.::The XHF Network Presents: End of Days - Battlefield!::.

[Mongo the Destroyer]

The XHF Network Proudly Presents: END OF DAYS - BATTLEFIELD
Date: October 31, 2021
Omaha Beach, Normandy, France
Attendance: 5000 (Masks required)
Omaha Beach is one of the two American landing areas in Normandy. 5.9 kilometers long, this beach is 12 kilometers east of Utah Beach. It consists of the towns of Vierville-sur-Mer in the west, Saint-Laurent-sur-Mer in the center and the villages of Colleville-sur-Mer and Le-Grand-Hameau in the east. This beach is originally called the Côte d’Or (golden coast). A plateau overlooks the shore and four valleys allow to reach the interior. The main American landing site on the D-Day invasion of Operation Overlord, it was nearly a disaster for the American troops due to imprecise bombings the night before. It would come to be known as Bloody Omaha.
Theme Song: Don't Back Down by Mammoth WVH

---

Hawke: Hello everyone and welcome to Normandy, France for End of Days: Battlefield! Joey Hawke here with Randy Angel at my side and we'll be covering a lot of the action tonight-
Randy: But not all of it!
Hawke: Indeed, some of the other commentary teams have made the trek across the ocean and have joined us to help bring you the culmination of five exciting weeks!
Randy: I've got a full cooler, and plenty more waiting in the wings because we've got an action-packed night ahead of us!
Hawke: Yes we do! After winning their way through weeks of competition, the End of Days winners will be trying to claim their prizes in the form of XHF Championships!
Randy: Steve Awesome will be doing double duties in those matches because we're trying to kill him!
Hawke: Arguably it seems more like he's trying to kill himself. Awesome won the End of Days Tournament and will be trying to pry the X*Crown Championship from Spike Kane AND last year's End of Days winner, Dakota Jennings.
Randy: Meanwhile, him and his fellow BANG Bro, Curtis Kanyon are the XHF Tag-Team Champions and are having to defend against the winners of the Tag Team Annihilator Tournament, Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby- also know as the Crinkly Bottom Boys.
Hawke: And that's just two of the many exciting and probably very violent matches we have tonight!
Randy: Will the XHF Network murder Steve Awesome on Halloween? Stay tuned to find out!
Hawke: But first, we've got some real exciting bouts up ahead and I believe one is about to start....

As all the fans get situated into their respective seats, the lights cut off with the exception of one on the entrance ramp. A couple of seconds later, “Hero” by Weezer starts to play on the PA system and another light illuminates a small cage on the side of the ramp going to the ring.

”When I was a kid, I thought I'd save the world
Running 'round and chasing all the criminals
Swinging on a web, flying in the sky
Shooting lasers from my eyes
But now I know it never was my destiny
It's not my place in life, not who I'm meant to be
And I don't need the glory, I don't need the fame
And I don't wanna wear this cape”

As the pre-chorus starts, Eddie Walker appears from behind the curtain, easily recognizable with the giant spike of hair atop his head. He walks to the side of the ramp opposite the cage and takes a bow to the cheering fans.

Bonnie Jenkins: Everyone please welcome, from Houston, Texas…he is the Manager Extraordinaire, EDDIE WALKER!!

Walker bows to the fans on the other end of the stage before stepping inside his cage. Officials secure the manager inside of his temporary prison for the duration of the upcoming match between his client and the owner of Hyperion’s Trident.

Hawke: So this might end up being one of the strangest wagers on a match I’ve ever seen.
Randy: Well, we got a forty-six-year-old who might be getting VERY lucky tonight!
Hawke: He just got out of that wheelchair!
Randy: And he’s gonna need it again! Unless Adrien Cochrane can play the overprotective father for his manager.

'Untouchable' hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long.

Bonnie Jenkins: The following interpromotional contest is the special End of Days ladder match for the key to release manager Eddie Walker from his cage. Introducing first, representing Next Level Wrestling, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at one hundred forty-three pounds, she is… ELI DRESDEN!!!

Bounding out from behind the curtain, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts and Hyperion's trident in hand--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Looking over to where Eddie Walker is locked up, she blows a kiss and winks in his direction, Eddie blushing in response. Satisfied for the moment, Eli bounces and poings her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd. It's a bit trickier to do with a trident that's significantly taller than she is, but she makes it work. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she abandons that, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet.

Hawke: And here comes the former NLW Heavyweight Champion.
Randy: Look how gorgeous she is!

She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, once again shoving that trident skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward the middle of the ring. As her music fades, she hands the trident and the glasses over to a production assistant before bouncing around on the balls of her feet, eagerly waiting for the match to get underway.

Hawke: She has had a lot of male suitors in the XHF Network, that’s for sure. This is a good time to mention one of our sponsors for tonight’s show… Vladimir Kozlov: Iron Curtain Condoms. Because Nothing Gets Past The Iron Curtain.
Randy: Topical.

The lights turn off for a moment. The dueling guitar riffs from Simple Plan guitarists Sébastien Lefebvre and Jeff Stinco from their song “Last One Standing” as the screen reads “#Believe” in a light blue font. With a solitary spotlight on the top of the ramp, Adrien Cochrane appears the moment Pierre Bouvier’s vocals begin to echo throughout the venue.

“How many times are you gonna try to shut me out?
I told you once, told you twice, I ain't going to turn back around
You can say whatever, try to mess with me
I don't care, I'm not scared
You don't have to say you're sorry, save your sympathy
With a friend like you, I don't need an enemy
I would give you time if you were worth it
But guess what, you're not worth it”

Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent, representing Fullmetal Wrestling Alliance, from New Orleans, Louisiana, weighing in at one hundred ninety pounds, he is "The Dropkick King" ...ADRIEN COCHRANE!!

Cochrane looks at the fans from the ramp for a moment, but before making his descent down the ramp, he looks over at his best friend and manager inside his temporary home and gives him a quick nod.

Hawke: And now we have the former X*Crown Champion.
Randy: And the biggest buzzkill in his best friend’s life.
Hawke: I mean, he did ask Eddie if he should go for the win or not.
Randy: I mean, yeah but… look at Eli for crying out loud!!

As Adrien leaps over the ropes to enter the squared circle and removes his black leather jacket to expose his #Believe shirt, he leans on the ropes with his fist in the air to the sound of the chorus. This is the first view the camera has of all the ladders that are

“Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, I'm always going to be the last one standing
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, because I'm never going to give up trying
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waiting for you
And I'm gonna be the last one standing”

---

INTERFED SHOWCASE
Ladder Match
Adrien Cochrane vs. Eli Dresden

---

The lights come back on and the sound of the ring bell opens the 2021 XHF End of Days show. Adrien gives Eli a brief nod while the bell rings. Eli responds with one of her own.

DING DING DING!!

Eli makes the first move with a quick clothesline, but Cochrane ducks it. Adrien goes for a hook kick in response, but Eli avoids that as well. With Adrien turned around, Dresden goes for a bulldog, but Adrien keeps his stance so Eli can’t move him, but when Adrien attempts to reply with an elbow, Eli Dresden takes a step back so Cochrane’s elbow connects with nothing but air.

Randy: Damn, these two are just dodging each other’s moves like they are Neo in the Matrix.
Hawke: This is a good opportunity to remind everyone at home that this is a ladder match. The winner of the match is the competitor to climb the ladder to gain possession of the briefcase above the ring, which contains the key to Eddie Walker’s cage. If Cochrane is victorious, he will earn Eli Dresden’s services as a babysitter.
Randy: And if Eli wins, she gets a different set of services from Mr. Walker. Lucky bastard!
Hawke: The ring is completely surrounded with various ladders of different heights all leaning along the barricade. There’s even a couple by the ramp. It’s only a matter of time before they get involved in the match.

Eli Dresden finally gets the first bit of offense that’s actually successful as she gets an arm drag on the Dropkick King. Cochrane, not one to let someone take control of a match too easily, bounces back to his feet and drives his shoulder into her midsection with a spear. The spear wasn’t as effective as say… one from Subject #42, however, as Adrien doesn’t have a whole lot of time to get back to his feet before Eli Dresden trips him up and sends him onto the middle rope. With his chest and head on the middle rope, Dresden springboards off the ropes and drives both of her feet into the back of Adrien Cochrane.

Randy: And Eli Dresden officially has taken control of the match.
Hawke: The double foot stomp from Eli while Adrien was on that rope could NOT have felt good.
Randy: It likely didn’t. Not with his chest along that rope, which isn’t exactly a soft surface.

Eli yanks Adrien back to his feet by his hair but Adrien hits an uppercut on the way up. As Eli stumbles back after the uppercut, Adrien hits his first dropkick of the match, which sends Eli Dresden down to the mat. Adrien gets himself in position to drop Dresden with a DDT once she tries to return to her feet. He keeps the headlock applied before slipping behind her to put her in a sleeper hold, perhaps to knock her out so he can simply climb the ladder and get the win. But Eli gives her classic grin before speaking directly to her opponent with the cameras being close enough to catch it.

Eli Dresden: When Eddie does this after I win, I’m gonna ask him to do it “harder, Daddy!”

Randy: *sprays his beer* WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?!
Hawke: I’m… not repeating that. It clearly worked, as Adrien just released the sleeper hold and is completely stunned.

Adrien’s eyes widen as Dresden drops the former X*Crown Champion with a drop toe hold. As soon as Adrien gets back to his feet, Eli was already bouncing off the middle rope and hit a crossbody to take down the Original Guardian. Now Eli looks up at the briefcase and at the multiple ladders on the outside. She smirks as she slides outside the ring and grabs one of the ladders around the ring.

Hawke: And finally, a ladder is making an appearance in this match.
Randy: It was only a matter of time.
Hawke: But she isn’t putting it in the ring. She’s leaning it onto the apron.

She slides back into the ring as Adrien starts to get back up. Eli Dresden irish whips Adrien into the ropes opposite the ladder and on the rebound, Dresden flips Adrien over her to land on the ladder… BUT ADRIEN LANDS ON HIS FEET ON THE APRON BEHIND HER!!

Randy: Adrien showing off that agility with that! And Eli doesn’t know he pulled it off!
Hawke: Dresden thinks he crashed into the ladder.
Randy: Don’t turn around, Eli!

Dresden, perhaps because she didn’t hear the sound of a crash or because she wanted to see her handiwork, turns around. The moment she does, she’s grabbed immediately by the Cajun Sensation and suplexed… RIGHT INTO THE LADDER BELOW!! The ladder is dented in the middle upon the impact of Eli Dresden’s body.

Randy: Well, THAT TIME a body crashed into it!
Hawke: Eli Dresden has been suplexed right into that ladder. And Adrien now has a huge opportunity right here!
Randy: He’s gonna have to use another ladder. That one isn’t gonna be usable anymore.

Per Randy Angel’s advice, Adrien grabs the nearest ladder on the outside and slides it into the ring. He climbs into the ring and sets up the ladder in the center, looking up at the briefcase that seals the victory for him. He takes a step and another and another.

Hawke: Adrien Cochrane is a few steps away from victory.
Randy: *BURP* Eli is showing some signs of life though! I don’t think Adrien is getting up there in time!

Adrien is on the second-to-last step just as Eli slowly rolls into the ring. Adrien reaches up and… ELI PUSHES THE LADDER OVER! Adrien falls and crashes into the turnbuckle padding in the corner before dropping to the mat. Eli drops to her hands and knees after pushing the ladder, clearly using everything she had at that moment to protect herself from losing the match that easily.

Eli Dresden: Not so fast…

Dresden pulls herself back up before propping Adrien up in the corner. She takes a few steps back before drilling him with a handspring elbow. Cochrane drops to the mat, but Eli wasn’t done with him.

Randy: You see, a predator likes to play with its prey before going for the kill.
Hawke: Eli is definitely not going for the win, knowing Adrien hasn’t been put away enough to climb the ladder just yet.

In order to do more damage to her opponent, Dresden yanks Adrien up by his dyed blonde hair and places him back in the corner. Adrien tries to swing with a left, but Dresden redirects his fist and Adrien collides with the ladder. While it wasn’t the worst collision in the world to bump into a ladder that was leaning over, Dresden slamming Adrien’s head into the steel was a bit worse for the Dropkick King. Cochrane not only drops to the mat again, he rolls to the ring near the entrance ramp. But Eli Dresden still wasn’t done with him.

Randy: Oh boy!! Match has gone to the outside now!
Hawke: And remember, there are PLENTY of ladders all over the barricades and near the entrance ramp.
Randy: And… well, Eddie is up there too.

Dresden tosses Adrien right into a barricade with a ladder lying at the base with Cochrane connecting with a little bit of both the barricade and the ladder. She tries to repeat this but Adrien hops atop the barricade and rebounds off into a corkscrew senton.

Hawke: Ace-inator!! Adrien is finally showing some signs of life!
Randy: He needed it too. *BELCH*

Both competitors are down after the Ace-inator but Adrien was the first one to finally get to his feet. Eli Dresden wasn’t far behind him. As soon as Dresden was on hers, Cochrane is the one hitting an arm drag on Dresden, sending her right into the ramp. Dresden admirably fights to get to her feet to keep fighting, but the DDT onto the steel puts a stop to that.

Eddie Walker: WAIT!!

Adrien Cochrane pauses for a moment and turns back towards the cage which houses his best friend. He tilts his head before taking a step closer.

Adrien Cochrane: What? What’s going on?

Walker hesitates before replying to his first client.

Eddie Walker: Stop. It’s okay. We’re… I can do this.

Hawke: Is Eddie telling Cochrane to stand down?
Randy: I think so! He’s ready to give it to Eli!

Cochrane raises an eyebrow.

Adrien Cochrane: Are you sure?

Randy: Is Adrien going to let Eli Dresden win this?
Hawke: I dunno. It looks like it’s on the table.

Walker, still seemingly conflicted about what’s going on, shakes his head.

Eddie Walker: No, never mind. Go win the match.

Before Adrien can even turn back around to face Eli Dresden, she was already up and driving him into the steel ramp with a bulldog. She blows another kiss at Eddie Walker before slamming Adrien face-first into the cage.

Randy: Well, that was a big distraction for Adrien.
Hawke: Eddie might be better off just keeping to himself in that cage. He put Adrien in a bad position there.
Randy: Or maybe he’s just trying to get laid. Who knows? But there she is, making that Cheshire Cat smirk at Walker, hinting at devious thoughts.
Hawke: I feel a fourth-wall breaking somewhere.

Dresden slams Adrien into the cage a few more times before the Dropkick King just drops to the ground. She then does something slightly unexpected: she starts climbing the cage Eddie is in.

Randy: Well, she’s on top of Eddie like she wanted!
Hawke: I don’t think what she’s up to is going to feel good for anyone. Wait, we are seeing some life from Adrien!

Adrien grabs the bottom of the chainlink wall of the cage before Eli Dresden reaches the top. Once she is at the top, she realizes Adrien is attempting to get up there as well and starts patiently waiting for him to climb up. Once Adrien reaches the edge of the cage, Dresden kicks him on the side of the head, causing Cochrane to drop back onto the ramp. She turns around and leaps for a moonsault onto the Dropkick King… BUT ADRIEN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!

Hawke: The moonsault doesn’t connect!!
Randy: Adrien might be hurting a good bit but he knew what was coming next.
Hawke: And now both competitors are down once more!

Adrien uses Eddie’s cage to pull himself up once more and sees Eli Dresden down. It becomes clear what he needs to do next. He slowly makes his way back down the ramp before grabbing a taller ladder that’s on the side of the ramp and takes it with him as he steps into the ring. While he gets back into the ring, Eli Dresden starts to get up herself. The moment she sees Cochrane setting up the ladder in the middle of the ring once more, she starts to give chase once more.

Randy: I don’t think Adrien is getting that briefcase in time.
Hawke: Me neither.

Adrien gets on the first step right when Eli slides back into the ring. Cochrane doesn’t bother going any further up the ladder, ready to keep fighting Eli Dresden. Once he grapples her to try to slam her back into mat, Eli Dresden twists around and takes him down with a headscissors.

Hawke: Tilt-A-Whirl headscissors takedown from Eli Dresden.
Randy: Remember we have two ladders in the ring now.

Eli decides that two isn’t enough, grabbing a third ladder from outside the ring and bringing it into the ring as well. She balances it on the bottom rope near where Adrien is trying to pull himself up. As soon as Adrien is in the ring position, Eli leg drops the opposite end of the ladder on the outside, sending the top of the ladder right into Adrien’s face. Cochrane drops fast and starts trickling read from his forehead.

Hawke: What a move by Eli Dresden!
Randy: And Adrien is bleeding. Why is it every time we watch him wrestle, Cochrane has to become a bloodied mess!
Hawke: It was only a matter of time considering how many times his face has come in contact with steel!

Eli Dresden starts climbing the ladder… but not the one in the center of the ring. She gets to the top of the smaller ladder. Adrien rolls to the outside of the ring. She looks down at Cochrane and leaps… INCOMING!!

Hawke: And the INCOMING connects!!
Randy: What a shooting star cannonball! And look at the height she got!
Hawke: Ladder is about twelve feet high plus the ring gave her another four to five feet extra height since Adrien was on the outside. And now, once again, both wrestlers are down!
Randy: I think we can safely bet which one will be up first. But now I wonder, was that Eli Dresden’s moment to maybe get the briefcase and end the match?

Adrien Cochrane is down. Eli Dresden is down. Eddie Walker is shouting “Get up!” from his cage but who knows who he is saying it to at this point. Eli Dresden starts using another ladder to help pull herself up before she can reach the barricade. Adrien is still completely motionless. Eli Dresden is finally back on her feet fully and she looks up at the prize above the ring.

Hawke: Eli Dresden looks like she wants to end the match.
Randy: Ah. I no longer think she wasted that opportunity before. Adrien is much worse off than the last time she climbed the ladder.
Hawke: And she’s back in the ring and climbing the big ladder in the middle of the ring.

Four steps up, Adrien Cochrane finally pulls himself up on the ring apron and rolls into the ring.

Hawke: And here comes Cochrane.
Randy: Happy Halloween from the bloodied face of the Dropkick King! Interesting that he’s climbing the opposite side of the ladder as Eli instead of knocking it over.

Eli is five steps from the top. Adrien is about four behind her. Eli is at the top. She starts to grab the briefcase until she feels a left from Cochrane. Then a right and Eli uses her hands to keep her balance and now Adrien was grabbing the briefcase. Realizing what was going on, Eli now grabs onto the briefcase as well. With a lot of pushing and shoving between the two, something happens that neither of them likely wanted… the ladder tips over.

Hawke: And down goes the ladder! Eli and Adrien are currently only suspended in the air with the only thing keeping them from a drop from a good seventeen feet or so is their grips onto that briefcase.
Randy: They are hanging by the moment right now!
Hawke: And there goes that fourth wall again.
Randy: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Eli Dresden uses the only thing she can to see if she can fight off Adrien, her feet. But after she delivers a kick onto Adrien, Adrien responds with a kick of his own. And then another from Adrien. And another. And another and suddenly, Eli Dresden has dropped down back to the mat.

Randy: And Eli Dresden has fallen!
Hawke: That looks like a bit of a controlled fall at least. She landed on her back and slapped the ground to displace the force pretty well. She is even getting back to her feet already.

Dresden keeps her eyes fixed on Cochrane as he attempts to see if he can drop down with the briefcase to win the match. Dresden doesn’t seem all that worried.

Randy: Eli is now waiting for Adrien to fall so she can do more things to him.
Hawke: She better be careful about leaving him up there. Adrien won his last ladder match by unhooking a belt from up there.
Randy: Big difference between unhooking a belt versus a briefcase.

Right on cue, Adrien slips and falls down to the mat, a bit less pleasantly than Eli Dresden did. While this is all going on, Eli Dresden introduces a third ladder into the ring, appearing to be in between the heights of the two already in the ring. But this ladder wasn’t for climbing… she starts striking Adrien with it as he was trying to get back up. And another. And another. And another and Adrien has fallen to the outside of the ring.

Hawke: At some point, Adrien has to ask himself if this is worth fighting for anymore.
Randy: He has taken a real beating in this match.
Hawke: I mean, we’ve watched him take a lot of those. I’m shocked he’s still trying to get back to his feet even now
Randy: I mean, true. I think Eli is ready to make it worse though. She’s running for the ropes. OH-EM-GEE time!!

She leaps over the ropes and vaults… INTO ADRIEN’S TWO FEET!!

Hawke: Adrien pulled that dropkick out of nowhere! Beautiful counter to the OH-EM-GEE!!
Randy: I dunno how he found the wherewithal to execute that one!
Hawke: Death, taxes, and Adrien will dropkick you when he needs it most.
Randy: And now both of them are down again. Also, Adrien is still bleeding. I think those ladder shots didn’t help.

It takes a few seconds before either wrestler showed any significant movement as the fans started chanting “THIS IS AWESOME!” For what felt like the first time in all of these exchanges, it’s actually Adrien who is the first to his feet. The next thing he does is a bit puzzling though: he sets up a ladder outside the ring and begins climbing it.

Randy: Uh, Adrien. That’s not how you end the match.
Hawke: I don’t think he’s trying to. This is Flight One Eight Two airspace right now

Eli Dresden starts getting up, perhaps unexpectedly by Adrien as he isn’t even facing her. She hops on the ring apron, which is about the same height as Adrien and gives him a punch and another and then she grabs him, looking down below.

Hawke: This doesn’t look good for Adrien.
Randy: I think we are in “will hurt both of us but hurt you more” territory.

As soon as Randy Angel finishes his sentence, Eli Dresden has executed her Arabian moonsault slam, otherwise known as the GDI!

