Thursday Night Inferno #14 [December 2nd]
Dec 3, 2021 18:14:13 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and Kris like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Dec 3, 2021 18:14:13 GMT -5
The lights went down in the Hearth, and then flared back to life an angry sullen red as the pyros hit, lighting the fire tonight in a dastardly manner. Donzig stalked from the back, draped in his long leather coat with his hood up over his masked face. He climbed the stairs, glaring at the fans before he stepped between the ropes with a shake of his head. A hand waved for a mic, and then he shrugged before he pulled the mask off before his cold eyes narrowed.
Donzig: And here we go.
The fans booed, and Donzig lifted a hand as he shrugged.
Donzig: Vodka Fizz! I know you’re back there, and my time is valuable! So get down here!
The fans cheered as Fizz emerged from the back, clearly angry as he was surrounded by black clad security. He wasted no time trying to get past them, but they rolled inside the ring desperate to stay between the pair. Donzig laughed, licking his lips before he amused himself by waving a hand which made the security guards move back quickly.
Donzig: You have been roaming around the entire Network, pissing and moaning because of what happened on the last show. The mighty Vodka Fizz reduced to mewling about how I sent my--
A pause.
Donzig: --henchmen? Lackeys? What did you call them ‘goons?’ Let’s call them goons to teach you a lesson. But you failed to learn it didn’t you? But it is the season, so at Xtreme Xmas? Oh, Violent Night? I am going to tend to you personally.
Donzig hissed, shrugging as the fans booed before he glared at them. A hand lifting to drag through his beard, and he frowned.
Donzig: And maybe just maybe I will leave enough of you for Spike, or at least for Felix and I to take your precious Spark-
Donzig's mic cuts out, and Vodka raises his own microphone.
Vodka: Great speech, Donnie! Real great. Nobody gives a shit, obviously, but hey. You tried. Good effort. Sorry to cut you off, but we don't wanna lose TOO many viewers now.
Donzig looks furious and shouts at the ringside crew for a new mic.
Vodka: Now Donnie Boy. Oh, Donnie Boy. You're out here to call me out for bitching and moaning about the shit your toadies pulled? And then you're gonna offer up a match that's already signed like it's siome kind of punishment? Maybe some kind of consolation prize?
Vodka begins making his way down toward ringside.
Vodka: I'm already set to walk into a dragon's den, Donzig. You think I'm afraid to face you? You already know I think you're a bitch, I think I've been pretty clear about that. What do you thing, fans?
The crowd roars in support of Vodka, who looks smug.
Vodka: You don't have any power here, Donzig. You certainly don't have any power over me. You might be able to fool some of those other schmucks in the XHF universe, but right here? Right now? Do your worse, sunshine. I'm not afraid of you.
Vodka reaches ringside, climbing up on the apron.
Vodka: Keep an eye on me real close, Donnie, cause this next part is important.
Donzig gets in Vodka's face, who continues to grin at him despite the angry look on Donzig's face.
Vodka: You're so fixated on teaching me a lesson that you haven't even figured out the joke yet.
Vodka takes off his hat and glasses, revealing that the man on the apron is not, in fact, Vodka Fizz. At the same time, Donzig is grabbed from behind, spun around, and blasted in the head with a chair by someone who appears to be one of the security guards, who pulls back his hood to reveal that it is Vodka Fizz, wearing a wireless headset. He blasts Donzig again with the chair, then drops it in the center of the ring before hooking up Donzig and nailing a Mind Eraser on the mangled chair. Vodka grabs the chair and bails out of the ring before security can intervene, brandishing the bent equalizer as a means to fight off any would-be attackers.
Vodka: The difference between you and me is that I didn't need someone to do that for me. Now if you think you can prove the same, I have a novel suggestion. How bout we take your goons out of the equation, and we make our special one-on-one a Hell in the Cell match? I understand if you need some time to think about it.
Vodka disappears into the crowd as Donzig is helped back to his feet.
Wright: Donzig's supposed to be fighting Felix next in that Bad Blood Match!
Park: The SPARK champion just sent a hell of a statement ahead of it! What a way to kick off Inferno!
Walter Stanford: Tonight’s opening contest is scheduled for BAAAAAD BLOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!
The crowd cheers at the announcement!
Wright: FIRESIDE’s first Bad Blood match ever takes place between Felix and the End of Days runner-up, Donzig!
Park: Donzig ruined Felix’s SPARK championship match, and now has a chance to get into the match at BANG! The Night Away!
Wright: Man, Caff’s gotta be pissed that won!
Stanford: Introducing first, from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 250 pounds, he is FEEEELIIIIIXXXX!
The lights go out as Felix's music, The Pledge of the Demon, starts up... leaving the stage completely black. As his music picks up a spotlight shines down onto Felix, who is facing away from the ring so the camera can focus on the intricate tattoo of a wolf in the Oriental style emblazed across his back. He turns as the camera moves back, a string of Buddist Mala Beads around his neck, his eyes focusing on the ring as spotlights roam over the crowd. He heads down the ramp, the spotlight following him, bowing his head to any of his fans that have signs or are kids on the way down to the ring. As he arrives at ringside his eyes snap back to his opponent, keeping locked on them as he gets into the ring. He gives them a short bow, the Classic Palm to Fist before settling into his fighting stance as the lights return to normal.
Wright: The Warrior is getting ready to do battle tonight, this close to capturing the SPARK Championship before Donzig and his goons jumped in the mix.
Park: These two fought at an NLW show and were originally booked for Cruiserfest, it is not a well-kept secret that these two have heat. But can Felix tap into the spiritual needs he needs to get to to take home the victory?
Stanford: And his opponent, weighing in at 215 pounds, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, he is already in the ring, he's DONZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGG!
Donzig is still wearing his skull mask with his hood up. He pauses, glaring out across the crowd as he gets back up from the Mind Eraser and assault from Vodka Fizz before reaching up to shove his hood back. Then he takes off the mask, and shakes his head at the fans with a scowl before he leans back in his corner. Arms resting on the ropes while waiting for the match to start.
Wright: The End of Days runner-up and his goons jumped Felix, but tonight I have a feeling he’s on his own, especially after that beatdown from Vodka Fizz!
Park: I wouldn’t want to be associated with him normally, but especially not tonight. Donzig has some sins to pay for here, but this should just be a fight, plain and simple, and Donzig's gotta be fired up after getting a taste of his own medicine just a few moments ago!
The bell rings and the match is on with both competitors passing up the opportunity to circle up and grapple in exchange for a good ol’ trading of fisticuffs. The two are already intensely striking each other with hard blows, Donzig firing off elbows while Felix goes for tiger palm strikes to his body. Felix eventually gets the upper hand by firing off a few blows into his opponent’s sternum and then sending him bouncing off the ropes, but Donzig takes the momentum on the way back by getting vertical and driving his knee into Felix’s skull!
Wright: A brutal knee strike from Donzig! One hit like that could be the end of a match like this!
Park: Once a competitor bleeds, it’s over! Strike hard to the face and often, you may just bust someone open like a pinata!
The crowd boos loudly as Donzig takes advantage of his opponent’s position and moves to a position similar to a Lou Thesz press, firing off lefts and rights in an attempt to get the match over with and to inflict as much punishment on Felix as possible. The Tactician manages to shove Donzig off of him and slide back up to his feet, stopping the lighter man dead in his tracks with a brutal knife-edge chop that echoes throughout the Hearth!
Wright: I felt that one!
Park: Felix’s looking to make Donzig’s body red in a different way here!
Donzig almost falls over but Felix catches him from heading the mat, instead choosing to send him into the turnbuckles. Felix rears back his hand and fires off on another knife-edge chop, already turning Donzig’s a new shade of red before firing off another. The crowd reacts to each chop as finally Donzig falls to the mat and quickly rolls out of the ring to recover, desperately clutching his chest and coughing on the outside.
Wright: Chops like that will stop your heart!
Park: I’m not sure that’s medically true, but damn do they look like hurt! He successfully avoided that turning into a Hagakure situation though!
Felix looks at Donzig on the outside and makes a bold decision to build up a full head of steam as Donzig comes around, before launching himself over the ropes with a flying knee, only to be caught by the Nihilistic Psychopath! Donzig has a large grin on his face before driving Felix through the barricade with a spinebuster!
Wright: An arena-shaking spinebuster there from Donzig!
Park: REIGN’s biggest star isn’t going home empty-handed tonight! Big move, taking back the match!
Referee Melanie Davenport is powerless to stop the match or even begin a countout as both competitors are down on the outside after the big move, now in the presence of a bunch of masked-up, screaming fans who are booing Donzig as he finally gets back into an upright position. Donzig has words for them, taunting them as he forcibly removes a chair from one of their backsides and swings it hard across the back of Felix.
Wright: Just a brutal shot there!
Park: These two took shot after shot at one another, and might be about to do it again at the end of the year if Donzig gets his way!
Donzig goes to rear back the chair again after taunting the crowd, but Felix manages to get his feet up to kick the man backwards, giving him just enough distance to be able to roll away from the next chairshot attempt. Donzig swings again, but this time Felix catches him with a drop toe hold, before locking him into a LeBell lock on the floor of the Hearth!
Wright: LeBell lock! Felix brought down Donzig onto the chair and is immediately taking control here!
Park: The ref should check Donzig’s chin for blood if he gets the chance, he might’ve gotten cut open on the drop there!
Felix reels back on the hold as the Philadelphia crowd cheers for their preferred Pennsylvanian. He screams at Donzig with raw, primal screams, trying to center himself on the proper spirits needed to guide him to victory. Meanwhile, Donzig screams, mostly because this hold hurts like hell. Donzig looks around for an escape route, but there are no ropes on the outside of the ring and there’s no goons tonight to help him out of this situation.
Wright: Felix has Donzig trapped nice and tight!
Park: If Donzig passes out in this hold, all Felix has to do from that point is cut him open!
Felix is feeling the crowd’s approval as he rears back on the hold again, but credit where credit is due, the power of hatred is driving Donzig forward as he crawls with the bigger man on top of him, eventually getting his hands on a souvenir SPARK championship, blindly flailing and whipping Felix with the strap!
Wright: Donzig’s finding a way to get out of this!
Park: I’ve seen those titles at the merch tables, those are the nice ones!
Wright: Two men fighting over a SPARK championship opportunity with a literal replica of the title!
Donzig whips Felix again and a third time before Felix finally releases the hold. The fan comes and takes their souvenir back as the crowd boos Donzig finding his way out of the tricky situation. Both wrestlers are down, and you can see the welts Donzig has inflicted on Felix and the handprints Felix has created on Donzig’s torso.
Wright: Battle scars a plenty here in tonight’s opening match but no blood just yet!
Park: Whoever bleeds first loses!
As Donzig makes it back up to his feet, he reels back in pain as he coughs into his hand. He looks into his hand and his eyes light up, realizing what’s in his hand now is actually bits of blood. He slyly wipes his hand on the back of a fan’s chair, doing his best to avoid the referee’s line of sight and to keep himself in the match.
