Post by rich121 on Oct 19, 2021 8:58:18 GMT -5
It’s a late night at an abandoned fairground on the outskirts of Reno (because Las Vegas has standards). There is a larger, worn and dirty circus tent and as the camera goes through the opening you can see several small stages on each side of a curtain that is down and hiding at least half of the tent. A tall, slender man wearing tales and a top hat comes out to the center of the ring, a spotlight hits and reveals Jester LeBeau standing with microphone in hand…
Jester: “Step right up! Step right up! See for yourself the finest show on this earth as I present to you the gathering of fools, fighters and wannabes call Ultimate Progressive Wrestling as you see them in a light that you have never seen them in before.
(points to the stage farthest to his left)
“BEHOLD! The living winged imp. The embodiment of positivity, crystals, hugs and glitter! The only one of her kind and UPW is the only place to see her…. She is PIXILICOIUS!!!
(A second spotlight shines on the stage to show a small person with a blond wig and fairy wings prancing around and throwing glitter)
“Yes, it’s a happily disgusting sight, isn’t it? Always smiling, always hugging trees, blowing kisses and shoving crystals up her ass to achieve their fullest effect. See her dreams continue to die and her soul get a little darker with each passing day.
(points to the farthest stage on his right)
“Marvel at the whiniest, most spoiled bastard who keeps quitting yet is still employed by UPW…
(The spotlight hits this stage to reveal another small person, wearing a diaper, holding a plastic toy baseball bat and yelling ‘ME! ME! ME!’)
"Oh, that’s an embarrassment isn’t it. There was a time I almost respected the self-proclaimed fabulous C.J. Walker, but every time he leaves, he come right back! How can we miss you if you won’t fucking stay gone! And when he’s here, it’s all about ‘Why am I not this? Why am I not in the main event? Why am I not the champion? Why the fuck do any of us care?”
(waves his hand again to the left towards the second stage)
“Now, for this one parents please avert your little one’s eyes. Pregnant women please turn away. And elderly or those in poor health may need to leave as I present to you the most disgusting creatures known to exist.
(The stage is lit up to show a giant blob of jelly with a cape set upon it and is surrounded by sizable piles of fecal matter)
“It is true, the wobbly, flabby, spineless, plot that is trying to pass himself off as not just a man but an intelligent, well-groomed, intelligent human being leading a small cult of followers who occasionally get lucky and win from time to time…. Ew, what is that smell? It’s like rotting tuna fish… oh that would be Brittany, standing by her pile of Nathaniel right there.
(motions to the opposite stage)
“Moving on as we get closer to the feature attraction turn your gaze to the last true hillbillys…”
(the stage is illuminated to show two pigs in the act of animal reproduction and another one laying on the ground next to several empty mason jars)
“Yes, the Carson clan is inbreeding once again, brother and sister Carson and Annie there are fucking as grampy drinks and watches. Or as they refer to it, a typical Tuesday night.
(Jester then moves and pulls the curtain behind him just a bit)
“And now…. The main attraction…. The reason you paid your money, no refunds…. Here it is…
(The curtain opens to reveal a wrestling ring, but with barded wire in place of ropes, florescent light tubes in every corner, chunks of shattered glass on the mat and outside the ring, and several lumps showing under the ring mat)
“Enter Jester’s Playhouse, a wonderful miraculous, beautiful place to be filled with all sorts of carnage, mayhem, blood, flesh and bone all torn asunder. And the perfect place for me to execute some revenge. The purpose is not to win, but to survive.
(there are two mannequins hanging above the ring, one wearing a Bush Lite t shirt, and the other wearing a Burger King paper crown)
“And there are the guests of honor, the drunken bastard and the fisher king – Rated BM. They dare to challenge Disorganized Chaos for the UPW Tag Team Championships. They dare to push me and hospitalize me. But as always, they fail to finish the job. So at Hostile Fury, we will not beat Rated BM, we will break them to the point they may decide to give up wrestling and fulfill their true dream of opening a husband and husband flower shop called ‘Buds in the Butt’. And once their broken bones mend, once their cuts have healed, they will be able to do just that… unless this happens…
(Jester motions and the mannequins drop and hit the lumps in the mat and there are explosions. Bits and pieces rain down all over)
“Damn, C4 is of a thing of beauty. Yeah, there’s no getting up from that. You see some men want to watch the world burn, I want to watch them bleed, and suffer then bathe in their blood and dry off with their intestines. And once I finish with them, I have another target in mind…
(A third dummy drops down and lands beside Jester. It is wearing a black dress suit and holding a toy replica of the UPW World Openweight title)
“Hello Mr. Bishop. I hope you are having a good run because you are next to feel my joy.
(picks up a baseball bat that has ‘JOY’ burned into it. He swings and knocks ‘Bishop’s’ head off)
“How did that feel Champ? Oh, I’m just getting warmed up.
(Slams the bat into the dummy’s crotch)
“What? That did no damage?
(reaches into the dummy’s pants, feels around, and pulls his hand back out)
“Oh that’s why.
(opens his hand to show 2 tiny BBs)
“Even my aim isn’t that good.
