.:::The XHF Network and FIRESIDE present: Trial By Fire:::.
Oct 24, 2021 23:45:22 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Oct 24, 2021 23:45:22 GMT -5
Wright: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Trial by Fire!
Park: And welcome to a celebration of BANG!
We're the princes of the universe
Here we belong, fighting to survive
In a world with the darkest powers
Heh
And here we are, we're the princes of the universe
Here we belong, fighting for survival
We've come to be the rulers of you all”
Queen’s “Princes of the Universe” continues to play as the four members of Team BANG! Bros emerge on the entrance stage. First, Curtis D. Kanyon appears holding both of his tag team titles over each shoulder. Then, El Combatiente walks out waving to the fans, wearing his Fireside tag title around his waist. Then, Steve Awesome is out wearing his XHF tag title around his waist, but backwards. He turns around and points at his behind, and by proxy, the title. Then, all three point to the entryway and X*Crown champion Spike emerges, with the X*Crown title held above his head in all its glory. All four men walk down to the ring and as they enter, Javier suddenly slides in to stand beside El Combatiente.
“Born to be kings, princes of the universe
Fighting and free
Got your world in my hand
I'm here for your love and I'll make my stand
We were born to be princes of the universe”
Each man takes a corner of the ring and stands on the second turnbuckle, facing the crowd and showing off their glory with magnificent, championship poses. Curtis beats his chest, Combatiente does a backflip, Steve swivels his hips, and Spike snarls and just looks generally foreboding. They all then meet in the center of the ring as the music dies down.
Javier points to Curtis Kanyon and Kanyon smirks in delight.
Javier: After his injury, my client was lost. His head wasn’t right and he didn’t know what to do. As he healed we still were unsure. It would be easy to jump right back into SWAT and get revenge on Armand and Frostbite for putting him out, but that would be easy. They couldn’t beat my client the first time around, and they had little chance of stopping him if he came around again. We had our eye on a return to Japan and working with a friend, but when we received a call from the former President with this opportunity we knew we had to take this opportunity. And that opportunity led to being a part of the one thing that my client had never done before, be a part of a team. Not just a tag team, but a stable of dominant champions.
Javier pauses for dramatic effect before continuing on.
Javier: Now that we’re officially a team, and not just a group slapped together with the hopes of glory, what we’re going to do is going to amaze you all.
After the crowd has a moment to calm down a little, Spike takes the mic and smirks at the hard camera before slowly raising the XHF X*Crown Championship, which causes another roar from the crowd.
Spike: The BANG! Bros celebration has really been rolling ever since Call to Arms, because our momentum just hasn’t stopped. Right before you, you now see the two greatest active tag teams in XHF history, and they have the gold to back it up. Not just the FIRESIDE Tag Team championships, but the XHF Global Tag Team championships too, which brings us to tonight really doesn’t it?
He pauses for a moment and looks to Steve, Curtis, and El Combatiente.
Spike: End of Days approaches, and soon my brothers in arms will be going to war….and it doesn’t matter what team comes out the otherside, because those championships are staying right where they belong….much like this baby.
Now he slaps the title as he throws it over his shoulder, approaching the ropes a little and ensuring the hard camera is focusing right on him.
Spike: Not a single soul amongst you has a clue what I have gone through to claim this championship. Not a single person out there understands how hard and long I have fought for this. I fought, and I EARNED this championship…...THE Championship. You see, holding this gold doesn’t just make me a champion, it doesn’t make me the best in FIRESIDE….no….it makes me the best in the entire XHF, and while I’ve been trying to tell y’all that for years? Now I have the proof, now I have the evidence….and you’re going to have to go to depths and levels you never even knew existed to pry this out of my hands…
With a glance down, Spike smirks again, before looking over his shoulder to Steve Awesome.
Spike: And when you crush Donzig later tonight? We’ll do this properly Steve, we’ll lay it all in the ring, even if there’s a third - unwanted - member of the match….we’ll go out there and do what we do better than anyone else, what we’ve been doing longer than anyone else….we’ll steal the fucking show, and show the entire world that they are wrong to look down on us, and they always have been. For me? It doesn’t really matter who wins End of Days, because my mindset will be the same. Be it Steve, or be it Donzig, nothing much is going to change. Outside of a match, I’ve got my brothers’ backs, but inside that squared circle, when I step into my domain, as the X*Crown Champion?
Once again Spike slowly raises the X*Crown Championship into the air, as hundreds of camera flashes go off at once.
Spike: You better All Bloody Hail!
Spike steps back and hands the mic to Curtis. He looks at the titles on both of his shoulders.
Curtis: Tonight ain’t about these belts, we already have these, these are ours. They’ve been ours for months. This ain’t about the X*Crown, Spike currently has that on lockdown. And after Steve wins End of Days, it’s guaranteed to stay in the group it belongs. No, this is about the collective. This is about a team of the best of the best, here to wreak havoc and take names. A team I put together because I knew it was flawless. We proved it at Call to arms, and the fact that every one of us stands before you a champion is proof that it’s still flawless.
Curtis laughs as he looks around his fellow champions in the ring.
Curtis: So I want every one of you in that locker room and all the locker rooms across the XHF universe to think about this before you step up to us. Think about your families, think about your loved ones. Think about your own health and safety. Because if you get caught in our crosshairs, you’re going to be looking over your shoulder every night. You’re going to be worried when the hammer falls down on you. Your life will be changed forever if you run up against us. Right now, right this instant, each and every one of you has a decision to make. Do you want that? Do you want to inevitably fall at our feet, or do you want to get out of the way? Because what you're looking at is the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and we’re taking over. We’re not just a band of degenerates, we are the next evolution in wrestling. Domination is our name, and being elite is our game. So most of you need to hug the walls and let us walk by in order to survive.
Curtis pauses as he gets an evil grimace.
Curtis: Most… not all. We got a list of people we have to get. You don’t stay on top by waiting around for the floor to fall out from under you. Caffrey will always be on my list until he’s out of the industry forever. Donzig is on the list for tonight. The Annihilator winners, they’re destined to be on the list, and there’s plenty of others, you know who you are! And you can check my track record. When I make a threat, I always come through. Now that these guys have my back, it’s not just threats, it’s promises.
Curtis laughs again and high fives El Combatiente, who has no idea what he said.
Curtis: Now, to hand it over to the man who’s winning End of Days tonight, the only guy in the tournament worthy to step in the ring with Spike, the legend that is Steve Awesome.
Steve Awesome grabs the microphone from Curtis.
Awesome: I want everyone in this building to take two seconds to pull out a cell phone and check the date and the time.
He stands there and watches as the crowd does so.
Awesome: Remember it. Because this right here is a moment. It’s the beginning of something great. And years later when people look back on the legend and the dominance you can say you know the exact date and time it all began.
He flashes that cocky smirk and tilts his head back and forth.
Awesome: Now we are more than just a backstage Kliq. We’re more than that scary group of legends that kicked y’all’s ass at Call to Arms. Now we’re a living breathing entity of bad ass sum bitches and we are drawing a line in the sand and stepping right the hell over it, bay-beee. Like it or not, the mood has changed around here and the Bang Bros are here to take names.”
He nods and finds the hard camera.
Awesome: Like Dylan Black! Don’t think I forgot about you. I’ve read the dirt sheets. I see everyone saying you punked me out when you eliminated me from those back to back battle royals last month. Trust me you stupid little chrome beetleborg! I have every intention of getting you back. I've just been so busy, you know actually winning End of Days and everything, that I haven’t got the chance. But one of these days Dylan, I'm going to find you and I’m going to make you regret what you did. So watch your back….”
He glares into the hard cam.
Awesome: Then there is Donzig. Tonight. We go to war. We fight inside an exploding death match. And I want you to know Donzig, one competitor to another, with all the honor and respect that I can muster…..I’m gonna leave you laying in a bloody heap tonight. I’m going to rip you to shreds. Because nobody is stopping me from winning End of Days. And when I do….Spike….
Steve turns and looks at Spike and the X-Crown and gets in the champ's face. Then he slowly puts out a hand.
Awesome: I agree brother. We go out there and we leave it all in the ring. We will make the world drop their jaws with what we bring them because I know all about your passion to be the best and I know you know about mine. I know we’re going to go all out because that’s just what the hell we do and what the other deserves. And yeah don’t worry about the third member of this match….it won’t be the first fiery redhead Spike and I have double teamed over the years….
He chuckles and puts his arm around Spike.
Awesome: Oh, and one last thing. We made a present for our gracious host tonight. Hit it!
The lights go dark and suddenly a couple pyros launch off and then there is a giant banner hanging in the ring that says “F-U-CAFFREY” in big bold letters. All five men in the ring pose next to and present the giant banner.
Awesome: Awh yeah baby! The Bang Bros have arrived. So now you better run!
Steve does a quick crotch chop as Princes of the Universe by Queen blares through the P.A. The group grabs four torches and lights a fire in the center of the ring, the crowd booing as the screen transitions to the commentary desk.
Wright: The Bang Bros make their statement!
Park: A helluva way to start Trial by Fire!
The camera cuts back to ride side at the announcer’s desk Wright and Park being joined by none other than NLW’s Felix, the special guest commentator for the match.
Wright: It’s good to have you out with us tonight Felix! How are you feeling?
Felix: I am at peace tonight Wright, the yokai sleeps. I have to say I am rather looking forward to seeing this match up close.
Park: I was surprised to see you were going to be joining us here at ringside today! Does this have anything to do with the prize you are picking from winning the battle royale at Burn it Down?
Felix: It might… though it could just as easily be a way for me to ask you to teach me your famous armbar. Time will tell.
Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the SPARK Championship!
The crowd cheers, a collective roar for the championship match ahead.
Stanford: Introducing first, from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is the SPARK Champion... VODDDDKAAAAAAAAAA FIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZ!
The TMBA Remix of Jump Around begins to play in the arena. The bass gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and an over-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp...
Wright: Fizz always brings the energy with him to the ring, and he’s going to need it tonight against Drake!
Park: This will be his first defense since he won the belt at Burn it Down so he’s going to be even more fired up to make a real impression in this match!
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Stanford: Introducing next the, from Carlisle, Cumbria, weighing 253 pounds, he is GAAAAAVINNNNN DRAAAAAAKE!
As “I’m Only Human” starts to play over the arena loudspeakers Gavin Drake steps out onto the stage, discontent written clearly over the bastard son’s face. He stands for a moment then looks back to where he came from as Donzig steps out to join him.
Wright: We were worried we’d be seeing him again after the interaction between the pair at Burn It Down, and it seems like those worries were well-founded!
Park: But what’s he doing out here? I thought Gavin didn’t want anything to do with him!
Donzig and Felix glare at each other for a brief moment before Gavin starts heading toward the ramp, prompting Donzig to break eye contact with Felix and follow.
Wright: If looks could kill! Are we going to have to worry about you both clashing here tonight?
Felix: No… no. If he keeps his hands out of this match I’ll leave him be. But I won’t let him spoil this contest by interfering, I can assure you of that.
After the bell rings Fizz and Drake slowly circle each other, the two big men sizing each other up for a moment before going for the collar and elbow tie-up. Drake gets the upper hand after a moment of struggling, the weight advantage giving him enough of an edge to push Fizz back into the corner. The ref calls for the break and Drake gives it, backing up a step before slapping Fizz right in the face! Drake steps back as Fizz comes out of the corner, glaring daggers at the other man.
Wright: The disrespect on display here!
Park: Drake already trying to get into Fizz’s head, but I don’t think that was such a good idea.
Felix: It seems more like he awoke the dragon in Fizz rather than making him back down.
That slap seems to have pissed Fizz right off as he comes in with a heavy shoot kick to Drake’s thigh, following it up with another to his shoulder. Drake flinches from the pain, shaking his arm out as he keeps his eyes on Fizz.
Felix: Fizz is very good at taking out key parts of his foe, in this case taking away Drake’s strength.
Park: Don’t forget about his Crossface Chickenwing... if he locks that in this match might be over quickly.
Fizz goes for another kick to the same arm but Drake is ready for him this time, grabbing the leg and using it to pull Fizz INTO A LARIAT THAT ALMOST TAKES HIS HEAD OFF! Donzig nods in approval from the outside, seemingly ignoring Felix for now in favor of watching the match… a gesture Felix returns.
Wright: Ouch, looks like Drake had that one scouted that time.
Felix: Drake isn’t as slow as Car-Wolf, so being predictable is going to get him caught more.
Drake doesn’t let up now that he’s got Fizz on the floor, stomping down on any part of him he can get a foot on to wear him down. He steps back and swings a heavy punt at Fizz’s face which he barely avoids!
Park: Drake is giving it all he’s got tonight, but that miss might come back to bite him.
Wright: I don’t even want to think about the state Fizz’s head would have been in if that would have connected!
Rolling to his feet as Drake catches his balance, Fizz is quick to take advantage and step in behind the big man and grab him in a full nelson. Drake tries to wiggle out of the hold but he’s too late as a moment later Fizz picks him up and hits a full nelson slam! Fizz pops up from the impact, before following it up with a standing senton and then a pin!
One…
Two...
KICKOUT!
Felix: Close, but Drake seems to still have some fight in him. It’s going to take more than that.
Drake gets to his feet as Fizz does the same, both back to watching each other warily. Drake sets his jaw and steps forward, taking a kick to the side before blasting Fizz with a heavy right! The two start trading blows back and forth, Fizz throwing kicks to the injured arm while Drake blasts him with rights!
Park: Drake just absorbing these blows from sheer stubbornness! We’ve seen you do this a time or two Felix.
Wright: Felix, You know from experience how hard Drake hits so who do you think this exchange favors?
Felix: Ultimately it depends on who hits just right, but you see Fizz? He’s still targeting that arm even now. He’s got a tactic and he’s sticking to it.