Wright: Hey hey hey! I saw that!
Park: Felix has caused some internal bleeding, but the ref has not seen it!
Some of the fans in that section, in addition to being grossed out, try to flag down the referee and let her know what’s happening, but before they can do so Donzig has picked up Felix, and is looking to put him away with the 25:17!
Wright: If Donzig can turn Felix around and drive his face onto the floor, that’ll open him up like a stuffed pig!
Park: This could be it here!
Felix shoves Donzig away, causing him to slam crotch-first into one of the arena’s handrails! Donzig collapses in a heap!
Wright: BONG! Did you hear that impact?
Park: No, but even I felt that one!
The Warrior returns to his feet and gives Donzig a stiff kick to the back for good measure as the crowd rallies behind him. Donzig ends up curling up into a kneeling position, allowing Felix to strike with another, and then a third, before spinning and delivering a brutal heel kick to his face as well!
Wright: Naginata! Is that it?
Park: Check him for blood, ref!
The referee intervenes between the two men as Felix leans against the guardrail, almost satisfied by his work as he waits for the referee to declare him the winner. Surprisingly, Donzig has survived the assault of kicks and still isn’t bleeding! Felix digs down deep, doing his best to stay in tune with himself as he lifts Donzig back up to his feet, preparing to put him away with the Uchi-Sute!
Wright: We’ve seen this combo before, if Felix hits this, it’ll be a bloody ending to Donzig’s SPARK championship hopes!
Park: Here we go!
Felix starts with a left elbow smash -- then backs up for the refere to check, but no blood -- then another elbow smash, but still no blood! He grabs Donzig’s head and fires off a cravat knee strike, then another, but still nothing! Donzig shoves him back, where he accidentally bangs into the referee, but he’s still going! Finally, he rears back for a Bicycle Knee Strike, only to be sprayed in the face with Red Mist!
Wright: Uchi-NO! Donzig just blinded him with that mist!
Park: Usually that’s black mist, what the hell?
Donzig follows it up by kicking Felix below the belt, drawing criticism from the crowd, before grabbing him and planting him on the arena floor with his version of a stunner!
Wright: Event Horizon! Event Horizon!
Park: Felix might be out here, but Donzig still hasn’t drawn blood!
The referee takes one look at Felix and calls for the bell!
Wright: Why’d the ref call for the-- NO!
Park: Holy shit! She thinks that’s blood!
Wright: Felix isn’t immediately conscious enough to retort!
Stanford: Here’s your winner, DONZIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGG!
Donzig looks up and immediately has the biggest smile, before realizing he needs to conceal his lips as the mist has stained his teeth. He raises his arm in victory, screaming over the fans who try to protest.
Wright: Damnit! Felix didn’t even bleed!
Park: He might bleed in the rematch, though! With this win, tainted as it is, Donzig now gets into the SPARK Championship match at Good Riddance! We’ll find out later tonight if it’s a triple threat featuring the man he also assaulted, Vodka Fizz!
Wright: That bastard always has a plan!
Gavin Drake takes a drag from his cigarette, exhaling a cloud of smoke before he flicks it away. A pause, and he lifts his flask to take a swig from it before he tucks it back inside of his jacket. And then he shrugs broad shoulders, turning to frown at the camera before he speaks.
Drake: The powers that be want me to come out here and what? Grovel for some votes? Ask these fans to give me some support? Is that it? Well, fuck that. I am Gavin Drake, yeah? Blood of Kings! And I don't have any interest in asking you people for anything!
Drake scowled, and he lifted a hand to rake through his hair. And then he shook his head, looking away as he muttered.
Drake: I tried for so long to try and earn your respect! To try and get you all on my side, but no! You all turned your back on me, you didn't see me! You only looked at my past, and judged me! That is all you fans want to do, is sit there and judge! Well, I don't need you! I never needed you! So you can sit there and look down at me, yeah? But the fact is? I don't give a flying fuck if you vote for me or not!
Drake fumed, his eyes narrowing as he glared at the camera. And he slammed a fist to his chest, and pointed angrily down the alley as he leaned forward.
Drake: I don't want your support, I don't want scraps from your table! I am Gavin Drake, yeah? And I will take what I want! I don't need to have this little pity party, popularity contest shit, yeah? You're all taking the piss if you think I am gonna stand here and ask you to vote for me! Seriously? Last week, last week! I was within a breath of beating MYOJIN! And they expect me, me! To beg you people for votes?
Drake shook his head, snorting before he turned to walk down the narrow alley. And he jerked open the door, laughing to himself before he looked back.
Drake: I don't need you people anymore. Remember what I bloody said, I am taking what I want from now on.
He disappeared inside, the door slamming shut behind him.
Walter Stanford: Tonight’s opening contest is scheduled for One Fall, and is the One Night with Blobby’s Mom: Waterbed Match for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships!
The crowd cheers for the tag team title match!
Wright: Bear O’Dactyl finally get their chance to shine against BANG Hermanos!
Park: Kanyon and El Combatiente have had a death grip on the titles, is tonight the night they finally lose the gold?
Wright: Let’s find out!
Stanford: Introducing first, the challengers… weighing 375 pounds, they are the team of Bear O’Dactyl, UNION JAAAAAAAACK and PEQUENOOOOOO DINOSAUUUUUUUURIOOOOOOOOOO!
As the ring announcer finishes up, a booming voice from nowhere fills the arena, like an excited chihuahua with no social filter, the unseen speaker tries to sound tough despite the like a childlike inflection to his voice.
Lil MC: Yo! Yo! Yo! You 'bout to witness a Mother Fucking Origin Story, let's go!
The house light's dim as 'The Motherfucking Pterodactyl' by Sarah Donner and The Oatmeal starts to play. Fans, especially the younger ones, begin clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song. Spotlights pan across the crowd and strobe lights fill the arena.
He is the Motherfucking Pterodactyl
Here to
Ptear you a nnnnnneeeeewww... asshole
The spotlights settle on the stage as Union Jack and Pequeño Dinosaurio burst through the curtain to an explosion of green, blue and red pyro. They walk down to the ring together, then get ready to fight on the unusual ring surface.
Wright: Is FIRESIDE’s newest tag team ready for the fight tonight with Kanyon and Combatiente?
Park: Honestly, not sure, but they’re gonna try their hardest. Dinosaurio came up short not too long ago in that match against Kanyon to pick the stipulation, and now there’s a waterbed match because of it.
Wright: This team won the Open Door Policy match against the Boarding Party to get here, let’s see how they do tonight.
Stanford: Introducing their opponents… they are the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, weighing 489 pounds, the team of Curtis Kanyon and El Combatiente, El BANG! HERMANOOOOOOSSSSSSS!
A DJ Marshmello crafted mash up of The Game’s “One Blood” and Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" plays over the PA as Curtis and El Combatiente emerge from the entryway wearing their Fireside tag team titles. Curtis also has a sledgehammer over one shoulder. El Combatiente's manager Javier follows shortly behind them. They look around soaking up their surroundings. Curtis hoists his hammer into the air. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Curtis and Javier slowly walk to ringside and chat. El Combatiente stretches in the ring preparing for the match to begin as Curtis climbs a turnbuckle and points to the crowd with his hammer, then hoists it straight up into the air and yells "BANG!"
Wright: You can see Kanyon smiling ear-to-ear as it was announced earlier today on the XHF website that Good Riddance 2021’s official subtitle is BANG! The Night Away!
Park: He got what he wanted there, but will he get what he wants in the form of a title defense tonight? Is he potentially overlooking Bear O’Dactyl as he looks to get back the tag team championships? And what about Caffrey on the horizon?
Wright: One problem at a time, UnJoo!
The bell rings! The two teams are paired up and ready to go, the match evidently being wrestled under tornado tag rules with the ring mat having been replaced with what is quite literally maybe the largest water bed left in the state of Pennsylvania. The bell rings and the two teams immediately go at one another, or at least try to, but wrestling on a waterbed is damn near impossible without tripping and falling as you try to sustain your balance, something that happens in one way or another to Kanyon, Jack, and Dinosaurio. Surprisingly still on his feet is the more nimble El Combatiente, who not only gets himself across the ring with relative ease, but also takes down Union Jack with a hurricanrana, sending him into the ropes. He follows up by moving to bounce off the ropes and hit a tiger feint kick, but he loses his balance and is well met by an enziguri from a falling Dinosaurio. Before Dinosaurio can brag too much though, Kanyon grabs him and wraps him in a bearhug, a move he can hit without worrying as much about his utter lack of balance.
Wright: This is a cluster!
Park: It was a funny joke when we heard about it, but trying to wrestle on Philadelphia's second-to-last waterbed is proving to be a challenge in its own!
Wright: The less movement, the better it seems!
The former President of the United States keeps the hold applied, doing his best to either break the young cruiserweight’s back or to choke him out with the bearhug. As Dinosaurio reaches out for the ropes, one has to question if a ropebreak is even a thing in such a match as this, but before too much damage can be done, Union Jack comes moving forward with a falling clothesline, knocking his partner free from the grips of the champion. Jack even manages to spot an incoming Combatiente, trying to get him up for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, but the move becomes more of a powerslam as neither man is able to keep their footing. The impact brings up an interesting question in the mind of lead commentator Oliver Wright.
Wright: Hey UnJoo… what happens if this thing breaks?
Park: Uh… I have no idea, but with slams like that, we might be close!
The two teams continue to battle as Union Jack figures out that he can use the ropes to pull himself back up and sturdy himself without worrying too much about the ever-shifting conditions of the waterbed. El Combatiente comes at him again, but this time Jack goes low, sending him over the ropes and crashing down to the outside! Jack puts an arm up in celebration and draws in a few cheers from the crowd, only to be met by a vicious headbutt from the president that knocks him over the ropes and down to the floor. Dinosaurio gets in on the action by using the ever-shifting momentum of a running dropkick to floor Kanyon as well, before looking at the ropes and deciding that a springboard may be in play! He readies himself as the opposition and his tag team partner start to get up and slowly conglomerate on the outside before jumping over the ropes and crashing down with a flying clothesline, bringing down the whole match on the outside of the ring!
Wright: Don’t have to worry about the waterbed inside the ring if you’re leaping out like that!
Park: The challengers have the momentum here! Could we be looking at new champions?
Dinosaurio is the first one back to his feet as he gestures for the crowd, and before long he grabs El Combatiente and sends him headfirst back into the ring. He climbs up the ropes and looks to springboard back into the ring, but this time Kanyon grabs his leg and pulls him backward, causing the challenger to slam his face onto the apron and begin to bleed from the impact!
Wright: That might be a broken nose for Pequeno there! Look at the nasty way his head just bounced off of that apron!
Park: If only Felix could have produced something like that, would have saved us all another Donzig match at Good Riddance!
To say that the blood pisses off Dinosaurio’s partner is a bit of an understatement as Union Jack immediately grabs the tagteam champion, trapping his arms before executing on a hard-hitting double-arm suplex right on the floor! The crowd cheers as Jack sets up Kanyon against the steel steps and takes a few steps back, but not before spreading Kanyon’s legs, setting up for a modified Picnic Basket!