(throws the BBs and drops the bat)
“So be sure to watch UPW Hostile Fury, live from Japan! Come for the violence, stay for the carnage. And if you are planning to attend the show, be sure to wear a poncho, the first 7 rows will get showered in blood, flesh, and bone during this match. And I’m looking forward to it!”
Jester: “Step right up! Step right up! See for yourself the finest show on this earth as I present to you the gathering of fools, fighters and wannabes call Ultimate Progressive Wrestling as you see them in a light that you have never seen them in before.
(points to the stage farthest to his left)
“BEHOLD! The living winged imp. The embodiment of positivity, crystals, hugs and glitter! The only one of her kind and UPW is the only place to see her…. She is PIXILICOIUS!!!
(A second spotlight shines on the stage to show a small person with a blond wig and fairy wings prancing around and throwing glitter)
“Yes, it’s a happily disgusting sight, isn’t it? Always smiling, always hugging trees, blowing kisses and shoving crystals up her ass to achieve their fullest effect. See her dreams continue to die and her soul get a little darker with each passing day.
(points to the farthest stage on his right)
“Marvel at the whiniest, most spoiled bastard who keeps quitting yet is still employed by UPW…
(The spotlight hits this stage to reveal another small person, wearing a diaper, holding a plastic toy baseball bat and yelling ‘ME! ME! ME!’)
"Oh, that’s an embarrassment isn’t it. There was a time I almost respected the self-proclaimed fabulous C.J. Walker, but every time he leaves, he come right back! How can we miss you if you won’t fucking stay gone! And when he’s here, it’s all about ‘Why am I not this? Why am I not in the main event? Why am I not the champion? Why the fuck do any of us care?”
(waves his hand again to the left towards the second stage)
“Now, for this one parents please avert your little one’s eyes. Pregnant women please turn away. And elderly or those in poor health may need to leave as I present to you the most disgusting creatures known to exist.
(The stage is lit up to show a giant blob of jelly with a cape set upon it and is surrounded by sizable piles of fecal matter)
“It is true, the wobbly, flabby, spineless, plot that is trying to pass himself off as not just a man but an intelligent, well-groomed, intelligent human being leading a small cult of followers who occasionally get lucky and win from time to time…. Ew, what is that smell? It’s like rotting tuna fish… oh that would be Brittany, standing by her pile of Nathaniel right there.
(motions to the opposite stage)
“Moving on as we get closer to the feature attraction turn your gaze to the last true hillbillys…”
(the stage is illuminated to show two pigs in the act of animal reproduction and another one laying on the ground next to several empty mason jars)
“Yes, the Carson clan is inbreeding once again, brother and sister Carson and Annie there are fucking as grampy drinks and watches. Or as they refer to it, a typical Tuesday night.
(Jester then moves and pulls the curtain behind him just a bit)
“And now…. The main attraction…. The reason you paid your money, no refunds…. Here it is…
(The curtain opens to reveal a wrestling ring, but with barded wire in place of ropes, florescent light tubes in every corner, chunks of shattered glass on the mat and outside the ring, and several lumps showing under the ring mat)
“Enter Jester’s Playhouse, a wonderful miraculous, beautiful place to be filled with all sorts of carnage, mayhem, blood, flesh and bone all torn asunder. And the perfect place for me to execute some revenge. The purpose is not to win, but to survive.
(there are two mannequins hanging above the ring, one wearing a Bush Lite t shirt, and the other wearing a Burger King paper crown)
“And there are the guests of honor, the drunken bastard and the fisher king – Rated BM. They dare to challenge Disorganized Chaos for the UPW Tag Team Championships. They dare to push me and hospitalize me. But as always, they fail to finish the job. So at Hostile Fury, we will not beat Rated BM, we will break them to the point they may decide to give up wrestling and fulfill their true dream of opening a husband and husband flower shop called ‘Buds in the Butt’. And once their broken bones mend, once their cuts have healed, they will be able to do just that… unless this happens…
(Jester motions and the mannequins drop and hit the lumps in the mat and there are explosions. Bits and pieces rain down all over)
“Damn, C4 is of a thing of beauty. Yeah, there’s no getting up from that. You see some men want to watch the world burn, I want to watch them bleed, and suffer then bathe in their blood and dry off with their intestines. And once I finish with them, I have another target in mind…
(A third dummy drops down and lands beside Jester. It is wearing a black dress suit and holding a toy replica of the UPW World Openweight title)
“Hello Mr. Bishop. I hope you are having a good run because you are next to feel my joy.
(picks up a baseball bat that has ‘JOY’ burned into it. He swings and knocks ‘Bishop’s’ head off)
“How did that feel Champ? Oh, I’m just getting warmed up.
(Slams the bat into the dummy’s crotch)
“What? That did no damage?
(reaches into the dummy’s pants, feels around, and pulls his hand back out)
“Oh that’s why.
(opens his hand to show 2 tiny BBs)
“Even my aim isn’t that good.
(throws the BBs and drops the bat)
“So be sure to watch UPW Hostile Fury, live from Japan! Come for the violence, stay for the carnage. And if you are planning to attend the show, be sure to wear a poncho, the first 7 rows will get showered in blood, flesh, and bone during this match. And I’m looking forward to it!”