Hawke: The GDI!! SHE DID IT OFF THE LADDER!!
Randy: These two are leaving it ALL in the ring tonight! Holy shit!
Hawke: With such strange stakes on the line tonight here, Eli Dresden and Adrien Cochrane are fighting one another with literally everything they’ve got!

It takes even longer this time for someone to get to their feet but this time, it’s Dresden. She crawls back into the ring and looks at the three ladders. After comparing all three of them standing up, she places the tallest one in the middle of the ring once more. By the time she does that though, an arm reaches for the barricade once more.

Hawke: Adrien is just so hard to keep down.
Randy: He’s really trying to get back up. Eli has to be quick.
Hawke: She has a chance but this will be close.

Dresden sees Cochrane starting to try to pull himself up. She steps. And steps. And steps. And Adrien is on his feet and sees where Eli Dresden is on the ladder. That’s when he starts doing the silent cross.

Hawke: This can’t be good. Adrien is doing the silent cross and he’s not even on anything high yet.
Randy: He’s about to do something. He is truly the “Go big or go home” fighter in the XHF Network.
Hawke: He’s hopping on the barricade and… wait, there’s four ladders all lined up in a straight line from the outside to the middle of the ring. He’s not…
Randy: This is either going to be amazing or will crash horribly.

Adrien leaps from the barricade onto the ladder on the outside then skips onto the top rope, slingshots onto the top of the next, shortest ladder in the ring to the middle ladder and leaps… TO DROPKICK DRESDEN OFF THE SIDE OF THE TALL LADDER!!

Randy: HOLY SHIT!!
Hawke: MY GOD!!
Randy: DID HE JUST DO THAT?!

The dropkick sends Dresden quite a few feet to the mat and Adrien down as well. The fans start chanting “holy shit” after the ladder hopscotch to dropkick Dresden, even if it likely looked more impressive than the damage it did to Dresden. In fact, both Eli and Adrien start moving around the same time. Eli is on the ropes opposite Adrien. Adrien, on the other hand, grabs the small ladder and is ready to use it as a weapon. Adrien swings… AND MISSES! Eli Dresden dodges it with an impressive roll under the ladder. She drops Cochrane with a spinning DDT. She positions the ladder and waits for Adrien to get back up.

Hawke: She wants to OMFN him into that ladder, doesn’t she?
Randy: Yuuuuuup!
Hawke: And here it comes!!

Dresden jumps to hit her finishing move to send Adrien’s body into the ladder… BUT COCHRANE DUCKS!! As soon as Eli turns around, Cochrane hits a finisher of his own.

Hawke: ADRIEN CUTTER!! Eli Dresden just went FACE FIRST into that steel!
Randy: Just when you think he has nothing left!
Hawke: Eli has done SO MUCH to Adrien in this match. But he still has some fight left in the tank!

Eli Dresden, as a result of the Adrien Cutter, is finally got blood trickling down her forehead to match Adrien’s crimson mask. Adrien looks up at the ladder and sees his opportunity. He starts climbing. And climbing. And climbing.

Hawke: This could be it! He’s slowly but surely getting to the top of that ladder!
Randy: He might be taking too long. Eli is back up!

Dresden grabs Adrien’s leg and throws a strike. Cochrane kicks in response. Another strike by Eli. Kick from Adrien. Eli! Adrien! Adrien again! And a third straight kick drops Eli into the ropes! Adrien climbs a few more steps until Eli Dresden finally just pushes the ladder over! Cochrane crashes into the corner of the ring once more, though from a much shorter height than he has at various points in the match.

Hawke: I thought he had it!
Randy: Now Eli might have it! She looks like she’s gonna go for the win!

Dresden uses the middle ladder and starts climbing it. Adrien looks like he doesn’t even know where he is as he stumbles into the ladder himself. Dresden is halfway up and Adrien is leaning against the ladder opposite her.

Hawke: You’re right there, Adrien! Climb or push it down!
Randy: Go faster, Eli!

Adrien finally takes a step. Eli is closer. Adrien goes up another and another. Dresden is near the top. Cochrane is halfway up. Dresden is reaching aaaaand… punch from Cochrane.

Hawke: Cochrane could just reach Dresden with that strike.
Randy: He’s still trying to climb to the top.
Hawke: This might be a good time to mention there is a seven-inch height difference between Dresden and Cochrane. Eli Dresden is five foot five, and Adrien is six feet tall even.

Cochrane delivers another punch. Eli Dresden replies with one of her own. Cochrane is finally on the top step and gives a right of his own.

Hawke: These two are battling it out on the very top of the ladder, trying to be the one who outlasts the other one.
Randy: They are both spewing blood and are probably bruised all over the place.
Hawke: They have left it all on the line in this match and both of them have proven that they have more fight than anyone could have imagined.

Left from Eli. Right from Adrien. Right from Eli. Left from Adrien. Eli slams Adrien’s face into the top of the ladder and he leans back from impact. Dresden reaches up for the belt but Adrien still has enough fight to give her an elbow.

Randy: This could be it! Whoever can fight off the other right here!
Hawke: Neither one are backing down, holding on for all dear life.
Randy: Adrien is reaching up for the briefcase too.

The height advantage becomes a bit more obvious as Adrien easily grabs the briefcase out of Dresden’s hands. She stops reaching for it and strikes Adrien in the chest but Adrien goes another route and smashes the briefcase into her face. He repeats the process a second and then a third time until…

Hawke: ELI DRESDEN JUST FELL!
Randy: Adrien hit her three times with the briefcase up top and it finally got her off the ladder! This could be it!

Eli Dresden is propped in the corner, blood running down her face and her blonde hair covered in red. She has nothing left to give after giving it all in this match. Adrien carefully starts to unhook the briefcase, almost losing his balance at one point… then finally securing it to end the match. The camera cuts to a clearly conflicted Eddie Walker in his cage as the bell sounds to call for the end of the match.

DING DING DING!!

"AND I’M GONNA BEEEEEEE, THE LAST ONE STANDING!!”

Hawke: Adrien Cochrane has done it!
Randy: I hope she doesn’t have to do that babysitting gig anytime soon and has a chance to recuperate after this hellacious match! These two nearly killed each other!
Hawke: Even Adrien is having a hard time getting back to the floor right now.

Adrien Cochrane’s feet finally safely touch the ground before he collapses into the ropes as Bonnie Jenkins makes the announcement.

Bonnie Jenkins: Here is your winner… The Dropkick King, ADRIEN COCHRANE!!

Cochrane looks through all the steel ladders over to his opponent. “Last One Standing” cuts off as Cochrane looks over at Eli Dresden, who is still in the corner, seated and devoid of any and all energy. And that’s when Adrien finally spoke to his opponent…

Adrien Cochrane: All of this… for him…?

Eli’s response is a simple nod. Adrien nods his head in reply before doing something no one expected him to do… he slides the briefcase in Dresden’s direction.

Adrien Cochrane: You deserve this.

For a moment, Eli’s gaze flickers between the briefcase and the Dropkick King… then again… then one final time before she’s managing a tired version of her trademark mischievous smirk. Getting to her feet, she picks up the briefcase and pops it open, retrieving the key. Eddie Walker raises both of his eyebrows as Eli makes her way up the ramp, freeing the Manager Extraordinaire before she walks in, puts her shoulder against Eddie’s torso, and then picks him up like a sack of potatoes!

Hawke: I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Randy: I guess Adrien deemed that if she went this far for Walker then she deserves to have what she wants.
Hawke: I just can’t believe Adrien gave her the key after he went THIS far to win the match!
Randy: I can’t believe after everything Eli went through, she was able to pick up Eddie Walker like a sack of potatoes. Eddie does weigh more than both of them!

Simple Plan’s “Last One Standing” plays once more as Adrien pushes down the ladder and rolls out of the ring to hobble backstage. He may have freely given Eli Dresden the prize she was after, but he holds his head high that he won the match. Dresden is a little unsteady on her feet, but she emerges from the cage with her prize.

---

Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is FIRESIDE’s Penalty Box Match!

The crowd cheers loudly!

Hawke: After that match of the year candidate that Adrien and Dresden put all of their effort in, we’re following up with another hot contest!
Randy: We could gush on and on about that match for hours, or debate what it is to be a match of the year, but Fireside is hot and ready!

The camera captures a view around the ring. There is a large penalty box set up just to the right of the entrance, capable of fitting a few wrestlers. It has a sturdy wooden board with a door that opens in its front, and glass walls rise out of the wood to form the box itself. Two referees from FIRESIDE, Melanie Davenport and Chris Mardinly, are ready to try to score the action.

Bonnie Jenkins: In this falls count anywhere match, you must pin or submit your opponents to score point! If you’ve been pinned or submitted, you must spend five minutes in the box! The highest score at the end of the half-hour period becomes the #1 contender to the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, to be fought for at the next Inferno!

Hawke: Big stakes here: the winner fights Dominicus or Fox in a Flag Match--
Randy: --okay, we’ll go with that…
Hawke: ...yes. Dominicus or Fox. This should be great!

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, wrestling out of Anaheim California, weighing in tonight at 159 pounds, she is “The Californian Angel”, “The Goddess of War”, REBECCCCCCAAAAAA BROOOOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!

The beats of “Headshot” begin to play throughout the arena as the house lights shine down a blue hue, circling around the arena and the stage. Soon comes The Californian Angel standing front and center of the stage, with a shine to her eye as she looks around the arena with a smile on her face. Rebecca looks around the arena before she slowly twirls around on the top of the ramp, showing off the sparkling gems within her ring jacket.

Hawke: The FIRESIDE rookie won one of the biggest matches of her career in her debut, knocking off MYOJIN, Brad Kane, and Mistress Discipline to grab a second round spot in the Kindling.
Randy: She’s out to prove herself and this is a chance to show the world what she can do.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing next, from Missiauaga, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 224 pounds, he is JOSEPH “RINK RAT” HAAAAAAAART!

Rink Rat emerges with standard hockey gear on, including carrying a big ol’ hockey stick with him as he walks down to the ring, wearing ice skates nonetheless.

Hawke: Where did they find this guy?
Randy: Destiny I think.
Hawke: It’s like he got dragged out of nowhere land!

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing third, from San Diego, California, weighing 165 pounds, they are the Shining Star, MYOOOOOOOJIIIIIIIINNNNNN!

"Are you ready?"

The lights dim down while the catchy, fast paced rock of RAINBOWS by A9 echoes as a spotlight suddenly appears on a figure on the ramp, with his back turned and begins kneeling. Once the beat finally kicks in, MYOJIN explodes with energy- wearing a masquerade-style mask over his eyes, and turns around with a confident smile on his face, raising his arms to soak in the positive reaction from everyone around.  With his blonde locks hanging over his face. He then whips his head back, flipping his hair out of his face before excitedly running down the ring before performing a cartwheel and a jump, landing on his feet near ringside!

Hawke: The former X-Crown and Junior Heavyweight champion looks to take the first step tonight in recapturing one of their championships!
Randy: Have you noticed a bit of an attitude lately from MYOJIN? It’s started to come up more and more, including with Felix lately. We’ll have to see what’s up with them.

He climbs up to the apron, grabs a hold of the top rope, and slingshots himself into the ring. MYOJIN performs a somersault roll, landing on his side with a hand on his hip. The other, taking off his mask to reveal his piercing blue eye contacts. He tosses it aside nonchalantly before climbing up the top turnbuckle, tilting his head upward as if he’s looking toward the sky- while the lights mimic stars above. He backflips off, back onto his feet while taking off his flamboyant coat and moving to his corner. The lights go back to normal as he checks his wrist tape. His charismatic smile fading to a more focused expression as he paces back and forth, ready for action.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing fourth, from Houston, Texas, weighing in at 160 pounds, they are SAAAAAAAAAAMMM SAAAAWYERRRRRRR!

The arena lights dim as a bassline begins to play. While a silver mist slowly fills the stage, the fans wait in anticipation. A deep voice starts singing in a whisper. Then, a dark figure walks through the mist. Completely decked out in black, the teenager slowly walks forward. The camera mostly keeps its distance. Different angles give a better look, but their face is still mostly obscured in darkness. After climbing the steps and entering the ring, the volume of the music increases.

"I hear the sons of the city and dispossessed
Get down, get undressed
Get pretty but you and me
We got the kingdom, we got the key
We got the empire, now as then
We don't doubt, we don't take direction"

The mist has thinned but the arena is still dark. The song quietens down.

"Lucretia, my reflection, dance the ghost with me"

Then reaches its loud finale. The lights come back on and the fans cheer. The camera focuses on Sam Sawyer's cold, glaring face.

Hawke: Almost silent, still very deadly, the young Sam Sawyer came within inches of breaking out against Valentine and capturing the Crown, but has punched their ticket to round two of the Kindling in a hell of an effort against Shane Locke!
Randy: Can Sawyer keep it up?

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing fifth, from Atlanta, Georgia, weighing in at 180 pounds, they are ELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL REYYYYYYYYY!

The opening of the Big Sean’s “Wolves” hits the pa system and El Rey strolls onto the stage wearing the mask he stole off of the head of El Combatiente. He looks around soaking up there surroundings before ripping the mask off of his head and revealing the half painted face. He strolls down the ramp ignoring the outstretched hands of the fans until he reaches the ring. At ringside he leaps up onto the apron and then over the ropes and spins around in the ring with his arms outstretched. He spins around a couple times and then moves to the corner waiting for the match to begin.

Hawke: We’ve seen El Rey, an NLW star, show up at FIRESIDE a few times, but could this be the heist of the century with him stealing the XHF Junior Heavyweight championship shot from the competition?
Randy: Look at the eyes of MYOJIN -- Rey already committed the heist when he helped Evan steal the title off the Shining Star. This might be a case of chumming the waters.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing sixth, residing in the primal instincts of Floridians everywhere, he is FLOOOOOOOORIDAAAAAA MAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!

Out of the back staggers The Florida Man to the tune Gimme Some Lovin' by The Spencer Davis Group. The masked gator - who almost walks like a man - chugs a 14% Four Loko before opening another one. With the swagger of a reptile who can't walk a straight line, Florida bumps into guardrails in sync with the music, high fiving fans who help direct his constant motion towards the ring.  Before entering the ring, Florida Man hands his partially drunken Four Loko to a random member of the audience. This week's lucky fan is a six-year-old girl.

Florida Man: HOLD MY BEER WOMAN! . . . I know how much is in there, don't even think about stealing a sip, I do not abide thievery and will mess you up!

The audience chants along with his catchphrase: HOLD. MY. BEER. WOMAN!

Hawke: I don’t have words---
Randy (also chanting along): HOLD! MY! BEER!

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing seventh, from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is VOOOOOOODKAAAAAA FIIIIIIZZZZZZZZ!

The lights go down and blacklights come up, bathing the stage in purple. A hard, grungy bassline starts to play.

"Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!"

The bass gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and an over-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp.  When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.

Hawke: Just as Floridian as the man himself, FIRESIDE’s SPARK Champion has a tough battle against Felix at the next Inferno!
Randy: I’ll have what he’s having!

Bonnie Jenkins: And finally, rounding out the field, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is the FATHER of FIRESIDE, he is ANTHHOOOOONNNNNYY CAFFREEEEEEYYYYYYYY!

“My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” begins to blare through the field sound system. The crowd begins to erupt in cheers. The arena rises to their feet collectively as purple sparkler sprays from the makeshift stage setup to the side of the football field. Anthony Caffrey steps onto the stage under the glowing image on the Xtremetron of a Purple Emperor butterfly. He nods to his people as they cheer. He begins his slow march down the ramp and onto the turf of the entryway as he soaks in the adoration. He and the fans share a moment as he taps on his ankle, then circles his finger around the ring, before miming snapping everyone’s ankles. He rolls into the ring and rises to his feet and begins to call on the crowd to pump up the noise. He hands his glasses off to the timekeeper and stretches in the corner anticipating the level of violence to come in this Penalty Box Match.

Hawke: Anthony Caffrey doesn’t look like that loss to Donzig has phased him as much as we might’ve expected, Randy!
Randy: You have to pick yourself up and keep fighting. This is a man who beat Dylan Black a few weeks ago -- and he looks ready to take the field here.
Hawke: Two referees, falls count anywhere rules, and a half hour on the clock! There’s the bell, this eight-person match is finally kicking off!

---

FIRESIDE PRESENTS: XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender's Match
Penalty Box Match
Rebecca Brookes vs. Rink Rat vs. MYOJIN vs. Sam Sawyer vs. El Rey vs. Florida Man vs. Vodka Fizz vs. Anthony Caffrey

---

As the bell rings, the screen above the ramp becomes adorned with graphics indicating the eight participants and the time remaining, a half hour beginning to tick down. The action in the ring is much less elegant, as it has quickly become a series of wrestlers punching and kicking each other, with various groups tumbling out of the ring to the floor on the outside. For one reason or another, when the dust settles, an incapacitated, somehow-almost-dead Florida Man and a more-than-healthy Rink Rat are the only two wrestlers remaining.

Hawke: This is a mess!
Randy: Trying to keep my eyes on everyone and failing pretty miserably! The beer goggles certainly don’t help!

Rink Rat: I don’t believe you! I’ve seen this before!

Florida Man pleads the fifth, visibly not dead. Ring Rat shows visible annoyance and moves in to lock on the Penalty Box, his version of the Anaconda Vise, only to be quickly caught in a possum from the Man! The rest of the group is distracted as Davenport drops to make the count! Florida Man uses the ropes for leverage!

Hawke: Wait there’s a pin going on in the ring!
Randy: I think everyone’s distracted with one another!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The referee calls for a point!

Bonnie Jenkins: FLORIDA MAN HAS SCORED THE FIRST POINT! JOSEPH HART TO THE PENALTY BOX!

Hawke: Two and a half minutes in and we already have our first addition to the penalty box as Florida Man scores a quick fall!
Randy: Now Joe’s gotta spend five minutes in the box!

Referee Chris Mardinly helps a pissed off Rink Rat to the penalty box as the crowd cheers for the antics of Florida Man. The announcement has caused the wrestlers surrounding the ring to converge on his location. Rebecca Brookes has entered the fray and strikes Rink Rat with a hard chop to the back of the neck, only to turn around and discover Sam Sawyer leading the charge and nearly taking the heads off of two of their opponents with the Fire with Fire!

Hawke: Good God almighty what a lariat!
Randy: A real slobberknocker, knocking Brookes out to the floor and maybe knocking Florida Man out cold!

As Sawyer goes to make the cover, the rookie finds themself ejected out of the ring by El Rey, who goes to steal the fall on Florida Man for himself!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...MYOJIN breaks the count!

Hawke: The Shining Star prevents the fall!
Randy: Don’t look now Rey, you might not like the view!

MYOJIN corkscrews around for the Love from Osaka, only to be met with a steel chair yeeted at his face by Vodka Fizz! They go down in a heap as the SPARK Champion is still turned around as he tries to come into the ring, only to be dropped back to the floor as El Rey runs and delivers a shoulder block similar to a suicide dive, sending Fizz colliding into the ringside barricade!

Hawke: Yikes! A nasty landing for Fizz there!
Randy: Did you see how his head caught the barricade? Ouch!

The camera captures Vodka Fizz on the outside of the ring, his mouth covered in blood as a tooth is missing from a landing that could best be described as an unfortunate uppercut from the barrier! The veteran Anthony Caffrey takes advantage of this, going for a pin!

Hawke: Fizz lands right in the vulture’s grasp!
Randy: Everything’s fair game in a match like this!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...El Rey breaks the count with a 630 senton to the floor!

Hawke: Holy shit! That’s one way to break a count!
Randy: 630 senton! High risk, potentially high reward as he comes crashing down on both competitors!
Hawke: A heap of humanity on the outside as referees have gone over to check on the three men -- and El Rey is pinning both!

...ONE! ....ONE!
...TWO! ....TWO!
...THREE! ....THREE!
Both referees signal for a point!

Hawke: Whoah! Two points for El Rey as he jumps into the lead!
Randy: That’s huge!

Bonnie Jenkins: EL REY HAS SCORED TWO POINTS! VODKA FIZZ AND ANTHONY CAFFREY, TO THE BOX!

Some of the fans yell “to the box” with Bonnie Jenkins but a majority of the crowd boo as the two good guys begin to get ushered up towards the ramp. Meanwhile, Joseph “Rink Rat” Hart is running down the ramp, having been released from his penalty time!

Hawke: Hope that box is big enough for the two of them!
Randy: Here comes Joey!

Rink Rat has armed himself with his hockey stick, immediately breaking it over the back of MYOJIN, who was too distracted by getting his hands on his rival to notice! The Shining Star shrieks in pain as the splintered wood has cut open their back, but they fall against the ropes and then look back over at Joseph Hart, looking furious!

Hawke: He really stuck it to him there!
Randy: I’m not sure he’s gonna be happy with that decision!

MYOJIN stands up and angrily thumps on their chest, demanding Rink Rat hit them again. Joe looks on with a look on his face that he knows he’s messed up, and as he’s about to consider pleading for forgiveness, finds himself trapped in the Orion! Barely twenty seconds pass before Rink Rat is pounding on the mat to tap out as the Shining Star tries their damndest to break the ankle! Referee Chris Mardinly calls for the point!

Hawke: The Orion! Just as soon as it’s locked in, it scores MYOJIN a point!
Randy: This match can explode points-wise due to the caliber of some of these competitors, and you just saw it there! The Orion has claimed many legs and ankles, and just claimed another one right there!

Bonnie Jenkins: MYOJIN HAS SCORED A POINT! JOSEPH “RINK RAT” HART, TO THE BOX!

