Post by BrainScratch on Jan 21, 2022 23:59:45 GMT -5
- Philadelphia Morning -
The face of Edward Zepp blips into view from a laptop webcam. It appears to be morning, and he seems grumpy, which is to say this is the default setting of Zepp's visage. He sips from a giant cup of tea as his eyes catch the challenge before him. He exhales almost in a snort, and somehow he looks even grumpier. His eyes jump around to different tabs, gaining a quick intro into who is Hank Sokolov.
Ed's demeanor pivots suddenly as he looks off-camera, and he gestures that the tea is delicious as he takes another sip.
Back to the screen, and Zepp glares again, annoyed. He laughs under his breath, and after a long pause finally states:
"Yeah. You got it."
Edward cuts the recording. Incensed at Sokolov's challenge, he bangs his fist on the table, which nearly topples his giant cup of tea. He hits a button quickly to call the man that would know about dealing with random challenges, his brother Isaiah, who blips onto the screen wearing an old black sweatshirt.
Isaiah: "Edward, my brother. I thought you would be on a plane by now..."
Before Ed can respond, Isaiah notices the background behind him, adorned with many tea pots and frilly decorations.
Isaiah: "Those sure are a lot of tea pots. Did you find a good tea house in Philadelphia? Is Philly known for their tea?"
Isaiah rattles off a few more questions without pausing, until Ed cuts him off.
Ed: "Big snow storm this week. Thought it'd be safer if I stay here this month."
Isaiah: "At a tea house? Is this a bed and breakfast place?"
Edward sighs. He wasn't going to make a big deal about where he is this very second, but of course his older brother has already zeroed in on it.
Ed: "Look, I need some advice..."
Isaiah: "Or is it like a brothel, but instead of women of ill repute, you buy blends of tea and a bed..."
Ed: "Isaiah..."
Isaiah: "Oh! They could call it a brewthel!"
Ed: "Eye!"
Isaiah: "Yes?"
Ed: "Forget about the tea."
Isaiah: "Well, fine. What was your question?"
Ed: "I just got called out, by a giant Russian."
Isaiah: "Was it Kevin Nash with a dye job and a striped shirt?"
Ed: "No. He's a real Russian."
Isaiah: "Hmm. You could let him crush the smaller competition until you know more about him."
Ed: "I accepted the match."
Isaiah: "Oh... Well then, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and stay true to yourself."
His brother keeps a straight face and does a quick side pose, trying to get Ed to laugh. This attempt is unsuccessful.
Ed: "Great... Anything new at home?"
Isaiah: "Still figuring out a name for my side project. I went to the office to trademark Conquest Wrestling Federation, but someone scooped it up right before me! The nerve! I think I might try for World Wrestling Zepp. You know, WWZ."
Ed: "Doesn't seem smart to bring those letters back..."
An alert pops up on both their screens, and with another blip their youngest sibling Ike pops into the call.
Ike: "Ay ay Eddie, what it is?!"
Ed lifts his head and the two have a quick finger-pistol duel.
Ike: "Man that's a lot of tea pots. Is that some kinda new Panera or somethin'?"
Isaiah: "No, Ichabod, I called it a Brewthel! Google that quick for me to see if that's already a thing."
Edward rubs his eyes at his brothers' nonsense.
Ike: "Uhh, yeah it looks like someone already uses that."
Isaiah: "Drat! I thought I stumbled on a million dollar idea."
Ike: "Hey, speaking of good ideas, can you lift the parental lock on insta?!"
Isaiah: "Absolutely not. Not while your grades are so low."
Ike: "C'mon man, how am I supposed to build my brand as a rapper without social media?!"
Isaiah: "Building your brand? You only go on there to stare at women's asses."
Ike: "Uhh... I just need inspiration for my hit song. That's what the peeps want, and you gotta give the people what they want! Hey Eddie whatchu up to?"
Ed finishes rubbing his temples as Isaiah jumps in for the answer.
Isaiah: "He's fighting a Russian and needs his own inspiration."
Ike: "Ayy go Rocky on his ass! Oh oh I got one for you, Ed. How about... 'You bring Kalashnikovs, well turn your head and cough' And then you hit him in the nuts! How's that?"
Edward gives Ike a generously neutral so-so shake of the hand.
Isaiah: "No no, that's ridiculous. I know how you get into this Russo's mind. Ask him about the Russian Pyramids."
