NLW Homecoming II | Saturday, November 27th, 2021 | LIVE

[Kris]

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Next Level Wrestling Presents

HOMECOMING II
LIVE from the Smoothie King Arena in New Orleans, Louisiana
Saturday, November 27th, 2021

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(OOC: Thank you, Drag, for making this masterpiece!)

We open following the VT package to the Smoothie King Center, New Orleans which is packed. Not only is it packed, the crowd are going wild, and we see various shots of the crowd, signs ranging from "Goon's Don't Miss" to "Riley will you marry me?", along with "Is Eddie Walker able to walk yet?" and "We only came for The New South". Eventually we head to the commentary desk where Dan Simmons and Tommy West are here to welcome us to the show.

Dan Simmons: Ladies and gents, it's finally here, the biggest night on the NLW calander, this is Homecoming II, and we are live. Thank you for welcoming us into your homes once again. I’m Dan Simmons and as always I’m delighted to be joined by Tommy West. Tommy, I’m almost out of words to describe how excited I am for tonight.

Tommy West: Oh me too Simmo, me too. After what can only be described as a war, it all comes to a head in our main event. G1 winner, Ricardo Goon goes up against Leon Chant for Chant’s NLW Heavyweight Title, and despite The Goons getting the better of The Academy recently, it all goes out the window tonight!

Dan Simmons: I couldn’t agree more. But folks we have so much more than that, we have another three title matches tonight. The XHF Tag Team Titles are on the line with The Crinkly Bottom Boys coming home to defend against hometown man Adrien Cochrane and FIRESIDE champion Natalie Burrows in a…wait for it, blanket fort death match. We also have the Southern States Champion, The Thespian defends against Chris Sanderson, who punched his ticket to tonight by getting past Devin Mitchell two weeks’ ago. Finally, we finally crown our first ever NLW Tag Team Champions. The End and The New South battled past six other teams, but only one team can be the first ever champions!

Tommy West: It’s not all about titles though. Pride is on the line in our opening two matches. Tommy Kelly and Nathan Cage have been at each other for a few months now, and finally they get their hands on each other, but General manager BB Gunn has declared it an unsanctioned match, so expect total chaos! And coming up first, Sexton Love and Eli Dresden have been in each others’ business as of late, and tonight they settle those differences!

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Smoke fills the entryway, but the synthesized chords and hypnotic singing voice of Snoop Doggy Dogg fill the entire arena. Sensual Seduction. As the beat drops, Sexton Love emerges out of the smoke, and seemingly out of a time machine from 1985. His particularly form-fitting wrestling tights have been customized with an airbrushed image of his opponent, Eli Dresden, a visual taken from Eli’s bloody and brutal ladder match a few weeks ago. At the top of the ramp, he surveys the crowd, taking in their disdain. He enthusiastically gyrates his hips, showcasing the picture of Eli’s blood-soaked face emblazoned across his groin, then proceeds to arrogantly walk that aisle as only few can. Boos rain down from all angles, but the Lovely One appears oblivious to that fact, basking in the vitriol as if it were pure adulation.

About halfway down the ramp he comes to an abrupt stop, pointing to the picture on his pants again, thrusting his hips forward and urging a group of women in the front row to take a closer look. He shoots them a wink as he enters the ring, and the arena goes completely dark. A spotlight shines down on Bodzilla, in the shape of a perfect circle with an arrow on the upper right side. The universal symbol of man.

He strikes a dramatic, muscular pose. “GET A GOOD LOOK, BABBEH!”

It’s time for the Ultimate Battle of the Sexes.

Tommy West: Well here is Sexton Love, looking to get a measure of revenge against Eli Dresden here tonight.

Dan Simmons: Good ole Cocktail Frank.

'Untouchable' hits the sound system as the overhead lights dim, the crowd loudly cheering for the woman that is about to emerge. Blue and white lights flash along the rampway as spotlights of similar shades swirl over the crowd... and Eliza Dresden doesn't make them wait for long. Bounding out from behind the curtain with Eddie Walker at her side, Dresden is quick to make her way to the top of the ramp with Jason Long's technicolor light-up shades shoved up to act like a headband of sorts and Hyperion's trident in hand--and once she's there? She thrusts the latter into the air, earning a fresh wave of cheers. Of course, since she can't be idle for long, Eli is quick to bounce and poing her way down to the ring, darting from side to side to slap offered hands and otherwise play to the crowd. It's a bit trickier to do with a trident that's significantly taller than she is, but she makes it work. It's about three-fourths of the way down the ramp that she hands her trident and light-up glasses to Eddie, speeding up to slide into the ring headfirst on her stomach before she twists onto her back and kips up to her feet. She's quick to mount the nearest turnbuckle, thrusting a fist skyward to more of that positive reaction from the fans before she's popping back down and turning to look toward her opponent, the airbrushed image of herself beaten and bloodied outright ignored in favor of smirking like a Cheshire cat. As her music fades, she bounces around on the balls of her feet, eagerly waiting for the match to get underway.

Tommy West: Eli's not remotely buying into Sexton Love's mind games tonight, which isn't surprising all things considered.

Dan Simmons: If I was Sexton Love, I'd try to end this quick. Eli's a proven threat in that ring, and he has to know that in spite of the size difference? She's not the underdog here. He is.

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MATCH ONE
GRUDGE MATCH
Sexton Love vs. Eli Dresden

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Dan Simmons: Well I’m not going to sugar coat this Tommy. I am looking forward to Sexton getting a taste of his own medicine here tonight.

Tommy West: He seems the type to enjoy that? He has Eli plastered all over his tights after all.

Eddie Walker pounds the apron in support of Eli as she smirks that signature smirk at Love across the ring. He just ruffles his moustache and blows a mocking kiss at her. The bell rings and Sexton confidently strides to the middle of the ring and begins to jaw at Dresden. She just cocks an eyebrow as he shows off his abs and wiggles his hips. He beckons her to the middle of the ring and shows off her face on his tights while pointing at her. She slowly moves to the middle of the ring and gets right in his face before wrinkling her nose and stepping back, waving a hand in front of her nose. She turns and asks Eddie if he has any breath mints. Love is unfazed and just chuckles. As Dresden turns back to face him he sneakily tries to plant one on her lips. Eli, however, seems to be expecting this level of chicanery. Deftly dodging out of the way, she wags a finger in his face. Sexton just shrugs and offers up a test of strength, jawing about his chiseled biceps the entire time.

Tommy West: Well this has gotten off to the start we all expected from this grudge match.

Dan Simmons: I don’t know if that’s true. Both of these competitors can go in the ring, why are they not fighting yet? I thought for sure she’d have slapped the taste out of his mouth by now.

The face that launched a thousand wrestling ships again raises an eyebrow. She shrugs and extends a hand. She grabs his left with her right. And as he extends his right, Eli snaps the wrist around and locks in a top wristlock. She quickly transitions into a hammerlock before batting him on the back of the head with a forearm. The mustachioed marvel stumbles forward in surprise before grabbing his wrist and rubbing it. He calms down and turns back to her before letting her know how little he thinks of her tricks. Eli just shrugs before blowing him a kiss as well. Eddie Walker cheers her on from the outside, SAXton Love begins to toot a tune on his saxophone to the annoyance of all the fans residing near him. Bodzilla moves in for a grapple but Eli immediately spins out of it and hits a hip toss. As Love kips up he charges into an arm drag. Rising to his feet, he is again greeted with violence. A soaring dropkick to the face sends him to the mat. Love sputters and grabs his face in anger as the Tyrannosaurus Sex roars to his feet.

Tommy West: The speed advantage is evident here for Eli Dresden. She is wrestling circles around the larger Sexton Love.

Dan Simmons: Sorry I’m too focused on shutting up this saxophone. Can we get security out here for this idiot?

The Notorious B.O.D. moves in and catches a spinning backfist. He pulls Eli in and clubs her with a set of forearm shivers. He leans over to wink at Eddie Walker, which proves to be a tactical error. The high-flying blonde ducks behind him and gets him in a half nelson. She grinds on him a little before pulling him back into a backbreaker over her knee. He rolls to his feet and huffs, blowing his moustache away from his mouth. Dresden wastes no time in grabbing a front chancery on the kneeling fountain of machismo. She wrenches the hold before pulling him to a standing base then releasing the hold with a fierce European Uppercut. Sexton shows no visible pain from the shot and clubs her with a roaring elbow. Dresden hits the mat and immediately kips up and boots him in the gut before pulling him to the ground with a spinning armbreaker to the right arm. A standing moonsault to the spine finishes the combo.

Dan Simmons: Eddie is visibly excited for this flurry of offense from the unpredictable Dresden.

Tommy West: Still it doesn’t seem like Love is taking much damage. They seem to be trying to piss each other off.

Eli sprints off the ropes, but Love springs to his feet and stops her in her tracks. She skids to a halt in front of him as he puts his hands on the back of his head and gyrates at her before throwing sweat from his head in her face. He uses the momentary distraction to catch her with a European Uppercut of his own. He locks in a front headlock, looking to spin it into the Rude Awakening. Eddie Walker’s Wet Dream manages to wriggle free and send a knee to the face. She torques the arm into a key lock. Bodzilla howls in pain for a brief moment before stomping her foot and ducking behind for a rear waistlock. He attempts to showboat and grind on her before hitting the Sex Plex, but the Pittsburgh native manages to stomp on his foot and hit a jaw jacker. As Love retreats off to the ropes, she follows with a clothesline. Love teeters over the top rope before coming back down to the mat. Eli sends him sprinting off the opposing ropes with an Irish whip and on the return hits an inverted atomic drop. The face of the mustachioed marvel contorts into one of agony as he grimaces and stumbles away. Following up on this, Dresden plants him to the mat with a hurricanrana. Love rolls to his feet still favoring his crotch when she hits him with an atomic drop and now he grabs his hindquarters, decked out with Eli’s face, and reaches out for the ropes in pain. Roaring off the ropes, Eli looks for the OMFN, but Love manages to duck underneath it and catch her with a high angle back suplex.

Dan Simmons: Damn, I thought she had his number there. A smart counter by the *sigh* Sexcellence of Sexecution.

Tommy West: Nobody is taking anything away from him but the showboating has to be holding him back here.

Taking a moment to compose himself, Sexton Love rolls over and puts his body right over Dresden. But instead of pinning, he does pushups over her prone body. As she recovers, holding her neck, she grabs him and pushes her knee up into his gut with a modified monkey flip to remove the offending buff bod from her sight. Sexton lands and sits up, looking out to the crowd with a smirk and a hand on his chin in thinking pose. Eli kips up and penalty kicks him in the spine. She springs off the ropes for a basement dropkick, but the Sexcellence of Sexecution rolls backwards and to his feet. As Eli rolls back to her feet, he barrels into her with a huge clothesline. Wasting no time, he pulls her to her feet and hoists her for a vertical suplex. And holds her. And holds her. And then starts doing squats with her in the suplex. He gyrates his hips to the crowd before dropping her with the suplex.

Tommy West: What power on display from Sexton Love.

Dan Simmons: A real “crowd pleaser” isn’t he?

Dresden is holding her back on the mat as Love taunts to the crowd, showing off his airbrushed tights. He turns his attention back to his foe and helps her to her feet. She responds by knocking his arms into the air and headbutting him in the nose. She then hits a lucha style arm drag, and another, and a third. A dropkick to the chest completes the combination. Love rolls out of the ring and slams his hands on the apron as he lands on his feet outside. He holds his nose and checks for blood. He looks to his side and sees Eddie Walker mocking him with a tear wiping motion. Love’s face changes from one of pain to one of anger and he moves to attack Eddie. But he is stopped by the airborne amazon that is Eli Dresden.

Dan Simmons: OH EM GEE! What an amazing shooting star press from the high flyer!

Tommy West: I don’t think Sexton had that scouted.

She rises to her feet and smirks to the crowd throwing her arms out as if presenting herself to them for approval. Sexton begins to crawl towards the ring steps. The ultimate troll follows him, mocking him, beckoning for him to stand. She slaps him on the ass and he hoots in shock. This is quickly silenced by a dropkick to the head sending him into the steel steps. The ref admonishes Eli and tells them to bring it into the ring. She walks over to the ref and tells him to cool his jets before planting a kiss on Eddie. She moves back to Love and mouths off at him before rolling him into the ring. Before she can follow she has to cover her ears from a blast from a saxophone on the other side of the steps from SAXton Love. She just glares at him, and he slowly backs away raising his hands in innocence. As Eli moves to get back in the ring she has her hair grabbed from over the top rope. Sexton pulls her up to the apron and then plants one on her. She pushes him back and slaps him. He spins with it and clobbers her with a forearm. Eddie Walker puts his hands on her ass to hold her on the apron and stop her falling. All this does is allow Sexton to hook her for a suplex and haul her back into the ring. Both fighters staying down.

Dan Simmons: What a dirty tactic from that disgusting man.

Tommy West: It got the job done Dan-o.

