Thursday Night Inferno, Episode 11 [August 19th]
Aug 19, 2021 23:15:15 GMT -5
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Post by Vodka Fizz on Aug 19, 2021 23:15:15 GMT -5
Walter Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the SEASON PREMIERE of THURSDAAAAAY NIIIIIIGHT INFERNOOOOOOOOO!
The crowd roars as the show opens on a capacity, masked-up crowd. Signs are everywhere, the building is hot and ready to go.
Walter Stanford: Please welcome, lighting the fire tonight, you know him, you love him, heâs the Father of FIRESIDE⊠give it up for Anthony Caffrey!
The loud cheering continues as the camera cuts over to the lighting area where FIRESIDEâs owner is standing, dressed in a sharp three-piece suit, looking slimmer than ever. He takes the microphone off the table next to him that also features an unusual black briefcase. He waits for the crowdâs cheering to die down before beginning.
Anthony Caffrey: Philadelphia! HOW YOU DOINâ?
The crowd roars for their hometown hero. He pauses and waits for them to calm down, eventually having to wave them off.
Caffrey: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a hot, hot show you for you tonight! FOUR great title matches, including an X-Crown Championship match between Evan Valentine JuniorâŠ
The crowd boos loudly, not letting Caffrey finish his sentence.
Caffrey: ...and the Shining Star, our beloved X-Crown champion, MYYYYYYOOOJIN!
He doesnât even try to talk through the champâs cheers.
Caffrey: But thatâs not all -- for the first time in company history, tonight, thanks to negotiations with Jim Kenny, the mayor of Philadelphia, I can finally announce the building weâre in tonight! You all knew this building before as the Philadelphia Design and Distribution Center on 4700 Wissahickon, before we converted it to fit 13,000+ fully vaccinated fans!
The crowd cheers for themselves.
Caffrey: But ladies and gentlemen⊠that name is not good enough for the home of FIRESIDE. Iâve spoken to many an XHF official and well, letâs just say an old friend of all of ours came up with the name⊠so let me be the first to welcome you all tonight, to our new building, the home of FIRESIDE, THE HEARTH!
Drone footage from earlier in the day plays on the big screen above Caffreyâs head.
Wright: Look at that beautiful building! Iâm Oliver Wright, alongside UnJoo Park!
Park: And let us also say, welcome to the Hearth!
Caffrey: One more thing folks, then Iâll get out of your hair and go back to my stupid salads-- tonightâs ladder match will be for this briefcase on the table right here, let me show it to ya.
Caffrey: This briefcase is known as Combustion, because it has the ability to set anyoneâs career on fire. Originally fought for in our New Year, New Me battle royale back on New Yearâs Eve, whoever holds the case has until the end of the year to cash in at anytime, anywhere for a match with either the FIRESIDE World Champion, or theyâre a member of our roster, the X-Crown championship itself!
The crowd cheers!
Wright: I had thought someone else had won that--
Park: --I donât think theyâre here anymore, OliverâŠ
Caffrey: So ladies and gentlemen, letâs get this show started, shall--
Caffrey turns and bumps into a man who stands six inches above him, weighing over seventy pounds more than him. The Gothic misanthrope has a look on his face, crooked and bent from a former broken nose, that indicates his immense hatred for his fellow man.
Park: What the hell is he doing here?
Lucas Nix grabs Caffrey by the throat and lifts him up, delivering a hard chokeslam right on the steel surface!
Wright: A brutal chokeslam! Lucas Nix just took out the owner in front of thousands of fans!
Park: He was the original Combustion holder!
Lucas Nix grabs his case off the table, reacquiring what he had never lost. There is the ever faintest amount of a smile on his face before he returns his attention to the FIRESIDE owner, who is coughing and holding his head after the chokeslam.
Wright: I donât think heâs done!
Park: Look out Anthony!
Nix hoists Caffrey back up with ease, spinning him around in one fluid motion before dropping him with his version of a black hole slam, straight through the table!
Wright: Downfall! Downfall!
Park: Lucas Nix just took back his case in a big way, sending a statement to the rest of the FIRESIDE roster!
The crowd fiercely boos the returning Outcast as he secures his grip around the Combustion case. A box of matches has dropped out of Caffreyâs suit, and Nix holds one up in front of his case before striking it and lighting the fire, starting the show.
Wright: What a show weâre in for!
Park: If Nix has the Ignition case back, what the hell are they going to fight for in that ladder match tonight?
Wright: Stay tuned!
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage.
Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Stanford: From Belfast, Ireland, he is the challenger. Weighing it at 245lbs, The God of Xtreme, The Spiked One, Spike Kane!
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight.
Wright: The challenger is out first here tonight on Inferno, as we kick off with our SPARK Championship match.
Park: In a FALLS! COUNT! ANYWHERE MATCH!
The first guitar chords hit. Then that voice leading into "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr hits over the PA. Almost immediately, pacing in tune with the music is a tall, strongly structured gentleman. He has simple green trunks with double yellow vertical stripes on each side. Black knee pads and tall black boots finish off the simple wrestling ensemble.
Stanford: Hailing from Eugene, Oregon standing 6'3" and weighing in at 228lbs, he is the reigning, defending SPARK Champion! âŠ.this is... SHANE LOCKE!
Locke wastes little time heading to the ring, not bothering with exchanging high fives, not bothering with jibes, simply keeping an eye on the ring. Locke's reddish-brown mullet is capped with a heavily worn John Deere cap and his strong looking but not necessarily "jacked" frame is wrapped with a sleeveless flannel work shirt. He has a thick neck, wide chest and back, body hair evident. He has a frame powered by a lifetime of hard work rather then a gym. His forearms as especially think, capped with gnarled, thick hands and fingers.
Park: The SPARK Champion defended in a double count out last time against Spike Kane, but it seems like the higher ups, much like the fans, want a resolution!
He takes no time to hit the steps and walk on in, wiping his boots on the apron before stepping in and heading right to his corner. He discards his shirt, throwing it to the side, taking off his hat with some reverence.
Wright: It looks like weâre almost set to go here in what on paper, should be a hell of a match.
Park: These two couldnât be separated last time out, but now this is going to be a Falls Count Anywhere match.
Wright: Despite the fact that Spike seemed to think it was a Last Man Standing match.
Park: Maybe he didnât? Maybe it was a threat aimed at the SPARK Champion, Shane Locke?
Spike and Shane stand opposite each other, as the referee holds up the SPARK Championship. The fans cheer, and Locke throws his arms up a few times and the crowd responds with roars. As the referee hands the belt over to the time keeper and calls for the bell, Spike storms across the ring and clobbers Shane in the face, sending him into the turnbuckle. Spike manages to land a few free shots before Locke gathers his wits to defend himself, and the referee forces himself between the two to separate them, and demanding Spike go to his corner.
Wright: Spike tried to get the early advantage there and get an attack in on Shane Locke before he was ready.
Park: Itâs one of the oldest tricks in the book, but you canât blame Spike for wanting to fight an edge, or an early advantage. He is going up against the SPARK Champion, who he drew with last time out.
As the referee forces Spike away, he throws up his arms and protests, Shane, meanwhile wipes a small amount of blood from his mouth. Looking down at it then looking across the ring at Spike, who smirks back at him. The referee finally moves out of the way, and as the two men charge at each other, Shane lunges forwards off his feet and almost takes Kaneâs head off with a huge lariat that causes Spike to spin in the air and land on his front. The crowd roar for the champion.
Park: Wow he nearly took the head off of Kane there!
Wright: Say what you may about Shaneâs inexperience, his raw power makes up for a lot.
He turns around as Spike is getting to his feet and whips him off the ropes and as Spike comes back on the return, Shane takes a big step forward and delivers a huge headbutt to Spike Kane. It sends Spike to the mat, but he immediately is back to his feet, and hits Shane with a headbutt of his own! Locke staggers a step or two, holding his head as Spike simply glares at him for the audacity of using a headbutt on him.
Wright: Iâm not sure who Iâd rather take a headbut from.
Park: Well some places call it the Glasgow kiss, but others call it the Belfast kiss. Learn your history Oliver and you might understand why.
Wright: Weâre not here for history lessons, weâre here for professional wrestling at itâs best!
The crowd responds to the two men throwing heavy shots at each other early in the going. Spike turns to survey the crowd, before Shane comes back with a lock up. The two men struggle for a moment, before. Spike seems to gain the advantage, he slowly begins to lift Shane into the air, almost into a vertical suplex position, but just before he has a chance to drop him, and perhaps hit the Spike Impailer, Locke kneeâs Spike straight in the head. The God of Xtreme staggers a foot, before Shane does it again, this time it causes Spike to lose his balance, and as Shane comes down, he repositions his body to continue the fall and reverse the move into a DDT with quite a lot of downward force!
Wright: What a reversal by Shane Locke!
Park: He took the experienced former two time XHF Champion off guard there, and planted his head with some authority!
Wright: Locke goes for the pin, this could be all over! Are we going to see Shane Locke earn himself a FIRESIDE World Championship shot!?
Locke floats over into a cover, but Spike manages to kick out before the referee even gets to a One, almost with anger at the attempt from Shane. Locke, however, presses the advantage and locks Spike in a rear choke. Kane begins to flail around, as Shane tries to lock the hold in. Slowly Spike begins to struggle to a knee, but Locke wrenches harder. Spike audibly gags as he reaches backwards for Shaneâs face. Locke presses his head against the side of Spikeâs to try and stop him breaking the hold, but with one last surge of effort Spike springs up to his feet, grabbing Shaneâs head, before dropping down with a modified stunner! Shaneâs jaw cracks into Spikeâs shoulder and heâs forced to release the hold before falling backwards to the mat holding his mouth. Spike sits on his ass in the middle of the ring, and rubs his neck for a moment, before he turns to face the hard cam and crosses his legs, smirking.
Park: Now thatâs the Spike Kane people should be expecting to see more of here in FIRESIDE.
Wright: He came here with a purpose, and now weâre slowly starting to see what Spike is capable of, but I wouldnât count out the Champion just yet.
After a second or two Shane begins to use the ropes to pull himself up, meanwhile Spike rolls to the outside and throws up the ring apron, before beginning to look underneath. He slowly pulls out a table and lifts it up before resting it against the barricade behind him. He ducks back under to search for more as Shane gets back to his feet. He looks over to the spot where the ring apron has been pulled up. He cocks his head to the side as Spike throws a few kendo sticks, and chairs either side. He stands up with his back to Shane, facing the crowd, with a sledgehammer wrapped in barbed wire - the more hardcore enthusiasts in the crowd begin to cheer.
Park: Thatâs âThe Spiked One Version 7.0â Spike Kaneâs favourite weapon of destruction!
Wright: This does not bode well for Shane-
Park: Wait, look!
Spike raises the sledgehammer into the air in response to the crowdâs approval. Shane shakes his head as he charges across the ring, Spike turns around just in time as Shane Locke SOARS OVER THE RING WITH A HUGE DIVE!!! The Oregon Farm hand takes flight over the top rope and comes flying into Spike Kane who is caught completely unaware, the impact pushes both men further and through the table that Spike left resting against the barricade. Both men lay motionless at ringside as the noise from the crowd begins to build.
Park: THROUGH THE TABLE!
Wright: SHANE LOCKE TOOK TO THE SKIES!
Park: That has to be a testament to how much this young man wants to win, by pulling out all the stops against the experienced veteran. Superb adaptation on the fly from Locke.
Shane is first back on his feet after a few moments of collecting himself at ringside. Spike is trying to come to terms with what truck just hit him amongst the shards of wood around him. Locke looks down at his feet, and spots the sledgehammer wrapped in barbed wire, Spikeâs signature weapon, The Spiked One 7.0. With a grin, Shane reaches out for the hammer, and as he grabs it the crowd erupt, with one arm he lifts it up into the air, the barbed wire catching the light and glinting.
Wright: I think as far as this crowd is concerned? They deem Shane Locke WORTHY!
Park: The symbolism here cannot be understated, and this crowd are firmly behind the SPARK Champion.
Spike crawls to Shane and grabs his legs; Locke looks down to him as he begs Shane not to use the sledgehammer. Shane thinks about it, the crowd are egging him on, but Spike is telling him not to do it. Locke hesitates for a moment, which gives Spike the chance to simply send a thunderous uppercut to the nether regions of Shane Locke. The crowd respond instantly with an audible âOooohâ as Shane drops the sledgehammer, fortunately to the side of Spike Kane, and grabs his privates. Shane drops to his knees and his level with Spike now, He grabs Shanes head, pressing his own against it before leaning back and sending a swift headbutt to Shane.
Park: Another Belfast kiss!
Wright: These two are going to end up causing brain damage at this point!