The crowd has gotten into yelling “TO THE BOX!” right after Jenkins does it. The ring is a mess of bodies down and around.

Hawke: A little less than twenty minutes remain as the score is El Rey two, MYOJIN and Florida Man one!
Randy: This is exciting!

As MYOJIN tries to get up to celebrate, they’re met with El Rey grabbing their head and looking to connect with Sliced Bread! As El Rey goes to run up the turnbuckles, the Shining Star shoves him, dumping him out on the floor!

Hawke: Sliced--NO!
Randy: Another hard fall to the outside for El Rey!

The former X-Crown champion takes a moment to jaw at El Rey, only to find their arms quickly trapped behind them! They are locked up and then taken for a ride as Rebecca Brookes sends them crashing down on their head with the Watch the Throne, right onto a steel chair!

Hawke: OH NO! WATCH THE THRONE ONTO A CHAIR!
Randy: What an impact! That should be a point for sure!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!

Bonnie Jenkins: REBECCA BROOKES HAS SCORED A POINT! MYOJIN, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Maybe not just to the box, but also to the hospital!
Randy: That’s a hell of a way to break a neck if you aren’t careful!

Brookes turns around and spots the fallen body of Florida Man, and after making sure he isn’t playing possum, picks him up and drops him with a bicycle knee strike!

Hawke: Desolate Midnight!
Randy: Midnight strikes on the Floridian! Can Brookes get to two points?

Brookes hooks the leg!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!

Bonnie Jenkins: REBECCA BROOKES HAS SCORED ANOTHER POINT! FLORIDA MAN, TO THE BOX!

FIRESIDE’s medical staff is out to check on the Shining Star as Anthony Caffrey and Vodka Fizz are both released from the box at the same time, but it’s clear that neither man is ready to join the action back at ringside as instead the two begin to trade fisticuffs out by the box! Caffrey takes the early advantage, getting low and banging Fizz’s back hard into the penalty box, drawing a reaction from the crowd as they cheer the loud BANG!

Hawke: A BANG Kanyon would be jealous of!
Randy: Caffrey’s got something big planned!

Caffrey leans back and pumps up the crowd before charging forward for the Closing Remarks, only for Fizz to duck! Caffrey’s elbow and upper body go crashing into the glass, causing it to shatter on impact!

Hawke: Oh my God!
Randy: The glass just shattered everywhere!

The penalty box area is covered in glass, as Caffrey has been practically knocked out through the impact. The glass has also rained down on Florida Man and Rink Rat as Fizz grabs Caffrey and twists him around, taking no chances and dropping him face first onto the hard floor with a double underhook inverted facebuster!

Hawke: Mind Eraser! Goodnight Anthony!
Randy: A hell of a shot followed by a hell of a move! This should get Fizz on the board!

It takes referee Chris Mardinly a few moments to get up to the action, and then Fizz hooks the leg, covering the owner!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The crowd cheers as Mardinly calls for a point!

Bonnie Jenkins: VODKA FIZZ HAS SCORED A POINT! ANTHONY CAFFREY, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Under 15 minutes remain as the SPARK champion has just pinned the owner!
Randy: He’s going to need medical help too! Two for Fizz and El Rey, one to MYOJIN and Florida Man!

The cameras cut back to the action in the ring as Rebecca Brookes and Sam Sawyer are in the ring trading blows. Sawyer sends Brookes off the ropes and manages to counter the spear attempt from Brookes by falling backwards, catching Rebecca with an STO!

Hawke: This Corrosion!
Randy: Sawyer needs to get on the board if they’re compete in this one!

Sam Sawyer ascends to the top rope and flies off backwards, crashing down onto Brookes with a Sawyersault! As Sam rolls up for another one, El Rey catches them, looking to eject them from the ring again! Rey crosses the arms for the X-Plex, only for Sawyer to elbow their way out! Sam absolutely nails a brutal open hand slap to El Rey, sending the crowd into a commotion!

Randy: GET FUCKED!
Hawke: You all love to shout the name of that move a little too much!

This time, Sawyer ejects El Rey from the ring, before turning their attention back to Brookes! They climb the ropes and after no further delay, crash down onto Brookes with another Sawyersault! They stay on top for the pin!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Referee Melanie Davenport calls for the point!

Bonnie Jenkins: SAM SAWYER HAS SCORED A POINT! REBECCA BROOKES, TO THE BOX!

The scores on the big screen above read out as follows:

EL REY: 2
REBECCA BROOKES: 2
FLORIDA MAN: 1
VODKA FIZZ: 1
MYOJIN: 1
SAM SAWYER: 1
TIME REMAINING: 9:47

Hawke: Just over nine minutes remain!
Randy: Time goes quickly in a match like this!

Vodka Fizz arrives back at ringside and spots a downed El Rey. Not one to resist getting in an assault on his rival, he stomps a mudhole into El Rey before hopping onto his cart, pumping up the crowd as he turns the golf cart back on.

Hawke: What the hell are we about to see?
Randy: FORE!

Fizz throws the cart into drive and revs the tiny engine before driving it straight into El Rey, knocking him up and out of the way as the crowd cheers!

Hawke: He just ran him over and this crowd cheered like it was Christmas!
Randy: Anytime New Money gets what’s coming to them, these fans love it! Here’s a pin!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The crowd cheers as the referee signals for another point!

Bonnie Jenkins: VODKA FIZZ HAS SCORED ANOTHER POINT! EL REY, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Fizz scores his second point! You have to be careful as time ticks down, getting pinned or submitted with under five minutes left effectively eliminates you from scoring any more points!
Randy: There’s a three way tie right now, will someone be able to break it?

Three box releases occur at the same time as MYOJIN, Florida Man, and Rink Rat all escape the box at once. Sawyer gestures for them to come down to ringside, but the battle that breaks out up by the box indicates that just isn’t happening. Sam leaves the ring to come meet them, brutally taking down Vodka Fizz with another Get Fucked on their way! And as El Rey is walked up to the ramp, MYOJIN takes a moment for payback, jumping up and finally nailing the Love from Osaka!

Hawke: Sawyer with another big slap and-- hey! Rey was on his way to the box!
Randy: He probably deserved it! Listen to this crowd!

El Rey falls off the ramp to the floor just next to it as the Shining Star makes it back up to their feet. They are quickly joined by Sam Sawyer as the action has broken into a flurry again. The camera switches to Florida Man, who has somehow scaled the non-broken side of the penalty box, and now stands on top of the box, perched and unwilling to come down.

Hawke: Florida Man’s up on that box! What’s he gonna do?
Randy: I think he’s gonna realize he’s afraid of heights, Hawke!

Almost on cue, Florida Man is frozen in fear at the potential of dropping down onto his competitors below. Officials begin to open up ringside phonebooks to find the number of the local fire department, but a conscious Anthony Caffrey makes the decision to bang on the glass again, sending Florida Man flipping forward, crashing down onto four competitors with a front flip!

Hawke: That’s one way to get him down!
Randy: He’s on top of Sawyer! That fall might have crushed them!

Florida Man hooks a leg!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Referee Chris Mardinly indicates a point!

Bonnie Jenkins: FLORIDA MAN HAS SCORED HIS SECOND POINT! SAM SAWYER, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Two and a half minutes remain! That’s not going to be enough time for Sam to get out of the box!
Randy: The rising star brought down by a falling nuisance!

EL REY: 2
REBECCA BROOKES: 2
FLORIDA MAN: 2
VODKA FIZZ: 2
MYOJIN: 1
SAM SAWYER: 1
TIME REMAINING: 2:35

Hawke: There’s a string of bodies out here!
Randy: The owner of FIRESIDE looks to pick the bones!

A bloody Anthony Caffrey emerges from the box and looks for a target, grabbing the already-injured ankle of Rink Rat! The Process is locked in for mere moments before Rink Rat taps again!

Bonnie Jenkins: ANTHONY CAFFREY SCORES A POINT! RINK RAT, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Opportunity knocked for The Process!
Randy: Can he keep it going?

Caffrey raises an arm for the crowd as he measures up Vodka Fizz, ready to get even with him, but he’s taken from behind and thrown off the stage by an emerging El Rey, throwing him through a table of electric equipment! A small explosion happens at ringside!

Hawke: Down goes Caffrey! El Rey just yeeted him through that table!
Randy: He might be dead! What a fall!

Before El Rey can celebrate much longer, MYOJIN picks the ankle, looking to lock in the Orion! Meanwhile, Vodka Fizz locks the arms of Rebecca Brookes behind her for another Mind Eraser, only to be pulled into a ripcord Bicycle Knee! The Orion is locked in!

Hawke: MYOJIN is looking to score a second point but Brookes may be about to notch a third! Absolute Midnight!
Randy: The cover and the count!

...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Referee Chris Mardinly signals for another point!

Bonnie Jenkins: REBECCA BROOKES SCORES HER THIRD POINT! VODKA FIZZ, TO THE BOX!

Hawke: Brookes takes the lead with thirty seconds to go!
Randy: El Rey is refusing to tap! MYOJIN is pissed!

A screaming and crying El Rey flips MYOJIN the finger as the Orion tears at his ligaments. Mysteriously, we hear the sound of Davenport counting another fall!

...ONE!
...TWO!
…THREE!
Referee Melanie Davenport calls for another point as the countdown strikes zero!

Hawke: Who pinned who?
Randy: That’s over by the electric table-- IT’S FLORIDA MAN!
Hawke: That’s three and three, who wins?

As the commotion breaks out at ringside, Melanie Davenport has raised Florida Man’s hand, while Chris Mardinly has raised Rebecca Brookes’ hand! As the fans react loudly with cheers, Bonnie Jenkins gets on the microphone!

Hawke: This is a mad flurry!
Randy: Someone’s speaking in Jenkins’ earpiece!

Bonnie Jenkins: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AS I’VE JUST BEEN INFORMED BY GENERAL MANAGER MARCUS WASHINGTON, YOUR WINNERS, WITH THREE POINTS A PIECE… FLOOOORIDAAAA MMMMMAAAAANNNNNNN AND REBECCCCCCAAA BROOOOOKEEEEESSSS!

Hawke: What a battle! What a war!
Randy: This means a threeway Flag Match at the next Inferno! The United States vs. Florida vs. Dominicus or Fox!
Hawke: FIRESIDE has that match, the Kindling semifinals, a cross-promotion battle for the SPARK title, and MAJESTY’s Realm coming up!
Randy: Will the rookie capture the title, or will be feeling the power of Florida?
Hawke: Find out soon!

As the camera captures a selection of broken bodies, blood, and broken glass, it also captures the looks of Florida Man and Rebecca Brookes, both ready for their opportunity in their own way.

---

Hawke: Alright folks, I'm getting the signal that we're supposed to turn the microphones over to Aleister Mayfield.
Randy: How is it that he gets to do commentary for SCCW matches whenever he wants?
Hawke: I'm not sure. But I am sure that this SCCW International Championship match will be quite the spectacle
Randy: Maybe he's got some dirt on Mongo.....

---

SCCW PRESENTS: SCCW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Barbed Wire Deathmatch
Jeff Gilliam vs. Sister Valerie (c)

---

---

Hawke: Up next we have the XHF Women's Championship match, as FWA's Ava Cannon defends against J-ROK's SORA!
Randy: Can I say the line, Hawke? Can I? It's only fair!
Hawke: Absolutely NOT! King got canceled and I can't go through three partners in a year!
Randy: But it's an homage! A nod of admiration! Respect!
Hawke: You've clearly had too much to drink.

"Deracine" by The GazettE hits as J-ROK's representative, Rio "SORA" Kurokawa makes her way down to the ring. The fans are not sure how to respond because the J-ROK loyalists want the title back in the company, but generally SORA is unwelcome as far as the crowd is concerned.

Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL! And is a dog collar match for the XHF Women's Championship! Introducing first, fighting out of the blue corner. Standing at FIVE-FEET-SIX-INCHES tall and weighing ONE-HUNDRED-AND-TWENTY-SEVEN POUNDS, THE CHALLENGER, REPRESENTING KADO AND J-ROK, SHE IS SOOOOOOOORA!

The instrumental beat of "Can't Get the Best of Me" by Cypress Hill blares out of the PA system and spotlights roam around the arena. Lights start to flicker with the beat of the song. As soon as we hear the opening verse, "Beautiful and Dangerous" Ava Cannon steps out of the curtains with a sick smile on her face. Ava Cannon squats down and sways like Dakota Kai does in her entrance before standing up straight and doing her signature Cannon shot taunt. She then struts to the ring confidently while soaking in the attention she is getting. She enters the ring as soon as we hear the chorus and the crowd sings along.

"You can't get the best of me
Can't get the best of me
You can't get the best of me
Can't get the best of me
You can't get the best of me
Can't get the best of me
You can't get the best of me
Can't get the best of me"

Once Ava enters the ring, she jogs around the ring and sings along with the crowd while hyping herself up. After that, Ava Cannon pounds her chest repeatedly before doing one final cannon taunt.

Bonnie Jenkins: And her opponent, fighting out of the red corner. Standing at FIVE-FEET-SIX-INCHES tall and weighing ONE-HUNDRED-THIRTY POUNDS, THE XHF WOMEN'S CHAMPION, REPRESENTING FWA, SHE IS AVAAAAAAAAA CANNOOOOOOOOOOOON!

Hawke: Both ladies are having the dog collar and chairs secured to themselves. They will not be able to get far from one another in this environment.
Randy: Collars? Kinky.
Hawke: Gross.

Once the collars are in place this match is able to get underway!

---

JROK PRESENTS: XHF WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Dog Collar Match
SORA vs. Ava Cannon (c)

---

The bell rings and Ava and SORA both give the chain a good few tugs, before engaging in a tug-of-war between each other, pulling each other towards the center of the ring. They begin to punch each other, trading blows back and forth to the enjoyment of the surrounding audience! SORA backs Ava into the corner of the ring, delivering a lethal injection of strikes to the champion! Ava blocks what she can, not willing to succumb to the punishment so early. SORA backs away from the corner, testing the tension of the chain before yanking it, pulling Ava neck-first into a shotgun dropkick that sends her over the ropes onto the apron! Ava doesn't have much time to recover, as the chain length shortens and SORA sweeps her legs out, leaving her hanging over the top rope! Literally! Symbolically!

Hawke: Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Ava's being hung out to dry!
Randy: The devilish SORA has the tenacity to bring the championship back to J-ROK!

Ava struggles to get her feet on some sort of stable ground while also choking! She reaches far back and grabs the ropes, pulling herself up and getting her feet back on the apron! SORA lets her go for a second, before running for a spear through the ropes! Ava counters this with a knee strike, knocking her clean off her feet into the ring. Ava climbs over the ropes to the top and jumps for a splash, crushing SORA in the ring! She makes a pin attempt, only securing a one-and-a-half count. She smacks the mat, frustrated, before wrapping the chain around SORA's arms and tying them behind her back! Ava helps SORA to a kneeling position, before unleashing a series of YES! Kicks to the challenger! She kicks SORA in the chest again, and again, and again and again before rearing back for a huge roundhouse to the challenger but SORA ducks! Ava sees this and brings her leg down for a leg drop across the back of SORA's head!

Randy: Oof! My neck hurt after seeing that!
Hawke: The ever-innovative Ava Cannon making quick use of her ring awareness to strike down onto SORA!

Ava stomps on SORA a few times, getting ready for a big combo move! She readies herself, but as she charges the now-kneeling SORA her opponent ducks and rolls! SORA dodges the move and with one swift move unties her hands and headbutts Ava! Stuns her good! SORA takes that chain and whips it around, sweeping the base of Ava once more! She then whips Ava across the back with the chain, leaving welts and getting yelps! She keeps bringing the chain down across the back of Ava, turning her back into mincemeat! 

Hawke: This is a cringeworthy display. Classic XHF though.
Randy: IT'S SUCH GOOD SHIT!

SORA crouches as Ava begins to stir, pushing herself to stand. Ava turns and faces her challenger, and for her troubles SORA ROUNDHOUSE KICKS AVA IN THE HEAD! AVA GOES DOWN LIKE A STACK OF BRICKS AND SORA IS READY TO PUT THE FINAL NAIL IN THE COFFIN! SORA CLIMBS TO THE TOP ROPE AND STEADIES HERSELF... OH MY! AVA CANNON YANKS ON THE CHAIN AND SORA FALLS TO THE MAT! AS SORA FALLS, AVA RUNS THE NEAREST ROPE AND CHARGES HER! CANNON SHOT! SORA EATS THE MAT AND GODDAMN IT, THEY'VE GOT A FAMILY! AVA MAKES A PIN AND IT'S INEVITABLE FROM HERE!

ONE...
TWO...
THREE!

Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match via pinfall AND STILL the XHF WOMEN'S CHAMPION, AVA CANNON!

Hawke: The champ retains! FWA gets to keep the shared custody of the XHF Women's Championship!
Randy: Booo, it belongs to J-ROK! Bring it back!
Hawke: Only someone as strong as her can bring it back home.
Randy: Hmm... do you think I'd look convincing in a wig?
Hawke: What?
Randy: Nevermind.
Hawke: Anyways folks, up next we're going to be turning things over to our GUNS counterparts on location as they cover the XHF Phoenix Championship match!
Randy: Ooh! I'm helping with that!
Hawke: ....What?

---

Far from the beach in the French countryside, a large crowd of fans have gathered outside of an overgrown cornfield. As the Network feed starts, some animal handlers are trying to coral the latest member of GUNS bear division, an ornery female Grizzly named UrsusLa, into the narrow entrance of a corn maze.

Magnus: Welcome fans to the GUNS portion of this apocalypse! This is the long anticipated Night of Champions rematch between Phoenix champion, Redmond Fury, and former champion, Greg Adkins. We already saw what these two could do in the ring, but what about a cornfield? Inside this maze all sorts of ghouls and goblins are just waiting for them to make the wrong turn-
Phillips: So it’s just a lumberjack match?
Magnus: Damn it, Phillips, does your parole officer even know you left the country? Lumberjacks? More like the forces of darkness, who knows what terrors are Phoenix division will have to face-
Phillips: Well it won’t be the bear.
Magnus: What? Damn it.

UrsusLa has broken free from her handlers, and is lumbering away from the maze.

Magnus: Someone round her up before she hurts someone.

The announcers walk over to the entrance of the maze where Fury and Adkins wait for the start. Fury hands the championship over to referee Johnny Cobb, who in turn hands it to a special guest star.

Cobb: Somewhere inside this corn maze will be the Phoenix title belt. The winner will be the official entrant who retrieves the championship, and escapes the maze on the other side, using the official exit while holding the belt.

Both men nod.

Cobb: Now so that no one is aware of the belt’s location before the match begins, we have a special guest to place it. The punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl 9 and 10 winning team, Bobby Walden.

Walden: Bradshaw isn’t the only Steeler who can enjoy cross sport success! He ain’t seen wrestling yet. Where is that big, dumb SOB at anyway?

Magnus: He is very hard to get in touch with.

Walden: You’re telling me. Well, no time like the present-

Walden punts the Phoenix Championship into the corn maze.

---

GUNS PRESENTS: XHF PHOENIX CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Corn Maze Deathmatch
"Guttertrash" Greg Adkins vs. "The Buckeye Bruiser" Redmond Fury (c)

---

Magnus: And there off! No sooner has the match begun then Greg with a low blow! The champion is slumped against the entrance in pain, while Adkins enjoys a head start!

Walden (holding up a sack): Well, if you don’t need me further, I’m going to go trick or treating.

Magnus: Thank you for joining us, Mr. Walden.
Phillips: Fury moving at a slower pace but charging after Adkins, and the two turn right at the end of the first row- and- I can’t see anything.
Magnus: Have a little faith, Phillips.

A crane hoists the announcers up into the air, so that they are looming over the maze. From an overhead view, the maze has many of diverging paths, but has still been cut to write GUNS. Down a trail leading to the U, Fury and Adkins trade elbow shots. The two men pummel away at each other, not realizing how close they are to the first group of angry monsters.

Magnus: Adkins going for an eye gouge clawhold, but before he can fully lock it in, Fury knocks him off with a pec pop!
Phillips: No sooner has Fury wiped out his eyes than Adkins throws a fistful of soil into them. Fury blinded, and Adkins goes for a spear- only this is Fury, and the bigger man doesn’t need to see to toss him off with a release pumphandle suplex!
Magnus: Adkins pulling off a stalk of corn and using it to whip Fury in the face. Guttertrash really going after Fury’s vision, and now heading in the opposite direction. He wants to hurt the champion, but Adkins is too shrewd a competitor to lose sight of the prize – which will be easier to find solo.

Michael Myers & LeatherFace are waiting behind a cornrow with chainsaw & machete at the ready... when they are approached by a WILD Jigglypuff. Awkward Adam peaks out of Jigglypuff's mouth.

Jigglypuff: Jeez. That is so scary. I think I got the costume wrong. Should I stay? No, I'm killing the vibe, aren't I? I'm just going to leave.

Jigglypuff turns to leave, only to stop - which way was the exit?

Jigglypuff: ...Jigglypuff.

While Myers and Leatherface are distracted, Greg Adkins sneaks past. Then stops, picks up a stone, and throws it in the direction of Fury. Fury heads towards the disturbance, right into the waiting ambush. The champion brawls with the two movie monsters, while Adkins continues to look for the Phoenix – now walking with the swagger of a super villain.