As Bodzilla slowly gets to his feet, Eli rolls to hers. He hooks her for an Impale-Her DDT, but Eli slides between his legs and out of the hold before rolling him up in the school boy. He kicks out at one, slamming his hands on the mat again. Eli stomps on his back once before sprinting to the ropes and leaping up to the top in one fluid motion. She dives off with a flying crossbody. One! Kickout! The crowd is amped to the max with Eli chants as she pumps her arms waiting for Love to recover. A Shining dropkick that would make Adrien Cochrane proud puts Love back to the mat. A quick roll to his feet is met with a tilt-o-whirl headscissor take down. Eli pushes her advantage with a running shooting star press!

Dan Simmons: This flurry of offense is amazing!

Tommy West: Eli is really showing the kind of offense she used when she took the trident from Hyperion.

Eli pulls him to his feet, when the crowd suddenly reacts with violent disapproval. Eli grunts and then just looks down unamused. Love’s boot is firmly planted between her legs. She just cocks an eyebrow looking at it, then him. He shows a look of stunned silence for a moment, looks at his own foot … lowers it to the mat … and smirks as he BLASTS Eli in the face with a firm closed right hand sending her careening to the mat.

Dan Simmons: WHAT AN UNDERHANDED TACTIC!

Tommy West: A low blow and a closed fist. How despicable.

Eli stumbles in shock and turns right into another haymaker. And a third follows that. Love pushes his advantage by shoving her into the corner and blasting her with a running clothesline. He kisses out at the crowd while holding her right arm then fires her across the ring with an Irish whip. So much force is used that Sexton crashes to the mat and Eli slams chest first into the turnbuckle with a loud thud and exhales all the air in her. She falls back first to the mat in agony. Sexton again engages in some pushups while looking right into the eyes of Eddie Walker.

Dan Simmons: He’s such a showboat.

Tommy West: Regardless, Sexton Love is now in firm control of this match, and Eddie is worried on the outside.

The big bad Tyrannosaurus Sex pushes to his feet and flexes his biceps as Eli struggles to get to her feet. He steps to her and pushes her to the mat with a boot to the face. He repeats the face wash a few times before stomping on her left hand, causing her to recoil and hold her fingers. He gyrates over her before grabbing her by the shoulders and hoisting her to her feet. She responds with a headbutt. Love grimaces and then sends one back to her. A trickle of blood leaves the forehead of Sexton from that impact. He smirks and then hooks her for a suplex. With one arm, he sends her careening across the ring with a vertical suplex. He marches over to her and gets her in the Sex Plex, gyrating his hips on her then slamming her down. He bridges.

One!
Two!
Kickout by Dresden.

Tommy West: Close call for Eli there.

The Man of a Thousand Hoes rolls over and does more pushups right in the face of the blonde bombshell. He pulls her to her feet and hits another one armed suplex, stalling this time for dramatic effect with a hip gyration. He walks over to the corner and taunts Eddie Walker with his airbrushed tights, telling him who the REAL man is. He sees Eli trying to move and climbs to the top. Diving splash!

Tommy West: LOVE FROM ABOVE!

Dan Simmons: This might be it!

ONE!
TWO!
Foot on the ropes.

Sexton sits up and shrugs. She reaches for his face but he plants a hand on her face and brushes her off. He then plants his left hand on her throat and rains down closed right hands to her face! The ref admonishes him and counts to four before he releases the choke. He holds up his fist to see a fresh smattering of blood. He smirks and shows his fist to Eli, blood pouring from her nose and mouth from the brutal assault. He stands up and shows off to the crowd. He then grabs her by the back of the head and holds her face up next to his tights, showing it to the hard cam.

Dan Simmons: This man needs to be stopped.

Tommy West: Eddie is seriously considering throwing in the towel for her, here.

Sexton stomps on her gut as he slams the back of her head off the mat, blood spraying as she spits it out. Love wipes the blood from his fist on his own chest and then poses for the crowd to a chorus of boos and jeers. He informs they they are just jealous and that Eli could have been with him, she chose this. He plants one foot on her, right between the breasts and flexes.

ONE!
Eli rolls over.

SAXton is playing a victory march on the outside. In the ring, the Gyrating Grappler pulls Eli to her feet and sends her into the corner. He climbs the ropes and then thrusts in her face before punching her. SAXton yells ONE! Crotch thrust, punch, TWO! Repeating this as the crowd boos, he gets to six before Eli slinks out from under him and pulls his legs down sending him face first to the turnbuckle. She catches him with a VERY small package.

ONE!
TWO!
Love forcibly breaks the pin.

Dan Simmons: Close call this time the other way!

Tommy West: Eli is nothing if not resourceful.

This time the moustachioed marvel drags her to the middle of the ring and locks in the Love Lock! He has the cattle mutilation locked in tight and the blood continues to drip off the face of the fan favorite. The hold is in deep. Sexton continues to thrust his crotch into the air as he adds pressure. Eli kicks her feet on the mat as her shoulders are forcibly ripped from their sockets in the hold. She struggles and struggles as Eddie pounds on the mat and cheers her on. She slowly drags him backwards. With one last gasp she swings her hips and her foot lands on the bottom rope. The ref calls for the break and Love pops up posing like he won. The ref pulls his arms down and shows him the foot on the ropes. Love cannot believe this. He stumbles back in disbelief and leans on the ropes before arguing with the ref again.

Dan Simmons: What resiliency for the fan fav Eli here!

Tommy West: She’s not a former champ for nothing Dan-o!

Eli slowly pulls herself up in the corner and leans on the ropes, wiping blood. SAXton leaps to the apron to argue with the ref, who immediately turns his attention to that. Eddie Walker yanks his legs, sending Saxton to the floor. And as he stands, Walker hits a huge haymaker to the face! He shakes his hand out after the contact as SAXton falls to the floor. Sexton storms to the ropes to yell at Eddie, who shoos him back to the ring. Sexton turns around and CHA-CHING!

Dan Simmons: OH MY GOD! She just kicked him in the crotch!

Tommy West: I don’t think he was ready for that.

Sexton looks stunned but then laughs. He knocks on his crotch, he’s wearing a cup. Eli shrugs and kicks him in the teeth with a superkick. She then charges with a hurricanrana and holds the pin.

ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!

Sexton rolls to his feet and unleashes a clothesline but she hooks that arm, spins under it and spins him around, then lays him out with a flowing DDT. She leaps to the ropes and springboards off with a moonsault!

ONE!
TWO!
Foot on the ropes!

She grabs his legs in a wishbone and stomps three times on the cup. The ref tries to stop her but she yells he’s wearing protection! Not that he needs protection …

Dan Simmons: Simply scathing …

Eli hooks his left leg under the top rope and grabs his right leg, she falls back over his head giving him a super wishbone split. We hear Sexton sing soprano for a moment before a huge running senton lands on his chest.

ONE!
TWO!
THR-Kickout!

Eli snaps her fingers in disappointment and wipes more blood from her face. She pulls him to a seated position and hits a basement dropkick.

ONE!
TWO!
Kickout!

Tommy West: Sexton Love will not stay down here.

Dan Simmons: What will she have to do to put him away.

Love slowly climbs to his feet using the ropes. He is hunched over when Eli sneaks up behind him and begins to grind on his ass. She slaps his ass and he stands up straight, he spins and she shoves his head in her crotch. She shoves him back. He stumbles into the center of the ring when … SLING BLADE!

Dan Simmons: OMFN! She hit it! It’s over!

She hooks both legs.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE-NO!

Sexton JUST manages to roll the shoulder. Eli grabs her head in her hands in shock. She slowly climbs to her feet, catching her breath. Bodzilla stirs and begins to try and stand up. She hooks him as he stands looking for the GDI! But he elbows her in the head a few times. She tries to whip him across the ring but he reverses and sends her crashing into the referee! Both Eli and the ref are down!

Dan Simmons: After a series of near falls, Eli and the ref have bumped heads!

Tommy West: Not the meeting of the minds I think anyone expected.

Sexton pulls Eli to her feet and drags her to the ropes. She somehow manages to get her feet under her and hit an X-Factor. SAXton leaps onto the apron and swings his sax at her! She just ducks it. He mouths off to her as she beckons him to keep coming. From behind, Eddie Walker grabs the saxophone and breaks it over the head of SAXton Love. Sax goes down in a bloody heap as Eddie looks at Eli and shrugs. But that is quickly interrupted by the Impale-Her DDT to Eddie Walker!

Dan Simmons: Sexton just took out Eddie Walker!

Tommy West: Eli is most displeased.

Indeed she is! She charges and hits Sexton with a standing GDI! She then pins. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! She looks up, the ref is still shaking off the cobwebs. She calls to the ref. The ref looks then slowly crawls into position.

OOOONNNNNEEE!


TWWWWWOOOOOOOO!

THREEEEEEE-NO!

Sexton manages to roll the shoulder after the long delay and slow count. Eli slams the mat in frustration. She unloads with a flurry of mounted strikes before Love shoves her off of him and rolls to his stomach. He pushes up to his hands and knees and gets a kick to the gut for his trouble. He recoils into a kneeling position. Eli comes off the ropes for a busaiko knee but Sexton falls back to avoid it then pushes to his feet. She runs off the opposite ropes and comes back with a sunset flip! But Sexton holds his position and drops down into a pin and grabs a handful of tights with one hand and the ropes with the other.

ONE!
TWO!
THREE!

[WINNER: Sexton Love via Surprise Roll-Up  at 13:18]

DING! DING! DING!

Tommy West: NO NOT LIKE THIS!

Dan Simmons: I am so disgusted.

Sexton pops off her and poses for the crowd as Eli sits up in disbelief and tries to explain to the ref! But the ref saw nothing, explaining as such as Sexton Love rolls out of the ring before the pissed-off forner NLW Champion has the chance to make him pay for his underhanded antics. The crowd all but drowns Sexton Love in boos as the camera cuts to a commercial for the XHF Network.

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The lights in the arena explode to life as they flash red, white, and blue to the beat of the opening riffs of “American Males” by Jimmy Hart plays over the P.A. Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome emerge from the entryway wearing matching sequined leather jackets. Curtis is also carrying his trusty sledgehammer over his shoulder. Curtis and Steve high five and then head down to the ring. Curtis rolls in to the ring and heads to a corner. Steve hops into the ring and he provocatively slips off his jacket and then spins and drops into a kneel and he flexes his arms. At the same time, Curtis hoists his hammer into the air and yells “BANG!” They both get a slow motion effect as pyro sprays behind them.

Dan Simmons: Well, we knew they were going to be joining us at some point, and here they are, the now former XHF Tag Team Champions are in the building!

Curtis Kanyon and Steve Awesome stand in the ring. Curtis has a mic.

Curtis Kanyon: If it’s one thing the BANG! Bros are known for, it’s breaking the mold. We won’t be confined to one federation. We won’t be contained to your rules. No no no! We’re here to watch Crinkly Bottom Boys’ match very closely, but also to send a message. We are here, in their home turf to show them we’re not afraid, we’re coming after them, and we’re getting our belts back!

Steve Awesome: Then watch our exhibition on FWA!

Curtis Kanyon: Yes! Because after we win tonight and we win there, we will have enough points to challenge the Crinkly Bottom Boys, and we’ll give you the when and the what after that exhibition. Now get our opponents out here! 

A countdown to ignition is accompanied by horns as the lights drop. As they hit one, a fart noise echoes around the arena until the 1994 USA Christmas mega song 'All I want for Christmas is You' by Mariah Carey resonates across the venue. Stepping out from behind the curtain, A portly white guy with curly blond hair waring a singlet with giant pink polka dots and a rubber sex doll in his hands emerge to an unhappy reaction.

Tommy West: Uhhhh, that...kinda looks like-

Dan Simmons: I'm not sure it does, no.

As they walk down the aisle, the man looks focused or maybe just happy to be there. The doll bounces around in his arms. The man leans into the aisle camera.

Polka Dot Man: All you are is 42, I think?

The man rolls under the bottom rope and drags the doll in with him. They head to their corner as they await the bell.

Curtis Kanyon: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the team to beat, Nobby and Bloel! The Soggy Tops Men!

The fans boo this predicament. None the less, we have a referee, and the bell rings.

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MATCH TWO
Exhibition Tag Match

The BANG! Bros vs. The Soggy Tops Men

The bell rings and Curtis starts off with the portly Nobby. They go into a lock up and Curtis easily pushes him backward into a corner. The ref makes Curtis back up, and he slaps Nobby before going back to the middle of the ring. Nobby didn’t seem to like that. He comes out of the corner with a jab. And then another jab. Then a third. Then he does a little arm roll dance, lifts his elbow, and Curtis thumbs him in the eye before he can bring it down! Nobby turns around and holds his hand out for a tag, but Curtis grabs him from behind and hits a back body drop.

Curtis then stomps on Nobby a few times, then pulls him toward the BANG! Bros corner. He tags in Steve. Steve hops into the ring and pulls Nobby up and applies a front face lock. Nobby reaches out toward his partner Bloel. Bloel stands levitating in her corner, with one arm over the top rope, mouth agape. Nobby lifts Steve up and moves three feet, still too far to tag. He lifts and moves Steve again! He’s almost there. He lifts Steve up again, but Steve kicks off the ropes and hits a spinning DDT! Steve gets up and Curtis throws him Dylan’s arm. Steve puts it on.