Shane rocks back but retaliates with a headbutt of his own! The crowd cheer for Shane. Spike headbutts Locke, and now the crowd boo. The two go back and forth a couple of times, YAY!! For Shane, and BOO!! For Spike. After a couple of back and forths Spike simply dives forward onto Shane and begins firing wild lefts and rights. Shane fights back from the bottom, each man getting their fair share of shots on the other. After a few free hits, Shane grabs the arms of Spike, and uses the Irishman's momentum to flip him off of him, as he does so Spike rolls forwards to his feet, but Shane rolls to a knee at the same time, and as Spike rises Shane connects with a huge tackle taking both men over the barricade.
Wright: Shane Locke just launched Spike Kane over the barricade with an insane tackle.
Park: It wasnât quite a spear, but Spike Kane definitely just got sacked by Locke!
As the crowd goes wild, Shane and Spike emerge from behind the barricade still throwing wild heavy shots at each other, and a lot of them connecting. Shane begins to get the advantage and begins to drag Spike up the arena stairs, as fans try to reach out to touch them and security try to keep the fans back. As the burst through into the atrium area, small pockets of fans begin to cheer and gather. Shane grabs Spike around the head in a side headlock and measures him up. Taking his time and milking it for the fans, he sends a stiff punch right to the face of Spike Kane, and almost instantly there's a flash of red, as blood begins to gush from Spike's nose. Locke let's go of Spike as he staggers away holding his face, leaning against a shelf to try and stay on his feet.
Wright: SPIKE KANE IS BUSTED OPEN!
Park: I think Shane might have just broken the nose of the God of Xtreme, oh boyâŠ.
Locke heads over to the concession stand nearby, and says something to the clerk behind the counter. The clerk looks at Shane, then at Spike, then back at Shane before handing him a tray of food. Locke comes swaggering over to Spike with the tray, and motions to the American flag on the packaging, before slamming a rollover hit dog right into Spikes face. Kane reacts as if he's been attacked with feces, scrambling away, and to the floor. Shane begins to throw popcorn at Spike, kernel by kernel, throwing the occasional one in his mouth, before he stops and picks up a piece of cake off the tray. He hands a tray to a fan standing nearby, who loses their mind, before he walks over to Spike, and holds his bloodied, hot dog covered face up to the camera.
Locke: That's right, you're a cake-eater, right?
Wright: MYOJIN had to force Spike to eat cake at Night of Champions to retain the X*Crown Champion.
Park: Now itâs going to happen again!!!
He goes to slam the cake into Spike's face, but Spike yanks down hard on Shane's arm, throwing him off balance and pulling him head first into the trash can. Spike uses the momentum to pull himself up, and with Shane half inside the trash can, he proceeds to kick it, over, and over. Until Shane emerges shocked, with bits of cake over him, and discarded food packets, and napkins. He looks at Spike with anger, but Spike is already on the move as he slams his boot into Shane's face with the Bloody Sunday!
Wright: BLOODY SUNDAY!
Park: If you take your eyes of a wiley veteran like Spike Kane? Heâll punish you.
Wright: Youâre not wrong there, it only takes a moment to flip the momentum of a match, and a well travelled fighter like Spike Kane can use anything as a weapon!
Almost as if he was surprised to hit it, Spike follows Shane to the ground and scrambles for the cover, the referee runs around the discarded trash can to count the fall, and the crowd gathering around join in!
..ONE..
..TWO..
..THR-NO!
Shane kicks out, and tries to scramble away, but Spike grabs him by the hair as he starts to make his way back to his feet.
Wright: Shane will not go down easily, he wonât be cast aside so cheaply. This is the defending champion ladies and gentlemen.
Park: Defending he may be, but I think Spike has some bad ideas.
A little annoyed that Shane kicked out, Spike begins to drag Locke towards the merchandise stand, where huge âFIRESIDEâ banners can be seen, as well as t-shirts, caps, hoodies, and signed pictures of the FIRESIDE World Champion MAJESTY, the X*Crown Champion MYOJIN, and the other superstars littered around them. However, as they approach, Spike realises thereâs none of his merch. He cocks his head and slams Shaneâs head on the merch table, causing all sorts of memorabilia to go flying around. The staff behind the table run for it as Spike slowly tries to climb on top of the table and drag Shane Locke with him.
Park: This isnât looking promisingâŠ.
Wright: Itâs nice of the boys to advertise our wonderful FIRESIDE merchandise, available online as well as at our events.
Park: Nice plug.
As Shane is very groggily dragged to his feet, he suddenly throws his arms upwards and breaks the lock that Spike had on him, catching The Spiked One off guard, Locke then quickly repositions himself, and takes Spike down with his Bully Choke! The two land on the table, but it doesnât break! Shane wrenches in the lock, as the gathered crowd keep their distance but cheers for the SPARK Champion, as he tries to choke out the God of Xtreme, in front of the FIRESIDE merchandising. Fans have their phones out and are taking pictures as well as videos. Spike tries to reach out to grab one of them, but Shane has the lock in deep!
Park: This could be it! Shane has it locked in deep!
Wright: Spike hasnât been in a situation like this for quite some time, can he survive the deadly choke from Shane?
Park: This has to be over, just look how deep it is! Spikeâs is fading!
Spikeâs eyes almost seem to roll back into his head, as the referee gets close to his face and asks him if he submits, but Spike refuses, slowly starting to reposition his lower body so that he can swing his legs off the table, and try and support his body weight. Shane does his best to try and prevent Spike from moving, but the Irishman perseveres. Spike gets his feet toi the floor and tries to stand up, but Locke puts all of his pressure and bodyweight on Spike Kane to try and force the God of Xtreme to submit. For a second one of Spikeâs knees buckles, and Shane roars with determination.
Wright: Heâs gonna do it! Shane Locke is earning that world title shot here tonight folks!
As if with one last burst of raw strength and rage, Spike lifts Shane Locke into the air, causing the Oregon native to lose the hold, and as Spike shouts out in rage, he repositions Locke, and continues to lift him up, almost deadweight style into the vertical position, before using all that momentum and the extra force of gravity to suddenly turn and SLAM SHANE LOCKE THROUGH THE MERCHANDISE TABLE WITH THE SPIKE IMPAILER!
Park: WHAT THE!?
Wright: OH MY WORD!
Park: Spike Kane just repositioned a man weighing as much as his own bodyweight and then nailed the Spike Impaler through the table! I think Shane Locke might be out coldâŠ.
Amongst the wreckage, bits of wood, fliers, posters, t-shirts, hats, toy replica belts, lays Shane Locke and Spike Kane. After taking a few breaths, Spike rolls to his knees and begins to move everything out of the way, throwing the merch and debris in every direction. Some fans can be seen trying to pick up some of the discarded merch, but Spike flops onto Shane as the referee comes around the wreckage to count the pinfall!
..ONE..
..TWO..
...THREE!!!
Wright: SPIKE KANE HAS DETHRONED SHANE LOCKE!
Park: Honestly, I thought Shane had it with that bully choke locked in, but I guess we shouldnât underestimate the resilience of someone who is called The God of Xtreme.
Back at ringside the bell rings, and after a few moments Spike emerges from the atrium amongst the crowd, while âBow Downâ by I Prevail blasts through the sound system. Spike is met with a mixed reaction of boos, and cheers, but he simply raises his arm as he walks down the steps towards the security barrier. Fans reach out to grab him as he climbs over, the timekeeper hands the referee the SPARK Championship, who then turns to see Spike rolling in the ring, the referee follows and hands Spike the SPARK Championship as the ring announcer finally announces it to the crowd, Spike holds the belt up into the air and glares towards the hard cam.
\Stanford: Here is your winner, aaaaand NEW! FIRESIDE SPARK Champion! SPIKE! KANE!!
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, weighing a combined 400 pounds, they are Johnny Five and the Self-Made God Misha Constantine, they are FIIIIIVEEEEE AND DIIIIIIIVVVVVVIIIIIIIINE!
The lights cut out. Drumbeat and piano chords begin as a ring of fire forms in the entrance way. Amidst the flames rise the forms of Johnny Five and an armour-clad Misha Constantine. As the guitar of 'Swallowing The Rabbit Whole' kick in pyro erupts and the flames gutter out. The two walk down to the ring; Johnny flexing and jawing with fans as Misha remains laser focused on the ring. Johnny jumps to the apron and holds the ropes open for Misha to step through, before climbing the turnbuckles and posing, while Misha hits the hidden catches in the armour to have it drop off, ignoring the fansâ booing all the while.
Wright: Five and Divine are on a mission tonight, and if you talk to them itâs clear theyâre on two missions: take home the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships, and then the XHF Tag Team titles.
Park: Itâs a tough ask, a tough challenge, but if any pair could do it, certainly one with the rough up-and-comer Johnny Five and the experienced former X-Crown Champion Misha Constantine. The trash these two teams talked was hot and fresh, I could feel some blood boiling between them.
Walter Stanford: And their opponents⊠weighing a combined 489 pounds, they are El Combatiente and President Curtis Kanyon, they are the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, they are EL! BANG! HERMAAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Gameâs âOne Bloodâ and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway wearing their Fireside tag team titles. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier follows shortly behind them. They look around soaking up there surrounding. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Curtis and Javier slowly walk to ringside and chat. El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for the match to begin as Curtis climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"
Wright: So whatâs the official story of this team? Itâs rare that a team having their first match together is also defending tag team gold.
Park: Itâs not their first match together though, Oliver. They were all together for Call to Arms, where their team successfully plowed through the eveningâs competition at Eastern State Penitentiary. With Deville out of action for God know how long, Kanyon took advantage of the same loophole that installed him as half of the champions, replacing Deville with El Combatiente.
Wright: And if you havenât seen that masked man, you are in for a treat. The former SWAT World Champion joins a long list of people who have jumped ship from the shithole to greener pastures, and while weâre sharing him with the newly-founded LSA, weâre excited to have him.
Park: He and that manager Javier have an unusual relationship, Oliver. Javier does the translating, but it becomes apparent from time to time they may be on opposite sides of the same coin, should be interesting nonetheless. But enough talk, thereâs the bell!
The bell rings and the match begins as a bout between two former X-Crown champions as Misha Constantine has successfully called out the former President of the United States and gotten his request to throw down. Unfortunately for Constantine, he quickly lives to regret that request with the much heavier yet shorter Kanyon immediately locking him into a bearhug.
Wright: A little bit of love from Kanyon early!
Park: Based on how tight heâs squeezing, Iâd say itâs the opposite of love Oliver!
Kanyon attempts to continue wrenching on the hold but Misha Constantine is already doing his best to wiggle out of the hold, finding his best chance of success being to headbutt his way out. Once he does so, he sends Kanyon off the ropes and brings him down with a dropkick with relative ease, even taking the time to smack his hands together in a satisfied manner.
Wright: Constantine and Kanyon are two men who have been at the top of their respective divisions in FIRESIDE for a long time now, and these fans still donât love either of âem.
Park: But they can really go, that much is for damn certain.
Constantine looks to grab Kanyonâs wrists for his world famous head stomps, but Kanyon has scouted him properly and manages to club his leg, knocking into the taller man. With Constantine stumbling backwards, Kanyon takes the opportunity to sneak back to his feet to deliver a Kanyon Cutter, but Misha shoves him away, causing him to fall away yet land on his feet in the corner! Constantine charges forward and goes for the Undyneâs Spear, but his second rope spin kick is put to an abrupt halt as Kanyon catches him and turns to deliver a ring-shaking spinebuster!
Wright: These two are wiley veterans of the game! Kanyon goes for the cutter, Constantine goes for the spinning kick, and in the end Kanyon turns famine into feast!
Park: He dropped Misha right on his head with that one!
Kanyon looks over at Johnny Five, who is clapping and trying to get Constantine back into the match after the brutal slam. Kanyon charges over, knocking him down to the floor with a running shoulder block! The crowd boos loudly as Kanyon stands over the ropes and taunts the inexperienced competitor.
Kanyon: Your mama was a snowblower!
Wright: What the? Is that a Monty Python reference?
Park: I believe that was Short Circuit.
Wright: He really is crazy, isnât he?
Park: Crazy like a fox.
Kanyon drags Constantine by the arm and reaches out to tag in Combatiente. The Los Angeles native tags in and uses Kanyonâs shoulders as a platform to fall into a senton on top of Constantine! He hooks the leg!
...ONE!
...TW-kickout!
Wright: Impressive early teamwork from El Bang Hermanos.
Park: Theyâre two world champions at the top of their game, if they can continue working like that, theyâre gonna be a tough team to crack.
Combatiente waits for the former X-Crown champion to return to his feet before planting him right back onto the mat with an arm drag. Constantine comes back up and goes right back down to another arm drag, and then finally a third from the former SWAT world champion. He sticks his hand out to tag Kanyon back in and uses the returning Kanyon as a platform for a standing moonsault, giving Kanyon his foot and having Kanyon flip him onto Misha! Kanyon quickly covers!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Misha gets a hand on the ropes!
Combatiente is tagged in a second time and hits another fast arm drag before the team lifts Constantine back to his feet, this time going for a double suplex between the two! They lift Misha up high for the joint suplex, only to both be met by a leaping clothesline from Johnny Five!