Wright: Union Jack’s about to make sure we don’t have a Kanyon Jr. as president!
Park: Keep your voice down! If Mongo hears you, he’ll encourage Kanyon to run again!
Union Jack winds back and charges forward to execute his version of the Shattered Dreams, only to be caught by a suicide dive from Kanyon’s partner! El Combatiente rolls back to his feet as the BANG Bros section of the crowd cheers and the rest of the crowd boos. Combatiente grabs Jack and sends him back into the ring, doing his best to kick Dinosaurio while he’s still down and bleeding on the outside. Medics are doing their best in looking at Dinosaurio’s nose, the blood clear as it’s dripping down his face and out through the bottom of his mask. Combatiente goes to lift up Union Jack and yells for Kanyon to help him, and eventually Kanyon gets back into the ring, nearly stumbling again on the waterbed surface.
Wright: This doesn’t look like it’s going to be a good time for the challenger!
Park: Dinosaurio is still down! This might be it!
Union Jack fights out of the grip of the Street Justice Vertebreaker before El Combatiente can fully get him up, and he tries to get El up for the Bearbuster, but Kanyon kicks his legs out from under him, causing Combatiente to land on Jack for the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Union Jack gets the shoulder up!
Wright: This team works so well to watch each other’s backs!
Park: It’s a one-on-two right now, nothing more!
Combatiente and Kanyon nod at each other as El Combatiente begins to move extra slowly, allowing Jack to get back to his feet. Jack and El begin to trade punches as Kanyon watches in the corner, before El gets the upper hand and irish whips him into the ropes. As Jack bounces off the ropes, he comes back only for El to jump over him, and Kanyon to hit his version of the spear, the BANG!
Wright: BANG! Goodnight Jack!
Park: This one’s over!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Dinosaurio pulls out Kanyon, making the save!
Wright: Dinosaurio comes back from extinction to save the match for his team!
Park: Back and forth, who’s gonna take this?
Dinosaurio hits a hot DDT on Kanyon before leaping back into the ring, and then Dinosaurio manages to take down El Combatiente with his trademark moonsault axe kick! He ascends the top rope, beginning to make pterodactyl motions as he prepares for his frog splash!
Wright: Are we about to see new champions here?
Park: He’s gonna fly!
As Dinosaurio prepares to leap, Javier gets up on the top rope, distracting him for a few moments! Referee Chris Mardinly eventually yells at him to get down, and he does, so Dinosaurio leaps for the Five Star Pterodactyl Splash… right into Combatiente’s knees!
Wright: Five star-- no!
Park: Talk about ouch! That damned Javier distracted him in what could’ve been his big moment!
El Combatiente never sees the interference as he gets back up and lifts Pequeno Dinosaurio up, crushing him onto the waterbed mat with Street Justice! He covers!
Wright: Street Justice! Is it over?
Park: It might be lights out for the challengers! The cover and the count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Stanford: Here are your winners, and STILL the FIRESIDE Tag Team Champions, El Combatiente and Curtis Kanyon, EL BANG! HERMANOOOOOOOOOSSSSS!
Kanyon comes back into the ring to hug El Combatiente, the two men fall over on the waterbed and have a laugh as Javier joins them. Most of the crowd boo their faces off (metaphorically).
Wright: The damned Bang Bros get it done again, this pairing might be too strong for the rest of the division!
Park: Bear O’Dactyl were game for the fight, but it’s hard to overcome a three-on-two on uneven territory!
Wright: Who can stop these guys?
One of the cameramen find Vodka Fizz backstage, crouched down outside the production area with a grave look on his face. A wooden baseball bat is leaned up against the wall next to him, and he appears to be listening to music to psych himself up.
Vodka Fizz: Ugh, Fall Out Boy? Nope. Next!
As Vodka swipes through his music collection in the name of finding a song that'll work, the Southern Belle walks into the frame. Natalie Burrows is quick to note the baseball bat and, not wanting to get attacked by mistake, she alerts the Absolut Unit to her presence by slowly reaching her hand between his face and his phone, waving it back and forth.
Natalie Burrows: Ah, Mister Fizz?
Vodka tenses when the hand appears in front of his face and immediately goes for the bat. When he notices that it's the Fireside World Champion, he relaxes, letting his hand drop back to his side.
Vodka Fizz: Sorry. Nerves.
He pops out his earbuds, wrapping them around his phone which he tucks back into his gym bag.
Vodka Fizz: To what do I owe the pleasure, Miss Burrows?
Natalie Burrows: Oh, no--no need to apologize. With as many targets you've got on your back as of late, I can't fault you for being jumpy.
The Southern Belle shakes her head faintly.
Natalie Burrows: I wanted to wish you luck tonight, as well as...
Trailing off, she lets out a sheepish laugh.
Natalie Burrows: My timing is probably horrid, but Dommy's decided that now he wants a jacket just like yours, too, so he made me promise to come and ask you.
Vodka grins.
Vodka Fizz: I think I got just the thing.
He digs into his gym bag, coming out with the jacket he was wearing on the day he gave the son his hat.
Vodka Fizz: Now his gear'll match. Tell him I said that it's very important that he takes care of this, cause if his ring gear doesn't match I'll call him out for it.
The eccentric wrestler grins and winks. Natalie's eyes go wide at the more than generous offer, the Southern Belle shaking her head rapidfire as her cheeks flush pink. Whether it's from the offer or the wink... well, that's anyone's guess.
Natalie Burrows: I c-couldn't possibly--
Vodka makes a dismissive noise, pushing the jacket into her hands.
Vodka Fizz: Enough of that. Who knows how much longer your kid is going to be a fan, and the jacket doesn't really work without the hat. He might as well have it, otherwise it's going to end up living in a closet with way too many other options.
Natalie Burrows: Well, if you insist...
It takes a bit of fenangling to drape the heavily-decorated ring jacket over her arm, but Natalie manages it. It's only once that's settled that she's looking up at him with a smile.
Natalie Burrows: Thank you, Mister Fizz. He's going to be over the moon.
Vodka smiles back at her, looking away with a slight flush on his own cheeks.
Vodka Fizz: You know me, anything for a fan.
Natalie Burrows: Ah, y-yeah... right.
The FIRESIDE World Champion clears her throat.
Natalie Burrows: Good luck out there tonight, alright? And if you need me...
He holds up his phone with a wide grin.
Vodka Fizz: ....I have your number.
Natalie quirks a brow, confused.
Natalie Burrows: You... do?
Vodka rubs his nose, looking away.
Vodka Fizz: I had a meeting with Caff so he could make sure I was gonna be good to go tonight, and your file was just...
He sighs.
Vodka Fizz: Kinda creepy, right?
The Southern Belle blinks.
Natalie Burrows: ...you stole it out of my file in Mister Caffrey's office?
The Absolut Unit nods, the silence that stretches out making him look more and more uncomfortable... until the Southern Belle cracks up laughing at the ridiculousness of it.
Natalie Burrows: Ah, B-Bless--!
Her giggle fit takes over for a good thirty seconds or so. After a moment, Vodka joins in with her, all of his stress apparently melting away.
Vodka Fizz: Really would have been less trouble to just ask, huh?
Natalie Burrows: Probably, sugah. Probably.
A pause; there's a glance left, then right, then left again before she's leaning in a little.
Natalie Burrows: If I were you, though... I'd test it, make sure Mister Caffrey's records are correct. You'd be doing him a favor.
Vodka raises his eyebrows, looking at the Southern Belle shocked for a moment before the grin reappears.
Vodka Fizz: You know what, I think that's probably a good idea. For purely database adjacent purposes, of course. Ahem.
Natalie Burrows: Clearly.
Chuckling, the Southern Belle rests her hand on his shoulder for a brief moment.
Natalie Burrows: I'll leave you to your preparations, then. Thanks again for the jacket.
Vodka smiles at her.
Vodka Fizz: Like I said, anything for a fan. Make sure you take pictures when he gets it, I want to see his reaction.
Natalie Burrows: I will.
Removing her hand from his shoulder, Natalie walks out of the frame, leaving Vodka alone.
Vodka Fizz: ...Awesome.
He grins to himself, fishing his phone back out of his gym bag and putting his earbuds back in, returning to perusing his library, though now it's with a hint of a smile on his face. The camera cuts elsewhere.
Wright: Do I sense some... attraction here?
Park: Well, it is cuffing season, Oliver!
Marcus Washington: At Good Riddance 2021, these three wrestlers will compete to see who will be the first Wildfire Champion. As a demonstration of the monumental occasion that this is, we will be conducting the contract signing in public, in front of the Fireside fans!
The Philadelphia fans cheer.
Marcus Washington: We have advised all three participants that this is to be a dignified affair, and any violence will disqualify the offender or offenders from the Wildfire Championship match. Now these three will be joined by an additional two participants, the loser of tonight's Kindling match between Apathy and Edward Zepp. The fifth will be voted on by you the fans, in the Last...
"Gucci Gucci" by Kreayshawn cuts Marcus Washington off and he rolls his eyes, and dips the microphone down to his waist. The wave of boos starts low and then starts to build to a crescendo when Evan Valentine Jr. walks through the curtain to a tsunami of vitriol. He holds up a sign that says "Free Jalen Hurts" to jeers from the many Eagles fans in the crowd, then tosses it at them. It gets torn to shreds by fans like sharks in the water. He baseball slides under the ropes, and yells "MOVE!!" to the security guards in his way before he steps on the middle of the second rope. Evan Valentine Jr. bounces on the rope with one arm raised, and then spits his gum into the audience. He then turns and yells "MOVE!!"
Marcus Washington: (off mic) I am the General Manager of Fireside and I will not be...
Evan Valentine Jr.: MOVE, stooge!!
Apoplectic, Marcus Washington moves aside as Evan walks past to stand on the middle of the second rope on the other side of the ring and raises his arm. The crowd is now close to getting out of control, with soda cups and ice pelting Evan along with Marcus Washington and the security guards. Those boos turn into... less boos and mostly cheers as "Torcher II" begins to blare out from the arena's sound system. From the back steps out Brad Kane who looks like Brad Kane right now and not his evil other half, Reckless Jack. The longtime veteran, and dead person, walks his way to the ring as someone yells out some bullshit about Wahlburgers. Brad enters the ring and looks at Evan Valentine Jr. with a hint of disgust. Okay, more like a lot of disgust, really. The former XHF World Champion then shakes the hands of the security personnel, thanking them for taking the time to help out this evening. He glares at Evan and mouths something about this guy being a giant fuckboi.
Are you ready?
“RAINBOWS" by Alice Nine hits the speakers as the audience fully switches to full-on cheering as the Shining Star, MYOJIN, begins walking down the ramp. The fan-favorite gives a few waves and high fives with a smile as they sprint down to the ringside before stopping- and looking directly at Evan as their demeanor quickly changes. Their smile fades into a cold glare as they take their designer shades off before climbing up the apron and vaulting over the top rope into the ring, stepping directly toward Valentine as if they were instinctively about to swing a fist- but stopping themself in the process.
