Episode XXXV Is Live!

[Matt]

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In-Ring with The Black Hand
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A light drum roll begins...

(Voice over begins to speak....)

This is their destiny...

This is their place...

This is their time...

They will CONQUER ALL!!!

("Dark Breed" By Robert Slump blares throughout the arena. The BLACKHAND skull symbol appears on the screen. The skull illuminates and flashes and slowly fades away but re illuminates bright black and white lights.

The ramp is covered in dry ice as Blackheart, Bishop, Miller and Diaz appear from the smoke as they stand at the top of the ramp. Each man raises his black gloved hand above his head, holding his championship belt in the air. They fist bump and make their way to the ring with Terrance Christopher following closely, grinning and rubbing his hands together. Miller runs and slides into the ring. He climbs to the second rope and raises his arm up. Diaz hops up onto the apron on his knee, letting his other leg hang loosely, as he pulls his sunglasses off, and tosses them into the crowd. He quickly lifts his leg and slips it through the ropes, straddling the middle rope for a moment for the fans to bask in his glory, before completely getting in the ring. Diaz quickly turns and climbs up onto the second turnbuckle and flexes! Bishop slowly gloves Blackheart, who quickly slides under the bottom rope and climbs a turnbuckle, posing with his belt. Bishop walks up the ring steps and wipes his feet on the ring apron before entering the ring, turning slowly in the center of the ring with his world championship belt held high. All four men return to the center of the ring and they fist bump. The music fades as Miller takes a mic.)

Miller: Welcome to the greatest night of all professional wrestling! In fact…..everyone stand up and applaud your champions!

(Diaz climbs to the second rope and raises the Tag team title in the air! Bishop with the world title on the air in the opposite corner and Rain with the SinCity Championship in another corner raised high!)

Miller: Alright, alright. Y'all can sit on your sweaty asses now. We've come out here tonight, not to pick any fights or cause any problems. We are here simply for everyone watching in the stands, in the back and at home. To simply bask in our absolute glory! (Laughs) We are the cream of the crop right now. People want to just smell us so they feel they are part of our elite level. (Points at a guy in the crowd) You….I see you looking at The Black Hand. You want to be as great as this collection of athletes right here don't you? (The fan doesn't respond) I said don't you!? (He doesn't respond again and gestures a thumbs down. Miller steps out the ring and grabs the fan and drags him into the ring) You will fucking bask you bitch. (The fan is on his knees) Fucking stay there and feel this aura of greatness!

(Diaz takes the microphone.)

Diaz: Let’s do a survey!

(Crowd roars.)

Diaz: How many of you are here to see the good guys UP Wubbya?

(A good half assed response from the crowd.)

Diaz: I dig ya! I hear ya but the truth now! How many of you are here to see the bad guys..THE BLACKHAND????

(The crowd loses its shit.)

Diaz: Just like I thought! I can’t blame any of you! The reality is UPW was nothing and would remain nothing without THE BLACKHAND!

Rain: "Whether you like us or you don't, there is no way to deny what you see before you are champions. Even when odds were set up for us to fail, we still succeeded because like a sword is forged in fire so we have. The fires of competition made us stronger and better than the rest of the roster and we have the hardware to prove it.

"And what does the future hold? Let's take a look… Public Nuisance, you think you can regain the tag straps? DeHaven and Murphy can you trust each other? Do you have each other's back without question? Hell no. Dillan will have to carry that dipshit and all that's gonna do is weigh you down. So good luck with that dead weight. Team Sp!ke? those inbred Castles,?the Jimbos? Team Feelings? None of you stand a chance against Rated M.

"And the World title picture? Pixi? Bishop beat her. Nathaniel? Bishop beat him. CJ? Bishop beat him. Cage? Meh, a nostalgia beating is what he'll get. Jester? Maybe it should be his turn to be pinned by Bishop. It won't matter who is chosen, Devon Bishop is the longest reigning UPW World Champion and I don't see anyone dethrone him any time soon.

"And my Sin City title? Line up! I'll keep knocking everyone down in any type of match. That's what I've been telling you and I'll show every one of you that I am the best. I am skilled, I adapt, I conquer. Crimson Kreger? You want it? Come get it and see how many ways I can defeat you. Size doesn't matter, championships do and we are the ones holding all the gold.

"Diamonds are forever, and so is the Black Hand."

Diaz: We told you! This shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone with a mind for the business! We have done nothing but redefine professional wrestling from the bottom up! It doesn't matter where you are from or how the fuck you made it here or what you did previously! We are the benchmark, the marqui, the corner stones and the end all of all! Take a fucking number and get in line. Come one, come all to see the greatest spectacle in the world today! The true 10th wonder of the world!

(Kid steps on the ropes and raises his tag team title in the air. Miller stands beside him raising his title and then holds it in the face of the fan who is still sitting in the ring. He mouths "kiss it" as the fan goes to he pulls away the title laughing)

Bishop: What you see before you is exactly what we told you would happen. Miller, Diaz, Blackheart and Bishop are all her off my gold. This is the result of hard work, patience, determination, and skill. I don't care if you like what you see before you, because there is no one else in UPW that can boast the success that the Black Hand has had...not the Alliance, not the CCZA, not the Robinsons, not C.J. Walker, not David Berg, not Saint Sakura, not THC, not Jester, not Joe Nobody, not Wicked...no one. Period. End of story. There are those who are already saying that we can't maintain this level of success, and you know what, that is true. No! Really, it's the truth. Not one of us can remain champion forever, but for now, if you want to raise yourself to the top, you have to go through us. That's also the truth. Love us or hate us, you have to respect what we've done and I know it's eating some of you in the locker room alive. My only advice is put in the hard work and you too may one day elevate yourself to this level, but for now, the Black Hand is the Apex of the mountain.

(Miller takes the mic)

Miller: This is a symbol (Raises his gloved hand)…..Elijah knows better than to question our motives. We are the past, present and future of UPW. If you want to try to take us off this perch…..We welcome it!

TC: “And as always, what has been said here is not bragging. It’s not overblown and self indulgent. Look at these men. They are the champions. They hold the gold. They are the best and everyone here needs to acknowledge that fact. And THAT is the red word gospel truth.”

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Public Nuisance vs. Bubba & Tater
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Sir Oliver: We begin the matches with a tag team match.

Lobo: One almost feels sorry for Bubba and Tater. They are fun loving southern boys but they may be in for a long night.

V: Not too long I hope as they well suck. Public Nuisance is going to run through them like a hot knife through butter baby!!

Sir Oliver: Public Nuisance is a very tough team and they are certainly looking for momentum.

*Anderson: We have a tag team match. All the way from Hickory, North Carolina… at a combined weight of four hundred and sixty-two pounds... they are BUBBA and TATER!!!

(“Ugly” by Bubba Sparxxx begins to play as Bubba heads out from behind the curtain. He wears blue jeans, old, black wrestling boots, and black suspenders. A shirt is not present. He pulls the suspenders out, sliding his fingers up and down while sticking his tongue out. He lets them go and they snap hard against his skin. Bubba shakes it off and heads into the ring with his good buddy, Tater.)

V: Mwhahahahha Like Lambs to a slaughter

*Anderson: Their opponents. Coming down to the ring with their manager, Cliff Ragsdale, I give you the team of... "THE MANIAC" MARK MURPHY AND "THE DUKE" DILLAN DEHAVEN!!!

("Fire Water Burn" by The Bloodhound Gang plays as Murphy and DeHaven slowly walk to the ring, being led by their manager, Cliff Ragsdale. Murphy laughs and jokes around pointing out different fans and making fun of them. DeHaven seems a bit more subdued and Ragsdale shows no emotion. Both Murphy and DeHaven are dressed in their ring attire. Ragsdale is wearing a blue cape and black jeans. Murphy is wearing a blue singlet and DeHaven is wearing a gray t-shirt with black tights.)

*Anderson: Your referee is Alexander Xavier Edwards!

Lobo: The bell rings and Bubba will begin the match against Dillan DeHaven

Sir Oliver: Mr. DeHaven has a stoic look but a determined and diabolical feel.

V: Diawhat?

Lobo: DeHaven wastes little time as he knees Bubba in the gut and unleashes a bevy of forearm smashes to the face. He whips Bubba into the turnbuckle and hits him with a lariat. DeHaven grabs Bubba and whips him into his corner and hits a running WESTERN LARIAT.

Sir Oliver: Bubba is stunned. DeHaven just unleashed holy fury upon the poor chap.

V: This is great. Beat the fat out of that slob!

Lobo: DeHaven tags in Murphy and as he steps out of the ring he throws a shot at Bubba right in the face.

Sir Oliver: It may have gone from bad to worse for poor Bubba as the Maniac is in the ring.

Lobo: Murphy immediately begins choking Bubba, breaking at the count of four as the crowd jeers vehemently. Murphy screams at them to shut up and then whips Bubba into his corner and dares the slightly smaller Tater to tag in.

Sir Oliver: Public Nuisance is just toying with this poor team.

V: More violence. Get em Murphy!