He manages to catch Fizz just right on the jaw, stunning him enough for Drake to grab him and whip him into the corner following just behind for a HUGE SPLASH! Fizz falls to his ass in the corner as Drake backs up and runs in with a KNEE RIGHT TO FIZZ’S FACE! He yanks Fizz out of the corner by his head, spinning him around into a HUGE release German suplex that nearly gets Fizz to the corner opposite then goes for the cover!
One...
Two…
Fizz gets his foot on the ropes!
Wright: I’m not sure Fizz would have been able to kick out of that combination, luckily Chris is a seasoned referee and saw the foot on the ropes.
Park: Not to mention Fizz having the awareness to get it there in the first place!
Drake scowls as he looks over at the Ref before shaking his head and getting up, tanking Fizz back you before tossing him into the ropes again. As Fizz comes back towards him Drake pushes him airborne and grabs him for the Pop-up Powerbomb, absolutely splattering Fizz with the impact. Drake goes for the punt again, this time connecting and blasting Fizz right out through the ropes!
Felix: Drake is really going all out, isn’t he? Maybe he has something to prove after the rumble?
Park: To Donzig or himself? Time will tell!
Felix: Speaking of Donzig, he better keep out of this match as I said earlier. If Drake truly wants to prove himself he needs to win without any help.
As the ref starts his count Drake slides out of the ring to inflict more punishment on Fizz, who’s shaking the cobwebs out of his head after that kick to the mush. Drake pulls him up and glares at Fizz for a moment before going to toss him into the ring post… BUT FIZZ COUNTERS AND BLASTS DRAKE ARM FIRST INTO THE POST!
Wright: Fizz with a perfectly timed reversal! He needed that after that kick nearly took his head off.
Felix: And again to the arm. Say what you will about his lifestyle, but Fizz is a warrior at heart to keep his plan in mind even after having his brain scrambled.
Fizz rolls back into the ring and takes a breath or two as Drake writhes on the floor from the post, Fizz clearly trying to clear his head after the massive punt to the dome. He gets up as Drake recovers and tries to get into the ring, going after him and prompting Drake to swing a haymaker over the ropes to push him back. This turns out to be a big mistake though as Fizz catches the arm and guillotines it over the top rope, hanging onto it and maneuvering it into a rope-assisted Cross arm breaker! The ref is quickly over to start the count for the obvious rope break.
Wright: We saw this in his match with Car-Wolf! He’s really pulling out the stops here!
Park: Whatever you have to do to win! Fizz wants to hold onto his belt after all.
1…
2…
3…
4…
And Fizz breaks the hold, rolling to his feet and grabbing Drake before picking him up and suplexing him right back into the ring! Fizz moves into a ready position, waiting for Drake to start to make his way to his feet before running toward the ropes and bouncing back and looking for the Uno Mas BUT DRAKE SHOOTS FORWARD AND HITS A SPEAR RIGHT TO FIZZ’S SPINE!
Felix: Karma seems to have wanted to pay Fizz back for that questionable tactic instantly.
Park: I’m not sure Karma had much to do with it, after all in a fight, you have to do anything you can to win.
Felix: Honor is more important than victory, but I know not everyone sees it how I do.
Drake holds his arm, obviously favoring it now as he struggles to stand. Fizz is writhing after the spear to his spine, unable to resist as Drake pulls him up mostly with his better arm. Drake puts him up on his shoulders after a moment of adjusting for his arm, looking for the Reignmaker!
Wright: Drake setting up for the Reignmaker! If he hits this he’s gonna walk out of here the new champ!
Fizz manages to use the extra time to wiggle enough to disturb the precarious balance Drake had set up to keep the weight off his injured arm, ramming his elbow into Drake’s bicep over and over to get him to drop him to the floor. Drake yells out in pain, crumping to the mat as Fizz rolls to the relative safety of the ropes. Donzig finally moves, uncrossing his arms to prowl closer to Fizz as the ref checks to see if Drake is okay to continue. There’s a brief moment of mic noise before Felix stands and quickly intervenes, getting between the ring and Donzig… fire in both of their eyes as they stare each other down for a brief moment. Words are exchanged before Donzig steps back, crossing his arms again with a nod. Felix watches him for a moment before heading back to the desk and putting his headset back on.
Wright: What did you say to Donzig to manage to get him to back off?
Felix: I merely told him that if he really wanted to test Drake’s worthiness he’d let him win or lose on his own.
Park: That’s… odd for Donzig but anything is possible with that madman.
Meanwhile, Drake has waved off the referee and is pulling himself up with his good arm. Fizz manages to do the same across the ring from him, still favoring his back.
Wright: Both of these guys have been in a hell of a match so far! This can’t last much longer!
Felix: This is going to come down to sheer willpower and who can dig deep into their spirit for a final burst of power.
Park: It’s all going to come down to who makes the first mistake!
Both men rush each other, determined to be the one to get the final strike! Drake throws a nasty lariat but Fizz ducks it! Fizz handsprings into the ropes as Drake comes back and catches him with a DEVASTATING UNO MAS! Fizz grits his teeth through the pain from landing on his back and transitions into THE HAIR OF THE DOG THAT BIT YOU!
Park: He’s got that locked in deep! With how he’s been focusing on Drake’s arm this whole match, Drake is in some serious trouble!
Fizz wrenches back hard on the hold as Drake struggles to flip Fizz into a pinning position before focusing more on getting to the ropes… but he’s dead in the center of the ring as Fizz applies even more torque!
Wright: Drake is showing a lot of heart here but he may not have a choice!
Felix: With this kind of hold it’s either you make it out of the hold quickly or have your arm snapped.
Drake writhes for just a moment more before finally tapping as Fizz wrenches back one more time. As soon as Drake’s hand hits the mat Donzig has turned away, stalking up the ramp with furious strides.
Wright: It seems Donzig didn’t like what he saw out here today, but Drake had no choice there!
Felix: Donzig isn’t the type to be happy about anything that doesn’t go his way. To him, Drake failed and that’s all there is to it.
Park: But what a match! Neither of these guys should feel bad about that one!
Stanford: Here’s your winner and STILL YOUR SPARK CHAMPION…. VODDDDDKAAAAAAAAAAAA FIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Fizz holds his back as his arm is raised by the ref, obviously not coming out of the match unscathed despite the victory.
Wright: Fizz with the first successful title defense of his reign in a hell of a match!
Park: You gotta wonder who’s going to challenge for his title next! Whoever it is, we know it’s going to be a hell of a match!
As Fizz heads to the back, he and Felix have a moment. The crowd give a roar, excited for the two babyfaces to do battle next show. Felix then rolls into the ring with a mic, looking around at the fans and taking in their reaction before he speaks.
Felix: Let’s hear it for Fizz and Drake after that match! What a battle, right?
Felix nods as the crowd cheers for both Fizz and Drake, bowing to them himself as they leave and head up toward the back.
Felix: Now I’m sure all of you are wondering why I’m out here… well it’s simple. I wanted to do two things after watching that contest…
Felix looks around at the fans for a moment… letting the tension build.
Felix: I would like to first of all formally announce that the prize I want for winning the Battle Royale at Burn it Down... is a shot at the SPARK Championship!
He smiles slightly as the crowd roars at this announcement, letting them cheer for a moment before gesturing for silence again.
Felix: After witnessing all of that a moment ago, I really don’t think I have much of a choice. That was exactly the kind of challenge I seek from Pro-wrestling and I’d be a fool to pass it up. Having said that, I want to move on to a more personal matter…
He loses the smile, his face slipping back into his normal stoic look as he shakes his head.
Felix: MYOJIN… I’m excited to see you back in the ring. That loss to Evan in the cage was a blow to your honor, I understand that. His cheating not only shamed him but the very contest that was being fought. But why did you choose to interrupt the end of the battle royale? You came out here to a huge ovation to the fans, which you deserve, but you had to know that you would be taking away from whoever won. That you’d be directly stealing the thunder of whoever earned the victory in that brutal conflict, shaming them in the process.
He frowns for a moment, remembering how it felt to claim such a victory just to have it overshadowed a moment later. It didn’t sting because of the loss of glory, but what it might represent for MYOJIN.
Felix: So not only did you step on my toes MYOJIN, dishonoring both my win and the efforts of all the warriors involved, but you took it a step further to insinuate that whoever was in the Battle Royale had wanted to skip in line and get a shot at a title they didn’t earn. What happened to you? The warrior I fought in the G1 would never have stooped that low. The warrior I crossed paths with in NLW would never dishonor another fighter, even if the fighter deserved it. What happened to the honorable fighter I was proud to battle? I’m asking you to come out, right here and now, and answer me. Show me where your morals lie now.
After a few moments, “RAINBOWS” hits the PA as the audience comes alive while the former X*Crown and Junior Heavyweight Champion steps down to the arena, microphone in hand. While they usually would have a smile on their face, waving to fans- they looked serious as they rolled into the ring- without skipping a beat, walking into Felix's face.
MYOJIN: I'm sorry, who the HELL do you think you are?
And with that, a bunch of "oohs" left the crowd as the blonde began pacing around.
MYOJIN: Who the hell do you think you are to be demanding ANYTHING? When you've been in FIRESIDE for what, a cup of coffee? What even makes you think that you know me- we had one match and suddenly you have a clue about the kind of person that I am? Relax, hun.
MYOJIN: Now, let me make sure I'm hearing you clearly- You're upset that I came out after a match finished to announce my return. You know- that's kind of how a segment tends to work. I had no intentions of "stealing anyone's spotlight", I simply came out during the time I was given. If you think that's a personal slight, that's on you.
MYOJIN took a deep breath, twirling the microphone in their hand before speaking again.
MYOJIN: As for what I said? I didn't discredit anyone in the battle royale, I simply said I wasn't in it because I felt like I would be skipping ahead of people that deserve a chance- the people that were already in it, including you. And look, you won- you're going to be challenging for the SPARK Championship. Good for you- but apparently you've let that get to your head way faster than anyone would've thought- because you're out here, whining about honor and having your thunder stolen. I can't help that people were happy to see me, I can't help that this place loves me just as much as I love it- You're an outsider, don't take it so personally. Now, are we done here?
MYOJIN finishes, finally lowering the microphone from their hand after taking a deep breath- an irritated look on their face as they run a hand through their hair.
Felix waits for a beat to make sure they are done, his face having stayed stoic despite the heat of MYOJIN’s words and that dull anger at the back of his own mind.
Felix: It’s interesting to me how you don’t seem to see what you are doing. I didn’t demand a thing, I asked you to come out. You didn’t even let the match end completely before taking the spotlight. I wanted to know what had happened to you and just by looking at you and listening to you delude yourself, I can guess. That loss to Evan really sunk deep, didn’t it? ...As for who I am, I’m someone that respects you for the combatant you are and fears what might happen to you.
He takes a breath to center himself, pushing the yokai back into his subconscious as he does.
Felix: I’m sure now that you’ve had time to rationalize your words it seems perfectly normal to you. That surely you weren’t discrediting the people in the fight despite your words insisting you felt the battle royale was a way to skip ahead. In fact, what you just told me is a contradiction in itself. You say that being in the battle royale was enough for it to not be skipping ahead, after telling me you didn’t want to be in the battle royale cause you didn’t want to skip ahead. Which is it? If you had entered, wouldn’t that have been putting in the effort like everyone else that did? Then you tell me I’m an outsider and that I shouldn’t take things personally, you try to put the blame on me while you invalidate me even speaking to you cause I haven’t been in FIRESIDE long and then YOU tell ME that I’m the one letting things go to my head. You say I’m out here whining about my honor... But MYOJIN, I’m not even out here for me. I’m out here for you. I’m out here to help you save your own honor or even just warn you about what I see. I look at you and see a shadow of the warrior that took the time to shake hands and show sportsmanship before a match with everyone he fought at the G1, even Ric who quite literally told you he’d knock your head off for trying.
Felix looks dead into MYOJIN’s eyes, meeting that annoyed glare as the crowd seems to murmur around them both.
Felix: Do you think I’d ask you to come out if I didn’t have some idea of what could be happening to you? What I see when I look at you is someone that could let defeat cloud their mind and drive them down to their knees. Someone who might start to forget their honor cause they feel it’s a hindrance more than anything else… something you can forsake on your path to glory. You lost something deeply important to you by getting screwed out of it and now, deep down, you might be hearing a voice say “Maybe that’s the better way.” It’s a slippery slope MYOJIN, one that will end up with you being just like Evan or worse. Your own pride would be the weakness to drag you down into the darkness, MYOJIN, mark my words. You said it yourself, the fans love you… and yet you are insecure enough to think this business would forget about a warrior of your caliber in a month. What’s going to be your excuse for your actions if you end up on this path? That you are doing it for the fans? That maybe this is the only real way to win? That maybe you don’t have what it takes anymore? I’ve seen this happen to even masters when I was in Martial Arts and I see the same signs now in you. I’m even struggling with my own version of it this very second and I don’t want this to happen to you.
MYOJIN: Yeah, losing the X*Crown and the G1 hurt. But losses, no matter how unfair they are- happen in this sport, and I won't let it hold me down. Do you even hear yourself? This is my first time back as a competitor and just because I did a promo you don't like, suddenly I'm almost as bad as Valentine?
MYOJIN steps back up to Felix, staring up to meet him in the eyes.
MYOJIN: Let's get one thing straight, sweetheart. I don't care about your opinion of me. I don't care what you think. As long as I'm living up to the best wrestler I can be and as long as these people believe in me, I'm more than happy. Now, I'll ask again- are you finished yet? I have a match to prepare for and I'd rather not listen to any more bitching than I have to.