Wright: Johnny Five invades the ring to save Misha! All of the bodies collapse into a pile in the center of the ring!
Park: Misha fell on El Bang Hermanos, and that clothesline might have given him the opening to get the hell out of this match for the time being!
The referee begins counting everyone out as all four competitors are down in the center of the ring. One by one, they slowly climb back up to their feet or get back into their corners, being ushered by referee Melanie Davenport as she makes sure that Johnny Five and Curtis Kanyon make it back to their respective areas. Despite taking the falling body of Constantine, Combatiente is the first one back up to his feet, only soon followed by Misha himself. Combatiente grabs him and looks for sliced bread, but as he runs up the ropes, Constantine shoves him over the ropes and to the floor!
Wright: Whoah! A brutal fall for the FIRESIDE Tag Team champion!
Park: This should finally give Misha the chance he needs to recover!
Wright: I donât think he has recovery in mind!
Constantine hops up on the top rope and runs across it before crashing down onto El Combatiente with a 450 splash!
Wright: Orbital Strike! Champion and challenger both down on the outside!
Park: Big moves like that are going to help Five and Divine win the titles!
...ONE!
...TWO!
The referee begins her count as both men lay on the outside. Five and Kanyon are also in hot pursuit of the bodies to help pick up their fallen comrades and to glare menacingly at the other to keep them from getting much further involved. Eventually both men are helped back up to their feet. The crowd boos as both men reenter the ring, though Combatiente doesnât do so willingly as heâs instead tossed back inside by Constantine.
Wright: You can feel the momentum beginning to shift towards the challengers.
Park: And with the young and ambitious powerhouse waiting to get tagged in, you have a feeling itâs only going to keep going in that direction!
Johnny Five finally tags in and hops over the rope in excitement. He and Constantine both grab one of El Combatienteâs arms and fire a kick into his face at the same time!
Wright: Righteous Kill!
Park: Thatâs exactly what Iâm talking about!
Five covers, hooking both of his opponentâs legs!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Combatiente kicks out!
Johnny Five wastes no time in trying to cut off the air supply, quickly capturing Combatienteâs head underneath his arm and his arms between his legs, locking in an arm capture guillotine choke!
Wright: Whoah! Got Five On It out of nowhere!
Park: The challenger may be able to catch one of the champions completely off guard!
Five works to choke the everloving life out of El Combatiente but itâs clear the highflyer wonât go quietly. At first, the issue for him is to get the 225 pounder off him while not being able to actually use both of his arms. The other issue for him is that heâs just far enough away from the ropes to not be able to get his foot or hand on one of them easily!
Wright: Combatienteâs losing ground to this choke and there doesnât seem to be a way out!
Park: Fiveâs got him locked in tight!
Johnny Five continues to choke out El Combatiente and the match is beginning to look worse and worse for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions right up until Kanyon comes in and almost punts the side of Fiveâs head off his body!
Wright: Kanyonâs cheating now too to save his partner! A big punt that saved Combatiente there!
Park: Theyâre three of the most booed guys on our roster and El Combatiente, of course theyâre going to cheat! The FIRESIDE Tag Team championships mean a lot to them!
The crowd boos fiercely as Five goes down in a worrisome heap. He stops moving right away. The punt kick is so bad in fact that Dr. Lagari has to be called down to ringside to check on him. The referee throws up the X and things do not look good.
Wright: Five came right in like a house of fire and got kicked in the head for his trouble!
Park: That might be a concussion, he might have to pull out of this match!
The fans boo as Kanyon is ushered back into his corner, pleading his innocence the entire time. Meanwhile, El Combatiente is down in the opposing corner, getting a grip on the bottom rope to try to will himself back into the match after having the life damn well choked out of him. The news is bad for Constantine as Dr. Lagari shakes his head no, pulling Johnny Five from the match!
Wright: Whoah! Weâve seen the doc come out to the ring plenty of times in FIRESIDE, but never to do something that drastic!
Park: You canât wrestle on a concussion like that, Oliver. It would shorten your career. However, it certainly sucks for Misha, who now finds himself going at it two-on-one against the champs.
Wright: If thereâs anyone who could still pull this off though, itâs Constantine.
Misha Constantine looks on in frustration as his partner is escorted to the back, on his feet but maybe still out mentally as he walks and Lagari shields his eyes from the bright lights of the arena. Constantine mentally beats his chest, sucking it up and going to work as Combatiente almost makes it back to his feet, instead having his wrists captured! Constantine looks at Kanyon and then begins to stomp on Combatienteâs head, much to the disapproval of the crowd!
Wright: Constantineâs not going down without a fight! Two-on-one doesnât mean that much to him!
Park: Yeah, but how much energy does the man truly have left in him?
Constantine waits for El Combatiente to make it back to his feet and whips him into the corner, and before the former SWAT world champion can bounce back, this time he connects with the Undyneâs Spear!
Wright: Undyneâs Spear! This might be over!
Park: Can we see a new champion right here?
...ONE!
...TWO!
...El Combatiente gets a foot on the ropes!
Wright: Not enough!
Park: You can feel the frustration growing in Misha, first all of the things that have been said, then his partner being removed, and now the rising odds against him!
Constantine looks over at Kanyon and pulls one out of his playbook, charging forward before shifting his weight and taking out the cocky champion with a Martelo de Negativia kick! The crowd comes alive as Kanyon hits the deck!
Wright: There we go! Mishaâs building the offense!
Park: He might just be able to do it after all!
Misha turns around and manages to counter the arm drag this time, flipping through it and landing on his feet! He kicks Combatinate in the gut and delivers the DeityDT!
Wright: Tornado double arm DDT! This might be it!
Park: Heâs got it!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THR-NO!
El Combatiente kicks out at the last possible second!
Wright: Thr-oh! I thought he had him there!
Park: So did Misha! Heâs arguing his point with the referee!
Misha bangs on the mat in frustration as he stands up to yell at the referee for not counting to three. In the meantime, Kanyon and Javier are communicating on the outside about something as Mishaâs back is turned. As Misha turns back around and readies himself to deliver the Irae Dei, even ascending the turnbuckles, Javier hops up on the apron!
Wright: Oh now what? Three on one?
Park: Iâm sure Javier has a point about whatever heâs on about!
As the referee is distracted, Kanyon hops onto the apron to spoil Mishaâs attempt at the Irae Dei, swinging a closed and somehow shiny fist at Misha, but Misha delivers a full force kick, knocking the champion to the floor! He then turns his attention to El Combatiente, who has sprung up and climbed the ropes to deliver a top rope hurricanrana!
Wright: Damnit! Kanyon and Javier distracted Misha from the move!
Park: Are you actually rooting for Misha here, Oliver?
El Combatiente scoops Misha Constantine up the mat, going behind him and hooking his arms back before lifting Constantineâs converted body into the air and slamming him down spine first!
Wright: Vertebreaker! Three on one was too much for Misha here! This one could be over!
Park: The cover and the count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Walter Stanford: Here are your winners, AND STILL the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions,EL! BANG! HERMAAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!
Wright: Damnit! Three on one was just too much for the former X-Crown champ tonight!
Park: You have to imagine that if Five doesnât go down early, with the way Constantine was firing, we wouldâve had new tag team champs.
Wright: I donât know if this is over between these two teams⊠when Five gets cleared, he and Misha might want Kanyonâs head on a platter. And Iâm all for seeing what would happen in a rematch.
El Bang Hermanos celebrates in the ring together⊠well, Kanyon and Javier do. El Combatiente kind of puts his hands on his hips, satisfied to have defended the championship, but clearly not a strong fan of the cheating.
Stanford: Ladies and Gentlemen! Before we begin, I have received a message from Fireside's general manager, Marcus Washington. Due to the return of Lucas Nix, the following contest will instead be for a shot at the XHF X*Crown Championship! After the X*Crown shot is decided by taking down the case, the remaining competitors will continue for a chance to challenge for the Fireside World Title on the next installment of Thursday Night Inferno!, decided by pinfall or submission!
The crowd roars.
Wright: An elegant solution for a problem we didn't have to start the night!
Park: Sometimes I almost think Washington is good at his job.
Stanford: Introducing first, from Durham, North Carolina, and weighing in at 165 pounds.... NAAATAAALIIIIE BUUUUUROWS!!!!
I can finally breathe again.
The distorted opening lyrics of 'Breathe Again' plays as the overhead lights dim, the sequence of notes following it triggering coral-colored lights to pulse in time... and when the guitars and drums combine to form an explosion of noise? Every light in the arena as well as the tron goes blinding white--and when it fades back to normal a few seconds later? Natalie Burrows is standing at the top of the ramp, the crowd cheering for the Southern Belle as she looks out over the fans, a nod of acknowledgement given. As video footage plays of some of her hardest-hitting moments in the ring, Natalie makes her way down to the ring, slapping the hands of the fans here and there, but her focus is on the ring. Speeding up at the bottom of the ramp, the Southern Belle slides into the ring, rolling onto her back before kipping up to her feet. The nearest turnbuckle is mounted as she looks out over the crowd, raising her fists in the air to evoke more cheers. She lingers there for a few moments before hopping down, doing a couple stretches to prepare for the match at hand.
Stanford: Introducing next, from the near future, and weighing in at 100 pounds.... She is one-half of the Time Jumpers, CIIIIIELAAA LUUUUIZZZ!!!!
The words "I wanna go
All the way, all the way
All the way back...
All the way, all the way
All the way
All I really need
Is time travel and you
Don't know what this is
We're travelling through
All the memories
Unravel with you
So all I really need
Is time travel
And you...
And youâŠ" echo throughout the arena as Ciela Luiz skips happily to the ring. She slides in and smirks as she awaits her opponent.
Stanford: Introducing next, from the near future, and weighing in at 135 pounds.... She is the other half of the Time Jumpers, MIKAYLAAAAA VAAAAYDEEEEN!!!!
The words "I wanna go
All the way, all the way
All the way back...
All the way, all the way
All the way
All I really need
Is time travel and you
Don't know what this is
We're travelling through
All the memories
Unravel with you
So all I really need
Is time travel
And you...
And youâŠ" echo throughout the arena as Makayla Vayden walks as if on a mission to the ring. She slides in and smirks as she awaits her opponent.
Stanford: Introducing next, from Lamia, Greece and weighing in at 198 pounds.... They are the Neon Wolf, CEEEPHEEEUS!!!!
âR-T-MOTHERFUCKINâ-J! R-T-J!â
The slow intro to âNo Save Pointâ from Run The Jewels begins to play throughout the speakers within the arena, the lights within the arena turning to a purple and pink hue as the tron lights up to a synthwave theme and the words of âCEPHEUSâ is seen as the lyrics begins to play through the speakers.
âI SWALLOW ALL MY DRUGS 'TIL THE PAIN IS UNPLUGGED
WHEN THE LAWS OF ENTROPY TOUCH
YOU BETTER DREAD THE JUDGE
WISER MEN THAN US BEEN CRUSHED TO FINE DUST
WHEN THE FORTUNE COOKIE TELL ME I'M FUCKED, I JUST SHRUGâ
With the curtain soon opening up for The Neon Wolf to walk through with a slight bit of cockiness to their step, standing at the top of the ramp and looking out to the many fans in attendance before beginning their slow walk to the ring, keeping that swagger to their step as they make their way to the ringside area.
âI USED TO PRAY TO GOD BUT I THINK HE TOOK A VACATION
'CAUSE NOW THE STATE OF CALI IS RUN BY THESE CORPORATIONS
THE SKYSCRAPER SHADOW THE HOMELESS, THE POPULATION
THE DEGRADATION THEY FACED WITH, SHOULD BE AN ABOMINATIONâ
With elegance, CEPHEUS soon enters the ring by leaping over the top rope and running straight to the nearest corner they could to leap onto the seconds ropes and soaks in the crowdâs reaction as they stretch their arms out wide and lets out a roar to the crowd before hopping down off of the ropes to stay in their corner.
Stanford: Introducing next, from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 160 pounds.... They are SAAAAAM SAAAAWYEEER!!!!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Stanford: Introducing next, from Abilene, Texas and weighing in at 283 pounds.... They are WAYNE TANNER JUNIORRRR!
"Aint Going Down Till The Sun Comes Up" by Garth Brooks plays and Wayne Tanner Jnr. pushes out from the curtains. He raises his arms completely ignoring the boos acting like the whole crowd love him. He tips his cowboy hat and starts to stride down to the ring.
Stanford: Introducing next, from Carlile, Cumbria and weighing in at 253 pounds.... He is GAAAVIIIIN DRAAAAAKE!!!
'Human' by Rag N Bone Man plays as Drake makes his way to the ring.
Wright: Every competitor in this match has something to prove tonight, and with the upped stakes for the X*crown title shot, this is sure to be a match to remember!
Park: And with a second title shot in the mix after the X*Crown is decided then I'm sure everyone is going to be giving it everything they have.
