Post by BrainScratch on Dec 25, 2021 1:28:35 GMT -5
[Originally this was going to be part of the match RP, but it's not really an Ed story. So I didn't want to shoehorn him into it more, but also don't want to scrap it completely, so I finished it up late and it's just for funsies and doesn't count... I just really enjoy making fun of the stuff one might see from an indy promotion. Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone!]
- The Revenge of Krampus -
The holiday season had been pleasantly nondescript for Edward. Presents were received and wrapped on time, the tree was not covered in house-destroying termites, no giant towers were taken over by terrorists, and no weird pets were dunked in water to create any silly situations. His brother Isaiah has been a wreck, however, obsessing over his attempted Senate bid. Ed was sent a flyer for a local wrestling event, similar to the big Halloween party he went to, and he convinced Isaiah to take a ride with him.
"These guys won't want me there, Edward..."
"It will be fine."
"I really should be prepping my Senate speeches. What do you think, more Camus or more Nietzsche this time?"
"You shouldn't worry about that."
"Tch! Says you, you never worry about anything."
"Incorrect."
The Zepp Family Hearse pulls in and Edward retrieves a horribly sewn costume from the back seat.
"I can't believe you agreed to dress up as this thing again. You're a big star now, Ed, you don't have to slum it on the indies."
"I'm not."
"Well then who?"
Edward nods slightly toward his older brother and toward the costume.
"What?! ME?! Oh you're out of your gourd, young Edward."
Ed continues to gesture silently to it, and slaps Isaiah in the stomach.
"Why the hell would I put on this stinky old German folktale thing? It doesn't even fit me!"
Ed smirks.
"It might be fun."
"Fun!?"
Edward almost cracks up, but playfully tries to sell this with the wave of his hands. Isaiah also starts laughing and grabs the costume.
"You're out of your mind, and I guess so am I..."
- - - - - -
Inside the ring in a disheveled armory hall, is Penne Omega and his Barilla Club Elite cronies stomping away at a bald man with a white goatee, who's wearing a green vest and red trunks, and topped with a red poof-ball skull cap. Omega grabs a mic as the few dozen fans are booing mercilessly.
"Fa la la... la la... it looks like Stone Cold Saint Nick is gonna be in the hospital this year, and none of you fat snot-nosed children and man-children are gonna get any presents!"
At that moment a song hits the PA, and the snot-nosed children and man-children all turn their heads to the entrance way. The song is Lacuna Coil's "Naughty Christmas", and the Barilla Club are shocked as the lyrics ring out.
'Everybody wants to be GOOD AT CHRISTMAS!'
A terrifying creature stalks to the squared circle, with horns on his head and a long protruding tongue. The crowd starts to chant for their returning holiday anti-hero.
"KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS!"
Krampus prances up the steps with a devilish glee and enters the ring, although the Club notice that he steps through the ropes instead of over the top.
"Hey wasn't this guy taller last year?"
"Who cares, get him!"
Isaiah Zepp hasn't wrestled in years, but the muscle memory takes over. Two brothers, Rotelli and Rotini, try to superkick him, but he ducks them and levels both with a jumping leg lariat! Taiji Cavitappi grabs the Krampus from behind, but he's countered with a standing switch and a reverse suplex! Karl Agnolotti leaps for a jumping cutter but Krampus kicks him in mid-air with an enzuigiri! Penne Omega is left all alone now, and Krampus pounds his chest to intimidate him. Omega doesn't notice a very pissed off redneck Santa returning to his feet, and Stone Cold Saint Nick turns him around to deliver a North Pole Stunner! Barilla Club is sent packing, and Saint Nick grabs the microphone.
"You little pasta boys thought you could pull one over on good ol' Saint Nick and ruin Christmas, but NEH EHH! Now someone throw Stone Cold some Eggnogweisers!"
SCSN is thrown some cartons of dubious liquid, and finally he notices Zepp in the Krampus costume.
"Well don't you look a little weird there, son? But you saved my jolly ASS, so if everybody wants to see Saint Nick and The Krampus share some eggnog at Christmastime, give me a HO HO HO HELL YEAH!"
"HO HO HO HELL YEAH!"
Saint Nick offers Isaiah a carton, and not trying to break character he leans in.
"Is this swill non-alcoholic at least?"
"Oh yeah there son, Stone Cold don't drink and drive on the sleigh, WHAT. I said I don't endanger any other air traffic, WHAT. I said you gotta be responsible to make sure you get to your family gatherings safely!"
With that, SCSN smacks his carton with Isaiah's and turns it up, barely drinking any and covering himself and the mat with ugly eggnog. Isaiah hesitantly tries to drink it, but he has remove the mask to do so. The crowd notices and begins to cheer wildly.
"I-ZAY-AH! I-ZAY-AH! I-ZAY-AH!"
- - - - - -
After the show, Isaiah waves goodbye to some cohorts and fans and approaches the hearse with the waiting Ed.
"So did you have fun?"
"I actually did. That was a great gift, Edward... and it made me think about the future. I think I might start my own little promotion here in California."
Edward smiles. Getting Isaiah off his butt and into something productive was the whole goal.
"Think you can handle it?"
"Yeah, I can manage it. Those people still love me! So I can put on a couple big shows around the state... and then use all that momentum to get into the Senate!"