Lobo: As Tater steps in, he is hit with a nasty running boot to the face. Murphy picks up the stunned Tater, whips him into the rope and hits a thunderous Spinebuster Slam. He picks up Tater and quickly follows up with a T-Bone Suplex.

V: He is killing the dumb hick.

Sir Oliver: What a vicious streak the Maniac possesses. Like an Indian cobra.

Lobo: Murphy drapes Tater’s neck on the bottom rope and begins to choke him while laughing at the disapproving crowd. He releases on the count of 4, picks up Tater and repeatedly slams his face into the turnbuckle. Murphy turns Tater around and hits an Inverted DDT.

Sir Lobo: Tater is down and barely moving. Just end this match.

V: Keep beating him! Like why end it now?

Lobo: Murphy tags in DeHaven and ascends to the top rope. As the referee begins the count. DeHaven stands under him and launches him. Murphy lands on top of Tater with a thud as Public Nuisance hits their Autonomous Drop finisher to the dismay of the crowd.

Sir Oliver: Thankfully this is over.

V: Darn. Like no.

Lobo: DeHaven places his right foot on the chest of Tater as the referee counts ONE….TWO…THRE….NO….DeHaven steps off and glares at the crowd who now jeer very loudly with some throwing debris at DeHaven and Murphy who just laugh.

Sir Oliver: This is no longer a sporting event but just punishment.

V: Like this is fantastic.

Lobo: DeHaven picks up Tater and whips him into Bubba, before the big man can tag in, DeHaven tosses him into the ring. He picks up Bubba and kicks him in the gut. Punch to the face, another and another and Bubba falls into the corner. The referee is admonishing DeHAven, who looks past him and as Bubba throws a punch, DeHaven blocks it and kicks Bubba right in the groin as the crowd cringes and Bubba falls down like a stack of bricks.

Sir Oliver: This needs to be stopped immediately.

V: Quiet!! This is great.

Lobo: DeHaven unleashes a series of kicks to the chest of Bubba, he picks him up and then drop kicks him right in the back of the head.

Sir Oliver: Tater is slowly now getting up but look at Murphy.

V: LOVE IT!

Lobo: As DeHaven picks up Bubba and hits a Western Lariat, Murphy runs up behind Tater and drags him to the floor. He hits a T-Bone Suplex on the floor as Tater is laid out. Murphy grabs a chair and with the crowd begging now he hits an INVERTED DDT on the Chair. Tater goes down hard as blood flows from the back of his head.

Sir Oliver: This is utterly disgusting.

V: This is the best tag team match ever!!!

Lobo: Back in the ring. DeHaven picks up Bubba and hits a standing suplex. He saunters over and applies the CLOVER LEAF submission. Bubba screams and taps but DeHaven refuses to let go.

Sir Oliver: The referee cannot see Bubba tapping. Murphy has grabbed him and is pointing at Tater stating what?

V: He said Tater slipped. Ha ha ha. One could call it that like I guess.

Lobo: Bubba is screaming in pain and tapping but just as Edwards turns around, DeHaven releases the hold as the referee looks at him in a puzzled fashion.

Sir Oliver: Call this match please. For Queen's sake.

Lobo: DeHaven smirks as he stretches out Bubba’s left arm and stomps it repeatedly.

Sir Oliver: Good God, there are children crying in the stands.

V: Like who cares. They are brats.

Lobo: DeHaven grabs Bubba and applies the cross face chicken wing. Bubba screams in pain and taps and this time Edwards sees it and calls for the bell.

Sir Oliver: Thank goodness.

*Anderson: Your winners via submission. Public Nuisance.

Sir Oliver: Public Nuisance just served notice to everyone. Bubba and Tater are being treated by the Las Vegas EMTs thankfully.

V: Is Bubba crying? This is like great.

Lobo: Public Nuisance walks out of the ring to a chorus of boos.

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Carson Castle vs. Vicious
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Sir Oliver: Well, that was all rather splendid really, wouldn’t you say, Old Bean?

Lobo: Yeah, that really got the fans excited. That isn’t going to change as we move swiftly on to our next match. Carson Castle versus Vicious. This is NOT going to be a technical match.

V: Like, awesome! I bet there’s like, shit loads of blood!

Sir Oliver: No, definitely NOT one for the purists amongst us, alas.

*Anderson: Introducing a man from Holly Springs, Tennessee…He stands at 6 foot 5 inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and sixty-four pounds…put your hands together for “The Bone Collector”…..CARSON CASTLE!!!

(“Two Middle Fingers” by State of Mine begins to flood the arena with sound as Castle steps onto the ramp leading to the ring. Castle takes a moment to survey the crowd before raising both arms into the air above his head and extending his middle fingers. He then runs full speed to the ring, sliding in under the bottom rope. He quickly takes off his vest and throws it to the floor outside the ring and stalks the ring.)

Anderson: And his opponent - Ladies and Gentleman – At 6’7” and weighing 300 pounds - be afraid. Be very afraid as UPW unleashes the full might of VICIOUS!!!

(Lacuna Coil's “Swamped” hits and Vicious steps out. He stops atop the ramp and flexes, showing his immense frame and musculature. he advances on the ring and his impending victim, mocking the weak fans as she does. There's no nonsense in the ring. He simply stands ready to bring the pain.)

Lobo: Two VERY big men in that ring. Edwards looks tiny in comparison.

Sir Oliver: Yes, I rather suspect that our esteemed official will have the Devil’s own job maintaining any form of adherence to the rules in this one.

(BELL RINGS)

Lobo: There’s no stalling, posing or time wasting as these two monsters simply close the gap and start to hammer away at each other.

V: This is EPIC!

Lobo: Vicious with a knee lift. It takes the massive figure of Carson off his feet.

Sir Oliver: I must concede that Mr Vicious does not lack for strength.

Lobo: Back hand chop! Carson wheels away into the ropes.

Sir Oliver: But comes straight back out to slam into Vicious with a brutal Clothesline.

V: Yeah, that like, totally knocked him sideways.

Lobo: But Vicious remains upright. Both men are tough; so this will be a real war of attrition.

Sir Oliver: Ah, but Mr Castle darts in to ensnare Mr Vicious with a crushing head lock to then bulldogs him to the mat.

Lobo: Now he kneels on Vicious’ back and grabs the jaw to peel the head back.

Sir Oliver: And Mr Vicious is hardly the most flexible.

Lobo: Carson is pulling hard, but Vicious just grimaces and fights back. He’s using that incredible strength of his to straighten out. The fans are standing in slack jawed amazement as Vicious somehow straightens. He straightens and lowers his head! Just how strong is that man?

V: Like, totally strong enough to kick Carson’s ass.

Lobo: Now Vicious rolls abruptly to his left and pitches Carson off his back. Vicious stands and roars out his defiance. Carson takes that as an open invitation. He explodes up from the mat to Spear vicious back into the ropes. As the rebounds, Carson spins to throw the massive bulk of Vicious over and to the mat!

Sir Oliver: My word! That was rather deftly done, was it not, Old Boy?

Lobo: Carson drops back with a Double Elbow slam!

V: Like, right on the head!

Lobo: Carson grabs a leg and rolls Vicious up.

Edwards: ONE!

Lobo: He kicks out!

Sir Oliver: And most emphatically too.

Lobo: They stand. Carson grabs Vicious by the wrist and Irish Whips him into – NO!! Vicious reverses and Carson is flung, back first, to crash into the turnbuckle! Vicious follows up with a bone jarring slam into his chest!

Sir Oliver: There was indeed a substantial amount of weight behind that, Old Chap.

Lobo: Now Vicious steps back, pulls Carson out of the corner and across his massive shoulders to-

V: Awesome!

Lobo: He presses Carson overhead!

Sir Oliver: And I can attest, that is no small weight!

Lobo: Gorilla Press Slam!

V: Like Carson ate all of that!

Lobo: Vicious drops – heavily - and covers.

Edwards: ONE! - TWO!! -

Lobo: What? Vicious released Castle! I am pretty sure that Carson was going to kick out. In fact, he did almost at the same time, but Vicious definitely sat up to stop that count.

Sir Oliver: What on earth is he thinking?

V: That he’s like, not done anywhere near enough damage on that dumb hill-billy.

Lobo: Well, Carson is NOT about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He’s straight up and hammering away at Vicious. Vicious is forced to cover up and back away such is the intensity of that assault. Carson backs him up into a corner and then Hip Tosses him out. Vicious rolls across the ring, but drags Carson with him.

Sir Oliver: Oh, I say! A surprising Monkey Flip there. I honestly did not think that the brute had such a move in his rather limited repository.

Lobo: Carson bounces across the ring and sits up. Vicious stands and walks over to grab – NO! Carson rolls aside. He’s faster than Vicious, that’s for sure.

V: D’uh! Like EVERYONE is faster than Vicious. But like, he doesn’t need to be fast; he’s as tough as brick wall and simply THE strongest wrestler in UPW. And by ‘strong’, I’m just talking physical strength – not skill or anything., coz my Devy is like, totally the strongest!