The bell rings and we are underway! Drake bails out of the ring while Sawyer and CEPHEUS attack Luiz. Burrows then throws CEPHEUS out of the ring. Tanner and Burrows come face-to-face. Tanner shouts something at Burrows, who shoves the other man. Burrows takes a swing at Tanner, but the New Money thug pulls Vayden between them. Burrows hesitates for a moment, then blasts Vayden anyway. Tanner and Burrows get in each other's faces, neither willing to give the other an inch.
Park: Burrows and Tanner are wasting time arguing when they should be paying attention to the other competitors in the ring.
Wright: I hear these two have some kind of history, but if either one of them wants to leave with the title shot they're going to need to leave that outside the ring.
Luiz then takes advantage of the pair's quarrel to wipe them both out with a springboard shooting star press plancha!
Park: You see, Ollie? Like I said, they have to pay attention.
Wright: You.... do realize I agreed with you, right?
Luiz slides out of the ring and grabs a ladder. She slides it into the ring, then rolls in after it. She starts to set up the ladder, but Drake attacks. Luiz gets the better of him and hits a head-scissor takeover before kipping up and dropkicking them into the ropes.
Wright: Ciela Luiz is on fire!
Park: It's nice to see from life from the so-called time traveler. Too bad we're not seeing the same from the other half of the tandem.
Luiz runs at Drake, who ducks and ejects the time jumper from the ring. Luiz catches the top rope and lands on her feet on the apron, following up with a sharp knee to Drake's face. Luiz goes for a springboard, but Drake hits the ropes to knock her to the floor. Drake, realizing he is the only one in the ring, starts to climb the ladder, but Sawyer pulls them off the ladder with a high-angle belly-to-back suplex. CEPHESUS rolls through the move, springing to their feet and launching off the ropes, but Sawyer lays them flat with an enzuigiri.
Wright: Nice move by Sam Sawyer!
Park: Kid has some great instincts. They're going to be big if they keep on making moves like that.
Sawyer hauls Drake up off the mat, then lifts him onto their shoulders. They hit Drake with a firemanâs carry neckbreaker. Sawyer looks to be preparing to push the attack when Vayden runs in and attacks them with a rolling neck snapper. Vayden springs back to her feet, eyeing the ladder, but before she can move to try and climb it, Tanner runs in and blasts her with a big boot. He hauls her up off the mat to hit a powerslam. Luiz appears out of nowhere to save her fellow Time Jumper, blasting Tanner with a shotgun dropkick. She throws Tanner out of the ring and wipes him out with a suicide dive!
Wright: Ciela Luiz sends the big Texan to the floor!
Park: I don't want to complain, Ollie, but for a ladder match, those ladders haven't seen much use.
Wright: Give it time, UnJoo.
Burrows slides back into the ring and levels Vayden and Drake with clotheslines before picking them both up. Sawyer catches Burrows with a dropkick from behind, then springs off the ropes to follow it up with a moonsault. Sawyer grabs Vayden to pull her to her feet, but Vayden stops him with an elbow. The two trade blows before Burrows gets involved The three trade blows until CEPHEUS comes in with hard knee to Vayden, then a backflip kick to Sawyer. Burrows and the Neon Wolf stare each other down, until Vayden and Sawyer attach them. The quartet brawls in the ring to roaring cheers from the crowd.
Wright: This has been incredible so far!
Park: The crowd is way into it, too. No matter how this match ends, it's gonna be hard to top.
Luiz slides back into the ring, immediately attacking Burrows. Tanner comes into the ring with another ladder and throws it at the other five! Tanner picks up the ladder and rams it into Burrows before flooring Sawyer and Vayden, then Luiz and Drake meet the same fate.
Park: Now THIS is what I signed up for!
Wright: Tanner is wasting no time here!
Tanner sets the ladder up in the corner and sends Burrows into it. Tanner grabs Drake and gorilla presses him midsection first onto a ladder. Tanner sets up the ladder and climbs, but Luiz stops him with a kick to the back. Luiz goes for a sunset flip powerbomb, but the hundred-pound time jumper can't get enough leverage to get the larger man off of the ladder. Vayden joins in with her, followed by CEPHEUS, and then Sawyer joins in to complete the bomb and send Tanner crashing to the mat. Burrows clotheslines both Time Jumpers out of the ring before they can do much else.
Wright: No love lost between Natalie Burrows and the Time Jumpers.
Park: I think Luiz made it pretty clear that they're no fans of the southern belle.
Sawyer gets in Burrowsâ face and shouts something. Burrows then head-butts him down. Luiz charges Burrows, but Burrows gives her a back body drop onto the ladder. Burrows sets up the ladder in the center of the ring and climbs, but Vayden takes her out with a face-buster off the ladder. Tanner comes in with another ladder. Drake and Sawyer join forces to hit the ladder with stereo dropkicks, knocking Tanner back into the corner. Tanner appears to be trapped, with the ladder wedged in the ropes leaving him pinned in the corner.
Wright: Drake and Sawyer might have just taken Tanner out of the equation!
Park: This is awesome!
Burrows and Sawyer square up, but the Time Jumpers grab Burrows feet and pull her out of the ring. They then get a large ladder and build a bridge from the apron to the crowd barrier. They send Burrows ribs-first into the ladder. Luiz and Vayden get in the ring and ram Tanner in the midsection with the ladder before doing a high five. Sawyer hits Luiz, Vayden, and the trapped Tanner with superkicks. CEPHEUS goes for a springboard, but Sawyer superkicks him out of mid-air. Sawyer sets up the ladder and climbs while the crowd loudly chants their name.
Wright: The crowd is behind Sam Sawyer!
Park: All he has to do is climb that ladder to glory!
Tanner knocks over the ladder. Sawyer lands on his feet and gets in the bigger man's face, failing to notice Evan Valentine Jr. sliding into the ring. Tanner kicks Sawyer in the abdomen, and Evan follows it up with the arm-trap burning hammer!
Wright: Evan Valentine Jr? What is he doing here?!
Park: Tanner and the leader of New Money might have just pulled off the heist of the century!
Tanner starts to climb the ladder while Evan watches Sawyer, sneering at the fallen wrestler. Natalie Burrows slides back into the ring, slinking up behind Valentine Jr. Valentine is so focused on applauding Tanner, who is taking his time getting up the ladder, that he doesn't notice the other woman until she taps him on the shoulder. He turns to face her, but before he can react, Burrows drives a hard kick into his abdomen, following up with a Hitting Bottom! Ciela Luiz springboards off the ropes to dropkick the ladder, knocking it over and sending Tanner crashing onto the bridged ladder, which somehow doesn't break!
Wright: And just like that, Ciela Luiz and Natalie Burrows take New Money out!
Mardinly is in a verbal confrontation with Valentine, who flips off the referee. He shouts at Valentine, then points up the ramp, earning an angry outburst from Valentine Jr and cheers from the fans!
Wright: Evan Valentine has been ejected from ringside!!
Park: Serves him right! He should be concentrating on his X-Crown match later anyway.
Burrows and Luiz come face to face, and Luiz slaps Burrows. Burrows looks shocked, then smiles, turning her head back to Luiz who winds up and slaps her again. Burrows looks ready to slow down, but Drake hits Luiz with a superkick. Drake quickly hauls her up off the mat and throws her to Burrows, who looks confused for a second, but nonetheless hits Luiz with another Hitting Bottom!
Wright: Ciela Luiz might just regret the night she decided to cross Natalie Burrows.
With Luiz dealt with, Burrows and Drake exchange punches in the center of the ring. Burrows kicks Drake in the midsection before clotheslining him down. Burrows charges Drake, but he catches her and powerslams her to the mat. Drake notices they are alone in the ring with the ladders. They set one up and slowly start to climb. Vayden cuts him off and pulls him off the ladder before connecting with a superkick. Vayden quickly climbs the ladder, but Drake begins tipping it over. Vayden does a moonsault block off the ladder onto CEPHEUS and Tanner, who are outside the ring!
Wright: Gavin Drake stops Mikayla Vayden from winning the case!
Park: I'll be honest, Ollie. I kinda forgot she was in this match.
Vayden pulls herself up to the apron and hits Drake with a springboard dropkick. Burrows quickly chop blocks Vayden and puts her on the top rope before wildly chopping her. Vayden hits a headscissors, slamming Burrows on one of the ladders. Vayden vaults to the top rope then hits a shooting star press onto Burrows, sandwiching her in the ladder! Vayden climbs the ladder, but CEPHEUS stops her with a powerbomb.
Park: CEPHEUS is finally back in the mix!
Wright: They've been out of action for a while, only time will tell if this was the right moment to come back.
Luiz is back in the ring with another ladder, and she and CEPHEUS go to hit each other with ladders, but they create a ladder bridge in the ring. CEPHEUS and Luiz lockup and CEPHEUS suplexes Luiz onto the ladder. They climbs the other ladder. Luiz hits a double leg takedown on the ladder bridge. CEPHEUS and Luiz trade blows back and forth on the bridge until CEPHEUS catches Luiz and nails an XS driver through the ladder to the mat.
Wright: XS Driver!
Park: With everybody down, CEPHEUS needs to make the most of this opportunity!
CEPHEUS kips up, only to get wiped out again by a clothesline from Tanner. Tanner hauls the Neon Wolf up, picking themm up for a Fireman's carry. Tanner carries CEPHEUS over to the ropes and dumps them over onto the ladder bridge. Tanner gets on the apron, but Drake stops him. He drives several kicks into Tanner, but he grabs him by the throat, lifting him over the ropes and chokeslamming him onto the prone CEPHEUS. The ladder snaps in two, sending CEPHEUS and Drake crashing to the floor. Burrows sets up a ladder bridge and puts Luiz onto it. Burrows gets on the apron, but Sawyer catches her with a kick. Sawyer goes for the moonsault, but Burrows catches him in a crossbody. Burrows picks up Sawyer and leaps off the apron, slamming him through Luiz and the ladder bridge!
Wright: Business is really picking up!
Park: Speaking of business, the only person on his feet in Wayne Tanner!
Tanner gets in the ring and sets the ladder up under the case. He slowly climbs the ladder, but Burrows climbs the opposite side.
They exchange blows before Luiz gets in the ring and hits them with a ladder of her own. She sets her ladder up side-by-side of Tanner and Burrowsâ. Luiz starts climbing, trading blows with Tanner and Burrows. Soon Sawyer adds themself to the mix, and the four brawl on the ladders while trying to be the first to the top. CEPHEUS comes in and sets up another ladder side-by-side to the others, interjecting himself into the brawl. Drake gets back in the ring and climbs the ladder too.
Wright: Now everyone is on the ladder! The X*Crown shot could go to any of these competitors!
Park: Any one of them would deserve it, too.
Tanner is knocked to the canvas. Sawyer and Drake trade blows, until Sawyer throws Drake suplexes Drake off of the ladder to the mat. CEPHEUS gets his hands on the title, but Burrows stops him. Burrows then hits CEPHEUS with an avalanche Hitting Bottom off the ladder! Tanner then wipes out Burrows with a Swing N' A Miss off the ladder onto CEPHEUS! Tanner climbs the ladder, but Luiz and Vayden springboard off the ropes and onto his back. The ladder buckles under the weight and Tanner crashes to the mat. Luiz sets up the ladder and starts to climb, but Sawyer pushes over the ladder, sending Luiz crashing to the floor outside the ring. Sawyer rights the ladder and scrambles up. They grab the case off the hook and the referee calls for the bell!
Wright: Sam Sawyer wins the X*Crown title shot!
Park: And there is carnage in the ring, Ollie! All of these people fought a war tonight.
Wright: It's not over yet! Due to the nature of this match, there is *still* a world title shot up for grabs.
Mardinly rolls into the ring, immediately dropping to the mat and starting to count.
Park: What's going on?
Wright: Tanner slammed Burrows on CEPHEUS! Burrows has CEPHEUS pinned!
Park: ...And they're both still out!
..ONE..
..TWO..
..THREE!!!
Mardinly calls for the bell again! Burrows starts to stir, looking confused as Mardinly tries to raise her hand. Tanner continues to fight against the mangled ladder, cursing loudly as he tries to get free, and the Time Jumpers kind of stare each other down. CEPHEUS is being tended to by medics, apparently still out after the match.
Stanford: And the winner of the Fireside World Championship title shot... NATALIE BURROWS!
Park: And it looks like Natalie Burrows will challenge next time for the Fireside World Championship!
Wright: That was an outstanding match. Everyone involved has to know they gave everything they could, and Sam Sawyer and Natalie Burrows came out on top!
Park: And we still have several matches left on the card! Tonight is a good night to be a Fireside fan!
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is an Anything but the Bike is Legal Match! In this match, there are no disqualifications, except if Daku Suzuki uses his motorcycle! If Zolothach wins, she will be added to his SPARK Championship match on the next episode of Inferno!
Rio Grande by Mezcaleros plays over the sound system as you hear the revs of the motorcycle as you see Daku ride out of the curtain and stops his Suzuki Harley style motorcycle that's got blue and black colours with his motorcycle club, The Cutting Blades name with a spider with knives all over it. Daku does his typical knife cut symbol with the fans booing him as he then continues to ride down to the ramp with flames coming out the side of the stage. He goes around once on his Suzuki bike before he stops it right on the right outside of the ramp and turns the engine off with placing his jacket onto it.