Bloel looks shocked! Steve picks up Nobby and pulls his arm back ready to unleash the power! Then he swings that arm forward and… grabs Nobby’s arm and wrenches it, then pulls him back to Steve’s corner and tags Curtis. Curtis enters and Steve lets Nobby go. Then hits a superkick! Nobby turns around right into a BANG! The Kiss Kiss BANG! BANG! Nobby is out cold. Curtis drags Nobby to Nobby’s corner and makes him tag Bloel! Nobby’s arm goes limp back to the mat afterward. Curtis asks the ref to hold Bloel for a second, then whips Steve into the ropes. Steve does a springboard moonsault as Curtis runs under him and bounces off the ropes. Steve hits a moonsault stomp to Bloel as Curtis hits a BANG! It’s the BANG! Of the Dragon! And also, POP! Bloel deflates! Curtis lays on top of the flat plastic and Steve dog piles on top. 1, 2, 3!

[Winners: The BANG! Bros with BANG! Of the Dragon! At 2:49]

---

Outside of the arena sits a sight that hasn’t been seen in some time. A food truck. Not just any food truck, but Dundee’s Cat Diner (no I don’t recall what it was called right now). Nathan Parker sits behind the counter with Michael “Cats” Dundee behind the griddle. Nathan glances over to where Michael has the stash of boooze for his not so secret speakeasy. Not that anyone has come into the truck to buy the booze, but Nathan.

Nathan sighs, looking away from the booze and back to potential customers. He’s thirty days sober and it just pisses him off to be that way. He’s also just recently out of prison for a number of crimes involving drunk driving, damage to private property, and a host of other small crimes. He has a trailer on the outskirts of town instead of the camper and truck.

He has to have a job. One of the things of his parole and so…food truck.

A customer walks up to the food truck. He looks more engrossed with his phone than he is the menu. He looks to be in his twenties and dresses the part. Nathan sneers, but this too goes unnoticed.

Young man: Can I get a cheeseburger?

Nathan Parker: No.

Young man: Why not?

Now the young man looks up from his phone to the menu with a curious look.

Young man: It says cheeseburger right there.

Nathan cranes his head out through the window to look at the menu.

Nathan Parker: It says cheeseburger rice and veggies. They’re little meatball patty things cooked with rice and veggies like a stir fry and then covered in cheese. Your cat will love you for it.

Now, the young man looks confused.

Young man: My cat? I don’t have a cat.

Nathan Parker: This is a food truck for cats.

The young man blinks in confusion, looking around at other potential customers that are impatiently waiting with their cats to get food for them.

Young man: Why the heck would a food truck for cats be at a wrestling venue? Who brings their cat to a wrestling show?

Michael Dundee: Who doesn’t bring their cat to a wrestling show? You gonna order that cheeseburger with rice and veggies?

Nathan Parker: Either shit or get off the fucking pot, ya stupid twat.

Young man: What? Gimmie the cheeseburger thing. My cat can have the leftovers.

Nathan Parker: Thought you said that you didn’t have a cat?

Young man: I don’t have a cat here. Duh.

Nathan Parker: I don’t think you need the food. Move it along, fucknuts.

Young man: Why don’t you come down here and-

Nathan leaps over the counter, taking the young man down with a high spear. He mounts the poor young man and begins to wail on him.

Nathan Parker: I am “down here”, mother fucker! How does that sound. Huh? Fucking still want some?

A couple of customers pull Nathan off of the young man, who stands up and wipes at the blood streaming from his nose.

Young man: Are you fucking crazy, man?

Nathan tries to pull away from the people holding him back, but does not try too hard.

Nathan Parker: You know you wanted an asskicking, mother fucker.

From inside the food truck, Michael Dundee looks out through the window.

Michael Dundee: I think you’re not cut out for this, Nathan. You should go to the arena and see if they will give you that wrestling job back so you don’t go to jail for kicking people’s asses.

Now the young man gives Nathan a bit more scrutiny.

Young man: You used to wrestle? Who are you?

Nathan Parker: Nathan Parker is my name.

The young man frowns as he tries to remember the name.

Young man: Oh I know. You’re the side kick for that other guy that liked all the cats. Michael Dundee!

Michael looks out through the window with a laugh.

Michael Dundee: He nailed it in one!

Nathan sighs, looking longingly to the arena.

Nathan Parker: I suppose I could see about becoming a wrestler again.

Michael Dundee: That or go back to jail. Your choice.

Nathan turns around and looks at his friend.

Nathan Parker: Fucker, are you firing me?

Michael Dundee: So you have the time to be a wrestler. Yeah.

Nathan Parker: Fine.

Nathan heads toward the arena as the young man orders the cheeseburger with rice and veggies for his cat or whatever.

---

Dan Simmons: I’ll be honest, it’s been kind of distracting, trying to focus on my job while watching the crew set up for this next match in this special monitor.

Tommy West: I don’t know who’s in charge of the purse strings for this match, if it’s BB Gunn, or the owner of NLW, or if Mongo’s springing for this one, but whoever it is must have bought an entire Bed, Bath, and Beyond to kit out this thing.

Dan Simmons: It’s so big they weren’t able to put it at ringside, so the match is going to take place somewhere else in the building, I think they bought out the North Lounge for the night?

Tommy West: Not sure, they wouldn’t tell us where it is. They said it’s to keep the secret of where the Title belts are hidden, but also, there’s some dangerous shit hidden in those duvet covers.

Dan Simmons: Let’s send it down to Marty, who is in the ring and definitely not in the fort, for the announcements.

The camera cuts to Marty Watts in the ring. The referees for this match--apparently some XHF staff are on hand to assist--are actually sat behind him at a long table with a row of monitors that wouldn’t be out of place in the AV station.

Marty Watts: The following contest is a Blanket Fort Deathmatch, and it is for the XHF Tag Team Championship! The XHF Tag Team Title Belts are hidden somewhere in a blanket fort recreation of the Winter Palace at Petrograd, and the winners will be the team that finds the belts first.

The Jumbotron comes to life and shows the image to the fans in the arena that the fans at home see. There is a long corridor of innocent looking curtains flowing in a manufactured breeze. It shows Adrien Cochrane and Natalie Burrows walking slowly through the corridor.

Marty Watts: Introducing first, the challengers. At a combined weight of 355 pounds, “The Southern Belle” Natalie Burrows and “The Dropkick King” Adrien Cochrane...The Guardians!

Dan Simmons: I can’t tell how confident they are through the Go Pros that are lining the Blanket Fort. For reasons Tommy alluded to, not even the camera staff are allowed in the fort, so the match is being monitored by the referee staff through monitors showing a plethora of camera images.

Tommy West: No one would blame them for moving carefully. It looks cozy, but it’s called Deathmatch for a reason. The strategy is definitely not to just barrel into any wall they see.

The introduction of their opponents is delayed, as the referees are trying to find them on their bank of screens, but can’t seem to. Instead we watch The Guardians walk into what looks like a grand hall. It has two stories, and there’s a catwalk of some kind above, with no visible way to get up there. There are two doors on the wall opposite them, with a throne on a raised dias between them. Seated on it is Noel Edmonds, legs pointedly uncrossed. Natalie starts moving toward him, a measure of menace in her gait. He stands up, as though it were 1991 and he’s about to welcome The Guardians to his old house, but before he can, or Natalie can get to him, or even Marty can give the distant announcement of the Crinkly Bottom Boys, there’s an explosion that rattles the Fort and Blobby comes crashing through the wall behind Noel, knocking him down as he rolls along the cotton-lined floor. He stands up with a loud cry.

Mr. Blobby: BLOB!

---

MATCH THREE
XHF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
BLANKET FORT DEATH MATCH
The Crinkly Bottom Boys vs The Guardians

---

But at that moment, Natalie is already rushing past him and to the stunned Edmonds, and Adrien is rushing in with a dropkick that sends Blobby rolling back the way he came. The bell rings in the arena, but they can’t hear it.

Dan Simmons: We’ll do our best to keep up with the action, Next Level fans, but we only have a couple more views than you, and I expect things to get chaotic fairly quickly.

Tommy West: At least it’s straightforward at first here. Blobby being characteristically hard to damage, and Natalie kneeing the old out of Noel Edmonds.

Noel shoves feebly at Natalie, but when that fails, he feels blindly around himself as he falls to the ground. The throne he’d been sitting on shattered under Blobby’s girth, so he takes a chair leg and cracks Natalie in the head, sending her reeling. Adrien tries to intercept but Blobby comes flying into his view to hit what would be a Stinger splash in a corner...if he was in a corner. Adrien instead just bounces back and hits the surprisingly sturdy wall of the great hall.

Dan Simmons: We have been advised that, unlike previous Blanket Fort Deathmatches, there is no hidden acid, so the sheets should just be sheets, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t nasty surprises beneath them.

Tommy West: Obviously you can’t be having acid floating around if you’ve got a giant zit running around wrestling.

Noel grabs another chair leg and stands up, as though he were going to continue attacking Natalie, but as she starts to recover, he drops it and hauls ass into the room behind the exploded wall, and Natalie follows. The view cuts to that room, a well-appointed bed chamber with a four-poster bed, made up like it was the model for a linen’s catalogue for kings. Noel runs behind it, but finds himself trapped. It looks like he’s going to leap over it, but Natalie catches him by the ankle. She yanks him off, grabs him by the back of the neck, and throws him into one of the posts. It was made of the same steel as regular ring posts and Edmonds clangs off of it, recoiling dramatically. While he’s stunned, Natalie starts rifling through pillows, but doesn’t find anything she likes.

The screen becomes a split screen affair as Blobby picks Adrien up from the wall. For an instant, when it was pushed snug against the wall, the sheet reveals its secret: the wall is made of the metal paneling you’d use for the floor of an Elimination Chamber! Blobby seems excited by this revelation and throws Adrien back against it, causing him to arch his back again. Blobby runs across the room to the other side, then charges back in, doing a handspring to hit his back elbow, but Adrien ducks out of the way, leaving Blobby to crash into the steel panel! The on-board mics of the Go Pros aren’t top quality, but they are enough to pick up pained Blobby swearing as he rolls around on the ground, trying to clutch at his back but he can’t reach it. Adrien goes to check on Natalie, helping her determine that there are no title belts in this bedroom.

Dan Simmons: It’s already getting hard to track, but I think it’s safe to say that the Blanket Fort is made of sturdy stuff.

Tommy West: I mean....it sure is. I’m glad nothing’s exploded yet.

Dan Simmons: Something exploded on Mr. Blobby before the fighting even started!

Tommy West: Are we sure that wasn’t just Blobby doing his slapstick schtick?

The Guardians resolve to explore the rest of the complex to find the belts, and now the monitor is briefly triple-split, as the Guardians leave the Great Hall back into a corridor that goes left and right, and they decide to go left. Blobby recovers and goes to check on Noel, returning us to two views, and Noel stands unsteadily. In his hands is a pillowcase that Natalie cast aside. She didn’t like the steel pipe, but clearly he does, and the CBBs rush after them. By the time the CBBs catch up, the Guardians have come to another corridor that stretches to the left, with three doors on the wall in front of them, one just to their right, and one at the end of the corridor to the left. They enter the first door in front of them and find another, smaller room appointed like an IKEA show room, but more flowy and with a dark underside. Noel orders Blobby ahead and follows at a safe distance. As Blobby enters the room with a loud self-heralding.

Mr. Blobby: BLOB! BLOBBY BLOB!

The Guardians turn to face Blobby, assuming fighting stances. Blobby charges at Adrien, who ducks a clothesline attempt, but Blobby swings back around to hit him with a clothesline to the back of the head. Before he can get into a badly translated treatise on nuclear disarmament, Natalie sweeps his legs and Blobby falls backward, narrowly missing Adrien. But as she stands up and prepares to press the advantage, that damned old Noel Edmonds cracks her in the back with the steel pipe. The crowd is howling boos that he can’t hear as Natalie clutches at her back, and Adrien glares at Noel, who brandishes the pipe at him. Then he runs down the corridor, past the middle door, but before he can get to the door on the far wall, Adrien has caught him and hits a shotgun dropkick that blasts Noel into the apparently heavy door head first! Blood starts to trickle from the older man’s forehead as Adrien confiscates the pipe, then heads into the bedroom off to the right.

Dan Simmons: I’m not surprised Noel is the first one bleeding, but I would have assumed Natalie would get there first.

Tommy West: I didn’t. She’s tough as nails, but if she won’t pick up a weapon, she’s at an inherent disadvantage in matches like this.

Dan Simmons: Tell that to Noel Edmonds...

We go split screen again, and on side, Adrien starts rummaging. The side rooms have also had nightstands, which are really just six cushions stacked in a cube. He breaks one down but finds nothing. On the other side, Blobby is on his feet as Natalie pulls herself up, still favoring the back. When she gets vertical, she sees Blobby with his arms outstretched, as though to hug her. Natalie is obviously wary, but she is much more fond of Blobby than his handler, so she doesn’t immediately recoil. In Blobbyland, that means consent, and he charges forward to hug Natalie. Despite Natalie struggling as though in a bearhug, Blobby doesn’t seem to have any ill will toward her, and eventually lets her go on his own, at which point the Southern Belle’s hair is slightly disheveled. Natalie takes a moment to recover, but she remembers she’s in a fight, so she stops Blobby from rooting around in the bed by nailing a leaping enzuigiri to the back of Blobby’s...head? Blobby falls down facefirst on the bed. She feels the bed, patting it gently at first, then more firmly, revealing the surface to be quite hard underneath the sheets. She climbs up onto the bed, preparing for a leg drop, but as she jumps, the mics pick up Noel Edmonds shouting.