Lobo: Carson launches himself back at Vicious. He takes him down with a Cross Body slam and then pounds the man’s head into the mat!

Sir Oliver: A valid tactic. Sadly Mr Vicious’ propensity to absorb punishment requires that Mr Castle resort to ever more violent tactics.

Lobo: Vicious fires up a Knife Hand into Carson’s throat. He whips an elbow across to impact the jaw. That sends Carson tumbling and Vicious stands.

V: I get that he’s big, but DAMN, he’s slow.

Lobo: Yeah, Carson is back up and charges again!

Sir Oliver: One really cannot fault the young man’s enthusiasm.

Lobo: Superman Punch! He caught Vicious perfectly that time. The blow spins him around, but he grabs the ropes and stays on his feet.

V: Wow. I felt like Castle had decked him for sure.

Sir Oliver: I believe that Mr Castle is equally surprised.

Lobo: Carson narrows his eyes. He’s already forgotten that ‘set back’ and charges in to – CHOKE SLAM! Vicious got a hand under Carson’s chin and simply heaved up to crash back down!

V: #StrongAsFuck.

Lobo: Now he stomps on Carson. He boots him again and again. Carson rolls with it and gets to the ropes. Edwards calls the break, but NO! Vicious shoves the ref aside.

V: Ha! Like a damn LEAF! See, he’s in a heap on the floor – right at the opposite end of the ring.

Lobo: Vicious boots Carson AGAIN. This time Carson rolls under the ropes and out of the ring.

V: Like he had a choice.

Lobo: He may be down, but that’s not keeping him out. He springs back to his feet and heads immediately back to the ring, but Vicious hops the ropes and crashes down ONTO Carson Castle!

Sir Oliver: By Jove! That’s a LOT of weight to contend with there, Old Boy.

Lobo: Vicious is back up, but so is Carson. Again they’re trading those massive haymakers!

V: And like, totally knocking lumps out of each other. Isn’t it awesome?

Sir Oliver: Ah, but Mr Edwards has, I see, picked himself up and wasted no time in issuing an Official warning to Vicious. He’s now begun to count out the two gentlemen. And I do use that term most advisedly in referencing those two brutes.

Lobo: Carson grabs Vicious’ head and rams it into the barrier.

Edwards: ONE! - TWO!

Lobo: Vicious fires back an elbow and then scoop slams Carson across that barrier!

Edwards: THREE! - FOUR!

V: And like, Carson pushes off that barrier and blasts Vicious with a Spinning Lariat!

Edwards: FIVE! - SIX!

Lobo: Vicious again catches Carson by the throat and hurls him back to slam into the apron. That damn near snapped his head off!

Edwards: SEVEN! - EIGHT!

Sir Oliver: Well, it does seem that we’re headed for a most distasteful draw; one wherein BOTH participants disqualify themselves.

Lobo: Vicious retains that hold of Carson’s throat and repeatedly pounds the man’s skull into the apron!

Edwards: NINE!

Lobo: No! Carson stamps down onto Vicious’ foot as he whips a closed fist around to knock Vicious back. He then immediately rolls back into the ring.

Edwards: TEN!!!

Sir Oliver: And Mr Vicious is counted out!

*Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, your WINNER! - CARSON CASTLE!!

Sir Oliver: He may have won, but that isn’t stopping the dutiful Mr Edwards from lecturing him about that closed fist – and quite right too. There’s really no need for that sort of thing.

V: And how’s that lecture going for him? See? Carson just shoved him aside.

Lobo: He did, but it’s throwing oil on the fire, because NOW Vicious is mocking him for “running away”. He’s making chicken motions at Carson and laughing at him, telling him he’s only ‘man’ enough to bully old men!

Sir Oliver: And that is NOT going down well with Mr Castle, I can tell you.

Lobo: Yeah, he’s telling Vicious to get back in the ring and say that.

V: But like, Vicious is just continuing to mock that chickenshit coward.

Sir Oliver: That’s hardly fair! Mr Castle acted with surprising intelligence. His move then secured a valuable win.

V: By running away!

Lobo: And here comes CJ’s elite security team and good thing too. No way were these two going to stop. Luckily they are both escorted away – in different directions.

Sir Oliver: Indeed, permitting us to proceed to our next match: a match that I dearly hope shall better exemplify technical brilliance and adherence to both the spirit and letter of the law.

V: Or not. I’m going with not.

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Bryan Black vs. Annie Castle
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*Anderson: “Ladies and gentlemen, our following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Reno, Nevada… he stands at six-foot-two-inch tall, weighing in at one hundred eighty pounds... he is ‘the Original’ BRYAN BLACK!!!

(“Bad Company” by Five Finger Death Punch starts playing as Bryan Black, with his manager Major Mayhem, walks to the ring. Black fist bumps audience members who seem happy to see him. Bryan is wearing black tactical combat boots, black knee-high socks, a kilt that is half Black Watch and half showing support for the Armed Forces, and an all-black t-shirt with UPW's logo on the front in silver and on the back the words "The Original Heavyweight Champion." Bryan now sports two tattoos’, one a Celtic Triquetra (Right Arm), the other is of a Valkyrie with Larry's name and DOB in Celtic runes (left arm). Once he rolls into the ring, he makes for his corner where he begins loosening up, while getting advice and encouragement from his manager.)

Lobo: “To be completely honest, I’m not sure what to expect with this one, Black is a former and was the first UPW World Champion, but his opponent can’t be looked past as she has shown herself to be a violent and skilled competitor.”

*Anderson: “And from Holly Springs, Tennessee... she weighs in at one hundred and thirty eight pounds and stands at five foot eight inches tall... everyone welcome... SHOTGUN ANNIE CASTLE!!!

(Shotgun Annie Castle's voice with its deep Southern drawl is heard over the loudspeakers, dripping with sarcasm.)

"Sugar and spice and everything nice? Hell no! Rattlesnake tails and shotgun shells! That's what this little girl is made of!"

(Castle steps out onto the ramp, a pump action shotgun in one hand and a bottle of black label Tennessee whiskey in the other. She wears a camouflage trucker cap and a bandolier of shotgun shells as well as her ring gear. She throws her head back and takes a drink from the bottle, then cocks the shotgun one handed. She swaggers to the ring, followed by her manager, Charlie Castle. At the end of the aisle, she hands the shotgun to Charlie, takes another swig from the bottle, handing that off as well. She wipes her mouth with her forearm and slides into the ring under the bottom rope, staying on the mat, looking at the crowd before performing a kip up to her feet. She paces the ring until the match starts.)

Sir Oliver: “This could actually be a fine opportunity for Miss Castle to show some skills should she choose and a solid showing could be reason enough to start looking at her in championship contention in the near future.”

V: “Yeah and if she kicks Bryan’s ass she could, like, get a title shot too.”

Sir Oliver: “That is essentially what I just stated young miss.”

V: “Yeah but I like, used English so the audience could understand.”

Lobo: “And with Charlie Castle in one corner and Major Mayhem on the other, Edwards calls for the bell and we are underway. Annie and Bryan lock up mid ring in a test of strength, with Black using that 50-pound weight advantage to gain leverage on Castle.”
(Annie bends backwards then relaxes her arms and spins to one side and Black’s inertia sends him to the mat. Annie goes for the legs, trying to lock in a sharpshooter but Black is able to kick her away. As he pushes himself up Annie comes from behind, flips over and hits a neck breaker on Black. Annie turns back to Bryan and goes for some kicks on his head. After she lands 2, Bryan is able to catch her foot on the third and pushes her to the mat. Still holding onto the foot, Bryan goes for an ankle lock, but Annie lands a kick to the jaw. Black staggers back into a neutral corner as Annie pulls herself up in the opposite corner.)

V: “Is it just me or does this look suspiciously like a wrestling match?”

Sir Oliver: “Well, the match has just started. Given time I believe this will break down into quite the donnybrook.”

V: “That can’t happen, he’s a boy and she’s a girl. It’s not like one of your old man homoerotic fantasies.”

Sir Oliver: “I should be insulted but I’m more astonished you properly used a 5-syllable word.”

Lobo: “And back in the ring, Black and Castle are circling each other and go to lock up but Black ducks and turns it into a standing switch and hits the belly to back suplex. And not wasting any time Black picks Castle up and hits a body slam. Major Mayhem yells instructions at ringside, telling Black not to play around. Black has Castle on his shoulders now and spins around several times before slamming Castle to the mat once again.”

(Charlie runs over to Annie and is yelling for her to get up, don’t get pissed and focus on the match. Annie gets up but Black is back behind her and goes for an atomic drop. When he picks her up Castle pushes up with her legs allowing her to turn it into a backflip, landing on her feet and follows with a spinning back kick to Black’s head. Annie then grabs a leg and again goes for a sharpshooter, this time she gets it locked and turned quickly. Black uses his upper body strength to push himself up and rolls through into a schoolboy pin, but Annie quickly kicks out.)

Sir Oliver: “Most impressive by both combatants in this match up.”

V: “But like for how much longer? Annie is starting to look like a mule pissed in her moonshine.”