Evan Valentine Jr.: I think I know what time it is. When New Money in the building, you best know someone bout to run through!
A buzz starts in the back of the crowd as a group of people seem to be making their way to the ring from multiple sides of the arena.
Washington: No no no. I said no violence. I mean it!
Indy wrestler looking guys in suits and ties step over the railing as Fireside security hold back MYOJIN and Brad Kane. When Kane and MYOJIN are safely contained, the three men baseball slide into the ring.
Washington: Valentine, you are on thin ice! If any of these men touch either...
Evan Valentine Jr.: Relax, stooge. These are my Dad's attorneys.
All three straighten their ties in unison as they stand behind Evan Valentine Jr..
Evan Valentine Jr.: My Dad won't let me sign anything without them.
All three lawyers start reading through the contract.
Jonnie's Lawyer: My client broke his finger at piano practice when he was 9. It causes him chronic pain so he will require his fists taped during this match to protect the lingering injury. Is that agreeable to both parties?
MYOJIN: No.
Kane: No.
Evan shakes his head in disappointment.
Jonnie's Lawyer: Alright, I just need you to put your initials here...(MYOJIN initials the contract) and date here...(MYOJIN writes down the date) Mr. Kane, I just need you to sign and date here as well.
Brad Kane signs the place he's pointing to. Jonnie's lawyer takes it back then notices something.
Jonnie's Lawyer: Oh, you forgot the date.
Brad Kane seethes and then angrily writes the date where the lawyer is pointing. A chant of "EVAN SUCKS!! EVAN SUCKS!! EVAN SUCKS!!" rings through the building.
Jonnie's Lawyer: My client has attended several electronic music festivals in Ibiza and Goa which has heavily impacted his hearing.
Evan mockingly cleans out his ears.
Jonnie's Lawyer: Therefore he would need at least a 5 count to try and kick out so that he doesn't miss the counting of the referee...
Kane: Enough!
Jonnie's Lawyer: (stammering) Then...I...j-j-just need you to initial here and...
Brad Kane slaps the contract out of Jonnie's lawyer's hands. The Former XHF World Champion can't help but ball his fist listening to Evan's bullshit.
Kane: Holy shit would you shut up? I've seen this song and dance before, did it myself 14 years ago when I was World Champion of XHF. It's not much but it's all I got to reference right now, but jesus christ, Evan, I'm half tempted to break this no-touching rule to shove my foot up your ass, Red Foreman style!
Red Foreman is over as the crowd cheers.
Kane: So you can take this pencil pusher and get out of the ring so the real wrestlers can have a bit of a talking time. You talk about New Money like you're some Lil' Wayne fan boy or something. You look to make excuses, rely on your little band of little boys who wouldn't know respect if it it bit them in the ass, and to be honest, I'm sick of looking at your face.
Another pop from the crowd.
Kane: Then we got MYOJIN who I got respect for. They are a damn fine professional wrestler and I have no issue with you. Just as long as make sure as this little bastard doesn't come close to winning, I'm fine with you or the poll winner taking it if I can't.
Evan Valentine Jr.: (to Marcus Washington) And for real, what is this shit about a poll winner? Who asks the marks to book their show? You got one job, stooge, and you handing the pencil to the black t-shirt goatee mafia out here?
Philadelphia crowd boos and a small chant of "Fuck You Evan *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Evan *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap* Fuck You Evan *clap* *clap* *clap-clap-clap*" gets louder and louder.
Evan Valentine Jr.: I gotta talk to whatever cousin that got you this job, because nepotism is not something I take likely. (to Brad Kane) And Spike II, I promised my Moms I wasn't gonna lay hands on either of you two jabrones, but you got me considering lyin to a prayin woman. Ain't nobody asking who you respect cause your respect ain't worth a warm cup a piss. I didn't become the youngest X Crown Champion cause I was MYOJIN's homey. I didn't win The Battle of the Best because Dylan Black held me in really high regard. And The Kid ain't gonna be the first Wildfire Champion by earning your drunk ass respect. You can miss me with that shit. I'm like your demons, my dude. I'm pretty much undefeated. Now there's only two things that scare me in this World, and that's twins. So I want written into this contract that your weird ass brother has to be in a shark cage at ringside so you guys can't pull any twin magic when we're out there.
Jonnie's Lawyer: Are both parties agreeable to...
MYOJIN and Brad Kane glare at the attorney who turns and shakes his head at Evan that he tried. Brad Kane looked at the canvas shaking his head.
Kane: Apparently Evan missed the part where my brother and I don't get along whatsoever. Facing him is the lone reason why I wanted to come to FIRESIDE. Title shots and the chance to shut up assholes like yourself is just one of the many bonuses that come along with the main mission. Also, my drunk ass?
Brad was glaring daggers at Evan now..
Kane: I'm not the alcoholic here. I'm a sober, pretty swell guy. Don't get me confused with Reckless Hack!
That's enough to get a brief flash of Brad Kane's more vulgar and dangerous side.
Reckless Jack: Oh, fuck off you soy boy. You need me to shove my foot down this fuckboi's throat to take the Wildfire Championship. But, like my soft ass other half, we have nothing against MYOJIN.
And now BK is back.
Kane: So, forget this shark cage nonsense. If anything, we need your boys inside of a cage to ensure they make this a fair contest for all involved.
Brad Kane sits down and signs the contract as the fans cheer. MYOJIN simply crosses their arms, watching the two bicker- though mainly their eyes focused heavily on Valentine with a still silent, intense glare, before picking up a mic- turning to the lawyers.
MYOJIN: I'm going to advise the both of you to get out of my face before I take that contract and forcibly shove it down your throat. The only thing I'm signing is for that match.
MYOJIN then turned toward the other two opponents.
MYOJIN: The longer I have to stay in this ring near him, I'm going to be sick. The only thing I'm interested in is paying you back, Valentine- And believe me, if Caffrey hadn't gotten security out here- I'd be halfway across this ring to break your leg and end your pitiful excuse of a career so these people wouldn't be forced to watch you.
The crowd begins to grow a little louder as MYOJIN snarls.
MYOJIN: Getting you in the ring is the real prize for me, hun. The Wildfire Championship is just going to be a bonus.
MYOJIN sits down and signs the contract and the fans give them a big pop. Evan Valentine Jr. sits down at the table.
Evan Valentine Jr.: Look I get it, my dude. You're upset. I would be too if I was in your position, but thank god, I'm not. I'm actually in a really good place right now, thanks for asking. But you don't need to say things you can't back up. Talking bout breaking my leg?! See that's the thing with you, dog. You take this so personal. See, me? My boy Jordan works in finance, my dog Tyler works at his Dad's law firm, and I work at my Dad's old territory. Simple as that. And my job next week is to legitimize the Wildfire title, something both of you and whoever wins Marcus' raffle are incapable of doing.
Evan signs his name on the contract, then turns to MYOJIN.
Evan Valentine Jr.: And remember you didn't lose the X Crown cause I shanked you. You lost the X Crown because you didn't have the heart to get back up.
MYOJIN flips over the table and goes after Evan Valentine Jr. but the dozen or so security guards surround Evan and protect him. Evan puts his hands up innocently but his smug smile betrays the gesture. The security guards struggle to keep an enraged MYOJIN apart from Evan, when slightly off camera, an obscured Brad Kane goes down like a sack of hammers, having been tased by one of the guards on Valentine’s payroll.
Wright: What the hell? Did you see that!
Park: Kane goes down like a sack of potatoes, obscured by the chaos in the ring!
Caffrey: Alright that’s enough!
The crowd pops as the FIRESIDE owner passes through the curtain, dressed for in-ring competition. He stands on top of the ramp.
Caffrey: We said no violence, and I MEANT IT. I’m giving ALL OF YOU sixty seconds to get the hell out of my ring or I’m taking your spots and giving them to wrestlers who can understand rules!
The rulesy nerds in the crowd pop.
Caffrey: And yes, that includes every one of your stooges Valentine. What are ya waiting for? TICK TOCK, GO!
MYOJIN helps Brad Kane out of the ring, doing an honorable thing for their competitor before a few officials help Kane to the back. Valentine and his men scatter like they’ve been caught ding-dong-ditching as Caffrey walks down to the ring. He steps into the ring and then turns his attention to the Shining Star, who is about halfway up the ramp.
Caffrey: Everyone go-- except you, MYOJIN. You come back here, I got words for ya.
The crowd reacts as the Shining Star begins to head back into the ring. They stand across from Caffrey, arms folded in confusion.
Wright: What does Caffrey want with the former X-Crown champion?
Caffrey: Myo, it’s been a while. How’ve you been?
MYOJIN: What is it that you want right now, Caffrey? Don't know if you can tell, but I'm not here to play games.
Caffrey: Listen, uh-- I have some good news, and some bad news for you. Knowing you, I think I should start with the bad news. The bad news -- really a blessing in disguise -- is that I’m taking you out of this Wildfire Championship Match.
MYOJIN: ...You're -what?! Do you think this is funny? I earned that spot and you're taking it AWAY from me!- But I guess I should be used to you protecting Valentine by now, shouldn't I?
Caffrey: Listen, I get it. I know you. I know you hate Valentine, and I know if there’s anyone who pursues the glory and adoration shiny championships can bring you, it’s you and I. If there’s anyone who can destroy a leg in a minute, it’s you and I. If there’s anyone who can really start a fire, in this ring or outside of it, it’s you and I.
Caffrey keeps gesturing with his hands to try to build a connection.
Caffrey: That’s why I’m offering you the opportunity of a lifetime. I’m offering you the chance to sit under my tree of knowledge, to grow into the champion I know you can be. I’ve seen you lately, gettin’ all moody -- next thing you know you’re gonna turn your back on your biggest supporters, these people.
Caffrey gestures towards the Fireside Faithful, who pop.
Caffrey: That’s what was going to happen, right? You were going to get a shot at a new title, screwed out it by Valentine again, and then start hating everybody who’s had your back. Instead, let me have your back. You and I are destroyers, in-ring generals who would be stronger as a united army. And in case you’ve been living under the rock… I could use a united force against Kanyon and Combatiente. So what’d ya say? You and me, together.
MYOJIN: ...What the hell is it with everyone thinking they know me better than I know myself? So, let me make sure I'm hearing you correctly. You want a tag partner, so you take away my chance at the Wildfire title to drag me into your stupid war with those two… This seems like it benefits you a LOT more than it benefits me, so why would I even consider agreeing to playing your sidekick?
Caffrey: Do you want to be FIRESIDE Tag Team champion, or maybe even an XHF Tag Team champion? Well, as much as I hoped for a straight yes… tell ya what. Do me a favor, stand there, and let me change your mind the old-fashioned way then. We’ve got a match and it’s right now.
Walter Stanford: The following Open Door Policy Match is for the contendership to the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships at Good Riddance: BANG! The Night Away!