Phillips: Even in an environment as unusual as this, Adkins showing his ring smarts. The two monsters going to town on Fury, doing the challengers work for him. That chainsaw might only be a prop, but it’s a sharp looking one and Fury is getting hammered.
Magnus: In fairness, Fury is holding his own against the two guards – but the only way to get through this maze is to run. Escape the monsters – they won’t follow. We aren’t paying them enough.
Phillips: Adkins continuing to the left, and Fury has finally taken enough abuse that he forces himself free. He staggers off, surprised that he’s not being pursued.
Magnus: See?
Phillips: Well those were some scary looking customers. When you first announced this, I was concerned it would be some lame Children of the Corn reference.
Magnus: What? Stephen King is scary. In the Tall Grass!
Phillips: That’s not really vintage King-
Magnus: What would you prefer? Cujo? Christine?
Phillips: No need to take it personally, Magnus. Wait, what are you doing?
Magnus: Making a phone call!

When Fury finally catches up with Greg Adkins, he is about to take his head off with a closeline when he notices that Greg is uncomfortably still. Looking past Greg, Fury sees the source of the Guttertrash’s unease. The giant figure of Jason Voorhees stands motionless at a dead end. Since they have to backtrack anyway, this is an easy enough terror to avoid. If only the Phoenix title hadn’t landed on the Camp Crystal Lake killer’s boot.

Adkins: Be my guest.

Shaking his head, Fury approaches the massive monster. Very slowly, non-threateningly, aware that he is being watched but trying not to initiate combat.

Fury: Hi there, I know you’re supposed to attack us if we go anywhere near you – but unfortunately my friend and I have to retrieve that belt at your feet. I’m just going to do that now, and don’t mean any offense by it. That is a great costume by the way.

Fury picks up the belt. Still expecting a brutal shot, he takes a cautious step back, but then recognizes the eyes behind the mask.

Fury: Wait. #42? You’re Subject #42! (turning back to Adkins) It’s Subject #42! You are my favourite X*Crown champion!

Jason Voorhees brings his machete down across Fury’s head. The blade is made out of plastic, but the force is hard enough that it could have split Fury’s head wide open. Gushing blood, Fury staggers a few feet back. Out of machete range, Jason stands there content to continue guarding his corner.

Adkins: Hey Subject, even in hell Tiny Fur doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Jason turns his head to the side.

Jason Voorhees: ragh.

Fury: Damn it. WHY GREG?

That is enough to get Jason moving.  Adkins is the first to escape, reasoning that the enraged Subject #42 can murder Fury and he’ll come back later to pick the title off the carcass like a vulture. Grasping the belt with one hand while trying to hold his head together, a concussed Fury lurches away – only slightly faster than Jason’s methodical pace.

Magnus: Fury has retrieved his belt! How long Subject #42 will leave him alive with it is anyone’s guess. Run Fury!
Phillips: It’s a long way to the exit, and Adkins can do a lot to retrieve it beforehand. Jason with another machete swipe, but Fury rolls under. That was close.
Magnus: I don’t think Fury can take another shot like that.
Phillips: Jason doesn’t seem to be waiting in his area.
Magnus: Oh no, Greg crossed the line. He won’t stop until they are dead.

The sharks from JAWS 3, Great Blue Sea, and Three-headed Shark Attack all wait patiently in one of the G parts of the maze.

JAWS 3: There is something to be said for freezing your balls off in a field in France, beats the hell out of Canada.

Loud footsteps. Here come their prey. The school of man-eating fish ready the croquet mallets they plan on beating their prey with. Fury and Adkins can be seen at the end of the path, choosing to run in an opposite direction. The source of their terror - Jason brandishing a bloodstained machete, stalks into frame. Then stops. Then turns to look at the sharks. FWA’s Chris "The Filth" Marks peaks out of his Great Blue Sea shark mouth, before turning to the other fish with rousing words of encouragement.

Chris Marks: There is just one of him, fellas. The numbers are with us. Don't let his size intimidate you. We just need to hold our ground.

Nodding, JAWS 3 and 3-Headed Shark clasp their mallets. Jason starts stalking towards them. And... JAWS 3 turns to notice that Chris Marks has already abandoned their group. Son of a bitch. JAWS 3 is about to tell 3-Headed Shark to flee, when Jason swings his machete.

Magnus: Jason massacring that school of fish. While Fury and Adkins put as much distance between them and the irate Friday the 13th star as possible.
Phillips: The more corners they turn the better, unless they end up running back into him.
Magnus: Adkins fighting through the self-preservation long enough to attempt to yank the belt away from Fury. It is, however, a test of strength and Fury keeps moving.

Turning another corner, Redmond Fury comes face to face with a hopelessly lost Jigglypuff. Startled, Jigglypuff starts singing. He doesn’t have any sharp objects.

Jigglypuff: JI-GUHLLY-PAWF!

Just in case there are any impressionable Pokemon fans watching, Fury sells the lullaby like a champ. Slowly going to sleep. Adkins almost trips over him.

Adkins: Idiots.

Not suffering from the same compulsion to make people happy, Guttertrash pulls the championship belt away from the snoring Fury. Hearing blood chilling screams in the background - that can only be Subject #42 dispatching more lumberjacks – Adkins quickens the pace, pushing past the Pokémon. Also noticing the screams getting closer, Jigglypuff stops his lullaby and gets out of dodge. Fury continues to snore.

Magnus: Greg now in control of the title, and Fury getting some shuteye.
Phillips: Well, Redmond looked like he might have a concussion, so if he did go to sleep – we should probably send in some paramedics.
Magnus: And risk them getting lost in there? That maze is dangerous.

Staying low to the ground, Greg Adkins holds the title close, and turns corners cautiously. No one in sight. His first step makes a loud crunching sound. Looking down Adkins discovers dozens of mutilated shark costumes. Reaching into the pile of discarded lumberjack outfits, Greg pulls out a baseball bat. This will come in handy. The weapon gives him a newfound sense of courage. Footsteps approach. Not that much courage, falling to the ground, Greg hides under the shark remains.

Magnus: Here comes Jason, and Greg hiding under the corpses. So like Nam.
Phillips: The guys wearing those masks already ran out of the maze- what corpses?
Magnus: Never mind.
Phillips: Um, okay. Jason stopping like he is aware of Greg’s presence. Looking around. I would not want to be Greg right now. Hearing something in the distance, Jason stalks off.

Redmond Fury slowly wakes up. As his eyes focus, he finds a Lion, Robocop, and a Scarecrow checking to see if he slipped into a coma.

Fury: I had the strangest dream – and THAT GUY was there-

Jason stalks into frame attacking this motley crew. They, and Fury scattered.

Magnus: Adkins has the title but is circling around the S, nowhere near the exit.
Phillips: Given how much bad blood these two men have, I figured the stipulation would have them fighting more.
Magnus: There is plenty of blood to spill, and it isn’t over yet.

Fury turns left and almost trips over a digital corn snake...

Wolverine: I think they bought it.
iPAD Spiderman: HELL YEAH! TWO PAY CHEQUES!

Off the Wagon have forgone the monster outfits of everyone else to dress as Marvel Super Heroes. Also, since Randy is at the main event site - he is only on an iPAD that Quake is carrying. Evidently they have been waiting patiently for the Phoenix division to pass, because Quake can't stand, and he was Randy's ride. Randy in the iPAD finally notices the three Furys standing over them and decides to address the middle one.

iPAD Spiderman: Fury. Go the other way. If you come this way, we'll have to beat you up- and I don't think I can in my current iPAD form.
Wolverine: I don't trust my bladder at this moment.
iPAD Spiderman: Super sake won't like that. Be a pal?

Fury walks around them, Quake can't even shift the extra foot to reach him, and Randy just lies there - like he was an inanimate object.

Fury: Sorry guys.

Wolverine: You just made an enemy for life!
iPAD Spiderman: Thinks he's a big man just cause there are three of him. Where were we?
Wolverine: They think you're working both sites.
iPAD Spiderman: That is why I am an apple genius.

On the other side of the field, Adkins sneaks past The Ghostface Killer and a Terminator robot.

Ghostface Killer: I get why I'm a lumberjack, but you're the most celebrated X*Crown champion in the company's history - what the hell are you doing here... in a costume... in a cornfield... in France?

T-100: Stupid GUNS won't let me on their shows, so it amuses me to crash their title defenses on Network events. Also, I'm not wearing a costume, these are my normal digs.

Ghostface Killer: Well, it’s good to have you with us – I’LL GIVE YOUR MOTHER MY BEST.

T-100: What did you say?

Dylan Black turns to the Scream villain to find he’s drooling excessively under the mask. That doesn’t seem right. Concerned, Black lifts off the mask to reveal.

T-100: VENOM!!!

Wombat Possessed By Venom: I’LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL, YOU ROBOTIC PIECE OF SHIT!

T-100: Even burning in hell you haven’t changed your tune. It’s on, you sorry undead son of a bitch!

L.A. Wombat who basically resembles a kandarian demon whenever Venom drops in, slashes at Dylan Black with razor sharp claws. Black brings up a metal arm to block, with sparks flying.

Magnus: OH NO! VENOM AND DYLAN BLACK HAVE FOUND EACH OTHER!
Phillips: Isn’t it just Wombat pretending to be Venom?
Magnus: Don’t kid yourself, in Wombat’s demonic form he’s literally twice the man Venom was when he was alive. God bless his damned soul.
Phillips: Well they are really going at it!
Magnus: NO! Venom versus Black is our big money match! Like Austin versus Hulk. We can’t give it away unannounced on an XHF Network show, and we can’t run it on a GUNS show either, because DYLAN IS BANNED.
Phillips: You could try entering the maze to let them know that, but you might get lost.
Magnus: We need to stop them! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

Ravenous German shepherds are let loose in the corn maze.

Phillips: You’re flooding your maze with angry attack dogs?
Magnus: You said Cujo was scarier than In the Tall Grass.
Phillips: Everyone knows that.
Magnus: They will now.

Distracted by the howls of hungry dogs, Adkins almost walks right into Fury. Catching himself at the last minute, Adkins hugs a wall of corn stalks, waiting for the champion to wander out of sight. Unaware of him, Fury continues forwards, turning left around a corner. Adkins breathes a sigh of relief. Then a second later, Fury is knocked back into sight.

Magnus: It looks like our competitors have finally met back up. And here comes Fury charging at Adkins- actually went right past him.

Adkins: Where’s the fire?

Stalking around the corner is the massive frame of Colossus Rhodes.

Magnus: He’s not even wearing a costume. What a horrible attitude.
Phillips: On the GUNS show before coming to France, Colossus Rhodes tossed around Fury like a ragdoll at Adkins request.

Adkins: How you doing p-

Colossus Rhodes hits Adkins with a straight right, which sends Guttertrash flying through the air, past the limping Fury. Hitting the ground hard, Adkins holds his jaw in pain.

Adkins: Itoldyoutowaitbeforecashingthatcheck.

Colossus Rhodes does not look amused, and continues to stalk towards them methodically. Adkins tries to dive into the cornrow, pulling back stalks to force a shortcut to the next side- only to almost get mauled by a dog. When he returns to the safety of his side, Rhodes belts him with another hard right, which knocks him a good ten feet.

Magnus: Rhodes just battering the Phoenix division. Fury trying to make a stand, but Adkins from behind hits him in the leg with that bat. Again trying to sacrifice the champion for breathing room.
Phillips: Colossus isn’t even using a weapon, just hammering away at Fury with those devastating knife-edge chops.
Magnus: Wait, what is Adkins doing- that fool!

Yanking down a few of the corn stalks to form a makeshift wall, Greg Adkins sets the dry plants ablaze with his nudie cutie lighter.

Fury: GREG! THIS WHOLE FIELD IS LIKE KINDLING – YOU’RE GOING TO KILL US ALL!

Adkins: Me and the belt will take our chances on THIS SIDE of the fire. You take your chances without the belt and with that god damned monster on THAT SIDE.

Greg Adkins feels pretty smart right now.

“Ragh.”

All the color drains from Greg’s face. Unfortunately his side of the fire has Subject #42 on it.

Phillips: The fire is already burning out of control.
Magnus: Calm down Phillips. Fire crews are on their way. Thanks to Jason’s rampage, most of the lumberjacks have already fled. And between Fury and Adkins, they look like they are going to be beaten to death long before the fire touches them.

Using the Phoenix title as a shield, Greg Adkins barely avoids decapitation, using it to parry any shots that he can’t roll out of the way of. Jason’s plastic machete looks like its going to melt, but Subject #42 still swings it with an unearthly force. A particularly stiff strike knocks the belt from Greg’s hand – sending it careening away, into another part of the maze. Adkins looks like he wants to follow it, but as the blade swings dangerously close to his throat, thinks better and scampers away.

Phillips: Adkins managing to get around Jason, but he lost the belt in the process. Now running with Jason right on his heels.
Magnus: On the other side, Fury has completely seized up surrounded by fire – probably dealing with some flashbacks to the gym. Not that he could put up much defense anyway, but in his current state – Rhodes is beating him into hamburger.

Hearing a coughing sound on the other side of the cornrow, Fury finally comes to his senses just as Rhodes guerrilla presses him into a flaming wall of corn. Not quite smashing through it, Fury rubs his burnt arm – before nailing Rhodes with a forearm smash. Rhodes bats him away with another knife-edge chop. Then starts moving in for the kill, only to have a German Sheppard bite his ankle.

Phillips: Rhodes having to contend with your attack dogs.
Magnus: Then who is keeping Wombat-Venom and Black from pissing away my nest egg?
Phillips: While Rhodes is distracted with the canines, Fury heads further into the burning maze.

Elsewhere, The Leprechaun walks towards Greg Adkins.

Leprechaun: There once was maid from Manhattan-

Before this lumberjack can finish his limerick, Adkins hits the monster over the head with a baseball bat as hard as he can.

Magnus: That was Tina Martin, age 7, whose letter about wanting to grow up to be a GUNS star was so touching that we arranged for her to be a guest at this show. Thanks for helping us Tina, and keep that fan mail coming kids.
Phillips: Wait, I’m being told there is some activity at the exit. What is happening on your end of the field, Johnny Cobb?

At the far side of the corn maze, official Johnny Cobb waits by the exit.

Cobb: Redmond Fury just came out.

Magnus: Did he have the Phoenix title with him?

Cobb: No, he’s just helping lumberjacks to escape this death trap. He already went back in to save more.

Phillips: Is there anything else going on over there?

Cobb: Venom- er- Wombat Venom and Dylan Black are putting on the greatest wrestling match I’ve ever seen. Reason I joined this sport 30 odd years ago was to witness a spectacle like this. Brought tears to my eyes.

Magnus: That is just the smoke from the fire making them water! And those two aren’t supposed to wrestle! Stop them! Use the tranquilizer guns we keep for the bears. I’d say use a normal gun, but Dylan will just get more robot parts, and where is Venom going to go if you shoot him? Idaho?

There are loud cheers.

Magnus: That better not be for Venom and god damned Dylan Black.

Cobb: No the crowd are being very polite for it – sort of like watching the Pope speak to a small crowd? It’s like a religious experience seeing those two in action. Just magical. Dreamy even. No, the cheers are because Fury is bringing out more survivors. What a great guy.

Fury carries the Marvel Superhero variation of Off the Wagon out of the Maze, saving at least one of their lives. Placing them on the grass, an unconscious Quake still tries to tip Fury like he was a cab. Randy seems to whimper about being plugged in before his device dies, but he is also sleeping when he isn't commentating. If its good enough for Tony Schiavone, it's good enough for Randy.

Phillips: Fury returning to the maze.
Magnus: Yeah, lets keep the cameras away from the exit until we’ve had a chance to drug that mint.

Somewhere in the U, Greg Adkins uses his trusty baseball bat to clobber Dracula. This time he stops to check if his victim is an adult. That is a relief.  Seeing something shiny through the smoke, Redmond Fury recovers the Phoenix championship.

Fury: Wait, is that-

Looking closely at the belt, the majestic bird on the top has been replaced by a basic duck. The phoenix lettering has been replaced by the word DODO, though everything else is a perfect copy.

Fury: What is going on here?

Phillips: That isn’t the real belt.
Magnus: What? So does Adkins have the real one? We thoroughly checked him for weapons before the match started. Not lighters, but everything else. Greg didn’t have it on him then. Who else would have time to switch it-

In a clearing a little ways away from the bond fire, Bobby Walden opens his sack of candy. Underneath a thin layer of candy corns is the Phoenix championship.

Walden: I’ll show Bradshaw that he ain’t the only Steeler who can misappropriate this Phoenix belt buckle for personal gain!

Magnus: Can we send security after Bobby Walden?
Phillips: They are kind of busy helping to evacuate talent, and admiring the unofficial match we aren’t supposed to mention.
Magnus: Damn it! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times – a member of the 1976 Pittsburgh Steelers is going to be the death of the XHF!
Phillips: Even though its not the official belt, that was the one we have been judging this match with – so if Fury takes it to the exit, it’s over.
Magnus: So why is he going further into the maze.
Phillips: He’s trying to help more people.
Magnus: For Christ’s sake. Where is his championship drive?

Fury staggers down a burning aisle, just in time to wave down Guttertrash.

Fury: Greg, the exit is that way!

Fury starts to point, only for Adkins to smash the belt out of the champion’s hand. Before Fury can reach, Greg has clubbed him another dozen times.

Adkins: I believe it was your Mom that said, thanks for the tip. Don’t get up on my account.

Adkins rams the bat into the side of Fury’s head, before reaching down to pick up the title. Adkins turns towards the exit, when Colossus Rhodes bursts through a wall of flaming corn. The dozen dog bites have not improved Rhodes mood.

Adkins: Uh, Fury, wake up.

Guttertrash kicks at Fury, hoping they can form some amazing tag team just long enough to get past this hulking brute. Fury starts to stir. Colossus shoots both of them a sadistic smile before moving in for the kill.

*HONK*

A Volkswagen Bug painted to look like a White Tiger drives through the flaming cornfield. It is only Brittany’s incredible driver skills that keep La Tegra from ploughing Rhodes down.

Phillips: What are CARS doing here?
Magnus: It looks like Punch Buggy No Punch Back is competing in the off-season Mute City Cup. If GUNS were to sponsor any CAR teams, it would definitely be PBNPB as the only people on the Network who like bears as much as me.

Industrial Woman is new to the driving game, and not as quick to swerve – so MOTHER!’s vehicle rams into Colossus Rhodes, effective saving the Phoenix Division.

Phillips: MOTHER just knocked into Colossus, taking him out!
Magnus: This is the third Mute City Cup – and Punch Buggy were the 2019 and 2020 winners. Can they make it three years in a row?
Phillips: But why are they in our cornfield?
Magnus: You mocked my death match for being a simple lumberjack stipulation. Now it is a raging inferno invested with attack dogs and racecars. Who’s scary now?
Phillips: You are.
Magnus: Damn straight.

The cars continue to drive blindly through the corn, which spreads the flames while simultaneously cutting a clear path out of the death trap for the terrified stragglers. Wolfmen and Witches alike run for the exit while trying to avoid being hit.  At the far end, Greg Adkins and Redmond Fury decide to make a break for it before Rhodes wakes up, or something else happens-

“Ragh.”

Jason Voorhees stalks up behind them.  He is about to deliver the deathblow, when he sees the CARS racing around and remembers happier times with Tiny's Titans. Going back to those times, Subject #42 jumps on top of the Mother car. It’s kind of his thing.  The added weight of Subject #42 makes it hard for Mother to keep up with Punch Buggy, but both teams drive off into the distance. Leaving only a clear path to exit, and the hundreds of fans who are achieving wrestling nirvana by watching Venom versus Black instead.

Phillips: Greg Adkins ramming the faux Phoenix championship into Fury’s face, breaking his nose!
Magnus: Greg is running across the scorched earth, Redmond is trying to chase after him but is breathing hard because of the nose.
Phillips: Fury grabs a shoulder, and Adkins spins around with a spinning backfist to the busted nose. Damn. Greg trying to pull away, but Fury has a fistful of strap. Adkins turns to shake him loose, but Fury nails him with a headbutt. Bad idea. Both men can barely stand after that one.
Magnus: Fury yanks the belt away from Adkins, who reaches up and squeezes his bloody nose. Yup, Greg has it back.
Phillips: Redmond with a pec pop knocks Adkins into one of the flaming walls. Greg coming back with his bat, slamming Fury again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again-
Magnus: He’s really going to town.
Phillips: And again-
Magnus: We get the idea.
Phillips: AND Aga- no, Fury blocks with his arm and the bat is broken in two!
Magnus: Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Adkins takes the sharp end of that broken back and stabs it into Fury’s stomach. Repeatedly.
Phillips: Fury bringing down a clubbing blow to the top of Adkin’s head to stop the bat assault. Now both men are gushing blood. Fury ripping the belt out of Greg’s hands! Adkins trying to use that broken bat again, but Fury just wrapped his fist in the title and nailed Greg with an uppercut! That will leave a mark.
Magnus: Both men so close to the exit, even as the field burns down around them. Moving towards it inch by inch, blow by brutal blow!
Phillips: Which one is going to get control of it as they leave, rolling around trading shots.
Magnus: This is it!

At the exit, both Greg Adkins and Redmond Fury slump forwards in a photo finish. Both men are bloody stumps from the final stretch that everyone was expecting throughout.

DING! DING! DING!

Phillips: That’s the match- they are both out. They look like corpses, but they are out. Which one has the title?
Magnus: Cobb?

Referee Johnny Cobb checks on the two men, turning them over. Finally the fake title falls out from under one of them.

Cobb: The winner of this match..........REDMOND FURY!

Magnus: Well there you have it!
Phillips: But it was so close- this is not the last chapter for these two.
Magnus: With the amount of bad blood they have? It can only end in a greenhouse death match.

“ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!”

Phillips: What was that?

“HELP ME!”