Lobo: “I’m not even going to ask how you came up with that as Annie and Bryan are back to their feet again as Castle goes to his midsection and hits a fisherman’s suplex into a pin. Edwards is down to count… one and Black kicks out but has Castle in a front facelock and as he gets to his feet Black picks up Castle, holds her straight up in the air and hits the jackhammer. Edwards for the count again… one… two... Castle kicks out!”

(Annie rolls under the ropes and waits for Brian to get to his feet. As he starts to stand up, Annie climbs the ropes and from the top turnbuckle hits a blockbuster. Annie rolls Black over and hits a standing double foot stomp. Annie grabs Black by the hair and pulls him up.)

Lobo: “Castle looks to have the advantage at the moment… Bryan turns it into an abdominal stretch in the middle of the ring!”

Sir Oliver: “And the referee is in position, checking to see if Miss Castle gives up.”

V: “That’s not happening Ollie. Annie’s tougher than a two-dollar possum steak.”

Sir Oliver: “Where are you getting these colorful colloquialisms?”

V: “Charlie handed me a list.”

Sir Oliver: “Really?”

V: “No you old beaner! I’ve spent the last 2 weeks studying hill jack so I could be a better announcer!”

Sir Oliver: “There are so many things wrong with everything you just said.”

V: “Why is that? Because I don’t use the proper Queen’s English? WE ARE IN AMERICA YOU OLD DUST FART!”

Sir Oliver: “Now see here young lady…”

Lobo: “WILL YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF!!! Back in the ring, Annie Castle is staying strong as referee Edwards is checking on her, he doesn’t see the mule kick to the crotch of Black by Castle. Black releases the hold and Edwards seems a bit confused as to what happened. Before he can question Annie she turns and hits a tornado DDT!”

(Castle then throws Black into a corner and starts a flurry of Vader corner strikes. Black pushes her off but Annie bounces right back with a kick to the solar plexus and as he drops down she stomps a mudhole on the former world champion. Annie steps back and then runs at Black but he moves as she misses a bronco buster into the corner. Bryan pulls her up and whips her into the ropes and as she rebounds towards him Black hits a solid clothesline which sends Annie flat to the mat.)

Lobo: “The original world champion looks to have regained the upper hand in this contest. Black drags Castle into a corner, he’s up on the second turnbuckle going for his elbow drop…”

Sir Oliver: “Miss Castle rolls out of the way! She wastes no time as Mr. Black hits the ring as Annie jumps over him, goes into the corner and hits a picturesque split leg moonsault. Holds for a cover as the officiate gets into position to administer the count. He counts one. Then two and finally thr….”

V: “DAMNIT! Black kicked out!”

Lobo: “Castle looks to be getting frustrated as she pulls Black to the center of the ring. She mounts the former champion but no time for strikes as he pushes her off, picks her up and takes Castle for an airplane spin. The crowd is counting each rotation and at ten he stops, gorilla presses Annie and slams her to the mat.”

Sir Oliver: “I can hear Major Mayhem from here instructing Mr. Black to halt his showboating, but the former world champion is picking Miss Castle up again and looks to go for a backbreaker.”

V: “And Annie slips off like a greased pig.”

Lobo: “Castle moves fluidly and hits sliced bread! She goes for the pin, Edwards is down and counts one... two... Black reverses the pin one… two… Castle rolls and reverses the pin again! One… two… Black kicks out and pushes Castle off. As he sits up Castle with a drop kick and she follows with a moonsault stomp! She follows with a standing double stomp! Castle climbs the turnbuckles… Black is slowly getting up… Castle off the top with a high crossbody and is caught by Bryan Black! Black spins it into a power slam with authority! Black makes the cover; Castle kicks out immediately and turns it into an armbar!”

Sir Oliver: “An astounding show of skill and ability by Miss Castle. This match up will definitely elevate her stock with the upper management of UP Wrestling. She could be seen as a serious contender for the High Roller, Sin City or maybe even the World Championship.”

V: “And then she could be seen as defeated by my Devy. Or defeated by Rain. Or the new High Roller Champion. Gosh golly old bean flicker, the possibilities are limitless. #RealityCheck”

Sir Oliver: “I was simply stating that Miss Castle could be seen as…”

V: “Blah, blah blah. Less talkee more fightee.”

Lobo: “Castle rears back on Black’s arm, Edwards is checking with Bryan to see if he submits. Castle has her legs grapevined across his chest… Black rolls and turns it into a pin... Edwards realizes and goes to count, Castle releases to escape.”

(Annie slides and then pounces on Black, raining forearms and punches. She then jumps off and gets into a 3 point stance waiting for Black to get up. As he gets to his feet Annie hits him with a running bulldog.)

V: “Woo Hoo! Did you see his head bounce off the canvas!”

(Annie gets ready to attack again but this time Bryan is ready and catches her with a spear. He then picks Annie up for another Jackhammer but this time Annie shifts her weight and comes down behind him and turns it into a reverse DDT.)

Sir Oliver: “This is textbook back and forth match as each competitor had a counter for the opponent. Quite the sport that we are seeing tonight.”

V: “C’Mon! SOMEBODY BLEED!”

Sir Oliver: “Please young Miss Wu. Let’s not drag down such an immaculate match with senseless and needless violence. This is art in progress.”

V: “This is a fight and somebody needs to stop playing nice and needs to cut that bitch Bryan Black!”

Sir Oliver: “Can you not appreciate the performance of these athletes?”

V: “Can you shut your ass long enough for me to enjoy the match!”

Lobo: “CUT IT OUT YOU TWO! GEEZ-US! Pay attention to the match because it looks like Castle is ready to end this as she goes from the DDT into a camel clutch. Black is using his leg strength to turn it over into a pinning predicament. Edwards administers the count one… two… Castle pushes back out and hooks one of Black’s legs… Again the count starts… one… two… Black kicks out and rolls away to get his bearings but Castle bounds off the ropes and gets a knee lift into Black’s chest.”

V: “Oh yeah, she’s pumping the shotgun, that means this one is about over!”

Sir Oliver: “Yes she has signaled for her finisher, Miss Castle gets into position but Bryan Black turns it into a modified back body drop. The former champion goes back to the second rope to attempt his elbow drop again.”

Lobo: “Black is airborne as Annie moves out of the way; Black catches himself but doesn’t realize he landed right into the 12 GAUGE SLUG!!! Castle hits it and covers, Edwards is quick to make the count one... two… THREE!!! Annie Castle has beaten the original UP Wrestling World Champion Bryan Black!!”

(Bryan Black rolls out of the ring as Major Mayhem helps him to his feet. The referee holds up Annie’s arm as Anderson makes the announcement.)

*Anderson: “The winner by pinfall… ‘SHOTGUN’ ANNIE CASTLE!!!”

Lobo: “A huge victory for Annie tonight as she has shown the world that she’s not just a brawler but also a skilled wrestler.”

Sir Oliver: “I foresee big things for this young lady.”

V: “Bullshit! Nobody was bleeding! #NextMatch.”

================
Joe Nobody vs. Jack Ruby
================

Sir Oliver: This next bout is a clash of personalities and both men looking to gain some momentum in the continual climb toward championship glory. “Smilin” Jack Ruby is set to go one-on-one with “The Prince of Perfection” Joe Nobody.

Lobo: And while Ruby has more experience in UP, Nobody is no slouch and comes in with a bit of veteran status.

*Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first… he hails from Detroit, Michigan... weighing in at one hundred and ninety-five pounds and standing at six foot, one inch tall... he is The Prince of Perfection... JOE NOBODY!!!

("Sick of Me" by Beartooth begins to play. The camera zooms into Nobody's face who smirks and adjusts his tie before making his way to the ring. As makes it up two steps and stops before turning around to give a young fan his signature fedora.)

*Anderson: And his opponent… Coming down to the ring at six foot five inches tall and weighing two hundred and thirty pounds... from right here in Las Vegas... he is SMILIN' JACK RUBY!!!

("Family Tradition" by Hank Williams Jr. plays as Smilin' Jack comes out from the curtains. Jack is wearing a leather riding coat, a ragged cowboy hat and scuffed cowboy boots. He has on a white singlet to wrestle. Jack carries a pool cue across his shoulders, occasionally taking it in one hand and spinning it like a baton. Jack will take off his hat and riding coat, hand them to the ring attendant, and then climb into the ring. Jack puts his pool cue down in his corner on the apron.)

V: Like, both men look ready!

(BELL RINGS)

Sir Oliver: Both men immediately meet in the middle of the ring and lock up, with Ruby winning the opening lock up and he slaps on a side headlock. He has the hold locked in and Nobody with a couple shots to the kidney to break the hold a little bit, and Nobody whips Ruby into the ropes and Ruby hits him with a shoulder block on the way back.

Lobo: Nobody quickly gets to his feet and Ruby runs the ropes, catching him with another shoulder block that takes him down.

V: Like, Ruby only knows one or two moves?