Stanford: From Hamamatsu, Japan, he is 245 pounds, he is The Knife of Motorcycles, DAKUUUUUUUU SUUUUZZZZZZZUKIIIIIII!
Wright: Important stakes for Daku tonight, he has a SPARK Championship match coming up against⊠well, against Spike Kane, and if he loses tonight, Zolothach jumps in and makes it a triple threat.
Park: Heâs got to figure out how to keep down one of the craziest members of this whole roster, and that includes freaking MAJESTY.
Daku slides into the ring and closes his eyes to show his necklace of a knife and a motorcycle on it and does his cutthroat signal before spreading his arms. Daku then opens his eyes and takes off his necklace and drops it on the floor as Daku holds onto the ropes, looking at the entranceway, waiting for his opponent to come out of the ramp.
But before Daku does, a cockroach runs across the ring right in front of him.
Wright: Did Caffrey finish renovating the Hearth?
Park: I think there might be something more to that cockroach!
Wright: Youâre weird.
âCthulhuâ by Gunship begins playing as torches all along the entranceway and aisle light up. âZolothachâ Tabitha Osborne walks out from the back with a wide grin as she takes in the boos from the crowd. She heads down to the ring with a sexy swagger (but she looks like a corpse so not very many catcalls). She rolls into the ring and leans in her corner.
Stanford: From Hamamatsu, Japan, she weighs in at 165 pounds, she is ZOLOTHAAAAAAAAACHHHHHHHH!
Wright: Welcome back to one of our biggest freaks!
Park: Donât call her that! Sheâs a lot more than just a freak. Not too long ago she was wrestling in the main event here, sheâs a force to be reckoned with. Daku might have bitten off more than he can chew here.
Wright: Thereâs the bell, letâs see if youâre right!
The bell rings and Zolothach launches herself across the ring, the smaller competitor colliding with Dazu Suzuki with all the force of a bullet, bowling him over with a Lou Thesz Press! Laying into her foe with vicious lefts, Suzuki does his best to cover up, but itâs a losing battle that he is only saved from by Zolothach wanting to do something else.
Wright: Blazing fists from Zolo!
Park: Daku underestimated her and sheâs out to make him pay!
Dazu gets to his feet clearly rattled, though judging by the look on his face? He might have a couple cobwebs in his head, but heâs also pissed off at the aggression thatâs been used to disrespect him. Zolothach is right back at it--but this time, Suzuki is there to meet her, the pair trading blows in the middle of the ring as the crowd cheers for the fistfight! Ultimately, itâs an unconventional attack that returns control to Zolo as she seizes Dakuâs fist, pulls him a little bit closer to her⊠and then bites his arm! Suzuki screams in pain.
Wright: She just bit him! You canât do that in todayâs COVID age!
Park: Hey, anything but the damn bike is legal! Thatâs what the name of the match is!
Zolo charges straight for Daku, whoâs blindsided by the incoming onslaught! The devoted Cthulhu worshipper tackles the Knife of Motorcycles right to the ground and slams her fists into his face, driving each strike right into his eyes or nose with intent to injure! He tries to push her off but she grabs his throat, sinking her claw-like nails into it and squeezing! She mounts him and clasps her other hand around his throat! Just squeezing the life out of the Japanese native!
Wright: Sheâs going for the throat! Quite literally!
Park: She is the murderous type, after all!
He manages to push her off of him, gasping in lungfuls of oxygen! But as he starts to get to his feet, Zolo chopblocks him back to the floor! She keeps him floored with stomps, shouting at him for the insults he hurled in his vignette! An elbow to the sternum makes Daku crawl to the ropes, rolling outside. Zolo rolls out behind him, but runs the opposite way. She runs all the way around the ring and shoulder blocks him into the stairs nearby!
Wright: This is like a murderous rage weâve never seen before!
Park: It reminds me of Dinosaur Bones running around smashing folks!
Zolo grabs Saku by the back of the head, and just smashes his head into the stairs! Blood trickles out from a wound on his head, and Zolo just bites at it, opening it up more! Daku pushes her off and rolls into the ring, but Zoloâs quick to follow! She wastes no time charging in at Daku as he comes forward back in the ring. She hits him with the cannon ball legsweep, and he topples as the fans cheer. Zolo wastes no time, coming to her feet with a yell before she starts to stomp away at him, kicking and battering him.
Wright: This feels like Iâm watching a man fight for his life in there!
Park: I havenât seen anything like this in a long time!
The fans boo, not happy with referee Chris Mardinly as he tries to intervene as Daku ducks out of the ring and shakes his head before he pushes a few fans aside. Grabbing a chair from the front row, he slams it down across the barricade before he turns back to the ring. He climbs inside, and by now has had enough. Zolo charges at Daku, her feet slam into the chair and Daku goes flying from the edge of the ring, chair clattering across the floor as the fans go wild.
Wright: A wild dropkick from Zolothach, sending the chair into Dakuâs skull!
Park: Daku desperately needs to get some kind of offense in here!
Zolo in a fury, follows him to the outside grabbing the chair to hold it high over her head. The fans are going wild, and Daku crawls to his knees before the chair slams down across his back. Again, and again, and again. He drops, and the fans clearly approve as Zolo throws the chair aside as she rakes her hands through her hair, looking around wildly.
Wright: Something about Daku has set really set off Zolothach here tonight!
Park: When does this stop?
Then she grabs Daku, pulling him to his feet before throwing him hard at the ringstairs. Daku flips across them to land in a heap, and the stairs come apart as he sprawls on the floor. The referee tries to get the match back under control, but Zolo waves him off to grab a fistful of hair. Daku is brought to his feet, and shoved back towards the ring.
Wright: Referee Chris Madinly might have to call for a stoppage of some sort if this continues!
Park: Daku might be in danger!
Zolo charges in with a murderous scream, and Daku barely steps aside. She hits the ring apron, staggering aside as she grabs at her ribs. Daku grabs her head, slamming it against the mat a few times before he shoves her towards the ring post. And then he darts back, running forward hard only to slam hard against the post as Zolo moves aside.
Wright: Daku finally strikes back, sending the criminally insane murderer into the-- no, she sends him into the ringpost instead!
Park: So much for that turnaround!
She shoves him inside of the ring, grinning as she slid inside behind him. And then she dives on him, grabbing his head by the hair before sinking her teeth into his eyebrow. The fans love it, and the ref is mortified as Daku screams trying to push her away. She finally draws back, drooling and ranting about âmurderâ as Daku pulls himself up the ropes.
Wright: I think she might kill him!
Park: She did say something about murdering guys like him when she was 12!
Zolo comes in, clearly ready to finish this before Daku lunges forward to drive a thumb into her throat. She stumbles, grabbing at her throat before he grabs her to plant a quick suplex as the fans boo. A relieved Daku goes for the quick cover before letting out a scream as Zolo sinks her teeth into his neck and shoulders again. Biting and tearing, shaking her head wildly before he breaks the cover.
Wright: Is that the third or fourth time sheâs tried to bite him?
Park: Tried? More like succeeded!
Daku Suzuki rolls outside of the ring and takes a breather, absolutely trying to figure out how to get back into this match. Zolothach, in the meantime, is looking to prepare the Breath of Pazzuzu and put Suzuki away.
Wright: Might be best to just turn tail on the bike and call it a night! Doesnât seem to be your night, Daku!
Park: He might have something left in his bag of tricks! This is a professional who came within inches of being the world champion, things have to turn around for him!
Suzuki reaches into a side bag on his motorcycle and pulls something out. Zolothach slides out to greet him, only to be met with a hard shot from a steel chain!
Wright: Oof! That chain might be what Daku needs to get back in this thing!
Park: Look at him go with it! He isnât stopping!
Daku Suzuki is armed and dangerous with the steel chain and itâs clear he has no interest in playing second fiddle to Zolothach anymore. He wraps the chain around her throat and pulls backward, attempting to strangle the insane wrestler, literally planting a foot on the top of her back to work on choking her out!
Wright: Suzuki has finally woken up and heâs looking to put Zolo to sleep here!
Park: Sheâs turning bright red! This match just got even more brutal!
The only thing that stops Suzukiâs choke is his decision to take her head and slam it into the top of the turnbuckle as hard as he can. He does so, bouncing Zoloâs head and then going for both seconds and thirds. A fan yells at him and he curses them out before making them leave their seat. He then grabs the chair and drives it directly into his opponentâs spine, unhappy with how his evening has gone!
Wright: Suzuki might be trying to break Zoloâs back here!
Park: Itâs like that chain was her kryptonite, the minute it came out was the minute that all of this began to shift!
Daku Suzuki picks Zolothach up by the back of her head, showing the true power and grabbing quite a large handful of hair, yanking it as hard as he can! Some of the hairs even come out of Zolotachâs head as he slams her face back into the ground and then lifts her back up one more time, but this time, he responds by dropping her straight into the floor with a vicious Iron Claw slam!
Wright: Throttle Cutter slam on the food! Goddamn!
Park: I wasnât expecting this match to be so damn brutal!
Daku Suzuki looks over at the bike and then back over at Zolo, thinking, calculating something in his head as all business owners are to do. He then moves to the motorcycle and sits down on it, starting it up for a few seconds.
Wright: He isnât thinking about using the bike, is he?
Park: Of course not, the bike isnât legal!
Suzuki stops, realizing that his work isnât quite finished yet. He picks the chain up one more time and uses it like a whip, slashing Zolo across the throat with it!
Wright: This is a slaughterhouse of a match!
Park: Oh man! Mongo is not gonna be happy with us!
Suzuki then takes the chain and ties Zolothachâs legs together with it, wrapping it around both of her legs so sheâs unable to move! He then drops her in the middle of the entranceway!
Wright: Whatâs he doing?
Park: Itâs like one of those damsels in distress in the movies, but I donât understand what the train isâŠ
Everything becomes more clear as Daku revs up his bike, drawing boos from the crowd. He actually gets on it and begins riding it up the ramp, and the crowd begins to not only stand, but boo loudly as they realize what the hell Suzukiâs up to!
Wright: Oh my God -- heâs going to try to run over like he did to Jaice Wilds!
Park: This is insane! He literally canât do that! Officials made him apologize last time!
Wright: The man clearly has no remorse!
Park: Zolo, get out of the way!
The sounds of a motorcycle revving are drowned out by the extremely loud booing of the crowd as Daku comes down the ramp on his bike, running over Zoloâs right leg! The referee calls for the bell!
Stanford: Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification, and going onto the SPARK Championship match next Inferno, ZOLOTHAAAAACHHHH!
The crowd would like to cheer, but the screaming pain of Zolothach indicates the damage has been done!
Wright: Holy cow, I canât believe he did it again!
Park: Why on Earth would he do that? Now Zolothach is going to be in his SPARK Championship match against Spike Kane?
Wright: Is she? I doubt sheâs gonna be able to fully walk after that! Three weeks is not long enough to recover from something so horrible!
Park: My God, this match was so violent from top to bottom. And if sheâs okay, weâre gonna see it again in three weeks.
Wright: With Spike, too. Donât forget that. I donât know what weâre in for, but I know I wanna see it.
The arena begins rock and rollinâ as good olâ Walter Stanford rises back up to his feet. A few fans behind him try to get a Stanford chant going in the Hearth. It doesnât quite succeed, but a charming attempt nonetheless.
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall, and it is a Triple Threat Match for the FIRESIDE WOOOOOOOORLDDD CHAMPIONSHIP!
The crowd cheers!
Stanford: Introducing first⊠from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is VODDDDDDDDDDDKAAAAAA FIIIIIZZZZZZZ!
The TMBA Remix of Jump Around beggins to play in the arena. The bass gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and anover-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp.
Wright: Vodka Fizz knocked off his friend-turned-rival Evan Valentine Jr. to get into this match tonight, and you have to know heâs riding that high.
Park: Or at the very least drinking his way through it.
Wright: Tonight is the biggest opportunity of his career -- Fizz has stepped up for many big moments but not quite gotten the job done.
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Wright: Tonight is the biggest opportunity of his career -- Fizz has stepped up for many big moments but not quite gotten the job done. Is tonight the night he shatters his own ceiling?
Park: Heâs been knocking on that breakthrough for a while. I think he already shattered it with that Evan victory last Inferno, now heâs working on being limitless.
Wright: Well, the skyâs the limit!
Walter Stanford: Introducing next, from the grand city of Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200 pounds, she is MMIIIIIISSTRESSSSSS DISSSCIPPLINE!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The crowd roars as the lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse.
Wright: Mistress Discipline is in the house!
Park: Our Lady of the Library knocked off that hairy monster Primal and kicked his ass back to SWAT to get here. Sheâs ready for this one.
She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her third opponent.
