Post by Ariana Sears on Sept 13, 2021 20:37:20 GMT -5
I sit in a secluded room with barely any light getting in, I’m upon the floor against the wall dressed in a pair of black yoga pants and a UP W Tank top. My hair is tied up in a bun and a yoga mat sits at my bare feet.
“I know that the fans, management, and competitors will be watching this once it gets posted to the website which is just fine by me. A lot of you have not seen me lately with Jester since just before he got injured and after. You only see me lately when we are teaming up. You see the last time that I spoke my agent dropped my contract and yes I am getting paid by the company. The problem is my fees are lost in transition as I wait for someone to represent me. I haven’t been outside of the house since the last show and I obviously haven’t been myself. I have been staying in shape although you wouldn’t know it with my lack of public appearances. I’m sitting at a point of only thought where I don’t know if everything is fitting together and I am where I belong. I haven’t heard much from Jester lately unless it is to remind me we have a match to prepare for. It almost makes me question what I am doing and if Jester even wants me around lately. So with my lack of an agent, the lack of no communication with my partner, and the lonely feeling like I am residing inside of a black hole by myself. Where does that truly leave me? I’m supposed to care at this massive tag team match that has been set up? Sure! Whatever I’ll do it. Doesn’t mean I am pumped up for it, doesn’t mean I am excited about having to compete.”
I reach over grabbing the tag team title and hold it up for a second to the camera I have filming me.
“What joy does this bring me right now when the one I fight the battles with for this doesn’t seem to think about his own volatile actions. I would tag along and I would speak my mind but not seemingly in the cards for me lately. Am I upset? Well obviously! I think maybe I will have to reevaluate my priorities. I don’t really want to sit within this confusion and feeling of desperation. See that feeling is because I don’t know what anyone wants from me. It is the kind of feeling that makes me want to step away from things, to take a live grenade and place it within an enemy’s mouth. It is the kind of feeling where you want to slice the tendons on someone’s legs and watch them try to stand when you no damn well can’t. It is the feeling of wanting to make someone understand pain externally of how you feel it internally. Thus here we are you all watching as I sit at home while I hold a belt that I am proud of but question the meaning cause the world seems to make no sense again. My insanity thrives regardless but when the structure itself breaks down are you the sane one? I guess the time to know and the time to tell is only a matter at hand. You’ll find me in the Main Event but you won’t find the Ariana Sears you expect, you’ll find one that is just trying to find their own way out with no regard for her team. You may ask why? The answer is simple if I am to be left aside, left in shambles with no thought of what is going on even in my partner’s head then so be it. I get it, I’ll stand the ground and line of my own survival…..I get it.”
I toss the title to the side as if it wasn’t meaningful to me right now, the streaks of stained tears can be seen easily but the anger was real in my voice. I know what is to come even if I don’t wish to face it. This scene and truth will be seen by everyone.
“I know that the fans, management, and competitors will be watching this once it gets posted to the website which is just fine by me. A lot of you have not seen me lately with Jester since just before he got injured and after. You only see me lately when we are teaming up. You see the last time that I spoke my agent dropped my contract and yes I am getting paid by the company. The problem is my fees are lost in transition as I wait for someone to represent me. I haven’t been outside of the house since the last show and I obviously haven’t been myself. I have been staying in shape although you wouldn’t know it with my lack of public appearances. I’m sitting at a point of only thought where I don’t know if everything is fitting together and I am where I belong. I haven’t heard much from Jester lately unless it is to remind me we have a match to prepare for. It almost makes me question what I am doing and if Jester even wants me around lately. So with my lack of an agent, the lack of no communication with my partner, and the lonely feeling like I am residing inside of a black hole by myself. Where does that truly leave me? I’m supposed to care at this massive tag team match that has been set up? Sure! Whatever I’ll do it. Doesn’t mean I am pumped up for it, doesn’t mean I am excited about having to compete.”
I reach over grabbing the tag team title and hold it up for a second to the camera I have filming me.
“What joy does this bring me right now when the one I fight the battles with for this doesn’t seem to think about his own volatile actions. I would tag along and I would speak my mind but not seemingly in the cards for me lately. Am I upset? Well obviously! I think maybe I will have to reevaluate my priorities. I don’t really want to sit within this confusion and feeling of desperation. See that feeling is because I don’t know what anyone wants from me. It is the kind of feeling that makes me want to step away from things, to take a live grenade and place it within an enemy’s mouth. It is the kind of feeling where you want to slice the tendons on someone’s legs and watch them try to stand when you no damn well can’t. It is the feeling of wanting to make someone understand pain externally of how you feel it internally. Thus here we are you all watching as I sit at home while I hold a belt that I am proud of but question the meaning cause the world seems to make no sense again. My insanity thrives regardless but when the structure itself breaks down are you the sane one? I guess the time to know and the time to tell is only a matter at hand. You’ll find me in the Main Event but you won’t find the Ariana Sears you expect, you’ll find one that is just trying to find their own way out with no regard for her team. You may ask why? The answer is simple if I am to be left aside, left in shambles with no thought of what is going on even in my partner’s head then so be it. I get it, I’ll stand the ground and line of my own survival…..I get it.”
I toss the title to the side as if it wasn’t meaningful to me right now, the streaks of stained tears can be seen easily but the anger was real in my voice. I know what is to come even if I don’t wish to face it. This scene and truth will be seen by everyone.