TAROSA e6s2 "Infomercial"

[Steve Awesome]

THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME!

"Infomercial"

“BUT WAIT…..THERE'S MORE!”

---

We open up on close up of Steve Awesome’s white smile as he greets the fans.

“What it do, baby boo’s!?!?”

He laughs and motions for the camera man to follow him through the hall.

“Today’s show is going to be a good one. You see, I’m trying something a bit new. Instead of making another Hollywood block buster for all of you to enjoy, I decided I would try to see if my amazing talent would lend itself to infomercial. That’s right, selling stuff. I figure I’ve been selling wrestling tickets for years, I could probably sell anything if I tried.”

Steve Awesome
Quick and witty.

“Yeah man, I’m pretty damn good. Like I could probably sell a white popsicle to a lady with ketchup gloves….”

He smiles smugly then blinks.

“Wait, that’s not right. Hold on give me a minute…..”

Steve walks up over to the green room door.

“And of course, because you are fans of the show you get a behind the scenes look into my green room!”

Steve pops open the door and walks inside. The camera follows him in and scans around the room. The first thing you see is a brand new top of the line microwave. Steve walks over and slaps the side.

“You can cook so many single person meals in this baby!”

He waves his hands over the top and sides of the machine like it’s some kind of magic trick.

“Were going to be selling these top of the line “Cookitall 4000”. If it’s small enough to fit inside, this thing will cook it up. Feeling sad and alone, cook up as many tv dinners as you'd like. The microwave is not designed to judge you. Oh and also….”

He gives the camera a mischievous grin.

“I also got another thing I’m going to sell tonight, but it’s a surprise. But my opponents Bad Luck Inc are going to want to be very interested in this item because it’s something I know they don’t have and desperately want.”

He rubs his hands together like a menacing villain but then breaks out of that and goes back to the smiling host. He directs the camera to see the former president and Steve’s tag team partner, Curtis Kanyon.

"I got my boy K-Dawg with me for chillin support!"

Kanyon waves from his seat with his free hand while the other is holding a sandwich.

“Sup y’all!”

Curtis Kanyon
Big Sandwich fan.

“Can I just say, the catering Steve gets for his sets is just perfect. The food backstage might be the best thing he’s ever done in his whole movie career.”

He glances up.

“Oh uh, I didn’t mean that….”

He hesitates.

“Or maybe I did. That sandwich was pretty darn good. And Novembeards was pretty bad.”

Curtis is seen packing another sandwich into a take home box. Steve takes a seat next to him.

“Yo K-Dawg I need to rap with you about something serious bro.”

Kanyon hides the take out box behind his back.

“Uh sure thing, A-Dawg. What’s on your mind?”

Steve goes to speak but then actually looks over to the cameraman and cuts his throat with his hand.

“Actually, can you guys stop filming for a bit. I want this to be off the record. Just cut the camera and set it down, Bill.”

Bill is sneaky and just sets the camera down and it films the conversation anyway.

Bill
Sneaky Cameraman.

“Sometimes you are presented with an opportunity…...and you just gotta take it.

He shrugs.

Maybe I'll be fired, but at least we will get something juicy for the show.

The camera can see the legs and lower torsos of Steve and Curtis as they sat in there chairs.

“Wow, I didn’t know you could just cut the camera on your own reality show.”

“Yeah well, I don’t want people to see all the embarrassing stuff. People would think I’m less cool if that happened.”

“Kind of defeats the purpose of a reality show but I’m with you bro. So what’s on your mind?”

“Look I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and I don’t know where to start. What do you know about bondage?”

Kanyon slides back in his chair a bit.

"I need to know the safe word up front, I am not going through that again."

Steve leans forward. Palms on his knees.

“I know it seems kind of random and out of the blue but if you are following whats happening in NPW it would all make a lot more sense. So you do know. You gotta tell me what you know about this tying people up stuff..”

“It was just something special between myself and my wife.”

“So I need to talk to your wife?”

“No.”

“Just for like one night.”

“Nooo!”

Steve sighs.

“Okay fine.”

Kanyon gets up from his chair.

“Look man, I don’t know what else to really say except I support your desire to be tied up sexually.”

“Thanks.”

“But don’t get so wrapped up in it that you can focus on the tag title match against bad luck inc. See what I did there? That’s comedy gold.”

He stands up and gives Steve a fist bump.

---

We open up on a fancy set similar to your typical home shopping network sets. On display is the Cookitall 4000 microwave. Steve is visibly irritated as he jabs at the buttons and reads from the instructions.

“Does everything with the push of a button but for some reason setting the time is like hacking into Fort Knox!”

He pokes a few more buttons before tossing the manual behind him and shoving the microwave off the table. It falls off and hits the floor with a clang.

“Screw it, we’re doing my thing now.”

“Oh Bad Luck Inc.”

He leans over the empty display table, the confident smirk on his face.

