Harder, Better, Faster, Esotericier
Oct 7, 2021 14:41:46 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 2 more like this
Post by bloodiedfox on Oct 7, 2021 14:41:46 GMT -5
We are backstage at March to End of Days, where H.R. Car-Wolf sits looking dejected after his defeat in the tournament first round at the hands of Vodka Fizz. With none of the XHF medical team having any eldritch abomination anatomy training, it is the Esoteric Order of Driving's own Dr Dilbert East who his checking his shoulder. Both his father Armbishi, and his trainer Bloodied Fox watch with concern. Finally, Dilbert finishes his ministrations and nods to the waiting duo. H.R. looks over at them as well.
Oh Pa Pa, Uncle Bloodied, I'm so sorry I let you down, not to mention all of CAR.
Armbishi begins to wail and cry dramatically as he runs over and hugs his gigantic biomechanical offspring, paws rubbing the startled abomination's back. Bloodied, looking slightly embarrassed by this blatant display of emotion (as he is an Englishman and thus painfully reserved), walks over and pats his godson on his healthy shoulder.
I think what your dad is trying to convey, Hans, is that you haven't let anybody down at all. You fought hard against a much more experienced opponent who had an excellent strategy that he implemented well. With more training and more ring time, the sky's the limit for you. I'm really proud of you.
It is at this point that Bob the Immortal (Because He is a Book) flutters in. He sees Armbishi's state and tuts.
By the elder gods, Armbishi, cease your womanly wailing! We have a Sippy Cup final to prepare for!
Bloodied question mark kicks Bob for his attempted contribution to the toxic masculinity of men stifling their emotions which leads to mental health issues, but Armbishi does dry his eyes and stands back up.
I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional after seeing my son have his first wrestling match. My little boy is growing up so fast!
Said 7 foot 3 'little boy' stands and pats his father on the head, as Dilbert passes Armbishi a handkerchief.
His emotional illiteracy aside, Bob does have a point. We must prepare hard for the Sippy Cup final if we want to become back to back winners. The Angry Mad Chemists' renewed focus on science over the mystic arts may serve to make them more dangerous than ever...
Plus they may have been the source of those exploding robot kangaroos that ensnared us in their legal trap!
They would be the obvious culprits; which given we're part of a professional wrestling programming network means it certainly wasn't them. There's also Hightower Recycling, who may be emboldened by their new sponsorships.
The advertising their vehicle bears is certainly most queer.
Fox gives Bob a suspicious glance, at which the book floats away from him slightly.
I meant that in the old vernacular usage! Please don't kick me again! For some reason it actually hurts, even though I'm a book!
Dilbert completely ignores Bob (to be fair he's had a lot of practice over the years) and continues.
And we cannot forget the Copycorvette's continued ability to survive against all odds, rational logic, or laws of physics.
Is that Copycat fellow perhaps some form of as yet undocumented mythos beast?
That is a possibility. I'm also pretty sure Terry Bradshaw is an avatar of Hastur.
That would explain a lot about the AWF.
Having quite comprehensively defiled the handkerchief Dilbert loaned him, Armbishi speaks up.
It's okay cult buddies and associated wrestler friend with benefits, I know that whatever challenges we face we can overcome them!
What makes you so certain, Pa Pa?
Because, my son, we may be a disparate group of cultist lunatics who frequently argue with each other, but we are still bound together by the second most powerful force in the universe: Love.
Wait, what's the most powerful?
Boners.
...Makes sense.
Yes, it is love that binds us together and propels us onwards to victory through any hardship. But not just any love. No, ours is the love of family...
Vin Diesel crashes through the wall.
Did someone just mention family in the context of motor racing?
Fade to memes.
Oh Pa Pa, Uncle Bloodied, I'm so sorry I let you down, not to mention all of CAR.
Armbishi begins to wail and cry dramatically as he runs over and hugs his gigantic biomechanical offspring, paws rubbing the startled abomination's back. Bloodied, looking slightly embarrassed by this blatant display of emotion (as he is an Englishman and thus painfully reserved), walks over and pats his godson on his healthy shoulder.
I think what your dad is trying to convey, Hans, is that you haven't let anybody down at all. You fought hard against a much more experienced opponent who had an excellent strategy that he implemented well. With more training and more ring time, the sky's the limit for you. I'm really proud of you.
It is at this point that Bob the Immortal (Because He is a Book) flutters in. He sees Armbishi's state and tuts.
By the elder gods, Armbishi, cease your womanly wailing! We have a Sippy Cup final to prepare for!
Bloodied question mark kicks Bob for his attempted contribution to the toxic masculinity of men stifling their emotions which leads to mental health issues, but Armbishi does dry his eyes and stands back up.
I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional after seeing my son have his first wrestling match. My little boy is growing up so fast!
Said 7 foot 3 'little boy' stands and pats his father on the head, as Dilbert passes Armbishi a handkerchief.
His emotional illiteracy aside, Bob does have a point. We must prepare hard for the Sippy Cup final if we want to become back to back winners. The Angry Mad Chemists' renewed focus on science over the mystic arts may serve to make them more dangerous than ever...
Plus they may have been the source of those exploding robot kangaroos that ensnared us in their legal trap!
They would be the obvious culprits; which given we're part of a professional wrestling programming network means it certainly wasn't them. There's also Hightower Recycling, who may be emboldened by their new sponsorships.
The advertising their vehicle bears is certainly most queer.
Fox gives Bob a suspicious glance, at which the book floats away from him slightly.
I meant that in the old vernacular usage! Please don't kick me again! For some reason it actually hurts, even though I'm a book!
Dilbert completely ignores Bob (to be fair he's had a lot of practice over the years) and continues.
And we cannot forget the Copycorvette's continued ability to survive against all odds, rational logic, or laws of physics.
Is that Copycat fellow perhaps some form of as yet undocumented mythos beast?
That is a possibility. I'm also pretty sure Terry Bradshaw is an avatar of Hastur.
That would explain a lot about the AWF.
Having quite comprehensively defiled the handkerchief Dilbert loaned him, Armbishi speaks up.
It's okay cult buddies and associated wrestler friend with benefits, I know that whatever challenges we face we can overcome them!
What makes you so certain, Pa Pa?
Because, my son, we may be a disparate group of cultist lunatics who frequently argue with each other, but we are still bound together by the second most powerful force in the universe: Love.
Wait, what's the most powerful?
Boners.
...Makes sense.
Yes, it is love that binds us together and propels us onwards to victory through any hardship. But not just any love. No, ours is the love of family...
Vin Diesel crashes through the wall.
Did someone just mention family in the context of motor racing?
Fade to memes.