Felix just stares stoically into MYOJIN’s angry eyes, unfazed by their tirade, and shakes his head in disappointment. He drops the mic and rolls out of the ring, obviously leaving because there was no point in trying to get through to MYOJIN right now.
MYOJIN watches him leave, snorting as he leans over the ropes while making a shoo-ing motion with their hand.
MYOJIN: Buh-bye.
They turn back to the crowd, giving a brief shrug.
MYOJIN: Yeah, I don't know what that was about either. But what I do know is tonight- I have a chance to qualify for the Kindling against some pretty recognizable XHF names- and I'm going to show just how wrong Mr. Honor is back there when I make it clear that I haven't missed a step. The Shining Star is back, baby- and I'm going to do what I always do best- and that's fight like hell and looking pretty while doing it.
Wright: Contemptuous words between Felix and MYOJIN there!
Park: What's gotten into MYOJIN? Felix had some pretty good points!
Walter Stanford: The following contest is an Open Door Policy Tag Team Match! Whichever team wins will receive a future FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship Match!
The crowd cheers!
Wright: Time Jumpers vs. FIRESIDE’s newest tag team, Bear O’Dactyl!
Park: I’m excited!
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, weighing a combined 235 pounds, they are the TIME JUMPEEEEEEEEEERSSSSSS!
The words "I wanna go
All the way, all the way
All the way back...
All the way, all the way
All the way
All I really need
Is time travel and you
Don't know what this is
We're travelling through
All the memories
Unravel with you
So all I really need
Is time travel
And you...
And you…"
...echo throughout the arena as Ciela Luiz skips happily to the ring Makayla Vayden walks as if on a mission. They slide in, smirk, and wait for their opponents.
Wright: The Time Jumpers look to back back in unison, can they put down Bear O’Dactyl?
Park: A FIRESIDE Tag Team championship shot awaits them if so!
Walter Stanford: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 375 pounds, they are Bear O’Dactyl, the team of PEQUEÑO DINOSAAAAAAAAAAURIOOOOOOOO and UNIOOOOOON AAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKK!
As the ring announcer finishes up, a booming voice from nowhere fills the arena, like an excited chihuahua with no social filter, the unseen speaker tries to sound tough despite the like a childlike inflection to his voice.
Lil' MC: Yo! Yo! Yo! You 'bout to witness a Mother Fucking Origin Story, let's go!
The house light's dim as 'The Motherfucking Pterodactyl' by Sarah Donner and The Oatmeal starts to play. Fans, especially the younger ones, begin clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song. Spotlights pan across the crowd and strobe lights fill the arena.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Here to
Ptear you a nnnnnneeeeewww... asshole
The spotlights settle on the stage as Union Jack and Pequeño Dinosaurio burst through the curtain to an explosion of green, blue and red pyro.
Lil' MC follows Jack and Dinosaurio out through the curtain and excitedly does a lap of the stage, stopping in both corners to rhythmically thrust his hips and shake toward the crowd.
Yes, it's true
He ate 10,000 lightning bugs
Kissing his bowels like a million hugs
He shat them oooouuuuut
One phosphorescent night
Painting it like
Christmas liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggghhhts
Jack is hyping up his partner, whipping the crowd into a frenzy.
The small bear drops to his knees and skids across the stage, stopping right in front of the ramp before the Luchadors.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Here to
Ptear you a nnnnnneeeeewww... asshole
He pops up to his feet and starts furiously strumming the plastic penis that hangs from the front of his costume, the sound of the little bell amplified by the megaphone he is holding close to his crotch.
Yes, it's true
His plumage is the best in town
Yes he do put the T-rex to shame
Oh!
Both Union Jack and Pequeño Dinosaurio rush forward and leap over Lil' MC. Jack performs a split leg jump, while Dinosaurio dives under Jack's legs but over Lil' MC's head.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Here to
Ptear you a nnnnnneeeeewww... asshole
Dinosaurio lands a split second before Jack, rolling once to clear the shared landing spot just as Jack sticks the landing where his partner had been.
Yes, it's true
He enjoys his hobbies too
He smokes his pipe
Rollerblades and finds ladies to woo, oh!
The two members of Bear-O-dactyl sprint down the ramp toward the ring with Lil' MC following as fast as he can.
Yes, it's true
He rode with the Triassic crew
That includes Lystrosaurus, and Plateosaurus, toooooo
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Reaching the ring, both men leap from the floor to the ring apron before bounding over the top rope to enter the ring.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Here to
Ptear you a nnnnnneeeeewww... asshole
Both men go to opposite corners, posing for the loudly cheering crowd and hit all for corners in turn, playing up to the raucous reaction.
He is awkward on the floor
His feet are shit and
His balance quite poor
Lil MC rounds the outside, high-fiving anyone willing to reach out a hand.
He hooked up with a grizzly bear
They made love under the sea, and everrryyyyywhere
Continuing to pose, the crowd is laughing and eating it up. Both men look ready for action despite the fun loving attitude and unique entrance.
Yes that bear gave birth to a Motherfucking Bear-o-dactyl
Who just might tear you a new...
So beware, motherfuckers, beeewwwaaaarrreeeee!
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Remember him
Remember his song
Remember his tire iron and
His enccccchhhhanting thong
Both men move toward their corner and, after briefly conferring, one of them steps through to the outside.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl!
Wright: That was a lot, UnJoo.
Park: Couldn’t have said it better myself. Jack to start vs. Vayden, both Dinosaurio and Lulz on the outside.
The bell rings and it’s clear Union Jack has no interest in playing this one by the books, immediately jabbing a thumb into the eye of Mikayla Vayden. The catch-as-can luchador jumps up and catches the super-light Vayden with a hurricanrana, sending his opponent rocketing into the middle rope. She lands awkwardly and rests on the middle rope, giving Jack enough time to run up and drop a knee straight into the back of her head.
Wright: It’s a speedy offense from Union Jack to get going!
Park: Vayden looks a bit dazed from that shot in the ropes! I’m seeing some seven mile stare going on!
Jack conceals Vayden from the ropes and continues his assault. It is clear that this is a professional in action as he picks up Vayden and puts her in the corner, looking for the Picnic Basket early. He goes to charge in, but Vayden is just a bit quicker, avoiding the move! Jack goes crashing into the turnbuckle and bounces off, dazed and giving Vayden an opportunity, which she takes by going outside of the ring, now standing on the apron! She leaps to fire off a flying forearm but Jack gets higher, nailing a dropkick and stopping her in her tracks!
Wright: Seconds slower and it cost Vayden big there!
Park: She’s a bit out of it, and Jack’s taking full advantage!
Union Jack reaches his hand out for a tag to his tag team partner, then decides against it, taking the liberty to inflict more suffering on Vayden. Jack sends her flying off the ropes then brings Vayden down for a devastating tilt-o-whirl backbreaker, in full control of his opposition here. It is only then that Jack decides to tag out to the youthful dinosaur.
Wright: Dinosaurio is about to enter the contest!
Park: This one might be over before it even starts!
As Dinosaurio is distracted with putting away Vayden, Union Jack absolutely drops Ciela Lulz to the floor with a nasty clothesline!
Wright: Union Jack is not here to mess around ladies and gentlemen!
Park: Stiff as they come, and I don’t think Lulz will be getting up from that cheap shot any time soon!
Jack comes back to assist Dinosaurio, who uses him as a springboard to crash down onto Vayden with a crossbody! Right after the double team, Pequeño hits a standing moonsault back onto his opponent!
Wright: I don’t think the rookie ever saw the cheap shot!
Park: I don’t know if the rookie cares!
Jack tells Pequeño to climb the top rope and Dinosaurio does so, this time letting out a pterodactyl scream before leaping off the top rope and crashing down with a rotating frog splash!
Wright: Five Star Pterodactyl Splash!
Park: Is this one already over?!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Wright: It is! Shades of the ol’ Dinosaur Bones matches as the Dinosaur for a New Generation gets a big win!
Park: Wow!
The bell rings!
Walter Stanford: Here are your winners, PEQUEÑO DINOSAURIOOOOOOO AND UNION JAAAAAAAAACK, BEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAR O’DAAAAAAAAACTYLLLLLLL!
Wright: The Time Jumpers are a formidable team, and Union Jack and Dinosaurio just ripped through them!
Park: Jack’s a savage in that ring, and the theoretical high-flying rookie helped him capture the w!
Wright: What a message to Kanyon and El Combatiente! There’s a new team on the block!
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a fourway qualifying match for THE KINDLING!
The crowd pops for the return of The Kindling.
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, from Paris, Illinois, weighing in at 165 pounds, she is ZOOOLOOOOOOOTHAAAAAAAACHHHHHH!
“Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing as torches all along the entranceway and aisle light up. “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne walks out from the back with a wide grin as she takes in the boos from the crowd. She heads down to the ring with a sexy swagger (but she looks like a corpse so not very many catcalls). She rolls into the ring and leans in her corner.
Wright: The former SPARK Champion... blimey, what happened to her?
Park: I don't know, but I like it. Zolothach is back!
Walter Stanford: Introducing second, from San Diego, California, weighing in at 299 pounds, he is EDWAAAAAAAAAARRRRDDDD ZEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!
The menacing synth and deliberate drums of "Blood Moon" by Dance With The Dead signals the arrival of Ed Zepp, who stalks toward the ring with a look of annoyance that's obvious even through his pair of dark sunglasses. He bounds up to the apron with one step and over the top rope with another, then briefly points a fist to the crowd around him.
Wright: Edward Zepp made his debut last month at Burn It Down in the battle royale, and completely dominated.
Park: He was unlucky not to win, but this isn't a battle royale. Somebody's got to pin or submit him.
Walter Stanford: Introducing third, from The Ninth Deep, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is POEEENNNAAAAAAA... THE SAAAAANNNNNCCTIFFIIIIEEED!
During the quiet opening of "Malleus Maleficarum" the lights go pitch back as the eerie bells and sounds fill the arena. Each time the choir sings, red spotlights blaze down, revealing Poena standing at the top of the ramp, a black silhouette with his arms raised out to the sides with his palms and face up to the heavens. As the music picks up the red spotlights stay on him as he lowers his arms and walks toward the ring tossing pamphlets about his “religion” over the teeming masses as he walks down the ramp, his crazed smile breaking out into an even crazier grin as he does. He rolls into the ring as the spotlights turn to brightest white, going to his knees in the same pose he held on the ramp and yelling “REPENT!” to the heavens before smirking at the crowd and getting up to his feet.
Wright: Poena is making his FIRESIDE debut tonight. This guy makes me uncomfortable.
Park: And me. I honestly can't guess what we're going to see from Poena tonight.
Walter Stanford: And finally, from Palm Springs, California, weighing in at 228 pounds, he is EVANNNNN VALEEENTINEEEEEE JUUUUUNIOOOOOOOOORRRR!
"Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn plays and The Hearth rocks with boos. After a few moments, Evan Valentine Jr. walks out in a Carson Wentz Colts jersey. The lights go out and a spotlight hits him as he holds his arms out, drinking in the hate. The lights come back up and he walks to the ring, slapping signs out of his camera shot. Middle fingers so close they nearly touch him stick out from dozens of fans near the aisle. He stops next to one fan and lets him talk shit to the side of his face while he chews gum. He nods then keeps on going until he gets to the ring apron. He tugs on his Carson Wentz jersey then steps through the ropes. He tells the other wrestlers in the ring, "Move!" then steps on the middle of the second rope, bouncing up and down while the audience jeers and tosses soda cups at him.
Wright: Look at the nerve from Valentine! "Move?" Does he know who he's talking to?
Park: That's the former X*Crown Champion you're talking about. Of course he's got nerve.
With the four wrestlers now in their corners, referee Melanie Davenport calls for the bell and the fans cheer. The four of them simply stand in place, looking across at each other. Zepp looks focused and ready to fight. Poena has an eerie grin on his face. Zolothach is on her guard, eyes darting from one opponent to the next, as if impatient for the match to begin. Valentine is still casually chewing his gum.
Wright: I can't believe this guy.
Park: I hope he knows what he's doing. He's in the ring with three dangerous individuals. He might not want to poke the bear.
Zepp, unamused, looks across at Valentine in the corner opposite. Zolothach is the first to make a move, as she growls irritably and runs towards Valentine. Valentine quickly scoots through the ropes onto the apron and onto the floor. He locks eyes with her, keeping his cool and chewing gum. She gives an annoyed grunt and turns to face the other two. Zolothach and Poena's stares cross and at the same time they decide to approach each other. They meet in the middle by the ropes of the top half of the ring, and the fans cheer the confrontation.
Wright: Listen to that reaction for Poena! He's only been in the business five minutes!
Park: The Sanctified, meet the High Priestess of Cthulhu!
Poena hits Zolothach square in the cheek with a closed fist punch. As Zolothach recoils, Poena yells "look in the eyes of the One True God!" The camera gets a good shot of Poena's crazed eyes: one bloodshot, one alive with dazzling color. Poena is focused on Zolothach, not the camera. Zolothach quickly comes back with a tackle, wrapping her arms around Poena's waist and trying to force him down to the mat. Poena grabs the top rope for support and batters Zolothach's back with his fist. Zolothach manages to overpower him and take him down, ripping his hand free of the rope and sending his back onto the mat. She immediately swings around 180, coming face to face with him, then twists his arm while forcing him onto his front. She grabs his other arm, locking in a double armbar, then does a forward roll while keeping it locked in to bridge with her legs.
Park: She's got the bridge! Poena is bent in half!
Wright: Here comes Zepp!
Zepp tries to rip Zolothach off Poena, but the hold is locked in so tight that he can't lift her without also lifting Poena. Zepp instead decides to hit Zolothach with a massive punch to the ribs. Zolothach groans in agony and Poena slips out of the hold. Poena quickly shakes off the pain and runs to bounce off the ropes. Zepp lifts his arm up and brings down a huge overhand chop on top of the returning Poena's head.