(Ruby brings Nobody to his feet and locks on a front chancery, delivering a series of knees into the midsection before hooking an arm and taking him over with a modified butterfly suplex. Rby rolls into the cover, getting barely a one before Nobody kicks out. Both men get to their feet quickly, locking up, and Nobody goes for a headlock, but Ruby lifts him into the air and drops him on the back of his head with a belly-to-back suplex.)

Lobo: Ruby putting on a little lesson to Nobody in there.

Sir Oliver: Quite so, Old Chap.

(Ruby again pulls Nobody up to his feet and lifts him into a suplex, but instead of bringing him to the mat, he drops him stomach first across the top rope. Nobody is left to hang there for a second before going off the ropes, leaping into the air, and bringing a forearm down into the back of Nobody’s shoulder blades. Nobody flips off the ropes and crashes into the mat.)

V: Like, Nobody needs to figure out something cause right now he’s just getting knocked around.

Lobo: And Ruby doesn’t really seem to be slowing down. He whips Nobody into the corner and hits a back elbow, then a shoulder to the ribs, and then hip tosses him out of the corner. Ruby is setting up for a clothesline, and he just hooks Nobody as he gets to his feet. Ruby with the cover, one… two… but Nobody kicks out.

Sir Oliver: I say, Old Chap, Nobody is not able to find his footing so far in this match.

(Ruby gets to his feet and goes to the middle rope, leaping off and hitting an elbow on Nobody, getting a two. Ruby shakes his head and gets to the middle rope again, this time leaping, but Nobody moves and Ruby hits the mat.)

Sir Oliver: And just like that, a fortuitous change!

Lobo: Yeah, Ruby went to the well too many times.

V: Like, what does that even mean?

(Nobody gets to his feet and hits a running neckbreaker on Ruby, putting him on the mat. He then follows up by dropping a leg on Ruby, followed by another. Nobody quickly lifts Ruby into a seated position and hits a dropkick to the back of the head. Ruby rolls over and under the bottom rope to get some distance, while Nobody gets to his feet and shakes out some of the beating he took.)

Lobo: Ruby is now on the defensive after taking an early lead, and Nobody hits a standing thrust kick that knocks Ruby back down as he tries to get into the ring. Nobody brings him up and hits a Russian leg sweep, floating over into a cover, one… two… but Ruby kicks out!

V: And now, like, Nobody is getting up and he delivers a series of knee strikes to Ruby before hitting another swinging neckbreaker. Another cover, one… two… kickout again!

(Nobody gets to his feet and he waits for Ruby, who as he reaches his feet, Nobody goes for a superkick. Ruby ducks it though and hooks him in a belly-to-back suplex, but Nobody rolls backward into a press to pin him. Ruby kicks out at one and both men scramble to their feet again, this time Nobody connects with a superkick, knocking Ruby into the ropes, and as he stumbles out hits a desperation clothesline, taking Nobody down as he collapses as well.)

Sir Oliver: Both men are exhausted after each connecting an on target strike.

Lobo: And both men are starting to stir and get to their feet, and Ruby gets up first, and he catches Nobody with a right, and Nobody answers with his own.

V: Both men keep throwing rights and lefts, like, they don’t care Edwards is telling them to open up the hands.

Lobo: Nobody is a trained striker and he has the upperhand, but then Ruby with a boot to the stomach and he hooks him for a suplex, but Nobody swings out of it and lands behind Ruby. Nobody runs the ropes and Ruby turns… right into the “Denial of Perfection!”

Sir Oliver: He executed that with perfection and surprise, and he’s hooked the leg. Edwards is in position, one… two… three!

Lobo: He got him!

(BELL RINGS)

Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… “THE PRINCE OF PERFECTION”... JOE NOBODY!!

V: Like, a big win for Nobody.

Sir Oliver: Yes, and Edwards raises his hand in victory. Nobody picks up a good win utilizing both a mistake from Ruby and a good counter on his own to be victorious this night.

Lobo: And now he just builds on the momentum, Oli.

==============================
David Berg vs. Jett Robinson vs. Ron Masterson
==============================

Lobo: The card is always subject to change.

Sir Oliver: Yes, it is. I think Madame Wu should attend more of our staff meetings with Elijah to ensure we are always on the same page and information is equally shared.

V: Like, old dude… Mom does what she wants when she wants. She’s the majority owner. Uncle Elijah runs the day to day, but just like that (she snaps her fingers) Mom can override him. Maybe you staff people should be reaching out to Mom before making any decisions.

Lobo: There have been some changes to the matches which leads us to this next match. There were some Visa issues for some coming back from Japan. Saint Sakura, Ariana Sears, and the Crimson Mask are still there. We hope they’re back in the states soon.

Sir Oliver: What have you heard about Ms. Candy and Mr. Maddox?

Lobo: Madame Wu sent them off for promotional work. With Candy on the poster for Vendetta, I assume that’s why.

V: Mom like, always has her reasons. You just don’t get to know them.

Lobo: I am sure Maddox and Candy would rather be here tonight, but sometimes you have to suck it up buttercup.

Sir Oliver: The show must go on. I hear now that David Berg will join Mr. Jett Robinson and Mr. Masterson in this triple threat match.

Lobo: Let’s go to Elijah Anderson for the introductions.

(Cut to the ring)

*Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is a triple threat match. It is set for one fall and has a 1 hour time limit. Introducing first…Hailing from Jerusalem, in Israel. He stands 6'3 and he weighs 235 pounds. He is the King of the Streets, David Berg!

(“Civil War” by Guns N' Roses begins to play as the fans look over. As the song picks up steam, David Berg walks out. He is wearing dark black camouflage pants, no shirt and holds a giant Israeli flag as he saunters to the ring to a mixed reaction. He places the flag near the announcers and then adroitly hops over the ring ropes, ready for action. The look on his face is consistently stoic with a twinge of anger and annoyance.)

Lobo: Berg looks well rested after the Japan trip.

V: Berg is always looking good. Like, Robinson and Masterson had better watch out.

*Anderson: Next…Coming down the aisle, he is one half of the Robinson Family, here is... JETT ROBINSON!!!

"If you're ready for this... (say you're ready for this!!!)?"

"If you're ready for this... (say you're ready for this!!!)?"

[Jett Robinson enters to cheers. The smaller but more dextrous member of the Robinson Family gained his name because he sped around the house like a mad man as a kid and..]

***~~WHOOSH~~**

" !!!!! "THAT'S THE JOINT" !!!!"

[Jett is in the ring within the blink of an eye, having sprinted full speed and ducking under the bottom rope.]

Lobo: Well, I can see why he was called Jett.

Sir Oliver: I haven’t seen anybody move that fast since you and I went to dinner and you took off for the men’s room just as the check was arriving.

Lobo: Hey, I had to go.

V: Give him a break, old man. Lobo has a bladder the size of a peanut.

*Anderson: And finally…Hailing from Phoenix, Arizona, standing at six feet one inch tall, and weighing in at two hundred and fifty-one pounds... he is the Thunder Kid... RON MASTERSON!!!

("Higher Place" by Journey plays as Ron walks through the curtain. Dressed in his ring gear and a dark brown leather vest, Ron slaps hands with the fans, all smiles, while Donnie D. Falco follows close behind, doing the same. Ron walks up the steps and onto the apron, where he wipes his feet and nods to the fans before stepping between the ropes. Falco makes his way to a corner while Ron removes his ring jacket and hands it to him.)

Lobo: I think we’re about ready to get started. Referee Edwards calls all 3 men to the center of the ring for the instructions, then sends them back to their corners.

(BELL RINGS)

(All three men move to the center of the ring. Masterson grabs Jett by the arm and sets him up for an Irish Whip. Jett reverses it and sends Masterson into the ropes. As he comes off, Berg nails him with a spear and goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1… broken up by Jett.

(Berg hauls Masterson to his feet. Masterson responds with a short clothesline that sends Berg to the mat. Masterson hauls Berg to his feet and takes him over with a double underhook suplex. Jett goes to the second turnbuckle and comes off with a missile dropkick that sends Masterson reeling. Berg charges Jett and goes behind him with a Grecian Waist Lock.

Jett tries to escape but Berg has a good hold on him. Jett with a back elbow that connects with Berg's head, forcing the break. Masterson is back on his feet and grabs Jett by the waist, sending him crashing to the mat with a gut wrench suplex.)

Lobo: Some nice back and forth action here.

Sir Oliver: And all of it clean. Nobody is taking shortcuts.

V: **yawn** Like, this is boring. I can’t believe we’re not getting any blood here.

Lobo: You ARE a bloodthirsty somebody.

V: Never denied it.

(Berg with a kick to Masterson’s midsection. Masterson rolls over and out of the ring. Berg hauls Jett to his feet and Jett responds with several short jabs. Berg backs off and Jett follows through with a flying head scissors. Berg escapes as Masterson slowly gets back into the ring.)

Lobo: Masterson doesn’t look like he’s 100 percent. I think he’s still suffering from the beating TCE gave him.

V: That was a brilliant bit of brutality there. TCE wasted no motion on that assault. He made every move count.

Sir Oliver: You have to admire the perseverance of young mister Masterson, still working hard, even after enduring such a devastating assault.