Ike: "The what now?"
Isaiah: "In Bosnia there's a pair of ancient pyramids, possibly tying the DNA of Russia's populace to extraterrestrial life! You interrogate that brute about his real History, and see him squirm like the communist alien he is!"
Ike: "Dude that's stupid! You've been binging those Discover Plus shows again!"
Isaiah: "It's the unknown truth!"
Edward can only blink as his brethren squabble, when suddenly another alert pops up. Their sister Cecelia enters the chat, wearing a thick pair of headphones over her purple hair and holding a giant microphone shaped like a head.
Cecelia: "Guys! I'm doing an ASMR stream but all I can hear is you assholes yelling!"
Ceecee sees Ed, and that softens her anger a bit.
Cecelia: "Eddie!... Hey, what's with all the tea pots?"
Ed rolls his eyes, but then another voice from Ed's locale speaks out.
"Hey Ed, sweetie, what kind of show are you watching? Sounds really silly..."
Ike: "Whoa who was that?"
Isaiah: "Perhaps his waitress at the Brewthel."
Cecelia: "The what?"
Isaiah: "Oh it's this idea I had..."
At that moment a woman walks into view of the Zepps, wearing her flight attendant uniform, and places a hand onto Edward's burly shoulder. All three of his siblings mouths go agape simultaneously. Edward finally breaks the pause.
Ed: "Emily, my family."
Emily: "Hi! I've heard so much about you guys."
All three remain perfectly still in shock. Ed flashes them a short smirk. Emily taps the laptop.
Emily: "Huh, did it freeze?"
Ed: "Yes. Later guys."
Ed quickly closes the laptop before his siblings can move or respond.
Emily: "Don't worry, I wasn't going to embarrass you in front of them."
Ed: "Not worried about you."
Edward wraps an arm around her whole body, and she kisses him on the cheek. They share a quiet moment of happiness until she sighs.
Emily: "Sadly I gotta get moving. They've got me on the Orlando-Atlanta loops the rest of the week. You sure you'll be okay here?"
Ed: "More than okay."
Emily: "So there's more tea in the pot, food in the fridge... And hey, you don't have to crash on the couch. I'm surprised you got any sleep on that thing."
Edward cracks his sore neck.
Ed: "Very comfy."
Emily: "You're something else... Anywho, this isn't goodbye it's only... Oh shit, I'm late!"
Another quick peck and she bolts out the door. Ed sits in solitude for a moment as a cat wanders into the kitchen. Edward reaches a hand out to pet it, but it hisses and takes a defensive position at its food bowl. He tries to recollect what his brothers had offered him in the way of advice, and sadly Ike had the best idea to combat Sokolov. Perhaps it's time to go Rocky on him.
- Gonna Fly Now -
It's not as easy as it sounds to find gray sweatshirts and sweatpants when you're as tall as Edward Zepp, even in Philly, but Ed has made due with a mismatched color scheme of blue pants and black shirts. He's also bundled in a thick hat, scarf, and gloves. For a San Diego native, these below freezing temperatures in the 'heat' of the day are utter bullshit. He figures, once he gets warmed up he won't feel the cold, but as he begins to run that just means the crisp air cuts into him like a knife. He has a made a terrible mistake in his training method, but he continues onward through downtown Philadelphia. Instead of a stirring ensemble of instruments pushing his every triumphant step, Ed can hear random denizens gawking at him or kids whipping out their phones to film him, yelling "Look at dat big friggin guy run!" and so on and so forth.
Nonetheless, Edward spends the next week charging past a shipping yards, market squares, rivers, and all the rest. After seven days of this routine, hefinally approaches the Philadelphia Museum of Art's steps. He picks up speed, but is quickly underwhelmed. Stallone would leap up two or three steps at a time in his movie, of course, but Ed finds it no trouble to vault up entire sections in one lunge if he pleases. He reaches the statue, but instead of feeling the moment to raise his hands in victory, it's more of a shrug. Was that really it, he thinks.
Before he can leave, he hears a gasping of breath. Dig Deeper, erstwhile reporter, ascends the steps with a slow exasperated walk. Wearing a thick business coat and a fedora. He wheezes a few times as he makes it to Zepp.
Dig: "Mr. Zepp..."
Ed: "What are you doing here?"
Dig: "Well I was in the area..."
Ed: "You always seem to be in the area."