Noel Edmonds: Blobby! Find the damn belts!

This makes Blobby roll off the bed (making the nightstand cushion tower fall over as he flails), and Natalie goes ass first into reinforced wood, like the Devil’s Boxspring. Blobby gets back to his feet, locks eyes on Natalie, and grabs her in a hug again. But this one is much more sinister, as he wrenches on the bearhug intentionally.

Then he uses some sort of in-built Blobby sense to know he can go through a wall to dive through the wall to the next room. This means he gets one room closer to Noel and Adrien.

BOOM!

Dan Simmons: Good Christ, we could hear that at ringside!

Tommy West: I hope for Natalie’s sake the C4 charge was on Blobby’s side.

It’s unclear at the moment, as the split screen with Natalie and Blobby temporarily went out when the explosion happened, so for a moment all we see is Adrien rooting around under the bed and through a second cushion stack. He’s found a baseball bat and a menacing looking velvet bag, but no match-ending title belts. We see Adrien turn to the sound as soon as he hears it, and he drops everything--including the pipe--to rush into the middle bedroom. The splitscreen stays, as Noel is still in that room, and he starts crawling toward the bag, occasionally wiping blood off his face.

Meanwhile, Adrien is tending to a soot-covered Natalie. She appears stunned and possibly charred--the camera quality is not good enough to tell for sure--but not mortally injured. Blobby is about the same, comically soot-covered, such that his front is just black dust and his bulging eyes. He shakes as he stands up, seeing Adrien helping Natalie up, and screeches. There’s definite Blobs in it, but it’s long and strained so it’s hard to pick up on the on-board mics. What’s easier to see is that Blobby rushes over and tries to do a Blob-eh hug to Adrien with Natalie’s help, but when Natalie doesn’t help, he yells and does a side Belly-to-Belly suplex, planting Adrien on the floor. Adrien cries out in pain, arching his back way more than he should, revealing tacks sticking in his back! Natalie and Blobby turn to notice Noel, empty bag in hand as he tosses it over his shoulder.

Noel Edmonds: Get her too, Blobby, we need to get hunting.

Natalie’s face contorts in anger, but Blobby catches her with a comically large foot to the stomach, then plants her with a fall-forward suplex next to Adrien. She misses most of the tacks, but still recoils from a few sticking into her arm.

Noel Edmonds: Now, Blobby!

Mr. Blobby: BLOBBY!

The Crinkly Bottom Boys leave the Guardians to recover, and we go splitscreen again.

Dan Simmons: We got our first explosion, and the Guardians are in a bad way here, Tommy.

Tommy West: Adrien’s full of tacks and Natalie’s probably still shellshocked, but if they want to win those titles, they can’t recover too long. That’s a big fort, but there’s only so many places those tag titles can hide.

Noel directs Blobby through the door he broke his face on. It’s another long corridor, but only one door at the end. They start walking toward it, but halfway there, Blobby stops and starts shivering. Noel turns to Blobby, confusion on his face. On the other half of the screen, Natalie is trying to brush tacks off of Adrien.

Edmonds: What’s wrong, Blob?

Mr. Blobby: Blob, Blobby Blobby...

Noel Edmonds: Bad vibes from that room? So you don’t think the belts are in there?

Mr. Blobby: Blobby Blob! Blobby Blobby Blobby Blob!

Noel considers what he is told while the Guardians start to regroup. They take a second to root around, but find no belts, so they decide on an ambush.

Edmonds: I mean, having an 19th Century Sex Wizard on our team wouldn’t be the worst....but that’s a lot to deal with midmatch. We can come back later.

Mr. Blobby: BLOBBY!

After that mystifying exchange, they go back the way they came. They turn to look into the room with the Guardians, but that just leaves Noel open for Adrien to come flying off Natalie’s back with This Song’s For You, but he twists so when he launches Noel with a hurricanrana, he falls into Blobby! The Guardians quickly get up.

Adrien Cochrane: t’s clearly not that way, let’s go!

Natalie wants to punish Noel more, but sees the sense in Adrien’s words and follows him back into the corridor off the Great Hall. They rush to the other side of the corridor, the only unused entrance in this hall, but as they get to the door, Blobby is hot on their tails, charging after them. On a picture-in-picture, Noel is seen slinking down a fresh corridor, hunting while not in harm’s way.

Dan Simmons: I can’t say I’m surprised by this, Tommy. Blobby is following after the Guardians, but where he’d help Noel at a word, Noel is nowhere near Blobby, trying to sneak his way to a win.

Tommy West: You heard the explosion earlier, right? Are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t try to sneak through a match like this?

Adrien Cochrane: You go on ahead, I’ll hold him off!

Natalie Burrows: But--

Adrien Cochrane: GO!

Adrien doesn’t give her time to question, as he charges Blobby with a dropkick that knocks Blobby back into an expensive six-foot planter. It doesn’t seem gimmicked, but crashing into a person-sized stone vase is probably brutal enough. Natalie looks apprehensive, but goes through the door. Now there’s three scenes: Blobby and Adrien fighting, Noel slinking through rooms--he’s just swore loudly at finding nothing useful in the second of three rooms in a new hallway--and Natalie in her new surroundings, a huge foyer with two grand staircases, each stair covered in deceptive linens, leading to a lower level. There’s a walkway around the staircases at the top level in the shape of a big U, and in the Go Pro feed, it looks like something’s glinting at the other end of the U. Natalie seems cautious, but heads that way quickly, not wanting to be trapped on that side with no safe way down.

In the entrance hall, Blobby stands up, brushes himself off, and then charges at Adrien, blocking an attempted Superkick, throwing the foot down and peppering him with quick punches. It starts out with random punches from either side, but Blobby soon settles into a tried and true rhythm. A big left hand, another left hand, a third left hand. Blobby sees Adrien wavering on his feet and jumps up and down, arms flapping.

Mr. Blobby: Blob, Blobby, BLOB!

On BLOB! he cracks Adrien with a right hand that sends him sprawling into his own comically expensive pottery. Shards of the stone vessel fall on Adrien as he slumps down.

Dan Simmons: Oh my god, Blobby #3 right into that stoneware! That thing probably weighed as much as Adrien does!

Tommy West: I hope there’s no museum that wanted that back. Because it is definitely contaminated with Cochrane blood now.

Noel gets to the end of his corridor, having found nothing but a large coil of chain. He tried to carry it for a bit, but it was heavy and slowed him down, so he left it behind. He now finds himself in what must be the grand entrance hall to the Palace, with two staircases arcing down to the lower level. Noel sighs as he starts tromping down the stairs.

Natalie found the glint was that of a gold-plated folding chair, tucked behind decorative pots. She leaves it behind, but as she turns, Blobby is at the door she came through. She rushes to not get cornered, and Blobby interprets that as a charge, so he charges forward as well. Natalie sidesteps, and Blobby stumbles, trying to stop himself, but Natalie uses the opening to crack Blobby with Closure! Blobby’s head cracks forward as he hits his head on the steel grating underneath the sheets, added insult to the Scissors Kick. Then he starts rolling down the stairs, crying out as the edge of each unforgiving step digs into his body. The two staircases are not connected, with a corridor leading somewhere between them, and three-fourths of the way down, Blobby falls off the staircase entirely, falling to the floor. Natalie winces, but goes down the opposite staircase, knowing this opening won’t last forever.

Dan Simmons: That was probably up there for most destructive Closures Natalie has ever delivered.

Tommy West: You’re probably right, but she has to make this opening count. I can’t tell where Noel is, but he won’t stay away forever.

Adrien is recovering from the crash into the pot, starting to pick himself up, and stumbles through the door toward Natalie and Blobby. Meanwhile, Noel, looking winded, is in yet another corridor with three doors, but at least they’re on the opposite side this time? But he hears Blobby crying out and ignores the side rooms, going forward, and as Natalie reaches the bottom of the stairs, Adrien stumbles through the door at the top, and Noel comes through a door at the bottom, putting all four in the same room again. Natalie’s eyes widen slightly, but the adrenaline pushes her to go into the room at the end of the corridor. Noel rushes up to Blobby as we go splitscreen again, passing him something as Adrien staggers down the stairs.

Natalie’s scene is in a large, square room. It’s a dead end with mock-ups of old statues that would have been in the Winter Palace, but most of them bear a resemblance to Mongo.

Dan Simmons: I guess we know who paid for this shindig now.

Tommy West: If you can’t use your untold wealth to fashion yourself after historical emperors, what CAN you use it for, Danny?

Natalie starts searching around the room, but nothing is immediately apparent as standing out. In the splitscreen, we see Blobby start vibrating before standing up, the effects of a dib dab taking hold. Adrien tries leaping off the stairs a few stairs up to hit a crossbody, but Blobby catches him!

Mr. Blobby: BLOBBY!

Then he charges into the room, Adrien still struggling against Blobby’s grip, but he trips over something hidden on the floor, and he and Adrien both crash into the statue of Mongo, causing it to crash to the floor! The titles are not in there, but a sledgehammer with a gold head and haft falls out. Natalie sees it, and while she doesn’t like weapons, she thinks she knows what the game is. She picks it up, but instead of using it on Blobby, she takes it to another statue. No dice, just a two-by-four that looks like it’s coated with lighter fluid. Blobby sees Natalie smash a statue and cheers, proceeding to barrel into everything he can get close to. Noel tries to join in, but Adrien catches his ankle. This doesn’t stop him from losing, though, as Blobby jumps fully through a third statue, and when he rolls over, it’s revealed he’s holding two championship belts interlocked! The bell rings in the arena, but while no one in the fort can hear it, Natalie knows what happened when she hears Blobby’s jubilant cry.

[WINNERS: The Crinkly bottom Boys at 17:04]

Mr. Blobby: Blobby Blobby!

He then looks at Natalie, who drops the hammer and heads over to Adrien, and his body sags a bit.

Mr. Blobby: Blobby....

Noel pushes past her and hugs Blobby ecstatically as he imagines the ring announcement that must be happening.

Marty Watts: Your winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions....the Crinkly Bottom Boys!

---

Dan Simmons: And it is TIME for the Unsanctioned Rules match that will make sure that we’ve got a brawl on our hands, and surprisingly enough, this is the second Unsanctioned Rules match to have ever happened in NLW!

Tommy West: How could we have not forgotten the bloodied war that was Jason Long and Scott Hampton? Those two put on a damn clinic and we’ve not seen either man since then, but who’s to say that tonight won’t be the same again?

Dan Simmons: Tommy Kelly and Nathan Cage are going to go to war with one another to make sure that there will be hell to pay— and we’re hearing that Tommy Kelly isn’t wasting anymore time, he wants to take this down to the ring right now!

As the opening chords of “Born of a Broken Man” by Rage Against The Machine are heard echoing throughout the arena as the fans cheer for their favourite former NLW Heavyweight Champion to enter through the curtain— but there isn’t. Nobody walks through the curtain at all. That’s when Tommy Kelly stumbles through the curtain and falls to the stage floor and walking right through and following is Nathan Cage, who is stomping down onto Tommy Kelly and kicking him off of the stage.

Nathan Cage: DING DING, MOTHERFUCKER! WHERE YO’ ASS GOIN’?

Nathan Cage leapt off of the stage and down onto the floor below. And with that, the bell has rung.

---

MATCH FOUR
UNSANCTIONED MATCH
Tommy Kelly vs. Nathan Cage

---

DING! DING!

Dan Simmons: Well, this isn’t how we thought it was going to begin but we sure should have expected it to go down this road already!

Tommy West: There was no telling how long Nathan Cage has been ready for this one, and it seemed like he wasn’t a fan of entrances— so it’s only fitting that he’d make sure to get his hands on Tommy Kelly right now when he had the chance!

Cage grabs Kelly and pulls him back up to his feet, throwing him around in the crowd and beating him to holy hell as much as he can but Kelly is fighting back, a back elbow into the stomach and now bashing Cage’s head into a stair railing. Kelly continues to bash his head in over and over and over and over— but Cage fires back with a headbutt right to the bridge of the nose of Kelly that knocks him back down and into the empty chairs behind some fans. Cage begins to climb where the fans are and jump down about ten feet onto Kelly with a massive elbow drop. The fans are going crazy for Nathan Cage’s antics as he throws a couple of the chairs around and almost hits a few fans as he does. But he’s able to pick up Kelly and drop him down onto the floor with a sickening piledriver down onto the floor. Kelly — looking unresponsive after the Piledriver down onto the concrete floor — is now being dragged to the ring by Nathan Cage, who throws him over the barricade like a ragdoll and hops over himself, and the Rabid Dog is looking for an early Death by Cage but Kelly is able to slip free and drop Cage down onto the steel steps with a Back Suplex!

