Episode XXXI

[Matt]

Click here to read the show on Google Docs.



EPISODE XXXI

(Baptist Lobo stands centered in the camera to start the show.)

Lobo: Another week and another stacked card. Tonight, you will see the best wrestling has to offer and TWO title matches. Stay tuned throughout the show. Word is we are going to hear the biggest announcement in UP Wrestling history! Oh and if that isn’t enough to keep your attention, the entire Sin City Strike card will be revealed!

Welcome to Friday Night Free-For-All!!!

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Cage, Ron Masterson, & Disorganized Chaos vs. Wicked & THC
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Elijah Anderson: “Ladies and Gentlemen this contest is scheduled for one fall and is an 8-man tag team match! Introducing first…. Coming to the ring, from Holly Springs Tennessee at a combined weight of four hundred and two pounds… Let’s get ready to RAISE…SOME…HELL! “Shotgun” Annie Castle and “The Bone Collector” Carson Castle…let’s make some noise for THE TENNESSEE HELLRAISER’S COALITION….THC!!!

(Carson and Annie Castle step onto the entrance ramp as “Two Middle Fingers” by State of Mine begins to fill the arena. Carson raises both arms into the air and extends his middle fingers as Annie takes a swig of whiskey and pumps her shotgun with one hand. The two then run full speed to the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. Following behind is Charlie Castle with a jar in one hand and a leash in the other as Boone pulls on ahead. Carson steps out wide and raises his middle fingers to the crowd as Annie slides between his legs on the mat. She also extends her middle fingers to the crowd and gives an evil little grin. The two move back to their corner and remove their ring gear as they wait for the bell.)

*Anderson: And their partners for this match, UP Wrestling proudly presents - Vicious and Vile! The team that can only be - WICKED!!!

(The lights drop. The heavy pulsating beat of "Hearse of the Pharaohs" by Witchery thunders out from the PA system. Slowly the lights gradually brighten to reveal a fog shrouded ramp, onto which step Wicked. A giant, dark haired brute of a man stands next to a beautiful, but hard featured woman.He is clad entirely in black. She in white Both have matching blood red inverted pentacles on their vests. The crowds BOOS loudly, but the pair merely scowl at them as they arrogantly make their way to the ring with their dog Paz in tow.)

*Anderson: Now introducing their opponents; First weighing in at 210 pounds and coming in from Mesa, Arizona... this... is... CAGE!

("Thunderstruck" by AC/DC hits, the crowd beginning to chant "Thunder" along with the song. After a few moments, the form of Cage emerges from a spot in the crowd, high-fiving fans as he makes his way to the ring. He jumps over the guard rail and climbs up onto the ring apron, then up to the second turnbuckle. He taps his upper left shoulder and points skyward, before pointing out to the crowd and claps. He hopes down and begins doing some stretches on the ropes.)

*Anderson: And his tag team partner for this match hailing from Phoenix, Arizona, standing at six feet one inch tall, and weighing in at two hundred and fifty-one pounds... he is the Thunder Kid... RON MASTERSON!!!

("Higher Place" by Journey plays as Ron walks through the curtain. Dressed in his ring gear and a dark brown leather vest, Ron slaps hands with the fans, all smiles, while Donnie D. Falco follows close behind, doing the same. Ron walks up the steps and onto the apron, where he wipes his feet and nods to the fans before stepping between the ropes. Falco makes his way to a corner while Ron removes his ring jacket and hands it to him.)

*Anderson: And completing their team for tonight the Ultimate Progressive Wrestling Tag Team Champions! Coming to the ring... from Detroit, Michigan, she stands at five foot five inches tall and weighs in at one hundred and eighteen pounds... she is the Chaotic Princess... ARIANA SEARS!!! Her tag team partner, from Dark Falls, Indiana... he stands at six foot three inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and five pounds... JESTER LEBEAU!!! Together they are Disorganized Chaos!!!”

(As Sound of Madness by Shinedown begins to play, Jester comes out Dressed in purple pants with red boots, purple wrist tape and red pads. He comes to the ring in a ¾ length black leather jacket with red barbed wire painted on the left arm and purple flames on the right arm, a red scarf and black top hat. He bows as Ariana comes out wearing a different outfit; it seems to be red shorts and a red top that shows her midriff and cleavage equally. Her boots are black with purple laces and a black hoodie draped over her shoulders that reads Chaotic Princess on the back. Her hair is done up into pig tails as a purple rose sits in her hair. The attire nearly matches that of Jester’s in different fashion. She would turn to Jester and Curtsy before him, smiling softly as they turned around. She walked down the stage beside him to the ring where they both slid in. Jester proceeded to bow again and this time she moved close to him as he rose from the bow and her back moved against him as she posed with a smirk on her lips leaning against Jester.)

Lobo: “Well, I have to say at first glance this match has all the makings of a textbook definition for ‘slobber knocker’. A lot of unorthodox methods utilized by many of the participants in the past, so I’m interested in how this match is going to go down.”

V: “I imagine it will go down like a 2-dollar midget hooker on a Texas businessman.”

Sir Oliver: “Already with those ruddy off-color comments young miss? At least let the match get started first.”

Lobo: “The official has called for the bell. Cage and Carson start the match with a collar and elbow tieup, Cage pulls Carson into a headlock. Carson grabs Cage’s waist, picks him up and hits an atomic drop. Cage is wobbly as Carson bounds off the ropes and Vicious reaches in and tags Carson while he’s in motion. Edwards is administering the 5 count as Carson uses his momentum to hit a running knee on the back of Cage! Carson steps out and Vicious drags Cage to mid ring where he takes Cage to the mat with a belly-to-belly suplex. Vicious then gets up, tags in Vile who ascends to the top turnbuckle then onto her husband’s shoulders and hits Cage with a higher than expected frog splash and makes the cover. The referee counts one… two… kick out by Cage.”

Sir Oliver: “I must say that for two teams that have never worked together before Wicked and THC are flowing remarkably well.”

V: “I just wish that crusty old prospector would take him and that dog to the other side of the ring. The smell of flea shampoo and pure grain is giving me a headache. Or is this a contact high?”

(Paz makes his way over to Boone and starts growling. Boone is still wearing his pet talk collar…)

Boone: “Is you friend? Can I sniff you?”

(Paz growls and leaps at Boone which startles Charlie so much that he drops Boone’s leash. Boone starts to run around the ring)

Boone: “Not friend! Not friend!”

(Annie jumps down off the ring apron between Boone and Paz. She whistles and both stop…)

Annie: “Back Paz! (Paz steps back) Boone didn’t do nothing to you. Now be good.”

(Annie scratches Paz behind his ears and then does the same to Boone.)

Boone: “Guess Annie made you her bitch.”

(Paz leaps at Boone barking and snarling as both dogs run up to the entrance and into the back. Meanwhile back in the ring Cage has crawled over and made the tag to Masterson as Vile tags in Vicious. The two men stand face to face in the ring…)

Lobo: “You can feel the electricity as these two gladiators are nose to nose.”

Sir Oliver: “Well, not actually nose to nose as Vicious stands a good 6 inches above Masterson. However, the Thunder Kid shows no fear as he starts striking with his feverous forearm shots.”

Lobo: “Vicious is taken aback just enough to hit a powerful lariat on Masterson that damn near took him out of his boots as well as off the ground. Masterson wanting to get back up but doesn’t want to take his eyes off of Vicious. He blindly holds up his hand and Ariana Spears tags in.”

Sir Oliver: “Not the tag that Masterson was expecting I’m sure, but Miss Spears was faster to make contact that Cage and one half of the tag champions is not showing any hesitation going against Mr. Johnson.”

Lobo: “Spears up to the top rope and springboards towards Vicious… HURRICANRANA! Spears takes Vicious to the mat and this crowd comes alive and cheers her on. Spears not wasting any time as Vicious gets up with his back to Ariana and as he gets to his knees Spears with a kick to the back of his head!”

(The crowd continues to cheer as Vicious goes to all fours and Ariana now runs up his back and jumps up and lands on his lower back. Ariana is feeling the energy of the audience as they cheer her on.)

Sir Oliver: “It seems Miss Spears has this crowd worked into a throng of excitement as she runs to the ropes.”