Redmond Fury looks like a corpse, but a cry for help rouses him. It’s not coming from the maze, but nearby. Another cry sets him in motion. Barely able to move, The Buckeye Bruiser still charges over for assistance.

Magnus: Fury approaching- damned Bobby Walden.

Walden has climbed a tree to escape UrsusLa, the unhinged latest addition to GUNS bear division. The female grizzly currently has her snout in his sack of candy.

Fury: You’re going to be all right, Mr. Walden.

Walden: All right for you, get that damn butthorn away from my snacks!

Raising her head from the back, UrsusLa is now chewing on the real Phoenix championship.

Fury: Everything is all right miss. We will get you something nice your dinner, you just can’t eat that because it will upset your stomach.

Redmond Fury slowly goes to take the belt away from the bear.

Phillips: OH MY GOD!
Magnus: OH, NO! NO!!!

Walden: JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!

Magnus: I. I can’t even describe. What just happened?

Walden: SHE ATE HIM!

Phillips: URSUSLA HAS EATEN REDMOND FURY!!!!!!!!
Magnus: This can’t be happening. This needs – we have to stop this. Can we get some tranquilizer guns out here.
Phillips: You used all the ammo on Wombat and Dylan Black.
Magnus: Yes. Yes we did.
Phillips: It doesn’t matter. He’s already gone.

Everyone looks on in numbing horror. The one exception is Greg Adkins who picks up the fake Phoenix title and walks away.

Magnus: Viewers. We wanted to scare you for the holiday, but I never intended to show you that. We just witnessed a man being eaten by a grizzly bear. It is going to take awhile to process this, come up with the necessary words. We are going to send it back to the main show now, and flee the scene of this crime. Our thoughts go to the family and friends of Redmond Fury.
Phillips: There’s really nothing that can be said.
Magnus: Oh, on a positive note – I have just been informed that Punch Buggy No Punch Back have won the 2021 Mute City Cup. Go Bears! ...er...

---

Randy: Wow, what a crazy match we just witnessed! I can't believe the ending went down exactly like it did! So wild!
Hawke: Why are you talking like you don't know where this is airing in the show? We just watched the end of-

Suddenly, the lights dim and words appear on the XtremeTron. A garbled voice reads them out.

WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE THREE MOST VIOLENT MEN IN XHF TORE THE HOUSE DOWN?

Hawke: What the heck is this?
Randy: I dunno, but I'm loving it!

Grainy shots appear of a triple threat match, a violent one. All three men just beating on one another senselessly! Just carnage! The voice rings out again.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE KING OF VIOLENCE PUTS OUT THE CALL OF A LIFETIME?

The shots clear up and we can make out Jesse Jamester, Spike Kane and Dylan Black! The match of the year candidate from the XHF Birthday Show! The clips replay some of the best moments, up to the end where Jesse pinned Dylan Black, before the Xtremetron fades to black a moment... then lights up with the following graphic!

WHAT IF THEY DID IT ALL AGAIN?

---

Sir Oliver: Merci beaucoup et bienvenue tout le monde! Nous sommes ravis d'être ici.
V: Hey. like, speak English, old Dude!
Sir Oliver: My Dear Young Lady, we are presently on this delightful beach in Normandy. That’s FRANCE, by the way – where they speak FRENCH. I was merely being polite. You DO know what that is, I take it?
Lobo: Guys, guys! Let’s focus here. We’re representing Ultimate Progressive Wrestling. We need to be at our best.
V: D’uh. Then like, why are you two old fossils here?
Lobo: And thanks, V. I’ll take it from here. So, welcome to everyone tuned into XHF. I’m Baptist Lobo and with me is Sir Oliver Dawson and ‘V’ Wu.
V: Yeah, like I’M the important one, so should totally have been introduced first. My Mom does like, totally OWN this Federation, you know.
Sir Oliver: And Heavens forfend that we, for even a moment, forget that salient fact.
Lobo: Guys...So, what do we have for you? Well, we bring a Championship match that exemplifies UPW: The Sin City Championship! – Where the dice decide your fate.
Sir Oliver: Well, they absolutely do in the case of the Sin City Championship, Old Chap. Yes, one never really knows what form of match shall be dictated. Consequently defending said title becomes a decidedly fraught and unpredictable endeavor.
Lobo: Well, tonight the dice were rolled and our wrestlers will be facing each other in a – FLAG MATCH!
V: So, do they like, get to STAB each other with the flags? Because that would be like, totally cool.
Sir Oliver: Good grief! Let us fervently hope not! Although, that being said, one can never be entirely certain what may unfold – particularly given the protagonists involved.
Lobo: Good point Sir Oliver; so let’s meet them right away!

Anderson: From Lexington, Kentucky... he stands at five foot eleven inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and ten pounds... I give to you “The Professional!” - RAIN BLACKHART!!!

"Still Unbroken" by Lynyrd Skynyrd to play as Rain walks out to the ring with his manger, Terrance Christopher.

Anderson: And his opponent – the CURRENT, reigning SIN CITY CHAMPION - Coming down the aisle with his manager, Cliff Ragsdale, weighting in at 245 pounds, I give you "THE DUKE" DILLIAN DEHAVEN!

"Fire Water Burn" By The Bloodhound Gang plays as DeHaven makes his way to the ring, being led by his manager, Cliff Ragsdale. DeHaven walks slowly to the ring with a stoic look on his face. Ragsdale and DeHaven are all business. Ragsdale is wearing a blue cape/shirt with black jeans. DeHaven is wearing a gray t-shirt with black tights.

Sir Oliver: Well, I must say that Mr Anderson appears to have handled the journey from Japan far better than I. I declare that I am positively exhausted, Old Bean.
Lobo: I know what you mean. The jet lag is a real killer.
V: Like you two are just SO OLD, how can you tell when you’re tired? You move like you’re about to fall asleep any damn moment anyway.
Sir Oliver: Thank you for that unqualified vote of confidence.
Lobo: Let’s just TRY to focus on the action here, Guys. Our referee, Mr Edwards is ready. He’s good to go and -

---

UP WRESTLING PRESENTS: UPW SIN CITY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Flag Match
"The Professional" Rain Blackhart vs. "The Duke" Dillian DeHaven (c)

---

**DING**DING**

Lobo: There’s the bell!
V: Wow, like, you heard it. #NotDeadYetThen.
Sir Oliver: I note that Mr Blackheart is defending a Black Hand flag – quite understandably given his allegiance to said group.
Lobo: Yeah and DeHaven has a CCAZ flag.
V: The Black Hand flag is just like, totally WAY fucking cooler.
Sir Oliver: Naturally, you would say that given that you are currently engaged in a decidedly carnal relationship with its leader, the current UPW Openweight champion, Mr Devin Bishop.
V: Jealous much? Devy is just the best, you know. That’s STILL the best.
Lobo: Action, guys? Remember why we’re here. They’ve already tangled, so let’s focus on that.
V: Hey, don’t blame ME! It was this Old Fart (jerks a thumb at Sir Oliver). He’s prattling on like he’s still in his damn Rest Home.

They are locked up, but Rain shifts his weight so he can get a leg behind Dillian’s to – NO! Dillian breaks free and scoots backwards.

Lobo: He doesn’t want Blackheart gaining an early advantage and we all know how good Rain is in a cinch.

Sir Oliver: Indeed, the gentlemen is a skilled technician, Old Bean. Of that there can be no doubt.

DeHaven uses the ropes. He slingshots back at Blackhart. Running Clothesline! Ducked! DeHaven hits the far ropes. Out he comes again. Rain turns and falls backwards to Monkey Flip DeHaven over.

Sir Oliver: A testimony to his in ring awareness too, wouldn’t you say?

Rain bounces back up to his feet and heads quickly over to DeHaven, who is still on his back. Rain bends to grab a – NO!! Dehaven shoots his hands out, snares Rain’s ankles and then curls his feet up to blast Blackhart in the chest!

V: Oh man, he like, totally landed on his ass.
Lobo: Dillian keeps hold of the ankles. He rolls over forcing Rain to roll also and now he folds the legs!
Sir Oliver: Well, I never! Just look at that; who knew that Mr DeHaven was possessed of such technical expertise. He’s rather deftly applied a Figure Four Leg Lock, unless I am very much mistaken and I rarely am.

Lobo: You’re right and that sort of ingenuity is precisely what we expected from Rain Blackhart NOT Dillian DeHaven, but it’s Dillian with the advantage and a BIG one.

Edwards drops and ask if – NO!! Rain raises himself up, then drops the arm to rotate and twisting, flips Dillian sideways into the ropes. Edwards calls for the break and Dillian….

V: Nope, he’s not having any of that shit. Like, why would he? He’ll probably never get another chance as good as this again in this match. Because like, Rain is just so totally way better than him.
Sir Oliver: Perhaps it had slipped your mercurial attention, but failure to release will result in him forfeiting the match.
Lobo: Edwards is counting. Surely Dillian must...YES! He releases and rolls away from Rain.
Sir Oliver: I note that Mr Ragsdale is ringside and exhorting his client most volubly.
Lobo: Rain stands and flexes, testing his legs. No lasting damage, it seems.
V: Yeah, but there’s still like a shitload of time for things to get interesting.
Sir Oliver: By which, I surmise, you mean ‘bloody’. Your predilection for the exsanguination of competitors has been noted, I assure you.
V: Eh? Like what?

Rain smiles darkly at Dillian and then gives him a mocking clap as he eases himself unhurriedly away from the corner. Dillian simply scowls in return.

Sir Oliver: Yet it is quite the scowl, wouldn’t you agree? I for one, would deem said facial expression capable of frightening small children and sundry farm animals.
V: Know a lot about that, do you?
Lobo: Focus guys – PLEASE focus.
Sir Oliver: I assure you, Old Boy I have a laser focus on proceedings and stand – or rather SIT – poised ready to inform on all matters technical and insightful.
V: In other words, he’s on the look out for farm animals. Like – Ewwww.

Rain feints a rush. Dillian skips to the left. Rain continues to circle. Now DeHaven charges; head lowered, he Spears Rain. Back into the ropes they go, but Rain fires an elbow down into DeHaven’s back. Another! Now a knee lift, But DeHaven rides the storm and scoops Rain up to DUMP HIM – over the top rope!

Sir Oliver: My word!
V: Hey, look! Rain totally opened up Dilly’s fat lip. There’s blood! That was totally those well-targeted Knee Lifts that did that.
Lobo: I doubt that DeHaven even notices. He has the ring to himself and can easily claim his own OR his opponent’s flag. He turns and marches over to it. Damn this match is going to be over WAY faster than I expected.
Sir Oliver: And considerably faster than Mr Blackhart expected too, I would vouchsafe.
Lobo: DeHaven is smirking broadly as he reaches for the Black Hand flag to – DAMN!! Christopher! Rain’s manager strikes with a walking stick smashed down across DeHaven’s feet!
Sir Oliver: Right onto the instep. By George, that’ll leave a mark!

DeHaven hops back and then lunges for Terrence Christopher!

V: Like his feet must be totally killing him because he never got close.
Lobo: Back in comes Rain. He’s fast; real fast, as he charges across the ring to crash into DeHaven with a very untechnical Body Slam.
Sir Oliver: Far from technical, I concur, but eminently suited to its purpose, Old Boy. It took Mr DeHaven off his decidedly sore feet.
Lobo: Yeah and NOW it’s back to technique as Blackhart skilfully wraps DeHaven up in a -
V: Cobra Clutch! Yeah, I totally know that one, coz like Devy is super awesome at it. He was showing me this one time in the Hilton’ penthouse suite that -
Lobo: Dillian looks to be in serious trouble here and although he’s close to the ropes, Rain has it locked in so well, he just cannot reach them.
Sir Oliver: Not a problem for Mr Ragsdale though, as he just ‘happened’ to fall into them and push them sufficiently for Mr Dehaven to touch them. That is enough for Mr Edwards to call for the break.

Rain breaks cleanly but stamps on Dillian as he uses him as a stepping stone to grab the CCAZ flag!

V: Er,….shouldn’t he like, be going for his own flag?
Sir Oliver: Indeed, as that is the means of securing victory. As you undoubtedly have noticed for this unique UPW Flag Match, we have FOUR flag poles: one in each corner of the ring affixed behind the ring posts. You will further note that the two holding the designated flags are considerably shorter. That is because those pennants must be removed and then affixed to a neutral mast and hoisted to the very top. I needn’t tell you that a flag at half mast is far from auspicious.
V: Jeez, lecture much?
Sir Oliver: I had not quite finished.
V: Yeah, you like, totally have.
Lobo: Well Rain certainly isn’t finished. He rips the CCAZ flag from it’s pole, balls it up and hurls it out of the ring. Oh, and Christopher is making a beeline for it!
Sir Oliver: As is Mr Ragsdale.
Lobo: Things are set to get ugly.
Sir Oliver: But not as ugly as in the ring, I suspect.
Lobo: Yeah, Blackheart heads to collect the Black Hand flag. He’s got this all under contr’- NO!! Dillian shoots out a hand and TRIPS Rain! Blackhart face plants and now Dillian swiftly rise to trample over Rain to go get that Black hand flag.
Sir Oliver: Evidently, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, Old Chap.

Dillian reaches up. He’s gotten a hold of the flag and tugs to – RAIN! Blackhart spears him.

V: Yeah, right in the back and like, totally CRUSHED him into that corner.
Lobo: Now Blackhart cinches the waist, bends the knees and HEAVES Dillian up and over.
Sir Oliver: Well, Dear Boy, I must concede that was an exemplary German Suplex.
Lobo: Yeah, Rain has Dillian’s shoulders to the mat, but that isn’t going to win this match; so he releases, waits for Dillian to turn and -
V: Boot to the face! Awesome! He like totally busted DeHaven’s big nose.
Sir Oliver: Quite so, the poor chap is bleeding in a decidedly dramatic fashion. Still, one would imagine that said injury looks worse than it actually is.
V: Or not. Coz like, I’m gonna imagine it’s totally life threatening!
Sir Oliver: If I may say; you are a singularly troubled young lady whose predilection for blood borders on the vampiric in its obsessive nature.
Lobo: DeHaven rolls with that brutal blow and gets to his feet. Blackhart darts forward. He’s looking to lock up again and so – NO!! Dillian gets the boot up and Rain eats all of that!
Sir Oliver: Yes, it spun him around and fell, most emphatically, to the mat.
Lobo: Dillian wipes the blood from his face and looks at the Black Hand flag, then back to where his own CCAZ flag should be.
Sir Oliver: But that is presently beyond his reach as BOTH Messrs Ragsdale and Christopher are struggling for possession.
Lobo: Yeah, it's a real Tug-of-War. So Dillian heads for the Black Hand flag. He grabs it and fishes something from his pants.
V: Like – Gross!

It’s a LIGHTER! He’s going to BURN the Black Hand flag!

Sir Oliver: By Jove! That’s most reprehensible! With no flag, Mr Blackhart cannot possibly win this match. Mr DeHaven is patently both a cad and a bounder!
Lobo: But it’s a brilliant strategy. Or it would be IF the lighter would ignite. He seems to be having some issues.
V: Whoa! He’s got a LOT more issues now as Rain totally blasts him into next week with that awesome Leaping Double Handed Axe Handle blow.

DeHaven is knocked into the ropes. He bounces back, but loses that lighter. Blackhart grabs an arm and – Ripcord Clothesline! Back into the corner falls DeHaven. Rain fires in a boot.

Sir Oliver: Right into the chest!
Lobo: And again – this time to the face! NO! Dillian grabs that foot. He twists savagely and Rain leaps to rotate in the air -
Sir Oliver: Thereby saving his ankle from catastrophic injury!
Lobo: Rain falls down into the ropes and uses them to help rip his foot free from DeHaven’s clutches. Both men stand. Dehaven is holding his ground. He’s not letting Rain get near that flag.
Sir Oliver: A sagacious stratagem.
Lobo: Wait! There’s Mr Christopher! He’s behind Dillian and reaching up for the flag!
V: And like Ragsdale just tossed the other flag back into the ring for Dillian!
Lobo: Things are about to get crazy.
Sir Oliver: As if they weren’t sufficiently so already?

Dillian barges past Rain! He’s after that flag. Rain twists to the side. He let’s DeHaven go – he’s focused on retrieving his own flag!

Sir Oliver: My Word! Neither gentleman is cognizant of the advantage that the other has!
Lobo: Yeah, now BOTH men have their flags. All they need to do is hoist them to win and claim the Sin City Championship! They turn to do just that and – Uh-oh, now they realize the situation.
Sir Oliver: It’s a stand off, Old Boy, albeit I rather suspect a very temporary one.
Lobo: Yeah, looks like they are both considering making it a foot race – get to the mast and string that baby up as fast as possible OR beat the crap out of your opponent so that you don’t have that uncertainty.
V: Like, tear each other apart!
Sir Oliver: Well, that would be the more prudent course of action. Rely upon one’s martial prowess to win the day and all that, what?
Lobo: And that’s how it is as DeHaven charges at Blackhart. He piles into him and tries to get the flag wrapped around Rain’s throat!
Sir Oliver: Hardly sporting of the blighter, now is it?

Rain responds with a series of body shots. Now he twists and – Hip Toss! DeHaven crashes down. Rain stamps on his he’- NO!! Dillian rolls aside. He whips that flag like a towel, snares Rain’s ankle and rips the foot from under him!

Sir Oliver: What a devilishly cunning move.
Lobo: Blackhart drops!
Sir Oliver: Like a proverbial stone, Old Bean!
Lobo: Dillian piles in to land a crunching knee to the ribs. Now he pulls Rain up and OVER! Arm Drag! Rain really felt that one as DeHaven is holding nothing back here.
Sir Oliver: Mr DeHaven releases and Mr Blackhart sits up in something of a daze.
Lobo: Catapult Neck Snap!
Sir Oliver: By Jove! I never knew that Mr DeHaven was capable of such skilfull maneuvers. What a day of surprises it is.
V: What? Like no way did he catch Rain properly then. That was, like, totally the clumsiest fucking move EVER!
Sir Oliver: Yet rather efficacious, I’d warrant, judging by Mr Blackhart’s reaction.
Lobo: Yeah, it’s enough for DeHaven. He thinks it’ll buy him enough time to string that flag. Over he heads – to the corner. He has the rope. He’s fastening the flag to its ties and – Look! Rain’s up!. Shining Wizard!
Sir Oliver: Oh my!
Lobo: Rain just blasted Dillian’s head into the flag pole!
Sir Oliver: And he’s going to be sporting quite the shiner as a consequence.

Rain clobbers him with a spinning back elbow. Another! Now he grabs an arm, twists and – Back Hammer!

V: See! Like this is totally how Rain operates – technical brilliance.
Lobo: Rain sweeps Dillian’s feet as he turns him OUT of the corner and dumps him – FACE FIRST – into the canvas! Damn, he then drops to apply a cruel Calf Crusher!
Sir Oliver: Guaranteed to slow him down.
Lobo: Rain pops back up swiftly – to grab that CCAZ flag and rip it from its ties. He throws it out of the ring – again! - and then heads across to tie his own flag to the opposite mast.
V: Coz Like Ragz had totally pulled it down.
Sir Oliver: And why not the near mast? Well, because self evidently, the farther he is from Mr DeHaven, the more time he has to react to any incoming attack. Yes, Mr Blackhart is demonstrating considerable acumen vis a vis strategy and martial prowess.
Lobo: I did wonder, but yeah, it does make sense. See, he has time to secure the flag and now he starts to pull it up. Looks like this one is in the bag for -
Sir Oliver: - Mr Ragsdale!
Lobo: Wow! A solid strike with that cane to rain’s knuckles and he releases his grip on the rope. Now Dillian! DeHaven charges in and crushes Rain into the corner. Rabbit Punch! Now he gets Rain in a headlock, pulls him out of the corner to – BULLDOG!
Sir Oliver: Gadzooks!
V: And like, Raggers isn’t wasting any time, He’s pulling that flag back down.
Sir Oliver: Quite so, but here comes Mr Christopher!
Lobo: Oh man! I NEVER thought we’d see this: Christopher and Ragsdale are DUELLING with their walking canes.
Sir Oliver: Quite the exemplary exhibition of the noble fencing arts, Old Chap.
Lobo: And while that’s happening outside the ring, inside we still have DeHaven trying to stamp a mud hole through Rain Blackheart!
Sir Oliver: Hardly a technical approach, but undeniably effective.

Dillian now picks up Rain and FIRES him, head first, into the turnbuckle!

Sir Oliver: By George! That seems to have dazed the fellow and not lightly at that!
Lobo: But DeHaven isn’t done. He pulls Blackhart up and – Top Rope Choke! Edwards is in straight away. He’s not happy with that.
V: He’s never happy. I mean, have you like EVER seen that wrinkly old fuck smile? Like EVER, ever?
Lobo: DeHaven pushes it right to the limit. And that costs him because Rain fights back! Back Elbow! A second! A THIRD! Now he spins and -
Sir Oliver: Head butt! By Jove, that did not do the blighter’s nose any favors whatsoever.
V: I dunno. It’s not so big now – on account of the fact that it’s smeared all over his face.
Lobo: There’s a lot more blood and DeHaven has yet to open up Blackhart. That does make you feel that Rain has an advantage here.
V: D’uh! Like of course he has an advantage – he’s in the Black Hand. That puts him like, five points higher than anyone that isn’t.
Sir Oliver: I’m inclined to disagree.
V: Oh wow – like, there’s a surprise.
Sir Oliver: Mr Blackhart was almost choked to unconsciousness just then. His valiant fight back was undoubtedly an entirely anaerobic effort. One can only assume that his energy reserves are sorely depleted at best.
Lobo: Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
V: Ugh! Don’t encourage him.
Sir Oliver: Aha! I note that Messrs Ragsdale and Christopher have taken their duel through the crowd and it would be a foolish person that gets in their way. Those canes are flying with considerable abandon.
Lobo: And back in the ring Rain Blackhart is slumped against the ropes, feeling his throat and gasping in great lungfuls of air.
Sir Oliver: Indeed, Old Boy, and Mr DeHaven is wiping the blood from his face whilst he shakes his head in attempt to clear his vision. I assure a sound bat on the hooter will cause the eyes to tear upon each and every occasion.