“Up until you made your challenge for the XHF Tag Team Championships, I had no idea who the hell you two were. I’m still not sure who you are, nor do I need to care. But ironically for you, Bad Luck Inc….it’s your lucky day.”

He smiles and nods his head.

“See I got something you boys need. Something you desperately need, and I can give it to you, for a price you understand. What could it be, you ask?”

Steve shrugs.

“Well based on what I’ve seen of you it could be any number of things. Like...maybe it’s a fuckin clue?”

He slaps the table as he laughs at his joke.

“Ha Ha, unfortunately I don’t have that for you, because you boys challenged us. Maybe what I have for you is some talent? Hey maybe you already got some of that? You did earn a shot at the champs to begin with. Maybe it’s some charisma? I mean, these are all valuable things that you also really need but what I got for you boys, is something much more valuable. The thing that I have for you to buy, is the one thing you need above all else. Even if you could get everything on the list, if you dont have this thing im offering to you two, then everything else is worthless.

He leans back and crosses his arms. A very arrogant smile grows on his face.

“What I have for you boys, is a certified gold, double platinum, triple mauve, absolute, one hundred percent

HIs head cocks back and forth as he says it.

“Chance in Fuckin Hell”.

“I’ll even work with you on the price because im sure that skateboard money is paying the bills. If you jump on this offer, Bad Luck Inc, think about what you could possibly have. “A chance in hell.” Like a real chance. Because lord knows you dont have what it takes to win these tag team titles from Kanyon and I. Thats not me underestimating you two, you’ve made it this far, but we know what we are capable of and now we are going to send you back to the half pipe empty handed on the Gun Show.”

He shakes his head and tsks out loud.

“But if you act now, if you call in not only will I give you this once in a lifetime chance in hell, but I’ll also throw in a free microwave too. That way, you can at least warm up the bullshit you two are feeding yourselves if you think you are beating the Bang Bros for our Tag Titles. No way. Ever since Kanyon and I won these tag team titles we have had a stranglehold on the division. We are legends. Former world champions. You guys dont stand a chance. But if you want to buy it, I can give you one chance in fuckin hell that you make it out alive in our match. Act fast.

---

The camera that Bill set down earlier was still rolling. As it filmed you can see the door open and from the torso down, a woman in long white dress. On her left and right you could see two henchmen. The woman in the dress sets down a small business card in the green room and quickly jots down a few words.

“That should finally help you fall into my web, dahling.”

The woman who you might guess is Esmerelda Von Krauss, starts to sneak out of the room. One of her henchmen stops to grab himself a sandwich from the catering platter.

“Come on, you idiot!”

EVK grabs him by the collar and drags him along.

---

“Now I know what your thinking, Bad Luck Inc…..”

Back to Steve Awesome on stage selling his ass off.

“All this sounds too good to be true. So im sure you want to see this “chance in hell”. Before you buy it, before you invest you gotta see the thing first. Take that proverbial bite. Well what kind of salesmen would I be, if I didn't display it.”

Steve reaches down below the table and pulls up a small box. He slowly opens the box and flips it over, and nothing falls out. He shakes the box and tries again and nothing falls out again. He smirks and starts to laugh.

“There is nothing in there….”

He laughs again.

“You idiots, your chance in hell doesnt even exist. And even if it did, even if it was something that you could just buy off www dot get real dot com, you boys could never afford it. Because like it or not Bad Luck Inc, having a chance in hell against a top guy team like the former president of the United States and his Head of Awesome Relations….”

He glances into the camera.

“You can take that any way you like and its still totally true….”

“But even coming close to what we can do is just above your pay grade, you understand? It’s just something you couldn’t possibly begin to fathom. It’s just Bang Bros stuff, its just Face of the Franchise Stuff….now do us a favor boys, after we kick your asses on the Gun Show, why dont you fade back into J-Rok obscurity and don’t bother us again until you learn to Bad Luck Think.”

Steve points at his temple.

“Or at the very least…”

He picks up the imaginary “chance in hell” from the table.

“...until you figure out how to get one of these of your own.”

He throws it into the box and then gives the camera a crotch chop.

“Suck it.”

---

We cut backstage again after the infomercial was filmed. Steve was winding down after a stellar performance. He spoke with a producer.

“Yeah, I think we’re going to sell a bunch of microwaves with your help on this Steve.”

“Hey man, im happy to do it, plus, Im going to make money every time we sell one of these things so im really hoping this thing kicks off. Its a win/win scenario.

“I cant wait for the cash to start rolling in.”

Steve and the man shake hands and the producer walks off. Steve looks over and notices a a small business card. He picks it up and reads the writing.

“Bro. I think this will help you get wrapped up in some fun.”

Steve smiled.

“K-Dawg, you came through for me after all!”

He flipped over the card and read what was printed on the front.

“Bond. James Bondage.”

Steve quickly placed the card in his wallet.

“This sounds very promising!”

Fade.