(Berg grabs the top rope and hauls Masterson back into the ring. Jett races over and nails Berg with a clothesline to the back of his neck, sending him halfway over the top rope.)

Lobo: Jett and Masterson are both young in the ring and they’re both displaying quite a bit of poise for wrestlers of that age.

Sir Oliver: It’s a pleasure to witness talent at this stage of their career. I anticipate great things from both of these wrestlers.

V: Like, they’d better grow a vicious streak if they intend to go far in this fed.

(Masterson moves stiffly up to Jett. Masterson grabs Jett and sets him up for a standing suplex. Berg sweeps the legs out from under Masterson and sends both men crashing to the mat. Berg turns his attention to Masterson and starts stomping on his midsection.

Jett grabs Berg’s leg and lifts it up high, sending Berg flopping onto his back. Jett drops an elbow on Berg and goes for the cover.)

Edwards: 1…2…toss off.

(Jett and Berg are quickly back up on their feet. Masterson is slow moving, showing the lingering effects of the beating he took and the further assault that Berg delivered to him. Berg grabs Jett and whips him into the corner. Berg charges in and lands a high knee on Jett.

Jett slumps down and Berg hauls him back up. Jett nails Berg with a headbutt, then goes up to the second turnbuckle and comes off with a tremendous neck breaker. Masterson crawls over and covers Berg.)

Edwards: 1…2…

(Berg reverses it)

Edwards: 1…2…shoulder up.

Lobo: Berg nearly got Masterson there. I’m surprised Masterson was able to get his shoulder up.

Sir Oliver: Masterson has the heart of a champion.

V: Yeah? Then, like, where’s his belt?

Lobo: Give him time. I’m sure he’ll have gold in his future.

V: The only gold that kid is going to have is in his teeth.

(Jett hauls Masterson to his feet and takes him back to the mat with an arm drag.

Berg stomps on Jett’s back, causing him to roll out of the way. Berg hauls Jett up and drives him into the ropes. Berg with a clothesline that sends Jett tumbling over the top rope. Berg then turns to Masterson and starts on him with the Hebrew Hammer. Berg with the cover.)

Edwards: 1…2…3!

(BELL RINGS)

*Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, in the time of 8:17, your winner…DAVID BERG!

Lobo: Jett climbs back into the ring and goes up to Berg. Jett extends his hand and Berg shakes it.

Sir Oliver: A fine display of sportsmanship there.

V: Please! I think I’m going to be sick. Show me a good loser and, like, I’ll show you a loser.

=============================
Boyd Gaming High Roller Championship Match
Jumbo Robinson vs. Vile
=============================

Lobo: And now it’s time to contest the High Stakes belt, as Jumbo Robinson defends against Vile.

V: Like this will be awesome! Vile is totally gonna tear that fat slug apart.

*Anderson: Coming down the aisle, he is one half of the Robinson Family, here is...Your BOYD GAMING HIGH STAKES ROLLER CHAMPION! - JUMBO ROBINSON!!!

"If you're ready for this... (say you're ready for this!!!)?"
"If you're ready for this... (say you're ready for this!!!)?"

(Jumbo Robinson enters to cheers. The bigger member of the Robinson Family tag team is the splitting image of their patriarch, Jab Robinson, in all but one way... he's an even BIGGER behemoth of a man. Jumbo does a little dance for the crowd, but without his brother Jett to dance with him, he's a bit shy.)

"THAT'S THE JOINT"

(His brother Junior comes out behind him in a wheelchair. Jumbo goes to pick up his brother, but gets waved off. Jett, who was pushing the chair, leaves it atop the ramp and follows Jumbo down to the ring.)

*Anderson: And introducing his challenger!

(The lights drop. A single spotlight picks out the announcer in the ring.)

*Anderson: Are you ready? Are you TRULY ready? - For the dark and dangerous ......VILE!!!

(Nefilim's Penetration blasts out, but nothing else happens. As the screaming vocals reverberate around the venue, the curtains are yanked apart and the white clad figure of Vile steps through. She scowls at the fans. Her disdain is palpable. The fans try to make their feelings known over the raucous music and Vile laughs at their attempts. She strides purposefully to the ring and then climbs the ropes as her strident music continues to play. Using the ropes to brace her, she leans out, staring at the fans. She makes a leisurely throat cutting gesture and then hops back down, ready to face her opponent.)

V: Like, how can you not love that?

Lobo: Jumbo is standing calmly. He’s breathing deeply and moving both hands upwards as he inhales and then both hands push down as he exhales.

Sir Oliver: Yes, I do believe that is a breathing technique practised in the art of Tai Chi.

V: Right, good luck with that, Tubby.

Lobo: And Jett is patrolling around the ring.

V: Dumb, dumb, dumb! Like, what did Vicious say? DON’T come down to the ring. Come on, like how hard is that to understand?

Sir Oliver: Well, I daresay that’s precisely why he IS present in his self-appointed, protective capacity.

V: Yeah, he’s gonna need to protect himself alright, if he stays there.

(BELL RINGS)

Lobo: Here we go. Um...it’s a rather slow start though. Vile is showing no interest in leaving her corner and Jumbo cautiously advances. He seems unsure what to make of her indifference.

Sir Oliver: And the crowd is wasting no time in making their feelings known to her. This is hardly sporting, Old Bean.

Lobo: Jumbo continues to approach. He’s getting real close. Close enough to – NO! Vile simply steps out of the ring!

V: Ha! Get a load of Fatty’s balloon face! He hasn’t got a damn clue what’s happening.

Lobo: But Jett is telling him to stay calm and get back from the ropes before Vile can do anythi’-

Sir Oliver: She’s in, by George!

Lobo: Vile vaults the ropes and lands a double footed dropkick to Jumbo’s head!

V: Yeah, she like, totally waited for Chubby to look at his brother then – BLAM! Never give a sucker an even break.

Lobo: Jumbo is rocked by that. He staggers to the side, but doesn’t drop. But in swoops Vile – Low spinning sweep and that DOES take him down.

V: Right onto that BIG fat ass. At least it was like, totally a soft landing.

Lobo: Jumbo sits up and Vile – who was faster spins to blast him in the face with a savage Turning Kick. That knocks him back down. She doesn’t cover, but steps behind him. As he again sits up she fires the heel of her boot into the back of his head! Now another kick – right in the kidneys.

Sir Oliver: My word, the stout fellow certainly felt that one.

V: For sure. He’s panting like fuck.

Lobo: No he’s using the Breath. See, he’s harnessing that pain and well, I guess – trying to breathe it out of him.

V: Eww, what’s that he’s saying? “I am one with the pain”? Weirdo. #ThatShitDon’tWork.

Lobo: Vile catches him AGAIN. This time with a solid knee to the ear!

Sir Oliver: Well, Old Chap, I dare say that calls for a considerable increase in the intensity of those ‘pain breaths’.

Lobo: Now Jett is hammering away on the apron, telling Jumbo to get it together.

Sir Oliver: I do believe the exact words were, and I quote: “You can do this, Bro.”

V: Ugh, like never do that again. It just sounds gross when YOU say it.

Lobo: Jumbo starts to rise, but Vile is relentlessly sending in the boots and equally relentlessly targeting his head!

Sir Oliver: By Jove, she’s cut his lip!

V: Wow, like so soon! This will be totally epic.

Lobo: Jumbo rolls with those blows and manages to find his way to the ropes. Edwards jumps in between Vile and Jumbo - and gets kneed in the balls!

Sir Oliver: Ye Gods! Such villainy!

Lobo: That’s earned her an Official Warning, but at least Edwards was a sufficient distraction to allow Jumbo to stand.

V: Yeah, something Tubby has barely done all match.

Lobo: Vile comes at Jumbo again. A jumping knee slams squarely into his massive gut and honestly, I think that had zero effect.

V: She should totally stick to clobbering that fat head of his.

Lobo: Back fist from Vile. She bats the ear she’d hit earlier, but this time Jumbo grabs the arm – And steps in the drop ON TOP OF HER!

Sir Oliver: My Word! She’s positively pancaked by that monumental impact.

V: Damn, you can barely see Vile under all that blubber.

Edwards: ONE!

Lobo: I can’t see how Vile is going to get out of this.

Edwards: TWO!

Sir Oliver: And I cannot see Mistress Vile whatsoever!

Edwards: THRE’-

Lobo: NO! Foot to the ropes! Jumbo releases cleanly, but it seems that all Vile can do is roll to her side and TRY to suck in some air. But here comes Jumbo. He hauls her up and rag dolls her around before taking her down with a thunderous Full Nelson Slam!

Sir Oliver: There is a substantial size difference betwixt the two combatants. Mr Jumbo Robinson is officially 6’2” in height and weighs in at a dainty 279 pounds. Contrariwise, Mistress Vile stands 5’8” and weighs a trifling 140 pounds.

Lobo: Jumbo doesn’t cover. Instead he pulls her up and straight over with a stunning Belly-to-belly suplex! He drops, but NO! She rolls aside and he only hits canvas.

V: That was like, totally a close call.