It’s only a momentary lull and the shouts from the crowd soon get these great athletes back in the hunt. DeHaven barrels across the ring and crashes into Rain blasting him back into a corner.

Sir Oliver: Oh my! He looks to be trapped.
Lobo: Yeah and Dillian is really unloading on him. Those rights and lefts are targeting the ribs remorselessly.
Sir Oliver: By Jove! The blighter is getting a proper shellacking!
V: A what? No just forget I asked.
Sir Oliver: That is to say -
V: No, NO, I insist, REALLY.
Lobo: Wait! Rain reaches and grabs the flag pole’s hoist, He loops it around Dillian’s neck and hurls himself to the side – still holding onto that cord!
Sir Oliver: Egads! He’s attempting to hang the scoundrel!
V: D’uh. His feet are like still totally on the ground.
Lobo: Not a lot of consolation when you can’t breathe.
Sir Oliver: Precisely, Old Bean.
Lobo: Damn! Rain just tied the end off around Dillian’s ankle! In his struggles, he’s choking himself! Now Rain heads across the ring. He scoops up his wrinkled flag and heads to the opposite corner. This could be it. This could be us witnessing a NEW Sin City Champion- crowned right here – in FRANCE!
Sir Oliver: C’est magnifique, n’est-ce pas?
Lobo: Rain’s fixing his flag to the hoist.
Sir Oliver: Ah, but Mr Ragsdale has eluded Mr Christopher, who remains adrift in the crowd. He’s heading in a most purposeful manner back towards the ring.
Lobo: Yeah, I see him. He sure is in a hurry, but I can’t see that he’s going to be able to free DeHaven in time. And even if he did - what state is Dillian now in?
V: #FuckedUp.

Rain has the flag affixed. He’s hauling it up and look! See, it’s rising up that – NO!! Ragsdale dives forward and rams the end of his cane into Blackhart’s grain.

V: Balls! Right in the nuts.
Sir Oliver: Well, that’s brought a rather abrupt end to his attempt, has it not, Old Chap?
Lobo: Yeah, Rain doubles and then sinks to his knees. He looks in a world of hurt. Ragsdale picks himself up and darts around to free DeHaven.
V: And like, where's Mr C when you need him?
Sir Oliver: Perhaps, unlike my good self, Mr Christopher is less than fluent in the language and as consequence is unable to secure adequate direction to the ring. There are a LOT of fans gathered here.
V: Like, all facing the same damn way! He’s not that dumb.
Sir Oliver: Then alternatively, perchance Mr Ragsdale struck a telling blow that has rendered him, at least momentarily, incapacitated. It’s a moot point as Mr Ragsdale is free to liberate his charge from the strictures that so cruelly bind him.
Lobo: Now it’s a race. Who can recover first? Rain is still close to that flag pole. His pennant is half way raised, but Dehaven – although gasping and wheezing manages to get his own flag secured. It took a lot out of him though and he sinks yo one knee as he gasps, trying to get enough air back into his lungs,
Sir Oliver: Ah, but Mr Blackhart is seemingly recovering nicely. He’s back up and takes firm hold of the hoisting cord to again begin to raise his standard.
Lobo: Wait! Ragsdale’s on the move! He’s seen the threat and races around the ring to CRACK Rain Blackhart right behind the knees!
Sir Oliver: By George! That’ll leave a mark.
Lobo: Rain falls and loses his grip on that rope. Ragsdale is yelling madly at DeHaven to get up and PULL THAT FLAG UP! Oh no! Here’s Terrence Christopher! He runs up behind Ragsdale and swings that cane like a gold club – right up between Ragsdale legs!
Sir Oliver: And such a pitiful mewling whimper escape his lips as he sinks to his knees.
Lobo: Yeah, like every man in the crowd just cringed then.
V: What? Like what’s the big deal? Look, at Hostile Fury that skanky bitch Brittany kicked him right in the balls. She acts on Raggerz say so, so he’s like just repaying the ‘favor’.
Lobo: Now Christopher is yelling at Rain to haul the flag all the ay up, but LOOK! DeHaven is recovered – well, at leats enough to stand and he’s pulling on that cord. The CCAZ flag is rising!
Sir Oliver: And that is not lost on Mr Blackhart. He lunges. He grabs the cord and using his entire bodyweight sends the flag racing upwards!
Lobo: But hand over hand Dillian pulls. This is so close! It’s all on – Christopher! He raps DeHaven across the back of the knuckles. It’s not a solid blow, but it’s distracted him – momentarily and – Damn! It cost him. It cost him BIG – because the Black Hand flag as at the top!
Sir Oliver: By Jove! He’s only gone and done it!

Anderson: Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen, the WINNER of the Flag Match and NEW SIN CITY CHAMPION – RAIN BLACKHART!!

Lobo: Wow! What a match. And what ramifications. At hostile Fury in Japan, we saw Rated M pick up the tag team titles. It was a bloodbath in Jester's Playhouse.
Sir Oliver: Quite so, Old Chap, as we saw the show end with some considerable controversy.
Lobo: Yes - in the OpenWeight Championship match. Bishop revealed he had added a stipulation. Brittany and Cliff were caged above the entrance instead of at ringside. Eric Ragsdale came down towards the end of the match and freed them! This allowed for distractions.
Sir Oliver: And we all know how significant those can be, Old Boy.
Lobo: Significant enough that Cliff Ragsdale could slide in brass knucks. Nathaniel used them to punch Devin in the gut and then hit his finisher. Edwards counted to 3.
V: But like, totally didn’t win. Just get to the damn point!
Lobo: I am - Elijah DQed Nathaniel!
Sir Oliver: With total justification.
Lobo: Arguably – but now there's talk of WHETHER Elijah is in the Black Hand's back pocket or simply did the right thing. Regardless, Devin Bishop is STILL the World OpenWeight Champion.
V: Too damn right.
Lobo: Rated M hold the tag belts and NOW Rain adds the Sin City Championship to the Black Hand!
V: World dominance much?

Carach Angren's "Skull with a Forked Tongue" hits as out comes the Crimson Mask. He marches down slowly, steps up onto the apron, and easily snatches the Black Hand flag. He begins ripping it into shreds. Rain makes his way over to the ropes, but the Crimson Mask meets him with a headbutt. Rain drops to the mat and the man also known as Kruger Olejnik climbs into the ring. Rain gets back to his feet, but just as he does the Crimson Mask turns him inside out with the K.O.! The Crimson Mask grabs the Sin City Championship, raises it to his face, and then hurls it down into Rain's chest.

Lobo: And on that historic bombshell we close. This has been UP Wrestling. We hope you’ve enjoyed the action. Come join us again soon when we return to the Sahara Events Center in Las Vegas. Good night!

---

Bonnie Jenkins: The following match is for the XHF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS! This match will be a Dumpster Fire match! Therefore to win, both members of a team must be thrown into a dumpster and the lid be closed! There are no disqualifications, pin falls and submission will not count, and anything is fair game! Once both team members are in a dumpster, it will be lit on fire and the match will conclude.

Hawke: I don’t envy anyone in this match tonight. Thankful that we are on a beach or else the smell of those dumpsters would be unbearable.
Randy: I’ve smelled your ex Joey. You wouldn’t have even noticed it.
Hawke: Well folks, End of Days Battlefield is upon us! Tonight we have seen some incredible matches.
Randy: I’m happy they hired beer vendors and food trucks! The wind from the ocean though, I could do without. F#%k off sand!
Hawke: This next match is no doubt a fan favorite to see. We have the Crinkly Bottom Boys who have earned their right to this title shot through a hellacious Tag Team Annihilator tournament over the past month.
Randy: I still don’t know how they made it this far.
Hawke: Going up against the present champions of Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome. No strangers to the bright lights, the BANG! Bros have all the odds in their favorite with the hardcore rules.
Randy: Shut up, Bonnie’s ready!

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first… representing NLW! They weigh a combined weight of— nevermind. They are the winners of the XHF Annihilator Tag Team Tournament and challengers this evening… THE CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby!

A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1993 UK Christmas No.1 “Mr Blobby” by Mr Blobby resonates across Omaha Beach, Normandy.  Stepping out from behind the curtain, Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby emerge to a mixed reaction. Noel Edmonds wears tracksuit bottoms and a flowery Dad shirt. Mr Blobby, in contrast, comes out au naturel except for a set of ear guards that make him look like Rick Steiner was smashed together with a blancmange.  The End of Days Tag Team Annihilator winners were looking ready for the challenge that awaited them tonight at End of Days Battlefield. All of their efforts were one victory away from paying off for the unique teaming of Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby. Stepping into the ring, Noel Edmonds takes his place in the center, taking in the energy of the atmosphere. Off in the distance, the sun was setting at the edge of the ocean that Omaha Beach neighbored. Mr Blobby was giving out his number ringside to a bunch of Cougars with kids who were clearly closer to Edmonds age. The music fades out as the few lights that the XtremeTron went static as Bonnie Jenkins raised the microphone.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing their opponents the reigning and defending XHF GLOBAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 508 pounds, they are…. The BANG! BROS, Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome!

Lights from the beach stage area that XHF has setup to display the End of Days grungy text and apocalyptic style Pay-Per-View has a slew of lights at the top that begin to flash red, white, and blue to the beat of the opening riffs of “American Males” by Jimmy Hart. Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome emerge from the entryway wearing matching sequined leather jackets and the XHF Tag Titles, one around the waist of Awesome and the other draped over Kanyon’s left shoulder. Curtis is also carrying his trusty sledgehammer over his shoulder. Curtis and Steve high five and head down to the ring on the carpeted ramp replacement, a rather flat aisle to the ring.

Hawke: Curtis came prepared tonight!
Randy: Oh hell yeah he did! Mr Blobby, meet mister hammer!
Hawke: We may be as surprised as some fans when it comes to the Crinkly Bottom Boys. Let’s not shy from the fact that they did win 3 rounds of matches to get here tonight.
Randy: Sure, I give them credit for sneaking into this match—
Hawke: There was no sneaking Randy, they definitely earned it. Will the unlikely pair be taken lightly by the champions tonight? That’s the real question.
Randy: I don’t think Curtis Kanyon has phoned in a match ever. Awesome is, well, what he is - Awesome!
Hawke: Not to mention that Steve Awesome is pulling double duty. With a shot against the XCrown Champion later tonight. We have to ask, how focused is he for this match?

Curtis slaps the side of the closest dumpster before he rolls into the ring and heads to a corner. Steve hops onto the apron, peering over another dumpster sitting to the left side of the ring. Awesome steps into the ring, and provocatively slips off his jacket before he spins and drops into a kneel, flexing his arms. At the same time, Curtis hoists his hammer into the air and yells “BANG!” behind his partner for the fans to get a photo of the reigning XHF Tag Team Champions.

Randy: Omaha Beach is not what I expected Joey.
Hawke: Oh? What was it you expected?
Randy: More women.
Hawke: (sigh) Here we go!

---

XHF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Dumpster Fire Match
The Crinkly Bottom Boys vs. BANG! Bros. (c)

---

Before the bell can ring, Curtis Kanyon spins Mr Blobby around and slams him with the sledgehammer! Steve Awesome gets a kick on Noel Edmonds and presses him in the turnbuckle, starting off with hard chops to Edmond’s bare chest. The chops are followed up with a ‘Woooooo’ chant for each one by the crowd, before Edmonds kicks Steve in the knee and European uppercuts him by surprise! Bumping into the back of his partner Kanyon, Awesome spins around, and Kanyon returns the favor with his sledgehammer - stopping just short of Awesome’s face as the two look at one another with a “That was close” stare of the eyes. Edmonds with a dropkick to the back of Awesome! Steve collides with Kanyon’s head and the two are discombobulated at the moment. Edmonds was slow to get up, the age of the wrestler showing, but his move was so effective that he had bought himself time. Edmonds yells at the rising Mr Blobby to double tackle the champions!

Randy: DOUBLE SHOULDER BLOCK!
Hawke: What an effective unit the Crinkly Bottom Boys are!
Randy: When you have someone who listens to orders, it’s no wonder. You could learn a thing or two Joey.

With the effective teamwork of Edmonds barking orders at his partner and Mr Blobby executing without hesitation, the BANG! Bros were not looking too hot so far. Awesome is dragged to his feet by Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby tells him to back body drop him, as Edmonds shoves Steve into Mr Blobby’s clutching hands. Up and over Steve Awesome goes, flipping with the momentum of Edmond’s push and Mr Blobby’s quick lift, Steve Awesome lands on his feet behind Mr Blobby and shoves him into Edmonds! The Crinkly Bottom Boys have a head-to-head meeting and neither one of them appear better for it. Awesome sees Kanyon rising and signals for something that Kanyon nods back to him. Rushing at The Crinkly Bottom Boys, Awesome goes low, double clothesline to their midsections, as he slides on his knee pads between the two and into the middle rope to stop himself. Both Edmonds and Mr Blobby hunch over forward, still holding their head and now their stomachs.

Hawke: BANG! BANG! Two for the price of one!
Randy: The Pres laying down the law!
Hawke: Just like that, the BANG! Bros regain the advantage, showing why they are the XHF Tag Team champions.
Randy: But Kanyon is going for a cover on Edmonds. He forgot about the dumpsters.

Awesome at the ropes telling Kanyon it’s not that kind of match, to which Kanyon shrugs and begins punching Edmonds for good measure. Awesome goes for Mr Blobby and kicks him until he’s near the bottom rope, where Steve uses the ropes and his feet to discard Mr Blobby off the apron and out of the ring. Edmonds is being picked up by the powerful Curtis Kanyon and heaved over his shoulder, before receiving a running powerslam! The ring shakes from the impact of the move. Steve comes up beside his rising partner, and they exchange a few words before Kanyon lifts up Edmonds once again. This time however, he tosses him through the middle and top rope to the outside near one of the dumpsters at ringside. Awesome follows Edmonds flailing tracksuit and Hawaiian shirt body as the blur of the colorfully dressed older man meets the ringside area mats that are placed on the sandy beach setting.

Randy: Looks like the BANG! Bros are ready to take out the trash.
Hawke: For the sake of Edmonds health, I hope the XHF authorities have hired the fire department for this one.
Randy: Why would they? All they have to do is roll the dumpsters into the ocean, it’s right there.
Hawke: For once you make sense Randy.

Like a lightbulb going off in the head of Randy on this rare monumental night; the same could be said for Noel Edmonds who was being treated like a battering ram by Steve Awesome, meeting the dumpster face first a series of times. Edmonds finally is given a smidge of a break, as Steve notices Kanyon going for Mr Blobby just diagonal of him. Since the other dumpster was on the other side of the ring, Kanyon had lifted Mr Blobby up and began an irish whip to send him closer to it. Mr Blobby though had rested some bit since being forced out of the ring earlier by Steve, and reverses the irish whip, sending Kanyon into the steel guard rail barricade! The guardrails shift into a V pattern as Kanyon’s body hits the connecting point of two separate barricades. Noel Edmonds notices this and in haste for survival, yells for Mr Blobby to save him. Awesome shuts up Edmonds with another face-to-dumpster meeting. Edmonds drops to his knees as a result, and Awesome turns around to see Mr Blobby hauling ass right at him! Avalanche attack by Mr Blobby on Steve Awesome, sending Steve rolling backwards towards the steel steps, smashing into them awkwardly. Awesome slumps to the floor as Edmonds sheds a sly Fox-like grin at the result.

Hawke: Edmonds has found an uncanny ability in that of his partner, where whatever he calls for Mr Blobby to do, he does it - and it’s been working extremely well throughout the End of Days Annihilator Tournament.
Randy: I need to get myself a Mr Blobby - ‘hey Blobby, get me a beer.’
Hawke: I can already see the therapy he’d need from seeing you clip your toenails and asking him to pick them up… awe, why did I picture that?

Kanyon is back up on the other side of the ring and has now found himself a steel chair. What was the point of the Dumpster Fire match if not to get out all the toys available to you and utilize them? President Kanyon was stirring the fans' excitement as he smacks the chair off the steel barricade. Curtis Kanyon comes up behind Mr Blobby and smashes the chair over his upper back! A second shot lands on the neck and back of Mr Blobby’s head. Edmonds was getting up right in front of Mr Blobby and witnesses his partner crumble to his knees before him. As Mr Blobby drops, Kanyon stands there looking down at Edmonds with a sick look on his face. Edmonds signals for a timeout with his hands and gets a swinging chair as a response!

Randy: Edmonds meets early retirement with that chair shot!
Hawke: How can these fans being cheering on an old man getting beaten with a chair?
Randy: Because that’s what they come to expect of the XHF. Frankly, if this didn’t happen, I’d want a refund.

Kanyon has his eyes set on doing something to Edmonds, but he turns his back to the Crinkly Bottom Boy he just hit and focuses it on Mr Blobby who is on hands and knees, holding his back. Kanyon cracks the chair again over Mr Blobby’s spine, causing him to roll into the side of the dumpster. Kanyon sets the chair up in a sitting position, and grabs Mr Blobby by the arm and neck, hooking him with a headlock so he can drag him around. Setting Mr Blobby on the chair so that his neck lays over the arching back piece, facing the floor, and Kanyon still locked in with the headlock. Signaling to the XHF crowd with a flick of his hand, twirling it around, Kanyon goes for a lift on Mr Blobby!

Hawke: Mr Blobby blocks it?!
Randy: I didn’t think he knew how to wrestle without Edmonds yelling at him.
Hawke: No! Kanyon regains control, reversing it back in his favor!
Randy: Teeter-totter of human bodies here.
Hawke: BRAINBUSTER ON THE CHAIR!
Randy: Kanyon just turned Mr Blobby into a paraplegic!
Hawke: You’re going to get us cancelled with comments like that! But it’s likely your right Randy. Did you see that chair fold on impact! I think I’m going to be sick…

The chair is now but a flat pancake on the outside with Mr Blobby’s body as the cartoon anchor that caused it. Gravity, oh what thou a heartless bitch. Kanyon is slow to move following the move, possibly doing damage to himself in the process of its execution. Noel Edmonds leans against the dumpster, blood pouring from his forehead. If you never saw Edmonds before, you might think it was face paint, but I assure you it was not. Sporting the brightest crimson mask, there was but his left cheek that had no blood on it. Edmonds was down but not out, and Awesome was finally moving. Unaware of what just happened, Awesome staggers to his feet and shakes off the cobwebs. He walks towards Kanyon, who sits up finally. Edmonds eyes grow huge as the BANG! Bros set their sights on him. Edmonds shakes his head at Awesome who flicks his hair back and puts a boot to the chest of Edmonds! Pinning his body to the front of the dumpster, Awesome continues stomping until Kanyon makes his way over. The two men have a short discussion, and Awesome walks around the dumpster, climbing the side as he flips the right side lid open. Kanyon does the same on the left side.

Randy: What in the hell are they doing to Edmonds now?
Hawke: Awesome is lifting him up as Kanyon gets on the apron. Whatever they are planning does not bode well for the NLW star.
Randy: Call the morgue, someone’s about to be Un-alive!

Kanyon standing on the apron nods to Awesome and the Face of the Franchise lifts Noel Edmonds up in a back body drop position and walks him towards the arms of Kanyon. Transferring the body of Edmonds to his partner on the apron in a powerbomb like position. Awesome steps out of the way as Kanyon adjusts his weight and leans against the ropes, lifting Edmonds high into the air. Awesome motions to him with a finger and says ‘BANG!’ just as Kanyon jumps forward, heaving Noel Edmonds forward!

Randy: HOW DID HE DO THAT!
Hawke: HURRICARANA REVERSAL BY EDMONDS!
Randy: Kanyon went SPLAT against the front of the dumpster!
Hawke: And Awesome can’t believe what he just saw. Edmonds was all but done and ready to be taken out behind the barn. Somehow, someway… I am in complete shock.
Randy: Does that mean you are finally going to shut up and get me a beer?

From out of nowhere Mr Blobby pulls out a Sherbert Dib-Dab and inhales the full contents of it! As though shot with the adrenaline of the mythos of Gods like Zeus and Herculues, Mr Blobby goes full hulk and begins to inhale and exhale with noticeable animation. Steve Awesome turns to see this and in that second, Steve sees his life flash before his eyes. Mr Blobby slugs Awesome in the face with a haymaker, sending the Face of the Franchise into the apron. Mr Blobby follows it up by grabbing Steve by his family jewels and then his chest. A military press by Mr Blobby has Steve Awesome high in the air with a facial expression of pure pain from the grip Blobby had on his nether region. Edmonds signals him to toss Awesome into the dumpster. With force and distance, Mr Blobby shows he has eaten his wheaties, he’s taken the spinach of popeye and mixed it with the juice that gives men all those bulges; Mr Blobby not only throws Awesome but does it with such force that Awesome’s body hits the back of the dumpster on the inside, causing the dumpster to move away from the Crinkly Bottom Boys and into the guardrail.

Hawke: WHAT WAS THAT!?
Randy: SUPER BLOBBY ATTACKS!
Hawke: I have never seen such strength before! It was like he unleashed his inner King Kong!