Wright: Wait, there's Valentine!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Valentine breaks his own cover on Zolothach in plenty of time to avoid Zepp. He slides back out of the ring. Zepp stares out at Valentine coldly, then turns his attention to Zolothach and gives her a stomp to the waist. He then jogs to the ropes, slow to accelerate, but comes back at high speed with an elbow drop.
Zepp hooks Zolothach's leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Poena breaks it up!
Poena had to use the last of his strength to dive over and shove Zepp. Zepp budged just enough to allow Zolothach to get her shoulder up.
Park: Zepp is so powerful he could end this match with a pinfall at any second. How do you kick out?
Wright: I can't believe Poena even had the strength to do that. He's stronger than he looks.
Poena and Zepp both get to their feet and come face to face. Poena has a desperate, hungry look in his eyes. He baits Zepp into striking first, then ducks his lariat. Before Zepp can turn around Poena tries to take his left leg out with a chop block. Zepp staggers but stays on two feet. Poena delivers repeated kicks to Zepp's thigh and manages to force him down to a knee. Now at the same height, Poena runs to the ropes and comes back with a knee to Zepp's face. It makes a stiff, thudding connection. Zepp is still upright; briefly stunned but quickly comes to his senses. Poena swiftly follows it up with a hesitation shotgun dropkick that knocks Zepp out and down to the mat.
Wright: Zepp is down!
Park: Awesome force behind that dropkick!
Instead of following up on Zepp, Poena directs his attention to Valentine. Valentine's face falters a little when he meets Poena's crazed stare.
Wright: Uh oh. Now what?
Poena mutters something, while Valentine smirks trying to look indifferent. Poena's mouth continues to move as Valentine shouts "I can't hear you!" Poena's bloodshot eye twitches and in a flash, he darts over to the ropes to climb out.
Park: Poena wants Valentine!
The stunned Valentine slowly backs away around the ring towards the ramp. When Poena hits the floor he immediately starts running towards Valentine. Valentine turns around to run away, but a little too late. Before he can get up to speed Poena catches up to him and grabs his shoulders, causing the fans to cheer in delight.
Wright: Got him!
Poena circles Valentine to look at him face-to-face, and again holds him in place by his shoulders. Meanwhile, Zolothach is trying to lock Zepp in a grounded full nelson.
Park: Don't take your eyes off Zolothach!
Valentine struggles to break free of Poena's grip, looking disturbed by his mad ravings. Having had enough, Valentine spits in Poena's face. The saliva hits him just below his bloodshot eye. Poena smacks Valentine with the back of his hand.
Wright: It's heating up out there!
Valentine covers his face with his hands. Poena tears Valentine's arm away to hit a thunderous short-arm lariat. With Valentine knocked for a loop, Poena lifts him back up into a powerbomb position.
Wright: Powerbomb on the outside!?
Park: Wait a minute...
Poena repositions himself so he's facing the barricade. Zolothach now has Zepp fully locked in the full nelson, but the fans are focused on the two on the outside, chanting "YES! YES!" at the looming barricade bomb. Poena lifts Valentine into the air. Valentine punches Poena desperately to try to prevent the bomb. The punches blind Poena causing him to throw Valentine wildly in the air. Valentine lands on his feet face-to-face with Poena. The crowd boo, while Valentine throws a punch at Poena. Poena catches Valentine's fist, then kicks his shin, still holding the arm.
Wright: Valentine's still in trouble!
The kick forces Valentine to kneel slightly, allowing Poena to punt Valentine in the armpit with a sickening kick. Valentine yells in pain, but Poena holds on to keep him on his feet. He releases Valentine's arm, then hits him with a sudden throat chop, then another, then gets him in the uranage position, turns his back to the fans and throws him over his head over the barricade onto the concrete!
Wright: He just threw Valentine out of sight!
Park: Listen to these animals cheer!
In the ring, Zolothach has given up on the full nelson and is trying to lock Zepp's neck with her legs.
Wright: Zolothach is going for The Stars Are Right!
She manages to lock the neck, with Zepp bent over, but can't power him down to the mat to allow her to lock in the armbar. Poena is oblivious to this and hops over the barricade.
Park: What is Poena doing!?
He powers Valentine's limp body into a sitting position and mounts his back, crushing his waist into a tight angle and pushing his face into the concrete. Poena then grabs Valentine's arms and pulls them with all of his strength, leaning back with an inverted surfboard.
Park: That's Penance! He's got Valentine in the Penance!
Wright: He can't win out there!
Park: He wants to make him suffer!
Poena screams "CONFESS!" Valentine is incapable of answering, still knocked out, which only adds to Poena's fury. "CONFESS! CONFESS!"
Park: Confess?! You're killing him!
Wright: What the hell am I looking at!?
In the ring, Zolothach still has her leg over the bent-over Zepp's neck, holding his arm looking to roll him into The Stars Are Right. Zepp is evidently worn out, but still manages to prevent the full hold from being locked in. Suddenly he gets a second wind and lifts Zolothach half-way into the air. He throws her high into the air over his head, causing her to flip over in mid air and land on her back.
Wright: Look at that power!
Park: Zepp just won't stay down.
Zepp stares out at the fans for a few seconds, exhausted, but quickly brushes off his fatigue and walks over to Zolothach's fallen body. He grabs her throat with both hands and lifts her to her feet, then pushes her hard into the turnbuckles. He punches her in the gut, knocking the wind out of her. While Poena still has the Penance locked in on the other side of the barricade, Zepp continues to deliver stiff gut punches to Zolothach. Zolothach is breathless but not unconscious, obviously angry at being made helpless. This time instead of a gut punch, Zepp gears up for an uppercut. His arm shoots into the air, striking Zolothach with his open hand. Zolothach staggers out of the corner and is grabbed again by the throat with two hands. Zepp throws her over his head with a suplex. Zolothach comes down from the huge height with a loud thud.
Wright: Psychomania!
Zepp hooks her leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THR-KICKOUT!
Zolothach's shoulder barely inches off the mat.
Park: How did Zolothach do that!? That was three hundred pounds on top of her!
Zepp is only taken aback for a moment. He lifts her up to her feet and grabs her throat by one hand.
Wright: He's going for the Mute Button!
Park: Come on, Poena! What are you doing!?
Poena still has Valentine in the Penance, although now with much less force. He's running out of energy but still seems determined to make Valentine submit. Before Zepp can lift Zolothach up for the Mute Button, she grabs his wrist and with insane strength breaks the chokehold. Still holding his hand, she pulls it closer and sinks her teeth into his fingers!
Wright: Are you kidding me!?
Park: Zolothach's not going down like that!
Zepp yells, looking furious. He yanks his hand out of Zolothach's mouth, ripping the flesh and drawing blood. Zepp slaps Zolothach's bloody face hard, sending her straight down to the mat.
Park: Wait, Poena's coming!
Poena crawls over the barricade and lands in a heap on the ringside floor. He gets to his knees and starts to climb up onto the apron. However the crowd start making noise behind him so he turns his head. He sees Valentine climbing over the barricade with a steel chair, looking miraculously fresh.
Park: He's alive!
Wright: I think that submission took more out of Poena!
In the ring, after having hit Zolothach with an elbow drop, Zepp tries to drag her to her feet. Outside, Valentine lobs the chair straight at Poena's head. Poena ducks, sitting on the apron, and the chair bounces off the ropes and onto his back. Poena and Valentine rush each other. They trade closed fist punches. Poena is the first to slow down, allowing Valentine to hit him with punch after punch, and finally a huge Left Hand! Poena is down but not out. Grabbing the steel chair, Valentine seems determined to take him out for good. He waits for Poena to get to his feet then DDTs him face first onto the chair!
Park: Sweet revenge by the former X*Crown Champ!
Wright: Never count Valentine out.
Valentine jumps up to the apron then climbs to the top turnbuckle, eyes locked on Zepp. He jumps off with a double axe handle to the back of Zepp's shoulder. Zepp is barely affected, but before he can turn round Valentine grabs his arm and tries to jump backwards with a backstabber to the arm. Zepp easily shakes him off and turns to face him. Valentine starts to back away but Zepp reaches over and Irish whips him to the corner. Valentine's back hits the buckles hard and comes staggering back towards Zepp. Zepp whips him to the opposite corner just as hard, and Valentine again comes back. Zepp whips Valentine for a third time, as hard as he can, and Valentine's side crashes so hard into the buckles it sends him over the ropes and out of the ring.
Wright: Valentine is outta here!
Zepp looks around and notices Poena laying on the outside, but is surprised from behind by Zolothach leaping onto his back. Zolothach locks in a sleeper. It isn't locked in for long before Zepp whips her over his head so she lands on her back. She's quick to her feet however and quickly runs to the corner to scale the top turnbuckle. She leaps off with a missile dropkick but Zepp simply swats her out of the air.
Park: The end is near. Zepp is unstoppable.
Zepp turns his attention to Poena who is starting to make it back to his feet. On the other side, Valentine yells at Zolothach. "Tabby! Tabby!" He points at her and himself, suggesting they team up, then points at Zepp.
Wright: What did he call her?
Park: Get out of there, Evan.
Zolothach stares a hole through Valentine as he climbs into the ring. Ignoring her obvious malice, he seems insistent on working together with her. Zepp takes notice of the two of them, and tries to take them both out with a diving shoulder block. Valentine dives out of the way, letting Zolothach take the full force of the move.
Wright: He missed Valentine!
While Zepp is leaning against the ropes, momentarily tired out, Valentine goes straight for his leg. He lifts it up and kicks Zepp's thigh, trying to get him off his feet. Zepp won't go down and kicks Valentine away. Valentine runs to the ropes and comes back with a dropkick to Zepp's knee.
Park: Valentine can taste it!
Zepp staggers but still won't go down. Valentine relentlessly delivers vicious kicks to Zepp's knee until he's forced to kneel. Then Valentine rebounds off the ropes for a final knee strike to the face.
Wright: Knee by Valentine! He's down!
Park: But Poena's on the apron!
As soon as Zepp falls, Valentine leaps over to try to lock in the figure four. He struggles with Zepp's heavy leg but eventually manages to lift it up and step over. When he turns around, Zepp immediately kicks him away and he runs straight into a double foot stomp from Poena that crushes his chest! Poena skips off Valentine's chest straight towards the sitting Zepp. He jumps over Zepp's head and turns to quickly try to mount his back for the Penance!
Park: No!
Wright: He's going for it!
He gets a sloppy version of it locked in but has trouble getting a grip on Zepp's arms. Zepp doesn't seem to be in any pain and starts to rise to his feet. With Poena still half-applying an inverted surfboard, bending Zepp in half, Zepp lifts Poena into the air. Zepp is bent forwards while Poena is hanging upside down.
Park: This was never going to end well.
Wright: He tried...
Zepp tries to straighten up and lift Poena higher into the air but the hold makes it too difficult. Zolothach runs up, feeling that Zepp might be about to submit, and hammers Poena's back with clubbing blows. Poena breaks the hold, falling to the mat, allowing Zepp to stand up straight. When Poena gets up, he ignores Zolothach and starts kicking Zepp's right leg. Zolothach joins in, kicking the left leg.
Wright: They're finally working together!
Zepp pushes Zolothach away with a hard shove. He grabs Poena by his neck, lifts him into the air and seats him on the turnbuckle. He steps on the bottom rope so he's the same height as Poena, then grabs his head with his left hand. With his other hand he hits Poena with a huge open palm strike that knocks him out of the ring.
Wright: Down goes Poena!
Zepp turns to see Zolothach stumbling to her feet. When she's upright, he grabs her throat with both hands. She squirms angrily, trying to break free, but is sent flying over Zepp's head with a suplex.
Wright: Psychomania!
Park: For the second time!
Zepp looks at his bloody fingers, then at the fallen Zolothach. He walks over to her and lifts her back up with ease. He gets her in another two-handed chokehold.
Wright: Again!?
Zepp hits his second straight Psychomania. Zolothach goes flying to the other side of the ring and her back slams into the mat. Zepp hooks her leg.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The referee calls for the bell.
Walter Stanford: Here is your winner, and advancing to the next round of The Kindling, EDWWWWAAAAAAAARRRRRDDDDDD ZEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Zepp slowly gets to his feet, giving the knocked-out Zolothach a weary look. The crowd cheer as he raises his arms in victory.
Wright: It took three Psychomanias, but he finally managed to keep Zolothach down!
Park: I'm not sure he expected that much fight out of her. Not to mention Poena and Valentine. They'll be back.
Wright: But it's Edward Zepp that moves on to the next round of The Kindling!
Park: Who the hell is going to stop him?
The crowd roars!
Wright: Here we go!
Park: This should be fun!
Walter Stanford: Introducing first, making their FIRESIDE debut, weighing 230 pounds, from Alsace-Lorraine, France, she is AAAPAAAAAAAAAATHHHHYYY!
The haunting opening of “SKYND” by Apache Carter plays on the arena speakers as Apathy passes through the curtain. The newcomer scans the crowd and looks out at her new home, ready for action she heads down to the ring.
Wright: This is Apathy, a newcomer to FIRESIDE but an experienced and seasoned veteran.
Park: Her work outside speaks for itself, but she’d be happy to also tell you how she’s gonna beat you. A hint of desperation to her as well, making them a dangerous competitor.
Walter Stanford: Introducing second, from Hamamatsu, Japan, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is the Knife of Motorcycles, DAKKKKUUUUU SUZZZUKIIIII!