Wright: Mistress has fought for the world title once before, coming up short to Misha Constantine. The former SPARK Champion has always been knocking on the door of greatness, will she answer tonight?
Park: Check out our assistants at ringside. I donât think⊠I donât theyâre human, Oliver.
UnJoo Park is correct. At ringside, two scarecrows have been set up with pumpkin heads and broom arms resembling Dr. Chaos and Sarah. Each one has an arm that has been set up as a glitter cannon instead of a sweeping instrumente, as evidenced by the glitter guns shooting off and covering Discipline.
Wright: Quite the cheerleaders, Dr. Chaos and Sarah!
Park: Thatâs not actually them, Oliver. Chaos specifically said they wouldnât be in the building tonight. Why are you hiding underneath the desk?
Wright: The same reason Chaos isnât here!
UnJoo very much knows why as gentle and eerie piano keys lilt out over the arena as the house lights come down. A drumroll kicks in and fand flashes of green and yellow lights flash around the crowd. At one point, a quick flash of a projection of Majesty appears standing on one of the staircases in the arena, and then just like that, it's gone. A few more rounds of light, you could've sworn you saw Majesty yet again, this time on the other side of the arena.
And then... the guitars kick in, and a wild, horrifying laugh tears through the arena. All the lights are a shade of green and yellow, filtering around, and Majesty rises from the stage at the top of the ramp, enshrouded by mist and smoke. They twirl around, a wide grin etched into their face as they spin and dance down the ramp like some kind of fucked up ballerina, streamers flowing behind them, attached to their jacket as the FIRESIDE World Championship is tightly wrapped around their waist.
Wright: Quite the cheerleaders, Dr. Chaos and Sarah!
Park: Thatâs not actually them, Oliver. Chaos specifically said they wouldnât be in the building tonight. Why are you hiding underneath the desk?
Majesty makes her way around the edges of the ring, spinning still, streamers twirling. The fans in the front row recoil back a bit, not wanting to get too close to the mysterious entity, who rolls into the ring and just lays there for a moment, cackling as the thunderous guitars clang out across the arena.
Walter Stanford: And their opponent⊠they are the FIRESIDE World Champion, from the Feywilds, weighing 183 pounds, they are MAJESTY!
Wright: Hoarding the gold like a dragon at the top of the mountain, tonight MAJESTY looks to knock off two competitors they handpicked for their defense!
Park: While I admire the story of two hunters being eaten, I do have to wonder if Fizzâs tale of St. George will ring truer by the eveningâs end.
Wright: Big stakes here: the FIRESIDE World Championship: Fizz, Discipline, MAJESTY. Thereâs the bell!
The bell rings and the two challengers immediately gang up on the champion, doing their best to keep them down and from getting out of the gates early. Vodka Fizz rams in a throat thrust to MAJESTY, doing his best to cut off the Feywild Figureâs air supply. Mistress is a little less delicate, straight up handing out open-handed slaps like they were on discount. MAJESTY eventually goes down from the pair stomping them and ends up having to recover on the outside of the ring.
Wright: Early strategy from the challengers, doing their best to keep MAJESTY at bay by ganging up on them.
Park: Mistress has mentioned that her plan tonight is to beat Fizz as to not worry about MAJESTY -- easier said than done!
Vodka Fizz and Mistress Discipline lock up in the center of the ring for a test of strength between the two technicians. Discipline comes out of the test of strength with an armbar on Fizz, but Fizz responds by catching her in a schoolboy!
...ONE!
...T-Discipline kicks out!
Wright: Ooh boy, we see our first pinfall attempt without MAJESTY involved, and you just know they can lose their title tonight without being involved in the decision.
Park: I donât know if that would have an appropriate metaphor, Oliver. Maybe two hunters deciding to kill each other while the dragon sleeps?
Fizz lines up a step-up dropkick, but Discipline is too fast, responding with a wicked chest chop that echoes throughout the Hearth. Fizz tries to get a leg up, but is sent down hard by the other challenger, courtesy of an inferno dragon screw.
Wright: Wait a second-- it appears weâre being⊠joined by MAJESTY?
Park: What are you doing? Youâre in this match!
MAJESTY: You saw what they did to me! They made it clear they donât want to play! Well, they can play by themselves!
Discipline looks around the ring, scanning for their other opponent. It takes them a few seconds to realize that the Feywild Figure has disappeared behind the announce table, but Discipline pays them no mind, taking this as an opportunity to lock on The Procedure!
Wright: Procedure locked on by Discipline! Fizz could be in trouble!
Park: Are you going to do something?
MAJESTY: The one known as a drunk will be eaten in the end all the same.
Fizz manages to roll through the ankle lock, dropping Discipline down hard into the ropes, allowing him to get a moment to feel his foot. He spots the champion at ringside and gestures towards MAJESTY with two fingers, indicating that he sees what theyâre up to.
MAJESTY: Donât worry. I see you too.
Wright: Oh God. Can you be any less creepy?
MAJESTY: Silence!
MAJESTY snaps their fingers at ringside as Vodka Fizz rolls outside of the ring and retreats to his cart, grabbing a six-pack of beers. He opens one, but then grabs the ring holding the rest of the five and brings it with him, toasting the cheering crowd before turning around and whamming a can straight into MAJESTYâs nose!
MAJESTY: OH!
Wright:
Oliver Wright goes to speak, but realizes he canât, as heâs been silenced by MAJESTY! Oliver grabs at his throat in shock and goes to scream, but nothing comes out. Park has not quite noticed this yet, mostly for the fear of being next to the world champion as the fully-loaded beer strikes them dead-on.
Park: A⊠a beer for the champion!
Fizz slides back into the ring with the other four beers and no resemblance of a plan, which leads to him being hit with a shining big boot back into the corner by Discipline!
Park: Big boot!
Oliver Wright gets UnJooâs attention, then begins to plead for his golden voice back. MAJESTY looks very displeased.
Discipline rolls outside of the ring and passes by the announce table, spotting the ring bell. She looks at Fizz, then back at MAJESTY, then at Fizz⊠and whirls the ring bell right at the champâs head! MAJESTY is knocked from their seat as the crowd cheers!
Park: Whoah! She really rung the champâs bell there!
Discipline slides the apron up and pulls out an extra set of ring ropes. While MAJESTY is still down, she grabs one of the championâs feet and drags them back towards the ring, but doesnât bring them inside! Instead, she uses the ring rope to tie MAJESTY to the ringpost!
Park: A clever solution from Discipline! She may have managed to take the champ out of the match, if only for a limited time!
Oliver is still pleading for his voice, terrified of the ramifications of upsetting MAJESTY while in earshot.
Park: Sorry buddy! Thatâs your fault!
Before Discipline can do much else though, Vodka Fizz has thrown a chair in her direction! She catches it, only to be introduced to the steel courtesy of a dropkick!
Park: Oof! Steel meets flesh on that one!
Discipline has a cut opened up on her forehead from the chair, and a small trickle of blood begins to pour down her face.
Park: Blood!
Fizz gets her back inside the ring, immediately hooking the leg!
...ONE!
...TWO!
A kickout!
Fizz tries to argue with referee Melanie Davenport, but no, it was only a two. His fans are bummed at the news, but the man who once described himself as FIRESIDEâs resident dumpster fire keeps on kicking, waiting for Discipline to get back up to her feet. She finally does, only for Fizz to jump up and lock both of his legs around her neck, pulling back on her arm to lock in the Hanging Chad!
Park: Hanging Chad! Wait a minute-- Oliver, where the hell are you going?
Oliver has left the desk to plead with MAJESTY for his voice back. Still groggy on the outside from having a ring bell flung at their face like a lawn dart, they snap their fingers, and soon enough, Oliver returns to the desk.
Wright: Never again.
Park: Donât insult them when theyâre so close to you next time, ya dummy! Now Fizz has this Hanging Chad Octopus Hold locked in, and he might be closing in on the title!
Vodka Fizz is wrenching on the submission with everything heâs got, screaming at Discipline to tap out, but she isnât showing any signs of doing so, doing her best to bear the pain and deal with the legs wrapped around her that are actively sucking the life out of her body. She drops to a knee and the crowd begins to become unglued, sensing they might be looking at the end!
Wright: Fizz almost has this! Vodka Fizz could be becoming the new world champion! MAJESTYâs still down! Discipline looks like she might be out on her feet!
Park: Discipline is fading awfully fast and thereâs no rope break to save her!
Just then, the lights go out! When they turn back on, MAJESTY is back in the ring, having teleported out! Fizz releases the hold, only to be struck with the world championship belt itself! He is opened up and begins to bleed as well!
Wright: Oh no! Hell hath no fury like a MAJESTY scorned!
Park: Throwing a beer at the champâs face like that might not have been a smart option!
Things go from bad to worse for the challenger as MAJESTY looks around the ring for a weapon or something else violent they can use to inflict pain and suffering on their opponent. They instead spot the four cans Fizz brought with them, and help themselves to one of the cans.
Wright: Is the champion about to chug a beer?
Park: Weâve seen stranger things!
Instead of chugging a beer, MAJESTY grabs Fizz in what looks like itâs going to be an ordinary chinlock, but then attempts to not only pry his mouth open, but also stick an entire beer, can and all, into his mouth!
Wright: Theyâre choking him! MAJESTY is choking him with a can!
Park: They say alcohol can kill but this isnât what anyone was thinking!
Fizzâs eyes bulge out as he realizes the champion is going for an innovative choke. Life begins to fade from the challenger as the frantic reaction and attempt to claw their way out of the hold is quickly replaced by slower and slower flailing arms⊠only for Mistress Discipline to nail MAJESTY with the Final Bell!
Wright: Bicycle knee strike from Discipline!
Park: She got the jump on the champion again! This might be it!
Discipline covers MAJESTY!
...ONE!
...TWO!
MAJESTY kicks out!
Discipline covers Vodka Fizz!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Vodka Fizz kicks out!
Wright: Two nearfalls for the challenger, can you call this an opportunity lost?
Park: Lost?! Absolutely not! Sheâs taken full advantage and now both of her opponents are down!
Mistress Discipline rolls outside of the ring, looking under the aprons for something else. She flips up one apron, then another, and finally the third has what sheâs looking for. The crowd pops as she slowly but surely pulls out a sword!
Wright: What in the world?
Park: Itâs a sword! Sheâs taken Dr. Chaoâs advice after all!
Wright: Thatâs certainly one way to slay the dragon!
Discipline slides the sword back into the ring. It is a sword that is almost as big as half of her body, and she looks a little wary about using it. She focuses her eyes up on the Feywild Figure, realizing she has an opportunity to take care of business. The champion finally gets back up, only to swing in a circle wildly, dodging the sword and striking with a spinning back elbow!
Wright: The Great Wheel!
Park: The dragon unloads!
MAJESTY looks down at their fallen opponent and stomps down on her face hard, then keeps the boot there to cover!
Wright: An insulting and angry cover from MAJESTY!
Park: You can tell theyâre pissed!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Vodka Fizz comes in with a hard clothesline, knocking MAJESTY up and over the ropes to the floor!
Wright: Fizz goes hard in the paint to save the match for himself!
Park: Like a bullet train!
Fizz looks down at Discipline and digs down deep, lifting her up for a crucifix, then dropping her outside of the ring, straight onto the champion!
Wright: Vodka Fizz is fired up! He just got both of his opponents down and on the outside!
Park: But you have to be able to cover one of âem!
Vodka Fizz looks up at the top rope and wastes no time climbing up to it! As MAJESTY and Discipline both make it up to their feet, he runs along the top rope before crashing down onto both with a cannonball!
Wright: Old school cannonball!
Park: Wow!
VOD-DY chants break out as FIRESIDEâs resident party boy kips up on the outside, feeling the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He looks down at Discipline and then at MAJESTY, trying to figure out his next plan as he breathes deeply and tries to get air back into his lungs.
Wright: That cannonball looks like it knocked something out of the challenger as well!
Park: Gotta go big or go home!
Vodka Fizz makes their choice and slides MAJESTY back into the ring! The bold choice is rewarded by the sight of a bunch of fans beginning to stand up at first slowly, then all at once as Fizz gets his hands on the sword! The crowd pops loudly as he holds it up to the crowd before pointing it at the Feywild Figure!
Wright: St. George slayed the dragon, can Vodka Fizz do the same here tonight?
Park: Heâs got the sword and the guts, now does he have enough left to get the job done?
Fizz waits for MAJESTY to slowly make it back up to their feet. You can see the jitters in his hands as he knows heâs this close to becoming the world champion. The champion gets back upâŠ
...but the sword misses! MAJESTY ducks the sword, then strikes with a superkick!
Wright: Sweet Djinn Music!
Park: Fizz had his chance to slay the dragon, but the dragon may have just eaten him alive right there!
MAJESTY stomps onto Fizzâs face as well this time, covering him!
Wright: MAJESTY just stomped Fizz into the ground!
Park: This could be it!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Discipline rips MAJESTY off, grabbing him to fall backwards into the Detention!