Dan Simmons: AAAAHHHH! Oh GOD that looked brutal how he landed down onto the steps!

Tommy West: These two are not going to be shy away from getting brutal with one another, as anyone should have expected when heading into a hardcore unsanctioned match like this one.

Cage is laid out on the steps themselves as Kelly climbs up to the ring apron, looking beaten already but able to stand on his feet valiantly, and charging in with the knee drop right down onto the chest of Cage. Both men are left down on the floor as Cage looks to just crawl away from Kelly and go underneath the ring. Kelly seems to have landed badly on that knee of his as he struggles to get back to his feet, but still able to make sure that he’s on his feet, as he goes looking for Cage— but he can’t find him anywhere. Kelly searches around the ringside area and can’t see Cage for the life of him — but then he looks up and into the ring, seeing Nathan Cage standing inside of the ring with a few weapons of his own choosing inside of a garbage bin, before Kelly would slide into the ring and meet Cage inside. The two come to blows as the match finally has been brought inside of the ring, Cage gets the advantage and is bringing Kelly into the ropes as he delivers a knee right into the stomach of the former NLW Heavyweight Champion and then a huge Discus Forearm that stuns the Crow in his place. The Rabid Dog soon comes rebounding off of the ropes and charging into Tommy Kelly but he’s soon put down by Kelly’s out-of-nowhere Superman Punch that drops Cage onto the mat.

Dan Simmons: AND THERE’S THE SUPERMAN PUNCH! KELLY COMES BACK UP LIKE A PHOENIX!

Tommy West: I’m sure Kelly has heard that plenty of times in his career but he keeps going like he’s a young lad from the streets of Limerick, Ireland — and it looks like he’s not done just yet as he reaches into the bin and pulls out…

Dan Simmons: HOLY HELL! THAT’S A DAMN PRISON SHANK! THAT’S A PRISON SHANK!

Tommy West: Good god almighty.

There’s a bit of a confused look on the face of Kelly as he examines the prison shank before walking over to— and a hard right hook across the jaw of Kelly knocks him down and knocks the prison shank out of his hand. Kelly looks completely out of it and Cage notices the prison shank left on the ring mat as he grabs a hold of it and looks down onto Kelly. Cage mounts on top of Kelly and begins to bring the shank down onto the forehead of Kelly, making him gush blood profusely. Cage continues to go on with the shank and even beginning to carve in the word ‘CAGE’ into the forehead of Kelly — but he’s only able to make it through the first letter before Kelly pushes him off with as much force as he could and then soon slid out of the ring to escape Cage’s antics. The Rabid Dog wanted to continue and gave chase to Kelly — but as soon as he slid out of the ring, he’s taken down with a HUGE Gowan Lariat from Kelly that turned Cage inside out on the floor. The Jackal begins with the Arm-Trapped Head Stomps down onto Cage to make sure that he wears his own crimson mask much like how Kelly is doing right now. Stomp after stomp from Kelly is being put in and after a while, his wish is granted after one final kick landed down onto the bridge of the nose of Cage — with a large cracking noise that followed — as he began to bleed from his nose. Kelly picked up Cage and dropped him down with a massive Brainbuster down onto the ring apron as he fell back down onto the floor below.

Dan Simmons: Both of these men will go to HELL AND BACK TO MAKE SURE THEY’RE PUT DOWN FOR GOOD!

Tommy West: Everyone expected this to get bloody and gruesome but with the addition of the prison shank and the supposedly broken nose of Nathan Cage? This is going the extra mile.

With both men bleeding from the head area, Kelly throws Cage back inside of the ring and enters the ring himself, but he’s kept on the ground after a huge ‘The Big Fuck You’. Kelly is dragged further inside of the ring and Cage empties the trash can out and places it over Kelly’s head. Cage rebounds off of the ropes again and lands another The Big Fuck You down onto the trash can and Kelly’s head inside of the can. Kelly is shaken up and the blood pouring from his head isn’t helping at all, but he won’t stay down as he throws the trash can off of him and uses it to his own advantage as a weapon, cracking it over the head of Nathan Cage before pulling him in and throwing him to the ground and LOCKING IN REDRUM! REDRUM IS LOCKED IN AND THAT CHOKEHOLD IS LOCKED IN TIGHT AROUND THE NECK OF CAGE! HE’S STRUGGLING TO FIGHT IT! HE’S STRUGGLING TO KEEP HIMSELF IN THIS FIGHT! CAGE IS DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS MIGHT TO BREAK FREE AND PULL THE ARM AWAY— BUT HE BITES INTO KELLY’S ARM! HE’S GOT HIS TEETH DUG DEEP INTO HIS SKIN!

Dan Simmons: Kelly releases the hold and Cage releases his bite down on Kelly’s forearm! That was absolutely insane from Cage to find such a way to break free from the submission but he did just that!

Tommy West: Don’t doubt the limits of how Nathan Cage can — and will — go in order to keep himself running in this match, you forget the kind of man he is.

Kelly brings himself back to his feet as he charges in with a Bicycle Big Boot right to the head of Cage, which leaves him stunned in place, but he’s able to shake it off — and is almost taken down with another Bicycle Big Boot right to the jaw from Kelly. But again, he shakes it off and comes face to face with Kelly. Nose to broken nose. Blood to blood. Cage cocks his head back and clocks Kelly with an unprotected hadbutt to the nose. Cage reaches down and grabs a steel wire from the floor, wrapping it around the neck of Kelly and beginning to choke him out with it, and with those additional headbutts right to the back of Kelly’s head? Cage is beating the shit out of him— but a Stunner from Kelly takes Cage back into the ropes as Kelly brings himself to his feet. Cage charges in and finds himself ducking the arm of Kelly as he went for a Lariat, but Kelly was the one that outsmarted Cage, and came back with a MASSIVE ENZU LARIAT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! TAKING CAGE DOWN OFF OF HIS FEET AND ONTO THE FLOOR BELOW! THERE’S ONLY ONE THING LEFT FOR KELLY TO DO AS HE BEGINS TO CLIMB TO THE TOP ROPE AND DRIVE THE ELBOW DOWN ONTO THE CHEST OF CAGE! NEVERMORE LANDS AND KELLY GOES FOR THE COVER ON CAGE!

ONE!

TW—

Dan Simmons: HOW?! HOW?! HOW DID HE KICK OUT FROM THE ELBOW DROP!?

Tommy West: Very easy— WAIT! CAGE! HE’S GOT KELLY TRAPPED AND INTO THE RINGS OF SATURN! SOLITARY CONFINEMENT! IT’S LOCKED IN! CAGE HAS IT LOCKED IN AND HE’S REACHING FOR THE EYES!

Dan Simmons: THIS ISN’T GOOD FOR KELLY!

The former NLW Heavyweight Champion is being put in for the fight of his life right now but he’s soon able to roll back and to his knees, with Cage on his back and keeping the Rings of Saturn locked in tight— but Kelly is able to adjust Cage on his shoulders and put him into the Fireman’s Carry postio--DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! DROPPED HIM CLEAN ON HIS HEAD! Cage slumped over and Kelly went back up to the top rope to make sure he’s going to go for the clean sweep of Nevermore— CAGE USED BOTH FEET AND KICKED A FALLING KELLY OUT OF THE AIR! Kelly is down onto the mat as Cage goes outside of the ring and reaches for a glass pane that he pulls from under the ring apron, bringing it inside of the ring and using the two chairs from inside of the trash can to balance the pane of glass. Cage grabs Kelly and goes for Death By Cage but Kelly slips free and down the back, looking to land his own Death Becomes You— but Cage somehow turns it around with a Sunset Flip Powerbomb down into the turnbuckles! Cage lifts himself onto the second rope and looks to pull up Kelly into the Piledriver position, looking down onto the sheets of glass down below him and having that sick twisted look in his eyes. But as he looks to stand up from where he is, Kelly slips free and finds himself behind Cage on the second rope, he’s going for the big finish—

Dan Simmons: DEATH BECOMES— NO!

Tommy West: CAGE SLIPS FREE AT THE LAST SECOND! HE’S GOT KELLY TRAPPED UP!

DEATH BY CAAAAAAAAAAAAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Dan Simmons: FROM THE SECOND ROPE AND THROUGH THE PANES OF GLASS! OH MY GOD! HE’S GOING FOR THE COVER!

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

[WINNER: Nathan Cage via Death By Cage at 16:02]

DING! DING! DING!

Marty Watts: Here is your winner… NATHANNNNN FUCKIIIIINGGGGG CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

The sounds of “Gone Guru” are heard echoing through the arena as both Kelly and Cage lay there in a pool of their own blood, and looking at the carnage around them? This was a bloodied war of fists and strikes, rather than just a normal deathmatch of weapons and brutal violence. Cage is the first to emerge from the pile of glass and broken bodies and his hand is raised up high by the referee before he pushes the referee down and stands tall by himself. Keeping that crazed look in his eyes as he leans against the ropes and allows the blood to flow from where he bleeds.

Dan Simmons: Jesus christ, what a damned battle. This was going ninety miles-per-hour and it was just the right amount of ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ that this show needed.

Tommy West: Tommy Kelly had it to the very end but at the last second, one miscalculation caused the ending to be pane-ful.

Dan Simmons: … that pun was dreadful and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Tommy West: Trust me, I already am.

---

We go backstage where Kelly Ross is stood primed and ready, she flashes a smile to the camera before she starts.

Kelly Ross: Ladies and gentlemen, what a show it’s been so far with so much more to come! However I’m delighted to be joined at this time by our next guest, leader of The Academy, Rob Arnold.

Arnold walks in on screen, there’s noticeably no smirk, no cocky glances, nothing. He’s calm…eerily calm given what happened two weeks’ ago at Ascendancy. He nods to Kelly who resumes speaking.

Kelly Ross: Rob, at Ascendancy you were here to see BB Gunn, can you tell us what you discussed?

Arnold raises an eyebrow and does indeed give her a smile, although it is very brief.

Rob Arnold: I had some proposals for BB Gunn that, in my humble opinion would have been a benefit to him, and to NLW, but for now he declined. That’s no problem, Kelly, we all know what’s been going on here, it’s been chaos and as time goes on Gunn will be on the hot seat. When that happens, and if he loses his job because of it he’ll think back to that meeting and feel like that was an opportunity missed.

He shrugs in a nonchalant manner.

Rob Arnold: Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to see Gunn lose his job, I like the guy, but I simply tried to help him, and he turned that away.

Kelly Ross: Things didn’t exactly get any better for you that night either, with the members of E.V.E storming the ring, attacking your charges Leon Chant and Riley Richards, as well as ambushing you when you went to help them.

He stifles a laugh.

Rob Arnold: Kelly, we’ve known each other a while, you can be honest, I got out foxed, I got the shit beat out of me, and all in all The Academy was made to look pretty damn weak for the first time…well, since it’s inception I’d say. It’s what happened, it’s the truth…and I’m okay with that.

Kelly looks a bit surprised at this. This was Rob Arnold, the man who not so long ago would tear down people he considered friends because that’s what suited his goals of the time. Sure, he’s been making better on his attitude but this felt like either a trap or a huge measure of progress. Naturally any sane person, Kelly Ross included, would assume the former.

Rob Arnold: No, honestly Kelly, it’s okay. According to Leon Chant’s opponent tonight, Ricardo Goon, he and David were employed to make my life a misery. It’s unclear if that came from E.V.E. or somebody else, Dylan Black was holding the briefcase, but he could have just been the delivery guy, I get it. The bottom line is this, they came for me and my guys, my friends, and they seemingly got what they wanted. There’s still a load of questions though. Who’s really behind this? Am I really the target? Are E.V.E and The Goons further connected? And I have no answers right now. I could speculate, of course. It could be that despite surpassing some of my achievements, Dylan Black still can’t get out of my shadow and needs to feel better about himself. Or hey, it could be that Darlene Price wants another round with me and now she has backup she may finally get that win. Or maybe now her dad’s suddenly not dead-

Arnold does an over-elaborate act of being shocked.

Rob Arnold: -he’s trying to pull strings and get that elusive win over yours truly. To be honest though Kelly, I don’t know, and honestly I don’t care…I don’t even know or care what E.V.E stands for. Most of them have been hiding in Japan for years and only come over here to carry out co-ordinated attacks when nobody seems to be looking…how very Japanese.

There’s the Rob Arnold we know and love.

Rob Arnold: There is one thing I do know. If what Ric said is even half true, then what happened two weeks’ ago will not be the last time. Given that there’s six of them if you include The Goons, only three of us…we are majorly disadvantaged.

Arnold smirks.

Rob Arnold: So tonight I’m here to tell you that The Academy is expanding. I’ve been out around the country, I’ve been finding new talent to bring to the fold and oh have I picked up some willing participants! They will be joining the party real soon... when the time is right.

He smirks and looks directly at the camera now.

Rob Arnold: E.V.E, Goons, whoever wants one over on Rob Arnold…if any of you idiots think this is over, or think that if you come back for another shot at me that it’s going to go the same way, you’re in for a fucking shock. You’ve fooled me once…now I’m going to kick your heads in…because that’s what I fucking do.