The crowd cheers for the impromptu match. MYOJIN doesn’t look amused as Caffrey tries to coax him and convince him that this is a good idea.
Wright: We wondered who would be Caff’s mystery partner, and I don’t think MYOJIN knew this was coming!
Park: Can these two coexist with each other? The Shining Star doesn’t seem amused by this!
Wright: Let’s see!
Stanford: Already in the ring, they are the team of ANTHONY CAFFREY AND MYOJIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!
There’s already an argument forming between the two, with Caffrey still doing his best. MYOJIN at least goes and stands in the corner, so that might be a good sign?
Wright: We wondered who would be Caff’s mystery partner, and I don’t think MYOJIN knew this was coming!
Park: Can these two coexist with each other? The Shining Star doesn’t seem amused by this!
Stanford: And their opponents, they are Captain Conrad Calico and Contessa Calico, the BOAAAAAARDING PAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTY!
The once-popular sea shanty “The Wellerman Comes” plays throughout the crowd as two large ropes drops from the rafters. The crowd pops as the next thing they see is the pirate pair sliding down with matching scimitars trapped between their teeth. They land and give their weapons a flourish before locking lips. They then head down to the ring.
Wright: Now this is a unified team, the husband and wife pirate pair ready for battle.
Park: Can they finally score their first win? A divided team in Caffrey and MYOJIN might just be the blessing they’ve needed!
After a brief discussion between who’s starting and who’s not for the Calicos, the bell rings with Contessa going up against Caffrey. Caffrey takes his eyes off of Contessa to make sure that MYOJIN isn’t bailing on the match, this allows Contessa to begin the match with a flurry of momentum, knocking into Caff with a flying forearm. As he gets back up, she hits a hip toss, then quickly locks him into a side headlock. He gets back to his feet and wrestles to send her bouncing off the ropes, where she kicks his head in to avoid the back body drop before grabbing his arm and dragging him towards her fellow Calico for the tag.
Wright: Contessa’s kicking the teeth in of the FIRESIDE owner right now!
Park: It’s hard to do much when you know you’re essentially wrestling a handicap match!
Contessa reaches back and tags Conrad, who comes in with a flying double axe handle to Caffrey’s outstretched arm. The owner looks across the ring to potentially get a tag but is trapped in the corner where he’s hammered on with lefts and rights before Conrad teases him by going for an irish whip that looks like it’s going toward’s Caffrey’s corner, but then again back to the pirates’ corner. They tag out and in and again for a series of stomps as the crowd boos.
Wright: MYOJIN’s in the Caffrey Corner but this is starting to look like a squash!
Park: The Calicos knocking down a team of former X-Crown champions would be a huge uptick to their credibility!
Wright: I also think it’d get them in XHF Tag Team Contendership territory!
Captain Conrad takes Caffrey’s arm and looks to go skyward, jumping over the ropes and bringing the arm down hard against them! He rolls back in and goes for the cover.
...ONE!
...T-kickout!
Captain Conrad grabs Caffrey and locks him in a headlock in the center of the ring, inspiring Peter Pan protocols as the crowd begins to clap and cheer for Caffrey to get back into the match. Conrad wrenches on the hold as the former tag team champion’s arm shakes and he slowly gets back up, fighting off Conrad to whip him off the ropes and catch him in a full nelson on the return!
Wright: Dreams and NIghtmares! Vintage Caff there!
Park: Just when you think it’s over for him, he finds a way!
Caffrey begins screaming for Conrad to tap as he tries to muscle him into the center of the ring. Conrad is fighting but losing ground fast as the move that fell Dylan Black on Caffrey’s first night in the XHF looks to be working out for him. MYOJIN looks on, vaguely nodding as referee Chris Mardinly asks if Conrad wants to tap out. Conrad shakes his head no, but also has his head shaken no by the controlling owner making himself look strong.
Wright: Could this be it right here?
Park: It might just be!
Before Conrad can tap though, Contessa Calico comes flying in with a dropkick off the top rope to prevent the submission! She knocks both men down as the pirates’ fans cheer. Both men are down in the center of the ring as the referee ushers her back to the corner, and both men begin crawling towards finding their partners. Contessa has her hand outstretched, MYOJIN does not. Eventually the crowd gathers towards a crescendo as Conrad jumps and makes it to Contessa for the hot tag, but Caffrey is still too short to get there. What follows is Contessa quickly grabbing Caffrey’s leg in an attempt to pull him back into the center of the ring.
Wright: Thought we’d get unison tags there, but no!
Park: How on Earth would this team beat El Bang Hermanos if they can’t even get on the same page?
Caffrey fights his way out of Contessa’s submission attempt, kicking his way out! He makes a diving tag, hitting MYOJIN’s hand before going down! Referee Chris Mardinly indicates a tag, much to the Shining Star’s disapproval!
Wright: Hey, that’s by definition a tag, so here we go?
Park: I think you have a very loose definition of a tag there!
MYOJIN protests stepping into the ring for the match, leaving them open for a surprise enziguri from Contessa! They go crashing down on the outside of the ring!
Wright: Oof! What a kick to the face there!
Park: That’ll have you changing your priorities fast!
Contessa goes to leave the ring and attack the now-legal opponent, but the former X-Crown champion is already back inside, looking pissed. They slide into the ring and get in front of Contessa and quickly turn around, delivering the Flashing Lights to take them down!
Wright: Flashing Lights! Incredible athleticism!
Park: I don’t know if MYOJIN is thrilled to be teaming here, they seem to be just taking out their anger on lady Calico!
MYOJIN makes short work of Contessa, grabbing her leg as they go down to the mat and twist and turn, locking in their version of the Imanari roll, the Orion!
Wright: Orion! This move can get dangerous fast!
Park: One of the fastest submissions in the game and one of the most devastating to boot!
As Captain Calico comes in to make the save, Caffrey catches him with the Closing Remarks elbow, knocking him down and out!
Wright: The owner with the save!
Park: Contessa’s about to tap!
Contessa does her best to hold on, but the excruciating submission is too much for her, forcing the tap out! The bell rings!
Stanford: Here are your winners, the team of ANTHONY CAFFREY and MYOOOOOOOOJJIIIINNNNNN!
Wright: An unconventional but quick victory for what I guess is FIRESIDE’s newest tag team?
Park: Look at MYOJIN’s face, they’re not exactly amused at picking up this victory!
Wright: Well, one door closes in the form of the Wildfire Championship and getting their hands on Valentine, but now they have a shot with Caffrey against El Bang Hermanos at Good Riddance!
Park: Is that better though? Is it?
Caffrey goes for a handshake, but MYOJIN dips from the ring, still figuring things out as the segment comes to a close.
A camera catches up with the grim-faced manager of Sam Sawyer mid-walk, smartly dressed and brown hair combed. On reaching a door he gives it three sharp knocks. The door is opened by Marcus Washington. Both men stare at each other for a moment, Washington not looking pleased. The FIRESIDE GM steps out into the hall.
Washington: Where's Sam, Jack?
Hamilton's face tightens, straining for an answer. Washington waits, but in the end Hamilton just lets out a hopeless sigh, his mouth hanging open. He looks off to the side, not meeting Washington's annoyed stare.
Washington: They were supposed to be here.
Hamilton: Yeah... I know.
Hamilton gives Washington a resigned look. Washington glares back, still expecting an answer. Eventually, sensing he's not going to get one, he relents and shakes his head.
Washington: What gives?
Hamilton: ... I tried.
Washington: You tried.
He mimics Hamilton, not impressed.
Hamilton: They don't listen to me. If they don't want to show up... they're not gonna show up.
Washington: What makes them think they can keep getting away with this?
Hamilton: I don't know. They were right, though... I guess?
Washington: Yeah, I guess. But I don't appreciate being made a fool out of.
Hamilton: Yeah. I know.
Washington: Where are they, anyway? The gym?
Hamilton: Where else? They're never out of that damn place.
Washington raises his eyebrows.
Washington: You're worried about them, aren't you?
Hamilton: Not really. I just feel a little bad for... what they left behind. Or who they left behind.
Washington: Well... you're here. What do you think Sam would say if they were here? What would they say to Brookes?
Hamilton: "What would they say?"
Washington: Not "say", but... you know. What's on their mind?
Hamilton: ... Nothing.
He gives Washington a resigned smirk.
Hamilton: Absolutely nothing.
He sounds defeated.
Hamilton: They don't care. ... They don't care. Not about you, or me, or the fans, or Brookes. They don't care that she got in the way. They don't care that she took the pin. They don't care what she has to say tonight. They just don't care. All they care about is the method to defeat her... and being strong enough to do it. And I don't even think "care" is the right word. They're just... following whatever it is that's written inside of them, to the letter. And I'm sorry, Marcus... but that doesn't include being here tonight. I'm sorry.
Washington rolls his eyes, looking at him with pity.
Washington: Okay... thanks, Jack.
Hamilton: Thanks, Marcus.
After Hamilton walks off, the camera focuses on Washington shaking his head.
”Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing as “Zolothach” Tabitha Osborne walks out from the back, looking around at the booing crowd. She smiles, causing a few of the nearby fans to retch in disgust. Her smile turns into a leering frown and she makes her way down to the ring.
Wright: So Zolothach is going to make her case of why she should be in the Wildfire match.
Park: She has a face that could curdle milk. Why would anyone want her in any title match?
Wright: She’s a fierce competitor in the ring and worthy of a title shot.
Park: If she would have been worthy, she would have gotten by Brad Kane. This is for the losers to have their say.
Zolothach steps into the ring and has the microphone handed to her. She licks her lips nervously as she regards the booing crowd that hates her for her murderous past.
Zolothach: I’m supposed to come down to the ring and make a case of why I should be allowed into the match with Brad Kane, Evan Valentine Junior, and Myojin. I’m supposed to tell you that I should be allowed in the match and that you should all vote for me to get into the match, even as I was unable to defeat Brad Kane to earn my way in. Someone thought it was a good idea for you people to decide who should get into the match. You idiots who wouldn’t know a good wrestler from a hole in the ground. Why would affrey think that the fans would be educated enough to know who would be a good fit for a championship match? Have you fought as I fought? Have you been abused as I have? What experiences have you people been through that puts it on my level? Nothing.
Zolothach paces the ring as the fans boo and throw garbage into the ring.
Wright: I don’t know if Zolothach is really winning the fans over with her words?
Park: If they make her mad enough, she might slash them with her knife.
Wright: Let’s hope that it doesn’t come to that.
Park: I wouldn’t mind seeing it honestly.
Zolothach: You people don’t want me in the Wildfire match. You know what I’m capable of in the ring. You know what I can do to Brad Kane. What I would do to Evan Valentine Junior, the former XCrown champion. What I would do to Myojin, another former XCrown champion. Honestly, I know that when side by side with me that all of these people look pretty. How pretty will your people be when I get done with them? How pretty will Myojin look once I carve out their no no square with my blade. Do eunuchs get called it? Evan Valentine Junior…he think’s he can cash in on the Valentine name. You know once upon a time I thought I could cash in on the Osborne name. I was proud of my father. I was proud of my brother. But, the things they did to me…
Zolothach’s normally savage exterior is dropped and for a moment she looks alone and afraid in the middle of the ring. The crowd is silent. They don’t want to hear these details about Zolothach’s life. They just want to hate her. Zolothach comes back to the arena, shaking her head to clear the horrors of the past.