Wright: Detention! The Feywild Figure gets locked into a hold they didnât see coming!
Park: Disciplineâs closing in on the championship! The crowd can feel it!
Discipline wrenches on MAJESTY, screaming for them to tap out! The legs are locked around and Fizz is still on dream street, leaving it to just the pair!
Wright: The winds of change are blowing throughout the Hearth!
Park: The dragon may have gotten too cocky, hoarding their gold!
MAJESTY uses their free arm to reach out towards the ropes, but theyâre too far away! They look for the bottom rope with their feet, trying to drag Discipline to the ropes!
Wright: The ropes wonât break the hold but MAJESTY might be able to use them to free themselves!
Park: If they have anything left by that point!
Mistress Discipline screams louder than MAJESTY, wanting it more! She fights with everything she has, trying to apply pressure before MAJESTYâs hand lands on her face!
Wright: Oh no! Peacekeeper!
Park: MAJESTY got their hand on the challenger! Can they get it fully applied?
The crowd shifts as the balance of the match begins to rapidly shift in the other direction, with Disciplineâs grasp on MAJESTY loosening by the second while MAJESTYâs painful mandible claw becomes an even tighter grip!
Wright: MAJESTYâs almost got -- yes, itâs fully applied!
Park: The champion looked like a goner but now itâs Discipline in trouble!
MAJESTY moves forward, pressing Discipline down as she rapidly begins to fade!
Wright: It was all going so well for Discipline there!
Park: Now it looks like she might be eaten!
MAJESTY keeps the Peacekeeper applied, pressing both shoulders down! Disciplineâs eyes roll into the back of her head!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Stanford: Here is your winner, and still the FIRESIDE WOOOOOOOORLDDD CHAMPION, MAAAAAAAAAJESSSSSSSSTYYYYY!
Wright: The dragon eats the townfolk tonight!
Park: Fizz and Discipline each had their own method of slaying the dragon, but in the end, it was MAJESTY who prevailed!
The crowd reacts as MAJESTY somersaults forward, returning to their feet. Referee Melanie Davenport raises their arm and hands them the championship, which they make a strong point of clutching.
Wright: A world championship effort level from Discipline and Fizz, but in the end MAJESTY was just too powerful here tonight!
Park: If Iâm Natalie Burrows, I have to wonder what the hell Iâve just signed up for, knowing my next match is going to be with THEM for the world title!
Wright: Two-on-one may have slowed the Feywild Figure down tonight, but in the end theyâre still holding the gold.
The arena begins to buzz with excitement as a steel cage is slowly lowered down to capture the ring. Ring announcer Walter Stanford does the honors, standing in the cage itself.
Walter Stanford: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, the following contest is a CAGE MATCH FOR THE X-CROWWWWWWWWN CHAMPPPPPPIONSHIPPPPPP!
The crowd roars!
Walter Stanford: The only way to win this match is to escape with BOTH feet hitting the floor. That wrestler will be YOUR X-CROWN CHAMPPPPION!
Wright: UnJoo, we get to call another X-Crown match! What an honor! Strap in folks, a steel cage separates a man claiming to be The Best from someone who may very well be the actual best!
Park: Evan Valentine Jr. doesnât just claim it! He earned the right by outlasting an entire tournament of people in two nights to stake his claim and earn this championship opportunity!
Walter Stanford: Please welcome at this time, he is the Master of Ceremonies for the Valentine Family, show some love for GREEGGGG THE ASSSISTAAAAAAANTTTTT!
Greg the Assistant takes the house microphone from Walter Stanford. Already, the fans are beginning to boo the man, who yells over them with his deep announcer voice.
Greg the Assistant: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to Thursday Night Inferno! This is your main event of the evening. It is a Cage Match for the X-Crown, scheduled to end God knows when. Your referee is a man who looks suspiciously like he smells like fish.
Referee Chris Mardinly is not amused by the provocation.
Greg the Assistant: Introducing the challenger, from the Playground of the Stars, much better than the dumpster fire that is this city, from Palm Springs, California, weighing in at 228 pounds, he is the Third Generation Thunder, he is the 2021 Battle of the Best winner, making him just THE BEST, he is EVANNNNNN VALLEEEENTINEEEEE JUNIOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRR!
Evan Valentine Jr. ignores the FIRESIDE fans letting out thunderous boos as he walks down to the ring wearing a t-shirt that says âThis Town Doesnât Deserve Another Super Bowlâ and ugly cargo shorts. A woman tosses her beer at Evan, drenching the solo New Money member.
Wright: Hey! You canât do that to the talent, even if it is a snotnosed punk like Evan!
Park: This crowd is really giving it to him! And he seems to really enjoy it!
The camera has to cut away as a man jumps the railing and nearly gets close to Evan. When the camera cuts back, you have the sight of the young star staring up at the steel, looking up to the rafters, knowing whatâs ahead of him.
Wright: You can see the gears turning for Evan, touching that steel means this all just got a lot more real!
Park: He chose fighting the Shining Star over MAJESTY, but I donât think he accounted for the cage as punishment! Heâs all alone tonight, and that might be the end of him!
Evan rolls into the cage and awaits his opponent. Itâs not long before Stanford takes the microphone back.
Walter Stanford: And the opponentâŠ
The crowd comes unglued!
Are you ready?
The lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on a figure on the ramp, with his back turned and begins kneeling. Once the beat finally kicks in, MYOJIN explodes with energy- wearing a masquerade-style mask over their eyes, and turns around with a confident smile on his face, raising his arms to soak in the positive reaction from everyone around.
Wright: The G1 Finalist and Night of Champions winner looks more game to go than ever before, riding some newly-earned confidence!
Park: It took a long, long time for the champ to become this way -- some might say itâs bad for them, but hey, you beat some of the biggest names the entire federation has to offer like Adrien Cochrane, Oxford Osland, D, Nelly Angel, Aiden âOutbackâ Merric, and our new SPARK Champion Spike Kane, you deserve to brag a bit.
With their blonde locks hanging over his face. He then whips his head back, flipping their hair out of their face before excitedly running down the ring before performing a cartwheel and a jump, landing on their feet near ringside! The fun keeps going, but quickly ends as the champion makes first contact with the cage, really beginning to soak it in for a few moments. They turn and hold the X-Crown high above their head so the crowd can see it.
Wright: Just a glimmer of reality sliding in the eyes of the champion there -- the X-Crown Champion means a lot to them, but this cage match can be dangerous.
Park: MYOJIN is as skilled a technician as they come with some high-flying elements thrown in, but the one thing Evan Valentine Jr. has shown is that heâs resourceful as all hell. Tonight, despite the rage surrounding the match, the Shining Star gets the man trapped like a rat in a cage.
Wright: And as much as we hate to admit it, that rat is The Best.
They climb up to the apron, grabs a hold of the top rope, and slingshot themselves into the ring through the cage door. MYOJIN performs a somersault roll, landing on his side with a hand on their hip. The other, taking off their mask to reveal his piercing blue eye contacts. They toss it aside nonchalantly before climbing up the top turnbuckle, tilting his head upward as if theyâre looking toward the sky- while the lights mimic stars above. They backflip off, back onto their feet while taking off their flamboyant coat and moving to their corner. The lights go back to normal as they check their wrist tape. Their charismatic smile fades to a more focused expression as they pace back and forth, ready for action.
The X-Crown championship is held above referee Chris Mardinlyâs head, and then handed to a timekeeper. The door is locked with a steel chain, locking both competitors in.
Wright: It all gets a little more real when that cage is locked tight.
Park: The Shining Star vs. The Best. Strap in, folks.
Before the match begins, Evan demands referee Chris Mardinly frisks MYOJIN for foreign objects. Chris goes to it, but quickly remembers this is a cage match. We canât quite hear Evanâs yelling at Chris, but thereâs a lot of hesitation from the referee before they do so.
Wright: What is the meaning of this?
Park: No idea. Mardinly may not be the brightest referee employed today. Davenport usually referees these, but Mardinly was specifically requested...
MYOJIN resists the request and shakes their head incredulously, but after Evan yells at the referee again to do his job, Mardinly moves in. MYOJIN rolls their eyes and then agrees. The referee starts at the feet, but then Evan immediately throws powder in the championâs eyes, blinding them!
Wright: Whoah! A blinding powder from Evan!
Park: And then thereâs the bell! This match is on!
Evan quickly follows up blinding the champion with a questionable Picture Perfect dropkick below the belt! The champ goes down in a heap as the crowd boos wildly!
Wright: Picture Perfect Dropkick to the gut!
Park: The champâs been blinded and beaten! This isnât good!
Valentine quickly reels back as his opponent is down on the mat. He looks around for the nearest point of egress and sees the steel cage door. He begins to work on trying to get the door open, but the chain locking the door is really raining on his parade. Not even a well-placed kick seems to do anything, as instead it seems to hurt the challengerâs foot slowly. Instead, he climbs the turnbuckle nearest to the cage door, beginning his ascent to the top!
Wright: The championâs down! Are we about to see a new champion?
Park: What a story that would be, Valentine coming in and blinding his opponent and immediately winning!
The challengerâs ascent to stardom hits a screeching halt as the formerly-blinded champion makes his way over to the corner and gets a hand on Valentineâs boot. Evan tries to stomp away with the other foot, but the challenger isnât having it, forcibly ripping the challenger off the turnbuckle. The challenger hits the mat hard!
Wright: Valentine comes crashing back to Earth!
Park: It was a hell of a tactic, but the Shining Star isnât about to just pack it up and go home that easily!
MYOJIN grabs Evan Valentine Jr. while heâs still down and immediately locks in a rear naked choke! He screams at Evan to submit as the pale whiteness of the son of Jonnie Valentine is replaced with an ever-increasing scarlet!
Wright: The technician locking in a rear naked choke, if he gets this locked in just tight enough, he can choke him out, cutting off Valentineâs air supply and leaving him plenty of time to escape the cage freely!
Park: This is bad news for Evan. The longer this match looks like traditional wrestling, the worse it is for the challenger. He can not afford to try to match up with the champâs skills, he has to go with what brought him to the dance and dig down for any underhanded tactic he has!
Valentine reaches out for the ropes, but the ropes donât mean a damn thing in a cage match other than a method of escape! MYOJIN keeps the hold applied as the crowd cheers and the challengerâs complexion continues to change with the lack of oxygen. Mardinly even slides in to begin the process of raising Evanâs arm, to which Evan responds with a cheeky middle finger before digging into the pockets of his cargo shorts!
Wright: MYOJINâs looking real good here!
Park: I appreciate the resistance from Evan, but this one might be over as quickly as it started!
MYOJIN: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Thereâs a loud scream from MYOJIN as blood begins to pour out of his side! He immediately lets go of the hold and doubles over in pain, letting the challenger finally get a minute to breathe!
Wright: WHAT THE?
Park: OH NO! NO!
The crowd winces in shock, horror, and awe and begins booing fiercely as Evan Valentine Jr. reaches and pulls a screwdriver out of the side of the X-Crown champion.
Wright: GODDAMNIT!
Park: THATâS HORRIBLE! BOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Evan Valentine Jr. only has a knowing smile on his face as the crowd begins to rain down chants. Surprisingly, the challenger goes to work on the padlock of the door, trying to get it open with the screwdriver!
Crowd: FUCK YOU EVAN! *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* FUCK YOU EVAN!
Wright: A horrid display from Evan Valentine Jr., reaching down in his cargo bag of tricks to pull out a screwdriver!
Park: What the hell is wrong with him? Thatâs not in any rulebook!
Wright: This is a cage match! The only rule in a cage match is to escape, but thatâs a little much!
Evan Valentine Jr. does his best to work the lock, but a rising chorus of boos indicates that no, the lock isnât coming off with the use of a screwdriver. Valentine kicks the door again in frustration, realizing that his only way is going to be up. In the meantime, blood continues to trickle down the side of the Shining Star.
Wright: Our champion is a bleeding heart warrior, getting opened up in many of their matches, but nothing quite like that!
Park: Look at the eyes of the challenger! He looks like he wants to do it again!
Valentineâs eyes dart towards the X-Crown Championship at ringside before they come back to the crawling champion. MYOJIN has a hand on Evanâs ankle, and the challenger smiles, before driving downward⊠only to be met by a spinning champion, who takes Evan down and locks him in the ORION! THE CROWD ROARS!
Wright: ORION! ORION! NOBODY GETS OUT OF THE ORION!
Park: The champ needed a miracle and they made one happen! Valentine is in DEEP SHIT here ladies and gentlemen!
Evan Valentine Jr. tries to work towards a natural counter to the Orion, grabbing at MYOJINâs head but the champion punches him square in the teeth, sending a molar flying into the cage wall!
Park: What a shot!
Wright: The champâs done fucking around! Goodnight Evan!
MYOJIN cinches on the hold tighter as Evan Valentine Jr. screams out in all sorts of pain, desperately trying to find an escape method of some sort, but with no pins, no submissions, and the ropes only being useful for leverage, heâs trapped nice and tight. The champion screams over the challengerâs hold, doing their best to keep the hold applied as the blood continues to leave their wound.