Arnold gives Kelly another nod and walks off.

Kelly Ross: Back to you guys at ringside!

---

Marty Watts: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.. and it is for the NLW Southern States Championship!

The arena goes dark, silence reigning for a brief moment until the intro of "MIDDLE CHILD" by J. Cole begins to play. As the song continues to build up, the lights explode back on right at that magical moment.

"Wrestlers been countin' me out
I'm countin' my bullets, I'm loadin' my clips
I'm writin' down names, I'm makin' a list
I'm checkin' it twice and I'm gettin' 'em hit
The real ones been dyin', the fake ones is lit
The game is off balance, I'm back on my shit"

Standing in the entry way is Chris Sanderson with a hooded sweatshirt on, hood up, as he takes in the positive reaction from the crowd. The second generation talent takes a quick glance at the people on their feet, taking a deep breath as if to brace himself for the match to come.

Marty Watts: Introducing first, the challenger, weighing in at 208 pounds, from Miami, Florida... CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS SAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDEEEERSOOOOOON!

Sanderson begins his walk to the ring, making sure to slap hands that stick over the barricade, headbanging along with the song along with singing along.

"To the OGs, I'm thankin' you now
Was watchin' you when you was pavin' the ground
I copied your cadence, I mirrored your style
I studied the greats, I'm the greatest right now
Fuck if you feel me, you ain't got a choice
Now I ain't do no promo, still made all that noise
This shit gon' be different, I set my intentions
I promise to slap all that hate out your voice"

Chris Sanderson reaches ringside and stops in front of the ring. He tosses his hood back and jumps up to the ring apron before hopping over the ropes. He makes his way to the closest turnbuckle, jumping up and continues to look out at the cheering fans. He hops down and uses the ropes to stretch out with. Chris unzips his jacket and tosses it off to ringside as the song begins to fade away.

Dan Simmons: Chris Sanderson is focused tonight, and he's gonna need every bit of that focus to be successful tonight. He has the edge in experience, but that hasn't translated to success here in NLW. Tonight, he looks to change that against a very game champion in the Thespian.

Tommy West: Sanderson's success hinges on a lot on his end. He needs to evict the champion from his mind so the games can't take hold, and he also needs to make sure that he can properly utilize his size and strength advantages. Theo can be beaten, but he's got to play his cards right!

The lights dim to darkness within the Smoothie King Arena. It hangs ominously on the air for a moment until a singular spotlight flashes to the staging area.

"To Death We Dance" by Peter Gundry begins to play through the speakers as the Southern States Champion stands alone in the spotlight. His shoulder hikes up the belt as it rests over it. As the music plays, he waltzes alone towards the ring with a jaunty step. The hand that does not clutch over the championship gold begins to wave towards the fans in attendance... orchestrating a small symphonia as his fans begin to hum along with the music.

Marty Watts: His opponent and the defending NLW Southern States Champion, weighing in at 195 pounds, from the Theater... THE THEEEEEEEESPIIIIAAAAAAAAAAN!

The man climbs up the steps and slips into the ring through the middle rope as Chris Sanderson watches on. His hand continues to lead the audience along a bit more before swiping it shut. The music and the fans both stop immediately as normal lighting begins to fill the arena once more.

Dan Simmons: To say that the Thespian is an enigma wrapped in a riddle dipped in a candy coating of mystery is an understatement, Tommy... but the mystery is beginning to unravel. Without his interpreter, I think we're going to see more and more of the man behind the mask.

Tommy West: As it is, the Thespian's unusual style and tendency to mimic his opponents in the ring has proven to be a tricky thing to overcome for most of the men and women that he's faced. Add onto that how he's already in the mind of his challenger and Chris Sanderson has one Hell of a challenge to overcome tonight!

The Thespian hands the Southern States Championship to the referee, who folds the straps under the faceplate with care before showing the belt to Chris Sanderson, who nods. The referee then holds the title up to the fans, turning in a slow circle. After the belt is passed to the timekeeper, the referee moves to the middle of the ring before calling for the bell.

---

MATCH FIVE
SOUTHERN STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
The Thespian (C) vs. Chris Sanderson

---

DING! DING! DING!

The bell rings... and both men remain still at first, staring one another down from their respective positions near the center of the ring. Or, at least, one gets the impression that the Thespian is meeting Chris Sanderson's intense gaze through the gauze obscuring his features. This staredown holds strong for a few seconds before Theo tilts his head to one side as if to ask 'Well?', the taunt silent but certainly impactful all the same. Sanderson's answer is to fire off a blistering chop, the crowd letting out a 'WOOOO!' in response as the defending champion stumbles back a little, clutching his chest!

Dan Simmons: And the first shot has been fired by the challenger!

Tommy West:Yeouch! I could feel that all the way over here! That's gonna leave a mark.

The Thespian doesn't leave that unanswered for long, the masked man nailing Sanderson with a European Uppercut that rocks his opponent! Squaring his jaw, Chris connects with a European Uppercut of his own--and Theo responds with one of his own, putting some extra pepper on it! Sanderson answers in kind, earning another from the champion, which gets another from the challenger, which leads to the pair of men laying into one another with European Uppercuts back and forth much to the approval of the crowd!

Dan Simmons: These two are lighting each other up like Christmas trees!

Tommy West: Considering how both men felt like their match was being overlooked by NLW as a whole, I can't blame them for wanting to prove everyone else wrong!

Ultimately, it's Sanderson that takes control of the match, following a particularly strong European Uppercut with another right after it too quickly for Theo to squeeze one in. Chris drives the champion into the corner with blow after blow. With Thespian reeling, Sanderson grabs his arm and whips him as hard as he can into the opposite corner, the ropes shaking with the impact of spine to steel buckles. As the champion staggers out of the corner, back arched, the challenger rushes forward, spinning himself into his Discus Big Boot that takes Theo right off his feet! Sanderson quickly drops down into a cover.

1!

2--The Thespian kicks out immediately after the two-count! Sanderson nods to himself, accepting the outcome easily.

Dan Simmons: Sanderson knew that the Southern States Champion would kick out of that, but there's no denying that there's a psychological edge being sought here. He got the first attack, and now he has the first pinfall attempt.

Tommy West: It's not the first of either of those things that matters, though. What matters is who gets the successful pinfall, and a man as adept at mind games as the Thespian knows that!

Sanderson gets to his feet, but the Thespian is a little sluggish in doing so. Wanting to keep the pressure on the champion, Chris leans down to try to drag his opponent to his feet--but Theo suddenly springs to life, rolling up his challenger in a Small Package!

1!

2!

3--no! Sanderson kicks out right before the three-count! The Thespian's shoulders shake with unheard laughter as a gloved hand raises in front of Chris' displeased face, his thumb and forefinger only a hair apart.

Dan Simmons: One can feel the smirk on the champion's face even if it can't be seen!

Tommy West: And I get the feeling we're about to see it get wiped off the Thespian's face if Sanderson's glower is any indication!

Sanderson is quick to get to his feet, but his haste gives Thespian an opening. He pops Chris with a quick body blow from both sides. Thespian laughs again, then goes for a right-handed slap, but Sanderson ducks Thalia. He blocks the left hand, but Thespian doesn't sigh; it was a feint, and he simply steps into it, sweeping the leg to plant Sanderson with an STO. Thespian then covers again.

1!

2--Sanderson kicks out quickly, frustration starting to mount. Sanderson rolls onto his stomach so he can't be pinned, but Thespian simply moves to his legs, grabbing him in a wheelbarrow lift. Thespian heaves Sanderson up, but before he can plant him, Sanderson folds himself in half and pops his hips, pulling Thespian down in a Victory Roll!

1!

2!

Thespian kicks out at 2.5, and as he rolls away and back up to his feet, Sanderson takes a turn at imitating him, giving an exaggerated laugh while holding up the "so close" sign. Thespian does not visibly react.

Dan Simmons: Chris gives the champion some of his own medicine, but Theo seems unfazed!

Tommy West: At this point, Sanderson needs to give up on the mind games and focus on out-wrestling the Thespian.

The two men circle each other a bit before colliding in another clash of uppercuts. Sanderson nails a couple before Thespian gets one in, but Thespian follows his with a kick to the stomach, doubling Sanderson over for a swinging neckbreaker. Rather than continue the quick exchange of pin attempts, Thespian backs up, stalking Sanderson from across the ring. Sanderson gets up slowly, holding his neck, but when Thespian charges forward, looking for a spear, Sanderson leapfrogs him, leaving Thespian to dive fully through the ropes and out of the ring! Sanderson backs up, leaning on the ropes as he rests, watching the ref count Thespian out.

1!

2!

Dan Simmons: Sanderson getting some respite here, but he can't win the belt on a countout.

Tommy West: I think he knows that, Simmo--watch out!

Sanderson is measuring his opponent, who crawls toward the corner as he begins to stir. Maybe he was hoping that would minimize risk of diving Sandersons, but it doesn't work out for him that way, because just as the ref is about to shout three, Sanderson barrels toward the corner, diving, somersaulting over the ring post, and crashing into Thespian just as he gets his feet under him, sending both men crashing into the corner barricade! The crowd erupts as the ref leans through the ropes to get a better view, seeing whether he has to stop the match. Eventually deciding he doesn't, he leans back and starts counting again.

1!

2!

Dan Simmons: Holy crap! Sanderson is laying it all on the line tonight!

Tommy West: And it looks like it's paid off, but now Chris has got to get the Thespian in the ring!

Both men stir while the crowd and commentators recover from the pop, arms groping for the top of the barricade to pull themselves up. Sanderson finds his feet first.

3!

As Thespian gets vertical, Chris pops off an elbow smash that arches the chapion's back over the barricade.

4!

But Sanderson knows he has to get Theo back into the ring, so while he's stunned, Chris pulls the champ off the barricade and rolls him into the ring.

5!

Sanderson slips under the ropes, breaking the count, but forcing a new one as he goes for yet another cover.

1!

2!

3--Thespian is able to pop his shoulder up right in the nick of time to keep the match going. Sanderson slumps back onto his heels, sides heaving as he gathers himself for a moment.

Dan Simmons: The Thespian is absorbing every ounce of punishment that he's been given!

Tommy West: It doesn't look like Sanderson's about to give up just yet, though. Judging by the look on his face, Chris has something in mind... and that something cannot be good news for the champion!

Indeed it isn't, for Chris is getting to his feet, dragging Thespian up with him. The challenger quickly ducks behind the still-woozy champion, arms locking around Theo's neck and shoulders in a hold reminiscent of the Cobra Clutch before throwing the smaller man back into a suplex--but the Untitled Finale III isn't landing on the mat. Instead, Sanderson is putting his back into it, slamming the back of the Thespian's neck against the bottom turnbuckle! Theo is a heap of a man that Chris has to drag out of the corner a little in order to go for the pinfall attempt, hooking both of the champion's legs!

1!

2!

3--wait, no! The referee stops at 2.9, pointing to the gloved hand that's got hold of the bottom rope! Sanderson swears under his breath, a hand rising to wipe the sweat off his brow.

Dan Simmons: How does the Thespian still have a neck at this point?!

Tommy West: Is it the mask? I mean, if it worked for V from V for Vendetta, then maybe it's made the Southern States Champion turnbuckle-proof!

Sanderson runs a hand through his hair as he stands up. It's hard to think of something more brutal than what he's done, so he starts pulling Thespian up, looking like he's going to go for the Untitled Finale again. This time he faces Thespian toward the corner, intending to throw him across the ring, but Thespian has enough energy to wrap his legs in the ropes, forcing another break. When Sanderson doesn't immediately let go, Thespian writhes and wriggles until his arms are free. He hits a back elbow, turns, and slaps Sanderson with his right hand. Sanderson tries to hit a lariat, but Thespian ducks, then runs the ropes, flipping to do a handspring, hitting the ropes upside down, and rebounding to catch a turning Sanderson with an Ace Crusher!

Dan Simmons: The Thespian has finally picked one of Chris' moves to use against him!

Tommy West: But did Theo get all of it?! It looks like Sanderson's lessened the impact!

Sanderson knows that move well, because it's his, and he flips onto his stomach. As he starts pushing himself up, Thespian stalks him, and as he gets one leg under him, he immediately kicks it out from under him, then runs the ropes again. Sanderson tries to push himself up with the other leg, but by the time he's got it, Thespian is coming back and blasts him with a knee straight under the chin! The parody of the past has been completed, the champion dropping down to cover the challenger, both of Sanderson's legs hooked.

One!

Two!

Three!

[WINNER: The Thespian via Running Knee Strike(?!) at 24:21]

DING DING DING!

Marty Watts: And here is your winner via pinfall, and still the NLW Southern States Champion... THE THESPIAN!

Rolling off of his defeated challenger, the Thespian merely stares up at the lights as "To Death We Dance" hits the sound system, the portion of the crowd that joined the champion in his entrance humming along anew. A gloved hand raises to conduct that group as if by reflex before Theo slowly gets to his feet, the Southern States Championship handed to him. As Sanderson rolls out of the ring dejectedly, the Thespian raises his belt high.

Dan Simmons: Chris Sanderson has nothing to be ashamed of tonight. He pushed the Thespian farther than anyone has since Lazarus Arjen, in my opinion... but Theo has managed to keep hold of the Southern States Championship!