But that energy surge did not end there, oh no. Edmonds knew it wasn’t over yet and directs Mr blobby to take Kanyon to the apron and finish him off. As Mr Blobby lifts Kanyon off the floor in a sidewalk slam position and walks up the steel steps to the apron, Edmonds pulls a jug of gasoline from under the ring and a butane torch near the opposite ringpost. Edmonds notices the dumpster has moved backwards and goes behind it to push it closer to Mr Blobby on the apron. Kanyon isn’t going silent into the night and fights back! Breaking free of Mr Blobby’s clutches, Kanyon headbutts Mr Blobby, to the effect that Mr Blobby staggers slightly and then turns immediately to stare straight into the eyes of Curtis Kanyon. The former President is not impressed though and kicks the knee of Mr Blobby, it doesn’t phase him. Mr Blobby shakes his head and grabs Kanyon by the throat, squeezing his neck with one hand.

Randy: Mr Blobby is unhinged!
Hawke: I would have never guessed we would see this from him -- it -- I don’t even know anymore!
Randy: CHOKESLAM!

With authority, Mr Blobby lifts Curtis Kanyon off the apron and chokeslams him into the dumpster! As Mr Blobby drops to his feet on the floor, Edmonds flips the dumpster lids closed! The bell sounds as Noel Edmonds climbs up the side of the dumpster and pours the jug of gasoline all over the top of the lids, some of it dripping through the center crack while it also pours down the sides. Leaping down off the dumpster in haste, Edmonds throws the butane torch to Mr Blobby and directs him to create fire. As his partner looks down at the device for a moment, Edmonds takes a few steps backwards -- KA-WOOOOSH! A blazing fireball of a dumpster appears in seconds! The gasoline trails back in the foot prints Edmonds took, but stops just a foot before it reaches him. Fans take caution and move away from the rising flames as XHF staff come running out with fire extinguishers.

Bonnie Jenkins: Winners of this match and NEW XHF GLOBAL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, THE CRINKLY BOTTOM BOYS -- Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby!

Hawke: Well, now I've seen everything
Randy: And there's still more to come!

---

Hawke: It's that time again where we get to take a short break and let the voice of SCCW take over for another exciting match!
Randy: Do you think Mayfield is trying to steal my job?
Hawke: Well, SCCW is definitely trying to steal the show, first with their International Championship match and now with their World Heavyweight Championship bout! Just look at that setup at ringside!
Randy: Shhh, it's time for us to watch!

---

SCCW PRESENTS: SCCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Landmine Deathmatch
Cliff Clinton? vs. Soul Hunter (c)

---

---

Hawke: Well ladies and gentlemen it is time for our Hidden Weapon match for the Junior Heavyweight Championship!
Randy: Lord Dominicus won a bicycle race OF DOOM and forced Adrien Cochrane to drink MILK to win this chance!
Hawke: It sounds far less impressive than it actually was when you say it out loud out of context …

Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for ONE FALL … with a twist! The match can only end by pinfall or submission … AFTER a designated golden weapon placed at ringside earlier this morning is found and used by ONE of the competitors!

The beach remains in darkness as light piano music sets a sophisticated tone while a pair of sparkling pyros slowly lights up on the entrance way. Smoke pours from the back as if a dry ice block was placed in water in front of a fan just behind the curtains to gorilla. Suddenly a roar slices through all this veneer of safety and style as we're rocked into the hard guitar of "The Bear Song" by Green Jelly. Out from the back comes the face....OF A DINOSAUR!? Yes! It's feared wrestler, Dinosaur Bones! But as he whips around, showing that his mask is firmly affixed to his face he's accidentally becoming a bucking bronco for the real star of this match- LORD DOMINICUS!

Dominicus: ONWARD MY STEED! TO VICTORY AND UTTER DESTRUCTION!

"The Dread Lord" Dinosaur Bones roars again as he carries his rider (Lord Dominicus) through the thick smoke and down the entrance ramp to the ring, finally getting them next to the ring. LD gracefully steps off of his seemingly inflatable steed and....totally misses the apron and falls directly onto the mats outside the ring. BUT HE'S BACK UP QUICKLY and after a boost from Dinosaur Bones, the noblest and MOST DREADED of mounts, he's in the ring. Dominicus scowls at the crowd (probably it's hard to tell with the mask) while Dinosaur Bones takes a jog around the outside of the ring to see if there's anyone to intimidate/eat. The referee quickly sends DB to the back, no unscheduled ringside attendants allowed here! This is FRANCE! They have standards here! On food! And DB offends their tender chef sensibilities.

Bonnie Jenkins: Entering first, from Parts Unknown. He stands six feet tall and weighs in at one hundred and eighty pounds … he is the holder of the Midnight Claw and the True Lord of Darkness … THE ‘REAL’ LORD DOMINICUS!

Randy: Well here he is, minus his favorite ally and steed.
Hawke: It’s probably for the best. Who knows what damage Dinosaurs could do to the French countryside?

Alright you motherfuckers...
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!

The pyros on the makeshift stage spew red as Tom Morello's guitar slams through the speakers with "Let's Get the Party Started," the fans cheering and singing along as Bloodied Fox steps through the curtain and raises the XHF Junior Heavyweight title high, holding his shield at his waist. Banging his head to the beat, he strides down the ramp and circuits the ring, bumping fists with anyone who wants it, before sliding in and standing mid-ring. He tears off his entrance mask as the chorus hits, screaming out the lyrics along with the crowd, a grin on his face. He hands off his belt to the referee and his shield to the timekeeper who places it on the table next to the bell and the Midnight Claw.

Bonnie Jenkins: And his opponent, he is the reigning and defending XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion. He hails from Reading, Berkshire, England and stands at five feet nine inches. He weighs in tonight at one hundred and ninety-six pounds, he is the holder of the Alepou Aegis and the only AWF Grand Slam Champion … he is … BLOODIED FOX!

Hawke: And here is our defending champion. Between MYOJIN and Fox, the Junior Heavyweight title has become one of the most prized possessions across the entire network.
Randy: Fox has certainly elevated the belt but don’t count out the first modern era champion, LORD DOMINI-*BELCH*

---

CAR PRESENTS: XHF JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Hidden Weapon Match
Lord Dominicus vs. Bloodied Fox (c)

---

The bell rings DING! DING! DING! and the two men begin to circle each other. Dominicus stops and points at Fox and throws his head back with an evil laugh. Fox raises an eyebrow.

Dominicus: I see you chose dishonesty! Perhaps you aren’t aware of your own weakness!

Bloodied Fox: Why don’t you enlighten me?

Dominicus: Wha? Me? I … That would be a GOOD thing to do and … I’m not in the business of doing non-EVILs!

Fox rolls his eyes and then Dominicus pokes him right in the eyes, sending him turning away to the ropes as the dark lord of XHF laughs. The evil one stalks his prey, and unleashes a swarm of quick kicks to the right hamstring and thigh. Fox stumbles away and wipes his eyes. Dominicus motions like he’s spitting something. Fox just looks at him. Black liquid flows out from the inside of LD’s mask and he looks down at it dribbling on the floor.

Dominicus: Ah … forgot step one.

Fox facepalms … and LD launches at him with a crucifix pin!

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
WAIT!

Dominicus looks at the ref as Fox laughs and shakes his head.

Randy: Hey LD, you need to find the golden weapon.

Dominicus: The belt is gold! It should count! I win! COUNT YOU PEON!

Hawke:I don’t think your master plan has worked, my good sir.

LD releases the pin and shakes his evil fist to the sky. Fox rolls to his feet and dusts himself off. He extends his hands for a test of strength. Dominicus looks at him, nods, and engages. Only he then throws a hard knee strike into the gut of the champion. The vulpine hunter returns the favor with a spinning back fist. The Dark Lord drops to the ground holding his cheek in pain. Fox wastes no more time with games and pounces. He begins to torque at the arm, but LD manages to yank it away and grabs a hammerlock of his own. Fox uses his free hand to push off the mat and get to his feet. LD cranks the hold harder. Fox spins out and behind with a hammerlock of his own. He uses his other hand to grab a half nelson. Looking for a hammerlock half hatch suplex, Fox hoists up his larger challenger. But the man in black hooks his legs on the champ’s and rolls forward.

Hawke: A good reversal but a victory roll won’t win the match at this stage.
Randy: It’s all a part of his evil strategy Jojo! *gulps a pumpkin beer*

The EVIL one rolls backwards off the pin and quickly hits a dropkick right to the glutes of the champ. Fox rolls through and glares at him, holding his butt.

Dominicus: Uh … give Harding my regards?

Fox explodes at him with a clothesline but Dominicus was waiting for this and drops down and scoops him up for an Alabama slam! But he instead shifts his weight out to the side and hooks the extended arm and places Fox’s head on his leg as he kneels on it. The Bat-Hanging lock is locked in as we hear a cackle coming from LD.

Randy: DOMINILOCK! He baited Fox with pillow talk!
Hawke: How is Fox going to get out of this?

Fox shouts in pain and disappointment at having been baited. He begins to shift his weight as Dominicus struggles to keep grip on the wily veteran. The champ manages to use his leverage to yank LD to the mat with the headscissors and the arm bar and locks in an omoplata. Now it is the challenger who shouts in pain. Fox torques the arm and wrenches back on the face of the challenger as the crowd chants YES YES YES! Thinking quickly Dominicus rolls to the side and gets Fox into a pinning predicament, again. Fox rolls him back and wrenches the hold again. LD rolls back to the side and this time manages to squeak out of the hold and roll away holding his neck.

Randy: Both competitors showing some real technical skill, but isn’t there a weapon they have to find?
Hawke: Neither one wants to turn their back on the other to go out and find it.

Fox approaches Dominicus who slaps him in the face. The champ stands there a moment in stunned silence before straightening his face and SLAP! The slap this time gets returned. LD mocks shock and disappointment before unloading on the champ with a series of hard punches to the jaw. Bloodied Fox just absorbs the blows and stiffly clobbers Dominicus with a palm strike and a spinning elbow before flooring him with a question mark kick.

Hawke: Maybe trading strikes with a serious striker like the champ isn’t such a good evil plan?
Randy: That series was so stiff, I think MY mom felt it.
Hawke: Don’t you mean LD’s mom?
Randy: I mean, yeah, that too.

The scavenger wastes no time gloating. He picks up Dominicus … and levels him again with a hard clothesline. Satisfied, the champ rolls out of the ring to look for gold. He walks by the timekeeper who is using a blue flyswatter to keep the bugs away. He then lifts the ring apron and looks underneath. We hear rustling as Lord Dominicus rolls out of the ring to the floor. He holds his jaw as he looks around. He walks by the announce table and waves to Randy who is swatting more mosquitos with a yellow flyswatter.

Hawke: Why is he waving?
Randy: WHY ARE WE OUTDOORS AT NIGHT IN MOSQUITO HEAVEN!?

Dominicus grabs Fox by the waist band and hauls him out from under the ring. Fox slides into view and then throws something, which LD ducks under. SPLASH … a huge snail lands in Randy Angel’s beer.

Randy: Ok all of France can just escargot away…

LD looks at the snail and laughs. He turns … and gets hit in the face by a crab which clamps onto his finger when he grabs at it.

Dominicus: GAH BLASTED CRUSTACEAN! Are you golden? No? THEN BEGONE!

Randy: Hey if LD has crabs, do you think Harding will be mad he touched Fox’s butt?
Hawke: Your insensitivity stuns me.
Randy: I’m here all night *drinks his beer* GAH! SLIMY!

Fox tackles Dominicus and begins laying in stiff palm strikes to the face, as the dark lord turtles up. The champ reaches out and grabs the title belt and stands up. He whips LD across the stomach with it. The man who represents all things dark sits up involuntarily in pain before getting a stiff knee to the face for his trouble. Bloodied Fox readies the belt as Dominicus stands … and then levels him with a shot across the face. The dark lord is down and out on the padding. The champ puts the belt back on the table and glances across the selection. Ring Bell, normal. Chairs, all normal. He scratches his beard in confusion before turning back to his challenger to continue to lay in punishment. The champ begins to stomp on the back of the challenger. He drops down to lock in the Lament Configuration but LD rolls under the ring. Fox sighs and gets to his feet. He lifts the ring apron.

Dominicus: POCKET SAND!

A cloud of sand from the exposed beach under the ring hits Fox in the eyes and he stumbles away in agony.

Bloodied Fox: FUCK! It’s coarse and rough, and it’s getting everywhere!

Randy: That’s how you fight dirty LD! *sips his beer … spits out the snail* Why do I keep doing this?
Hawke: You’re a drunk and have a problem?
Randy: MY PROBLEM IS THIS DAMN FRENCH HIGH CUISINE!

Fox stumbles back to the timekeeper’s table and grabs around. He gets his hand on the little mallet used to ring the bell. He swings wildly, but Dominicus stealthily stalks him from the shadows … or from right next to him, but Fox is blind so it’s shadows. A stiff kick to the right leg, and he darts away as Fox swings. A chop block to the same leg drops the champ to his knees. And a DDT puts him to the padding. Satisfied, LD begins to search around the ring. Fox whistles as he nurses his leg and head. Suddenly a corgi comes toddling down the rampway, tongue lolling out of his mouth.

Hawke: Oh! It’s Sir Borkington!

The corgi runs up and yips at LD. LD Dominithings and then pets the dog on the head. Fox sighs, the beast is no monster and won’t attack the man who gave him away. Dominicus watches as Borkington disappears under the ring. He then turns to see Fox on his feet. The two begin to trade stiff forearm shots. Fox breaks the monotony with a quick kick to the right quadriceps. He then hits one to the left. LD stumbles back in pain. Fox unleashes a spinning back roundhouse! But LD manages to duck the MDK! He drops into a split and punches Fox right in the dick.

Randy & Hawke: OOOOOOF!

Fox drops to the mat, singing soprano. However Dominicus doesn’t move.

Randy: Uh … you going to capitalize on that?

Dominicus: *in a super high pitch* DIDN’T PLAN THAT PROPERLY!

He flops over to the mat holding his own groin. Both men are now on the ground nursing their nether regions on live PPV. Dominicus crawls to where the dog was. He leans on the ring apron, panting in pain after his ill-fated sneak attack. But it was evil! Fox has slithered to the barricade, where fans offer him water and pats on the head. Suddenly we hear a yip yip and Sir Borkington trots out from under the ring holding … a bar of 24 karat gold. A literal bar of gold the size of a hamburger bun. Dominicus sees this and whistles to the dog, who stops between the dark lord and the vulpine dog-lover. He cocks his head to the side confused.

Dominicus: Bring daddy the gold bar you adorable killer. Come on! Daddy needs that to take Fox’s title!

Bloodied Fox: Sir Borkington, come!

The corgi brings the gold to Fox. But by this time Dominicus is up and runs towards him. Fox is still down from the low blow and cannot properly defend from the assault of stomps. LD grabs his arm and pulls him to his feet, locking in a flying armbar! Fox howls in pain as the corgi just licks his head. BF struggles, his left arm being wrenched hard by the surprising technical wizardry that the evil master has at his beck and call. Suddenly, CLANG! Fox slams the metal brick into the knee of the challenger and the hold is broken. LD hops to his left leg and hops up and down holding his right knee. Fox rolls to his feet and throws the gold bar at the left leg this time. LD falls down and grabs his left leg. “*Breathes in deep and loudly* AHHHHHH! … *breaths in deep and loudly* Ahhhhhhhh!” Fox is slow to grab the dark lord and drags him to the ring. He rolls him inside. He climbs the apron then leaps off with a springboard frog splash!

Hawke: AIR VULPINE!
Randy: Surely it’s over!

Fox bounces off Lord Domincus, holding his stomach before rolling back and wrenching both legs up in a pin. He waits for about five seconds before he looks at the ref. The ref shrugs.

Randy: The gold bar wasn’t the weapon? Then … why?
Hawke: I think Sir Borkington found buried treasure, a war prize?

Fox slams his hand on the mat and sighs. He looks around. Nobody in the crowd has anything golden. He is sure of it. He slowly climbs to his feet and walks to the ropes. He surveys the ringside area … the table is normal, the chairs are normal, the barricade is normal. Randy’s five hundred alcohol containers are all normal. Dominicus from behind with another sneak attack sends Fox over the ropes to the floor hard. Dominicus waits as he stands up, holding his back. He then leaps over the ropes and then UP onto the second rope. Springboard Asai DDT!

Hawke: DEMON’S INVERT! Fox is down on the outside.
Randy: Dominicus isn’t exactly in great shape after that move.

Fox crawls to the timekeeper’s table and grabs it with his right arm but it spills over. The bell falls to the floor, the other larger items fall at Fox’s side. The Midnight Claw however is launched into the air. Dominicus catches it. He looks out at the crowd, then to his hands. He cackles and slowly slides the claw onto his left hand. Lightning crashes somehow and the lights dim around the ring.

Dominicus: YOU FOOL! YOU FOOLISH FOOL OF A FOOL! Now you are finished. The ULTIMATE EVIL! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dominicus raises his hand in the air and then charges. He swings the mighty fist down in what is sure to be a DEATH blow. Instead a huge echoing CLANG rings through the arena. Dominicus is in shock. The blow sends reverberations into both men who shout in pain from the force. The claw has struck the Alepou Aegis! The only thing in the arena that could resist the mighty weapon is a device of eldritch origins and unknown powers! Fox rolls to his feet and the two stand off. PUNCH! BLOCK! CLANG!!!! PUNCH, BLOCK, CLAAAAAAAAAANG! Fox winces as the blows send shockwaves up his arm. Dominicus pants with exhaustion from the power needed to wield the weapon. Fox uses the shield to uppercut the arm of Dominicus sending the midnight claw high into the air. But Dominicus leaps up and lands on the shield as Fox raises it to block. He then springs off it and grabs the claw. He comes down with a superman punch … onto the mat where Fox once stood. The mat shreds apart at the point of impact, sand from underneath billows up. LD covers his face from the blow. Fox brings the shield crashing down on the back of the neck of LD. He then yanks the claw off, the lights on the beach turn back to full power, and then LD claws at the claw to get it back. Fox tosses it behind the announcer’s table. But Dominicus grabs the shield and shoves it into his jaw. Fox stumbles back and the shield flies into the crowd.

Hawke: Well that was exciting. If only we had the budget of Marvel, that might have looked even cooler in post production!
Randy: Yeah, we spend the budget on my liquor. *sips a French wine*

The evil master crawls away from Fox. He reaches under the ring and raises his head in shock! He pulls out … Jerry Lawler?

Dominicus: *Dominithinks* What? Why are you there?

King: You idiot, you think old announcers just disappear? I’ve been in storage waiting for some other person to have a scandal so I could come back and get paid again to look at PUPPI-

He is cut off by Dominicus using the King as a literal battering ram. King accidentally spears Bloodied Fox to the floor as he approaches. Dominicus grabs the crown … and raises it high! It glints in the light! Surely this is the golden weapon! He strikes Fox with it. Fox turtles up. LD rolls him into the ring and slides in after. Fox leaps to his feet with a superman palm strike!

Hawke: BLOODY RAIN!

… No count. Fox looks at the ref as if to say COME ON! But the ref shakes his head. The dark lord rolls out of the ring to escape further punishment. He crawls to the announcer’s table and begins looking behind them for his gauntlet. Fox rolls out of the ring and stalks him. He grabs the pants of LD and yanks him into a hard shoulder to the spine. He repeats this two more times as LD arches his back in agony. He reaches for anything. He gets his hands on the yellow flyswatter and spins, hitting Fox in the face. Fox just looks annoyed. SWAT SWAT SWAT! LD is having no effect on Fox. Fox grabs the swatter and smacks the ever loving crap out of LD’s face. And LD barely flinches. They both shrug and Fox yanks LD back for a Fox Trap Suplex but the evil one manages to block it and throw fox over the announce table with a falling arm drag.

Randy: WHOA COMING IN HOT!
Hawke: Well that was a brilliant counter.

Dominicus climbs up onto the announce table and punts Fox in the face as he tries to stand. Dominicus locks in a front chancery and begins to back Fox to the ring. Fox breaks free and pulls him into a standing arm triangle. Dominicus swings him into the ring steps and then rolls into the ring with the hold broken. Fox is slow to follow and when he slides in, he gets stomped on. LD pulls Fox up, but Fox leaps up into a guillotine choke! The ref seems intently watching LD for any sign of submission. Fox notes this and looks down to the flyswatter. The distraction lets the dark lord hit a northern lights suplex.

ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Fox!

LD looks at the ref in shock, he wasn’t holding the pin tight. The ref points to the golden weapon and LD dominithinks. He gets woken up by a kick to the gut and a standing headscissors from Fox.

Hawke: Well I’ll be! Your flyswatter was the hidden weapon!
Randy: And now Fox wants to powerbomb Dominicus right into the sand beneath the ring! There’s so much sand here. Was Friday a particularly busy day on the promo cycle?
Hawke: No more than usual, why?
Randy: No Reason. *he bonks King on the head with his own crown as the old man tries to climb to the announce table*

Fox tries to lift Dominicus, but a few well-placed shots to the leg cause the upper leg to cramp up and Fox lets go. LD lifts him up and once again gets him into the Dominilock!! Fox howls in agony as LD taunts to the crowd that it’s over! Fox struggles. LD torques the hold. The champ’s hand wavers. He looks ready to tap out! But he steels himself! He again manages to shift his weight and drag LD to the mat with a headscissors! He rolls back and locks in the Lament Configuration!

Randy: WAIT, It’s Halloween! Don’t summon the Cenobytes!
Hawke: Oh my costume! *puts on a pinhead mask* Thanks for reminding me.