Rio Grande by Mezcaleros plays over the sound system as you hear the revs of the motorcycle as you see Daku ride out of the curtain and stops his Suzuki Harley style motorcycle that's got blue and black colours with his motorcycle club, The Cutting Blades name with a spider with knives all over it. Daku does his typical knife cut symbol with the fans booing him as he then continues to ride down to the ramp with flames coming out the side of the stage. He goes around once on his Suzuki bike before he stops it right on the right outside of the ramp and turns the engine off with placing his jacket onto it.
Wright: The FIRESIDE veteran looking to get themselves back in world title contention tonight.
Park: A former world champion and two hungry challengers await, though. The Knife of Motorcycles should be up for the task.
Daku slides into the ring and closes his eyes to show his necklace of a knife and a motorcycle on it and does his cutthroat signal before spreading his arms. Daku then opens his eyes and takes off his necklace and drops it on the floor as Daku holds onto the ropes, looking at the entranceway, waiting for his other opponents.
Walter Stanford: Introducing third, from Krakow, Poland, weighing 291 pounds, he is LUCAS NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!
Into the trees
Past meadow grounds
And further away from my home
Baying behind me
I hear the hounds
Flock's chasing to find me alone
The overdriven guitar and haunting vocals of Opeth’s “Reverie/Harlequin Forest” kick in, cueing the arena lights to dim until only a single spotlight remains directed on the entrance curtain.
The imposing figure of Lucas Nix steps out into the light, his enormous frame clad in leather and fur, giving him the appearance of a menacing Gothic giant. He slowly makes his way down the aisle, his face twisted into a derisive sneer that leaves no doubt that this is a man full of rage and hate.
A trail of sickness
Leading to me
If I am haunted
Then you will see
Nix climbs the steps to the ring as the music tells a tale eerily similar to his own. He stands alone as he always has done, looking out upon a world that he feels has turned its back on him; he pauses as he lets his anger swell, his sneer giving way to a look of cruel determination, then steps silently over the top rope, ready to release his fury on his opponent.
Wright: Lucas Nix, with that Ignition contract still in hand, could take on Burrows anytime he wants.
Park: But why not cash in and become world champion, and maybe X-Crown champion in the same show?
Walter Stanford: Introducing fourth, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 175 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Johnny Five, they are the Self-Made God, they are MISSSSSSSSSSHAAAAAAAA CONSTAAAAAAAANTINEEEEEE!
The arena lights cut out. A ring of fire ignites at the head of the entrance way, in the middle of which rises a figure in golden armour tarnished and warped by immense heat:
"Let's take a good look at you"
'Swallowing The Rabbit Whole' kicks in, the crowd booing vociferously as the Self-Made God Misha Constantine begins to walk to the ring. If he has any reaction to their scorn, the golden mask upon his face hides it.
Nowhere to run...
Only one way down...
Nowhere to go...
Misha walks up the ring steps and enters between the ropes, moving to the middle of the ring. He hits hidden catches in the armour, letting it fall away to stand there in his ring gear.
THINNERS OF THE HERD!!!
Misha raises his arms and gives the crowd two middle fingers; turning slowly to allow everyone a good view of both.
Wright: Misha Constantine, the first Kindling winner, back to defend the recognition and repeat, becoming world champ again.
Park: After a brutal electrified cage match, how’s he going to handle the onslaught of three other competitors? We’re about to find out, there’s the bell! Here we go!
The bell rings and Apathy seemingly explodes out of the gate, drawing attention from fans as she rains down a hail of European Uppercuts on her competitors, knocking them down one-by-one like bowling pins. After Nix and Suzuki both go down, she seems to put a little extra oomph on the last one, nearly knocking a tooth straight out of Misha Constantine’s mouth. He goes down as Apathy nods, incidentally drawing in the approval from the crowd, happy to see Constantine knocked on his ass.
Wright: This crowd will always pop for someone bringing Constantine down to a notch!
Park: The newcomer’s a brawler and a technician, and we’re certainly seeing it here!
As Apathy goes and literally stands on Misha Constantine’s chest, her flurry of offense comes to an abrupt halt courtesy of a steel chair from Constantine’s protector, Johnny Five! The crowd boos!
Wright: It’s a two-on-everyone game for Misha, though!
Park: Welcome to FIRESIDE, Apathy! Where the matches are made and Constantine seemingly always has some kind of plan!
As Daku Suzuki turns around, he’s met with a chair shot as well, the metal being driven straight into his abdomen. The crowd boos as Five rears back to swing again, only for his chair to be caught by a 6’10”, 291 pound giant Polish man. Five looks on in fear as Lucas Nix grabs the chair and his face, then makes him eat it.
Wright: Ah that’s a hell of a neutralizer though!
Park: That is one big man, that’s for sure.
Lucas Nix stares at the now-bloody chair as the crowd boos the man. Misha Constantine has managed to return to his feet but seemingly has no interest in trying to take him down. He slides out from the ring and takes his sweet time getting back in, letting Nix turn his attention to the much-shorter Apathy. He stands her up and the height difference is over a foot. The running powerslam certainly doesn’t help as the crowd boos again.
Wright: It’s like wrestling a tree!
Park: Gonna need a hell of an axe to take that down!
Nix turns his attention to Constantine, who is still on the outside of the ring, shaking his head no at the sight of the giant now setting his sights on him. Nix steps over the ropes and Constantine breaks into a sprint, sprinting around the ring. Nix manages to build up an amount of speed, only to run directly into a steel chain-assisted fist from the Knife of Motorcycles!
Wright: That’ll do! Right on his surgically-repaired nose! There goes the blood!
Park: A brutal shot with that chain! Daku Suzuki is always better when he can use that bike to his advantage!
Daku Suzuki turns around and slings the chain, whipping Constantine’s back with it!
Wright: OW!
The crowd boos as Suzuki holds up the chain with a smile. He slides back into the ring and looks over Apathy, looking for another big move, only to be caught into an inside cradle! Referee Melanie Davenport drops for the pin!
...ONE!
...TWO!
Kickout!
Park: She almost caught ‘im there!
Apathy and Daku Suzuki make it back to their feet at the same time, with Suzuki going for the chain again! Apathy manages to get in with her feet before he can grab it though, kicking it to the floor! He turns around only to be met with a snap DDT onto the chair in the center of the ring, followed quickly by a guillotine choke!
Wright: That’s the Affliction! Apathy is a master of those DDTs, and now she’s choking Daku out in the center of the ring!
Park: There’s nowhere to go! This could be it!
Daku Suzuki wildly flails his arms around, looking for some kind of exit or escape from the hold as he manages to move her closer to the ropes, but a rope break won’t release the hold! The crowd rises to their feet, sensing this might be the end! The referee comes in to kick the chair away and also check Suzuki’s arm! She raises it once, then drops it!
Wright: Three drops and you’re out!
Park: Suzuki might be on dream street here! Can Apathy come in and steal the first round of the Kindling right here?
Apathy wrenches on the guillotine, looking to increase Suzuki’s suffering as the arm drops for a second time! She can feel herself closing in on the win! Suzuki isn’t moving as the arm is raised for the last time!
Wright: Could this be it?
Park: Incoming!
As the arm is about to drop, Misha Constantine charges and bounces off the second rope, coming in with a devastating spin kick, knocking Apathy down and causing her to release the hold!
Wright: Constantine saves the match with Undyne’s Spear!
Park: Apathy and Suzuki might be out here!
Constantine pins Apathy!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Apathy gets a shoulder up!
Constantine pins Suzuki!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Suzuki gets a shoulder up!
Wright: No! Two near falls for Constantine there!
Park: You can get a sense of the mounting frustration for the Self Made God there! That might have been his best chance!
An angry Misha Constantine pounds into the mat with his fists and demands that the referee count faster next time, but Davenport holds up two fingers and indicates that’s all she can do. Constantine rears back into the corner, looking for another big move as he realizes that the crowd is beginning to pop for the sight of Lucas Nix making it back up to his feet. Nix grabs the Ignition briefcase and yeets it into the ring, where it barely misses Constantine. Constantine and a now-standing Johnny Five attempt to cut him off at the ropes, preventing him from getting back into the ring by raining down a series of punches and kicks to drop Nix back down to the apron. Five retrieves the chair from earlier and Constantine finishes the battle by dropkicking it into Nix, sending the big man back to the floor. The crowd boos as Constantine stands in the ring and retrieves Nix’s Ignition briefcase again. He holds it up, taking an interest in it.
Wright: That’s Nix’s case! That’s not his world title shot!
Park: Finder’s keepers is a thing, Oliver! You have to be careful where you throw something that valuable!
Constantine pops open the case, revealing the world championship match contract is still unsigned and inside. He quickly slams the briefcase shut and looks at the opportunity in hand, then back at the competition inside the ring. He grabs the briefcase and slides out of the ring, then begins to head for the back!
Wright: Wait a damn minute!
Park: He’s heisting the briefcase!
Wright: You can’t just do that!
Park: Apparently, he can!
The crowd boos as the Self Made God disappears with the case. The camera cuts back to the ringside area with Lucas Nix down on the inside, and Apathy and Daku Suzuki back up on the inside. Suzuki is the first one back to his feet, realizing his good luck at his opponents both being down. He sets his sights on Apathy, looking to put her away!
Wright: A crime of opportunity leads to a potential win for Daku here!
Park: Can Daku put away the newcomer?
Daku Suzuki grabs Apathy for the reverse swinging STO, but Apathy reverse, fighting her way out! She grabs him for the Death before Dishonor DDT, but Suzuki, already having suffered one painful DDT, avoids the move and crashes back into her with a vicious clothesline!
Wright: Brutal!
Park: Daku might have just knocked Apathy onto dream street there!
Suzuki grabs Apathy, and this time plants her with the reverse swinging STO! He goes for the cover!
Wright: The Knife Cutter!
Park: Goodnight Apathy! There’s the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...At the last moment, Lucas Nix drops a double axe handle into Suzuki’s back, saving the match!
Wright: Nix with the save!
Park: Suzuki was a second away!
Lucas Nix grabs Suzuki and sends him shooting through the ropes, and Suzuki comes back looking for the clothesline one more time, but Nix grabs him and spins him around, connecting on a vicious black hole slam!
Wright: Downfall!
Park: That’s it! Nix may have lost the case, but it looks like he’s advancing on! Here’s the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Apathy gets Suzuki’s shoulder up! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Apathy keeps the match alive by forcing Suzuki’s shoulder off the mat!
Park: I don’t know how she’s even still conscious after that brutal Knife Cutter!
Nix grabs Apathy by the hair, lifting her back up to her feet and preparing to send her to the grave with the Korona Diabla! He raises them onto his shoulder, but at the last moment, Apathy slips out, taking Nix’s head under her arm in the process! She then drops him straight into the mat with a future shock DDT!
Wright: Death before Dishonor!
Park: That’s gotta be it!
...ONE!
...TWO!
…THREE!
Wright: It is! Apathy advances!
Walter Stanford: Here is your winner, advancing to Round Two, APPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTHHHHHHHHYYYYY!
Wright: What a win for the newcomer!
Park: Apathy held on just a little longer than her competitors, scoring the big win and sending herself to the semifinal!
The referee raises Apathy’s arm as the crowd reacts to the new star!
Wright: Fresh on the scene and scoring a big win over a game Daku Suzuki and Lucas Nix, what’s next for them?
Park: What’s also next for Misha Constantine? The Self Made God took Nix’s case and jetted, I’m not sure you wanna piss off a giant like that!
Wright: We’ll see for sure!
Stanford: The following match up is a Triple Threat Round one Kindling match, and it is scheduled for ONE FALL! Introducing first, weighing 160 pounds, from Houston, Teas, they are SAAAAAAAAAAAM SAWYYYYYYYYYYERRRRRRR!
Wright: We’re about to kick off our third first round qualifier here.
Park: And what a night it has been so far for FIRESIDE, who is going to join Edward Zepp and Apathy in the next round?
Wright: We’re about to find out!
The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.
"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"
The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.
"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"
Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.
Park: Sam Sawyer certainly looks like a rising star here in FIRESIDE wouldn’t you say Wright?
Wright: Sawyer has an uphill battle ahead of them given the size and height disadvantage they have going into this match.
Stanford: From Fallujah, Iraq, weighing 190 pounds, he is KHALID AL-RAHMAN!
Cameras pan around the sea of anxious people who are cheering loudly at the showing of respect towards the USA. Suddenly, the cheering ceases as the loudspeakers crackle, all attention is devoted to these very special proceedings. A large American Flag unfolds from the rafters and hangs majestically over the ring area, each ear expecting to hear the immortal “Star Spangled Banner”.
The roving arm of the cameras picks out people in the crowd. As they realize there on the screen they hold the signs higher. Ice Blue strobes cut around the arena as blue smoke billows from underneath the grating on the ramp way. The curtain at the top of the ramp way parts and they emerge.
Standing there is Abdul Bin Hussain, dressed in traditional Arab clothes. He is standing between his his two menacing bodyguards Ahmed and Fazil. THe motions towards the entrance way and Khalid comes through the curtains.
He gets down and looks around and looks at the top of the ramp way. He nods his head and stands in the middle of the ring as pyros explode behind him and the others.
Wright: Here comes a strong favourite in Khalid Al-Rahman.
Park: He’s quite an imposing figure, menacing without words!
The first guitar chords hit. Then that voice leading into "A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr hits over the PA. Almost immediately, pacing in tune with the music is a tall, strongly structured gentleman. He has simple green trunks with double yellow vertical stripes on each side. Black knee pads and tall black boots finish off the simple wrestling ensemble.
Stanford: Hailing from Eugene, Oregon standing 6'3" and weighing in at 228lbs, this is... SHANE LOCKE!