Lobo: “As Spears bounces off the ropes and the increased momentum takes her toward her target, Vicious gets a boot up and the impact sends Ariana on her back and to the mat. Vicious pulls himself to his feet, looks like he’s feeling those attacks to his back. He reaches out and in comes Shotgun Annie Castle! Annie bee lines to Spears and double stomps on the mid-section of the tag champ. She grabs Spears by the hair and puts Ariana in a headlock. Now she’s punching the face of Spears, Edwards is over trying to get Annie to stop, he issues a 5 count as Castle continues to hammer Spear’s face.”

V: “Oooo, that’s going to leave a mark. You think she’s going to have to wear a mask from now on? It could only improve her looks.”

Sir Oliver: “Quite uncalled for there Miss V. And it appears that Castle has been issued a strike by the official.”

Lobo: “Two more and this match will be over and to be honest I’m surprised we went this long before the strikes started. Castle puts her hands up and drops Spears. Ariana starts crawling to her corner as her eyes start to swell and bruise, Castle drags her back and to her teams’ corner where she tags in Vicious who comes in and immediately starts stomping Ariana’s head. Edwards again is right there with the 5 count but Vicious continues on and the referee issues a second strike to the team as he tries to pull Vicious away.”

Sir Oliver: “It seems that Mr. Johnson is expressing his lack of concern for the rules as Miss Spears is crawling across the ring, the past few moments have taken quite the toll on her body.”

V: “Stop staring at her body you old pervert and call the match. Nobody here is interested in your personal kinks.”

(Vicious notices that Ariana is trying to make it to her corner, as he reaches for her ankle Ariana gets the strength to launch herself close enough to make the tag to her partner.)

Lobo: “And Jester LeBeau finally enters this match as the crowd is on its feet while Jester attacks Vicious with closed fists. LeBeau now using shoulder strikes to the stomach of his opponent, working him back to the Wicked corner? Why would he do that?”

Sir Oliver: “It would appear he wants another opponent as he’s yelling, daring one of them to tag in.”

V: “I just wanna see some blood and Jester always delivers.”

Lobo: “And Annie Castle is back in as she jumps into the ring and hits a clothesline on LeBeau and takes him back. Castle grabs him for a DDT, but Jester reverses it and turns it into a back-body drop. LeBeau now on his knees beside Castle and smiles as he holds up his thumb and jabs it repeatedly into her throat. The crowd loves it, but Edwards is in there to break it but to no avail and there is a strike against LeBeau. To be honest I’ll be surprised if this match ends in a pinfall.”

(Jester takes Annie and places her neck over the top rope. He goes to the other side, grabs her head and drops off the ring apron. When he lets go Annie rebounds and lands on her back as she now holds her neck. Charlie Castle runs at Jester from behind and hits him in the back of the head with his jar as Edwards is admonishing LeBeau and issuing a second strike. Jester isn’t off his feet but shakes his head, turns to Charlie and takes the jar from him. Jester slams the jar against the closest ring post, and it shatters, spraying shards of glass all around. LeBeau kicks Charlie to the ground and mounts him, leaning in so his head is over Charlie’s.)

Jester: “You still thirsty old man? (Takes a piece of glass and cuts open his forehead, blood immediately starts to flow down his cheeks and drips onto Castle’s face) Drink up mother fucker!”

(Jester then headbutts Charlie leaving him on the ground as he rolls back into the ring)

V: “YAY! That’s what me and all the little fuck sticks came to see! More! More! More! Cut that hillbilly bitch next!”

Sir Oliver: “Please compose yourself young lady, we are professionals here.”

Lobo: “Edwards is standing between Jester and Annie Castle pushes past and chops LeBeau’s chest. She’s laughing maniacally and Jester is just smiling. Jester returns the favor and laughs as well.”

(It goes back and forth, chop and laugh by each wrestler until finally Jester stops laughing, stops smiling and hits Annie with a short arm clothesline.)

Lobo: “And it looks like the tag champ has regained control! Carson, Vicious and Vile are yelling to rally Annie who is getting back to her feet only to be picked up and slammed down. Now he’s yelling at Edwards saying that Annie’s team is trying to interfere. “

(Edwards turns his attention to that corner and as his back is turned Jester takes a piece of glass that was in his hand and draws it across Annie’s forehead, between her eyes and down the opposite cheek. Blood begins to cover her face as Jester tosses the glass just when the referee turns back around. Edwards is asking what happened and Jester just shrugs his shoulders.)

Sir Oliver: “Oh dear, Miss Castle seems to be bleeding more and more while the official can’t find the reason why.”

V: “Jester always does what he knows the kids will love. That’s why he’s so popular on the playgrounds and with the moms.”

Lobo: “Edwards and LeBeau are yelling at each other, Annie grabs LeBeau’s leg but gets a mule kick to the face. Edwards didn’t see it, but Carson did as he jumps the rope, knocks the ref out of the way and starts beating Jester with those haymakers. He’s holding Jester down by the throat and is pounding away on the face of Jester, blood now pouring from his nose as well as his self-inflicted cut on his head. Edwards has had enough and issues the third and final strike on THC and awards the match to Masterson, Cage and Disorganized Chaos!”

(Edwards is trying to pull Carson off of Jester, Masterson and Cage come in to help but get thrown out of the ring by Vile and Vicious and they brawl on the floor. Ariana starts to come through the ropes, but Charlie grabs her leg and pulls her off the apron and onto the Sahara Events Center floor. Carson gets up and helps Annie up, they look at each other and Annie grabs Jester’s left leg and pulls it as far to the side as she can. Carson loads his boot and kicks Jester right where the leg meets the hip. He then steps back, taps the toe of the boot to load it again and with a running start kicks LeBeau in the same spot again. Jester is convulsing and laughing. Carson and Annie drag Jester over to the ring post and pull his left leg again away from his torso. Annie rolls to the floor and pulls the leg with all her strength as Carson again gets a running start and with all his weight kicks into Jester’s leg and the leg seems to bend back farther.)

Lobo: “That does not look good at all. The human leg cannot bend like that at the hip. It could be dislocated and the muscle probably badly bruised.”

V: “I kinda like this but I kinda think it’s starting to go too far.”

(Now Annie and Carson take Jester and rearrange him so now his right arm is pulled away from the torso with the ring post behind his shoulder. Charlie hands Annie a chair and she opens it, lays it on it’s side with the top of the seat jammed under Jester’s shoulder. Carson walks around the ring, going to the direct opposite corner. He leans forward, aims and with a full head of steam runs and double foot kicks the seat of the chair, ramming it into the shoulder joint and Annie pulls the arm to another unnatural angle.)

Sir Oliver: “This is uncalled for! Where is security?!? Why is no one stopping this?!?”

(Annie and Carson drag Jester to the center of the ring, Charlie rolls in, Annie and Charlie also load their boots and all three kick and stomp Jester’s ribs and midsection.)

Lobo: “Alright! Enough is enough.”

(Lobo throws off his headset and stands up as Terrance Christopher leads security to the ring where they break up the attack and Terrance checks on Jester. Ariana has pulled herself in and is also by his side. Masterson, Cage, and Wicked realize something is off and stop brawling.)

Sir Oliver: “My god. What have we witnessed?”

V: “Shit. Jester’s chest looks like it’s filled with chopped liver and gravel. That’s not good.”

Lobo: “EMT’s are now in the ring as Terrance and Ariana are asked to step back. I can see that LeBeau is breathing but it looks very labored. The medics are careful to get Jester on a stretcher as this entire Sierra Events Center has gone silent.”

Sir Oliver: “The medical technicians have Mr. LeBeau on the stretcher and are taking him to the back followed by Terrance and Miss Spears. There goes Wicked, Masterson and Cage while the Castles are being held back in the ring. Miss Annie is cackling and smears the blood on her face like war paint.”

V: “What in the hell is going on?”

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Bryan Black vs. Rain Blackhart vs. Riley Walker
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*Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next bout of the evening is a Triple Threat match scheduled for one fall.

Lobo: We saw a triple Threat last time that pitted Bryan Black, Jack Ruby, and Nathaniel against one another, and this should be another exciting three way event.

V; That was no triple Threat and you know it. It was a handicap match designed to screw over Nathaniel.