Tommy West: Both of these men left it all in the ring tonight, Simmo--and the crowd is on their feet, showing their appreciation for what they've just witnessed!

---

The day you're incapable of learning a lesson in this industry is the day your career is over, whether you realise it or not. Therefore, thank you Keahi Sparks.

It's night. Bloodied Fox leans back against the arena wall, wreathed in a cloud of fresh vape smoke.

Thank you for teaching me that ego is no true substitute for motivation. Thank you for reminding me that no-one is unbeatable, myself included. Thank you for a punch to the jaw that left me seeing stars, and then seeing what really matters.

He grimaces slightly and adjusts his jaw with a hand.

Okay, maybe not so much that last one, but majority consensus seems to be I deserved it. Anyway, the point of this little segment isn't a mea culpa, but a statement of intent. See, I realise I've become a little too complacent, too willing to go with the flow. If I'm really going to achieve what I know I'm capable of, then I need to call my shots. And if you're going to call a shot, may as well make it the biggest shot of all...

He takes another hit of his vape, fresh smoke billowing as he lets the anticipation build for a moment. As it dissipates, we see his smile.

XHF Supremacy. The X*Crown will be on the line. I will be representing NLW to challenge for it.

He pushes clear of the wall, staring down the camera with a look of steely eyed determination.

Every show until then, I will prove that I deserve that shot. Every show until then, I will learn from the most talented roster on the Network by facing them down in that ring. Every show until then, I will show the X*Crown champion, whoever they may be, that their reign lives on borrowed time.

It's time to go the Next Level, and it's time to bring the X*Crown to its rightful home.

---

The lights in the building go out. The screen shows the official 'The End x MachoDrag' logo, which you can purchase on a t-shirt, 8x10, or large poster,

"Slow we go, slow we rise
Hold the course, the stormy isle."

Lights flash as singular bass note rings out.

"Dark aboard, batter my sails.
Waves are strong, clouds roll in."

A cold mist pours out onto the stage, and two shadowy figures make their way out.

"Steady on, Load your gun.
Steady on, End Will Come."

With the last line, the lights in the building flicker on revealing Mehrunes Smith and Scott Fargo stood on the stage.

Marty Watts: the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the NLW Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, weighing a combined 445lbs, Fargo and Mehrunes Smith...The End!

Mehrunes takes time to look around out at the crowd, as Fargo runs through various boxing combinations before rolling his shoulders and bouncing on the spot. Soon after, both men make their way down to the ring. Mehrunes Smith with a calm aura about him as he saunters toward the ring, whereas his partner, Scott Fargo, marches behind him full of intensity and purpose. Both men make their way into the ring, Fargo rolls straight in and bounces to his feet, as Mehrunes calmly walks up the steps and climbs in between the ropes. Both men regroup in the one corner as they make themselves ready for the match to start.

Dan Simmons: Here comes the first team, The End beat the tilted Cartridges and Sanders and Son to get here, each time they dispatched both teams impressively. 

Tommy West: These are my picks if I'm being totally honest with you, Simmo.

Next out are The New South, flanked by Jolene as "Stay" begins to play. The crowd are totally behind the team, who acknowledge a number of them as they head down the ramp. 

Marty Watts: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 465lbs, Beau Traywick, Waylon Kirk... The New South!

Dan Simmons: And these are my picks, if I had to make a choice. They got past New Money and The Academy, not many teams have that on their rap sheet, partner!

Jolene nods to the team to hit the ring and they slide in. They acknowledge the crowd one more time before heading to their corner.

---

MATCH SIX
NLW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
The End vs The New South

---

All four men stare at each other from their corners, and it’s clear that they are all business. Scott Fargo eventually breaks the stare off and heads to the apron, as does Waylon Kirk, leaving Mehrunes Smith and Beau Traywick start off the match as the bell rings in the background. Smith feigns a lock up and kicks Traywick in the stomach, and then grabs him by the arm and whips him into the ropes. Mehrunes Smith goes for a clothesline, but Traywick ducks and then dropkicks The Terror of the Deep out of the ring. Smith slowly pushes himself up using the apron, as Traywick runs to him and baseball slides him which causes Smith to launch backward until he hits the railing. Traywick doesn’t miss a beat, climbing up to the top rope and looking for some high impact early doors. He flies off the top rope going for a cross body, but Mehrunes Smith is wise to it, he moves out of the way causing Traywick to crash into the railing!

Dan Simmons: Traywick perhaps a little guilty of getting a bit overexcited, understandable given the stakes, but he’s going to feel that. The bigger question is will it cost him?

Ever the opportunist, Mehrunes Smith begins to send boots into the lower back of Traywick, and then picks him up by the hair and then throws him into the steel ring post for good measure! Traywick slumps on the ring apron, holding his head, Smith smiles and takes a moment to cup his ear to the jeering fans at ringside who are less than impressed. He then picks up Traywick and rolls him under the bottom rope, he immediately follows and makes the cover, but he only gets a short two count.

Tommy West: It may be early, but you feel that Beau needs to get out of there sooner rather than later if The New South are going to win this match.

Mehrunes Smith swiftly gets to his feet and puts a boot into Traywick’s chest, “encouraging” him to stay down. The Terror then tags in his partner, Scott Fargo, but he doesn’t depart the ring just yet, however, he holds Beau Traywick up in a full nelson, letting Fargo kick him in the gut not once, not twice, but three times. Satisfied with the damage done, coupled with the referee’s insistence that he leave the ring, Smith finally departs to the apron, letting go of Traywick beforehand and the New South member falls to his knees, holding his stomach. Scott Fargo doesn’t allow him any time to recover either and wraps his arm around the neck of Beau, applying a dragon sleeper. Fargo screams at the referee to ask Traywick if he quits, but Traywick shakes his head almost in an involuntary manner.

Dan Simmons: This match means so much to Beau and Waylon, you know that he’s not going to tap, Fargo will have to make them pass out!

Tommy West: Looking at Fargo’s expression, I think he’s prepared to do that, Simmo.

Tommy West is right, Fargo is locked in and Traywick begins to blink slower…and slower, and Fargo just keeps applying more pressure, he wants this over quickly. Knowing this can’t go on, Waylon Kirk gets off of his corner, and then runs in and plants a kick to the back of Fargo’s head, causing him to release the hold! Mehrunes Smith doesn’t take kindly to this and charges the ring, but Waylon Kirk sees him coming and backdrops him. Smith rolls away towards the corner, holding his back as Kirk motions for him to come back at him. Smith gets up, turns and Kirk looks ready to strike once more, but The Weapon forearms him from behind, he then locks on a reverse front facelock and drives him against the mat with a diving reverse DDT! The match has already started to lose control, the referee is trying to restore order but The End aren’t listening, they start beating down Waylon Kirk with boots, however, Beau Traywick has started to recover and has made his way to the top rope. The End finally look up and see Traywick, but they are too late as he both knocks them down with a double crossbody!

Dan Simmons: I’m not sure if the referee can get these four back into control, you have to feel he’s being lenient as we want a definitive winner tonight!

It’s Beau Traywick’s turn to start unloading, he rains shot after shot on Fargo, before dragging him up to his feet. Beau has him by the back of the head and drives Fargo’s head against the turnbuckle and with some payback in mind from kicks to gut he suffered, he repeats the process two more times! With Fargo subdued, Traywick turns as Mehrunes Smith gets back up to his feet. The Terror runs at Traywick, but he catches Smith and throws him against his tag team partner! Smith bounces back off his partner and turns into a step up enziguri. Smith hits the deck and rolls out of the ring, so Traywick goes back after Fargo, he manhandles him and brings him to the mat with a snapmare, and then he follows this with a dropkick to the upper neck area of The Weapon. Traywick makes the cover, but Fargo kicks out at an early two.

Tommy West: That’s not going to be enough, but it’s amazing how quickly Beau’s got control back here!

Traywick tags in his partner, Waylon Kirk, who has since recovered from the earlier attack from The End and waited very patiently in his corner. Kirk quickly makes his way to Fargo, who is on his knees starting to get up, he plants an axe handle smash in his back to slow him down, before dragging Fargo to his feet and whipping him to the ropes, Fargo comes back and takes a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He doesn’t let up, dragging Fargo back up before hitting a delayed brainbuster!

Dan Simmons: Waylon Kirk has a surprising amount of strength, and he’s showing it off right now!

Kirk makes the cover but Mehrunes Smith is back in and breaks up the pin. Smith doesn’t go back to to his corner though, the referee is back to his feet having seen his count broken and he warns Smith that he’s getting tired of these interferences. Smith argues his case with the referee, but Waylon Kirk opts to ignore this, he lifts Fargo up for a fall away slam, Mehrunes Smith sees his opportunity and pushes the referee out of the way, allowing him to charge and hit Kirk with a slingblade that forces Fargo to land on top of Kirk! Mehrunes Smith rolls out of the ring and goes back to his corner, acting as if he were never in the ring, much to the referee’s annoyance.

Tommy West: The crowd may not like it, but if the referee keeps playing this match this softly, I don’t blame The End in pushing the boundaries!

Fargo rolls off Waylon kirk and tags Smith in, and Mehrunes climbs up to the top rope. Waylon Kirk slowly climbs up to his feet, and Smith flies off the top rope and knocks Waylon Kirk down with a missile dropkick! Smith then crawls over and hooks the leg, but Kirk kicks out at two. Mehrunes brings Kirk back to his feet and plants two punches in Kirk’s face, before a stiff boot to the gut and a spike brainbuster! He covers 1….2…..No!

Dan Simmons: This match has swung back and forth, and right now it’s back in the hands of The End.

Smith transitions into an immediate sleeper hold, looking to grind Kirk down to the point where he passes out, but Kirk is aware of the danger, he forces his way to his feet and plants a string elbow into Smith’s gut, he does it a second time and this breaks the hold. Kirk shakes the cobwebs out and heads to the ropes, he ducks a clothesline and then comes back with a running spinning wheel kick! He tags Traywick back in, who stands primed in the corner as Kirk goes back to Smith, he grabs his legs and catapults him towards Beau, who hits a shotgun dropkick!

Dan Simmons: Whiskey Icarus!

Kirk rolls out of the ring allowing Traywick to cover, 1…2….No! Fargo breaks it up! This time the referee forces The End member to leave the ring, no more shenanigans. Traywick isn’t bothered, and tags Kirk back in, who had quickly returned to his corner following the double team. The New South hit a double suplex on Smith, keeping him cut off from his tag team partner. Kirk heads to the top rope, and looks like he wants to put some serious damage on Smith.

Tommy West: Bullfrog Splash could be incoming here!

West is right, but Kirk doesn’t get the chance to take flight, because Fargo slides along the apron and looks to grab his leg, Kirk kicks him away, but this is enough time and distraction for Mehrunes Smith, who runs at the corner, hops onto the middle turnbuckle and sends Kirk flying with an avalance overhead belly to belly suplex! He makes the cover 1……….2……..SHOULDER UP! Waylon Kirk somehow gets a shoulder up! The Terror from the Deep is visibly baffled at how he could survive that, but this mood is fleeting, and he stands up to put a couple boots in Kirk.

Tommy West: I have to say I echo Smith’s sentiments here…how the hell did he kick out of that?

Dan Simmons: Nobody wants to be the also-rans tonight! It’s going to take something special to put either team away!

Smith goads Waylon Kirk to get back up to his feet. Kirk looks pretty spent and uses the ropes to get himself back to a vertical base. Smith puts a sharp kick to Kirk’s hamstring, smiling like an animal who is toying with its prey. He calls for The Ghettolizer, but Kirk ducks at the last second, meaning Smith takes an air shot and lands on his front. He pops back up but gets a kick to his gut and Waylon Kirk hits a sit out piledriver!

Dan Simmons: Breakthrough for Kirk, he needs to find Beau now though!

Jolene is slamming her hands on the ring apron, encouraging Waylon to find his bearings and get to his corner. The crowd are behind him as well, chanting for the Kirk and The New South. Mehrunes Smith rolls over, holding the back of his neck, and both men start to slowly crawl towards their partners. Smith is first to make the tag, but only a beat later Kirk tags Beau Traywick back in! The crowd erupt and Traywick watches Fargo charge towards the corner, he springboards off the top rope and connects with a diving forearm. He springs back up to see Mehrunes Smith coming at him, he ducks the lariat attempt from Smith, runs to the ropes, and cleans him out with a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Fargo tries to get to his feet but Beau is way too focused and fired up to let him have room to breathe, and he backs him up with forearm after forearm. Fargo pushes Traywick back to get some form of break, but Traywick comes back and hits a tiger feint kick!

Dan Simmons: Beau Traywick is a man on a mission! He wants to bring those titles home!

Fargo is down and Traywick knows immediately what he wants to do next, he steals a match to the corner and climbs up to the top rope. He stands up on the turnbuckle, and then holds his hands up in the air before taking off, nailing Fargo with a guillotine leg drop! Mehrunes Smith is back in the ring again, and looks to stop the pinfall before it can even happen bit Waylon Kirk is back in and hits a slingblade to halt that. Kirk turns to Beau who looks thankful for the intervention and motions him to head to the top rope. Kirk grabs Fargo and hits a side effect, and Traywick hits a shooting star press!