Locke wastes little time heading to the ring, not bothering with exchaning high fives, not bothering with jibes, simply keeping an eye on the ring. Locke's reddish-brown mullet is capped with a heavily worn John Deere cap and his strong looking but not necessarily "jacked" frame is wrapped with a sleeveless flannel work shirt. He has a thick neck, wide chest and back, body hair evident. He has a frame powered by a lifetime of hard work rather then a gym. His forearms as especially think, capped with gnarled, thick hands and fingers.
Park: Shane Locke is looking to get back to winning ways after losing the SPARK Championship to Spike Kane.
Wright: How fast does the landscape of FIRESIDE change around here?
Park: It’s go time, we’re about to get this triple threat underway!
The bell rings, and the three opponents begin to eye each other up. Locke looks right at Khalid as Sam begins to weigh up their options. Locke glances towards Sawyer, and Khalid storms across the ring slamming into Shane and the turnbuckle. Khalid begins to throw punch after punch, while Locke does his best to protect himself. Sam cocks their head to the side watching this unfold before heading to the opposite corner and grabbing the ropes, leaning forward begins to build momentum.
Park: Sam Sawyer is rearing to go for this one!
Wright: They are going to have to be Park, the odds certainly are not in their favour here.
Park: We’ll see!
After Al-Rahman manages to get the better of Locke, he slowly turns around remembering the third competitor, before Sam Sawyer launches themselves across the ring, and hits a picture perfect front dropkick sending Khalid back into Shane and into the turnbuckle too. Sawyer sprints across the ring and literally bounces off the opposite turnbuckle before coming back for another front dropkick, but Khalid drops forwards and rolls out of the way, causing Sam to slam straight into Shane Locke.
Wright: Oh nice dodge there by Khalid Al-Rahman
Park: Great ring awareness, but Sawyer still nailed Shane Locke!
Al-Rahman takes the chance to grab Sam from behind and whip them off the ropes while he himself turns and hits the opposite ropes, picking up speed. On the return Khalid drops his shoulder and tries to go for the Arabian Knight!! But Sawyer sides steps and sends a stiff kick right to the face of Al-Rahman who staggers around a few feet, dazed and confused by the stiff shot. Shane Locke is back on his feet and literally dives out of the corner to grab Khalid Al-Rahman and try to take him down for the bully choke! Khalid struggles, and tries to wriggle free, as a now quite angry Shane Locke is desperately trying to lock in the hold.
Park: Shane Locke could get it here, he could advance to the next round of the Kindling!
Wright: Seems that way, but he forgot about one thing.
Park: What’s that?
Wright: Sam Sawyer!
Sawyer takes a moment to watch the carnage, before they hit the ropes and as Locke leans up to try and apply more pressure to the hold Sam runs at him and nails a beautiful shining wizard, the sound of which echoes through the Hearth. Locke drops the hold, and Khalid rolls away as quickly as he can to the ropes, holding his throat. Sawyer quickly goes for a cover on Shane, but he kicks out before the referee can even get to one. Then Sawyer goes to drag Khalid back into the ring, but as they grab his arm, he sends a quick finger poke to the eyes of Sam Sawyer.
Wright: Oh come on!
Park: Anything goes in a triple threat.
As Sam clutches at their eyes and takes a step backwards, Al-Rahman grabs them by the head and sends them flying over the top rope and to the outside! Sawyer crumples in a heap on the floor landing a little awkwardly, that makes Khalid sneer down at them. Al-Rahman then turns his attention towards Shane Locke, he goads Locke who is slowly making his way to his feet. When Shane finally makes it back to his feet, Khalid launches himself forwards going for the Sweet Revenge, but Locke side steps and SLAMS HIS HEAD INTO THE HEAD OF KHALID AL-RAHMAN!!!! Both men are groggy and barely standing, before they start to absolutely wail on each other, shot after shot.
Park: DID YOU HEAR THAT THUD!?
Wright: I think I might have felt it.
Park: Shane Locke is certainly blunt about how he goes about things.
With both men laying heavy shots into each other, the crowd are trying to get behind Shane Locke, but every time he gets a slight advantage Al-Rahman comes right back and the two men begin to really lay in their shots, when in the corner of the ring Sawm Sawyer begins to climb back in, noticing that their two opponents are busy laying in heavy shots to each other. Some of the fans begin to notice Sawyer, and the noise level begins to rise inside the Hearth. Both Shane and Khalid nail each other in the face at the same time, that causes them both to stagger a foot as Sam rises to their feet and charges both of them hitting a huge DOUBLE FIRE WITH FIRE LARIAT!
Wright: DOUBLE FIRE WITH FIRE!!!!
Park: Oh my lord, did you see that!? Out of nowhere!
Sawyer launches themselves through the air to take the bigger men down, and falls forwards with the momentum as Khalid and Locke crash into the mat. Sawyer rolls to the ropes, looking back at the two downed competitors. As they slowly pull themselves up with the ropes, they look out to the crowd, then down at the bodies, then back to the crowd, and then to the turnbuckle which causes the crowd to erupt with cheers. With a nod and a smirk Sam Sawyer ducks under the ropes onto the apron, before heading towards the turnbuckle and climbing up, the crowd noise building as they do.
Wright: Are they gonna?
Park: You bet your ass they are!
Wright: This could be a highlight reel moment in action folks.
With the crowd roaring in anticipation, Sam Sawyer stands atop the top rope, looking out to the crowd with a huge grin on their face, before they arch their body backwards and leap through the air with a SAWYERSAULT TO BOTH KHALID AND SHANE! The crowd are on their feet, as Sam recoils from the impact, before draping themselves over both their competitors.
Wright: SAWYERRRRRRRRRSAAAULLT!
Park: To be able to manouvre in the air to hit both men with that, is something special.
Wright: Sam Sawyer could very well have it here!
The referee slides in for the pinfall, positioning themselves next to both mens shoulders as they count the pinfall…
ONE! …..
….TWO! ….
…….THREE!!!
The referee calls for the bell, as the crowd go ballistic for Sam Sawyer, who jumps to their feet filled with adrenaline.
Wright: Sam Sawyer did it!
Park: They will rightfully advance to the next stage, boy it’s going to be insane!
Stanford: Here is your winner, and advancing to the next round of the Kindling…..SAAAAMMM SAAWWWWYERRRRRRR!!!!
The referee raises Sam’s hand, and they throw the other arm up to celebrate before climbing up to the turnbuckle, while the crowd roars with cheers and approval.
Walter Stanford: The following contest is a Car Crash of Death match and is scheduled for one fall! It is also the finals of the End of Days tag team tournament! Featuring first the challengers…Natasha and Kuroi. They are the Ritual!
The flood lights around the ring dim. All that is visible is the rising smoke from around the entrance stage. Silently a parade of Crows, the nameless cultists of the Ritual file out onto the entrance stage, each bearing a censer that billows smoke upwards. They stop and form a tight group, obscuring what is between them with plumes of now a thick fog. Then, as the first crashing power chords sound out, a roaring fire blazes on top of the neighboring cars and the cultists disperse, letting the smoke float away and revealing the massive muscular frame of Kuroi and the slender figure of Natasha. The Goddess of Death screams to signal the pair should begin their slow walk to the ring, in step to the powerful beat of the music. The pair step through the ropes, moving to the center of the ring. Kuroi folds his enormous arms, standing behind Natasha as she grabs hold of her wrist and lets out another blood curdling scream.
Wright: So, this match is taking place at a remote location in a junkyard arena. We have twenty or so wrecked cars stacked up around the ring. Who came up with this insanity?
Park: I heard word that maybe our owner had a part in it, but you don't think that's true do you?
Walter Stanford: And their opponents, Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby. They are…the Crinkly Bottom Boys!
A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the “arena” until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 'Mr Blobby' by Mr Blobby resonates across the venue. Stepping out from onto the entrance ramp, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange. As they walk down the aisle, Noel Edmonds looks focused or maybe just irritated at how his career turned out. Mr Blobby follows him, he snaps open a Sherbert dib-dab and snorts it before dropping the wrapper on the floor. Edmonds leans into the aisle camera.
Edmonds: All you are is energy, remember that!
Blobby however, has got distracted, silly Blobby! He plays with the still functioning door of a 1975 red Buick Skylark; opening and closing the door. Edmonds looks behind to see his partner not focusing on the match and grabs an ear guard to pull him down the aisle to the ring. He points towards the ring and watches as Blobby looks to roll under the ropes but finds he is simply too large to fit. The Pink and Yellow Peril realises his mistake and stands up and shakes his head before leapfrogging the top rope. Edmonds rolls under the bottom rope and rips off his trackies and Dad shirt to reveal a wrestling singlet that is patterned with boxes from Deal or No Deal. They head to their corner as they await the bell.
Wright: It’s amazing that the CBB have made it this far in the tournament against vastly more…serious foes.
Park: Isn’t Mr. Blobby related to like Grimace or something?
Wright: I don’t know? Doesn’t Grimace steal cheeseburgers?
Park: No, that’s the Hamburgler. Grimace is a taste bud.
Wright: No way. Who came up with that horror?
Park: The same people who came up with the Fry Guys? McDonalds used to be the stuff of nightmares like Mr. Blobby is now.
Wright: Well, I guess I can’t argue that. Mr. Blobby tries to be buffoonery, but is really frightening.
Park: There’s no rules to this match really. Are we going to make tags like civilized people or-
As the bell is sounded to start the match, all four competitors rush at each other to begin brawling.
Wright: Or, that.
Park: Looks like you got your answer there, Joey.
Kuroi and Mr. Blobby go head to head while Noel Edwards and Natasha go at it. Kuroi bashes Blobby in the head and it doesn’t seem to do much other than make his eyeballs rattle. Mr. Blobby fires back with a kick to the shin that does have a much desired effect on the big Kuroi. Noel cracks Natasha with a few punches that look to do little other than make her angry. Noel changes gears, smoothing out Natasha’s hair before she lets out a blood curdling scream that makes Noel jump back. Blobby suddenly runs to the ropes and comes back with a Running Super Mario Style Diving Headbutt to the abdomen that doubles Kuroi over. Blobby lifts him up and sends him sailing over the top rope with a backdrop! Natasha runs at Noel, reaching for him with the intent to do some harm when Noel drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring in the thoughts of escaping the Goddess of Death. She looks to follow him when Blobby takes her down with a clothesline to the back of the head! Noel watches as Blobby stomps on the downed form of Natasha, you would think he was a cheerleader instead of a wrestler the way he mimics Blobby’s motions and, you know, cheers him/it on. The celebration only last so long before Noel is seized by the back of the neck by Kuroi, lifted up, and thrown face first into the side of a wrecked car!
Wright: I’m going to say it. Noel should have stayed in the ring with Natasha.
Park: Noel was going to be outdone no matter what. He was depending on Blobby to do the heavy lifting against both members of the Ritual. Tagging would have been in his best interest.
Natasha rolls away from Blobby and to her feet. She sneers at the…blob and launches herself at him, smacking Blobby with a roundhouse kick that sends the yellow and pink blob backpedaling to the ropes. She keeps him pinned there with lefts and rights before dropping down and hitting a low blow. You could almost hear the DING! Before Blobby kinks over onto his side. Outside of the ring, Noel Edwards stands up, blood streaming down his face from a cut in his hairline. He grits his teeth, looking to Blobby for some kind of support, but sees that he has his hands full with Natasha. He rushes over to Kuroi and surprises him with an eye gouge and a testicular claw. The ref rolls out of the ring to see if Kuroi will submit, but he refuses. Well, not only does Kuroi refuse to submit, but he brings his ham fists down to back Noel in the shoulders to get him to break the move. Kuroi lifts Noel and slams him down with a pump handle slam onto the hood of a car!
Wright: Ouch! That's gotta hurt!
Blobby gets back to his feet, but Natasha is on him with forearm bashes to send him right back down to the mat. Blobby goes down, but then seizes Natasha by the ankles. He pulls her feet out from under her and whip-slams her onto the mat. He runs to the ropes and comes back with a big splash, hooking the leg for the pinfall! The ref rolls back into the ring to make the count, but Natasha kicks out by the time he gets into position. Outside of the ring, Kuroi hefts Noel up with a chokeslam move and simply hurls Noel through the windshield of a car! He opens the door and drags the bloodied Noel out. He picks him up for a power bomb, but Noel digs his fingers into the stapled wound on Kuroi’s head for a distraction, and manages a hurricanrana! Noel grabs the rising Kuroi and sends the top of his head into the side panel of the car before placing his head in the path of the car door inside. He holds the door for a moment, contemplating this act of violence with a snarl. He slams the car door as if shutting it with Kuroi’s head sandwiched in the middle. He opens and slams the door several times, letting out a primal scream that competes with Natasha’s.
Wright: I don’t know that was called for?
Park: Had to be done, Joey. To keep the big man down.
Inside the ring, Blobby pulls Natasha up and whips her into the corner. He goes for the handspring back elbow to the corner, but Natasha moves out of the way! She gets her arms around him from behind and manages to get him over with a German suplex! Outside of the ring, Noel slams the door closed one more time and steps back to survey the damage done. Blood pools on the ground before being absorbed into the dirt from the car. Noel’s eyes go wide as he realizes that he may have killed Kuroi. Natasha lets out a primal scream of rage that turns Noel around to see her in the ring. She looks beyond angry. Noel goes white as he sees that Blobby is down and her ire is focused on him. Natasha slides out of the ring and levels Noel with a forearm bash. She pulls him back up and hits a Japanese Ocean suplex onto the dirt ground and holds him for the pinfall. The ref slides out of the ring and begins the count!
One
Two
Thr-Noel kicks out!