*Anderson: Welcome to the ring the six-foot-two-inch tall one hundred eighty pounds, our original UP Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion... BRYAN BLACK!!!

(“I Will Be Heard” by Hatebreed starts playing as Bryan Black, with his manager Major Mayhem, walks to the ring. Black shakes hands and fist bumps the audience members who seem happy to see him. Bryan is wearing an all-black singlet with UPW's logo on the front in silver and on the back the words "The Original Heavyweight Champion." Running from his armpit to knee is his in a 3" wide strip of his clan tartan colors. On his left upper arm is the flag of Scotland, on the right the First Responder & Military American Flag Red Blue Green Flag. Once he rolls into the ring, he makes for his corner where he begins loosening up, while getting advice and encouragement from his manager.)

*Anderson: Standing at six feet eight inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and seventy-five pounds... he is the Jackal... RILEY WALKER!!!

("Wolves of Winter" By Biffy Clyro begins to play. Once the main riff hits Riley walks out of the curtain. Slowly he walks down the aisle soaking up the crowd as he looks around the arena. Walking down the ramp he stops and raises a fist. Once in the ring he leans on the ropes and throws another first in the air.)

Sir Oliver: Billy is not accompanying Mr. Walker tonight. He is still recovering from the surgery to repair his heart following that vicious attack at the last show.

Lobo: We certainly wish him a speedy recovery. I'm curious to know who the anonymous benefactor who paid for the surgery could have been.

*Anderson: From Lexington, Kentucky... he stands at five foot eleven inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds... I give you RAIN BLACKHART!!!

("Still Unbroken" by Lynyrd Skynyrd to play as Rain walks out to the ring.)

Sir Oliver: Mr. Blackheart is also without his manager Terrance Christopher following that unwarranted attack at the hands of CJ Walker.

V: CJ pulls all this crap to get Devy to give him a title shot, then runs away….what a douche nozzle. Devy is so disappointed that he doesn't have the chance to teach him a lesson again.

Lobo: The bell rings, and Riley Walker charges out of his corner, taking down Rain and Black with a double clothesline.

Sir Oliver: Mr. Walker making an impressive show of force.

(Walker scoops up Black and slams him to the mat. Rain gets to his feet and is met with a huge kick from Walker. Walker drops down across Rain’s chest with a knee drop, rolling through only to catch a kick to the chest from Black. Black blasts Walker with two more kicks and rebounds from the ropes for a front dropkick to the kneeling Walker. As Black rolls backwards to his feet, he is met with a kick to the midsection and swinging neck breaker from Rain Blackheart. Rain leaps over the downed Black to land a reverse elbow drop on Walker who is still down on the mat. As Rain gets to his feet, Black is there to Irish whip him into the ropes. Rain reverses, but Black springboards off the ropes for a flying arm drag. Rain rolls through and runs at Black, who is ready to swing with a big clothesline. Rain ducks under the arm and hits a quick backstabber and goes for the pin.)

Edwards: ONE…TWO….

Sir Oliver: Riley Walker just interrupted the count with a well-placed elbow drop to Mr. Blackheart.

V: Like, that’s the only thing that saved Bryan Black. Everyone here knows that Rain had him beaten.

Lobo: Walker showing no favoritism right now, pulling both his opponents to their feet and slamming their heads together.

V: That was a good move, but like now he’s flexing and trying to get the fans behind him. Rain’s gonna pop back up and take his ass down.

(Black is the first to his feet and shoots a kick at Walker who easily catches Black’s boot. Rain is up as well and attempts to take advantage by kicking Walker, who catches Rain’s leg in his opposite arm. Blackheart and Black look at each other as they struggle to keep their balance, then both men spring off the mat hitting Walker with simultaneous enzugiri kicks to opposite sides of the head. Walker crumples to the mat and Black goes for the cover.)

Edwards: ONE…TWO…

Lobo: Rain Blackheart making the save for Walker this time.

V: I don’t think that was a save. I think that was like, keeping the match going so he can win.

Sir Oliver: One thing that is obvious is that these men came to put on an exceptional wrestling contest this evening, and that is exactly what they are providing the fans in attendance.

(Walker gets up slowly as Black and Rain exchange chops in the center of the ring. Black takes Rain down with a drop toe hold and hits the ropes. As Black rebounds, Rain drops down flat and Black hops over him only to be caught in a sidewalk slam by Walker. Walker hits Rain with a kick to the gut as he raises to his feet and lifts him up and slams Rain to the mat with a powerbomb. Rain rolls to the outside to get a breather. Walker watches as Rain rolls out and trash talks him leaning across the top rope. Black hits Walker in the back with a drop kick and knocks Walker over the rope and out to the floor near Blackheart.)

V: Riley’s head doesn’t seem to be totally in this match.

Lobo: He’d better get in the game quick, because here comes Bryan Black!

(Black runs the ropes and makes a graceful suicide dive to the outside. Unfortunately, Rain and Walker look up seconds before impact and step out of the way, with Rain propelling Black into the steel barricade. Black crashes hard, and Major Mayhem looks beside himself. Walker turns to Blackheart and swings a haymaker which Rain ducks. Rain grabs a rear waist lock and propels Walker forward, forcing his head into the ring post. Black tries to get to his feet but stumbles and falls to the concrete floor again. Walker stumbles back towards Rain, who hooks him for a suplex. Walker blocks the attempt by hooking his leg behind Rains and lifts him up into a suplex position before dropping Rain across the steel barrier. Walker grabs Black and rolls him into the ring.)

Sir Oliver: This contest has become a violent affair most suddenly.

V: I know! Isn’t it great?

Lobo: Walker seems to have Black at his mercy as Rain tries to make his way back to the ring slowly. Walker hoists Black high above his head in a military press. Black furiously begins to kick his legs and drops down behind Walker, taking him over in a reverse head and arm suplex. Walker hits the mat hard, and Rain makes his way onto the apron.

(Black notices Rain and goes for a high spinning heel kick to Rain’s face. Rain ducks and slingshots himself up and over the top rope for a victory roll. Black uses the momentum of Rain’s leap to reverse the pin quickly. Rain slips his legs from Black’s grip and bridges to lift his shoulders from the mat. Black flips over and drives his feet into Rain’s midsection and rolls through to be caught by a clothesline by Walker.)

Lobo: That was an exciting sequence of chain wrestling by Black and Rain….

V: But power and violence shut that down quickly.

Sir Oliver: Riley Walker is making his presence felt in this match, no doubt.

(Walker whips Black into the ropes and catches him with a falling clothesline which sends Black rolling to the corner to try and collect himself. Walker turns to Rain who has regained his feet. Rain rushes forward for a bicycle pump kick, knocking Walker back against the ropes. Rain grabs Walker and pulls him to the middle of the ring, taking him down with a Russian leg sweep and locking in an anaconda vice around Walker’s neck.)

Lobo: Edwards is checking in, and Rain Blackheart is cranking that hold in tight.

V: Yeah, you can see Riley’s face turning purple. I bet he passes out.

Sir Oliver: Walker seems to be on the verge of losing consciousness.

(Edwards focuses on the face of Walker as Rain cinches the hold in deeper. Suddenly, Bryan Black explodes out of the corner and leaps into the air, landing a double stomp on the stomach of Rain Blackheart who releases the hold.)

Sir Oliver: None of these competitors are willing to hand a victory to their opponents tonight.

V: Did you like, really just say that out loud? What….why…seriously, Sir Oliver. The whole point of wrestling is to fight to get a win. So…thank you for that incredible insight, Professor Obvious.

(Rain gets to his feet, the wind clearly knocked out of him. Walker slowly rises still feeling the effects of the submission hold. Black performs a spinning thrust kick to Walker’s midsection, doubling him over, then leaping up Black axe kicks Walker in the back of the head. Walker quickly rolls to the outside of the ring to avoid further offense. Rain steps forward and hits a knife edge chop on Black, who responds with a chop of his own. The two exchange chops with the crowd shouting “WHOOO” with each chop. Black finally hits a knee lift, doubling Rain over. Black hooks Rain into a fisherman’s suplex position and raises him into the air, executing a perfect fisherman’s buster on Rain.)