LD struggles to escape the hangman’s clutch. He’s so close to gold he can taste it! He struggles. He wriggles. He manages to get to the ropes! But there’s no break. Fox rolls backwards, slamming LD back into the middle of the ring and tries to reapply the hold but LD blocks him. He rolls it into an armbar! Fox wriggles free and into an omoplata! LD manages to roll him into a pin!

ONE!
TWO!
Fox releases the hold!

LD manages to crawl to the ropes. He pulls himself to his feet and charges Fox. Fox kips up and catches LD! CUTTHROAT EXPLODER!

Randy: B4! B4!

Fox hooks the legs.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!

DING DING DING!

Hawke: HE DID IT! He staved off the dark lord of XHF! Fox retains another day!

Bonnie Jenkins: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Your winner and STILL XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion … BLOODIED FOX!

Randy: What an insanely close and exciting match!
Hawke: Fox is making that belt the jewel of the XHF Network and now it’s off to Fireside to defend next month!

---

Bonnie Jenkins: The next match is the MAIN EVENT of XHF END OF DAYS BATTLEFIELD! This match will be for the XHF X*Crown Championship and is one fall to a finish! Tonight’s title will be defended under Excommunication rules and will be a no disqualification, no count outs, and no time limit! The match will continue until a winner has been decided!

Randy: It’s the main course baby! Can you taste it?
Hawke: I don’t want to taste anything that you are, okay? However it is the main course when it comes to the talent we have in this one! History is unfolding before our very eyes, and I’m honored to be a part of it.
Randy: Don’t get all sentimental okay. Nobody likes the guy who cries over dinner.
Hawke: Anyway -- the Excommunication rules are a catch-22 really. While the match has no disqualifications, the ring crew has replaced any weapons found near the ring with biblical items. Yes, we are all going to hell for it, I know.
Randy: I’m already in hell. I work with you.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing first, the challenger and winner of the End of Days tournament! He hails from Detroit, Michigan! Weighing in tonight at 237 pounds, The Face of the Franchise, STEVE AWESOME!

"Full of Regret" by Danko Jones blasts over the speakers on Omaha Beach, Normandy as fans pop up to get a good view of the End of Days Tournament winner as he makes his entrance. All the lights attached to the entrance stage screen fade out. The night sky helps set the ambience on this beautiful beach setting, as ocean waves roll in with the tide.The fans in attendance start chanting his name. Some however are finding harmony in the hate-Awesome camp and show it vocally.

Half the Crowd: "AWE-SOME!"
Other Half of the Crowd: “SUCKS!”
Half the Crowd: "AWE-SOME!"
Other Half of the Crowd: “SUCKS!”

"REGRETS I'VE HAD MINE!"

The lights that exist dazzle and burst to life as they begin to flash green and black spotlights all around the beach, from audience to the water, and even the areas not being used. Steve Awesome comes running out with intensity to the hyped up chorus of "Full of Regrets" by Danko Jones. Dressed in his black leather jacket with green trim and frills hanging off in various locations, topped off with his signature aviator glasses and perfectly placed hair - the “Face of the Franchise” was in rare form as he made his way down to the ringside area.

"Lonely nights and a whole lot of wasted time!

If you see her wont you tell her for me

It's better this way to avoid all the misery"

Once the guitar starts soloing, Steve steps through the ropes, pausing as he looks back at the crowd over the top of his aviators, hand raised up to his eyebrows scanning the crowd before pointing to a fan ringside. He leaps down out of the ring, takes off the aviators, placing them on the little ‘Awesome’-fan he sees wearing his signature T-shirt sold everywhere online. Steve Awesome checks out the young female behind the kid. Winking at her, he lifts his hand and gives her a ‘call me’ without saying it vocally. Awesome turns on his heel, walking the walk of confidence as he slides into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket. Spinning around and dropping into a kneel. Steve Awesome flexes his arms with biceps and chest muscles, popping them with a machismo unrivaled in the XHF and veins accentuated under the hue of lights on the ring. Steve Awesome gets a slow motion effect as pyro sprays behind him, and he flexes the hips one more time, winking at the ladies in the front row. Music fades.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing the next challenger! She hails from Syracuse, New York! Weighing in this evening at 122 pounds and the 2020 End of Days winner, DAKOTA JENNINGS!

“Omen” by the Prodigy takes over the sound system setup on Omaha Beach, Normandy and fans perk up to see one half of the ReKota tag team and the winner of last year's End of Days tournament, Dakota Jennings. Her usual attire is spruced up with a new black and gold trim with her trademark black boots, elbow pads, and kick pads. Dakota has come a long way in the past two years, and tonight she was looking for the cherry to put on top of her career. Pointing out to the fans, Dakota shows her love for her supporters as the waves of Omaha Beach grow louder. A tide of change, could it be her night? The test to find out was about to start. Once in the ring, Dakota poses on the second rope to the audience before she takes to her corner. Her music fades out.

Bonnie Jenkins: Introducing last - he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION! Representing Fireside, he hails from Belfast, Ireland! Weighing in tonight at 240 pounds! Known as the Godfather of Extreme, he is…. SPIKE KANE!

The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.

"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!"

Spike steps through the flames, the XHF XCrown Championship secured around his waist. No nonsense, no thrills, the Godfather of Extreme has risen from hell and heads to the ring. As he takes his place in the center of the ring, there is no pose, no taunting, no badmouthing, just a focused and serious demeanor to what he would have to do for his success to be manifested tonight. Taking off his jacket, Spike tosses it over his corner ring post and keeps his back turned to his opponents. A statement was being said without a word exchanged.

Hawke: Spike Kane has arrived. Does he not look zoned in?
Randy: I don’t know how to read him. All I know is I wouldn’t sign up to be across the ring from him.
Hawke: The ringside area as we can see, has been scattered with the biblical items that make this an Excommunication rules match.
Randy: As long as Spike doesn’t set anything on fire tonight, then my prayers will be answered.

---

XHF X*CROWN CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Excommunication Match
Dakota Jennings vs. Steve Awesome vs. Spike Kane (c)

---

Bell sounds and the Omaha Beach crowd watches with anticipation for who will make the first move. Spike Kane was in a precarious position, not having to be pinned to lose this match. Steve Awesome leaned in his corner, fluffing his hair. Dakota Jennings eyes were like darts waiting to strike the first target that presented itself as a threat. It was Spike Kane who would be that threat. Coming over to Dakota, Spike looks her up and down; he had her by 120 pounds and 8 inches in height. Though Spike was familiar with the phrase ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover,’ since he has been underestimated by opponents who found his size less threatening.  Dakota doesn’t say a word, nor does Spike, but she goes right up to him and chest to breast, Dakota looks up at the XCrown Champion and has no fear in her eyes. God of Extreme or not, she was going to prove this ring belonged to her. As the opening moments are less engaging than one may have thought they would be, it was Steve Awesome who found himself napping on the top rope of his respective corner. Pretending to snore as his legs rest on one side of the ropes and his back on the other, hands folded behind his head.

Randy: Steve is getting his beauty sleep in.
Hawke: Or resting up after that Dumpster Fire match he had earlier against the Crinkly Bottom Boys.
Randy: He’s a movie star Joey, you wouldn’t understand how hectic his schedule is.
Hawke: And you would. Right… (eye roll)

Dakota and Spike pause for a brief moment at the sound of Steve Awesome’s exaggerated snoring. Almost in unison they turn to look at him. Dakota doesn’t show any reaction but her blank stare could be chalked up as daggers. Spike on the other hand hollars at Steve.

Spike: Wake up old man.

Winking an eye, Steve Awesome lifts his hand up and points to himself as he gestures “muah?” at Spike’s comment. Dakota strikes with an uppercut to Spike’s chin as he turned to yell at Steve. The God of Extreme cracks his neck and turns back to Dakota who isn’t backing down and throws an elbow into the chin of Spike again. Without warning Spike headbuttes Dakota in the nose - throwing her for a loop as she backs up two steps and clutches her nose.

Hawke: Did he just break her nose?
Randy: Yes he did, look at the blood flow.
Hawke: Spike said he didn’t care what gender he faced, he’d treat them all the same.
Randy: Dakota doesn’t look upset though. She looks pissed off!

Firing back with a kick to the knee, Dakota grabs Spike by the head, judo flipping him over into a headlock on the canvas. The slam wakes Steve Awesome up on the turnbuckle, as his head shifts and he looks on. Transitioning from his napping stretched out look to sitting on the top rope and watching Dakota fire up on the XCrown champion. Locking in the headlock, Dakota wrenches it as Spike pushes himself up to a base, and the two find themselves standing again. Headlock takeover again! Dakota with blood running down her face gives a wrench of the neck one more time as they hit the canvas. Awesome claps on the top rope, seemingly impressed.

Randy: Someone get Steve some popcorn.
Hawke: He’s being smart, letting this play out.
Randy: Do you blame him? This is match number 2 for him tonight.

Spike pushes on to his feet, bringing Dakota back up with him and ANOTHER?!? No. Spike’s not budging, and instead he back body drops Dakota with a quickness that the MMA trained competitor loses grip of her hold and grabs her neck. Spike stands up looking down at her and tells her again what he said leading up to this match.

Spike: I will retire you, bitch!

Fans disappointingly boo the XCrown champions words, seemingly in favor of the female athlete and her historic run to get to this match. DaKota rolls to the apron, holding her neck still, as the blood from her broken nose drips on the canvas. Superkick?! Steve Awesome catches Spike from behind and the XCrown champion is down!

Hawke: STEVE AWESOME on the cover!

1..
2..

Kickout with authority from Spike Kane!

Randy: Awesome finds his window and takes full advantage of it. Gotta love that!
Hawke: Only if your not Spike Kane that is.

Steve stays on Spike, continuing what Dakota had started by locking on a headlock on Spike. The Face of the Franchise though showboats as he usually does, completing his trademark headstand headlock as he applies it to Spike.

Randy: Look at that athletic prowess.
Hawke: You mean the cocky and arrogant display?
Randy: Quit being jealous and embrace the Awesome-ness.

Spike slips out of it as Steve drops down from the headstand and gets to his feet. Steve is quickly up to, ducking the spinning clothesline from Steve does Spike and hitting him with a midsection elbow before dropping Awesome with a snap neck breaker. Spike rolls over and rubs his elbow in Awesome’s face as he grabs the leg - only a 1 count!

Hawke: Spike and Awesome have history. You may see some respect between these two but I don’t think that should be confused with their level of competition and what the XCrown means to them both.
Randy: Everyone wants to be the King.
Hawke: Or Queen.
Randy: (Pffft)

Awesome pushes up to his feet as Spike is waiting and the two begin to exchange in a chain of wrestling reversals. Headlock into a waist lock, countered into another waistlock by Spike. Elbow by Steve connects on the ear, he snap mares Spike over his shoulder and goes for a headlock, but Spike drops to the canvas kicking him in between the eyes with his shin! Dakota out of corner hits a running lariat on Steve Awesome!

Randy: I forgot she was in this!
Hawke: So did they.

Spike is up and Dakota catches him with a roundhouse Kick landing behind his right ear, stunning Spile into a stagger towards the ropes. Dakota follows up with an Irish whip on the rising Steve Awesome sending him towards Spike. Awesome hits a clothesline on Spike and the two tumble over the top rope to the outside ring area. The Omaha Beach crowd are on their feet to get a better look as Spike and Awesome climb to their feet, both of them near a table that has been set up for the Excommunication rules with items on it.

Hawke: Oh no!
Randy: Oh YES!

Awesome grabs a cross on the table and goes to smash it into the head of Spike but Spike blocks it with a chalice! The two are ‘sword fighting’ with a chalice and a cross… god have mercy. Spike slides the momentum to the left and the two swing again, as fans hear the ‘Ching’ of metal on metal clashing in an epic biblical chalice versus cross show off at ringside. Dakota with a suicide dive slams the two into the table and they roll over it and cause it to flip with their weight as Dakota lands on her feet!

Hawke: The more these two ignore her, the more she comes back with a reason they shouldn’t.
Randy: Never ignore an angry woman, that’s how divorce happens.

Dakota grabs a bible that fell off the table and slaps it against Spike’s face as he stands up. The XCrown champion stands in front of her, cocking his head from left to right to stare her dead ass in the eyes. Spike unloads a kick in Dakota’s midsection and brain buster on the outside!

Randy: Holy Hell!
Hawke: Dakota landed hard on the outside with that one!

Awesome with a German suplex on Spike as he’s getting up! The XCrown champion is folded up on the outside like an accordion. Steve gives no time to rest to the champ, lifting him up and sending him under the bottom rope by the corner. Ascending the turnbuckles, Awesome flashes a smile at his fan section, turns around and moonsaults off the top rope!

Hawke: Double knees to the midsection by Spike!
Randy: Awesome felt all of that!
Hawke: No rest for the wicked, Spike Kane looks to be going for a cross face on Awesome now!

Rolling over with Awesome, Spike latches one arm back as he tries to lock in a cross face submission but Awesome fights it off the best he can - suffering from the knees he just felt on that moonsault receipt. Spike has the cross face locked in! NO— Dakota pulls him out of the ring though and receives a hellacious haymaker from the XCrown champion for her efforts. She staggers backwards into the barricade, shaken by the hit, and Spike looks at her like why won’t you stay down. He goes for a clothesline, and BACK BODY DROP! Dakota sends Spike sailing into the fans seating, chairs break the Champions fall.

Hawke: Dakota showing the resilience that brought her to the dance.
Randy: She’s making the most of this opportunity. I’ll give her that!
Hawke: Dakota’s size has never stopped her from proving naysayers wrong. She doesn’t have quit in her vocabulary.
Randy: Don’t tell Spike that, he loves to prove people wrong.

Dakota slides in the ring and sees Steve Awesome still recovering from the knees. Dakota hooks the neck and snap suplexes Steve Awesome with authority! She tolls through and keeps the neck and arm hooked as she brings Awesome back to his feet, going for another! Awesome counters, wrenching her arm backwards, he trips her to the mat as he slips behind into a hammerlock on the canvas, spins around to lock on a front face lock - and Dakota pushes herself up to her knees, fighting to regain her footing. Both Dakota and Awesome rise to their feet, face lock on still. Dakota with a northern lights suplex into a bridge on Awesome!

1..
2…

Shoulder up by Steve breaks the count! Dakota gets up, stomping the hurt midsection of Steve for good measure. She grabs a leg and drags Awesome to a bottom rope. Bouncing off the rope, she sits down on the knee of Steve Awesome with all her weight! Awesome grabs at his knee, audibly providing discomfort for the pain he just felt. Dakota does it again! A third time and Steve rolls out of the way, causing Dakota to have to catch herself by landing on her feet- Steve punch drunk shoves Dakota’s ass and sends her face first through the ropes to the outside!

Hawke: Awesome getting some space between himself and Dakota. Smart play, as I’m sure he’s worn down from earlier.
Randy: Not for long, look!

Spike has slid in the ring on the other side of where Dakota exited. With a staff that looks like it belonged to the Pope, Spike is spinning it like he’s stepping up to bat for the Yankees —- SWING! Awesome turns around and takes it across the chest! The staff bends slightly from impact and sends Steve backwards to the ropes. Bouncing back, he staggers into Spike’s waiting hands (who dropped the staff) and is lifted up into a SPIKE IMPALER! He gets it all!! Cover by Spike on Awesome.

1..
2…
3-

Broken up by Dakota who comes crashing down on Spike’s back with two elbows! Keeping the match alive, Dakota begins kicking Spike in the head, driving a knee into his skull as he begins to get up. Rocked by the knee, Spike steps backwards holding his head. Dakota hooks him with an a right jab to the left side of his face, followed by a right punch to the face - aiming for the nose but catching him in the forehead as Spike drops his head and lifts his arms to block. Another left, Spike counters and kicks her in the knee - Spiking DDT! Dakota headstands from the impact before teetering over to her back.

Randy: Hell’s favorite with a deadly DDT!
Hawke: Dakota took every bit of that one!
Randy: Watch your mouth Joey, this is a PG-13 show.
Hawke: What did I say?
Randy: I don’t know, I just always wanted to say that.

Awesome is up and hooks Spike from behind with a half Nelson! Looking for a suplex, Spike counters with an elbow to the Face of the Franchise. Spinning around he hits a clothesline that sends shockwaves through the crowd with ‘Oooooh’s’ as Awesome is spun 360 degrees and lands on his face. Spike with the cover on Steve.

1..
2…

Kick Out by Awesome! Spike pulls Awesome to his feet, looking to find the final nail that puts Awesome in his coffin. Lifting Steve up for a Spike Impaler! Awesome counters with a knee to the forehead! Dropping to his feet, SUPERKICK! Spike doesn’t go down though and stumbles back into the ropes. ANOTHER SUPERKICK! This one sends Spike onto the apron, and Hell’s Spawn won’t give up, holding the second rope to avoid falling onto a table placed on that side of the ring with a bible and communion wafers. Steve points to the camera man near the corner, motioning with a finger to focus on him. Camera zooms in…

Awesome: Did you hear that slap, oh what sweet music does the Face of the Franchise make! Woooooooo!

Hawke: Steve may be taking too much time here. Letting Spike rest even for a moment is a mistake.
Randy: I don’t think Spike knows where he is, hanging there on the second rope. He looks like he’s seeing cartoon birds.
Hawke: Wait a minute, Steve is looking at the turnbuckle, and then Spike. What’s he got in mind now?

As Spike grabs the top rope, he drunkenly looks to stagger to find his balance on the apron. Steve Awesome hits the second turnbuckle, steps up to the top rope -- Spike meets him there with a forearm, and Awesome has to grab the top rope with a hand to stop himself from falling off! Spike with a headbutt to Awesome as he makes his way up the turnbuckle from the apron.

Hawke: Spike was playing possum or just had a burst of energy and knew what Steve would do.
Randy: I’ll go with Spike knows Awesome for $300 Alex.
Hawke: Spike and Awesome trading blows precariously on the top rope.

Spike hooks Awesome and lifts him up! Looking for the SPIKE IMPALER off the top rope! But Steve Awesome has that top rope gripped like it’s a lottery ticket, and at this moment it was. Spike sets Steve back down begrudgingly, and slams a fist into his ribs, then another headbutt as he goes for the suplex setup again! Dakota out of nowhere leaps up and shoves Spike and Awesome off the turnbuckle and through the table! Bible smashed, wafers flying, table splinters everywhere as Spike Kane and Steve Awesome lay awkwardly smushed together on the rubble.

Randy: A sneaky and smart Dakota Jennings may have just bagged her X*Crown championship reign with that!
Hawke: She still has to get one of them in the ring.
Randy: True, and will she be able to?

Rolling out of the ring, Dakota begins picking up Spike, pieces of the table laying over him. She squats down, putting Spike on her shoulders, and steps backwards to the ring apron to push him under the bottom rope. The can-do spirit and determination of Dakota Jennings was winning the crowd over. Whether she had a love-hate relationship with them or not, tonight she had earned their respect. Dakota goes to get up on the apron and her foot is grabbed by Steve Awesome.. How the hell was he moving? Dakota tries to kick him in the head, but Steve grabs the ankle and yanks on it.. Dakota has the top rope and doesn’t let go, swiftly pulling her foot away and stepping back. She rushes the apron and soccer kick to the head! Awesome takes all of it, standing shocked in awe and pain most likely, as he groggily turns to the crowd before face flopping onto the floor.

Hawke: I don’t even know how Awesome was able to get up after that table fall!
Randy: Some men are not mortal Joey, and Steve Awesome is in that echelon.

Dakota gets in the ring and Spike is showing just the faintest signs of life as he reaches up with an arm for the second rope, but remains laying on his back. Dakota goes to a corner nearest the ropes Spike is at, looking at him like the enemy of the state - crouching down, she readies herself… Spike begins to sit up, facing her, eyes closed, and as he opens them it’s a shining wizard to the face from Dakota Jennings that he sees! The nose of Spike Kane is busted open!

Hawke: Revenge for earlier as Dakota hits her trademark move ‘It Came From ScottsDale! #2’.
Randy: But she’s not covering him, what is she doing?!
Hawke: She knows that it will take more than that to finish Spike and claim her X*Crown championship.

After pulling Spike by the ankle to the corner, Dakota heads to the apron and ascends the turnbuckles to the top rope. Fans on their feet as she reaches the top, and a quick gesture of faith as she points to Spike, knowing this is her shot! FROG SPLASH!

Hawke: OH MY GOD!
Randy: HOLY FUCK!

With whatever was left in the tank, Spike leaps up and hits a variation of THUNDERSTRUCK ont he falling Dakota Jennings! Nowhere to go, no way to stop herself, as the mid-air counter was pulled off in mere seconds by Spike Kane! Dakota takes the stunner like move and hits with her knees on the mat, jaw and neck taking such a shock, that she pops up and falls to her back beside Kane in one fell-swoop. Spike however isn’t fully there yet, and even though he was able to hit the move, his tank was close to empty as he laid beside her motionless too. Fans pop up in a mixed reaction of HOLY S#!T and ‘Oh No!’ for there respective favorites as Spike rolls over and plops a hand across the chest of Dakota Jennings for the cover.

1…
2…
3….

Spike Kane retains the X*Crown Championship! At the apron, Steve Awesome is sliding in the ring just as the third count slaps the canvas and is confirmed. Awesome lays half in and half out of the ring, looking on at Spike laying over Dakota in distraught that he was late to break up the pin fall.

Bonnie Jenkins: Winner of the Excommunication match, and STILL XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION….. SPIKE KANE!

Hawke: What a show tonight ladies and gentlemen!
Randy: We hope you've had a spook-tac-ular time here at End of Days! I know I did!
Hawke: Thank you and good night!