Both are now standing and Jumbo steps in with a series of sharp jabs. Jett roars his approval.

V: Yeah, something about his old man being proud of him.

Sir Oliver: Indeed, Mr Jab Robinson was a noted exponent of the art; jabbing, that is.

Lobo: The blows rock Vile’s head back and she stumbles to the ropes. Jumbo follows her and slaps her loudly across the side of the face sending her tumbling along the ropes.

Sir Oliver: Quite the comeback, is it not, Old Boy?

Lobo: Jumbo pauses. He slaps his belly a few times and then CHARGES! Flying Body Press – into the turnbuckle! Vile staggers out and collapses.

Sir Oliver: Hardly surprising.

Lobo: She’s face down, so Jumbo grabs an arm and peels her over. Now he transitions to pull her up by that mass of long, white hair and – NO! Bell Clap! She caught him perfectly! Jumbo flinches and covers his ears as he pants out “I AM ONE WITH THE PAIN!”

V: Yeah, like who is he kidding? Apart from himself.

Lobo: Now Vile swings a foot and it CRASHES into his balls!

Sir Oliver: Confound the woman! That is simply NOT acceptable behaviour.

Lobo: And Edwards agrees. Vile earns herself ANOTHER Official Warning! Meanwhile Jumbo sinks to his knees mumbling that now rather unconvincing mantra. Jett is ringside exhorting his brother to simply BREATHE, but I guess that’s easy to say when you haven’t had your nuts knocked up into your throat.

V: Ha! And his day just took a turn for the worse. #Worser.

Lobo: It’s Vicious! He steps out onto the ramp and cruelly SHOVES Junior’s wheelchair towards the edge! He ignores Junior -who JUST manages to arrest his progress and stop a really nasty fall. Vicious heads down to the ring as the fans jeer and boo like crazy!

V: Awesome. Did you like, get a look at Jett’s face. ‘PureHorror.

Sir Oliver: Truly this is a most regrettable state of affairs.

V: Hush you! I’m like, totally regretting NOTHING here.

Lobo: Back in the ring Edwards finally stops his lecture and Vile responds by flipping him the bird, but enough time has passed that Jumbo’s determined breathing has paid dividends. He’s up! Now he closes on Vile, who spins – she catches him full on the jaw with that spinning back elbow. Jumbo is rocked to the side and Vile follows up with a Tiger Claw to the face!

V: Hey, like, don’t forget the fun outside the ring too. Look at Jett. Damn that guy can move.

Lobo: Yes, Vicious is determinedly trying to get a hold of him, but honestly, he’s just not getting close. Wow! Did you see that reversal? Jett just stopped dead, ducked as Vicious’ arm swung past and then darted back the way he’d come, leaving Vicious going the wrong way!

Sir Oliver: Surely not even Hermes himself could move with such alacrity.

V: Say what?

Lobo: Now Vile grabs Jumbo by both ears. She pulls his head down as she simultaneously jumps up.

V: SPLAT!

Lobo: Damn, she really caught his nose good that time.

V: Too right – it’s gone walkabout – all over his fat face.

Lobo: And outside, it’s as you were, with Vicious still pursuing Jett, but not really getting close.

Sir Oliver: Yet Mistress Vile is paying them no heed as she relentlessly fires off a veritable salvo of blows; blows that mostly target Mr Jumbo Robinson’s battered visage.

Lobo: But he’s still determinedly trying to call upon those breathing techniques.

V: What a joke! But like, hey – give him some credit for trying. Everyone loves a trier right? As if!

Lobo: Again Vicious swipes at Jett and again he catches nothing but fresh air. He’s getting frustrated – seriously frustrated. Meanwhile Jett is practically taunting him by skipping and high stepping around the other side of the ring.

Sir Oliver: It would seem that such bravado is merited. Mr Vicious is most assuredly NOT known for his speed.

Lobo: Yeah and he’s had enough of chasing. He’s calling for his wife’s help.

V: Oh, this should be good.

Lobo: Vile ignores him! She spins under Jumbo, reaches up to grab his head and DROPS! Jawbreaker!

V: And like, a fucking awesome one!

Lobo: Vicious slams the apron in frustration and again charges after Jett – who legs it, easily maintaining his distance from – NO!! Vile! Vile slides UNDER the ropes to crash into Jett as he was watching Vicious! Down he goes, but he realises immediately what’s happening and is desperately trying to get back up. Palm strike to the nose!

V: Like totally the Vile we know and love.

Lobo: Jett fires back at her: a whole series of body shots. He blasts her in the ribs and that pushes her back so that he can – damn.

Sir Oliver: The brute has ensnared him!

Edwards: ONE! – TWO!

Lobo: And Vile is being counted out!

V: So? That isn’t going to stop her fun. Back kick. Right in the gut as Vicious had him wrapped up.

Lobo: More blows! Vile unleashes an avalanche of CLOSED FIST shots to Jett’s face!

Edwards: THREE! - FOUR!

Lobo: But Jumbo is back up! He’s standing and he’s heading towards his brother.

V: Like shit is about to get real interesting.

Lobo: No, wait! Vicious sees him and shouts to Vile. She steps up on his leg, hops to a shoulder and THROWS her back into the ring!

V: SHIT! That was like, totally EPIC!

Lobo: The fans are STUNNED as Vile sails OVER the ropes to crash into Jumbo! However, that isn’t helping Jett as Vicious immediately turns his attention back to him. Jumbo is knocked flat.

V: Yeah and like, Jett is about to take a flight of his own.

Sir Oliver: My Word! That brute has him hoisted aloft.

Lobo: Eye Rake from Vile!

V: And Gorilla press Slam – over the barrier and into the crowd! #JettCrashInVegas.

Lobo: But Jumbo isn’t done. He’s using that breathing to refocus. He shoves Vile backwards. She goes tumbling across the ring. He looks around, but there’s no sign of Jett. He angrily stomps over to Vile. Pulls her up by the hair and throws her into a corner with bone jarring force. He’s got her lined up for the Robinson Special! He steps in. Jabs! More jabs and – NO! Vile swings and connects- With KNUCKLE DUSTERS!

V: Vicious handed them to her. He’s like, super helpful and considerate like that.

Lobo: Jumbo wheels around, stumbles and drops to a knee! Incredibly, he’s not out!

Sir Oliver: It matters not, Old Chap. Mr Edwards has called a halt to proceedings. Mistress Vile has earned her THIRD and FINAL Official Warning.

*Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, your WINNER – by disqualification – and STILL the BOYD GAMING HIGH STAKES ROLLER CHAMPION – JUMBO ROBINSON!

Sir Oliver: A popular and deserving champion, I must say. Though I daresay his win is more than a little tarnished by concern for his brother.

Lobo: Yes, we’ll bring you word on that as soon as we have it. But I can tell you that neither Vile nor Vicious care one bit. They head to the back laughing contemptuously.

V: Hey, don’t go getting all choked up and shit. We’ve got a Main Event coming up and I’m totally expecting a shitload of blood and mayhem; so let’s get to it, Old Dudes!

=======================================
Cage vs. CJ Walker vs. Jester LeBeau vs. Pixilious vs. Nathaniel
=======================================

Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, our best bout is a five way match scheduled for one fall.

Lobo: This should be an incredible match with some of the top names in UPW.

Sir Oliver: That's right old chap. Let us not forget that each competitor is hoping for the fans to vote for them to be the next challenger for the UPW Openweight Championship held by Devin Bishop.

V: And speaking of the sexiest champion in UPW history, Devy is joining us as a guest commentator for the main event tonight.

Bishop: Thank you so much for having me. As you can imagine, I am very interested to see how this match unfolds.

Anderson: Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 210 pounds and coming in from Mesa, Arizona... this... is... CAGE!

("Thunderstruck" by AC/DC hits, the crowd beginning to chant "Thunder" along with the song. After a few moments, the form of Cage emerges from a spot in the crowd, high-fiving fans as he makes his way to the ring. He jumps over the guard rail and climbs up onto the ring apron, then up to the second turnbuckle. He taps his upper left shoulder and points skyward, before pointing out to the crowd and claps. He hopes down and begins doing some stretches on the ropes.)

Cliff Ragsdale is standing in the ring and rudely snatches the mic from Elijah Anderson.)

*Ragsdale: Ladies and gentlemen, please rise and give a warm welcome to the most dangerous man in UPW! He resides in Reno, Nevada....he is 6 foot 4, weighs in at 245 pounds, he is being accompanied to the ring by his beautiful girlfriend, Brittany! He is the man known as NATHANIEL!

("Come As You Are" by Nirvana plays as Nathaniel and his girlfriend Brittany emerge from the back. They stop and Nathaniel glares at the crowd as a spotlight shines on him. Nathaniel receives a hostile reception from the crowd as he and Brittany make their way to the ring. Nathaniel is stone-faced and Brittany has a big grin on her face. Brittany holds the ropes open as Nathaniel enters the ring. Brittany claps as Nathaniel fist bumps Ragsdale before mean mugging the crowd. Nathaniel then removes his grunge-style flannel shirt and hands it to Brittany as the crowd continues to boo.)