Lobo: We’ve seen Bryan Black take out Rain Blackheart with the fisherman’s buster before.

Sir Oliver: Indeed, we have. That move was responsible for Rain Blackheart’s concussion months ago.

V: If he’s got him beaten, then why is that jackass climbing to the top rope? Showboat much?

(Bryan Black ascends to the top turnbuckle as Rain lays on the mat, holding his neck. Walker is groggy on the outside but makes his way onto the apron and pushes Black forward. Black dexterously adjusts his leap into a phoenix splash in mid air just as Rain Blackheart performs a kip up to his feet.)

Lobo: What is this? Rain Blackheart just caught Bryan Black’s leg in midair as he was coming down for that devastating splash! Rain floats over and locks in the calf crusher!

Sir Oliver: This doesn’t look good for Black. He is looking for the ropes, but he is positioned perfectly in the center of the ring.

V: Like, that’s why they call Rain “The Professional.”

Lobo: BLACK IS TAPPING OUT! BLACK IS TAPPING OUT!

*Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the match, as the result of a submission… ”THE PROFESSIONAL” RAIN BLACKHEART!!!

Sir Oliver: The fans are none too pleased with that outcome, certainly not due to the skill and effort of Blackheart, but rather his affiliation with the Black Hand.

V: Put another check in the win column of the Black Hand! And get ready for another when Devy defends his world title.

==================================================
Rated M vs. Mark Murphy & Nathaniel vs. Jerry Root & Maddox vs. Bubba & Tater
==================================================

Sir Oliver: It is now time for a match that will sure be a fracas, a wild melee, a competition like no other.

Lobo: It’s a four-way, No DQ, no countout tag match. It’s gonna be all over the place.

V: Like, exactly.

Sir Oliver: Classic tag rules will not necessarily apply in this match, so let us go to the ring.

*Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled as a four corners tag match with no countout and no disqualifications! Introducing first… representing the Black Hand... they are the tag team of KID DIAZ and ADAM MILLER!!!


A light drum roll begins...


(Voice over begins to speak....)


This is their destiny..


This is their place...


This is their time...


They will CONQUER ALL!!!


("Dark Breed" By Robert Slump blares throughout the arena. The BLACKHAND skull symbol appears on the screen. The skull illuminates and flashes and slowly fades away but re illuminates bright black and white lights.

The ramp is covered in dry ice as Miller and Diaz appear from the smoke they stand at the top of the ramp and raise their black gloved hands above their head. They fist bump and make their way to the ring. Down the ramp and Miller runs and slides into the ring. He climbs to the second rope and raises his arm up. Diaz hops up onto the apron on his knee, letting his other leg hang loosely, as he pulls his sunglasses off, and tosses them into the crowd. He quickly lifts his leg and slips it through the ropes, straddling the middle rope for a moment for the fans to bask in his glory, before completely getting in the ring. Diaz quickly turns and climbs up onto the second turnbuckle and flexes! Both men return to the center of the ring and they fist bump. The music fades out as the men walk to their corner.)

*Anderson: The second team… all the way from Hickory, North Carolina…BUBBA & TATER!!!

(“Ugly” by Bubba Sparxxx begins to lay as Bubba and Tater both head out from behind the curtain. They wears blue jeans, old, black wrestling boots, and black suspenders. A shirt is not present. Bubba pulls the suspenders out, sliding his fingers up and down while sticking his tongue out. He lets them go and they snap hard against his skin. Bubba shakes it off and heads into the ring while Tater walks behind him.)

Sir Oliver: An… interesting… duo.

*Anderson: Thirdly, they are the team of MARK MURPHY AND NATHANIEL!!

("Fire Water Burn" By The Bloodhound Gang plays as Murphy makes his way to the ring, being led by his manager, Cliff Ragsdale. Nathaniel follows behind, cracking his knuckles as he walks. Murphy laughs at the fans, and sometimes points out different fans and makes fun of them. Ragsdale is wearing a blue cape/shirt with black jeans and orders his men into the ring, and they climb in taking a survey of the rest of the competitors.)

*Anderson: And finally…

(Without much fanfare, JACK RUBY and MADDOX come running down the ring and slide in, immediately starting a fight with the other teams. Anderson bails out and the bell rings.)


(BELL RINGS)


Sir Oliver: And here we go, Old Chap!

Lobo: All hell is breaking loose in the ring, and Edwards just needs to not plan on anything resembling order.

V: Like, that’s for sure.

(Bedlam ensues as Ruby and Nathaniel begin brawling. Mark Murphy and Adam Miller square off, Diaz and Tater, Bubba and Maddox. Nathaniel rakes the eyes of Ruby but Ruby kicks him in the stomach blindly then kicks him rather low. Ruby and Nathaniel roll to the outside where Ruby spikes Nathaniel into the guardrail. Meanwhile on the inside Bubba drills Maddox with a back elbow. Meanwhile Tater and Diaz trade shots with Diaz hitting a headbutt, but Tater doesn’t seem too fazed and he delivers a boot to Diaz.)

Lobo: Tater seems to have a thick skull there.

Sir Oliver: Most definitely.

V: Like yeah.

(Tater grabs Diaz up by the throat and then lifts him into a bearhug, but Diaz immediately starts punching him in the head, then claps the ears to get Tater to break the hold. Diaz hits a high lift that sends Tater stumbling backward and through the ropes, and then Diaz slingshots over the top rope to the outside on top of him.)

Lobo: Diaz threw caution to the wind and Tater didn’t see that coming.

Sir Oliver: This match is mayhem, Lobo. Miller whips Murphy into the ropes, reversal by Murphy and on the outside, Nathaniel pulls the ropes down and Miller drops to the outside. Now Ruby, Miller, and Nathaniel are a trio of flying fists.

(Murphy makes his way to help on the outside but he gets caught with a hard right hook from Bubba. Murphy goes down in the corner and Bubba splashes him in the corner before turning right into a Maddox dropkick. Maddox rocks Bubba with a back elbow but Bubba hits a chop to the throat and then lifts him up and slams him to the mat with a big bodyslam. Bubba runs the ropes and leaps into the air for an elbow, bringing it crashing down on Maddox’s chest. Bubba tries to go for a cover, but instead pulls Maddox up and lifts him up into a press slam.)

V: Bubba is like, walking around the ring with him!

Sir Oliver: A definite show of strength by Bubba but Maddox kicks his legs and drops behind him, Bubba turns around and he gets kicked in the stomach, “HDP!”

Lobo: Maddox caught Bubba out of nowhere and he rolls him over, cover! He hooks the leg one… two… three!

*Anderson: Bubba and Tater have been eliminated!

Sir Oliver: Tater looks confused on the outside while Bubba rolls out of the ring. Tater checks on Bubba and then both men make their way back to the backstage area.

Lobo: Meanwhile Mark Murphy and Nathaniel are tossing Adam Miller into the guardrail and then roll him into the ring, climbing in after him. As they do, Kid Diaz kicks the ropes and crotches Nathaniel before knocking him back outside. Jack Ruby though pulls Diaz out through the middle rope and he’s got him in a suplex position, and he just suplexes him into the guardrail!

V: Like, ow!

(In the ring, Maddox pulls Nathaniel up and starts working him over in a corner, hitting chops and elbows. Adam Miller meanwhile hits a DDT on Murphy and goes for a cover, but only gets a two. Miller slides out of the ring and grabs a chair, sliding back into the ring and waiting for Murphy to get up.)

Sir Oliver: Miller is stalking Murphy like a predator, and as Murphy gets up he bludgeons him with the chair.

Lobo: Miller is choosing violence tonight as he levels Murphy with another shattering chairshot, and another, and Murphy goes down.

V: Nathaniel sees it happen and it looks like he is going to try and make the save, but Maddox and Ruby double clothesline him as Miller makes the cover.

Lobo: One… two… three!

*Anderson: Mark Murphy and Nathaniel have been eliminated!

(Nathaniel rolls to the outside and begins making his way to the back while Murphy gets booted out of the ring by Miller, who’s still holding the chair. Diaz and Miller stand side by side and see Maddox and Ruby across the ring, and all four men immediately begin brawling. Maddox ducks a chair swing and then hits a flying back elbow to get the chair dropped. Miller hits a forearm shot in response and then Maddox fires back. Both men continue punching and hitting forearms while Diaz catches Ruby with a modified Ace Crusher and rolls him into a cover.)