Ed's smile drops forty feet into a ditch. Isaiah doesn't notice that.
"Yeah it's going to be great!"
It's at least a small step, Ed thinks.
- The Revenge of Krampus -
The holiday season had been pleasantly nondescript for Edward. Presents were received and wrapped on time, the tree was not covered in house-destroying termites, no giant towers were taken over by terrorists, and no weird pets were dunked in water to create any silly situations. His brother Isaiah has been a wreck, however, obsessing over his attempted Senate bid. Ed was sent a flyer for a local wrestling event, similar to the big Halloween party he went to, and he convinced Isaiah to take a ride with him.
"These guys won't want me there, Edward..."
"It will be fine."
"I really should be prepping my Senate speeches. What do you think, more Camus or more Nietzsche this time?"
"You shouldn't worry about that."
"Tch! Says you, you never worry about anything."
"Incorrect."
The Zepp Family Hearse pulls in and Edward retrieves a horribly sewn costume from the back seat.
"I can't believe you agreed to dress up as this thing again. You're a big star now, Ed, you don't have to slum it on the indies."
"I'm not."
"Well then who?"
Edward nods slightly toward his older brother and toward the costume.
"What?! ME?! Oh you're out of your gourd, young Edward."
Ed continues to gesture silently to it, and slaps Isaiah in the stomach.
"Why the hell would I put on this stinky old German folktale thing? It doesn't even fit me!"
Ed smirks.
"It might be fun."
"Fun!?"
Edward almost cracks up, but playfully tries to sell this with the wave of his hands. Isaiah also starts laughing and grabs the costume.
"You're out of your mind, and I guess so am I..."
- - - - - -
Inside the ring in a disheveled armory hall, is Penne Omega and his Barilla Club Elite cronies stomping away at a bald man with a white goatee, who's wearing a green vest and red trunks, and topped with a red poof-ball skull cap. Omega grabs a mic as the few dozen fans are booing mercilessly.
"Fa la la... la la... it looks like Stone Cold Saint Nick is gonna be in the hospital this year, and none of you fat snot-nosed children and man-children are gonna get any presents!"
At that moment a song hits the PA, and the snot-nosed children and man-children all turn their heads to the entrance way. The song is Lacuna Coil's "Naughty Christmas", and the Barilla Club are shocked as the lyrics ring out.
'Everybody wants to be GOOD AT CHRISTMAS!'
A terrifying creature stalks to the squared circle, with horns on his head and a long protruding tongue. The crowd starts to chant for their returning holiday anti-hero.
"KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS! KRAMPUS!"
Krampus prances up the steps with a devilish glee and enters the ring, although the Club notice that he steps through the ropes instead of over the top.
"Hey wasn't this guy taller last year?"
"Who cares, get him!"
Isaiah Zepp hasn't wrestled in years, but the muscle memory takes over. Two brothers, Rotelli and Rotini, try to superkick him, but he ducks them and levels both with a jumping leg lariat! Taiji Cavitappi grabs the Krampus from behind, but he's countered with a standing switch and a reverse suplex! Karl Agnolotti leaps for a jumping cutter but Krampus kicks him in mid-air with an enzuigiri! Penne Omega is left all alone now, and Krampus pounds his chest to intimidate him. Omega doesn't notice a very pissed off redneck Santa returning to his feet, and Stone Cold Saint Nick turns him around to deliver a North Pole Stunner! Barilla Club is sent packing, and Saint Nick grabs the microphone.
"You little pasta boys thought you could pull one over on good ol' Saint Nick and ruin Christmas, but NEH EHH! Now someone throw Stone Cold some Eggnogweisers!"
SCSN is thrown some cartons of dubious liquid, and finally he notices Zepp in the Krampus costume.
"Well don't you look a little weird there, son? But you saved my jolly ASS, so if everybody wants to see Saint Nick and The Krampus share some eggnog at Christmastime, give me a HO HO HO HELL YEAH!"
"HO HO HO HELL YEAH!"
Saint Nick offers Isaiah a carton, and not trying to break character he leans in.
"Is this swill non-alcoholic at least?"
"Oh yeah there son, Stone Cold don't drink and drive on the sleigh, WHAT. I said I don't endanger any other air traffic, WHAT. I said you gotta be responsible to make sure you get to your family gatherings safely!"
With that, SCSN smacks his carton with Isaiah's and turns it up, barely drinking any and covering himself and the mat with ugly eggnog. Isaiah hesitantly tries to drink it, but he has remove the mask to do so. The crowd notices and begins to cheer wildly.
"I-ZAY-AH! I-ZAY-AH! I-ZAY-AH!"
- - - - - -
After the show, Isaiah waves goodbye to some cohorts and fans and approaches the hearse with the waiting Ed.
"So did you have fun?"
"I actually did. That was a great gift, Edward... and it made me think about the future. I think I might start my own little promotion here in California."
Edward smiles. Getting Isaiah off his butt and into something productive was the whole goal.
"Think you can handle it?"
"Yeah, I can manage it. Those people still love me! So I can put on a couple big shows around the state... and then use all that momentum to get into the Senate!"
Ed's smile drops forty feet into a ditch. Isaiah doesn't notice that.
"Yeah it's going to be great!"
It's at least a small step, Ed thinks.