Dig: "Relax... You're all over Twitter right now, although I didn't need my phone to see a seven footer running through the streets."
Ed: "Fine. So you want an interview, here?"
Dig: "I can't think of a better spot."
Ed: "Right."
Deeper procures his phone from a pocket and sets it to record.
Dig: "Good day from Philadelphia, this is Dig Deeper for The Wrestling Voyeur newsletter, the best scoops online!"
Ed: "That's your tag line?"
Dig: "Hey if it works, it works. Today I have an exclusive interview with the one and only Edward Zepp. Say hello to the subscribers!"
Ed: "Yeah..."
Dig: "So word travels fast, and everyone knows about the Clash of the Titans set for Inferno. The fans want to know, are you making a joke here at the expense of newcomer Hank Sokolov of Russia?"
Edward gives him a sideways glance.
Ed: "No."
Dig: "So are you eating raw eggs to prepare for him as well?"
Ed: "No."
Dig: "Punching a side of beef in a meat locker?"
Ed: "Goodbye, Dig."
Edward descends a few steps.
Dig: "Hold on, hold on! The people just want to know, what's your method to this challenge?"
Ed stops and turns, nearly still at eye level with the camera even from his current spot.
Ed: "Sokolov says he's bigger and stronger. He saw the biggest target, and shot at me. He's going to try to drag me down for his first step into the company. I went on this run because I'm going to outlast him. I'm going to take his best shot and hit him harder. And if I must... I'll break him."
Dig: "Thank you. Honestly, thank you. Hey, one more question. Any truth to the rumors of a company being started by your brother Isaiah?"
Ed: "Why would you want to know?"
Dig: "Hey hey I'm a west coast man myself, I much prefer that style. And the weather, am I right or am I right or am I right?! So when I heard talk of a possible outfit running out of San Diego, it had my ears ringing!"
Edward knits his brows at the thought that Dig is trying to relate to him, but he offers an answer.
Ed: "Ha... Yeah, Eye wants to do a vanity project. Connecting what he knows best to his Senate bid."
Deeper's face is aglow as he writes that down furiously,
Dig: "Well that is... an excellent scoop! Thank you very much, Mr. Zepp."
Ed: "So we're done, right?"
Dig: "Indeed. May the best Titan win!"
The face of Edward Zepp blips into view from a laptop webcam. It appears to be morning, and he seems grumpy, which is to say this is the default setting of Zepp's visage. He sips from a giant cup of tea as his eyes catch the challenge before him. He exhales almost in a snort, and somehow he looks even grumpier. His eyes jump around to different tabs, gaining a quick intro into who is Hank Sokolov.
Ed's demeanor pivots suddenly as he looks off-camera, and he gestures that the tea is delicious as he takes another sip.
Back to the screen, and Zepp glares again, annoyed. He laughs under his breath, and after a long pause finally states:
"Yeah. You got it."
Edward cuts the recording. Incensed at Sokolov's challenge, he bangs his fist on the table, which nearly topples his giant cup of tea. He hits a button quickly to call the man that would know about dealing with random challenges, his brother Isaiah, who blips onto the screen wearing an old black sweatshirt.
Isaiah: "Edward, my brother. I thought you would be on a plane by now..."
Before Ed can respond, Isaiah notices the background behind him, adorned with many tea pots and frilly decorations.
Isaiah: "Those sure are a lot of tea pots. Did you find a good tea house in Philadelphia? Is Philly known for their tea?"
Isaiah rattles off a few more questions without pausing, until Ed cuts him off.
Ed: "Big snow storm this week. Thought it'd be safer if I stay here this month."
Isaiah: "At a tea house? Is this a bed and breakfast place?"
Edward sighs. He wasn't going to make a big deal about where he is this very second, but of course his older brother has already zeroed in on it.
Ed: "Look, I need some advice..."
Isaiah: "Or is it like a brothel, but instead of women of ill repute, you buy blends of tea and a bed..."
Ed: "Isaiah..."
Isaiah: "Oh! They could call it a brewthel!"
Ed: "Eye!"
Isaiah: "Yes?"
Ed: "Forget about the tea."
Isaiah: "Well, fine. What was your question?"
Ed: "I just got called out, by a giant Russian."
Isaiah: "Was it Kevin Nash with a dye job and a striped shirt?"
Ed: "No. He's a real Russian."
Isaiah: "Hmm. You could let him crush the smaller competition until you know more about him."