Sir Oliver: A cover by Diaz, one… two… but Ruby gets the shoulder up.

Lobo: Diaz then runs over and he and Miller bring Ruby up and whip him into the ropes and they hit a double clothesline on Ruby. Miller and Diaz with a little celebration, but then Maddox catches both men with a clothesline of his own!

(Maddox helps Ruby to his feet and both men wait for Miller and Diaz to get up, and when they do, Maddox hits a running knee lift that sends Miller through the ropes and to the apron. Ruby meanwhile nearly decapitates Diaz with a lariat, and then goes up to the middle rope. He leaps off, hitting a fist to the head with his prosthetic hand.)

V: Like, that hand should be outlawed.

Lobo: Diaz is rocked, and Ruby with his Iron claw, right on the head of Diaz, and Diaz is trying to fight it off, but Ruby moves over and kicks the chair into position, what’s he doing?

Sir Oliver: Ruby lifts Diaz up and hits a clawhold slam onto the chair! He holds the claw in and has Diaz down, one… two… three!!


(BELL RINGS)


*Anderson: Kid Diaz and Adam Miller have been eliminated! Your winners… JACK RUBY AND MADDOX!

Sir Oliver: Ruby and Maddox showing some teamwork and ability to watch each other’s backs in this match, and it helped them come out victorious Old Chap.

V: And maybe a foreign object or two.

Lobo: No DQ means No DQ, not just for people you might like, V.

V: Like, whatever.

==================
Sin City Championship Match
Dillian DeHaven vs. Pixilious
==================

Lobo: Pixi won a shot at the Sin City championship and will be facing Dillian DeHaven next in a 30 minute iron man match.

Sir Oliver: I say, this could be quite interesting. On the one hand you have the war dancer in Pixi and on the other you have the brute force of Dillian DeHaven.

V: Like, I don’t understand why Devy isn’t in there instead of that powderpuff. A good strong wind and she would be blown away like dandelion fluff.

Lobo: Pixi is a lot tougher than you give her credit for. After all, she DID win this opportunity.

V: Like, big deal. I think the fans deserve a more, like, powerful match.

Sir Oliver: Sit back and be entertained, young lady. I’m sure that Pixi will provide loads of thrills.

(Cut to the ring)

*Anderson: This match is for the Sin City Championship. It is a 30 minute iron man match. Introducing first - at only 5'4" and weighing in at just 115 pounds - all the way from the Land of the Fairies! The incredible.....PIXILICIOUS!

(Tomdandy's "Rooftop" hits and a glittering curtain of pink confetti falls above the ramp. Stepping through it comes Pixilicious. Clad all in pink, her daring and revealing costume compels the camera and all present to star. Pixi throws her arms wide, scattering glittering pink dust to left and right before skipping and bouncing her way to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as she does.

In the centre of the ring she folds over, her long green hair falling to the mat. She stamps her foot three times and claps in unison, before exploding upwards, both arms high and wide, yelling PIXIE POWER! Smiling confidently, she then takes her corner.)

Lobo: She looks like she literally just floats in the ring.



V: Like a wisp of smoke that DeHaven is going to blow away.

*Anderson: And her opponent for the evening, Coming down the aisle with his manager, Cliff Ragsdale, weighting in at 245 pounds, he is your current Sin City Champion… "THE DUKE" DILLIAN DEHAVEN!

("Fire Water Burn" By The Bloodhound Gang plays as DeHaven makes his way to the ring, being led by his manager, Cliff Ragsdale. DeHaven walks slowly to the ring with a stoic look on his face. Ragsdale and DeHaven are all business. Ragsdale is wearing a blue cape/shirt with black jeans. DeHaven is wearing a gray t-shirt with black tights.)

Lobo: DeHaven looks at Pixi with total disdain and Pixi just looks past him, dancing in her corner.

V: DeHaven has, like, great judgement. He knows that this little puffball is not even close to his league.



(BELL RINGS)



(Referee Edwards calls for the bell and the match gets underway. DeHaven casually sauntered to the center of the ring while Pixi stayed in her corner. DeHaven stopped in the center and smirked at Pixi. Pixi responded by running at him and doing a hand-spring kick to the side of DeHaven’s head, sending him staggering. Pixi followed up with a Dim Mak strike to DeHaven’s thigh. DeHaven started to limp and Pixi followed up by sweeping the legs. DeHaven went to the mat and Pixi dropped a fist on him. Pixi with the roll up.)

Edwards: 1…2…toss off.

Lobo: That certainly took DeHaven by surprise!

V: Like, it took me by surprise also. Who knew she was that fast? But she’s still, like, a puff ball.

(Pixi was back on her feet first but DeHaven was up quickly as well. DeHaven speared Pixi and drove her into the corner. DeHaven started laying on heavy chops which Pixi rolled with. DeHaven took Pixi out of the corner with a hip toss. DeHaven starts to stomp on Pixi who rolls out of the way and to the floor.

DeHaven charges the ropes and does a suicide dive on Pixi. DeHaven rolled Pixi back into the ring and went for the cover.)

Edwards: 1…2…shoulder up.

Lobo: 30 minutes and both are going for as many pins as they can get.

Anderson: 10 minutes have elapsed. 20 minutes remain.

(DeHaven hauled Pixi to her feet. Pixi responded with a leg trip that send DeHaven to the floor face first. Pixi hauls DeHaven to his feet and leaps up with a spinning heel kick to the back of DeHaven’s head. Pixi turns that into a head scissors and sends DeHaven to the mat once again. Pixi goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1… 2… 3!!!

*Anderson: Pixi has scored a pin. Pixi leads this match 1 pin to none.

Lobo: DeHaven is beside himself! He can’t believe he got pinned like that.

V: It won’t matter. DeHaven is the champ and he will do whatever it takes to win this thing.

(Both wrestlers are on their feet once again. Pixi goes down in a crouch and goes for a leg sweep. DeHaven tries to leap over Pixi’s sweeping legs, but Pixi manages to send him to the mat. Pixi does a standing plancha and goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1…

(DeHaven reverses it and hooks Pixi’s leg.)

Edwards: 1… 2… 3!!!

*Anderson: Dillian DeHaven has scored a pin. This match is tied at 1 pinfall apiece.

Lobo: And we’re tied.

V: See? I told you it wouldn’t matter that puffball had scored a cheap pin like that.

*Anderson: 15 minutes have elapsed. 15 minutes remain.

(Both wrestlers are back on their feet. DeHaven closes in on Pixi who strikes out and hits him in the shoulder. DeHaven’s arm goes limp as a look of horror comes over his face. Pixi dances behind him and lands a quick strike on DeHaven’s back in the kidney area. DeHaven goes to his knees and Pixi lands another spinning heel kick.

DeHaven goes to the floor and Pixi with a big splash. DeHaven immediately tosses him off. DeHaven is back on his feet right away and hauls Pixi up. DeHaven delivers a tremendous power bomb that rattles the ring. DeHaven goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1…2…shoulder up.

(DeHaven is back on his feet quickly. He makes a grab at Pixi who dances out of his way and cartwheels across the mat. DeHaven spins around, trying to find out where Pixi went but he can’t see her. Pixi delivers a kick to the back of DeHaven’s knee, followed up by a paralyzing strike to DeHaven’s neck.

DeHaven crumbles to the mat, unable to move. Pixi goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1… 2… 3!

*Anderson: Pixi has scored a pin. Pixi now leads this contest two pins to one.

Lobo: Amazing!

Sir Oliver: Quite like the ancient gladiators with their contrasting styles.

V: All it’s going to take is, like, DeHaven to connect and Pixi will be taken out of her speed.

Edwards: 20 minutes have elapsed, 10 minutes remain.

(Once again both wrestlers are on their feet. DeHaven is stretching out, trying to limber himself back up. Pixi dances around, flicking out quick strikes that don’t do much damage, but are annoying, like a mosquito bite.