Zolothach: The things I will do to them. Myojin has such a…such a pretty face. I would hate to have to rip it from his body, but if you let me into this match. If you vote for me to come into this den of unrivaled violence, that’s what I aim to to…them.
Even Valentine Junior is such a little boy that slid in on his name and on the back on his friends. Where are your friends now? Are you as alone as I am? You think it would be a good thing if I were set into the ring with you? You think that I wouldn’t gut you like a fish and leave you in the middle of the ring to bleed out. Wouldn’t that be fun? You people in the crowd would see me get carried away and slung back into the asylum on Killswitch Island quicker than it would take to get the corpse out of the ring. Is that something you people want? It would be horrendous for you people to see blood flying across the front row like it were a Gallagher show. That is what you can look forward to.
Brad Kane. I don’t know how you defeated me in the first place, but you did. I should maybe go back through the video to see how you did it so I can learn from my mistakes. Though, you provide an interesting dilemma. If I murder you in the ring, and after your defeating me, I will plan to do so. I will send you back down to Hell so fast that you would think that you were part of a Jamaican bobsled team. I realize that you might be right back up to try to get your vengeance, but it’s a moot point. I will unleash such a violence upon you that you’ll get flashbacks from when Spike was kicking your ass in the ring. You are the only one of the three who comes even close to having been in my shoes with the rivalry between siblings.
Fans. May I call you fans? You don’t really want me in the ring with those three. It’ll get frog in a blender bloody without the dang lid when you see me sniffing after a championship. Something to prove to my dead father that I am a hellacious wrestler Something to prove to Cthulhu. Something to prove to me. I am the best female wrestler in the entire world. I could prove that when going for the Wildfire title, but you people don’t like me. You don’t want to see your favorite wrestlers seriously harmed in the ring. You don’t want to see me standing victorious in the ring with the title around my waist with the knowledge that the next step is the world title.
Tabitha stops talking so that she can pace again. This time she gets a bit of a mixed reaction. She looks a little puzzled, but carries on.
Wright: I don’t understand? Do the fans want to see frog in a blender with the lid off bloody action?
Park: It would seem so. I wouldn’t be against it either, but that’s just me.
Zolothach: You don’t want to see the lives of three stars ruined over the course of a single match. You want to see a great match and may the best fighter win the title. That would have been me turning the ring red and winning the title, but you fans don’t want to see that. I’m comfortable with my violent self. You people are obviously not so that’s all that I have to say.
Zolothach heads to the back as “Cthulhu” by Gunship begins playing again. The fans give her a mixed reaction as she makes her way to the back, more cheering than booing. Zolothach just stands at the entrance stage and shrugs before heading into the back.
Wright: Was that all reverse psychology?
Park: I have no idea.
‘Breathe Again’ hits the sound system… and all of the fans in attendance hit their feet, thunderous cheers filling the air that threaten to drown out the music that announces the presence of the reigning FIRESIDE World Champion. As Natalie Burrows emerges from behind the curtain wearing a charcoal-colored pants suit with a white high-collared blouse beneath and the championship strapped around her waist, the cheers spike all the louder, the Southern Belle’s face cracking into a smile at the warm reception.
Wright: The crowd is showing their love for the Fireside World Champion!
Park: She almost looks like she’s going to tear up.
Making her way down the ramp, Burrows slaps hands here and there, but it’s obvious that something is on her mind. The ring steps are climbed before she enters the ring. High-heeled feet carry her to meet Walter Stanford in the middle of the ring, brief pleasantries exchanged before the champion is handed the microphone. As her music fades, the cheers persist until Natalie is motioning, politely, for quiet.
Park: Looks like Miss Burrows has something to say.
Wright: No surprise there, after her experiences in Majesty’s Realm I’m certain she has a lot to share.
The Southern Belle takes a deep breath before she brings the mic to her lips.
Burrows: On the last episode of Inferno, in MAJESTY’S Realm, I… I failed.
Another pause; Natalie’s face grows gravely serious.
Burrows: While I may have succeeded in retaining the FIRESIDE World Championship, where I fell short was… Mister Caffey is going to have to forgive me for saying so, but I fell short where it mattered when I couldn’t get MAJESTY out of the clutches of their other aspect. I failed my friend, and that… admitting that I couldn’t help them is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
A hand raises to cover her eyes for a moment, the fans cheering to rally support for their champion as she gathers herself. When her hand falls away from her face, the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes are obvious.
Burrows: I know that every single person in this arena and every person at home has faced this feeling of failure, of not being able to help someone else when they needed it. I know that it’s a universal struggle, a pain that we all have to learn how to deal with. And while it would be easy to simply just… roll over and give up, accepting that my friend is lost forever?
Natalie’s gaze rises to meet the camera’s lens, determination bright in her gaze.
Burrows: I will not allow MAJESTY’s story to end like that, not when they deserve better.
The crowd roars its approval as the FIRESIDE World Champion stares the lens down, refusing to yield.
Wright: Powerful words from the World Champion!
Park: From a powerful woman, at that!
Burrows: I know you can hear me, MAJESTY. I know both sides of you can. It doesn’t matter how long it takes or if I’ve got to move Heaven and Earth alike to make it happen--I will free them from your grasp. And if you decide to come try and stop me?
The Southern Belle smirks.
Burrows: Then all the better, because we’ll be back in my court... and if you thought I put you through it before when I was just fighting for the title that is now around my waist, then you best believe that you ain’t seen a damn thing yet!
The crowd roars alongside that last bit being roared by the champion, a couple ragged breaths taken… before the blond is inhaling deep and letting it out slowly, calming herself down some before she continues.
Burrows: That all being said… while I will always, always be vigilant in regards to the Dragon since I know I’ve just gone and kicked the hornet’s nest, there are other matters that require my attention. Be they the vague threats coming from Donzig, a coward that doesn’t dare to speak my name lest I decide that he warrants the butt-kicking of a lifetime for messing with someone I greatly respect in Vodka Fizz--
The crowd cheers at the mention of the challenger in the X*Crown Match that is the main event this evening.
Park: ‘Greatly respect?’ Is that what the kids call it these days?
Wright: Unjoo, please. Show some decorum.
Natalie’s chuckle can be faintly heard at the support being shown toward the Absolut Unit, a faint and genuine smile tugging at her lips.
Burrows: To the fact that there will be a good many folks wanting to take their shot at the woman who has laid claim to the top of FIRESIDE’s mountain, I’m going to have my hands full. And at the front of that line of potential challengers are the finalists of the Kindling, Apathy and Edward Zepp. Both of them have gone through quite a lot to reach this point, haven’t they? Chaotic multi-man matches, having to work together only to find themselves as foes now that they’re so close to the finish line… and I am fully confident that they will go to war with one another to come out the winner this evening. As a matter of fact, I doubt they’re going to have much choice in the matter. And whoever goes on to face me?
A pause; Natalie’s expression grows serious once more.
Burrows: I will personally make sure that they have to push themselves past every limit they thought they’ve ever reached to take this title from me.
That matter of-fact-statement earns a fresh wave of cheers, the reigning champion nodding before she allows the crowd to settle.
Burrows: Good luck to you both. You’re going to need it. Speaking of… who here is ready for Apathy to take on Edward Zepp in the final of the Kindling? Well let’s stop lollygagging and get this show on the road!
…only to pop them all over again, even louder than before. Natalie’s smile is borderline mischievous as she hands the microphone back over to Walter Stanford, the Southern Belle exiting the ring afterward. As Burrows approaches the announce desk, Wright is quick to get to his feet, pulling out her chair for her. The champion’s thanks is dimly heard as she settles in, her headset donned and adjusted.
Wright: Thanks for joining us, Miss Burrows.
Burrows: It’s a pleasure, Mister Wright, Miss Park.
Stanford: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is the Kindling Tournament Finals! The winner of this match will go on to face the Fireside World Champion at Good Riddance!
The crowd cheers.
Stanford: Introducing first, from San Diego, California, and weighing in at two hundred and ninety-nine pounds, he is EDWAAAAAARD ZEEEEEPP!!!
The menacing synth and deliberate drums of "Blood Moon" by Dance With The Dead signals the arrival of Ed Zepp, who stalks toward the ring with a look of annoyance that's obvious even through his pair of dark sunglasses. He bounds up to the apron with one step and over the top rope with another, then briefly points a fist to the crowd around him.
Wright: Edward Zepp has to be hungry coming into this. After Apathy was the one that won the tag match last week, he has to feel like he has something to prove.
Park: No doubt, Ollie.
Burrows: Mister Zepp has something to prove, and there is no more dangerous an opponent than one that has something to prove.
Stanford: And his opponent, from Alsace-Lorraine, France and weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, she is AAAAAAPAAAAAATHYYYYYYY!!!
SKIND by Michelle Carter plays as Apathy makes her way down to the ring. As she walks down the ring, she passes through Five and Divine, making it known she will hurt them if they try anything. They step aside and keep eyes on her as she moves in.
Wright: Apathy has proven to be a force here in Fireside.
Park: After getting the pinfall in the semifinal, she has to be confident tonight. What do you think, champ?
Burrows: It’s too close to call, if I’m being honest. Either one of these two could be the victor tonight. I’m excited to see who wins.
The referee calls for the bell. Zepp and Apathy stare each other down for a moment,until Apathy offers her hand to Zepp, who takes it and shakes it.
Wright: An increasingly rare show of respect between these two competitors going into what should be a competitive match for the Kindling final.
Park: I’m not here for respect, I just want to see someone get beat up.
Burrows: It never hurts to show respect, Miss Park.
With the show of respect out of the way,neither wrestler wastes time in throwing hands, trading chops and kicks That quickly pick up in speed and intensity.
Wright: Zepp is playing a dangerous game matching Apathy’s pace off the hop.
Park: Zepp’s biggest weakness is his endurance. Apathy is smart to target that.
Burrows: I wouldn’t count Mister Zepp out quite so quickly.
Zepp shoulder tackles Apathy into the corner. He circles the ring and charges in again, but Apathy rolls out of the way. Zepp slams into the turnbuckle, and Apathy is quick to take the advantage, following up with a roaring headbutt. She beats him down until he’s slumped in the corner and then he picks him back up and chokes him with her boot until the ref breaks them. Before Zepp has a chance to gather himself, Apathy starts hitting Zepp with European uppercuts.
Wright: The early part of this match has been dominated by Apathy.
Burrows: The best way to beat a bigger opponent is to make sure you don’t give them a chance to build up any steam, Mr. Wright.
Park: She’s just gotta make sure she doesn’t get too complacent.
Zepp ends up scooping Apathy up and dropping her on the ring apron. He slingshots off the ropes and knocks her out to the floor, then follows up by getting onto the apron himself. He and Misha Constantine share a few words before he jumps off for a double-sledgehammer, but Apathy catches the larger man with a superkick!
