator, and his assault on the janitor, specifically the “Dutch Oven.”*
Jospheus: Combatant the second, the Assinator!
*Gold-Borg is silent, he stares, transfixed upon the large hairy man breaking wind upon another man’s face.*
Josephus: Hideous, I knowth, anyway, movi-
Gold-Borg: Hold on.
*Gold-Borg approaches the sheet and looks carefully at the video of Assinator.*
Gold-Borg: Urrrrg, he seems, familiar. But- no, it couldn’t…
Josephus: Couldn’t what, brave warrior?
*Suddenly, Gold-Borg turns around and walks back towards the old knight.*
Gold-Borg: Nothing, nothing, I’ll get a closer look on Sunday. Next, next.
Josephus: Combatant the final, the KWF eXtreme Champion and ye’s rival-
Gold-Borg: Not my rival
Josephus: ….TERRENCE OF BRADSHAW!
*We see video of…mayhem, chaos, wolves, parades, pure insanity. Were this somewhere more grounded, a normal man might have been driven mad; but this is no normal place, this is the Kingdom.*
Gold-Borg: Yeah, I know, old crazy man. He’s got a high pain threshold and is very *sigh* wily. Just because he beat me one night doesn’t mean he can make it through the Barbed-Wire Mayhem.
Josephus: Why art thou so confident?
Gold-Borg: Look at all three guys I’m facing, what do they lack? Armor. I wear this champion’s armor literally every day. There’s so little of my body exposed to actually hurt with the wire. I’m at a distinct advantage- if only I didn’t have to keep pulling my punches so much to avoid killing them.
* Gold-Borg’s manager’s eyes light up.*
Josephus: And that be exactly what we’re going to workth on!
*He leads Gold-Borg out of the room as the camera fades again*
*We reopen in a meadow near a tree. Actually it looks like where Gold-Borg first entered the Kingdom. The massive, fur-covered, beast-man from the …Afterward seems to be growing impatient.*
Gold-Borg: Grrrrrr, why are we here again, and who’s that guy?
*The camera moves away from Gold-Borg and pans past Josephus of Hawkington to another dude, a dude with a lyre, a lyre and a dream. We then zoom out for a full shot as the old sage gestures to the guy with a lyre.*
Josephus: He be your personal bard!
Gold-Borg: My what?
Josephus: Thou realizeth that you needeth motivation. Therefore, I, the great Josephus of Hawkington, scoured the village for several hours and found the greatest bard in the land!
*The bard strums his lyre*
Josephus: You see, it be a well-known fact that with the proper musical backing; one’s motivations can be thrice or more improved!
Gold-Borg: Uuuuurrrrrg, so what?
Josephus: So, ye’s bard shalt be with thee always, and also bring entertainment to the tavern- but most importantly; he shalt provide thee with musical stylings of the motivational type while thee trains! Hit it!
*Without warning (well, aside from Josephus saying “hit it”) the bard begins strumming his lyre. Even through the fact that a lyre isn’t a guitar, there’s a very familiar tune to what he’s playing- something that anyone around thirty probably recognizes from somewhere deep in his unconscious. The tune picks up and gets pretty rockin’ for a lyre. Then, with an unnaturally graveled voice the musical montage begins.*
“Thou hath a power and force
That thee never seen before.
Thou hath the ability to roar
And to level up the score.
No one could ever take thou down,
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiiide!”
That thee never seen before.
Thou hath the ability to roar
And to level up the score.
No one could ever take thou down,
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiiide!”
*The camera quick cuts to Josephus and Gold-Borg going over basic wrestling holds in a patch of grass that’s been organized into a square. It isn’t going well, Josephus puts in a headlock and Gold-Borg just overpowers him and lifts him up, leaving the old man hanging on for his life. The music comes to an extremely familiar and rocking head but suddenly the bard pulls away and goes into another verse.*
“Thou knows the fate of the Kingdom is lying in thou’s hands,
Though knows to only use his sword for deeeefense.
No one will ever take thou down,
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiide!”
Though knows to only use his sword for deeeefense.
No one will ever take thou down,
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiide!”
*Another quick cut brings us to Josephus yelling at Gold-Borg as the large gold-wearing warrior beats down a cloth dummy with “Terrence of Bradshaw Thinks You Suck” written on its face. Josephus is so worked up he’s even climbing on top of Gold-Borg, while yelling still. Again, the song amps up super hard and finally the bard can’t hold back the chorus any more.*
“GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR,
YOU MIGHTY AWESOME POWERED WARRIOR!"
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR,
YOU MIGHTY AWESOME POWERED WARRIOR!"
*Ah, that’s why it was familiar. We quick cut to Gold-Borg dragging a plow through a field as Josephus stands on it barking orders to his massive champion.*
“No one can ever take thou down,
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiiiiiiiiiide!”
The power lies on thou’s si-i-i-i-iiiiiiiiiiiide!”
*As the sun goes down we cut to Gold-Borg with the sun behind him swinging his sword around as the chorus rocks one more time.*
“GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR,
YOU MIGHTY AWESOME POWERED WARRIOR!"
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR!
GO GO MIGHTY WARRIOR,
YOU MIGHTY AWESOME POWERED WARRIOR!"
*The rockin’ song finally cools down as Gold-Borg sheathes his sword and poses mightily. Josephus walks into the camera frame clapping.*
Josephus: Excellent! That was a great day of working out!
Gold-Borg: So you think I’m ready for the match this week?
Josephus: Haha, no; but thou is certainly in a better mindset than thee were before.
Gold-Borg: Grrrrr..your assessment greatly frustrates me.
*Josephus gets right up in Gold-Borg’s ….chest. He then stands on his tip-toes to get closer to his face and points his finger into the larger monster-man.*
Josephus: Good! Use that frustration in your metal thorn match! Make them feel non-mortal pain as thou utilizes the thorns to your advantage! And bring the gold where it belongs.
Gold-Borg: Above the bar in my tavern?
Josephus: Yes! Finally we be on the same page! Come Sunday, they won’t know what hit them!
*The camera fades as Gold-Borg, Josephus, and the bard walk back to the village, it is getting dark and there is no need to train further tonight- plus nighttime usually brings the most business to the tavern.*