Pixi lashes out once again, but DeHaven surprises her by grabbing her wrist and pulling her in close. DeHaven puts on a bear hug and starts to squeeze the life out of Pixi. Pixi struggles, but DeHaven has the hold on tight. Pixi tries to headbutt DeHaven’s face, but DeHaven is too tall and she just manages to barely reach his chin.

DeHaven continues to squeeze, not letting go because he’s afraid that he may not be able to catch her again. Pixi taps out.)

*Anderson: Pixi has submitted. The fall goes to Dillian DeHaven. The match is tied up at 2 pinfalls apiece.

Lobo: DeHaven isn’t letting go of the hold!

V: Like, good move! Perhaps that will slow her down enough to, like, finish her off.

Edwards: 1… 2… 3… 4…

(DeHaven releases Pixi who rolls away to catch her breath.)

*Anderson: 25 minutes have elapsed, 5 minutes remain.

(Pixi smiles at DeHaven who glares at her. Pixi doesn’t seem to be any worse for wear after the bear hug and DeHaven can’t understand it.

Pixi dances around and lashes out with a snap kick to DeHaven’s knee. DeHaven’s leg goes limp and Pixi goes for a flying head scissors.

From the back comes Mark Murphy! He’s got a wooden axe handle in his hands and leaps into the ring. He swings the axe handle at Pixi and nails her on the back of the head. He continues his assault by hitting her in the back and legs.)

*Anderson: Referee Edwards has disqualified DeHaven for interference. Pixi leads this match 3 falls to 2.)

Lobo: What in the world?

V: Like, that’s brilliant! It’s near the end, and Pixi won’t be able to defend herself.

(From the back races Smilin’ Jack Ruby, carrying his pool cue. Ruby leaps into the ring and starts beating on Murphy. Murphy leaves the ring and Ruby chases him to the back.)

*Anderson: 28 minutes have elapsed. 2 minutes remain.

Lobo: Can Pixi last another 2 minutes without getting pinned or submitted?

V: Like, I doubt it. Puffball, remember?

(DeHaven grabs Pixi. Pixi is beaten down, but not out. Dehaven grabs Pixi and nails her with a Chaser.)

Edwards: 1… 2… 3!!!

*Anderson: DeHaven has tied up the match at 3 pins apiece.

(DeHaven is back on his feet first. Pixi is a bit woozy, but tries to put up a defense.)

*Anderson: 29 minutes have elapsed. 1 minute remains.

(Pixi dances out of DeHaven’s grasp and flicks out a few punches. DeHaven continues to move in on her and maneuvers her into a corner.)

*Anderson: 10 seconds remain. 9…..8…..7…

(DeHaven grabs Pixi and hits her with another Chaser.)

Edwards: 1… 2… 3!!!

*Anderson: DeHaven leads the match 4 falls to 3.

Lobo: Can Pixi make it back?

Sir Oliver: I’d say that’s pretty doubtful.

*Anderson: 3…2…1



(BELL RINGS)



*Anderson: Your winner with 4 falls to 3, and STILL SIN CITY CHAMPION, DILLIAN DEHAVEN!

Lobo: Pixi put up a valiant effort, and if not for Murphy’s interference, perhaps we’d have a new champion.

V: Yeah, and, like, maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt!

=========================
World Heavyweight Championship Match
Devin Bishop vs. Candy
=========================

Sir Oliver: Well, here we are. The Grand Finale to this night’s wondrous action fast approaches and I for one am most eager to see what unfolds.

Lobo: This promises to be spectacular.

V: And like, we don’t even have to wait long. Edwards is standing there - like a lemon, but at least he’s sort of ready.

*Anderson: Hailing from Sacramento, California, she stands at five foot nine inches and weights in at one hundred and eighty pounds...she is THEE BADDEST BITCH of UPW.....CANDY!!!

("Boss Bitch" by Doja Cat blares throughout the arena. The fans go up and start screaming. The arena starts flickering in pink and purple lights. Candy struts out from behind the curtain. She stops at the top of the ramp posed with her hands on her hips, left leg slightly inverted, leaning slightly to the side. She’s wearing a pair of shiny destroyed denim booty shorts, a turquoise leather sports bra and a pair of black combat boots. She starts strutting down the runway in true top model fashion. She slowly walks up the steps taking in all the fans, gets into the ring and walks the center, raising her hands in the air and turning to wave at the fans.)

Sir Oliver: Quite the welcome for the challenger.

V: Like it’s all downhill for her from now on.

*Anderson: Coming to the ring from Reno, Nevada... he stands at six foot one inch tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty-eight pounds... he is...Darkheart... DEVIN BISHOP!!!

(As "Necessary Evil" by Motionless in White begins to play over the P.A. system, the arena goes dark. Red and purple light beams begin to flash up and down the walkway, and as the first few bars of the songs intro end, a spotlight blasts down on Bishop. He stands with his head down, both hands holding his cane in front of him. He looks up slowly, a devilish smirk on his face, the handle of his cane pushing the brim of his bowler hat up slightly. He then begins a slow, cocky walk to the ringside area. The crowd's boos do not affect his confidence. He walks up the ring steps onto the ring apron, where he makes a show of wiping his boots on the mat before stepping into the ring. He removes his entrance gear and hands it and his cane to the ring attendant and starts bouncing on the balls of his feet until the bell rings.)

V: Now – THAT’S an entrance!

Sir Oliver: Mr Bishop does indeed seem replete with confidence.

V: And like, why shouldn’t he? He IS the world champion and totally the best champion UPW has ever seen.

Sir Oliver: It’s good to see you taking such an unbiased perspective.

V: Yeah, I’m like a paragon of neutrality and shit, right?

Lobo: Looks like we’re ready for the bell and there’s NO Maddox and NO Terence
Christopher ringside; so hopefully we’ll see a good clean fight.

V: You mean a really quick one then.


(BELL RINGS)


Lobo: Candy launches herself at Bishop. Oh, but he ducks that Leaping Clothesline with a neat sidestep. Candy runs past, hits the ropes and rebounds. Bishop catches her and – wow! He takes her over with a shockingly swift Head and Arm Suplex!

Sir Oliver: My word! That was swift!

Lobo: Candy is down. Bishop looks to wrap up the – NO! She fires up her feet and punts him back, freeing herself from his grasp. She rolls to a low crouch. Bishop changes pace. No hurry – he circles warily, never taking his eyes off Candy. She slowly rises and then moves forward. They get closer and – I have NO idea what’s going to happen here.

Sir Oliver: Mr Bishop holds forth his hand inviting a test of strength, but in reality one knows all too well that he merely seeks leverage to turn things to his distinctive skill set. He’s a gifted technician.

Lobo: Well, Candy seems undaunted. She slowly reaches out to -

V: The bitch!

Lobo: She just punched Bishop in the face!

Sir Oliver: By Jove! She snapped that blow out with frightening alacrity.

Lobo: Now she steps in and follows with a brutal barrage of lightning fast body blows. Bishop doesn’t try to evade. Instead he tucks up and rides the storm.

V: He’s like totally way tougher than people give him credit for, you know.

Lobo: Candy starts to mix it up – body-head, head-body! Those punches are coming in like a tsunami!

Sir Oliver: Surely she cannot maintain this pace, Old Boy.

Lobo: Whoa! Bishop suddenly dropped. He drops low, grabs her legs behind the knees, lifts and dumps her on her back!

V: #PlayTime’sOver.

Lobo: Bishop wastes no time in going for a Triangle Choke.

Sir Oliver: The gentleman’s skill is indeed quite enviable.

Lobo: Looks like Candy’s in trouble here, as she – NO” Eye rake! Candy manages to find Bishop‘s eyes and he releases. She immediately hits the ropes. She fires out as he rises. Swinging DDT! She nails it!

V: Ugh. Like, how lucky can she be?

Lobo: Now Candy is hunting for the pin attempt.
Edwards: ONE!

Lobo: Reversal! Just HOW did he do that? He rolled her over and straight into a Single Leg Crab! Looks like she’s in trouble here. Edwards drops to ask…

V: Like, she’s totally gonna tap.

Lobo: But Candy arches. She pushes up – back- She flings her head back to try to nut Bishop! He sees that and takes evasive action, but before he can re-apply the pressure on the leg, she twists and frees herself!

Sir Oliver: I did not foresee such an excellent piece of escapology from Miss Candy. Bravo.