Park: Yikes. How’d that boot taste, Eddie?
Burrows: Missus Deveraux-O’Rourke had that pretty well scouted. She’s one to keep an eye on for sure, just wish I didn’t have to look through Misha and Five to get a glance.
Zepp manages to stay on his feet after the kick, but Apathy slams him back-first into the guard rail and then the ring apron to regain the advantage. Apathy starts chopping Zepp, but the bigger man weathers the blows, finally coming back with a series of stiff chops of his own.
Wright: Zepp is coming back in a big way!
Burrows: I told you not to write him off.
Zepp drives a knee into Apathy’s abdomen, then picks her up to powerbomb her into the ring post. The sound she makes when she crashes into the post echoes through the arena.
Park: Speaking of offense, Ed Zepp might have just stopped Apathy’s cold.
Wright: That ring post is a punishing mistress.
Burrows: Just like Mister Zepp, I’m sure Missus Devereaux-O’Rourke is made of sterner stuff than that.
Zepp hauls the limp Apathy up off the floor by her waist, throwing her back into the ring. As he prepares to step into the ring, Johnny Five moves close to grab his foot with the referee distracted in checking on Apathy’s condition. Zepp kicks him away and climbs back into the ring going for the pinfall.
ONE! TWO! Kickout!
Wright: Apathy digs deep after Five gets involved to keep this one alive!
Burrows: What did I tell you? Tougher stuff.
The crowd rallies behind Apathy as Zepp hauls her up off of the mat by the throat, then nails her with Psychomania!
Wright: Good lord!
Park: Psychomania!
Zepp goes for the pin again,
ONE! TWO! THR-Kickout!
Burrows: That was so close!
Park: Somehow, Apathy keeps it alive!
Zepp looks frustrated, but he hauls Apathy up from the mat again. He drags her over to the corner, putting her on the top turnbuckle and grabbing her by the throat again. Apathy fights off Zepp with kicks to the face and, when the big man is staggered, she leaps off the turnbuckle to hit him with a double-knee facebuster to a huge pop.
Wright: And just like that, Apathy is back in it!
Park: Impressive recovery.
Burrows: You can tell that both of these competitors want this opportunity!
Apathy hauls Zepp up from the mat, hooking him up for a tiger suplex, then rolling through and following up with a dragon suplex. She hauls Zepp up and suplexes him into the corner. She hauls him up again, strongarming the bigger man onto the top turnbuckle and setting up for a superplex, but Zepp counters by driving his head into her abdomen, and he grabs her by the throat and chokeslams her to the mat. Zepp stands on the second rope and jumps off, nailing Apathy with an atomic leg drop!
Wright: A big leg drop from a big man!
Park: That one hurts to think about.
Burrows: Mister Zepp has created an opportunity. He needs to take advantage of it before Missus Deveraux-O’Rourke has a chance to get her breath back.
Zepp is slow to go for the pin, and Apathy rolls out to the floor to buy herself some time to regroup. She manages to stagger into Five and hit him with a vicious european uppercut, doing just enough to keep Misha at bay, but Zepp heads to the apron again and leaps off for the double sledge, sending Apathy crashing to the floor! He hauls her up for a powerbomb, aiming to throw her into the ring post again, but she slips out of his grasp, shoving the bigger man into the ringpost, and then she follows it up with a lungblower!
Wright: A desperate offence pays off for Apathy, even after Five and Divine gets involved!
Burrows: She can’t win the match if he’s outside the ring, and I reckon Mister Zepp isn’t gonna be an easy man to get back in the ring.
This time it’s Apathy that hauls Zepp up from the floor, then lifts him onto her shoulders in a fireman’s carry. She dumps him on the apron and rolls him into the ring, sliding in and going for the quick pinfall.
ONE! Kickout!
Wright: Kickout with authority from Edward Zepp!
Park: Ed Zepp is a beast, he might not be the fastest and he might have some cardio issues, but he’s still proving to be a force to be reckoned with.
Burrows: Each of my potential challengers has their own strengths and weaknesses. Seeing whose will win the day is going to be exciting!
Apathy picks up Zepp and whips him into the corner. She comes in to do a running European Uppercut, but Zepp catches her by the throat, setting up the Mute Button. He lifts her, but a well placed kick to the abdomen lets Apathy slip free.
Park: Apathy saw the end coming and did what she needed to do to escape!
Burrows: She’s showing some impressive ring awareness.
Wright: Indeed it does! Well said, champ!
Apathy tries to go for a Kiss of Death but she can;t get Zepp in position before he slips out of her grasp. Zepp hits a discus lariat and then picks Apathy up by the throat from the mat to nail the Mute Button!
Wright: Mute Button!
Park: Say goodnight, Apathy!
Rather than go for the pin, Zepp scoops Apathy up and hits the Re-Animator!
Wright: Zepp adding insult to injury!
Burrows: How much punishment can Missus Deveraux-O’Rourke take?!
Park: If Apathy can come back from this one, she has a fan in me.
Zepp goes for the pinfall.
ONE! TWO! THRE-Kickout!
Park: Apathy gets the shoulder up!
Wright: Zepp is stunned!
Burrows: It just goes to show you can never count anyone out until the referee counts to---
Just as Burrows is about to finish her line, Misha Constantine swings on the champion with the Ignition briefcase! She barely manages to dodge out of the way, getting back up to her feet and taking the title with her. However, Johnny Five jumps over the table to rock her with a flying clothesline!
Wright: These two are jumping the champion right here and now!
Park: There’s a referee right at ringside if they choose to cash in on our commentary partner! Burrows has gotta split!
Zepp hauls Apathy up to her feet, grabbing her by the throat for another Mute Button, but a flailing leg catches Zepp in a sensitive area and the referee doesn’t see it, distracted by the assault breaking out at ringside. Apathy hauls Zepp onto her shoulders and nails a Kiss of Death!
Wright: Kiss of Death to Zepp!
Park: Where does Apathy keep getting this energy from?
Misha Constantine prepares himself at ringside, looking at a downed Burrows, and jumps on the announce table before firing off a spin kick! The Undyne’s Spear is unsuccessful though, but Johnny Five quickly grabs her for the Fuck Yo Neck! Burrows manages to splil out, and while Constantine’s bodyguard is still bent over, she nails him with her scissor kick, the Closure!
Wright: Closure to Five! Burrows is fighting off the attack on her title!
Park: And look at Misha, he’s bolting with the briefcase!
A weary Burrows returns to the commentary table as Misha Constantine decides to take his chances another day, taking the Ignition briefcase with him as he bolts. Eventually Johnny Five also scampers out, with Burrows doing more to encourage him.
Burrows: Get the hell out of here! Ruining this good match between two up-and-comers like that!
Apathy starts soccer kicking Zepp in the face with Kowada kicks. Zepp pops up and then fires back with shots of his own. Zepp takes the advantage and nails Apathy with a running big boot that nearly turns her inside out. Zepp picks up Apathy and headbutts her. He sets up for another Mute Button, but Apathy dropkicks him in the chest, breaking free from the choke grip. Apathy kicks him in the gut and goes for the Death Before Dishonor but Zepp counters with a Death Before Dishonor of his own!
Wright: Zepp hits Apathy with her own finisher!
Park: After the punishment Apathy has faced tonight, that has to be all she wrote.
Burrows: There’s only one way to find out!
Zepp hauls Apathy up off the mat to hit the Jute Button, but Apathy hits him in the ear with an elbow and slips free. She hauls Zepp up onto her shoulder and hits the DQD then hauls him up to hit a second one. She hauls him up again and nails him with the Death Before Dishonor. She points toward the announcer’s table, then hauls Zepp up from the mat to hit another Death Before Dishonor. Apathy goes for the pin!
ONE! TWO! THREE!!!
The bell rings, and the crowd roars for the new Kindling winner.
Stanford: The winner of this match and the NEW Number One Contender to the Fireside World Championship….. AAAAAPAAAATHYYYYYY!!!!
Wright: Apathy has done it!
Park: She may have just created a new legend tonight, Ollie!
In the ring, Apathy helps Zepp up to his feet, and the two share a good natured hug before Zepp raises Apathy’s hand in victory. She points at the announce table again, and this time Natalie Burrows raises to her feet and lifts the Fireside World Championship above her head while the crowd roars.
Wright: No fear from either of these two going into their title match at Good Riddance!
Park: One thing is for sure, Ollie: That’s going to be a hell of a match!
Stanford: The following is our main event X-Crown Match, and it is a Dragons’ Den Match! In this match, there must be a pinfall or a submission to declare a winner!
The crowd cheers as the demonic structure begins to lower down from the ceiling, encasing the ring in a large metallic cage-like structure with weapons hanging on the walls.
Wright: Here we go, one more time: as has become almost standard here in FIRESIDE, I must say we are grateful to be hosting another X-Crown match. But this time, things should get violent in a hurry: Dragon’s Den is a place wherein a world of hurt resides. This could be brutal.
Park: Kane has claimed this to be homefield territory, but Fizz is motivated and focused. Is this his time? Let’s find out.
Stanford: Introducing first, the challenger… from Daytona Beach, Florida, weighing in at 220 pounds, he is the current SPARK Champion, he is VOOODDDDDDDDDKAAAA FIZZZZZZZZZ!
'Hey, turn the bass up. Turn the bass up!'
The base gets louder and grungier, and the lyrics come in as Vodka Fizz dives out on stage in a golf cart retrofitted with huge speakers that are playing his music. He is dressed in a full-length white fur coat, white shutter glasses, and anover-the-top white top hat, and as he drives the golf cart down the ramp he toasts fans with a yard-long cocktail flask hung around his neck full of some florescent liquid he drinks from as he drives down the ramp.
When he gets to ringside, he drapes the fur coat over the seat of the golf cart and removes the top hat, keeping the shades on. he climbs up on the apron, turning to face the crowd and chugging the remnants of his large drink, finally striking a pose and spraying a mouthful of whatever it is up into the air and letting it rain over him. He grins and winks at the camera, then rolls backwards over the ropes into the ring.
Wright: Our resident Dumpster Fire, the heart of FIRESIDE, getting ready for what should be the biggest match of his career. He earned this through making it to the End of Days semi-finals, and has been making waves of enemies ever since.
Park: He fell short in that tournament but Donzig and Felix have been on him like flies, as well as the rest of the BANG Bros. We’re told if he wins the Crown tonight, the SPARK championship will be vacated, but if not he now has a triple threat to deal with between the two men.
Park: In addition to that cell match!
Wright: If he wasn’t making friends with Burrows and fighting for the Crown, I would say that it is a very bad time to be Fizz. Though then again, Dragon’s Den might not favor the challenger.
Stanford: And his opponent, from Belfast, Ireland, weighing in at 240 pounds, he is the current X-Crown champion, he is SPIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEE KAAAAAANEEEEEE!