Wright: Blood paints the ring as the champion is on the verge of breaking everything in Evanâs leg!
Park: Itâs almost art how the champion locks this in! The challenger has no choice but to tap, but you canât submit in a cage match like this!
Evan Valentine Jr. looks to the sky for a few moments before looking back at the referee, shaking his head no as one or two tears come to his eyes at the immense pain heâs in. The champion will not let go of the hold, even as the crowd cheers when they see Evan tapping!
Wright: Tappingâs not going to help you, Evan!
Park: He might pass out from the pain at this rate!
The crowdâs cheering suddenly shifts to booing as we see two pairs of feet at the top of the arena, and the sight becomes clear as both members of New Money, Wayne Tanner Jr. and El Rey rapel from the rafters down to the ring! As they land, they free themselves from their safety equipment and immediately bumrush the champion, freeing the challenger from the hold! The crowdâs booing becomes a chant as the two men stomp a mudhole into the champion!
Wright: Damnit! Wayne Tanner Jr. had El Rey and Valentineâs help earlier tonight, and now both of these men are out to repay the favor!
Park: Iâd almost give them style points if I really wasnât starting to hate New Moneyâs guts!
The crowd agrees, chanting at the men in the ring.
Crowd: NEW MONEY SUCKS!! NEW MONEY SUCKS!!
The chants donât do much to affect the challengerâs comrades as the New Money members have managed to free Evan from the championâs grasp. Evan is screaming bloody murder about his ankle, with clearly severe damage having been done to it, but the action is focused up on El Rey and Wayne Tanner Jr., who both grab MYOJIN and bring the bleeding champion back up to his feet.
Wright: I donât like the look of this!
Park: And I have a feeling neither will they!
Wayne Tanner Jr. charges forward, nailing the Shining Star with the Longhorn Big Boot!
Wright: Longhorn Big Boot! Damn!
Park: I donât think theyâre done!
El Rey rips the X-Crown champion off the mat by his legs, lifting their legs up to his head, locking their arms around, and then stepping forward, crashing back down to the mat with the Society Killer!
Wright: This has turned into a robbery!
Park: Did you expect a man who cheats at every possible turn to play fair?!
Wright: No, but damnit, this is the X-Crown! You canât just throw fairness out the window like this!
Both members of New Money highfive, operating almost as smoothly as a machine, but there is one factor gunking up the gears: Evan Valentine Jr. is now laying in the corner, and not only can he not walk, but climbing doesnât look like an option with him only having one leg to use. Evan shakes his head no at his accomplices, having kicked off his boot. He grabs his head as he screams in frustration, a man who had brought tools, but is now not prepared to make this ascent whatsoever.
Wright: Evan Valentine Jr. is a short climb away from changing his life forever and etching his name in the history books!
Park: But look at him! His ankle must be busted, broken, maybe even some sprained or torn ligaments in that left leg! Getting up and out the cage doesnât look like an option at this point!
Wright: How are they going to evac the contender?
Crowd: NEW MONEY SUCKS! NEW MONEY SUCKS!
There is a group discussion in the corner that is not going well as the men have to shout over the screaming fans and Evan Valentine Jr. seems to shake his head no at every option being presented to him. El Rey takes a look back at the cage walls and what the path up looks like while Tanner eyes the doors like theyâre a wholesale deal on used tires. He gets a running start and drives his foot forward, giving the cage door a Longhorn Big Boot, but it still isnât enough!
Wright: That damn door will not give! These two -- four I guess, are trapped in that cage!
Park: The only wayâs going to be up, but how the hell are they going to get Evan up?
El Rey hatches the winning idea, grabbing Tanner and keeping him from injuring his own ankle by kicking the door again. The two men pull Evan back to his feet, but the challenger is left basically hopping on one leg. It is clearly not ideal, but El Rey helps Evan onto Tannerâs shoulders, and Tanner begins to climb!
Wright: Six feet six and 283 pounds, whatâs another two hundred something? Look at the strength of this man!
Park: Wayne Tanner Jr. is about to win the X-Crown for Evan Valentine!
Tanner begins his ascent as the crowdâs booing somehow gets even louder, but as he takes the first steps to leave the turnbuckles and position his foot on the cage, the crowd comes alive with the sound of loud cheer as MYOJIN absolutely creams El Rey with a jumping corkscrew roundhouse kick!
Wright: Love, from Osaka! The loving warrior is beginning to fight back!
Park: But it might be too late! Tanner and Valentine Jr. are close to the top!
The roar of the crowd fuels a drained and damaged MYOJIN as they begin to scale the cage in an attempt to cut off Tanner and Valentine! With nothing, not even doubt, hanging on their shoulders, the champion is able to scale the cage first! They reach the cage roof and just as Evan puts a hand on the cage roof to pull himself up, MYOJIN stomps on his hand!
Wright: The champâs reached the peak!
Park: Thereâs only room for one wrestler at the top, and thatâs the Shining Star!
MYOJIN holds onto the long steel wire holding the cage in place, looking down at the floor and realizing that just dropping straight onto the floor isnât a safe or smart play for their health. They then look back at Valentine and Tanner Jr. -- Tanner is leaning against the cage trying to keep himself supported while Evan rubs his hand and prepares to fire back at the champ.
Wright: What are they thinking?
Park: Whatever it is, itâs going to be big!
With that, MYOJIN LEAPS OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE, CRASHING DOWN ONTO EVAN VALENTINE AND WAYNE TANNER WITH THE FALLING FROM HEAVEN! THE CROWD CHEERS!
Wright: AN EPIC FALL FROM HEAVEN WITH MYOJIN!
Park: THE SHINING STAR JUST CRASHED BACK DOWN TO EARTH AND TOOK NEW MONEY WITH THEM!
Wright: No remorse, no regrets from the champ! The champ threw that modified Phoenix Splash straight at Evan and Wayne, crashing down in a pile of bodies with brutal force! I donât know if he landed on them perfectly, but that sure as hell looks like enough!
Park: If MYOJIN can just-- just climb the walls of this cage, they can escape the three-on-one robbery this has turned into!
Crowd MYO-JIN! MYO-JIN!
MYOJIN crawls towards the corner with the door, but you quickly see that their eyes are not focused on the lock and the chain. As the champion slowly but surely rises, you can feel the momentum has shifted in the Hearth. The championâs eyes are focused on their raucous supporters, doing everything they can to will the champion up and over the finish line.
Wright: MYOJIN has been through battle after battle, war after war, and now with the odds stacked against them, three-on-one, do they have just enough left in the tank to pull out the victory one more time?
Park: This is only the drama and stakes an X-Crown match can bring!
MYOJIN returns to a standing position and then slowly reaches down, grabbing the turnbuckles. They begin to scale the cage and the crowd begins to rise to their feet, feeling that the end is in sight.
Wright: Climb, MYOJIN, climb!
Park: This is their chance! They might not get another!
Too tired to springboard up, MYOJIN eventually pulls themselves to the top rope. They do get up to the top of the cage eventually, but as they are about to turn, their foot is grabbed by El Rey!
Wright: Not another pesky interference!
Park: New Money are like the pandemic, they just wonât come to an end!
MYOJINâs patience has way past their limit as El Rey climbs up onto the cage and wipes the blood out of his eyes from having been kicked in the face. MYOJIN grabs him and sets him up for a Spanish Fly to the outside, but then thinks against it!
Wright: Thatâs a dangerous fall to the floor!
Park: You could break your neck if youâre not careful!
El Rey elbows his way out and charges forward to the best of his ability on top of the cage, but the champion gets low and sweeps his legs out from under him, before shoving him straight to the floor!
Wright: Oh my God!
Park: Thatâs one way of clearing out these New Money pests!
There is a hard âTHUDâ sound as El Rey smacks lower back first into the floor on the outside of the ring. He grabs his back and winces in pain, letting out a few obscenities that canât be printed here.
Wright: Weâre going to need medical help out here!
Park: For who?
Wright: For everyone!
As MYOJIN turns to leave begins the descent, he is greeted by a large angry Wayne Tanner Jr. now making his own way to the top. The size of this beefcake of a man canât be overstated as MYOJIN finds himself in a troubling spot.
Wright: Oh no⊠this wonât end well.
Park: Look at the size of that man! Major wrestling promotions from all over would want a hunk of meat like that!
Tanner moves forward as swiftly as he can, but right as heâs about to get the boot up, MYOJIN leaves his feet with a Rider Kick, knocking Tanner down to the floor as well! The crowd gleefully cheers!
Wright: It didnât end well - for Wayne Tanner Jr.! Goodnight Wayne!
Park: The champ will not die, the champ will not quit -- Winston Churchill said if youâre going through hell, keep going, and MYOJIN is doing just that!
Tanner has landed in an identical spot to El Rey, but right on his right shoulder. The way he grabs his shoulder indicates thereâs some damage there, in addition to the pain of the hellacious ladder match earlier in the evening. But the camera immediately changes to focus on MYOJIN, holding onto his side.
Park: Oh shi---MYOJIN landed right on their stabbed side after that Rider Kick!
Wright: That has got to hurt like hell!
MYOJIN is now painting the side of the cage a shade of crimson with the blood thatâs coming out of his stab wound. To make matters worse, Evan Valentine Jr. is now toughing it out, doing his damn well best to climb the cage despite not being able to use one leg for anything. It is clear that his leg has seen better days.
Wright: And now to make matters worse -- Evan Valentine Jr., somehow after having his leg damn near snapped in half by the Orion, is in pursuit of the champion!
Park: MYOJIN needs to pull themselves of the top of the cage and do anything they can to retain here! If the two guys on the outside somehow get back involved, this oneâs over!
The Shining Star is still down and not in the right condition to stop The Best from somehow, some way pulling himself up onto the top of the cage. MYOJIN meets him, and the two make eye contact. There is not a person left sitting in the arena as the two wrestlers have a look at each other, then a look at the inside of the ring and the two bodies on the floor on the outside. Someoneâs becoming champion, and someoneâs falling.
Wright: This is what it all comes down to! MYOJIN vs. Evan Valentine Jr., the Shining Star vs. The Best!
Park: Whoâs it going to be? Whoâs got what it takes?
The way that both wrestlers clutch parts of their bodies indicate that neither has much left to spare as MYOJIN goes in for a punch -- then miraculously catches the wrist of Evan Valentine Jr. as he misses the chance to stab the champion again!
Wright: That damn screwdriver!
Park: How the hell did the champ catch that?
Evan is yelling and screaming as MYOJIN shakes him, desperate to get the screwdriver to drop to the floor! MYOJIN takes the opportunity to grab Evanâs fingers with their other hand, forcing Evan to let go of the screwdriver with joint manipulation!
SNAP!
The screwdriver hits the ground and makes a metallic clang noise!
Wright: MYOJINâs got the screwdriver out of Evanâs grasp and now has the challenger right where he wants him!
Park: If MYOJIN sends him back into the ring, this oneâs over!
With Evan barely able to keep a grip and barely able to support his weight, MYOJIN realizes the new challenge is to keep a flopping Valentine in his grasp. Valentine moves to fall out to the floor and then to the mat, trying to rock the Shining Star out of position! MYOJIN responds with a hard headbutt, sending both men reeling!
Wright: MYOJIN and Evan almost both sent each other to the floor on that one!
Park: I think theyâre about to go again--
MYOJIN puts their hands up for round two as Evan looks back down, then turns aroundâŠ
Wright: Whatâs he doing?
Park: I have no idea what he has planned---
...and flashes a peace sign at MYOJIN, before leaping off the cage to the floor! He crashes down, landing on top of Wayne Tanner Jr. and El Reyâs bodies with a hard thud!
Park: HOLY SHIT HE JUMPED!
Wright: WAIT A MINUTE! EVAN VALENTINE JUST JUMPED! WAIT---
MYOJIN is left standing on top of the cage. They grab their face, their jaw having dropped.
Wayne Tanner Jr. and El Rey both wince in pain. Something hit them, but âitâ hasnât hit them just yet.
UnJoo Park and Oliver Wright sit in silence as they realize whatâs just happened.
The arena is eerily quiet, as thousands come to the same conclusion.
The sound that breaks the silence is the bell ringing.
Greg the Assistant is up on his feet.
Greg: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and the NEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-CROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWN CHAMPPPPPPPPPPPIOOOOOON, EVAAAAAAAAAN VALENTIIIIIIIIIINEEE JUNIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!
The first set of sounds after the announcement is the screaming and hollering of the crowd, booing their lungs out.
The confetti and fireworks feel like a cruel joke as they begin to rain down on the scene, blurring the view of the old and new champions alike.
The second set of sounds is the screaming and hollering of the new champion, who has just cheated his way to the X-Crown.
Wright: Ladies and gentlemen.. uh⊠we have a new⊠X-Crown Champion.
Park: NoâŠ
The last thing we see is the smiling visage of Jonnie Valentineâs kid as the camera fades to black.