V: Right: Like, she’s good at running away. That’s what you’re saying?

Lobo: Candy stands and flexes that leg. It seems good.

V: And like, Bish needs to flex nada, coz he’s like in perfect condition – which is what I keep telling you old dudes.

Lobo: They close again! Candy strikes! Down goes Bishop with force – that Hurricanrana hit hard. Again Candy hunts for the pin.

Edwards: ONE!

Lobo: Kick out!

V: And like, totally a strong one. I mean, come on; it’s like totally obvious he’s only half trying here. You know, just to make her look good.

Sir Oliver: Really? How enlightening. Perhaps that’s why Miss Candy has had two attempts at victory to his one?

Lobo: Bishop is up fast – real fast. He surprises Candy with that Snap Suplex. Now it’s his turn to cover!

Edwards: ONE!

Lobo: Shoulder up!

V: Meh, she’s just delaying the inevitable.

Lobo: Both stand. Candy throws a Back hand Chop. Bishop weaves. It misses. She throws a Palm strike – straight to the – NO! Bishop catches her with a huge European Uppercut! That sends her reeling back into the ropes.

Sir Oliver: Ah, but Miss Candy catches those ropes and does not rebound. That forces Mr bishop to come to her.

V: Right, coz like that’s such a scary prospect.

Lobo: He advances, grabs an arm and -

Sir Oliver: Reversal – By Jove! Miss Candy caught him with a stunning Ripcord lariat.

Lobo: True, but Bishop frees himself from her grip and staggers away along the ropes. He’s refusing to fall.

Sir Oliver: Miss Candy gives chase. She hits the ropes, flies up and out to clatter into him with a spectacular Frog Splash!

Lobo: This time Bishop does fall. She has him. She has him covered!

Edwards: ONE! - TWO!! - T’

Lobo: The ropes! Bishop’s foot finds the ropes and Candy breaks cleanly.

V: Like, he was totally toying with her. That was never a realistic threat.

Sir Oliver: Perchance Miss Wu, you also have a bridge to sell?

V: What? Like is that dementia kicking in THAT fast? Gross.

Lobo: Both stand. They circle warily and that’s entirely understandable. Bishop stated that he wouldn’t underestimate Candy and he hasn’t. He’s mixed up his tactics to test her full range of abilities and in doing so, he’s shown that he’s not a one trick pony. As for Candy, that wealth of experience is evident – very evident. She’s not letting Bishop settle into his A game, but making him improvise and adapt.

V: Yeah and he’s like awesome at that too. #GrandmasterBishop.

Sir Oliver: Well, I for one have found it to be a singularly enthralling battle and one worthy of it’s headline status.

V: D’uh! Bishop’s fighting. Of course it is!

Lobo: Our two combatants close again. Candy spins. Elbow to the ribs. That seems to wind Bishop, but he turns into it and – wow – Spinning toe Hold. He takes Candy down and straight into an STF. How DOES he do that so fast?

V: #TotallyGiftedBishop.

Sir Oliver: Well, Miss Candy is in quite the predicament here.

V: Obvious much?

Lobo: Bishop is a master of these holds – likely only matched by Rain Blackheart and even that’s a questionably argument.

Sir Oliver: And one for another day, Old Chap. Yet Miss Candy is not relenting. As before, she moves one way – as far as she’s actually able – but it then permits a counter move. Clearly Mr Bishop is wise to these efforts, but even so, her imagination is causing him to constantly shift and react -rather than focus on applying the full pressure he might be desirous of inflicting.

V: So, like, what you’re saying here is that she’s TRYING to run away again.

Sir Oliver: Hardly! The fine art of extricating oneself from a parlous position is as pivotal to success in the ring as contriving to get one’s opponent into said predicament.
Lobo: Well, Edwards is simply asking the question. Candy refuses to yield. Bishop tries to get that STF tightened, but Candy’s constant shifts, squirms and feints are not making that possible. Bishop elects to save his energy and releases the hold.

V: See! She couldn’t get out of it. Bishop is like, you know, the Emperor of technical wrestling.

Sir Oliver: And yet said ‘Emperor’ failed to subjugate the ‘lowly’ Miss Candy. Care to explain that one for us, please Miss Wu?

V: Yeah, see Bish’ totally felt sorry for the bitch, so he let her go.

Sir Oliver: Ah, yes of course – that makes perfect sense now.

V: Is he like, taking the piss here?

Lobo: Let’s just focus on the action in the ring. Again both stand. Candy casually heads to the ropes and paces as Bishop stretches and flexes. Both are testing their strength, reserves and readiness as the crowd roars.

Sir Oliver: Indeed they do, Old Boy. It’s quite deafening in here. In fact I can distinctly hear a three way chanting contest.

Lobo: Yeah there’s a BLACK HAND! Chant warring with a CAN-DY! Chant competing with a Bish-UUUUUUPPPPP! Roar.

Sir Oliver: There’s no denying that our fans are deeply invested in this one.

Lobo: And there’s plenty to get excited about as the close again. This time it’s Candy that surprises Bishop.

Sir Oliver: By George! That was a simply splendid Superkick there, Dear Boy.

Lobo: It knocks Bishop flat. Candy pounces. She rolls him up- Small Package!

Edwards: ONE! - TWO!! -

Lobo: Reversal!

Sir Oliver: Well I never!

V: No, like, me neither.

Lobo: Bishop has completely reversed that pin. Now it’s Candy that’s trapped!
Edwards: ONE! - TWO!! -

Lobo: Kick out!

Sir Oliver: My, but that was a close call and one that’s done absolutely nothing to dull the noise of this raucous crowd.

Lobo: They separate. They stand. Now they quickly come back together. Candy again with a series of rapid blows. Bishop blocks, weaves, but gets caught - more than once. Candy senses blood. She redoubles her efforts. The smashes rain down and – NO! Bishop takes a mighty blow to the mouth! I think that opened him up, but he took it to get in close – close enough to hit that German Suplex!

Sir Oliver: Quite the testimony to his determination.

Lobo: Bishop drops. He covers.

Edwards: ONE! - TWO!!

Lobo: Kick out!

Sir Oliver: And equal determination from Miss Candy it would appear.

V: Like sure, if you’re spelling it “DESPERATION”.

Lobo: Both break cleanly, but not for long. Candy catches Bishop with a Spear. She rips her head up and back, clonking him on the chin and then – Facebuster! No! NO! Bishop blocks it. He grabs the knee, trips her and drops to slam an elbow into the solar plexus. Now he leans back, using the leg to enforce the pin.

Sir Oliver: Oh, I say: here comes the Black Hand to celebrate!

V: Like, about time. Bishop’s putting on a masterclass here. It’s only right that they’re here to cheer him on.

Edwards: ONE!

Sir Oliver: Cheer him on? They are getting awfully close to the ring.

V: And? Like why should that be an issue?

Edwards: TWO?

Lobo: The Alliance! Out come the Alliance and in numbers. They’re heading down to the ring as well.

Sir Oliver: And the Black Hand sees them. This could turn very ugly, very swiftly, Old Boy.

Edwards: THRE’-

Lobo: Kick out! Candy kicks out! This is not over yet.

Sir Oliver: Ah, but look yonder. Mr Ragsdale and his cronies along with brother Eric have also made an entrance.

Lobo: Bishop again releases cleanly. Candy rolls clear and uses the ropes to buy a little time. It’s a momentary thing though as she’s quick to hurl herself back into action. Bishop is looking to wrap Candy up once more. She’s looking to land as many blows and kicks as she can.

Sir Oliver: And now Mr Ragsdale’s crowd is ringside and it’s getting very heated.
Lobo: There’s a lot of finger pointing, name calling and – damn. Someone got shoved! It’s on the far side of the ring, so I’m not sure who acted first...possibly DeHaven, I’m not sure. Not that it matters, because that was all it needed to kick off big style.

Sir Oliver: Not that it’s stopping either Miss Candy or Mister Bishop.

V: Like NOTHING stops Devy!

Lobo: A chair! Diaz smashes a chair into the back of Bryan Black! Miller headbutts ...who was that?

Sir Oliver: It looked like Murphy to me, but my view was far from unimpeded.