The lights go out as the beginning of "Bow Down" by I Prevail plays through the PA system, as a circle of flames erupts on the stage. Through the flames, slowly emerges Spike Kane as he fully emerges, the song kicks in.
"GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN!!!"
Spike steps through the flames and heads to the ring, taking off his jacket as he prepares for a fight.
Wright: Is Dragon’s Den really a punishment? That’s the question on a lot of the fans’ minds as Spike Kane, after screwing Fizz out of his first chance at the Crown, gets his match type of choice in the official match on this Inferno.
Park: Some say that this caters to him, but I’d say that only goes so far. Fizz has been knocked down and repressed over and over, and eventually he’ll get to the top of the food chain. Tonight could be his night.
Wright: The BANG Bros have also been banned from ringside to keep them at bay, so no outside interference expected here. Just a good ol’ war. There’s the bell, here we go!
As soon as the bell rings, both men explode out of their corners and charge at each other, fist flying like mad. Rights and lefts, just laying into each other. The crowd are on their feet as Spike and Fizz show that there is no love lost between them. Off the bat Spike seems to be gaining the advantage before Vodka Fizz gives Spike a swift kick stopping him in his tracks, and planting Spike into the mat with an implant DDT. Vodka immediately rolls backwards to his feet and claps his hands lunging forwards with a standing moonsault press onto Spike!
Wright: Fizz taking it to Spike early here!
Park: We wanted a fight, we’re definitely getting one!
Vodka turns towards the Den wall now and climbs out onto the apron, reaching out towards the barbed wire and grabbing a barbed wire baseball bat off the wall. He turns and climbs back into the ring, but Spike is back on his feet, Spike hits the opposite ropes and charges towards Vodka, Fizz swings with the bat but Spike ducks underneath and hits the other ropes as Vodka turns around Spike slams his feet right into the face with the BLOODY SUNDAY!
Wright: The big Bloody Sunday stopping both men in their tracks!
Park: That’s a way to take back momentum, yessir!
The crowd are roaring for both men, but Vodka Fizz wisely rolls to the apron and to the outside, legs first so that he’s technically in a standing position, but he does, however, drop the bat. Spike spots it and stops for a second, before he raises it into the air to a pop from the BANG Bros section of the crowd. Spike turns to face Fizz who is starting to recover on the outside. Spike rolls to the outside at the other side of the apron and charges towards Fizz, but this time Vodka ducks underneath Spike’s swing, and Spike connects with the turnbuckle post, forcing him to drop the bat. Now Fizz rounds on Spike as he leaps up onto the apron, and as Spike turns he dives off the apron with a flipping sunset powerbomb! The crowd are truly eating all of this up as Vodka sits there with a crumbled up Spike between his legs, and a smirk on his face. Fizz pushes Spike away before climbing to his feet, he then grabs Spike by his hair and slowly pulls him to his feet before grabbing him by his shoulders and sends him crashing head first into the Den wall covered in barbed wire!
Wright: OUCH! Right into the barbed wire walls of that Devil’s Den structure!
Park: Pain, pain, and nothing but pain.
Vodka Fizz then turns his attention to the steel steps, he begins to unfasten them and set them up in between the ring and the Den wall, and slowly drags Spike on top of them. He gives Spike a few punches, as blood is beginning to trickle from Spike’s face, before rolling into the ring. He looks down at Spike, before climbing onto the turnbuckle. Fizz looks down at Kane one more time before he leaps off the turnbuckle with the huge elbow drop! -but Spike moves!!!! Spike Kane literally rolls off the stairs and Vodka Fizz comes crashing into them hard!
Wright: Spike moves! Can the champ find an opening?
Park: Look at that blood!
Blood is covering the face of Spike now as he walks back towards the bat and picks it up, roaring as he does so, before heading back towards Vodka Fizz and bringing it down hard! Then again! And again! And again! The crowd are enjoying the battle, as Fizz shouts out each time. Slowly, but surely Vodka Fizz has been rolling away from Spike with each shot. Now as Spike approached him, he quickly shifted his weight and brought Spike down with a drop toe hold, face first into the ring post!
Wright: POSTED!
Park: The challenger looking strong here!
Inside the ring we can see the referee putting on gloves as Vodka Fizz begins to pull a steel chair off the Den wall. However he isn’t wielding it, but rather setting it up in a seating position. He takes a few steps back and waits for Spike to stand up and as he does he charges and nails Spike with A HUGE SPEAR THROUGH THE DEN!!!
Wright: SPEAR! A HUGE SPEAR!
Park: I didn’t know that was even possible! I thought the walls were sturdier than that!
The crowd are loving it as The Heart of FIRESIDE stumbles through the mess of Den wall, barbed wire, and Spike’s body towards the announce table. He smiles to the crowd who erupt with cheers, before walking back through it all and grabbing a ladder from underneath the ring. He drags it across the mess he’s made, a smile on his face as he does, before setting it up on the outside next to the Den wall, right by the body of Spike Kane.
Spike is trying to get to his feet, caught in a mess of barbed wire. Vodka Fizz cocks his head and watches in amusement, before grabbing Spike’s head and pulling him up, however with a burst of momentum Spike lifts Vodka Fizz into the air and nails him with the SPIKE IMPALER ONTO THE BROKEN DEN WALL!!!!
Wright: NO! SPIKE IMPALER FROM THE CHAMPION!
Park: Fizz took too long, too much time passed and the champ made him pay dearly. That’s why he’s the champ, he’s got decades of experience at this point.
Fizz writhes in agony in the mess, as does Spike, before he drags himself towards the announce table, pulling himself up. Spike tells the ref to count Vodka Fizz, but the ref tells him it’s got to be in the ring. With a head shake, Spike starts to pull Vodka Fizz to his feet. Spike wobbles and falls into the announce table, before Fizz slides him onto it. He doesn’t even take the time to clear it off, Fizz then turns to the ladder and with a sick smile on his face turns to climb up it. The crowd are losing their shit as Vodka Fizz climbs up it. He climbs to the absolute top, standing right on the final step and sneers out at the crowd and down at Spike, before leaping through the air and crashing into Spike and the announce table with an INSANE cannonball!!!
Wright: CANNONBALLLLLLL!
Park: This crowd’s on their feet and going wild!
The referee is stuck for what to do, he cannot count them out due to them being outside the Den, but he does check on both men just to make sure they are okay to continue. The ringside area is starting to get covered in blood as both men lay there. After a few moments, what must feel like an eternity Vodka Fizz begins to show signs of life. He pulls himself up through the carnage and actually gets a standing ovation from the crowd, just due to his willingness to put his body on the line. He looks down at Spike, before going back into the ring area to drag a table out and sets it up, grabbing Spike and then drags him to his feet, placing him on table to another huge roar from the crowd.
Wright: At what point does Fizz just go for a damn pin?
Park: I agree with you, the champ’s down, just pin him instead of putting him through this mess!
Vodka Fizz begins to ascend the ladder once again, the crowd egging him on as he does so. However, this time, once he gets to the top, he turns to look at the Dragon’s Den itself, and then to the crowd, who are just roaring with bloodlust. Fizz then turns towards the Den, grabs the top of it and hops up onto the top! The crowd are going insane! Vodka looks down, as if he’s about to leap off on Spike, but SPIKE SITS UP!
Wright: Be careful putting down the demon, he may just come back on you!
Park: Things might be about to turn away from Fizz!
The crowd are going mental as Spike looks up at Fizz and now he smirks, but Vodka Fizz quickly lays down and grabs the ladder, pulling it up so that Spike cannot use it. Vodka taps his head telling Spike he’s outthought him, but Spike just nods his head, before reaching under the ring and pulling out some bandages to wrap them around his hands.
Spike begins to climb up the Dragons Den, using the bandage-wrapped hands to protect himself from the barbed wire. Vodka smirks down at Spike, before kicking the ladder off the side, but it doesn’t stop Spike, and Fizz doesn’t stop his ascent, instead he backs off and allows Spike to climb up, taunting him, telling him to bring it. After a few minutes Spike has made it to the top, and he throws the bandage wraps to the ground, the two men stand on the top of the Den, the crowd all around The Hearth are on their feet cheering for them both and the absolute display of carnage they have put on.
Wright: Be careful up there boys!
Park: One wrong move and you’d go plummeting to the floor!
Vodka Fizz and Spike Kane are battling right in the center of the Den ceiling, trading lefts and rights as both are now bloody messes. Spike grabs Fizz and lifts him up for the Spike Impaler, but the SPARK champion slides out of the X-Crown champion’s hold, and grabs him to turn his body around, before planting him with a MIND ERASER THAT CAUSES BOTH MEN TO CRASH THROUGH THE CEILING OF THE DEN!
Wright: OH MY GOD! THEY’RE BOTH DEAD!
Park: FIZZ HITS THE BIGGEST MIND ERASER OF HIS LIFE! THIS COULD BE IT! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!
Both the champion and the challenger are down and not moving whatsoever as the crowd roars, knowing they’re coming so close to the X-Crown championship changing hands. Neither men has moved for over a minute now as the crowd chants for the awesomeness of the match and for Vodka Fizz. The medical staff is down at ringside to check on both men, passing through the broken wall to start checking on the competitors, and slowly but surely, Spike begins to move as the medical team is told to back off by the official.
Wright: Both men took a hellacious impact there, Spike Kane falling on his front and his stomach while I think Fizz might have smacked his head on the back of the mat!
Park: I haven’t seen Fizz move at all since that Mind Eraser, he might be out!
Wright: Oh, for the Heart of FIRESIDE to go down like this, come on Voddy, just a little bit more…
Spike Kane spits out some blood from his internals as he crawls, using the last of his energy to throw an arm over the unconscious challenger.
Wright: Come on Voddy! Not this way!
Park: I think he’s out, Ollie!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The bell rings!
Wright: Damnit!
Park: Spike Kane survives a brutal war with Vodka Fizz and retains the X-Crown championship!
Wright: I don’t even know if he can walk after that one! Fizz gave him everything but the kitchen sink!
Stanford: Here is your winner, and STILLLLLLLL the X-Crown Champion, SPIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEE KAAAAAAAAAAAAANEEEEEEEEEEE!
Spike Kane is given his championship by the referee who places the gold on his barely-moving body. Perhaps out of instinct or out of protection for the champ, or just to celebrate, his fellow BANG Bros in El Combatiente and Curtis Kanyon emerge from the back with their championships as well to celebrate, passing through the hole of the Dragon’s Den.
Wright: The BANG Bros celebrate victory of the war tonight as our show comes to a close!
Park: My name’s UnJoo Park, that’s Oliver Wright, we’ll see you on the 30th for Good Riddance: BANG! The Night Away!
As the three men celebrate in the ring, the show prepares to go off the air… before the screen above the ramp changes.
The camera cuts to General Manager Marcus Washington’s office, as a smiling Misha Constantine looks up at the television where Kane lays motionless, signing his name on the dotted line for his Ignition contract. The line for a date next to his name simply says “Good Riddance”.
Misha Constantine: As I said, however much it pains you… you will soon be kneeling once more to the Self-Made God.