Ed: "I accepted the match."
Isaiah: "Oh... Well then, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and stay true to yourself."
His brother keeps a straight face and does a quick side pose, trying to get Ed to laugh. This attempt is unsuccessful.
Ed: "Great... Anything new at home?"
Isaiah: "Still figuring out a name for my side project. I went to the office to trademark Conquest Wrestling Federation, but someone scooped it up right before me! The nerve! I think I might try for World Wrestling Zepp. You know, WWZ."
Ed: "Doesn't seem smart to bring those letters back..."
An alert pops up on both their screens, and with another blip their youngest sibling Ike pops into the call.
Ike: "Ay ay Eddie, what it is?!"
Ed lifts his head and the two have a quick finger-pistol duel.
Ike: "Man that's a lot of tea pots. Is that some kinda new Panera or somethin'?"
Isaiah: "No, Ichabod, I called it a Brewthel! Google that quick for me to see if that's already a thing."
Edward rubs his eyes at his brothers' nonsense.
Ike: "Uhh, yeah it looks like someone already uses that."
Isaiah: "Drat! I thought I stumbled on a million dollar idea."
Ike: "Hey, speaking of good ideas, can you lift the parental lock on insta?!"
Isaiah: "Absolutely not. Not while your grades are so low."
Ike: "C'mon man, how am I supposed to build my brand as a rapper without social media?!"
Isaiah: "Building your brand? You only go on there to stare at women's asses."
Ike: "Uhh... I just need inspiration for my hit song. That's what the peeps want, and you gotta give the people what they want! Hey Eddie whatchu up to?"
Ed finishes rubbing his temples as Isaiah jumps in for the answer.
Isaiah: "He's fighting a Russian and needs his own inspiration."
Ike: "Ayy go Rocky on his ass! Oh oh I got one for you, Ed. How about... 'You bring Kalashnikovs, well turn your head and cough' And then you hit him in the nuts! How's that?"
Edward gives Ike a generously neutral so-so shake of the hand.
Isaiah: "No no, that's ridiculous. I know how you get into this Russo's mind. Ask him about the Russian Pyramids."
Ike: "The what now?"
Isaiah: "In Bosnia there's a pair of ancient pyramids, possibly tying the DNA of Russia's populace to extraterrestrial life! You interrogate that brute about his real History, and see him squirm like the communist alien he is!"
Ike: "Dude that's stupid! You've been binging those Discover Plus shows again!"
Isaiah: "It's the unknown truth!"
Edward can only blink as his brethren squabble, when suddenly another alert pops up. Their sister Cecelia enters the chat, wearing a thick pair of headphones over her purple hair and holding a giant microphone shaped like a head.
Cecelia: "Guys! I'm doing an ASMR stream but all I can hear is you assholes yelling!"
Ceecee sees Ed, and that softens her anger a bit.
Cecelia: "Eddie!... Hey, what's with all the tea pots?"
Ed rolls his eyes, but then another voice from Ed's locale speaks out.
"Hey Ed, sweetie, what kind of show are you watching? Sounds really silly..."
Ike: "Whoa who was that?"
Isaiah: "Perhaps his waitress at the Brewthel."
Cecelia: "The what?"
Isaiah: "Oh it's this idea I had..."
At that moment a woman walks into view of the Zepps, wearing her flight attendant uniform, and places a hand onto Edward's burly shoulder. All three of his siblings mouths go agape simultaneously. Edward finally breaks the pause.
Ed: "Emily, my family."
Emily: "Hi! I've heard so much about you guys."
All three remain perfectly still in shock. Ed flashes them a short smirk. Emily taps the laptop.
Emily: "Huh, did it freeze?"
Ed: "Yes. Later guys."
Ed quickly closes the laptop before his siblings can move or respond.
Emily: "Don't worry, I wasn't going to embarrass you in front of them."
Ed: "Not worried about you."
Edward wraps an arm around her whole body, and she kisses him on the cheek. They share a quiet moment of happiness until she sighs.
Emily: "Sadly I gotta get moving. They've got me on the Orlando-Atlanta loops the rest of the week. You sure you'll be okay here?"
Ed: "More than okay."
Emily: "So there's more tea in the pot, food in the fridge... And hey, you don't have to crash on the couch. I'm surprised you got any sleep on that thing."
Edward cracks his sore neck.