Anderson: Now making his way to the ring, From Butcher's Hollow in The Ozarks of Arkansas. He stands 6'7 and One Half inches tall. Weighing in at 277 pounds. The Vengeful One, CJ Walker!"

("Valhalla Calling Me" by Miracle Of Sound (Metal Version) begins to play as Walker is seen standing at an entry tunnel in the arena where the fans enter and exit. He is dressed in jeans, black boots, and his "Come Hell Or Valhalla" sleeveless shirt. The fans reach out to touch their hero as he begins to descend the steps down towards the ring side area. Pushing his way through the sea of fans towards the barricade he hops the barricade with a hand carved mahogany club in his hand, the club is adorned with Norse runes and a snarling wolf. Walker takes his time to circle around the ring. His eyes scanning the crowd and whoever is in the ring. He climbs up slowly onto the apron, stopping there to look back at the crowd then turns his focus into the ring. He steps between the ropes with the club in his taped fist, ready to crack skulls and brutalize his opponent.)

Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen - at only 5'4" and weighing in at just 115 pounds - all the way from the Land of the Fairies! The incredible.....PIXILICIOUS!

(Tomdandy's "Rooftop" hits and a glittering curtain of pink confetti falls above the ramp. Stepping through it comes Pixilicious. Clad all in pink, her daring and revealing costume compels the camera and all present to star. Pixi throws her arms wide, scattering glittering pink dust to left and right before skipping and bouncing her way to the ring, slapping hands with the fans as she does.

In the centre of the ring she folds over, her long green hair falling to the mat. She stamps her foot three times and claps in unison, before exploding upwards, both arms high and wide, yelling PIXIE POWER! Smiling confidently, she then takes her corner.)


From Dark Falls, Indiana... he stands at six foot three inches tall and weighs in tonight at two hundred and five pounds... I give to you JESTER LEBEAU!!!

("Welcome to my Nightmare" by Alice Cooper begins to play as Jester walks out to the ring.

Dressed in black pants with purple boots, purple wrist tape and purple pads. He comes to the ring in a full length black coat with silver barbed wire painted on the left arm and silver flames on the right arm, a purple scarf and purple top hat. Terrance remains at ringside as Jester gets into the ring, and looks at the crowd he grins then he removes his hat, covers his face as he brings it down and then reveals an evil focus in his eyes. Before the bell rings, Jester slumps in the corner against the ropes.)

(Jester and Walker don't wait for the bell and go straight for one another. They exchange punches until Walker gets the advantage with a knee lift. Walker takes a step back and goes for a short arm clothesline. Jester slips underneath and Walker goes tumbling over the top rope, dragging Jester with him.)

Lobo: There is no love lost between CJ Walker and Jester LeBeau.

Bishop: Watch out!!!

V: Incoming!

(Walker suplexes Jester onto the announce table, but the table holds. The announce team and Bishop scramble away as Jester rolls off to the floor. In the ring, Pixi and Cage go after Nathaniel with several kicks and punches, but Nathaniel fires back and holds his own. Cage catches Nathaniel in a top wrist lock and whips him into the corner. Cage whips Pixi into Nathaniel, adding impact as she hits a hard splash on Nathaniel. Cage then follows as Pixi moves out of the corner with a splash of his own.)

Sir Oliver: Very impressive teamwork by Pixilicious and Cage, two members of the Alliance.

Bishop: I don't expect that to last long. Everyone in this match is trying to prove that the fans should vote for them to face me at Vendetta.

Lobo: They are a hungry group, and each one has their own reason to want that shot.

(Jester whips Walker into the guardrail and goes to hit a clothesline, but Walker backdrops him over the rail into the front row. Nathaniel ducks a clothesline from Cage and hits a swinging neck breaker. Pixi readies to kick Nathaniel, but is blasted by a double axe handle smash from Walker. Nathaniel picks up Cage and Irish whips him into the ropes, hitting a big boot. Walker whips Pixi into the ropes and hits a swinging sidewalk slam. He goes for a pin.)

Edwards: ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!!!

Sir Oliver: A close call for Pixilicious.

Bishop: She's not going down that easy.

V: That's not what I heard.

Bishop: That's not what I meant.

V: No, but that's what I meant.

Lobo: Nathaniel just hit a devastating spike DDT on Cage and goes for the cover.

Edwards: ONE…

TWO…

(Jester slides into the ring and makes the save for Cage. Nathaniel rises to his feet to confront Jester, but Jester is blasted from behind by Walker with a spinning thrust kick. Jester lurches forward and his head strikes Nathaniel between the eyes, knocking Nathaniel down. Walker grabs Jester in a side headlock, but Pixi is back up and leaps over Walker, taking him down in a victory roll.)

Edwards: ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

Sir Oliver: There have been several near falls already in this contest. Not one of them is giving any quarter to their adversaries.

Lobo: Pixi is now mounting an impressive offence against Walker, who is backing away from her educated feet.

Bishop: And Cage is getting back into the fray with an impressive running elbow strike to Nathaniel.

(Cage scoops Nathaniel up and slams him to the mat. As he climbs the ropes, Jester begins untying the turnbuckle, exposing the metal underneath. Pixi goes for a spinning crescent kick, and is caught by Walker, who dumps her hard onto the mat. Cage comes off the top rope onto Nathaniel with a frog splash and goes for the cover.)

Edwards: ONE…

TWO…

KICKOUT!

(Cage picks up Nathaniel as Walker hits Pixi with a gutwrench suplex on the other side of the ring. Jester stalks on the outside of the ring, watching the action and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Cage whips Nathaniel into the corner with the exposed turnbuckle. As Nathaniel hits, Cage rushes forward and leaps in the air for a jumping knee lift. Nathaniel moves out of the way at the last second and Cagr's knee hits the turnbuckle hard. Cage collapses back onto the mat, clutching his knee. Meanwhile, Walker grabs Pixi's arm and begins to climb the ropes and starts walking the ropes for an Old School. Pixi suddenly jumps onto the rope with Walker and nails the back of his head with an enzuigiri kick. They both go tumbling to the outside. Jester slides into the ring and grabs Cage's injured leg, dropping an elbow drop into it and wrenching it backwards.)

Lobo: Jester smells blood and is going right after Cage's injured knee.

Bishop: It's that kind of killer instinct that wins matches.

Sir Oliver: Cliff Ragsdale has called Nathaniel to the apron and is comfering with his client. Wait, did he slip something to Nathaniel?

V: Like, are you seriously asking that question. Of course he slipped him the brass knuckles. That's what Ragsdale does. He slips in weapons and he knows things.

(Jester continues to work the leg of Cage as Nathaniel sneaks up behind the two. Nathaniel grabs Jester by the hair and drags him to his feet. Nathaniel swings for a huge haymaker with the brass knuckles, but Jester ducks and grabs the right hand of Nathaniel, wrenching back on the fingers. Nathaniel screams in pain as Jester forces his hand down to the mat. Jester then stomps the fingers over and over until Nathaniel rolls out of the ring, clutching his hand.)

Lobo: Those stomps onto Nathaniel's brass knuckles could have easily broken his hand!

Bishop: That's that killer instinct I'm talking about. Jester could certainly be a great Openweight champion, but not until I decide he can.

Sir Oliver: Let's not forget about the action taking place outside the ring. Pixi looks to hit Walker with the Pixinator on the floor!

V: She needs to keep her eyes open, because Cliff Ragsdale is behind her with a chain!

(Ragsdale wraps the chain around Pixi's neck and works her to the floor, pulling hard and trying to strangle her. Pixi gets her hands inside the chain and struggles to keep it from tearing into her neck. Nathaniel continues to write in pain on the floor and Walker is dazed by the Pixinator. Jester stands alone in the ring with Cage who is still nursing his knee. Jester turns to Bishop and gives him a psychotic grin.)

Bishop: What the hell was that about?

Lobo: Jester has Cage's injured leg again and...yes he's locked on an Indian Death Lock.

Sir Oliver: He's not satisfied to stop there. Jester grabs Cage's arms. Is that...yes, I believe that is the Bishop's Gambit!

V: That's copyright infringement, right?!? He can't do that!

Lobo: He seems to be doing a very good job of it, because Cage has just tapped out!

Bishop: You son of a bitch!!!

(Bishop throws off his headset as Edwards calls for the bell. He slides under the bottom rope and stands in the center of the ring as Jester had his hand raised by Edwards.)

Anderson: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of the match via submission… JESTER LEBEAU!!!

(Jester comes towards Bishop and the two stand nose to nose, exchanging words. Bishop slaps Jester, who fires back with a hard punch. The two begin to brawl and Anderson calls for the bell again.)

Lobo: Jester and Bishop are tearing one another apart. Here comes CJ’s security detail and they are trying to pry the two apart.

Sir Oliver: Quite a chaotic close to this episode of Friday Night Free for All. Remember fans, it's up to you to decide who will face Devin Bishop for the Openweight Championship at Vendetta. Polls are open!


Who will challenge for the UP Wrestling World Openweight Championship? You decide!

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