Dan Simmons: Bless Your Heart! This could be the moment!

1….

…..2…..

…………..No! Fargo rolls a shoulder up, much to everybody’s shock!

Tommy West: Scott Fargo is made of something way stronger than most men or women!

Whilst the cover was being made, Waylon Kirk tripped and pulled out of the ring by Mehrunes Smith, who then threw him into the ring steps to nullify him. After the kick out, Beau sees his partner get thrown into the steps, and decides to take some immediate action, and Mehrunes Smith suddenly gets pummelled with a tope suicida! Traywick gets back up and dusts himself down, sliding back in the ring and drags Fargo back to his feet. He whips Fargo but The Weapon reverses, but holds onto Beau’s arm, bringing him back towards him and planting a hard knee into his gut, Traywick drops to his knees and Fargo doesn’t miss a beat, heads to the ropes and plants a running European uppercut on Beau.

Dan Simmons: Shotgun Blast!

He makes the cover.

1….

…..2…..

…………..NO! Kick out! Fargo growls at the referee and implies he wanted a faster count. The referee tells him simply to get on with proceedings and Fargo does just that. He hauls Traywick up and throws him into the corner, and then he thrusts an elbow into his face to compound the misery. He then lifts Beau onto the top rope and begins to scale it.

Tommy West: you know Simmo I have a bad feeling about this, Fargo’s got that look in his eyes like he’s gonna do something extreme…I think he’s going to hit a Deadend Brainbuster off the top!

Fargo hooks Beau’s head and arm in position and starts to position himself. Beau does the only thing he can and uses his free hand to punch the ribs of Fargo, he punches over and over until he gets free and pushes Fargo to the mat. Fargo is down and in position for another shooting star press! The crowd are willing Traywick on, he gets himself set.

Dan Simmons: This could be the moment, this could see The New South win the- hold up!

Mehrunes Smith has got back to the ring apron, and he shoves the leg of Beau Traywick, who falls and bounces off the top ring rope, before crumpling in a heap in the ring.

Dan Simmons: Is…Is Beau okay? Is he moving?

Traywick is moving, barely, not that Smith cares, he’s barking at Fargo to get back up and tag him in. Fargo slowly gets up and does so, Smith goes to the top rope and waits for Fargo to collect Traywick. Fargo hits a backstabber, holding the position and Smith immediately takes off with a shooting star.

Tommy West: Blacksky Eye!

Smith makes the cover, Waylon Kirk is back on the apron but Fargo sees him and runs at him, a superman punch stops Kirk from getting back in…

1…..

…2…..

…..3!!

[WINNERS: The End Via Blacksky Eye at 21:33]

Marty Watts: Here are your winners, and NEEEW NLW Tag Team Champions...The End!

The crowd are deflated, stunned by the level of violence and the extent Fargo and Smith were willing to go to.

Dan Simmons: They did it...they had to usea number of questionable tactics, but The End are the first NLW Tag Team Champions!

Tommy West: I told you these guys were gonna do it, and I'll tell you now, it'll take a lot to get the belts off them now they gott'em!

The referee hands the brand new titles to Smith and Fargo, who both acknowledge their victory with sinister grins. They slowly raise the titles aloft to a chorus of boos, and we go to commercial break.

---

XTREME X*MAS: OH VIOLENT NIGHT

Date: December 28th, 2021

---

The intro drums for “Nautilus” by Raekwon bumps out of the speakers, the sound of a gun having its hammer pulled back and the beat drops.

Mur-mur-mur=scratch=Murder you (check your thirty)
Mur-mur-mur=scratch=Murder you (check your thirty)
We're gonna murder you
Bring the head, leave the body

Marty Watts: The following contest is our main event and is for the NLW Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, from The Greatest City IN THE WORLD...NEW YORK CITY, weighing in at two hundred twenty-five pounds, he is the winner of the NLW G1 tournament… RICARDO GOON!!

Bring the head, leave the body
So much bread in a *****'s shoebox

Ricardo makes his way out of the tunnel as Raekwon flows over the smooth beat, Ric mean mugs the camera as he hits the stage his head slightly bouncing swaying back as he's full of confidence he walks towards the ring with a New York swagger, half way down the ramp he stops and sprays his "gun" towards the ring before he continues on sliding his way between the top and middle ropes. As Raekwon spits "Diss mines? We gon' have a big problem" Ric points down at the ring screaming this is his then attackers the top rope biting it and looking out into the crowd all crazy eyed, slowly from left to right till his music fades.

Tommy West: Ricardo Goon went through the gauntlet to gain this title shot.

Dan Simmons: He went through some tough wrestlers like El Rey, Big Bone, and Adam Sanders in the group stages. It all ended when he faced MYOJIN in the finals and came out on top. Now he is here to claim his prize: the NLW Heavyweight Title.

"Oh hell yes! I'm a nervous wreck!"

Leon Chant marches out onto the stage as "West Coast Smoker" plays on the PA. He takes a brief moment to look around before heading to the ring, despite the cheers, his face is all business as he walks up the ring steps and through the second rope into the ring. He heads to the far corner and climbs to the second rope to slowly raise both arms aloft, prompting more cheers from the crowd. Slowly, he hops back down and heads to his corner, ready for the match to begin.

Marty Watts: And his opponent, from Bournemouth, England, weighing in at two hundred eighty-five pounds, he is the NLW Heavyweight Champion… LEON CHANT!!

Dan Simmons: The two-time Heavyweight Champion of our company, Leon Chant, ready to face one of his toughest opponents yet.

Tommy West: I can’t think of a better match-up to headline Homecoming more than these two going at it.

---

MAIN EVENT
MATCH SEVEN
NLW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Leon Chant (c) vs Ricardo Goon

---

The referee holds the NLW Heavyweight Championship in the air before calling for the bell, to remind everyone in the Smoothie King Center just what’s on the line.

DING DING DING

Leon Chant and Ricardo Goon start circling each other, measuring the other one up. Goon reaches out to try to grab the champion, but Leon easily redirects Goon to the ropes. Once Goon rebounds, he is dropped with a booming clothesline.

Tommy West: The pure POWER of Leon Chant!

Dan Simmons: Pound for pound, one of the strongest men in the Network.

As soon as Ricardo Goon got back to his feet, he is tossed over Chant’s head with ease and straight to the outside of the ring. And once Goon was back to his feet, Chant reaches over the ring ropes to try to grab him by the head. But with the referee’s viewing angle, Ricardo Goon decides he needs to do something to get Chant off his game: raking the eyes on the NLW Heavyweight Champion.

Dan Simmons: What a cheap shot by Ricardo Goon! And the fans are booing that move.

Tommy West: They’re gonna have to get accustomed to that. We both know it won’t be the last.

To hide what he did, Goon pulls Leon Chant’s head down into the top rope, causing the big man to drop to the mat. Goon slips back into the ring and hooks the leg.

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

Leon Chant gets the shoulder up. Goon whips Chant into the ropes as soon as both men are to their feet. Upon Chant’s arrival back to Goon, Goon lifts the big man up and slams him into the mat with a powerslam that shakes the ring.

Tommy West: What a powerslam by Ricardo Goon! That took some power right there!

Dan Simmons: Two of the most physical specimens in the NLW locker room! Cover by Ricardo again!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

Ricardo Goon lifts Leon Chant to his feet once more and suddenly takes a huge uppercut from the champion. While Goon was stunned for a moment by the strike, Chant bounces off the ropes and delivers a huge big boot to the face that gets everyone in New Orleans on their feet. Cover by Chant!

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

Dan Simmons: And Ricardo Goon just gets the shoulder up! But what a boot by Leon Chant!!

Tommy West: Momentum has shifted, that’s for sure.

Leon Chant lets out a roar to let everyone in the building know he means business. He lifts Goon up before powerslamming the G1 Winner with a running start.

Tommy West: Well now both of them have hit powerslams. Anyone have that on their Homecoming Bingo card?

Leon Chant follows that up with a discus lariat, prompting cheers from everyone. The champion makes the cover to try to retain.

ONE!!

TWO!!

NO!!

Still only a two count for the champion. Leon Chant was obviously the first one to his feet before looking around at all the fans in the Smoothie King Center before realizing it was time for him to go for the killshot. To try to put away the challenger, Leon Chant slams Ricardo Goon into the mat with his finishing pop up powerbomb. Leon Chant hooks the leg to keep his championship reign.

…

…

…

There’s no count?!

Dan Simmons: Oh no…

Tommy West: Oh look, David Goon is here!

Dan Simmons: This is disgusting! David Goon just attacked that official so he could keep Ricardo Goon in this match! The crowd just counted to three so Leon should have won this match right here.

Tommy West: The crowd can count all they want. It doesn’t count.

Leon Chant gets back to his feet to see what’s going on but is struck with a superkick from David Goon. The boos keep coming down on the Goons as both Goons drop Leon Chant with their tag team signature Protect Ya Neck, with David hitting a Yakuza kick and Ricardo hitting a dragon suplex. Leon Chant crumbles to the mat as every person in the Smoothie King Center is on their feet to shout their displeasure at what was happening in the ring. The boos turn to cheers as another person has appeared behind the curtain.

Dan Simmons: It’s Riley Richards!!

Tommy West: Isn’t he hurt?

Dan Simmons: I’m guessing that’s why he’s not exactly sprinting to the ring.

Riley climbs the steps to the ring with both Goons looking at him menacingly. He looks at both of them from the apron of the ring, knowing he is very far from one hundred percent, but prepared to do whatever it takes to protect his friend and partner from further harm and being, quite frankly, screwed out of his championship. And while Riley wasn’t able to jump into the ring and start taking down both Goons, his presence did accomplish something…

Dan Simmons: Leon Chant with a clothesline to David Goon’s back! And now a German suplex onto Ricardo Goon!!

Tommy West: Hey!! Riley Richards acted as a distraction!!

David Goon stumbles into the corner and falls to the mat when Leon Chant charges and hits a running big splash. And the moment Leon Chant turns around…

Tommy West: And down. Goes. CHANT!

Dan Simmons: A cheap shot by Ricardo Goon, hitting Leon with that low blow!!

Tommy West: I think Riley has decided he’s seen enough!

Riley slingshots into the ring with a flying forearm onto Ricardo Goon… but he doesn’t appear to be enjoying his landing back onto the mat. In fact, despite being the recipient of the move, Ricardo Goon was back up before Riley was even able to get to his knees. David Goon wasn’t far behind his brother. Their eyes weren’t on Chant but on Richards…

Dan Simmons: Oh no… don’t do it…

Tommy West: Hey, Riley is the one who got involved in this match!

Dan Simmons: What did you expect him to do while David Goon was interfering in this match?!

Tommy West: I expect him to realize there are consequences to his actions. He got in this ring with the Goons; he needs to realize that means Goons might do something bad to him.

Both Goons yank Riley to his feet, before lifting him in the air and dropping him on his hurt back. A few stomps later, the Goons lift Richards in the air and toss him out of the ring, the wounded competitor crashing onto the barricade, clearly in pain from previous and new injuries. Leon Chant fights back to his feet and sends David Goon to the outside with a huge forearm, but his actual opponent hits yet another low blow on the champion.

Dan Simmons: This has gone too far!!

Tommy West: I’ve gotta admit, Leon is fighting pretty hard considering his circumstances. But this is gonna be too much at this point.

With the referee starting to stir a bit in the corner of the ring, Ricardo Goon decides to put an exclamation point on the evening the best way he could… flooring the fan favorite champion in the center of the ring with the FU.D.T. David Goon nurses the referee back from the outside as Ricardo Goon gets the cover for the title…

ONE!!

TWO!!

Please, Leon… please!!

…

…

…

THREE!!

Dan Simmons: This can’t be happening…

Tommy West: It’s happened!

DING DING DING!!

Bring the head, leave the body
So much bread in a *****'s shoebox

Marty Watts: Here is your winner… AND THE NEW NLW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… RICARDO GOON!!

David Goon rolls into the ring with his brother’s new belt as everyone in the entire Smoothie King center boos the new champion. But it doesn’t matter to Ricardo Goon. Every single person yelling their venomous insults simply made the moment even sweeter to the new NLW Heavyweight Champion.

[Winner and NEW NLW Heavyweight Champion: Ricardo Goon via F.U.DT and some interference at 17:21]

Dan Simmons: They stole this. The Goons stole this championship from Leon Chant and it’s… this is just… I’m at a loss for words.

Tommy West: I think the medical team is gonna need to take a look at Riley Richards.

Dan Simmons: I think you’re right. This is just… I’m not sure I’m going to be able to sign off.

Tommy West: Yeah, I got this. Thank you all so much for watching NLW Homecoming II. I’m Tommy West with Dan Simmons. We crowned a new champion tonight and had a lot of great action. We’ll see you in two weeks for the next NLW Ascendency Twenty-Six. Until then, good night and be safe!

The cameras remain on Ricardo Goon in the center of the ring, holding up his new championship belt in the air until the show fades to black.

---

[Kris]

And the show is LIVE!