Natasha rips Noel off of the ground and sends him back first into the side of another wrecked car. She grabs him and hits the Raven’s Arrow (cross legged suplex backbreaker) onto the trunk of the car! Inside the ring, Blobby snorts a packet of sherbet and leaps over the ring ropes to the outside. He lets out a high pitched “Blobby!” Before grabbing Natasha from behind and slamming her face into the side of the car a few times before dropping her to the ground. He walks over to the downed Kuroi and pulls him out of the car door. Kuroi’s head wound is open and pouring blood from it like a stuck pig. Blobby hits a Blobby #2 (Destino) and goes for the cover!
One
Two
Natasha, her face a mask of blood, tries to break the count, buuuuut
Three!
Walter Stanford: Winners of the match and going on to the End of Days PPV to go for the XHF Tag Team titles against the Bang Bros…Noel Edwards and Mr. Blobby…the Crinkly Bottom Boys!
Wright: I’m just stunned. I did not think that these two could go all the way, but here they just did it!
Park: The Power of Sherbert!
Wright: And cars…plenty of cars.
EMTs are running out to check on the downed Kuroi and load him up on a stretcher as they work to control the bleeding from his open head wound.
Park: A moment of silence for Kuroi.
Wright: He’s not dead.
Park: You sure?
Wright: Well…no, but let’s hope not. We will pray that he pulls through.
Park: Well, yeah.
Natasha is up and following the EMTs out. She’s bleeding herself, but not nearly as badly as Kuroi. Noel Edwards hugs Mr. Blobby, celebrating their win on the outside of the ring.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a fatal four-way match and is scheduled for one fall! The winner will advance to round two of the Kindling Tournament!
The crowd cheers.
Stanford: Introducing first, from Anaheim, California, and weighing in at one hundred and fifty-nine pounds… She is the Californian Angel, the Goddess of War, REEEBECCA BROOOOOOOKES!!
The beats of “Headshot” begin to play throughout the arena as the house lights shine down a blue hue, circling around the arena and the stage. Soon comes The Californian Angel standing front and center of the stage, with a shine to her eye as she looks around the arena with a smile on her face. Rebecca looks around the arena before she slowly twirls around on the top of the ramp, showing off the sparkling gems within her ring jacket. Rebecca takes one final deep breath before she could make her charge to the ring, high fiving every fan that she passes and hugging the children that reach out to her. The crowd sings the chorus as Rebecca makes her way around the ring, climbing onto the apron and looking out to the thousands of fans as she raises her hand up to the air and waves to the fans, the crowd cheering wildly for Rebecca as she nods her head before entering the ring as she heads to the corner and climbs to the second rope as Rebecca soaks in the crowd's cheerful reaction.
Wright: Rebecca Brookes is here! She’s new to Fireside, but there’s a lot of hype behind her debut.
Park: I’m looking forward to seeing what she can do, but all signs point to a strong start here in Fireside.
Stanford: And her opponent, from Belfast, Ireland and weighing in at two hundred and twenty-three pounds, he is, Reckless Jack BRAAAAAAD KAAAAAAANE!!!
The opening strains of “The Hero” by Amon Amarth begin. Once the song really begins, “Reckless Jack” Brad Kane steps out from the back. Sure he looks a bit dead but give him a break. Kane walks to the ring some metalheads headbang because it’s Amon Amarth. RJBK enters the squared circle and stretches using the ropes.
Park: Speaking of being new to Fireside, Spike Kane’s brother is here to make some noise of his own.
Wright: Shame he doesn't share any of his brother’s charm or sense of decorum. Despite that, Reckless Jack seems poised to make some big moves in Fireside; this might just be a good first step for him.
Stanford: And their opponent, from Raleigh, North Carolina and weighing in at two hundred pounds, she is MIIIIIIISTREEEEEEESS DIIIIISCIIIIPLIIIIINE!!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while keeping a close eye on the others in the ring.
Wright: Former Spark champion. Very nearly the first Fireside World champion. Mistress Discipline carries with her a rather impressive resume.
Park: But she hasn’t been winning very much lately, so that has to be weighing on her mind. Hopefully she can shake that off and we’ll see some shades of the old MD tonight.
Wright: I wholeheartedly agree, UnJoo.
Stanford: And finally, their opponent, from San Diego, California and weighing in at one hundred and sixty-five pounds, he is the shining star, MYOOOOOOJIIIIIIN!!
The crowd roars when the lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on a figure on the ramp, with his back turned and begins kneeling. Once the beat finally kicks in, MYOJIN explodes with energy- wearing a masquerade-style mask over his eyes, and turns around with a confident smile on his face, raising his arms to soak in the positive reaction from everyone around.
With his blonde locks hanging over his face. He then whips his head back, flipping his hair out of his face before excitedly running down the ring before performing a cartwheel and a jump, landing on his feet near ringside!
He climbs up to the apron, grabs a hold of the top rope, and slingshots himself into the ring. MYOJIN performs a somersault roll, landing on his side with a hand on his hip. The other, taking off his mask to reveal his piercing blue eye contacts. He tosses it aside nonchalantly before climbing up the top turnbuckle, tilting his head upward as if he’s looking toward the sky- while the lights mimic stars above. He backflips off, back onto his feet while taking off his flamboyant coat and moving to his corner. The lights go back to normal as he checks his wrist tape. His charismatic smile fading to a more focused expression as he paces back and forth, ready for action.
Wright: Speaking of former X*Crown champions, MYOJIN is returning to Fireside after a crushing defeat at the hands of Evan Valentine Jr.
Park: I’m sure he’s here to get his groove back. I, for one, think MYOJINis the one to watch tonight.
The referee calls for the bell and, wasting no time, Brookes instantly lays out Discipline with the Desolate Midnight.
Park: Wow! Rebecca Brookes is wasting no time in getting first blood with a vicious knee to Mistress Discipline!
Wright: Brookes said she was going to lay it all out on the table tonight. If she keeps up this pace she’ll go a long way in the Kindling.
MYOJIN then drills Kane with a running Uppercut in the corner, leaving MYOJIN and Brookes on their feet. Brookes and MYOJIN tie up. Brookes with a wristlock to MYOJIN. MYOJIN does a series of kip-ups to get into position to counter with an armdrag. Brookes wastes no time in following up with a spinning headscissors and a brutal leg lariat to MYOJIN. She goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Wright: An early near fall for Rebecca Brookes versus the former X*Crown Champion!
Park: That should get MYOJIN’s attention.
MYOJIN and Brookes are both quick to their feet. for 2. MYOJIN charges at Brookes, ducking under a lariat and launching himself off the second ropes, nailing Brookes with a Tornado DDT! MYOJIN goes for the cover!
ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Wright: And MYOJIN repays Brookes in kind!
Park: MYOJIN thinks that should have been a three count.
Brookes takes advantage of MYOJIN arguing with the official and ejects him from the ring. She poses for the crowd, earning cheers and not noticing when Kane comes back into the ring. Kane attempts a back suplex, but Brookes lands on her feet. Brookes clotheslines Kane outside, then sets to dive and wipes out Kane and MYOJIN with a flip dive!
Wright: Another nice move from Rebecca Brookes!
Park: She’s bringing it tonight. Looks like the others need to shake off the rust.
Brookes picks up Kane, throwing him back into the ring. She follows him in, going for another pin attempt but Kane kicks out immediately. It looks like he throws something in Brookes’ eyes, but the referee doesn’t see it. Brookes stumbles away, rubbing at her face. Kane takes advantage and drives Brookes into the turnbuckles. Kane unloads with stomps on Brookes in the corner. Kane hits a corner clothesline, then heads up top, but Brookes stops him. Brookes heads up top with Kane, but Discipline stops them.
Wright: Mistress Discipline is back in the ring!
Park: Looks like she finally shook off that kick from Brookes.
Discipline goes for a Tower of Doom, but MYOJIN stops that and unloads on everyone. MYOJIN sent shoulder-first off the ringpost, then Discipline unloads on Brookes, hitting a short-arm clothesline and a brutal knee strike of her own. Discipline hits a big chop and a running back senton to Brookes. Discipline goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO! Kickout!
Wright: Discipline comes on strong, but it’s not enough to put down Rebecca Brookes!
Park: Time will tell what sort of damage Discipline might have done.
Kane is tossed over the ropes and off the apron by Discipline and crashes into the barricade. Discipline sends Brookes into MYOJIN, knocking him off the apron. Discipline continues to trash-talk Brookes, but Brookes gets out of a gutbuster. Brookes drives a kick into Discipline’s gut, going for the Guardian Suplex 1, but Discipline counters. Brookes lands on her feet and launches herself into the ropes aiming for the Climb Back, but Discipline counters with a Jacknife Powerbomb leaving Brookes prone on the mat.
Wright: Discipline has a huge opportunity here!
Park: What a counter!
Discipline heads up top, but Kane stops him by running into the ropes. Kane goes for a superplex, but Discipline headbutts him off. MYOJIN goes up next, but Discipline headbutts him off too. Kane tries again, as does MYOJIN, but Discipline valiantly fights both attackers off. Brookes comes in from underneath and hits the Tower of Doom!
Wright: Tower of Doom!
Park: Brookes just cleared the board with that one!
MYOJIN rolls out of the ring. Brookes grabs Discipline for a pin.
ONE! TWO! THR- KICKOUT!
Brookes wastes no time in trying to pin Kane next!
ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Wright: A pair of near falls for Brookes!
Park: Near falls don’t win matches, Ollie.
MYOJIN races past Brookes, attempting another Tornado DDT, but Brookes catches him and counters with a capture suplex. Before she can capitalize, Kane nails her with a running boot. Kane goes for the pin attempt.
ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Kane argues with the referee about the count, but he hauls Brookes off the mat and goes for a Capture Suplex, but Discipline comes up from behind Kane and Germans him while Kane hits the Capture Suplex on Brookes! The crowd chants “This is Awesome!”
Wright: It’s hard to tell who got the worst of that.
Park: But the crowd is loving it!
Everybody goes to a different corner, using the turnbuckles to pull themselves up. The pace of the match is clearly taking its toll. MYOJIN pops out of nowhere, hitting a corner dropkick on Discipline first, then Brookes, then Kane. He stops to gloat, admiring his handiwork, then turns back to Discipline. He charges at her, but Discipline grabs him and suplexes the shining star into the turnbuckle.
Wright: My god!
Park: That can’t have felt nice.
Discipline hits Cannonballs in the corner on all three opponents in succession! Discipline goes for the Expulsion on Brookes, but Brookes gets out and hits the Guardian Plex I! Before she can get to her feet, MYOJIN crashes into Brookes with the Falling From Heaven!
Wright: Falling From Heaven! MYOJIN might have just pulled the rug out from under Rebecca Brookes with that one!
Before MYOJIN can capitalize, Kane pulls him up to his feet and nails the former world champion with the BK Backfist! Kane goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO! THR-NO!
Kane can’t believe it! The crowd is on fire. Kane slaps MYOJIN repeatedly, but MYOJIN slaps him back. Kane throws MYOJIN into the ropes, but MYOJIN comes back with a Springboard Corkscrew Uppercut to Kane. He sneers down at the fallen Kane, then goes up top again.
Wright: MYOJIN is going up top!
Park: If he hits the Falling From Heaven again, that’s gotta be it!
MYOJIN leaps off the rope for the Falling From Heaven, but Kane rolls out of the way and MYOJIN crashes to the mat. Brookes pounces on him, hooking up the Dark Moon! MYOJIN struggles to try and get to the ropes, but it seems like he’s going to have no choice but to tap out! MYOJIN is fading, but just before he taps, Kane pulls the referee out of the ring. MYOJIN taps, but the bell doesn’t ring!
Wright: MYOJIN taps, but the referee didn’t see it!
Park: Mistress Discipline saved MYOJIN!
Discipline dives back into the ring. Brookes lets go of MYOJIN and faces off against the former Spark Champion. Brookes charges at Discipline but she catches her with a back elbow, following it up with the Expulsion!
Wright: The Expulsion to Rebecca Brookes!
Park: If Discipline can get the pin, it’s gotta be over!
Discipline goes for the pin, but MYOJIN breaks it up before the count starts. The former X*Crown champ sends Discipline outside. Kane catches MYOJIN from behind with a forearm smash to the back of the head. Kane tries for another BK Backfist, but MYOJIN ducks the move, launching himself into the ropes and blasting Kane with a springboard knee lariat. Discipline comes off the top with a senton on Kane. Discipline looks for MYOJIN, only to get hit with a Tornado DDT!
Wright: Another Tornado DDT!
Park:: MYOJIN goes for the pin! This could be it!
ONE!
Brookes breaks up the pin! Her and MYOJIN start trading heavy blows, each doing the best to brutalize the other. Brookes counters an uppercut by MYOJIN with a backslide into a pin attempt!
ONE! TWO! KICKOUT!
Both wrestlers are quick to their feet, MYOJIN launches himself into the ropes, aiming for another springboard knee lariat, but Brookes counters with a lungblower! Brookes goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO! THR-NO!
Brookes now can’t believe it! Brookes goes for the Desolate Midnight, but MYOJIN drills her with an uppercut. Brookes then comes back with a Guardian Plex II into the turnbuckle! Brookes goes again for the Desolate Midnight, but Discipline stops her with a superkick. Discipline goes for the Expulsion on MYOJIN, but Kane pulls Discipline outside. Kane and Discipline brawl and Kane goes for the Kirisute Gomen, but Discipline catches him with her own spinning back fist, then hits a sit-out powerbomb on the barricade.
Wright: Kane repaid for his hubris with a vicious attack from Mistress Discipline.
Park: One might say the scumbag is getting a taste of his own medicine.
Discipline gets back into the ring. MYOJIN is just getting back to his feet, but Discipline nails another Expulsion! She starts to pick up MYOJIN, but Brookes nails Discipline with another Desolate Midnight!
Wright: Brookes is the only one on her feet!
Park: Do it, Rebecca!