V: Like, smash him in the face with that cane!

Lobo: Who IS she cheering for?

Sir Oliver: It hardly matters. As long as blood is spilled, she is at her happiest.

Lobo: No, Candy is tripped! A hand snaked in. It took Candy’s foot away. Down she goes! Bishop looks to – NO! A chair is swung. It catches him behind the knees. He buckles, but turns and rips the chair out of their hands!

Sir Oliver: Was that Mr Ruby, I saw?

Lobo: Possibly, but there are so many bodies around I couldn’t sear to it.

V: I don’t think so, it wasn’t ugly enough to be him.

Lobo: Wait! Bryan Black is sliding INTO the ring. He’s….he’s helping Candy up. She says she’s fine.

Sir Oliver: Rather angrily, I might add.

Lobo: But Bishop wastes no time. He swings that chair. He throws it OUT of the ring!
Sir Oliver: With complete disdain, I might add.

V: Ugh, I think it hit Ragsdale.

Sir Oliver: And now Mr Nathaniel is angrily entering the ring.

V: Like, what’s that tool doing in there?

Lobo: He’s not alone! Others are clambering in to get at each other, or simply for the height advantage to launch a better attack!

Sir Oliver: I fear that Mr Edwards is rather out of his depth here.

Lobo: Miller tosses Bishop his cane.

V: Yeah, that’s like totally for defensive purposes. There’s a lot of shit going down here.

Sir Oliver: Bishop uses it to ward off some errant blows and – Oh my! It looks as if he’s about to club Mr Black with it.

V: And? He shouldn’t even be in the fucking ring!

Lobo: No! Pixi saw the same movement and intercepts the movement that may, or may not, have been an attack. Damn.

Sir Oliver: My Goodness.

V: That SLUT!

Lobo: She just hit Bishop with the Pixinator!

Sir Oliver: A little excessive, I feel, Old Boy, still, with so much happening I daresay such an eventuality was rather inevitable.


(BELL RINGS)


Lobo: And that’s it! Our referee has called a stop.

*Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen – due to external interference, this bout is deemed a NO CONTEST. Devin Bishop retains his title and remains your UPW WORLD CHAMPION!

V: Yeah, like too right!

Lobo: Wow. I mean, I never saw that coming.

Sir Oliver: It was indeed a closely fought contest. One in which BOTH competitors acquitted themselves most admirably. However, it hasn’t actually stopped as all present are continuing to battle with considerable gusto.

V: Yeah, like, awesome, isn’t it? Nearly as awesome as Devy..

Lobo: I’m sure there’ll be ramifications from this and no doubt that’ll have a HUGE impact on events at Sin City Strike. That is something you do NOT want to miss! But for now, we are completely out of time. Congratulations to ALL of tonight’s winners and huge thanks to ALL our competitors.

================
In-Ring with Madame Wu
================

(“Carrion Flowers” by Chelsea Wolfe hits and the imperious Madam Wu strides down to the ring, garnering a very mixed reaction from the fans. None of which bothers her one iota. Looking immaculate in her oriental dress she smoothly slides into the ring. There she pauses and calmly waits for the crowd to settle down. The music fades.)

Lobo: What’s this about? I wasn’t told anything.

V: And like WHY would anyone tell YOU anything important?

Sir Oliver: Might I suggest we refrain from arguing that we might listen to what Lady Wu has to say?

V: Yeah, like good call, Old Dude.

Madam Wu: Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for your attention. Now, as many of you are aware, UPW recently went through something of a cash-flow crisis. You’ll be pleased to know that we have successfully weathered that storm.

Lobo: Yeah, that’s great news and well received by these fans.

Madam Wu: However, that is NOT an end to the matter. There are complicating factors: factors affecting the mid to long term stability of this company. I therefore found it necessary to dispatch Mr CJ Walker on an urgent mission to Hong Kong. Negotiations have been fruitful, but are not yet complete. Close, but not quite finalised.

Now, what does that mean for UPW, for our esteemed roster, for YOU?

It means that there WILL be changes made.

You see, I am embarking upon a new franchise deal. One that will see UPW fall under the umbrella of a far larger corporation. Some may deem it a sell out, but that’s true. I and my brother will retain controlling shares.

Now, not everyone likes change. I understand, but it remains one of life’s great constants. We will have change. BUT, it’s not all bad. With greater fiscal security, I hope to be in a position to reward our loyal and dedicated fighters. A token of my appreciation.

What doesn’t change are the shows. We will continue here, at the Sahara Events center for the immediate future. That being said, the streaming services will undergo a more radical overhaul and only those that subscribe to the XHF network will be able to access our shows going forward.

Make no mistake, this is an exciting opportunity and one that may see your beloved roster grow significantly as agents within the umbrella group see the excellence of our product.

When? When will this happen?

(She gives a small, cold smile before continuing.)

As I said, negotiations are ongoing. We shall ensure that a smooth transition occurs; one wherein you are all given ample warning and the opportunity to subscribe punctually so that you miss none of the thrilling action. Regarding subscription, I have further good news. The cost is LESS than that which our current provider demands. We shall be happy to pass these savings on to our loyal fans.

For those that are interested, I provide a free pass to look at what is to come.

Home | The XHF Network (proboards.com)

I thank you for your support. Ziajian.

Lobo: What? She can’t stop there! What about us? What about -

V: Oh don’t wet yourself! Like, it’s all in hand. You might even get a pay rise. Not that you deserve one.

Sir Oliver: Well, I for one, shall embrace this mysterious future. A stout English gentleman fears nothing; least of all a little change.

Lobo: I’m not so sure. I bet this works for Madam Wu better than for everyone else.

V: Hey! If my Mom’s happy, everyone’s happy, right?

Sir Oliver: Well, the enigmatic Madam Wu has departed, might I suggest we press on with the action? We can digest this all at a later time.

Lobo: Good call, Ollie.

Sir Oliver: Really Old Boy, that’s SIR Oliver. I am not a Labrador!



(And if that wasn’t enough, now for the Sin City Strike card…)



MAIN EVENT
DEAD MAN’S HAND MATCH
The Alliance (Pixi, Ruby, & Maddox or Candy) vs. The Black Hand (Diaz, Miller, & Blackhart) vs. CCAZ (Nathaniel, Murphy, & E. Ragsdale)

** Rules **
The match will be held inside a double stacked Steel Cage. There are no ropes, no turnbuckles. Instead, each corner has a Shark Cage containing 1 participant. The match starts with 1 random participant outside of the Shark Cages. By random draw, 1 participant’s cage will open and those two will battle. Every few minutes, another Shark Cage will open at either the upper or lower cage allowing that participant to join the fight.

Each participant can only be eliminated in a predetermined, secret way.
The options are pinfall, submission, and 10 count.
No one, but Elijah Anderson will know who has what designation.

The cages have a secret trap door that allows participants to go from the bottom tier to the top tier and visa versa. There will be a ladder in each tier to help navigate through.

Once the other two teams have been fully eliminated, the remaining team will be declared the winners. Each team has its own rewards for winning the Dead Man’s Hand Match.

** Rewards **

If the Alliance wins, then Pixilious gets a shot at the UP Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship. Ruby will get an opportunity at the Sin City Championship. Maddox or Candy will secure a Tag Team Championship match with Candy to face the champions.

If the Black Hand wins, the Rated M will get the Tag Team Championship opportunity. Rain Blackhart will get an opportunity at the Sin City Championship.

If CCAZ wins, then Cliff Ragsdale gets to pick any members of his team to have a World Heavyweight Championship match and a Tag Team Championship match.

CHAMPIONS CLASH
"Darkheart" Devin Bishop vs. "The Duke" Dillian DeHaven vs. "The Chaotic Princess" Ariana Sears

** The winner will get a reward to be announced **

TRIPLE THREAT MATCH
"The Thunder Kid" Ron Masterson vs. "The Jackal" Riley Walker vs. Big J

TAG TEAM MATCH
Wicked vs. THC

ONE ON ONE MATCH
Cage vs. "Knotty Scotsman" Bryan Black

DEBUT MATCH
“The Unbreakable Goblin” Runel Abekab vs. Bubba w/ Tater

PLUS
More on the Future of UP Wrestling!

Title Announcements!