Post by Steve Awesome on Dec 27, 2021 0:25:58 GMT -5
“Awesome Productions Presents…”
Shitstorm 3! Santa’s Been Naughty!
*The voice of a grizzled chief is heard.*
: Barry Wimbledon. Humble scientist and top cop. We got another mission for you.
*We see the grizzled chief hand Barry (played by Steve Awesome) the file.*
: It’s in the North Pole.
*Cut to Barry packing his bags with his hot wife played by Marissa Tomei.*
: Pack extra socks just in case you step in reindeer poop. I hear it’s humongous.
*Barry just rolls his eyes.*
: This is just a regular mission. It’s not like that.
*They fight and then make out a bit when their precious daughter enters the room with a sheet of paper.*
: Daddy, since your going to the North Pole, would you give Santa my Christmas list?
*He gives a side eye to his chuckling wife and and then smiles and nods at the little girl.*
: Of course sweetheart. If I see the guy, I’ll make sure he gets it.
*Barry hugs his daughter.
Cut to Barry getting off the plane and fade right into a montage of Barry adding an obnoxious amount of attachments to a gun. Each one making the click-clack sound. After all that we fade back into Barry with just a regular sniper up in an elevated position. He has his eye in the scope and raises a walkie-talkie to his mouth.*
: According to the files, I should have the perp in my sights…
*The scope lands on a big fat man with a big white beard and a red coat. He was surrounded by a few reindeer and a couple elves.*
: Oh you have got to be kidding me!
*Cut to Barry on the phone.*
: Chief. I can’t assassinate Santa Claus.
*The grizzled voice of the chief comes through the phone.*
: That’s not Santa. That’s a wanted criminal.
*Barry shakes his head.*
: Either that’s Santa, or ZZ Top are playing at the North Pole.
*“La Grange” starts to play.
Barry has Santa (played by Kanyon) corner. Santa pleads to Barry.*
: It wasn’t me! I was framed! Now I’m wanted by the mob and the CIA! This is ho-ho-horrible!
*Cut to Santa with his hands up caught between the mob and the cia. Weapons drawn. All of a sudden Barry bursts through the wall in a monster truck and takes out everyone at once.*
: Barry! You came back for me!
*Barry reaches out and grabs Santa’s hand and pulls him into the truck.*
: Jingle all the way, Brother.
*You can hear the grizzled voice of the chief once again.&
: I can’t believe you’d go against the mob and your own agency like this Wimbledon.
: I have to sir. Santa is innocent!
: What a shitstorm you’ve gotten yourself into. Haven’t you learned by now, Barry?
: I guess they say Third times the charm.
*Cut to Barry and Santa getting a bunch of weapons, loading them and putting them in holsters.*
: I don’t know Barry, Santa has never held a gun before.
: You want to clear your name right? Now’s your chance.
*Santa nods his head and cocks a shotgun.*
: I guess Santa has to get naughty.
*Barry and Santa both kick up a door to a big building and run inside as *
SHITSTORM 3: SANTAS BEEN NAUGHTY
*Flashes on the screen. Cut to the Chief's office*
Chief: One more thing Barry, Santa... you two can't do this without your new partner.
*Tom Cruise dressed as a dog enters.*
: Looks like things just got...
: Ruff!
*"Coming to a theatre near you" flashes on screen.*
**Fade out.**