JOURNALISM! (Hurricane RP 2/2)

[Dave D-Flipz]

OCTOBER 1, 2021

*We open up in the arena of the location of XHF End of Days Week 1. A man in a journalist hat, with credentials, shows up.


He has a cat on his shoulders with spectacles.
*

: I say, excuse me sir!

: Yes? HURRICANE!

: FUNAKI. I mean um- *coughs* No I am not this, Hurricane you said? No no.

: But … we worked together in XHF AND that other place in Connecticut. You haven’t had a secret identity in years.

: I am unsure of what you mean. I am Gregory Helms. Reporter Extraordinaire! I am here to get the low down on this Anthony Caffrey fellow!

: … What’s with the kitten?

: What? This isn’t a kitten! He’s clearly my cojournalist! He’s a famous author!

: Mrrrroooow!

: Why yes! Everyone has heard of you buddy! Who doesn’t know Purrman Melville and his epic Moby Hiss!

*beat*

: Mew!

: Isn’t that? He’s so furry … and tiny … and clearly a cat. Hurricane I gotta say, this is giving me-

: GREGORY AND PURRMAN!

*Funaki sighs*

: This is giving me flashbacks to when I had to pal around with Death Trap, Magnus, and Gravedigger. I’m not up for this level of insane.

: Then guide me to someone with information!

: I think DT is still here. Over in that room. He’s doing press for XHF since he’s been involved with SWAT and they have left the network.

: GADZOOKS! You mean DT is law enforcement? What a boost in careers! That guy was always just a walking hat joke and catchphrase see-and-say!

: … Yeah. Good seeing you again … Greg.

: My pleasure citize- … I mean … XHF Numba One Announcer Funaki!

*He smiles warmly and punches him in the arm, a bruise instantly forms, as if he was hit with superpowers.*

---

*We open up in the XHF production truck.*

Death Trap: Ok so if we put the feature on the KGB here, we can make the XHF look better. Shine a real light on the people who spearheaded the situation. Then we tell the sad story of how it led to a loss of-

*The door bursts open and smacks DT in the face, knocking his signature bowler hat to the floor.*

Death Trap: FUCKING OW!

: Mroowry.

Death Trap: That’s alright Tiny- uh … ok … now I’ve seen everything, did that door knock me loopy? Hurricane?

: GREGORY! And PURRMAN!

Death Trap: *DT coughs, he knows to just play along* Yes, right. Good to see you Greg, how’s it going?

: We’re doing an expose on the man known as Caffrey! We need all the dirt on him. Who is he, what makes him tick, how would a superhero defeat him?

Death Trap: Oh boy, a real joker that one. Caff is bad news in the ring man. Talented. Almost as good a submissionist as me. Not as much variety. Limited that way. But he is tenacious. I advise wearing some kind of stabilizer in the boot. His ankle lock is his best attack.

: Oh this is good. Ankle lock. Well I don’t have to worry. Super powers prevent my bones from being broken by mere mortals. I MEAN HIS FOE WOULDN’T WORRY! HAHAHA! So is he a good guy? Or villainous.

Death Trap: Pfft. I don’t think HE can decide. He’s trying to be better. Give him credit, he loves his city. Wants to do good by them. I can respect that. He also tried to get me to retire to some rest home in Seattle. So I took his X*Crown from him. Hasn’t done much since. He’s likely rusty.

: Mew Mow?

Death Trap: WE DON’T TALK … of … did I just understand the cat? *he shakes his head* Ok so he beat me and Mistress Discipline for the tag belts. And he made me … tap … ONCE! ONLY ONCE! Like I said, he’s not lacking in talent. Also Radu could carry Ken the Box to glory. Look, just respect the ability and try not to let him talk too much.

: I understand. Ok. Thanks. Best of luck in your new role DT! Good to see you!

*He bounds back through the door.*

Death Trap: … He’s gonna get his ankles shattered. Cute kitten though. … Wait Purrman Melville? OH THAT IS SO BAD-

*Fade out*