Ed: "Very comfy."
Emily: "You're something else... Anywho, this isn't goodbye it's only... Oh shit, I'm late!"
Another quick peck and she bolts out the door. Ed sits in solitude for a moment as a cat wanders into the kitchen. Edward reaches a hand out to pet it, but it hisses and takes a defensive position at its food bowl. He tries to recollect what his brothers had offered him in the way of advice, and sadly Ike had the best idea to combat Sokolov. Perhaps it's time to go Rocky on him.
- Gonna Fly Now -
It's not as easy as it sounds to find gray sweatshirts and sweatpants when you're as tall as Edward Zepp, even in Philly, but Ed has made due with a mismatched color scheme of blue pants and black shirts. He's also bundled in a thick hat, scarf, and gloves. For a San Diego native, these below freezing temperatures in the 'heat' of the day are utter bullshit. He figures, once he gets warmed up he won't feel the cold, but as he begins to run that just means the crisp air cuts into him like a knife. He has a made a terrible mistake in his training method, but he continues onward through downtown Philadelphia. Instead of a stirring ensemble of instruments pushing his every triumphant step, Ed can hear random denizens gawking at him or kids whipping out their phones to film him, yelling "Look at dat big friggin guy run!" and so on and so forth.
Nonetheless, Edward spends the next week charging past a shipping yards, market squares, rivers, and all the rest. After seven days of this routine, hefinally approaches the Philadelphia Museum of Art's steps. He picks up speed, but is quickly underwhelmed. Stallone would leap up two or three steps at a time in his movie, of course, but Ed finds it no trouble to vault up entire sections in one lunge if he pleases. He reaches the statue, but instead of feeling the moment to raise his hands in victory, it's more of a shrug. Was that really it, he thinks.
Before he can leave, he hears a gasping of breath. Dig Deeper, erstwhile reporter, ascends the steps with a slow exasperated walk. Wearing a thick business coat and a fedora. He wheezes a few times as he makes it to Zepp.
Dig: "Mr. Zepp..."
Ed: "What are you doing here?"
Dig: "Well I was in the area..."
Ed: "You always seem to be in the area."
Dig: "Relax... You're all over Twitter right now, although I didn't need my phone to see a seven footer running through the streets."
Ed: "Fine. So you want an interview, here?"
Dig: "I can't think of a better spot."
Ed: "Right."
Deeper procures his phone from a pocket and sets it to record.
Dig: "Good day from Philadelphia, this is Dig Deeper for The Wrestling Voyeur newsletter, the best scoops online!"
Ed: "That's your tag line?"
Dig: "Hey if it works, it works. Today I have an exclusive interview with the one and only Edward Zepp. Say hello to the subscribers!"
Ed: "Yeah..."
Dig: "So word travels fast, and everyone knows about the Clash of the Titans set for Inferno. The fans want to know, are you making a joke here at the expense of newcomer Hank Sokolov of Russia?"
Edward gives him a sideways glance.
Ed: "No."
Dig: "So are you eating raw eggs to prepare for him as well?"
Ed: "No."
Dig: "Punching a side of beef in a meat locker?"
Ed: "Goodbye, Dig."
Edward descends a few steps.
Dig: "Hold on, hold on! The people just want to know, what's your method to this challenge?"
Ed stops and turns, nearly still at eye level with the camera even from his current spot.
Ed: "Sokolov says he's bigger and stronger. He saw the biggest target, and shot at me. He's going to try to drag me down for his first step into the company. I went on this run because I'm going to outlast him. I'm going to take his best shot and hit him harder. And if I must... I'll break him."
Dig: "Thank you. Honestly, thank you. Hey, one more question. Any truth to the rumors of a company being started by your brother Isaiah?"
Ed: "Why would you want to know?"
Dig: "Hey hey I'm a west coast man myself, I much prefer that style. And the weather, am I right or am I right or am I right?! So when I heard talk of a possible outfit running out of San Diego, it had my ears ringing!"
Edward knits his brows at the thought that Dig is trying to relate to him, but he offers an answer.
Ed: "Ha... Yeah, Eye wants to do a vanity project. Connecting what he knows best to his Senate bid."
Deeper's face is aglow as he writes that down furiously,
Dig: "Well that is... an excellent scoop! Thank you very much, Mr. Zepp."
Ed: "So we're done, right?"
Dig: "Indeed. May the best Titan win!"