Brookes hooks Discipline up for the Dark Moon! Nobody is there to save her, and, after a couple of half-hearted attempts to get to the ropes, Discipline’s eyes roll back in her head, and the referee calls for the bell!
Wright: Rebecca Brookes clubs the mountain and topples the former Kindling Winner!
Park: Rebecca Brookes has big things in her future, and the Fireside Roster should take notice.
Stanford: The winner of this match, advancing to the second round of the Kindling…. REEEEBECCA BROOOOOOOOOOOKES!!!
The crowd roars as the referee raises Rebecca’s hand in victory. The Goddess of war is beaming, standing tall over the others, and she mounts the turnbuckle, raising her hands in victory.
Walter Stanford: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Walter Stanford: And is an exploding ring deathmatch with a 15 minute time limit for the finale of the End of Days tournament! Introducing first, the special guest referee for this bout, ELLLLLLLLLLI DRESSSDEN!
'Untouchable' hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long. Bounding out from behind the curtain, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts and Hyperion's trident in hand--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Of course, since she can't be idle for long, Eli is quick to bounce and posing her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd. It's a bit trickier to do with a trident that's significantly taller than she is, but she makes it work. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she abandons that, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet. She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, once again shoving that trident skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward the middle of the ring. As her music fades, she hands the trident and the glasses over to a production assistant before bouncing around on the balls of her feet, eagerly waiting to call the match.
Wright: Eli is an unorthodox force in that ring. Whose to say she'll call this down the middle?
Park: Steve and Donzig both simp for her, I'm sure she'll take a liberty or two to mess with them.
Walter Stanford: Introducing the first participant, hailing from Parts Unknown. He stands at SIX feet even and weighs TWO-HUNDRED-FIFTEEN pounds, "THE SCOURGE" DOOOOOOOOONZIIIIIG!
'See you soon' by Chelsea Grin blares through the speakers! The lights go off and then come on as an angry red. Flames explode from the prop canons on each side of the aisle. Sending bursts of flame erupting into the air. Donzig walks out dawning his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd. A disapproving shaking of his head, before taking the walk down the aisle slowly. He circles around the ring, eyeing up it’s structure, what’s holding it down, and it’s massive existence. Making his way back around to the entrance, Donzig turns to the fans and in one movement swipes the hood back to reveal all of his masked presence. Head tilting left, then slowly to the right, Donzig begins to take off the mask slowly; handing it to the referee and shakes his head at the fans with a scowl before he leaps into the bounce house and springs promptly towards the center of the ring snarling at the fans!
Park: What a despicable creature this Donzig is!
Wright: Donzig has taken down Al Jabroni, Redmond Fury and Anthony Caffrey en route to claiming his shot at the X*Crown! Only one more man stands in the way of himself and Spike Kane... and Dakota Jenings too.
All the lights in the arena die out and the fans in attendance start chanting his name.
Crowd: AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME! AWE-SOME!
Dramatic Pause.
"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"
The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash green and black to the beat as Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped up chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones.
"Lonely nights, and a whole lot of wasted time!
If you see her wont you tell her for me,
It's better this way to avoid all the misery!"
Walter Stanford: And his opponent, hailing from Detroit Michigan. He stands at SIX feet TWO inches and weighs TWO-HUNDRED-THIRTY-EIGHT pounds, "THE FACE OF THE FRANCHISE" STEEEEEEEVE AWWWWWWESOOOOOOOME!
The chorus plays again as Steve walks down to the ring. The guitar starts soloing and Steve hops into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket and then spins and drops into a kneel and he flexes his arms. He gets a slow motion effect as pyro sprays behind him.
Park: WOOO! Steve-o!
Wright: Steve Awesome had to go to war against Brad Kane, Thespian and Vodka Fizz here! He wants that one on one X*Crown match so bad! But he's not getting that even if he wins, so I imagine he'll still have something to complain about should he win.
Eli goes to explain the rules of this match to the End of Days finalists and they both nod along, agreeing. Steve asks to be patted down because he totally has a hidden weapon in his trousers, but Eli reminds him this is a exploding ring DEATHMATCH, therefore everything is legal. She then motions for the bell to be rung as Steve pouts.
DING DING! DING DING!
Park: And we're underway! Explosions are armed and there's a 15 minute timer to the destruction!
Steve and Donzig rush to the middle and start trading blows with one another. Driving their fists into one another and just battering each other to no end! They beat each other close to the corners but can't quite push one another into the exploding barbed wire ropes. Steve tries to goad Donzig into a collar-and-elbow tie-up but Donzig is hesitant at first. Steve goads some more and Donzig finally obliges, he locks up with Steve and they try to push one another now! It's a bit of a stalemate though, neither man can push the other back into a corner! Donzig tries, Steve tries, and with all their might nobody moves!
Wright: These guys are pure equals! Neither will budge under the might of the other!
Zig manages to take a few steps back to lure Steve in and sends him off balance, even more so when he kicks a leg out from under the Prettiest Player in the Game! Steve tumbles down and Donzig mounts him, pummeling the face of the Face of the Franchise! Lefts and rights rain down upon the NPW Northern Openweight Champion as Steve struggles to block the onslaught from the Scourge. Donzig stands over Steve and trades the punches for stomps, and Steve rolls out of the way! He even kicks out a leg of Donzig's for good measure! Donzig is down to his knees with Steve, and they both begin to trade punches again! Donzig is a better brawler and manages to get the upper hand quick, but Steve catches a punch and rolls him down into an arm bar!
Park: While Steve's mostly known for showing off like nobody's business, he is a fantastic technician too! He doesn't have the killer instinct like me, but he knows his way around a few painful holds!
Donzig tries to drag himself to the ropes, get out of this submission but Steve has a gorilla's grip, he ain't letting go anytime soon! Zig opts to roll over and try to pin Steve in the ring! Eli slides in for the count! He only gets a one before Steve lets go and powers out, but this gives Donzig time to breath! He slowly pushes himself to his feet and loosening his shoulder before turning and eating a dropkick from Steve! HE BOUNCES INTO THE ROPES!
POW!
Park: Oh shit!
Wright: Zig is the first to eat an explosion, just about 3 minutes into this match!
Donzig falls to the mat writhing in pain, and it's only now that Steve realizes just how dangerous this match could be! Smoke comes off of Donzig's back and it smells like burnt flesh at ringside! Eli pinches her nose and fans the air in front of her. Steve stomps on the smoldering spine of the Herald of Oblivion, whose body just sputters and twitches. Steve pulls Donzig to his feet and twists his arm for an arm wrench, pulling him down and over for an arm drag to follow! Steve rolls through that, then moves to the side to grab Donzig's leg and pull the stump real good! Zig screams in pain as the Blast of Class damn near stretches his leg out of the socket! Following that, Steve would twist the leg around and lock in a figure four! Donzig screamed even more as he was locked in in yet another submission! He tries the same strategy as before, trying to roll over and Steve tries not to budge. Donzig outpowers him, and rolls the figure four around so Steve is the on locked in the hold! It's Steve's turn to scream and beg for mercy as he put himself in this situation and is dealing with the consequences! Steve turns to Eli, begging for help but Eli just lays next to him, just out of reach and snaps a selfie with the in-pain not-safe-for-wrestling superstar! She doesn't quite like the result and turns to Steve.
Dresden: Smile dammit, this has to look good!
Steve shakes his head and buries it in the mat as he balls his fists.
Dresden: No matter, my friend at Ephemeral Echoes Productions can photoshop that frown upside down.
Eli gets up and Steve grabs her leg, begging for mercy! Eli just yanks her leg away, and that yank was all that was needed for Donzig and Steve to fall apart! Steve holds his legs, crying in pain as Donzig pushes himself back to a corner. He lays back on the barbed wire wrapped turnbuckles, panting and regaining his energy. He pulls out, bits of his back sticking and tearing at the barbed wire as he gets to his feet. Steve however has only made it to his knees, he holds his hands up, begging and pleading.
Awesome: Please man, I can't take anymore. I'm not strong enough.
Donzig just laughs.
Donzig: So, you admit defeat in the face of oblivion? Just tell that to your girlfriend there, and she'll run into my arms and proclaim me better than you!
Awesome: Yeah, just one teensy problem with that.
Steve's hands ball into fists and he uppercut's Donzig right in the nuts! And when Donzig bends over in pain, Steve pokes an eye out!
Awesome: I lied!
Steve stands up as Donzig is blinded, in pain, and just not having a great time at the moment. Steve runs the ropes and LEVELS DONZIG WITH A JAAAAAAWBREAKAHHHHHHH! Donzig tumbles into the ropes again!
POW!
Awesome: Ha ha did you hear that thigh slap echo in this place? I bet Donzig is dead.
Awesome turns back to his prey, dropping an elbow on him. He kips up... dominithinks for a second... and drops a second elbow on him! The elbow right to the heart is enough to kickstart a second wind in Donzig, who stands up quick as can be... only to get scoop slammed to the ground! Steve bounces off the one non-explosive rigged set of ropes and nails a senton on Donzig! He then does his classic Steve Awesome strut, and then like Ric Flair he flops to the ground!
Wright: Both men are down and out in the ring! We're edging closer and closer to the time limit before the ring explodes and the match ends in a draw!
Park: Sounds like Mongo's wet dream.
Steve struggles to get back to his feet, he's loopy and low on gas but is determined to push through. Donzig however, just sits right up! Second wind was delayed but up and running now! Donzig rushes Steve and clobbers him with a quick lariat! Steve rolls through and charges at Donzig, who ducks and lets Steve charge right into the explosive ring ropes!
POW!
Steve stumbles back, smoking now, and gets a face full of mist from Donzig! Blinded, Donzig pushes him against the good ropes and lifts him in the air! POP-UP POWERBOMB! BUT STEVE GETS PLANTED IN THE ROPES AGAIN!
POW!
Wright: These guys are just casually tossing each other into the exploding barbed wire ropes! Their backs are burnt, blood is everywhere, this is a war zone!
Park: And the fans are eating it up!
Donzig has one final thought in his mind... other than heralding in the End of Days (that's the name of the pay per view!) and oblivion of mankind. He hoists Steve up on his shoulder and carries him to the top rope! What evil plan has he concocted here? Donzig spins Steve so he's behind him, chin over his shoulder, and takes a moment to steady himself!
Park: The Donzig stunner! This is it! He hits this and it it OVAHHHHHH!
Wright: Wait wait! Steve's holding onto the ropes! He's not ready to give up yet!
Steve battles back from his predicament and punches Donzig a few times in the ribs to get him to stop! Donzig elbows Steve in the face and turns around on the top rope, only for STEVE TO PUSH HIM OFF! DONZIG GOES DOWN, HE'S FLAT ON THE MAT! OUT LIKE A LIGHT! STEVE SEES THE OPPORTUNITY, AND THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS IS READY TO TAKE IT!STEVE CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE AND TURNS AROUND! WRAAAAAAAAAATH OF THE MUTHAFUCKIN' DRAAAAAAGON! DONZIG IS OUT LIKE A LIGHT AFTER THAT MOONSTOMP AND STEVE ROLLS HIS LEGS UP, ELEVATING HIMSELF FOR A BIG PIN! ELI SLIDES IN TO MAKE THE COUNT!
ONE...
TWO...
THREE!
HE DID IT!
DING DING! DING DING!
Walter Stanford: The winner of this match and WINNER OF THE 2021 END OF DAYS TOURNAMENT! GOING ON TO FIGHT SPIKE KANE AND DAKOTA JENNINGS FOR THE XHF X*CROWN NEXT WEEK, STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE AWESOME!
Wright: He did it! Holy shit!
Park: Steve's stock is about to go through the roof now! He has just punched his ticket to the smallest possible X*Crown match this year!
Wright: Eli is making haste to get the hell out of the ring, she's raised Steve's hand in disgust and got the hell out of dodge.
Park: Steve has that End of Days briefcase and he's going to be holding that loud and proud for one week!
Wright: Wait... the explosives haven't gone off yet... and the technicians can't get them to turn off!
Park: Oh no! Steve! Get out now!
The bomb squad is rushing in to get Steve and Donzig out of the ring, Steve hears what they have to say and high tails it out of the ring! He's long gone past gorilla but Donzig is still out like a light! Too heavy for these technicians to carry and time's running out! They have to bail too!
Wright: Everyone's leaving Donzig! What the hell?!
Park: Not on my watch dammit!
Park rips off the headset and hustles down the ramp but halfway there they're too late! The alarms start going off and smoke fills the ringside area! Park says "NOPE!" and turns around running back to the desk! Sparks fly and a few popping sounds are made... and then all is silent.
Park: What the hell. That's it? That's no explosion!
Wright: That's the explosion of a crew of All-Elite entertainers! Here come the Oblivion Death Squad though! Sinclair too! They all rush down to grab Donzig and get him out of the ring!
Park: Don't know why now, they could have done this moments ago when an explosion was imminent. But now they're hiding him after all he promised went down the drain.
The Oblivion Death Squad climb through the ropes, picking Donzig up and slinking an arm over each of their shoulders. Sinclair directs traffic and hurries them out of the ring. They all make it up the ramp and on the stage when THE GROUND SHAKES BENEATH THEM AND THE ALARMS GO OFF AGAIN! TWICE AS MUCH SMOKE AS BEFORE POPS OUT FROM UNDER THE RING AND THE SPARKS FLY HIGHER AND HARDER NOW! It's a sight to see, until suddenly-
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
THE ENTIRE GODDAMN RING COLLAPSES! EVERYONE IS BLOWN BACK AND TUMBLES BY THE SHEER MIGHT OF THE EXPLOSION AND THE CAMERAS GET A LITTLE FUZZY! We cut back to Donzig, now come to his senses, who stares in awe at the disaster he just barely missed!